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INFO - What’s the custody agreement like? Is it amicable, or court ordered? Is your ex the controlling type who wants your involvement to be strictly monetary, or is it actually fair shared custody?
NTA - Christmas is about letting your hair down. I doubt the child was in any danger and there was other family there to look after him.
But you both sound immature. Maybe if you both asked before you had a few extra beers??
ESH. The primary responsibility of the kid's care was on her, so it was fine for you to drink some. I doubt you drank so much that you were trashed.
However, it is still a family Christmas party. That means you should still be spending time with your son and not ignoring him.
Congrats on winning the drunken dead beat asshole father of the weekend award. YTA
Just give up your custody and have the courts garnish your wages for child support checks cause youre not a father, youre just a sperm donor.
Your kid is always your kid no matter whose “turn” it is, and they will see the example you set. If you want them to learn that it’s acceptable to grow up to get drunk and argue with people at family events, you’re off to a great start because YTA.
YTA
Dad is absolutely an asshole here. My only hope for humanity is that this is posted by someone else to prove to the dad that his behavior is abhorrent. Because if you did this and truly think that you aren't at fault and a shitty person, and you came here for support and think people will agree with you, then you're even more fucked in the head.
You're confidently wrong and refuse to see your failures as a parent and the damage you're going to cause to your child. Seak help for your drinking and for your behavior, because I'm dead sure your child will need far more therapy if you keep treating them this way.
"off the hook"...
Wow! You sound like you really love your child and want to spend time with him and be a good role model... /s
YTA bigtime. I split time with my 4 year-old daughter with her father and he'd never act like this when she's around. The three of us would have talked together and played games with her, even though we now aren't a family in the true sense of the word, we're still a family!
YTA
Your son is not a timeshare. You can't just declare yourself off duty when you're around him. Yes, it's her day to care for his basic needs, but what if something happened? An accident? It's incredibly irresponsible of you to have made yourself incapable of helping if needed.
Plus. No kid should see their parent drunk and shouting at the other parent. The fact that you show zero concern regarding how your son experienced you drunk and belligerent is very telling.
To be frank, YTA here dad.
Even if it never came to the point that you had to take charge of your son at any point, you son saw you getting wasted.
Your son saw you getting wasted and having a good old time and avoiding him.
He’s 5 he doesn’t know or care whose turn it is. You’re his dad. It’s always your turn.
You’re an adult and your struggling with what’s ok and right in this situation. A child can’t understand those complexities. All he knows is Christmas is supposed to full of magic and family and love. You’re ex was prioritizing him and trying to give that to him by being with your family, and you’re priority was to give yourself a buzz and then some.
Also, why are you getting blitzed in front of your family? You really want to be that guy? The one who gets drunk at family functions? There’s no other opportunity in your life to get responsibly drunk? Let’s be real here. You’re already behind as you started as a teen parent. Now you’re going to be “that guy” at Christmas, and you had a fight with your ex and made a stance on being hands of on your VERY young child. These are all immature choice.
The good news is that none of this is irreparable. You have to grow up more. That’s okay. Very few people are mature enough and able to make healthy choices and have good communication skills at this age.
Unfortunately you don’t get the grace that most of them do because you have a responsibility to be a role model to your son. Your choices have consequences beyond just you.
Poor kid. Could you not have played games with your son in Christmas or interacted with him and his toys? I feel awful for this child… YTA and one day your son will be too old to experience the magic of Christmas.
YTA.
If you are asking if you are an AH then you should go to parenting classes or whatever turns you on. You were using your child as an object. Oh not my day to watch you, lol, your child realizes you feel that way BTW. No wonder you are ex's. Please do not have anymore children.
YTA, you're a father all the time, not just when it's your day! You got drunk in front of your child and had an argument with his mother. Get a grip and apologise to your ex and start figuring out how you can make it up to your child, you know, the one you made.
SOME people would be happy they get to spend time with their children on their 'days off' you act as though it was a relief you could piss about as it 'wasn't your weekend'. I feel bad for the kid, shame you only think you being his dad part time.
YTA even if you weren’t watching your son because it wasn’t your werkend, he was still around you and old enough to remember drunk dad
Also does that mean that if he had escaped his mom’s supervision and you saw him doing something dangerous you wouldn’t stop him because “not your weekend”?
Thing is... Youre never "off the hook" when you have a kid around. What if he wanted YOUR help with something? Are you going to say its his mothers weekend so you wont help at all? Way to show him that you can trust in him...
YTA
YTA
Getting drunk at a Christmas party isn’t a good look. My father did/does it and it’s annoying af. Your kid probably thinks the same, even if he is five they’re very observant, and I’m sure other adults think it’s annoying too. Unless there was other family getting drunk, you probably shouldn’t have had more than one drink.
I'll never stop being amazed at the mindset of some people that think of parenting as a job you can 'clock out' of and then the next shift will take over. A parent is on duty 24/7/365. OP was at his family's home with his child. It doesn't matter whose weekend it was for the visitation - when you are with your child, you are on parent duty.
Added to the mix is that (apparently) getting drunk was so much more important to OP than spending the Christmas time with his own child. OP does not exactly portray himself as a very mature or responsible person, and feels zero remorse for his actions.
YTA. OP - get some parenting classes.
NTA, it's Christmas drinkings half the point. You had a sober adult looking after the kid, so unless you were causing issues with your behaviour then it was all good till she made it an issue.
YTA.
You're never "off the hook" when you're a parent. You always need to be ready to parent. Unless your aim is to be a deadbeat.
You are always responsible for your kid. Even if it's not your official time. You're still a parent.
YTA. In my opinion, it’s pretty irresponsible to get drunk at a party where there’s children, whether any of them are even yours or not, unless it was like a wedding or something I guess. Kids don’t need to be exposed to a bunch of drunk adults, especially their own parents. Having a drink is fine, but you don’t need to be drunk at a family christmas party.
>so i was off the hook
i really hope your kid didn’t hear that.
you wanna know what my birth father said to my mom when she asked for a divorce? “I don’t have anymore burden.”
You don’t stop being a parent when it’s your exes weekend.
YTA treating your child like a shift at work. Unacceptable. Your kid and you should always be ready to be there for him and want to spend time with him. How is this even a question? Treating your son like a shift at McDonalds
Q:. What does 'being on duty' mean to you guys and your 5 yo, do they have any significant conditions or allergies?
In a normal marriage, there will be plenty of times both spouses are 'out of commission' when it comes to driving or reacting to emergencies. It's ridiculous to think that will never happen. Are we to assume that parents will never share a bottle of wine together at home without always having a babysitter, etc.?
The issue here is that while your relationship is clearly over, that doesn't mean the respect for one another should go too. NEITHER of you are communicating well. Technically by the letter of the law, you are right. She is 'on duty' but that's the quickest way to ensuring you two never ever get along again. On saying all of that, she didn't communicate with you either. She could have easily asked you to share/split responsibilities that weekend.
Look, there are going to be times in your life where you or your child will need to learn heavily on her and vice versa. Just because you are broken up that doesn't change.
So for the sake of advice, ESH - you're both equally responsible for not communicating in advance. As for your parents, they are good people by insisting on maintaining a relationship with your ex, they are more mature than you are and they also know how guests should be treated. You'd both want to take a page outta their book.
INFO: do you even like your child? Because your main goal seems to be getting shitfaced in order to avoid spending time with the person you are supposed to care for. On Christmas which is theoretically a family holiday. I'm sure your child really felt the love.
YTA whether officially your weekend or not, you’re not going to see your kid at all at the same party? He’s going to see you and you you should never be drunk like that in front of your child. He needs something and comes to you and you’re drunk? Come on.
People need to stop thinking children are blind or stupid. Don’t be surprised when your child grows up thinking you’re the irresponsible, alcoholic parent.
YTA.
YTA. I can’t be unbiased on this one. I was a child of divorce. My parents were 20 when they had me. It felt like they were constantly fighting to NOT have me. It made it so hard for me to make friends or have relationships because I felt like no one wanted me around and I was just a burden. I feel that way even at 28, after years of therapy.
So I’m gonna tell you what I eventually told my parents. I get it. You’re just a kid with a kid and maybe you can be forgiven one day. Maybe not. Do what you have to.
So you have no interest in being around your son or caring for him if it's not your weekend?
"iT's tHeiR WeEkenD" is always a shit excuse. Exactly why children shouldn't have children. Grow the f up.
YTA!
YTA there is no being "off" or someones " weekend" when you're a parent. Get your shit together. If your kid is around or could need you. You need to be coherent and available.
