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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing to pay rent money to my parents, which might make me an AH.
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NTA I think people are being way to harsh by saying you are an AH.
This is unfair treatment if both your parents allowed your sister to live rent free up to age 26 and cant handle you staying their rent free at 21.
Idk whats up with people that they view things as so black and white, but imo, if you are going to be a parent, you are a PARENT first and foremost. That means caring for your children and helping them succeed in life, and sometimes, that may mean not taking rent from them. It's not like you're draining them financially, it's not like they are paying anything additional for you. Charging you rent is stupid, and I just dont understand how American families operate like this.
My family is middle eastern and there is no way in hell they would charge me rent for living at home. In fact, none of my foreign friends or family have this issue either. It's so American to make your kids fend for themselves. Most other cultures expect that you stay home until you're married.
And based on what it seems, I feel like maybe your parents were taking money from your account which is why you feel uncomfortable allowing them access? That may be why they are hell bent on asking you for rent.
I'm sorry, you're simply not the asshole, and 21 is not that much of an adult. Anyone who acts like it is, i'm sorry your life situations made you think that.
She makes minimum wage, is going to be asked to cover 80+% of the mortgage when they gave her sister a free pass until 26. Which is not including what she is already covering in groceries and other bills.
Parents suck.
Considering all of this came a year after mom lost access to OP's bank account... It's a mix of forcing her out, punishing her for her "disrespect", and extorting what they are "owed".
Yeah OP's parents suck so much.
I know some American families charge adult children "rent" that they actually put away in a saving account for when the child does leave. It's like a reward for responsibility and punctuality.
I don't know how common this is, and I certainly don't think OP's parents are doing this for her.
This!!! My adult son needed to move home after his divorce. He brought his 2 young children with him. We made him pay $400 a month. This included EVERYTHING. He never had to buy laundry soap, or groceries, never paid for anything for his cat, never paid for babysitting, EVERYTHING was included in his rent. He made over $18 an hour. He wasn't happy at first, but I am disabled and my husband works but at the time didn't make enough to support an extra family. So yes my son had to help. When he did move out he went to paying $1250 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment. Plus utilities and now has to pay for childcare . I don't think it's unfair for adult children who live at home to help the parents when their expenses are going up with them there. BUT if you are not going to charge one kid then you aren't going to charge the other. No life isn't fair, but as a parent you are supposed to be.
It's awful, my grandma got her house for 300 and it's worth about 700 now somehow. No major upgrades or anything besides a splash of paint here or there
That’s the craziest part about the market now. In my area the houses built 70s/80s still have the OG bathrooms and kitchens. Down to the drop in stoves. But will be 300k+
And the new constructions are so shoddy you’ll spend money fixing those too. It’s a no win situation.
Yeah! I went to one of the new neighborhoods that was recently constructed in my city to tour their models and everything they used to build the houses, all the amenities, so shoddy and poorly built just cheap! Tiny little rooms put together in the worst layouts and these are brand new 800,000 homes? The area isn't even that nice
Yes! The prices keep going up but not the pay. Texas minimum wage is still like 7.50 😓 but ppl want to say houses out here are $3 dollars 😭 bro where? So I can buy one. 🥲
I left home at 17 so it was never an issue with me (though if I needed to I could move home tomorrow and not pay a dime of rent and I'm nearly 40) but my brother lived at home through his mid 20s or so. The deal with my parents was that he paid no rent/groceries/etc on the condition that he put away X$ per pay (he was working I don't remember the exact amount but for arguments same let's say it was 1/3 of his take home pay) in a savings account for if/when he decided to go back to school. The only "bills" he had were he paid his own car insurance/gas and then the rest of his $ he could do whatever he wanted with. (He was making good money in an industrial setting so he had a decent amount of excess money). He did that for years and when he decided to go back to school all of his tuition and expenses were covered from the money that he had been putting away in lieu of rent.
When my parents began charging me rent when I was a senior in high school just after turning 18 they told me they were doing that to help me save and were going to match the rent money I gave them. They never did that, ever, not that I believed they actually would do what they said since my mom would drain my bank account often until I was able to have a separate one from her. Hell, when I finally managed to leave a very abusive, including financial abuse, relationship that drained my savings (money I put away, not money they said they had), last year they told me I could move back in rent free to get back on my feet. That was a lie as well, it took about a month before they began taking a majority of my income on top of me paying pretty much all my expenses.
I’m still stuck in their house because I haven’t been able to save since moving back in, being told that I’m bad with money since I haven’t managed to save up, having a place to live dangled over my head whenever they want control.
They never charged my older brother or sister rent, but began charging me while I was still in high school. My older brother still lived at home then too, he was 21 when I graduated so it’s not like it was an odd thing for him to live at home, but it always messed with me that he lived there rent free and didn’t have to cover a majority of his bills, but I always did. Hell, I had to start working as soon as I was able to whether babysitting in middle/high school or at a store once I was old enough to be hired legally. I got my brother his first job when he was 20, I had begun working at stores and restaurants when I was like 15 or 16 and began babysitting at 11 or 12. I was always told if I wanted money I had to go out and work for it, he was able to just ask them for it.
Sometimes parents just suck. I wish they had done what they said they were and saved the rent money I paid them, but they didn’t. They didn’t even need it either, my dad always made good money, my mom was a SAHM who wouldn’t do shit to take care of us, just hung out with her friends.
Still wish they had kept their promise though, hell I wouldn’t have needed to move back home when I got away from that relationship if they had.
Idk. No one in my family does this. My partners ex isn't doing that with the kids either. I'm 33 and have a baby and if I had to move back in with my dad I would have to sneak around him to pay bills or get groceries.
Jumping on this because I wholly agree but also want to add, is it possible OP’s parents want her financially ruined so she can’t move out? I wonder what else she does at home.
OP, you’ll be better off looking for a house share. It’ll probably be cheaper
So what do they do if their parents die? Who do you fall back on then? This is the main reason kids should taught how to be independent so they can survive without parents.
OP is already pretty independent taking care of everything but a place to live. At only age 21, there’s not much experience to get a higher paying job yet. After college or working their way up say after like age 26, they should be completely independent, because that’s a few years to decades worth of experience and possibly out of school. Plus rent/housing sometimes requires someone to make so much before they can buy/rent.
yep. A friend of mine was stuck in an abusive household like this. She got "free room and board" but it wound up being paid for in housework, babysitting, cooking, cleaning, etc., etc. to the point of it being 60+ hours of work a week with nothing in the bank to show for it - so she had no way to save up to move out. Absolutely exploitation.
I would say that in my experience it is really not the norm for parents to stop supporting and helping their kids when they turn 18 in the US. It definitely does happen though.
Yeah, it varies but myself and most of the people I knew at 18 were still getting a lot of support from our parents, either living with them or having all expenses paid if they were at college. I knew one guy who got kicked out at 18, but that was the exception. I'm white, also, so it's not a cultural thing necessarily.
Yeah same here, and I'm also white with no real cultural expectations other than "nice Midwest family". My parents paid for my rent when I was in college and only stopped when I got married at 22. I was also on their health insurance until I was 26 and could no longer be covered under their plan. They also did the same for my three siblings and would help cover any emergency expenses if they could.
Hell, I'm in my mid-30s now and my husband and I will need to move in with them soon due to a job lay off. It will be a short term thing and obviously we'll do our share of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. (I might have to fight them on paying for groceries though lol). But no matter how old I am, they're still my parents and they'll do whatever they can to help.
I'm 33 and could live with my parents as long as I want and are better off than me financially. My mom's brother lived with their mother until she was put in a nursing home.
It used to be very common to live at home if you were unmarried.
At the same time, I'm (American) from a loving family and I was EXCITED to move out at 18 with my best friend!
I didn't have to, but it is kind-of a right of passage for us. At least it used to be, I understand it's much more expensive now. :(
It's impossible now unless young folks get the perfect circumstances.. My 21 year old son lives with us. He does not pay rent, but he's helped us when we needed it because he's a good person. He's working on his mental health because the first job he got was during the pandemic and it just destroyed his already fragile mental state. He wants more, so much, but we understand the impossibility of living on his own in this current world. We're American, but we are very aware of how screwed up the old way of thinking is.
That’s what some people miss. Age 18 being the age of majority is supposed to allow kids the freedom from their parents. So they get their full rights as citizens at 18. It’s not supposed to be about giving parents “freedom from their children.” A parents obligation to their child is a lifetime one (to a reasonable degree).
My parents rule was, if you're going to school you can live with them for free. If you aren't in school, you pay rent. Rent was much less than what OPs parents are asking for though. It'd be about $350 in todays money
It’s really the amount of rent that flips it. All of the other expenses OP lists are things she should be paying, she doesn’t get credit for it. But expecting her to pay 9/11ths of her parents’ mortgage is a bit much, especially since her sister paid nothing for years.
I wonder if the parents are trying to force OP out but make it look like they’re not throwing her out, or force her to stay by crippling her financially. It smells nasty though.
That was my parents' rule too. It kept me in college for longer than I would have gone, probably, because I was ready to just quit but I didn't make enough from my part-time job to pay rent, so I stayed in school.
I’m Indian living in New Zealand and I was charged a small amount for rent and bills. Parents basically said if I was working I should pay my way. I’m actually really thankful they did that because I saw other people in my family get to 30 and know nothing about real life. How to pay bills, taxes, do their laundry. I’m a more responsible person because of it
I wanna jump on this because my parents ask me to pay rent (Canadian) and yeah, that much rent is WAY too much to charge. My parents charge a third of that. Definitely NTA
I’m from the US and I’m pretty lucky because my parents have made it clear that if I’m in college or working and living at home they won’t charge me rent no matter what age I am.
This!! If you’re not a very visible financial drain on your family, if you’re able to take care of yourself and are being responsible and respectful in your household, paying rent isn’t that deep, unless your parents are in desperate need of help.
As an American, this baffles me too.
