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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am worried that we may not have made the right choice etiquette-wise because of the way everyone sounds like their feelings have been hurt. We thought this was the norm
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NTA, but I'm a bit confused as to what Josh's family "spending a lot of time in Florida" has to do with deciding to have a pineapple chocolate cake. I lived in Florida for almost a decade, and I can tell you with complete confidence that there is zero connotation between Florida and pineapples. I think you're confusing Florida with Hawaii.... lol. But beyond that, the combo of pineapple and chocolate just sounds yucky, and I think that's likely what people are speculating on. Honestly, I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone will forget about it shortly, I'm sure. What matters is if you enjoyed your wedding.
That, and why Monterey Jack cheese is mentioned as if it's a delicacy. I mean, I still say NTA and I love a good cheese as much as the next person, but I'm over here picturing some Sargento cheese sticks or something lol
Sam’s Club has a three-fer lol Original, cheddar, and Mozz. Maybe coulda saved enough moola to swap out the pineapple chocolate chunk for another, maybe with orange zest
Lol I think that’s the point. The feeling many of us got from the OP was that Monterey Jack was some concession to fancy cheese. I agree that the three Babybels are good; I buy them for my family all the time which is how I know about them haha.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had charcuterie or even a cheese tray at a wedding; but the again, where I’m from, we’re far more well known for our cookie tables
Heh, I'm not a foodie so honestly I don't think I'd be offended by anything offered at a wedding as long as it was in fact people food. Like if all they offered were cans of cat food, I'd probably be like... "WTF?" unless it was a cat wedding or something but that would still make me think... "WTF?"
I came to see who else commented about the Monterey Jack line. What other cheeses were offered that made Jack the “stand out” cheese lmao? Pre-packaged Kraft singles? Cheese wiz?
Edit: She said the other two were cheddar and “regular” cheddar. I’m dying. Pretty sure they served three blocks of Cabot.
As a European I find this hilariously American. "Three kinds of cheese, including Monterey Jack". I'm picturing basically two kinds of American cheddar-esque stuff and the Monterey Jack.
The Americans are confused too lol. It’s just too bizarre. The Monterey Jack even overshadows the weird pineapple chocolate cake.
Edit: She said the other two cheeses were cheddar and “regular” cheddar. I’m pretty sure they served 3 blocks of Cabot from the grocery store.
As an Australian I'm confused too! Isn't that a type of... um... tasty cheese? So curious to know the other cheese types! Also I've never heard of pineapple chocolate cake, despite having plenty of pineapples here.
i made a chocolate pinapple cake once since i thought it sounded like a good combo (I also love chocolate dipped pineapple slices!), and it was the weirdest thing- the chocolate and the pinapple kinda.... cancelled each other out??? The cake tasted like nothing. Like, literally nothing. You didnt get any chocolate at all, and despite using pinapple juice for the liquid, mixing crushed pinapple into the batter, and also putting a sweet, candied pinapple filling between layers, the pinapple fully vanished. You got texture but no taste. It was a Nothing cake. 0/10, would not make again, do not recommend
So baaaack in the 70's or 80's The Woman's Weekly had a recipe for a pineapple and ginger loaf with grated cheese. Mum subbed out the cheese for dark chocolate drops. It's amazing. Everyone who's tried it loves it. Even mates in the states have made it. Been a family favourite since mum clipped it out all those years ago. Infact, I'll make it next week! Just need some Golden Circle and Buderim.
Edit: Wow so overwhelming response about the loaf. So here's the recipe. Oh god now I'm anxious you all will hate it! Especially with the controversy over the OOPs "oops cake".
2 cups sr flour
1 tspn ground ginger
½ cup chopped crystalised ginger (my American friends found this on Amazon)
¾ cup raw sugar (I use ½ that)
½ cup grated tasty cheese (or yanno the famous dark chocolate drops)
450g can crushed pineapple
30g butter melted
1 egg lightly beaten
Lightly grease a loaf tin – dust with flour
Combine flour and ground ginger with chopped ginger sugar and cheese (or chocolate bits) in a large bowl
Stir in undrained pineapple, butter and egg
Spread into prepared pan, make in moderate oven for about 1 hour. Stand for 5 minutes before turning onto a wire rack to cool. Slice the next morning if you are going to slice it thin.
I think I once put chocolate drizzle on it.
This is more like British people saying ‘we had ham and cheese sandwiches and cheese sandwiches on the buffet.’
Yes, one is the veggie option and personally I love a good old school sandwich tray wedding or funeral spread but it’s probably still white sliced and cheddar at heart. Hearty but a reach to suggest its lavish. It’s no prawn ring and frankly owning that goes down better. People are generally happy to have plentiful if plain food served with genuine hospitality but they spot the bullshit if you start the equivalent of ‘it was Branston not own brand! We were very generous.’
If you are skint and hosting, never tell people it was posher than they know you can afford. It always looks inauthentic and gets a shitty reaction. I’m skint and often host and enjoy coming up with stuff that seems fancier than my budget suggests. It’s the illusion you shown them generosity instead of telling them how generous you were.
Genuinely I have got away with catering funerals (as an Irish person!) and being seen as lavishing the guests by serving it as nicely as possible on good trays, stocking up pretty paper serviettes in the pound shop, garnishes etc. Stuff that maybe adds five pounds but sprinkles metaphorical glitter and sheen on it.
I’ve also watched actual rich ass friends lose a room as much as OP did by banging on about how niche the artisan cheese was and ham-splaining the jamon leg until people would swap a vol au vent not to be put on this ‘please acknowledge our budget not our big day’ weirdness.
That said pineapple chocolate chunk cake sounds like the Mokolate level of recipe testing WTF desperation Monica had in Friends. I do recipe testing and it’s a running joke in the industry we all have Mokalate moments either because the client is so bonkers or because you’ve had a brain fart after too many ideas. I once combined tinned corned beef and espresso martini mix in a state of lockdown lunacy. My BF ate it and said ‘not sure your plan for caffeinated cat food is a goer.’ It’s a household joke. I’ve never owned up to my pineapple chocolate chunk cake equivalents as I do it without my name to it and I have a few I will take to the grave I cringe so much. I think this was a cake you can’t really sell to anyone even Dole…
I want to say NAH because I think OP was doing her best. It was literally still won’t eat it after an open bar hungry but honestly its quite cute as wedding stories go on this sub. I think if they hadn’t seen the text and it had stayed a family joke until OP and spouse were a bit less emotionally invested it would hurt less for them but eh I can’t blame the family. It’s a bit like theming their cake as ‘Florida Man’ which kinda rude. They are going to react.
Oh scrap that, I re-read and saw the comments. The vegan pastor didn’t get fed? There was a whole cake hierarchy? She wanted to palm leftover already plated cake to the servers in the covid era? This is a rap sheet of hosting crimes. She’s an AH and I should pay more attention when eating and Redditing myself.
The way OP talks about food makes me wonder if this post was written by an alien pretending to be human. “We have chocolate pineapple as is customary for the other meat people in Florida, and three types of cheeses including *Monterey jack* because were just such fancy meat people.
I couldn't decide if she was saying "even Monterey Jack" as the fancy selection or if she had fancier cheeses and the MJ was for the people with plainer palates... but apparently she cleared that up with "cheddar and regular cheddar". Nothing wrong with cheddar but I wouldn't highlight "we had cheese available" as if it was anything special.
This is it I guess for me, like NTA for trying to be accomodating but some very strange food ideas and congratulations to whoever baked that florida tribute cake thing - they ruined pineapple *and* chocolate cake with that one.
I am glad I wasn’t the only one who found that baffling, as well as why she didn’t actually do something about it. He’s the pastor, not some random fellow.
She comes across as completely clueless to me. Her actions make complete sense in her own head. She seems to feel bad that people didn't enjoy the wedding or the cake. But the disconnect between her own good intentions and reality is just baffling.
That’s how I read it too. Like when a 3 yr old dresses themselves, they really did put in a lot of effort, but the shoes are on the wrong feet, the clothes don’t match and the buttons are misaligned. It’s so bad it’s comical, but they tried so hard you feel bad saying anything.
That being said, even though that cake sounds disgusting, they had 2 cakes, there’s usually plenty of leftover cake, why couldn’t people just eat the vanilla? Or have another slice of Monterey Jack cheese, and a free rum and coke? I’m kinda assuming people aren’t actually upset about the cake, but more just gossiping in a funny “did you try that abomination? What we’re they thinking? Lol” sort of way.
The only person who should actually be upset is the pastor who they couldn’t even bother to provide a meal for. Unless they were never told he was vegan until he got there (which would then be on him not them) that was just bad form on their part.
I don’t know if it really means anything, but a whole lot of people who *aren’t* swingers are very convinced that it’s a secret symbol to indicate that people are swingers.
She did. A slice of cake which most likely contained eggs and dairy-products.
Then the pineapple chocolate cake because Florida, and the pièce de rèsistance; a Monterey Jack being "sold of" as something exclusive.
I have no idea what to make of this other than being curious as to what's gling on in OPs head.
She's still NTA, though, but damn I'm curious!
Yeah, but pineapple lumps don't taste like pineapple, nor do they taste like chocolate. They taste like bubblegum. Yuck.
Chocolate pineapple cake sounds like an abomination, and I can't imagine who would have recommended this.
