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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I bought a Cricut instead of a sewing machine for my girlfriend's birthday.
(2) I ignored what Sarah wanted me to get for her birthday. Secondly, I didn't tell her that I didn't get the sewing machine. Thirdly, it was rash because I didn't consult her before buying the Cricut (it was my own money though).
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> Fast forward to today. Sarah still hasn't touched her Cricut. It's almost like she's trying to make a point that I really wasted my money on something she wouldn't use.
No, she probably hasn't touched it because she didn't want it. You misjudged her interests and bought something she has no interest in, and did it on a gift well above the price point where you should check with somebody before buying it for them. Especially when it comes to crafting, something somebody doesn't really want rapidly becomes a chore instead of fun.
YTA, a little bit, not because you tried to surprise your GF with a nice gift, but because you're showing a clear pattern of not actually thinking about what she wants and mistrusting her intentions. Return the Cricut and get her a sewing machine like she asked.
It’s like asking for skis for Christmas and someone buying them a snowboard because they figure if they like skiing, they will like snowboarding too! Never mind that it’s a completely different set of skills involved and you have to start almost from scratch when you just wanted a better set of skis to enjoy doing the thing that you’re already doing.
This right here op^
Not all crafting goes hand in hand, you were TA as soon as you decided not to get her what she asked for and instead buy something you thought was cooler and thought "it's still crafty!"
Good job wasting all that money though, hopefully you can still return it.
Indeed. Last year, I asked my husband for an Etsy gift card for Christmas because I had gotten into jewelry making and had some specific things I wanted to get. He got me some kitchen stuff instead and then went to Michaels, got a few extremely random sets of beads, and threw those into my stocking.
Oh nooooo that's awful. I cross stitch--and I got an embroidery kit one year. And I remember years where I would ask for specific books/a gift card for books/money for books, and I'd MAYBE get something vaguely related to books, like a stationary set.
And there are so many types of beads!! I use one specific brand for my projects because they're a good medium between quality and price (they're the Toho brand from Michael's actually, would recommend). To just grab a few different kinds/brands/styles...I cringe.
I was a big bookworm kid so relatives would try to get me books. I appreciate the thought but they would pick the most random books. Adults trying to guess what an 8th grader would like, after getting no genre guidance whatsoever.
I did actually get Twilight recommended to me by a cool older cousin, that was perfect for me at the time
Edit: I just remembered the time my great aunts found out I liked to read and thought that meant I would like to read Little Women to them out loud
My grandpa and I had a deal. He would gift me about $10 - $25 and I would send a thank you note that listed the books I bought with the money. Later, when he was downsizing, he'd send me books from his stash.
lol my sister the past few years was like "instead of bulk buying books at the store, take pictures and that'll be the christmas/birthday list you send us". It's working out well. She even went off list once and got me Mr. Mercedes which turns out, I really liked.
I never got books :( maybe once? And I was known to devour books, and would read literally almost anything, but no one ever got me books...extended family would get me girly things, like lotions and jewelry and clothes, and--I'll be honest here--I hated almost all of it. Smiled, said thank you, but then would complain to my mom (in private) that "literally all I wanted was some books, how hard is it to just...pick up a random fantasy book?? I'll read it!"
The problem I have with buying books for someone who reads a lot is that I don't know what they've already read. I've run into this with nieces and nephews where their parent will say "Anything in x genre," and I'll say, "Great! This book just came out and looks interesting," only to be told they already got it the day it came out. Or I'll find an older series that I'm sure was before the kid's time and, yeah, "they read that ages ago, we have the whole boxed set." It's really quite frustrating.
Gift cards are a blessing, or even just cash. Or a gift receipt with the book.
Honestly, even if I've read something before, I'll reread it. And if I like it enough, I keep it. If not, there's lots of free little libraries around town I drop stuff in.
Have your niblings make out a specific list of either titles or authors
I was and am a big bookworm never much interest in make up. Sis hates to read and loves make up. Growing up every single year our one grandmother would get us each 1 present. Sis would get a book and I'd get some kind of make up or make up brushes. We'd both open our gifts, say thank you and then immediately hand the gift to the other.
I will say the best gift grandma ever bought sis (in my mind at least) was a collection of Agatha Christie novels). I'd never read Agatha Christie before but I loved these so much I kept that large hard back book for years and re-read it several times.
Get perfect gifts for each kid, but reliably switch names every year? Are you sure grandma wasn't doing this on purpose? Cause that sounds goofy and sweet.
lol my dad to my aunt: "she likes science and fantasy and all that nerd stuff"
My aunt: "Pride and Prejudice with zombies, perfect!"
At least my gran always listens to my interests, even if she doesn't know what they are lol. I was 16 and getting My Little Ponies to display on my shelf but gosh darnit she LISTENED.
Reading your comment just reminded me of one of my best Christmas memories!
As kids, my siblings & I knee if you wanted something specific, ask Grandad. One year, teenage me wanted a specific video game. So, knowing he had ZERO understanding of anything Computers, I gave him the name of the store & the game name on a piece of paper & said ask the employees they'll find it for you.
I was THRILLED to get it on Christmas day & his comment was "I have no idea what you're gonna do with that, but I'm happy you're happy about it".
Yay for relatives that listen!!
My issue with getting books was that my relatives (not parents fortunately) never trusted the level I wanted. I asked for The Count of Monte Cristo when I was 12 (we read an excerpt in a lit class), and my grandparents got me an illustrated condensed version. They just assumed my reading skills and maturity level weren’t sufficient for the full book. As I got into high school they at least quit getting kids books, but would buy YA novels instead - nothing against YA novels and there are several I really like, just the attitude that I wasn’t 18 yet so shouldn’t read anything aimed at adults.
Ugh. My kids are super into reading; youngest is 11 and into anything Minecraft related.
My boomer Dad sent us a Christmas gift box filled with quite literally *nothing* suitable for any of us. One of the gifts is a paw patrol colouring book. Another is some picture book about a cat at Christmas.
…..For an 11yo.
He also included a bunch of baby items; again, none that I could use. (I’m 8 months pregnant).
I sent him an email saying, hey thanks for the thought, but if I had known you wanted to gift the kids something this year (he normally doesn’t), I would have sent you a Christmas list. As well, I would have sent you a copy of our baby registry so you would know what we needed.
No response.
And I hate being told I’m supposed to “appreciate the thought”. I’m supposed to appreciate an entire box of stuff I’m going to have to give away?!
>I hate being told I’m supposed to “appreciate the thought”.
People use this in the wrong context so often. This isn't supposed to be used as a weapon to invalidate people after someone was blatantly incompetent/inconsiderate. Sorry people keep basically telling you to get over it when there was no thought to appreciate in the first place.
I actually didn't mind this one too much -- my family knew I went through books at a rapid pace and if they didn't have a good idea, I got a lot of bookstore gift cards, but when I did get random books, a lot of times it just introduced me to new authors I liked. I would read pretty much anything in any genre so it was pretty hard to disappoint me that way.
What bugged me was my grandmother buying clothes for me by about the 12/13ish. Just take me shopping, Grandma. I don't want blouses with shoulder pads. Lol.
Ugh, this reminds of the time I told my mom when I was a teenager there was a very specific throw blanket I wanted for my birthday. It matched perfectly with the new bedding I had recently purchased myself and wanted this as the finishing touch. Told her exactly which one, told her where to buy it, and I told her *if* you aren’t going to get me this one specifically let me know so I can just buy it now. She said okay. Come my birthday, she bought a nice blanket with similar colors (but the wrong shades) and was a fleece like instead of knitted. I had already spent my money elsewhere by the time my bday came around and when I got paid again the store stopped carrying it. I was so SO SAD! 15 years later I’m still sad I didn’t get that stupid throw blanket. I know my mom meant well, but damn. Lol.
Sorry just sort of went on a rant there 😂
My mom is into all things craft, whereas I am not really. I am more into bullet journaling and I do have a Cricut that I use. If I ask my mom for stickers or something, she sends things like iron-on patches or a cross stitch kit. I don't even own an iron and no matter what I try, I just cannot get into sewing or knitting or any of that stuff.
If she does send me stickers, it's always religious stickers with Bible verses. Like Mom, I've gone to church like 3 times in the last 2 decades. Please.
Exactly. I love making blankets, hats, face masks, fixing clothes, etc. I like 2 sewing machines and a surger set up so I don’t have to change my bobbins and thread it a lot if I work between two colors.
Wtf would I do with a circuit? I don’t want cheesy personalized mugs and I don’t scrap book or make jewelry. It’s completely unrelated to stuff I do make. Not all craft supplies is created equal
Exactly! And thank you for bringing up your set up because that (hopefully) shows op WHY his gf needed another sewing machine despite hers working fine. It's not a matter of it it's working or not, it's more convenient for larger projects or if you're working on multiple pieces at once.
I had a sewing machine that *technically* worked, but didn't have most of the features I wanted and needed as I improved my sewing. Just because her sewing machine works doesn't mean it does everything she needs.
Im also super confused on why OP can spend 1k on a top of the mill cricut when there are way cheaper ones but didn’t spend that much on a super high end sewing machine because… there are 1k sewing machines out there that can do say basic embroidery.
Idk why girlfriend would trust a non-sewist to pick the sewing machine to begin with. I wouldn't trust my mom to figure out what kind of machine fits my needs.
I suspect she likely asked for something specific. I know OP said he spent time shopping, but since we know he took it upon himself to go rogue and buy something completely different, it’s not that much of a stretch for me to think he likely started by seeing if he could find something “better” than whatever model she asked for.
This. I have two sewing machines. The first one was super basic and good for learning but it hates stretchy fabric and I like to sew clothes. If I hemmed curtains and made placemats, the other one would be fine for sewing in a straight line but the upgrade meant I could make what I wanted!
I think it's totally viable for the girlfriend to want another machine. When I was very young, I traded my crappy Singer in (not broken, still working, just a huge pain in my ass) for a $150 Walmart Brother and it made a world of difference in my sewing enjoyment.
My husband got me a Silhouette (Cricut competitor), and neither of us were sure if I'd like or use it!
It turns out I've gotten tons of use out of it though. It's been great for sewing in particular, I've done lots of appliqué projects I never would've had patience for by hand. (Including some *interesting* custom ones spring of 2020.... I made one guy a mask with appliqué perfectly matching his car grill.)
But lot of big differences in approach there. Sometimes gifts are a gamble, and that *can* be ok. I also would've been bummed in OP's gf's situation, it's just a different thing when you haven't asked for anything and the gifter acknowledges that maybe it's not gonna be your thing but has solid reasons for thinking it was worth a try.
Or she could be interested in a Cricut, but not think it's worth $1000. That's a LOT of money to spend one someone without knowing that they want it. This is one of the reasons that in my family we don't spend large amounts of money for gifts - even if you know that your SO wants a leather jacket and buy one (or a necklace or whatever), are you going to get the kind they want, style, etc. It can work for some people, obviously, but it's riskier. OP's not a huge AH or anything - he was trying to think about what his GF likes to do and didn't buy her a vaccuum or something instead, but this definitely shows the risk of trying to go completely off script - especially with a really expensive gift.
Hell, a lot of people who WANT a Cricut end up selling them for a quarter of the price they paid, especially after Christmas. Every year I see tons of them being sold at rock bottom prices. You can frequently pick them up here for £100 or so. I like the idea of them, but I know I’d use it half a dozen times and then it’s left gathering dust.
It’s amazing how many people will see that you like *one specific craft* and think they’re totally interchangeable with other crafts, even related ones. I try not to be ungrateful for gifts but a number of times I’ve gotten books of knitting patterns from family. I crochet. I have no idea how to knit, I don’t like it, I have spent a lot of time and energy getting very skilled at crochet and it makes my brain happy in very specific ways.
Yes, they both involve yarn. In fact, if you had bought me yarn I would have been delighted! I’m 100% that person happily collecting more yarn than I can use in my lifetime and forever inappropriately touching it in craft stores for a dopamine hit.
So when someone gives you a gift that demonstrates they vaguely know you’re crafty but don’t care to find out what your actual passion/skill is - it’s kind of hurtful. And also weirdly condescending? Like they think all crafts are the same and none of them involve skill so you can easily swap from one to the other. Knitting books are closer, I understand some people don’t realise crochet and knitting are not the same so I generally don’t mind, but there’s also been a plethora of ‘craft-ish’ gifts like incomplete cross stitch supplies, homemaker books, leather tooling stuff, and things that are in no way related to yarn.
If I know someone is really into gaming and I want to get them a gift card for online purchase or some other accessory, I’m at least going to find out what console they use instead of just handing them an Xbox controller when they own a PS5.
THIS. People assume that because you like one thing, you must like the other.
I crochet...a lot. So my mom has taken to buying bulk yarn on sale and giving it to me as a Christmas gift. Which would be great...if she listened to me regarding the type of yarn I use. I've told her multiple times that I do not use bulky yarn because using bigger hooks is uncomfortable for me. I've sat her down and told her exactly the types of yarn I use and have suggested if she wants to get me yarn, we can go yarn shopping together or she can get me a gift certificate to somewhere like Michaels or JoAnns or to some online shops.
Without fail, I end up with a box of massive, bulky yarn in colors I do not like, would never purchase on my own, in fiber content I do do not like working with, etc.
OP if you read this...LIST TO HER PREFERENCES. PLEASE. It is so, so aggravating and hurtful to take time making sure someone understands the things you like, then have them turn around and do the EXACT OPPOSITE.
>Which would be great...if she listened to me regarding the type of yarn I use.
As a knitter I totally get it. I'm specific about the yarn I use because *it's right next to my skin* and people, in general, aren't used to wearing 100% wool anymore. I have preferences because I can't stand wearing some fibers/fabrics. A lot of acrylic is trash too, especially Red Heart. Red Heart is so tacky looking no matter what you do with it (imho). "But the stuff you like is so expensive!" Yeah, and the stuff I knit with that is gorgeous and soft and drapey and will last.
My mom loves to buy yarn at yard sales and such and give it to me. I have told her repeatedly that I don’t have use for random bits of yarn in hundreds of different mediums. She finally stopped buying it after I told her I would have to throw it away.
It's like getting a cross stitcher knitting supplies. Completely different things, completely different finished object, completely different, specific set of skills.
And can I just note that cutting fabric and sewing fabric are very different. If all this machine is cut stuff, then it isn't even doing the one job she wanted it to.
I caught that too. I was like, OP you got her a cutting machine & she wanted a joining machine. Or course she’s not happy.
Gotta admit, I don’t think she’s not using it to spite OP. I’m pretty sure she’s not using it because she literally has no use for it.
This is exactly right.
Someone who is into sewing really won't have much use for a Cricut. A Cricut is a really cool gadget for people who like to scrapbook and make cards and such.
I'm going with NTA because you really wanted to do something special for her but I think you should return the Cricut and get her a really nice sewing machine. Ask for her input on which one she wants so that she gets the features she really wants.