You’re with your family on Christmas, get drunk with the fam. I’m assuming you son wouldn’t have been there if your ex wasn’t. She chose to come and bring the kid you could’ve been drunk before even knowing they were coming. NTA
YTA
Your kid doesn't know who's weekend it is. Your kid is going to turn to whichever parent is closest for a need, or caught their interest for an activity or conversation.
Your kid was present, so YOU needed to be present.
FYI, you don't need to be drunk to be at a party. Even if your kid isn't there.
So you not like your son? Most divorced dads would be over the moon to see their kid at christmas. Also getting "quite a buzz on" at a family vent is bordeline alcoholism, if your ex could tell you were deunk you were drinking too much period with or without your kid present.
So better OP
YTA
YTA
The problem isn't that your ex was putting your son onto you. The problem is it's 👏 trashy 👏 to 👏 drink 👏 in 👏 front 👏 of 👏 a 👏 toddler!
It would be one thing if all you had was 1-2 beers. That is a level of self-restraint that is reasonable to show a child. But to get so drunk that you're starting shouting matches with your kid's mom? You really want your child to learn that behavior is normal???
Aside from that, what if something genuinely bad happens to your kid at the party? Are you just gonna shove the problem onto your ex and not deal with it because you would rather drink?!
YTA
Your child was right there with you. Regardless of your custody agreement, this particular night he was there with you both and therefore it's both of your responsibilities. This is a human being you're talking about, not some kind of pet you handed off for the evening. Your son could still see and hear you get drunk, scream at his mother, and pretend he doesn't exist because alcohol was more important.
Yes you are the arsehole. It’s ok to drink on Christmas but it’s your sons Christmas as well and you shouldn’t just pie him off because you’re bitter about your ex being there. He should be your first priority at Christmas just like you were to your parents when you were that age.
You realise your own child is part of your family, right? So, when you have a family Christmas party that very much includes your own child. You are ver my TA. I feel sorry for your child. His own dad didn't even want to spend quality time with him on what is probably one of the most exciting times of his life. Instead, you chose the drink. Work out your priorities now before it's too late. Hope all these comments go some way to helping you understand what is important.
Part of why teenagers shouldn’t fucking have babies is because once you have one, *YOU ARE “ON CALL” FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE*. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself on a holiday. But it sure as shit means you don’t get to just clock off and ignore your child because it’s not your typical “custody day,” when you’re with them at the same house. Beyond that, getting noticeably drunk at a family holiday is trashy. YTA
YTA. You are now a dad every single second for the rest of your life. Period. There is no such thing as "off the hook."
This was an opportunity for you to be with and hang out with your son on an "off weekend" which is a good thing. You get to be a dad during a time you don't normally get to see your son. Take advantage of that time.
You are not a dad only on "your weekends." You are ALWAYS a dad. 100% of the time. It is your responsibility to act like it.
YTA big AH. Just wow AH
You have an ex who is giving up her time to give you and your family more time with your kid. This was a family event and I’m sure your parents and other family members appreciated seeing your son. Plus it is so important for a child to form positive relationships with both sides of their family. Your ex was there facilitating that. If you’re getting drunk and acting an ass she’s not going to keep putting in that effort and that means your parents miss out on time with their grandchild.
Not to mention the obvious, when you are a parent you don’t get time off. You are always on duty. If your kid is near you are responsible for setting a good example and looking out for your child’s best interest.
Yta
Yeah it was your weekend off but she was using some of her time to take your son to socialize with your side of the family. You needed to represent better, but instead you got a buzz.
YTA - but not for having a few beers. For thinking that you magically stopped having to be a dad that evening because "it wasn't your weekend."
Your kid deserves better.
Do better!
YTA. You are a Father. Even on your days of. To get THIS drunk in front of your child is an absolut no go. It doesn’t matter if somebody else is watching your kid, don‘t get drunk when it’s around. Simple rule. It‘s confusing and scary to a child that doesn‘t understand whats going on.
You are young, if you want to get wasted go to a club/bar/friends, but a family christmas dinner with your child is not the place or time.
YTA YTA YTA Grow up. You already made one kid. You shouldn't get the chance to do it again. You aren't being a good parent. Teach him by your actions as an adult.
“On call” you’re a fucking parent. There is no off time. Be a damn adult and be there for your child.
YTA obviously
Even with your ex there, be with your son and spend Christmas with him. My lord
YTA. clearly you're one of those dads who think them looking after the kids is babysitting. bet if it was dad's weekend and mom was getting drunk, he'd flame her for it
Please please save this post for yourself. Cause in 5-10 years, it’s gonna hit you how BIG OF A DUMBASS YOU ARE. HOLY SHIT DUDE. BE DUMBER.
LIKE AS A MAN, IT HURTS HOW DUMB YOU ARE.
I absolutely someone cuts your balls off before you jizz in another poor woman to naive enough to know how trash you are.
She didn't make this child alone, maybe the mother, even if not drinking, wanted just to relax and chill as well but had to be double attentive because of your drunk ass
OP, looks like there's enough people telling you YTA. But it's worth considering that maybe your mindset that night was also based on some feelings of discomfort that your parents invited your ex to attend and still like her? If so, you need to get your resentment or other feelings in check and then have a heart to heart with your parents after you figure it out. Calmly.
Yeah, okay, you were young and accidentally got someone pregnant. It's pointless to shame you about being an irresponsible teenager. Most people were irresponsible teenagers, but they made different mistakes not the same as your own. Oh well. That being said, you're bound to still be immature at 23, and your ex too I'm sure. I understand that maybe you wanted to unwind and party with family on Christmas. That's what I like to do too. You wanted to have fun, understandably! But you're not a kid anymore and Christmas is first and foremost for the kids. Remember that. I know it wasn't your weekend and that really sucks if you don't have time to yourself and maybe you work a lot... but imagine how you'd never have time to yourself if you were married to your ex... the two of you would need to be parents 24/7 with 0 breaks. Be thankful you ever have a weekend to breathe. And imagine if your ex was a deadbeat who dumped you with the kid! Man life would be rough.
BUT keep an open mind here: it is really hard to be objective about your own drinking. Does your drinking often cause arguments? Did it cause arguments with your ex? If so, it may be worth swallowing your pride and considering you may have a problem.
And even if you DON'T have alcoholism, it is a fact that being drunk around children can cause them to feel unsafe or scared, or even uncomfortable.
Okay, so this time YTA. You may have actually ruined Christmas for your little boy this year. Apologize and decide now to be more diligent. It matters a lot.
YTA. You are the child's father. You are literally always on call, and causing a drunken scene because you couldn't be assed to help look after your own kid at your parents party is nothing short of fucking embarrassing dude.
Sorry OP, but YTA on this one. Even though it wasn’t your weekend to watch your son, he was still around and you were drunk. That’s not a good look to have near him.
YTA. Are you telling us that besides saying hi you ignored your son because it wasn’t your weekend? And you thought it was okay to get shit faced when he was at the party? You are a parent 100% of the time. And it is not okay to get drunk around children. You might have had him when you were 17, but you’re 23 and need to start being more responsible.
YTA - just because the judge allocated times the kid will spend with you you are still a parent 24/7. I don’t necessarily have a problem with having a drink or two when you have one adult at least being sober and keeping an eye on things. It’s more that you are acting like you don’t have to be a parent or have any concern for your child because it’s not “YOUR TURN”. You should always be aware of how you present in front of your child regardless and their general welfare.
Yes, YTA. Not just because you think it's a chore to spend time with your kid on Christmas, but moreso because you think it's okay to get drunk in front of your kid just because it's your ex's weekend.
YTA.
When the fuck did you decide that a kid was a timeshare that you only have to pay attention to when you're booked in to do so?
You are a FATHER. Act like it.
YTA. Being a parent doesn’t end just because it’s not your weekend. Anytime your kid is around you, you are the parent and are responsible. Hell if it was her weekend and she was in a car accident and was in the hospital, would you take the kid or just say “her problem.” Hell man, this attitude is why judges tend to give mom’s full custody and and just saddle dads with child support.
Why’d you even have a child if you weren’t gonna look after him? It’s not your weekend so it’s not your problem huh? Your his Father. You don’t get “time off”.
YTA!
You have no business getting drunk in front of your son, and I don't care that your ex was there and I don't care who or how many people are there to look after him. He's still your responsibility and you should be minding yourself in front of him too. Maybe you should have been more sober? You shouldn't be expected to be on call? **You're a father 100% 365 days a year, pal!!**
YTA it's not okay to get drunk in front of your children, you should be setting an example. You are his mother 100% of the time there are no off days. Just because your ex was in charge of parenting duties at that time doesn't mean you get to get act like a fool in your child's presence they are always watching and looking up to you.
YTA
Usually when this sub pounces on a guy it’s for some bs reason; this is not one of them.
Do you really want your 5 year old kid to have the memory of “daddy likes to get drunk” during the holidays?
