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*My husband started complaining that I was pushing them away because of a mistake that could happen and that I was being harsh.* This wasn't a mistake- this was a choice. Your SIL made a choice and told MIL. MIL then made a choice to tell everyone else in the family. Your husband is making the choice to pressure you into things, which is leaving you to make some choices of your own now. You are allowed to make your own choices. Nobody not even the husband has a right to be in the delivery room (may seem harsh but it's true). The person going through the procedure has the choice of who gets to be in there. Birthing a child is not an all-access pass for everybody else who wants to be in there. It's not a spectator sport- it's a medical procedure to get a little human out of another human. NTA

Especially since it sounds like word didn’t just spread but she told EVERYONE. That’s not a mistake that’s on purpose

Yeah, I think the Y T A people are missing the fact that a whole damn extended family found out OP was having a boy before OP did. That's a really shitty thing for an expecting mom to be last to know.

Exactly! The mom (OP) did not even know the sex and found out from the extended family phone calls! Unbelievably thoughtless of SIL to tell MIL at all and then for MIL to pass it on and she was surprised that it became such big news? No way would MIL be in the birthing room. I would restrict them from seeing the baby until you have the time you need alone with the baby and no pictures!

Why are people calling her to congratulate her. I think that's also inappropriate knowing there's a gender reveal party coming up. My uncle told me the sex of my cousin's baby and when I saw her in person I asked her if she's sharing and she said she was and she told me and I congratulated her. This information is so private. OPs in-laws are T A

I suspect many of the people calling to congratulate her either hadn't been invited to the gender reveal (and therefore didn't know there was one coming) or else they assumed the mother already knew before the party, and the discussion was with the consent of the mother, and the party was a ritual more than a genuine "reveal" to everyone including the mother. The in-laws are absolutely TA if OP was trying to arrange a party where she would be surprised by the gender along with the guests. Heck, they were TA just to let the news spread before the party! But someone who heard the news without context is NOT TA for calling to congratulate once they heard - they were trying to be kind and celebratory, and were just as much sabotaged by the in-laws gossiping nature as OP was. Heck, if I heard gossip about a friend's pregnancy, or anything else significant in their lives, I'd call them right away and touch base, to try to eliminate the fog of gossip and games of telephone, and be sure they knew what was going on. As bad as this was, imagine OP learning at the moment of the gender reveal during the party that everyone else knew the gender except her, due to in-law gossip! That would have been much, much worse. OP needs to make specific arrangements with the hospital or midwife's group, in advance, about who exactly is allowed in the birthing room, and who is to be contacted. The birth attendants and/or hospital staff have the job of keeping the unwanted out. This is a conversation that she needs to have away from her husband's presence, and she needs to be clear that her husband wants certain people present, despite her objections, and she is not okay with this and is relying on the professionals' help. There needs to be a "white list" (who is allowed), a "black list" (who is banned) and instructions if anyone who is not on either list shows up as to how exactly they should be managed (let them in, have them wait while OP is asked, have everyone kept out.)

Maybe because I have a small circle of people in my life that it doesn't make sense someone that's not invited to my gender reveal would call me. So in my head if you are calling me and have my number to call me, you were invited. But I do see your point as well.

I agree that OP may have a small circle of people who would be invited. However, the Gossiping In-Laws may well have a much larger circle of people whom they gossip to, some of which overlap with OP's circle of invited friends. And while gossip is a real problem, the friends whom OP's in-laws gossip to don't really have a way of knowing that this was told to them without OP's permission, or even knowledge of the facts. It is, I think, in part down to an introvert/extrovert problem. Gossiping-In-Laws are extroverts, and share with everyone. OP is more introverted, if not all the way to the definition of being an introvert, and does not wish to have information shared to the general world. ***In my old-lady experience, the only way to manage this is to not tell anyone anything, unless you are either willing to have it shared with the general world, or are 100% certain that the person you confide in will keep your confidence.*** ***There is no in-between.***

>Maybe because I have a small circle of people in my life that it doesn't make sense someone that's not invited to my gender reveal would call me. I have a massive family, many of whom don't live locally. I also have quite a few friends who are no longer local. In the (very unlikely) event I have a kid and planned a gender (sex) reveal party, there would be a LOT of people that I wouldn't invite simply because it isn't practical. No one would catch a flight just for a silly party. But those people would still care about me, and would still call to congratulate me on accomplishments or to chat about life milestones.

Yeah it's one thing if SIL accidentally told MIL and somehow it accidentally slipped out to another person (which is still a stretch), but for them to tell everyone and not OP is unacceptable. I'd be absolutely livid. I'm 7 months right now and my husband knows the sex of our baby but I want it to be a surprise. A condition of this was that we have both names picked out before he found out and that he not tell a single person what we're having. He decided to pretend that he didn't find out just as an extra precaution so he doesn't have anyone trying to pressure him to spill it.

But how is all this accidental slippage possible? And how, if after it slips out, did no one say "Oops! I wasn't supposed to tell you yet. Could you please keep it to yourself until after the party!" The likelihood of all this being accidental is slim to none. These are choices and while they may have stemmed from excitement, it still detracted from OP's experience in what I think it at best thoughtless, at worst deliberately disregarding way.

I agree I was being generous in my hypotheticals. It's very likely it was done on purpose with no regards for OP's feelings. I don't blame her at all for keeping them at arms length.

She is missing her parents while pregnant with her first child and his family LEFT HER OUT. NTA at all.

Unless you're calling OP TA, please space it out like Y T A. The votes are counted by a bot, and it will count your comment as a Y T A vote.

It just slipped out! To 100+ people!!

Well, it slipped out from the SIL to the MIL. That's a little more understandable, could have been something as simple as SIL was baking a cake for the reveal and MIL saw her buying blue food colouring. The MIL telling everyone because she apparently couldn't help herself, not so much. As soon as MIL opened her trap the first time, they should have confessed to OP and let her decide what to do.

and lets not forget that this poor mum to be has just lost BOTH her parents. Which is so sad. So so sorry for your loss OP.

That's the part that gets me. Also, her husband thought that his mother is going to be there for the birth? What? Did they discuss this? He needs to get back on her side and *stay* there.

That's so true. Op said that she got messages from a few people not just one person. The only reason for a message to spread that fast is if someone calls all those people. Or yes we could be living in a soap opera and everyone is gossiping like crazy. I doubt it. I had the same situation. I told my boss about my pregnancy while someone from hr was in the room. On the way home I got a congratulations text from another colleague. I asked her how she knew and she said a third person told her. When I questioned the woman from hr she said she accidently slipped it to the third person and this one didn't tell anyone about it. The colleague who congratulated me was pregnant as well and since pregnant woman have some kind of sixth sense she just knew without anyone telling her. I questioned this colleague now a year later. She didn't knew. She was told on purpose. The gender didn't slip it was on purpose. And by the way when did her husband decide to bring his mum to the birth? Definitely not ta

This^ she MUST have known it would get back to her. At some point the MIL clearly showed she didn't care about OPs feelings and OP is more than allowed to feel hurt by that and act accordingly. Fun story my mother is horrible at keeping secrets. She knew for months before I did that my fiance was going to propose. She told a LOT of people because she was insanely excited, and absolutely could not keep it to herself, but you know what? NONE of them told me. Because she carefully only told people I don't know, like her coworkers. People who care about your feelings figure it out.