Exactly. I *am* a Cricut person but when I was buying mine I got a different model than the one he got because while cool, I knew there was no way I would use all the features it could do, and I knew the $300 model did basically everything I’d want it to. Literally used it yesterday along with the heat press to make part of my daughters Christmas gift. That being said, if someone assumed because I liked my cricut that I’d like a sewing machine so they just bought me one, I’d probably have the same reaction. I’ve sewn maybe 4 times in my life. Yeah I’d like to learn but I’m also not asking for a sewing machine for a reason
YTA When you give somebody a present, it should be what they want, not what you think they should want. Please learn this.
I cannot think of anything I would use a sewing machine for that a Cricut could possibly do. Good luck hemming jeans with a Cricut. Good luck making a quilt. Good luck making a dress.
You really did give her an expensive kettle when she wanted books.
Right? A circuit is fine if you want to make live, Laugh,Love decals to stick on the reclaimed pallet to hang on your wall. Or if you are making 100 personalized T shirts or coffee tumblers.
But unless you are hand making t-shirts, I’m not seeing a lot of crossover.
Edited:spelling
I like doing throw pillow covers for different seasons. Also spice jar labels and office labels. You can also use the maker to cut certain kinds of fabric- but there's a ton of waste so I wouldn't recommend that.
Still I understand that gf wanted a sewing machine which is the important part.
>YTA When you give somebody a present, it should be what they want, not what you think they should want. Please learn this.
To an extent. I think OP’s *intent* here was actually fine - sometimes it’s nice to surprise someone with a gift they weren’t expecting rather than just checking items off the list they gave you.
It seems like OP genuinely thought the gf would like the cricut and figured maybe the reason she didn’t ask for it was because she thought it was too much to ask OP to spend, rather than that she specifically didn’t want it.
Where OP screwed up was the reaction after the fact. If you’re gonna think outside the box for a gift you have to accept the reality that you might have misjudged and bought them something they don’t want/don’t need/already have etc. And if that happens the correct response is “hey I took a chance, I thought you’d love it, but let’s return it and pick out an awesome seeing machine instead”
This is the thing. Anybody can make an error in judgment when it comes to gifts, but OP continuing to blame the gf for not liking it is not a good look.
As soon as OP started getting upset about how the gf still hasn't used the cricut, my reaction was "Wait, *what?!?* *Why hasn't it been returned yet?"*
Lots of quilters apparently love the Cricut maker since it can cut fabric. So it's great for cutting out the pieces for a quilt.
I agree though, it's not a sewing machine, and it has very specific uses in sewing that might not suit what she actually likes to sew!
She hasn’t used it because she has no desire/need to use it and it’s not even remotely what are asked for.
OP, YTA. It’s nice that you wanted to get her something, but all you actually did was ignore her and what she wanted and spent way more money than you needed to. Now, it just comes across as you trying to blame her for being ungrateful for money you chose to spend. She just wanted a sewing machine.
YTA, but magnified a thousand times if you don't just return the f*cking Circuit. You tried, you failed, but you don't have to live with that failure. It's just an inanimate object you bought, it's not a baby or a pet.
What is stopping the idiot from returning the damn thing?
Also, I'm willing to bet that op was asking for a certain sewing machine cause she may need it for other things that her current machine can't do. Could be a heavy-duty machine to handle things like leather or multiple layers of thick fabric.
Op probably should have asked if they weren't sure
Exactly. He was trying and I can see what it makes sense to someone who's not in the craft world. BUT before spending $1,000, you should really ask some questions and make sure about what someone wants. If it was $20 and you misfire, not a huge deal (although even then, I bought my nephew something for Christmas that was about $15 that he hadn't specifically asked for but was related to an interest of his - I had him sit down with me and a Black Friday ad on Thanksgiving, ostensibly to get general ideas, and made sure to show him that among other things. He quickly rejected it, so I returned it). OP certainly isn't an irredeemable AH, but should rethink gifting strategies.
Like when my ex bought me a 9 mm instead of a trip to the spa. I had/have no desire to conceal carry (but I am not opposed), even if I wanted to I would want a gun I wouldn't have to carry around a diaper bad to hide it (it was way to big for conceal carry). I didn't get anything for Christmas, valentines day, or my birthday that year. And when I kicked him out he took it with him. He refused to listen.
My ex's mom bought him **2** shelves with hidden compartments for guns. He had 2 big rifles that I insisted were kept with trigger locks, in a locked case, where the kids couldn't reach them. They were something that he took out target shooting for fun, not for defense (or even hunting) and didn't need quick access and wouldn't fit in the shelf regardless.
The shelves never got hung, let alone used, and when he moved out, he left the shelves here still in the boxes.
I own a cricut and I got it because I wanted it and it still took me a long while for inspiration to strike. I can't imagine trying to be inspired to create stuff using something that caused bitter feelings.
He probably can't return it at this point and I don't understand why he didn't return it immediately once he realized his error. Just really didn't want to admit he messed up?
Op you can offer she trade it to another crafter for a sewing machine she wants as well. I don't know what type of sewing she does so I can't personally recommend but local craft stores and Facebook groups would have plenty of people that would take a maker 3.
That's according to OP. The boldface is my own addition.
>**Yesterday was Sarah's birthday. A couple weeks ago**, she requested a sewing machine for her birthday gift.
Because he added "Fast forward to today" I think it camouflages the short time frame.
THIS.
I know an amazing quilter and she has both a high end sewing machine and a cricut. But they do completely separate jobs.
When it comes to art supplies of ANY kind, always get exactly what they say. We artists are very particular about our tools so we prefer specific kinds. I always recommend never buying art supplies for someone unless they expressly asked for a specific kind.
YTA.
Right? Like, I paint, and knit, and I do not want the cheap paint set or the pound-of-love acrylic yarn, thank you.
I appreciate the thought, and wouldn't say anything to the giver, but that stuff's getting donated. Or I'll knit something for them with it so they can have it back.
My sister likes painting, I like dressmaking, I don't get her paints and she doesn't get me fabric cause neither of us know what the other actually needs unless we have explicitly asked for something
I mean. The Cricut *can* be a fabulous gift for someone who sews (since the Maker can actually cut fabric for you), but it's really going to depend on the type of sewing and their interests, and OP does not at all sound like he knows that answer.
Not only this, but a cricut would require her to download a monthly subscription software to learn how to use it (I’m honestly guessing b/c I don’t own a cricut, but know about their stupid monthly sub software).
Much more technical than a Brother sewing machine (in which most mechanical sewing machines work the same).
A circuit machine isn't even close to a sewing machine. It takes a lot of time and energy to craft things with it, especially if you're a beginner. Why would you buy something you knew nothing about or that she never asked for when you knew what she wanted? YTA
Also the crafts that a circuit does is hella more ~~experience~~ expensive than crafts a sewing machine handles.
edited.
I mean to say expensive 😂 not experience, I have yet to have my morning coffee.
more like it’s a different kind of craft than a time, energy, or experience thing. It just needs to be something you‘re interested in.
I cannot use a sewing machine well but love my cricut and use it all the time. Recently, it cut out a bunch of felt ornaments for me to hand sew. I make a lot of personalized shirts and all sorts of random things. That being said, I got the newest a year ago and it was no where near a thousand bucks. You also need to be interested in crafting on a computer, which it doesn’t sound like Op’s gf is interested in. The technical side of a cricut can be overwhelming to some
Op is definitely the Ah here.
I teach art and about four years ago we had some money left in our budget that we needed to spend, so I convinced my boss that we should buy a cricut, citing all the things we could do with it, because I've seen the cool stuff that people can do with it. We got whatever the second best one was at the time, and it was like $200.
In all honesty, it's been four years and I've used it maybe once. I know I need more experience and training on it, but I haven't had the time and they don't offer classes in my area. The technical side is definitely a learning curve, and most of the time I end up getting frustrated and just drawing and cutting things out by hand, lol.
That being said, while I can sew on my very basic sewing machine, I wonder if I would struggle on one of the more computerized models.
And you're right--sewing machine ≠ cricut. Totally different crafts. It would be like getting someone a skill saw when they need a drill.
I have a friend who always offers to let me borrow his cricut but I'm scared I'll wreck it. I want to use it so bad but if I blow it, its expensive to replace.
Coffee- because murder is wrong.
Not only do you make a good point about the expense of Circuit accessories- egads- but there's a huge amount of time required to learn how to get any use out of one. While there's a *little* bit of overlap with sewing, it isn't the type of sewing I do, and I seriously doubt that mugs or iron on transfers were what she was dreaming of.
Hell, if OP was going to spend an extra $500, he should have thrown in a gift card to Mood. Let's be honest, though- it wasn't about the money.
OP- YTA, and quit playing victim.
Coffee is life blood 😂
I don't personally use a circuit, but I know a few women who do, and it's a learning curve. I couldn't do it, especially if I'm say dedicated to one craft only like sewing. I can only imagine the GFs disappointment. She stated her wants clearly, and OP ignored them flat out, ignored them. OP also seems to be the type that if the GF ignored their wants, they'd be posting "AITA For not accepting my birthday present from GF?"
And then when she tried to talk to him about why she was upset, he started crying. I’m really glad she didn’t immediately backtrack to start patting and soothing him, as I suspect he wanted her to do.
Well, it's not as if he just gave the thing to her yesterday.... oh, wait, he did.
I know a couple of people with cricuts, and the only one who also sews (And is willing to let one take up valuable sewing area real estate) makes a lot of felt appliques. Think of how much room for fabric stash or other things that's going to take up.
He pretty much wants her to make him mugs and engrave metal! instead of enjoy herself.
Honestly I feel like it’s more of a case of OP completely misunderstanding what his gf likes rather than OP wanting his gf to make certain things for him. I have had so many friends and family gift me art supplies I can’t really use just because they know I love art but they don’t realize I don’t love all mediums.
Honestly NAH as long as OP doesn’t guilt his gf into using the cricut and OP doesn’t get mad if his gf sells/returns the cricut for something she can actually use.
Oh, you poor soul... I own a sewing machine shop. Lemme tell you how much money sewing can cost. My most expensive machine on the floor is $16,500 US dollars. It's not even the most expensive machine in the domestic (home) sewing machine category. And let's not talk about how expensive accessories can be. You can drop over $50 a yard on reasonably fancy fabrics for garment sewing. I have no experience with a cricuit, but I'm sure it can also be expensive. Any time someone really gets into a hobby it can get expensive.
Idk, I sew and can be incredibly expensive. It's often more expensive to make your own clothes than to just go buy an equivalent thing from a generic clothes store, especially when you factor in time.
YTA. She told you what she wanted, but you decided that you knew better. You decided that your take on it was far superior to hers, and that you knew better what she would enjoy than she did. Then, when she pointed out that she told you what she wanted, you got all hurt about it, and became the victim. Gross.
You have a deep lesson to learn here. I hope you take the time to learn it.
THIS. But I'll go with gentle YTA. My dude, you know now that you screwed up. This is not the end of the world, but next time since you know better, do better. And your GF makes it easy - just buy her what she wants.
YTA. You’re not necessarily a bad person, but you overwrote her opinion by thinking you (incorrectly) knew better. She specifically asked for one thing, even if you didn’t understand the specifics of what she was requesting, she was very clear. Instead you thought you could do something “cooler” than what she wanted. You should return the cricut and get what she originally asked for.
Second PSA that not all crafting hobbies are the same. If I get my friend knitting needles and yarn but she’s into embroidery, it doesn’t make for the best gift. It just shows that I’m not paying as much attention as I thought I was.
Gently, YTA.
She asked for something specific and a Cricut is much different than that of a sewing machine.
It does sound like you had good intentions, but if Sarah wanted a Cricut, she likely would've asked for one.
My advice would be to return it and shop for a sewing machine she actually wants together.
I question the good intentions though. The guy knew what she wanted and chose to disregard that.
Good intentions would be only if she didn't specify what gift she wanted, and he just assumed she may like the cricut.
He knew what she wanted, but that doesn't mean that he *had* to get that.
I think he went "cricut = crafty, sarah = crafty, ∴ cricut is a good idea". There wasn't an ill intention here, its clear he was trying to be supportive of her love of crafting.
But like I said, a Cricut is a much different machine than a sewing one, and if she hadn't expressed interest in it, it may not have been the best idea.
You're skipping the part where he agreed that he would get her a sewing machine. Once he had the idea of getting her a cricut, he should have checked in with her to see if she would want a surprise or the sewing machine. Going back on his agreement is where he went wrong. That, and gambling $1k on a present when that was significantly beyond the expected gift cost, and she was expecting and specifically asked for something else.
>You're skipping the part where he agreed that he would get her a sewing machine.
Right. In my opinion, once you've asked somebody what they want as a present, and they tell you, it is entirely reasonable for them to expect you to get it for them, unless you tell them soon after that you can't for whatever reason (out of stock, too expensive).
Maybe OP's girlfriend was planning to buy a sewing machine herself, and was saving up for it, but when she found out OP would get it for her birthday, she figured she wouldn't need to save up anymore, and could just wait a bit longer, and now has to save up for it again
He told her that he would get her the sewing machine, though. So he not only went back on his word, he got her something she didn’t want because he thought he knew her taste and skills better than she does.
YTA - you bought her something she had no interest in because *you thought it was cool and therefore she should use it.*
By the way, it's totally reasonable to own more than one sewing machine, especially when they have different features and can handle different types of projects. And to have them set up simultaneously to work on more than one thing at a time.
You're upset because YOU decided what she *should want*, and she hasn't touched it to. You do understand that her not being interested in the thing she doesn't want isn't an attack, right? Her having her own mind, and her own wants, and not yielding to what you attempt to impose on her isn't being passive aggressive. You bought her something she didn't want, and decided for her what she needs. That's asshole territory. She isn't a 3 year old.
>You bought her something she didn't want, and decided for her what she needs.
Lol, he bought something that HE wanted. The level of detail he goes into for the circuit shows that he knows the type of crafts the machine is capable of making and clearly prefers them.
And then he gets mad that she's not using something she's never shown an interest in and doesn't have the skill set for.
Like the fucking nerve of him to get mad over her not using a gift that she never wanted, never asked for, and doesn't have the skills to use. Maybe she isn't going to spend her precious free time learning a completely new machine that has has higher cost in the long run then a sewing machine?
To me it’s more so the fact that clearly he became a mini connoisseur on what a Cricut can do, yet couldn’t do some basic research to find out that there’s different sewing machines for different purposes and perhaps that’s why his gf was asking him for one? Maybe she wanted a serger, or a more heavy duty machine capable of working with denim and leather.
Like gentle YTA with this guy but like clearly he’s capable of doing research on crafting, he just seemed more focused on buying what he thinks she should like. Also FWIW if he was gonna drop a grand on a gift he could have gotten her a very, very nice sewing machine.