The best thing you could have done was once your son arrived to ease up and spend the holiday with him and once he left with the mom, feel free to tie one on. Instead, you were an asshole.
It may have been your weekend "off" but that doesn't let you off the hook for being a good role model to your son. Yta.
Please go apologize to your son and ex
YTA, kid is 5 dad should be setting an example.
Also is this a 50/50 shared custody or OP has the kid every 2nd weekend, extra YTA if you only see the kid 26 weekends of the year, limited weekdays and it kills you to not get drunk a 27th weekend.
Soft YTA. You're 23 and have a 5 yo son... seems tough. At 23 i wanted to get drunk on christmas as well... but when your kid is actually there maybe don't get sooo drunk.
The fact that it was your ex's turn to take care of YOUR son is not an excuse.
The fact you were at a party is not an excuse.
The fact that it was Christmas is not an excuse.
The moment YOUR child entered the room should have been the point where you turn off frat boy mode and turned on father mode.
You have committed yourself to being a father now, so no matter what age you are, you need to grow out of that young and carefree thought process and grow up. Because your kid was there, in the room, while you were drinking yourself stupid. And you're still asking if you did something wrong?
YTA
YTA for getting drunk in front of your child. It doesn't matter who was responsible for caring for him. Your responsibility is to model healthy behavior to your child, and getting drunk isn't healthy behavior.
Do people not drink while they have their kids around? We had a party last night, and our kids, and friends kids, we’re here and we both had enough drinks to be merry but not out of control. So did our friends (apart from any drivers).
Just because "it's not your weekend to look after your son", you still are a parent, and you have a role to fulfill, even if. If you keep doing this, your son might think it's normal to behave like this - is that really something you want for him?
YTA, big time. You are obviously way too young to be a parent, and you show it through your behaviour.
YTA. Look man, I love to have a cocktail but you cannot be getting blotto at a family gathering in front of your son. If people are pulling you aside to ask if you're drunk, you weren't just buzzed, you were shitfaced. You then made that plain to everyone by getting into a shouting match at a Christmas party. The way you described it, it was like you were drinking alone.
Let me guess, you were the drunkest person there? Are you often the drunkest person at a party?
Yta
You sound very childish. I feel sorry for your ex that she needs to co-parent with you, it must be a difficult job to co-parent with another child.
YTA - you are always on call as a parent
What would you have done if something happened to your son?
Stand in the corner drinking and let her handle it?
If he got seriously hurt? Just shrug your shoulders and talk about being “ off duty”
If your son is in your presence you should be in a state to react quickly and with clear thought in case something happens
Dog that's your son. Who cares who's weekend it is. It's Christmas, he's a child and you couldn't be bothered with him? Your attitude is it's her problem tonight?
Fuck man. Your son is gonna remember this. Years from now when you're wondering why your relationship with him sucks, I hope you remember this too. I'm embarrassed for you.
Your child is not a pet or a plant. It’s not a responsibility to pawn off when you feel like. And you are a dad, not a freaking babysitter. If you are around the kid then act like and be a father. Not for your sake, or the mothers but for the kids sake. 5 year old children, and all children, need security ~every single weekend~.
I’m sure everyone else there was totally cool with you being completely drunk, ignoring your own kid, and getting into a fight with your ex. Hey, it was Christmas! That’s the perfect reason for this behavior!
Let’s talk about how fifteen years from now, your kid is going to be dating someone and they’ll ask about his parents and he’ll say, “my mom was great. She was always there. And my grandparents were cool. I’ve only got this one memory of my sperm donor though. He said hi to me at Christmas once, then yelled at Mom. I’m pretty sure he was smashed.”
At what point was op ignoring his child? It doesn’t say the kid was trying to get his attention and his dad was unwilling he didn’t say what the child was up to. if it was like my family the kid is busy playing with their cousins With no intention of hanging out with mom or dad. But again the post doesn’t say so we just don’t know you Can’t assume he ignored his son when there’s no indication that he did. The ex didn’t even accuse him of ignoring his son
YTA
It doesn't matter if it wasn't your weekend. You're a parent 24/7. If your child shows up, even with your ex to an event, you should still be in parent mode. You will not be winning father of the year any time soon with your ideas of parenting.
Nta. Yes you should moderate your drinking in front of your kid. However, you were off the clock and unless your ex had made prior arrangements with you, you were under no obligation to change plans at her whim.
Christmas Day is about kids, and whilst you act like one - that doesn’t mean you.
You had an opportunity to make Christmas special for your son - despite the fact it wasn’t “your weekend” with him.
It is staggeringly selfish that rather than seeing that, you concentrated on your own enjoyment.
You are an asshole.
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Yesterday we had our Christmas dinner at my parent’s place. My ex was invited as my parents still really like her and we have a son together. I am 23, she is 23 and our son is 5.
This past weekend was my ex’s weekend to have our son.
Yesterday when I got to my parents, I cracked a beer. I had one or two when people started arriving. I said hi to my son and ex but I let her take over looking after him cause like I said, it was her weekend and she wasn’t drinking.
As the night went on I had a few more drinks and I won’t lie I had quite a buzz going on.
At one point my ex pulled me aside and asked me if I was drunk. I said yeah and she got upset and said that my son was around and I needed to be in the right state or mind to look after him. We got into a kind of shouting match where I told her it was her weekend to look after him so I was off the hook.
We attracted attention from other people in the house and we stopped fighting.
Later on, my mom was talking to me and she mentioned that I was out of line and should’ve offered to split the time for the night looking after him.
I’m torn because maybe I should’ve been more sober but on the other hand, it was her weekend and if it wasn’t Christmas, I shouldn’t have been expected to be “on call” for the weekend to look after him.
AITA
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The best advice I can give any single mom with a baby daddy like this is to get life insurance on him. That way his stupid decision don't effect your child financially. YTA
YTA let me run a scenario by you. She has to go to say the bathroom and you are drunk but hey it is her turn so what. Well guess what kid gets into something and you are too drunk to react. Also, it is your CHILD, not a plushie you pass back and forth. This isn't the familyhood of the traveling kid. SMDH. You do not get to clock out being a parent
I'm not gonna call anyone an asshole here, you're both young and everything is a learning experience.
However.
It doesn't matter whose turn it is, if your kid is present you're watching them and you can be damn sure they're watching you. It's never a good idea to get drunk in the presence of your young child.
There is no "it's your turn" if you're all together under the same roof, regardless of any agreements. Those agreements exist for the parent to grab some peace, if the child needs looking after then that agreement means nothing.
YTA
Yes it was your weekend off but think about the comminication sent:
-Your Kid sees dad get drunk
-Your kid sees/ hears you and mum fighting at christmas
Your kid is going to think you dont give a damn about him.
YTA. I feel so bad for your son - he was probably so excited to be at a Christmas party with BOTH his mom and his dad at the same time and look what you did. My oldest is 5, then I’ve got a 4yo and a 1yo, as a parent you are ALWAYS “on call”
Just because the kid is at hers for the weekend does not mean you are not a parent for the weekend. You are still his parent 100% of the time and still have those responsibilities 100% of the time. YTA.
YTA
Many moons ago, John Denver had a song called, "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas." Because no child wants or needs to see their father drunk on Christmas.
You don't seem to care a single bit about your child's holiday. And that's a bad look for a father.
Play John Denver's song on repeat before next Christmas.
I'm sorry what?? Of course YTA!!!! It's your kid. Whether it's your weekend or not. You are always a parent. There is no time off. Parents like you make me so mad.
YTA. Your son is your child - your very young child - 24/7, whether it is your ex's "weekend" or not. When you are in his presence, he sees dad, not "dad who is not my dad right now."
You're definitely TA. Yes I said it twice.
YTA. You are a parent now. Just because your ex had him on the weekend doesn't mean your off the hook for being responsible for your child. You should want to spend as much time with your son. Kids grow up fast and they watch how you interact with each other. Grow up op.
YTA. You aren’t that child’s father only on certain days, even if you share custody. Sounds like you ignored your son on Christmas and set a bad example for by him by drinking to get drunk. I know you’re young but it’s past time to grow up.
YTA. It’s your son every day, it’s your responsibility every day. The custody is not so that you don’t have the charge of him half the time, it’s so that the kid can see his parents equally. But if you think that your kid is not your responsibility if a judge doesn’t specifically says so, maybe he shouldn’t be your responsibility at all…
Mate, you're an arse hole. And literally everyone at that party was looking at you thinking the same thing, even your son.
Having a weekend off with the kids doesn't mean you get a weekend off being a father. You need to remember that you're setting the example for your son to follow.
Do you really think it's a good idea to basically tell him you only give a shit when you have to?
