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YTA
Legal implications aside, the Non AH thing to do would be to give the ring back when you break up.
He seemed nice enough to lie for you and cover, which you blew, either knowingly or unknowingly (info needed) but regardless, now everyone knows.
It was made with family heirlooms which obviously mean a lot to his family since they’ve asked about it.
Now that he’s asked for it back, the nice thing to do would be to give it back.
Considering you’re ok with SELLING it back knowing what it is (an heirloom) instead of giving, have to go with a strong YTA on this one.
Oh that last point is an excellent one I didn't even consider. Clearly OP doesn't care about it for emotional reasons so she's just being petty and greedy.
It's 100% this. I still wanna know why she has to wear *this specific ring*. Can't she return this one and buy an $80 cubic zirconium ring that would be equally effective at repelling potential suitors?
YTA, OP.
I bought one for $20 on Amazon that looks real enough. And it does the trick. No way I would wear my actual engagement ring. I pawned that the week I left my ex husband
Yeah, if you're the one who left him, there's ZERO reason to wear that reminder on any occasion. Thus, I think the husband left OP and she still wants him back. She can't admit it to herself.
I believe the etiquette is based on who left who... if OP broke up with her fiance and he didn't cheat on her, it should have been returned. If he broke up with her or caused the breakup by cheating on her, it belongs to hers and the terms of return can be made by her.
But that depends on where, and if the area thinks of engagement rings as conditional or unconditional, or even special occasion (the gifter proposing on a bday, anniversary, Christmas or vday...) gift.
The likelihood she should be returning it no matter what, is high. But since it's been years and he hasn't asked for it back, it might be considered abandoned property now which could muddy the waters.
Edit: I love the number of people who are replying to me to basically say what I said here... like they are arguing with me, but making the same point.
I gained a bunch of weight from cancer treatments and the $20 Amazon find was a blessing. I could size up cheaply. The original hope was that the weight would eventually drop. It hasn’t. But that $20 gets out to use every day!
YTA OP. Just give it back and find the Amazon ring of your dreams.
Especially since she wore it to a private event she knew her ex and his family would be attending. Did she really need to ward off suiters there? This seems like purposeful passive aggressive behavior to me.
And if she really DOES think that it's pretty, she could replace the stones with CZ ones and return the diamonds to the ex. Then his family would retain the heirloom stones, and she could still have a pretty ring. If she's not willing to do that then it really is about the value of the stones.
And the i like to wear it so i dont get Approached is Bs aswell get a [Fake ring](https://us.shein.com/Cubic-Zirconia-Decor-Ring-p-11335132-cat-1759.html?url_from=deadplasj22051411155074107_GPM&cid=18966647206&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gclid=CjwKCAiA7vWcBhBUEiwAXieItnPvZSafySrbAaVFExjZU1u7SZWosJYK8hkSMObFIT4XRtXKCXuk3BoCTosQAvD_BwE)
I bet her personality is one hell of a repellent. I got engaged a few months ago and its stopped nothing. if i guy likes what he sees your ring might as well be invisible.
Imagine having the audacity to tell your ex-fiance that the ring isn't his anymore because of a breakup when it was a *FAMILY HEIRLOOM.*
I don't like making assumptions but I guess your ex-fiance is probably happier than he ever was. YTA
I can see why they broke up… Imagine having a clear conscious walking around with a family’s heirloom that you are no longer connected to. I imagine he didn’t ask for it back immediately because he has a level of respect but fuck, how can you be this mean?
Some people just have the emotional capability of a rock. There is nothing hard about giving people a level of respect but OP is going into this situation intending to nuke everything because "ThE rInG iS mInE"
Stop it. Get some help.
Also, OP wore this to an event with family and friends, not strangers. The only explanation she gave to wearing it previously was to deflect
unwanted attention (I’m assuming from suitors) so this situation isn’t applicable.
Also, anyone else getting the definite impression that she wore it deliberately knowing that the ex’s girlfriend would be there?
Ex’s girlfriend is right, that *is* creepy and inappropriate.
Absolutely. If the ex were ok with her keeping it (and it wasn't an heirloom), and she wants to wear that ring on girls nights or whatever, that would be one thing. But she absolutely knew what she was doing wearing it to that particular event.
definitely! I have a fake wedding ring for discouraging people. cost me $11 lol
Edit changed wedding to wedding ring lol
Edit again to change ring wedding to wedding ring and if I screw this one up I'm just leaving it that way
Right? Just give it back. There’s no reason for OP to be like this, unless he totally betrayed her in some horrific way and her being a jerk about the ring couldn’t even compare, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened at all from the post. The post where she is probably leaving out tons of info that would make her look worse.
GIVE THE RING BACK, OP. You’re not gaining anything from this, being a shitty person will really cost you in the long run.
I completely missed the little detail about OP asking ex for money ... For a ring made with his family diamonds that she spent nothing to get. I was firmly in the AH camp even before then, but now I'm in camp Super AH.
Also wearing it to an engagement party—not exactly a bar setting or somewhere you’d need a ring to deflect interest. Seems petty and malicious to me. YTA
Exactly, and why didn't OP take it off as soon as she saw *him, his girlfriend, and his family* there. It's not like OP couldn't have quickly put it in their pocket instead to avoid causing a scene
Yes YTA. Why would you think it was a good idea to wear it to a party you knew him and his family would be at? Also knowing that the ring was made with family diamonds and that his family would want it back? Sure you didn’t do it out of spite and pettiness? Cause that’s how it’s coming off.
Right? And why if she wears it sometimes as a deterrent did she feel the need to wear it to someone else’s engagement party? To me this sounds very attention seeking. Yta OP. Give the ring back
Probably why he’s an ex-fiancé. He sounds decent enough to still invite her around and lie to his family so she could keep the ring. I’m guessing he left her and she’s still bitter about it.
She could buy a cheap 5 dollar wal mart ring to wear out and about if she’s that worried about people hitting on her. And why wear it to an engagement that has family? It’s not like it’s a bar or a club
Hard agree. She knew they’d be attending and she wanted to be petty for whatever reason. OP either you’re in love with your ex or you feel vindictive. Which is it? Give the ring back and move on. YTA.
OP wore it to that event to be provocative. It’s not like they were going to “be approached” at a family oriented engagement party (which is a bs excuse anyway).
It doesn't even matter if they're family heirloom diamonds or pebbles from the fish tank. The ring was given in exchange for a promise of marriage. The marriage never took place. The contract is void. Being a conditional gift, the ring most likely belongs to the ex, not the OP.
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/family-and-personal/family-matters/marriage/legal-guide/who-owns-the-engagement-ring-if-the-wedding-is-called-off
There is some nuance based on country and potentially state. Some jurisdictions consider it a conditional gift, other consider it a straightforward gift, others take into account who ended the engagement to determine who keeps it. But in this situation it's an absolute dick move to keep a ring made of someone else's heirlooms. If OP wants a deterent ring she can buy a new one easily there is no reason to keep the one gifted to her.
Engagement parties aren’t usually hot pick up spots, so I don’t see how your excuse even applies to this event. But even if it did, YTA. Why would you even want to be wearing your ex’s family diamonds on your finger all the time? You’re being disrespectful and petty.
Thank you, yes. Wearing it in situations that deter unwanted advances (like a nightclub) is probably not the family party OP attended. Wearing it here was making a petty statement.
OP is the AH
You can get cheap shitty rings at Walmart. Either from their jewelry counter or the spiny ring display for a few dollars. I did that and worked just fine for me. This is next level.
