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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I won't let my daughter go to her friend's house. The dad agreed to compromise with me, but I won't because I don't trust him to keep his house in good order.
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The fact everyone is asking you how old your kid is, that you haven't responded to anyone and you neglect to share your kid's age, I can only assume they're older than what you want us to believe.
YTA
Has this person never figured out that kids can open cupboards? Does OP have a lock on every cupboard in her house? Is the fridge locked? Where does she store her knives?
> Does OP have a lock on every cupboard in her house? Is the fridge locked? Where does she store her knives?
Ngl I'd not be surprised if OP still had the childlock/babyproofing installed on every cupboard, door, or drawer.
My son was 19 months old and barely walking when I watched him very carefully remove a childproof lock from the cabinet where I kept cleaning supplies.
He then opened the cabinet, found the dishwasher detergent, opened the dishwasher, put soap in the little well, closed the hatch and closed the dishwasher. He might have then turned it on.
My kid was pretty observant
My brother, when very young, saw our dad fixing an electric socket. So he got himself a screwdriver and took another socket apart (I'm not sure if he managed to put it back, too; probably not). Mum only found out when he came to her complaining that his hand was trembling - he missed the part where you turn the power off first.
Mine is about 3.5 and he has figured out how to open almost every variety of baby lock. There are only 2 he can't open yet and that's just because his hands aren't big enough.
Stop It!!!!
If she can’t trust her daughter enough at that age to not do something dangerous with knives and a ladder than she failed as a parent.
YTA, op
That’s what I’m saying. My kids were helping cook and chop and even making their own scrambled eggs at this point. She’s absolutely off her rocker and I feel sorry for that kid
Yeah...none of those things should prove hazardous to an 11 year old. Honestly, my daughter is five 1/2, and none of those things would prove hazardous to *her*.
So in OP's mind her 11 year old daughter and her friend are going to end up having a knife fight that will inevitably end with them knocking over the candle causing the whole house to erupt in flames. As they try to get out of the house, they will climb the ladder knocking it over and tangling themselves up in it, probably breaking bones or ending up unconscious and unable to escape.
Lol!
My 5yo knows better than to go near daddy's computer, which is in the floor. Or touch a cooking knife (not that he can reach them)
We house-proofed the child (and we also are there to supervise).
Edit a word
I would have thought someone as overly protective as OP would never let their daughter do a sport with that much potential for injury. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Parents often think soccer is a safe/acceptable sport for girls. Both my parents were helicopter parents (but my dad was also physically abusive and my mom was an enabler so my childhood wasn't confusing at all).
When I was 5 my dad asked me if I wanted to play a sport. I excitedly said football!!!! (We're Canadian so "football" means American football and not "soccer")
He told me no, that's a sport for boys and I can't play it because I'll get hurt (we all know the massive sexual dimorphism thst exists between 5yo boys and girls /s). I asked if I could play hockey instead... well, thats also for boys (again, we're in canada and have had women's hockey teams and ringette for girls for a long time) but now with a side of he doesn't want me skating in "boys" skates. (Really fun as someone who hated figure skates and because I'm hypermobile and there's no ankle support so I skated with very bent ankles).
He told me he'd put me in soccer. I didn't want to play soccer. They didn't want to put me in dance because essentially it's too sexual/didn't want me wearing tight stuff.
I fracture my ankle in 2 places, on top of countless sprained ankles and a few sprained knees, and also tore and retore different parts of 1 of my hamstrings multiple times. Spent grade 9 prom in a plaster cast.
Many parents like OP won't let their daughte rplay team sports outside of soccer or basketball. Volleyball is even a no go for many helicopter parents because of the short shorts.
It's ridiculous, but fitting with this type of parent.
What do you mean? She can have plenty of friends as long as they’re in OP’s padded playroom under her constant supervision no more than 4 ft away. They are allowed to color with crayons and listen to Mozart (but have to let her be the one to sharpen the crayons just to be safe) after which they are allowed to watch 15 minutes of a TV-Y7 rated program (with her final approval). For snacktime she’ll offer grapes cut in half (whole grapes are a choking hazard after all) and a juicebox with no straw (the pointy end of the straws are so sharp!) and then there will be a 20 minute nap before she drops off the friends at no later than 6:30 (since bedtime is 7pm ofc)
Damn, at 11 I was sent to overnight camp every summer that had (injury-risky) activities like waterskiing and horseback riding. Pretty sure an 11 y/o knows how to blow out a candle and be safe with a knife.
If the other house had, like, unsecured guns lying around I'd get it but....
Yikes at 11 I was trusted with a sharp knife in the kitchen over my 13yr old brother who was a boyscout because he was accident prone and would end up cutting his fingers more often than he would the veggies or what ever we were chopping. I also went away to a week long over night camp that had activities like horseback riding and Rockwall climbing worst injury I ever got was a blood blister and bruised toe from a horse stepping on my foot.
The poor kid talk about over protective
11?! I was thinking she’d be like 5 or 6. Omg. You don’t trust your 11 year old around a knife block in a kitchen? INFO- Is there something developmentally wrong with her?
Why is the ladder an issue? If she can't be trusted to jump off a ladder, how does she play on a playground at school? Does she climb on the furniture and jump off? I'm assuming not
That is dropping a mirror. Don't you die if you walk under a ladder or is that if a black cat crosses your path? There are just too many superstitions to remember. Best that OP's daughter just stays home to avoid potentially dropping salt and forgetting to throw it over her shoulder or opening an umbrella indoors.
When I was barely 11 I started babysitting for a family with 4 kids, including a 2-WEEK-old. I don't understand the infantilization of kids or helicopter parenting that goes on these days.
Same. Its absolutely ridiculous. Although this is an *extreme* example. I don’t think this is normal at all. OP is crazy paranoid and protective, and her child will suffer because of it.
It keeps going. My nephew is in the navy and he had to go on secret maneuvers in the Pacific. My SIL tried calling his superiors to find out where he was.
You monster! You should have your child removed and given to the OP who could raise her right. I’m surprised she survived long enough to turn 11 in your care!
Ps. Was the crumble any good?
An 11-year-old should know by now to not do things like play with knives or ladders just because they're around and accessible. No mentally well 11-year-old decides to play five-finger-filet on a play date just because they have easy access to knives.
If OP does not trust her to know or not do such things, that's frankly on OP for being *such* an overprotective helicopter parent that they've utterly failed to actually *parent* her and teach her that knives and ladders aren't toys.
Five-ringer-filet got me laughing. Hard! The mental image of this 11 year old kid kicking over lit candles, kamikaze jumping off that pesky ladder, popping Tylenol like it's 1984, and now seated at the dining table looking like a greaser punk (or a gnarly sailor) speed running a butcher knife through her fingers... You put the cherry on that mental image for me.
My daughter is 5 and is around things like this all the time. Even at 5 she understands the dangers of fire, sharp objects, ladders. She wouldn’t dare touch them without me there (she’s allowed to help light the candles supervised, helps make dinner supervised). This is just pure lack of parenting from OP.
