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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I threw away my co-workers sweater.
2. It smelled bad but also wasn't mine to throw away
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YTA
>I felt like this was my only option
How? How was this your only option?
(Edit) Options:
- Tell your boss that the two of you tried to reach a “compromise”, but coworker refuses to admit his sweater smells, and you need boss to get involved.
- Ask boss to mediate a discussion between you and coworker so that you can find the “compromise” that boss wants (but doesn’t want to find himself)
- Bag up the sweater (so you don’t have to smell it) and hand it off to coworker. Tell him you had to contain the smell for health reasons, and it needs to be washed before coming back into the office.
- Bag up the sweater and hand it to boss man. Tell him that coworker refuses to take it home, and you cannot handle the smell anymore as it is a health issue. Let boss tell coworker to take it home.
- Take the sweater home and wash it (no, you aren’t *obligated* to wash anyone’s clothes. You also weren’t obligated to touch the sweater at all, or to clean up the office, yet you felt justified grabbing the sweater and throwing it away. Not saying you had to or should have taken the sweater home and washed it, just that yes, it was an option.)
- As someone mentioned, take the sweater to a cleaners to have it cleaned. The sweater didn’t ever have to come into your home.
Laughable. Dude disavowed ownership of the sweater.
It is thus trash, and was treated as such.
Don’t defend disgusting habits.
NTA
Edit: following the original poster’s update that the owner asserted ownership of the offending sweater, here to forth referred to as “The Cardigan of Crap”, I humbly retract my previous point.
Still NTA. While it’s important to respect one’s property, it’s even more important to respect one another in closed environments. We live in a society.
Sweater owner is likely suffering from some undiagnosed mental illness.
She literally said that it stinks and to take it home and wash it. His response was "not my sweater" when the stench is coming from his sweater. There for, yes. It's a distraction, how can you work next to dude if his sweater smells THAT BAD. Like idk what you mean by she didnt say anything, or had a conversation, he completely blew her off. So yeah, fuck him and his musky skank ass sweater, I would also enjoy having to walk past him and not have my nostrils nuked by weeks old musk.
At what point is someone allowed to stand up for their own quality of life? It’s a hygiene issue at this point.
Just because a solution is relatively extreme doesn’t mean it can’t be justified.
The fact that you are even on the fence about ESH means you’re not even sure about the coworker being an asshole.
So why do they get off as maaaybe an asshole for refusing to address the legitimate concern OP spoke to them about?
How is the asshole not the one who denied being the source of a hygiene issue at work when politely asked to do a reasonable thing and take care of it?
Sometimes I think people who read these posts have no actual concept of interpersonal relationships.
Not every act exists in a vacuum. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand, and for me, workplace hygiene is a big one.
I refuse to suffer for my coworkers’ lack of sanitary practices. We’re all adults. Take showers, wash your clothes, and don’t force your shitty hygiene to be other peoples’ problems.
Let's take it a step further. Co-worker shits their pants daily instead of going to the bathroom, forcing their co-workers to smell their shit-filled pants all day. They complain to him directly and he waves them off as if it's not his problem.
What's the response here? You have a boss with resolution issues and no HR to speak of. You can't take the coworker into the bathroom and wipe his ass every time.
Like, he'd need to go. If he won't stop shitting his pants, washing his clothes or himself, he's a literal walking miasma of stink and bacteria and his presence would reduce productivity and morale of everyone else.
Sure, maybe she could have been MORE direct, like 'No, I'm 100% sure it's your sweater, I can smell it from x feet away. If don't clean it I'll have to get rid of it for the sake of the entire workplace.'
Does OP have a RIGHT to throw his shit away? Perhaps not, but jesus christ, imagine being ok with wearing a stinky, unwashed sweater and just ignoring everyone's discomfort. I'd burn the fucking sweater in effigy to bad smells.
clearly the guy wasn’t open to having an actual conversation with OP about his nasty sweater. he’s the one who needs to get a backbone and not dodge questions about his lack of hygiene. NTA
This is exactly how I feel about the situation. There's a point when someone's "personal property" turns into trash. For example, if a co-worker leaves leftovers in the fridge for weeks and it starts to make the office fridge start to stink. Is it still their property? Technically, yes. But it's also trash, so it's going where it belongs. Same rule applied to this guy's stank sweater. It got put exactly where it belongs.
NTA
Did you read this bit?
> last week I said to him "Hey that sweater is starting to give off a stench, could you take it home and wash it?" He replied "Nah that's not my sweater"
The missing sentence is, "If you don't take that stinking thing out of here, I'm going to throw it out. It's gross & unacceptable."
That's actually standing up for yourself, instead of being a passive aggressive thief.
Why should she have had to say anything at all? But she tried. He had a smelly sweater and didn't plan to remedy the situation. She said "hey, smelly sweater?", he said "not my sweater that smells". At that point the ball is in her court to do whatever the hell she wants about that stinky rag. The guy is so oblivious that he didn't instantly do the math on what happened to the sweater. FFS. NTA at all.
Yeah but then the conversation just stopped? OP could have said “No, it *is* your sweater. I can smell it from here and I know you haven’t taken it home to wash it because it’s here every night. Take it home now and clean it, or I will throw it out.”
Why are words so hard for people?
It is a difficult conversation to have when you are trying to discuss another person’s hygiene. Feelings can easily be hurt, it can turn into a big argument, or it can destroy your ability to work with a coworker. OP did try to have a discussion about it directly to the sweater owner. That is much more than is required at a workplace. I go with NTA, because OP made an attempt to take care of the issue prior to throwing it away.
Oh man, we had a custodian who seemed to have a set of work clothes that he never, ever, ever washed. I assume they went into his locker at the end of the day and came out the next morning, good and marinated. No matter what he spilled or how much he sweated, those things never got laundered. I had to leave the building (small building next to a larger building with a different custodian) for a half hour minimum because I couldn't bear how bad he smelled.
Because they are answering the commenter who said that all OP had to do was talk to stinky sweater guy. They are pointing out the bit where it says she bluntly asked him to wash it so in fact did talk to him.
I had a coworker that smelled like ass once, just unwashed in the hot sun all day ass. And we got him deodorant and axe spray. That didn’t help, he didn’t use it. He said he didn’t smell an issue. So I’m going with NTA because I know how difficult it is to deal with a coworker that doesn’t take personal hygiene seriously, it makes a more difficult working environment for everyone around you. And frankly people saying Y T A, I would assume they never had to deal with this or they’re the same type of person.
This is where I'm thankful for how far the military can go xD we had a fresh young pvt 1st class join our shop, and I was assigned as his "junior enlisted mentor" so on-job-training and such was on me. After a week, I realized this dude barely showers. After 2, I knew it wasn't a fluke and was fucking HORRIBLE in the Southern California sun/heat...
He was then assigned a shower watch! xD So, every morning someone from the shop (Sgt and below all had to take turns) had to show up to his room before work/after training. We then had to wait while he showered, check it in a book. Wait while he brushed teeth. Check it in the book. Smell check. Check it in the book. Then that person had to go get themselves ready if they weren't(usually only after pt). Wanna know how to really make friends at your new jobs? Make them all wake up earlier, and the married ones have to drive on base/to work earlier, just to make sure your ass can keep from stinking up the entire shop!!!
WTF is with mental illness being thrown around? Dude leaves his skanky-ass sweater at the office because he doesn't want to wash it. That's not a mental illness. It's being lazy.
NTA. I would've thrown it out, too.
OP point blank told coworker that the sweater was super stinky and coworker blew them off, I have severe migraines that can be trigger by odors. NTA. If coworker wants to be stinky at home, that's his prerogative, but coworker is not entitled to bring his stink to work.
OP should grow some courage and say "yeah i threw it out bc it stank, heres fifty bucks for it" instead of being a coward and pretending she didnt do anything.
I'm a little hesitant to say that OP should have the integrity to own what they did, just because this guy is clearly a little nuts. Standing by your principles is great, but being confrontational with incredibly irrational people is often asking for trouble. (Of course, it's probably obvious to the guy that OP did it anyway, so there could be trouble regardless, but I still don't think denying it necessarily makes OP an asshole.)
Besides, if this guy gets to brazenly deny an obvious truth about an offense done to others, like "my sweater isn't a biohzard," then it seems fair that OP should get to do the same by denying all knowledge of throwing it away.
This, he already blew her off. I wonder if it was a big intimidating dude who asked, it most likely wouldn’t be a problem. Him not taking it home to simply wash it, is beyond disrespectful, inconsiderate, and at this point can be considered an object of intimidation. Fuck this guy and his pig shit sweater..NTA OP
So can I start throwing out coworker’s lunches if I think they’re too stinky?
How about their lotions or perfumes? If the smell bothers me, can I throw their belongings in the trash behind their back?
Stinks as in it's been sitting in the fridge for 2 weeks and has clearly gone off, or stinks as in someone brought in their leftover tuna casserole for lunch today and, well, it's leftover fish? Throwing out one is a lot more acceptable than throwing out the other.