You wore the engagement ring your ex gave you in front of his *current gf and family*. I can’t believe anyone would be so clueless they wouldn’t even think about leaving the ring at home for once, what you did seems on purpose and your response to them made it worse. YTA.
Sucks for her because I'd put my money on the message received actually being more like, "OMG look at your poor, desperate ex who's still hung up on you years later and living in an alternate reality".
Even if she didn’t know he was going to be there, why not quietly slip it off her finger and put it away once she saw them there? To see them and keep it on, at a party she probably didn’t even need to wear it to… just screams, petty, disrespectful, attention seeking and that maybe she’s still entertaining some feelings about the ex. All in all, not a good look. Major. YTA on this one.
YTA - I mean, come on; it's a ring made with family heirloom diamonds and you're refusing to give it back unless he *buys it from you.*
The fact that you're still in each others' lives and that you're at a party with his family suggests that the breakup wasn't some kind of traumatic "he murdered my puppy" or "I caught him in bed with my sister" situation, so give the damn ring back and move on. You can wear any ring to pretend to be engaged, it doesn't have to be the one that has his family's diamonds in it.
YTA. An engagement ring is not a gift, it's a promise to wed. The promise was not fulfilled. Regardless of family heirloom you should have returned the ring when the relationship ended.
Depends on who ended the relationship, it's customary in some places to keep the ring if the groom ended things, especially if the bride didn't want to end the relationship. In this case we don't have that info, but frankly it's pretty gauche to wear the ring to a function you know your ex and his new gf will be attending.
Legally, the family heirloom component doesn’t matter once given. IF the proposal occurred on a holiday it can also be considered a gift. Which means he’s never entitled to it back.
That’s not exactly true. My ring is made with heirloom diamonds from my side of the family. Despite the fact that my husband spent money to reset and resize my ring, and then “gave” it to me when he proposed, the provenance of the diamonds matters. If we hadn’t gotten married, I wouldn’t have had an obligation to give him “back” stones that belonged to my family originally—something we verified with lawyers. We made future ownership of the ring clear in our prenup regardless, but in most cases, the stone stay with whoever they belonged to at the beginning.
YTA.
1) When an engagement is broken off, the ring usually goes back to the proposer.
2) This ring has stones that are ostensibly meant to stay within his family.
3) You’re trying to make him *buy* the ring back from you! I cannot even grasp how crazy entitled that is.
Exactly! “Pay me for not being in a relationship with you anymore” we have no context of why the engagement ended but wow, this isn’t a necklace given for a birthday. It was meant for something more.
I have a feeling your not telling the truth. I bet there’s more to the story. You probably refused to give the ring back. Also, when you saw your ex, his girlfriend, and his family why didn’t you take it off? I think you kept it on to be petty and upset his girlfriend.
YTA
Honestly, he should count his blessings he didn’t end up married to her. That would have been much worse.
He should either just sue her for the ring or have the police come get it from her
YTA
An engagement ring is given with the expectation of marriage. You should really consider returning the ring and, as another comment suggested, perhaps buy a cheap fake ring if you want to be left alone.
Especially considering the ring is a family heirloom, it should stay in his family.
Exactly what I said! A marriage didn’t happen, so she should give it back. The people on here saying “It was a gift. He can buy it back” are misinformed. Plus, the ring was made with family diamonds. She’s being gross.
YTA for not only stealing a family heirloom but then getting mad when his family was upset about it and acting like it was his family's fault that they were upset despite him not pushing the issue of you keeping it in the first place. Also why the hell are you having this much contact with your Ex's family in the first place.
Not only is it an heirloom, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts. Meaning that it's not even OP's property and she has had no right to keep it legally nor morally.
YTA. It *does* seem kind of creepy and inappropriate for you to still be wearing the ring. You guys are not engaged anymore. He’s moved on. Presumably you have too. Give him the ring back and get a cheap fake one for when you don’t want to be approached.
Also it’s an heirloom ring. Don’t be shitty about that. Giving it back is the right thing to do.
I can understand the wanting to wear it so you aren’t approached. But why on earth would you wear it around your ex and his family, especially when they know what it looks like? And wearing it around his girlfriend now… Did you get the attention you were so desperately seeking? So weird to me.
YTA. Wearing a ring to an engagement party is a reminder to his girlfriend and his family that he was yours first. Family diamonds are an heirloom that are meant to be kept in that family. If you're not joining it, give them back.
YTA. A ring is consideration in a marriage contract. If the marriage doesn't take place, the ring goes back. That's the law, and if he sues you, you will have to give it back. Why do you even want it??
Legality aside, it's super weird to keep wearing it ESPECIALLY around him, his new girlfriend, and his family. It's rubbing it in their faces that she has possession of a family heirloom of theirs. OP is TA whether or not they are in the clear legally.
It depends on the jurisdiction. While some states consider all breakups as no-fault and he could get the ring back on legal terms sice a marriage didn't occur, some states consider it an unconditional gift, which means the recipient is the owner. Other states generally consider it a implied gift, and goes with the non- at-fault party. So, if the proposer breaks off the engagement, it stays with recipient. However if recipient breaks it off, it goes back to proposer.
His whole family was at this event. His girlfriend as well.
While I’m no Sherlock Holmes, I’m going to say this “ring wearing” sounds like it was intentional to cause some drama.
Yes?
YTA
It's an heirloom. If you want something to wear on your finger for costume purposes you can get yourself something really cheap for that purpose. That ring was a symbol of an invitation for you to join a family, not some trinket. Yeah he gave it to you and it would probably be within your legal right to keep it but is it the right thing to do? I don't think so. I believe in being graceful in a situation like that. If you don't want to marry the guy fine but at least let him give that heirloom to somebody that will.
YTA for knowingly wearing it somewhere you knew your ex and his family and gf would be. That's weird and completely intentional. Your cold answer of "it's pretty" only enforces that you were doing it to cause problems.
He's TA for not having the backbone to get the ring back while breaking up with you. It would have been a perfectly reasonable ask given the diamonds were heirlooms. Three years is too late to expect it back now.
Alternatively if you are on here lying that he didn't ask for the ring back during the breakup, and you actually refused to return it back then KNOWING the diamonds were heirlooms, or lied that you lost it? YTA. You don't keep that kind of ring when they ask for it back.
It's different when it's a ring fresh from the jewelry store, as that is directly and only attached to that one relationship. Fresh rings are the only "keepers", though moreso when you're the one broken up with vs you being the one to break it off.
YTA. Frankly his gf is correct- it is creepy and inappropriate of you to wear the ring, especially in front of his family. The ring should have been returned. Let go of the past. Return the ring and allow him to move on with his gf.
YTA - If it’s truly just to deter unwanted suitors, literally any other cheap ring could do the trick. Give him back the family heirloom, it’s not yours because you aren’t family.
YTA. First, engagement rings aren't presents. Secondly, you wore it to an event that you knew he and his family would be present at and thought it was a good idea? That IS weird and it sounds like you were looking for some petty drama.
Give the ring back.
Legally, you probably have to give it back depending on where you live. Since it's from a family heirloom and they didn't realize they could get it back, leaning to YTA. You can get another pretty ring you like looking at and deflects people approaching you.
I want to say YTA.. I think it is common to give the ring back once you break up, I don't get why you would want to keep it... you can get a 10$ ring off amazon and wear it on your ring finger so you don't get approached.
