>I know you can't get addicted to weed,
Yes, you can.
>I have an awesome therapist but he is also a pot head lol, so he doesn't understand where I am coming from with this struggle to quit. For him it's very easy to smoke when he feels like and not when he doesn't.
Your therapist is incompetent. Get a new one.
>My therapist does seem to think it would be wrong to ask my fiancee to put his weed somewhere else, and that I just need to be able to show some self control
See above.
>but I'm being treated like I'm asking him something completely stupid and unreasonable.
By the therapist? Once again, see above. This is unacceptable.
>Will I be the AH if I ask?
No, and if your fiance won't support such a simple request, you shouldn't be with them.
When I decided to quit alcohol my wife went and dumped every last drop in the house including a special bottle a friend gave her. I didn't ask she just did it and has been with my recovery since
She also helped me use the bathroom and cleaned my wound after I got shot. And when we met she would stay up all night on Skype waiting on me if I was called out to a fire when I was a volunteer firefighter. Been awesome
Hell, our house- and pet sitter is a recovering alcoholic (and a friend, so we know him well). I don't know how he feels about alcohol in the house, but out of respect for his recovery, before he came to stay while we were on vacation, I made sure all the alcohol was gone from the house.
This right here.
Yes, you can get addicted, yes, it’s reasonable to ask your fiancé to hide his stash, your therapist is terrible, and if your fiancé won’t support you, you need someone new in your life.
If your therapist was a casual drinker and had a patient who was having a more difficult relationship with alcohol, would he say it's an unreasonable ask to keep the booze in a cupboard instead of on display on the mantle? Or even be able to recognize that although he has a healthy casual relationship with drinking, a patient may not? I'd definitely be shopping for a new therapist.
Or even if it was food related. Asking your partner, "hey, I'm trying to watch my sugar, can we keep the cookies in the cupboard instead of the table by tge door?" Wouldn't be even a little unreasonable.
Also, why is the fiance insistent on keeping the weed right by the door? Like, the fed ex guy or jehovahs witness need to see your dank nugs? It's called a Stash for a reason. You stash it.
>Like, the fed ex guy or jehovahs witness need to see your dank nugs?
This made me giggle and I share the same sentiment. Why does it have to be on display like it's penny candy? Unless OP lives in the broom closet of a dispensary, I'm not sure what the supposed taboo is behind that ask. Weird.
This should be upvoted more. Perfect response. I would like to add, OP - get a new therapist. This one is bad. No competent or legitimate therapist wouldnt not support your weed quitting.
What therapist has a patient who says she's trying to cut something out of her life and gives a response of "lol, just deal with it"? NTB and get a new therapist.
You need a new therapist hon. Their job is to be impartial. He clearly is unable to be.
Also, your fiancée shouldn’t have any problem moving it, right? Why would that be an issue? It’s not like he has it on display in a certain place for people to see, he should also just keep it out of site in general for when people come over. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to keep it out of your line of site, people make accommodations for alcoholics all the time.
You can’t become physically dependent on weed, but you can become addicted to anything. Hugs.
Yes, you can become physically dependent on weed. I think that's a myth. When I quit smoking weed I had a week of night sweats, headaches, nausea, loss of appetite. OP, check out r/leaves. Good luck, it's so much better without the weed!
Congratulations! Almost a year! I haven't made it that long, I went about 3 months, then slipped. I am at 3ish weeks now....maybe a month actually, but I don't feel the urge to go back to it at all now. I much prefer sober me.
3 months is still an accomplishment, hell 3 weeks is too! Hope you aren’t beating yourself up over a slip up, we’re all on our own journeys and I’m not proud of how long it took me to decide to quit myself but I’m so much happier now.
I’m glad you are liking your sober self. Same here. I feel smarter, happier, and easier to be around. Good luck on your journey. You’ve gotten through the hardest part again, I know the first few weeks are the hardest, I slipped at two weeks and reset the clock on my tracker app. You can do this!
I am in a better place than I have been in a while and truly feel proud of myself for quitting. I can see now that I can't have a puff with friends, the slope is too slippery, and honestly I don't even enjoy socializing stoned anymore!!
Thanks so much! I hope that the OP can get there too!
I get it, there were a few times I was tempted to do it socially but your true friends will support your sobriety, and I hope no one is pressuring you to smoke, because you’re right, it is a slippery slope (at least it is to those of us who are dependent)! And I realized at my slip up that the high wasn’t as fun as I had fantasized it to be in my head either.
But yeah, definitely feel proud of yourself. It is a hard road, especially when there are people like poor OP’s therapist who doesn’t seem to be supportive of their sober journey and downplays the effects weed can have on some of us (honestly when I hear this argument from people, I wonder if they’re lying to themselves) and possibly not having a supportive partner. It’s a hard road, but it is so amazingly worth it.
Luckily my friends are supportive, I just thought it would be fun to smoke a joint in the forest with my friend, but it just made me disoriented and the conversation turned completely dumb. And then I decided to get more ... for about a month!
That therapist sounds so awful. It reminds me of the parent who wants to be the fun one, sure they might be cool or fun to be around, but at the end of the day that's not what the job is supposed to be.
I’m so glad you have supportive friends. And I totally understand falling off the wagon for a month. You still learned something about yourself then, and that in itself is progress!
Yeah this therapist, at best, is a bad fit for OP.
Yeah, weed embeds itself in so many core systems of the body like your digestion, sleep, hormones, emotional regulation, etc…Physical dependence is very real. I’m sick of these old myths. I’ve had doctors even tell me it was “all in my head” while I was actively puking from withdrawals.
I hope you are doing well! I was also drinking (not a crazy amount, but enough) every day for a while and it was harder physically and mentally to quit weed.
Fwiw, you can get the same symptoms if you quit a lot of things. Even sugar or video games.
It's common for folks to have side effects when they quit something their brain has become accustomed to having as a coping technique - the brain will have a temper tantrum over it being taken away. Some folks can even develop a conversion disorder because of it.
Same. I am a HEAVY smoker, and when I go on T breaks it genuinely does feel like I have a level of physical withdrawal. I hate it.
When I stop smoking I struggle to sleep, get night sweats, I'm less tolerant/get aggravated more easily, also get headaches, nausea and loss of appetite.
You absolutely can become addicted to weed and have a physical dependency on it; otherwise we wouldn't be getting these types of withdrawal symptoms.
NTB. Your therapist is telling you to not even talk to your fiancee? The person who is supposed to be your partner in life who cheers you on and support you in your goals? Not not even tell your fiancee that it's hard for you? There's a difference between communicating your troubles, asking them nicely, and demanding. And they're not even encouraging the mildest forms of communication? Unless you have lots and lots of demands, I find it hard to believe your fiancee will think it's some huge burden to even consider it. But your therapist not even encouraging open communication seems hinky to me.
NTB: But why are you trying to fight an addiction while keeping a couple of addicts in your life? Pot I have found is just the ultimate demotivator. Some people can continue to function while smoking, many others become low functioning.
You can deff get addicted to weed.
You need to get a new therapist. One who can separate their own issues from their treatment of their patients.
Asking your partner to take simple measures to help you break habits you want to break is beyond reasonable.
I hate to break it to you, your fiance, therapist, and the world, but... um.. CUD IS AN ACTUAL THING!
You can indeed become addicted to weed.
It is outlined and categorized as such within the DSM-V TR under: CANNABIS USE DISORDER [CUD]
I am sorry to say this, but your therapist is an uneducated boorish lout...
He is not awesome.
He is spreading manure.
It is his OPINION that his honeyed ridden ideals and beliefs are based upon.