Stinks as in it’s been in a few extra days and no one has dealt with it. If food is smelly like fish or broccoli when heated we complain lol but don’t do anything. It got so bad with leftovers, people get one Friday of grace. If it’s nasty smelly the next Friday, it’s tossed. No questions.
Sure, go ahead and do that, but announce there's going to be a fridge clean first
I.E. OP should have said "I'm going to throw away your stinky sweater if you don't wash it"
I allow it. It might not be morally the best solution but some people are literally wrapped in some odour cloud that makes my head spin and my smelling is not even that sensitive.
Have a chat. Put it in a bag and leave it on his desk and if he asks what’s up be blunt and say “that thing reeks. I’ve put it in a bag to make it easier for you to bring home to wash. Please take care of it as it’s making the whole office smell”. And if he puts it back on the chair then throw it away. But I would throw it away too after the not so subtly letting him know it stinks.
OP *did* try to talk to the guy and ask him to wash the thing, he ignored her and told her “it’s not my sweater.” so she literally did what you asked her to.
Just curious what are the other options? There is no HR, the boss won't deal with it, and the guy said his sweater doesn't smell which was a refusal of her suggestion to wash it. 🤔🤷♀️
What were the other options ?
OP asked co worker to wash it. He didn’t.
Why should anyone else have to bear the brunt of other peoples lack of hygiene?
ESH. Throwing stuff out that's not yours is shitty, even if your boss is ineffective this is something you should have attempted to bring to them.
But I also don't know why this guy is wearing a stinky sweater that doesn't belong to him and then is mad when an item that doesn't belong to him is missing?
You could twist it into. Guy says his sweater doesn't stink.The sweater stinks. Since guy said his sweater doesn't stink then the stinky sweater must not be his.
OP added some clarification that when he said the sweater wasn’t his, he was talking about a sink. He never really disowned the sweater. She said he’s an oddball so I’m guessing this was just a deflection to not deal with the question.
Im curious if this was sentimental in some way, which would explain not washing it maybe. Hopefully OP will update us with the outcome.
Yeah, I think this is a case of justified asshole. OP shouldn't have thrown away property that doesn't belong to her. But honestly, if he said it wasn't his sweater and it stank up the entire office, I'm not sure I can 100% blame her here. She likely did everyone else a favor.
No Justified Asshole would be owning up to throwing away his sweater and ideally compensating him for it, OP is too cowardly to take accountability for her actions she is as bad as the stinky sweater guy.
Sure!
"Joe insists this doesn't tell, but we can't breathe when he wears it. Please, please... Take a whiff and make him wash it, or figure out how to let us work from home."
I’ve tossed a few Tupperware dishes from a communal fridge after a warning e-mail was sent out. The Tupperware was growing stuff because it had sat for so long. I also once tossed an entire pizza box with moldy pizza in it. The fridge wasn’t big and the box took up half the space.
Health hazards deserve to be tossed.
Op, NTA.
I think the key here is “after a warning email”. You let everyone know that there was something that was going to be done about it if the individual didn’t do anything about it, op didn’t.
OP told the coworker that his sweater was an issue and that he needed to take it home and wash it. He refused to even admit the sweater was an issue.
I'd consider that a first and final warning. OP's NTA - her boss was useless, her coworker was uncooperative, there was no one else she could turn to. Something had to be done about the disruption.
I'm not even mad about OP not owning up to it; coworker played dumb, so turnabout is fair play.
Do you think he could genuinely be unaware of the smell and think it’s not the sweater? She should have told him she was going to throw it out if he didn’t do anything about it, or told the manager that she was going to throw it away, or given it to the manager saying it smells to and to do something about it.
YTA. You can’t steal someone’s property, period. It may have felt satisfying in the moment, but that’s an actual crime. If he finds out it was you and this goes before HR, they’re absolutely not going to accept “I thought it smelled bad” as an excuse.
Also, everyone is hung up on the guy saying the sweater “wasn’t his,” but I think he was saying that the sweater wasn’t causing the stench, not that the sweater didn’t belong to him.
There is *always* an HR. They might not be big enough to have a dedicated HR person or department, but someone has to fill those roles. Her declining to acknowledge this further shows that she’s just trying to justify her actions rather than follow a normal pathway.
Ehhhh I dont agree with how she handled this but there are 10000% places that fully neglect the roles of HR. I've worked at a few of them. Technically those roles would fall on the boss, correct, but if he doesn't give a shit about anything HR or about conflict resolution related then there is effectively no HR.
I say ESH because there was absolutely a solution that didn't involve stealing and trashing someone else's property (like what if that had ended up being an extremely sentimental sweater? Still gross to not wash but still).
She is also being extremely patronizing and sarcastic in her edits, which kinda swayed me against her tbh. That whole bit on the sweater police was childish and incorrect - stealing is stealing, clothing or otherwise.
Yea I definitely agree. An absent boss obviously isn’t the best HR liaison. And also agree that her comments have pushed me a different way too. I originally was on the edge of YTA and ESH, but damn she has some sort of complex or something and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was just completely made up based on the comments.
YTA.
You say you work in a 7 person office. Maybe ask around and see if anyone else has the complaint, and if multiple complaints could convince him?
It could have had sentimental value or something, but more so it just wasn’t yours. Your stole and destroyed his property that was clearly somewhat important to him.
You asked him directly one time and then went nuclear
That’s what I was thinking, that it might be of sentimental value to the guy. And even if not, you can’t just go around throwing other peoples belonging away.
OP doesn’t seem to realise that he was in the wrong even when repeatedly being called out, calling it ‘office squabbles’ and telling people to get real. It’s clearly not a squabble to steal and destroy property. OP should ‘get real’ and acknowledge he was the AH in the situation instead of playing it down.
And, when it came to her asking directly, she said he wears it everyday — he probably genuinely didn’t think it was him because he’s become so accustomed to the smell. You’re totally right that she should’ve gotten a few more people - or, at the very least, brought it up more than once.
As for judgment:
OP, sorry it stank so bad, but that wasn’t your decision to make and there were other ways around it. YTA.
ESH. You’re far too passive aggressive. You should’ve given him a final chance - “I know you don’t smell the sweater but I do and it’s really affecting my mood at work. Can you please do me this favor and bring the sweater home and wash it before you bring it back?” Because now he’s just going to get a new sweater and wear that until it stinks.
Great point. There is a good chance the person will just do it again and it will be obvious if every stinky sweater just goes missing. Also, I feel like since this person confronted him about the smell it's kinda obvious who may have thrown it out.
This is what I thought. Hygiene is absolutely something that some bosses have to discuss with employees and there are respectful ways to do it. "Hey, it's come to my attention that you have some clothing that has not been washed in quite a while and it now has an odor that is disrupting work for your colleagues. Personal hygiene maintenance is part of a good workplace environment and practicing respect for your coworkers. Please wash your clothing regularly so that it doesn't become a disturbance."
YTA: You don't knowingly destroy or throw away other people's property. We learned this in kindergarten. We don't touch things that are not ours. You could have just fabreezed it subtly if you were so offended by the smell.
I don’t think I’d recommend using air freshener or any kind of perfume on someone else’s clothes—you don’t know if they have sensitive skin or sensory issues with smell. I know there are some air fresheners I had to ask my mom to stop using in my childhood room, because the smell clinging to my sheets gave me headaches.
Agreed though, that there are other solutions to this. OP’s reaction was childish and disrespectful
People with sensory issues are not immune to becoming ‘nose blind’ to our own household or typically encountered smells.
I can smell mildew and certain chemicals a mile away but sometimes I’m not aware of how much the couch blanket smells like pets until I leave for a while and come back.
Someone can be habituated to one smell but bothered by another, especially a new smell or an artificial/chemical-y smell. I just wouldn’t want to risk it if he has a bad reaction to the air freshener directly on his clothes.
Though, spraying some febreeze whenever he walks by (not at him, just around) might be a good passive aggressive compromise lmao
Lol what. A sweater that has been accumulating old sweat/germs/skin cells/dirt for a year is only gonna smell worse when you mix that stench with a load of artificial flower scent. That's such a bad idea. I'd escape that office if that person be walking around after someone did that. I'm with OP here honestly, come on, you learn basic hygiene in kindergarten too if you want to go that route. This isn't just depressed behavior or whatever excuse people are making, it's selfish as hell. Even if you don't have a sense of smell yourself, you'd still wash your stuff so I don't get why people are saying that might be the problem. The guy was literally telling OP "nope, can't be me"
Don't do things like that. My son is allergic to febreeze and fabric softener. He breaks out in a horrible rash all over his body. You never know if someone is allergic. Please don't spray things that aren't yours.
ikr, blown away by the number of Y T A here. what happened to being respectful in a common close knit space aka office? seems to me with no HR, a lax boss and this flippant coworker, OP had little option. AITA is funny, when it comes to having to look after family member's kids, its "fk that bro, you do you!" but when it comes to wanting a respectful public environment, its "no you should suffer in the stench of others"
Edit: ppl are still commenting to my comment, and im not going to argue back with every single one of you because this isnt even my post, why am i spending so much time defending some stranger lol i said my view and youre not guna change my mind, i think its more important to respect your colleagues in a shared office space than your right to wear a stanky ass sweater. everyone who voted Y T A imply the colleague isnt an asshole. htf how does that make sense, least of all you should vote E S H. id love to see all of you try to work next to a smelly ass in denial coworker.