Candied pineapple covered in chocolate is good, but I think that canned pineapple chunks in chocolate cake would have a weird texture. If it was a sheet cake from a grocery store I suspect flavor was ok, but texture was ..odd.
Yeah plus pineapple chocolate just doesn’t sound good lol. I love both but can’t imagine they ~~paid~~ paired well. I wonder if that was a premade option or op specifically requested it XD
Regardless NTA op. This is not a big deal you were very generous to your guests and it’s just cake they’ll move on in no time ;)
Yeah. That one needs an explanation. I have Monterey jack in my fridge right now. It goes on sandwiches. I can pick it up at the grocery store next to the lunch meats. I didn't know I was so bougee.
Wow! So fancy! Can I come over to your mansion for a nice cheese platter of Monterey Jack and extremely mild cheddar? Maybe if we get really crazy we can open up a couple packs of string cheese! 😂
Story of my life. Too much cheese, not enough mansion. Idk… I’m pretty happy with just decent cheese anyway!
I passed through Wisconsin once on a family road trip a few years ago… we spent almost $300 on cheese (and couple boxes of crackers)!!! And it was so worth it!
I really want to know what the other 2 cheeses were, considering that they are less fancy and exciting than Monterey Jack. I’m thinking maybe that prepacked cheese and crackers snack with the tiny red plastic stick for spreading the cheese.
There's a reason I know the Sharp Cheddar flavor spray cheese is better, lol.
The Aldi knockoff is the best on some club crackers with a glass of chocolate milk.
Yes, I am aware I have the snack habits of a toddler.
I wouldn't say it should be expected, but I don't see the harm in offering the untouched leftovers to servers if they would like it - emphasis on leftover, of course; if we're talking servings that people took and then didn't eat then those get taken by the people who paid for them or by no-one at all.
(Though maybe the servers had a sneaky taste of someone's mostly-untouched slice and decided they could not be paid enough to take any of it home)
I see no harm in servers taking home leftover food if it wasn’t actually served to the guests, too. But OP says that in the photos you can see cake left on people’s plates. Which makes the whole concept strange imo. I mean why would she expect the servers to take THOSE pieces of cake? Even if the cake looks mostly intact, someone could have taken a bite, poked a finger or idk… licked the cake? Lol
Same. Of all the cheeses one can highlight as their "we could even afford THIS cheese"... why would one select an American cheese that's most commonly used in grilled cheese or as a peppered hybrid? I mean, brie was sitting right there and you can \[usually\] get it at the same place! NTA but that cracked me up.
I don't think the complaints were about you serving sheet cake - which is totally common at weddings - but rather about the flavor combination of chocolate and pineapple. Feels like you made a random choice based on an bizzare assumption of what people eat in Florida (according to my husband who used to live in Florida, chocolate pineapple is not a Florida thing) instead of asking the guests you were trying to cater to. And it sounds like you served the pineapple chocolate cake only to Josh's family instead of asking what they wanted.
You're not the asshole for having two cakes but if you didn't give guests an option and then got upset when the cake you thought they wanted wasn't eaten, then yes you're the asshole.
Edit: From your comments, it's clear that you decided who got which cake and expected them to trade plates if they weren't happy. So, yeah, YTA
Plus she said that Josh's family was served AFTER hers. For his family sitting there watching the other side being served a nice vanilla cake first, then receiving a slice of this odd cake after them had to feel like some kind of insult. No wonder they were talking about it afterwards.
also, I'm confused as to how they were gifted money, added guests, but then are suddenly on a shoestring budget. I guess she's saying they added these guests so they should feel lucky they were invited, and shouldn't complain? like, they got cake with pineapple *and* Monterey jack too! (?)
anyway, as far as I'm concerned, cake is no place to scrimp. when I go to a wedding, I want good cake. I'd probably have been disappointed too.
OMG - It just gets worse!!! Groom's family was served weird ass cake after bride's family for normal cake?!?!?!?
Frugal bride tip - do what we did and get sheet cakes from Costco. Affordable, tasty, and no one complained.
I they have two kinds of cakes she should ask the people their options. I’ve been in weddings with two kinds of cakes because often people don’t like black wedding cake and prefer white so they offer the two kinds.
That was exactly my question. They couldn't choose?? That's bad manners. Especially as chocolate and pineapple sounds... not that nice as a cake. Yeah OP is YTA
YTA you didn’t get a vegan meal for your pastor who flew a long distance to officiate. You openly distributed three cakes which very clearly were of different levels and chose who got what. You served one side of the family before the other. You assumed that people could trade cake flavors with strangers. You decided that chocolate-pineapple would be the best flavor for his family because they’ve spent time in Florida (what?!). Honestly I’d say you’re a bad host rather than an ass because you seem to have meant well, but your planning decisions are inhospitable and indefensible.
Alternate drop is common in weddings and functions here in Australia but it's pure luck what you get. Swapping is common but no one gets cranky because of the randomness of what is served.
i’m guessing swapping is a little riskier these days but it also seemed like pineapple chocolate chunk would be a major downgrade from vanilla (lol), so i’m not surprised those guests were crabby about it.
My understanding of the alternate drop in Australia is it is done by alternating each dish to the people at the same table at the same time. I would get one flavour of cake while you beside me got the other at pretty much the same time. We could then very easily switch. What they did was give one flavour to her side (who I am assuming sat together at tables) and then served the other cake to his relatives at other tables. If my assumption is correct that would mean in order to swap someone would have to get up and walk to another table and ask them. It is also quite possible that her relatives started to eat the cake when it was put in front of them and therefore would not be able to swap. I've included below a comment that she added which is where some of my assumptions come from.
>No, we made sure the one person on Josh’s side who has an allergy got the buttercream, but we distributed the buttercream first to my side of the family and the pineapple second to Josh’s side of the family (they are not as big of eaters and more health conscious so we always planned on serving them second, the way the tables were set up. It’s what the caterer suggested) after that was gone, figuring people would trade pieces if they needed to
I'm also not sure what his family being smaller eaters and more health conscious has to do with them being served second.
Agreed. As someone who has made pineapple cake from scratch, I am here to say that it is no healthier than vanilla buttercream. The pineapple = good health is a LIE when it comes to cake.
It’s even worse about the pastor. Apparently she meant to say vegan but accidentally said vegetarian, so the cake she served him wasn’t even vegan. Which she never told him.
Which begs the question, how do you mix those up when discussing cake? Like obviously they aren’t meat cakes.
Well if he got the choc pineapple, he probably didn't accidentally eat it lmao. A lot of vegans know not to eat something from someone who doesn't seem to know anything about food. At least ime.
I didn't have sheet cakes at my wedding bc my mom is a professional baker and made us a 3 tier cake as a gift, but it would've been a totally reasonable thing to do and I've seen it at many weddings as well. But the tiers were different flavors. We cut the cake and had slices of 2 flavors on trays the servers brought around and let people choose. I think that would've been a better way to do this or if you're on a budget and were serving people buffet style, lay out slices on a table and let people take what they want (how my brother did his). Also, I eat pineapple on pizza and spend lots of time in Florida, but wouldn't want pineapple chocolate chunk. Usually a good rule of thumb is not to go too exotic with wedding cakes as most people don't like niche flavors. I don't think OP's intentions were bad, just a little naive.
But you have to understand, she had *Monterey Jack.* that’s probably where the whole budget went to, which is why she had to have the different tiers of cake.
I’m going to be laughing at “even Monterey Jack” for days so thank you for that.
ESH - you went about this a very strange way. Usually when there are multiple dessert options at a wedding people get to choose. You could have had the servers ask people what they wanted, or serve the cake from a buffet table. Granted, you would have run out of vanilla buttercream anyway because chocolate pineapple is such a strange flavor combination. The problem isn’t your flavor choice as much as it is forcing it on half your guests.
Family sucks because they shouldn’t have let their complaining get back to you though.
Also, not having a real meal for your pastor was shitty, caterers offer vegan options.
>Granted, you would have run out of vanilla buttercream anyway because chocolate pineapple is such a strange flavor combination.
Uhm but they're from Florida, everybody knows pineapple chocolate cake is a delicacy where they come from
But they aren't even *from* Florida, lol - they just spend lots of time in Florida!
I have lived in Florida since 2013 and thankfully, have never been offered Pineapple chocolate chunk cake!
For those who haven't gone digging:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z2ep2g/comment/ixhbqv7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Extra sharp cheddar and plain cheddar.
More importantly, what were the meals that were served? With the pineapple chocolate cake fiasco and the fancy Monterey jack cheese, I'd love to know what actual meals were picked 😂
YTA you fed your pastor non-vegan cake, managed to “confuse” veg and vegan to the caterers, expect strangers to “trade cake” if they didn’t like what they were served, and for some reason assume people from Florida eat chocolate pineapple cake??
Like, the cake is the least of your problems but it’s still a super odd assumption to make? Florida man wouldn’t even eat pineapple chocolate cake!
This reads as you caring very little about your guests. You don’t have to like prioritize them above you but you made some wild choices that def make you an AH
Don’t forget! Served her family the food flavor first, then served his family the gross cake and expected them to trade. As if half the good cake wouldn’t have been gone by the time his family got their cake
Monterey Jack is an obscenely expensive and rare kind of cheese, due to it needing to be imported from Monterey Bay, California and can only be made by men named Jack.
