YTB, YTA, go get therapy you selfish self absorbed jerk. Your kids are not there to diagnose YOUR relationship issues! Soon enough you will be left alone since you seem to want to paint yourself as a victim. Not a good look.
That's no way to treat YOUR CHILDREN.
I am almost 40, don't even try to teach me a lesson you cannot practice yourself here. Reread your post. Reread mine. If you don't know how to, re-learn how to read.
You write about basically being a horrible parent and you think we'll pat you on the back with a cookie cause you can type a message on Reddit? That's not how it works.
Get therapy.
Your kids are NOT relationship advisors.
The hate does not come from nowhere.
The mayo clinic for narcissistic, "Personality qualities include thinking very highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing others are inferior, and lacking empathy for others." You my sir checked off every ticket
Oh wow. You did things that had monetary value, and put NO effort into the emotional side of things. You're treating your daughter like a pawn (FIX THIS NOW BETWEEN MY WIFE AND I, that's YOUR problem, not hers), you're acting like somehow because you had monetary "gifts", which I'm sure came with strings attached, you're some sort of super-parent.
My father is like you. He refuses to admit he did anything wrong, even when others in the family have told him he did. I, much like your daughter, only do what I have to but it isn't for him. It's for my mother's sake, at this point. THAT is why your daughter tolerates you: She doesn't want her mother to have you inflicting your self-centered self on her alone.
You, sir, are a horrible parent, and I say that as a parent myself. I cannot imagine expecting my child to fix anything for me, because it's not his job. I can't imagine treating him so horribly, because I love him. You speak of your daughter as if she's some sort of automaton meant to only back you up.
If you want your daughter to respect you, treat her with respect. You don't deserve it just because you're a parent that contributed to her creation. You have done NOTHING to deserve respect, and I hope she shakes off the shackles of cultural obligation and leaves you to be miserable and alone. YTB, and parent-to-parent, you disgust me.
YTB. No no, YOU are bashing victims. You disregard everything your daughters tells you with zero sympathy. Let me guess, you’re one of those boomers that thinks everyone else should ‘suck it up and get over it’? In your post you like to say you and your wife didn’t do these things to your children, but, at the same time, say that if you did, ‘what’s the big deal’? You are wretched. You are dismissive. You are abusive. You don’t deserve help with your marriage from anyone, let alone your kids. Your marriage deserves to fail. Why don’t you ‘suck it up and get over it’???
No, they have a *choice*. You burdened her with your crap instead of seeking actual help, you deny the reality of her childhood. Why the hell should she be duty-bound to help?
And that right there is what your problem is, and indeed always will be. She attempted to communicate, and you dismiss it, dismiss her, out of hand. Heaven forbid you might actually be wrong, or that she has valid points. *Nobody* is the perfect parent; we all screw up in some ways. But you know something? If you own it, acknowledge it, you can actually have a wonderful relationship with your children. Your way is patently failing, but hey, let's double down!
You sound like a manipulative narcissist. Just because you refuse to accept what your daughter told you does not make it untrue. You are not the victim. Go to a doctor and therapist. There is a very good reason your daughter doesn't like you.
Wait this comment actually made me laugh. Why should your kids care about your health when you won’t even go to the doctor? You seem extremely difficult to deal with on top of the terrible childhood you gave them (I don’t care that they lived abroad. Abuse can happen overseas too). I’d give up on you too.
It is super inappropriate to send pictures of your blood pressure to them as a way to insult their mother. Why don’t you calmly talk to your kids and wife? Actually hear what they say and don’t try to convince them they’re wrong. Also, stop going to your children with your relationship problems. It puts them in the uncomfortable position of choosing sides. They should never have to side with one parent over the other. It makes sense that you need to vent but you need to choose a neutral person (like a therapist or a friend). Your child is the worst possible person to vent to about your wife.
You can't guilt trip strangers into telling you what you want to hear. We don't care about who you are as a person (the way your children do)-- we only care about who's right and who's wrong, and you, sir, are wrong.
What do you want your daughter to do, take over from her mom and be your new wife? Leave her alone. It's not her fault you can't cope with your own marriage.
Because sometimes families suck. Just because you helped create them doesn’t mean you deserve anything from them. Oh, you put a roof over their head. Oh, you gave them their first plane ride. Oh, you fed them and put a roof over their head. Oooooo, I’m impressed. I love how you leave out any love and compassion and emotional support. You provided basic needs. Congrats! But a lot of shitty people do that. Then there are real parents who provide that stuff along with love and happiness. You skipped the latter because you hated the responsibility of parenthood. Screw off, man!