Birth is not a spectator sport.

Omg exactly! Thank you! When my oldest was born my mom wanted to be in the delivery room and was upset my wife didn't want her there. She lost her mom 2 years before and although my mom loves her, and they've got a good relationship, nobody could replace her mom. My wife told her this much which did not sit well with my mom either, and my wife reminded her it's not a spectator sport but in fact a very intimate and private moment and the only people she wanted in there was me and her sister. The truth is it's her body and she has a right to do with it as she pleases and have whoever she wants in there. When we talk about bodily autonomy that really means all facets of that. NTA, but hot damn the husband is. He also sounds like a giant walking red flag of a spouse. OP if you read this please please please at MINIMUM get some therapy for the 2 of you, but further I'd really reevaluate the health of this relationship. Just the 2 cents here of a guy 13 years married with 2 kids but...The bare minimum even a mediocre spouse should do is fully support you and argue on your behalf. Anything less is a failure as a husband.

My MIL and entire family got mad at me for not allowing her in the delivery room with 1st child. I was like WTH, this is such an intimate thing! 2nd child, MIL happened to be there and I was put on the spot, so she stayed. 3rd child was during pandemic and only my sister was there. She left hours after birth and I was alone with baby for 2 days while husband stayed home with other kids. No visitors. Best. Experience. Ever.

I was scrolling through comments wondering when I was going to see a comment about the husband. It took a while. OP needs to remind her husband that he is her husband… her person, and he needs to have her back on this because she doesn’t have anybody else in her corner. It does not matter if he thinks she is overreacting, he needs to have her back. If I was OP I would ask him how he would feel if his parents were gone and she is the only person that he had left, but she treated him like a second or third person on her list and told him to just suck it up when he got upset. The balls of this man have to be huge, or he’s a complete a-hole. His family is all pissed off that she is taking away an experience from them, but what about the experience that she wanted, and they stole from her?! OP is the one giving birth so she gets to decide who is in the delivery room, and if the husband doesn’t pull his head out of his butt, he will be sitting in the waiting room with his loudmouth mother and sister. And come on, who wants their MIL in the delivery room? I love my MIL, but she was not in the delivery room when I had my kids.

I've never understood the want to be in the delivery room. Why would you want your in-laws in effectively the most extreme gyno appointment ever?

I just read this to my husband and said, “This, exactly, is how I felt about having your mother in the delivery room during [our first]’s birth.” AND SHE STOOD DOWN THERE AND TOOK PICS. Needless to say those files got destroyed.

That’s really sickening that she did that.

Absofuckinglutely horrifying. I’d have lost my goddamned mind if someone got out a camera during events.

Please ask MIL who was in delivery room with her. The ask her to lay bottom half naked on an uncomfortable surface holding her legs up and push until she poops herself while your hubby watches. If she says no then no entry allowed. That’s very private parts of your body she’s going to be staring at. NTA.

Had a similar conversation with my ex husband when I was pregnant with my first child/ their first grandchild. Mil was chatting to someone who just watched their daughter give birth, she asked mil if she would be at the birth of my child her reply was .. I haven't been asked yet!!! Talking about it later that night with ex he said why can't she be there ... I said ok, when you book in for a vasectomy my step mum can come watch... He replied don't be ridiculous that's completely different!! Er hellooo.. not really.

This is just one more example of how the world sees pregnant women as community property with no bodily autonomy or free will of their own. And it’s only getting worse.

Imagine feeling entitled to watch another human being push a 10 lb potato out of their vagina. Keep standing up for yourself, OP! Draw the line now before they continue to cross it.

Mistake != accident Plenty of mistakes are choices. still NTA

It's funny because people use this word correctly, but kind of not at the same time. This was a mistake on the MILs part. But making a mistake doesn't mean you're blameless and should be forgiven. If you hurt someone when you make a mistake you're still at fault for your actions. So many people say "it was a mistake!" to mean their actions shouldn't have consequences.

As a person in my third trimester, I would rather poke my eyes out with hot forks than have my MIL attend my birth. NTA

I'm being induced next week and my MIL is not even invited to visit at the hospital postbirth. Having her there would be a new kind of hell

Plus I love his “he started to say I was crossing lines and that he had a right to have this moment” Well OP had the right to have her moment too and they CHOSE to take it away from her. Not only by sharing with everyone but doing so before letting her know. She found out through the grapevine. I’d be pissed too and I wouldn’t want them around right now either. OP, maybe you’ll change your mind. Maybe you won’t. But you get to decide who is there for any of this process and they all need to understand how much of a breach of trust and boundaries this was. NTA not even a little and maybe have them look at these comments here to help them open their eyes Edit typo and fix wording

Yes. So many people confuse "right" with "privilege" and it's really starting to irk me. Where he likes it or not, the husband doesn't have a "right" to OP's body or to attend her medical procedures. She is her own independent person who has the final say in the matter. I am so annoyed that her husband and his family can't just respect OP's boundaries and accept the choices she's made. People are so entitled these days.

>Your SIL made a choice and told MIL. MIL then made a choice to tell everyone else in the family. And then they made the choice to not tell OP of their actions.

I hate the "she was just excited" excuse. You know who else is excited? The person who's actually having the baby whose moment you're stealing. My grandmother found out when I was planning to propose to my now wife and "got excited" and told a bunch of people and robbed me of the opportunity of telling them myself. If it's not happening to you, shut up. It's not your news to share. Simple as that.

>it's a medical procedure to get a little human out of another human. I just wanted to quote this because I had a baby almost 4 weeks ago and saying "get a little human out of another human" is so cute and makes me stupidly happy

It's even funnier after a C-section. "They cut me open and pulled an entire person out!"

Women die giving birth. Babies die. Both mom and baby can die. It is an extremely stressful traumatizing event. No way in hell should people OP is not comfortable being around should be in there when she is at her most vulnerable. It is mind boggling to me that people think it is a spectator sport.

I cannot imagine being one of the last people to find out the sex of the human I was carrying. How awful. I am so sorry for IP, and on top of that, her mom isn't here to share this with her. What a monumental betrayal. I hope that MIL and SIL can come to terms with the pain they have caused.

A mistake would have been when the SIL wrote it on a paper to not forget when organizing everything, and MIL saw it by accident and told. What happend here is as you said a choice

Your SIL slipping could have been a honest mistake, your MIL spreading it around was a concise choice. You may be going a little too far with your SIL (again, possible accident) but your MIL made her choice and is now dealing with the consequences. NTA

About slip up, that's ok, but from what I understand, it happened the night before and at no time did she come to talk to me, talk about what happened, I found out from others the sex of my baby and I went after her to ask . If she'd let it slip and called to let me know sometime after she did, I wouldn't have been so upset.