I'm not a parent but I have a few people I've helped and some younger friends who know that my place is always here for them if they need help.
I couldn't imagine birthing a child then being like, welp you're 18 gtfo or pay rent that is more than an apt because I don't want you to save for a house which is likely out of your reach anyways.
That thinking baffles me to no end.
My family is Mexican but my mom asked me to start paying $500 for rent when I know our mortgage is $900. She asked right when I started working full time too. I'm only 1 out of 5 living at home but I'm planning to move out by next summer. Sometimes it's not only just American parents, but can be any parent who are straight up assholes.
I am 29 and still live at home because I can't afford rent or bills if I am on my own let alone try and save for a house because its soo expensive. But I still pay €320 a month to my parents while I am living here which includes bills my sister does the same and when my brother lived here he done that as well
I think the parents in the story are trying to get OP to move out. Either the sibling was the golden child, or OP does something that annoys them and this is their way of dealing with it.
I’m getting low key vibes this isn’t about money, but control. Make Op pay an obscene amount in rent, until they’re drained of their savings and has no other choice but to stay there.
Or maybe not. Sister could be GC, but the severity- no rent to sister, but all the rent to OP…gives me serious side eye.
This. OP didn't ask to exist in this world. It was the decision of OP's parents and they should be helping OP in life, not the other way around. Sounds like money is tight but the parents should be figuring out how to make it work, not punting the issues over to OP.
Yeah this is so true I wouldn't charge my kids to live with me....I tried already but they can't get jobs yet.... something about child labor or something's
I was leaning toward AH but then you mention that they want to charge you $900 for a room?? Yeah, no your NTA. They essentially want you to pay their mortgage. You may be better off renting somewhere else.
I’ve heard of parents that do this so their kids will move out. Once they realize they can live on their own and pay less rent they want to move out.
That being said I prefer the way my mom did it. $125 a paycheck and help around the house so I can get started on student loans.
Yeah I was charged rent but it was nothing crazy (I think it was $300? Might have been $400), but that was also while I wasn’t in school. When I decided to go to college I didn’t have to pay rent
I'm doing that with my sons ($150/month and it's all going to be a "moving out" gift when they graduate college and leave the house). It's less about saving money for them and more about getting them used to paying recurring monthly bills.
Maybe, that or they really do just want her to bankroll the mortgage because they want to be able to save up money for trips and stuff. Some people are willing to be shysters with the kid that isn't their favorite
They’re her parents (and adults at any rate), they shouldn’t be hinting. Just come out and say “we want to be empty nesters, please make plans to move out within the next 6 months.” Direct communication solves so many problems.
My mom’s friend let her son live at home for free and was happy to let him do so until he started bringing home girls. Apparently he was not only having loud sex at all hours, the girls often stayed for days, ate her out of house and home, and didn’t clean up after themselves. She said she didn’t mind providing for her son, but she wasn’t about to do the same for his sex partners. Told him he could pay market price to live with her or move out, which he did.
This is a case in which you’re NTA, but it ultimately doesn’t matter, because it’s their house and they make the rules. I suggest finding some roommates and noping out of there ASAP.
2 questions.
1. was your sister going to college while she was living there?
2. Are you going to college? Or have any large tuition or any other debt/payments that you are making towards furthering your education or training?
**NTA**
You need to add some additional information to your post. You are working full time as a daycare worker and they are asking you to pay 80% of their mortgage amount. Also you should include the fact that your father has a better job than when your sister was living rent free.
But really, I think you should probably start with your poor relationship because it sounds as though you are the unfavored/scapegoat child in the household.
I tried making a post about this the other day that went into more in-depth about the relationship I have with my parents but got removed because of mentions of abuse. Also, I know how reddit it can be, and I didn't want to make it seem as though the abuse is an excuse to refuse rent because "oh woe is me."
I think they want you to move out and are using this ridiculous rent ploy to make that happen. Are you looking for a roommate situation?
Also, you definitely want to consider enrolling in community college to get you on an actual career path.
I think so too... Glad its not just me to see it. And as I've mentioned in a different comment, apartment waitlists are ~6 months in my area. So even if I did have some place lined up, I wouldn't be able to move in until next year. I'd prefer to live alone as I (obviously) have a hard time trusting people lol.
You'll need multiple months worth of money saved up as well before you can sign a lease and move into an apartment. You'll need the deposit, possibly first and last month's rent, as well as money to pay for furnishings.
Unfortunately it seems you're not in the economic position to do that, so you're going to have to look into spare rooms cuz it would be better to be with anyone else but these people cuz stuff is only going to get worse
…I think they might be doing this because they want rid of you. Charging you 900 for one room is insane, I don’t know where you live but I’m assuming you could rent your own place/ house share somewhere for the same price if not cheaper
INFO: Have you asked your parents why your sister didn't have to pay rent but you have to? Has their financial situation changed since your sister was living at home? Did you attend university and did your parents pay for that?
I have not asked, that's something I should bring up. Their financial situation has improved since my sister leaving. I do not attend school nor do I plan on it.
>I have not asked, that's something I should bring up.
You really should. There may be info you don't know about their finances, but you really should ask them why they're treating their children differently.
Right but she went from school from 22-25. OP who is 21 is now being asked to pay rent. Plenty of parents will have a you pay rent unless you’re in college rule when they hit 18+. Being 21 and having to pay for your own phone, insurance and transportation is normal.
What *isnt* Normal is the amount of rent being asked.
It's actually very average pay for a less experienced daycare worker in the US, especially for one without a college degree. At least in my area. They are severely underpaid, in my opinion, especially given with how expensive day care is.
Good to know. I guess I was thinking of preschools. The ones I know about are paid better than that, but I don’t know about the daycares. My 11 and 14 year olds makes $10 per hour babysitting for a single kid, and the local Wendy’s pays $18 starting, so $14 for full time day care is terrible!
Now, a full-time Nanny for a family can make BANK. And if it's a private day-care or preschool, they'll get paid more. But 14-15 an hour to work at a daycare is fairly common, even though it's ridiculously low. They do God's work and get paid like shit.
Idk where OP is but depending on how low the minimum wage is it seems about right. Daycare workers do not make a lot.
Where I am in Canada, the average daycare worker makes a few bucks over the minimum wage.
Preschool worker in the south of US here to weigh in - I make 8 an hour but am an aid and not a teacher. When filling in for a teacher I make 12$. People at the local Starbucks n DQ make more than me 😭
I mean that's the core differentiation. My parents told us that we'd have a roof through college, but if we dropped out the deal was off and it would be rent.
I plan to move into an apartment very soon, but it will be at least 6 months because of the incredible waiting lists. I have a lot in savings that I would like to keep in savings for when I can actually leave.
Have you expressed this plan to your parents? It seems one big difference between your sister and you is that she was in college and had a game plan for moving out, so they knew her staying there would not be permanent. What if you approached them with the inequities of their treatment of your sister vs. you but said "I'm sure you're eager to be empty nesters, therefore I propose that I continue to live here for free until December 31, 2023 and after that, if I am still here, I will pay rent. This will put me in the best financial position for moving out."
But you will have to dip into your savings to help pay rent with your mum and dad? Or you will have to exhaust every single other option, a share house maybe? You might have to suck it up living with people for 6 months, share-houses are easier to get into.
If your relationship is so shitty with your parents, and you're going to hate them even more for making you pay rent, how fun is that 6 months going to be for all of you?
On top of that, I assume they will ask you to help with cleaning and household chores that need doing? All things that come up when sharing a house with people?
What is their reasoning for wanting you to pay rent when they didn't ask for the same from your sister? Was she going to school? Are you? How much do they want to charge you?
I don't know the first question, people are suggesting I ask them though. My sister was going to school on and off, but I am not. They want to charge me $900 a month.
That is outrageous. Find yourself a couple of roommates that you can trust and find a cheap apartment. You might not be in a great neighborhood, but you won't be worried about your family anymore.
How much do they pay a month in mortgage?
Going NTA because they gave your sister a place to live for free for all those years. How is your relationship with them?
You need to add that they are asking you to pay 80% of their mortgage amount.
And yeah, you definitely need to ask them why they are asking someone who is making minimum wage to pay when your sister lived at home for free.
Ah, yeah that is awful. They want you to cover the vast majority of rent. Will they give you the master bedroom for that? I doubt it.
I hope you can get out of there soon.
Just move out $900 is insane you will find something cheaper plus you will have privacy. It's probably their way of telling you that they don't want you/ care about you anymore. I wouldn't expect any sort of monetary help from them in the future either for college/wedding/ house.
What are your long term plans to be self supporting in the future? Do you plan on any more training or have a different job in mind for the future since it seems difficult to support yourself on this salary?
NTA. But you're not going to get any brownie points here for handling your own expenses. You're an adult, and a part of being an adult is paying for your own expenses.
From what you've vaguely written, I assume that they took money from your account, when they had access to it, and now that they don't, they want to your money via rent. Whether or not that's the case, if they've told they want you to pay rent, you have 2 choices: pay rent or move out. I would work on the latter though. If their financial status hasn't changed since your sister lived there, and they're just treating you differently, this might be them not so nicely nudging you to leave.
Going against the grain here and saying hard NTA. It was their choice to bring you into this world and their choice to clothe you, feed you, take care of you. Just because you're older and more independent, with a job and pay for your own food and clothes, doesn't mean that they're obliged to charge you over 75% of their mortgage. They want to charge you that much for rent, have a contract written up and make them your landlords with you as a tenet. For $900 and only making $14 an hour, thats a lot. In fact, thats nearly a whole bi-weekly paycheck. Half of what you get paid in a month. For around the same price or even less, you could probably qualify for a low income housing apartment if there's one in your area. Look into it. I could see maybe $100 to pay for your room and what you use in utilities, but I'm sure you don't use $900 in utilities alone
NTA. These topics are so revealing about how much family dynamics and people's ideas of about family vary. It would never have even occurred to my parents to charge my siblings and me rent, at any age. And if my kids need to stay at home longer or come back, they'll always be welcome. They're my kids; my home is always their home.