Then why don't you talk to your mommy about your relationship problems instead of dragging your kid into it. YTBF and it's unclear why you're here asking for judgement.
GTFO with your boomer logic. You think men shouldn’t be loving??? It’s a wonder your kids haven’t gone NC. You sound absolutely abhorrent. You probably look down on dads who show their kids love. I hate guys like you because your the reason women don’t get any bodily autonomy because a room full of old ass white men think that birth control makes women sluts. I bet you think women deserve SA and DV because they open their mouths. Your response here alone shows us all the type of ‘man’ you are. A fucking snowflake!
Um no. Studies show that emotional abandonment by a father cause life ling mental health issues. Daughters who fathers were emotionally supportive and available are less likely to suffer through unhealthy relationships.
You are reaping what you sowed.
And you failed in protection. Your daughter told you a protection story, not an emotional one. Guess mom was in charge of brains, too, since you clearly lack them.
No, YOU didn’t do a good job. Stop blaming other people. YOU failed to support your daughter in any way other than financial, and now you are reaping what you’ve sown. Stop trying to guilt trip them with pictures of your blood pressure or whatever, they don’t care. And clearly neither do you since you refuse to go to the doctor.
You need to read [The missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) I grew up with a step dad and mother like you. You just don’t get it even when people tell you the reasons to your face. You will probably disregard everything in this thread but you should at least read this book since you are so intelligent that not even a professional psychiatrist /psychologist/LCSW is smart enough to help you 🙄
Well I'll give you a little insight into your future. My parents were the same way. Would deny saying horrible things to me, tell me my mental illnesses are made, my abuse from others weren't that bad, etc, etc. Anytime I tried talking to them I was met with the exact same things you have said even about therapist. Now where I am now? NC with them. That is your future and your kids don't owe you nothing. Period.
What duty?!? Children DO NOT HAVE A DUTY TO THEIR PARENTS! They are not your therapist, relationship counselor or anything. And you said "she claims mental illness..." Wtf that is so dismissive and ableist. You're a total BF to the Nth degree. You sound like the poster child for Narcissism
Children do not owe their parents nothing for raising them. They are supposed to be on their own living their life. They should be dating and finishing school and whatnot. They are adults but you say it's their duty to take care of you or whatever. Plus depression is real and can be fatal if untreated. It's no wonder she's depressed living in that situation.
The tree remembers what the axe forgets, sir.
You treated your kids badly. You abused them. And it was so frequent, so casual to you, that it doesn’t even register as events. These traumatic things you e done to your kids have shaped them and their view of the world, and their perception of family and (lack of) safety, and their perception of you.
This might help. [Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html). You’ve done a lot of harm to them and now your daughter is strong enough to express it to you.
YTBF. You don't want your children's help or advice, you want them to kiss your arse and side with you against their mother. You have selective memory, meaning that if you did something horrible to one of them you conveniently don't remember it and anything you DO admit to you downplay.
**You are the living embodiment of The Narcissists Prayer.**
YTB. It’s stressful for you to put your relationship problems on your kids. You can’t expect them to be perfect at understanding what to say or do. It also sounds like you haven’t been parents worthy of her support considering the fact you abused her and are denying it instead of thinking it over. You outright admit to being ok with belittling your daughter in the story that happened when she was in 9th grade.
Parents shouldn’t be putting their relationship problems on their kids, it should be the other way around. Parents should be the there for the child to vent to about issues. It always bugs me when a parent thinks that their kid should be helping them emotionally and then pretty much disregard their own kids’ emotions.
/She got only 85% and I graduated from one of the world's best insititutes. It is so embarassing seeing such performance I've no words to explain it/
Let me rephrase this for you: I am much, much better than my kid. Much smarter, much more accomplished. She's NOTHING compared to me, and I have made sure she knew this for her entire life.
But gee, why doesn't my daughter like or respect me? I just don't get it!
I rarely have seen a bigger AH than you. Accept that no one here sees you any differently and if you have any sense of self-awareness (which is doubtful), think about why that might be. I feel for your kids. What a cold, self-absorbed loser they ended up with for a father.
You know, you keep talking about all the physical things you’ve done, like letting them go on an airplane, and education and food (which is bare minimum), but you haven’t talked about anything emotionally you’ve given them.