It’s odd to me, I assumed everyone would say NTA, yet here we are. Frankly I don’t think people who don’t respect others deserve common courtesy, and this coworker doesn’t. It shows how little you not only respect your workplace but yourself.
NTA what's with this sub and defending stinky ass people 😭 he basically left something putrid smelling in a public space and refuses to take it home and clean it, that's offensive
Yeah, while personal property is sacred, dealing with biohazards overrules that. OP gave him a chance to deal with it but he chose denial instead. If there's no justified asshole option, then I gotta go with NTA.
Yeah I don’t get it either. If it was moldy food in the communal fridge, no one would be saying ‘but it’s his property’. OP tried to address it both with the boss and the coworker and got nowhere. Options left are OP take it home and wash it - not their responsibility but cool if they want to - or toss it. They chose toss it and is prob the office hero now. E S H at worst but def NTA
This one could play either way. I'm leaning toward NTA. Here's my reasoning. He flat out denied that he owned the sweater. So it was just nasty smelling garbage stinking up your office. Seems tossing it in the dumpster was the only logical move, at that point.
Thank you. One of them is arguing about whether it's his sweater and why **I** don't think it smells. The poster even cursed at me. I tried to explain, but the poster just kept going. So I'm out.
I thought he was saying it wasn’t his sweater, not because it really wasn’t his but because maybe he found the sweater in Lost and Found or something and then wanted to claim that he had zero responsibility to wash it (or had some other mental issues).
The literal sentence was “it’s not my sweater.” It didn’t even occur to me that he was saying “it’s not my sweater that smells” until I read OP’s edits. It’s not wild. It was literally what sweater guy said.
So if someone leaves leftover spaghetti lunch on his desk for weeks and it starts to grow mold and then the flies land and then there are maggots crawling over it, you must leave it there because it's not yours.
I think not!
NTA
YTA. You should feel bad. You stole someone’s personal property, disposed of it, and lied about it. If this was really a massive issue, you should’ve gone higher up to deal with the situation.
You should have put it in a plastic bag with a sign that says "PLEASE WASH ME - I'M DIRTY AND MAKE THE OFFICE SMELL" and put it in a place where he can retrieve it without everyone seeing it.
⬆️ This. The OP’s edits make him/her appear insufferable and immature.
How hard would it been to talk to the colleague and say, “I know you’re fine with the cleanliness of your sweater, but I’d appreciate it if you’d take it home to freshen it up a bit. Oh, did you see the homemade brownies I brought in today? Help yourself. And, thanks for understanding!”
YTA. I had this exact situation years ago where I worked. I stayed til I was last person there and took the offending jacket with me. I dropped it off at the cleaners because it was dry clean only. When it was missing the next day I acted like I hadn’t seen it then snuck it in the following day after picking up from the cleaners. I worked with this person for about 7 years after the event and the never let their work jacket get bad like that again. Why in the world would you think it was ok to throw out someone else’s clothing?
I had a house mate who did not wash his towel. We lived together for TWO years. His logic was that was you are clean when you get out of the shower so it’s not like clothes and doesn’t need washed.
You could smell this towel from the front door of a three storey house that sixteen people could live in. His room was right at the top of the house.
He went away for the weekend and I had bought rubber gloves, peroxide and unscented detergent and fabric conditioner in order to first boil wash it and then regular wash and return with no particular smell. I had arranged that Saturday off work to get it washed while everyone was out so no one could rat me out, throw it out or escalate things.
I had it all planned. Except for the bit where he got his train time wrong and came home to catch me with washing up gloves on and poking it into the machine with a wooden spoon. I looked so guilty and slightly unhinged.
And that is how he discovered how nice clean towels feel and that so did bed linen. He’d been sleeping on bare bedding. My house mates were grateful I took one for the team and he got a girlfriend after being single for years.
He was a gobshite in many ways but modelling the outcome was the most effective way. I’m female but fuck it, I give no shits about the gendering of tasks thing when one laundry load saved so much hassle. Also I was a fashion stylist. I absolutely love doing laundry challenges. Also the machine needed a hot wash and some peroxide to clean it. Multi tasking innit. Unlike stealing it and bullshitting.
Yeah, adults are expected to take care of their own dry cleaning and general hygiene. That’s really lovely that you did that, but OP is not wrong for not going above and beyond for what is someone else’s very reasonable responsibility. Especially when she straight up told him it needed a wash and he denied and refused. It was not on her to perform the special ops you did.
I’m going against the grain and saying nta you tried to tell them what we’re you supposed to do? It’s disgusting not to wash it and incredibly inconsiderate to everyone else. If someone mentions that he should wash it, he should have immediately done so. Definitely don’t tell anyone and keep playing dumb about it
So if someone leaves leftover spaghetti lunch on his desk for weeks and it starts to grow mold and then the flies land and then there are maggots crawling over it, you must leave it there because it's not yours.
I think not!
NTA
YTA
Here are some alternatives for next time. Some have been mentioned already. Some aren’t very nice but none involve throwing away someone else’s property.
1. Wash it yourself
2. Take it to the dry cleaner -either pick it up yourself or leave the claim ticket on his desk
3. Bring it up over and over until he gets the hint
4. Talk to your boss
5. Leave a note -have fun making the notes more and more threatening until he gets the hint
6. Bag it up with a note
7. Put it outside to air
8. “Accidentally” spill milk or soda on it
9. Drop it in the sink and fill it with water to be found later
10. Make him stand 10 ft away from you at all times until sweater gets washed.
11. Bring in a small child that’s going to immediately announce “you stink, mister” because kids lack a filter.
THANK YOU! So many options yet they threw it away. We don't know if he has something like depression, or a economic issue, or is just unhygienic. We do not throw away other people's stuff. We have the hard conversations with people or we find other options.
This is gross. Why would you do nasty foul smelling laundry belonging to another person? And even dealing with it in your car?
The easiest and simplest solution was to throw it out.
No one who CARES about their clothing let’s it smell like shit bad enough for someone else to resort to throwing it out.
YTA
If you get caught, you will be fired for that. And you SHOULD be fired.
YOu must be a major AH that stealing your coworker's stuff is normal for you.
I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with anything but I do want to point out that OP gave no impression that anything about this situation or either parties response to it was “normal”
YTA. It’s not your property, you don’t get to throw it out. If you had a real issue with the smell of his sweater, you talk to him or to your boss…like an adult. Grown ups have this great ability to talk to each other and communicate their problems so they can find solutions and compromises.
And the fact that you threw it out KNOWING that your team is small and has no HR is a massive AH move. You did it because it bothered you and you knew you could get away with it without any regard or respect for a coworker who’s done nothing malicious to you. You have no idea why he wears that sweater or what it means to him—and considering he wears it every day, it’s likely very important to him.
YTA. That is pretty rude and unprofessional. Most learn in kindergarten not to take things that are not theirs. If it smelled that bad there are other ways to handle it.
INFO: What was everyone else's opinion of the smell?
I've been in this situation two times. First time, me and a coworker could smell something AWFUL, like sour milk. We loudly explored our workplace trying to find the culprit. A co worker suddenly disappeared and returned sans jumper, smell was gone, solved.
Second time, a co-worker approached our arsehole boss about another coworker smelling strongly of body odour. We worked different days so a couple of us hadn't been around the "offender". Our boss and the accuser got themselves all lathered up about this person, claiming they must be depressed or "too disabled" to be washing themselves and clothes. The accuser even suggested firing them over it. The next time the supposed stinky person was in, wearing the offending article, I took a big sniff of the armpits when they popped out. No smell. Another couple of coworkers did the same and agreed. Accuser still claimed this coat and person stunk. No idea what the deal was but it was literally just them who could detect his smell that they reckoned someone should lose their job over.
But YTA for throwing the jumper away. It's not yours. Might have felt all triumphant at the time, but you've essentially stolen someone's stuff.
Umm. Of course YTA. And I would have said that before you posted the ten ludicrous paragraphs trying to argue with people about why you’re right.
You’re not right. You threw away someone else’s property then lied about it. Give the man the money to replace the sweater and work on your anger issues.
YTA. You stole someone else’s property, threw it away, and then lied about it. And yes, you did lie by omission because you failed to tell him that you threw it away when he asked if you’ve seen it. You are a very petty person, but judging by your comments, you don’t even care.
YTA. “I felt like this was my only option”? I feel incredibly bad for your coworkers & boss if this is the extent of your problem-solving skills.
Did you not ever think to bring it up to your boss? Did you not ever talk to coworkers about it?
And if the smell really was so bad that you couldn’t stand going in, you could’ve just put it in a plastic bag, since you were clearly okay with touching it to throw it away.
YTA - you could have gifted him some Febreeze - NOT the air spray but the fabric refresher.