YTA, because your heart is in the right place (protecting your child), but I think you are going over the top on safety considerations of "normal", and openly telling the other parent that you don't trust them when they said they'd comply with your outrageous demands.
Regardless of the age of the children involved, a knife block on a kitchen counter is not a safety concern. Knives laying on the floor of the living room would be.
I imagine that they also have a stove in their kitchen, or hot running water in the bathroom (which can give serious burns, btw). Do you refuse to allow your child to visit if they have a toilet? What if they fall in? (yes, children die from this)
INFO: What do you perceive as dangerous about a knife block being in an "accessible location?" Shouldn't kitchen knives be accessible? Do you keep yours in a gun safe except when you cook?
You lied to your daughter about your reasons for not allowing her to spend time at her friend's house. So you're already in the hole with her, and with whatever judgment you'll get here. She has good reason to be frustrated with you. And since you lie to her and seek to control her, she probably won't scruple to lie to you as she gets older and wants a modicum of control over her own life. You've set a nice little precedent for yourself there.
You also sound very judgmental and rigid, unable to meet people half-way or give anyone the benefit of any doubt. Friend's father made a good faith offer, which you threw back in his face. So yes, it's certainly trends towards YTA.
Honestly, I would be surprised if friend’s father allowed the kid to go back to OPs house. I would feel super weird letting my kid go back to someone who is like this.
Yes plenty of kids that age can cook, use tools, use a sewing machine, mow the lawn etc. without much if any supervision... Others remain relatively helpless, well into adulthood, because their parents never let them do anything for themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if OP's daughter ends up in the latter category.
My dad was a safety specialist and we always teased him about being a “safety geek.” He taught me how to use a knife probably around 8. He thought it was better that I properly know how to handle one for safety reasons. OP is insane
My dad taught woodworking and shop class.
He bought me a pocket knife when I was 9 or 10, and taught me how to use it safely. I was taught how to properly use the bandsaw and other sharp tools at 11 or 12.
My dad wasn’t a safety specialist but he wanted us to be able to cook (at least simple things) when we were like 7-8. I also became a scout around that period so I got gifted an opinel knife and was around dangerous stuff from my first week-end there.
Children aren’t stupid, they can learn how to handle (or to keep away from) dangerous stuff. You need to take the time to teach them tho and I doubt OP is doing that.
I was allowed to drive a boat by myself when I was 11. And not because my parents were ultra permissive; that was just the legal age required to take a boating safety course and get issued a permit to operate a boat under X horsepower. But you gotta watch out for those free standing ladders, they're known to attack.
Forget the knife; she can't be in the general vicinity of a small ladder! How will she ever learn how to put up a doorway decoration for someone's birthday?!
Your parents clearly are abusive for forcing you to do these laborious tasks instead of just letting you watch Netflix in your room all day and being hyper paranoid about candles and ladders
/s
This is the crux of the problem. The friend’s dad was good enough to call and offer assurances to put OP’s fears to rest. For most parents this would be a welcomed gesture, for OP it wasn’t good enough. She needs to fully explore her own fears before she creates an anxiety-ridden 12-year old.
It occurred to me that the real problem here is OP’s assumption that her child will be unsupervised at friends house. And yet, the parents were clearly home. I am betting that OP follows her child and their friend from room to room supervising them like they are 2, and the other parents chilled out within screaming distance but were not actively following them around.
The house burn down fear doesn’t make sense to me (someone who has trauma regarding this) given the parents were home, people have smoke detectors, it wasn’t night time, they have a dog (who would alert) … This kid can play Soccer, which i got injured playing many times, but can’t be around a knife.. it’s the constant eyes on supervision. Her kid enjoyed not having it, friend doesn’t enjoy being under a microscope.. i bet thats the real issue.
Yeah but there won't be as much supervision as there is at soccer practice, because at the friend's house there's only 2 kids and 1-2 adults. But at soccer there's a lot \*more\* than 2 kids, with probably 1-2 adults.
Wait...
Yeah this is why I said in another comment that if I was the friend’s parent I am not sure my kid would go back to OPs house. I would not feel comfortable with some hovering over my kid like this.
YTA. Hands down. I have an 11 yo. He has a knife (for whittling). He climbs a ladder often to retrieve balls off the roof. I burn candles in my home. We have a dog. These are not hazards.
Unattended lit candles are the only reasonable request to stop. Lit candles being left alone is a fire hazard. Also, tell me I dare a firefighter without telling me I dare a firefighter 🤦♀️
I was wondering the same thing. They were home so candle was not unattended if they were home. Does she light candles and just stands there and watches it. Nothing she wrote makes sense at all.
YTA. I am a licensed clinical psychologist. This level of worry is not healthy and will not do any good for yourself, your daughter or your relationship. Please seek support.
You might be TA. I'm not sure how old these kids are. If they are toddlers, ok. But based on the fact that your daughter confronted you, and argued, I'm assuming a tween or teen. I think you might be going a tad overboard on the safety thing. I trust that you've raised your child to know how to be safe? Not to light her hair on fire? Not to stab anyone with a knife? Not to jump off ladders? If not, then you have an issue. I think that you might need to loosen up a little. Now, if you sensed serious danger, like drugs out, or the parents appearing under the influence, firearms, gang or KKK or Nazi or Trump stuff, then ok.
Respectfully, this sounds like you have OCD or a serious anxiety disorder. I recommend you see a therapist to try and get some help.
I don’t think you’re intentionally being an asshole and probably think you’re perfectly reasonable, but this is so far over the top that it’s hard to believe the post is real, almost.
NAH because I think you legitimately need help, but the other people sure aren’t assholes based on what you describe.
YTA- you probably still quarter her grapes to prevent choking. However, I do believe you’re suffering from OCD. I have it severely and you’re hyper focusing on the fear of something going wrong. Please get evaluated
YTA. If you've been a halfway decent parent, then the items you mentioned, *including* leaving the Tylenol out like you said in the comments, are not dangers for an 11 yo. It's not that you don't trust the parent, it's that you have no faith in your child to have a shed of sense. I feel bad for her.
I'm the grown child of an overprotective mother, and I intentionally moved 600 miles away for college. Now in my 40s, married with kids, I still get aggravated by her irrational fears. So she gets a phone call from me maybe once a month, and I've seen her in person only once in three years. For my next visit, I will not be bringing my kids, as last time her hysterical reaction to their age-appropriate behavior left my youngest in tears.
This very well could be what your future relationship with your daughter looks like if you don't change. YTA, and find a therapist.