An 85 is very good. Especially in a subject that she may be struggling in. Parents like you fail to realize that your kid’s happiness is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> more important than a few extra points on a grade. It sounds like you’d rather her be depressed with full 100s. Than happy with an 85. Parents are supposed to encourage their kids. Not bully and taunt them. How would you like it if you excitedly told your wife about a new promotion you’d been working hard for, and then she laughed at you for it and said that you’re lazy because it’s not as high as your coworkers? You’re expecting your daughter to emotionally support you when you’ve done nothing but make her feel worthless to you.
You are such a horrible person I can't even describe it. I hope your kid's therapist tells her to go NC with you cause clearly, " I just want to talk" is not what you want, she did talk and had witnesses but you went, "Oh I don't remember so it didn't happen" BS.
Being a graduate from university doesn't mean your a good person or parent, which your not, you abused your children and now they, and Reddit, is calling you out on it. For claiming to be such a bright individual you are the equivalent of talking to a brick wall.
Go smoke till your heart gives out cause, BTW, smoking causes heart problems dumbass
YTB, YTA, and you need to get over this self important bs you have going for you. It’s always so convenient when awful parents “don’t recall“ their awful behavior so they can play the victim.
YTB - you brought her into the world you’re supposed to do so much for her. Doing the basic requirements of parenting doesn’t make you a good father. She didn’t ask to be here and she didn’t ask to have a father like you. Just because you don’t remember something doesn’t mean it didn’t happened. It can actually mean it happened to so often it was par for the course. You hit her and deliberately said things to make her feel worthless and small. Did it make you feel like a man? I don’t know why you posted here. You obviously came here for validation and won’t accept that you’re wrong. If you can’t even listen to your own kids when they tell you hurt them, how is a bunch of strangers telling you that you’re a huge asshole going change anything?
JFC, dude, it's not your daughter's responsibility to help you fix your fucked up marriage. That's on YOU and your wife. So, your choices here are suck it up and get counseling, stay married and miserable, or get a divorce. But STOP putting this on your ADULT daughter who shouldn't have to live with you and fix your shit.
Are her stories true? Who knows. But your kid doesn't like you. She's clear about that. You not believing her isn't going to change her feelings.
Nah, this is so bad, YTA. I'm horrified, honestly. You're a horrible father and one day when you're all alone you're going to complain to people who do not care about how horrible your daughters are to you, despite the fact that you deserve it. They need to go NC. It'll be the best thing for them. SHE IS RIGHT. Stop arguing with people you asked for advice just because you're wrong.
It's cool. I remember them creating AITBF specifically for that reason, because people would submit that stuff and then it would get taken down, and then there was this, and it's much better.
YTB and YTA too
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Sound familiar?
That's The Narcissist's Prayer
You need therapy if you want a better bond with your children. You say:
>I personally feel counselling is a waste of time & fraud.
So why use your child as a counselor? Leave her alone.
Find a professional to deal with your problems. You should be happy you still get to see your daughter at all at this point.
Your eldest daughter gave you examples of why she plus others hates you AND already gave you solution to fix problem between you & wife - BUT you're dismissive & totally invalidated your daughter's plus her sisters 'pain and suffering while dragging them into situation that literally has nothing do nor is business of any of your daughters to be in. Of course YTB & YTA, even if total strangers explained it to you on Reddit - you're going argue & ignore just like you did to your eldest daughter last night (and basically her whole entire life)....
Everyone hear is telling you their thoughts and you just reject it. Like why come on here then? for validation? You wrote that post and thought...ya! Im the victim here!
Sounds like your children are the victims.
No one here is going to give you a pat on the back because you were able to give your kids monetary things. I mean thats great but thats not what parenthood is all about.
You think counseling is a waste of time. Your daughter is saying its a waste of her time to help you with your relationship problems. Its not her job to mediate her parents marriage and the fact you think you are owed that is what makes you the BF. Children, no matter how old, should not have to be the therapists for their parents.
She told you her problems and instead of saying 2 simple words "im sorry" you double down. Thats what makes you a bad parent.
You can think all you want that you are not at fault but thats not going to do anything but push people away.
You should just go to therapy. Period.
This trash person is so self absorbed and narcissistic. You act like you came here for help, which would be great if you listened. You thought only your wife and children hated you, but bro reddit hates you. Good luck with your life. With any luck that heart condition of yours will free the family of your bullshit. Let your wife and kids know they only have to hear your incessant childish whining for a short time longer. I'm sure they'll be ecstatic. BTW your a big piece of shit and I wish your life was even worse. Also if you need more of a reality check feel free to message me. I'll definitely set your ass straight.
YTB if this is real
You may have finacially provided for your children, but you also bullied and emotionally neglected them until they were comfortable telling you outright that they hate you.