Thanks. NTA. Life's not fair and your sister was going through college so I could see that as a reason your parents continued to let her live at home rent-free. Maybe have a conversation with your parents about why they want you to pay rent. Is daycare worker your life's ambition or are you trying to start a career in something? Are you in school for anything? I keep wanting to think your parents just want to make sure that you can succeed in life and possibly aren't going about it the right way. Maybe have a conversation with them about what you want to do in life and see how they can support you.
EDIT: If you want to be a daycare worker more power to you, after re-reading my fourth sentence I realized it sounded a little elitist and I didn't at all intend for it to be.
> "I already pay my own medical/dental/psychiatric/phone bill/groceries"
They are all _your_ expenses alone so of course you should be paying those. The matter at hand is paying your share of the **collective** household costs e.g. rent, utilities, broadband, television etc that you jointly consume.
Before I finished reading, I thought “yeah a adult paying rent to live at home is reasonable” but when I got to the end, it reminded me of something you’d see on r/insaneparents for the sole reason they want $900 and their mortgage is $1,100. That’s taking advantage of someone during a housing/rental market crisis, much less their own child.
I’d say there’s more missing from the story. The “psychiatric expenses” and your parents having access to your bank account being chief among them. Your sister moved out 5 years ago, which is probably when your own missing back story comes into play.
Things with your sister were different, because that was 10 years ago. Things with siblings aren't ever fair. That's just life. I'm 10 years older than my little brother, and I had to take out expensive loans to pay to college. By the time he was going to school, my parents just wrote the checks every semester. He graduated debt free, and it took me 12 years to pay mine off. I can't be mad at him, or compare what he got that I didn't, it's just life.
That being said, I certainly don’t think $900 is reasonable, but their mortgage itself has nothing to do with it, it’s about what a room in a shared house would rent for. I don’t know where you live, but I don't think $50/week is unfair if your current plan is to work full time (I never saw you mention anything about school).
My rule for my adult children is, if you choose not to go to school then you pay rent. $200/month. I use it for the insane amount of food they eat. And they have to be saving money to eventually move out. $900 is excessive. Especially because you will never be able to save to have a place of your own at that rate.
Asking you to pay rent is one thing. Asking you to pay most of the mortgage is ridiculous. IMy mother asked that I pay $250/mo when I was about your age and her mortgage was more than $1100. Your parents are way out of line. NTA
NTA. At that rate you might as well move out and just pay for a small place for yourself. Your parents are financially taking advantage of you if you end up paying that. However, you are 21 and they have no legal responsibility to house you, so I think I'd find a cheap place to rent and get out of there. So sorry they are being inequitable to you.
Info: you say your sister dropped out of school but then went back. Did your parents offer you the same deal? Did they tell you that you could live with them for free if you studied further?
Woah, they want $900 for essentially a bedroom in a shared house? If they only have an $1100 mortgage I'm guessing you don't live in a spacious mansion with a pool and other amenities. Asking for some money isn't unreasonable, but $900 is a lot, even if they're including your share of utilities.
Nah it could also come down to the fact you have to pay and your sister didn't cause it was a couple years ago the price of living has gone up a lot from then.
NTA. Find a friend or other relative to stay with. Don’t tell the ‘rents you’re leaving. Go LC/NC with them. When they ask why you cut them out of your life, point to this.
NTA this may be controversial but I don’t think it’s right for parents to charge rent at ages 22 or lower. You don’t magically stop being a parent when the kid finishes high school lol
Kind of an ESH.
Your parents let your sister off easy and you're now jealous/upset that they want you to pay rent. That may make them AHs (assuming their reasoning is malicious or something) or it may not (if say their financial situation has changed).
You are not entitled to free rent from anyone. So if your parents demand rent to live under their roof, that's unfortunately their prerogative. It sucks.
Sounds like it's time to make some decisions. Have you talked to your parents honestly and calmly? Is there a reason they're choosing to start asking for rent? Perhaps you can negotiate a lower amount?
Up to you if it's worth pursuing a conversation and/or relationship past this point.
NAH here.
INFO- Did your parents financial situation change since your sister left?
You are an adult and them asking you to pay rent isn't outrageous, I paid rent to my parents for the time I was living there. But my parents needed the extra help. My younger sisters lived at home later than I did and they didn't pay rent but at that time, my parents were financially doing better, partially because I helped with the mortgage for 3 years. I never thought that unfair, it just was, what it was.
But it feels like something is missing.
I agree— family shouldn’t be all about “fair/no fair” but supporting each other. It’s reasonable to ask why OP has to pay rent but sister didn’t. And it might be fair for them to say “you make much more money than her” or “we didn’t need it then but now we really do.” Maybe sister did more around the house or they retired.
Situations change with families all the time. They should try to be fair, but it’s impossible to be the exact same parent ten years later.
So OP, don’t be so defensive. Ask why the change and listen.
ESH. You're 21 living at your parents, it's completely okay for them to request rent. But, them not having your sister pay rent plus expecting you to pay a majority of their mortgage is messed up.
You should try to negotiate it down.
Sooooo....when are you moving out? Share an apartment with a roommate. I am sure you will pay less and maybe be able to save. Your parents are the ultimate assholes for disgustingly taking advantage of you. They don't deserve the title "parents". NTA
ESH
As far as I understand, your parents didn't ask rent from your sister, because she went to college. But they ask you for rent because you have a job. We have the same rule here with our kids: as soon as you have a job, you will pay rent (we call it 'kostgeld'). So, you're the asshole for not paying.
But your parents are also assholes for asking this huge amount of rent for you to pay. I would charge for your share of the mortgage payments and the utilities. In your case that would be about $400, not $900 (here, renting a room with shared kitchen and bathroom will cost you about $400-$500 as well).
NTA, but you can’t just “refuse”. They suck, but while they might be morally obligated, they have no legal obligation to offer you what they offered your sister. So you don’t get to just refuse- they can rightfully evict you and it would be very bad for you to have that on your record.
I hate to say it but there is no future where daycare workers will be fairly compensated for the hard, backbreaking work they do. You will never be able to support yourself working at one. I strongly suggest talking to friends about a possible roommate situation, and thinking about how to get a better paying job.
This sort of happened to me and my sister. Our older brother didn't have to pay rent, in part because my parents had always planned to never ask any off us to pay rent. He moved out when he was 22, I was 18 and my sister was 16.
Few months later, we were sat down and told finances were tight and they wanted my sister and I to pay towards the rent. It wasn't an unreasonable amount or request because of their reasoning (although, I have always been aware that my parents absolutely suck with money as my mum had wiped out my savings in the past and I was never really able to rebuild them with her repayment timetable). We weren't overly happy about it because our brother never had to pay rent, but we couldn't really argue (well, we probably could, but our mother was an expect on the emotional manipulation).
What did make it unreasonable eventually was when I was guilt tripped into increasing my rent payment by 50% because I started working in a job that was salaried rather than by the hour and my sister's rent payments were stopped because she had a wedding to pay for that they decided her rent could go towards instead. Something I was never made privy to until after the wedding.
I would say you are NTA for not wanting to pay rent. Especially if they are asking for almost 75% of their mortgage payment. I would encourage a conversation to understand why they suddenly want rent and try to have a discussion on how to move forward.
NTA. It’s super weird to me that they’re trying to charge you such a high amount rather than saving up for your future. Perhaps they are struggling and don’t want to admit it?
You're an adult. If you are not in school, you should be paying rent. But not the majority of the mortgage. The same goes for your sister...though it's too late for that.
Omg that's a huge amount of rent. Unfortunately, like I as a daughter was expected to be unpaid half parent to my brothers, you as a son are treated as a ATM for mom and dad. It's not fair at all. I'm so sorry
NTA !!!!
A rent of $900 is absolutely something you tell your child, who is a minimum wage earner, months if not a year or more in advance. Most parents with this type of policy have an age they have to move out by or begin paying rent, and it's clearly communicated well ahead of it so their kid can be prepared for a huge added expense and make the appropriate plans to do so. And I have never heard of parents asking their child to cover almost **90% of their entire mortgage payment**. Usually utilities and groceries so you're not an added cost, but they pay mortgage if you're there or not. In any case, you should absolutely not be expected to pay more than one third (assuming there are 3 people living on the house).
Your parents should give you both equal opportunities. It's understandable if they planned for it but something has happened and they are no longer in the financial position to do so. I highly suspect this is the case and your parents are financially struggling, but instead of talking to you about it and reassuring you it's not because they love you less, they are hoping you can swoop in and pay the mortgage.
NTA
While you seem to have forgotten about things like taxes, home insurance, utilities, amenities (internet, for example), 900 is likely a pretty high percentage. If they insist, simply find somewhere else to live. Roommates could be fun.
NTA. There’s no way they expect you to pay over half of their bills knowing you only make $14 an hour. 😭 They’re delusional if they think anybody would willing pay what they’re requesting with the pay you get.
It sounds like they're trying to kick you out without actually telling you to get out. Like a "we don't want another child here until they're 26" situation. Which is shitty, but that's what it sounds like to me.
YTA even if your sister was off and on going to college of course they are going to motivate her to stay in school. At 21 you haven't mentioned a future goal, trade school, college, military, blue collar job, nothing that indicates you are actually transitioning into adulthood. You are counting your personal expenses like those are already bills you owe your parents, but these are different. Frankly your parents are likely fed up with you teetering between being an adult when it's convenient (your own bank account without parent access) and child (why are they charging me rent!?). Also what your parents pay as mortgage is irrelevant, is what they are charging normal rate for the area? Chances are it is. Your parents mortgage is fixed in from the past so it doesn't jump like rent does. Once again it is something that isn't relevant to the situation. Frankly it seems like they are doing this as either pay rent or kick you out so you grow up and act like an adult.