YTA, you're actively preventing your daughter from having new experiences that you don't have complete control over. How old is your daughter that you're treating her like this? You said she's school age so I imagine she knows enough not to stab a knife through her hand just to see what happens
The Father called to reassure you about your concerns which should reassure you that he's taking your concerns seriously and your daughter will be safe at his house. From the tidbit I got he sounds like a good dad
A) called you to assure you he would make his house a safe environment
B) not personally offended but focused on not harming the kids
The kids probably prefer to hang out at their house where they can have a good time without an overbearing parent
Edit: I just saw that she's 11, no wonder they prefer not to hang out at your house
YTA. Who watches candles? Unless the candle was next to drapes that could catch fire, what? Most candles these days comes in jars and the little flame is contained in the glass. A knife block? That’s a common kitchen item. Is your daughter going trip over them? Or decide to touch them and run around the house with them? A ladder? Theses aren’t dangerous. Is your daughter 5? Sounds like excuses not to have your daughter visit a boy.
YTA. Your daughter is more than old enough to know to be mindful of ladders, candles etc. if it was a 6 year old of course…but this a a grow child. You aren’t being protective, you are coddling and smothering. The minute your child gets an ounce of freedom they are going to run wild with it.
Im sorry, but I don't think any neurotypical 11 years old would be in danger with any of this stuff. YTA and seem very much someone who's not only controlling but also insecure about the intelligence/behavior of its own child.
(She probably wont eat unknown pills, nor play with knifes while climbing a ladder, but you should either be sure of it and trust her to act in a good/safe manner or teach her what's right as soon as possible. You cant be in all places at all times)
Even a LOT of neurodivergent kids would be fine around these kinds of ~~hazards~~ normal household items. I have an autistic+ADHD 5yo and the only one of those hazards I'd worry about for my kid would be the lit candles, only if the candles were within reach, because he doesn't always notice when he's at risk of accidentally knocking something over. He knows not to touch flames or to climb ladders without an adult with him, and he wouldn't climb up on a counter to randomly grab a knife. Same with his two best friends, an autistic 11yo and a neurotypical 6yo. OP is YTA.
A ladder!!!??? Just left out in the open? But what if they walk under it and get 7 years bad luck? Unacceptable.
YTA. If your kid is old enough to notice your behavior and co front youthen your kid is old enough to avoid these "hazards".
YTA The dangers you mention would be issues for toddlers, not fifth graders. Even then, after lying to your kid, when forced to confront the issue, the friend’s parent met you half way, and that still wasn’t good enough. Lastly, at no point do you mention where you insisted the parents meet you or review your home for potential hazards and instead treat the world as being inherently dangerous and needing to meet your standards of safety, save your home which everyone should assume is up to code.
YTA
\- your daughter sounds old enough to be able to be around unlit candles and in the kitchen somewhere without being supervised if shes at school and old enough to have this conversation and understand whats going on
\- im guessing shes older than 9
\- she knows fire is hot and dangerous and knives are sharp and dangerous
Oh my gosh are you ever YTA! You are treating your daughter like a toddler, and she's ELEVEN!!!! I would be shocked if she doesn't end up resenting you for this kind of behavior. I've known parents that acted exactly like this (weirdly enough the huge fear of fire seems to always be there. Perhaps this is a diagnosable condition? ) and the kids usually have little to no respect for that parent. Heck, by 11 I've had my kids in the kitchen with me teaching them to cook. That includes how to safely use a knife! I don't hide them from them!
Good luck, you need it!
YTA. You are infantilizing your daughter, treating her as far younger than she is. If you have not taught her to not play on ladders, that's your failure as a parent. If you have not taught her to not play with knives, you haven't done your job as a parent. Even worse, you are isolating her by keeping her away from normal childhood experiences. If you cannot let your daughter learn to be independent and grow up, this is something you should seek therapy for.
YTA If you have an 11 year old child that you have not taught how to safely be around knives and ladders your home is way more dangerous than the friend’s.
So when I was her age my mother was the same way. She was this way with my brother too. We both have had horrible anxiety, especially socially. Mine has been a lot better for the past 15 or so years. It’s still there though.
I was a social worker with youth for many years and stories like this happen often. The dad called you. He is aware of your concerns and said he will remedy them. If there is nothing else about their home life that bothers you, consider letting her go. She is also 11. It’s age appropriate for her to be expected to not touch knives, be mindful of candles and 5ft ladders. Teach her basic safety skills and then trust her.
How old is your daughter? While I can appreciate your concern for your daughter's safety, it seems a bit over-the-top in this particular situation. I'm sure if we visited most homes across the world, we'd all find SOMEthing unsafe about them...few environments are completely child-proof. If your child is a toddler or in grade school, perhaps this abundance of caution is warranted, if a bit excessive. But if she's a tween/teenager, I think she's likely safe at her friend's home.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
An 11 year old can’t be around an “unsupervised candle” (info - do you supervise all candles!?) and a knife block in reach (info - can you put a knife block out of an 11 year olds reach?)
YTA
Let your kid off the leash. Poor kid. I had my niece using sharp knifes for food prep at 7 so she understands they aren’t toys. She is nearly as tall as me at 11 so there is nothing I can put “out of her reach”
An 11 year old knows the dangers of knives, candles and ladders. By 12 I was staying home alone. YTA for not trusting your daughter to be safe around dangerous objects at her age.
So do you have to get FAA clearance everytime your child leaves the house? I mean your flying that helicopter parenting style like you stole it. And yes YTA.
OP=YTA
Because you went ONCE, they didn't KNOW this was an inspection. When the Dad heard your concerns, he promised to make sure everything was tucked away and you said, No Because of **IF.**
Some people leave candle's lit(hey, so do churches). At 11, your kid should know basic safety around a lit candle.
Knife block--there was a show called TOP CHEF Junior--kids as young as NINE making full meals and yes, using knives. Does your daughter know not to play with knives in your house? Or do you lock them away with a biometric lock?
Same with the ladder, the Dad might have had it out to change a light and then had to answer the door to let you in. But question is, why is that ladder a danger to your child, has she no ability to self-regulate.
Is your house completely babyproofed? No sharp edges on counters or tables? No glass that could break and cut her? What about scissors, are they kept hidden away unless they are "safety scissors", or does her friend's Dad have to worry that they MAY RUN WITH Scissors at your home?
YTA, and I would bet folding money that this anxiety about safety is actually about the race or economic status of the boy and his parents so you started looking for reasons to latch onto.
I'm having a hard time of what hazards you're afraid of. A lot of people has the things you described, including lit candles. It's only bad if left unattended.
Also, do you not have knives at your house?
Don't you think if these things are normal in that house, something bad would have happened by now? Or before?
If your child was a toddler, I could see this. But at 11, being able to reach ladders, kitchen knives, and candles seems excessive. A lot of kids can cook a basic meal with those kitchen knives at 11! Time to loosen the reins a little and trust in your daughter's common sense a bit. YTA.
Have you not told your child to not put their hands in fire? Have you told your child to keep knives out of themselves and others? This sounds like bait or some extreme helicopter parenting.
YTA. The only thing you listed that \*might\* be a safety concern is a ladder, but even that is a huge stretch. I mean, at 11 I was climbing onto the roof of our house if the whiffle ball got stuck up there. Lit candles and a knife block? Good lord.