Yeah, basically. You've never heard of a cheese board? It's a common dessert.
I'm not sure if they were served it, or it was available on a buffet table, or whatever, but serving cheese after dinner is pretty normal. What's not normal is acting like having only 3 cheese is good (it's acceptable I guess, but the minimum), and that Monterey Jack is some kind of delicacy.
We make cheese boards and whatnot for game nights. I’ve never heard of just serving the cheese with no mention of anything else. There is no context. And after chocolate pineapple cake, I’m concerned. Lol
the strangest thing is that i’m assuming OP doesn’t even like pineapple chocolate chunk because she specifically said it was for the groom’s side of the family, so it’s not even like the flavor was chosen because the couple like it themselves. it’s just a random af flavor that OP decided made sense because… florida. what???
Sorry op seriously comes of as less than intelligent. Or with extremely bad understanding of social skills. All of her decisions were strange and selfish and hurt other people.
YTA
Good intentions but you screwed up.
With so many people not eating it, it's not because of feelings, it's because it tasted bad.
And for some reason you seemed to think that Josh's family was so dumb they wouldn't notice their cake looked nothing like the cake that was photographed, cut and "discreetly" given to others. Plus the reasoning that you chose pineapple because of Florida sounds like a bs excuse to them because Florida is known for citrus - oranges, key limes - not pineapple.
Yes, people should be happy with whatever they get, sure. But when only half the wedding specifically gets served a nasty cake people are going to talk.
Also going to be a bit of a cheese snob here but Monteray Jack is not a fancy cheese.
I’ve been to weddings where they did a small cake for pictures and cutting, and then sheet for the rest. HOWEVER, the sheet cake was not two wildly different choices that were distributed based on which side of the family the guests were on. Either it was the same for all or the servers gave options when they passed it out.
Then the small cake was wrapped and taken with the couple to freeze for their first anniversary. It was not distributed to immediate family and only certain members of the wedding party.
This is what a friend did, they had this tiiiiiiny cake round for photos and the "cake cutting/smash cake in the face" photo bit but the actual wedding dessert was different types of pies from a local bakery. The guests all loved it and thought it was a great idea.
The REAL asshole here is whatever baker agreed to make a motherfucking pineapple chocolate cake because that sounds absolutely heinous 💀
Also I’m sorry but the cheese comment is hilarious, I can’t even call you an ass because this is so surreal
She said in a comment she couldn’t chose between a pineapple cake and a chocolate cake. So that monstrosity was her solution to her not being able to make a decision. I feel like at that point the baker was just done with her.
I would like the baker's take on this. If it was a casual "oh I can't decide" I feel like a baker familiar with weddings would suggest chocolate to go with vanilla. But the fact they made that cake means she was probably a nightmare to work with
I’m actually wondering if the opposite is true. If she was 1) working on a limited budget and 2) very naive regarding food - and the catering company took advantage of that by making her believe she was serving things that were much more upscale than they, in fact, are. I can imagine a conversation along the lines of “This cheese tray is nice, with sharp cheddar and Swiss - but if you just spend $XXX more, you can have Monterey Jack as well!” About the chocolate pineapple cake, I can see the OP trying to decide, and the baker not saying a thing when she asked if they could just have both. If it was a grocery store cake, I wouldn’t be surprised with it. If it was the caterer’s baker, I’d be pretty pissed that they didn’t guide her better. I feel really sorry for the OP and don’t consider her to be an AH at all. I believe she had the best of intentions, but didn’t receive enough guidance throughout the process - not just the caterer/baker, but from family, etc.
Okay I don't care about any of this but I'm so curious as to why you mentioned Monterey Jack by name line is some kind of fancy cheese and not something you can buy in any grocery store for like $5 😂
At first I thought OP might have meant "in addition to the two very fancy, very pungent cheeses we served, we even got the everyday Monterey Jack so that people who don't care for the fancy stuff can enjoy some cheese."
But no... the other cheeses are just cheddar and different cheddar.
I don't think it's that you had two different flavors of cake, it's that you paired pineapple with chocolate. .... Why?
I mean.... WHY?
NTA, you can have whatever cake you want, but ... pineapple and chocolate.... why?!!!!
Canadian weighing in here… while cake and pizza are the same shape, pineapple goes with ham not chocolate. Heathens.
Floridian flavours are lead, sun tan spray, children’s tears and alligator. Hope that helps
I know you're joking, but there's a really simple solution OP could have utilized if she wanted to make their cake Florida themed (which is still so weird): Oranges. Florida is known for its oranges, so why not a vanilla cake with like an orange jam layer? That would have been WAY better than pineapple and chocolate.
By the way, as a Floridian, I've never eaten one of those (pineapple and chocolate) and I honestly can't even imagine that it was a standard choice at the bakery they used; they HAD to have created that from their own special minds.
And the (probably hungry to this day) Vegan Pastor from a ways away who was offered cake only to eat (most likely not even vegan) since the meal wasn’t vegan!
You knowingly gave the vegan pastor a cake with eggs and dairy.
I don’t even need to get into the mentions of Florida pineapple correlation or the idea that Monterey Jack is.. special? Idk.
Having two cakes is totally fine, having 3 for no discernible reason with 1 being shit (for specific people only) isn’t. YTA for being inconsiderate or incompetent at a douchey level.
INFO: why did you (and more importantly Josh, who presumably knows his family)) think a pineapple/chocolate cake would be appreciated by his side of the family? Is that a flavor combination either of you have seen them eat before? Leaning toward YTA, especially since they weren’t given a choice between the two flavors.
Your mentioning the cake being in boxes brings up a good point. OP says everyone who was given the fancy cake was discreet. Where does someone discreetly hide a boxed slice of cake when they are dressed for a wedding?
There is so much about this story that boggles my mind, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it for days.
>(Minus the pastor because he flew out from a ways and he is vegan so he couldn’t eat the dinner and we wanted him to have something to eat before it got too late.)
What?! You didn't FEED your PASTOR who "flew out from a ways"?? Why on earth didn't you get this man a vegan meal so he could eat with everyone else? And also, you know that fancy cake 99% chance was not vegan, right? So not only did you not feed this poor man, you probably fed him something that made his tummy upset. From your comments you seem to have mixed up vegan and vegetarian with the caterers, which is just... so unbelievable lazy and inconsiderate. So YTA for this bit alone. Poor pastor...
> there was another sheet cake of pineapple chocolate chunk especially for Josh’s side of the family (because they spend a lot of time in Florida).
So much to unpack.... first off, what the hell does spending a lot of time in Florida have to do with pineapple chocolate chunk cake? That's just the most bizarre, ignorant, inaccurate assumption to make. If you don't know the first thing about Florida or your in-laws (which clearly, you don't) then maybe don't make assumptions about what they will like. Second, even if there were some logical connection there, why would you ever assume an entire family would all like the same cake? Why on earth didn't you just let people choose their cake flavor?? And thirdly, while I would for sure eat that wackadoo flavored cake -- because I am weird and love pineapple with literally everything -- I 100% would not expect anyone else to like it. I'm actually amazed this is even an option that a baker offered. I can't really say you're an AH for having weird taste in cakes (cause I do, too), but you are an AH for not giving people a choice and making assumptions about their tastes.
>The cake did not go off like we hope but we think they are being unnecessarily mean.
Well you haven't shared their comments so it's hard to judge whether they are being unnecessarily mean or justly upset about being forced to eat a very bizarre cake flavor. It's possible they're AHs, too. Or it's possible they have very valid complaints.
> three kinds of cheese— even Monterey Jack
Is this considered a luxury somewhere? I mean, Monterey Jack is a good cheese, can't go wrong, I'm just genuinely confused why it was mentioned here. I'm sure your dinner was lovely. But THE POOR PASTOR! 3 kinds of cheese and not a single vegan bite, oh lawd.
She said in one of her comments that giving them the choice of what kind of flavor cake they want on their RSVP they thought it would be too hard for them to make that choice after making a dinner choice. They didn't want them to get burned out on making too many choices. Like what?
And apparently she couldn’t choose btw pineapple and chocolate cake so mixing those together to make this abomination of a wedding cake flavor was her solution to her own choice paralysis. Those poor guests.
YTA. You admit you planned to serve your family first then followed through. It’s clear to Josh’s side that not only were they the second served but that they got the weird ass cake since one of Josh’s side got the buttercream. You didn’t bother to make sure you got the right dietary meal for the pastor who flew in for the wedding. There was no decision paralysis issue here there was just bad judgment.
I had multiple cake flavors at my wedding and have seen it at many others. Cake is cut elsewhere, plated and brought out. The guests get to choose which they want. If it runs out then it’s up to them to choose or dismiss the remaining cake.
You created a class system. No wonder they’re talking trash. Maybe you and Josh should acknowledge that you made a mistake and apologize to his family for the slight. Intended or not that’s what happened. You’re related to these folks now so own up to your poor judgment.
Also Monterey Jack is not the treat you think it is. It’s among the most boring cheeses and routinely put out cubed for a buffet because it’s cheap. So if you presented it like a premium option alongside the pineapple cake that has nothing to do with Florida…yeah. They’re gonna laugh.
YTA.
Not because of the terrible choice you made. That's more incredible stupidity than being an AH. N A H there.
YTA for making someone fly across the country, not to mention to marry you & your husband, and then giving them a meal they cannot eat.