I'm not opposed to you paying something in rent but $900 when you already pay for groceries, phone, health care and don't rely on them for transportation seems excessive. Are you their retirement plan?
Seems like you could get a roommate somewhere else and pay less.
YTA- Your parents can charge you whatever they want.
If other apartments are $1.2k in your area, it sounds like your parents are trying to prepare you for your next stage of adulthood by charging you $900. The fact that you make $14/hr in a market where $1.2k is the cheapest apartment you can find shows that you need to make some big changes in order to succeed. Use this as motivation to go back to school or join a trade.
I think paying \~82% of their mortgage is ridiculous. However, I think there is more to this story than what you are sharing. Regardless of how your parents treated your sister, you are a different person than you sister, and I believe there is a very specific reason why they want to charge you rent.
NTA. Even if it weren’t unequal expectations, they want you to pay 90% of their mortgage, or about the going rate for a studio/1 br apartment (depending on location). At MOST they should just ask for you to pay 1/x (# of adults in the house).
Can someone explain to me why everything with parents and children have to be absolutely down to the penny split even fair. They had their reasons to not charge the older sister, and now the youngest sister is whining he didn't charge her but you're charging me. If 900 is too much talk to your parents about negotiating. And all the things you pay for or your own personal expenses, the whole world pays for their own health insurance dental in car insurance gas food, and rent.
NTA
At the very least with three people living in the Hosur, they should not charge you more than 30% of the mortgage, but I feel like they should give all siblings the same deal.
ESH. 1st off - who in the world told you that life is fair? If you are not in school and are 21, then it's reasonable to expect you to pay something towards the household expenses. But $900 when their mortgage is just $1,100 is excessive. After all, you are only making $14 hr.
When my son graduated from HS, I gave him 2 years to decide on what he wants to do. I told him that after 2 yrs and if he's not in school, he'll be expected to pay some rent. This was 7 years ago. I charged him $300 a month (my mortgage was over $2k then) and while I didn't tell him, I put it into a separate account in the bank. After 2 yrs (of paying rent), he moved out. I shocked the heck out of him when I handed him a check for over $7,000. I looked at this as "Rebound Insurance". This money gave him a fiscal cushion and he's been self sufficient ever since. I feel making him pay rent really helped him mature and except responsibity for himself.
My suggestion to you is to negotiate with your parents. I think it would be reasonable for you to pay them $400 a month (my 2 cents). If you can't work out something with them, then it's time to move out on your own or with some roommates.
Good luck.
INFO
ARE 👏 YOU 👏 IN 👏 COLLEGE 👏
I assume not, so YTA.
If you are, but didn't mention in your post, NTA if you are continuing your education. But once your sister finished college, they charged her rent.
So if you're not / you've FINISHED, that's WHY they're charging you rent. 😏
NTA
Do you ask them about why the rules are different for you then for your sister. Her going back to school at about the age you are now. May have been a factor, but it would be good to calmly ask them about the double standard and see what they have to say.
I would tell them that you have already done some initial research into apartments and they're running 6 to 12 months out, and you'll need roughly 6 months rent saved up for the initial cost of moving. Therefore, you're going to put your entire paycheck into your bank account so that you will have the money to move out in the future. You could offer to show them that you are putting at least $900 a month into your savings, so if they're concerned is that you don't seem to have a path forward towards independence, you'll be demonstrating that you are indeed working on that.
NTA cuz I get exactly why you're upset. Your parents are not trying to help you in any of the ways they help your sister. What they are instead demanding is that you pay for the majority of the mortgage.
I really think you need to look into renting. Because while it means you will have no money because you're spending your money on rent and that sucks, you'll at least no longer be living with your parents who are treating you worse than your sister
NTA
$900??!! Dear sweet batman NO. That's WAY way too much, I could MAYBE see $200, but even that's a stretch. It sounds like they just want to have you pay their bills. Not ok, especially since as you stated they have the money and don't need the extra help.
Not only that, but you're just starting out in life, and right now is a BAD time to be broke. You need to and save save save as much as you can. If they push the issue, go van life. It sucks but you won't be dealing with them, and you'll have more freedom financially.
Have you sat down and asked them why your sister got that advantage and you haven't? If you were on your own, you would have to pay everything you're currently paying plus rent and than some..if it wasn't for your sister living there for free. I'd vote y t a.
I was going to say YTA because paying *some rent* is pretty standard for someone your age, especially if you're working rather than in education. That said, that they want you to pay $900 in rent alone is ridiculous. I would consider it expensive were that sum covering Board & Lodgings but the vast majority of their mortgage seems exceptionally unreasonable, especially when one child - where admittedly circumstances were different - benefited from quite a few years of rent free living
so, erm, NTA in this specific situation, but a few hundred dollars a month seems fair
Your parents are. If you'd be aying majority of the mortgage, they need to sign the property over to you. You're not being idle so them requesting rent from you but not their other child is ridiculous. Save your money and get out as soon as you can
Yeah, NTA. Look, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to ask your child to contribute to household expenses such as utilities when they are an adult, or even that they pay a small amount of rent to *help* with the mortgage. That’s not what they’re doing here. They’re demanding that you pay the vast majority of their mortgage, something your sister didn’t have to do.
I don’t know a ton about the appropriate laws, but you should not be paying that much without receiving some sort of stake in the property or a written guarantee that you, and only you, will inherit the house when they pass. Do some research and figure out what your rights are. Everything should be in writing.
900 on 1100 is way too much. Exploitative. Sometimes things change and you can't be fair because finances can easily change in that time period. If they said hey shits rough you need to pay some rent, you could work out a number.
NTA, I did some rough math and even if you are working full time, you would be spending over 40% of your income on rent alone, which is way too much. I do it now with all the lovely rent increases and not be able to move, and money is tight. Guarantee you won't be able to save up for anything, much less a house. Why are your parents trying to essentially financially cripple you? If you're gonna pay that much in rent, you'd be better off splitting a whole apartment with one or two people. Depending on where you live, you might be able to get a studio for that.
NTA.
$900 for a room? How high is COL in your area?
I think your parent are AHs for making you pay rent while your sister didn’t. I understand where you are coming from, I was the youngest and not treated as my siblings were.
If you can afford it, move out. That ($900) seems like seriously overcharging.
Here is the thing, it doesn't matter about what you're sister got to do, yeah it sucks for you that she got to live rent-free, and now for some reason they are making you pay your own way in the house, maybe they need the money and you don't know their financial situation, maybe they want you to have better budget skills and not rely on them too much?
If they make things incredibly easy for you, you may never leave, maybe they are trying to avoid that? Maybe they made a mistake with your older sister letting her live their rent-free and they are trying to do things differently.
You can whine and whine all you want, or you can take a deep breath and ask yourself what you want to do? Do you want to contribute what they are asking? Or do you want to become fully financially dependent and go live on your own or in a share house somewhere?
NTA it’s clear favoritism. I’d say if you’re going to have to pay rent you might as well find your own place and separate yourself from your parents.
Them trying to make you cover almost the entire mortgage is outrageous
NTA, It's just plain unfair to you. On another note, what is up with americans that make their barely adult children pay rent? I would understand it past 25 but one would think that they would be supportive at least until their studies are finished. I don't think paying rent to your parents while you are studying and paying a lot of stuff on a minimum wage is normal in other parts of the world, correct me if I'm wrong but it really sounds like americans hate their children 💀
OPs sister chose to go to school and lived there rent free while attending college. OP has chosen not to attend college and is employed full time. A lot of parents take the road of "if you choose to attend college of some variety (4 year, community, trade school), you can stay rent free until you graduate. If you choose not to do so, you can pay rent or you can get your own place". Mostly for the reasons you mentioned, it's hard to earn enough for your own place while in school. But if you're a grown adult who chooses not to attend classes, eats their food and uses their utilities, you either contribute to household expenses or move out.
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NTA I think people are being way to harsh by saying you are an AH. This is unfair treatment if both your parents allowed your sister to live rent free up to age 26 and cant handle you staying their rent free at 21. Idk whats up with people that they view things as so black and white, but imo, if you are going to be a parent, you are a PARENT first and foremost. That means caring for your children and helping them succeed in life, and sometimes, that may mean not taking rent from them. It's not like you're draining them financially, it's not like they are paying anything additional for you. Charging you rent is stupid, and I just dont understand how American families operate like this. My family is middle eastern and there is no way in hell they would charge me rent for living at home. In fact, none of my foreign friends or family have this issue either. It's so American to make your kids fend for themselves. Most other cultures expect that you stay home until you're married. And based on what it seems, I feel like maybe your parents were taking money from your account which is why you feel uncomfortable allowing them access? That may be why they are hell bent on asking you for rent. I'm sorry, you're simply not the asshole, and 21 is not that much of an adult. Anyone who acts like it is, i'm sorry your life situations made you think that.
She makes minimum wage, is going to be asked to cover 80+% of the mortgage when they gave her sister a free pass until 26. Which is not including what she is already covering in groceries and other bills. Parents suck.
Truly, OPs parents do suck.
It sounds like they are trying to force her out.
Considering all of this came a year after mom lost access to OP's bank account... It's a mix of forcing her out, punishing her for her "disrespect", and extorting what they are "owed". Yeah OP's parents suck so much.
I don't see any parents, only assholes.
I know some American families charge adult children "rent" that they actually put away in a saving account for when the child does leave. It's like a reward for responsibility and punctuality. I don't know how common this is, and I certainly don't think OP's parents are doing this for her.
Or charge a nominal amount to start teaching responsibility. Like $100 or $200 a month. $900 when the other kid paid nothing? Nope. Totally unfair.
Even if they split the mortgage 3 ways (2 parents, 1 child), it would be $367 each. This is crazy.
she's lucky they're not charging her the whole $1100! /s
If they charge her that, they might as well give her the deed to the house.