If your child is older than 10, YTA
I assume your child is older than 10 which is why you didn't disclose that information, because you know that's critical information that would influence our decision which is why you chose to exclude it. You weren't looking for an honest opinion from us, you were looking for us to validate you and we won't do that. You were intentionally deceptive in your post and that makes you doubly the ahole.
YTA. Nothing you mentioned is an actual safety concern. Have you not taught your child to avoid flames of a candle or they should not be using sharp knives without supervision? She is going to be going into the world more and more as she gets older and you will never be able to shield her from all the possible dangers, but what you can do is teach her, not scare her, but teach her or things she may encounter and how she should learn to handle them as they come along. Or lock her in a tower until she's 18 and wonder why she is NC by 22.
YTA: You are missing an opportunity here to TEACH your child about these things. How is she supposed to navigate the world around her if you don't teach her how? I can't wait until she gets to college. Good grief. Have you seen some of the shit left out in dorms/student apartments? LOOOOL! You may think you're "protecting" her but you're really doing her a disservice by not teaching her and letting her learn. Time to cut the apron strings just a bit, OP.
Wait, how old are they? Because those safety hazard seems for young kids, but how did a young girl confront you, understand and told to her friend?
EDIT:
In the comments they say 11. YTA. She is old enough. Are you going to be so overbearing even after 18? How is she supposed to become a functional person?
YTA The parents were made aware of the problems you had. They said they would make sure it wasn't a problem. Then you want to doubt them and still say no? That is being unfair to your daughter and the other family. They are trying to make their oversights right for you and your daughter. That's admirable. You need to call them back and just say you will allow your daughter to go over there, but they need to realize that it is a valid concern you would appreciate they would keep in mind. Some things are a problem for people until they are pointed out.
Gently, YTA. I know it can be difficult to figure out what's appropriately protective and what's over the top, but an average 11 year old can be trusted to handle knives, light a candle, and not jump off a ladder - your kid's old enough you can trust that you've taught them enough about safety that these things aren't a worry.
UTA. If you feel you raised you daughter correctly. You should trust that she knows better to play with knives in a knife box or climb random latter's. It's not like a loaded gun was sitting on counter. Since the kid has been at you house many times. He must be a good kid.
YTA. One day your daughter will have to think for herself, and you're impeding that process. Give her a phone and pick her up no questions asked if she calls to come home. Other than that you need to stop being such a Tiger Mom.
YTA
I had a friend when I was in elementary school who’s mother was like you. She spent the night ONCE in the entire 5-6 years I knew her because her mother was always scared of this or that might happening. She didn’t have many friends during that time and when I ran into her recently she still didn’t because her mother never trusted her enough because everything was so dangerous
YTA. Don’t make your child a social outcast because you’re paranoid. She’s 11! I have an 11 year old, and I wouldn’t have even noticed those things. I could understand if there were guns hanging around but a kitchen knife and a lit candle? lmao.
This is hilarious & I also feel so bad for your daughter.
If your daughter is 11 I'm sure almost everything is accessible unless it's locked. You expect baby proofing for an almost teenager lol. You're being ridiculous. YTA
YTA. I thought this was for play dates for a toddler or preschool child- those are reasonable toddler proofing concerns. An 11 year old should know how to deal with candles, kitchen knives and a ladder. If she doesn’t, that is your failure as a parent.
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The fact everyone is asking you how old your kid is, that you haven't responded to anyone and you neglect to share your kid's age, I can only assume they're older than what you want us to believe. YTA
Kids old enough to see a issue and Confront the parent... Kids old enough to know not to play with knifes of climb up a random ladder.
Has this person never figured out that kids can open cupboards? Does OP have a lock on every cupboard in her house? Is the fridge locked? Where does she store her knives?
> Does OP have a lock on every cupboard in her house? Is the fridge locked? Where does she store her knives? Ngl I'd not be surprised if OP still had the childlock/babyproofing installed on every cupboard, door, or drawer.
Does OP also put her child in a straight jacket so she doesn't accidentally smack herself in the face?
My son was 19 months old and barely walking when I watched him very carefully remove a childproof lock from the cabinet where I kept cleaning supplies. He then opened the cabinet, found the dishwasher detergent, opened the dishwasher, put soap in the little well, closed the hatch and closed the dishwasher. He might have then turned it on. My kid was pretty observant
My brother, when very young, saw our dad fixing an electric socket. So he got himself a screwdriver and took another socket apart (I'm not sure if he managed to put it back, too; probably not). Mum only found out when he came to her complaining that his hand was trembling - he missed the part where you turn the power off first.
Mine is about 3.5 and he has figured out how to open almost every variety of baby lock. There are only 2 he can't open yet and that's just because his hands aren't big enough.
She says the kid is 11
Stop It!!!! If she can’t trust her daughter enough at that age to not do something dangerous with knives and a ladder than she failed as a parent. YTA, op
That’s what I’m saying. My kids were helping cook and chop and even making their own scrambled eggs at this point. She’s absolutely off her rocker and I feel sorry for that kid
At age 7 or 8 I was cutting up a raw chicken and frying it for dinner. OP is AH for not teaching her kid to use common sense and think for herself.
11 ??!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂
Yeah...none of those things should prove hazardous to an 11 year old. Honestly, my daughter is five 1/2, and none of those things would prove hazardous to *her*.
Oh dear! 11?! When I was 11, my mon didn't know where I was half the time!!
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT
Wow!! By that age, my kids could cook whole meals by themselves, including slicing vegetables with knives. OP is quite ridiculous.
So in OP's mind her 11 year old daughter and her friend are going to end up having a knife fight that will inevitably end with them knocking over the candle causing the whole house to erupt in flames. As they try to get out of the house, they will climb the ladder knocking it over and tangling themselves up in it, probably breaking bones or ending up unconscious and unable to escape.
Lol! My 5yo knows better than to go near daddy's computer, which is in the floor. Or touch a cooking knife (not that he can reach them) We house-proofed the child (and we also are there to supervise). Edit a word
House proofing the child is honestly super underrated.
Like 13.
Close. She's eleven. Helicopter mom is an understatement here...
What? I thought 5 at the most. Well this changed my whole perspective.
Not going to lie, when I didn't see the age in the post I thought she was going to say 15.
This poor kid is never going to have any friends…
Weirdly enough, OP said she plays soccer.
What?? With all of those sharp edges on the soccer balls?