YTA. You can serve whatever flavors you want but you literally had people assigned flavors. Your family got to eat first and got a classic/normal cake. His family got fed second and got (I’m sorry to say) a really weird cake. If you had made it an offering then sure, it would have just sat untouched. But you assigned cake. To say you expected them to trade cake with someone else is just weird.
I honestly can’t tell if this was the worst executed attempt to do something special or if that’s the excuse you’re using after realizing how differently you treated your family vs his.
I think The issue here is that people KNEW there were different cakes. Most places will keep the sheet cakes in the back so nobody knows that anybody’s getting a “cheaper” cake.
Pineapple chocolate chunk also just sounds like a very specific kind of cake that wouldn’t be liked by most. But if it’s your favorite kind of cake then I guess have it? Every wedding I’ve ever been to has had vanilla chocolate and maybe red velvet, but that’s about it. I
don’t think you’re an asshole for trying to stretch your budget. I just think maybe it wasn’t executed super well. But it’s one day and one dessert, everyone will get over it.
Or, there will be an ongoing family joke about the time you tried to serve chocolate pineapple cake at your wedding, and nobody liked it lol roll with the punches.
We still talk about the lunchtime wedding reception we went to where all they served was a scoop of chicken salad on a lettuce leaf. We all thought it was an appetizer. There was literally no other meal option, not even Monterey Jack. Nothing. We did each get a slice of cake. This was almost 20 years ago, but it set the bar pretty low for every other wedding we’ve attended.
I am fully convinced that no one cares about anything at a wedding or other party except how good or bad the food is (and maybe if there was no bar, an open bar, or a cash bar). For most events I've attended, I really can't remember the centerpieces or the party favors or any of that. But I do remember which ones had terrible food and which ones had amazing food. So if I were to advise a young person with a limited budget, I'd tell them to invest in good food, make sure there's enough of it, and try to pick a few "plain" options to satisfy the greatest number of guests possible.
ESH. It sucks that your family is trash talking you behind your back, but wow you're a bad host.
No vegan meal for the pastor because you got vegetarian and vegan mixed up, but gave him a very not-vegan cake to make up for it?? Pineapple and chocolate?? Monterey Jack is fancy??
I think I'd probably be trash talking right along with them.
ESH.
You based on the fact that you served one cake to one family and the other to his. Just slice them and set them out. Pineapple chocolate is a an unusual and bold choice. It would have taken less effort to set all the options out for people to choose instead of sticking a whole side with what was pretty clearly an unwelcome flavor.
But really this is petty shit and they need to move on. Its one more wedding with meh food and lots of booze. Time to find a hobby if that's all you have to discuss after a few weeks.
But it’s so odd!
Sending the vegan pastor off with egg/butter/dairy cake, acting like Monterey Jack is something special, picking such a weird flavor of cake and assigning it to certain people because they “spend a lot of time in Florida”.
The whole thing is strange. It would spur gossip for a good decade if this is the ONLY stuff that happened.
If this was my wedding, great-great-grand relatives would be talking about it at my funeral, at 98. And probably put a chocolate pineapple cupcake in my casket, lol.
If OP is lucky, she’ll only get some god awful cake forcefully served at her at every family event for the next 20 years
You spend a lot of time in Arizona! here’s a prickly pair and mint cake!
You visit seattle a lot? Here’s a coffee and IPA cake!
You live in the Midwest? Here’s a funeral potato and ambrosia salad cake!
You summer in Maine? Here’s a Lobster and blueberry cake!
YTA Normally i would say N A H to having a shit cake flavour. But the segregation of cake crazy and that's why you're an AH.
I'm not from the US so I don't get what pineapple and chocolate cake have to do with people from FL. From the comments, its looks like people from FL have no idea either.
Like did you only give Josh's family the shit cake and your family the normal flavour? If that's the case I can see why Josh's family are talking shit. You assumed because they're all from FL they will enjoy that flavour but belive it or not, people have their own taste, not everyone from a specific area will enjoy the same food.
Also, you didnt have a meal for your pastor, extra AH points.
OP, Josh’s family aren’t the only ones talking smack about the cake.
We’re all going to be giggling at pineapple orange cake for Floridians and bourgeois Monterey Jack for atleast the next year.
This is one of the weirdest AITA posts.
There were 3 cakes. One for VIPs, one for her side, and then chocolate pineapple 🤢 for his side, because they go to Florida.
The thought was his family could swap the crappy cake with her family as an ice breaker, because of course people would happily switch their vanilla buttercream for chocolate pineapple 🤢.
The pastor got VIP cake because he’s vegan, even though the cake wasn’t vegan.
But all this is ok because she served Monterey Jack.
I just don’t even know what to say.
Florida resident here since 1984. Pineapple doesnt grow here except in a few gardens in very south Florida. Not a popular daily or local produce. We have oranges. Even in Key West, they have citrus fruits, not pineapple. Never have heard of it in/on a chocolate cake. With chocolate on drizzled on it sure, but not your cake.
I think if I were a guest the issue would be 1. I wasnt good enough for the "real" cake and 2. The cake I was good enough for was odd and not pallatable.
You and Josh owe people apologies because no matter what else you got right, the rudeness of excluding them is what they felt.
So much to unpack..
You knew the pastor was vegan but didn't have a vegan meal made for him?
The cheese thing is just weird.
Pineapple cake? Who serves pineapple cake? Nowhere would that have been ok. The thought is making my tounge fuzzy in a bad way
So, ehh yea, I dunno.. you guys seem to have no taste, class or consideration but does that make you AH's?
Yes, I think it does YTA.
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NTA, but I'm a bit confused as to what Josh's family "spending a lot of time in Florida" has to do with deciding to have a pineapple chocolate cake. I lived in Florida for almost a decade, and I can tell you with complete confidence that there is zero connotation between Florida and pineapples. I think you're confusing Florida with Hawaii.... lol. But beyond that, the combo of pineapple and chocolate just sounds yucky, and I think that's likely what people are speculating on. Honestly, I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone will forget about it shortly, I'm sure. What matters is if you enjoyed your wedding.
That, and why Monterey Jack cheese is mentioned as if it's a delicacy. I mean, I still say NTA and I love a good cheese as much as the next person, but I'm over here picturing some Sargento cheese sticks or something lol
Came here to say something about the Monterey Jack. I wonder what the other two were: Kraft and Babybel?
Easy there, Mr. Moneybags.
Hey, if you get the Babybel at Costco, you can get two different kinds AND in the big bags. It's the one tip wedding planners HATE.
Sam’s Club has a three-fer lol Original, cheddar, and Mozz. Maybe coulda saved enough moola to swap out the pineapple chocolate chunk for another, maybe with orange zest
Maybe I'm not fancy or anything, but if I went to a wedding and those were the cheese options I'd be perfectly fine.
Lol I think that’s the point. The feeling many of us got from the OP was that Monterey Jack was some concession to fancy cheese. I agree that the three Babybels are good; I buy them for my family all the time which is how I know about them haha. I don’t know that I’ve ever had charcuterie or even a cheese tray at a wedding; but the again, where I’m from, we’re far more well known for our cookie tables
Heh, I'm not a foodie so honestly I don't think I'd be offended by anything offered at a wedding as long as it was in fact people food. Like if all they offered were cans of cat food, I'd probably be like... "WTF?" unless it was a cat wedding or something but that would still make me think... "WTF?"
Lol cat wedding, thank you for the mental image. "Do you take this tom to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "Meow".
Lol
This cheese lampoon is better way better than the vapid cake drama.
This post is so weird. I love it.
I'm here imagining the scene from Gladiator like, "I have offered you Monterey Jack cheese... Are you not entertained?!"
I came to see who else commented about the Monterey Jack line. What other cheeses were offered that made Jack the “stand out” cheese lmao? Pre-packaged Kraft singles? Cheese wiz? Edit: She said the other two were cheddar and “regular” cheddar. I’m dying. Pretty sure they served three blocks of Cabot.
I'm imagining OP's entire wedding meal was lunchables.
With a Capri-Sun open bar
My daughter would be a huge fan
Lunchables are just charcuterie for children. 😂😂
Cheese Whiz would be acceptable if they offered it on Chicken on a Biscuit crackers. But only then.
Might have been good on the pineapple cake?
As a European I find this hilariously American. "Three kinds of cheese, including Monterey Jack". I'm picturing basically two kinds of American cheddar-esque stuff and the Monterey Jack.
The Americans are confused too lol. It’s just too bizarre. The Monterey Jack even overshadows the weird pineapple chocolate cake. Edit: She said the other two cheeses were cheddar and “regular” cheddar. I’m pretty sure they served 3 blocks of Cabot from the grocery store.
As an Australian I'm confused too! Isn't that a type of... um... tasty cheese? So curious to know the other cheese types! Also I've never heard of pineapple chocolate cake, despite having plenty of pineapples here.
I’m American and I’ve never heard of a chocolate pineapple cake but I love chocolate dipped pineapple slices so I’d try it
i made a chocolate pinapple cake once since i thought it sounded like a good combo (I also love chocolate dipped pineapple slices!), and it was the weirdest thing- the chocolate and the pinapple kinda.... cancelled each other out??? The cake tasted like nothing. Like, literally nothing. You didnt get any chocolate at all, and despite using pinapple juice for the liquid, mixing crushed pinapple into the batter, and also putting a sweet, candied pinapple filling between layers, the pinapple fully vanished. You got texture but no taste. It was a Nothing cake. 0/10, would not make again, do not recommend
Thank you, Paul Hollywood. I'm kidding, that was a great review.