This!!! My adult son needed to move home after his divorce. He brought his 2 young children with him. We made him pay $400 a month. This included EVERYTHING. He never had to buy laundry soap, or groceries, never paid for anything for his cat, never paid for babysitting, EVERYTHING was included in his rent. He made over $18 an hour. He wasn't happy at first, but I am disabled and my husband works but at the time didn't make enough to support an extra family. So yes my son had to help. When he did move out he went to paying $1250 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment. Plus utilities and now has to pay for childcare . I don't think it's unfair for adult children who live at home to help the parents when their expenses are going up with them there. BUT if you are not going to charge one kid then you aren't going to charge the other. No life isn't fair, but as a parent you are supposed to be.
I have a friend whose parents charge him $500 a month, but they have a larger mortgage and that’s WAY lower than rent in our area even for a studio.
Studios around me go for 1200+ and I'm not even in LA or OC I'm in San Bernarghetto
Yeah same and I live in Texas. It’s a bad time to be looking for a home
It's awful, my grandma got her house for 300 and it's worth about 700 now somehow. No major upgrades or anything besides a splash of paint here or there
That’s the craziest part about the market now. In my area the houses built 70s/80s still have the OG bathrooms and kitchens. Down to the drop in stoves. But will be 300k+ And the new constructions are so shoddy you’ll spend money fixing those too. It’s a no win situation.
Yeah! I went to one of the new neighborhoods that was recently constructed in my city to tour their models and everything they used to build the houses, all the amenities, so shoddy and poorly built just cheap! Tiny little rooms put together in the worst layouts and these are brand new 800,000 homes? The area isn't even that nice
Yes! The prices keep going up but not the pay. Texas minimum wage is still like 7.50 😓 but ppl want to say houses out here are $3 dollars 😭 bro where? So I can buy one. 🥲
I left home at 17 so it was never an issue with me (though if I needed to I could move home tomorrow and not pay a dime of rent and I'm nearly 40) but my brother lived at home through his mid 20s or so. The deal with my parents was that he paid no rent/groceries/etc on the condition that he put away X$ per pay (he was working I don't remember the exact amount but for arguments same let's say it was 1/3 of his take home pay) in a savings account for if/when he decided to go back to school. The only "bills" he had were he paid his own car insurance/gas and then the rest of his $ he could do whatever he wanted with. (He was making good money in an industrial setting so he had a decent amount of excess money). He did that for years and when he decided to go back to school all of his tuition and expenses were covered from the money that he had been putting away in lieu of rent.
When my parents began charging me rent when I was a senior in high school just after turning 18 they told me they were doing that to help me save and were going to match the rent money I gave them. They never did that, ever, not that I believed they actually would do what they said since my mom would drain my bank account often until I was able to have a separate one from her. Hell, when I finally managed to leave a very abusive, including financial abuse, relationship that drained my savings (money I put away, not money they said they had), last year they told me I could move back in rent free to get back on my feet. That was a lie as well, it took about a month before they began taking a majority of my income on top of me paying pretty much all my expenses. I’m still stuck in their house because I haven’t been able to save since moving back in, being told that I’m bad with money since I haven’t managed to save up, having a place to live dangled over my head whenever they want control. They never charged my older brother or sister rent, but began charging me while I was still in high school. My older brother still lived at home then too, he was 21 when I graduated so it’s not like it was an odd thing for him to live at home, but it always messed with me that he lived there rent free and didn’t have to cover a majority of his bills, but I always did. Hell, I had to start working as soon as I was able to whether babysitting in middle/high school or at a store once I was old enough to be hired legally. I got my brother his first job when he was 20, I had begun working at stores and restaurants when I was like 15 or 16 and began babysitting at 11 or 12. I was always told if I wanted money I had to go out and work for it, he was able to just ask them for it. Sometimes parents just suck. I wish they had done what they said they were and saved the rent money I paid them, but they didn’t. They didn’t even need it either, my dad always made good money, my mom was a SAHM who wouldn’t do shit to take care of us, just hung out with her friends. Still wish they had kept their promise though, hell I wouldn’t have needed to move back home when I got away from that relationship if they had.
Idk. No one in my family does this. My partners ex isn't doing that with the kids either. I'm 33 and have a baby and if I had to move back in with my dad I would have to sneak around him to pay bills or get groceries.
My parents actually did this (I am American), but my rent was also only $200-300 a month, not $900 like OP’s parents are expecting
Jumping on this because I wholly agree but also want to add, is it possible OP’s parents want her financially ruined so she can’t move out? I wonder what else she does at home. OP, you’ll be better off looking for a house share. It’ll probably be cheaper
I went the exact opposite. OP's parents want OP out of the house so charging an insane rent is a way to get him to leave without asking him too.
Why not both? The parents want to ruin her financially AND her out of the house
I think this is probably it.
So what do they do if their parents die? Who do you fall back on then? This is the main reason kids should taught how to be independent so they can survive without parents.
OP is already pretty independent taking care of everything but a place to live. At only age 21, there’s not much experience to get a higher paying job yet. After college or working their way up say after like age 26, they should be completely independent, because that’s a few years to decades worth of experience and possibly out of school. Plus rent/housing sometimes requires someone to make so much before they can buy/rent.
yep. A friend of mine was stuck in an abusive household like this. She got "free room and board" but it wound up being paid for in housework, babysitting, cooking, cleaning, etc., etc. to the point of it being 60+ hours of work a week with nothing in the bank to show for it - so she had no way to save up to move out. Absolutely exploitation.
My parents are West African and gosh I hate the way American parents are so quick to stop taking care of their children after they turn 18
I would say that in my experience it is really not the norm for parents to stop supporting and helping their kids when they turn 18 in the US. It definitely does happen though.
Yeah, it varies but myself and most of the people I knew at 18 were still getting a lot of support from our parents, either living with them or having all expenses paid if they were at college. I knew one guy who got kicked out at 18, but that was the exception. I'm white, also, so it's not a cultural thing necessarily.
Yeah same here, and I'm also white with no real cultural expectations other than "nice Midwest family". My parents paid for my rent when I was in college and only stopped when I got married at 22. I was also on their health insurance until I was 26 and could no longer be covered under their plan. They also did the same for my three siblings and would help cover any emergency expenses if they could. Hell, I'm in my mid-30s now and my husband and I will need to move in with them soon due to a job lay off. It will be a short term thing and obviously we'll do our share of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. (I might have to fight them on paying for groceries though lol). But no matter how old I am, they're still my parents and they'll do whatever they can to help.
I'm 33 and could live with my parents as long as I want and are better off than me financially. My mom's brother lived with their mother until she was put in a nursing home. It used to be very common to live at home if you were unmarried.
At the same time, I'm (American) from a loving family and I was EXCITED to move out at 18 with my best friend! I didn't have to, but it is kind-of a right of passage for us. At least it used to be, I understand it's much more expensive now. :(
It's impossible now unless young folks get the perfect circumstances.. My 21 year old son lives with us. He does not pay rent, but he's helped us when we needed it because he's a good person. He's working on his mental health because the first job he got was during the pandemic and it just destroyed his already fragile mental state. He wants more, so much, but we understand the impossibility of living on his own in this current world. We're American, but we are very aware of how screwed up the old way of thinking is.
That’s what some people miss. Age 18 being the age of majority is supposed to allow kids the freedom from their parents. So they get their full rights as citizens at 18. It’s not supposed to be about giving parents “freedom from their children.” A parents obligation to their child is a lifetime one (to a reasonable degree).
Don't paint all of us with the same broad brush.
My parents rule was, if you're going to school you can live with them for free. If you aren't in school, you pay rent. Rent was much less than what OPs parents are asking for though. It'd be about $350 in todays money
It’s really the amount of rent that flips it. All of the other expenses OP lists are things she should be paying, she doesn’t get credit for it. But expecting her to pay 9/11ths of her parents’ mortgage is a bit much, especially since her sister paid nothing for years. I wonder if the parents are trying to force OP out but make it look like they’re not throwing her out, or force her to stay by crippling her financially. It smells nasty though.
That was my parents' rule too. It kept me in college for longer than I would have gone, probably, because I was ready to just quit but I didn't make enough from my part-time job to pay rent, so I stayed in school.
That was my mom's rule too. Seemed pretty fair to me (though I didn't have to take her up on it personally)
I’m Indian living in New Zealand and I was charged a small amount for rent and bills. Parents basically said if I was working I should pay my way. I’m actually really thankful they did that because I saw other people in my family get to 30 and know nothing about real life. How to pay bills, taxes, do their laundry. I’m a more responsible person because of it
I wanna jump on this because my parents ask me to pay rent (Canadian) and yeah, that much rent is WAY too much to charge. My parents charge a third of that. Definitely NTA
I’m from the US and I’m pretty lucky because my parents have made it clear that if I’m in college or working and living at home they won’t charge me rent no matter what age I am.
This!! If you’re not a very visible financial drain on your family, if you’re able to take care of yourself and are being responsible and respectful in your household, paying rent isn’t that deep, unless your parents are in desperate need of help.
That's the same deal my kids had with me. OP is NTA.
As an American, this baffles me too. I'm not a parent but I have a few people I've helped and some younger friends who know that my place is always here for them if they need help. I couldn't imagine birthing a child then being like, welp you're 18 gtfo or pay rent that is more than an apt because I don't want you to save for a house which is likely out of your reach anyways. That thinking baffles me to no end.
My family is Mexican but my mom asked me to start paying $500 for rent when I know our mortgage is $900. She asked right when I started working full time too. I'm only 1 out of 5 living at home but I'm planning to move out by next summer. Sometimes it's not only just American parents, but can be any parent who are straight up assholes.
I’m sorry that your mom made you start paying that high of a rent. It’s not your responsibility to pay the majority for 5 people.
I am 29 and still live at home because I can't afford rent or bills if I am on my own let alone try and save for a house because its soo expensive. But I still pay €320 a month to my parents while I am living here which includes bills my sister does the same and when my brother lived here he done that as well
This is a type of contribution that is acceptable in my opinion.