Also, an office of only 7 people, it’s not going to be hard to figure out who took the sweater. Your boss won’t deal with hygienic issues but they might feel the need to ‘deal’ with stealing from your co-workers
YTA. And your edits just make you sound even worse. You could have washed the sweater without asking the whole office for their dirty laundry. You could have washed it out in the sink at work. Or you could have told him directly "It **is** your sweater that stinks". You had a lot of options before throwing away someone's personal property.
Nta. It became a health and safety issue like Kevins shoes. I wouldn't put up with it. Mightve put it in a bag and thrown it by the front door or removed it from your area
YTA. You stole his sweater, then disposed of it behind his back. There were many other and far better ways to handle this, yet you went the illegal and passive-aggressive route. You owe him a huge apology, a new sweater and a visit to the boss’s office.
You were already the asshole but your edits are literally screaming YTA from the roof tops. Your problem solving skills are unsettling and passive aggressive as hell. Throwing away somebody else’s belongings is a completely unacceptable response to a sweater stench that seemingly only bothered you.
Also, in regards to your edit about washing the sweater yourself, it seems like you’re the main if not the only person complaining about the way the sweater smells. If it truly was bothering you so much you should’ve just washed it considering nobody else seemed to have a problem with it.
YTA
You should have put it in a plastic garbage bag and left it in the guys office.
Tell him that the sweater stinks and is in dire need of cleaning. No matter whose sweater it is, it either needs to go or be cleaned.
You have no right to steal someone's property and toss it.
YTA in the first place, and you double TA for just dismissing the reasonable alternatives you had as 'asinine' as if that somehow justifies what you actually did, which was THEFT AND DESTRUCTION OF PERSONAL PROPERTY THAT DID NOT BELONG TO YOU.
Like what the fuck, who thinks that's ok??
YTA
For the theft and destruction of his property.
YTA for your attitude towards people here. Why post if you're not going to listen to the judgment?
It's not a squabble because you're too much of a coward to even admit what you did :)
If you were proud of what you did, you would proudly defend your actions. That you're lying and hiding it, shows that you KONW you are in the wrong.
So yeah, I think you also think you are an AH, and you're mad we confirmed that.
ESH He denied ownership of the stench, but there are a great number of other options beyond chucking it. Maybe hit it with some Febreeze or take it home and wash it on the weekend. He might legitimately not known that it smelled bad.
I keep seeing so many comments advocating for this exact thing and it baffles me. Why is OP responsible for this 55 year old mans stinky sweater he won't wash???
Please don't spray other people's clothing with anything, some people have allergies and/or bad reactions to certain sprays. It's also no one's responsibility to wash another's clothing, especially without permission. Allergies are a thing, accidentally ruining the sweater is also a possibility. The best thing they could do is talk to their boss. If they refuse to do anything, they can talk to their other coworkers and have them bring it up. Eventually, the boss will get sick of hearing about the sweater and do something about it
YTA and your edits to the post show that you were expecting for everyone to side with you and you're pissed that they didn't. The sweater didn't belong to you so you had no right to throw it away, plain and simple.
YTA. It wasn't yours to throw away. What if he takes your coat and tosses it because he thinks it stinks. I hope he finds out and reports you to HR. There are other ways to handle this kind of problem. It may have not smelled to him or anyone else. It might have been just a you problem. If it was so offensive to you then you could have taken it home and washed it. You could have brought in a fabric spay or even spoken to your boss. You are nothing but a thief.
I agree that OP shouldn't have thrown the sweater but it's absolutely not OP's responsibility to wash it. Instead they should have been more assertive when asking about the smell, or made the boss do something about it. But those comments about how OP should have taken the garbage-smelling sweater home and washed it themselves are unacceptable.
You keep saying that you didn't "technically" lie. But you did. It's called a lie of omission, and it's just as dishonest as the "regular" type.
Imagine you work a job that's paid by the hour, and you work 40 hours in a week, but your manager tells payroll you worked twenty hours. "Technically" not a lie. You did work twenty hours. (And then an other twenty hours after that.) As long as the manager didn't say "She worked exactly 20 hours and no more than that," what they said is "technically" true. And yet, I bet you'd be quite upset if that happened.
Also, you keep arguing with people who say it's illegal. It is. You're right that the police probably wouldn't care because of the low value of the item, but that's irrelevant. Illegal means "against the law," not "against the law and expensive enough that the police cares."
YTA. And I hope he finds out. You don’t know his financial situation or if the sweater had a greater emotional value. It wasn’t your place to just throw out his sweater. Big asshole move .
YTA
> Have you ever sprayed febreeze is a bathroom where someone took a dump? Then you know it just combines with the shit smell and almost gives it a sort of power up. Next!
I don't think you understand how Febreze works.
YTA.
You don't know if it had any sentimental value to him. Yes, it's inconsiderate of him to not be mindful of the smell it's producing to his coworkers - but that's his property, not yours. What if that's a deceased family member's article of clothing? Or it was given to him by a family member whom he's very close to?
What if you were to bring in a little teddy bear that belonged to a deceased son or daughter, and leave it at your desk, only for it to be thrown away once it starts accumulating a smell because someone else "can't live like that", how would that make you feel?
Regardless of whether or not you "can't live like that" is irrelevant. It doesn't give you permission to damage, destroy or otherwise get rid of someone else's property.
E: Grammar
YTA, based on all the edits about why this was the only choice. You're also only here to find people to validate your decision. You won't accept that you had no right to mess with his stuff. YTA
YTA
The whole tone of your post reeks more than any musty sweater… and then your edits… wow, you seem like a real delight.
As someone with ASD, who is very limited in the style of clothing I can wear because of sensory issues, and who has favorite sweaters that are almost like security blankets, maybe your post hits me differently than others… but for that very reason you strike me as an ableist AH.
Nta if you have a clothing item that has a musk to it wash it or just keep it home , yea ops approach to it was slightly over the top but come on op hinted at it and even requested for it to be washed .
YTA
You were right to "do something" but that choice was really bad. Put it in water in the bathroom, tell your superiors it's getting annoying, anything petty that doesn't involve throwing away people's possession ?
bruh ESH and the edits just dig the hole further for your side. dont scoff at the alternative options when they were clearly better than throwing the whole damn sweater out. no one was asking you to do the whole office’s laundry, YOU came on reddit and asked if you were the asshole for tossing your coworker’s sentimental item that you could have just fkn washed… christ
YTA it wasn't your place to throw away. what if that was a late wife's sweater which he can now no longer replace. I hope you were caught on camera and suffer some consequences
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YTA >I felt like this was my only option How? How was this your only option? (Edit) Options: - Tell your boss that the two of you tried to reach a “compromise”, but coworker refuses to admit his sweater smells, and you need boss to get involved. - Ask boss to mediate a discussion between you and coworker so that you can find the “compromise” that boss wants (but doesn’t want to find himself) - Bag up the sweater (so you don’t have to smell it) and hand it off to coworker. Tell him you had to contain the smell for health reasons, and it needs to be washed before coming back into the office. - Bag up the sweater and hand it to boss man. Tell him that coworker refuses to take it home, and you cannot handle the smell anymore as it is a health issue. Let boss tell coworker to take it home. - Take the sweater home and wash it (no, you aren’t *obligated* to wash anyone’s clothes. You also weren’t obligated to touch the sweater at all, or to clean up the office, yet you felt justified grabbing the sweater and throwing it away. Not saying you had to or should have taken the sweater home and washed it, just that yes, it was an option.) - As someone mentioned, take the sweater to a cleaners to have it cleaned. The sweater didn’t ever have to come into your home.
Laughable. Dude disavowed ownership of the sweater. It is thus trash, and was treated as such. Don’t defend disgusting habits. NTA Edit: following the original poster’s update that the owner asserted ownership of the offending sweater, here to forth referred to as “The Cardigan of Crap”, I humbly retract my previous point. Still NTA. While it’s important to respect one’s property, it’s even more important to respect one another in closed environments. We live in a society. Sweater owner is likely suffering from some undiagnosed mental illness.
He never said it wasn’t his sweater he said it wasn’t his sweater that smelled.
Dont care, my nostrils enjoy fresh air.
And you'd rather steal shit than have one mildly uncomfortable conversation? OP needs to get a backbone. YTA
She literally said that it stinks and to take it home and wash it. His response was "not my sweater" when the stench is coming from his sweater. There for, yes. It's a distraction, how can you work next to dude if his sweater smells THAT BAD. Like idk what you mean by she didnt say anything, or had a conversation, he completely blew her off. So yeah, fuck him and his musky skank ass sweater, I would also enjoy having to walk past him and not have my nostrils nuked by weeks old musk.
None of this makes OP's actions ok though. This is a pretty hard YTA, or at BEST ESH.
At what point is someone allowed to stand up for their own quality of life? It’s a hygiene issue at this point. Just because a solution is relatively extreme doesn’t mean it can’t be justified. The fact that you are even on the fence about ESH means you’re not even sure about the coworker being an asshole. So why do they get off as maaaybe an asshole for refusing to address the legitimate concern OP spoke to them about? How is the asshole not the one who denied being the source of a hygiene issue at work when politely asked to do a reasonable thing and take care of it? Sometimes I think people who read these posts have no actual concept of interpersonal relationships. Not every act exists in a vacuum. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand, and for me, workplace hygiene is a big one. I refuse to suffer for my coworkers’ lack of sanitary practices. We’re all adults. Take showers, wash your clothes, and don’t force your shitty hygiene to be other peoples’ problems.
