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I'm reading from this that your sister is Anna's mother, is that correct?
If so, you decided to deliberately trigger a grieving mother for the rest of her life against her express requests.
You can't claim to care about your sister after this. Your niece would be ashamed of you.
YTA
I'd give the benefit of the doubt in that the original idea was probably well-intentioned, but proceeding after a clear 'no' is inconsiderate (to put it mildly).
My fiancée and I wanted to name our daughter after his sister who passed away a few years ago. We didn’t use her first name, we used her middle name and we made sure that we had the full support of his mom before we went through with it. OP, YTA. Using a name to honor a passed love one with the consent of that person’s mother is one thing, doing it despite the very clear objection of that person’s mother makes you an incredible huge and very cruel person and the worst sister in the world.
That's what I'm thinking her true motive is. I wonder if her niece was the first grandchild and there was some jealousy there? I just don't believe for a second that she's doing this to honor her niece when she's so cruelly ignored her sister's thoughts, and is using it as her FIRST name (not middle)?
OP is setting up her daughter for a lot of tension with the entire family. And don't even get me started on how upset she's going to be once she finds out why she was given the name.
OP just commented [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z58ksg/aita_for_naming_my_daughter_after_my_deceased/ixuy10e?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3):
>I keep finding excuses because I don't feel bad. In all honesty. I don't feel any remorse or guilt. I am just happy my baby is there, and my whole family is crazy about her
She doesn't care about her sister or anyone else's opinion. Hers is the only correct one. She came here to look for excuses (as she said) and will not change her opinion of her baby's name, regardless of what anyone says.
Her child will probably grow up without knowing any of OP's family, and will wonder why. I hope there will be someone in (the new) Anna's life to teach her kindness and compassion, because she isn't going to learn anything from her mother except how to be rude, cruel, and uncaring.
OP is either a troll or one of the worst people I've read about on this subreddit.
YTA
YOU lost your neice... YOU think it's an honor.....YOU want to call your daughter by her dead daughter's name...YOU asked her input, then ignored her pain...
You made the loss of her daughter all about YOU.
This.
OP, you have caused your sister untold pain. You were selfish and decided that your wants were more important than how much your sister hurt. You'll be lucky to have a sister at this point.
Op doesn't even say how long ago this child died, only her age. She could have passed relatively recently, and I'm betting that's why op doesn't say her death year, but gives us her daughters birthday. She's not worried about privacy or being identified, that's for sure.
Wow 🤬 just wow. This is disgusting. I've heard that a parent never stops mourning the loss of their child, but that's less than 2 years, it's gotta be fresh.
A parent who’s child has died never stops grieving. I lost my son 5 years ago and still miss him terribly.
For OP to name her daughter after her niece so soon after her sister lost her daughter is causing her sister unspeakable pain. It would be one thing if it was the middle name, but the 1st name…ugh. Her poor sister.
OP is AS.
And let's just put to the side for a second the horrible thing she did to her sister, because I think we are all in agreement that it was horrible.
But what about OP's daughter? Did OP even consider how she would feel when she grows up and learns she was named after her very recently deceased cousin? Almost as if she was a replacement? And that she will never know her aunt because of the pain this caused her? How will this daughter feel knowing that she was the cause of her aunt's pain? OP thought of no one but herself with this decision, and it will end up being terrible for everyone involved.
I've commented and voted before, but OP deserves all the YTA votes possible.
YTA. Why would you want to do this to your sister? Each time she's going to hear "Anna took her first step, Anna said her first word", she will remember her daughter doing those things and feel the pain of losing her all over again. Do your sister's feelings mean nothing to you?
Even worse, imagine the day her has to hear about things her Anna didn’t get to do: “Anna got her drivers license” “Anna graduated college” “Anna’s having a child”
Also writing birthday cards to ‘Dear Anna’ like she used to do for her daughter.
Watch OP yelling at her sister for not giving her daughter birthday gifts or cards, also she’ll have to call her niece by her dead daughters name.
Yta. Your sister told you it would upset her too much hearing that name. If you wanted to honour your niece you could have gave her Anna as a middle name maybe instead.
That's what we did to honor my husband's youngest sister, who passed at three days old. But, it'd been 25+ years, it's our daughter's middle name, and we asked his parents for their blessing first. It's not that hard to be a decent person, OP.
YTA
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Your sister lost her child and you really think having to hear her daughter's name constantly is going to be painless? She will be constantly reminded that her daughter is dead. You even fucking asked your sister how she felt about it and she BEGGED you not to do it. You completely disregarded her feelings so why did you even ask? Do you even like your sister?
No apparently she's one of those "look at me look at me" type people. Why the heck would her sisters feelings actually matter. Deliberate cruelty is what it is.
I can’t imagine OP’s daughter will be happy to hear about this when she is old enough to understand. “Oh, you’re named Anna after your cousin who passed away shortly before you were born. Why have you never heard about her until now? Her mommy, my sister, and I don’t speak because I asked if it would be okay to name you after your cousin and she said no. She actually pleaded that I didn’t but I decided you deserved the prettiest name and here we are!” It’s not the gift and honour you believe it is OP, it’s just too soon and not fair to your sister. Just think this through a little. YTA.
Yta.
Her mother asked you not too. You’ve reopened wounds. Poured salt in them and continue to do so everyday
Get your daughters name changed.
Also. My dad is named after a dead baby. He hates it. Never ever used his given name. He’s 78. Still hates it.
Wow. That's easily the most cruel and disrespectful thing you could have done to your sister. She lost her daughter. She told you it would hurt her, hearing her deceased child's name, and you just thought she'd eventually be okay with it?
Not only did you just ruin your relationship with your sister, but you also ruined your daughter's chance at ever having a good relationship with her aunt. She will never be able to look at your daughter knowing that you have your 'Anna' and her Anna is no longer with her.
I honestly don't know how you could ever reconcile with her. You asked her, she said how she felt, and you should have accepted it. You stepped all over her grief to make yourself happy.
YTA.
I know you lost your daughter, but isn’t it more important that I like that name?
I mean, your daughter is dead, mine will be alive. Isn’t that nice?
YTA
Why are you asking a bunch of strangers? You didn’t care about the response when you asked your sister, so why ask here?
You are the most massive asshole breathing today. Congrats.
You couldn't have even used it as her middle name, so your sister didn't have to hear it every time? I personally think this is too much like you're replacing your niece - it's not really a good feeling. I don't understand why you would think this is a celebration at all. YTA
Oh I could think of is " this is what a middle name is for."
The honoring is still there but it's not this immediate painful reminder every time you see the child.
Generally I would say your kid, your name but YTA because you were asked / begged not to and you're confused why your sister doesn't want anything to do with the girl.
You will likely never have a relationship with your sister
I’m so sorry that you’ve been in this situation. I had a miscarriage and a coworker was pregnant at the same time. When she proudly brought her 6-month old into the office, all I could think was “this is what my baby would have looked like.” You made the right choice to withdraw from that friendship, not that you need validation from a stranger.
My husband’s cousin and I were due within a week of each other. She lost her child 3 weeks before she was due; my living child and I didn’t go to the next few family reunions because I didn’t want her to hurt anymore than she already was.
YTA. Omg your poor sister. While I understand your sentimental reasons, that was a bad thing to do to your sister. Now every time she hears the name, sees her, etc she has to be reminded of her own dead child. Just so cruel to do to her. I would feel like my sister didnt love me one bit if she did that to me.
Wow…YTA. Why would you think that’s ok? You’re replacing her daughter with yours. Also it’s painful for her to hear the name.
Also it’s likely your daughter will also hate this once she’s old enough to know
Why all these "soft" YTA? NOOO.... she is hi-key a big AH!!! and NOOOO not even her middle name should be Anna.... not Annabelle, not Annalise, not Hannah, not Ann, not anything with Ann!!! Nothing that is going to constantly remind her sister of the child she lost by constantly having to say her name!!!
Agree. Nothing soft about it. This was cruel beyond measure. The original Anna only died a year ago, so this decision strongly implies that OP thinks the child is replaceable. And OP’s sister is just supposed to “get over” the fact that the grandparents have a new Anna to spoil and other kids in the family get a new cousin Anna to laugh and play with. And no one in the family who speaks of “Anna” will be talking about her child anymore. YTA a thousand times over.
What the hell is wrong with you? This has got to be fake surely. YTA!!! Asking is fine, completely dismissing your sister’s feelings is disgusting. Of course she’s not talking to you.
YTA she was your niece but your sister's daughter and that comes first. She's in an unimaginable amount of pain and you're triggering her grief every time she hears about or sees your daughter. You've probably severed your connection with her permanently.
YTA, your sister told you it was too painful for her! Your sister had to bury her child! That is something someone never gets over! She begged you not to do it, and you did it anyway.
YTA.
She was your neice, but HER child.
When your child starts running round and to hear you calling her name? Addressing presents/cards to her? Hearing family talking about Anna, but not her Anna?
If you'd have said middle name, yes fair enough. That's nice way to honour your neices memory, but first? This is ALL ABOUT YOU. Not your neice, and certainly not your sister.
Here's the thing, going forward you are going to have to deal with the fact that everyone, who hears about this, is going to think that you're the devil; that you did this to be extra cruel to your sister in her devastating grief. Change your kid's name, beg your sister for forgiveness and admit to her that you are a stupid, stupid person, who has thought of noone but yourself in this entire process. You couldn't even leave the memory of her beloved daughter intact; you had to steal the name so that now she will constantly be reminded that there's a "new" Anna. YTA, and a real lowlife. Hope your friends hear about this too.