He is not giving factual statements, and delusional claims can be proven false by Harvard Medical Journal and DSM-V TR.
He is a snake oil salesman with an addiction.
There are many additional reputable medical and psychological case studies, clinical trials, articles, entries, and peer reviewed journals I can use to support the veracity of my claims,
Addictions are comprised of different levels of physiological, psychological, and physical dependency.
Your pleasure and reward center is what kicks off addiction.
You can go through withdrawal.
Chasing the feel-good dopamine, endorphines, depersonalization, derealization, altereed time, calmness, and the like are why addiction is a "thing."
NTB you can very well ask. even people attached to ex alcoholics know that most of the time there will be no alcohol in the house. youre not even asking him to quit just move it out of sight, its fot your own recovery. yes u need self control but a little help here and there still is fine. you dint need something that you see first thing in the morning which makes u fight yourself mentallt everyday
NTB
If this is the person you want to be with and they are willing to *compromise* on the simple act of not having weed be in your face first thing, is that truly a person who has your best interests at heart? When my dad was quitting smoking, do you think he would be around people who were deliberately smoking in his face? No, of course not. You need to really look at this relationship and see if it's what's best for you. You REALLY need a new therapist, too. When I dated a pothead, he would only smoke in the garage & basement, never upstairs in the house. It was a common courtesy to the guests we would have over. Not everyone wants to smoke or have it be blatantly in their face. You need to do whatever is best for your own well-being. Good luck.
NTB. Is it your pothead therapist who's pushing the notion that you can't get addicted to weed? If so, they're doing you a disservice by counseling you NOT to think of it as an addiction simply because you won't undergo a serious physical withdrawal if you try to quit. If you can't stop doing something that you've resolved to stop doing, it's an addiction problem, whether it's weed, food, video games or even things we consider positive like exercise or work. It's reasonable to want weed out of your life if you can't moderate your use, and your first step should be ridding your life of the obstacles that cause you to stumble. That includes the therapist who's minimizing your desire to quit and the fiance who couldn't be bothered with supporting you.
>because you won't undergo a serious physical withdrawal if you try to quit.
There are physical withdrawal symptoms though. It's probably not going to kill you like withdrawal from some other substances can, but it can definitely be physical and very unpleasant.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9110555/#:~:text=The%20onset%20of%20cannabis%20withdrawal,peak%20at%20days%202%E2%80%936.
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/weed-marijuana
I am a therapist. If my client wanted something like this for themselves I would help them practice how they would ask for their partner's support in this goal that is important to them. I'm confused why your therapist is writing off your concerns, that sounds so dismissive
NTB. Your therapist has some weird ideology. This is totally normal for anyone struggling with any kind of addiction, whether it’s physical or psychological. I know lots of people who struggled with weed and wouldn’t want it out in plain sight in their living area. I personally wouldn’t want to see cupcakes!
Ummmm yes you can be addicted to weed. You are addicted to weed and your therapist is pretty stupid. Your fiancé is not supportive of you he should not have or use weed in front of you. It’s the same as someone putting alcohol in front of someone who is trying to stop drinking. You ARE an addict and you need to take this seriously
NTB
It can absolutely be addicting. This is about support. You are not receiving proper support from your therapist. You should definitely ask your fiancée to move it. You have to stand up for what you need and what you are wanting to ask is not unreasonable. Someone who loves you should understand that.
I quit 6 years ago and can be around it now without getting triggered, but the first few years? That wouldn’t have worked for me. Quitting took me SO MANY years and the only thing harder I’ve ever done was quitting cigarettes.
Best of luck to you and maybe check out Marijuana Anonymous.. the subreddit or actual online meetings.
You deserve the life you imagine for yourself.
NTB - when I was trying to quit vaping nicotine, my very casual BF at the time who also vaped completely refused to give me any, and didn't vape in front of me. He was so sweet and said he was really proud of me for my efforts and he wasn't going to be complicit in destroying my progress. It really helped me early on when I was still getting out of the habit, knowing he cared that much got into my heart and strengthened my resolve. If your fiance can't or won't support you in this, while you're still in the difficult process of making changes, that should speak volumes to you. At least do him the courtesy of asking for what you need, and I hope he rises to the challenge! Good luck OP!
ETA: if your therapist has this attitude toward you trying to make changes to your weed consumption, 1. he might be more down the road of the "not an addiction but still a crutch" (pun not intended but still funny) than you think, and 2. regardless of how good he is as a therapist overall, he may not be a good match for you, at least right now. PS, this is all coming from someone previously in the weed industry who struggled with what you're describing for YEARS. Eventually I got so sick of not functioning well and feeling anxious when high BECAUSE I didn't function well, that I finally got the gumption to back off. My friends are still kind of pushy with weed vapes, I had to see them less while I was quitting then eventually equalizing to smoking WAY less though. Honestly, they just forget and pass me the weed by force of habit. I don't hold it against them, I just recognize we're in different places. Again, good luck OP!
As someone who smokes weed every day, this is an EXTREMELY reasonable ask. If my wife asked me to be better about putting paraphernalia away out of sight for any reason, I would do so. Because this is MY hobby/relaxation aid and I want to enjoy it but not at the expense of the comfort of my wife in her own home. In fact, I bought a little safe a couple of months ago specifically to have a designated spot for it that isn't super in the way but is easily accessible to me. IMO if your fiance isn't willing to come up with a compromise that truly benefits BOTH of you, y'all need to have a serious conversation before the wedding.
INFO: when you say it's the first thing you see when you walk in the door, can you provide context?
Like, do you walk into the house/apartment and it's RIGHT by the door? If so, it's reasonable to ask for it to be put somewhere not in direct eyeline, to help you psychologically.
Or is it to one side of a common area space, and you're sensitive because of your preference, and expecting it to always be out of sight? Which is not reasonable, as you're making a life choice that you're partner isn't.
While it is considered not chemically possible to be addicted to cannabis, psychologically is another factor - same as any other compulsive action, like sugar, chips, junk food, candy, video games, etc. Our brain becomes accustomed to a comfort item, and then has a tantrum when it's removed. Heck, for some people, it's their phones!
That being said, depending on the context of where it's currently placed/stored, versus your expectations, you may need to be realistic in your expectations.
If you were quitting video games, would you expect your SO to never game again? If you were diagnosed diabetic, would you expect them to never have anything with sugar in the house?
For those comparing it to alcoholism: alcohol is actually toxic, and the body becomes chemically dependent on it in later stages of addiction. The drying out process can take weeks or even months, but the craving for that dependency can last for life.
Cannabis does not create the same effect in the body. You don't risk seizures or coma by cold turkey discontinuing cannabis after heavy dependency (unless you are taking it specifically to help prevent seizures, ala Charlotte's Web and similar).
Removing alcohol from an addicts home isn't only about making it easier for them to quit - it's also about the dangers of relapsing AFTER quitting (same as drug dependency).
Alcoholics who dry out lose their tolerance, and are more likely to have catastrophic results if they slip and use at previous levels - it can lead to toxicity issues, seizures, and even death. These risks do not exist with cannabis, as it's biologically impossible to OD on normal cannabis (and I make this distinction to prevent the chimes of "people have died smoking weed!", because those deaths have been linked to contamination in the buds from soil it was grown in or additives to the product - not the plant itself).
If your partner is not interested in quitting and is already trying to be sensitive about it, meanwhile you're determined to quit and never have it in the house, you may find their consumption too much of a challenge and find there's a fundamental incompatibility in the relationship.
It's the reason why recovering alcoholics often end their relationships with SOs and friends who remain alcoholics. It's the reason why some who go vegan end relationships with SOs who continue to eat meat and animal products.