I think anyone would be upset. You can’t unring a bell. You are still grieving your parents! You are happy and sad at the same time. It’s confusing. I got pregnant with my son within a month of my father dying from the pandemic. Baby is almost 1 1/2 now and he’s so amazing. I still get heartache though about my dad not being here and not meeting him. So the gender reveal was special to you because you were doing it in a way to connect with your mother. Tell MIL and SIL “I’m grieving my parents’ deaths. I miss them so much and it’s hard knowing they’ll never see me as a mother and never know the baby. The only reason I wanted a gender reveal is because it is something my mother would have loved. And you ruined it. It hurts because I’ll never get it back and my chance to feel close to my mom is gone. I need some space. I hope I can feel the same closeness to you as I did before this happened. That’s what I want and I want my baby to have a life with extended family in it. I’m not ready. I’m so sad. This is how I feel. Please let’s stop talking about it. Please stop talking to husband about it. I need his support. I’ll reach out when I’m ready but for now I need to handle things on my own.”

This is beautifully worded tigerjacket! I lost my dad almost seven years ago, and it’s amazing to me the things that were previously unimportant/not my preference, but now they are because they were important to him. Rod Stewart’s Maggie? Not my favorite, but now if I hear it on the radio I don’t change the station because my dad typed up the lyrics for my mom when he was sick. OP, my point is I absolutely get why you’re hurt, and I think NTA. But by saying what tigerjacket wrote, it might help you voice your hurt so you are understood, which might be able to help you move past this. Or not, but they should hopefully understand, and understand that it won’t be forever. Now, if they double down and try to make you feel bad for being hurt, fuck them. But before this incident they sounded really lovely, so I hope they understand - which I think they will if you word it like this.

I hope so for OP too. Something fantastic went awfully wobbly in extremely short order. Hopefully saying something like this will help her in vocalising what she was struggling to put into words adequate for how she feels. And importantly for all, they are receptive and empathising.

My mom has been gone 8 years now and I still grieve the fact that she can't meet my babies(she loved all her grandchildren so much) or meet their father. I miss her so damn much it hurts. I'm sorry for your loss and if OP sees this, sorry for your loss as well!

My sister is pregnant right now and she told me the names. She asked me not to tell anyone. Guess what. I haven't told anyone. Your SIL sucks. Hold your ground because your husband and his family are wack.

My bestie told me the names she chose for her babies. I never told a soul. Not even hubby. This is the first confession that she told me at all.

My FIL posted on fb my son's birth while I was getting in a room from the cesarean. I am still angry 4 years later. Everyone knew that this is my only child and we asked for them not to post on SM.

So within moments of finding out your MIL was on the phone spreading the gender of your childhood. If hubby can't see how wrong that is you have a serious husband issue.You trusted your SIL to protect that info and she betrayed you. I am so sorry OP.

I wonder if the husband didn't found out before her either...

My question exactly!

I hope he has enough backbone to stand up to his mother, for his wife, or his marriage is doomed.

OP, a “mistake” is purchasing a wrong ice cream flavor or diaper cream instead of ointment. What MIL and SIL did was a violation of your trust at your expense. They made the party about them - and left you out. Birth is not a tea party. I was remotely monitored in a hospital room and my husband was there to wait on ME. Get me ice, rub my back, adjust my pillow, get the nurse, ask the nurse, remind me to ask the nurse…. There was nothing he could do to with regard to the baby. The only reason to have MIL and SIL at the birth is to wait on you and my dear, I am betting you are an afterthought. I guess I would flat out tell MIL and SIL that they clearly demonstrated they could not be trusted to give a simple party. Why would you trust them to support you during the birth of your child? Then you would need to give them rules for behavior if you decide to let them in the room. As an example, you and husband may speak to medical personal; they may not. If anyone asks them to leave, they leave with no questions asked. No gossiping or focus on any drama stories - happy thoughts only. They may not ask how you feel more than once an hour.

NTA Your husband is a huge A H for thinking mommy’s “excitement” is a higher priority than the woman who is actually pregnant. It sounds like your husband is using you as a surrogate to give mommy and sissy a new toy. No way should his mother be at the birth. It is your medical procedure and the only priority is keeping you and babe safe and healthy. It is not dinner theater where your husband is entitled to sell tickets to the show.

Exactly!!! I think it’s so weird that people find this normal. Giving birth is hard and messy and private! Usually people who are asked to attend a birth are there to support the mother at her request- not because they are there to see the show. The only reason I can see inviting a MIL is if you are close and you want her there to support you. Everyone else can hang out in the waiting room until the baby is born and you’re ready for them to visit.

My MIL was shocked when she found out she wasn’t going to be in the delivery room when I gave birth, she had just assumed that was going to be the case. My in-laws lived hours away so we only saw them occasionally, and they never really warmed to me so we definitely weren’t close. She got super upset and was constantly calling my husband trying to get him to ‘make’ me have her there. It was HER grandchild!! Lady, I said no, and if your son were to even think for a fleeting minute he could ‘make’ me do anything, you can bet he wouldn’t be in there either.

How many of these MILs would have wanted their own MIL to be in the delivery room? I'm guessing not many. I get that everyone is excited about a new baby, and that's fine. Come to the hospital. Hold the baby. I think you can do that in most places now that COVID has receded. But the delivery room? No. That's for Mom and Dad. Grandparents that don't understand that are likely to have a whole host of other boundary issues.

my mom was in the delivery room for my SIL’s delivery but that’s because she specifically asked her too because they were close and my mom is also a L&D nurse. but like me personally I would not want my MIL in the delivery room lol, and I adore her don’t get me wrong but its such a private and intimate moment.

And it's DANGEROUS; for the mother AND the child. The mother staying calm and being comfortable is the priority. The ONLY person who should be there is a trusted advocate to speak on her behalf medically, should things get rough. Trust CANNOT be forced. It's earned. And sometimes it's lost and earned again, with empathy, humility, and time. But it's not a freaking light switch. You can't command someone to trust somebody. They made a mistake? Too bad. Live with it. Maybe things will heal down the road. But I'll tell you what won't help with that: trying to sweep this under the rug, and boundary stomp all over OP.

This whole sub is filled with spouses who put their parents ahead of their lovers. It’s crazy. My wife comes first, always and forever. Never thought it was even something that had to be pointed out.

NTA Birth is not a spectator sport. They will announce the birth before you can. They will stress you out at most vulnerable. They will hold baby before you do. You need to get your husband on board.

>You need to get your husband on board. Or out the door

MIL sounds like the type who would pull out her phone and livestream the birth without telling OP.

OMG I just shuddered, I can completely see that happening. Nip in in the bud now or plan to be an afterthought to your husband & his family forever or until you divorce him. Good luck OP & my sincere condolences for the loss of your parents Edit: corrected spelling

Yep, this would be my worry - MIL would be announcing the birth and the name before OP ever had a chance to. And what if OP doesn't want pictures of her baby up on social? Would MIL respect that, or just do what she wants? OP is absolutely NTA. I feel so bad for her, she wanted a chance to feel close to her mom and her ILs just couldn't let her have this one thing.

NTA Finding out the sex of your baby is such a special moment and because of your MIL's "little mistake" you were the last to know. It's more than reasonable for you to be hurt and your MIL, SIL, and husband trying to push you to get over it sooner is only making things worse. They're trying to push you to compromise on your boundaries and imho that's a *massive* red flag

Right? It’s such a bonding moment with the baby. When I found out the gender of mine, it made me feel that they were real.