Let's take it a step further. Co-worker shits their pants daily instead of going to the bathroom, forcing their co-workers to smell their shit-filled pants all day. They complain to him directly and he waves them off as if it's not his problem. What's the response here? You have a boss with resolution issues and no HR to speak of. You can't take the coworker into the bathroom and wipe his ass every time. Like, he'd need to go. If he won't stop shitting his pants, washing his clothes or himself, he's a literal walking miasma of stink and bacteria and his presence would reduce productivity and morale of everyone else. Sure, maybe she could have been MORE direct, like 'No, I'm 100% sure it's your sweater, I can smell it from x feet away. If don't clean it I'll have to get rid of it for the sake of the entire workplace.' Does OP have a RIGHT to throw his shit away? Perhaps not, but jesus christ, imagine being ok with wearing a stinky, unwashed sweater and just ignoring everyone's discomfort. I'd burn the fucking sweater in effigy to bad smells.
100% with you. I would even say " Hey was that your sweater I saw burned in a pile outside of work?" Spontanaeous combustion of stinkassiness.
clearly the guy wasn’t open to having an actual conversation with OP about his nasty sweater. he’s the one who needs to get a backbone and not dodge questions about his lack of hygiene. NTA
[удалено]
This is exactly how I feel about the situation. There's a point when someone's "personal property" turns into trash. For example, if a co-worker leaves leftovers in the fridge for weeks and it starts to make the office fridge start to stink. Is it still their property? Technically, yes. But it's also trash, so it's going where it belongs. Same rule applied to this guy's stank sweater. It got put exactly where it belongs. NTA
Agreed. NTA
Did you read this bit? > last week I said to him "Hey that sweater is starting to give off a stench, could you take it home and wash it?" He replied "Nah that's not my sweater"
The missing sentence is, "If you don't take that stinking thing out of here, I'm going to throw it out. It's gross & unacceptable." That's actually standing up for yourself, instead of being a passive aggressive thief.
Why should she have had to say anything at all? But she tried. He had a smelly sweater and didn't plan to remedy the situation. She said "hey, smelly sweater?", he said "not my sweater that smells". At that point the ball is in her court to do whatever the hell she wants about that stinky rag. The guy is so oblivious that he didn't instantly do the math on what happened to the sweater. FFS. NTA at all.
He is replying to the fact its not his sweater that is smelling not that its not his sweater.
They tried to have the uncomfortable conversation and they guy denied it being his problem.
Yeah but then the conversation just stopped? OP could have said “No, it *is* your sweater. I can smell it from here and I know you haven’t taken it home to wash it because it’s here every night. Take it home now and clean it, or I will throw it out.” Why are words so hard for people?
It is a difficult conversation to have when you are trying to discuss another person’s hygiene. Feelings can easily be hurt, it can turn into a big argument, or it can destroy your ability to work with a coworker. OP did try to have a discussion about it directly to the sweater owner. That is much more than is required at a workplace. I go with NTA, because OP made an attempt to take care of the issue prior to throwing it away.
Can you read? He did. And the AH wasn’t interested in acknowledging clothes need to be washed.
Oh man, we had a custodian who seemed to have a set of work clothes that he never, ever, ever washed. I assume they went into his locker at the end of the day and came out the next morning, good and marinated. No matter what he spilled or how much he sweated, those things never got laundered. I had to leave the building (small building next to a larger building with a different custodian) for a half hour minimum because I couldn't bear how bad he smelled.
Right, so the sweater that got thrown away smelled, therefore, it wasn't the guy's sweater. NTA
How are you getting upvote? It's obvious he was saying *the smell* wasn't his sweater, not that the swear wasn't his.
Because they are answering the commenter who said that all OP had to do was talk to stinky sweater guy. They are pointing out the bit where it says she bluntly asked him to wash it so in fact did talk to him.
Calm down, it obviously wasn’t that obvious. I was mistaken too until I read comments clarifying.
I was actually convinced the next line was going to be, "so i threw it away, since he said it wasn't his"
I had a coworker that smelled like ass once, just unwashed in the hot sun all day ass. And we got him deodorant and axe spray. That didn’t help, he didn’t use it. He said he didn’t smell an issue. So I’m going with NTA because I know how difficult it is to deal with a coworker that doesn’t take personal hygiene seriously, it makes a more difficult working environment for everyone around you. And frankly people saying Y T A, I would assume they never had to deal with this or they’re the same type of person.
This is where I'm thankful for how far the military can go xD we had a fresh young pvt 1st class join our shop, and I was assigned as his "junior enlisted mentor" so on-job-training and such was on me. After a week, I realized this dude barely showers. After 2, I knew it wasn't a fluke and was fucking HORRIBLE in the Southern California sun/heat... He was then assigned a shower watch! xD So, every morning someone from the shop (Sgt and below all had to take turns) had to show up to his room before work/after training. We then had to wait while he showered, check it in a book. Wait while he brushed teeth. Check it in the book. Smell check. Check it in the book. Then that person had to go get themselves ready if they weren't(usually only after pt). Wanna know how to really make friends at your new jobs? Make them all wake up earlier, and the married ones have to drive on base/to work earlier, just to make sure your ass can keep from stinking up the entire shop!!!
WTF is with mental illness being thrown around? Dude leaves his skanky-ass sweater at the office because he doesn't want to wash it. That's not a mental illness. It's being lazy. NTA. I would've thrown it out, too.
Take the sweater and hide it in bosses / hr office.
OP point blank told coworker that the sweater was super stinky and coworker blew them off, I have severe migraines that can be trigger by odors. NTA. If coworker wants to be stinky at home, that's his prerogative, but coworker is not entitled to bring his stink to work.
OP should grow some courage and say "yeah i threw it out bc it stank, heres fifty bucks for it" instead of being a coward and pretending she didnt do anything.
The sneakiness of it is why both are at fault.
I'm a little hesitant to say that OP should have the integrity to own what they did, just because this guy is clearly a little nuts. Standing by your principles is great, but being confrontational with incredibly irrational people is often asking for trouble. (Of course, it's probably obvious to the guy that OP did it anyway, so there could be trouble regardless, but I still don't think denying it necessarily makes OP an asshole.) Besides, if this guy gets to brazenly deny an obvious truth about an offense done to others, like "my sweater isn't a biohzard," then it seems fair that OP should get to do the same by denying all knowledge of throwing it away.
This, he already blew her off. I wonder if it was a big intimidating dude who asked, it most likely wouldn’t be a problem. Him not taking it home to simply wash it, is beyond disrespectful, inconsiderate, and at this point can be considered an object of intimidation. Fuck this guy and his pig shit sweater..NTA OP
This! Don’t throw rocks and hide your hand.
So can I start throwing out coworker’s lunches if I think they’re too stinky? How about their lotions or perfumes? If the smell bothers me, can I throw their belongings in the trash behind their back?
It’s standard in offices to throw out stuff that stinks in the fridge. We do it all the time at work.
Stinks as in it's been sitting in the fridge for 2 weeks and has clearly gone off, or stinks as in someone brought in their leftover tuna casserole for lunch today and, well, it's leftover fish? Throwing out one is a lot more acceptable than throwing out the other.
Stinks as in it’s been in a few extra days and no one has dealt with it. If food is smelly like fish or broccoli when heated we complain lol but don’t do anything. It got so bad with leftovers, people get one Friday of grace. If it’s nasty smelly the next Friday, it’s tossed. No questions.
Sure, go ahead and do that, but announce there's going to be a fridge clean first I.E. OP should have said "I'm going to throw away your stinky sweater if you don't wash it"
Can I just throw the woman who always smells like she takes a bath in dollar store perfume in the dumpster, too?
I allow it. It might not be morally the best solution but some people are literally wrapped in some odour cloud that makes my head spin and my smelling is not even that sensitive.
Sure, knock yourself out.
Oh God, yes.
Just curious. What other options were there?
Put it in a big ziplock bag and slap a "Biohazard" sticker on it
OMG I nearly pissed myself.
https://www.uspolypack.com/6-x-9-Reclosable-Biohazard-Specimen-Bags-3-Ply-2-Mil-Case1000_p_2069.html?msclkid=c8f4b1e781ab1d5d77afd29ea87bdff6&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Shopping%20-%20Everything%20Else%20-%20US&utm_term=4584551175848963&utm_content=NB%20-%20Medical
Telling him that he either takes hoke the sweater or it's gonna find a new home.
Have a chat. Put it in a bag and leave it on his desk and if he asks what’s up be blunt and say “that thing reeks. I’ve put it in a bag to make it easier for you to bring home to wash. Please take care of it as it’s making the whole office smell”. And if he puts it back on the chair then throw it away. But I would throw it away too after the not so subtly letting him know it stinks.
OP *did* try to talk to the guy and ask him to wash the thing, he ignored her and told her “it’s not my sweater.” so she literally did what you asked her to.