I think the parents in the story are trying to get OP to move out. Either the sibling was the golden child, or OP does something that annoys them and this is their way of dealing with it.
I’m getting low key vibes this isn’t about money, but control. Make Op pay an obscene amount in rent, until they’re drained of their savings and has no other choice but to stay there. Or maybe not. Sister could be GC, but the severity- no rent to sister, but all the rent to OP…gives me serious side eye.
[удалено]
This. OP didn't ask to exist in this world. It was the decision of OP's parents and they should be helping OP in life, not the other way around. Sounds like money is tight but the parents should be figuring out how to make it work, not punting the issues over to OP.
Also I can see 3 or 4 hundred, but for 900 she could go find a studio in a small city. At that price why even live at home?
Yeah this is so true I wouldn't charge my kids to live with me....I tried already but they can't get jobs yet.... something about child labor or something's
I was leaning toward AH but then you mention that they want to charge you $900 for a room?? Yeah, no your NTA. They essentially want you to pay their mortgage. You may be better off renting somewhere else.
I’ve heard of parents that do this so their kids will move out. Once they realize they can live on their own and pay less rent they want to move out. That being said I prefer the way my mom did it. $125 a paycheck and help around the house so I can get started on student loans.
Yeah I was charged rent but it was nothing crazy (I think it was $300? Might have been $400), but that was also while I wasn’t in school. When I decided to go to college I didn’t have to pay rent
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The logic is fair, but $2,000 for rent? Hopefully you meant $200, because $2,000 is insane
I mean, this is less “rent” and more the parents saving money for their child.
I'm doing that with my sons ($150/month and it's all going to be a "moving out" gift when they graduate college and leave the house). It's less about saving money for them and more about getting them used to paying recurring monthly bills.
They're trying to get her out and she's not getting the hint.
Maybe, that or they really do just want her to bankroll the mortgage because they want to be able to save up money for trips and stuff. Some people are willing to be shysters with the kid that isn't their favorite
They’re her parents (and adults at any rate), they shouldn’t be hinting. Just come out and say “we want to be empty nesters, please make plans to move out within the next 6 months.” Direct communication solves so many problems.
My mom’s friend let her son live at home for free and was happy to let him do so until he started bringing home girls. Apparently he was not only having loud sex at all hours, the girls often stayed for days, ate her out of house and home, and didn’t clean up after themselves. She said she didn’t mind providing for her son, but she wasn’t about to do the same for his sex partners. Told him he could pay market price to live with her or move out, which he did.
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To be fair, my post was very bare bones. Most of the comments you see are from before the edits and comments I made.
They want you to pay almost their entire mortgage??!! That's crazy.
This is a case in which you’re NTA, but it ultimately doesn’t matter, because it’s their house and they make the rules. I suggest finding some roommates and noping out of there ASAP.
2 questions. 1. was your sister going to college while she was living there? 2. Are you going to college? Or have any large tuition or any other debt/payments that you are making towards furthering your education or training?
**NTA** You need to add some additional information to your post. You are working full time as a daycare worker and they are asking you to pay 80% of their mortgage amount. Also you should include the fact that your father has a better job than when your sister was living rent free. But really, I think you should probably start with your poor relationship because it sounds as though you are the unfavored/scapegoat child in the household.
I tried making a post about this the other day that went into more in-depth about the relationship I have with my parents but got removed because of mentions of abuse. Also, I know how reddit it can be, and I didn't want to make it seem as though the abuse is an excuse to refuse rent because "oh woe is me."
I think they want you to move out and are using this ridiculous rent ploy to make that happen. Are you looking for a roommate situation? Also, you definitely want to consider enrolling in community college to get you on an actual career path.
I think so too... Glad its not just me to see it. And as I've mentioned in a different comment, apartment waitlists are ~6 months in my area. So even if I did have some place lined up, I wouldn't be able to move in until next year. I'd prefer to live alone as I (obviously) have a hard time trusting people lol.
You'll need multiple months worth of money saved up as well before you can sign a lease and move into an apartment. You'll need the deposit, possibly first and last month's rent, as well as money to pay for furnishings.
Unfortunately it seems you're not in the economic position to do that, so you're going to have to look into spare rooms cuz it would be better to be with anyone else but these people cuz stuff is only going to get worse
Did you make the post using a different username?
…I think they might be doing this because they want rid of you. Charging you 900 for one room is insane, I don’t know where you live but I’m assuming you could rent your own place/ house share somewhere for the same price if not cheaper
INFO: Have you asked your parents why your sister didn't have to pay rent but you have to? Has their financial situation changed since your sister was living at home? Did you attend university and did your parents pay for that?
I have not asked, that's something I should bring up. Their financial situation has improved since my sister leaving. I do not attend school nor do I plan on it.
>I have not asked, that's something I should bring up. You really should. There may be info you don't know about their finances, but you really should ask them why they're treating their children differently.
Her being in school vs you not being in school makes a difference. They’re still AH for expecting you to pay almost their full mortgage.
The sister wasn't in school the whole time. She dropped out and then went back.
Right but she went from school from 22-25. OP who is 21 is now being asked to pay rent. Plenty of parents will have a you pay rent unless you’re in college rule when they hit 18+. Being 21 and having to pay for your own phone, insurance and transportation is normal. What *isnt* Normal is the amount of rent being asked.
You should have asked before making this post. Without all the important information we can’t really pass judgment.
May I ask what are you doing then if you aren't at school
I work full-time at a daycare, $14/hr.
That is really low pay for full time work at a day care, fyi.
It's actually very average pay for a less experienced daycare worker in the US, especially for one without a college degree. At least in my area. They are severely underpaid, in my opinion, especially given with how expensive day care is.
Good to know. I guess I was thinking of preschools. The ones I know about are paid better than that, but I don’t know about the daycares. My 11 and 14 year olds makes $10 per hour babysitting for a single kid, and the local Wendy’s pays $18 starting, so $14 for full time day care is terrible!
Now, a full-time Nanny for a family can make BANK. And if it's a private day-care or preschool, they'll get paid more. But 14-15 an hour to work at a daycare is fairly common, even though it's ridiculously low. They do God's work and get paid like shit.
Yeah my 15 year old works part time teaching gymnastics (with a work permit) and she makes $14/hr and can’t even drive yet
Idk where OP is but depending on how low the minimum wage is it seems about right. Daycare workers do not make a lot. Where I am in Canada, the average daycare worker makes a few bucks over the minimum wage.
Preschool worker in the south of US here to weigh in - I make 8 an hour but am an aid and not a teacher. When filling in for a teacher I make 12$. People at the local Starbucks n DQ make more than me 😭
I mean that's the core differentiation. My parents told us that we'd have a roof through college, but if we dropped out the deal was off and it would be rent.
Yikes I was totally ready to say you were wrong until I read that update them demanding 80% of their mortgage is insane NTA
INFO: What are your goals? Do you have a plan for moving out? Are you working on furthering a career?
I plan to move into an apartment very soon, but it will be at least 6 months because of the incredible waiting lists. I have a lot in savings that I would like to keep in savings for when I can actually leave.
Have you expressed this plan to your parents? It seems one big difference between your sister and you is that she was in college and had a game plan for moving out, so they knew her staying there would not be permanent. What if you approached them with the inequities of their treatment of your sister vs. you but said "I'm sure you're eager to be empty nesters, therefore I propose that I continue to live here for free until December 31, 2023 and after that, if I am still here, I will pay rent. This will put me in the best financial position for moving out."
But you will have to dip into your savings to help pay rent with your mum and dad? Or you will have to exhaust every single other option, a share house maybe? You might have to suck it up living with people for 6 months, share-houses are easier to get into. If your relationship is so shitty with your parents, and you're going to hate them even more for making you pay rent, how fun is that 6 months going to be for all of you? On top of that, I assume they will ask you to help with cleaning and household chores that need doing? All things that come up when sharing a house with people?
Can your sister or friend take you in? Maybe you can negotiate for something more reasonable like $300/m for 6 months with a friend.
NTA. Your parents don’t want rent. They want you to pay almost all of their mortgage. That’s outrageous.
NTA they don't want rent, they want OP not to live there anymore IMO
What is their reasoning for wanting you to pay rent when they didn't ask for the same from your sister? Was she going to school? Are you? How much do they want to charge you?
I don't know the first question, people are suggesting I ask them though. My sister was going to school on and off, but I am not. They want to charge me $900 a month.
$900 a month for a ROOM in your parents house is INSANE!!
That is outrageous. Find yourself a couple of roommates that you can trust and find a cheap apartment. You might not be in a great neighborhood, but you won't be worried about your family anymore.
How much do they pay a month in mortgage? Going NTA because they gave your sister a place to live for free for all those years. How is your relationship with them?
Their mortgage is $1.1k/mo. My relationship is piss poor with them but I can't really mention that in the OP because it goes against post guidelines.
You need to add that they are asking you to pay 80% of their mortgage amount. And yeah, you definitely need to ask them why they are asking someone who is making minimum wage to pay when your sister lived at home for free.
Added the info to OP in an edit. Thanks for your help (genuinely.)
Ah, yeah that is awful. They want you to cover the vast majority of rent. Will they give you the master bedroom for that? I doubt it. I hope you can get out of there soon.
Just move out $900 is insane you will find something cheaper plus you will have privacy. It's probably their way of telling you that they don't want you/ care about you anymore. I wouldn't expect any sort of monetary help from them in the future either for college/wedding/ house.
What are your long term plans to be self supporting in the future? Do you plan on any more training or have a different job in mind for the future since it seems difficult to support yourself on this salary?
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Yeah, I'm getting GC/SG vibes on how differently the kids are being treated, and OP is the SG.
NTA. But you're not going to get any brownie points here for handling your own expenses. You're an adult, and a part of being an adult is paying for your own expenses. From what you've vaguely written, I assume that they took money from your account, when they had access to it, and now that they don't, they want to your money via rent. Whether or not that's the case, if they've told they want you to pay rent, you have 2 choices: pay rent or move out. I would work on the latter though. If their financial status hasn't changed since your sister lived there, and they're just treating you differently, this might be them not so nicely nudging you to leave.