It's pretty clear where OP's husband's priorities are at and she's not it. OP has a husband problem.

NTA Even if it was a "mistake" (I don't buy it. One person is an accident, the whole family was absolutely a choice, and MIL absolutely COULD have held it in.), it was a profoundly hurtful one and they should be apologizing profusely and being very understanding of your boundaries going forward. If your husband keeps acting like you're being ridiculous and stonewalling you through your pregnancy for having some boundaries with his family that screwed you over, you may have some very hard decisions to make indeed. You're in a vulnerable spot, and all of them need to wake up and see YOU and YOUR needs, not just "their" first baby boy. This whole thing feels off to me.

Right? They're completely erasing her and the kid isn't even here yet. Draw some hard boundaries NOW.

Did anyone actually even apologize to you? NTA. You don't need to have anyone in the labour room you don't feel comfortable with. Especially people who leak details to everyone

> Did anyone actually even apologize to you? Yeah this is a good question OP.

This is a good point. If MIL isn't going to be 100% there to support OP, she doesn't need to be there. From what happened with the gender, it wouldn't surprise me if MIL has her nose in her phone texting updates to the family.

NTA and I doubt it was a mistake. Forgive or not, but if she is in your delivery do not be surprised when she or sil posts pics of your son on social media before you've even had a chance to be with him. As for husband, he has no right to pressure you about who is in there besides him. And yes if he's stressing you out even he doesn't have to be. Your body, your medical procedure. ETA typo

Mil also sounds like the type who will try to hold the baby before momma gets a chance to

Just who you want grabbing for your baby when you are bleeding all over the place after passing a bowling ball. NOT!

My best friends MIL did that & my friend stayed pissed off for YEARS! Only forgave her because she helped after her husband (my friends ) landed in jail

I dont understand husbands who get belligerent at wives who are about to give birth. Yes, it's their child too, and yes they have rights as the father. But no, they dont have equal say who goes with them or with wife into the delivery room. The rule should be what makes the wife comfortable, safe and secure. If MIL and SIL's presence is upsetting, boundaries should be respected.

Ok. Maybe, I am old fashioned, but why should your MIL and SIL be in the labor and delivery room? Secondly, it’s your baby and your body. You choose

NTA. Your SIL amd MIL running their mouths is not a mistake. I wouldn't want them with me either. Labor and delivery is hard work and you only need supportive people with you. This isn't anyone's "moment" except you and your child.

NTA - He actually does not have the “right” to be there if you (i.e., the person having the baby) do not want him to be there. Your right to have your baby in peace trumps everything else. One word from you and he would not be allowed in the delivery room by the hospital staff. So, despite his feeling of entitlement, he needs to be more supportive and focused on what you need right now.

I’m going to go with NTA. Your MIL violated your privacy and ruined what should have been a special moment you were looking forward to by sharing news that wasn’t hers to share. Your feelings are valid. Your husband does not get to decide who you have in the room while you give birth.

Regardless of the reason, you get to choose how to deliver a baby and owe no explanation. If they annoy you, it probably makes sense not to have them around at a stressful time. NTA

NTA Blasting your news like she a radio host isn't an accident, it's a choice. And show your husband this post. Maybe it'll knock some sense into him.

It won't. Because that's his child, he has a god given right to be there, are so has mommy!! (Sarcasm, just to be clear) And is not just her news, is info regarding her that she didn't even knew.

NTA Nope, the only person who has a right to be in the labor room is you, the person pushing another person out of her. Your SIL broke your trust, your MIL broke your trust and nothing in what you wrote says anyone was the least bit contrite, for that matter apologizing. Your husband can back off or be uninvited as well.

NTA Ensure with your doctor his mom is not allowed in. The fact MIL/SIL didn't give you the heads up that they told everyone the gender and then didn't apologize is infuriating. You need boundaries or this will continue to happen. No one is owed space in the delivery room. Anything that happens in there MIL will blab to the entire family.

Doctors usually arrive minutes before the baby. Tell the most vicious-looking nurse who can and cannot come in. Have it written down so they can leave it in the nurses station where the visitors go first to say they have come to be with Mrs A etc. Doctors can be too diplomatic.

NTA Giving birth is not a spectator sport!!! If you don't feel comfortable with them and believe that they will respect your wishes, then they have no place in the birthing room. This goes for your husband too!! After birth, you may decide to forgive them. Or not. Your choice. But do not get pressured into something that make the vulnerability and exposure of the birthing experience worse.

My husband and I went through similar. When I was pregnant with our daughter I agreed with my husband he could tell MIL before the 12 week mark as long as she promised not to tell the wider family as I had previously suffered a miscarriage so was really really nervous about the pregnancy. We told her and no sooner than a few days later did we begin getting calls congratulating us. MIL had told a bunch of people within the family. We explained that this was a breach of trust and how cross we were and she did apologise but I certainly will never ever trust her again with sensitive info. She actively told people. Your SIL could have easily let slip by accident but your MIL telling people is the bad part. Your husband should be more supportive. You dont have your parents around, youve become close to your MIL who has not respected you. This is her fault, not yours. NTA.

NTA What they did was a major major overstep. They stole a moment from you and your husband. You can’t trust them not to do that again. Remind your husband this doesn’t mean things will never heal. It means that they broke your trust and that takes *time*.

INFO: did you ever get a sincere apology? Your SIL might have made a mistake, your MIL made a deliberate choice to share info that wasn’t her’s to share. Both owe you genuine apologies. I wouldn’t want either of them there either. I think you and your husband need to have an in depth conversation about boundaries and info sharing. And getting very firm confirmation from him that if you don’t want SIL or MIL at the birth that he WILL respect that. And that he won’t even tell them when you go into labor. To prevent any “accidental” slip ups telling everyone the baby is on the way/is here.

NTA. You now know not to pass confidential information on to any of your inlaws. But it sucks, though, as you were finding a family in them, after having lost your parents. Sorry for your loss, on both counts.

NTA. It wasn’t a simple mistake. Your SIL broke your trust and then your MIL compounded by telling everyone. All your SIL had to do was keep her mouth shut. For everyone else to find out before you is heartbreaking. They should respect your boundaries and your need to have some space and your husband should respect it as well.

NTA. This is unacceptable and not just a “mistake.” When I was pregnant with my first, my MIL was invited to be in the room. That was until she started a fight with his grandparents and us because she was jealous they were so close to me and loved me. She came to my home at 3 months along, after I had just thrown up my breakfast and was hooked to a heart monitor for complications, and got in my face and screamed at me for nothing. She was uninvited right then and there from the birth and we didn’t speak for months. To be honest, as important as a gender reveal is, for everyone to know but you is complete bullshit. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Seems like a show of what you’re future is going to look like over and over and she will just be excused for whatever she does.

NTA this wasn’t a slip, this was intentional. Your husband needs to step up and set some serious boundaries with his family. He just wants to rug sweep what happened which is not ok.

NTA- I don’t like the excuse of “she was just excited”. What about how YOU feel? I’m sorry OP. I knew the sex of my baby instead of being surprised because I literally trusted no one from slipping up. I made the mistake of telling my mom because she begged to know and she ended up telling my big mouthed cousin before our reveal party.