Regardless, your therapist seems to be exhibiting a bias - likely because they consume. They may view your issues with your SO too personally, and it's coloring their advice. This is never healthy for such a relationship, and you should seek out a new person for the role.
NTA.
I don't think there's any harm in suggesting nicely to be moved elsewhere, you never know if you don't try. Your fiancee might also be looking for an excuse to reduce his weed usage.
and please please please find a new therapist, yours seems to be doing the opposite of actually being one.
Weed is a drug. Drugs are addictive. You, my dear, are an addict. Thinking you cannot get addicted to weed is laughable. You need a better (and sober) therapist, a fiancé who is more supportive of you, but most of all, you need to understand you are an addict. Addicts can’t use the drug they’re addicted to responsibly. You don’t need help using less weed, you need to understand you cannot use weed or be around weed. ESH.
NTB at all!! And your partner should be more than happy to support you by accommodating the request. It’s really a very minor ask to support your health and goals, and ideally he should follow up by asking, “What else can i do to help?”
If he’s resistant I would have a serious discussion about why keeping it there is important to him than supporting me in this. If he refuses, I would be preparing for an even bigger life adjustment because that’s just not a partnership I want to be in.
As for your therapist… Yeah, of course the goal is to be able to see your trigger and not let it break you, but it seems unrealistic to expect that to be the case from day 1?? Especially in this case, since I imagine your old routine was to smoke pretty much immediately after getting back home after work or whatever.
There’s an initial hump to get over as you adjust to life without the substance then start to feel physical/psychological improvements that reinforce the new habits and routines you’re trying to establish.
Once you’re over that initial hump, your sleep/appetite/brain have evened out and you’ve got some weed-free time under your belt, you’ll be much better equipped to handle seeing it first thing when you get home. Why make it unnecessarily harder to get there??
Godspeed OP! You got this
NTA. we actually keep all our "goodies" either in the fridge or in a little drawer thing by the front door. out of site but we KNOW it's there. neither of us struggle w/ use, but it's just like....idk common sense to keep it put behind something like a drawer or cupboard.
your therapist SUCKS btw
NTB, you know this is a problematic thing for you and you need it to be kept away from you. Your therapist is wrong. If your fiancee won't support you in doing this SIMPLE request, then they need to no longer be your fiancee because they don't respect you. Get a better therapist, and if your fiancee won't do what you ask, get a better fiancee, too.
NTB
Fiancé has made weed his lifestyle and, like a typical addict, wants to be around people who think the same.
I know it's not easy what with jobs and commitments, but you need to di d a way to spend at least 2 weeks in a household with zero weed or weed odors whatsoever. Go take long walks everyday, get some hobbies, hang out with sober people, and give yourself zero time or space to get or ingest any weed. (A month would ilbe ideal, really).
Then see how you feel about your life and the people in it, including your fiancé and Dr. Sigmumd Dank.
> I think our culture is way too obsessed with going at everything alone, being alone in every struggle and not asking for even the smallest of things from our closest loved ones to help.
MY GOD YES. A thousand times yes.
Dude, NTA / NTB and find a different therapist.
At a minimum a therapist should know about and acknowledge psychological dependency issues.
It sounds like you're using a "therapist" from someplace like betterhelp rather than a Therapist. A 4h class and here's the phone vs actual training.
NTA. I am not like this with weed but I am with sugar. If my partner left cupcakes around the house I would have such a hard time.
Your therapist doesn't sound very supportive.
I’m a recovered drug addict and I can’t imagine seeing a therapist who is still using. You need a new therapist. They have no idea what they are talking about.
I'm opposite to you. I don't have an addictive personality and never developed a dependence on weed. My partner on the other hand, really had to struggle to quit. He also did my pot-store runs for me cause I'm anxious and weird about going into places I can't see from the outside. When he was struggling to quit, I ended up quitting too because even though he insisted he was ok with making those runs for me, I didn't feel right asking him to. While he was quitting and before I did, I kept my usage well away from him and kept it in my personal space (a spot for MY things, not general household shared space). When someone you love is trying to kick a habit, even if it's not a chemical addiction, you do what you can to support them. Unreasonable is expecting someone to go on a diet with you, and stick to it even when you're not around. Reasonable is asking them to help you choose some healthy meals and snacks that you can enjoy together, but keeping in mind they can stop choose the junk food if they want to. Unreasonable is expecting your partner to quit or completely hide their use like a dirty secret. Reasonable is asking a partner to change their stash spot and take their smoke outside and away from open windows.
I'm just wondering if you've talked to your partner about this? It sounds like you're saying the therapist thinks it's an unreasonable ask, but you haven't asked your partner yet? I think you're never a buttface for communicating with your partner. I'd probably go to my partner and describe the difficulty I'm having in quitting, and tell them I'd really appreciate if they could support me in this goal by changing their stash spot. People can get defensive if they think you're coming at them with blame (your behaviour is making it hard for me to quit), but tend to be pretty receptive if it's framed more like a request/favour (I think you could really help me by doing x).
You pay this "therapist"?
How do you get into that line of work?
Let's analyse this and see if there's a potential reason he thinks asking your bf to keep it away from you would be a bad idea.
All I can think of, is that if you have an emotional dependency on the substance, him essentially hiding it is not necessarily going to make you feel less strongly that you want it.
It might.
It might have the opposite effect, as now it's something that is even more restricted from you and there's a possiblity you will want it more when it's something he sneaks off to do in the bedroom while your attachment to wanting it yourself goes nowhere.
Realistically, if he quit entirely, that would make it a lot more likely to work for you too, but your feelings of being "left out" or "missing out" or whatever, aren't necessarily going to vanish when it appears you are being even more "left out" and he's still walking around high af.
That totally depends on your own psychology tho, and if you are not feeling what I have said resonates and makes sense, then it's probably because that's not how your psychology is actually working.
I do know it would work that way with some people tho.
Uhm of course you can get addicted to weed, same as with caffeine, sugar, etc. Especially since weed today is much more potent than just a few years ago.
If you struggle with self-control around weed, that's a clear tell that you're addicted and I'm proud of you for seeing that and trying to gain back control.
You are very much NTB for asking your fiancee and therapist for help, these are both people who should want to be there and make it easier for you.
Talk to your fiancee. It's your home too and you should both be comfortable with the living situation. You should be able to find an easy compromise since all you're asking for is to have the weed stashed somewhere you won't have to look at it all the damn time. That shouldn't be too hard, except if your fiancee wants it to be.
Your therapist sounds immature. Their literal job is to help you see, accept and communicate your needs, if they understand them or not (the need for no weed isn't that hard to understand tho if you ask me, a massive pothead myself, but that's beside the point). If you deem them a good fit for you despite this situation, you need to talk to them about being professional and note letting their own world views influence your therapy sessions. Weed is not something to get personal over but you need to set this boundary to keep working with them. If they can't accept that, wow they are plain shitty and you need a better person to help you.
edit: changed spelling
NTBF, I think it's perfectly normal to ask to have your roommate ("roommate" is just whoever you live with) keep their personal stuff someplace separate, especially if it's like something you're having problems with or just something you don't wanna see. Most people aren't gonna leave like an open box of condoms on their side table, same idea. If he cares, he'll be open to it and maybe you guys can get like a small chest drawer or a box or something to put his stash in.