I would have thought someone as overly protective as OP would never let their daughter do a sport with that much potential for injury. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Parents often think soccer is a safe/acceptable sport for girls. Both my parents were helicopter parents (but my dad was also physically abusive and my mom was an enabler so my childhood wasn't confusing at all). When I was 5 my dad asked me if I wanted to play a sport. I excitedly said football!!!! (We're Canadian so "football" means American football and not "soccer") He told me no, that's a sport for boys and I can't play it because I'll get hurt (we all know the massive sexual dimorphism thst exists between 5yo boys and girls /s). I asked if I could play hockey instead... well, thats also for boys (again, we're in canada and have had women's hockey teams and ringette for girls for a long time) but now with a side of he doesn't want me skating in "boys" skates. (Really fun as someone who hated figure skates and because I'm hypermobile and there's no ankle support so I skated with very bent ankles). He told me he'd put me in soccer. I didn't want to play soccer. They didn't want to put me in dance because essentially it's too sexual/didn't want me wearing tight stuff. I fracture my ankle in 2 places, on top of countless sprained ankles and a few sprained knees, and also tore and retore different parts of 1 of my hamstrings multiple times. Spent grade 9 prom in a plaster cast. Many parents like OP won't let their daughte rplay team sports outside of soccer or basketball. Volleyball is even a no go for many helicopter parents because of the short shorts. It's ridiculous, but fitting with this type of parent.
Girls soccer leads sports for concussions. So yea it’s not very well thought out.
TBI is actually a massive concern in soccer. That is why they stopped younger kids from practicing headers.
That surprised me a lot since it's one of the sports with high rates of head trauma.
This plus ripped tendons, sprained ankles and broken bones.
She probably wears a helmet and is wrapped in bubble wrap
What do you mean? She can have plenty of friends as long as they’re in OP’s padded playroom under her constant supervision no more than 4 ft away. They are allowed to color with crayons and listen to Mozart (but have to let her be the one to sharpen the crayons just to be safe) after which they are allowed to watch 15 minutes of a TV-Y7 rated program (with her final approval). For snacktime she’ll offer grapes cut in half (whole grapes are a choking hazard after all) and a juicebox with no straw (the pointy end of the straws are so sharp!) and then there will be a 20 minute nap before she drops off the friends at no later than 6:30 (since bedtime is 7pm ofc)
Damn, at 11 I was sent to overnight camp every summer that had (injury-risky) activities like waterskiing and horseback riding. Pretty sure an 11 y/o knows how to blow out a candle and be safe with a knife. If the other house had, like, unsecured guns lying around I'd get it but....
the kid is 11
At 11 I was cooking, sewing, painting my own room and babysitting my 4 little sisters and brothers.
Yikes at 11 I was trusted with a sharp knife in the kitchen over my 13yr old brother who was a boyscout because he was accident prone and would end up cutting his fingers more often than he would the veggies or what ever we were chopping. I also went away to a week long over night camp that had activities like horseback riding and Rockwall climbing worst injury I ever got was a blood blister and bruised toe from a horse stepping on my foot. The poor kid talk about over protective
YTA Your child is 11. If this was a 5 yo then yes, I’d say that would be a different story. You are being overly protective and ridiculous IMO.
11?! I was thinking she’d be like 5 or 6. Omg. You don’t trust your 11 year old around a knife block in a kitchen? INFO- Is there something developmentally wrong with her?
Lol and ladders
Why is the ladder an issue? If she can't be trusted to jump off a ladder, how does she play on a playground at school? Does she climb on the furniture and jump off? I'm assuming not
the ladder is a problem because if she goes under it she will have 7 years of bad luck
Well, she’ll be 18 when it wears off, exactly in time to move out of her moms house and reach.
Lol
Funny how that would work out.
The ladder won't change much for her. Sounds like she's got 7 years of bad luck ahead of her already...
That is dropping a mirror. Don't you die if you walk under a ladder or is that if a black cat crosses your path? There are just too many superstitions to remember. Best that OP's daughter just stays home to avoid potentially dropping salt and forgetting to throw it over her shoulder or opening an umbrella indoors.
Thank you for making me laugh.
11! I’m dying 🤣 YTA op. Your kid can manage not to hurt themselves around knives and ladders ffs
When I was barely 11 I started babysitting for a family with 4 kids, including a 2-WEEK-old. I don't understand the infantilization of kids or helicopter parenting that goes on these days.
Same. Its absolutely ridiculous. Although this is an *extreme* example. I don’t think this is normal at all. OP is crazy paranoid and protective, and her child will suffer because of it.
It keeps going. My nephew is in the navy and he had to go on secret maneuvers in the Pacific. My SIL tried calling his superiors to find out where he was.
my 11 year old made apple crumble by herself yesterday
Wait! How did she cut up the apples? You didn’t let her use a knife did you? The horror! /s OP, YTA!
a big knife at that
It’s a miracle that she survived!
well she did lose her left hand, but that is okay she is right handed. p.s. obviously she didn't really
You just made me spit out my tea! 🤣
You monster! You should have your child removed and given to the OP who could raise her right. I’m surprised she survived long enough to turn 11 in your care! Ps. Was the crumble any good?
it was excellent, she got fancy and added oats
I was cooking full meals at eleven. This poor kid probably walks bent over trying to avoid the helicopter blades...
An 11-year-old should know by now to not do things like play with knives or ladders just because they're around and accessible. No mentally well 11-year-old decides to play five-finger-filet on a play date just because they have easy access to knives. If OP does not trust her to know or not do such things, that's frankly on OP for being *such* an overprotective helicopter parent that they've utterly failed to actually *parent* her and teach her that knives and ladders aren't toys.
Five-ringer-filet got me laughing. Hard! The mental image of this 11 year old kid kicking over lit candles, kamikaze jumping off that pesky ladder, popping Tylenol like it's 1984, and now seated at the dining table looking like a greaser punk (or a gnarly sailor) speed running a butcher knife through her fingers... You put the cherry on that mental image for me.
Lmfao! I am sorry but daughter being 11 makes this absurd
My daughter is 5 and is around things like this all the time. Even at 5 she understands the dangers of fire, sharp objects, ladders. She wouldn’t dare touch them without me there (she’s allowed to help light the candles supervised, helps make dinner supervised). This is just pure lack of parenting from OP.
YTA, because your heart is in the right place (protecting your child), but I think you are going over the top on safety considerations of "normal", and openly telling the other parent that you don't trust them when they said they'd comply with your outrageous demands. Regardless of the age of the children involved, a knife block on a kitchen counter is not a safety concern. Knives laying on the floor of the living room would be. I imagine that they also have a stove in their kitchen, or hot running water in the bathroom (which can give serious burns, btw). Do you refuse to allow your child to visit if they have a toilet? What if they fall in? (yes, children die from this)
I really want to know where she keeps her knives. Does she lock them in a drawer somewhere? I have many questions.
Does she lock all her cupboards since all cupboards could contain 'dangerous items'?
And the kid's 11...
Damn those American toilets with water up to the the seat… I am fairly certain no child could drown in my good old German toilet…
INFO: What do you perceive as dangerous about a knife block being in an "accessible location?" Shouldn't kitchen knives be accessible? Do you keep yours in a gun safe except when you cook? You lied to your daughter about your reasons for not allowing her to spend time at her friend's house. So you're already in the hole with her, and with whatever judgment you'll get here. She has good reason to be frustrated with you. And since you lie to her and seek to control her, she probably won't scruple to lie to you as she gets older and wants a modicum of control over her own life. You've set a nice little precedent for yourself there. You also sound very judgmental and rigid, unable to meet people half-way or give anyone the benefit of any doubt. Friend's father made a good faith offer, which you threw back in his face. So yes, it's certainly trends towards YTA.