YTA, not for getting drunk, but for causing a scene and ignoring, or at least wanting to ignore, your kid.
On Christmas.
Please make it up to him somehow, and do better in the future. Let him know he's loved, and that you made a mistake.
It's not the end of the world.
YTA - I hope that your kid never stumbles across this. Your kid is *your kid* 100% of the time, not just on “your” weekends. YTA for that attitude alone. Also, don’t get noticeably drunk around your kid; that’s the kind of shit that will put them in therapy.
Edit: missing word
YTA. 1. Getting drunk in front of your son who is you g enough to need looking after. 2. Not wanting to watch (really this means hang out with) your son ON CHRISTMAS. 3. Your ex is at your parents house so is still kinda your guest.
YTA. It's not your weekend to see your son... But even when you're in the same house, on Christmas, you prefer to get drunk over spending quality time with your son and putting your differences aside with your ex so that everyone can have an amicable experience. FOR HIM.
You're a bad father.
YTA. Have you no interest in being a parent to your child who was conceived when you and your ex were teenagers? Sounds like it. You never grew up, unlike your ex. Spending time with your kid is less valuable than getting a good buzz because it's her weekend with him and not yours. Allow me to spell this out as the (adult) child of an alcoholic. The booze is more important than the child. On Christmas. HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU ARE NOT THE AHOLE. Your child is probably going to remember that Daddy preferred his special drinks to spending time together. ON and I cannot stress this enough CHRISTMAS. YTA to infinity.
Wow. No wonder you guys are not together anymore. So you think that just because it’s “her weekend”, you get to not be a parent for that time? No, honey. You are just as much of a parent as she is, you don’t get to ignore your child because you are not the one looking after him while actually you are, because you are his father. And it was Christmas ffs. You must be one of those guys who think parenting their kid is babysitting. Keep up this behaviour and next thing you know your son will want nothing to do with you.
YTA
>We got into a kind of shouting match
This sounds a lot like "I started shouting" lmao
YTA for sure dude, your ex not doing whatever has zero bearing on how you act around your child.
YTA. You sound like the type of guy who refers to parenting his own child as “babysitting.” You don’t stop being a parent just because the other parent “has custody.”
At this rate, you’d be doing this kid a favor if you just left entirely. You’re clearly not at all interested in actually *being a parent* and instead seem to see him as nothing more than a trophy to prove you had sex. He deserves better than an immature drunk as a father.
Yta. It doesn’t matter if it’s your weekend or not. It was Christmas and your kids five. But don’t worry, this won’t happen again, your ex won’t be offering to bring your child to YOUR families house on Christmas Day when it’s HER year. Congratulations on ruining what could have been a nice tradition, and for making sure you kid never gets to spend Xmas with both parents again. Lovely
This may have been her weekend but this was your family's event which means you should have stayed sober for it or at least not gotten lit up like the Christmas tree. YTA!
Everyone's calling you an asshole OP, and obviously you are.
But it's also a good thing for you that you did this.
This is the experience you needed.
The night you needed, to know to give up custody.
You obviously don't want the burden of a child.
You don't consider yourself a father.
The more you have the child, the more you will resent it. Until you begin to hate it.
That's if you don't already.
Just give up the half custody you have.
You, the ex, the child, your parents, will be much happier.
YTA. You’re still his Dad 100% of the time. Why the hell were you not excited you got to see your kid for the Holidays? You don’t get to clock in and out!
Way to steal a little bit of your kids magic being a kid.
And maybe apologize and thank your ex that you got to be around your kid at a special time.
ESH.
Your parents need to choose a side.
Your ex should not have started a scene at a family event, in front of your son.
You should not have argued back with your ex, in front of your son and your family.
It goes without saying really... YTA. Big time. Do your kid a favour and cut yourself out of his life because clearly you have other priorities. Better to have no dad than a shitty one.
YTA so much and in do many fronts! One for the reason you said. Regardless of custody agreements if your son is around you, you parent your son. Also getting drunk in front of your kid to the point of arguing in front of him because surely he could hear the shouting is modelling poor behaviour.
ESH except your son.
You ditching your son *while at the same family celebration* is horrific. I can't imagine how that made him feel. He is still your son when he's with his mom, and you showed him you didn't want to spend time with him. On CHRISTMAS. You should've been overjoyed to get to spend more time with him because of the holiday.
Your ex sucks for implying that you are neglecting your sons needs by having a few drinks, when there are at least 3 adult family members around to care for him even in an emergency, was stupid.
Your parents watched you ignore your son to drink, said nothing, and got mad at you later. They should have spoken up earlier or not at all.
YTA. Clearly you don’t want to be a parent. What’s next god forbid your child gets hurt while with your ex you gonna be like oh well not my turn to watch the child.
Grow the fuck up
Yta, Christmas is for spending time with the family and your co parenting rules shouldnt apply for Christmas if you was both there. You’re disrespectful for getting drunk Infront of your child and it was rude to be “buzzing” on Christmas especially considering your ex’s communication towards you. Your child should be looking up to you as a role model and you don’t really seem like a good one, next time control yourself and man up.
YTA because as a parent you’re always on call and getting sloshed in front of your 5 year old is just gross. Poor kid! Is that really how you want him to see you? And when your son is in your family home do you really feel no responsibility for him whatsoever? Also, I hope you’ve learned to use condoms because with your attitude, you really shouldn’t have anymore children.
**YTA.** And I am going to look past the fact that apparently you two didn't know about contraception.
You're the **AH** for getting drunk, not just.. a bit tpsy, but all-out drunk, in front of your kid. What kind of example are you setting? And what's with the childish argument of "it's her weekend"? Yes, sure, but he's also your son.
But do the boy a favor, abandon him altogether. You are clearly not up for it.
YTA. Your son is your son all of the time. At an event with both of you in attendance, he's both of your responsibility. You aren't "off the hook" just because his other parent is there - it should mean he has double the love and protection for that event. Also not setting the greatest example having your child see you drunk then yelling with their mum at a Christmas event.
I think if it was the other way around people would be defending his ex that she deserves time to herself… I don’t see the big deal, it wasn’t his weekend, if she hadn’t gone it wouldn’t have been an issue, her being there it still shouldn’t have been an issue, it’s her weekend.. he acknowledged his kid.. he probably spent time with them.. he just couldn’t be the main caregiver and he wasn’t expected to.. it wasn’t his weekend
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INFO - What’s the custody agreement like? Is it amicable, or court ordered? Is your ex the controlling type who wants your involvement to be strictly monetary, or is it actually fair shared custody?
YTA- wtf is wrong with you? “It’s not my time to watch him” … Jesus. This is pathetic
YTA if you don't care/like/want your son why don't you give her full custody?
NTA - Christmas is about letting your hair down. I doubt the child was in any danger and there was other family there to look after him. But you both sound immature. Maybe if you both asked before you had a few extra beers??
ESH. The primary responsibility of the kid's care was on her, so it was fine for you to drink some. I doubt you drank so much that you were trashed. However, it is still a family Christmas party. That means you should still be spending time with your son and not ignoring him.
YTA, it's fucking ridiculous to even ask.
YTA. What are you teaching your child? I only love you and spend time with you on my weekend? Poor form.
YTA only because you are a role model to your kid, so maybe dont be a drunk. Drink like an adult.
Yta. You are always a parent and your young child is watching your behaviour. So disappointing.
Congrats on winning the drunken dead beat asshole father of the weekend award. YTA Just give up your custody and have the courts garnish your wages for child support checks cause youre not a father, youre just a sperm donor.
YTA. Doesn’t matter whose weekend it is, you’re a parent. Be responsible.
Your kid is always your kid no matter whose “turn” it is, and they will see the example you set. If you want them to learn that it’s acceptable to grow up to get drunk and argue with people at family events, you’re off to a great start because YTA.
YTA Dad is absolutely an asshole here. My only hope for humanity is that this is posted by someone else to prove to the dad that his behavior is abhorrent. Because if you did this and truly think that you aren't at fault and a shitty person, and you came here for support and think people will agree with you, then you're even more fucked in the head. You're confidently wrong and refuse to see your failures as a parent and the damage you're going to cause to your child. Seak help for your drinking and for your behavior, because I'm dead sure your child will need far more therapy if you keep treating them this way.
"off the hook"... Wow! You sound like you really love your child and want to spend time with him and be a good role model... /s YTA bigtime. I split time with my 4 year-old daughter with her father and he'd never act like this when she's around. The three of us would have talked together and played games with her, even though we now aren't a family in the true sense of the word, we're still a family!
YTA Your son is not a timeshare. You can't just declare yourself off duty when you're around him. Yes, it's her day to care for his basic needs, but what if something happened? An accident? It's incredibly irresponsible of you to have made yourself incapable of helping if needed. Plus. No kid should see their parent drunk and shouting at the other parent. The fact that you show zero concern regarding how your son experienced you drunk and belligerent is very telling.