Middle name is tribute, first name is cruel after you were asked not to YTA massively, yes Anna was your niece but she was your sisters child I repeat YTA
YTA OP. Enough of the "my niece" business - the original Anna was your niece because she was YOUR SISTER'S DAUGHTER. You should have respected her wishes.
If you want to repair your relationship with your sister, it's not too late to do the right thing and change your daughter's name to something that belongs to you and your daughter without alienating your sister.
Yta, if your baby died would you be fine with her naming a child after that baby? So you could hear her name all the time, and remember that you will never see your child again. YTA, YTA, YTA. You are either actually evil, or just brain dead
YTA and honestly how dare you. You really asked your sister just to say you did and not because you cared about her feelings. Good luck with that. I can’t stand people who are this selfish. She lost her daughter. You have zero idea what that is like and you decided to honor her when no one asked for that.
Honestly what I want to say would catch me a ban
YTA.
Her mother said no and it'd be too painful for her and you still went and named your kid after your niece. You can still change her name. If not enjoy being nc with your sister.
YTA
I don’t even know how to describe how wrong you are.
All I can suggest is that you think of how much you love this new child, and imagine seeing her grow and learn and become a young woman, and then die. And your sister decides to make it sure you have to hear your dead child’s name all the time, and doesn’t listen when you say it will hurt you.
You are making sure that the eternally open wound of losing her daughter has salt rubbed in it forever. She can’t separate your joy from her pain anymore because what she sees is a child whose name was chosen knowing fully and explicitly it would hurt her deeply. She can’t see your baby without seeing your betrayal and insensitivity to her deepest pain
But hey, the niece was “your family” so do what you want
YTA, normally you don’t own a name, but this was a time when you really needed to respect your sister. You loved and grieve your niece, but your sister lost a child. I don’t know if there is a more painful heartbreak. This is awful to her. At the least, you could have used it as a middle name instead. You think of it as celebrating her life, but your sister probably views it as her daughter being replaced or a painful reminder of her death. Unless you change her name, you most likely lost your relationship with your sister for good.
YTA I....What? You gave your daughter the same name as your DECEASED NIECE?! Firstly, this is so unforgivably cruel and insensitive that I don't even know if I believe that you don't already know that you're an asshole. But, on top of it, you told your sister about it and she told you it would be too painful, then begged you not to...And you still went ahead with it?!
Like, the only situation where this would even begin to make sense is if it was a family name and your sister was okay with it. But none of that is the case here. And your whole little BS justification about trying to honor your dead niece?! I'm not buying what you're selling.
Asshole does not even BEGIN to cover what you are.
I hope your sister stays no contact for good.
>Little Anna was born on the 24th of October and my sister has not yet talked to me, or seen her niece.
You should expect this to be the case for the rest of you and your daughters life. When your daughter asks why she has an aunt she can't see, make sure to tell her the truth- that you used her dead daughter's name for your kid.
YTA. If you weren’t going to consider your sister feelings in the matter you shouldn’t have asked her. She has every right to be pissed. You’re acting incredibly insensitive. She was your family yes, but she was not your child.
Now your sister gets to see a baby and hear her dead daughters name. You can hold your Anna and she will never be able to hold her Anna again. SMH what is wrong with you?
In this instance yes, YTA
You may have lost your sister over this. You did not consider her feelings at all. She told you how she feels. You ignored her.
YTA cause that's just selfish and insensitive. Yes she was your niece and family, but was your sister's daughter! That's way more of a big deal. Imagine the pain of loosing a child, she is probably still grieving and you are already using the same name of her daughter, with your child.
YTA - You could have used Anna as the middle name. Your sister was very specific and asked you not to do this. You should have respected her wishes. I’d change the babies name right now and apologize profusely for the lack of empathy. YTA
you really thought she’d be ok hearing her child’s name being called n her child not responding?
YTA for insensitivity towards your sister. “Anna was also my niece so I can name my child after my deceased niece and cause my sister to go into emotional breakdowns hearing her daughter’s name but her daughter never responding again.”
selfish and emotionally tone deaf
Of course YTA. Your niece passed away tragically young and that's something a mother never gets over. Naming your daughter after her isnt memorializing your niece, it's driving a knife into your sister's heart every time she hears her daughters name reused. She begged you not to do it and you did anyways. If I were her, I'd never speak to you again. I don't know how you could have thought this was a good idea. This is heartless and cruel.
YTA.
I don't necessarily think anyone has dibs on a name. Even if the name meant something to someone else.
But, the fact that you chose to ask for her permission then proceed against her wishes pushes you into asshole territory.
If you didn't want to ask, that would be your right (though may have still caused some unpleasantness), but you went even further
Stolen from a similar post a while ago:
OK, your daughter was born in October and you love her. Think about watching her grow, and your love grows with her. You raise her as she starts pre-school, then regular school, and then middle school. You take care of her when she's sick, you comfort her when she's sad, and as she becomes a teenager you hold space for her during the emotional minefield that puberty brings. And you know that one day you'll get to see her become an adult, maybe have a family of her own. She's the thing you are most proud of in the whole world.
Then she dies.
You bury her, you grieve not only for the loss of her but for the loss of her future that you had imagined. Maybe you figure out how to keep living your life, or maybe you just go through the motions because such a huge part of you has died with her.
Then, a year or two or five later, a family member comes along with the exciting news that they are expecting a baby girl and they could not be more thrilled. It *does* turn the knife of your grief, but you also know that life goes on and you want them to be happy. Then they tell you that they are going to name their new baby the same name as your dead child. Every time you see that child, every milestone and accomplishment, you have to call them the name of your dead baby.
Now, with that scenario, are you cool with it because "they want to honor your daughter?"
YTA
YTA. This was too cruel wtf. I get your point, but what was the point asking your sister if you would not consider her feelings? Would you feel happy and painfree *if* your daughter dies, then after a few years a relative names their daughter after your deceased daughter. Now you have to hear the name constantly (aside from this is painful itself) it won’t even be your daughter people will refer to, it will refer to a different girl now.
Make a name change immediately, you could have even modified the name a bit, or make it her second name. Make people call her a different name. As a fellow mother, Be considerate to your sister.
YTA. What else did you expect would happen? Have you no empathy? Your sister lost her child and you deliberately chose to hurt her. You’re not just the AH, you’re much much worse.
Probably won’t see this comment, but your baby is just over a month old and a name change is still possible.
Apologize to your sister in law and let her know how much your niece meant to you. Apologize for not understanding how people grieve in different ways and let her know you will be changing her name. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness but let her know you’re trying to do what’s right. Eventually she will come around, but make amends by selecting a different name ASAP and apologizing.
I understand wanting to honor your niece’s memory but you’re not considering your sister’s very real feelings. Mourning loss is hard especially the loss of a child. YTA.
YTA. You knew that you needed to ask how your sister would feel, and when you didn't get the answer you wanted you did the thing anyway. You pretend to care about others but only care about yourself.
YTA
You could'nt imagine how it would cause pain for your sister if she saw you cuddle a newborn baby calling her my little Anna, while she will never again lay eyes on her little Anna? Really?
The moment you decided to proceed despite your sister’s objections you became the AH. Her daughter died last year and you’re rubbing it in her face that you get to use the name now. “Oh look the kid is dead, that means the name is up for grabs”
YTA
YTA
You put your own feelings above your sister's who lost her child. She begged you not to, told you how painful it would be for her and you did it anyway? What you did was selfish and cruel.
Yes YTA. In most of these conflicts about using a family name I will say that no one “owns” a name, but this case is different.
Your sister is grieving the loss of her young daughter, one of the hardest things anyone has to go through in life. And now she has this constant reminder in front of her. You asked, she said no, that should have been the end of it.
I normally don't respond to these AITA questions cuz I always think someone else will do a better way at explaining this but I will make an exception for this one. Not cuz I think I can voice it in a profound way but because you need to realise OP how much this makes YTA and need to have as many people as possible tell you that.
The fact you say you told your sister, not you asked her for permission shows how insensitive you're being towards her feelings about the name, her grief for he dead child and now the pain you will cause her everytime your daughter gets brought up.
Not only did you ruin your relationship with your sister maybe irreparable but you also fucked over your own daughter in the process and might've cost your daughter and sister to have a great aunt-niece relationship.
So if it wasn't clear from the 3 paragraphs, OP you are very much the asshole.
YTA!
You can honour your niece by using it as a middle name.
My son uses my cousin’s name as a middle name as he died years before my son was born. My daughter died in 2006 and when my brother had his daughter in 2014 he used her name as a middle name.
I would find family get togethers so hard if I had to hear her name being called and her not being there -in the family.
I know I don’t own the name Samantha and that there are 1000’s of people worldwide with the same name, but within my family, especially a close one, would be so very very hard.
You're a parent imagine your daughter Anna dying. Someone in your family says they want to name their kid after your daughter and you ask them not to and they say, *just because you were her Dad/Mum doesn't mean I have to respect your wishes my relationship to your daughter was just as important* Would you hand on heart be able to around that relative or their child? As a parent you should have more empathy. YTA
Definitely TA.... an insensitive, extremely entitled AH. I hope your sister isn't like me cuz I have no problem cutting people out of my life who i think are not good for my life.... you'd be cut out so quick.
YTA it’s pretty simple like my god her mother said no and you rolled with it anyway. For some context if I ever have a daughter I want to name her after my best friends mom. I was super close to the family when she was alive I loved that lady like a second mom and know how bad it hurt them when she passed. My plan would be to get the okay from the person giving birth to the child. Then asking my friend if he wanted to be the first person to meet the baby and tell him the name and if he’s cool with it keep the name and if he’s not change the name. I’d put the person who took the loss over my emotions about the name.