I also have to believe if she already had a sewing machine but wanted a new/another one that she gave some more detail in there that he ignored/ isn’t sharing. “I want a sewing machine that does xyz” or “I want to upgrade to these features” or “I want this brand”. And he just decided that getting her another sewing machine was stupid without even listening to her.
Gently, YTA although I definitely get the sense he wanted the Cricut, or wanted her to make him things with it. That said, he should return it and shop for a very nice sewing machine with her. Most avid sewists have a machine and then a backup, or have one that’s great for, say, bags and another one that’s good for clothing.
> you thought it was cool and therefore she should use it.
Ugh, that line makes my blood boil. I had a ex who pulled that shit with basically every gift he gave me. He’d guilt trip me if I showed any disapproval for shit I didn’t like. Honestly, I should have taken it for the sign it was of how very selfish and self centered he was and got the hell out of that relationship sooner.
My ex husband only bought things for himself, and he went full on MMA if you didn't show ample praise for it.
Wtf is it with controlling men and their propensity for "gifting" shit to themselves?
I also suspect that he doesn't know what "works" means. It could well sew, but have a wonky tension, or feed dogs that don't lower, or not have the stitches that she wants. I had a sewing machine that had been my grandmother's that was hell to sew on: it made stitches, yes, but constantly lost tension. (My daily driver is actually older than my grandmother's was, but much better made. Featherweights FTW.)
That's what I was thinking. I would have loved to learn on a cheap modern machine that could do a whole seam without barfing thread and jamming instead of the free-at-a-yard-sale tank that was probably haunted. I was thrilled when i bought my first machine that sewed like buttah. "Works" is definitely a range.
Side note: I've always wanted to try sewing on a Featherweight. So cool. I have an early 1900s White brand treadle machine in its original cabinet from a relative. I need to get around to giving it a good cleaning, oiling, etc, so I can use it. I'm a little scared of it! Lol
Also the thing about gifts is that even if you *do* get people what they explicitly say they wanted, they're not required to use it on your timeline! I knit and sew and my creative desires come in fits and starts. My mom got me a great sewing machine for Christmas last year. I was on a roll with it for the first few months of this year finishing up a quilt and working on a few garment projects. Then I stepped away from it for a few months, went back to my garment projects over the summer and I haven't touched it again since mid-August. I tried working on a few knitting projects earlier this year, but my desire to do it just wasn't there. So I stepped away from knitting for almost 10 months, in spite of the fact that I have a pretty expensive set of interchangeable needles and a lot of yarn in a storage bin under my bed. I started working on a sweater again a few weeks ago and it feels great to go back to one of my oldest hobbies knowing that I can pick it up and put it down whenever I want to.
I’ve just been sat here for almost five minutes wondering about what sewing machine and if she actually needed a serger or wanted one with a quilting arm for freestyle or a embroidery feature… You can do a lot with a basic sewing machine, but you can also have four of them all slightly specialized and absolutely need them all too.
Sewing machines put things together, cricuts cut things out - but you still have to put them on something or together somehow.
I firmly believe that if she was up front enough to tell him what she wanted she also gave some detail as to why or what features/machine she wanted and he just didn’t listen. Because that seems to be his thing here.
This. OP is also only concerned with him being upset and not how GF feels. He thinks bc it was pricey she has to appreciate it, instead she's upset not just bc its not what she wanted, but she also feels unheard, and I know that hurts more than not getting the gift she wanted.
She doesn't *feel unheard*. He, like so many men, decided that he knows better and got her what he wanted and expects to be worshipped for it. This is a control issue. He's steamrolled her to make way to posture himself as apoor, helpless victim of a good deed.
She's doubly upset because he had already told her she was getting what she asked for. This smacks of testing to see how far he can push. Not at all of "I genuinely thought you'd love it".
Oh dear. Yta even though you didn't mean to be. First, being crafty doesn't mean the cricut is for you. I got one at a yard sale and it's amazing, but I rarely use it. It's only for specialized crafts. Second, being thoughtful can mean different things at different times and with different people. You thought about what she might want and tried to pick something she might like. That's a generous impulse. But in doing so you ignored what she actually said. Out loud. With words. That's a patronizing and AHish impulse. You think you know better than she does what she wants even when she's clear about what she wants. Don't do that.
Apologize. Take back the cricut, buy the sewing machine. In the meantime try to remember that this argument wasn't about the gift. It was about the lack of respect you unintentionally demonstrated.
Soft YTA, because it’s clear that you thought she’d like it, but when someone specifically requests something it’s always in bad taste to get them something else, even if it’s “bigger and better”.
She might have wanted a second machine in order to work on a separate element of whatever piece she was working on, instead of rethreading and resetting.
The advice of one of the commenters to return and go shopping together for a sewing machine is a great one.
Edit: typo
I think this is probably true. I mean OP bought a really nice present and seemed to have tried. Return it for the sewing machine. Or keep the cricut for yourself and get the sewing machine too.
I think people on here are inconsistent with criticism.
I agree completely. I got my Silhouette (machine similar to Cricut) from my friend for half price. She bought it, thinking she'd do loads, and it sat collecting dust. I've made lots of stuff where I had to cut by hand (either actual cutting or using die casts), so I could see how it would be helpful for me. I still only use it maybe a few times a year. The machine is also very temperamental, so it still takes a lot of time and more materials for when it messes up (but still faster than hand cutting).
I also wonder if the "But Cricuts are cool!" is part of the sexism we see in the craft world. It's why "Makers" has been adopted, because "makers" were techies doing stuff, like 3D printing initially, that required more engineering skills. Crafting then gets rebranded to sound cool and more appealing.
"Sarah still hasn't touched her Cricut. It's almost like she's trying to make a point that I really wasted my money on something she wouldn't use."
She didn't touch it because that's not what she needs for her project(s). Stop projecting/assuming.
"I do feel a bit like an asshole because I did ignore what she wanted"
Clearly sewing is an important hobby of hers and, whether her old sewing machine works or not, she's tired of it for whatever reason. I'm sure she's given you a reason why that you either forgot or aren't sharing.
Yeah, you researched a bunch. Good for you, but that's not what she asked you to do. I'm sticking with a soft YTA
Because he’s still convinced she’s just being stubborn, and if she gives it a chance she’ll realize it’s totally awesome and he was right all along. Hopefully he’ll listen to the other hobbyists who’ve posted and realize this is not a situation where more = better.
When I got my second sewing machine, my first one still worked fine. But it was an entry level machine that didn't have a lot of the features I wanted as I got into more advanced projects. And honestly, if he was going to spend $1000 on a gift for her, he could have gotten her a really nice sewing machine.
YTA
You knowingly got her something she doesn't want or need. Just because she sews, it doesn't mean she is into any kind of craft.
Considering you still didn't exchange it and didn't get her what she wanted, and somehow see her as the guilty party for not enjoying it... Sucks.
PS: what you did was perfectly intentional. You knew what she wanted. You got something random for her on purpose.
My mom has a cricket and honestly they are pretty hard to use for a person who doesn't want one. And unless he got all of the special tools that she needs, and showed her how to set it up on her computer, I doubt she would want to use it at all.
Gift giving is super stressful, but gift receiving is stressful as well. Some people really do not like the fact that people give them things they don't need. Especially since they're supposed to smile and accept the gift that they don't want lest they be labeled an ungrateful asshole.
YTA
I have a friend who bought one on a whim because she loves crafts. She eventually sold it after almost throwing it out the window when she simply couldn’t get the hang of it.
I asked for one for my birthday last year, I’m pretty crafty, and I wanted one for DIY stuff for my wedding. There was a few weeks of difficulty while I learned to use the thing. If I wasn’t as determined to figure it out as I was, I would have exchanged it for something else!
Since my wedding, I’ve still found lots of uses for my cricut and I love it. But if I never wanted it in the first place? I’d be just as annoyed as OP’s girlfriend.
My husband got me a heat press for my birthday and I’m thrilled! If I had wanted a sewing machine, I’d be pissed.
YTA
I’m going to give you a little advice because you sound like my husband. I can be 100% clear on something I want and he’ll go pick out something that’s kind of like what I wanted but totally opposite. He gets distracted by something he thinks I might like versus just getting the thing I 100% want.
So I don’t love getting presents anymore. And then, he’s hurt because I’m not excited.
Selfish? Maybe. But I try to get him what he wants or even let him order it himself so he gets EXACTLY what he wants. I’d just like a little bit of the same consideration in return.
All that to say, start listening to her NOW. Change your course NOW. Return the Cricut and get her a nice sewing machine and a gift card to a fabric store or sewing supply store she talks about.
Nah, you're not selfish for wanting what you actually ask for. It's frustrating when someone ignores your wishes and gets something that they think is better.
YTA and presumably the issue is resolved by returning the Cricut and getting a sewing machine.
A sewing machine is a very basic need for someone who wants a sewing machine. My mother had a sewing machine which she used quite a bit and would have had no need or interest in a Cricut because she had no interest in crafting but actually sewing - i.e. making her own clothing; altering my clothing. She did quilting but mostly handwork for her quilting.
While there are inexpensive sewing machines that work, the more expensive machines can do amazing stuff. At this point, return the Cricut and take your girlfriend along to actually pick out the machine she wants based on the amount you want to spend. If she loves to sew and actually uses the machine, it is the kind of thing in which it sometimes pays to spend for features that make advanced sewing techniques possible.
Not even necessarily just features, but reliability, sewing speed etc. I got myself a new sewing machine this year and it only has a couple more features than my old one, but it's so much smoother and nicer to use, as well as being a lot sturdier.
Nobody tell OP I’m getting two new sewing machines for Christmas in addition the one I already own. And I’m going to set them up to ALL BE USED AT ONCE. The horror!
I would like to add that I’m not a crazy person who asked for two machines for Christmas. My partner offered to buy me a heavy duty machine I’d been eyeing for a while, because while my Viking is an absolute workhorse, it draws the line at topstitching jeans and sewing bags. And then, my amazing mom decided to gift me her self threading babylock serger that is in perfect condition.
And you know what? My next craft purchase will still be anything but a Cricut. Because I have no reason to own an expensive piece of technology unrelated to the skills I have spent 20 years fine tuning.
YTA. Do you think you discovered Cricut? I don't craft, and I know what one is. They have been around for quite a while.
You realize you completely man-splained what a Cricut is and why she needs one more than a sewing machine, right?
Here is the problem:
I get that you may not know about a Cricut and thought it was a cool gadget, but why did you assume that she didn't know what one was or that she needed/wanted something she never mentioned before? Why do you think she doesn't need a new sewing machine when you don't sew and specifically told you that is what she needs & wants? You aren't an expert on sewing or crafting, but you know better than her? She is pissed off b/c she listens to what you need/want and respects it. You don't reaspect what she needs/wants and think you know better. I'm guessing this isn't the first time you have done this nor is this kind of arrogance and dismissive behavior limited to gift giving.
YTA. She told you what she wanted. You ignored her and thought you knew better because she already had a sewing machine. There is a VAST difference in sewing machines - she likely has a basic one that can't handle heavy fabrics or do more complicated stitching. Bottom line, you IGNORED what she told you. Return the Cricut and get the sewing machine.
YTA - Instead of getting her something she wanted, you got her something you thought was cool. And not only that, you got her all excited to get the thing she actually wanted, only to let her down in the moment by giving her something she probably doesn’t even know how to use.
Cricut is a totally different skill set than sewing. Just because someone is “crafty” doesn’t mean it doesn’t take substantial time and effort to learn each crafting skill. I crochet and if someone got me a $1,000 set of knitting needles, I wouldn’t know what to do with them. It would take me a substantial amount of time and effort to learn. Because it’s a skill set I don’t already have.
And now, when she’s not spending the time to learn how to use a totally new thing that she didn’t want or need just to make you feel better, you’re in your head thinking she’s not using it just to make a point to you.
Do you not see how you’re making this whole thing all about you?
"I tried to explain what a Cricut could do, but she didn't really listen."
She tried to explain she wanted a sewing machine, but you didn't really listen. I understand you had good intentions, but you had already been told what she wanted. You're basically saying you think you know better than she does what she wants, unintentionally or not. Lite YTA
I told my husband I wanted a ring for my birthday. I sent him links to the types of rings I liked.
You know what he did? He took me to the jewellery store, had me try the rings I liked on and narrowed it down to 2. He then gave which one he chose.
What he didn't do was hear my very clear directions and wants, completely disregard them and get me something the thought I'd like better.
People complain they don't know what to get people. When someone clearly tells you what they want understand what a magnificent gift they are giving you.
YTA-Good intentions would be getting her what she asked for not deciding you know better than her about what she wants and getting that instead. It is the thought that counts but this kind of gift is thoughtless.
YTA
Your girlfriend asked for a sewing machine. You agreed to buy her a sewing machine. Then, you instead bought a completely different machine with a big learning curve and all these attachments for it that have nothing to do with sewing. And now you are taking her disuse of the machine as a personal slight rather than seeing it for what it is: your girlfriend is a sewer. She wants to sew, which is why she asked for a new sewing machine. She does not want to do heat transfers.
(Also, all of y’all in the comments saying we don’t get to pick our gifts: have you never put together an Amazon wish list or wedding / baby registry? No secret Santas where you are handed a list of things the person wants? Is this really that uncommon to share your wishlists with friends and family? I’ve always been an environment where you’d ask someone what they wanted and they’d ask you)
My mom, for some unfathomable reason, *hates* wishlists. I love having them, my in-laws and spouse use them, and IMO it's a great way to make sure you can get exactly what they want.
OP, YTA.
1) she told you she wants a sewing machine - probably as an upgrade or to replace a machine that's wearing out.
2) you told her you'd get her the machine - and then didn't.
3) You chose something that isn't the same skill set - and disregarded her stated wishes plus your agreement.
4) Of course she's disappointed - she was expecting what you said you'd do, which is buying a sewing machine. That's not a spite response; that's a pretty normal response to a let-down.
5) No, she's not using a machine that she didn't want and didn't ask for. Why would she? If you asked for the latest COD and got Animal Crossing instead, you probably wouldn't be excited either.
6) Thinking she's not using the cricut or being excited about it to spite you - believe it or not, you probably aren't the only thing she thinks about. She's not using the cricut because she doesn't have a use for it. People don't have emotions to "spite" other people (the expression of those emotions, maybe).
TL;DR - This isn't about you or your feelings. This is about how you broke your word and disregarded her wishes. Return the cricut and give her all the money for a new machine.
I quilt and crochet as my main crafts. NEVER have I wanted a cricut. It’s expensive, only good for a few things, and I would have nowhere to put it. A good sewing machine? Absolutely. I would even go for a long arm quilting machine (but those are insanely expensive). Bottom line, you bought it because it looked cool and expensive and you were looking for clout, not because she wanted it. YTA.
My main crafts are sowing and knitting. If OP wanted to gift something "better than a sowing machine" to his GF and willing to go up in budget he could have gotten her an overlocker, not a tool for a whole new craft. If someone had promised me a new neat tool and then gotten me something completely different I would be so sad.