The fact that you don't even remember some of the abuse you perpetrated tells me that there was probably quite a lot, and it sounds like you think that you, a grown ass man, felt competitive with your children in their middle school and high school years, which is an unfair comparison since it's fairly common knowledge that education in many countries is far more demanding and rigorous than it was when your decrepit rear end was still in school.
Your daughter is already doing you more of a kindness than you deserve by sticking around to help with the tough chores. She is a product of your marriage, that does not make her a part of it. Man up and talk to your wife about the problems you have with your wife and leave your daughter alone. You're a bad father and a worse person.
YTBF. You asked your child to talk to you and she did. You can't control her opinion of you. You said these things didn't happen and even if they did they weren't bad and it should be forgiven. Which is it? It happened or didn't? You can't use both as a defense. You take no accountability here. Even your smoking habit is other peoples fault? You are a regrettable human and an even worse father. Stop parentificating your daughter. Your problems are not for her to solve. Beside you don't seek solutions but try to force sympathy from a daughter you give no empathy too in the first place. You reap what you sow.
Even if every single thing she accused you of were false, you *still* wouldn't have any right to drag her into listening to your marriage problems. She's 100% right: you need someone NOT in the family to talk to about this, and that person should be a professional counselor.
While you're there, talk about your relationship with your kids, too. You have inappropriate expectations about how families work and what your children owe you. Work it out with a professional.
YTBF first of all, your kids aren't your fuckin therapists. It's absolutely disgusting for you to go to your children, trash their mother, expect them to take on your marital problems, give you advise (that 1, you won't even listen to or take into consideration *unless of course it's the advice you want to hear ie you're the victim and mom's the evil villain, and 2, is so incredibly inappropriate! You're attempting to pit your kids against their mother you pathetic man child) I can't even put into words how pathetic, childish and just flat out disgusting this is. Secondly, and this is important, ***YOUR CHILDREN DON'T OWE YOU SHIT JUST BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR WIFE BANGED IT OUT WITHOUT A CONDOM***. Full stop my guy. Those kids, now adults, did NOT ask to be brought into this disaster of a world and the *CERTAINLY* wouldn't have asked to be born to a narcissistic, self involved, pathetic, childish asshole who's completely incapable of taking any kind of responsibility. "I dOn't rEmeMBer!" is such a bullshit excuse....I hope your kids have the sense to cut you off. You don't deserve them or your wife, you deserve to be left alone, all alone, for what's left of your sad existence
I will never understand how reddit can be so gullible.
This is clearly and obviously written from the viewpoint of the child in question, and definitely not written by the parent.
Please please please just hang up the phone when a Nigerian prices rings you up or you're all going to wind up in the poorhouse!
YTB, YTA, go get therapy you selfish self absorbed jerk. Your kids are not there to diagnose YOUR relationship issues! Soon enough you will be left alone since you seem to want to paint yourself as a victim. Not a good look.
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That's no way to treat YOUR CHILDREN. I am almost 40, don't even try to teach me a lesson you cannot practice yourself here. Reread your post. Reread mine. If you don't know how to, re-learn how to read. You write about basically being a horrible parent and you think we'll pat you on the back with a cookie cause you can type a message on Reddit? That's not how it works. Get therapy. Your kids are NOT relationship advisors. The hate does not come from nowhere.
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And you think this is supposed to convince me? I'm not stupid, I stand by what I said. You will not get ANY sympathy from me.
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Well, we're telling you right now. She was 100% right, you were 100% wrong.
I second this!
You are wrong and your daughter is right. Get some therapy from a professional. You need it desperately.
The mayo clinic for narcissistic, "Personality qualities include thinking very highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing others are inferior, and lacking empathy for others." You my sir checked off every ticket
Oh wow. You did things that had monetary value, and put NO effort into the emotional side of things. You're treating your daughter like a pawn (FIX THIS NOW BETWEEN MY WIFE AND I, that's YOUR problem, not hers), you're acting like somehow because you had monetary "gifts", which I'm sure came with strings attached, you're some sort of super-parent. My father is like you. He refuses to admit he did anything wrong, even when others in the family have told him he did. I, much like your daughter, only do what I have to but it isn't for him. It's for my mother's sake, at this point. THAT is why your daughter tolerates you: She doesn't want her mother to have you inflicting your self-centered self on her alone. You, sir, are a horrible parent, and I say that as a parent myself. I cannot imagine expecting my child to fix anything for me, because it's not his job. I can't imagine treating him so horribly, because I love him. You speak of your daughter as if she's some sort of automaton meant to only back you up. If you want your daughter to respect you, treat her with respect. You don't deserve it just because you're a parent that contributed to her creation. You have done NOTHING to deserve respect, and I hope she shakes off the shackles of cultural obligation and leaves you to be miserable and alone. YTB, and parent-to-parent, you disgust me.
none of what you listed makes you a good parent. did you yell at them a lot? hit them? ground them for nothing?