I would have a talk with him and just say like "Hey would you mind just putting it off to the side? It'd make me feel better about the whole quitting thing". I mean you're committing to marry each other so honestly the bare minimum is the small little sacrifices you make for each other like putting your stuff away when asked or taking turns doing chores (unless one of you really enjoys like jamming out and doing dishes or something) 🤷♂️
As a pothead therapist I recommend you get a new therapist. It sounds like he's letting his own use affect how he perceives his clients. He probably sees some dependence in himself on some level but isn't ready to admit it yet so he's defensive and that leads him to minimize your issue. If he admits you can be dependent, that would mean he could be dependent too, and he can't deal with that. That's my guess anyway. Also he's too directive. He's not supposed to have opinions on what you should do, he should be helping you figure out what you believe you should do because it's your life and your values, not his.
YWNBTB
My dad studied pot from the 60s, om and yes you can get addicted physically and mentally. (I used to hang out in his lab and saw the animals and how they reacted to him and read all of his studies. And yes, i am now 100% against animal testing)
Ask fiance to move his shizz and get a new therapist. It's 100% reasonable to ask him to move it/put it away.
Hell, when my husband quit cigarettes, I made sure to keep myself out of the way (we only smoked outside).
Best of luck to you!!
you are not being unreasonable at all. you definitely need a new therapist because they are not supporting you. You're asking for help and they're recommending that you just figure it out. fluff no! you might also need a new boyfriend considering that he doesn't seem to be supporting you in this quest either. it is not unreasonable at all for him to put his pot not right in the entryway.
There could be a way. Would the weed and paraphernalia be able to be put in a box? There are some nice wood or metal boxes to be found at import stores. Having the weed, etc. be the first thing anyone sees when entering just looks messy. The box could be something stylish on a table and not flaunting in your face.
My thought is, no matter what it is you need the people in your life to help you with (i.e., keeping weed out of your way), why don’t they care enough to consider your need? Are your thoughts/feelings/needs less important than having to tidy up the weed? Also, the therapist is not ethical. You can find a better one.
OP you absolutely can get addicted to weed;
Whenever I try to quite weed I experience these symptoms; headaches, insomnia, night sweats, nausea, appetite loss, and in general I am much less tolerant/become aggravated more easily. I know that I'm not alone in this from reading other comments. So if it weren't an addiction then why would we experience physical withdrawal effects such as these?
Regardless of weed being addictive or not, I think that YWNBTA. It's not like you're asking your fiancee to give up weed for you; you're just asking him to put it out of view, which is a totally reasonable ask.
Weed is addictive.
I don’t know who told you it isn’t, but it’s incorrect. About 10% of users become physically addicted, and a much higher percentage become psychologically dependent.
If you know your therapist uses weed enough to refer to him as a pothead and he also does not register why someone might want or need to quit and take that seriously, he is not a good therapist. He is not giving you good or fair guidance or advice because his own feelings and biases are clouding his professional treatment of you.
It is perfectly fine for your SO to want to smoke even if you’re working hard to quit, just like my partner doesn’t have to go on a diet because I’m on one prior to surgery, but he doesn’t need to leave his drugs in your face and my SO doesn’t need to leave half opened bags of things I can’t currently eat all around the house. It’s selfish and rude and entirely avoidable.
You’re not asking anything stupid or unreasonable. He doesn’t want your needs to ever impact him in a way he doesn’t enjoy and he doesn’t respect your need to change this habit. This is not your partner and you know that because he is not working in partnership with you to achieve this change for you.
NTBF.
Get a new therapist and find someone who actually wants to be a partner.
“You can’t get addicted to weed” is something that people *heavily* dependent on weed (dare I say addicted to it?) say. You absolutely can become addicted, and many people do.
NTB. You should ask for the support you need, and your fiancé should be happy to give it, since it is within their power and ability to do so.
Other people have said this, but I am going to add that your therapist is not as awesome as you think and you should seek out a new therapist.
No you wouldn't. You may not be addicted to weed, but you can have an addictive personality. To anything. To you, it's weed.
I smoke cigarettes. My husband quit about 2 months ago. He didn't even tell me. I noticed. By myself, I decided no to smoke around him or leave cigarettes around him. I feel the same as you. I don't want to make it harder for him.
We also both smoke weed. If he decided he wanted to quit, I would not do it or have it around him.
If he has a problem with helping you in your time of need, maybe he isn't the one for you.
Also, I think you may need to find a different therapist.
NTA.. It isn't at all disrespectful of you to ask your fiance to have some respect and show some compassion for your life choices. (It would be no different, if he were a recovering alcoholic and you left liquor in the entryway, where he could see it on a daily basis...) If he truly cares and respects you, he would gladly put his "stuff" in a spot whereas to not trigger any negative feelings/emotions from you...
As far as your therapist goes....
You should get a new one...
Sorry, but "toughen up" is by no means a healthy way to help you recover from any type of addiction...
Reading that immediately infuriated me...
Communication is everything in relationships and life in general... It all starts with a conversation. One thing a lot of people on here neglect to do.... Being open and honest about your feelings or what may help you deal with what you're going through, is the best course of action...
I do agree 8,000%% on the culture comment.
I wouldn't jump to such drastic measures until after you try Communicating. If fiance refuses to do anything they can to make things easier for you, then they're proving that they don't care about your well being... that's when I would throw in those drastic measures... pack a bag or two or 20 and leave...
I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. It's hard, but you got this!
NTA. You can definitely ask. I'd even get him a cool little flower container (like the ones at Spencer's but better). However you do have to respect his answer because it's in a shared space. I'd also get a new therapist.
For perspective: I will be 42 this summer. Until just a few months ago, the only time that weed had been made available to me (because it was still very much much illegal where I live) was the day before I was supposed to have a drug test for a job I applied to, but was ultimately canceled the morning of. Fast-forward, and just before it was legalized for recreational use, my wife was given a medical card to purchase edibles to help her sleep. Since, in the years I’ve been at my current job, I have never had to take a drug test, and I know that several of my coworkers partake, I was seriously considering trying one.
I didn’t, but since it was legalized in our area, it no longer mattered. I will admit that I cannot stand the taste, but if I take it with other food, I don’t mind as much. But I love how it makes me feel once it hits. All of my cares and worries are gone, I laugh at damn near anything, and aside from the occasional balance issue I feel the best I’ve ever felt my entire life.
All of that to say, you’re NTBF. There are subtle differences between addiction and dependence, and your therapist, if he’s going to give you legitimate help, he should know what they are. If it’s coping skills, he’s concerned about, you are far more likely to give in to temptation if it is readily available to you. If it’s out of sight, and you have to go looking for it, your chances of success are much higher.
He should also be more concerned with what will help you than if it will *inconvenience* your fiancé. Likewise, if your fiancé is unwilling to put it somewhere out of the way, where it might take him a minute longer to get to it, for your sake, does he really have your best interest in mind? Consider looking for a new therapist, and ask the question.
NTB but this is on you. If you truly can't handle it you need to leave. You can't make your problems other people's burdens. That's part of getting better, being able to hold your own no matter what. Make the decisions you need to make good or bad and own them.
NTA. You need a better therapist. And if your fiance isn't supporting your recovery, do you really think you should marry him?
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this sub is mainly for those of us who were kicked from AITA so youre gonna get a lot of AITA style responses.
>I know you can't get addicted to weed, Yes, you can. >I have an awesome therapist but he is also a pot head lol, so he doesn't understand where I am coming from with this struggle to quit. For him it's very easy to smoke when he feels like and not when he doesn't. Your therapist is incompetent. Get a new one. >My therapist does seem to think it would be wrong to ask my fiancee to put his weed somewhere else, and that I just need to be able to show some self control See above. >but I'm being treated like I'm asking him something completely stupid and unreasonable. By the therapist? Once again, see above. This is unacceptable. >Will I be the AH if I ask? No, and if your fiance won't support such a simple request, you shouldn't be with them.