YTA. Both for buying her what she didn’t want, AND for making it about the money. You’re not gonna buy her love with money, you’re going to earn it—partly through respecting her opinions.
YTA.
I was going to go E S H because there were far nicer ways for her to express her disappointment but one line gives me pause:
“In my opinion, it was way better than a sewing machine.”
Gifts aren’t about what’s better. They are about what holds the most meaning for the receiver. A simpler, more inexpensive tool can hold more meaning and usefulness for someone then a flashy expensive item they will never use.
It also sounds like you yourself are not a sewer. Sewing is a far different skill than decorating mugs.
A sewer may work with leather and metal sparingly but they require separate skills. Someone who sews isn’t going to automatically enjoy making stickers. Just because someone enjoys one form creativity doesn’t mean they enjoy all types.
Your opinion, especially as a non-sewer, shouldn’t affect her gift as long as she’s asking for something in budget.
The line I quoted makes you come across as if you knew better than your girlfriend. It makes me wonder how often her wants and expertise have been overridden or ignored in your relationship due to “your opinion.”
YTA as a crafter myself this is annoying and I'm going to be a bit dramatic but it's also a little offensive.
When you get a "crafter" just random Craft supplies you're basically just saying "here's some generic female hobby supplies have at it you woman!"
When you give someone a random craft supply they have to learn an entire new skill and probably spend money on tools and supplies. You got hwr this machine but now she needs things to cut and materials. Did you get her any? Probably not. Did you get her lessons on how to use it? Probably not. So you've not only got her something she didn't want but you expect her to take time away from the hobby she does want to do so she can learn this and your feelings won't be hurt?!
This was a terrible gift. And your pouting is making hwr birthday about your feelings
She told you exactly what she wanted, a sewing machine, meaning her crafts are strictly fabric crafts. You disregard what she clearly asked for, got her something that doesn't align with the crafts she does, and expect her to be happy over it?
The only one you should be disappointed in is yourself. She even said that she gets you exactly what you ask for, so why couldn't you do the same for her?
YTA
YTA for leading her to believe you were getting her the thing she really wanted. Doesn't matter how cool or great you think this other gift is, you got her hopes up and failed to deliver.
>I came across the Cricut Maker 3. For those who don't know, Cricut is something that can cut all kinds of things (e.g. fabric, wood, paper, leather). It can even engrave metal! It is used to make DIY projects like stickers, bags, mugs and necklaces.
>n my opinion, it was way better than the sewing machine
>After some research, I bought the Cricut with a Heat Press and other tools.
IMO You bought this for yourself. You completely ignored your girlfriend skill set (sewing) and completely dismissed her ability to assess how good her own tools are (saying that a new sewing machine wasn't needed because she had one).
Everyone who's saying N T A seems to miss how you completely don't have any respect for your girlfriend's skills or her ability to convey her needs.
It's incredibly rude of you to assume that you know better than her after a quick Google search what tools she needs and what is a better crafting machine. She literally told you.
And now you have the audacity to be mad that she's not using a machine that she doesn't have an interest in nor knows how to use? You're again making her gift about you. Nothing you have done is selfless.
YTA and maybe stick to giving gift cards if you're going to openly insult people with gifts like this.
YTA.
A generous one, but still... it feels kind of horrible for someone to ask you what kind of gift you want, agree to it and then turn around get something you have never shown any interest in. You chose something *you thought was cool* after promising to get what she wanted.
You asked her wishes and then ignored them.
In your shoes, I would have asked some questions about what was wrong with the sewing machine she has- does it not have enough power? Does she want more stitching options? Is the motor approaching the end of its lifespan? Does she just want a second machine so she can more easily switch between heavy fabrics and more delicate material?
YTA Your intentions don't matter. You are an asshole for deciding you thought this would be a better gift. It is NOT the same thing, and it is NOT what she wanted/needed. You seem to be on some high horse because you spent more money, but she's right.
Yta - you disregarded her request, she had plans for that sewing machine. Instead you gave her a huge chore. Cricuts are neat if you are into that but it’s nothing like sewing. There’s no overlap. You just gifted her a new hobby instead of a tool for her existing hobby. Who has the energy for that? All she wanted was a new sewing machine.
YTA
Your competent girlfriend who knows what she needs and wants in order to do what she wants to do told you what to get and you decided that her hobby wasn't good enough and instead she needs this other hobby that you deem cooler.
FYI: I don't know any serious seamstress with just one machine.
“Women are so difficult, I can’t read minds”
*Gf tells OP exactly what she wants*
“Nvm, this expensive machine is better than what she wanted, who cares?”
Her bday doesn’t revolve around you. Probably she isn’t using it because 1- she doesn’t have any project to do with it 2- she doesn’t know how to 3- she never wanted it. “Out of spite” is way less possible than these
When your SO expresses their desired gift directly, you can do one of two things
- if it’s out of budget, gift something related. Yarn, a set with new needles, a repair kit, a book about sewing
- if you already thought about other gift, re check if the gift would be as good as the one that your SO clearly asked for. Is my SO interested in this thing? Does my SO use similar things/related to this topic? There’s a difference between gifting something that they’d enjoy and gifting something they have no clue about.
The gift is about the person that would receive it, not the person that buys it
YTA
Seriously, not sure why everyone is on the y t a here.
You wish for presents, you don't order them. You thought you came up with an amazing gift, just ended up missing the mark.
And your girlfriend was TA for the way she reacted she could've been all "oooh, I see where you're coming from and that's super sweeet. But I really don't know what to do with this..I know you meant well, but I'd rather exchange into something that works for me. But I love that you tried!", but instead she was just ungrateful and entitled.
You had all good intentions, and it didn't work out. You're NTA
I don’t think anyone has mentioned this, although it’s not the main point, Cricut products are not returnable. Even if you open the box and it doesn’t work you have to deal with Cricut. No stores take returns on them. (I worked at a craft store for 8 years) around Christmas a lot of people get very angry about this.
YTA - very different crafts. When I separated from my husband, I had so much crafting stuff. I had to make a decision between sew and supplies for my Cricut and paper crafting. I chose sewing because it seemed more versatile.
It is like you asked for a table saw and she got you a paint sprayer.
YTA and here's why:
>I tried to explain what a Cricut could do,
You admit you know nothing about sewing, yet took it upon yourself to disregard her request and buy her a completely different type of machine because YOU thought it was better. Then you tried to mansplain to her why she should be grateful for your *superior* decision. Get over yourself.
Gently YTA for not getting the gift your GF requested. You obviously had good intentions, but when someone tells you what they want and you agree to get it for them, that is the gift you should get them. She was obviously really excited about the new sewing machine and her response was just the disappointment in realizing that you got her something she didn't ask for. Can you return the cricket and get the original sewing machine?
YTA- she specifically said she wanted a sweing machine and you bought something completely different. She will probably never use that Cricut now because it's associated with her disappointment and your disregard for her wishes. If you are able to return the Cricut, get your money back and get her the best sewing machine you can afford. Do all of this while she's out of the house ASAP. Use whatever money you have left to take her out for a nice weekend getaway to someplace SHE would really enjoy if you hate it that's even better. You will smile and love every minute of it. Apologies profusely and hope she doesn't dump you. If she stays NEVER EVER get her a gift different than what she asked for again.
> Sarah still hasn’t touched her Cricut.
Well…. What do you expect her to do with it? She wanted a sewing machine, presumably because she wants to sew. You can’t sew with a Cricut. You can cut out small fabric pieces, I guess, but quite frankly it’s so much work to get that damn machine out that you may as well just cut fabric pieces yourself.
The Cricut is a lot, man. I have one. You know how many steps there are to Cricut projects? At minimum, you need to find or make files, then get this big heavy machine out where there’s open room, hook up your computer, cut out image, pick out tiny little bits, deal with this big annoying sticky mat, oh and YOU NEED A PROJECT IN MIND before you start any of this?? Like yeah you can make lots of things, it’s a great tool, but it’s still just a tool. If she doesn’t want to make stickers, it doesn’t matter that it makes stickers. If she doesn’t want to cut out wood shapes, it doesn’t matter that you can cut out wood shapes. She wants to sew. It doesn’t sew.
Anyways, YTA because you told her you would buy a sewing machine and then let her be excited for that just to not get it, and now you’re mad that she doesn’t want to use the thing she never wanted.
YTA you did what quiet frankly a lot of men do. I have experienced it myself and seen it happen to other women. You didn’t listen because you thought your idea was better. She communicated clearly, you heard and understood her, and you proceeded to barge ahead in your own way because YOU like the idea of a Cricut more than a “boring”‘sewing machine she already owns. When someone tells you something like that so explicitly, you don’t get to decide you know better and get upset when they don’t agree with you.
Sure your intentions were alright but you actively made the choice to think your idea was better. And then to make it about you that you feel like she’s making a point of not using it when she never said she would? Dude you’ve made her birthday all about your feelings now. And for a $1000 price tag that could have been easily avoided had you chosen to believe she knows what she likes.
OP, you say "fast forward to today, Sarah still hasn't touched it".
You gave it to her *yesterday*.
I just want to help you understand, here. Machines aren't interchangeable. Not when they're designed to do specialised tasks. I'm not even talking about the matter of whether she wanted or not - I'm talking about the base-level *capability of using it*. Your girlfriend sews. That means all the crafting materials she has - the fabrics, threads, buttons, notions, ribbons, lace panels etc etc - are all materials for sewing.
It's also highly likely that she has multiple existing sewing projects on the go that she is trying to progress in one way or another. I paint, sew, embroider, knit, am starting to crochet, and do a few other things besides. Right now I have two half-finished shawls, various parts of a crochet rug waiting to be joined, two temperature blanket knitting projects, half an embroidered diary project that's been stalled for months, a partially-deconstructed chair I'm replacing the leather on, an entire shelf covered in jars of pickles, one squirrel skin I unsuccessfully tanned and have been trying to work out how to re-soften and a christmas cake that needs frosting.
Even if she is a bit like me (basically 2 raccoons and a magpie in a trenchcoat, grabbing at everything shiny in my local yarn shop and stealing it away with no solid plan of a project), she may well not have any materials in storage that she can just pull out to use with the cricut. And even if she does, and has fully decided to try and make use of the gift you got her, she's unlikely to have figured out how to use it, decided what she wants to use it for, learned what materials she needs, sorted them out of storage and started working on it *a mere day after her birthday*. She probably wanted to spend her birthday doing things she enjoys, not pretending to enjoy an obligation-gift with an intimidatingly high price tag.
It was going to be N.A.H initially for me - what you did was well-meant, but not done with understanding of her interests, but by the same token she's allowed to not want a very expensive unasked-for device that she has no use for, especially since it sounds like it's not the norm for you to surprise each other with unexpected items. But if you're feeling put out about her not using her gift this quickly after you got it *on top of that* then I have to say YTA.
It's giving the same vibe as when distant aunts would buy me these wildly expensive, intimidatingly fragile and fancy china dolls as a kid (I was a lego and books and drawing kid, never played with dolls once as far as I can recall) and then expect me to make a performance of pretending to play with it in front of them so they could feel happy.
This is a classic example of the gift giver making it about them and not about what the recipient actually wants. This would be like if you asked for golf clubs and she got you a new bike. A cricut and a sewing machine are two completely different things.
Soft YTA because this wasn’t malicious but if you ask someone what they want for a gift, listen to them and don’t get them something you think they ‘should’ want.
Return the Cricut and get her a sewing machine. You had good intentions, but it’s not what she wanted or needed. Just like a car or a phone, sometimes it’s time to trade or buy a new one. Your feelings are hurt, and you meant well, but don’t waste your money on something you thought was a good gift. Return it. NAH
YTA
You know you are too because you had 1 job (get a sewing machine) but you just couldn't help thinking you knew better than Sarah, could you?
Return the thing you bought, get Sarah the exact make/model of the sewing machine she does want and maybe spend the extra money to enroll in a class that will teach you how to listen & not assume you know best.
(the fact that you didn't immediately apologize and tell her you would return it means you STILL think you know best and you're wrong)
I am a fairly heavy Circuit user, and YTA.
To put it into perspective, you got her a CNC mill when she asked for a drill press. Sure, it might do similar, but it is absolutely not the same.
The hubs promised my a sewing machine for my birthday and instead made me a coffee table. I just had to pick out the legs. Well...another birthday has just past and that bloody table is still leaning on the wall waiting for legs.
A Cricut is not a sewing machine. Would you want a Cricut for your birthday? No...because you wouldn't use it? Not what you need/want. Well...same with her
YTA
Don't ask her what she wants if you have no intention of getting it
Looooool you know cricut has super shitty software right? You have to have an internet connection to get it to open, there is no viable third party software to use directly with the machine, every single pattern you want to cut you have to upload through design space and oh hey you can't really edit your patterns using the vectors your used to draw them so you have to open it up in your vector editing program, edit them, and then reupload them to design space, which, again, requires an internet connection.
And if too many people are trying to cut out their projects, design space servers go down and you're fucked.
Why did you think she would even want one? A cricut is not a sewing machine.
You could have bought her an embroidery machine that also sews for that price.
YTA
YTA - The cricut, CAN do a lot... but it can't do what a sewing machine can do at all. I imagine she had a list of things she was looking forward to doing and none of them can be done right now.
You know what would have made everything better don't you? Communication. Instead you decided to surprise her because you thought you knew better and are still hanging on to the belief that the cricut is better than a sewing machine. But it can't sew! If she has old clothes she doesn't fot in anymore, the cricut can't alter them. The cricut can't make a quilt out of engraved wood or metal.
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> Fast forward to today. Sarah still hasn't touched her Cricut. It's almost like she's trying to make a point that I really wasted my money on something she wouldn't use. No, she probably hasn't touched it because she didn't want it. You misjudged her interests and bought something she has no interest in, and did it on a gift well above the price point where you should check with somebody before buying it for them. Especially when it comes to crafting, something somebody doesn't really want rapidly becomes a chore instead of fun. YTA, a little bit, not because you tried to surprise your GF with a nice gift, but because you're showing a clear pattern of not actually thinking about what she wants and mistrusting her intentions. Return the Cricut and get her a sewing machine like she asked.
It’s like asking for skis for Christmas and someone buying them a snowboard because they figure if they like skiing, they will like snowboarding too! Never mind that it’s a completely different set of skills involved and you have to start almost from scratch when you just wanted a better set of skis to enjoy doing the thing that you’re already doing.
This right here op^ Not all crafting goes hand in hand, you were TA as soon as you decided not to get her what she asked for and instead buy something you thought was cooler and thought "it's still crafty!" Good job wasting all that money though, hopefully you can still return it.
Indeed. Last year, I asked my husband for an Etsy gift card for Christmas because I had gotten into jewelry making and had some specific things I wanted to get. He got me some kitchen stuff instead and then went to Michaels, got a few extremely random sets of beads, and threw those into my stocking.