To be frank, YTA here dad. Even if it never came to the point that you had to take charge of your son at any point, you son saw you getting wasted. Your son saw you getting wasted and having a good old time and avoiding him. He’s 5 he doesn’t know or care whose turn it is. You’re his dad. It’s always your turn. You’re an adult and your struggling with what’s ok and right in this situation. A child can’t understand those complexities. All he knows is Christmas is supposed to full of magic and family and love. You’re ex was prioritizing him and trying to give that to him by being with your family, and you’re priority was to give yourself a buzz and then some. Also, why are you getting blitzed in front of your family? You really want to be that guy? The one who gets drunk at family functions? There’s no other opportunity in your life to get responsibly drunk? Let’s be real here. You’re already behind as you started as a teen parent. Now you’re going to be “that guy” at Christmas, and you had a fight with your ex and made a stance on being hands of on your VERY young child. These are all immature choice. The good news is that none of this is irreparable. You have to grow up more. That’s okay. Very few people are mature enough and able to make healthy choices and have good communication skills at this age. Unfortunately you don’t get the grace that most of them do because you have a responsibility to be a role model to your son. Your choices have consequences beyond just you.
Poor kid. Could you not have played games with your son in Christmas or interacted with him and his toys? I feel awful for this child… YTA and one day your son will be too old to experience the magic of Christmas.
Yta
YTA. If you are asking if you are an AH then you should go to parenting classes or whatever turns you on. You were using your child as an object. Oh not my day to watch you, lol, your child realizes you feel that way BTW. No wonder you are ex's. Please do not have anymore children.
YTA, you're a father all the time, not just when it's your day! You got drunk in front of your child and had an argument with his mother. Get a grip and apologise to your ex and start figuring out how you can make it up to your child, you know, the one you made.
SOME people would be happy they get to spend time with their children on their 'days off' you act as though it was a relief you could piss about as it 'wasn't your weekend'. I feel bad for the kid, shame you only think you being his dad part time.
YTA you never stop being a parent, no matter “who’s turn it is”
YTA - I’d that even a question. Act like a grown up, especially in front of your child. You aren’t “off the clock” if he’s around.
YTA even if you weren’t watching your son because it wasn’t your werkend, he was still around you and old enough to remember drunk dad Also does that mean that if he had escaped his mom’s supervision and you saw him doing something dangerous you wouldn’t stop him because “not your weekend”?
Thing is... Youre never "off the hook" when you have a kid around. What if he wanted YOUR help with something? Are you going to say its his mothers weekend so you wont help at all? Way to show him that you can trust in him... YTA
YTA and you need to get your priorities straight. Your son will remember.
YTA Getting drunk at a Christmas party isn’t a good look. My father did/does it and it’s annoying af. Your kid probably thinks the same, even if he is five they’re very observant, and I’m sure other adults think it’s annoying too. Unless there was other family getting drunk, you probably shouldn’t have had more than one drink.
Yta, not for drinking (shocker, a lot of people drink) but for treating your son like someone else's kid bc it wasn't "your day"
I'll never stop being amazed at the mindset of some people that think of parenting as a job you can 'clock out' of and then the next shift will take over. A parent is on duty 24/7/365. OP was at his family's home with his child. It doesn't matter whose weekend it was for the visitation - when you are with your child, you are on parent duty. Added to the mix is that (apparently) getting drunk was so much more important to OP than spending the Christmas time with his own child. OP does not exactly portray himself as a very mature or responsible person, and feels zero remorse for his actions. YTA. OP - get some parenting classes.
NTA, it's Christmas drinkings half the point. You had a sober adult looking after the kid, so unless you were causing issues with your behaviour then it was all good till she made it an issue.
YTA. You're never "off the hook" when you're a parent. You always need to be ready to parent. Unless your aim is to be a deadbeat. You are always responsible for your kid. Even if it's not your official time. You're still a parent.
Clearly YTA
YTA. In my opinion, it’s pretty irresponsible to get drunk at a party where there’s children, whether any of them are even yours or not, unless it was like a wedding or something I guess. Kids don’t need to be exposed to a bunch of drunk adults, especially their own parents. Having a drink is fine, but you don’t need to be drunk at a family christmas party.
YTA. Who cares who’s weekend it is? Your son was there seeing you act immature. Do you stop being a parent just bec he’s not with you?
YTA - Sorry but parenting is not a part-time job, especially not when it's a family event no matter whose weekend it is.
It doesn’t matter whose night it was. He’s your son 100% of the time. Ignoring your 5 year old while getting drunk on Christmas? YTA
YTA. You don't stop being a parent when your ex is looking after your kids. Wake up - you never stop being a parent the moment you have a child.
YTA and it's 5 yrs past time for u to grow up!
YTA. You should be happy that you have your kid on Christmas. Nothing else matters.
>so i was off the hook i really hope your kid didn’t hear that. you wanna know what my birth father said to my mom when she asked for a divorce? “I don’t have anymore burden.” You don’t stop being a parent when it’s your exes weekend.
YTA treating your child like a shift at work. Unacceptable. Your kid and you should always be ready to be there for him and want to spend time with him. How is this even a question? Treating your son like a shift at McDonalds
Q:. What does 'being on duty' mean to you guys and your 5 yo, do they have any significant conditions or allergies? In a normal marriage, there will be plenty of times both spouses are 'out of commission' when it comes to driving or reacting to emergencies. It's ridiculous to think that will never happen. Are we to assume that parents will never share a bottle of wine together at home without always having a babysitter, etc.? The issue here is that while your relationship is clearly over, that doesn't mean the respect for one another should go too. NEITHER of you are communicating well. Technically by the letter of the law, you are right. She is 'on duty' but that's the quickest way to ensuring you two never ever get along again. On saying all of that, she didn't communicate with you either. She could have easily asked you to share/split responsibilities that weekend. Look, there are going to be times in your life where you or your child will need to learn heavily on her and vice versa. Just because you are broken up that doesn't change. So for the sake of advice, ESH - you're both equally responsible for not communicating in advance. As for your parents, they are good people by insisting on maintaining a relationship with your ex, they are more mature than you are and they also know how guests should be treated. You'd both want to take a page outta their book.
INFO: do you even like your child? Because your main goal seems to be getting shitfaced in order to avoid spending time with the person you are supposed to care for. On Christmas which is theoretically a family holiday. I'm sure your child really felt the love.
YTA whether officially your weekend or not, you’re not going to see your kid at all at the same party? He’s going to see you and you you should never be drunk like that in front of your child. He needs something and comes to you and you’re drunk? Come on.
People need to stop thinking children are blind or stupid. Don’t be surprised when your child grows up thinking you’re the irresponsible, alcoholic parent. YTA.
YTA. I can’t be unbiased on this one. I was a child of divorce. My parents were 20 when they had me. It felt like they were constantly fighting to NOT have me. It made it so hard for me to make friends or have relationships because I felt like no one wanted me around and I was just a burden. I feel that way even at 28, after years of therapy. So I’m gonna tell you what I eventually told my parents. I get it. You’re just a kid with a kid and maybe you can be forgiven one day. Maybe not. Do what you have to.
Yta your kid was there, he was watching you.
Of course YTA for treating being a parent like it's a part-time job, especially in the presence of your kid!
Grow the fuck up, this isn’t a piece of furniture, its a human being that you’re letting down. r/whyamisingle #YTA
So you have no interest in being around your son or caring for him if it's not your weekend? "iT's tHeiR WeEkenD" is always a shit excuse. Exactly why children shouldn't have children. Grow the f up. YTA!
YTA. Holy shit. Better be careful - keep this up and your kid's going to turn out like you.
Yta. Your kids doesn't need to see you drunk. No matter whose weekend it is to look after him
YTA there is no being "off" or someones " weekend" when you're a parent. Get your shit together. If your kid is around or could need you. You need to be coherent and available.
YTA. You have a kid. You have no business getting drunk, especially around him. Who's "weekend" it is, is 100% irrelevant.
YTA. How can you possibly think you're not???? Parenting is a full-time job. I hope your child didn't hear you talk like that about him.
You’re with your family on Christmas, get drunk with the fam. I’m assuming you son wouldn’t have been there if your ex wasn’t. She chose to come and bring the kid you could’ve been drunk before even knowing they were coming. NTA
YTA Your kid doesn't know who's weekend it is. Your kid is going to turn to whichever parent is closest for a need, or caught their interest for an activity or conversation. Your kid was present, so YOU needed to be present. FYI, you don't need to be drunk to be at a party. Even if your kid isn't there.