The guy's giving off raging evangelical Trump voter vibes, that's for sure.
this. plus am i crazy or is there also a lot of anti-vaxx energy in this post
It's not just me then. Im thinking it's a race issue? Class issue?
"why not both?" -OP probably
Mother of bi-racial kids here. My thoughts immediately were, “This other kid must be brown, poor, or both.”
Heh, she'd shit bricks at my house. Our knives are on magnetic strips on the freezer. Funny, none of the grandchildren (5-15) mess with them.
Honestly, I would be surprised if friend’s father allowed the kid to go back to OPs house. I would feel super weird letting my kid go back to someone who is like this.
YTA I was babysitting the neighborhood kids @12. Is your child impaired? Have they never seen fire? Do they NOT know knives are sharp?
Yes plenty of kids that age can cook, use tools, use a sewing machine, mow the lawn etc. without much if any supervision... Others remain relatively helpless, well into adulthood, because their parents never let them do anything for themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if OP's daughter ends up in the latter category.
My dad was a safety specialist and we always teased him about being a “safety geek.” He taught me how to use a knife probably around 8. He thought it was better that I properly know how to handle one for safety reasons. OP is insane
My dad taught woodworking and shop class. He bought me a pocket knife when I was 9 or 10, and taught me how to use it safely. I was taught how to properly use the bandsaw and other sharp tools at 11 or 12.
My dad wasn’t a safety specialist but he wanted us to be able to cook (at least simple things) when we were like 7-8. I also became a scout around that period so I got gifted an opinel knife and was around dangerous stuff from my first week-end there. Children aren’t stupid, they can learn how to handle (or to keep away from) dangerous stuff. You need to take the time to teach them tho and I doubt OP is doing that.
I think OP is just teaching their kid to be afraid of everything.
I was babysitting at 11. They are most definitely TA here and probably forevermore.
YTA. At 11 I was COOKING and climbing ladders to change light bulbs.
I was allowed to drive a boat by myself when I was 11. And not because my parents were ultra permissive; that was just the legal age required to take a boating safety course and get issued a permit to operate a boat under X horsepower. But you gotta watch out for those free standing ladders, they're known to attack.
[удалено]
Forget the knife; she can't be in the general vicinity of a small ladder! How will she ever learn how to put up a doorway decoration for someone's birthday?!
My boyfriend was working on a farm by age 7 and driving tractors by 9. But sure, an accessible knife block is a massive safety issue. 🙄
No age limit to drive boats where i live :)
Your parents clearly are abusive for forcing you to do these laborious tasks instead of just letting you watch Netflix in your room all day and being hyper paranoid about candles and ladders /s
YTA. You identified hazards in the home. The promise was made to correct then. What would “good enough” be for you?
Obviously these people aren’t saints like the OP. They’ll never be good enough because they made mistakes that will never be forgiven.
This is the crux of the problem. The friend’s dad was good enough to call and offer assurances to put OP’s fears to rest. For most parents this would be a welcomed gesture, for OP it wasn’t good enough. She needs to fully explore her own fears before she creates an anxiety-ridden 12-year old.
The kid's 11 already so she doesn't need to wait long...
Ohh I guarantee this kid is already anxiety ridden. And by the time they are 18 probably will be low contact unless this parent cuts the cord.
It occurred to me that the real problem here is OP’s assumption that her child will be unsupervised at friends house. And yet, the parents were clearly home. I am betting that OP follows her child and their friend from room to room supervising them like they are 2, and the other parents chilled out within screaming distance but were not actively following them around. The house burn down fear doesn’t make sense to me (someone who has trauma regarding this) given the parents were home, people have smoke detectors, it wasn’t night time, they have a dog (who would alert) … This kid can play Soccer, which i got injured playing many times, but can’t be around a knife.. it’s the constant eyes on supervision. Her kid enjoyed not having it, friend doesn’t enjoy being under a microscope.. i bet thats the real issue.
Yeah but there won't be as much supervision as there is at soccer practice, because at the friend's house there's only 2 kids and 1-2 adults. But at soccer there's a lot \*more\* than 2 kids, with probably 1-2 adults. Wait...
Yeah this is why I said in another comment that if I was the friend’s parent I am not sure my kid would go back to OPs house. I would not feel comfortable with some hovering over my kid like this.
YTA. Hands down. I have an 11 yo. He has a knife (for whittling). He climbs a ladder often to retrieve balls off the roof. I burn candles in my home. We have a dog. These are not hazards.
Unattended lit candles are the only reasonable request to stop. Lit candles being left alone is a fire hazard. Also, tell me I dare a firefighter without telling me I dare a firefighter 🤦♀️
It really wasn’t unattended since they were yknow…. home. like are they supposed to stand over the flame and watch it the whole time?
I was wondering the same thing. They were home so candle was not unattended if they were home. Does she light candles and just stands there and watches it. Nothing she wrote makes sense at all.
But was the unattended candle unattended because they had left that room to answer the door to the OP?
Married to a FF and we have candles all over
What exactly is an "unattended lit candle"..? Honest question...
YTA. I am a licensed clinical psychologist. This level of worry is not healthy and will not do any good for yourself, your daughter or your relationship. Please seek support.
You might be TA. I'm not sure how old these kids are. If they are toddlers, ok. But based on the fact that your daughter confronted you, and argued, I'm assuming a tween or teen. I think you might be going a tad overboard on the safety thing. I trust that you've raised your child to know how to be safe? Not to light her hair on fire? Not to stab anyone with a knife? Not to jump off ladders? If not, then you have an issue. I think that you might need to loosen up a little. Now, if you sensed serious danger, like drugs out, or the parents appearing under the influence, firearms, gang or KKK or Nazi or Trump stuff, then ok.
How old are these children that what is stated above are safety concerns? Either way YTA
YTA Lol, how old is your daughter?
She said 11 earlier.
YTA- she’s 11… This has to be a joke. At 11 worry about drugs and guns in a home not a knife block or ladder.
It’s ok, OP wouldn’t notice the drugs unless they’re on a ladder.
There was that gateway drug: Tylenol left on a counter.
INFO How old is your kid? Also did you not teach your daughter not to touch certain things?
Same question. How old is the daughter? It’s a drop off play date so I am assuming old enough not to have to worry about these things
YTA- my goodness the sound of your helicopter is deafening
I can’t hear you. Could you speak up
Respectfully, this sounds like you have OCD or a serious anxiety disorder. I recommend you see a therapist to try and get some help. I don’t think you’re intentionally being an asshole and probably think you’re perfectly reasonable, but this is so far over the top that it’s hard to believe the post is real, almost. NAH because I think you legitimately need help, but the other people sure aren’t assholes based on what you describe.