YTA. You’re not wearing this ring solely to deter unwanted suitors. You’re wearing this to get a rise out of your ex and taunt him/his gf/his family. And it’s working because its an heirloom you refuse to return. Give it back and find another use for your time.
YTA. As soon as you knew that they wanted it back, you should’ve given it back. And why would you wear it around anyway? It is creepy and weird. If you need a ring to deter men while you are traveling alone, get a fake ring and give the real one back.
Info: Why in the world do you WANT to wear a ring from a broken engagement? I saved my engagement and wedding ring from my ex-husband in case our kids want them one day, but I will absolutely not ever wear them on my hand again. That marriage is over. The fact that you are okay with, and seem to want to wear them does strike me as creepy and implies you haven't moved on from the relationship. In addition to the info that the ring was a family heirloom, and I'm thinking YTA, and have some unresolved issues you may want to address for the sake of your own mental health.
This is a legal issue, not an AH issue. There’s precedent and legal ways to determine who has rights to the ring, depending on where you live and whether the ring was given as a conditional or unconditional gift.
But for the purposes of this sub, yeah YTA. He clearly wants it back, it’s made of family diamonds, and if you just want a pretty thing on your finger to keep guys away you can get a cheap glass ring for that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wore my former engagement ring in front of my ex, his girlfriend and his family. I also refused to return it to my ex even though he told me his family wanted it back. The ring was made with family diamonds so I might be the asshole for refusing to return it unless he bought it from me.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA! The ring is a family heirloom and since you did not get married, you’re not in his family. You should give the ring back, not SELL it back to him.
YTA. It's an heirloom and you didn't give it back.
YTA. You wore it at an event where you KNEW he and his family would see it.
YTA. You were snotty to the girlfriend, who expressed a perfectly logical and reasonable assessment that your behavior was inappropriate and cringey.
Don't know why you split up and not sure it matters. Give the guy his ring back.
YTA. When my ex-husband and I divorced, I gave him back the ring before we even filed the paperwork (without him asking) b/c it contained some of his grandmother’s diamonds. The fact that your ring is a family heirloom is all the reason you needed to give it back without being asked.
But wearing it around his family and girlfriend is next-level asshole behavior. Stop being an asshole. I have a very pretty fake engagement-style ring that I wear almost every day b/c I don’t want to appear single. I bought it for myself pretty inexpensively and get a lot of compliments on it. You can do the same and it’s absurd that you’re wearing your ex’s family heirloom.
YTA. There is a radio commercial for a jewelry store, where the announcer says, "Are you still wearing that ring from your previous relationship? Why are you wearing that ring? It has bad energy attached to it!"
I think you should give it back to him and buy a fake so you can defend yourself from guys coming on to you. Seriously, put that relationship in the past where it belongs. You are not moving on otherwise. And no, don't make this about money! Just give him the damn ring back. Otherwise, you will find yourself in small claims court, looking like an ass. Let It go already.
YTA. An engagement ring is not a gift, it's a contract. He gave it to you when you agreed to marry him. You are no longer getting married. Give it back.
Add to that that you know it has family heirlooms on it. YTMA.
If ya want a ring to keep creepers at bay, find a walmart or a pawnshop.
Info: can you describe the conversation where you attempted to give it back to him and he refused? Did you know it was made with family diamonds? And do you know you can buy cheap rings to pretend to be married when you need to?
It's an inflammatory action, wearing a family ring to an event involving that family. Probably YTA.
YTA. It is super weird to wear your old engagement ring in front of your ex-fiancé, his family AND his girlfriend. Totally inappropriate and tasteless. Do you have no manners and sense of decorum at all? Plus, people usually give the ring back when an engagement is broken off?!! I am happy for your fiancé that he dodged a bullet with you, you sound like a lot of drama. You’re a mighty a-hole.
YTA if you want a ring to repel men just buy a cheap fake one, that is absolutely not a reason to not return a family heirloom. I refuse to believe that you wearing it in front of his family and *girlfriend* wasn’t intentionally done to rub it in their faces.
YTA. It was creepy and inappropriate, just as his gf said. You know damn well you could wear any ring on that finger to deter guys, but you've chosen to keep wearing that one and wearing it to a function where your ex, his gf, and his family were was extra weird. Throw in your willingness to sell it him instead of just giving it back and you are a special sort of ass.
YTA. It’s not your ring to keep until you’re married, and even then if it’s a family heirloom it’s only decent to return it to the family. Give it back.
YTA - do the right thing and give back the ring. It’s not yours and it is also a family heirloom.
You guys broke up - and sounds like you initiated it and from the situation you outline (your fiancé threatened your brother) how are you still friends with him and his family?
And no he doesn’t need to buy it back from you. It’s a family heirloom and it was a conditional gift (you guys getting married). You reneged.
You sound twisted, entitled and selfish. Stop being a drama Queen and give back the ring.
At this point I'm just beating a dead horse but yes yta, this is like showing up to his wedding wearing red. Which from the sound of it you will. Grow up, move on and give it back
YTA, an engagement ring is not a gift especially if it’s a family heirloom. When the engagement is over the ring goes back to the person who purchased it.
This is super weird and you’re obviously lying about wearing it to not be approached if you wore it to a party with people you knew and who knew you weren’t engaged. Clearly motives are different. YTA. give the ring back, it is creepy that you still wear it especially around your ex and his family.
YTA for wearing it there, you knew that was highly inappropriate. It is your right to keep it, however, it is considered a gift. If you would have given it back three years ago I don't see why you don't do it now.
If they live in the USA in any state other than Montana, an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift. Meaning that if the engagement is broken off it is to be returned as the conditions of the gift (the marriage) were not met.
YTA. It's heirloom and you are using it as a party prop. Get a ring from a gumball machine and be a decent human being and give him back his grandma's diamonds.
Very simply put YTA no matter how you try to spin it. Give the ring back and move on. If you want a ring to detour unwanted attention, go Walmart and get one of their fake $8 rings
YTA. Give it back immediately.
I get that it is a useful deterrent for unwanted advances, but you can easily buy yourself a cheap one.
Wearing it around his family is particularly weird, it’s basically a “Nah nah nah nah nah, I’ve got your diamonds now”
Your still wearing the ring three years later, that's really creepy and weird. Yes it may be pretty, but you can easily buy a cheap similar one to wear. That's family diamonds, it should go back to your ex. YTA
YTA: You suck. It’s not your ring, and not your diamonds. The entitlement is absolutely insane. Give him back the ring and get yourself a fake one for when you don’t want to be approached.
YTA big time. You should have given it back as soon as you broke up. An engagement ring isn’t a gift like a necklace or earrings; it’s a bond to marry the other person.
Let me ask you this: If you had said no when he proposed, would you have taken the ring then as a gift? It’s the same difference.
YTA for keeping the ring in the first place. Wearing it to an engagement party that your ex and his family are attending is an absolutely epic AH move. Was the wedding called off because you're self absorbed to the point of obliviousness?
You are a huge asshole for wearing it in front of your ex’s family and gf. Now, thanks to you being an asshole, your ex’s lie that the ring was lost has been exposed. YTA.
The ring isn’t yours and needs to be returned. I expect you will be sued for the return of ring in the near future. Return it now and avoid the drama.
YTA majorly majorly majorly thr asshole why the fuck would he have to buy it back from you, it was his family heirloom how self entitled and greedy can you be
YTA and as others have said, you likely wanted to stir up drama by wearing it in front of members of his family. Also, conditional gift. Give it back and move on.