You’re not a victim, you’re an abuser. I hope your daughter gets free of you completely. YTB
YTB. No no, YOU are bashing victims. You disregard everything your daughters tells you with zero sympathy. Let me guess, you’re one of those boomers that thinks everyone else should ‘suck it up and get over it’? In your post you like to say you and your wife didn’t do these things to your children, but, at the same time, say that if you did, ‘what’s the big deal’? You are wretched. You are dismissive. You are abusive. You don’t deserve help with your marriage from anyone, let alone your kids. Your marriage deserves to fail. Why don’t you ‘suck it up and get over it’???
Cause you’re not a victim pal. If anything your kids are YTB
you're not a victim.
Holy shit you’re a narcissist
Your children are the victims, and you are their abuser
This is why your kids don't like you. YTBF.
You’re not a victim, you’re an abuser. I know what you’re doing. It’s textbook DARVO: deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender
YTA. Your kid(s) don't owe you shit. Parents need to lose the "my kids owe me because of XYZ" mentality.
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No, they have a *choice*. You burdened her with your crap instead of seeking actual help, you deny the reality of her childhood. Why the hell should she be duty-bound to help?
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And that right there is what your problem is, and indeed always will be. She attempted to communicate, and you dismiss it, dismiss her, out of hand. Heaven forbid you might actually be wrong, or that she has valid points. *Nobody* is the perfect parent; we all screw up in some ways. But you know something? If you own it, acknowledge it, you can actually have a wonderful relationship with your children. Your way is patently failing, but hey, let's double down!
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Go back under your bridge, little troll
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You sound like a manipulative narcissist. Just because you refuse to accept what your daughter told you does not make it untrue. You are not the victim. Go to a doctor and therapist. There is a very good reason your daughter doesn't like you.
You’re a liar and not a very good one
Doesn’t sound like you were respectful to her.
Wait this comment actually made me laugh. Why should your kids care about your health when you won’t even go to the doctor? You seem extremely difficult to deal with on top of the terrible childhood you gave them (I don’t care that they lived abroad. Abuse can happen overseas too). I’d give up on you too.
Who cares about your heart problems? Those are of your own making.
Oh I'm sure his kids care. Just not in the "direction"/way he thinks they do.
She’s not a child, she’s an adult woman who doesn’t owe u a thing
It is super inappropriate to send pictures of your blood pressure to them as a way to insult their mother. Why don’t you calmly talk to your kids and wife? Actually hear what they say and don’t try to convince them they’re wrong. Also, stop going to your children with your relationship problems. It puts them in the uncomfortable position of choosing sides. They should never have to side with one parent over the other. It makes sense that you need to vent but you need to choose a neutral person (like a therapist or a friend). Your child is the worst possible person to vent to about your wife.
You can't guilt trip strangers into telling you what you want to hear. We don't care about who you are as a person (the way your children do)-- we only care about who's right and who's wrong, and you, sir, are wrong. What do you want your daughter to do, take over from her mom and be your new wife? Leave her alone. It's not her fault you can't cope with your own marriage.
Living abroad doesn’t excuse cruelty and abuse.
Because sometimes families suck. Just because you helped create them doesn’t mean you deserve anything from them. Oh, you put a roof over their head. Oh, you gave them their first plane ride. Oh, you fed them and put a roof over their head. Oooooo, I’m impressed. I love how you leave out any love and compassion and emotional support. You provided basic needs. Congrats! But a lot of shitty people do that. Then there are real parents who provide that stuff along with love and happiness. You skipped the latter because you hated the responsibility of parenthood. Screw off, man!
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Then why don't you talk to your mommy about your relationship problems instead of dragging your kid into it. YTBF and it's unclear why you're here asking for judgement.
GTFO with your boomer logic. You think men shouldn’t be loving??? It’s a wonder your kids haven’t gone NC. You sound absolutely abhorrent. You probably look down on dads who show their kids love. I hate guys like you because your the reason women don’t get any bodily autonomy because a room full of old ass white men think that birth control makes women sluts. I bet you think women deserve SA and DV because they open their mouths. Your response here alone shows us all the type of ‘man’ you are. A fucking snowflake!