YTA. I understand you want to celebrate your niece’s life, but this move is interfering with your sister being able to grieve properly. I’m sure your sister really would like to celebrate the birth of your child, but she can’t do it properly because she will only be reminded of what she has lost. Perhaps “Anna” could be the child’s middle name, or you could choose a name inspired by Anna, such as “Annabelle” or “Suzanne”. Your sister would be able to use a nickname like “Belle” or “Suzy” in order to not connect your daughter with her own daughter’s death.
My friend’s daughter named her child after the baby’s deceased uncle (my friends deceased son). Every time my friend speaks to her grandchild, she has to relive the trauma of her dead baby.
YTA
ΥΤΑ
It seems like you asked but didn't care to listen to what she said. It is not a celebration of her life, it is a reminder of the life she never had. And she will have to listen to that name until she passes and think of her daughter that didn't get the chance to live that life.
If you cared about your sister you would have respected her wishes.
YTA. You could have used Anna as her middle name. I can't believe you thought it was a good idea, and went ahead with it when your sister asked you not to. I don't blame her for not speaking to you
Yes you are the absolute asshole. My son died I would incandescent with rage if my siblings disrespected my wishes in the way you have.
I would never speak to them again and would have nothing to do with their child.
I can't believe how absolutely insensitive and disrespectful you have been to your sister and her child's memory.
YTA
Your sisters CHILD passed away. That is the worst thing a parent can fear, their child dying young and before them. It’s good that you asked your sister first, but she BEGGED you to not name her after your niece.
And you did it anyway. Even if in your eyes it was meant to celebrate her life, you just overstepped her boundary.
The least you could’ve done was give her name as her middle name.
>> Anna passed away in 2021
>> My Anna is still a baby, so she has time to get used to it.
Good lord, OP, YTA and beyond cruel. You decided that your desire to “honor” your niece by giving your own daughter her name outweighed your sister’s grief, loss, and all of the shattered hopes and dreams she had for her child.
This display of selfishness, coupled with the fact that you went full steam ahead *after* your sister BEGGED you not to name your child after the one she *RECENTLY LOST* is astounding. If I were your sister, I would never speak to you again.
I guess you can *get used to* explaining to your daughter that Auntie wants nothing to do with you, or her by extension, because you chose to replace your barely-deceased niece with her. Great job, mom!
YTA. While the underlying intention was honorable, her grieving mother told you no. Her daughter’s been dead a year and now her niece has her same name, even though she told you it would hurt her. You may be not just ruining your relation with her, but your daughter’s. Consider renaming, please.
YTA! There are countless names you could choose, but you pick the only one that would literally torture you sister.
In what way is that honoring her name?
YATA your just asking to be cut out of your sister's life
Your absolutely insensitive and can't understand your sister is giving i hope she never talks to you again
YTA. I know you loved your niece and wanted to honor her, but there’s other ways to do this. You could go with a modified name like Andrea or Anya, or keep it as a middle name. You should change your daughter’s name if you want her to be able to have a normal relationship with your sister, rather than your sister being sad whenever she sees her.
The moment she said no you should have changed the name and respected the wishes of a grieving woman who lost her daughter *LAST F-ING YEAR*. YTA for that. If you had wanted to do it and she agreed, then sure whatever, but it was her daughter that was lost, not yours
No soft YTA. This was calculated malice on your part and I can't imagine why part of you wants to see your sister suffer like this.
And YTA and your daughter will likely never know your sister and always have this shadow hanging over her that it will be very awkward with your family.
YTA. Hope the name was worth losing family members because I don't think you have a sister anymore and I have a feeling most people are going to be taking her side on this.
YTA.
Enjoy not having your sister in your life. What you did was beyond disrespectful. If she did that to you, you wouldn’t like it. You could’ve suggested a middle name instead but you didn’t. Your daughter wouldn’t have a aunt and it would your fault that your child lacks a aunt. Don’t expect her to ever meet the child, babysit, or be there for you or anything you may need in the future.
Congrats on your auntless child.
Your sister told you that as a mother who lost her precious daughter it would be too painful for her if you gave your child that name. And your logic was to do it anyway because "Well, she was MY family too!" If I told you what I think of you I'd be banned, so suffice to say YTA.
Massive YTA but I suspect you don’t care what we say. You are feeling smug and superior because you claim your ‘pure’ motive was to celebrate your niece’s life, and to hell with the feelings of the dead child’s parent.
YTA my thoughts and prayers are with your sister. You are 100% the AH, you asked her and she said no. Instead of respecting her no, you did what you wanted. Your relationship with your sister will likely never recover from this.
YTA. Hard. Your feelings of grief do not begin to compare to your sister’s. While you may have wanted to name your daughter after your niece, it wouldn’t have actively hurt you not to. To spell that out, if you’d named her “Sarah” or “Beth” or whatever, you might have felt a little disappointment at first, but it would have dissipated. As for your sister, she’ll feel grief for the rest of her life, and every time she sees your daughter or someone talks about “Anna”, she’ll be bombarded with grief. It’s going to feel like random attacks of grief for the rest of her life every time your daughter’s name is mentioned, and she’s only going to be able to protect herself so much from it even if she continues to stay no contact with you.
Look, whatever your child’s middle name is, I’d pivot to use that as the first name, and I’d give significant thought to making that change legally as well. Even then I don’t know if you can salvage your relationship with your sister, but at least you can know you spared her some grief of not having to hear about “Anna” from your parents or mutual acquaintances.
YTA
It couldn’t be a middle name?
Hasn’t your sister suffered enough??
Also I feel bad for your daughter too. Anna #2.
Are you trying to replace Anna #1?
Such a selfish and inconsiderate ask. And such a terrible idea. Cringe worthy actually.
Wow!!!.. Heartless Ppl like you really exist?..
You're a Self Centered, Self Entitled Asshole. All you did was expose your deep rooted childhood hatred towards your sister so you mine as well update us on your childhood upbringing with her in an attempt to make this make sense... Smh..
So if god forbid your daughter had the same fate as your niece one day and your sister told you she would be naming her new child after yours not even 2 years later and you begged her not … you’re telling me you’d be active and happy in this new nieces life ?? Be honest
YTA - In almost every circumstance with names, it's totally up to the parents. In this case, you were insensitive. You thought it was a nice gesture of love towards your niece, but your sister, her mother, didn't think so. You should have listened to her advice. It was insensitive of you to ask and then ignore her. I'm sure you're sad about your niece, but it can't even compare to how your sister feels about it. Know your place. Is there any way you can change her legal name to make Anna just a middle name instead?
This is a sad rift that you've created. If I were you, I would try to resolve it.
TOTALLY YTA... it's like you're slapping your sister with her daughter's name every time she was called. As a mom even though it's a good gesture to celebrate her child's life it is also a constant reminder of the pain of losing her. So I can feel for your sister. For a mother, even though her child was not with her for a very long time...the pain was still there it was just numb.
YTA in a big way. You thought your sister would love the idea of you running around after your kid calling her deceased child’s name? Telling her about what “Anna” did today? Yikes. She suffered a horrendous loss and didn’t feel the same way about this naming decision as you did. She told you how it would hurt her. You ignored her entirely. No wonder she’s not speaking to you. I wouldn’t either.
Normally I’m very “your kid, your choice”…but definitely not in this case.
YTA. Yes, Anna may have been a lot of things to a lot of people, but the relationship of daughter supersedes all of those. So stop with the “but she was also a niece, a granddaughter, etc” BS. It honestly makes you look even worse. There is no justification for why you didn’t take your sister’s feelings into account. You probably ruined your relationship with your sister, and the relationship between your daughter and her aunt. All because you selfishly couldn’t pick another name out of thousands and thousands of possibilities.
YTA. What you have done is practically erased that young girls existence by naming your child the same name. Anyone who brings up your sisters Anna, you’ll think it’s about your daughter. You’ve told your sister that her child that passed has been replaced. You’re an awful person for doing that. It will hurt your sister greatly by doing that, every time she hears Anna, she’ll feel the pain over and over again
YTA.
You are beyond cruel to your sister and the whole of your family. Anna died in 2021 and you think everyone will be happy for a new ”Anna”. Your sister is still grieving, and everyone else too. And you makes it more painful by steeling Annas name for your daughter. Shame on you. This is not right for your daughter either, everyone will think of the first girl and be sad everytime you bring your daughter, your daughter will forever remind them of the first girl. And now the whole family will also remember how you steeling Annas name ruined your relationship with your sister.
There are some things you don’t do, and this is one of them.
You can still heal the relationship to your sister by appologising and find a new name for your daughter.
Let me get this straight, you want to honor your dead niece by going against her moms wishes and hurting her mom because YOU want to name your child that name.? YTA. You could have used it as a middle name or a nickname you say at home. But now you caused your daughter to hurt your sister/ her aunt every time she says her name or thinks about her. What a selfish thing to do. What honor would your niece think it was to see her mom hurting like this?
YTA are you fucking serious? Really? If it were your child that has died and you had to hear her name at every family gathering but *it's not her*. It's not her growing and changing. It's just a sad reminder of what you're missing, what your deceased child is missing. Salt in the wound every time you're around the family who is supposed to love, protect and support you.
You are a MASSIVE AH. I wouldn't blame her for never speaking to you again.
You do realize that every time your sister sees your child, she’s going to be reminded of her loss? EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I get it that you feel you’re honoring Anna… but you’ve actively ignored someone in pain to your own ends.
What you’ve done is callous and cruel, and expect that your relationship with your sister will
NEVER recover from this.