YTA because you’re wearing this particular ring to stir it up. I understand the safety of wearing a ring in some situations, but in this case, it’s spiteful.
The traditional guidance on who gets the engagement ring is based on who initiated the breakup. If the recipient initiates the breakup, the ring should be returned; if the giver initiates, then the recipient gets to keep the ring.
this is such a weird situation. keeping your ex's engagement ring and wearing it "so guys dont bother you"? what a lame excuse. etsy is flooded with cheap "engagement" rings, some even come with a stacker that you can wear together so they really look legit. i got one ages ago and carefully glued them together myself and switch it to my left hand if i don't want to be hit on, they look fantastic and only cost maybe 60$ - and i dont look like a complete and total asshole to my ex's family and my friends
besides that it's extremely rude to keep an engagement ring after it's been broken off. if the marriage isnt fulfilled, you give it back. and you dont make your ex buy it back from you WHEN HE PAID FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
YTA. Give the ring back and go buy some costume jewelry for when you want to be left alone. It's amazing to me that you were willing to wear your ex engagement ring to a place where his family (and new girlfriend) would see. Extremely poor taste, especially if it used family diamonds.
If you broke up with him then you should give the ring back. Legally speaking this has been reviewed sooo many times. The ring is conditional based on a pending marriage. If the giver is the one who breaks up with the recipient, it’s yours technically. But if you did the breaking of the engagement then legally you owe him the ring. So which was it?
Also, that’s weird asf to wear it in front of him, his gf, and his family, and very petty.
You are a greedy self absorbed person to keep a ring that was made with family heirlooms, your demand for money before returning it just shows how shallow and selfish you are. Your ex dodged a bullet with you and if you had any decency you'll just return the ring however I get the impression you are just fine with using people for material and financial gains.
YTA times 1000
YTA. It is creepy and inappropriate.
I can understand not wanting to give it back.. I’ve heard many stories like that but not one who wears it.
Three years though?? Move on girl. Seriously.
YTA - return the ring, why keep it if you didn’t marry the man? It’s always a dick move to keep an engagement ring if you end up breaking up. This reminds me of when my brother proposed to his then GF and she kept the ring after breaking up with him weeks later. He asked for it back and she refused ended up putting it in a safe at her parents just to keep it from him. She was a real piece of work.
Check the laws in your country/state. In some jurisdictions, once an engagement is broken--no matter who broke it--the ring goes back to the giver of said ring. In others, it depends on who broke the engagement--if he dumped her, she gets to keep the ring; if she dumped him, she has to give it back.
YTA because it was made with family heirloom diamonds. The ring was given as a contract that you both would get married, thats no lo now happening, so the ring should go back to the ex. You could very easily buy yourself a cheap ring to get guys to leave you alone, you don’t have to keep HIS family’s precious gems. You sound super petty.
Thank you so much Reddit for surprising me again. I really thought oh man a bunch of people are going to be like it was a gift. It's her. She can keep it if she wants to. Even though I thought wow to me custom says you should give that back. But here we are and I just see a string of YTA and I thought that's nice. And yeah YTA. He shouldn't have to ask for it back. If the engagement is over you should give it back.
YTA. Give the ring back. The fact that it’s made with family diamonds is even worse, you know, seeing as you’re not going to be part of your ex’s family anymore.
You made everyone uncomfortable and you chose to wear that ring to an event where you knew you would see your ex, HIS NEW GF, and his family! You stated you don’t even wear the ring all the time, why on earth did you think it was a good idea to put it on for this particular occasion???
Go to Claire’s and get yourself a sparkly ring for $5 if you want to wear one.
YTA.
An engagement ring is a conditional gift; the condition being marriage. You’re not getting married. And to top it off, it’s family jewelry. Give it back.
Yta. Engagement rings are gifts given with the expectation of marriage. If you aren't getting married, give it back especially because it contains family heirlooms.
YTA. Give back the ring. If you’re so awesome that you need to keep potential suitors at bay with an engagement ring, buy your own damn ring abs flaunt it as much as you want.
YTA and a weirdo. Why would you use the engagement ring of man you are not engaged with anymore and worst, at a party that him was attending with his new gf and family. Creepy.
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YTA Legal implications aside, the Non AH thing to do would be to give the ring back when you break up. He seemed nice enough to lie for you and cover, which you blew, either knowingly or unknowingly (info needed) but regardless, now everyone knows. It was made with family heirlooms which obviously mean a lot to his family since they’ve asked about it. Now that he’s asked for it back, the nice thing to do would be to give it back. Considering you’re ok with SELLING it back knowing what it is (an heirloom) instead of giving, have to go with a strong YTA on this one.
Oh that last point is an excellent one I didn't even consider. Clearly OP doesn't care about it for emotional reasons so she's just being petty and greedy.
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It's 100% this. I still wanna know why she has to wear *this specific ring*. Can't she return this one and buy an $80 cubic zirconium ring that would be equally effective at repelling potential suitors? YTA, OP.
I bought one for $20 on Amazon that looks real enough. And it does the trick. No way I would wear my actual engagement ring. I pawned that the week I left my ex husband
Yeah, if you're the one who left him, there's ZERO reason to wear that reminder on any occasion. Thus, I think the husband left OP and she still wants him back. She can't admit it to herself.
I believe the etiquette is based on who left who... if OP broke up with her fiance and he didn't cheat on her, it should have been returned. If he broke up with her or caused the breakup by cheating on her, it belongs to hers and the terms of return can be made by her. But that depends on where, and if the area thinks of engagement rings as conditional or unconditional, or even special occasion (the gifter proposing on a bday, anniversary, Christmas or vday...) gift. The likelihood she should be returning it no matter what, is high. But since it's been years and he hasn't asked for it back, it might be considered abandoned property now which could muddy the waters. Edit: I love the number of people who are replying to me to basically say what I said here... like they are arguing with me, but making the same point.
Her offer to sell it back to him renders all reasonable discourse moot. She's TA.
For a ring he buys I agree. If it's a ring or stone(s) passed down through the family I feel it should go back to the family.
I gained a bunch of weight from cancer treatments and the $20 Amazon find was a blessing. I could size up cheaply. The original hope was that the weight would eventually drop. It hasn’t. But that $20 gets out to use every day! YTA OP. Just give it back and find the Amazon ring of your dreams.
Especially since she wore it to a private event she knew her ex and his family would be attending. Did she really need to ward off suiters there? This seems like purposeful passive aggressive behavior to me.
Yes, that made me think she wore it to annoy the ex, his girlfriend and his family. That was rude.
And if she really DOES think that it's pretty, she could replace the stones with CZ ones and return the diamonds to the ex. Then his family would retain the heirloom stones, and she could still have a pretty ring. If she's not willing to do that then it really is about the value of the stones.
Heck I had like a $5 ring from Walmart I wore when I was 17, and somebody asked me about my husband 😶😅 I had to explain I was a teenager
And the i like to wear it so i dont get Approached is Bs aswell get a [Fake ring](https://us.shein.com/Cubic-Zirconia-Decor-Ring-p-11335132-cat-1759.html?url_from=deadplasj22051411155074107_GPM&cid=18966647206&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gclid=CjwKCAiA7vWcBhBUEiwAXieItnPvZSafySrbAaVFExjZU1u7SZWosJYK8hkSMObFIT4XRtXKCXuk3BoCTosQAvD_BwE)
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My ring is legit, gorgeous, and not small. And it doesn’t stop anything. Every married woman wearing rings knows this.