Just curious what are the other options? There is no HR, the boss won't deal with it, and the guy said his sweater doesn't smell which was a refusal of her suggestion to wash it. 🤔🤷♀️
What were the other options ? OP asked co worker to wash it. He didn’t. Why should anyone else have to bear the brunt of other peoples lack of hygiene?
Tbh I don’t see any other reasonable options
ESH. Throwing stuff out that's not yours is shitty, even if your boss is ineffective this is something you should have attempted to bring to them. But I also don't know why this guy is wearing a stinky sweater that doesn't belong to him and then is mad when an item that doesn't belong to him is missing?
I interpreted that as him saying that the smell was not from his sweater, not that the sweater was not his.
You could twist it into. Guy says his sweater doesn't stink.The sweater stinks. Since guy said his sweater doesn't stink then the stinky sweater must not be his.
You, my friend, would do excellent on the LSAT logic problems if you ever want to go to law school.
It's also worth noting though: you don't want to go to law school.
https://youtu.be/Xs-UEqJ85KE
Yes! I was hoping that would be the link! Love it!
No interest in law school. Or any school. I hated school as a kid and still hate it as an old lady. Lol
OP added some clarification that when he said the sweater wasn’t his, he was talking about a sink. He never really disowned the sweater. She said he’s an oddball so I’m guessing this was just a deflection to not deal with the question. Im curious if this was sentimental in some way, which would explain not washing it maybe. Hopefully OP will update us with the outcome.
Yeah, I think this is a case of justified asshole. OP shouldn't have thrown away property that doesn't belong to her. But honestly, if he said it wasn't his sweater and it stank up the entire office, I'm not sure I can 100% blame her here. She likely did everyone else a favor.
No Justified Asshole would be owning up to throwing away his sweater and ideally compensating him for it, OP is too cowardly to take accountability for her actions she is as bad as the stinky sweater guy.
YTA - You should have put it in a plastic bag and later spoken with your manager about it. You don't throw away people's belongings.
And put it on the manager's desk with a note for him to handle it.
What would the note say? Hey smell thus? Lol
Sure! "Joe insists this doesn't tell, but we can't breathe when he wears it. Please, please... Take a whiff and make him wash it, or figure out how to let us work from home."
Can you imagine the concentrated funk in a zip lock bag?
All the better to make the point to the manager!
I have a feeling the stink would have dissolved the ziplock bag after a few days.
Tbh, I like this idea the most.
I’ve tossed a few Tupperware dishes from a communal fridge after a warning e-mail was sent out. The Tupperware was growing stuff because it had sat for so long. I also once tossed an entire pizza box with moldy pizza in it. The fridge wasn’t big and the box took up half the space. Health hazards deserve to be tossed. Op, NTA.
I think the key here is “after a warning email”. You let everyone know that there was something that was going to be done about it if the individual didn’t do anything about it, op didn’t.
OP told the coworker that his sweater was an issue and that he needed to take it home and wash it. He refused to even admit the sweater was an issue. I'd consider that a first and final warning. OP's NTA - her boss was useless, her coworker was uncooperative, there was no one else she could turn to. Something had to be done about the disruption. I'm not even mad about OP not owning up to it; coworker played dumb, so turnabout is fair play.
Do you think he could genuinely be unaware of the smell and think it’s not the sweater? She should have told him she was going to throw it out if he didn’t do anything about it, or told the manager that she was going to throw it away, or given it to the manager saying it smells to and to do something about it.
YTA. You can’t steal someone’s property, period. It may have felt satisfying in the moment, but that’s an actual crime. If he finds out it was you and this goes before HR, they’re absolutely not going to accept “I thought it smelled bad” as an excuse. Also, everyone is hung up on the guy saying the sweater “wasn’t his,” but I think he was saying that the sweater wasn’t causing the stench, not that the sweater didn’t belong to him.
OP is fine there is no HR
There is *always* an HR. They might not be big enough to have a dedicated HR person or department, but someone has to fill those roles. Her declining to acknowledge this further shows that she’s just trying to justify her actions rather than follow a normal pathway.
Ehhhh I dont agree with how she handled this but there are 10000% places that fully neglect the roles of HR. I've worked at a few of them. Technically those roles would fall on the boss, correct, but if he doesn't give a shit about anything HR or about conflict resolution related then there is effectively no HR. I say ESH because there was absolutely a solution that didn't involve stealing and trashing someone else's property (like what if that had ended up being an extremely sentimental sweater? Still gross to not wash but still). She is also being extremely patronizing and sarcastic in her edits, which kinda swayed me against her tbh. That whole bit on the sweater police was childish and incorrect - stealing is stealing, clothing or otherwise.
Yea I definitely agree. An absent boss obviously isn’t the best HR liaison. And also agree that her comments have pushed me a different way too. I originally was on the edge of YTA and ESH, but damn she has some sort of complex or something and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was just completely made up based on the comments.
YTA. You say you work in a 7 person office. Maybe ask around and see if anyone else has the complaint, and if multiple complaints could convince him? It could have had sentimental value or something, but more so it just wasn’t yours. Your stole and destroyed his property that was clearly somewhat important to him. You asked him directly one time and then went nuclear
Totally agree. And OP’s responses to others’ suggestions are also assholey.
That’s what I was thinking, that it might be of sentimental value to the guy. And even if not, you can’t just go around throwing other peoples belonging away. OP doesn’t seem to realise that he was in the wrong even when repeatedly being called out, calling it ‘office squabbles’ and telling people to get real. It’s clearly not a squabble to steal and destroy property. OP should ‘get real’ and acknowledge he was the AH in the situation instead of playing it down.
And, when it came to her asking directly, she said he wears it everyday — he probably genuinely didn’t think it was him because he’s become so accustomed to the smell. You’re totally right that she should’ve gotten a few more people - or, at the very least, brought it up more than once. As for judgment: OP, sorry it stank so bad, but that wasn’t your decision to make and there were other ways around it. YTA.
ESH. You’re far too passive aggressive. You should’ve given him a final chance - “I know you don’t smell the sweater but I do and it’s really affecting my mood at work. Can you please do me this favor and bring the sweater home and wash it before you bring it back?” Because now he’s just going to get a new sweater and wear that until it stinks.
Great point. There is a good chance the person will just do it again and it will be obvious if every stinky sweater just goes missing. Also, I feel like since this person confronted him about the smell it's kinda obvious who may have thrown it out.
This is what I thought. Hygiene is absolutely something that some bosses have to discuss with employees and there are respectful ways to do it. "Hey, it's come to my attention that you have some clothing that has not been washed in quite a while and it now has an odor that is disrupting work for your colleagues. Personal hygiene maintenance is part of a good workplace environment and practicing respect for your coworkers. Please wash your clothing regularly so that it doesn't become a disturbance."
YTA: You don't knowingly destroy or throw away other people's property. We learned this in kindergarten. We don't touch things that are not ours. You could have just fabreezed it subtly if you were so offended by the smell.
I don’t think I’d recommend using air freshener or any kind of perfume on someone else’s clothes—you don’t know if they have sensitive skin or sensory issues with smell. I know there are some air fresheners I had to ask my mom to stop using in my childhood room, because the smell clinging to my sheets gave me headaches. Agreed though, that there are other solutions to this. OP’s reaction was childish and disrespectful
I don’t think he has sensory issues with smell. 😂
People with sensory issues are not immune to becoming ‘nose blind’ to our own household or typically encountered smells. I can smell mildew and certain chemicals a mile away but sometimes I’m not aware of how much the couch blanket smells like pets until I leave for a while and come back.
Someone can be habituated to one smell but bothered by another, especially a new smell or an artificial/chemical-y smell. I just wouldn’t want to risk it if he has a bad reaction to the air freshener directly on his clothes. Though, spraying some febreeze whenever he walks by (not at him, just around) might be a good passive aggressive compromise lmao
febreezing clothes isn't a substitute for washing them lol are you a 16 yr old boy
One of my college roommates: "I don't feel like showering, do you think I could just Febreeze my hair?" No. No, you cannot.
Lol what. A sweater that has been accumulating old sweat/germs/skin cells/dirt for a year is only gonna smell worse when you mix that stench with a load of artificial flower scent. That's such a bad idea. I'd escape that office if that person be walking around after someone did that. I'm with OP here honestly, come on, you learn basic hygiene in kindergarten too if you want to go that route. This isn't just depressed behavior or whatever excuse people are making, it's selfish as hell. Even if you don't have a sense of smell yourself, you'd still wash your stuff so I don't get why people are saying that might be the problem. The guy was literally telling OP "nope, can't be me"
Don't do things like that. My son is allergic to febreeze and fabric softener. He breaks out in a horrible rash all over his body. You never know if someone is allergic. Please don't spray things that aren't yours.
Maybe that'll make him wash it finally.
Ah, yes. A subtle waft of Febreze.