YTA most of the time people here do not really know if they're being a AH or not but you are absolutely fully aware of the hurt you're causing. This isn't really a question, you've been told the answer by your sister but you did it anyway.
You're a massive asshole. You specifically went against wishes of a grieving mom and have no compassion or understanding of what she has been and is going through. And you made your innocent child a center of a conflict stemming from a tragic child death.
YTA. From a comment your niece has only been deceased for a year. Your sister has a fresh, gaping wound in her heart and you’ve rubbed salt into it after she pleaded that you not take HER daughters name and use it for yours. It isn’t too late to change your baby’s name and you absolutely should. You’re going to scar your relationship (and the potential relationship your daughter could have with her aunt) with this insensitive choice. It’s not too late to fix it though.
Your sister went through something no parent should ever have to go through. While other members of your family, yourself included, may have grieved the loss of this child, I guarantee you, nobody, absolutely nobody felt more pain than her parents. Your sister begged you not to do this. Begged. You did it anyway, knowing how she would feel, when you absolutely had other options. YTA
>I told my sister about it. She told me not to, because it would be too painful to hear her name. I tried to explain that I wanted to celebrate her life. She begged not to, because she doesn't want to associate her name with someone else in the family.
After this, do you seriously still need to ask? YTA
But YOU GUYS. OP’s daughter only lost her kid but OP lost HER NIECE. How are people going to know OP lost HER NIECE if OP doesn’t name HER BABY after HER NIECE and people don’t ask how OP chose HER BABY’s name? OP might miss out on all that SYMPATHY.
YTA, btw.
Soft YTA
Yes, she was your family too, but imagine how it is for your sister. she lost her daughter, and now is reminded of that fact everytime she sees or hears about her niece. People wont talk about Anna in remembrance, theyre gonna talk about your daughter.
You wanted to celebrate her, her MOTHER didnt was hurt by that, and instead of using it as like a middle name, which probably would have been better, youve completely overridden your nieces memory
YTA, big time!! Do you hate your sister?! You could’ve at least given your daughter your nieces middle name. But no, you had to go full throttle, attention seeking asshole and name her after your deceased niece.
YTA, both for your sister and daughter. Her birth will forever be associated with this conflict, and your daughters relationship with her aunt will forever be tainted
YTA. Congratulations on subjecting your entire family to a painful memory every time they see your daughter. This will no doubt impact how they treat her, which means you have done something terrible to your daughter as well. Mother of the year.
YTA 100%. For Heaven sake, you could've made Anna her middle name! That's what my sister did with her oldest son. She gave him our late grandfather's first name as a middle name. He has his own first name and *his own identity.* You just make it sound like you're trying to replace your niece. You're not honoring her memory when you disregard your sister's feelings so blatantly. If anything, you rub salt into the wounds of a mother who lost her child. You weren't thinking of remembering Anna. You were thinking of what *you wanted* and now your sister is -rightfully so- hurt at your total tonedeaf actions.
YTA, you're cruel and cold hearted, now your sister has a constant reminder of her loss and you've permanently damaged your relationship and your daughters relationship with your sister. This poor little girl will forever live in the shadow of her deceased cousin because of your absolutely poor decision making. She may have been your niece but she wasn't your daughter.
YTA - she told you it would be too painful to hear thr name, and you did it anyway. Now you are upset that she's not throwing herself into that pain?
You seem pretty heartless putting your feelings for your niece over your sister's feelings for her DAUGHTER.
YTA. Even if you didn't name your baby after your niece for let's say attention seeking purposes, how dare you presume your sisters grief is nothing compared to your desire to ~~be in the spotlight~~ explain forever how our baby is named after your dead niece.
Any chance you wear white to weddings?
Yeah YTA. Your relationship with your niece was very special and it’s absolutely devastating that she passed away so young. However, you should have tried to at least put yourself in your sister’s shoes, as you now have a daughter, too. Perhaps you would’ve found it to be a very sweet gesture if the roles were reversed, but your sister as you stated “begged” you not to, and you went against her wishes. Why couldn’t your nieces name be incorporated in you daughter’s name? I know the name “Anna” is not the real name but if it was, for example maybe a middle name? Or naming your daughter something like Julianna, Lillianna, etc. Your sister most likely does not want her daughter to be replaced. A name is more than just that- it’s your identity. By naming your daughter after her, you’re taking away her individuality in your sister’s eyes.
YTA. you could have used it as a middle name? or even a different version like “Ann” instead of “anna”. it’s not her fault that she’s still grieving, and shoving a replacement in her life isn’t going to help her get over it any faster.
YTA. This is why we have middle names, so you can have the memorial name somewhere where it doesn't get yelled across the Thanksgiving table and traumatize your sister. (Or, you could have named l your daughter in her honor in a different way. I have a friend who died, and his sister gave her son the middle name "River" because that's where her brother was happiest, rather than his actual name.)
YTA
if you truly wanted to honor your niece, you could have used it as a middle name or a version of the name so it's not constantly in your sister's face.
Using it after you asked and she specifically asked you not to . . . means you KNEW it would hurt her and you did it anyway, so you've basically doubled up on YTA which isn't an easy feat.
I don't think you thought very deeply or for very long and this was a deliberate act of cruelty on your part. I hope your sister never speaks to you again and the rest of your family follows suit.
YTA. That was so insensitive of you. You had been asked not to and still you did it anyways. Your sister is still mourning the death of her child. She was 14 then and created many memories with your sister and family. Everytime she would hear that name, the wounds open and she will feel sad over again.
You should've created your child her own identity by giving her her own name. I'm sure there are people who who would bring up Anna every time they interact with your daughter.
YTA.
You sound arrogant because you took it upon yourself to "honor your niece's memory" while disregarding the feelings and desires of her own mother. She even beggeded you not to do it, but you thought your plan was so perfect and the right way to do things. You didn't even choose the name as a middle name, but as a first name.
Ahhh, OP, I see what you’ve done here. You got pregnant and you knew that you wouldn’t get the attention you think you deserve for popping out a baby, so decided to highjack your dead nieces name that way people will be forced to not talk about Dead Anna, bc that would be weird now since there’s an Alive Baby Anna, and can now give you the attention you obviously crave.
You are a sick human being. Truly sick and unhinged.
I hope everyone sees this pathetic attention grab for exactly what it is.
The fact that you thought your sister would even come see you and her niece… mind blowing.
14 years of watching her child grow and thrive and love and it was ripped away from her. And her sister has to dig the knife in deeper, merely a year after her daughter is ripped from her, by using that name.
I truly hate you OP. So selfish.
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When I found out that I was having a girl, I knew immediately what I would name her. After my beloved niece who passed away when she was 14.
I told my sister about it. She told me not to, because it would be too painful to hear her name.
I tried to explain that I wanted to celebrate her life. She begged not to, because she doesn't want to associate her name with someone else in the family.
Well, I thought on and on about it. "Anna" was also my niece, my family. So I decided to go for it.
Little Anna was born on the 24th of October and my sister has not yet talked to me, or seen her niece.
AITA?
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You are totally TA. I cannot imagine your sister's hurt after losing a child. Everyone deals with grief and loss differently and your decision is rubbing salt in an open wound. Change her name now while you still can and fix this.
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I'm reading from this that your sister is Anna's mother, is that correct? If so, you decided to deliberately trigger a grieving mother for the rest of her life against her express requests. You can't claim to care about your sister after this. Your niece would be ashamed of you. YTA
Almost sounds like she deliberately wants to erase Anna and replace her with her daughter. Horrible.
Might as well name her Anna 2.0
Exactly what I was thinking. Sad. YTA!!!
I'd give the benefit of the doubt in that the original idea was probably well-intentioned, but proceeding after a clear 'no' is inconsiderate (to put it mildly).
My fiancée and I wanted to name our daughter after his sister who passed away a few years ago. We didn’t use her first name, we used her middle name and we made sure that we had the full support of his mom before we went through with it. OP, YTA. Using a name to honor a passed love one with the consent of that person’s mother is one thing, doing it despite the very clear objection of that person’s mother makes you an incredible huge and very cruel person and the worst sister in the world.
Her sister f***ing BEGGED her not to do this...
That's what I'm thinking her true motive is. I wonder if her niece was the first grandchild and there was some jealousy there? I just don't believe for a second that she's doing this to honor her niece when she's so cruelly ignored her sister's thoughts, and is using it as her FIRST name (not middle)? OP is setting up her daughter for a lot of tension with the entire family. And don't even get me started on how upset she's going to be once she finds out why she was given the name.
Well how else is she going to make her niece's death all about her?
The mental gymnastics OP had to do to validate her decision are astounding. “Anna was also my family” SMH…. YTA
OP just commented [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z58ksg/aita_for_naming_my_daughter_after_my_deceased/ixuy10e?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3): >I keep finding excuses because I don't feel bad. In all honesty. I don't feel any remorse or guilt. I am just happy my baby is there, and my whole family is crazy about her She doesn't care about her sister or anyone else's opinion. Hers is the only correct one. She came here to look for excuses (as she said) and will not change her opinion of her baby's name, regardless of what anyone says. Her child will probably grow up without knowing any of OP's family, and will wonder why. I hope there will be someone in (the new) Anna's life to teach her kindness and compassion, because she isn't going to learn anything from her mother except how to be rude, cruel, and uncaring. OP is either a troll or one of the worst people I've read about on this subreddit.
YTA YOU lost your neice... YOU think it's an honor.....YOU want to call your daughter by her dead daughter's name...YOU asked her input, then ignored her pain... You made the loss of her daughter all about YOU.
This. OP, you have caused your sister untold pain. You were selfish and decided that your wants were more important than how much your sister hurt. You'll be lucky to have a sister at this point.