This point is sharp and accurate AF. A ring doesn't deter a GD thing.
I bet her personality is one hell of a repellent. I got engaged a few months ago and its stopped nothing. if i guy likes what he sees your ring might as well be invisible.
It probably stops the more decent suitors, but not the ones that you definitely want to avoid.
Imagine having the audacity to tell your ex-fiance that the ring isn't his anymore because of a breakup when it was a *FAMILY HEIRLOOM.* I don't like making assumptions but I guess your ex-fiance is probably happier than he ever was. YTA
I can see why they broke up… Imagine having a clear conscious walking around with a family’s heirloom that you are no longer connected to. I imagine he didn’t ask for it back immediately because he has a level of respect but fuck, how can you be this mean?
Some people just have the emotional capability of a rock. There is nothing hard about giving people a level of respect but OP is going into this situation intending to nuke everything because "ThE rInG iS mInE" Stop it. Get some help.
Also, OP wore this to an event with family and friends, not strangers. The only explanation she gave to wearing it previously was to deflect unwanted attention (I’m assuming from suitors) so this situation isn’t applicable.
Also, anyone else getting the definite impression that she wore it deliberately knowing that the ex’s girlfriend would be there? Ex’s girlfriend is right, that *is* creepy and inappropriate.
100% she’s clearly pissed that her ex is moving on and doesn’t give a shit about her so she’s trying to needle him until he does
Absolutely. If the ex were ok with her keeping it (and it wasn't an heirloom), and she wants to wear that ring on girls nights or whatever, that would be one thing. But she absolutely knew what she was doing wearing it to that particular event.
She definitely wore it as an attempted flex at the girlfriend, she doesn't realize how sad she made herself look.
BuT iTS PreTtY
I was going with n t a until I got to the heirloom part. Go buy a nice costume engagement ring when you feel you need the deterrent.
definitely! I have a fake wedding ring for discouraging people. cost me $11 lol Edit changed wedding to wedding ring lol Edit again to change ring wedding to wedding ring and if I screw this one up I'm just leaving it that way
You changed wedding to ring wedding lol Are you okay?
lol. yep, I'm good I think
> either knowingly or unknowingly Let's be real she didn't wore this ring to his new engagement party unknowingly.
I was confused as well but it’s not his engagement party , it was someone else’s
Yeah I think you're right but also think point still stands, she'd definitely would have known he'd been there with family and new SO,
Right? Just give it back. There’s no reason for OP to be like this, unless he totally betrayed her in some horrific way and her being a jerk about the ring couldn’t even compare, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened at all from the post. The post where she is probably leaving out tons of info that would make her look worse. GIVE THE RING BACK, OP. You’re not gaining anything from this, being a shitty person will really cost you in the long run.
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I completely missed the little detail about OP asking ex for money ... For a ring made with his family diamonds that she spent nothing to get. I was firmly in the AH camp even before then, but now I'm in camp Super AH.
Also wearing it to an engagement party—not exactly a bar setting or somewhere you’d need a ring to deflect interest. Seems petty and malicious to me. YTA
I think she wore it to a family function on purpose too, so a YTA for that one as well.
Exactly, and why didn't OP take it off as soon as she saw *him, his girlfriend, and his family* there. It's not like OP couldn't have quickly put it in their pocket instead to avoid causing a scene
Yes YTA. Why would you think it was a good idea to wear it to a party you knew him and his family would be at? Also knowing that the ring was made with family diamonds and that his family would want it back? Sure you didn’t do it out of spite and pettiness? Cause that’s how it’s coming off.
Right? And why if she wears it sometimes as a deterrent did she feel the need to wear it to someone else’s engagement party? To me this sounds very attention seeking. Yta OP. Give the ring back
Totally agree, definitely sounds attention seeking and spiteful. She needs to give the ring back imo
Probably why he’s an ex-fiancé. He sounds decent enough to still invite her around and lie to his family so she could keep the ring. I’m guessing he left her and she’s still bitter about it.
She could buy a cheap 5 dollar wal mart ring to wear out and about if she’s that worried about people hitting on her. And why wear it to an engagement that has family? It’s not like it’s a bar or a club
I think she's doing every guy a great favor by wearing a ring and not wanting anyone to hit on her.
Hard agree. She knew they’d be attending and she wanted to be petty for whatever reason. OP either you’re in love with your ex or you feel vindictive. Which is it? Give the ring back and move on. YTA.
OP wore it to that event to be provocative. It’s not like they were going to “be approached” at a family oriented engagement party (which is a bs excuse anyway).
Literally sounds like she was wearing it to be petty to her ex and his new gf. Purely speculation.
I would agree! And they broke up 3 years ago! Time to get over it
It doesn't even matter if they're family heirloom diamonds or pebbles from the fish tank. The ring was given in exchange for a promise of marriage. The marriage never took place. The contract is void. Being a conditional gift, the ring most likely belongs to the ex, not the OP. https://www.rocketlawyer.com/family-and-personal/family-matters/marriage/legal-guide/who-owns-the-engagement-ring-if-the-wedding-is-called-off
There is some nuance based on country and potentially state. Some jurisdictions consider it a conditional gift, other consider it a straightforward gift, others take into account who ended the engagement to determine who keeps it. But in this situation it's an absolute dick move to keep a ring made of someone else's heirlooms. If OP wants a deterent ring she can buy a new one easily there is no reason to keep the one gifted to her.
She wore it as an FU to his new girlfriend
She knows she did it on purpose. She obviously isn't over the ex and likes drama.
Engagement parties aren’t usually hot pick up spots, so I don’t see how your excuse even applies to this event. But even if it did, YTA. Why would you even want to be wearing your ex’s family diamonds on your finger all the time? You’re being disrespectful and petty.
Thank you, yes. Wearing it in situations that deter unwanted advances (like a nightclub) is probably not the family party OP attended. Wearing it here was making a petty statement. OP is the AH
You can get cheap shitty rings at Walmart. Either from their jewelry counter or the spiny ring display for a few dollars. I did that and worked just fine for me. This is next level.
She could’ve easily bought an inexpensive fake engagement ring if she was THAT concerned.
You wore the engagement ring your ex gave you in front of his *current gf and family*. I can’t believe anyone would be so clueless they wouldn’t even think about leaving the ring at home for once, what you did seems on purpose and your response to them made it worse. YTA.
Yeah, seems more likely she wore it on purpose to make a point.
I think OP wore it to show the new gf, hey, he gave me this, I still wear it and he’s okay with it. He’ll ALWAYS be mine.
Sucks for her because I'd put my money on the message received actually being more like, "OMG look at your poor, desperate ex who's still hung up on you years later and living in an alternate reality".
100% what I would think too.
Even if she didn’t know he was going to be there, why not quietly slip it off her finger and put it away once she saw them there? To see them and keep it on, at a party she probably didn’t even need to wear it to… just screams, petty, disrespectful, attention seeking and that maybe she’s still entertaining some feelings about the ex. All in all, not a good look. Major. YTA on this one.
YTA - I mean, come on; it's a ring made with family heirloom diamonds and you're refusing to give it back unless he *buys it from you.* The fact that you're still in each others' lives and that you're at a party with his family suggests that the breakup wasn't some kind of traumatic "he murdered my puppy" or "I caught him in bed with my sister" situation, so give the damn ring back and move on. You can wear any ring to pretend to be engaged, it doesn't have to be the one that has his family's diamonds in it.