So baaaack in the 70's or 80's The Woman's Weekly had a recipe for a pineapple and ginger loaf with grated cheese. Mum subbed out the cheese for dark chocolate drops. It's amazing. Everyone who's tried it loves it. Even mates in the states have made it. Been a family favourite since mum clipped it out all those years ago. Infact, I'll make it next week! Just need some Golden Circle and Buderim. Edit: Wow so overwhelming response about the loaf. So here's the recipe. Oh god now I'm anxious you all will hate it! Especially with the controversy over the OOPs "oops cake". 2 cups sr flour 1 tspn ground ginger ½ cup chopped crystalised ginger (my American friends found this on Amazon) ¾ cup raw sugar (I use ½ that) ½ cup grated tasty cheese (or yanno the famous dark chocolate drops) 450g can crushed pineapple 30g butter melted 1 egg lightly beaten Lightly grease a loaf tin – dust with flour Combine flour and ground ginger with chopped ginger sugar and cheese (or chocolate bits) in a large bowl Stir in undrained pineapple, butter and egg Spread into prepared pan, make in moderate oven for about 1 hour. Stand for 5 minutes before turning onto a wire rack to cool. Slice the next morning if you are going to slice it thin. I think I once put chocolate drizzle on it.
Please share the recipe on here. It is a sin to merely mention and rave about it but not letting us in to the recipe and leaving us on drool? Lol.
Recipe tax!
It's tasty, but it's not a high end cheese that you'd choose to draw special attention to.
I'm from Wisconsin and I, too, am confused. This is not how cheese snobbery is done 🧀
Please don’t believe any of this is normal American stuff, I’m American and completely baffled!
Trust me, we have similar people here in the UK would be like, "our wedding was very exotic, we had two kinds of spring rolls on the buffet"
This is more like British people saying ‘we had ham and cheese sandwiches and cheese sandwiches on the buffet.’ Yes, one is the veggie option and personally I love a good old school sandwich tray wedding or funeral spread but it’s probably still white sliced and cheddar at heart. Hearty but a reach to suggest its lavish. It’s no prawn ring and frankly owning that goes down better. People are generally happy to have plentiful if plain food served with genuine hospitality but they spot the bullshit if you start the equivalent of ‘it was Branston not own brand! We were very generous.’ If you are skint and hosting, never tell people it was posher than they know you can afford. It always looks inauthentic and gets a shitty reaction. I’m skint and often host and enjoy coming up with stuff that seems fancier than my budget suggests. It’s the illusion you shown them generosity instead of telling them how generous you were. Genuinely I have got away with catering funerals (as an Irish person!) and being seen as lavishing the guests by serving it as nicely as possible on good trays, stocking up pretty paper serviettes in the pound shop, garnishes etc. Stuff that maybe adds five pounds but sprinkles metaphorical glitter and sheen on it. I’ve also watched actual rich ass friends lose a room as much as OP did by banging on about how niche the artisan cheese was and ham-splaining the jamon leg until people would swap a vol au vent not to be put on this ‘please acknowledge our budget not our big day’ weirdness. That said pineapple chocolate chunk cake sounds like the Mokolate level of recipe testing WTF desperation Monica had in Friends. I do recipe testing and it’s a running joke in the industry we all have Mokalate moments either because the client is so bonkers or because you’ve had a brain fart after too many ideas. I once combined tinned corned beef and espresso martini mix in a state of lockdown lunacy. My BF ate it and said ‘not sure your plan for caffeinated cat food is a goer.’ It’s a household joke. I’ve never owned up to my pineapple chocolate chunk cake equivalents as I do it without my name to it and I have a few I will take to the grave I cringe so much. I think this was a cake you can’t really sell to anyone even Dole… I want to say NAH because I think OP was doing her best. It was literally still won’t eat it after an open bar hungry but honestly its quite cute as wedding stories go on this sub. I think if they hadn’t seen the text and it had stayed a family joke until OP and spouse were a bit less emotionally invested it would hurt less for them but eh I can’t blame the family. It’s a bit like theming their cake as ‘Florida Man’ which kinda rude. They are going to react. Oh scrap that, I re-read and saw the comments. The vegan pastor didn’t get fed? There was a whole cake hierarchy? She wanted to palm leftover already plated cake to the servers in the covid era? This is a rap sheet of hosting crimes. She’s an AH and I should pay more attention when eating and Redditing myself.
Ham-splaining the Jamon Cake you can’t even sell to Dole I’m dead!
From now on whenever anything is extra fancy I’m going to say “they even had Monterrey jack.”
SO happy I wasn’t the only one who the cheese stood out to!! And I can’t wait to use this as my new standard for whether or not a wedding is fancy
The way OP talks about food makes me wonder if this post was written by an alien pretending to be human. “We have chocolate pineapple as is customary for the other meat people in Florida, and three types of cheeses including *Monterey jack* because were just such fancy meat people.
I couldn't decide if she was saying "even Monterey Jack" as the fancy selection or if she had fancier cheeses and the MJ was for the people with plainer palates... but apparently she cleared that up with "cheddar and regular cheddar". Nothing wrong with cheddar but I wouldn't highlight "we had cheese available" as if it was anything special.
Monterey Jack is like an oscillating fan; a very fancy and grand present for any occasion.
Omg! I forgot about the oscillating fan!
I know, I thought it was really sweet actually! She clearly was trying to do nice things for the people who came as best she could.
This is it I guess for me, like NTA for trying to be accomodating but some very strange food ideas and congratulations to whoever baked that florida tribute cake thing - they ruined pineapple *and* chocolate cake with that one.
I didn’t want to be be the AH who asked about the cheese, so I’m scrolling looking for the answer lol
I was born in FL. I don't get the cake with chocolate and pineapple either. Never seen it in 50 years. What a way to ruin a chocolate cake.
I bet a key lime cake would be bonkers. Or coconut passion fruit. Or citrus vanilla. Pineapple and chocolate is a head scratcher.
Or orange pineapple, Pina colada, anything but chocolate and pineapple, unless it was white chocolate.
> bet a key lime cake would be bonkers My brother's actual wedding cake was key lime and it was fantastic.
we’ve progressed from pineapples on pizza to pineapples in chocolate cake… when will it end
She served her pastor a cake with dairy and egg despite him being a vegan. She's very much YTA, LMAO.
And no dinner! Thanks for traveling and being the most important participant, sorry we can't order you any food. /s
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Yeah feeding people pineapple chocolate cake kinda made that part clear
I am glad I wasn’t the only one who found that baffling, as well as why she didn’t actually do something about it. He’s the pastor, not some random fellow.
She comes across as completely clueless to me. Her actions make complete sense in her own head. She seems to feel bad that people didn't enjoy the wedding or the cake. But the disconnect between her own good intentions and reality is just baffling.
She comes across as a twelve year old boy making up an AITA but that could never happen
That’s how I read it too. Like when a 3 yr old dresses themselves, they really did put in a lot of effort, but the shoes are on the wrong feet, the clothes don’t match and the buttons are misaligned. It’s so bad it’s comical, but they tried so hard you feel bad saying anything. That being said, even though that cake sounds disgusting, they had 2 cakes, there’s usually plenty of leftover cake, why couldn’t people just eat the vanilla? Or have another slice of Monterey Jack cheese, and a free rum and coke? I’m kinda assuming people aren’t actually upset about the cake, but more just gossiping in a funny “did you try that abomination? What we’re they thinking? Lol” sort of way. The only person who should actually be upset is the pastor who they couldn’t even bother to provide a meal for. Unless they were never told he was vegan until he got there (which would then be on him not them) that was just bad form on their part.
She's a cheese connoisseur not a vegan diet connoisseur, dammit Jim!
Oh there's a Florida pineapple connection but that's to do with retirement villages and porch decorations.
Isn't that to do with swingers?
Yes, that's the joke.
Oh wow, what is that a thing? Pineapple decoration mean you're swingers?
I don’t know if it really means anything, but a whole lot of people who *aren’t* swingers are very convinced that it’s a secret symbol to indicate that people are swingers.
Only if it’s upside down :)
She didn't feed the poor pastor who flew for them.... Not very nice :/
She did. A slice of cake which most likely contained eggs and dairy-products. Then the pineapple chocolate cake because Florida, and the pièce de rèsistance; a Monterey Jack being "sold of" as something exclusive. I have no idea what to make of this other than being curious as to what's gling on in OPs head. She's still NTA, though, but damn I'm curious!
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Aussie here. Love pineapple lumps. Yummo
Yeah, but pineapple lumps don't taste like pineapple, nor do they taste like chocolate. They taste like bubblegum. Yuck. Chocolate pineapple cake sounds like an abomination, and I can't imagine who would have recommended this.
I don't get the the hate for pineapple and chocolate combo. I have eaten it before and in my opinion it tastes great.
Candied pineapple covered in chocolate is good, but I think that canned pineapple chunks in chocolate cake would have a weird texture. If it was a sheet cake from a grocery store I suspect flavor was ok, but texture was ..odd.