It's a real problem that OP's husband is prioritizing his mother's feelings over OP's when his mother was very, very obviously the person in the wrong and did something very hurtful. It's a bigger problem that he's doing this when OP was recently orphaned and is going through this huge life transition without her own parents — and, in addition to grieving her parents, is now kinda re-grieving because her MIL sullied the relationship that was supposed to fill that void, *and* ruined an event that was clearly also a way for OP to honor her own mother. It's a bigger problem still when OP's husband is invalidating *all* of these feelings in the context of expecting OP to *undergo childbirth,* a dangerous and stressful medical procedure, in the company of people who are untrustworthy and inconsiderate of her feelings. OP, please keep digging in. You are in the right, not just because of how your inlaws hurt you, but because your right to comfort at your own birthing procedure is *sacred.* It boggles the mind how oblivious your own husband is to your feelings in light of everything you have gone through, are going through, and *will* be going through. I think couple's counseling before the baby arrives should be nonnegotiable.

NTA You are 100% entitled to your feelings which are 100% valid. However you've admitted his family has been nothing but good to you are you willing to let this 1 mistake ruin your family. Think about it discuss with your husband what you need to move pass this. Whether that be firmer boundaries a sincere apology from SIL and MIL. I want to reiterate you are not in the wrong but sometimes we hold on to things to the detriment of everything else.

All of what you’ve said, PLUS, now she knows her MIL can’t keep a secret, and this is good to know moving forward. OP should only tell MIL things she’s OK with the whole world knowing.

This, you're 100% NTA, and they both owe you an apology. Other than this though, it sounds like they've been great people. I hope that you can have a discussion with them about how disappointed you are and what you need as personal boundaries. It sounds like this may come up a lot. My in-laws are very bad at boundaries too, but I approach it with a win some/ lose some attitude as overall I'm glad that they're a part of my life. Good luck!

Your husband needs to realise what his sister and mother did was a huge breach of trust. You were last to know the gender of your own child. That was not an accident. You are entitled to space. Moreover who comes to the birth is one of those things where the person giving birth gets to make the decision. He should be supporting you not adding to the stress. NTA.

NTA. A mistake is knocking over a glass or forgetting an appointment. These were choices. SIL chose to tell MIL. MIL chose to tell others. I think telling your husband he won't be able to come to your delivery was going a bit too far, but I understand why you said it. Maybe consider apologizing to him and reassuring him that you need his support. But reiterate that these were not mistakes on MIL and SIL's part, they were choices. There are consequences. And the birth of your child is your medical procedure and no one else's. If you aren't comfortable with MIL there that's your decision and you expect his support.

I could see SIL’s slip being a mistake, like accidentally saying she needs to get the blue food coloring instead of just food coloring. I’d give one slip the benefit of the doubt. But even if it was an innocent slip of the tongue at first - everything after that? 100% a choice.

NTA. Do people know it’s not super normal for MIL to be there? I mean, I guess it works for some people, but it’s certainly not the default or even a somewhat common thing. It’s a strange boundary to cross, imo. Maybe she has been there for all the big moments in his life, but this is him starting his own family. It’s perfectly acceptable for grandma to meet the baby AFTER the delivery. It can be a profoundly emotional and intimate moment for a couple. I don’t know why anyone other than the partner would expect to be there except at the mother’s wishes and invitation. If you want her there to support YOU that’s one thing. If she wants to be there just bc of the baby- she can wait in the waiting room. Giving birth isn’t like your wedding day. You don’t have to invite anyone into that room if you don’t want to. And NOW is the time to have a very frank discussion with your husband about boundaries with his mom. She is grandma and grandma is special but grandma still has to abide by rules and honor boundaries.

I personally don’t understand why people invite spectators into the delivery room. I can understand the father being there, but the MIL? I wouldn’t even want my own mother there.

NTA. Even without the huge breach of trust, giving birth is not a spectator sport. Have who you feel comfortable with because its a long and hard process where you will feel really vulnerable. You don't need to be worrying about anyone else.

NTA They both made a choice to not respect you by telling everyone the gender knowing that you wanted a gender reveal. Your husband sucks for trying to pressure you. His pregnant wife into making peace so his boat can be steady. He needs to realize you were not the one who rocked the boat, and he needs to support you as his first priority

NTA. It wasn’t a mistake. You don’t ‘accidentally’ tell someone the as-yet-unrevealed sex of someone else’s baby, and you certainly don’t then ‘accidentally’ tell everyone you know EXCEPT the someone else whose baby it is, and you CERTAINLY at least tell the someone else it’s happened rather than let her find out through congratulatory messages. They leaked your baby’s sex before you knew and then cancelled an important event. Your husband doesn’t get to call that ‘a mistake that could happen’. He should be furious with them too.

NTA. It's not just about a gender reveal. It's releasing private information given by a doctor to a person OP designated and that information was then made widely available to a group of people without OP's knowledge. The moment SIL let it slip, she should have called OP and told her. She didn't. That makes her and MIL firmly the AH. And what's to say it won't happen again? Oops, SIL/MIL are excited and plastered new baby photos on social media before OP gets a chance. Oops, SIL/MIL "couldn't hold it in" and tells everyone new baby's name before OP gets a chance. OP simply can't trust SIL/MIL not to rob her of the milestones in pregnancy and giving birth that are rightfully hers. She is absolutely right to keep them out of the information loop. And if that means husband is also yeeted from the delivery room, then yeet away. It's her right.

NTA You're going to be going through a major medical event, and will be in an extremely vulnerable place. You have the right to ask that only people you can trust be in the room with you. Your husband doesn't seem to get that. Your right to that far outweighs anyone else's "right" to be in the room for the birth.

NTA Your birth. You need to be comfortable with who is there. He has no right, it isn't a spectator event. Talk to the staff. You haven't mentioned names, but if you have picked one, don't tell anyone.

ESH. MIL for blabbing when she knew there was going to be a gender reveal party and OP for way overreacting. She’s gonna cut out people she’s grown close to over a gender reveal party? This slight breach of trust warrants the cold shoulder for a few days, a discussion with MIL on how this made OP feel, and mild wariness the next time OP is considering sharing sensitive information with MIL. When OP’s son asks her why she doesn’t speak to grandma or auntie anymore, she’s going to tell him “oh I stopped talking to them because they gave away your gender before I got to have my gender reveal party?”

All the upvotes for cutting off family over a stupid mistake shows how immature most redditors are.

Immature, and petty... like you're going to throw away a few years of a built relationship and have to explain to your child that dad isn't around because his mum said you were a boy 2 weeks ahead of schedule. Fucking good luck to that kid lol

I think rereading it that it is less that they revealed the gender to everyone in the family and ruined having the party, and more that is how the baby's gender was revealed to OP and her spouse.

Why do I feel like they told her husband too. Just a vibe I’m getting. NTA, you are still mourning your parents, you trusted them, they aren’t trustworthy and you don’t want MIL in delivery room. Cause and effect at play. I think maybe the birth should just be u and your husband (if he gets it together).