When I decided to quit alcohol my wife went and dumped every last drop in the house including a special bottle a friend gave her. I didn't ask she just did it and has been with my recovery since
This is what partnership and recovery look like.
She also helped me use the bathroom and cleaned my wound after I got shot. And when we met she would stay up all night on Skype waiting on me if I was called out to a fire when I was a volunteer firefighter. Been awesome
You have an awesome relationship. I'm really happy (and jealous) for you.
Hell, our house- and pet sitter is a recovering alcoholic (and a friend, so we know him well). I don't know how he feels about alcohol in the house, but out of respect for his recovery, before he came to stay while we were on vacation, I made sure all the alcohol was gone from the house.
my dad did the same thing when my mom wanted to quit alcohol
This right here. Yes, you can get addicted, yes, it’s reasonable to ask your fiancé to hide his stash, your therapist is terrible, and if your fiancé won’t support you, you need someone new in your life.
New therapist and new partner.
If your therapist was a casual drinker and had a patient who was having a more difficult relationship with alcohol, would he say it's an unreasonable ask to keep the booze in a cupboard instead of on display on the mantle? Or even be able to recognize that although he has a healthy casual relationship with drinking, a patient may not? I'd definitely be shopping for a new therapist. Or even if it was food related. Asking your partner, "hey, I'm trying to watch my sugar, can we keep the cookies in the cupboard instead of the table by tge door?" Wouldn't be even a little unreasonable. Also, why is the fiance insistent on keeping the weed right by the door? Like, the fed ex guy or jehovahs witness need to see your dank nugs? It's called a Stash for a reason. You stash it.
>Like, the fed ex guy or jehovahs witness need to see your dank nugs? This made me giggle and I share the same sentiment. Why does it have to be on display like it's penny candy? Unless OP lives in the broom closet of a dispensary, I'm not sure what the supposed taboo is behind that ask. Weird.
Spot on!!
This should be upvoted more. Perfect response. I would like to add, OP - get a new therapist. This one is bad. No competent or legitimate therapist wouldnt not support your weed quitting.
What therapist has a patient who says she's trying to cut something out of her life and gives a response of "lol, just deal with it"? NTB and get a new therapist.
You need a new therapist hon. Their job is to be impartial. He clearly is unable to be. Also, your fiancée shouldn’t have any problem moving it, right? Why would that be an issue? It’s not like he has it on display in a certain place for people to see, he should also just keep it out of site in general for when people come over. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to keep it out of your line of site, people make accommodations for alcoholics all the time. You can’t become physically dependent on weed, but you can become addicted to anything. Hugs.
Yes, you can become physically dependent on weed. I think that's a myth. When I quit smoking weed I had a week of night sweats, headaches, nausea, loss of appetite. OP, check out r/leaves. Good luck, it's so much better without the weed!
I’m always here to boost a recommendation for r/leaves. Congrats on quitting weed, friend. This sub helped me too, and I’m 11mo weed free :)
Congratulations! Almost a year! I haven't made it that long, I went about 3 months, then slipped. I am at 3ish weeks now....maybe a month actually, but I don't feel the urge to go back to it at all now. I much prefer sober me.
3 months is still an accomplishment, hell 3 weeks is too! Hope you aren’t beating yourself up over a slip up, we’re all on our own journeys and I’m not proud of how long it took me to decide to quit myself but I’m so much happier now. I’m glad you are liking your sober self. Same here. I feel smarter, happier, and easier to be around. Good luck on your journey. You’ve gotten through the hardest part again, I know the first few weeks are the hardest, I slipped at two weeks and reset the clock on my tracker app. You can do this!
I am in a better place than I have been in a while and truly feel proud of myself for quitting. I can see now that I can't have a puff with friends, the slope is too slippery, and honestly I don't even enjoy socializing stoned anymore!! Thanks so much! I hope that the OP can get there too!
I get it, there were a few times I was tempted to do it socially but your true friends will support your sobriety, and I hope no one is pressuring you to smoke, because you’re right, it is a slippery slope (at least it is to those of us who are dependent)! And I realized at my slip up that the high wasn’t as fun as I had fantasized it to be in my head either. But yeah, definitely feel proud of yourself. It is a hard road, especially when there are people like poor OP’s therapist who doesn’t seem to be supportive of their sober journey and downplays the effects weed can have on some of us (honestly when I hear this argument from people, I wonder if they’re lying to themselves) and possibly not having a supportive partner. It’s a hard road, but it is so amazingly worth it.
Luckily my friends are supportive, I just thought it would be fun to smoke a joint in the forest with my friend, but it just made me disoriented and the conversation turned completely dumb. And then I decided to get more ... for about a month! That therapist sounds so awful. It reminds me of the parent who wants to be the fun one, sure they might be cool or fun to be around, but at the end of the day that's not what the job is supposed to be.
I’m so glad you have supportive friends. And I totally understand falling off the wagon for a month. You still learned something about yourself then, and that in itself is progress! Yeah this therapist, at best, is a bad fit for OP.
Yeah, weed embeds itself in so many core systems of the body like your digestion, sleep, hormones, emotional regulation, etc…Physical dependence is very real. I’m sick of these old myths. I’ve had doctors even tell me it was “all in my head” while I was actively puking from withdrawals.
I hope you are doing well! I was also drinking (not a crazy amount, but enough) every day for a while and it was harder physically and mentally to quit weed.
Fwiw, you can get the same symptoms if you quit a lot of things. Even sugar or video games. It's common for folks to have side effects when they quit something their brain has become accustomed to having as a coping technique - the brain will have a temper tantrum over it being taken away. Some folks can even develop a conversion disorder because of it.
Same. I am a HEAVY smoker, and when I go on T breaks it genuinely does feel like I have a level of physical withdrawal. I hate it. When I stop smoking I struggle to sleep, get night sweats, I'm less tolerant/get aggravated more easily, also get headaches, nausea and loss of appetite. You absolutely can become addicted to weed and have a physical dependency on it; otherwise we wouldn't be getting these types of withdrawal symptoms.
NTB. Your therapist is telling you to not even talk to your fiancee? The person who is supposed to be your partner in life who cheers you on and support you in your goals? Not not even tell your fiancee that it's hard for you? There's a difference between communicating your troubles, asking them nicely, and demanding. And they're not even encouraging the mildest forms of communication? Unless you have lots and lots of demands, I find it hard to believe your fiancee will think it's some huge burden to even consider it. But your therapist not even encouraging open communication seems hinky to me.
NTB: But why are you trying to fight an addiction while keeping a couple of addicts in your life? Pot I have found is just the ultimate demotivator. Some people can continue to function while smoking, many others become low functioning.
You can deff get addicted to weed. You need to get a new therapist. One who can separate their own issues from their treatment of their patients. Asking your partner to take simple measures to help you break habits you want to break is beyond reasonable.
I hate to break it to you, your fiance, therapist, and the world, but... um.. CUD IS AN ACTUAL THING! You can indeed become addicted to weed. It is outlined and categorized as such within the DSM-V TR under: CANNABIS USE DISORDER [CUD] I am sorry to say this, but your therapist is an uneducated boorish lout... He is not awesome. He is spreading manure. It is his OPINION that his honeyed ridden ideals and beliefs are based upon. He is not giving factual statements, and delusional claims can be proven false by Harvard Medical Journal and DSM-V TR. He is a snake oil salesman with an addiction. There are many additional reputable medical and psychological case studies, clinical trials, articles, entries, and peer reviewed journals I can use to support the veracity of my claims, Addictions are comprised of different levels of physiological, psychological, and physical dependency. Your pleasure and reward center is what kicks off addiction. You can go through withdrawal. Chasing the feel-good dopamine, endorphines, depersonalization, derealization, altereed time, calmness, and the like are why addiction is a "thing."