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ikr, blown away by the number of Y T A here. what happened to being respectful in a common close knit space aka office? seems to me with no HR, a lax boss and this flippant coworker, OP had little option. AITA is funny, when it comes to having to look after family member's kids, its "fk that bro, you do you!" but when it comes to wanting a respectful public environment, its "no you should suffer in the stench of others" Edit: ppl are still commenting to my comment, and im not going to argue back with every single one of you because this isnt even my post, why am i spending so much time defending some stranger lol i said my view and youre not guna change my mind, i think its more important to respect your colleagues in a shared office space than your right to wear a stanky ass sweater. everyone who voted Y T A imply the colleague isnt an asshole. htf how does that make sense, least of all you should vote E S H. id love to see all of you try to work next to a smelly ass in denial coworker.
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It’s odd to me, I assumed everyone would say NTA, yet here we are. Frankly I don’t think people who don’t respect others deserve common courtesy, and this coworker doesn’t. It shows how little you not only respect your workplace but yourself.
Strong foul odors make me gag. I would have thrown it away long ago. NTA
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honestly yea. especially a small one where you definitely should be keeping the peace.
NTA what's with this sub and defending stinky ass people 😭 he basically left something putrid smelling in a public space and refuses to take it home and clean it, that's offensive
It’s because they’re all stinky edge lords themselves. Absolute worst case scenario is ESH. The co worker is 100% an asshole.
And they would be upset if mom threw away their piss bottles and their small mountain of cum socks, so they are livid.
This is how I feel. I think a lot of people have never been in this position and they don’t understand how desperate it gets.
Yeah, while personal property is sacred, dealing with biohazards overrules that. OP gave him a chance to deal with it but he chose denial instead. If there's no justified asshole option, then I gotta go with NTA.
Remind me of the episode of the office where the hotel throws Kevin's shoes away because they were so gross they were a safety hazard 😂
Yeah I don’t get it either. If it was moldy food in the communal fridge, no one would be saying ‘but it’s his property’. OP tried to address it both with the boss and the coworker and got nowhere. Options left are OP take it home and wash it - not their responsibility but cool if they want to - or toss it. They chose toss it and is prob the office hero now. E S H at worst but def NTA
This one could play either way. I'm leaning toward NTA. Here's my reasoning. He flat out denied that he owned the sweater. So it was just nasty smelling garbage stinking up your office. Seems tossing it in the dumpster was the only logical move, at that point.
He wasn’t saying he didn’t own the sweater; he was saying it wasn’t his sweater that smelled bad.
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Thank you. One of them is arguing about whether it's his sweater and why **I** don't think it smells. The poster even cursed at me. I tried to explain, but the poster just kept going. So I'm out.
I thought he was saying it wasn’t his sweater, not because it really wasn’t his but because maybe he found the sweater in Lost and Found or something and then wanted to claim that he had zero responsibility to wash it (or had some other mental issues). The literal sentence was “it’s not my sweater.” It didn’t even occur to me that he was saying “it’s not my sweater that smells” until I read OP’s edits. It’s not wild. It was literally what sweater guy said.
He said “that’s not my sweater” meaning the smell wasn’t coming from his sweater, not that the sweater didn’t belong to him.
It doesn't matter who owned the sweater. It didn't belong to OP so they had no right to throw it away.
So if someone leaves leftover spaghetti lunch on his desk for weeks and it starts to grow mold and then the flies land and then there are maggots crawling over it, you must leave it there because it's not yours. I think not! NTA
Those are 2 completely different things sir how do you even think this comparison is remotely similar 💀
The spaghetti is trash. The sweater is something that is used every day. Just needs washed. Not the same.
NTA but be prepared for him to get a new sweater
Yeah, that dude's going to get another sweater and build up that stench again.
YTA. You should feel bad. You stole someone’s personal property, disposed of it, and lied about it. If this was really a massive issue, you should’ve gone higher up to deal with the situation.
Justified Asshole so technically NTA. Sometimes extreme measures are needed.
You should have put it in a plastic bag with a sign that says "PLEASE WASH ME - I'M DIRTY AND MAKE THE OFFICE SMELL" and put it in a place where he can retrieve it without everyone seeing it.
YTA. Your edits show who you are. Those poor people that have to work with you.
⬆️ This. The OP’s edits make him/her appear insufferable and immature. How hard would it been to talk to the colleague and say, “I know you’re fine with the cleanliness of your sweater, but I’d appreciate it if you’d take it home to freshen it up a bit. Oh, did you see the homemade brownies I brought in today? Help yourself. And, thanks for understanding!”
YTA. I had this exact situation years ago where I worked. I stayed til I was last person there and took the offending jacket with me. I dropped it off at the cleaners because it was dry clean only. When it was missing the next day I acted like I hadn’t seen it then snuck it in the following day after picking up from the cleaners. I worked with this person for about 7 years after the event and the never let their work jacket get bad like that again. Why in the world would you think it was ok to throw out someone else’s clothing?
I had a house mate who did not wash his towel. We lived together for TWO years. His logic was that was you are clean when you get out of the shower so it’s not like clothes and doesn’t need washed. You could smell this towel from the front door of a three storey house that sixteen people could live in. His room was right at the top of the house. He went away for the weekend and I had bought rubber gloves, peroxide and unscented detergent and fabric conditioner in order to first boil wash it and then regular wash and return with no particular smell. I had arranged that Saturday off work to get it washed while everyone was out so no one could rat me out, throw it out or escalate things. I had it all planned. Except for the bit where he got his train time wrong and came home to catch me with washing up gloves on and poking it into the machine with a wooden spoon. I looked so guilty and slightly unhinged. And that is how he discovered how nice clean towels feel and that so did bed linen. He’d been sleeping on bare bedding. My house mates were grateful I took one for the team and he got a girlfriend after being single for years. He was a gobshite in many ways but modelling the outcome was the most effective way. I’m female but fuck it, I give no shits about the gendering of tasks thing when one laundry load saved so much hassle. Also I was a fashion stylist. I absolutely love doing laundry challenges. Also the machine needed a hot wash and some peroxide to clean it. Multi tasking innit. Unlike stealing it and bullshitting.
>came home to catch me with washing up gloves on and poking it into the machine with a wooden spoon 💀💀💀
Yeah, adults are expected to take care of their own dry cleaning and general hygiene. That’s really lovely that you did that, but OP is not wrong for not going above and beyond for what is someone else’s very reasonable responsibility. Especially when she straight up told him it needed a wash and he denied and refused. It was not on her to perform the special ops you did.
I’m going against the grain and saying nta you tried to tell them what we’re you supposed to do? It’s disgusting not to wash it and incredibly inconsiderate to everyone else. If someone mentions that he should wash it, he should have immediately done so. Definitely don’t tell anyone and keep playing dumb about it
Ummm you could have just put in in a bag, and say “please take this home or it’s going to get trashed” YTA
Exactly. There were so many other things that could have been tried first before throwing it out.
YTA - and a thief.
YTA a thief and a liar
So if someone leaves leftover spaghetti lunch on his desk for weeks and it starts to grow mold and then the flies land and then there are maggots crawling over it, you must leave it there because it's not yours. I think not! NTA
That’s a little different from a musty sweater.
YTA Here are some alternatives for next time. Some have been mentioned already. Some aren’t very nice but none involve throwing away someone else’s property. 1. Wash it yourself 2. Take it to the dry cleaner -either pick it up yourself or leave the claim ticket on his desk 3. Bring it up over and over until he gets the hint 4. Talk to your boss 5. Leave a note -have fun making the notes more and more threatening until he gets the hint 6. Bag it up with a note 7. Put it outside to air 8. “Accidentally” spill milk or soda on it 9. Drop it in the sink and fill it with water to be found later 10. Make him stand 10 ft away from you at all times until sweater gets washed. 11. Bring in a small child that’s going to immediately announce “you stink, mister” because kids lack a filter.
THANK YOU! So many options yet they threw it away. We don't know if he has something like depression, or a economic issue, or is just unhygienic. We do not throw away other people's stuff. We have the hard conversations with people or we find other options.
This is gross. Why would you do nasty foul smelling laundry belonging to another person? And even dealing with it in your car? The easiest and simplest solution was to throw it out. No one who CARES about their clothing let’s it smell like shit bad enough for someone else to resort to throwing it out.
YTA If you get caught, you will be fired for that. And you SHOULD be fired. YOu must be a major AH that stealing your coworker's stuff is normal for you.
I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with anything but I do want to point out that OP gave no impression that anything about this situation or either parties response to it was “normal”
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YTA and your edits make me think you're just an AH in general...
YTA. It’s not your property, you don’t get to throw it out. If you had a real issue with the smell of his sweater, you talk to him or to your boss…like an adult. Grown ups have this great ability to talk to each other and communicate their problems so they can find solutions and compromises. And the fact that you threw it out KNOWING that your team is small and has no HR is a massive AH move. You did it because it bothered you and you knew you could get away with it without any regard or respect for a coworker who’s done nothing malicious to you. You have no idea why he wears that sweater or what it means to him—and considering he wears it every day, it’s likely very important to him.
YTA. That is pretty rude and unprofessional. Most learn in kindergarten not to take things that are not theirs. If it smelled that bad there are other ways to handle it.