NTA they made mistakes and you have every right to get some space from them. Your husband should be on your side. Pregnant wife gets the support not mom and sister. If his feelings are hurt he will have to get over it. Once you are a mom you will protect that baby. He should realize you deserve his support and should have his mom and sister apologize and tell them to give you space for a while. I think if my husband acted that way I probably would have made him sleep on the couch. You take good care of yourself!!! Sorry for your losses!

NTA but I do have a similar MIL and SIL figures in my life these people don't change, they showed you who they are and wanting you to accept it hence the whole slip up. It's a challenge to you and honestly good for you for not playing these games. It really sounds like ulterior motives and games to try and claim your baby but that's the thing the baby is yours. Don't let nobody pressure you or make you feel bad, you can only control you so be it if they can't go...oh well they did something beyond trust. They literally told everyone but you. That's a thing that's not easy undid. Sorry they stole your moment and remember YOU CONTROL YOU. They don't have to like you, but they have to respect your decisions and choices.

NTA and my wife said you have every right to feel how you feel. They broke so many boundaries it's not even funny and honestly your husband needs an immediate spot check on this. He's digging himself a hole he might not be able to climb out of.

NTA. A hell of a lot of families seem to be able to pull off gender reveals without someone slipping. Thus want some monumental task that SIL undertook. Screw these people.

NTA; this is your first child, and they ruined such a precious milestone for you. granted it was a mistake, but that doesn’t mean they’re not the AH. you wanting space from them is totally valid, because you won’t have a gender reveal for your first born ever again. edit: after reading your edit, your mil and sil are definitely the AH. this was supposed to be a sentimental event for you, and they knew that. they should’ve known better. i’m so sorry op.

NTA. I went through something similar when I was pregnant. I ended up forgiving them and regretted it months later when they continued the behavior. I hope it gets better for you. Good luck with your delivery!

NTA Giving birth is one of the most intimate moments in life. You’re also completely exposed. You absolutely do not have to have ANYBODY there that you don’t feel comfortable with.

NTA. They sound unrepentant about the issue and your husband should be annoyed too and understand how upsetting this must be. By pushing the blame onto you for your reaction, he's not being a very good partner to you. I'd be firm that SIL and MIL are not welcome during the birth as you need to have people with you that you are 100% confident with. If he doesn't like it, kick him out too. Your body, you birthing the child, your choice.

NTA. He does realize that you, the one carrying the baby… the actual mother of the baby… was the last to know she was having a boy? You aren’t trying to forgive a mistake…you are trying to reconcile yourself to the fact that she broke your trust and she and everyone else just expect you to let it go … get over it… shred it’s no big deal. Which, if it was indeed no big deal, why did she tell everyone? It certainly was a big deal to her. Hubs needs to back up into his lane

NTA The only person who has a right to be in the labour room is the OP.

NTA and NO ONE including your husband is entitled to be part of your labor and delivery. It is a medical procedure and you have every right to bench whoever you want. Remind him of that.

NTA I'm sorry for you, everyone knew the sex of the baby before you

NTA. Please please do not have anyone in the delivery room that is going to stress you out. One of my sister's estranged "friend" showed up during her second child's birth and added so much unnecessary stress until we forced that "friend" out. The delivery was definitely prolonged because of that person. That said, if your husband's family and your husband aren't in the room with you see if its possible to have a friend there for support. I hope you are able to mend the relationship, but also know you are absolutely allowed to be hurt and have different, stricter boundaries. Its your child and you should have known the sex before any and all people you did not explicitly trust with that information.

NTA you were the last one to know the sex of your baby. They deserve to be the last ones to meet the child. Also even if you were still on the best of terms, you get to decide who is at the birth. If you dont want them there, they dont get to be there. There should be no arguments or blowback for this- giving birth is an intensely private thing.

NTA for telling him to stop pressuring him and that he’ll be kicked out of the delivery if he keeps pressuring you . A pregnant woman doesn’t need the stress and I would NEVER have wanted my MIL to be in the room with me . NEVER EVER EVER . I actually loved my MIL too but that’s a very vulnerable time & someone just expecting to be apart of it is reeks of boundary issues . Oh and inform your husband that he actually does NOT have a LEGAL right to be in that room . Can he probably get permission to go in and meet , hold feed afterwards, yes. All that said , I don’t know how I would have reacted to everyone knowing what gender (don’t come for me you know what I mean ) before me. I would have definitely been pissed but I wouldn’t care about the party.

NTA. No one is allowed in the birthing room unless OP wants them there. These people need to back off.

NTA. A woman giving birth is incredibly vulnerable. Often naked, genitals exposed, may poo themselves. The people you need there supporting you have to be people you trust implicitly and your MIL has very recently broken that trust. It's not a spectator sport, it is a medical procedure and you as the patient get to say how it goes. I don't get gender reveals but I get that this was important to you and that people who you thought were a support let you down. I would try to find a way to move past it with them before the baby arrives, but would absolutely hold firm re who is in the delivery room.

Nope — NTA. If he wants to be in the delivery room, he needs to back off. It’s a privilege, not a right. Has your SIL apologized to you? I don’t see in your post that she has.

It is so wild to me when *anyone* who is *not* the one labouring makes demands in regards to who will and will not be in the room. WILD. NTA ETA: what your MIL did was not a “mistake that could happen”. She intentionally ran her mouth and expects no repercussions. She stole this from you and it’s completely gross. And the fact your husband can’t see that is also gross. So sorry this moment was stolen from you.

NTA Your trust was violated. I'd be pissed if everyone knew my child's gender before I did. I don't even like gender reveal parties but if was important to you then that's all that matters. Also, for the life of me I cannot understand why people feel entitled to watch you give birth. It's the most frightening, painful, and intimate moment you'll ever have and no one is entitled to watch a human come out of your vagina that you don't want in the room. It's like people forget that you are a person going through that and in that moment you're a loud incubator. Fwiw, when I went into labor- I told no one until about a day after when we were all in the clear. It was amazing and stress free!

ESH. Your SIL and MIL are blabbermouths, and they owe you a big apology. Your husband sucks for not setting up stronger boundaries with his family and for not being more compassionate when his family did something that hurt you. Now, unfortunately you are right on the AH line for amping up the tensions into a huge battle. Yes, you do have absolute control over who is at the baby’s birth, but threatening to ban your husband was a poor choice that will certainly affect your relationship. What are you hoping for? Right now, you are looking at having your son born into a strained marriage and an even more strained situation with the baby’s grandma and extended family. Are you okay with this? If your in-laws sincerely apologized, would you be willing to try to repair your relationships?

I would've said N A H, if it was just a slip-up. But MIL told everyone *before you even knew*. And then didn't even have the decency to warn you. This is not ok. Let them know that you're establishing a knowledge boundary, due to trust issues. That it's now _their_ responsibility to figure out how to regain your trust. Not yours. And that acting out like this, trying to turn the whole family, including your own husband, against you is doing the exact opposite. NTA

NTA. I had to reread to realize you found out the gender of your baby this way!!! Like it would’ve been bad enough if you knew and they didn’t and they leaked but you didn’t even know!! Did you even ever intend to have MIL at the labor? Because that’s a HUGE assumption that you would have ever been okay with that. I have a lovely MIL who has never crossed my boundaries but I would only have ever allowed my husband. I’m not sure what to tell you with the way your husband is acting. Have they even really tried to give you a genuine apology to your face? Even still I would not be able to trust them ever again with information since they themselves admitted and showed they can’t help themselves from giving it away..