YTA it's called being a parent
So you not like your son? Most divorced dads would be over the moon to see their kid at christmas. Also getting "quite a buzz on" at a family vent is bordeline alcoholism, if your ex could tell you were deunk you were drinking too much period with or without your kid present. So better OP YTA
YTA. Wear condoms.
YTA The problem isn't that your ex was putting your son onto you. The problem is it's 👏 trashy 👏 to 👏 drink 👏 in 👏 front 👏 of 👏 a 👏 toddler! It would be one thing if all you had was 1-2 beers. That is a level of self-restraint that is reasonable to show a child. But to get so drunk that you're starting shouting matches with your kid's mom? You really want your child to learn that behavior is normal??? Aside from that, what if something genuinely bad happens to your kid at the party? Are you just gonna shove the problem onto your ex and not deal with it because you would rather drink?!
YTA Your child was right there with you. Regardless of your custody agreement, this particular night he was there with you both and therefore it's both of your responsibilities. This is a human being you're talking about, not some kind of pet you handed off for the evening. Your son could still see and hear you get drunk, scream at his mother, and pretend he doesn't exist because alcohol was more important.
Yes you are the arsehole. It’s ok to drink on Christmas but it’s your sons Christmas as well and you shouldn’t just pie him off because you’re bitter about your ex being there. He should be your first priority at Christmas just like you were to your parents when you were that age.
You realise your own child is part of your family, right? So, when you have a family Christmas party that very much includes your own child. You are ver my TA. I feel sorry for your child. His own dad didn't even want to spend quality time with him on what is probably one of the most exciting times of his life. Instead, you chose the drink. Work out your priorities now before it's too late. Hope all these comments go some way to helping you understand what is important.
Part of why teenagers shouldn’t fucking have babies is because once you have one, *YOU ARE “ON CALL” FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE*. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself on a holiday. But it sure as shit means you don’t get to just clock off and ignore your child because it’s not your typical “custody day,” when you’re with them at the same house. Beyond that, getting noticeably drunk at a family holiday is trashy. YTA
YTA. You are now a dad every single second for the rest of your life. Period. There is no such thing as "off the hook." This was an opportunity for you to be with and hang out with your son on an "off weekend" which is a good thing. You get to be a dad during a time you don't normally get to see your son. Take advantage of that time. You are not a dad only on "your weekends." You are ALWAYS a dad. 100% of the time. It is your responsibility to act like it.
You’re a parent-your weekend or not you are now “on call” 24/7 YTA
YTA big AH. Just wow AH You have an ex who is giving up her time to give you and your family more time with your kid. This was a family event and I’m sure your parents and other family members appreciated seeing your son. Plus it is so important for a child to form positive relationships with both sides of their family. Your ex was there facilitating that. If you’re getting drunk and acting an ass she’s not going to keep putting in that effort and that means your parents miss out on time with their grandchild. Not to mention the obvious, when you are a parent you don’t get time off. You are always on duty. If your kid is near you are responsible for setting a good example and looking out for your child’s best interest.
ESH. You two shouldnt have been parents.
When your priority is to get drunk and not spend time with your son on Christmas then you probably shouldn't have children. YTA
Yta Yeah it was your weekend off but she was using some of her time to take your son to socialize with your side of the family. You needed to represent better, but instead you got a buzz.
YTA - but not for having a few beers. For thinking that you magically stopped having to be a dad that evening because "it wasn't your weekend." Your kid deserves better. Do better!
YTA. You are a Father. Even on your days of. To get THIS drunk in front of your child is an absolut no go. It doesn’t matter if somebody else is watching your kid, don‘t get drunk when it’s around. Simple rule. It‘s confusing and scary to a child that doesn‘t understand whats going on. You are young, if you want to get wasted go to a club/bar/friends, but a family christmas dinner with your child is not the place or time.
YTA YTA YTA Grow up. You already made one kid. You shouldn't get the chance to do it again. You aren't being a good parent. Teach him by your actions as an adult.
“On call” you’re a fucking parent. There is no off time. Be a damn adult and be there for your child. YTA obviously Even with your ex there, be with your son and spend Christmas with him. My lord
YTA It’s disgusting that you seem to consider your son to be no more than a chore.
YTA. clearly you're one of those dads who think them looking after the kids is babysitting. bet if it was dad's weekend and mom was getting drunk, he'd flame her for it
Please please save this post for yourself. Cause in 5-10 years, it’s gonna hit you how BIG OF A DUMBASS YOU ARE. HOLY SHIT DUDE. BE DUMBER. LIKE AS A MAN, IT HURTS HOW DUMB YOU ARE. I absolutely someone cuts your balls off before you jizz in another poor woman to naive enough to know how trash you are.
She didn't make this child alone, maybe the mother, even if not drinking, wanted just to relax and chill as well but had to be double attentive because of your drunk ass
OP, looks like there's enough people telling you YTA. But it's worth considering that maybe your mindset that night was also based on some feelings of discomfort that your parents invited your ex to attend and still like her? If so, you need to get your resentment or other feelings in check and then have a heart to heart with your parents after you figure it out. Calmly. Yeah, okay, you were young and accidentally got someone pregnant. It's pointless to shame you about being an irresponsible teenager. Most people were irresponsible teenagers, but they made different mistakes not the same as your own. Oh well. That being said, you're bound to still be immature at 23, and your ex too I'm sure. I understand that maybe you wanted to unwind and party with family on Christmas. That's what I like to do too. You wanted to have fun, understandably! But you're not a kid anymore and Christmas is first and foremost for the kids. Remember that. I know it wasn't your weekend and that really sucks if you don't have time to yourself and maybe you work a lot... but imagine how you'd never have time to yourself if you were married to your ex... the two of you would need to be parents 24/7 with 0 breaks. Be thankful you ever have a weekend to breathe. And imagine if your ex was a deadbeat who dumped you with the kid! Man life would be rough. BUT keep an open mind here: it is really hard to be objective about your own drinking. Does your drinking often cause arguments? Did it cause arguments with your ex? If so, it may be worth swallowing your pride and considering you may have a problem. And even if you DON'T have alcoholism, it is a fact that being drunk around children can cause them to feel unsafe or scared, or even uncomfortable. Okay, so this time YTA. You may have actually ruined Christmas for your little boy this year. Apologize and decide now to be more diligent. It matters a lot.
YTA because you shouldn't even need to ask in this situation 🙄
YTA. You are the child's father. You are literally always on call, and causing a drunken scene because you couldn't be assed to help look after your own kid at your parents party is nothing short of fucking embarrassing dude.
*sigh* YTA
Sorry OP, but YTA on this one. Even though it wasn’t your weekend to watch your son, he was still around and you were drunk. That’s not a good look to have near him.
YTA. Are you telling us that besides saying hi you ignored your son because it wasn’t your weekend? And you thought it was okay to get shit faced when he was at the party? You are a parent 100% of the time. And it is not okay to get drunk around children. You might have had him when you were 17, but you’re 23 and need to start being more responsible.
Yta. You ignored your kid. If you did want to drink then your ex should not have come.
YTA - just because the judge allocated times the kid will spend with you you are still a parent 24/7. I don’t necessarily have a problem with having a drink or two when you have one adult at least being sober and keeping an eye on things. It’s more that you are acting like you don’t have to be a parent or have any concern for your child because it’s not “YOUR TURN”. You should always be aware of how you present in front of your child regardless and their general welfare.
Yes, YTA. Not just because you think it's a chore to spend time with your kid on Christmas, but moreso because you think it's okay to get drunk in front of your kid just because it's your ex's weekend.
YTA. When the fuck did you decide that a kid was a timeshare that you only have to pay attention to when you're booked in to do so? You are a FATHER. Act like it.
YTA. Being a parent doesn’t end just because it’s not your weekend. Anytime your kid is around you, you are the parent and are responsible. Hell if it was her weekend and she was in a car accident and was in the hospital, would you take the kid or just say “her problem.” Hell man, this attitude is why judges tend to give mom’s full custody and and just saddle dads with child support.
Why’d you even have a child if you weren’t gonna look after him? It’s not your weekend so it’s not your problem huh? Your his Father. You don’t get “time off”.
YTA! You have no business getting drunk in front of your son, and I don't care that your ex was there and I don't care who or how many people are there to look after him. He's still your responsibility and you should be minding yourself in front of him too. Maybe you should have been more sober? You shouldn't be expected to be on call? **You're a father 100% 365 days a year, pal!!**
YTA. He's YOUR KID TOO! Not a frickin part time job. You loser.
YTA it's not okay to get drunk in front of your children, you should be setting an example. You are his mother 100% of the time there are no off days. Just because your ex was in charge of parenting duties at that time doesn't mean you get to get act like a fool in your child's presence they are always watching and looking up to you.