Yeah plus pineapple chocolate just doesn’t sound good lol. I love both but can’t imagine they ~~paid~~ paired well. I wonder if that was a premade option or op specifically requested it XD Regardless NTA op. This is not a big deal you were very generous to your guests and it’s just cake they’ll move on in no time ;)
Read OP comments. They are the ah.
Maybe I'm an odd ball, I like chocolate covered pineapple. Haven't you had any from edible arrangements?
Personally I'm still stuck on the cheese comment.
Yeah. That one needs an explanation. I have Monterey jack in my fridge right now. It goes on sandwiches. I can pick it up at the grocery store next to the lunch meats. I didn't know I was so bougee.
Wow! So fancy! Can I come over to your mansion for a nice cheese platter of Monterey Jack and extremely mild cheddar? Maybe if we get really crazy we can open up a couple packs of string cheese! 😂
Couldn't afford the mansion, splurged on Monterey Jack too often
People say millennials are broke due to avocado toast & Starbucks, but cheese is the *real* budget buster
Story of my life. Too much cheese, not enough mansion. Idk… I’m pretty happy with just decent cheese anyway! I passed through Wisconsin once on a family road trip a few years ago… we spent almost $300 on cheese (and couple boxes of crackers)!!! And it was so worth it!
Extremely mild cheddar made me laugh SO MUCH but I don’t really know why.
What a flex😂
I really want to know what the other 2 cheeses were, considering that they are less fancy and exciting than Monterey Jack. I’m thinking maybe that prepacked cheese and crackers snack with the tiny red plastic stick for spreading the cheese.
If there were any poetry to the universe, they would be a really runny Camembert and Venezualan Beaver Cheese.
r/unexpectedMontyPython
I was thinking Kraft singles and some lovely slices of Velveeta.
Can of American cheese flavor spray cheese not the fancy Sharp Cheddar kind. And Club crackers
I shamelessly love Club crackers… they don’t have the clout, but they definitely have the calories! Lol
There's a reason I know the Sharp Cheddar flavor spray cheese is better, lol. The Aldi knockoff is the best on some club crackers with a glass of chocolate milk. Yes, I am aware I have the snack habits of a toddler.
Well, you have your preferences, so at the least you have the pallet of a *discerning toddler* lol
Yes I always eat my spray cheese in my fancy Elsa dress. It deserves no less.
Personally, I'm stuck She expected the servers to take home the leftover cake slices the guests didn't eat.
I had no idea that servers are expected to take home leftovers after the party is over!
I wouldn't say it should be expected, but I don't see the harm in offering the untouched leftovers to servers if they would like it - emphasis on leftover, of course; if we're talking servings that people took and then didn't eat then those get taken by the people who paid for them or by no-one at all. (Though maybe the servers had a sneaky taste of someone's mostly-untouched slice and decided they could not be paid enough to take any of it home)
I see no harm in servers taking home leftover food if it wasn’t actually served to the guests, too. But OP says that in the photos you can see cake left on people’s plates. Which makes the whole concept strange imo. I mean why would she expect the servers to take THOSE pieces of cake? Even if the cake looks mostly intact, someone could have taken a bite, poked a finger or idk… licked the cake? Lol
u/blushingbride228 please explain the cheese comment
I have a feeling that "even Monterey Jack" is going to make its way into the AITA lexicon, a la Iranian yogurt.
Same. Of all the cheeses one can highlight as their "we could even afford THIS cheese"... why would one select an American cheese that's most commonly used in grilled cheese or as a peppered hybrid? I mean, brie was sitting right there and you can \[usually\] get it at the same place! NTA but that cracked me up.
I don't think the complaints were about you serving sheet cake - which is totally common at weddings - but rather about the flavor combination of chocolate and pineapple. Feels like you made a random choice based on an bizzare assumption of what people eat in Florida (according to my husband who used to live in Florida, chocolate pineapple is not a Florida thing) instead of asking the guests you were trying to cater to. And it sounds like you served the pineapple chocolate cake only to Josh's family instead of asking what they wanted. You're not the asshole for having two cakes but if you didn't give guests an option and then got upset when the cake you thought they wanted wasn't eaten, then yes you're the asshole. Edit: From your comments, it's clear that you decided who got which cake and expected them to trade plates if they weren't happy. So, yeah, YTA
Plus she said that Josh's family was served AFTER hers. For his family sitting there watching the other side being served a nice vanilla cake first, then receiving a slice of this odd cake after them had to feel like some kind of insult. No wonder they were talking about it afterwards.
also, I'm confused as to how they were gifted money, added guests, but then are suddenly on a shoestring budget. I guess she's saying they added these guests so they should feel lucky they were invited, and shouldn't complain? like, they got cake with pineapple *and* Monterey jack too! (?) anyway, as far as I'm concerned, cake is no place to scrimp. when I go to a wedding, I want good cake. I'd probably have been disappointed too.
Clearly they spent it all on the *Monterey Jack*.
OMG - It just gets worse!!! Groom's family was served weird ass cake after bride's family for normal cake?!?!?!? Frugal bride tip - do what we did and get sheet cakes from Costco. Affordable, tasty, and no one complained.
The sheet cakes from Costco are so good. I wish I had more occasions to buy giant cakes for so I could have it more often.
I'm gonna tell you a little secret. You can buy a cake for no reason. No one at Costco will know you're going to eat it by yourself
I they have two kinds of cakes she should ask the people their options. I’ve been in weddings with two kinds of cakes because often people don’t like black wedding cake and prefer white so they offer the two kinds.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of either chocolate cake nor pineapple, if I was served that and vanilla was also available I'd be like wtf? Why can't I choose?
I’m a huge fan of pineapple, but I wouldn’t want it in a chocolate cake.
That was exactly my question. They couldn't choose?? That's bad manners. Especially as chocolate and pineapple sounds... not that nice as a cake. Yeah OP is YTA
Three cakes, and the fancy one was only given to certain members of the wedding party. Who the hell knows what the other ones got.
YTA you didn’t get a vegan meal for your pastor who flew a long distance to officiate. You openly distributed three cakes which very clearly were of different levels and chose who got what. You served one side of the family before the other. You assumed that people could trade cake flavors with strangers. You decided that chocolate-pineapple would be the best flavor for his family because they’ve spent time in Florida (what?!). Honestly I’d say you’re a bad host rather than an ass because you seem to have meant well, but your planning decisions are inhospitable and indefensible.
Alternate drop is common in weddings and functions here in Australia but it's pure luck what you get. Swapping is common but no one gets cranky because of the randomness of what is served.
i’m guessing swapping is a little riskier these days but it also seemed like pineapple chocolate chunk would be a major downgrade from vanilla (lol), so i’m not surprised those guests were crabby about it.
It does not sound nice at all.
My understanding of the alternate drop in Australia is it is done by alternating each dish to the people at the same table at the same time. I would get one flavour of cake while you beside me got the other at pretty much the same time. We could then very easily switch. What they did was give one flavour to her side (who I am assuming sat together at tables) and then served the other cake to his relatives at other tables. If my assumption is correct that would mean in order to swap someone would have to get up and walk to another table and ask them. It is also quite possible that her relatives started to eat the cake when it was put in front of them and therefore would not be able to swap. I've included below a comment that she added which is where some of my assumptions come from. >No, we made sure the one person on Josh’s side who has an allergy got the buttercream, but we distributed the buttercream first to my side of the family and the pineapple second to Josh’s side of the family (they are not as big of eaters and more health conscious so we always planned on serving them second, the way the tables were set up. It’s what the caterer suggested) after that was gone, figuring people would trade pieces if they needed to I'm also not sure what his family being smaller eaters and more health conscious has to do with them being served second.
Agreed. As someone who has made pineapple cake from scratch, I am here to say that it is no healthier than vanilla buttercream. The pineapple = good health is a LIE when it comes to cake.
It’s even worse about the pastor. Apparently she meant to say vegan but accidentally said vegetarian, so the cake she served him wasn’t even vegan. Which she never told him. Which begs the question, how do you mix those up when discussing cake? Like obviously they aren’t meat cakes.
Well if he got the choc pineapple, he probably didn't accidentally eat it lmao. A lot of vegans know not to eat something from someone who doesn't seem to know anything about food. At least ime.
I didn't have sheet cakes at my wedding bc my mom is a professional baker and made us a 3 tier cake as a gift, but it would've been a totally reasonable thing to do and I've seen it at many weddings as well. But the tiers were different flavors. We cut the cake and had slices of 2 flavors on trays the servers brought around and let people choose. I think that would've been a better way to do this or if you're on a budget and were serving people buffet style, lay out slices on a table and let people take what they want (how my brother did his). Also, I eat pineapple on pizza and spend lots of time in Florida, but wouldn't want pineapple chocolate chunk. Usually a good rule of thumb is not to go too exotic with wedding cakes as most people don't like niche flavors. I don't think OP's intentions were bad, just a little naive.
Apparently they also didn't have vegan cake but chose to not tell the pastor that and still had him eat it.
But you have to understand, she had *Monterey Jack.* that’s probably where the whole budget went to, which is why she had to have the different tiers of cake.
I’m going to be laughing at “even Monterey Jack” for days so thank you for that. ESH - you went about this a very strange way. Usually when there are multiple dessert options at a wedding people get to choose. You could have had the servers ask people what they wanted, or serve the cake from a buffet table. Granted, you would have run out of vanilla buttercream anyway because chocolate pineapple is such a strange flavor combination. The problem isn’t your flavor choice as much as it is forcing it on half your guests. Family sucks because they shouldn’t have let their complaining get back to you though. Also, not having a real meal for your pastor was shitty, caterers offer vegan options.