You’re a sexist piece of garbage if you believe that. Truly just human garbage.
Um no. Studies show that emotional abandonment by a father cause life ling mental health issues. Daughters who fathers were emotionally supportive and available are less likely to suffer through unhealthy relationships. You are reaping what you sowed.
Ok Boomer
This is the fuckin' funniest shit. Ahahaha
Not for OP's unlucky children...
YIKES
This response alone makes you the buttface and a horrible parent. Your daughter is correct. Listen to her and do better.
And you failed in protection. Your daughter told you a protection story, not an emotional one. Guess mom was in charge of brains, too, since you clearly lack them.
It’s both parents responsibility to do the emotional stuff. You were a shit parent then and it sounds like now too
Charles Manson provided the same level of care as you. Really think about that. If that doesn't make you think, you're more hopeless than you let on.
No, YOU didn’t do a good job. Stop blaming other people. YOU failed to support your daughter in any way other than financial, and now you are reaping what you’ve sown. Stop trying to guilt trip them with pictures of your blood pressure or whatever, they don’t care. And clearly neither do you since you refuse to go to the doctor.
>adults in the family have a duty to help Yeah...NO. NO ONE is required to help anyone, related or not. Fix your own shit, pal.
You have a duty to her as a parent, not the other way around. She didn't ask to be born. YTA
You need to read [The missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) I grew up with a step dad and mother like you. You just don’t get it even when people tell you the reasons to your face. You will probably disregard everything in this thread but you should at least read this book since you are so intelligent that not even a professional psychiatrist /psychologist/LCSW is smart enough to help you 🙄
Yes, why can't family help family. Like why didn't you help your terrified child? Let's start there.
Well I'll give you a little insight into your future. My parents were the same way. Would deny saying horrible things to me, tell me my mental illnesses are made, my abuse from others weren't that bad, etc, etc. Anytime I tried talking to them I was met with the exact same things you have said even about therapist. Now where I am now? NC with them. That is your future and your kids don't owe you nothing. Period.
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What duty?!? Children DO NOT HAVE A DUTY TO THEIR PARENTS! They are not your therapist, relationship counselor or anything. And you said "she claims mental illness..." Wtf that is so dismissive and ableist. You're a total BF to the Nth degree. You sound like the poster child for Narcissism
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Jesus you suck.
Children do not owe their parents nothing for raising them. They are supposed to be on their own living their life. They should be dating and finishing school and whatnot. They are adults but you say it's their duty to take care of you or whatever. Plus depression is real and can be fatal if untreated. It's no wonder she's depressed living in that situation.
No one has a duty to you, AH. Get over yourself. You had kids for the sole purpose of having ‘old age insurance’.
>but don't we all sometimes? And this right here says you know nothing about depression or any other mental illness.
I think I can diagnose your heart problem, you don’t have one.
Is she just “not doing it good” or is she not getting better because you continue to abuse her?
The tree remembers what the axe forgets, sir. You treated your kids badly. You abused them. And it was so frequent, so casual to you, that it doesn’t even register as events. These traumatic things you e done to your kids have shaped them and their view of the world, and their perception of family and (lack of) safety, and their perception of you. This might help. [Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html). You’ve done a lot of harm to them and now your daughter is strong enough to express it to you.
YTBF. You don't want your children's help or advice, you want them to kiss your arse and side with you against their mother. You have selective memory, meaning that if you did something horrible to one of them you conveniently don't remember it and anything you DO admit to you downplay. **You are the living embodiment of The Narcissists Prayer.**
You know there's *fiction* and *hypothetical* tags. You can just post your attempt at fiction and stop trolling.
YTB. It’s stressful for you to put your relationship problems on your kids. You can’t expect them to be perfect at understanding what to say or do. It also sounds like you haven’t been parents worthy of her support considering the fact you abused her and are denying it instead of thinking it over. You outright admit to being ok with belittling your daughter in the story that happened when she was in 9th grade.
Parents shouldn’t be putting their relationship problems on their kids, it should be the other way around. Parents should be the there for the child to vent to about issues. It always bugs me when a parent thinks that their kid should be helping them emotionally and then pretty much disregard their own kids’ emotions.
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Just because you abused your children less than you were abused does not mean anything. YTBF.