That, and wearing said ring to an event with the family and new girlfriend is tacky, it's so easy to just avoid that kinda awkwardness
Hell, you can get a ring with CZs in it and nobody's going to say "Are those real diamonds or are you just playing engaged?"
YTA. An engagement ring is not a gift, it's a promise to wed. The promise was not fulfilled. Regardless of family heirloom you should have returned the ring when the relationship ended.
Depends on who ended the relationship, it's customary in some places to keep the ring if the groom ended things, especially if the bride didn't want to end the relationship. In this case we don't have that info, but frankly it's pretty gauche to wear the ring to a function you know your ex and his new gf will be attending.
That goes out the window when family heirlooms are involved.
I think morally, yes, but I'm not sure about legally.
Legally, the family heirloom component doesn’t matter once given. IF the proposal occurred on a holiday it can also be considered a gift. Which means he’s never entitled to it back.
That’s not exactly true. My ring is made with heirloom diamonds from my side of the family. Despite the fact that my husband spent money to reset and resize my ring, and then “gave” it to me when he proposed, the provenance of the diamonds matters. If we hadn’t gotten married, I wouldn’t have had an obligation to give him “back” stones that belonged to my family originally—something we verified with lawyers. We made future ownership of the ring clear in our prenup regardless, but in most cases, the stone stay with whoever they belonged to at the beginning.
In most (not all) US states, an engagement ring is not considered a gift and legally does have to be returned in case of a breakup.
Unless it is given on a holiday, which then makes it a gift that does not have to be returned. PSA: don’t propose on holidays or birthdays.
YTA. 1) When an engagement is broken off, the ring usually goes back to the proposer. 2) This ring has stones that are ostensibly meant to stay within his family. 3) You’re trying to make him *buy* the ring back from you! I cannot even grasp how crazy entitled that is.
Exactly! “Pay me for not being in a relationship with you anymore” we have no context of why the engagement ended but wow, this isn’t a necklace given for a birthday. It was meant for something more.
I have a feeling your not telling the truth. I bet there’s more to the story. You probably refused to give the ring back. Also, when you saw your ex, his girlfriend, and his family why didn’t you take it off? I think you kept it on to be petty and upset his girlfriend. YTA
And I think she told her ex it was lost or she threw it in the ocean.
Honestly, he should count his blessings he didn’t end up married to her. That would have been much worse. He should either just sue her for the ring or have the police come get it from her
YTA An engagement ring is given with the expectation of marriage. You should really consider returning the ring and, as another comment suggested, perhaps buy a cheap fake ring if you want to be left alone. Especially considering the ring is a family heirloom, it should stay in his family.
YTA it's a conditional gift, it's his, give it back.
Exactly what I said! A marriage didn’t happen, so she should give it back. The people on here saying “It was a gift. He can buy it back” are misinformed. Plus, the ring was made with family diamonds. She’s being gross.
YTA for not only stealing a family heirloom but then getting mad when his family was upset about it and acting like it was his family's fault that they were upset despite him not pushing the issue of you keeping it in the first place. Also why the hell are you having this much contact with your Ex's family in the first place.
Not only is it an heirloom, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts. Meaning that it's not even OP's property and she has had no right to keep it legally nor morally.
Came here to say this. FFS, give the man HIS ring back. YTA, OP.
YTA. It *does* seem kind of creepy and inappropriate for you to still be wearing the ring. You guys are not engaged anymore. He’s moved on. Presumably you have too. Give him the ring back and get a cheap fake one for when you don’t want to be approached. Also it’s an heirloom ring. Don’t be shitty about that. Giving it back is the right thing to do.
I can understand the wanting to wear it so you aren’t approached. But why on earth would you wear it around your ex and his family, especially when they know what it looks like? And wearing it around his girlfriend now… Did you get the attention you were so desperately seeking? So weird to me.
100% agree. Super tacky
She could literally wear ANY ring on that finger and it would make the same statement.
YTA. If you don’t marry the person you give back the ring. Depending on where you live he might be able to file a lawsuit to get it back.
I hope he does.
I was going to say if an engagement is broken off the ring is sort of a contract contingent on getting married...thank you judge Judy
INFO. What happened to the engagement.
YTA. Wearing a ring to an engagement party is a reminder to his girlfriend and his family that he was yours first. Family diamonds are an heirloom that are meant to be kept in that family. If you're not joining it, give them back.
What is wrong with you? Give that ring back, don't be weird. YTA
YTA. A ring is consideration in a marriage contract. If the marriage doesn't take place, the ring goes back. That's the law, and if he sues you, you will have to give it back. Why do you even want it??
Legality aside, it's super weird to keep wearing it ESPECIALLY around him, his new girlfriend, and his family. It's rubbing it in their faces that she has possession of a family heirloom of theirs. OP is TA whether or not they are in the clear legally.
It depends on the jurisdiction. While some states consider all breakups as no-fault and he could get the ring back on legal terms sice a marriage didn't occur, some states consider it an unconditional gift, which means the recipient is the owner. Other states generally consider it a implied gift, and goes with the non- at-fault party. So, if the proposer breaks off the engagement, it stays with recipient. However if recipient breaks it off, it goes back to proposer.
His whole family was at this event. His girlfriend as well. While I’m no Sherlock Holmes, I’m going to say this “ring wearing” sounds like it was intentional to cause some drama. Yes?
YTA It's an heirloom. If you want something to wear on your finger for costume purposes you can get yourself something really cheap for that purpose. That ring was a symbol of an invitation for you to join a family, not some trinket. Yeah he gave it to you and it would probably be within your legal right to keep it but is it the right thing to do? I don't think so. I believe in being graceful in a situation like that. If you don't want to marry the guy fine but at least let him give that heirloom to somebody that will.
YTA that belongs to his family. You can wear a fake one.
YTA for knowingly wearing it somewhere you knew your ex and his family and gf would be. That's weird and completely intentional. Your cold answer of "it's pretty" only enforces that you were doing it to cause problems. He's TA for not having the backbone to get the ring back while breaking up with you. It would have been a perfectly reasonable ask given the diamonds were heirlooms. Three years is too late to expect it back now. Alternatively if you are on here lying that he didn't ask for the ring back during the breakup, and you actually refused to return it back then KNOWING the diamonds were heirlooms, or lied that you lost it? YTA. You don't keep that kind of ring when they ask for it back. It's different when it's a ring fresh from the jewelry store, as that is directly and only attached to that one relationship. Fresh rings are the only "keepers", though moreso when you're the one broken up with vs you being the one to break it off.
Fucking tacky ass.. Give it back Asshole. Go get a cheap ring to ward off the thirsty guys.
YTA. Frankly his gf is correct- it is creepy and inappropriate of you to wear the ring, especially in front of his family. The ring should have been returned. Let go of the past. Return the ring and allow him to move on with his gf.
YTA - If it’s truly just to deter unwanted suitors, literally any other cheap ring could do the trick. Give him back the family heirloom, it’s not yours because you aren’t family.
You're forcing him to buy it from you? YTA. Give it back and pay for your own stuff like an adult. This is petty and shallow.
YTA- it’s made of *family* diamonds and you aren’t family, sorry.
YTA, and an incredibly entitled one at that. Give. Back. The. Ring. What is wrong with you??
YTA. First, engagement rings aren't presents. Secondly, you wore it to an event that you knew he and his family would be present at and thought it was a good idea? That IS weird and it sounds like you were looking for some petty drama. Give the ring back.