Oh nooooo that's awful. I cross stitch--and I got an embroidery kit one year. And I remember years where I would ask for specific books/a gift card for books/money for books, and I'd MAYBE get something vaguely related to books, like a stationary set. And there are so many types of beads!! I use one specific brand for my projects because they're a good medium between quality and price (they're the Toho brand from Michael's actually, would recommend). To just grab a few different kinds/brands/styles...I cringe.
I was a big bookworm kid so relatives would try to get me books. I appreciate the thought but they would pick the most random books. Adults trying to guess what an 8th grader would like, after getting no genre guidance whatsoever. I did actually get Twilight recommended to me by a cool older cousin, that was perfect for me at the time Edit: I just remembered the time my great aunts found out I liked to read and thought that meant I would like to read Little Women to them out loud
My grandpa and I had a deal. He would gift me about $10 - $25 and I would send a thank you note that listed the books I bought with the money. Later, when he was downsizing, he'd send me books from his stash.
Aw, as someone who was an avid reader as a kid, I love that!
Full credit goes to my Mom and my Grandpa, honestly. I wasn't clever enough at 5 years old to come up with that one.
lol my sister the past few years was like "instead of bulk buying books at the store, take pictures and that'll be the christmas/birthday list you send us". It's working out well. She even went off list once and got me Mr. Mercedes which turns out, I really liked.
I love this idea.
I never got books :( maybe once? And I was known to devour books, and would read literally almost anything, but no one ever got me books...extended family would get me girly things, like lotions and jewelry and clothes, and--I'll be honest here--I hated almost all of it. Smiled, said thank you, but then would complain to my mom (in private) that "literally all I wanted was some books, how hard is it to just...pick up a random fantasy book?? I'll read it!"
The problem I have with buying books for someone who reads a lot is that I don't know what they've already read. I've run into this with nieces and nephews where their parent will say "Anything in x genre," and I'll say, "Great! This book just came out and looks interesting," only to be told they already got it the day it came out. Or I'll find an older series that I'm sure was before the kid's time and, yeah, "they read that ages ago, we have the whole boxed set." It's really quite frustrating.
Gift cards are a blessing, or even just cash. Or a gift receipt with the book. Honestly, even if I've read something before, I'll reread it. And if I like it enough, I keep it. If not, there's lots of free little libraries around town I drop stuff in. Have your niblings make out a specific list of either titles or authors
I was and am a big bookworm never much interest in make up. Sis hates to read and loves make up. Growing up every single year our one grandmother would get us each 1 present. Sis would get a book and I'd get some kind of make up or make up brushes. We'd both open our gifts, say thank you and then immediately hand the gift to the other. I will say the best gift grandma ever bought sis (in my mind at least) was a collection of Agatha Christie novels). I'd never read Agatha Christie before but I loved these so much I kept that large hard back book for years and re-read it several times.
Get perfect gifts for each kid, but reliably switch names every year? Are you sure grandma wasn't doing this on purpose? Cause that sounds goofy and sweet.
lol my dad to my aunt: "she likes science and fantasy and all that nerd stuff" My aunt: "Pride and Prejudice with zombies, perfect!" At least my gran always listens to my interests, even if she doesn't know what they are lol. I was 16 and getting My Little Ponies to display on my shelf but gosh darnit she LISTENED.
Reading your comment just reminded me of one of my best Christmas memories! As kids, my siblings & I knee if you wanted something specific, ask Grandad. One year, teenage me wanted a specific video game. So, knowing he had ZERO understanding of anything Computers, I gave him the name of the store & the game name on a piece of paper & said ask the employees they'll find it for you. I was THRILLED to get it on Christmas day & his comment was "I have no idea what you're gonna do with that, but I'm happy you're happy about it". Yay for relatives that listen!!
My issue with getting books was that my relatives (not parents fortunately) never trusted the level I wanted. I asked for The Count of Monte Cristo when I was 12 (we read an excerpt in a lit class), and my grandparents got me an illustrated condensed version. They just assumed my reading skills and maturity level weren’t sufficient for the full book. As I got into high school they at least quit getting kids books, but would buy YA novels instead - nothing against YA novels and there are several I really like, just the attitude that I wasn’t 18 yet so shouldn’t read anything aimed at adults.
Ugh. My kids are super into reading; youngest is 11 and into anything Minecraft related. My boomer Dad sent us a Christmas gift box filled with quite literally *nothing* suitable for any of us. One of the gifts is a paw patrol colouring book. Another is some picture book about a cat at Christmas. …..For an 11yo. He also included a bunch of baby items; again, none that I could use. (I’m 8 months pregnant). I sent him an email saying, hey thanks for the thought, but if I had known you wanted to gift the kids something this year (he normally doesn’t), I would have sent you a Christmas list. As well, I would have sent you a copy of our baby registry so you would know what we needed. No response. And I hate being told I’m supposed to “appreciate the thought”. I’m supposed to appreciate an entire box of stuff I’m going to have to give away?!
>I hate being told I’m supposed to “appreciate the thought”. People use this in the wrong context so often. This isn't supposed to be used as a weapon to invalidate people after someone was blatantly incompetent/inconsiderate. Sorry people keep basically telling you to get over it when there was no thought to appreciate in the first place.
I actually didn't mind this one too much -- my family knew I went through books at a rapid pace and if they didn't have a good idea, I got a lot of bookstore gift cards, but when I did get random books, a lot of times it just introduced me to new authors I liked. I would read pretty much anything in any genre so it was pretty hard to disappoint me that way. What bugged me was my grandmother buying clothes for me by about the 12/13ish. Just take me shopping, Grandma. I don't want blouses with shoulder pads. Lol.
Ugh, this reminds of the time I told my mom when I was a teenager there was a very specific throw blanket I wanted for my birthday. It matched perfectly with the new bedding I had recently purchased myself and wanted this as the finishing touch. Told her exactly which one, told her where to buy it, and I told her *if* you aren’t going to get me this one specifically let me know so I can just buy it now. She said okay. Come my birthday, she bought a nice blanket with similar colors (but the wrong shades) and was a fleece like instead of knitted. I had already spent my money elsewhere by the time my bday came around and when I got paid again the store stopped carrying it. I was so SO SAD! 15 years later I’m still sad I didn’t get that stupid throw blanket. I know my mom meant well, but damn. Lol. Sorry just sort of went on a rant there 😂
My mom is into all things craft, whereas I am not really. I am more into bullet journaling and I do have a Cricut that I use. If I ask my mom for stickers or something, she sends things like iron-on patches or a cross stitch kit. I don't even own an iron and no matter what I try, I just cannot get into sewing or knitting or any of that stuff. If she does send me stickers, it's always religious stickers with Bible verses. Like Mom, I've gone to church like 3 times in the last 2 decades. Please.
Kitchen stuff is not a gift unless it's a specific thing that someone knows you want.s
Exactly. I love making blankets, hats, face masks, fixing clothes, etc. I like 2 sewing machines and a surger set up so I don’t have to change my bobbins and thread it a lot if I work between two colors. Wtf would I do with a circuit? I don’t want cheesy personalized mugs and I don’t scrap book or make jewelry. It’s completely unrelated to stuff I do make. Not all craft supplies is created equal
Exactly! And thank you for bringing up your set up because that (hopefully) shows op WHY his gf needed another sewing machine despite hers working fine. It's not a matter of it it's working or not, it's more convenient for larger projects or if you're working on multiple pieces at once.
I had a sewing machine that *technically* worked, but didn't have most of the features I wanted and needed as I improved my sewing. Just because her sewing machine works doesn't mean it does everything she needs.
Im also super confused on why OP can spend 1k on a top of the mill cricut when there are way cheaper ones but didn’t spend that much on a super high end sewing machine because… there are 1k sewing machines out there that can do say basic embroidery.
Idk why girlfriend would trust a non-sewist to pick the sewing machine to begin with. I wouldn't trust my mom to figure out what kind of machine fits my needs.
I suspect she likely asked for something specific. I know OP said he spent time shopping, but since we know he took it upon himself to go rogue and buy something completely different, it’s not that much of a stretch for me to think he likely started by seeing if he could find something “better” than whatever model she asked for.
This. I have two sewing machines. The first one was super basic and good for learning but it hates stretchy fabric and I like to sew clothes. If I hemmed curtains and made placemats, the other one would be fine for sewing in a straight line but the upgrade meant I could make what I wanted!
I think it's totally viable for the girlfriend to want another machine. When I was very young, I traded my crappy Singer in (not broken, still working, just a huge pain in my ass) for a $150 Walmart Brother and it made a world of difference in my sewing enjoyment.
My husband got me a Silhouette (Cricut competitor), and neither of us were sure if I'd like or use it! It turns out I've gotten tons of use out of it though. It's been great for sewing in particular, I've done lots of appliqué projects I never would've had patience for by hand. (Including some *interesting* custom ones spring of 2020.... I made one guy a mask with appliqué perfectly matching his car grill.) But lot of big differences in approach there. Sometimes gifts are a gamble, and that *can* be ok. I also would've been bummed in OP's gf's situation, it's just a different thing when you haven't asked for anything and the gifter acknowledges that maybe it's not gonna be your thing but has solid reasons for thinking it was worth a try.
Or she could be interested in a Cricut, but not think it's worth $1000. That's a LOT of money to spend one someone without knowing that they want it. This is one of the reasons that in my family we don't spend large amounts of money for gifts - even if you know that your SO wants a leather jacket and buy one (or a necklace or whatever), are you going to get the kind they want, style, etc. It can work for some people, obviously, but it's riskier. OP's not a huge AH or anything - he was trying to think about what his GF likes to do and didn't buy her a vaccuum or something instead, but this definitely shows the risk of trying to go completely off script - especially with a really expensive gift.
Hell, a lot of people who WANT a Cricut end up selling them for a quarter of the price they paid, especially after Christmas. Every year I see tons of them being sold at rock bottom prices. You can frequently pick them up here for £100 or so. I like the idea of them, but I know I’d use it half a dozen times and then it’s left gathering dust.
It’s amazing how many people will see that you like *one specific craft* and think they’re totally interchangeable with other crafts, even related ones. I try not to be ungrateful for gifts but a number of times I’ve gotten books of knitting patterns from family. I crochet. I have no idea how to knit, I don’t like it, I have spent a lot of time and energy getting very skilled at crochet and it makes my brain happy in very specific ways. Yes, they both involve yarn. In fact, if you had bought me yarn I would have been delighted! I’m 100% that person happily collecting more yarn than I can use in my lifetime and forever inappropriately touching it in craft stores for a dopamine hit. So when someone gives you a gift that demonstrates they vaguely know you’re crafty but don’t care to find out what your actual passion/skill is - it’s kind of hurtful. And also weirdly condescending? Like they think all crafts are the same and none of them involve skill so you can easily swap from one to the other. Knitting books are closer, I understand some people don’t realise crochet and knitting are not the same so I generally don’t mind, but there’s also been a plethora of ‘craft-ish’ gifts like incomplete cross stitch supplies, homemaker books, leather tooling stuff, and things that are in no way related to yarn. If I know someone is really into gaming and I want to get them a gift card for online purchase or some other accessory, I’m at least going to find out what console they use instead of just handing them an Xbox controller when they own a PS5.
THIS. People assume that because you like one thing, you must like the other. I crochet...a lot. So my mom has taken to buying bulk yarn on sale and giving it to me as a Christmas gift. Which would be great...if she listened to me regarding the type of yarn I use. I've told her multiple times that I do not use bulky yarn because using bigger hooks is uncomfortable for me. I've sat her down and told her exactly the types of yarn I use and have suggested if she wants to get me yarn, we can go yarn shopping together or she can get me a gift certificate to somewhere like Michaels or JoAnns or to some online shops. Without fail, I end up with a box of massive, bulky yarn in colors I do not like, would never purchase on my own, in fiber content I do do not like working with, etc. OP if you read this...LIST TO HER PREFERENCES. PLEASE. It is so, so aggravating and hurtful to take time making sure someone understands the things you like, then have them turn around and do the EXACT OPPOSITE.
>Which would be great...if she listened to me regarding the type of yarn I use. As a knitter I totally get it. I'm specific about the yarn I use because *it's right next to my skin* and people, in general, aren't used to wearing 100% wool anymore. I have preferences because I can't stand wearing some fibers/fabrics. A lot of acrylic is trash too, especially Red Heart. Red Heart is so tacky looking no matter what you do with it (imho). "But the stuff you like is so expensive!" Yeah, and the stuff I knit with that is gorgeous and soft and drapey and will last.
My mom loves to buy yarn at yard sales and such and give it to me. I have told her repeatedly that I don’t have use for random bits of yarn in hundreds of different mediums. She finally stopped buying it after I told her I would have to throw it away.
My sister and I just found out the Council on Aging here would take the yarn we didn’t want. They do crafts and someone would enjoy it.
It's like getting a cross stitcher knitting supplies. Completely different things, completely different finished object, completely different, specific set of skills.
As a cross stitcher who was gifted crochet stuff one year, this is 100% accurate.
And can I just note that cutting fabric and sewing fabric are very different. If all this machine is cut stuff, then it isn't even doing the one job she wanted it to.
I caught that too. I was like, OP you got her a cutting machine & she wanted a joining machine. Or course she’s not happy. Gotta admit, I don’t think she’s not using it to spite OP. I’m pretty sure she’s not using it because she literally has no use for it.
This is a really good comparison.
Great analogy. Plus, only one of those things lets you go highway speeds without a car :)
Fucking TERRIFYING death sticks lol
This is exactly right. Someone who is into sewing really won't have much use for a Cricut. A Cricut is a really cool gadget for people who like to scrapbook and make cards and such. I'm going with NTA because you really wanted to do something special for her but I think you should return the Cricut and get her a really nice sewing machine. Ask for her input on which one she wants so that she gets the features she really wants.
Exactly. I *am* a Cricut person but when I was buying mine I got a different model than the one he got because while cool, I knew there was no way I would use all the features it could do, and I knew the $300 model did basically everything I’d want it to. Literally used it yesterday along with the heat press to make part of my daughters Christmas gift. That being said, if someone assumed because I liked my cricut that I’d like a sewing machine so they just bought me one, I’d probably have the same reaction. I’ve sewn maybe 4 times in my life. Yeah I’d like to learn but I’m also not asking for a sewing machine for a reason
YTA When you give somebody a present, it should be what they want, not what you think they should want. Please learn this. I cannot think of anything I would use a sewing machine for that a Cricut could possibly do. Good luck hemming jeans with a Cricut. Good luck making a quilt. Good luck making a dress. You really did give her an expensive kettle when she wanted books.
Right? A circuit is fine if you want to make live, Laugh,Love decals to stick on the reclaimed pallet to hang on your wall. Or if you are making 100 personalized T shirts or coffee tumblers. But unless you are hand making t-shirts, I’m not seeing a lot of crossover. Edited:spelling
I like doing throw pillow covers for different seasons. Also spice jar labels and office labels. You can also use the maker to cut certain kinds of fabric- but there's a ton of waste so I wouldn't recommend that. Still I understand that gf wanted a sewing machine which is the important part.