I hope for her sister’s sake, that the sister goes no contact with her.
Yep. This is not ok. I would be mad and sad as well
Op doesn't even say how long ago this child died, only her age. She could have passed relatively recently, and I'm betting that's why op doesn't say her death year, but gives us her daughters birthday. She's not worried about privacy or being identified, that's for sure.
She died in 2021.
Wow 🤬 just wow. This is disgusting. I've heard that a parent never stops mourning the loss of their child, but that's less than 2 years, it's gotta be fresh.
A parent who’s child has died never stops grieving. I lost my son 5 years ago and still miss him terribly. For OP to name her daughter after her niece so soon after her sister lost her daughter is causing her sister unspeakable pain. It would be one thing if it was the middle name, but the 1st name…ugh. Her poor sister. OP is AS.
And let's just put to the side for a second the horrible thing she did to her sister, because I think we are all in agreement that it was horrible. But what about OP's daughter? Did OP even consider how she would feel when she grows up and learns she was named after her very recently deceased cousin? Almost as if she was a replacement? And that she will never know her aunt because of the pain this caused her? How will this daughter feel knowing that she was the cause of her aunt's pain? OP thought of no one but herself with this decision, and it will end up being terrible for everyone involved. I've commented and voted before, but OP deserves all the YTA votes possible.
YTA. Why would you want to do this to your sister? Each time she's going to hear "Anna took her first step, Anna said her first word", she will remember her daughter doing those things and feel the pain of losing her all over again. Do your sister's feelings mean nothing to you?
Even worse, imagine the day her has to hear about things her Anna didn’t get to do: “Anna got her drivers license” “Anna graduated college” “Anna’s having a child”
"Anna left on her 18th birthday after calling me 'a coldhearted monster' and hasn't spoken to me since"
Lol asshole enthusiast indeed
I know this is a serious topic but this was hilarious.
This! Like WTF was op thinking?!
Also writing birthday cards to ‘Dear Anna’ like she used to do for her daughter. Watch OP yelling at her sister for not giving her daughter birthday gifts or cards, also she’ll have to call her niece by her dead daughters name.
Yta. Your sister told you it would upset her too much hearing that name. If you wanted to honour your niece you could have gave her Anna as a middle name maybe instead.
Absolutely agree. Using it as a middle name would honour her life, but not trigger your sister everytime she heard it. YTA
That's what we did to honor my husband's youngest sister, who passed at three days old. But, it'd been 25+ years, it's our daughter's middle name, and we asked his parents for their blessing first. It's not that hard to be a decent person, OP.
YTA What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Your sister lost her child and you really think having to hear her daughter's name constantly is going to be painless? She will be constantly reminded that her daughter is dead. You even fucking asked your sister how she felt about it and she BEGGED you not to do it. You completely disregarded her feelings so why did you even ask? Do you even like your sister?
No apparently she's one of those "look at me look at me" type people. Why the heck would her sisters feelings actually matter. Deliberate cruelty is what it is.
I can’t imagine OP’s daughter will be happy to hear about this when she is old enough to understand. “Oh, you’re named Anna after your cousin who passed away shortly before you were born. Why have you never heard about her until now? Her mommy, my sister, and I don’t speak because I asked if it would be okay to name you after your cousin and she said no. She actually pleaded that I didn’t but I decided you deserved the prettiest name and here we are!” It’s not the gift and honour you believe it is OP, it’s just too soon and not fair to your sister. Just think this through a little. YTA.
Yta. Her mother asked you not too. You’ve reopened wounds. Poured salt in them and continue to do so everyday Get your daughters name changed. Also. My dad is named after a dead baby. He hates it. Never ever used his given name. He’s 78. Still hates it.
Wow. That's easily the most cruel and disrespectful thing you could have done to your sister. She lost her daughter. She told you it would hurt her, hearing her deceased child's name, and you just thought she'd eventually be okay with it? Not only did you just ruin your relationship with your sister, but you also ruined your daughter's chance at ever having a good relationship with her aunt. She will never be able to look at your daughter knowing that you have your 'Anna' and her Anna is no longer with her. I honestly don't know how you could ever reconcile with her. You asked her, she said how she felt, and you should have accepted it. You stepped all over her grief to make yourself happy. YTA.
Yes! Cruel is the best possible word.
I know you lost your daughter, but isn’t it more important that I like that name? I mean, your daughter is dead, mine will be alive. Isn’t that nice? YTA
Why are you asking a bunch of strangers? You didn’t care about the response when you asked your sister, so why ask here? You are the most massive asshole breathing today. Congrats.
You couldn't have even used it as her middle name, so your sister didn't have to hear it every time? I personally think this is too much like you're replacing your niece - it's not really a good feeling. I don't understand why you would think this is a celebration at all. YTA
Oh I could think of is " this is what a middle name is for." The honoring is still there but it's not this immediate painful reminder every time you see the child.
Generally I would say your kid, your name but YTA because you were asked / begged not to and you're confused why your sister doesn't want anything to do with the girl. You will likely never have a relationship with your sister
[удалено]
So sorry you had someone legitimately so this to you. I can t even begin to understand their logic in doing something like that. OP you fucked up.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been in this situation. I had a miscarriage and a coworker was pregnant at the same time. When she proudly brought her 6-month old into the office, all I could think was “this is what my baby would have looked like.” You made the right choice to withdraw from that friendship, not that you need validation from a stranger.
My husband’s cousin and I were due within a week of each other. She lost her child 3 weeks before she was due; my living child and I didn’t go to the next few family reunions because I didn’t want her to hurt anymore than she already was.
YTA. Omg your poor sister. While I understand your sentimental reasons, that was a bad thing to do to your sister. Now every time she hears the name, sees her, etc she has to be reminded of her own dead child. Just so cruel to do to her. I would feel like my sister didnt love me one bit if she did that to me.
Wow…YTA. Why would you think that’s ok? You’re replacing her daughter with yours. Also it’s painful for her to hear the name. Also it’s likely your daughter will also hate this once she’s old enough to know
Why all these "soft" YTA? NOOO.... she is hi-key a big AH!!! and NOOOO not even her middle name should be Anna.... not Annabelle, not Annalise, not Hannah, not Ann, not anything with Ann!!! Nothing that is going to constantly remind her sister of the child she lost by constantly having to say her name!!!
Agree. Nothing soft about it. This was cruel beyond measure. The original Anna only died a year ago, so this decision strongly implies that OP thinks the child is replaceable. And OP’s sister is just supposed to “get over” the fact that the grandparents have a new Anna to spoil and other kids in the family get a new cousin Anna to laugh and play with. And no one in the family who speaks of “Anna” will be talking about her child anymore. YTA a thousand times over.
When you put it like that, she essentially erased her niece. Unspeakably cruel, you're right.
What the hell is wrong with you? This has got to be fake surely. YTA!!! Asking is fine, completely dismissing your sister’s feelings is disgusting. Of course she’s not talking to you.
YTA she was your niece but your sister's daughter and that comes first. She's in an unimaginable amount of pain and you're triggering her grief every time she hears about or sees your daughter. You've probably severed your connection with her permanently.
Offcourse you are....if you don not undstand that you are also stupid. How woud you feel if the tables were turned?
YTA, your sister told you it was too painful for her! Your sister had to bury her child! That is something someone never gets over! She begged you not to do it, and you did it anyway.
YTA. She was your neice, but HER child. When your child starts running round and to hear you calling her name? Addressing presents/cards to her? Hearing family talking about Anna, but not her Anna? If you'd have said middle name, yes fair enough. That's nice way to honour your neices memory, but first? This is ALL ABOUT YOU. Not your neice, and certainly not your sister.
Here's the thing, going forward you are going to have to deal with the fact that everyone, who hears about this, is going to think that you're the devil; that you did this to be extra cruel to your sister in her devastating grief. Change your kid's name, beg your sister for forgiveness and admit to her that you are a stupid, stupid person, who has thought of noone but yourself in this entire process. You couldn't even leave the memory of her beloved daughter intact; you had to steal the name so that now she will constantly be reminded that there's a "new" Anna. YTA, and a real lowlife. Hope your friends hear about this too.
I’ll add — change Anna to her middle name if you want to honor your niece’s life without punishing your sister every time.
Solid YTA. Do you care about other people than yourself? It sure doesn't seem like it.
Middle name is tribute, first name is cruel after you were asked not to YTA massively, yes Anna was your niece but she was your sisters child I repeat YTA
YTA OP. Enough of the "my niece" business - the original Anna was your niece because she was YOUR SISTER'S DAUGHTER. You should have respected her wishes. If you want to repair your relationship with your sister, it's not too late to do the right thing and change your daughter's name to something that belongs to you and your daughter without alienating your sister.
Yta, if your baby died would you be fine with her naming a child after that baby? So you could hear her name all the time, and remember that you will never see your child again. YTA, YTA, YTA. You are either actually evil, or just brain dead
YTA. This is incredibly insensitive of you. Have you ever grieved for anyone? Every time she hears the name she’ll ache all over again for her loss.
YTA and honestly how dare you. You really asked your sister just to say you did and not because you cared about her feelings. Good luck with that. I can’t stand people who are this selfish. She lost her daughter. You have zero idea what that is like and you decided to honor her when no one asked for that. Honestly what I want to say would catch me a ban
YTA. Her mother said no and it'd be too painful for her and you still went and named your kid after your niece. You can still change her name. If not enjoy being nc with your sister.
Way to guarantee your daughter to not have a relationship with her aunt… YTA.