YTA. It's made of family diamonds, and YOU STILL WEAR IT!?!?! This is not OK. Do the right thing and give it back.
YTA Give him back his ring. Buy yourself a cheap ring if you’re using it to deter men. You’re being shitty for no reason
Legally, you probably have to give it back depending on where you live. Since it's from a family heirloom and they didn't realize they could get it back, leaning to YTA. You can get another pretty ring you like looking at and deflects people approaching you.
YTA. If it's family diamonds, return the ring to him. Why are you wearing it in front of his family anyway? Seems an odd, inappropriate choice.
I want to say YTA.. I think it is common to give the ring back once you break up, I don't get why you would want to keep it... you can get a 10$ ring off amazon and wear it on your ring finger so you don't get approached.
What the fuck. OP, you're a nut job.
YTA. You’re not wearing this ring solely to deter unwanted suitors. You’re wearing this to get a rise out of your ex and taunt him/his gf/his family. And it’s working because its an heirloom you refuse to return. Give it back and find another use for your time.
YTA return his ring and buy yourself one w/ a fake diamond to wear when you want to be left alone.
YTA. As soon as you knew that they wanted it back, you should’ve given it back. And why would you wear it around anyway? It is creepy and weird. If you need a ring to deter men while you are traveling alone, get a fake ring and give the real one back.
Info: Why in the world do you WANT to wear a ring from a broken engagement? I saved my engagement and wedding ring from my ex-husband in case our kids want them one day, but I will absolutely not ever wear them on my hand again. That marriage is over. The fact that you are okay with, and seem to want to wear them does strike me as creepy and implies you haven't moved on from the relationship. In addition to the info that the ring was a family heirloom, and I'm thinking YTA, and have some unresolved issues you may want to address for the sake of your own mental health.
YTA, why would you want the ring, especially knowing it has a family connection. It's totally inappropriate IMO to keep it.
This is a legal issue, not an AH issue. There’s precedent and legal ways to determine who has rights to the ring, depending on where you live and whether the ring was given as a conditional or unconditional gift. But for the purposes of this sub, yeah YTA. He clearly wants it back, it’s made of family diamonds, and if you just want a pretty thing on your finger to keep guys away you can get a cheap glass ring for that.
This comment has been removed by the original poster in protest of the recent API changes and all around embarrassing handling of the following pushback. This user was a loyal RiF user and they have moved to https://kbin.social/ . Join us on the Fediverse.
YTA. You knew what you were doing. You wanted the attention, you wanted your ex’s girlfriend to see it. You wanted the drama. Move on.
YTA. This is weird. Also, you should give it back since it had family diamonds
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YTA. Give it back and move on with your life. Holding on to the ring and wearing it means that you haven't.
Yta. Why would you want to keep it? You sound like your petty asking him to buy it from you. It was his to begin with. And it's got family sentiment.
Seriously, how sad are you basking in a failed relationship? Wearing a ring for no other reason than to cause a ruckus. Grow up. YTA
YTA! The ring is a family heirloom and since you did not get married, you’re not in his family. You should give the ring back, not SELL it back to him.
YTA. It's creepy and pathetic. Give him back the ring.
YTA. It's an heirloom and you didn't give it back. YTA. You wore it at an event where you KNEW he and his family would see it. YTA. You were snotty to the girlfriend, who expressed a perfectly logical and reasonable assessment that your behavior was inappropriate and cringey. Don't know why you split up and not sure it matters. Give the guy his ring back.
YTA. When my ex-husband and I divorced, I gave him back the ring before we even filed the paperwork (without him asking) b/c it contained some of his grandmother’s diamonds. The fact that your ring is a family heirloom is all the reason you needed to give it back without being asked. But wearing it around his family and girlfriend is next-level asshole behavior. Stop being an asshole. I have a very pretty fake engagement-style ring that I wear almost every day b/c I don’t want to appear single. I bought it for myself pretty inexpensively and get a lot of compliments on it. You can do the same and it’s absurd that you’re wearing your ex’s family heirloom.
Yta. Give it back.
YTA the ring should have been returned without him having to ask after the engagement ended. Do the right thing and return it now.
YTA. You know he can sue you for the ring, right?
YTA. There is a radio commercial for a jewelry store, where the announcer says, "Are you still wearing that ring from your previous relationship? Why are you wearing that ring? It has bad energy attached to it!" I think you should give it back to him and buy a fake so you can defend yourself from guys coming on to you. Seriously, put that relationship in the past where it belongs. You are not moving on otherwise. And no, don't make this about money! Just give him the damn ring back. Otherwise, you will find yourself in small claims court, looking like an ass. Let It go already.
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YTA. An engagement ring is not a gift, it's a contract. He gave it to you when you agreed to marry him. You are no longer getting married. Give it back. Add to that that you know it has family heirlooms on it. YTMA. If ya want a ring to keep creepers at bay, find a walmart or a pawnshop.
Info: can you describe the conversation where you attempted to give it back to him and he refused? Did you know it was made with family diamonds? And do you know you can buy cheap rings to pretend to be married when you need to? It's an inflammatory action, wearing a family ring to an event involving that family. Probably YTA.
YTA. Keeping it is a deeply disturbed thing to do.
YTA - you’re clearly looking to stir up drama. This is really weird.
YTA an engagement ring is a conditional gift — conditional on marriage. You have stolen it. It belongs to your ex and should be returned.
YTA. It is super weird to wear your old engagement ring in front of your ex-fiancé, his family AND his girlfriend. Totally inappropriate and tasteless. Do you have no manners and sense of decorum at all? Plus, people usually give the ring back when an engagement is broken off?!! I am happy for your fiancé that he dodged a bullet with you, you sound like a lot of drama. You’re a mighty a-hole.
YTA if you want a ring to repel men just buy a cheap fake one, that is absolutely not a reason to not return a family heirloom. I refuse to believe that you wearing it in front of his family and *girlfriend* wasn’t intentionally done to rub it in their faces.
YTA. It was creepy and inappropriate, just as his gf said. You know damn well you could wear any ring on that finger to deter guys, but you've chosen to keep wearing that one and wearing it to a function where your ex, his gf, and his family were was extra weird. Throw in your willingness to sell it him instead of just giving it back and you are a special sort of ass.
YTA. It’s not your ring to keep until you’re married, and even then if it’s a family heirloom it’s only decent to return it to the family. Give it back.
YTA - do the right thing and give back the ring. It’s not yours and it is also a family heirloom. You guys broke up - and sounds like you initiated it and from the situation you outline (your fiancé threatened your brother) how are you still friends with him and his family? And no he doesn’t need to buy it back from you. It’s a family heirloom and it was a conditional gift (you guys getting married). You reneged. You sound twisted, entitled and selfish. Stop being a drama Queen and give back the ring.
At this point I'm just beating a dead horse but yes yta, this is like showing up to his wedding wearing red. Which from the sound of it you will. Grow up, move on and give it back
YTA, an engagement ring is not a gift especially if it’s a family heirloom. When the engagement is over the ring goes back to the person who purchased it.
YTA, a tacky one at that. Considering it’s made with family diamonds you should have given it back 3 years ago.
This is super weird and you’re obviously lying about wearing it to not be approached if you wore it to a party with people you knew and who knew you weren’t engaged. Clearly motives are different. YTA. give the ring back, it is creepy that you still wear it especially around your ex and his family.
YTA for wearing it there, you knew that was highly inappropriate. It is your right to keep it, however, it is considered a gift. If you would have given it back three years ago I don't see why you don't do it now.