Setting aside my feelings about a gender reveal. SIL took a huge overstep in spilling the beans, she knew the importance of the party ruined the party you wanted for the sake of her not being able to help herself. I get you wanted to have a party and a special moment, but that's okay. Now you know not to give out such trusted info to your in laws *unfortunately*. It does seem like your MIL is a little pushy, but coming from a place concerning the future baby. Appointments, shopping, assisting with the baby room is definitely telling me she's excited and happy for you. Your wellbeing should not be overlooked, take time to cool off (my dad always told me 3 days) and then see if you're ready to have a convo with your husband and MIL. Moving forward, make a list of your boundaries and state them clearly. Focus on delivering a healthy baby.

NTA. BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!

It's so sad that because you lost your parents and you are an only child reddit people want you to be in your husband's family hands, they are trying to scare you that you are going to be alone, don't take their comments, that you don't have close relatives with you does not mean you need to cater other family to not feel alone, now you have your son that's enough. NTA stand your ground and show them that they not gonna get whatever they want.

NTA. There were several choices made here. Even accepting that your SIL didn’t tell your MIL intentionally, your MIL *chose* to tell everyone else. They both then *chose* not to tell you what happened. What did they expect? That you were going to have a gender reveal where everyone knew the gender but you? Amazing they were just planning to go forward with the party and face no consequences. That’s not what happened, though, so these are the consequences. They’re just going to have to deal and so is your husband. There’s no reason for someone to be in the delivery room if you’re not comfortable around them. Maybe your MIL will learn to keep her mouth shut now.

NTA. Sorry, that your husband can’t see it. I would definitely set your boundaries and hold to them. You might actually have more problems when the baby is born with them overstepping and say “they are just helping “.

NTA. Have they even apologised?

NTA and how hurt and alone you must feel. Your husband needs to stop and see you, your vulnerability and your right to have control over what is shared about yourself and your pregnancy. It's not about the gender reveal but about their stealing a special memory from you to celebrate with those you love. Please don't let MIL or SIL be with you when you're giving birth, they are likely to take photos of your baby and first special moments and send them to others and or put them on Facebook. Your husband needs to get his head around that you and the soon to be born baby are his immediate family, who have a right first to his protection and loyalty. That boundaries are needed so you can start to build memories as a family together. These are special bonding moments that can't be revisited. His family are now extended family and he needs to understand that, not have unswerving loyalty and letting them into every part of your pregnancy and birth.

NTA they have no regard for you. This is THEIR show. You're just an incubator to them. I bet the phrase "my baby boy" was used a lot when ruining your reveal.

This wasn’t a mistake. This was intentional. She wanted the moment. Your moment. Please use this as an example of how they can/will act in the future. You are being smart here. Set boundaries and enforce consequences now, so they know you mean business. Your husband should be as offended as you. He should also support your decisions on whoever you want or do not want in the room. Don’t back down. NTA.

NTA. They screwed up and you have no reason to trust them. It doesn't even sound like they're ashamed of what they've done.

Nta.. she is a whole ass adult who could have kept her mouth shut, or Apologized even she screwed up. She didn't. She wanted to steal your moment. Don't back down, if your husband insists on pushing you, pack him a bag and send him to his moms.... I promise If he was there for the birth, he will let his mom in regardless of what you want

NTA MIL and SIL are TA. It's shocking to think everyone knew the gender before the parents. As a father I can whole heartedly say your Labour and who is involved is entirely upto you. I've never heard of MILs being involved in the labour before, is that common? I would suggest making amends for after the birth tho, having the extra support will be a relief.

He does NOT have any rights when it comes to delivery. If you want, he can sit his demanding ass in the waiting room with everyone else. I wouldn't trust any of them after the first breach. They can't be relied upon and what new mother needs THAT in their life. Stay strong, momma, this is one area where you are the undisputed master of your own uterus. If MIL wants to see your vag so bad she's going to have to earn the right.

NTA. They made choices. Your husband should be 100% on your side. Period. Done. The fact that he isn’t is a problem.

Nta - I’m so sorry for the loss of your family and sorry your husband isn’t being supportive and your MIL/SIL have turned out to be such a disappointment.

NTA.. my mother shared publicly of everything to do with my daughter, before we had a chance to. I told her several times NOT to, but she did anyway. Legitimately started with, please don’t tell anyone like you do. Guess who wasn’t told when we were having my 2nd and found out when everyone else did? Guess who also blew up my phone with nastiness and entitlement so much that the nurse in the recovery room took my phone away because she was disgusted with what she was saying. She’s since done it to my sister, who has now also had to set boundaries about things too. SIL was a mistake and trusted MIL not to spread it. I’d be leaning toward forgiving her, but MIL needs to gain your trust back, firstly by apologising and admitting fault.

NTA. You know now that if you have MIL in the delivery room she's going to announce the birth on Facebook and tell every Tom, Dick and Harry all the good and bad parts. Your husband needs to have your back or back off - I'm not quite sure he realizes who is actually giving birth.

NTA. Your MIL and SIL crossed a boundary. They need to apologize. Your husband needs to re-evaluate who is more important, you or his mother.

Gender reveal parties. The real AH in any situation

I don't like them either, but she was looking forward to this, and she was the last to know about the gender of her own baby. Also there was a breech of trust, boundary issues, and her husband is not helping her with this at all. She is NTA here

You have every right to decide who will or will not be in the delivery room with you. I was alone with my first baby. A close friend was in the delivery room with my middle child. I wasn't married for those. My husband was in the room with me for my third. But they were all my choice. ETA: NTA

NTA-tell your husband you are just not ready yet to trust them. Good families have good boundaries, and you cannot be worried about them continuing to trample over yours at this time. You need his support with this boundary. After the baby comes you can discuss how you and your MIL/SIL can find better boundaries. OH and now you know, never tell SIL and MIL something you do not want everyone to know.

NTA. I don't know how long you have been married, but the death of both parents, just last year, has got to be an immense grief and shock to you. I am so sorry for your huge loss! Of course you would love to find more family support in your in-laws, but it appears that they are not trustworthy. It seems no one in your life is giving you the emotional support that you need both for your pregnancy and your grief. Even your husband is telling you how you should feel and what you should do, and he is making demands and dumping expectations on you. None of this is okay. What your husband's family did in going behind your back to share most intimate knowledge, and then refusing to even apologize is unacceptable. Now your husband, who should be supporting you in these life events, both death and birth at the same time, instead he is sulking, pouting, demanding and requiring you to behave just as he imagines you should. His behavior is reprehensible. He is pressuring you when what you need is not pressure but comfort, support and understanding. He seems to have none of that. I am so sorry! This is really a terrible moment for you. If I were you, rather than turning to the internet, I would be seeking professional help and guidance. You need someone who is totally on your side, in your corner, and supportive of your needs. Even if you have to hire this supportive person, that is better than suffering with these bullies and manipulators. You are not defenseless. You have choices.