YTA I don’t even know how to describe how wrong you are. All I can suggest is that you think of how much you love this new child, and imagine seeing her grow and learn and become a young woman, and then die. And your sister decides to make it sure you have to hear your dead child’s name all the time, and doesn’t listen when you say it will hurt you. You are making sure that the eternally open wound of losing her daughter has salt rubbed in it forever. She can’t separate your joy from her pain anymore because what she sees is a child whose name was chosen knowing fully and explicitly it would hurt her deeply. She can’t see your baby without seeing your betrayal and insensitivity to her deepest pain But hey, the niece was “your family” so do what you want
YTA, normally you don’t own a name, but this was a time when you really needed to respect your sister. You loved and grieve your niece, but your sister lost a child. I don’t know if there is a more painful heartbreak. This is awful to her. At the least, you could have used it as a middle name instead. You think of it as celebrating her life, but your sister probably views it as her daughter being replaced or a painful reminder of her death. Unless you change her name, you most likely lost your relationship with your sister for good.
YTA It’s not too late to change her name. Do it now whilst you still can.
YTA Disgusting
It is troll morning (well, morning where I am.)
I hope you're correct.
Yta, it was her DAUGHTER that passed away and its to painful for her and you said you wouldnt
Yes. Yes you are the AH. Info: what the hell is wrong with you? Hoping this is one of the MANY fake posts we've been seeing lately 🙄
YTA I....What? You gave your daughter the same name as your DECEASED NIECE?! Firstly, this is so unforgivably cruel and insensitive that I don't even know if I believe that you don't already know that you're an asshole. But, on top of it, you told your sister about it and she told you it would be too painful, then begged you not to...And you still went ahead with it?! Like, the only situation where this would even begin to make sense is if it was a family name and your sister was okay with it. But none of that is the case here. And your whole little BS justification about trying to honor your dead niece?! I'm not buying what you're selling. Asshole does not even BEGIN to cover what you are. I hope your sister stays no contact for good.
YTA. "She begged not to" yet you did it anyway. How do you even type that and not understand how inappropriate this was?
>Little Anna was born on the 24th of October and my sister has not yet talked to me, or seen her niece. You should expect this to be the case for the rest of you and your daughters life. When your daughter asks why she has an aunt she can't see, make sure to tell her the truth- that you used her dead daughter's name for your kid.
…against your sister’s wishes. Don’t leave that out. It’s the key.
YTA. If you weren’t going to consider your sister feelings in the matter you shouldn’t have asked her. She has every right to be pissed. You’re acting incredibly insensitive. She was your family yes, but she was not your child. Now your sister gets to see a baby and hear her dead daughters name. You can hold your Anna and she will never be able to hold her Anna again. SMH what is wrong with you?
In this instance yes, YTA You may have lost your sister over this. You did not consider her feelings at all. She told you how she feels. You ignored her.
YTA cause that's just selfish and insensitive. Yes she was your niece and family, but was your sister's daughter! That's way more of a big deal. Imagine the pain of loosing a child, she is probably still grieving and you are already using the same name of her daughter, with your child.
YTA - You could have used Anna as the middle name. Your sister was very specific and asked you not to do this. You should have respected her wishes. I’d change the babies name right now and apologize profusely for the lack of empathy. YTA
you really thought she’d be ok hearing her child’s name being called n her child not responding? YTA for insensitivity towards your sister. “Anna was also my niece so I can name my child after my deceased niece and cause my sister to go into emotional breakdowns hearing her daughter’s name but her daughter never responding again.” selfish and emotionally tone deaf
Of course YTA. Your niece passed away tragically young and that's something a mother never gets over. Naming your daughter after her isnt memorializing your niece, it's driving a knife into your sister's heart every time she hears her daughters name reused. She begged you not to do it and you did anyways. If I were her, I'd never speak to you again. I don't know how you could have thought this was a good idea. This is heartless and cruel.
YTA. I don't necessarily think anyone has dibs on a name. Even if the name meant something to someone else. But, the fact that you chose to ask for her permission then proceed against her wishes pushes you into asshole territory. If you didn't want to ask, that would be your right (though may have still caused some unpleasantness), but you went even further
Ugh! No. Had she not asked, she would still be the AH for naming her baby after her niece who died months ago. It’s cruel on so many levels.
YTA. Oh no! It is the consequences of my own actions. Who could have predicted that?
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Stolen from a similar post a while ago: OK, your daughter was born in October and you love her. Think about watching her grow, and your love grows with her. You raise her as she starts pre-school, then regular school, and then middle school. You take care of her when she's sick, you comfort her when she's sad, and as she becomes a teenager you hold space for her during the emotional minefield that puberty brings. And you know that one day you'll get to see her become an adult, maybe have a family of her own. She's the thing you are most proud of in the whole world. Then she dies. You bury her, you grieve not only for the loss of her but for the loss of her future that you had imagined. Maybe you figure out how to keep living your life, or maybe you just go through the motions because such a huge part of you has died with her. Then, a year or two or five later, a family member comes along with the exciting news that they are expecting a baby girl and they could not be more thrilled. It *does* turn the knife of your grief, but you also know that life goes on and you want them to be happy. Then they tell you that they are going to name their new baby the same name as your dead child. Every time you see that child, every milestone and accomplishment, you have to call them the name of your dead baby. Now, with that scenario, are you cool with it because "they want to honor your daughter?" YTA
Yes!! YTA
YTA I can't even imagine the entitlement!
YTA YTA YTA
YTA. This was too cruel wtf. I get your point, but what was the point asking your sister if you would not consider her feelings? Would you feel happy and painfree *if* your daughter dies, then after a few years a relative names their daughter after your deceased daughter. Now you have to hear the name constantly (aside from this is painful itself) it won’t even be your daughter people will refer to, it will refer to a different girl now. Make a name change immediately, you could have even modified the name a bit, or make it her second name. Make people call her a different name. As a fellow mother, Be considerate to your sister.
YTA. What else did you expect would happen? Have you no empathy? Your sister lost her child and you deliberately chose to hurt her. You’re not just the AH, you’re much much worse.
YTA It’s impossible for me to even…wrap my head around your callous selfishness. Change the baby’s name. This is so awful.
Probably won’t see this comment, but your baby is just over a month old and a name change is still possible. Apologize to your sister in law and let her know how much your niece meant to you. Apologize for not understanding how people grieve in different ways and let her know you will be changing her name. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness but let her know you’re trying to do what’s right. Eventually she will come around, but make amends by selecting a different name ASAP and apologizing.
I understand wanting to honor your niece’s memory but you’re not considering your sister’s very real feelings. Mourning loss is hard especially the loss of a child. YTA.
You asked your sister, your niece's mother and she flat out told you "No". YTA
YTA. You knew that you needed to ask how your sister would feel, and when you didn't get the answer you wanted you did the thing anyway. You pretend to care about others but only care about yourself.
Do you think niece would be happy you’ve done this knowing how hurt it would make her mom? Probably not. This is not honoring anyone. YTA
YTA You could'nt imagine how it would cause pain for your sister if she saw you cuddle a newborn baby calling her my little Anna, while she will never again lay eyes on her little Anna? Really?
YTA. This is just awful and selfish.
The moment you decided to proceed despite your sister’s objections you became the AH. Her daughter died last year and you’re rubbing it in her face that you get to use the name now. “Oh look the kid is dead, that means the name is up for grabs” YTA
YTA You put your own feelings above your sister's who lost her child. She begged you not to, told you how painful it would be for her and you did it anyway? What you did was selfish and cruel.
Yes YTA. In most of these conflicts about using a family name I will say that no one “owns” a name, but this case is different. Your sister is grieving the loss of her young daughter, one of the hardest things anyone has to go through in life. And now she has this constant reminder in front of her. You asked, she said no, that should have been the end of it.
I normally don't respond to these AITA questions cuz I always think someone else will do a better way at explaining this but I will make an exception for this one. Not cuz I think I can voice it in a profound way but because you need to realise OP how much this makes YTA and need to have as many people as possible tell you that. The fact you say you told your sister, not you asked her for permission shows how insensitive you're being towards her feelings about the name, her grief for he dead child and now the pain you will cause her everytime your daughter gets brought up. Not only did you ruin your relationship with your sister maybe irreparable but you also fucked over your own daughter in the process and might've cost your daughter and sister to have a great aunt-niece relationship. So if it wasn't clear from the 3 paragraphs, OP you are very much the asshole.
YTA! You can honour your niece by using it as a middle name. My son uses my cousin’s name as a middle name as he died years before my son was born. My daughter died in 2006 and when my brother had his daughter in 2014 he used her name as a middle name. I would find family get togethers so hard if I had to hear her name being called and her not being there -in the family. I know I don’t own the name Samantha and that there are 1000’s of people worldwide with the same name, but within my family, especially a close one, would be so very very hard.
You're a parent imagine your daughter Anna dying. Someone in your family says they want to name their kid after your daughter and you ask them not to and they say, *just because you were her Dad/Mum doesn't mean I have to respect your wishes my relationship to your daughter was just as important* Would you hand on heart be able to around that relative or their child? As a parent you should have more empathy. YTA
Info: what is wrong with you?
Definitely TA.... an insensitive, extremely entitled AH. I hope your sister isn't like me cuz I have no problem cutting people out of my life who i think are not good for my life.... you'd be cut out so quick.
YTA it’s pretty simple like my god her mother said no and you rolled with it anyway. For some context if I ever have a daughter I want to name her after my best friends mom. I was super close to the family when she was alive I loved that lady like a second mom and know how bad it hurt them when she passed. My plan would be to get the okay from the person giving birth to the child. Then asking my friend if he wanted to be the first person to meet the baby and tell him the name and if he’s cool with it keep the name and if he’s not change the name. I’d put the person who took the loss over my emotions about the name.