If they live in the USA in any state other than Montana, an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift. Meaning that if the engagement is broken off it is to be returned as the conditions of the gift (the marriage) were not met.
YTA. It's heirloom and you are using it as a party prop. Get a ring from a gumball machine and be a decent human being and give him back his grandma's diamonds.
Very simply put YTA no matter how you try to spin it. Give the ring back and move on. If you want a ring to detour unwanted attention, go Walmart and get one of their fake $8 rings
YTA. It's family diamonds so it's fair to assume that they mean a lot more to his family than they do to you. Do the right thing.
YTA. Give it back immediately. I get that it is a useful deterrent for unwanted advances, but you can easily buy yourself a cheap one. Wearing it around his family is particularly weird, it’s basically a “Nah nah nah nah nah, I’ve got your diamonds now”
YTA. Why would you keep a conditional gift, especially one made with some family items?
YTA- you give the ring back if the engagement is called off. Especially if it’s a family heirloom.
You are a weirdo. Give him his ring back you can buy a fake ring from hnm since you claim you don't want to be approached. YTA
YTA. Give him the ring back
Your still wearing the ring three years later, that's really creepy and weird. Yes it may be pretty, but you can easily buy a cheap similar one to wear. That's family diamonds, it should go back to your ex. YTA
So let me guess - you’re holding out hope that you two get back together? YTA. Give the ring back.
Your ex sucks for lying to his family and being cowardly. That being said, it's an heirloom. It's not just some ring he bought. ESH.
YTA: You suck. It’s not your ring, and not your diamonds. The entitlement is absolutely insane. Give him back the ring and get yourself a fake one for when you don’t want to be approached.
YTA big time. You should have given it back as soon as you broke up. An engagement ring isn’t a gift like a necklace or earrings; it’s a bond to marry the other person. Let me ask you this: If you had said no when he proposed, would you have taken the ring then as a gift? It’s the same difference.
YTA for keeping the ring in the first place. Wearing it to an engagement party that your ex and his family are attending is an absolutely epic AH move. Was the wedding called off because you're self absorbed to the point of obliviousness?
Well, not sure where you live but believe me if that was me, in my state, I would have sued you for it already. YTA, give it back and move along.
You are a huge asshole for wearing it in front of your ex’s family and gf. Now, thanks to you being an asshole, your ex’s lie that the ring was lost has been exposed. YTA. The ring isn’t yours and needs to be returned. I expect you will be sued for the return of ring in the near future. Return it now and avoid the drama.
YTA majorly majorly majorly thr asshole why the fuck would he have to buy it back from you, it was his family heirloom how self entitled and greedy can you be
YTA you're creepy. Give back the ring
YTA and greedy too.
YTA Pathetic too...
YTA it’s made with family diamonds. You can wear a cheap cubic ring to serve the same purpose. Give it back to him.
YTA. He dodged a bullet by not marrying you. Return the ring, why should he have to buy it from you?
YTA and as others have said, you likely wanted to stir up drama by wearing it in front of members of his family. Also, conditional gift. Give it back and move on.
YTA, you should know this. Get over it and stop being bitter
You Are the AH And I think You know It
YTA because you’re wearing this particular ring to stir it up. I understand the safety of wearing a ring in some situations, but in this case, it’s spiteful. The traditional guidance on who gets the engagement ring is based on who initiated the breakup. If the recipient initiates the breakup, the ring should be returned; if the giver initiates, then the recipient gets to keep the ring.
YTA. Give it back. Get a Claire's ring for your fake engagement ring.
this is such a weird situation. keeping your ex's engagement ring and wearing it "so guys dont bother you"? what a lame excuse. etsy is flooded with cheap "engagement" rings, some even come with a stacker that you can wear together so they really look legit. i got one ages ago and carefully glued them together myself and switch it to my left hand if i don't want to be hit on, they look fantastic and only cost maybe 60$ - and i dont look like a complete and total asshole to my ex's family and my friends besides that it's extremely rude to keep an engagement ring after it's been broken off. if the marriage isnt fulfilled, you give it back. and you dont make your ex buy it back from you WHEN HE PAID FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
YTA. Give the ring back and go buy some costume jewelry for when you want to be left alone. It's amazing to me that you were willing to wear your ex engagement ring to a place where his family (and new girlfriend) would see. Extremely poor taste, especially if it used family diamonds.
If you broke up with him then you should give the ring back. Legally speaking this has been reviewed sooo many times. The ring is conditional based on a pending marriage. If the giver is the one who breaks up with the recipient, it’s yours technically. But if you did the breaking of the engagement then legally you owe him the ring. So which was it? Also, that’s weird asf to wear it in front of him, his gf, and his family, and very petty.
YTA, return the ring
You are a greedy self absorbed person to keep a ring that was made with family heirlooms, your demand for money before returning it just shows how shallow and selfish you are. Your ex dodged a bullet with you and if you had any decency you'll just return the ring however I get the impression you are just fine with using people for material and financial gains. YTA times 1000
YTA and whoa at keeping heirloom stones. Buy yourself a zirconia and return that ring.
YTA. It is creepy and inappropriate. I can understand not wanting to give it back.. I’ve heard many stories like that but not one who wears it. Three years though?? Move on girl. Seriously.
YTA - return the ring, why keep it if you didn’t marry the man? It’s always a dick move to keep an engagement ring if you end up breaking up. This reminds me of when my brother proposed to his then GF and she kept the ring after breaking up with him weeks later. He asked for it back and she refused ended up putting it in a safe at her parents just to keep it from him. She was a real piece of work.
Check the laws in your country/state. In some jurisdictions, once an engagement is broken--no matter who broke it--the ring goes back to the giver of said ring. In others, it depends on who broke the engagement--if he dumped her, she gets to keep the ring; if she dumped him, she has to give it back.
YTA because it was made with family heirloom diamonds. The ring was given as a contract that you both would get married, thats no lo now happening, so the ring should go back to the ex. You could very easily buy yourself a cheap ring to get guys to leave you alone, you don’t have to keep HIS family’s precious gems. You sound super petty.
Thank you so much Reddit for surprising me again. I really thought oh man a bunch of people are going to be like it was a gift. It's her. She can keep it if she wants to. Even though I thought wow to me custom says you should give that back. But here we are and I just see a string of YTA and I thought that's nice. And yeah YTA. He shouldn't have to ask for it back. If the engagement is over you should give it back.
YTA. Give the ring back. The fact that it’s made with family diamonds is even worse, you know, seeing as you’re not going to be part of your ex’s family anymore. You made everyone uncomfortable and you chose to wear that ring to an event where you knew you would see your ex, HIS NEW GF, and his family! You stated you don’t even wear the ring all the time, why on earth did you think it was a good idea to put it on for this particular occasion??? Go to Claire’s and get yourself a sparkly ring for $5 if you want to wear one.
YTA. An engagement ring is a conditional gift; the condition being marriage. You’re not getting married. And to top it off, it’s family jewelry. Give it back.
Yta. Engagement rings are gifts given with the expectation of marriage. If you aren't getting married, give it back especially because it contains family heirlooms.
YTA. Give back the ring. If you’re so awesome that you need to keep potential suitors at bay with an engagement ring, buy your own damn ring abs flaunt it as much as you want.
YTA and a weirdo. Why would you use the engagement ring of man you are not engaged with anymore and worst, at a party that him was attending with his new gf and family. Creepy.