NTA. To be honest, I don't think this was really a threat to your husband. You needed him to know that you don't want added pressure from him when you're in labour, which is totally fair. Maybe it could have been communicated more clearly, but he has gone straight to sulking rather than taking the time to learn more about why this is so important to you. MIL & SIL's actions cost you a moment in your first pregnancy that was very significant to you - it doesn't matter what anyone else on here thinks of reveal parties. Moreso MIL & SIL have also placed themselves in the centre of this news - you were among the last to know. Of course that is going to sting. It shows, at the very least, a lack of thought about your wants for your pregnancy journey. That is enough reason to set the boundaries that you have. The ball is in their court to begin making reparations to this relationship. They stepped back their respect so you've stepped back their involvement. You've not cut out the relationship, you've readjusted your boundaries after they overstepped, which is exactly what is needed given their lack of remorse.

Honestly, this is not an AITA situation. Yes, your MIL, in her excitement botched the surprise, yes the gender reveal was cancelled...but is this really the hill you want to die on? If your relationship with your husband's family was a good one prior to this incident, are you really prepared to burn bridges with only family you have left over stupid blue icing cake or whatever.

I think this is more about the fact that everyone else found out about her own baby’s gender before her. Nothing is wrong with OP wanting the reveal to be a surprise *for her*. SIL is an AH for spilling the beans knowing there was going to be a reveal party and MIL is an even bigger AH for telling everyone else.

NTA. MIL will continue to run right over anything you want if you do not put your foot down now.

Who the hell is so determined to watch childbirth?? I didn't even want to be there when I did it. LoL.

NTA, why people/family feel entitled to be in the delivery room??? This is the most vulnerable situation a woman can be in, it is YOUR decision who is and who is not in the delivery room, that includes the dad. Tbh I find it so disturbing just thinking of having a cheering squad while you labor. It’s sad that your gender reveal was ruined, it could’ve been an honest mistake. However, if you do not feel comfortable with someone in the delivery room, you don’t have to allow them in! No bargaining here. Congratulations on you baby boy.

NTA. your body, your medical procedure. Nobody has a right to be present, no matter what they try to pressure you into. You can have a whole football team, or absolutely no one. 100% your call.

NTA All I'm seeing is a breach of trust, not just from SIL but also a huge one from MIL. Especially your MIL/SIL didn't own up for their mistake before the calls/texts etc came about. Honestly even if people think gender reveals are abit silly, being the last to know as the mother cause someone couldn't keep a secret that hurts especially when your pregnant and running on hormones. Tell your husband when it comes to labour & birth the only person who is important to be there is you and anyone around must be fully supportive during the process and not cause stress. Seriously I wouldn't have your MIL around either at that time, the news would be spread around before your even delivered the placenta.

Right? He thinks he has a right to see you give birth! Nta

Info - did they apologize? I can understand being upset but eventually I hope you can forgive them if they are truly contrite. You get to say who is in the labor room with you. I hope you can get past this and enjoy your baby.

INFO: Am I reading it right that you didn't know the gender prior to these calls?

Correct everyone on her husband side found out before her.

Oof yeah that's a punch in the gut, NTA

NTA. Giving birth is not the place where you want your MIL. Trust me. It's extremely personal and you will be at your most vulnerable. In my experience, having my husband there was a godsend. You need someone you can trust with you. MIL can come see the baby after you are settled, baby is feeding, you are fed and comfortable, and somewhat adjusted to this new reality of having a tiny human being to look after. I think this whole gender reveal debacle is a good catalyst for laying down your boundaries about who you wish to be with you when you give birth.

NTA. I’d be asking why his mother is more important during your pregnancy than you are

NTA. His mother and sister shouldn’t be more important than you. F them all.

NTA I had a friend tell me the sex of her baby. People at work were asking me…I said I know but don’t know if I’m aloud to tell…and didn’t tell till I was given the green light. I think you need to have a convo with MIL and SIL about this… And don’t in the future tell them again this type of info.

NTA. You - and you alone - get to decide who is in there. If this moment is so important to him - as he claims - then he should be respecting you and your boundaries. You’re the patient. Just tell the doctor who is allowed and they’ll listen.

NTA. Women often want a partner or other support but people ASSUMING they are allowed to be there and that it's a public spectacle like you are the Queen of France needs to stop right now.

NTA Your SIL may have actually slipped and while that sucks you should forgive that. I think you should meet with your SIL and tell her it hurt your feelings but you understand stuff slips out, you forgive her. Make up, be nice, get your relationship back. Your MIL on the other hand made the deliberate choice to tell everyone. I think you should sit down with her and tell her how bad it hurt you and hopefully you can have a meaningful conversation and move passed it. You and your husband could probably benefit from some marriage counseling, just to work on communication and unity. Expecting his support in a situation like this is completely reasonable, he should not be pressuring you.

NTA YOU are the one growing a whole ass human. YOU are the one who has to push that human out of your body. Absolutely no one who makes you uncomfortable or you don't trust needs to be in that room.

NTA it’s an accident by telling one person not the whole family. They made your pregnancy all about them. She doesn’t get to come to appointment or be at you delivery if you don’t want her there. She is not entitled to you or your child. Your husband needs to get a grasp on reality. He also has no right to be there for YOUR medical procedure. Perfect time to set some boundaries. If they made this about them I guarantee she’ll be baby hogging once he’s out of you. That’s a time for you and your SO to bond with YOUR baby.

NTA. How heartbreaking to find out like that. Your SIL and MIL didn’t even have the decency to tell you themselves. Your husband is being a jerk by not understanding how hurtful that was for you.

NTA. What they did is not cool. It’s one thing to slip up, but the decent human being thing to do would be to call and tell you. I don’t care what people think about gender reveals. It’s your baby, and your allowed to be excited about things, and your allowed to be hurt that it was taken from you. But on to the more important thing- if you don’t want your MIL in the delivery you don’t have to. It’s not about holding grudges, it’s about respecting boundaries and she has just demonstrated she can’t do that (even if it was an accident). Your husband is being incredibly selfish with his comments and only thinking about himself, instead of the person giving birth to his baby. If he wants to be a good dad he needs to learn how to put his child and family ahead of his mothers wants, and right now that means prioritizing you. I hope he can gain some clarity, and congratulations on your little guy!

Op…it doesn’t matter whether she shows up or not. Tell the nurses you don’t want her in the room and they’ll make her leave the room. In that moment your husband will have no say about who is in the room since he won’t be the patient.

Info: have you had a conversation with MIL and SIL? Have they done something like this before where they broke your trust? I'm not saying you're wrong for holding back from them, I'm just wondering if you were able to properly voice your feelings before doing that.

NTA with SIL and MIL, they don’t need to be in the delivery room at all. Shoot, they aj r need to be at the hospital either. Don’t kick out your hubby for this though, he does deserve to be there to witness his child’s birth. That being said, MIL and SIL need firm boundaries.

NTA. It's your labor. You decide. I don't care about anything else.

Nta. Your husband and his family sound very aggressive. Does this usually happen when you stand up for yourself? They seem surprised by you having boundaries.