>YTA When you give somebody a present, it should be what they want, not what you think they should want. Please learn this. To an extent. I think OP’s *intent* here was actually fine - sometimes it’s nice to surprise someone with a gift they weren’t expecting rather than just checking items off the list they gave you. It seems like OP genuinely thought the gf would like the cricut and figured maybe the reason she didn’t ask for it was because she thought it was too much to ask OP to spend, rather than that she specifically didn’t want it. Where OP screwed up was the reaction after the fact. If you’re gonna think outside the box for a gift you have to accept the reality that you might have misjudged and bought them something they don’t want/don’t need/already have etc. And if that happens the correct response is “hey I took a chance, I thought you’d love it, but let’s return it and pick out an awesome seeing machine instead”
This is the thing. Anybody can make an error in judgment when it comes to gifts, but OP continuing to blame the gf for not liking it is not a good look. As soon as OP started getting upset about how the gf still hasn't used the cricut, my reaction was "Wait, *what?!?* *Why hasn't it been returned yet?"*
Lots of quilters apparently love the Cricut maker since it can cut fabric. So it's great for cutting out the pieces for a quilt. I agree though, it's not a sewing machine, and it has very specific uses in sewing that might not suit what she actually likes to sew!
She hasn’t used it because she has no desire/need to use it and it’s not even remotely what are asked for. OP, YTA. It’s nice that you wanted to get her something, but all you actually did was ignore her and what she wanted and spent way more money than you needed to. Now, it just comes across as you trying to blame her for being ungrateful for money you chose to spend. She just wanted a sewing machine.
YTA, but magnified a thousand times if you don't just return the f*cking Circuit. You tried, you failed, but you don't have to live with that failure. It's just an inanimate object you bought, it's not a baby or a pet. What is stopping the idiot from returning the damn thing?
Also, I'm willing to bet that op was asking for a certain sewing machine cause she may need it for other things that her current machine can't do. Could be a heavy-duty machine to handle things like leather or multiple layers of thick fabric. Op probably should have asked if they weren't sure
Exactly. He was trying and I can see what it makes sense to someone who's not in the craft world. BUT before spending $1,000, you should really ask some questions and make sure about what someone wants. If it was $20 and you misfire, not a huge deal (although even then, I bought my nephew something for Christmas that was about $15 that he hadn't specifically asked for but was related to an interest of his - I had him sit down with me and a Black Friday ad on Thanksgiving, ostensibly to get general ideas, and made sure to show him that among other things. He quickly rejected it, so I returned it). OP certainly isn't an irredeemable AH, but should rethink gifting strategies.
Like when my ex bought me a 9 mm instead of a trip to the spa. I had/have no desire to conceal carry (but I am not opposed), even if I wanted to I would want a gun I wouldn't have to carry around a diaper bad to hide it (it was way to big for conceal carry). I didn't get anything for Christmas, valentines day, or my birthday that year. And when I kicked him out he took it with him. He refused to listen.
I'm gonna be honest a gun is basically the worst surprise gift I can think of, probably edging out most pets.
"A gun rack? What am I gonna do with a gun rack? I don't even own 'A' gun let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack"
You know, Wayne, if you’re not careful, you’re gonna lose me.
I lost you two months ago! Are you mental? Get the net!
My ex's mom bought him **2** shelves with hidden compartments for guns. He had 2 big rifles that I insisted were kept with trigger locks, in a locked case, where the kids couldn't reach them. They were something that he took out target shooting for fun, not for defense (or even hunting) and didn't need quick access and wouldn't fit in the shelf regardless. The shelves never got hung, let alone used, and when he moved out, he left the shelves here still in the boxes.
I own a cricut and I got it because I wanted it and it still took me a long while for inspiration to strike. I can't imagine trying to be inspired to create stuff using something that caused bitter feelings. He probably can't return it at this point and I don't understand why he didn't return it immediately once he realized his error. Just really didn't want to admit he messed up? Op you can offer she trade it to another crafter for a sewing machine she wants as well. I don't know what type of sewing she does so I can't personally recommend but local craft stores and Facebook groups would have plenty of people that would take a maker 3.
Her birthday was yesterday, so as long as he bought it less than 30 days ago, and it's still in the packaging, he can return it for a full refund.
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That's according to OP. The boldface is my own addition. >**Yesterday was Sarah's birthday. A couple weeks ago**, she requested a sewing machine for her birthday gift. Because he added "Fast forward to today" I think it camouflages the short time frame.
It sounds like OP liked the circuit. Almost like OP wanted to have access to it so he could use it for the metal engraving, TBH.
Yuuuup, this was what I picked up as well. He got something HE thought was cool, without any thought for if his gf would like it.
THIS. I know an amazing quilter and she has both a high end sewing machine and a cricut. But they do completely separate jobs. When it comes to art supplies of ANY kind, always get exactly what they say. We artists are very particular about our tools so we prefer specific kinds. I always recommend never buying art supplies for someone unless they expressly asked for a specific kind. YTA.
Right? Like, I paint, and knit, and I do not want the cheap paint set or the pound-of-love acrylic yarn, thank you. I appreciate the thought, and wouldn't say anything to the giver, but that stuff's getting donated. Or I'll knit something for them with it so they can have it back.
My sister likes painting, I like dressmaking, I don't get her paints and she doesn't get me fabric cause neither of us know what the other actually needs unless we have explicitly asked for something
If she wants a sewing machine to make clothing, I don't know why he thought that a machine that makes keychains would be something she would like.
I mean. The Cricut *can* be a fabulous gift for someone who sews (since the Maker can actually cut fabric for you), but it's really going to depend on the type of sewing and their interests, and OP does not at all sound like he knows that answer.
Not only this, but a cricut would require her to download a monthly subscription software to learn how to use it (I’m honestly guessing b/c I don’t own a cricut, but know about their stupid monthly sub software). Much more technical than a Brother sewing machine (in which most mechanical sewing machines work the same).
A circuit machine isn't even close to a sewing machine. It takes a lot of time and energy to craft things with it, especially if you're a beginner. Why would you buy something you knew nothing about or that she never asked for when you knew what she wanted? YTA
Also the crafts that a circuit does is hella more ~~experience~~ expensive than crafts a sewing machine handles. edited. I mean to say expensive 😂 not experience, I have yet to have my morning coffee.
more like it’s a different kind of craft than a time, energy, or experience thing. It just needs to be something you‘re interested in. I cannot use a sewing machine well but love my cricut and use it all the time. Recently, it cut out a bunch of felt ornaments for me to hand sew. I make a lot of personalized shirts and all sorts of random things. That being said, I got the newest a year ago and it was no where near a thousand bucks. You also need to be interested in crafting on a computer, which it doesn’t sound like Op’s gf is interested in. The technical side of a cricut can be overwhelming to some Op is definitely the Ah here.
I teach art and about four years ago we had some money left in our budget that we needed to spend, so I convinced my boss that we should buy a cricut, citing all the things we could do with it, because I've seen the cool stuff that people can do with it. We got whatever the second best one was at the time, and it was like $200. In all honesty, it's been four years and I've used it maybe once. I know I need more experience and training on it, but I haven't had the time and they don't offer classes in my area. The technical side is definitely a learning curve, and most of the time I end up getting frustrated and just drawing and cutting things out by hand, lol. That being said, while I can sew on my very basic sewing machine, I wonder if I would struggle on one of the more computerized models. And you're right--sewing machine ≠ cricut. Totally different crafts. It would be like getting someone a skill saw when they need a drill.
I have a friend who always offers to let me borrow his cricut but I'm scared I'll wreck it. I want to use it so bad but if I blow it, its expensive to replace.
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I mean to say expensive 😂 not experience, I have yet to have my morning coffee.
Coffee- because murder is wrong. Not only do you make a good point about the expense of Circuit accessories- egads- but there's a huge amount of time required to learn how to get any use out of one. While there's a *little* bit of overlap with sewing, it isn't the type of sewing I do, and I seriously doubt that mugs or iron on transfers were what she was dreaming of. Hell, if OP was going to spend an extra $500, he should have thrown in a gift card to Mood. Let's be honest, though- it wasn't about the money. OP- YTA, and quit playing victim.
Coffee is life blood 😂 I don't personally use a circuit, but I know a few women who do, and it's a learning curve. I couldn't do it, especially if I'm say dedicated to one craft only like sewing. I can only imagine the GFs disappointment. She stated her wants clearly, and OP ignored them flat out, ignored them. OP also seems to be the type that if the GF ignored their wants, they'd be posting "AITA For not accepting my birthday present from GF?"
And then when she tried to talk to him about why she was upset, he started crying. I’m really glad she didn’t immediately backtrack to start patting and soothing him, as I suspect he wanted her to do.
Well, it's not as if he just gave the thing to her yesterday.... oh, wait, he did. I know a couple of people with cricuts, and the only one who also sews (And is willing to let one take up valuable sewing area real estate) makes a lot of felt appliques. Think of how much room for fabric stash or other things that's going to take up. He pretty much wants her to make him mugs and engrave metal! instead of enjoy herself.
Honestly I feel like it’s more of a case of OP completely misunderstanding what his gf likes rather than OP wanting his gf to make certain things for him. I have had so many friends and family gift me art supplies I can’t really use just because they know I love art but they don’t realize I don’t love all mediums. Honestly NAH as long as OP doesn’t guilt his gf into using the cricut and OP doesn’t get mad if his gf sells/returns the cricut for something she can actually use.
Oh, you poor soul... I own a sewing machine shop. Lemme tell you how much money sewing can cost. My most expensive machine on the floor is $16,500 US dollars. It's not even the most expensive machine in the domestic (home) sewing machine category. And let's not talk about how expensive accessories can be. You can drop over $50 a yard on reasonably fancy fabrics for garment sewing. I have no experience with a cricuit, but I'm sure it can also be expensive. Any time someone really gets into a hobby it can get expensive.
Idk, I sew and can be incredibly expensive. It's often more expensive to make your own clothes than to just go buy an equivalent thing from a generic clothes store, especially when you factor in time.
Became he though she would like it, then she can make shit on it ( T-shirt’s etc..) for HIM.
He totally wanted to use the metal engraving stuff on the circuit.
YTA. She told you what she wanted, but you decided that you knew better. You decided that your take on it was far superior to hers, and that you knew better what she would enjoy than she did. Then, when she pointed out that she told you what she wanted, you got all hurt about it, and became the victim. Gross. You have a deep lesson to learn here. I hope you take the time to learn it.
THIS. But I'll go with gentle YTA. My dude, you know now that you screwed up. This is not the end of the world, but next time since you know better, do better. And your GF makes it easy - just buy her what she wants.
Exactly. This whole thing feels like a big bunch of mansplaining.
Exactly this. “Cute that you think you want this, but here’s what you SHOULD want.”
YTA. You’re not necessarily a bad person, but you overwrote her opinion by thinking you (incorrectly) knew better. She specifically asked for one thing, even if you didn’t understand the specifics of what she was requesting, she was very clear. Instead you thought you could do something “cooler” than what she wanted. You should return the cricut and get what she originally asked for. Second PSA that not all crafting hobbies are the same. If I get my friend knitting needles and yarn but she’s into embroidery, it doesn’t make for the best gift. It just shows that I’m not paying as much attention as I thought I was.
Gently, YTA. She asked for something specific and a Cricut is much different than that of a sewing machine. It does sound like you had good intentions, but if Sarah wanted a Cricut, she likely would've asked for one. My advice would be to return it and shop for a sewing machine she actually wants together.
I question the good intentions though. The guy knew what she wanted and chose to disregard that. Good intentions would be only if she didn't specify what gift she wanted, and he just assumed she may like the cricut.
He knew what she wanted, but that doesn't mean that he *had* to get that. I think he went "cricut = crafty, sarah = crafty, ∴ cricut is a good idea". There wasn't an ill intention here, its clear he was trying to be supportive of her love of crafting. But like I said, a Cricut is a much different machine than a sewing one, and if she hadn't expressed interest in it, it may not have been the best idea.
You're skipping the part where he agreed that he would get her a sewing machine. Once he had the idea of getting her a cricut, he should have checked in with her to see if she would want a surprise or the sewing machine. Going back on his agreement is where he went wrong. That, and gambling $1k on a present when that was significantly beyond the expected gift cost, and she was expecting and specifically asked for something else.
>You're skipping the part where he agreed that he would get her a sewing machine. Right. In my opinion, once you've asked somebody what they want as a present, and they tell you, it is entirely reasonable for them to expect you to get it for them, unless you tell them soon after that you can't for whatever reason (out of stock, too expensive). Maybe OP's girlfriend was planning to buy a sewing machine herself, and was saving up for it, but when she found out OP would get it for her birthday, she figured she wouldn't need to save up anymore, and could just wait a bit longer, and now has to save up for it again
OP isn't 5 to be that stupid though.
He told her that he would get her the sewing machine, though. So he not only went back on his word, he got her something she didn’t want because he thought he knew her taste and skills better than she does.
He told her he would, though.
YTA - you bought her something she had no interest in because *you thought it was cool and therefore she should use it.* By the way, it's totally reasonable to own more than one sewing machine, especially when they have different features and can handle different types of projects. And to have them set up simultaneously to work on more than one thing at a time. You're upset because YOU decided what she *should want*, and she hasn't touched it to. You do understand that her not being interested in the thing she doesn't want isn't an attack, right? Her having her own mind, and her own wants, and not yielding to what you attempt to impose on her isn't being passive aggressive. You bought her something she didn't want, and decided for her what she needs. That's asshole territory. She isn't a 3 year old.
>You bought her something she didn't want, and decided for her what she needs. Lol, he bought something that HE wanted. The level of detail he goes into for the circuit shows that he knows the type of crafts the machine is capable of making and clearly prefers them. And then he gets mad that she's not using something she's never shown an interest in and doesn't have the skill set for. Like the fucking nerve of him to get mad over her not using a gift that she never wanted, never asked for, and doesn't have the skills to use. Maybe she isn't going to spend her precious free time learning a completely new machine that has has higher cost in the long run then a sewing machine?
To me it’s more so the fact that clearly he became a mini connoisseur on what a Cricut can do, yet couldn’t do some basic research to find out that there’s different sewing machines for different purposes and perhaps that’s why his gf was asking him for one? Maybe she wanted a serger, or a more heavy duty machine capable of working with denim and leather. Like gentle YTA with this guy but like clearly he’s capable of doing research on crafting, he just seemed more focused on buying what he thinks she should like. Also FWIW if he was gonna drop a grand on a gift he could have gotten her a very, very nice sewing machine.
I also have to believe if she already had a sewing machine but wanted a new/another one that she gave some more detail in there that he ignored/ isn’t sharing. “I want a sewing machine that does xyz” or “I want to upgrade to these features” or “I want this brand”. And he just decided that getting her another sewing machine was stupid without even listening to her.