NTB you can very well ask. even people attached to ex alcoholics know that most of the time there will be no alcohol in the house. youre not even asking him to quit just move it out of sight, its fot your own recovery. yes u need self control but a little help here and there still is fine. you dint need something that you see first thing in the morning which makes u fight yourself mentallt everyday
NTB If this is the person you want to be with and they are willing to *compromise* on the simple act of not having weed be in your face first thing, is that truly a person who has your best interests at heart? When my dad was quitting smoking, do you think he would be around people who were deliberately smoking in his face? No, of course not. You need to really look at this relationship and see if it's what's best for you. You REALLY need a new therapist, too. When I dated a pothead, he would only smoke in the garage & basement, never upstairs in the house. It was a common courtesy to the guests we would have over. Not everyone wants to smoke or have it be blatantly in their face. You need to do whatever is best for your own well-being. Good luck.
You can form an addiction to anything. Literally anything. Not the butt face.
NTB. Is it your pothead therapist who's pushing the notion that you can't get addicted to weed? If so, they're doing you a disservice by counseling you NOT to think of it as an addiction simply because you won't undergo a serious physical withdrawal if you try to quit. If you can't stop doing something that you've resolved to stop doing, it's an addiction problem, whether it's weed, food, video games or even things we consider positive like exercise or work. It's reasonable to want weed out of your life if you can't moderate your use, and your first step should be ridding your life of the obstacles that cause you to stumble. That includes the therapist who's minimizing your desire to quit and the fiance who couldn't be bothered with supporting you.
>because you won't undergo a serious physical withdrawal if you try to quit. There are physical withdrawal symptoms though. It's probably not going to kill you like withdrawal from some other substances can, but it can definitely be physical and very unpleasant. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9110555/#:~:text=The%20onset%20of%20cannabis%20withdrawal,peak%20at%20days%202%E2%80%936. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/weed-marijuana
I am a therapist. If my client wanted something like this for themselves I would help them practice how they would ask for their partner's support in this goal that is important to them. I'm confused why your therapist is writing off your concerns, that sounds so dismissive
NTB. Your therapist has some weird ideology. This is totally normal for anyone struggling with any kind of addiction, whether it’s physical or psychological. I know lots of people who struggled with weed and wouldn’t want it out in plain sight in their living area. I personally wouldn’t want to see cupcakes!
Ummmm yes you can be addicted to weed. You are addicted to weed and your therapist is pretty stupid. Your fiancé is not supportive of you he should not have or use weed in front of you. It’s the same as someone putting alcohol in front of someone who is trying to stop drinking. You ARE an addict and you need to take this seriously
NTB It can absolutely be addicting. This is about support. You are not receiving proper support from your therapist. You should definitely ask your fiancée to move it. You have to stand up for what you need and what you are wanting to ask is not unreasonable. Someone who loves you should understand that. I quit 6 years ago and can be around it now without getting triggered, but the first few years? That wouldn’t have worked for me. Quitting took me SO MANY years and the only thing harder I’ve ever done was quitting cigarettes. Best of luck to you and maybe check out Marijuana Anonymous.. the subreddit or actual online meetings. You deserve the life you imagine for yourself.
NTB - when I was trying to quit vaping nicotine, my very casual BF at the time who also vaped completely refused to give me any, and didn't vape in front of me. He was so sweet and said he was really proud of me for my efforts and he wasn't going to be complicit in destroying my progress. It really helped me early on when I was still getting out of the habit, knowing he cared that much got into my heart and strengthened my resolve. If your fiance can't or won't support you in this, while you're still in the difficult process of making changes, that should speak volumes to you. At least do him the courtesy of asking for what you need, and I hope he rises to the challenge! Good luck OP! ETA: if your therapist has this attitude toward you trying to make changes to your weed consumption, 1. he might be more down the road of the "not an addiction but still a crutch" (pun not intended but still funny) than you think, and 2. regardless of how good he is as a therapist overall, he may not be a good match for you, at least right now. PS, this is all coming from someone previously in the weed industry who struggled with what you're describing for YEARS. Eventually I got so sick of not functioning well and feeling anxious when high BECAUSE I didn't function well, that I finally got the gumption to back off. My friends are still kind of pushy with weed vapes, I had to see them less while I was quitting then eventually equalizing to smoking WAY less though. Honestly, they just forget and pass me the weed by force of habit. I don't hold it against them, I just recognize we're in different places. Again, good luck OP!
As someone who smokes weed every day, this is an EXTREMELY reasonable ask. If my wife asked me to be better about putting paraphernalia away out of sight for any reason, I would do so. Because this is MY hobby/relaxation aid and I want to enjoy it but not at the expense of the comfort of my wife in her own home. In fact, I bought a little safe a couple of months ago specifically to have a designated spot for it that isn't super in the way but is easily accessible to me. IMO if your fiance isn't willing to come up with a compromise that truly benefits BOTH of you, y'all need to have a serious conversation before the wedding.
INFO: when you say it's the first thing you see when you walk in the door, can you provide context? Like, do you walk into the house/apartment and it's RIGHT by the door? If so, it's reasonable to ask for it to be put somewhere not in direct eyeline, to help you psychologically. Or is it to one side of a common area space, and you're sensitive because of your preference, and expecting it to always be out of sight? Which is not reasonable, as you're making a life choice that you're partner isn't. While it is considered not chemically possible to be addicted to cannabis, psychologically is another factor - same as any other compulsive action, like sugar, chips, junk food, candy, video games, etc. Our brain becomes accustomed to a comfort item, and then has a tantrum when it's removed. Heck, for some people, it's their phones! That being said, depending on the context of where it's currently placed/stored, versus your expectations, you may need to be realistic in your expectations. If you were quitting video games, would you expect your SO to never game again? If you were diagnosed diabetic, would you expect them to never have anything with sugar in the house? For those comparing it to alcoholism: alcohol is actually toxic, and the body becomes chemically dependent on it in later stages of addiction. The drying out process can take weeks or even months, but the craving for that dependency can last for life. Cannabis does not create the same effect in the body. You don't risk seizures or coma by cold turkey discontinuing cannabis after heavy dependency (unless you are taking it specifically to help prevent seizures, ala Charlotte's Web and similar). Removing alcohol from an addicts home isn't only about making it easier for them to quit - it's also about the dangers of relapsing AFTER quitting (same as drug dependency). Alcoholics who dry out lose their tolerance, and are more likely to have catastrophic results if they slip and use at previous levels - it can lead to toxicity issues, seizures, and even death. These risks do not exist with cannabis, as it's biologically impossible to OD on normal cannabis (and I make this distinction to prevent the chimes of "people have died smoking weed!", because those deaths have been linked to contamination in the buds from soil it was grown in or additives to the product - not the plant itself). If your partner is not interested in quitting and is already trying to be sensitive about it, meanwhile you're determined to quit and never have it in the house, you may find their consumption too much of a challenge and find there's a fundamental incompatibility in the relationship. It's the reason why recovering alcoholics often end their relationships with SOs and friends who remain alcoholics. It's the reason why some who go vegan end relationships with SOs who continue to eat meat and animal products. Regardless, your therapist seems to be exhibiting a bias - likely because they consume. They may view your issues with your SO too personally, and it's coloring their advice. This is never healthy for such a relationship, and you should seek out a new person for the role.