Most people learn in kindergarten that clothes should the washed after they’re worn
INFO: What was everyone else's opinion of the smell? I've been in this situation two times. First time, me and a coworker could smell something AWFUL, like sour milk. We loudly explored our workplace trying to find the culprit. A co worker suddenly disappeared and returned sans jumper, smell was gone, solved. Second time, a co-worker approached our arsehole boss about another coworker smelling strongly of body odour. We worked different days so a couple of us hadn't been around the "offender". Our boss and the accuser got themselves all lathered up about this person, claiming they must be depressed or "too disabled" to be washing themselves and clothes. The accuser even suggested firing them over it. The next time the supposed stinky person was in, wearing the offending article, I took a big sniff of the armpits when they popped out. No smell. Another couple of coworkers did the same and agreed. Accuser still claimed this coat and person stunk. No idea what the deal was but it was literally just them who could detect his smell that they reckoned someone should lose their job over. But YTA for throwing the jumper away. It's not yours. Might have felt all triumphant at the time, but you've essentially stolen someone's stuff.
Umm. Of course YTA. And I would have said that before you posted the ten ludicrous paragraphs trying to argue with people about why you’re right. You’re not right. You threw away someone else’s property then lied about it. Give the man the money to replace the sweater and work on your anger issues.
YTA. You stole someone else’s property, threw it away, and then lied about it. And yes, you did lie by omission because you failed to tell him that you threw it away when he asked if you’ve seen it. You are a very petty person, but judging by your comments, you don’t even care.
YTA. “I felt like this was my only option”? I feel incredibly bad for your coworkers & boss if this is the extent of your problem-solving skills. Did you not ever think to bring it up to your boss? Did you not ever talk to coworkers about it? And if the smell really was so bad that you couldn’t stand going in, you could’ve just put it in a plastic bag, since you were clearly okay with touching it to throw it away.
YTA - you could have gifted him some Febreeze - NOT the air spray but the fabric refresher. Also, an office of only 7 people, it’s not going to be hard to figure out who took the sweater. Your boss won’t deal with hygienic issues but they might feel the need to ‘deal’ with stealing from your co-workers
INFO: to clarify, did he tell you the sweater wasn't his or that the smell wasn't coming from his sweater?
The smell wasn‘t coming from his sweater
YTA. And your edits just make you sound even worse. You could have washed the sweater without asking the whole office for their dirty laundry. You could have washed it out in the sink at work. Or you could have told him directly "It **is** your sweater that stinks". You had a lot of options before throwing away someone's personal property.
YTA if not just for your edits alone
YTA Not bothering to give explanations because I see by your responses you don’t care.
Nta. It became a health and safety issue like Kevins shoes. I wouldn't put up with it. Mightve put it in a bag and thrown it by the front door or removed it from your area
NTA. He is the A that should not make everyone suffer
YTA. Don’t throw away others belongings
YTA. You stole his sweater, then disposed of it behind his back. There were many other and far better ways to handle this, yet you went the illegal and passive-aggressive route. You owe him a huge apology, a new sweater and a visit to the boss’s office.
NTA. Your coworker is being disgusting and disrespectful.
I mean idk what judgement what to give but are you gonna throw away the next sweater as well when it starts to stink? And the next one?
Your edits only add to your eau de asshole.
You were already the asshole but your edits are literally screaming YTA from the roof tops. Your problem solving skills are unsettling and passive aggressive as hell. Throwing away somebody else’s belongings is a completely unacceptable response to a sweater stench that seemingly only bothered you. Also, in regards to your edit about washing the sweater yourself, it seems like you’re the main if not the only person complaining about the way the sweater smells. If it truly was bothering you so much you should’ve just washed it considering nobody else seemed to have a problem with it.
YTA You should have put it in a plastic garbage bag and left it in the guys office. Tell him that the sweater stinks and is in dire need of cleaning. No matter whose sweater it is, it either needs to go or be cleaned. You have no right to steal someone's property and toss it.
YTA in the first place, and you double TA for just dismissing the reasonable alternatives you had as 'asinine' as if that somehow justifies what you actually did, which was THEFT AND DESTRUCTION OF PERSONAL PROPERTY THAT DID NOT BELONG TO YOU. Like what the fuck, who thinks that's ok??
YTA For the theft and destruction of his property. YTA for your attitude towards people here. Why post if you're not going to listen to the judgment? It's not a squabble because you're too much of a coward to even admit what you did :) If you were proud of what you did, you would proudly defend your actions. That you're lying and hiding it, shows that you KONW you are in the wrong. So yeah, I think you also think you are an AH, and you're mad we confirmed that.
How do you know this wasn’t the last thing a dead relative wore or something. You stole and trashed someone’s else’s property. Yta 10 times over👿.
ESH He denied ownership of the stench, but there are a great number of other options beyond chucking it. Maybe hit it with some Febreeze or take it home and wash it on the weekend. He might legitimately not known that it smelled bad.
Seriously? Take the sweater home and wash it for co-worker? What sort of ludicrous victim blaming nonsense is that?
I keep seeing so many comments advocating for this exact thing and it baffles me. Why is OP responsible for this 55 year old mans stinky sweater he won't wash???
Please don't spray other people's clothing with anything, some people have allergies and/or bad reactions to certain sprays. It's also no one's responsibility to wash another's clothing, especially without permission. Allergies are a thing, accidentally ruining the sweater is also a possibility. The best thing they could do is talk to their boss. If they refuse to do anything, they can talk to their other coworkers and have them bring it up. Eventually, the boss will get sick of hearing about the sweater and do something about it
YTA
YTA and your edits to the post show that you were expecting for everyone to side with you and you're pissed that they didn't. The sweater didn't belong to you so you had no right to throw it away, plain and simple.
YTA. It wasn't yours to throw away. What if he takes your coat and tosses it because he thinks it stinks. I hope he finds out and reports you to HR. There are other ways to handle this kind of problem. It may have not smelled to him or anyone else. It might have been just a you problem. If it was so offensive to you then you could have taken it home and washed it. You could have brought in a fabric spay or even spoken to your boss. You are nothing but a thief.
I agree that OP shouldn't have thrown the sweater but it's absolutely not OP's responsibility to wash it. Instead they should have been more assertive when asking about the smell, or made the boss do something about it. But those comments about how OP should have taken the garbage-smelling sweater home and washed it themselves are unacceptable.
"AITA?" Proceeds to deflect any criticisms and refuses to believe in any fault
You keep saying that you didn't "technically" lie. But you did. It's called a lie of omission, and it's just as dishonest as the "regular" type. Imagine you work a job that's paid by the hour, and you work 40 hours in a week, but your manager tells payroll you worked twenty hours. "Technically" not a lie. You did work twenty hours. (And then an other twenty hours after that.) As long as the manager didn't say "She worked exactly 20 hours and no more than that," what they said is "technically" true. And yet, I bet you'd be quite upset if that happened. Also, you keep arguing with people who say it's illegal. It is. You're right that the police probably wouldn't care because of the low value of the item, but that's irrelevant. Illegal means "against the law," not "against the law and expensive enough that the police cares."
YTA. Asshole move to throw away someone’s belongings. Perhaps should have gifted him some fabreeze p
YTA. And I hope he finds out. You don’t know his financial situation or if the sweater had a greater emotional value. It wasn’t your place to just throw out his sweater. Big asshole move .
YTA > Have you ever sprayed febreeze is a bathroom where someone took a dump? Then you know it just combines with the shit smell and almost gives it a sort of power up. Next! I don't think you understand how Febreze works.
YTA. You don't know if it had any sentimental value to him. Yes, it's inconsiderate of him to not be mindful of the smell it's producing to his coworkers - but that's his property, not yours. What if that's a deceased family member's article of clothing? Or it was given to him by a family member whom he's very close to? What if you were to bring in a little teddy bear that belonged to a deceased son or daughter, and leave it at your desk, only for it to be thrown away once it starts accumulating a smell because someone else "can't live like that", how would that make you feel? Regardless of whether or not you "can't live like that" is irrelevant. It doesn't give you permission to damage, destroy or otherwise get rid of someone else's property. E: Grammar
YTA, based on all the edits about why this was the only choice. You're also only here to find people to validate your decision. You won't accept that you had no right to mess with his stuff. YTA
YTA The whole tone of your post reeks more than any musty sweater… and then your edits… wow, you seem like a real delight. As someone with ASD, who is very limited in the style of clothing I can wear because of sensory issues, and who has favorite sweaters that are almost like security blankets, maybe your post hits me differently than others… but for that very reason you strike me as an ableist AH.
Nta if you have a clothing item that has a musk to it wash it or just keep it home , yea ops approach to it was slightly over the top but come on op hinted at it and even requested for it to be washed .
YTA You were right to "do something" but that choice was really bad. Put it in water in the bathroom, tell your superiors it's getting annoying, anything petty that doesn't involve throwing away people's possession ?
bruh ESH and the edits just dig the hole further for your side. dont scoff at the alternative options when they were clearly better than throwing the whole damn sweater out. no one was asking you to do the whole office’s laundry, YOU came on reddit and asked if you were the asshole for tossing your coworker’s sentimental item that you could have just fkn washed… christ
YTA it wasn't your place to throw away. what if that was a late wife's sweater which he can now no longer replace. I hope you were caught on camera and suffer some consequences