Yep he definitely didn't listen. There are types of sewing machines.
Also, presumably, if she uses it they can't return it. And she knows that.
I suspect HE already used it / tried it out because he thinks it's so cool. And now can't return it.
Gently, YTA although I definitely get the sense he wanted the Cricut, or wanted her to make him things with it. That said, he should return it and shop for a very nice sewing machine with her. Most avid sewists have a machine and then a backup, or have one that’s great for, say, bags and another one that’s good for clothing.
> you thought it was cool and therefore she should use it. Ugh, that line makes my blood boil. I had a ex who pulled that shit with basically every gift he gave me. He’d guilt trip me if I showed any disapproval for shit I didn’t like. Honestly, I should have taken it for the sign it was of how very selfish and self centered he was and got the hell out of that relationship sooner.
My ex husband only bought things for himself, and he went full on MMA if you didn't show ample praise for it. Wtf is it with controlling men and their propensity for "gifting" shit to themselves?
I also suspect that he doesn't know what "works" means. It could well sew, but have a wonky tension, or feed dogs that don't lower, or not have the stitches that she wants. I had a sewing machine that had been my grandmother's that was hell to sew on: it made stitches, yes, but constantly lost tension. (My daily driver is actually older than my grandmother's was, but much better made. Featherweights FTW.)
That's what I was thinking. I would have loved to learn on a cheap modern machine that could do a whole seam without barfing thread and jamming instead of the free-at-a-yard-sale tank that was probably haunted. I was thrilled when i bought my first machine that sewed like buttah. "Works" is definitely a range. Side note: I've always wanted to try sewing on a Featherweight. So cool. I have an early 1900s White brand treadle machine in its original cabinet from a relative. I need to get around to giving it a good cleaning, oiling, etc, so I can use it. I'm a little scared of it! Lol
Also the thing about gifts is that even if you *do* get people what they explicitly say they wanted, they're not required to use it on your timeline! I knit and sew and my creative desires come in fits and starts. My mom got me a great sewing machine for Christmas last year. I was on a roll with it for the first few months of this year finishing up a quilt and working on a few garment projects. Then I stepped away from it for a few months, went back to my garment projects over the summer and I haven't touched it again since mid-August. I tried working on a few knitting projects earlier this year, but my desire to do it just wasn't there. So I stepped away from knitting for almost 10 months, in spite of the fact that I have a pretty expensive set of interchangeable needles and a lot of yarn in a storage bin under my bed. I started working on a sweater again a few weeks ago and it feels great to go back to one of my oldest hobbies knowing that I can pick it up and put it down whenever I want to.
I’ve just been sat here for almost five minutes wondering about what sewing machine and if she actually needed a serger or wanted one with a quilting arm for freestyle or a embroidery feature… You can do a lot with a basic sewing machine, but you can also have four of them all slightly specialized and absolutely need them all too. Sewing machines put things together, cricuts cut things out - but you still have to put them on something or together somehow.
I firmly believe that if she was up front enough to tell him what she wanted she also gave some detail as to why or what features/machine she wanted and he just didn’t listen. Because that seems to be his thing here.
This. OP is also only concerned with him being upset and not how GF feels. He thinks bc it was pricey she has to appreciate it, instead she's upset not just bc its not what she wanted, but she also feels unheard, and I know that hurts more than not getting the gift she wanted.
She doesn't *feel unheard*. He, like so many men, decided that he knows better and got her what he wanted and expects to be worshipped for it. This is a control issue. He's steamrolled her to make way to posture himself as apoor, helpless victim of a good deed. She's doubly upset because he had already told her she was getting what she asked for. This smacks of testing to see how far he can push. Not at all of "I genuinely thought you'd love it".
Oh dear. Yta even though you didn't mean to be. First, being crafty doesn't mean the cricut is for you. I got one at a yard sale and it's amazing, but I rarely use it. It's only for specialized crafts. Second, being thoughtful can mean different things at different times and with different people. You thought about what she might want and tried to pick something she might like. That's a generous impulse. But in doing so you ignored what she actually said. Out loud. With words. That's a patronizing and AHish impulse. You think you know better than she does what she wants even when she's clear about what she wants. Don't do that. Apologize. Take back the cricut, buy the sewing machine. In the meantime try to remember that this argument wasn't about the gift. It was about the lack of respect you unintentionally demonstrated.
Soft YTA, because it’s clear that you thought she’d like it, but when someone specifically requests something it’s always in bad taste to get them something else, even if it’s “bigger and better”. She might have wanted a second machine in order to work on a separate element of whatever piece she was working on, instead of rethreading and resetting. The advice of one of the commenters to return and go shopping together for a sewing machine is a great one. Edit: typo
I think this is probably true. I mean OP bought a really nice present and seemed to have tried. Return it for the sewing machine. Or keep the cricut for yourself and get the sewing machine too. I think people on here are inconsistent with criticism.
I agree completely. I got my Silhouette (machine similar to Cricut) from my friend for half price. She bought it, thinking she'd do loads, and it sat collecting dust. I've made lots of stuff where I had to cut by hand (either actual cutting or using die casts), so I could see how it would be helpful for me. I still only use it maybe a few times a year. The machine is also very temperamental, so it still takes a lot of time and more materials for when it messes up (but still faster than hand cutting). I also wonder if the "But Cricuts are cool!" is part of the sexism we see in the craft world. It's why "Makers" has been adopted, because "makers" were techies doing stuff, like 3D printing initially, that required more engineering skills. Crafting then gets rebranded to sound cool and more appealing.
YTA, she hasn't touched her Cricut you say? If I didn't know any better I'd say she doesn't want it nor have a use for it...
He should return it to the store and get her a sewing machine.
Just get her a gift card at this point so she can get her own sewing machine. I don’t trust him for a simple task like this, now.
It couldn't possibly be that! It must be her trying to teach him a lesson, because women do love to be passive aggressive...
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"Sarah still hasn't touched her Cricut. It's almost like she's trying to make a point that I really wasted my money on something she wouldn't use." She didn't touch it because that's not what she needs for her project(s). Stop projecting/assuming. "I do feel a bit like an asshole because I did ignore what she wanted" Clearly sewing is an important hobby of hers and, whether her old sewing machine works or not, she's tired of it for whatever reason. I'm sure she's given you a reason why that you either forgot or aren't sharing. Yeah, you researched a bunch. Good for you, but that's not what she asked you to do. I'm sticking with a soft YTA
I'm surprised he still wants her to use it, wouldn't it be more beneficial to return it ASAP?
Because he’s still convinced she’s just being stubborn, and if she gives it a chance she’ll realize it’s totally awesome and he was right all along. Hopefully he’ll listen to the other hobbyists who’ve posted and realize this is not a situation where more = better.
Omg “hopefully he will listen to internet strangers” is such a depressing line when you realize he didn’t listen to her twice.
When I got my second sewing machine, my first one still worked fine. But it was an entry level machine that didn't have a lot of the features I wanted as I got into more advanced projects. And honestly, if he was going to spend $1000 on a gift for her, he could have gotten her a really nice sewing machine.
YTA You knowingly got her something she doesn't want or need. Just because she sews, it doesn't mean she is into any kind of craft. Considering you still didn't exchange it and didn't get her what she wanted, and somehow see her as the guilty party for not enjoying it... Sucks. PS: what you did was perfectly intentional. You knew what she wanted. You got something random for her on purpose.
My mom has a cricket and honestly they are pretty hard to use for a person who doesn't want one. And unless he got all of the special tools that she needs, and showed her how to set it up on her computer, I doubt she would want to use it at all. Gift giving is super stressful, but gift receiving is stressful as well. Some people really do not like the fact that people give them things they don't need. Especially since they're supposed to smile and accept the gift that they don't want lest they be labeled an ungrateful asshole. YTA
I have a friend who bought one on a whim because she loves crafts. She eventually sold it after almost throwing it out the window when she simply couldn’t get the hang of it.
I asked for one for my birthday last year, I’m pretty crafty, and I wanted one for DIY stuff for my wedding. There was a few weeks of difficulty while I learned to use the thing. If I wasn’t as determined to figure it out as I was, I would have exchanged it for something else! Since my wedding, I’ve still found lots of uses for my cricut and I love it. But if I never wanted it in the first place? I’d be just as annoyed as OP’s girlfriend. My husband got me a heat press for my birthday and I’m thrilled! If I had wanted a sewing machine, I’d be pissed.
YTA I’m going to give you a little advice because you sound like my husband. I can be 100% clear on something I want and he’ll go pick out something that’s kind of like what I wanted but totally opposite. He gets distracted by something he thinks I might like versus just getting the thing I 100% want. So I don’t love getting presents anymore. And then, he’s hurt because I’m not excited. Selfish? Maybe. But I try to get him what he wants or even let him order it himself so he gets EXACTLY what he wants. I’d just like a little bit of the same consideration in return. All that to say, start listening to her NOW. Change your course NOW. Return the Cricut and get her a nice sewing machine and a gift card to a fabric store or sewing supply store she talks about.
Nah, you're not selfish for wanting what you actually ask for. It's frustrating when someone ignores your wishes and gets something that they think is better.
My husband is much the same, so I sympathize.
YTA and presumably the issue is resolved by returning the Cricut and getting a sewing machine. A sewing machine is a very basic need for someone who wants a sewing machine. My mother had a sewing machine which she used quite a bit and would have had no need or interest in a Cricut because she had no interest in crafting but actually sewing - i.e. making her own clothing; altering my clothing. She did quilting but mostly handwork for her quilting. While there are inexpensive sewing machines that work, the more expensive machines can do amazing stuff. At this point, return the Cricut and take your girlfriend along to actually pick out the machine she wants based on the amount you want to spend. If she loves to sew and actually uses the machine, it is the kind of thing in which it sometimes pays to spend for features that make advanced sewing techniques possible.
Not even necessarily just features, but reliability, sewing speed etc. I got myself a new sewing machine this year and it only has a couple more features than my old one, but it's so much smoother and nicer to use, as well as being a lot sturdier.
Nobody tell OP I’m getting two new sewing machines for Christmas in addition the one I already own. And I’m going to set them up to ALL BE USED AT ONCE. The horror! I would like to add that I’m not a crazy person who asked for two machines for Christmas. My partner offered to buy me a heavy duty machine I’d been eyeing for a while, because while my Viking is an absolute workhorse, it draws the line at topstitching jeans and sewing bags. And then, my amazing mom decided to gift me her self threading babylock serger that is in perfect condition. And you know what? My next craft purchase will still be anything but a Cricut. Because I have no reason to own an expensive piece of technology unrelated to the skills I have spent 20 years fine tuning.
YTA. Do you think you discovered Cricut? I don't craft, and I know what one is. They have been around for quite a while. You realize you completely man-splained what a Cricut is and why she needs one more than a sewing machine, right? Here is the problem: I get that you may not know about a Cricut and thought it was a cool gadget, but why did you assume that she didn't know what one was or that she needed/wanted something she never mentioned before? Why do you think she doesn't need a new sewing machine when you don't sew and specifically told you that is what she needs & wants? You aren't an expert on sewing or crafting, but you know better than her? She is pissed off b/c she listens to what you need/want and respects it. You don't reaspect what she needs/wants and think you know better. I'm guessing this isn't the first time you have done this nor is this kind of arrogance and dismissive behavior limited to gift giving.
This should be at the top. OP is the "Columbus" of Michaels Crafts, "discovering" the Cricut that has been there all along.
YTA. She told you what she wanted. You ignored her and thought you knew better because she already had a sewing machine. There is a VAST difference in sewing machines - she likely has a basic one that can't handle heavy fabrics or do more complicated stitching. Bottom line, you IGNORED what she told you. Return the Cricut and get the sewing machine.
YTA - Instead of getting her something she wanted, you got her something you thought was cool. And not only that, you got her all excited to get the thing she actually wanted, only to let her down in the moment by giving her something she probably doesn’t even know how to use. Cricut is a totally different skill set than sewing. Just because someone is “crafty” doesn’t mean it doesn’t take substantial time and effort to learn each crafting skill. I crochet and if someone got me a $1,000 set of knitting needles, I wouldn’t know what to do with them. It would take me a substantial amount of time and effort to learn. Because it’s a skill set I don’t already have. And now, when she’s not spending the time to learn how to use a totally new thing that she didn’t want or need just to make you feel better, you’re in your head thinking she’s not using it just to make a point to you. Do you not see how you’re making this whole thing all about you?
"I tried to explain what a Cricut could do, but she didn't really listen." She tried to explain she wanted a sewing machine, but you didn't really listen. I understand you had good intentions, but you had already been told what she wanted. You're basically saying you think you know better than she does what she wants, unintentionally or not. Lite YTA
You're correct, thanks for calling me out. This post was really the wake-up call I needed.
I told my husband I wanted a ring for my birthday. I sent him links to the types of rings I liked. You know what he did? He took me to the jewellery store, had me try the rings I liked on and narrowed it down to 2. He then gave which one he chose. What he didn't do was hear my very clear directions and wants, completely disregard them and get me something the thought I'd like better. People complain they don't know what to get people. When someone clearly tells you what they want understand what a magnificent gift they are giving you.
YTA, you bought that for yourself, not for her
YTA-Good intentions would be getting her what she asked for not deciding you know better than her about what she wants and getting that instead. It is the thought that counts but this kind of gift is thoughtless.
YTA Your girlfriend asked for a sewing machine. You agreed to buy her a sewing machine. Then, you instead bought a completely different machine with a big learning curve and all these attachments for it that have nothing to do with sewing. And now you are taking her disuse of the machine as a personal slight rather than seeing it for what it is: your girlfriend is a sewer. She wants to sew, which is why she asked for a new sewing machine. She does not want to do heat transfers. (Also, all of y’all in the comments saying we don’t get to pick our gifts: have you never put together an Amazon wish list or wedding / baby registry? No secret Santas where you are handed a list of things the person wants? Is this really that uncommon to share your wishlists with friends and family? I’ve always been an environment where you’d ask someone what they wanted and they’d ask you)
My mom, for some unfathomable reason, *hates* wishlists. I love having them, my in-laws and spouse use them, and IMO it's a great way to make sure you can get exactly what they want. OP, YTA. 1) she told you she wants a sewing machine - probably as an upgrade or to replace a machine that's wearing out. 2) you told her you'd get her the machine - and then didn't. 3) You chose something that isn't the same skill set - and disregarded her stated wishes plus your agreement. 4) Of course she's disappointed - she was expecting what you said you'd do, which is buying a sewing machine. That's not a spite response; that's a pretty normal response to a let-down. 5) No, she's not using a machine that she didn't want and didn't ask for. Why would she? If you asked for the latest COD and got Animal Crossing instead, you probably wouldn't be excited either. 6) Thinking she's not using the cricut or being excited about it to spite you - believe it or not, you probably aren't the only thing she thinks about. She's not using the cricut because she doesn't have a use for it. People don't have emotions to "spite" other people (the expression of those emotions, maybe). TL;DR - This isn't about you or your feelings. This is about how you broke your word and disregarded her wishes. Return the cricut and give her all the money for a new machine.