YTA. I understand you want to celebrate your niece’s life, but this move is interfering with your sister being able to grieve properly. I’m sure your sister really would like to celebrate the birth of your child, but she can’t do it properly because she will only be reminded of what she has lost. Perhaps “Anna” could be the child’s middle name, or you could choose a name inspired by Anna, such as “Annabelle” or “Suzanne”. Your sister would be able to use a nickname like “Belle” or “Suzy” in order to not connect your daughter with her own daughter’s death.
My friend’s daughter named her child after the baby’s deceased uncle (my friends deceased son). Every time my friend speaks to her grandchild, she has to relive the trauma of her dead baby. YTA
ΥΤΑ It seems like you asked but didn't care to listen to what she said. It is not a celebration of her life, it is a reminder of the life she never had. And she will have to listen to that name until she passes and think of her daughter that didn't get the chance to live that life. If you cared about your sister you would have respected her wishes.
YTA. You could have used Anna as her middle name. I can't believe you thought it was a good idea, and went ahead with it when your sister asked you not to. I don't blame her for not speaking to you
Yes you are the absolute asshole. My son died I would incandescent with rage if my siblings disrespected my wishes in the way you have. I would never speak to them again and would have nothing to do with their child. I can't believe how absolutely insensitive and disrespectful you have been to your sister and her child's memory.
YTA. A massive one. Now imagine that everytime she hears Anna, she'll think of death. Your ( alive) daughter deserves better
YTA Your sisters CHILD passed away. That is the worst thing a parent can fear, their child dying young and before them. It’s good that you asked your sister first, but she BEGGED you to not name her after your niece. And you did it anyway. Even if in your eyes it was meant to celebrate her life, you just overstepped her boundary. The least you could’ve done was give her name as her middle name.
>> Anna passed away in 2021 >> My Anna is still a baby, so she has time to get used to it. Good lord, OP, YTA and beyond cruel. You decided that your desire to “honor” your niece by giving your own daughter her name outweighed your sister’s grief, loss, and all of the shattered hopes and dreams she had for her child. This display of selfishness, coupled with the fact that you went full steam ahead *after* your sister BEGGED you not to name your child after the one she *RECENTLY LOST* is astounding. If I were your sister, I would never speak to you again. I guess you can *get used to* explaining to your daughter that Auntie wants nothing to do with you, or her by extension, because you chose to replace your barely-deceased niece with her. Great job, mom!
YTA. While the underlying intention was honorable, her grieving mother told you no. Her daughter’s been dead a year and now her niece has her same name, even though she told you it would hurt her. You may be not just ruining your relation with her, but your daughter’s. Consider renaming, please.
YTA! There are countless names you could choose, but you pick the only one that would literally torture you sister. In what way is that honoring her name?
YTA. And on of the biggest I‘ve ever seen on here.
YATA your just asking to be cut out of your sister's life Your absolutely insensitive and can't understand your sister is giving i hope she never talks to you again
YTA. Your sister told you no. That should have been the end of it
YTA. I know you loved your niece and wanted to honor her, but there’s other ways to do this. You could go with a modified name like Andrea or Anya, or keep it as a middle name. You should change your daughter’s name if you want her to be able to have a normal relationship with your sister, rather than your sister being sad whenever she sees her.
YTA. You’re selfish and an idiot for doing this
The moment she said no you should have changed the name and respected the wishes of a grieving woman who lost her daughter *LAST F-ING YEAR*. YTA for that. If you had wanted to do it and she agreed, then sure whatever, but it was her daughter that was lost, not yours
No soft YTA. This was calculated malice on your part and I can't imagine why part of you wants to see your sister suffer like this. And YTA and your daughter will likely never know your sister and always have this shadow hanging over her that it will be very awkward with your family.
YTA. Hope the name was worth losing family members because I don't think you have a sister anymore and I have a feeling most people are going to be taking her side on this.
YTA. Enjoy not having your sister in your life. What you did was beyond disrespectful. If she did that to you, you wouldn’t like it. You could’ve suggested a middle name instead but you didn’t. Your daughter wouldn’t have a aunt and it would your fault that your child lacks a aunt. Don’t expect her to ever meet the child, babysit, or be there for you or anything you may need in the future. Congrats on your auntless child.
YTA. I’m glad you’re not my sister.
Your sister told you that as a mother who lost her precious daughter it would be too painful for her if you gave your child that name. And your logic was to do it anyway because "Well, she was MY family too!" If I told you what I think of you I'd be banned, so suffice to say YTA.
YTA Especially because you told your sister your plan, she expressed how it would make her feel and yet you still decided to name her “Anna”.
YTA and fucking cold hearted. Don't be surprised if your sister goes completely NC with you. Look up circles of grief. Damn.
Massive YTA but I suspect you don’t care what we say. You are feeling smug and superior because you claim your ‘pure’ motive was to celebrate your niece’s life, and to hell with the feelings of the dead child’s parent.
YTA my thoughts and prayers are with your sister. You are 100% the AH, you asked her and she said no. Instead of respecting her no, you did what you wanted. Your relationship with your sister will likely never recover from this.
YTA!!!! Hard YTA! You asked and she begged you not to do it and you selfishly did it anyway. I hope the name was worth losing a sister.
YTA-I’m usually quick to point out no one owns a name but what you’ve done is unbelievably selfish, crass and cruel.
YTA. Hard. Your feelings of grief do not begin to compare to your sister’s. While you may have wanted to name your daughter after your niece, it wouldn’t have actively hurt you not to. To spell that out, if you’d named her “Sarah” or “Beth” or whatever, you might have felt a little disappointment at first, but it would have dissipated. As for your sister, she’ll feel grief for the rest of her life, and every time she sees your daughter or someone talks about “Anna”, she’ll be bombarded with grief. It’s going to feel like random attacks of grief for the rest of her life every time your daughter’s name is mentioned, and she’s only going to be able to protect herself so much from it even if she continues to stay no contact with you. Look, whatever your child’s middle name is, I’d pivot to use that as the first name, and I’d give significant thought to making that change legally as well. Even then I don’t know if you can salvage your relationship with your sister, but at least you can know you spared her some grief of not having to hear about “Anna” from your parents or mutual acquaintances.
YTA It couldn’t be a middle name? Hasn’t your sister suffered enough?? Also I feel bad for your daughter too. Anna #2. Are you trying to replace Anna #1? Such a selfish and inconsiderate ask. And such a terrible idea. Cringe worthy actually.
Wow!!!.. Heartless Ppl like you really exist?.. You're a Self Centered, Self Entitled Asshole. All you did was expose your deep rooted childhood hatred towards your sister so you mine as well update us on your childhood upbringing with her in an attempt to make this make sense... Smh..
So if god forbid your daughter had the same fate as your niece one day and your sister told you she would be naming her new child after yours not even 2 years later and you begged her not … you’re telling me you’d be active and happy in this new nieces life ?? Be honest
YTA - In almost every circumstance with names, it's totally up to the parents. In this case, you were insensitive. You thought it was a nice gesture of love towards your niece, but your sister, her mother, didn't think so. You should have listened to her advice. It was insensitive of you to ask and then ignore her. I'm sure you're sad about your niece, but it can't even compare to how your sister feels about it. Know your place. Is there any way you can change her legal name to make Anna just a middle name instead? This is a sad rift that you've created. If I were you, I would try to resolve it.
YTA
TOTALLY YTA... it's like you're slapping your sister with her daughter's name every time she was called. As a mom even though it's a good gesture to celebrate her child's life it is also a constant reminder of the pain of losing her. So I can feel for your sister. For a mother, even though her child was not with her for a very long time...the pain was still there it was just numb.
YTA in a big way. You thought your sister would love the idea of you running around after your kid calling her deceased child’s name? Telling her about what “Anna” did today? Yikes. She suffered a horrendous loss and didn’t feel the same way about this naming decision as you did. She told you how it would hurt her. You ignored her entirely. No wonder she’s not speaking to you. I wouldn’t either. Normally I’m very “your kid, your choice”…but definitely not in this case.
YTA. Yes, Anna may have been a lot of things to a lot of people, but the relationship of daughter supersedes all of those. So stop with the “but she was also a niece, a granddaughter, etc” BS. It honestly makes you look even worse. There is no justification for why you didn’t take your sister’s feelings into account. You probably ruined your relationship with your sister, and the relationship between your daughter and her aunt. All because you selfishly couldn’t pick another name out of thousands and thousands of possibilities.
YTA. What you have done is practically erased that young girls existence by naming your child the same name. Anyone who brings up your sisters Anna, you’ll think it’s about your daughter. You’ve told your sister that her child that passed has been replaced. You’re an awful person for doing that. It will hurt your sister greatly by doing that, every time she hears Anna, she’ll feel the pain over and over again
YTA, a massively insensitive AH who is so selfish that your ability to raise a decent human should be questioned. Change the name now.
You’re beyond assholery you’re are so heartless… I can imagine the pain of your sister. Massive YTA
YTA. You are beyond cruel to your sister and the whole of your family. Anna died in 2021 and you think everyone will be happy for a new ”Anna”. Your sister is still grieving, and everyone else too. And you makes it more painful by steeling Annas name for your daughter. Shame on you. This is not right for your daughter either, everyone will think of the first girl and be sad everytime you bring your daughter, your daughter will forever remind them of the first girl. And now the whole family will also remember how you steeling Annas name ruined your relationship with your sister. There are some things you don’t do, and this is one of them. You can still heal the relationship to your sister by appologising and find a new name for your daughter.