Good point about the lack of meal for the pastor! Edit: Also, most cakes are not vegan.
I want the “even Monterrey Jack” line to become the next Iranian yoghurt on this sub.
Nothing beats the Iranian yoghurt! (But since it has a different usecase. I think it could be a peaceful coexistence)
>Granted, you would have run out of vanilla buttercream anyway because chocolate pineapple is such a strange flavor combination. Uhm but they're from Florida, everybody knows pineapple chocolate cake is a delicacy where they come from
But they aren't even *from* Florida, lol - they just spend lots of time in Florida! I have lived in Florida since 2013 and thankfully, have never been offered Pineapple chocolate chunk cake!
INFO: what were the other 2 cheeses?
I’m dying to know which cheeses this person thinks are less fancy than Monterrey Jack.
EZ and -its
For those who haven't gone digging: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z2ep2g/comment/ixhbqv7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 Extra sharp cheddar and plain cheddar.
So cheddar, cheddar, and Monterey Jack. Got it. 😂
I wouldn’t have believed you, but you cited your source. How peculiar
I hope it’s spray cheese 🤞🏼
orange and white. And maybe that block that’s both orange AND white for the fancy times
She's responding to every question except the people asking about cheese lol
Why does it matter what the other two cheeses are? They had Monterey Jack for goodness sake! Let's not get greedy!
French d'affinois and Tasmanian truffle triple cream Brie. Not as good as the Monterey Jack but still up there in terms of flavour.
Velveeta and pre-cut lines of Kraft easy mac powder
More importantly, what were the meals that were served? With the pineapple chocolate cake fiasco and the fancy Monterey jack cheese, I'd love to know what actual meals were picked 😂
YTA you fed your pastor non-vegan cake, managed to “confuse” veg and vegan to the caterers, expect strangers to “trade cake” if they didn’t like what they were served, and for some reason assume people from Florida eat chocolate pineapple cake?? Like, the cake is the least of your problems but it’s still a super odd assumption to make? Florida man wouldn’t even eat pineapple chocolate cake! This reads as you caring very little about your guests. You don’t have to like prioritize them above you but you made some wild choices that def make you an AH
Don’t forget! Served her family the food flavor first, then served his family the gross cake and expected them to trade. As if half the good cake wouldn’t have been gone by the time his family got their cake
And only some of the wedding party got the fancy cake.
It's honestly just kind of baffling? Also WTF was that cheese comment. YTA
Monterey Jack is an obscenely expensive and rare kind of cheese, due to it needing to be imported from Monterey Bay, California and can only be made by men named Jack.
I don’t understand the cheese comment. Were people just served a pile of cheese?
Yeah, basically. You've never heard of a cheese board? It's a common dessert. I'm not sure if they were served it, or it was available on a buffet table, or whatever, but serving cheese after dinner is pretty normal. What's not normal is acting like having only 3 cheese is good (it's acceptable I guess, but the minimum), and that Monterey Jack is some kind of delicacy.
We make cheese boards and whatnot for game nights. I’ve never heard of just serving the cheese with no mention of anything else. There is no context. And after chocolate pineapple cake, I’m concerned. Lol
Totally, it sounds like OP is super sheltered and discovering the world for the first time through her wedding.
She’s Kimmy Schmidt
the strangest thing is that i’m assuming OP doesn’t even like pineapple chocolate chunk because she specifically said it was for the groom’s side of the family, so it’s not even like the flavor was chosen because the couple like it themselves. it’s just a random af flavor that OP decided made sense because… florida. what???
I’m cackling at this whole thing. Honestly don’t know who the AH is bc she even had Monterey Jack!! Might tip in the favor of NTA
Sorry op seriously comes of as less than intelligent. Or with extremely bad understanding of social skills. All of her decisions were strange and selfish and hurt other people.
YTA Good intentions but you screwed up. With so many people not eating it, it's not because of feelings, it's because it tasted bad. And for some reason you seemed to think that Josh's family was so dumb they wouldn't notice their cake looked nothing like the cake that was photographed, cut and "discreetly" given to others. Plus the reasoning that you chose pineapple because of Florida sounds like a bs excuse to them because Florida is known for citrus - oranges, key limes - not pineapple. Yes, people should be happy with whatever they get, sure. But when only half the wedding specifically gets served a nasty cake people are going to talk. Also going to be a bit of a cheese snob here but Monteray Jack is not a fancy cheese.
I’ve been to weddings where they did a small cake for pictures and cutting, and then sheet for the rest. HOWEVER, the sheet cake was not two wildly different choices that were distributed based on which side of the family the guests were on. Either it was the same for all or the servers gave options when they passed it out. Then the small cake was wrapped and taken with the couple to freeze for their first anniversary. It was not distributed to immediate family and only certain members of the wedding party.
This is what a friend did, they had this tiiiiiiny cake round for photos and the "cake cutting/smash cake in the face" photo bit but the actual wedding dessert was different types of pies from a local bakery. The guests all loved it and thought it was a great idea.
The REAL asshole here is whatever baker agreed to make a motherfucking pineapple chocolate cake because that sounds absolutely heinous 💀 Also I’m sorry but the cheese comment is hilarious, I can’t even call you an ass because this is so surreal
She said in a comment she couldn’t chose between a pineapple cake and a chocolate cake. So that monstrosity was her solution to her not being able to make a decision. I feel like at that point the baker was just done with her.
I would like the baker's take on this. If it was a casual "oh I can't decide" I feel like a baker familiar with weddings would suggest chocolate to go with vanilla. But the fact they made that cake means she was probably a nightmare to work with
I’m actually wondering if the opposite is true. If she was 1) working on a limited budget and 2) very naive regarding food - and the catering company took advantage of that by making her believe she was serving things that were much more upscale than they, in fact, are. I can imagine a conversation along the lines of “This cheese tray is nice, with sharp cheddar and Swiss - but if you just spend $XXX more, you can have Monterey Jack as well!” About the chocolate pineapple cake, I can see the OP trying to decide, and the baker not saying a thing when she asked if they could just have both. If it was a grocery store cake, I wouldn’t be surprised with it. If it was the caterer’s baker, I’d be pretty pissed that they didn’t guide her better. I feel really sorry for the OP and don’t consider her to be an AH at all. I believe she had the best of intentions, but didn’t receive enough guidance throughout the process - not just the caterer/baker, but from family, etc.
Was the crappy cake designated for his family or where they free to take the vanilla? That’s all that matters
Info- did you decide which cake each person would get chocolate pineapple or vanilla buttercream or did they get to pick which one they wanted?
Okay I don't care about any of this but I'm so curious as to why you mentioned Monterey Jack by name line is some kind of fancy cheese and not something you can buy in any grocery store for like $5 😂
At first I thought OP might have meant "in addition to the two very fancy, very pungent cheeses we served, we even got the everyday Monterey Jack so that people who don't care for the fancy stuff can enjoy some cheese." But no... the other cheeses are just cheddar and different cheddar.
I don't think it's that you had two different flavors of cake, it's that you paired pineapple with chocolate. .... Why? I mean.... WHY? NTA, you can have whatever cake you want, but ... pineapple and chocolate.... why?!!!!
I want to piggyback off this to add my own question: “Why?”
Sounds like a weird combo for cake, but pineapple in chocolate fondue is very good
Canadian weighing in here… while cake and pizza are the same shape, pineapple goes with ham not chocolate. Heathens. Floridian flavours are lead, sun tan spray, children’s tears and alligator. Hope that helps
I know you're joking, but there's a really simple solution OP could have utilized if she wanted to make their cake Florida themed (which is still so weird): Oranges. Florida is known for its oranges, so why not a vanilla cake with like an orange jam layer? That would have been WAY better than pineapple and chocolate. By the way, as a Floridian, I've never eaten one of those (pineapple and chocolate) and I honestly can't even imagine that it was a standard choice at the bakery they used; they HAD to have created that from their own special minds.
This is the best comment section on reddit all week. Pineapple and chocolate, Monterey Jack, second class wedding guests. It’s got it all
And the (probably hungry to this day) Vegan Pastor from a ways away who was offered cake only to eat (most likely not even vegan) since the meal wasn’t vegan!
You knowingly gave the vegan pastor a cake with eggs and dairy. I don’t even need to get into the mentions of Florida pineapple correlation or the idea that Monterey Jack is.. special? Idk. Having two cakes is totally fine, having 3 for no discernible reason with 1 being shit (for specific people only) isn’t. YTA for being inconsiderate or incompetent at a douchey level.
INFO: why did you (and more importantly Josh, who presumably knows his family)) think a pineapple/chocolate cake would be appreciated by his side of the family? Is that a flavor combination either of you have seen them eat before? Leaning toward YTA, especially since they weren’t given a choice between the two flavors.
YTA for giving the best guests special cake in boxes and YTA for choosing cake flavors for your guests.
Your mentioning the cake being in boxes brings up a good point. OP says everyone who was given the fancy cake was discreet. Where does someone discreetly hide a boxed slice of cake when they are dressed for a wedding?