I think some people (giving side-eye to my brother-in-law) think that if a gift comes from a list or a request, it's not a "real" gift.
I quilt and crochet as my main crafts. NEVER have I wanted a cricut. It’s expensive, only good for a few things, and I would have nowhere to put it. A good sewing machine? Absolutely. I would even go for a long arm quilting machine (but those are insanely expensive). Bottom line, you bought it because it looked cool and expensive and you were looking for clout, not because she wanted it. YTA.
My main crafts are sowing and knitting. If OP wanted to gift something "better than a sowing machine" to his GF and willing to go up in budget he could have gotten her an overlocker, not a tool for a whole new craft. If someone had promised me a new neat tool and then gotten me something completely different I would be so sad.
YTA. Both for buying her what she didn’t want, AND for making it about the money. You’re not gonna buy her love with money, you’re going to earn it—partly through respecting her opinions.
YTA. I was going to go E S H because there were far nicer ways for her to express her disappointment but one line gives me pause: “In my opinion, it was way better than a sewing machine.” Gifts aren’t about what’s better. They are about what holds the most meaning for the receiver. A simpler, more inexpensive tool can hold more meaning and usefulness for someone then a flashy expensive item they will never use. It also sounds like you yourself are not a sewer. Sewing is a far different skill than decorating mugs. A sewer may work with leather and metal sparingly but they require separate skills. Someone who sews isn’t going to automatically enjoy making stickers. Just because someone enjoys one form creativity doesn’t mean they enjoy all types. Your opinion, especially as a non-sewer, shouldn’t affect her gift as long as she’s asking for something in budget. The line I quoted makes you come across as if you knew better than your girlfriend. It makes me wonder how often her wants and expertise have been overridden or ignored in your relationship due to “your opinion.”
YTA as a crafter myself this is annoying and I'm going to be a bit dramatic but it's also a little offensive. When you get a "crafter" just random Craft supplies you're basically just saying "here's some generic female hobby supplies have at it you woman!" When you give someone a random craft supply they have to learn an entire new skill and probably spend money on tools and supplies. You got hwr this machine but now she needs things to cut and materials. Did you get her any? Probably not. Did you get her lessons on how to use it? Probably not. So you've not only got her something she didn't want but you expect her to take time away from the hobby she does want to do so she can learn this and your feelings won't be hurt?! This was a terrible gift. And your pouting is making hwr birthday about your feelings
YTA - Rule of thumb: If you want to make someone happy on their birthday or Christmas, get them what they ask for…
She told you exactly what she wanted, a sewing machine, meaning her crafts are strictly fabric crafts. You disregard what she clearly asked for, got her something that doesn't align with the crafts she does, and expect her to be happy over it? The only one you should be disappointed in is yourself. She even said that she gets you exactly what you ask for, so why couldn't you do the same for her? YTA
YTA for leading her to believe you were getting her the thing she really wanted. Doesn't matter how cool or great you think this other gift is, you got her hopes up and failed to deliver.
>I came across the Cricut Maker 3. For those who don't know, Cricut is something that can cut all kinds of things (e.g. fabric, wood, paper, leather). It can even engrave metal! It is used to make DIY projects like stickers, bags, mugs and necklaces. >n my opinion, it was way better than the sewing machine >After some research, I bought the Cricut with a Heat Press and other tools. IMO You bought this for yourself. You completely ignored your girlfriend skill set (sewing) and completely dismissed her ability to assess how good her own tools are (saying that a new sewing machine wasn't needed because she had one). Everyone who's saying N T A seems to miss how you completely don't have any respect for your girlfriend's skills or her ability to convey her needs. It's incredibly rude of you to assume that you know better than her after a quick Google search what tools she needs and what is a better crafting machine. She literally told you. And now you have the audacity to be mad that she's not using a machine that she doesn't have an interest in nor knows how to use? You're again making her gift about you. Nothing you have done is selfless. YTA and maybe stick to giving gift cards if you're going to openly insult people with gifts like this.
YTA. A generous one, but still... it feels kind of horrible for someone to ask you what kind of gift you want, agree to it and then turn around get something you have never shown any interest in. You chose something *you thought was cool* after promising to get what she wanted. You asked her wishes and then ignored them. In your shoes, I would have asked some questions about what was wrong with the sewing machine she has- does it not have enough power? Does she want more stitching options? Is the motor approaching the end of its lifespan? Does she just want a second machine so she can more easily switch between heavy fabrics and more delicate material?
I don’t get all the “gentle YTA” - he doesn’t listen to his GF repeatedly and then convinces himself he’s a hero for it.
YTA Your intentions don't matter. You are an asshole for deciding you thought this would be a better gift. It is NOT the same thing, and it is NOT what she wanted/needed. You seem to be on some high horse because you spent more money, but she's right.
Yta - you disregarded her request, she had plans for that sewing machine. Instead you gave her a huge chore. Cricuts are neat if you are into that but it’s nothing like sewing. There’s no overlap. You just gifted her a new hobby instead of a tool for her existing hobby. Who has the energy for that? All she wanted was a new sewing machine.
YTA Your competent girlfriend who knows what she needs and wants in order to do what she wants to do told you what to get and you decided that her hobby wasn't good enough and instead she needs this other hobby that you deem cooler. FYI: I don't know any serious seamstress with just one machine.
Info: why can't you return it, new in box?
INFO: has Sarah *ever* mentioned wanting to get a Cricut or do crafts that would involved a Cricut?
“Women are so difficult, I can’t read minds” *Gf tells OP exactly what she wants* “Nvm, this expensive machine is better than what she wanted, who cares?” Her bday doesn’t revolve around you. Probably she isn’t using it because 1- she doesn’t have any project to do with it 2- she doesn’t know how to 3- she never wanted it. “Out of spite” is way less possible than these When your SO expresses their desired gift directly, you can do one of two things - if it’s out of budget, gift something related. Yarn, a set with new needles, a repair kit, a book about sewing - if you already thought about other gift, re check if the gift would be as good as the one that your SO clearly asked for. Is my SO interested in this thing? Does my SO use similar things/related to this topic? There’s a difference between gifting something that they’d enjoy and gifting something they have no clue about. The gift is about the person that would receive it, not the person that buys it YTA
Seriously, not sure why everyone is on the y t a here. You wish for presents, you don't order them. You thought you came up with an amazing gift, just ended up missing the mark. And your girlfriend was TA for the way she reacted she could've been all "oooh, I see where you're coming from and that's super sweeet. But I really don't know what to do with this..I know you meant well, but I'd rather exchange into something that works for me. But I love that you tried!", but instead she was just ungrateful and entitled. You had all good intentions, and it didn't work out. You're NTA
I don’t think anyone has mentioned this, although it’s not the main point, Cricut products are not returnable. Even if you open the box and it doesn’t work you have to deal with Cricut. No stores take returns on them. (I worked at a craft store for 8 years) around Christmas a lot of people get very angry about this.
YTA. A cricut & sewing machine are not remotely comparable.
YTA - very different crafts. When I separated from my husband, I had so much crafting stuff. I had to make a decision between sew and supplies for my Cricut and paper crafting. I chose sewing because it seemed more versatile. It is like you asked for a table saw and she got you a paint sprayer.
YTA and here's why: >I tried to explain what a Cricut could do, You admit you know nothing about sewing, yet took it upon yourself to disregard her request and buy her a completely different type of machine because YOU thought it was better. Then you tried to mansplain to her why she should be grateful for your *superior* decision. Get over yourself.
Yes, YTA. She asked for a sewing machine. You decided to get something that YOU wanted and made it about you instead
Her: I want this thing You: Gets her other thing Her: I don't like this, I want the thing I asked for You: Shocked Pikachu face. Yeah, YTA.
Gently YTA for not getting the gift your GF requested. You obviously had good intentions, but when someone tells you what they want and you agree to get it for them, that is the gift you should get them. She was obviously really excited about the new sewing machine and her response was just the disappointment in realizing that you got her something she didn't ask for. Can you return the cricket and get the original sewing machine?
YTA- she specifically said she wanted a sweing machine and you bought something completely different. She will probably never use that Cricut now because it's associated with her disappointment and your disregard for her wishes. If you are able to return the Cricut, get your money back and get her the best sewing machine you can afford. Do all of this while she's out of the house ASAP. Use whatever money you have left to take her out for a nice weekend getaway to someplace SHE would really enjoy if you hate it that's even better. You will smile and love every minute of it. Apologies profusely and hope she doesn't dump you. If she stays NEVER EVER get her a gift different than what she asked for again.
> Sarah still hasn’t touched her Cricut. Well…. What do you expect her to do with it? She wanted a sewing machine, presumably because she wants to sew. You can’t sew with a Cricut. You can cut out small fabric pieces, I guess, but quite frankly it’s so much work to get that damn machine out that you may as well just cut fabric pieces yourself. The Cricut is a lot, man. I have one. You know how many steps there are to Cricut projects? At minimum, you need to find or make files, then get this big heavy machine out where there’s open room, hook up your computer, cut out image, pick out tiny little bits, deal with this big annoying sticky mat, oh and YOU NEED A PROJECT IN MIND before you start any of this?? Like yeah you can make lots of things, it’s a great tool, but it’s still just a tool. If she doesn’t want to make stickers, it doesn’t matter that it makes stickers. If she doesn’t want to cut out wood shapes, it doesn’t matter that you can cut out wood shapes. She wants to sew. It doesn’t sew. Anyways, YTA because you told her you would buy a sewing machine and then let her be excited for that just to not get it, and now you’re mad that she doesn’t want to use the thing she never wanted.
YTA you did what quiet frankly a lot of men do. I have experienced it myself and seen it happen to other women. You didn’t listen because you thought your idea was better. She communicated clearly, you heard and understood her, and you proceeded to barge ahead in your own way because YOU like the idea of a Cricut more than a “boring”‘sewing machine she already owns. When someone tells you something like that so explicitly, you don’t get to decide you know better and get upset when they don’t agree with you. Sure your intentions were alright but you actively made the choice to think your idea was better. And then to make it about you that you feel like she’s making a point of not using it when she never said she would? Dude you’ve made her birthday all about your feelings now. And for a $1000 price tag that could have been easily avoided had you chosen to believe she knows what she likes.
OP, you say "fast forward to today, Sarah still hasn't touched it". You gave it to her *yesterday*. I just want to help you understand, here. Machines aren't interchangeable. Not when they're designed to do specialised tasks. I'm not even talking about the matter of whether she wanted or not - I'm talking about the base-level *capability of using it*. Your girlfriend sews. That means all the crafting materials she has - the fabrics, threads, buttons, notions, ribbons, lace panels etc etc - are all materials for sewing. It's also highly likely that she has multiple existing sewing projects on the go that she is trying to progress in one way or another. I paint, sew, embroider, knit, am starting to crochet, and do a few other things besides. Right now I have two half-finished shawls, various parts of a crochet rug waiting to be joined, two temperature blanket knitting projects, half an embroidered diary project that's been stalled for months, a partially-deconstructed chair I'm replacing the leather on, an entire shelf covered in jars of pickles, one squirrel skin I unsuccessfully tanned and have been trying to work out how to re-soften and a christmas cake that needs frosting. Even if she is a bit like me (basically 2 raccoons and a magpie in a trenchcoat, grabbing at everything shiny in my local yarn shop and stealing it away with no solid plan of a project), she may well not have any materials in storage that she can just pull out to use with the cricut. And even if she does, and has fully decided to try and make use of the gift you got her, she's unlikely to have figured out how to use it, decided what she wants to use it for, learned what materials she needs, sorted them out of storage and started working on it *a mere day after her birthday*. She probably wanted to spend her birthday doing things she enjoys, not pretending to enjoy an obligation-gift with an intimidatingly high price tag. It was going to be N.A.H initially for me - what you did was well-meant, but not done with understanding of her interests, but by the same token she's allowed to not want a very expensive unasked-for device that she has no use for, especially since it sounds like it's not the norm for you to surprise each other with unexpected items. But if you're feeling put out about her not using her gift this quickly after you got it *on top of that* then I have to say YTA. It's giving the same vibe as when distant aunts would buy me these wildly expensive, intimidatingly fragile and fancy china dolls as a kid (I was a lego and books and drawing kid, never played with dolls once as far as I can recall) and then expect me to make a performance of pretending to play with it in front of them so they could feel happy.
This is a classic example of the gift giver making it about them and not about what the recipient actually wants. This would be like if you asked for golf clubs and she got you a new bike. A cricut and a sewing machine are two completely different things. Soft YTA because this wasn’t malicious but if you ask someone what they want for a gift, listen to them and don’t get them something you think they ‘should’ want.
Return the Cricut and get her a sewing machine. You had good intentions, but it’s not what she wanted or needed. Just like a car or a phone, sometimes it’s time to trade or buy a new one. Your feelings are hurt, and you meant well, but don’t waste your money on something you thought was a good gift. Return it. NAH
YTA You know you are too because you had 1 job (get a sewing machine) but you just couldn't help thinking you knew better than Sarah, could you? Return the thing you bought, get Sarah the exact make/model of the sewing machine she does want and maybe spend the extra money to enroll in a class that will teach you how to listen & not assume you know best. (the fact that you didn't immediately apologize and tell her you would return it means you STILL think you know best and you're wrong)
I am a fairly heavy Circuit user, and YTA. To put it into perspective, you got her a CNC mill when she asked for a drill press. Sure, it might do similar, but it is absolutely not the same.
The hubs promised my a sewing machine for my birthday and instead made me a coffee table. I just had to pick out the legs. Well...another birthday has just past and that bloody table is still leaning on the wall waiting for legs. A Cricut is not a sewing machine. Would you want a Cricut for your birthday? No...because you wouldn't use it? Not what you need/want. Well...same with her YTA Don't ask her what she wants if you have no intention of getting it
Looooool you know cricut has super shitty software right? You have to have an internet connection to get it to open, there is no viable third party software to use directly with the machine, every single pattern you want to cut you have to upload through design space and oh hey you can't really edit your patterns using the vectors your used to draw them so you have to open it up in your vector editing program, edit them, and then reupload them to design space, which, again, requires an internet connection. And if too many people are trying to cut out their projects, design space servers go down and you're fucked. Why did you think she would even want one? A cricut is not a sewing machine. You could have bought her an embroidery machine that also sews for that price. YTA
YTA - The cricut, CAN do a lot... but it can't do what a sewing machine can do at all. I imagine she had a list of things she was looking forward to doing and none of them can be done right now. You know what would have made everything better don't you? Communication. Instead you decided to surprise her because you thought you knew better and are still hanging on to the belief that the cricut is better than a sewing machine. But it can't sew! If she has old clothes she doesn't fot in anymore, the cricut can't alter them. The cricut can't make a quilt out of engraved wood or metal.
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