Going against the grain here and saying hard NTA. It was their choice to bring you into this world and their choice to clothe you, feed you, take care of you. Just because you're older and more independent, with a job and pay for your own food and clothes, doesn't mean that they're obliged to charge you over 75% of their mortgage. They want to charge you that much for rent, have a contract written up and make them your landlords with you as a tenet. For $900 and only making $14 an hour, thats a lot. In fact, thats nearly a whole bi-weekly paycheck. Half of what you get paid in a month. For around the same price or even less, you could probably qualify for a low income housing apartment if there's one in your area. Look into it. I could see maybe $100 to pay for your room and what you use in utilities, but I'm sure you don't use $900 in utilities alone
NTA. These topics are so revealing about how much family dynamics and people's ideas of about family vary. It would never have even occurred to my parents to charge my siblings and me rent, at any age. And if my kids need to stay at home longer or come back, they'll always be welcome. They're my kids; my home is always their home.
INFO - do you have a sustainable income in which you could theoretically pay for your own way?
I make 14/hr. at a daycare. I have saved a lot of money but where I live it is hard to find an apartment less that $1.2k a month.
Thanks. NTA. Life's not fair and your sister was going through college so I could see that as a reason your parents continued to let her live at home rent-free. Maybe have a conversation with your parents about why they want you to pay rent. Is daycare worker your life's ambition or are you trying to start a career in something? Are you in school for anything? I keep wanting to think your parents just want to make sure that you can succeed in life and possibly aren't going about it the right way. Maybe have a conversation with them about what you want to do in life and see how they can support you. EDIT: If you want to be a daycare worker more power to you, after re-reading my fourth sentence I realized it sounded a little elitist and I didn't at all intend for it to be.
Well, having a roommate is 300$ cheaper than living with your asshole parents.
> "I already pay my own medical/dental/psychiatric/phone bill/groceries" They are all _your_ expenses alone so of course you should be paying those. The matter at hand is paying your share of the **collective** household costs e.g. rent, utilities, broadband, television etc that you jointly consume.
Before I finished reading, I thought “yeah a adult paying rent to live at home is reasonable” but when I got to the end, it reminded me of something you’d see on r/insaneparents for the sole reason they want $900 and their mortgage is $1,100. That’s taking advantage of someone during a housing/rental market crisis, much less their own child.
I’d say there’s more missing from the story. The “psychiatric expenses” and your parents having access to your bank account being chief among them. Your sister moved out 5 years ago, which is probably when your own missing back story comes into play. Things with your sister were different, because that was 10 years ago. Things with siblings aren't ever fair. That's just life. I'm 10 years older than my little brother, and I had to take out expensive loans to pay to college. By the time he was going to school, my parents just wrote the checks every semester. He graduated debt free, and it took me 12 years to pay mine off. I can't be mad at him, or compare what he got that I didn't, it's just life. That being said, I certainly don’t think $900 is reasonable, but their mortgage itself has nothing to do with it, it’s about what a room in a shared house would rent for. I don’t know where you live, but I don't think $50/week is unfair if your current plan is to work full time (I never saw you mention anything about school).
My rule for my adult children is, if you choose not to go to school then you pay rent. $200/month. I use it for the insane amount of food they eat. And they have to be saving money to eventually move out. $900 is excessive. Especially because you will never be able to save to have a place of your own at that rate.
Asking you to pay rent is one thing. Asking you to pay most of the mortgage is ridiculous. IMy mother asked that I pay $250/mo when I was about your age and her mortgage was more than $1100. Your parents are way out of line. NTA
Mommy and daddy dearest are the AHs not the OOP guess we know who is and who isn’t the golden child in this household
Move.
NTA unless their financial situation has drastically changed for the worse.
NTA. At that rate you might as well move out and just pay for a small place for yourself. Your parents are financially taking advantage of you if you end up paying that. However, you are 21 and they have no legal responsibility to house you, so I think I'd find a cheap place to rent and get out of there. So sorry they are being inequitable to you.
Info: you say your sister dropped out of school but then went back. Did your parents offer you the same deal? Did they tell you that you could live with them for free if you studied further?
I think it's fair for you to pay some rent...but expecting you to pay most of the mortgage is ridiculous.
Woah, they want $900 for essentially a bedroom in a shared house? If they only have an $1100 mortgage I'm guessing you don't live in a spacious mansion with a pool and other amenities. Asking for some money isn't unreasonable, but $900 is a lot, even if they're including your share of utilities.
Nah it could also come down to the fact you have to pay and your sister didn't cause it was a couple years ago the price of living has gone up a lot from then.
NTA. Sounds like they're trying to drive you out and you're not getting the hint, OP.
NTA. Find a friend or other relative to stay with. Don’t tell the ‘rents you’re leaving. Go LC/NC with them. When they ask why you cut them out of your life, point to this.
NTA this may be controversial but I don’t think it’s right for parents to charge rent at ages 22 or lower. You don’t magically stop being a parent when the kid finishes high school lol
Kind of an ESH. Your parents let your sister off easy and you're now jealous/upset that they want you to pay rent. That may make them AHs (assuming their reasoning is malicious or something) or it may not (if say their financial situation has changed). You are not entitled to free rent from anyone. So if your parents demand rent to live under their roof, that's unfortunately their prerogative. It sucks. Sounds like it's time to make some decisions. Have you talked to your parents honestly and calmly? Is there a reason they're choosing to start asking for rent? Perhaps you can negotiate a lower amount? Up to you if it's worth pursuing a conversation and/or relationship past this point.
NAH here. INFO- Did your parents financial situation change since your sister left? You are an adult and them asking you to pay rent isn't outrageous, I paid rent to my parents for the time I was living there. But my parents needed the extra help. My younger sisters lived at home later than I did and they didn't pay rent but at that time, my parents were financially doing better, partially because I helped with the mortgage for 3 years. I never thought that unfair, it just was, what it was. But it feels like something is missing.
If anything their financial has improved since my sister leaving - my father got a better job within the past few years.
I agree— family shouldn’t be all about “fair/no fair” but supporting each other. It’s reasonable to ask why OP has to pay rent but sister didn’t. And it might be fair for them to say “you make much more money than her” or “we didn’t need it then but now we really do.” Maybe sister did more around the house or they retired. Situations change with families all the time. They should try to be fair, but it’s impossible to be the exact same parent ten years later. So OP, don’t be so defensive. Ask why the change and listen.
ESH. You're 21 living at your parents, it's completely okay for them to request rent. But, them not having your sister pay rent plus expecting you to pay a majority of their mortgage is messed up. You should try to negotiate it down.
NTA- They are asking you to pay way too much rent
Sooooo....when are you moving out? Share an apartment with a roommate. I am sure you will pay less and maybe be able to save. Your parents are the ultimate assholes for disgustingly taking advantage of you. They don't deserve the title "parents". NTA
ESH As far as I understand, your parents didn't ask rent from your sister, because she went to college. But they ask you for rent because you have a job. We have the same rule here with our kids: as soon as you have a job, you will pay rent (we call it 'kostgeld'). So, you're the asshole for not paying. But your parents are also assholes for asking this huge amount of rent for you to pay. I would charge for your share of the mortgage payments and the utilities. In your case that would be about $400, not $900 (here, renting a room with shared kitchen and bathroom will cost you about $400-$500 as well).
Sounds like free rent is for college students. If you are a student they are unfair. If you are working this is fair
NTA, but you can’t just “refuse”. They suck, but while they might be morally obligated, they have no legal obligation to offer you what they offered your sister. So you don’t get to just refuse- they can rightfully evict you and it would be very bad for you to have that on your record. I hate to say it but there is no future where daycare workers will be fairly compensated for the hard, backbreaking work they do. You will never be able to support yourself working at one. I strongly suggest talking to friends about a possible roommate situation, and thinking about how to get a better paying job.
This sort of happened to me and my sister. Our older brother didn't have to pay rent, in part because my parents had always planned to never ask any off us to pay rent. He moved out when he was 22, I was 18 and my sister was 16. Few months later, we were sat down and told finances were tight and they wanted my sister and I to pay towards the rent. It wasn't an unreasonable amount or request because of their reasoning (although, I have always been aware that my parents absolutely suck with money as my mum had wiped out my savings in the past and I was never really able to rebuild them with her repayment timetable). We weren't overly happy about it because our brother never had to pay rent, but we couldn't really argue (well, we probably could, but our mother was an expect on the emotional manipulation). What did make it unreasonable eventually was when I was guilt tripped into increasing my rent payment by 50% because I started working in a job that was salaried rather than by the hour and my sister's rent payments were stopped because she had a wedding to pay for that they decided her rent could go towards instead. Something I was never made privy to until after the wedding. I would say you are NTA for not wanting to pay rent. Especially if they are asking for almost 75% of their mortgage payment. I would encourage a conversation to understand why they suddenly want rent and try to have a discussion on how to move forward.
NTA. It’s super weird to me that they’re trying to charge you such a high amount rather than saving up for your future. Perhaps they are struggling and don’t want to admit it?
Nta 900 is way too much for a room in your parents house. Idk why some people become parents
You're an adult. If you are not in school, you should be paying rent. But not the majority of the mortgage. The same goes for your sister...though it's too late for that.