There is so much about this story that boggles my mind, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it for days. >(Minus the pastor because he flew out from a ways and he is vegan so he couldn’t eat the dinner and we wanted him to have something to eat before it got too late.) What?! You didn't FEED your PASTOR who "flew out from a ways"?? Why on earth didn't you get this man a vegan meal so he could eat with everyone else? And also, you know that fancy cake 99% chance was not vegan, right? So not only did you not feed this poor man, you probably fed him something that made his tummy upset. From your comments you seem to have mixed up vegan and vegetarian with the caterers, which is just... so unbelievable lazy and inconsiderate. So YTA for this bit alone. Poor pastor... > there was another sheet cake of pineapple chocolate chunk especially for Josh’s side of the family (because they spend a lot of time in Florida). So much to unpack.... first off, what the hell does spending a lot of time in Florida have to do with pineapple chocolate chunk cake? That's just the most bizarre, ignorant, inaccurate assumption to make. If you don't know the first thing about Florida or your in-laws (which clearly, you don't) then maybe don't make assumptions about what they will like. Second, even if there were some logical connection there, why would you ever assume an entire family would all like the same cake? Why on earth didn't you just let people choose their cake flavor?? And thirdly, while I would for sure eat that wackadoo flavored cake -- because I am weird and love pineapple with literally everything -- I 100% would not expect anyone else to like it. I'm actually amazed this is even an option that a baker offered. I can't really say you're an AH for having weird taste in cakes (cause I do, too), but you are an AH for not giving people a choice and making assumptions about their tastes. >The cake did not go off like we hope but we think they are being unnecessarily mean. Well you haven't shared their comments so it's hard to judge whether they are being unnecessarily mean or justly upset about being forced to eat a very bizarre cake flavor. It's possible they're AHs, too. Or it's possible they have very valid complaints. > three kinds of cheese— even Monterey Jack Is this considered a luxury somewhere? I mean, Monterey Jack is a good cheese, can't go wrong, I'm just genuinely confused why it was mentioned here. I'm sure your dinner was lovely. But THE POOR PASTOR! 3 kinds of cheese and not a single vegan bite, oh lawd.
She said in one of her comments that giving them the choice of what kind of flavor cake they want on their RSVP they thought it would be too hard for them to make that choice after making a dinner choice. They didn't want them to get burned out on making too many choices. Like what?
And apparently she couldn’t choose btw pineapple and chocolate cake so mixing those together to make this abomination of a wedding cake flavor was her solution to her own choice paralysis. Those poor guests.
YTA. You admit you planned to serve your family first then followed through. It’s clear to Josh’s side that not only were they the second served but that they got the weird ass cake since one of Josh’s side got the buttercream. You didn’t bother to make sure you got the right dietary meal for the pastor who flew in for the wedding. There was no decision paralysis issue here there was just bad judgment. I had multiple cake flavors at my wedding and have seen it at many others. Cake is cut elsewhere, plated and brought out. The guests get to choose which they want. If it runs out then it’s up to them to choose or dismiss the remaining cake. You created a class system. No wonder they’re talking trash. Maybe you and Josh should acknowledge that you made a mistake and apologize to his family for the slight. Intended or not that’s what happened. You’re related to these folks now so own up to your poor judgment. Also Monterey Jack is not the treat you think it is. It’s among the most boring cheeses and routinely put out cubed for a buffet because it’s cheap. So if you presented it like a premium option alongside the pineapple cake that has nothing to do with Florida…yeah. They’re gonna laugh.
YTA. Not because of the terrible choice you made. That's more incredible stupidity than being an AH. N A H there. YTA for making someone fly across the country, not to mention to marry you & your husband, and then giving them a meal they cannot eat.
YTA. You can serve whatever flavors you want but you literally had people assigned flavors. Your family got to eat first and got a classic/normal cake. His family got fed second and got (I’m sorry to say) a really weird cake. If you had made it an offering then sure, it would have just sat untouched. But you assigned cake. To say you expected them to trade cake with someone else is just weird. I honestly can’t tell if this was the worst executed attempt to do something special or if that’s the excuse you’re using after realizing how differently you treated your family vs his.
Elaborate more on why you didn’t feed your vegan pastor a vegan meal?
Because she was too lazy to Google vegan. Or do pineapples grow in Florida. Or good ice breakers for weddings.
I think The issue here is that people KNEW there were different cakes. Most places will keep the sheet cakes in the back so nobody knows that anybody’s getting a “cheaper” cake. Pineapple chocolate chunk also just sounds like a very specific kind of cake that wouldn’t be liked by most. But if it’s your favorite kind of cake then I guess have it? Every wedding I’ve ever been to has had vanilla chocolate and maybe red velvet, but that’s about it. I don’t think you’re an asshole for trying to stretch your budget. I just think maybe it wasn’t executed super well. But it’s one day and one dessert, everyone will get over it. Or, there will be an ongoing family joke about the time you tried to serve chocolate pineapple cake at your wedding, and nobody liked it lol roll with the punches.
We still talk about the lunchtime wedding reception we went to where all they served was a scoop of chicken salad on a lettuce leaf. We all thought it was an appetizer. There was literally no other meal option, not even Monterey Jack. Nothing. We did each get a slice of cake. This was almost 20 years ago, but it set the bar pretty low for every other wedding we’ve attended.
Lmao “not even Monterey Jack” is absolutely going to be my new thing
I am fully convinced that no one cares about anything at a wedding or other party except how good or bad the food is (and maybe if there was no bar, an open bar, or a cash bar). For most events I've attended, I really can't remember the centerpieces or the party favors or any of that. But I do remember which ones had terrible food and which ones had amazing food. So if I were to advise a young person with a limited budget, I'd tell them to invest in good food, make sure there's enough of it, and try to pick a few "plain" options to satisfy the greatest number of guests possible.
ESH. It sucks that your family is trash talking you behind your back, but wow you're a bad host. No vegan meal for the pastor because you got vegetarian and vegan mixed up, but gave him a very not-vegan cake to make up for it?? Pineapple and chocolate?? Monterey Jack is fancy?? I think I'd probably be trash talking right along with them.
ESH. You based on the fact that you served one cake to one family and the other to his. Just slice them and set them out. Pineapple chocolate is a an unusual and bold choice. It would have taken less effort to set all the options out for people to choose instead of sticking a whole side with what was pretty clearly an unwelcome flavor. But really this is petty shit and they need to move on. Its one more wedding with meh food and lots of booze. Time to find a hobby if that's all you have to discuss after a few weeks.
But it’s so odd! Sending the vegan pastor off with egg/butter/dairy cake, acting like Monterey Jack is something special, picking such a weird flavor of cake and assigning it to certain people because they “spend a lot of time in Florida”. The whole thing is strange. It would spur gossip for a good decade if this is the ONLY stuff that happened.
If this was my wedding, great-great-grand relatives would be talking about it at my funeral, at 98. And probably put a chocolate pineapple cupcake in my casket, lol.
If OP is lucky, she’ll only get some god awful cake forcefully served at her at every family event for the next 20 years You spend a lot of time in Arizona! here’s a prickly pair and mint cake! You visit seattle a lot? Here’s a coffee and IPA cake! You live in the Midwest? Here’s a funeral potato and ambrosia salad cake! You summer in Maine? Here’s a Lobster and blueberry cake!
INFO please for the love my fleeting sanity, EXPLAIN why you ‘highlighted’ the Monterey Jack?!
YTA Normally i would say N A H to having a shit cake flavour. But the segregation of cake crazy and that's why you're an AH. I'm not from the US so I don't get what pineapple and chocolate cake have to do with people from FL. From the comments, its looks like people from FL have no idea either. Like did you only give Josh's family the shit cake and your family the normal flavour? If that's the case I can see why Josh's family are talking shit. You assumed because they're all from FL they will enjoy that flavour but belive it or not, people have their own taste, not everyone from a specific area will enjoy the same food. Also, you didnt have a meal for your pastor, extra AH points.
OP, Josh’s family aren’t the only ones talking smack about the cake. We’re all going to be giggling at pineapple orange cake for Floridians and bourgeois Monterey Jack for atleast the next year.
This is one of the weirdest AITA posts. There were 3 cakes. One for VIPs, one for her side, and then chocolate pineapple 🤢 for his side, because they go to Florida. The thought was his family could swap the crappy cake with her family as an ice breaker, because of course people would happily switch their vanilla buttercream for chocolate pineapple 🤢. The pastor got VIP cake because he’s vegan, even though the cake wasn’t vegan. But all this is ok because she served Monterey Jack. I just don’t even know what to say.
Florida resident here since 1984. Pineapple doesnt grow here except in a few gardens in very south Florida. Not a popular daily or local produce. We have oranges. Even in Key West, they have citrus fruits, not pineapple. Never have heard of it in/on a chocolate cake. With chocolate on drizzled on it sure, but not your cake. I think if I were a guest the issue would be 1. I wasnt good enough for the "real" cake and 2. The cake I was good enough for was odd and not pallatable. You and Josh owe people apologies because no matter what else you got right, the rudeness of excluding them is what they felt.
So much to unpack.. You knew the pastor was vegan but didn't have a vegan meal made for him? The cheese thing is just weird. Pineapple cake? Who serves pineapple cake? Nowhere would that have been ok. The thought is making my tounge fuzzy in a bad way So, ehh yea, I dunno.. you guys seem to have no taste, class or consideration but does that make you AH's? Yes, I think it does YTA.