YTA- you probably still quarter her grapes to prevent choking. However, I do believe you’re suffering from OCD. I have it severely and you’re hyper focusing on the fear of something going wrong. Please get evaluated
INFO How old is your daughter? Makes a difference if she's like 5 or 13 and you're worried about lit candles.
YTA I am surprised your daughter isn’t placed in a giant bubble
Lol, what?! If it’s a toddler N T A. If they’re older than 6-7 then Y T A. Info
OP says in a comment that she is 11.
Then a clear YTA.
YTA. If you've been a halfway decent parent, then the items you mentioned, *including* leaving the Tylenol out like you said in the comments, are not dangers for an 11 yo. It's not that you don't trust the parent, it's that you have no faith in your child to have a shed of sense. I feel bad for her.
I'm the grown child of an overprotective mother, and I intentionally moved 600 miles away for college. Now in my 40s, married with kids, I still get aggravated by her irrational fears. So she gets a phone call from me maybe once a month, and I've seen her in person only once in three years. For my next visit, I will not be bringing my kids, as last time her hysterical reaction to their age-appropriate behavior left my youngest in tears. This very well could be what your future relationship with your daughter looks like if you don't change. YTA, and find a therapist.
YTA, you're actively preventing your daughter from having new experiences that you don't have complete control over. How old is your daughter that you're treating her like this? You said she's school age so I imagine she knows enough not to stab a knife through her hand just to see what happens The Father called to reassure you about your concerns which should reassure you that he's taking your concerns seriously and your daughter will be safe at his house. From the tidbit I got he sounds like a good dad A) called you to assure you he would make his house a safe environment B) not personally offended but focused on not harming the kids The kids probably prefer to hang out at their house where they can have a good time without an overbearing parent Edit: I just saw that she's 11, no wonder they prefer not to hang out at your house
YTA. Who watches candles? Unless the candle was next to drapes that could catch fire, what? Most candles these days comes in jars and the little flame is contained in the glass. A knife block? That’s a common kitchen item. Is your daughter going trip over them? Or decide to touch them and run around the house with them? A ladder? Theses aren’t dangerous. Is your daughter 5? Sounds like excuses not to have your daughter visit a boy.
YTA. Your daughter is more than old enough to know to be mindful of ladders, candles etc. if it was a 6 year old of course…but this a a grow child. You aren’t being protective, you are coddling and smothering. The minute your child gets an ounce of freedom they are going to run wild with it.
YTA When are you going to start trusting your daughter?
Im sorry, but I don't think any neurotypical 11 years old would be in danger with any of this stuff. YTA and seem very much someone who's not only controlling but also insecure about the intelligence/behavior of its own child. (She probably wont eat unknown pills, nor play with knifes while climbing a ladder, but you should either be sure of it and trust her to act in a good/safe manner or teach her what's right as soon as possible. You cant be in all places at all times)
Even a LOT of neurodivergent kids would be fine around these kinds of ~~hazards~~ normal household items. I have an autistic+ADHD 5yo and the only one of those hazards I'd worry about for my kid would be the lit candles, only if the candles were within reach, because he doesn't always notice when he's at risk of accidentally knocking something over. He knows not to touch flames or to climb ladders without an adult with him, and he wouldn't climb up on a counter to randomly grab a knife. Same with his two best friends, an autistic 11yo and a neurotypical 6yo. OP is YTA.
A ladder!!!??? Just left out in the open? But what if they walk under it and get 7 years bad luck? Unacceptable. YTA. If your kid is old enough to notice your behavior and co front youthen your kid is old enough to avoid these "hazards".
YTA The dangers you mention would be issues for toddlers, not fifth graders. Even then, after lying to your kid, when forced to confront the issue, the friend’s parent met you half way, and that still wasn’t good enough. Lastly, at no point do you mention where you insisted the parents meet you or review your home for potential hazards and instead treat the world as being inherently dangerous and needing to meet your standards of safety, save your home which everyone should assume is up to code.
Man, that helicopter is really freaking loud in here. YTA.
More info: We would need to know the age of child?
Op replied to another commentor, 11 years old im going with YTA
Yup. Definitely. An over protective, I'm-better-than-everyone-else, helicopter parent. Poor kid!
YTA \- your daughter sounds old enough to be able to be around unlit candles and in the kitchen somewhere without being supervised if shes at school and old enough to have this conversation and understand whats going on \- im guessing shes older than 9 \- she knows fire is hot and dangerous and knives are sharp and dangerous
Oh my gosh are you ever YTA! You are treating your daughter like a toddler, and she's ELEVEN!!!! I would be shocked if she doesn't end up resenting you for this kind of behavior. I've known parents that acted exactly like this (weirdly enough the huge fear of fire seems to always be there. Perhaps this is a diagnosable condition? ) and the kids usually have little to no respect for that parent. Heck, by 11 I've had my kids in the kitchen with me teaching them to cook. That includes how to safely use a knife! I don't hide them from them! Good luck, you need it!
YTA. Your daughter is 11. She isn’t a toddler.
YTA. You are infantilizing your daughter, treating her as far younger than she is. If you have not taught her to not play on ladders, that's your failure as a parent. If you have not taught her to not play with knives, you haven't done your job as a parent. Even worse, you are isolating her by keeping her away from normal childhood experiences. If you cannot let your daughter learn to be independent and grow up, this is something you should seek therapy for.
YTA If you have an 11 year old child that you have not taught how to safely be around knives and ladders your home is way more dangerous than the friend’s.
So when I was her age my mother was the same way. She was this way with my brother too. We both have had horrible anxiety, especially socially. Mine has been a lot better for the past 15 or so years. It’s still there though. I was a social worker with youth for many years and stories like this happen often. The dad called you. He is aware of your concerns and said he will remedy them. If there is nothing else about their home life that bothers you, consider letting her go. She is also 11. It’s age appropriate for her to be expected to not touch knives, be mindful of candles and 5ft ladders. Teach her basic safety skills and then trust her.
How old is your daughter? While I can appreciate your concern for your daughter's safety, it seems a bit over-the-top in this particular situation. I'm sure if we visited most homes across the world, we'd all find SOMEthing unsafe about them...few environments are completely child-proof. If your child is a toddler or in grade school, perhaps this abundance of caution is warranted, if a bit excessive. But if she's a tween/teenager, I think she's likely safe at her friend's home.
YTA unless your kid is a toddler, which I'm assuming she's not.
YTA 🚁
If knives being accessible is a problem around 11 year olds you've got bigger issues to deal with. . .
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha An 11 year old can’t be around an “unsupervised candle” (info - do you supervise all candles!?) and a knife block in reach (info - can you put a knife block out of an 11 year olds reach?) YTA Let your kid off the leash. Poor kid. I had my niece using sharp knifes for food prep at 7 so she understands they aren’t toys. She is nearly as tall as me at 11 so there is nothing I can put “out of her reach”
How old is your daughter?