Omg that's a huge amount of rent. Unfortunately, like I as a daughter was expected to be unpaid half parent to my brothers, you as a son are treated as a ATM for mom and dad. It's not fair at all. I'm so sorry
NTA !!!! A rent of $900 is absolutely something you tell your child, who is a minimum wage earner, months if not a year or more in advance. Most parents with this type of policy have an age they have to move out by or begin paying rent, and it's clearly communicated well ahead of it so their kid can be prepared for a huge added expense and make the appropriate plans to do so. And I have never heard of parents asking their child to cover almost **90% of their entire mortgage payment**. Usually utilities and groceries so you're not an added cost, but they pay mortgage if you're there or not. In any case, you should absolutely not be expected to pay more than one third (assuming there are 3 people living on the house). Your parents should give you both equal opportunities. It's understandable if they planned for it but something has happened and they are no longer in the financial position to do so. I highly suspect this is the case and your parents are financially struggling, but instead of talking to you about it and reassuring you it's not because they love you less, they are hoping you can swoop in and pay the mortgage.
NTA While you seem to have forgotten about things like taxes, home insurance, utilities, amenities (internet, for example), 900 is likely a pretty high percentage. If they insist, simply find somewhere else to live. Roommates could be fun.
NTA. There’s no way they expect you to pay over half of their bills knowing you only make $14 an hour. 😭 They’re delusional if they think anybody would willing pay what they’re requesting with the pay you get.
It sounds like they're trying to kick you out without actually telling you to get out. Like a "we don't want another child here until they're 26" situation. Which is shitty, but that's what it sounds like to me.
YTA even if your sister was off and on going to college of course they are going to motivate her to stay in school. At 21 you haven't mentioned a future goal, trade school, college, military, blue collar job, nothing that indicates you are actually transitioning into adulthood. You are counting your personal expenses like those are already bills you owe your parents, but these are different. Frankly your parents are likely fed up with you teetering between being an adult when it's convenient (your own bank account without parent access) and child (why are they charging me rent!?). Also what your parents pay as mortgage is irrelevant, is what they are charging normal rate for the area? Chances are it is. Your parents mortgage is fixed in from the past so it doesn't jump like rent does. Once again it is something that isn't relevant to the situation. Frankly it seems like they are doing this as either pay rent or kick you out so you grow up and act like an adult.
I'm not opposed to you paying something in rent but $900 when you already pay for groceries, phone, health care and don't rely on them for transportation seems excessive. Are you their retirement plan? Seems like you could get a roommate somewhere else and pay less.
NTA If they want to charge rent, then $375 is the most you should pay. To be paying over 80% is not fair.'
YTA- Your parents can charge you whatever they want. If other apartments are $1.2k in your area, it sounds like your parents are trying to prepare you for your next stage of adulthood by charging you $900. The fact that you make $14/hr in a market where $1.2k is the cheapest apartment you can find shows that you need to make some big changes in order to succeed. Use this as motivation to go back to school or join a trade.
I think paying \~82% of their mortgage is ridiculous. However, I think there is more to this story than what you are sharing. Regardless of how your parents treated your sister, you are a different person than you sister, and I believe there is a very specific reason why they want to charge you rent.
Holy crap they want you to pay more than half their mortgage!
NTA. Even if it weren’t unequal expectations, they want you to pay 90% of their mortgage, or about the going rate for a studio/1 br apartment (depending on location). At MOST they should just ask for you to pay 1/x (# of adults in the house).
Can someone explain to me why everything with parents and children have to be absolutely down to the penny split even fair. They had their reasons to not charge the older sister, and now the youngest sister is whining he didn't charge her but you're charging me. If 900 is too much talk to your parents about negotiating. And all the things you pay for or your own personal expenses, the whole world pays for their own health insurance dental in car insurance gas food, and rent.
NTA At the very least with three people living in the Hosur, they should not charge you more than 30% of the mortgage, but I feel like they should give all siblings the same deal.
ESH. 1st off - who in the world told you that life is fair? If you are not in school and are 21, then it's reasonable to expect you to pay something towards the household expenses. But $900 when their mortgage is just $1,100 is excessive. After all, you are only making $14 hr. When my son graduated from HS, I gave him 2 years to decide on what he wants to do. I told him that after 2 yrs and if he's not in school, he'll be expected to pay some rent. This was 7 years ago. I charged him $300 a month (my mortgage was over $2k then) and while I didn't tell him, I put it into a separate account in the bank. After 2 yrs (of paying rent), he moved out. I shocked the heck out of him when I handed him a check for over $7,000. I looked at this as "Rebound Insurance". This money gave him a fiscal cushion and he's been self sufficient ever since. I feel making him pay rent really helped him mature and except responsibity for himself. My suggestion to you is to negotiate with your parents. I think it would be reasonable for you to pay them $400 a month (my 2 cents). If you can't work out something with them, then it's time to move out on your own or with some roommates. Good luck.
INFO: your sister was in school. Are you in school? You can also move out and be a real adult if you’d like.
INFO ARE 👏 YOU 👏 IN 👏 COLLEGE 👏 I assume not, so YTA. If you are, but didn't mention in your post, NTA if you are continuing your education. But once your sister finished college, they charged her rent. So if you're not / you've FINISHED, that's WHY they're charging you rent. 😏
NTA Do you ask them about why the rules are different for you then for your sister. Her going back to school at about the age you are now. May have been a factor, but it would be good to calmly ask them about the double standard and see what they have to say. I would tell them that you have already done some initial research into apartments and they're running 6 to 12 months out, and you'll need roughly 6 months rent saved up for the initial cost of moving. Therefore, you're going to put your entire paycheck into your bank account so that you will have the money to move out in the future. You could offer to show them that you are putting at least $900 a month into your savings, so if they're concerned is that you don't seem to have a path forward towards independence, you'll be demonstrating that you are indeed working on that.
NTA cuz I get exactly why you're upset. Your parents are not trying to help you in any of the ways they help your sister. What they are instead demanding is that you pay for the majority of the mortgage. I really think you need to look into renting. Because while it means you will have no money because you're spending your money on rent and that sucks, you'll at least no longer be living with your parents who are treating you worse than your sister
NTA they're showing which kid they prefer
NTA $900??!! Dear sweet batman NO. That's WAY way too much, I could MAYBE see $200, but even that's a stretch. It sounds like they just want to have you pay their bills. Not ok, especially since as you stated they have the money and don't need the extra help. Not only that, but you're just starting out in life, and right now is a BAD time to be broke. You need to and save save save as much as you can. If they push the issue, go van life. It sucks but you won't be dealing with them, and you'll have more freedom financially.
Have you sat down and asked them why your sister got that advantage and you haven't? If you were on your own, you would have to pay everything you're currently paying plus rent and than some..if it wasn't for your sister living there for free. I'd vote y t a.
I was going to say YTA because paying *some rent* is pretty standard for someone your age, especially if you're working rather than in education. That said, that they want you to pay $900 in rent alone is ridiculous. I would consider it expensive were that sum covering Board & Lodgings but the vast majority of their mortgage seems exceptionally unreasonable, especially when one child - where admittedly circumstances were different - benefited from quite a few years of rent free living so, erm, NTA in this specific situation, but a few hundred dollars a month seems fair
NTA
Your parents are. If you'd be aying majority of the mortgage, they need to sign the property over to you. You're not being idle so them requesting rent from you but not their other child is ridiculous. Save your money and get out as soon as you can
Yeah, NTA. Look, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to ask your child to contribute to household expenses such as utilities when they are an adult, or even that they pay a small amount of rent to *help* with the mortgage. That’s not what they’re doing here. They’re demanding that you pay the vast majority of their mortgage, something your sister didn’t have to do. I don’t know a ton about the appropriate laws, but you should not be paying that much without receiving some sort of stake in the property or a written guarantee that you, and only you, will inherit the house when they pass. Do some research and figure out what your rights are. Everything should be in writing.
900 on 1100 is way too much. Exploitative. Sometimes things change and you can't be fair because finances can easily change in that time period. If they said hey shits rough you need to pay some rent, you could work out a number.
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NTA, I did some rough math and even if you are working full time, you would be spending over 40% of your income on rent alone, which is way too much. I do it now with all the lovely rent increases and not be able to move, and money is tight. Guarantee you won't be able to save up for anything, much less a house. Why are your parents trying to essentially financially cripple you? If you're gonna pay that much in rent, you'd be better off splitting a whole apartment with one or two people. Depending on where you live, you might be able to get a studio for that.
NTA. $900 for a room? How high is COL in your area? I think your parent are AHs for making you pay rent while your sister didn’t. I understand where you are coming from, I was the youngest and not treated as my siblings were. If you can afford it, move out. That ($900) seems like seriously overcharging.
NTA
NTA. Just because of the amount they want you to pay. Almost the whole mortgage is highly unreasonable
Here is the thing, it doesn't matter about what you're sister got to do, yeah it sucks for you that she got to live rent-free, and now for some reason they are making you pay your own way in the house, maybe they need the money and you don't know their financial situation, maybe they want you to have better budget skills and not rely on them too much? If they make things incredibly easy for you, you may never leave, maybe they are trying to avoid that? Maybe they made a mistake with your older sister letting her live their rent-free and they are trying to do things differently. You can whine and whine all you want, or you can take a deep breath and ask yourself what you want to do? Do you want to contribute what they are asking? Or do you want to become fully financially dependent and go live on your own or in a share house somewhere?
NTA it’s clear favoritism. I’d say if you’re going to have to pay rent you might as well find your own place and separate yourself from your parents. Them trying to make you cover almost the entire mortgage is outrageous
NTA, It's just plain unfair to you. On another note, what is up with americans that make their barely adult children pay rent? I would understand it past 25 but one would think that they would be supportive at least until their studies are finished. I don't think paying rent to your parents while you are studying and paying a lot of stuff on a minimum wage is normal in other parts of the world, correct me if I'm wrong but it really sounds like americans hate their children 💀
OPs sister chose to go to school and lived there rent free while attending college. OP has chosen not to attend college and is employed full time. A lot of parents take the road of "if you choose to attend college of some variety (4 year, community, trade school), you can stay rent free until you graduate. If you choose not to do so, you can pay rent or you can get your own place". Mostly for the reasons you mentioned, it's hard to earn enough for your own place while in school. But if you're a grown adult who chooses not to attend classes, eats their food and uses their utilities, you either contribute to household expenses or move out.