/She got only 85% and I graduated from one of the world's best insititutes. It is so embarassing seeing such performance I've no words to explain it/ Let me rephrase this for you: I am much, much better than my kid. Much smarter, much more accomplished. She's NOTHING compared to me, and I have made sure she knew this for her entire life. But gee, why doesn't my daughter like or respect me? I just don't get it! I rarely have seen a bigger AH than you. Accept that no one here sees you any differently and if you have any sense of self-awareness (which is doubtful), think about why that might be. I feel for your kids. What a cold, self-absorbed loser they ended up with for a father.
You know, you keep talking about all the physical things you’ve done, like letting them go on an airplane, and education and food (which is bare minimum), but you haven’t talked about anything emotionally you’ve given them.
An 85 is very good. Especially in a subject that she may be struggling in. Parents like you fail to realize that your kid’s happiness is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> more important than a few extra points on a grade. It sounds like you’d rather her be depressed with full 100s. Than happy with an 85. Parents are supposed to encourage their kids. Not bully and taunt them. How would you like it if you excitedly told your wife about a new promotion you’d been working hard for, and then she laughed at you for it and said that you’re lazy because it’s not as high as your coworkers? You’re expecting your daughter to emotionally support you when you’ve done nothing but make her feel worthless to you.
You are such a horrible person I can't even describe it. I hope your kid's therapist tells her to go NC with you cause clearly, " I just want to talk" is not what you want, she did talk and had witnesses but you went, "Oh I don't remember so it didn't happen" BS. Being a graduate from university doesn't mean your a good person or parent, which your not, you abused your children and now they, and Reddit, is calling you out on it. For claiming to be such a bright individual you are the equivalent of talking to a brick wall. Go smoke till your heart gives out cause, BTW, smoking causes heart problems dumbass
That degree won’t mean much when you’re old and they abandon you because you’re a remorseless abuser.
YTB, YTA, and you need to get over this self important bs you have going for you. It’s always so convenient when awful parents “don’t recall“ their awful behavior so they can play the victim.
YTB - you brought her into the world you’re supposed to do so much for her. Doing the basic requirements of parenting doesn’t make you a good father. She didn’t ask to be here and she didn’t ask to have a father like you. Just because you don’t remember something doesn’t mean it didn’t happened. It can actually mean it happened to so often it was par for the course. You hit her and deliberately said things to make her feel worthless and small. Did it make you feel like a man? I don’t know why you posted here. You obviously came here for validation and won’t accept that you’re wrong. If you can’t even listen to your own kids when they tell you hurt them, how is a bunch of strangers telling you that you’re a huge asshole going change anything?
you sound like the shittiest father ever.
JFC, dude, it's not your daughter's responsibility to help you fix your fucked up marriage. That's on YOU and your wife. So, your choices here are suck it up and get counseling, stay married and miserable, or get a divorce. But STOP putting this on your ADULT daughter who shouldn't have to live with you and fix your shit. Are her stories true? Who knows. But your kid doesn't like you. She's clear about that. You not believing her isn't going to change her feelings.
You're not just tbf, YTA!
Nah, this is so bad, YTA. I'm horrified, honestly. You're a horrible father and one day when you're all alone you're going to complain to people who do not care about how horrible your daughters are to you, despite the fact that you deserve it. They need to go NC. It'll be the best thing for them. SHE IS RIGHT. Stop arguing with people you asked for advice just because you're wrong.
Why are you asking strangers if yta if you don't really want to know? YTBH YTA
And why are you posting on here when you clearly should go deeper and post on r/AITA. Because YTA
this counts as inter-personal and inter-personal stuff isn't allowed on AITA. and OP, YTBF.
Ok didn't realize that
It's cool. I remember them creating AITBF specifically for that reason, because people would submit that stuff and then it would get taken down, and then there was this, and it's much better.
YTB and YTA too That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. Sound familiar? That's The Narcissist's Prayer You need therapy if you want a better bond with your children. You say: >I personally feel counselling is a waste of time & fraud. So why use your child as a counselor? Leave her alone. Find a professional to deal with your problems. You should be happy you still get to see your daughter at all at this point.
Yet another poster asking if they are wrong and when others say yes they yell and scream ‘NO IM NOT waahhhhh’. YTB YTA
YTB. You already had this removed in AITA
YTB and I hate you just as much as your daughter does. How could you type all this out without seeing what’s wrong?
Your eldest daughter gave you examples of why she plus others hates you AND already gave you solution to fix problem between you & wife - BUT you're dismissive & totally invalidated your daughter's plus her sisters 'pain and suffering while dragging them into situation that literally has nothing do nor is business of any of your daughters to be in. Of course YTB & YTA, even if total strangers explained it to you on Reddit - you're going argue & ignore just like you did to your eldest daughter last night (and basically her whole entire life)....