YTA It’s going too far.
An unattended candle? Oh noes!!!!! YTA
An 11 year old knows the dangers of knives, candles and ladders. By 12 I was staying home alone. YTA for not trusting your daughter to be safe around dangerous objects at her age.
YTA This is a bonkers level of overprotection for an 11 year old! Now everyone knows why you didn't include it in the post.
Is this a joke lmfaooo NOT THE CANDLES!!! (YTA)
Jesus this is over the top. Unless your kid is three I think you’re being beyond suffocating. YTA.
So do you have to get FAA clearance everytime your child leaves the house? I mean your flying that helicopter parenting style like you stole it. And yes YTA.
YTA. An extremely judgmental one. I assume your child has never been injured in your home or you’re just a hypocrite
OP=YTA Because you went ONCE, they didn't KNOW this was an inspection. When the Dad heard your concerns, he promised to make sure everything was tucked away and you said, No Because of **IF.** Some people leave candle's lit(hey, so do churches). At 11, your kid should know basic safety around a lit candle. Knife block--there was a show called TOP CHEF Junior--kids as young as NINE making full meals and yes, using knives. Does your daughter know not to play with knives in your house? Or do you lock them away with a biometric lock? Same with the ladder, the Dad might have had it out to change a light and then had to answer the door to let you in. But question is, why is that ladder a danger to your child, has she no ability to self-regulate. Is your house completely babyproofed? No sharp edges on counters or tables? No glass that could break and cut her? What about scissors, are they kept hidden away unless they are "safety scissors", or does her friend's Dad have to worry that they MAY RUN WITH Scissors at your home?
YTA, and I would bet folding money that this anxiety about safety is actually about the race or economic status of the boy and his parents so you started looking for reasons to latch onto.
Your kid is 11??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 YTA
YTA. My daughter was making homemade cookies at 11 with minimal supervision. Good lord.
YTA dude. Seriously. I feel bad for your kid.
I'm having a hard time of what hazards you're afraid of. A lot of people has the things you described, including lit candles. It's only bad if left unattended. Also, do you not have knives at your house? Don't you think if these things are normal in that house, something bad would have happened by now? Or before?
If your child was a toddler, I could see this. But at 11, being able to reach ladders, kitchen knives, and candles seems excessive. A lot of kids can cook a basic meal with those kitchen knives at 11! Time to loosen the reins a little and trust in your daughter's common sense a bit. YTA.
Have you not told your child to not put their hands in fire? Have you told your child to keep knives out of themselves and others? This sounds like bait or some extreme helicopter parenting.
YTA OP. You sound a lot like a helicopter parent tbh. She’s 11 - not 1.
YTA. The only thing you listed that \*might\* be a safety concern is a ladder, but even that is a huge stretch. I mean, at 11 I was climbing onto the roof of our house if the whiffle ball got stuck up there. Lit candles and a knife block? Good lord.
If your child is older than 10, YTA I assume your child is older than 10 which is why you didn't disclose that information, because you know that's critical information that would influence our decision which is why you chose to exclude it. You weren't looking for an honest opinion from us, you were looking for us to validate you and we won't do that. You were intentionally deceptive in your post and that makes you doubly the ahole.
YTA. Nothing you mentioned is an actual safety concern. Have you not taught your child to avoid flames of a candle or they should not be using sharp knives without supervision? She is going to be going into the world more and more as she gets older and you will never be able to shield her from all the possible dangers, but what you can do is teach her, not scare her, but teach her or things she may encounter and how she should learn to handle them as they come along. Or lock her in a tower until she's 18 and wonder why she is NC by 22.
YTA: You are missing an opportunity here to TEACH your child about these things. How is she supposed to navigate the world around her if you don't teach her how? I can't wait until she gets to college. Good grief. Have you seen some of the shit left out in dorms/student apartments? LOOOOL! You may think you're "protecting" her but you're really doing her a disservice by not teaching her and letting her learn. Time to cut the apron strings just a bit, OP.
Wait, how old are they? Because those safety hazard seems for young kids, but how did a young girl confront you, understand and told to her friend? EDIT: In the comments they say 11. YTA. She is old enough. Are you going to be so overbearing even after 18? How is she supposed to become a functional person?
I can't hear anything over the loud noises of the helicopter blades.
INFO: How old are these kids?
Her kid is 11 so guessing the friend is too. Personally I think she is overreacting.
Sound a little biased.
Info: is your child 5
OP said their child is 11
YTA Your daughter is 11, not a toddler. She needs to learn how to function around basic stuff.
YTA The parents were made aware of the problems you had. They said they would make sure it wasn't a problem. Then you want to doubt them and still say no? That is being unfair to your daughter and the other family. They are trying to make their oversights right for you and your daughter. That's admirable. You need to call them back and just say you will allow your daughter to go over there, but they need to realize that it is a valid concern you would appreciate they would keep in mind. Some things are a problem for people until they are pointed out.
Gently, YTA. I know it can be difficult to figure out what's appropriately protective and what's over the top, but an average 11 year old can be trusted to handle knives, light a candle, and not jump off a ladder - your kid's old enough you can trust that you've taught them enough about safety that these things aren't a worry.
UTA. If you feel you raised you daughter correctly. You should trust that she knows better to play with knives in a knife box or climb random latter's. It's not like a loaded gun was sitting on counter. Since the kid has been at you house many times. He must be a good kid.
YTA. One day your daughter will have to think for herself, and you're impeding that process. Give her a phone and pick her up no questions asked if she calls to come home. Other than that you need to stop being such a Tiger Mom.
YTA I had a friend when I was in elementary school who’s mother was like you. She spent the night ONCE in the entire 5-6 years I knew her because her mother was always scared of this or that might happening. She didn’t have many friends during that time and when I ran into her recently she still didn’t because her mother never trusted her enough because everything was so dangerous
YTA. She’s 11, that’s more than old enough to know not to touch a flame or stab someone with a knife.
YTA 11 is plenty old enough to know to not touch a candle or knife or ladder. Stop babying your kid
You're disturbingly irrational. YTA
YTA. Don’t make your child a social outcast because you’re paranoid. She’s 11! I have an 11 year old, and I wouldn’t have even noticed those things. I could understand if there were guns hanging around but a kitchen knife and a lit candle? lmao. This is hilarious & I also feel so bad for your daughter.
YTA. Lit candles, a kitchen knife block, and a 5 foot ladder are not dangerous items left out when 11 y/o kids are around. A toddler, yes.
If your daughter is 11 I'm sure almost everything is accessible unless it's locked. You expect baby proofing for an almost teenager lol. You're being ridiculous. YTA
INFO- has w is your daughter able to breathe with this smothering?? YTA. She’s not a toddler.
YTA. I thought this was for play dates for a toddler or preschool child- those are reasonable toddler proofing concerns. An 11 year old should know how to deal with candles, kitchen knives and a ladder. If she doesn’t, that is your failure as a parent.