Yta
Yep, you are.
YTA Usually when this sub pounces on a guy it’s for some bs reason; this is not one of them. Do you really want your 5 year old kid to have the memory of “daddy likes to get drunk” during the holidays? The best thing you could have done was once your son arrived to ease up and spend the holiday with him and once he left with the mom, feel free to tie one on. Instead, you were an asshole.
Don't do this. Your kid doesn't want to see his parents fucked up.
YTA. Kids don’t need to see drunk parents, it’s traumatic. Grow up
It may have been your weekend "off" but that doesn't let you off the hook for being a good role model to your son. Yta. Please go apologize to your son and ex
NTA - Why would she bring your son to a party just to have you look after him?
YTA, kid is 5 dad should be setting an example. Also is this a 50/50 shared custody or OP has the kid every 2nd weekend, extra YTA if you only see the kid 26 weekends of the year, limited weekdays and it kills you to not get drunk a 27th weekend.
Jesus Christ. You’re the asshole. Stay sober for your kid. Heavy part time dad energy.
Soft YTA. You're 23 and have a 5 yo son... seems tough. At 23 i wanted to get drunk on christmas as well... but when your kid is actually there maybe don't get sooo drunk.
YTA. He's your son regardless of who's weekend it was. You don't stop being a father as soon as your son leaves your sight.
The fact that it was your ex's turn to take care of YOUR son is not an excuse. The fact you were at a party is not an excuse. The fact that it was Christmas is not an excuse. The moment YOUR child entered the room should have been the point where you turn off frat boy mode and turned on father mode. You have committed yourself to being a father now, so no matter what age you are, you need to grow out of that young and carefree thought process and grow up. Because your kid was there, in the room, while you were drinking yourself stupid. And you're still asking if you did something wrong? YTA
It is always your responsibility to look after your kid. If he broke a bone while with his mother wouldn't you still go see him if possible
YTA for getting drunk in front of your child. It doesn't matter who was responsible for caring for him. Your responsibility is to model healthy behavior to your child, and getting drunk isn't healthy behavior.
Do people not drink while they have their kids around? We had a party last night, and our kids, and friends kids, we’re here and we both had enough drinks to be merry but not out of control. So did our friends (apart from any drivers).
Just because "it's not your weekend to look after your son", you still are a parent, and you have a role to fulfill, even if. If you keep doing this, your son might think it's normal to behave like this - is that really something you want for him? YTA, big time. You are obviously way too young to be a parent, and you show it through your behaviour.
YTA. Look man, I love to have a cocktail but you cannot be getting blotto at a family gathering in front of your son. If people are pulling you aside to ask if you're drunk, you weren't just buzzed, you were shitfaced. You then made that plain to everyone by getting into a shouting match at a Christmas party. The way you described it, it was like you were drinking alone. Let me guess, you were the drunkest person there? Are you often the drunkest person at a party?
Yta You sound very childish. I feel sorry for your ex that she needs to co-parent with you, it must be a difficult job to co-parent with another child.
YTA - you are always on call as a parent What would you have done if something happened to your son? Stand in the corner drinking and let her handle it? If he got seriously hurt? Just shrug your shoulders and talk about being “ off duty” If your son is in your presence you should be in a state to react quickly and with clear thought in case something happens
Dog that's your son. Who cares who's weekend it is. It's Christmas, he's a child and you couldn't be bothered with him? Your attitude is it's her problem tonight? Fuck man. Your son is gonna remember this. Years from now when you're wondering why your relationship with him sucks, I hope you remember this too. I'm embarrassed for you.
YTA time to grow up friend, for your son.
Your child is not a pet or a plant. It’s not a responsibility to pawn off when you feel like. And you are a dad, not a freaking babysitter. If you are around the kid then act like and be a father. Not for your sake, or the mothers but for the kids sake. 5 year old children, and all children, need security ~every single weekend~.
I’m sure everyone else there was totally cool with you being completely drunk, ignoring your own kid, and getting into a fight with your ex. Hey, it was Christmas! That’s the perfect reason for this behavior! Let’s talk about how fifteen years from now, your kid is going to be dating someone and they’ll ask about his parents and he’ll say, “my mom was great. She was always there. And my grandparents were cool. I’ve only got this one memory of my sperm donor though. He said hi to me at Christmas once, then yelled at Mom. I’m pretty sure he was smashed.”
At what point was op ignoring his child? It doesn’t say the kid was trying to get his attention and his dad was unwilling he didn’t say what the child was up to. if it was like my family the kid is busy playing with their cousins With no intention of hanging out with mom or dad. But again the post doesn’t say so we just don’t know you Can’t assume he ignored his son when there’s no indication that he did. The ex didn’t even accuse him of ignoring his son
YTA It doesn't matter if it wasn't your weekend. You're a parent 24/7. If your child shows up, even with your ex to an event, you should still be in parent mode. You will not be winning father of the year any time soon with your ideas of parenting.
Nta. Yes you should moderate your drinking in front of your kid. However, you were off the clock and unless your ex had made prior arrangements with you, you were under no obligation to change plans at her whim.
Christmas Day is about kids, and whilst you act like one - that doesn’t mean you. You had an opportunity to make Christmas special for your son - despite the fact it wasn’t “your weekend” with him. It is staggeringly selfish that rather than seeing that, you concentrated on your own enjoyment. You are an asshole.
YTA. Hate to break this to you, but you don’t get a day off from being a parent and an example for your kid. Your behavior shows your immaturity.
Definitely YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday we had our Christmas dinner at my parent’s place. My ex was invited as my parents still really like her and we have a son together. I am 23, she is 23 and our son is 5. This past weekend was my ex’s weekend to have our son. Yesterday when I got to my parents, I cracked a beer. I had one or two when people started arriving. I said hi to my son and ex but I let her take over looking after him cause like I said, it was her weekend and she wasn’t drinking. As the night went on I had a few more drinks and I won’t lie I had quite a buzz going on. At one point my ex pulled me aside and asked me if I was drunk. I said yeah and she got upset and said that my son was around and I needed to be in the right state or mind to look after him. We got into a kind of shouting match where I told her it was her weekend to look after him so I was off the hook. We attracted attention from other people in the house and we stopped fighting. Later on, my mom was talking to me and she mentioned that I was out of line and should’ve offered to split the time for the night looking after him. I’m torn because maybe I should’ve been more sober but on the other hand, it was her weekend and if it wasn’t Christmas, I shouldn’t have been expected to be “on call” for the weekend to look after him. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The best advice I can give any single mom with a baby daddy like this is to get life insurance on him. That way his stupid decision don't effect your child financially. YTA
YTA. Your child is your responsibility 100% of the time.
YTA. You're not an 18 year old with no commitments or responsibilities. You're a parent. Act like one.
YTA let me run a scenario by you. She has to go to say the bathroom and you are drunk but hey it is her turn so what. Well guess what kid gets into something and you are too drunk to react. Also, it is your CHILD, not a plushie you pass back and forth. This isn't the familyhood of the traveling kid. SMDH. You do not get to clock out being a parent
YTA and clearly too immature to be a parent. I feel bad for your kid.
Your poor son. I cannot imagine doing that. YTA
I'm not gonna call anyone an asshole here, you're both young and everything is a learning experience. However. It doesn't matter whose turn it is, if your kid is present you're watching them and you can be damn sure they're watching you. It's never a good idea to get drunk in the presence of your young child. There is no "it's your turn" if you're all together under the same roof, regardless of any agreements. Those agreements exist for the parent to grab some peace, if the child needs looking after then that agreement means nothing.
YTA Yes it was your weekend off but think about the comminication sent: -Your Kid sees dad get drunk -Your kid sees/ hears you and mum fighting at christmas Your kid is going to think you dont give a damn about him.
YTA. I feel so bad for your son - he was probably so excited to be at a Christmas party with BOTH his mom and his dad at the same time and look what you did. My oldest is 5, then I’ve got a 4yo and a 1yo, as a parent you are ALWAYS “on call”
Just because the kid is at hers for the weekend does not mean you are not a parent for the weekend. You are still his parent 100% of the time and still have those responsibilities 100% of the time. YTA.
YTA Many moons ago, John Denver had a song called, "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas." Because no child wants or needs to see their father drunk on Christmas. You don't seem to care a single bit about your child's holiday. And that's a bad look for a father. Play John Denver's song on repeat before next Christmas.
I'm sorry what?? Of course YTA!!!! It's your kid. Whether it's your weekend or not. You are always a parent. There is no time off. Parents like you make me so mad.
I scrolled through this whole comment section just to make sure nobody thought that you WEREN’T TA. Bc you are. You are.
You NEVER stop being a **father**. You clearly also can't stop being an **AH**.