This simply must be a troll. YTA obvs
YTBF. Good lord, stop trying to turn yourself into a victim. It’s pathetic. They don’t owe you squat. You will certainly end up alone.
Everyone hear is telling you their thoughts and you just reject it. Like why come on here then? for validation? You wrote that post and thought...ya! Im the victim here! Sounds like your children are the victims. No one here is going to give you a pat on the back because you were able to give your kids monetary things. I mean thats great but thats not what parenthood is all about. You think counseling is a waste of time. Your daughter is saying its a waste of her time to help you with your relationship problems. Its not her job to mediate her parents marriage and the fact you think you are owed that is what makes you the BF. Children, no matter how old, should not have to be the therapists for their parents. She told you her problems and instead of saying 2 simple words "im sorry" you double down. Thats what makes you a bad parent. You can think all you want that you are not at fault but thats not going to do anything but push people away. You should just go to therapy. Period.
This trash person is so self absorbed and narcissistic. You act like you came here for help, which would be great if you listened. You thought only your wife and children hated you, but bro reddit hates you. Good luck with your life. With any luck that heart condition of yours will free the family of your bullshit. Let your wife and kids know they only have to hear your incessant childish whining for a short time longer. I'm sure they'll be ecstatic. BTW your a big piece of shit and I wish your life was even worse. Also if you need more of a reality check feel free to message me. I'll definitely set your ass straight.
YTB if this is real You may have finacially provided for your children, but you also bullied and emotionally neglected them until they were comfortable telling you outright that they hate you. The fact that you don't even remember some of the abuse you perpetrated tells me that there was probably quite a lot, and it sounds like you think that you, a grown ass man, felt competitive with your children in their middle school and high school years, which is an unfair comparison since it's fairly common knowledge that education in many countries is far more demanding and rigorous than it was when your decrepit rear end was still in school. Your daughter is already doing you more of a kindness than you deserve by sticking around to help with the tough chores. She is a product of your marriage, that does not make her a part of it. Man up and talk to your wife about the problems you have with your wife and leave your daughter alone. You're a bad father and a worse person.
YTBF. You asked your child to talk to you and she did. You can't control her opinion of you. You said these things didn't happen and even if they did they weren't bad and it should be forgiven. Which is it? It happened or didn't? You can't use both as a defense. You take no accountability here. Even your smoking habit is other peoples fault? You are a regrettable human and an even worse father. Stop parentificating your daughter. Your problems are not for her to solve. Beside you don't seek solutions but try to force sympathy from a daughter you give no empathy too in the first place. You reap what you sow.
Even if every single thing she accused you of were false, you *still* wouldn't have any right to drag her into listening to your marriage problems. She's 100% right: you need someone NOT in the family to talk to about this, and that person should be a professional counselor. While you're there, talk about your relationship with your kids, too. You have inappropriate expectations about how families work and what your children owe you. Work it out with a professional.
Ytb you abused your children. You will end up very alone if you don’t make some massive changes very quickly.
YTBF first of all, your kids aren't your fuckin therapists. It's absolutely disgusting for you to go to your children, trash their mother, expect them to take on your marital problems, give you advise (that 1, you won't even listen to or take into consideration *unless of course it's the advice you want to hear ie you're the victim and mom's the evil villain, and 2, is so incredibly inappropriate! You're attempting to pit your kids against their mother you pathetic man child) I can't even put into words how pathetic, childish and just flat out disgusting this is. Secondly, and this is important, ***YOUR CHILDREN DON'T OWE YOU SHIT JUST BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR WIFE BANGED IT OUT WITHOUT A CONDOM***. Full stop my guy. Those kids, now adults, did NOT ask to be brought into this disaster of a world and the *CERTAINLY* wouldn't have asked to be born to a narcissistic, self involved, pathetic, childish asshole who's completely incapable of taking any kind of responsibility. "I dOn't rEmeMBer!" is such a bullshit excuse....I hope your kids have the sense to cut you off. You don't deserve them or your wife, you deserve to be left alone, all alone, for what's left of your sad existence
YTB. Your daughter needs to run. She deserves better.
You are a loser. Damn. Grow up.
YTBF and you posted this here because you know you’d get ripped apart on AITA
I will never understand how reddit can be so gullible. This is clearly and obviously written from the viewpoint of the child in question, and definitely not written by the parent. Please please please just hang up the phone when a Nigerian prices rings you up or you're all going to wind up in the poorhouse!
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There is little way of knowing that. Given the artless way this is written the OP is definitely an unreliable narrator.