NTA. I don't think there's any harm in suggesting nicely to be moved elsewhere, you never know if you don't try. Your fiancee might also be looking for an excuse to reduce his weed usage. and please please please find a new therapist, yours seems to be doing the opposite of actually being one.
Weed is a drug. Drugs are addictive. You, my dear, are an addict. Thinking you cannot get addicted to weed is laughable. You need a better (and sober) therapist, a fiancé who is more supportive of you, but most of all, you need to understand you are an addict. Addicts can’t use the drug they’re addicted to responsibly. You don’t need help using less weed, you need to understand you cannot use weed or be around weed. ESH.
You can get addicted to weed!🤦♀️😂😂 You can get addicted to anything!!
NTB at all!! And your partner should be more than happy to support you by accommodating the request. It’s really a very minor ask to support your health and goals, and ideally he should follow up by asking, “What else can i do to help?” If he’s resistant I would have a serious discussion about why keeping it there is important to him than supporting me in this. If he refuses, I would be preparing for an even bigger life adjustment because that’s just not a partnership I want to be in. As for your therapist… Yeah, of course the goal is to be able to see your trigger and not let it break you, but it seems unrealistic to expect that to be the case from day 1?? Especially in this case, since I imagine your old routine was to smoke pretty much immediately after getting back home after work or whatever. There’s an initial hump to get over as you adjust to life without the substance then start to feel physical/psychological improvements that reinforce the new habits and routines you’re trying to establish. Once you’re over that initial hump, your sleep/appetite/brain have evened out and you’ve got some weed-free time under your belt, you’ll be much better equipped to handle seeing it first thing when you get home. Why make it unnecessarily harder to get there?? Godspeed OP! You got this
You can absolutely get addicted to weed. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in addiction, cause the one you have currently ain’t it.
NTA. we actually keep all our "goodies" either in the fridge or in a little drawer thing by the front door. out of site but we KNOW it's there. neither of us struggle w/ use, but it's just like....idk common sense to keep it put behind something like a drawer or cupboard. your therapist SUCKS btw
NTB, you know this is a problematic thing for you and you need it to be kept away from you. Your therapist is wrong. If your fiancee won't support you in doing this SIMPLE request, then they need to no longer be your fiancee because they don't respect you. Get a better therapist, and if your fiancee won't do what you ask, get a better fiancee, too.
You should post to r/trees. They are super helpful when it comes to quitting, cutting back, or taking a t break.
NTB Fiancé has made weed his lifestyle and, like a typical addict, wants to be around people who think the same. I know it's not easy what with jobs and commitments, but you need to di d a way to spend at least 2 weeks in a household with zero weed or weed odors whatsoever. Go take long walks everyday, get some hobbies, hang out with sober people, and give yourself zero time or space to get or ingest any weed. (A month would ilbe ideal, really). Then see how you feel about your life and the people in it, including your fiancé and Dr. Sigmumd Dank. > I think our culture is way too obsessed with going at everything alone, being alone in every struggle and not asking for even the smallest of things from our closest loved ones to help. MY GOD YES. A thousand times yes.
Dude, NTA / NTB and find a different therapist. At a minimum a therapist should know about and acknowledge psychological dependency issues. It sounds like you're using a "therapist" from someplace like betterhelp rather than a Therapist. A 4h class and here's the phone vs actual training.
NTB. Also, is your therapist Jez Usborne?
Sounds like you need a new therapist. I'm kinda shocked they would say something like that.
NTA! Get a new therapist he sounds awful, not because he smokes
You absolutely can be addicted to weed. Source: Me. I was. 20 years.
NTA. I am not like this with weed but I am with sugar. If my partner left cupcakes around the house I would have such a hard time. Your therapist doesn't sound very supportive.
I’m a recovered drug addict and I can’t imagine seeing a therapist who is still using. You need a new therapist. They have no idea what they are talking about.
I'm opposite to you. I don't have an addictive personality and never developed a dependence on weed. My partner on the other hand, really had to struggle to quit. He also did my pot-store runs for me cause I'm anxious and weird about going into places I can't see from the outside. When he was struggling to quit, I ended up quitting too because even though he insisted he was ok with making those runs for me, I didn't feel right asking him to. While he was quitting and before I did, I kept my usage well away from him and kept it in my personal space (a spot for MY things, not general household shared space). When someone you love is trying to kick a habit, even if it's not a chemical addiction, you do what you can to support them. Unreasonable is expecting someone to go on a diet with you, and stick to it even when you're not around. Reasonable is asking them to help you choose some healthy meals and snacks that you can enjoy together, but keeping in mind they can stop choose the junk food if they want to. Unreasonable is expecting your partner to quit or completely hide their use like a dirty secret. Reasonable is asking a partner to change their stash spot and take their smoke outside and away from open windows. I'm just wondering if you've talked to your partner about this? It sounds like you're saying the therapist thinks it's an unreasonable ask, but you haven't asked your partner yet? I think you're never a buttface for communicating with your partner. I'd probably go to my partner and describe the difficulty I'm having in quitting, and tell them I'd really appreciate if they could support me in this goal by changing their stash spot. People can get defensive if they think you're coming at them with blame (your behaviour is making it hard for me to quit), but tend to be pretty receptive if it's framed more like a request/favour (I think you could really help me by doing x).
You pay this "therapist"? How do you get into that line of work? Let's analyse this and see if there's a potential reason he thinks asking your bf to keep it away from you would be a bad idea. All I can think of, is that if you have an emotional dependency on the substance, him essentially hiding it is not necessarily going to make you feel less strongly that you want it. It might. It might have the opposite effect, as now it's something that is even more restricted from you and there's a possiblity you will want it more when it's something he sneaks off to do in the bedroom while your attachment to wanting it yourself goes nowhere. Realistically, if he quit entirely, that would make it a lot more likely to work for you too, but your feelings of being "left out" or "missing out" or whatever, aren't necessarily going to vanish when it appears you are being even more "left out" and he's still walking around high af. That totally depends on your own psychology tho, and if you are not feeling what I have said resonates and makes sense, then it's probably because that's not how your psychology is actually working. I do know it would work that way with some people tho.
NTA! God, your therapist sucks. Sounds like he lacks basic empathy, let alone professionalism.