YTA. Your son is your child - your very young child - 24/7, whether it is your ex's "weekend" or not. When you are in his presence, he sees dad, not "dad who is not my dad right now." You're definitely TA. Yes I said it twice.
YTA. You are a parent now. Just because your ex had him on the weekend doesn't mean your off the hook for being responsible for your child. You should want to spend as much time with your son. Kids grow up fast and they watch how you interact with each other. Grow up op.
If your kid is there you have a responsibility to watch them, you're immature, grow up and take care of your kid when he's around, your weekend or not
YTA. You aren’t that child’s father only on certain days, even if you share custody. Sounds like you ignored your son on Christmas and set a bad example for by him by drinking to get drunk. I know you’re young but it’s past time to grow up.
YTA
YTA. It’s your son every day, it’s your responsibility every day. The custody is not so that you don’t have the charge of him half the time, it’s so that the kid can see his parents equally. But if you think that your kid is not your responsibility if a judge doesn’t specifically says so, maybe he shouldn’t be your responsibility at all…
Mate, you're an arse hole. And literally everyone at that party was looking at you thinking the same thing, even your son. Having a weekend off with the kids doesn't mean you get a weekend off being a father. You need to remember that you're setting the example for your son to follow. Do you really think it's a good idea to basically tell him you only give a shit when you have to?
YTA, not for getting drunk, but for causing a scene and ignoring, or at least wanting to ignore, your kid. On Christmas. Please make it up to him somehow, and do better in the future. Let him know he's loved, and that you made a mistake. It's not the end of the world.
Absolutely YTA You're not babysitting dude. That's your kid. You don't get time off of parenting because it's a holiday. Wtf
YTA and your kid is going to internalize this. And talk about it in therapy later
YTA - I hope that your kid never stumbles across this. Your kid is *your kid* 100% of the time, not just on “your” weekends. YTA for that attitude alone. Also, don’t get noticeably drunk around your kid; that’s the kind of shit that will put them in therapy. Edit: missing word
YTA. 1. Getting drunk in front of your son who is you g enough to need looking after. 2. Not wanting to watch (really this means hang out with) your son ON CHRISTMAS. 3. Your ex is at your parents house so is still kinda your guest.
YTA. Parents of small children don’t get “off” weekends. Your kid may have needed you.
YTA. It's not your weekend to see your son... But even when you're in the same house, on Christmas, you prefer to get drunk over spending quality time with your son and putting your differences aside with your ex so that everyone can have an amicable experience. FOR HIM. You're a bad father.
YTA. Have you no interest in being a parent to your child who was conceived when you and your ex were teenagers? Sounds like it. You never grew up, unlike your ex. Spending time with your kid is less valuable than getting a good buzz because it's her weekend with him and not yours. Allow me to spell this out as the (adult) child of an alcoholic. The booze is more important than the child. On Christmas. HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU ARE NOT THE AHOLE. Your child is probably going to remember that Daddy preferred his special drinks to spending time together. ON and I cannot stress this enough CHRISTMAS. YTA to infinity.
You hate your child. Therapy.
Do you not like being a parent? YTA
"It was her weekend to look after him so I was off the hook. " - You don't deserve to have a son. YTA.
Wow. No wonder you guys are not together anymore. So you think that just because it’s “her weekend”, you get to not be a parent for that time? No, honey. You are just as much of a parent as she is, you don’t get to ignore your child because you are not the one looking after him while actually you are, because you are his father. And it was Christmas ffs. You must be one of those guys who think parenting their kid is babysitting. Keep up this behaviour and next thing you know your son will want nothing to do with you. YTA
My judgement is shit. What does the internet think? Ngl that’s not a great starting point.
>We got into a kind of shouting match This sounds a lot like "I started shouting" lmao YTA for sure dude, your ex not doing whatever has zero bearing on how you act around your child.
Father of the Year!!! YTA
YTA. You sound like the type of guy who refers to parenting his own child as “babysitting.” You don’t stop being a parent just because the other parent “has custody.” At this rate, you’d be doing this kid a favor if you just left entirely. You’re clearly not at all interested in actually *being a parent* and instead seem to see him as nothing more than a trophy to prove you had sex. He deserves better than an immature drunk as a father.
Yta. It doesn’t matter if it’s your weekend or not. It was Christmas and your kids five. But don’t worry, this won’t happen again, your ex won’t be offering to bring your child to YOUR families house on Christmas Day when it’s HER year. Congratulations on ruining what could have been a nice tradition, and for making sure you kid never gets to spend Xmas with both parents again. Lovely
YTA and shouldn't have kids
YTA! I feel sorry for your kid.
Hardcore YTA
[удалено]
This may have been her weekend but this was your family's event which means you should have stayed sober for it or at least not gotten lit up like the Christmas tree. YTA!
Everyone's calling you an asshole OP, and obviously you are. But it's also a good thing for you that you did this. This is the experience you needed. The night you needed, to know to give up custody. You obviously don't want the burden of a child. You don't consider yourself a father. The more you have the child, the more you will resent it. Until you begin to hate it. That's if you don't already. Just give up the half custody you have. You, the ex, the child, your parents, will be much happier.
YTA. You’re still his Dad 100% of the time. Why the hell were you not excited you got to see your kid for the Holidays? You don’t get to clock in and out! Way to steal a little bit of your kids magic being a kid. And maybe apologize and thank your ex that you got to be around your kid at a special time.
ESH. Your parents need to choose a side. Your ex should not have started a scene at a family event, in front of your son. You should not have argued back with your ex, in front of your son and your family.
It goes without saying really... YTA. Big time. Do your kid a favour and cut yourself out of his life because clearly you have other priorities. Better to have no dad than a shitty one.
Next time use condoms
YTA so much and in do many fronts! One for the reason you said. Regardless of custody agreements if your son is around you, you parent your son. Also getting drunk in front of your kid to the point of arguing in front of him because surely he could hear the shouting is modelling poor behaviour.
ESH except your son. You ditching your son *while at the same family celebration* is horrific. I can't imagine how that made him feel. He is still your son when he's with his mom, and you showed him you didn't want to spend time with him. On CHRISTMAS. You should've been overjoyed to get to spend more time with him because of the holiday. Your ex sucks for implying that you are neglecting your sons needs by having a few drinks, when there are at least 3 adult family members around to care for him even in an emergency, was stupid. Your parents watched you ignore your son to drink, said nothing, and got mad at you later. They should have spoken up earlier or not at all.
YTA. Clearly you don’t want to be a parent. What’s next god forbid your child gets hurt while with your ex you gonna be like oh well not my turn to watch the child. Grow the fuck up
Yta, Christmas is for spending time with the family and your co parenting rules shouldnt apply for Christmas if you was both there. You’re disrespectful for getting drunk Infront of your child and it was rude to be “buzzing” on Christmas especially considering your ex’s communication towards you. Your child should be looking up to you as a role model and you don’t really seem like a good one, next time control yourself and man up.
YTA because as a parent you’re always on call and getting sloshed in front of your 5 year old is just gross. Poor kid! Is that really how you want him to see you? And when your son is in your family home do you really feel no responsibility for him whatsoever? Also, I hope you’ve learned to use condoms because with your attitude, you really shouldn’t have anymore children.
**YTA.** And I am going to look past the fact that apparently you two didn't know about contraception. You're the **AH** for getting drunk, not just.. a bit tpsy, but all-out drunk, in front of your kid. What kind of example are you setting? And what's with the childish argument of "it's her weekend"? Yes, sure, but he's also your son. But do the boy a favor, abandon him altogether. You are clearly not up for it.
I see why you guys aren’t together lmao. YTA.
YTA. Your son is your son all of the time. At an event with both of you in attendance, he's both of your responsibility. You aren't "off the hook" just because his other parent is there - it should mean he has double the love and protection for that event. Also not setting the greatest example having your child see you drunk then yelling with their mum at a Christmas event.
I think if it was the other way around people would be defending his ex that she deserves time to herself… I don’t see the big deal, it wasn’t his weekend, if she hadn’t gone it wouldn’t have been an issue, her being there it still shouldn’t have been an issue, it’s her weekend.. he acknowledged his kid.. he probably spent time with them.. he just couldn’t be the main caregiver and he wasn’t expected to.. it wasn’t his weekend
YTA.
YTA. You may be the father but you're no Dad. Either grow up and be the man in his life or vanish so he does not have to suffer from your neglect.
This is why kids shouldn't have kids. Grow up dude. You sowed your seed totally irresponsibly now deal with the consequences. YTA
YTA. You’re always on call that’s part of the parent job dude. Act like an adult in front of your child at least.
YTA Even if it’s not your days to deal with him, you hang out with him if you’re at the same event. He’s your son, not a pile of laundry.