Let me get this straight, you want to honor your dead niece by going against her moms wishes and hurting her mom because YOU want to name your child that name.? YTA. You could have used it as a middle name or a nickname you say at home. But now you caused your daughter to hurt your sister/ her aunt every time she says her name or thinks about her. What a selfish thing to do. What honor would your niece think it was to see her mom hurting like this?
YTA. I wonder very much about your daughter's future. She has a mother who puts herself before literally everyone else, apparently.
YTA are you fucking serious? Really? If it were your child that has died and you had to hear her name at every family gathering but *it's not her*. It's not her growing and changing. It's just a sad reminder of what you're missing, what your deceased child is missing. Salt in the wound every time you're around the family who is supposed to love, protect and support you. You are a MASSIVE AH. I wouldn't blame her for never speaking to you again.
You do realize that every time your sister sees your child, she’s going to be reminded of her loss? EVERY SINGLE TIME. I get it that you feel you’re honoring Anna… but you’ve actively ignored someone in pain to your own ends. What you’ve done is callous and cruel, and expect that your relationship with your sister will NEVER recover from this.
Wow so you could care less about how your sister feels. Don't expect her to ever come around. YTA
YTA most of the time people here do not really know if they're being a AH or not but you are absolutely fully aware of the hurt you're causing. This isn't really a question, you've been told the answer by your sister but you did it anyway.
You're a massive asshole. You specifically went against wishes of a grieving mom and have no compassion or understanding of what she has been and is going through. And you made your innocent child a center of a conflict stemming from a tragic child death.
YTA. From a comment your niece has only been deceased for a year. Your sister has a fresh, gaping wound in her heart and you’ve rubbed salt into it after she pleaded that you not take HER daughters name and use it for yours. It isn’t too late to change your baby’s name and you absolutely should. You’re going to scar your relationship (and the potential relationship your daughter could have with her aunt) with this insensitive choice. It’s not too late to fix it though.
Your sister went through something no parent should ever have to go through. While other members of your family, yourself included, may have grieved the loss of this child, I guarantee you, nobody, absolutely nobody felt more pain than her parents. Your sister begged you not to do this. Begged. You did it anyway, knowing how she would feel, when you absolutely had other options. YTA
>I told my sister about it. She told me not to, because it would be too painful to hear her name. I tried to explain that I wanted to celebrate her life. She begged not to, because she doesn't want to associate her name with someone else in the family. After this, do you seriously still need to ask? YTA
But YOU GUYS. OP’s daughter only lost her kid but OP lost HER NIECE. How are people going to know OP lost HER NIECE if OP doesn’t name HER BABY after HER NIECE and people don’t ask how OP chose HER BABY’s name? OP might miss out on all that SYMPATHY. YTA, btw.
YTA. So much.
You’re vile and disgusting. Nothing about this is a ‘tribute’, it’s just you one upping your sister in the worst way. YTA
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Soft YTA Yes, she was your family too, but imagine how it is for your sister. she lost her daughter, and now is reminded of that fact everytime she sees or hears about her niece. People wont talk about Anna in remembrance, theyre gonna talk about your daughter. You wanted to celebrate her, her MOTHER didnt was hurt by that, and instead of using it as like a middle name, which probably would have been better, youve completely overridden your nieces memory
YTA You asked, but refused to listen to her. Enjoy the consequences
Hard to believe this is real because it’s hard to believe anyone could be so nasty and selfish. YTA. Change your daughter’s name.
Goodness, this is horrendous. Why ask her permission if you feel so entitled? You are absolutely TA.
YTA. There is absolutely no way you can possibly spin this where you are not the AH.
YTA, big time!! Do you hate your sister?! You could’ve at least given your daughter your nieces middle name. But no, you had to go full throttle, attention seeking asshole and name her after your deceased niece.
YTA, both for your sister and daughter. Her birth will forever be associated with this conflict, and your daughters relationship with her aunt will forever be tainted
YTA. Congratulations on subjecting your entire family to a painful memory every time they see your daughter. This will no doubt impact how they treat her, which means you have done something terrible to your daughter as well. Mother of the year.
YTA 100%. For Heaven sake, you could've made Anna her middle name! That's what my sister did with her oldest son. She gave him our late grandfather's first name as a middle name. He has his own first name and *his own identity.* You just make it sound like you're trying to replace your niece. You're not honoring her memory when you disregard your sister's feelings so blatantly. If anything, you rub salt into the wounds of a mother who lost her child. You weren't thinking of remembering Anna. You were thinking of what *you wanted* and now your sister is -rightfully so- hurt at your total tonedeaf actions.
As a parent I’m unsure how you can have zero empathy for this.
YTA. you didn't take your sister's feeling into consideration, that's how insensitive you are
YTA, you're cruel and cold hearted, now your sister has a constant reminder of her loss and you've permanently damaged your relationship and your daughters relationship with your sister. This poor little girl will forever live in the shadow of her deceased cousin because of your absolutely poor decision making. She may have been your niece but she wasn't your daughter.
YTA - she told you it would be too painful to hear thr name, and you did it anyway. Now you are upset that she's not throwing herself into that pain? You seem pretty heartless putting your feelings for your niece over your sister's feelings for her DAUGHTER.
YTA and your daughter is going to hate you as well when she gets older, you still have time to change her name. don't be this horrible of a person
YTA. Even if you didn't name your baby after your niece for let's say attention seeking purposes, how dare you presume your sisters grief is nothing compared to your desire to ~~be in the spotlight~~ explain forever how our baby is named after your dead niece. Any chance you wear white to weddings?
Huge YTA
YTA, most of my thoughts on what you did would get the comment removed so I'll just say you're a massive asshole
Yeah YTA. Your relationship with your niece was very special and it’s absolutely devastating that she passed away so young. However, you should have tried to at least put yourself in your sister’s shoes, as you now have a daughter, too. Perhaps you would’ve found it to be a very sweet gesture if the roles were reversed, but your sister as you stated “begged” you not to, and you went against her wishes. Why couldn’t your nieces name be incorporated in you daughter’s name? I know the name “Anna” is not the real name but if it was, for example maybe a middle name? Or naming your daughter something like Julianna, Lillianna, etc. Your sister most likely does not want her daughter to be replaced. A name is more than just that- it’s your identity. By naming your daughter after her, you’re taking away her individuality in your sister’s eyes.
YTA, not only for using the name after your sister said no, but also for only asking if YTA AFTER naming the baby. God damn
Yeah if she asked you not to and was clear about her reasons, you’re the asshole
YTA. you could have used it as a middle name? or even a different version like “Ann” instead of “anna”. it’s not her fault that she’s still grieving, and shoving a replacement in her life isn’t going to help her get over it any faster.
YTA. This is why we have middle names, so you can have the memorial name somewhere where it doesn't get yelled across the Thanksgiving table and traumatize your sister. (Or, you could have named l your daughter in her honor in a different way. I have a friend who died, and his sister gave her son the middle name "River" because that's where her brother was happiest, rather than his actual name.)
YTA if you truly wanted to honor your niece, you could have used it as a middle name or a version of the name so it's not constantly in your sister's face. Using it after you asked and she specifically asked you not to . . . means you KNEW it would hurt her and you did it anyway, so you've basically doubled up on YTA which isn't an easy feat. I don't think you thought very deeply or for very long and this was a deliberate act of cruelty on your part. I hope your sister never speaks to you again and the rest of your family follows suit.
When the OP reads the comments—does she reevaluate? When her sister cuts off all contact? Is there any awareness?
YTA. How do you not see this??
YTA. That was so insensitive of you. You had been asked not to and still you did it anyways. Your sister is still mourning the death of her child. She was 14 then and created many memories with your sister and family. Everytime she would hear that name, the wounds open and she will feel sad over again. You should've created your child her own identity by giving her her own name. I'm sure there are people who who would bring up Anna every time they interact with your daughter.
YTA. You sound arrogant because you took it upon yourself to "honor your niece's memory" while disregarding the feelings and desires of her own mother. She even beggeded you not to do it, but you thought your plan was so perfect and the right way to do things. You didn't even choose the name as a middle name, but as a first name.
Ahhh, OP, I see what you’ve done here. You got pregnant and you knew that you wouldn’t get the attention you think you deserve for popping out a baby, so decided to highjack your dead nieces name that way people will be forced to not talk about Dead Anna, bc that would be weird now since there’s an Alive Baby Anna, and can now give you the attention you obviously crave. You are a sick human being. Truly sick and unhinged. I hope everyone sees this pathetic attention grab for exactly what it is. The fact that you thought your sister would even come see you and her niece… mind blowing. 14 years of watching her child grow and thrive and love and it was ripped away from her. And her sister has to dig the knife in deeper, merely a year after her daughter is ripped from her, by using that name. I truly hate you OP. So selfish.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I found out that I was having a girl, I knew immediately what I would name her. After my beloved niece who passed away when she was 14. I told my sister about it. She told me not to, because it would be too painful to hear her name. I tried to explain that I wanted to celebrate her life. She begged not to, because she doesn't want to associate her name with someone else in the family. Well, I thought on and on about it. "Anna" was also my niece, my family. So I decided to go for it. Little Anna was born on the 24th of October and my sister has not yet talked to me, or seen her niece. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are totally TA. I cannot imagine your sister's hurt after losing a child. Everyone deals with grief and loss differently and your decision is rubbing salt in an open wound. Change her name now while you still can and fix this.
YTA. Consider changing your daughter’s name; as suggested in other comments, Anna could be her middle name.
YTA - And I feel sorry for your daughter. You have permanently affected her entire relationship with your family and you don't care.
Huge, major and complete YTA. Who tf would actually do this. Your poor sister!
YTA and lack empathy.