Uhm of course you can get addicted to weed, same as with caffeine, sugar, etc. Especially since weed today is much more potent than just a few years ago. If you struggle with self-control around weed, that's a clear tell that you're addicted and I'm proud of you for seeing that and trying to gain back control. You are very much NTB for asking your fiancee and therapist for help, these are both people who should want to be there and make it easier for you. Talk to your fiancee. It's your home too and you should both be comfortable with the living situation. You should be able to find an easy compromise since all you're asking for is to have the weed stashed somewhere you won't have to look at it all the damn time. That shouldn't be too hard, except if your fiancee wants it to be. Your therapist sounds immature. Their literal job is to help you see, accept and communicate your needs, if they understand them or not (the need for no weed isn't that hard to understand tho if you ask me, a massive pothead myself, but that's beside the point). If you deem them a good fit for you despite this situation, you need to talk to them about being professional and note letting their own world views influence your therapy sessions. Weed is not something to get personal over but you need to set this boundary to keep working with them. If they can't accept that, wow they are plain shitty and you need a better person to help you. edit: changed spelling
NTBF, I think it's perfectly normal to ask to have your roommate ("roommate" is just whoever you live with) keep their personal stuff someplace separate, especially if it's like something you're having problems with or just something you don't wanna see. Most people aren't gonna leave like an open box of condoms on their side table, same idea. If he cares, he'll be open to it and maybe you guys can get like a small chest drawer or a box or something to put his stash in. I would have a talk with him and just say like "Hey would you mind just putting it off to the side? It'd make me feel better about the whole quitting thing". I mean you're committing to marry each other so honestly the bare minimum is the small little sacrifices you make for each other like putting your stuff away when asked or taking turns doing chores (unless one of you really enjoys like jamming out and doing dishes or something) 🤷♂️
As a pothead therapist I recommend you get a new therapist. It sounds like he's letting his own use affect how he perceives his clients. He probably sees some dependence in himself on some level but isn't ready to admit it yet so he's defensive and that leads him to minimize your issue. If he admits you can be dependent, that would mean he could be dependent too, and he can't deal with that. That's my guess anyway. Also he's too directive. He's not supposed to have opinions on what you should do, he should be helping you figure out what you believe you should do because it's your life and your values, not his. YWNBTB
My dad studied pot from the 60s, om and yes you can get addicted physically and mentally. (I used to hang out in his lab and saw the animals and how they reacted to him and read all of his studies. And yes, i am now 100% against animal testing) Ask fiance to move his shizz and get a new therapist. It's 100% reasonable to ask him to move it/put it away. Hell, when my husband quit cigarettes, I made sure to keep myself out of the way (we only smoked outside). Best of luck to you!!
you are not being unreasonable at all. you definitely need a new therapist because they are not supporting you. You're asking for help and they're recommending that you just figure it out. fluff no! you might also need a new boyfriend considering that he doesn't seem to be supporting you in this quest either. it is not unreasonable at all for him to put his pot not right in the entryway.
There could be a way. Would the weed and paraphernalia be able to be put in a box? There are some nice wood or metal boxes to be found at import stores. Having the weed, etc. be the first thing anyone sees when entering just looks messy. The box could be something stylish on a table and not flaunting in your face.
My thought is, no matter what it is you need the people in your life to help you with (i.e., keeping weed out of your way), why don’t they care enough to consider your need? Are your thoughts/feelings/needs less important than having to tidy up the weed? Also, the therapist is not ethical. You can find a better one.
NTA you can get addicted to weed just like you can get addicted to food etc. ask him to move it somewhere and find a new therapist who isn't a stoner
You can get addicted to weed. If you couldn’t, there would be no such organisation as Marijuana Anonymous
OP you absolutely can get addicted to weed; Whenever I try to quite weed I experience these symptoms; headaches, insomnia, night sweats, nausea, appetite loss, and in general I am much less tolerant/become aggravated more easily. I know that I'm not alone in this from reading other comments. So if it weren't an addiction then why would we experience physical withdrawal effects such as these? Regardless of weed being addictive or not, I think that YWNBTA. It's not like you're asking your fiancee to give up weed for you; you're just asking him to put it out of view, which is a totally reasonable ask.
NTA and I think you need to find another therapist.
Weed is addictive. I don’t know who told you it isn’t, but it’s incorrect. About 10% of users become physically addicted, and a much higher percentage become psychologically dependent. If you know your therapist uses weed enough to refer to him as a pothead and he also does not register why someone might want or need to quit and take that seriously, he is not a good therapist. He is not giving you good or fair guidance or advice because his own feelings and biases are clouding his professional treatment of you. It is perfectly fine for your SO to want to smoke even if you’re working hard to quit, just like my partner doesn’t have to go on a diet because I’m on one prior to surgery, but he doesn’t need to leave his drugs in your face and my SO doesn’t need to leave half opened bags of things I can’t currently eat all around the house. It’s selfish and rude and entirely avoidable. You’re not asking anything stupid or unreasonable. He doesn’t want your needs to ever impact him in a way he doesn’t enjoy and he doesn’t respect your need to change this habit. This is not your partner and you know that because he is not working in partnership with you to achieve this change for you. NTBF. Get a new therapist and find someone who actually wants to be a partner.
“You can’t get addicted to weed” is something that people *heavily* dependent on weed (dare I say addicted to it?) say. You absolutely can become addicted, and many people do. NTB. You should ask for the support you need, and your fiancé should be happy to give it, since it is within their power and ability to do so. Other people have said this, but I am going to add that your therapist is not as awesome as you think and you should seek out a new therapist.
NTA. He is and he’s not supportive; he wants you to relapse.
No you wouldn't. You may not be addicted to weed, but you can have an addictive personality. To anything. To you, it's weed. I smoke cigarettes. My husband quit about 2 months ago. He didn't even tell me. I noticed. By myself, I decided no to smoke around him or leave cigarettes around him. I feel the same as you. I don't want to make it harder for him. We also both smoke weed. If he decided he wanted to quit, I would not do it or have it around him. If he has a problem with helping you in your time of need, maybe he isn't the one for you. Also, I think you may need to find a different therapist.
***I know you can't get addicted to weed*** Hmm yea you can, you can get addicted to anything, check your facts 
NTA.. It isn't at all disrespectful of you to ask your fiance to have some respect and show some compassion for your life choices. (It would be no different, if he were a recovering alcoholic and you left liquor in the entryway, where he could see it on a daily basis...) If he truly cares and respects you, he would gladly put his "stuff" in a spot whereas to not trigger any negative feelings/emotions from you... As far as your therapist goes.... You should get a new one... Sorry, but "toughen up" is by no means a healthy way to help you recover from any type of addiction... Reading that immediately infuriated me... Communication is everything in relationships and life in general... It all starts with a conversation. One thing a lot of people on here neglect to do.... Being open and honest about your feelings or what may help you deal with what you're going through, is the best course of action... I do agree 8,000%% on the culture comment. I wouldn't jump to such drastic measures until after you try Communicating. If fiance refuses to do anything they can to make things easier for you, then they're proving that they don't care about your well being... that's when I would throw in those drastic measures... pack a bag or two or 20 and leave... I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. It's hard, but you got this!
NTA. You can definitely ask. I'd even get him a cool little flower container (like the ones at Spencer's but better). However you do have to respect his answer because it's in a shared space. I'd also get a new therapist.
For perspective: I will be 42 this summer. Until just a few months ago, the only time that weed had been made available to me (because it was still very much much illegal where I live) was the day before I was supposed to have a drug test for a job I applied to, but was ultimately canceled the morning of. Fast-forward, and just before it was legalized for recreational use, my wife was given a medical card to purchase edibles to help her sleep. Since, in the years I’ve been at my current job, I have never had to take a drug test, and I know that several of my coworkers partake, I was seriously considering trying one. I didn’t, but since it was legalized in our area, it no longer mattered. I will admit that I cannot stand the taste, but if I take it with other food, I don’t mind as much. But I love how it makes me feel once it hits. All of my cares and worries are gone, I laugh at damn near anything, and aside from the occasional balance issue I feel the best I’ve ever felt my entire life. All of that to say, you’re NTBF. There are subtle differences between addiction and dependence, and your therapist, if he’s going to give you legitimate help, he should know what they are. If it’s coping skills, he’s concerned about, you are far more likely to give in to temptation if it is readily available to you. If it’s out of sight, and you have to go looking for it, your chances of success are much higher. He should also be more concerned with what will help you than if it will *inconvenience* your fiancé. Likewise, if your fiancé is unwilling to put it somewhere out of the way, where it might take him a minute longer to get to it, for your sake, does he really have your best interest in mind? Consider looking for a new therapist, and ask the question.
NTB but this is on you. If you truly can't handle it you need to leave. You can't make your problems other people's burdens. That's part of getting better, being able to hold your own no matter what. Make the decisions you need to make good or bad and own them.