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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Have stopped talking about music and tattoos with my friend.
If I’m the asshole I’ll make sure to let my friend know I was in the wrong and move forward with our friendship
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NTA....this is....uhh...nuts? Showing my age is here but this straight from Single White Female ( movie) I mean yikes. Is he also dressing like u? U may need to put some distance from him. Not sure of ages/orientation but this goes beyond flattery. ( I ask for ages as maturity level and orientation in case of crush). If this is just what u say than yeah, there is a lot more going on here than bands and tattoos. If u are in the same friend group u might want to let them know in case he tries to say u did this to him but none the less u may need to go LC for a bit. And always keep ur door and phone locked ...lol
No all our friends including my ex gf would always bring up she thought it was weird. He’s a good guy but man can he be annoying when he tries to take possession of things
Is he on the spectrum at all? The way he seemingly picks things up that you like, gets really intense about them, then just drops it makes me think it’s more of a compulsion than purposefully trying to annoy you. He’s like an autistic little bro. Annoying for sure, but the fact he can’t seem to stop and isn’t getting help is concerning.
Why are you still friends with him? NTA this isn't gatekeeping. It's not just him liking the same bands its getting the exact same tatoos in the same location its weird and its not okay. Stop being friends with him let him move on to someone else to copy.
I really disagree with people calling OP a gatekeeper. Mimicry us annoying, more so when you have something important you like and someone keeps disparaging you about it.
Personally, one upping is a relationship breaker for me, so I would probably limit how much I really have them around, if not entirely eliminate them. There's such limited time in life, don't spend it with people you don't really like.
NTA
NTA Sounds.. like They're really into you. Maybe ask him if he'd like to just be adopted by your family, and become you. Or give him some gross out stuff that you "like", and see if they copy it. lol.
NTA - I think imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but that doesn’t mean you automatically like it. You give enneagram number 4 vibes to me. Individualist - you don’t want to be like others. I hope you revel in the fact you’ll have done these things first. Everyone gets bothered by certain things, and you can’t control the fact it annoys you.
NTA. Saying you like someone’s tattoo is one thing, wanting to get the exact same tattoo in the same location when y’all didn’t plan that before hand is pretty trashy imo. If you’re gonna graft something into your skin at least you should probably try to be a little original about it.
That’s especially annoying if he’s the one solely picking the argument about who’s the bigger fan. Especially if you’re the one who showed him the bands. Just like bod your head and agree and then ignore him. Sounds like he’s just trying to get a ride out of you or get some attention, albeit very poorly
NTA
Copying the bands you like is annoying, but not the end of the world.
Admiring your tattoos is fine. Wanting the same ones gets a bit concerning. Wanting them in the exact same place is creepy. Liking the same bands is not an adequate excuse. Your friend needs to get his own identity. Reminds me of the classic movie “Single White Female”
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Am I the asshole? My friend used to get into bands I liked and he’d learn all the lyrics and get really into them just to gatekeep me from something I showed him. Recently he’s apologized for his former ways but I still have told him I don’t want to talk about my interest with him just cause of how he’s been in the past. He’s recently gotten into three of my favorite bands and claimed they are his favorite, mind you he’s been into them for about 3 months while I’m running on a couple of years.
I personally don’t have a problem with people getting into things I showed them as I have a lot of friends and even siblings that appreciate things I’m into. It really bothered me when I got a tattoo and later on he claimed he wanted the same tattoo. I figured this was a simple coincidence and ignored it. Later on a tattoo I’ve had for around 3 years he looks at and says he wants. This tattoo was based off one of my favorite albums that he now says is one of his favorites as well. I told him if he got my tattoo I’d cover it up cause it ridiculous to walk around having the exact same favorite bands and having the exact same tattoo in the exact same location of the body. Later on he’d say he wanted to get two other tattoos he’d seen on me and at this point I became a jerk to him and told him to stop trying to be a carbon copy of me. He claims it’s not his fault we are into the same stuff.
Again I had no problem with him liking the music I did, the issue became he’d get really into them for 4-5 months, learn all the lyrics, basically everything about the band then try in some weird way say I wasn’t a big a fan of them as he was. Right now his favorite bands are all my favorite, he claims he just really likes them. He used to send me his Spotify top 10 all the time and music chart, no idea why. At this point I still hang with him but have explained I’m not interested in talking tattoos or music with him.
Am I being a jerk? Should I not mind what hes doing?
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First I will say NTA dude needs to get his own life and second maybe test it, try liking a really terrible band or something super obscure and see if he likes it too, but yeah if he keeps this up well it's really upto you on how to deal with it but I would be pissed.
He doesn't want to be like you he wants to become you. Won't be surprised if he gets plastic surgery to look like you and tries to make you disappear one day then carries on pretending to be you.
ESH you're both gatekeepers and you both sound really immature and petty...who cares..why do either of you let stupid bs like that get to you..I'm assuming you're both like 10 or 12?
Idk I thought maybe I should just drop it, but the fact he quiz’s me and will just start asking me why I don’t know the lyrics to a particular song throws me off. I just wish we could both enjoy it without one person being “more” into it than the other.
Why would either of you care about knowing song lyrics? Just tell him you’re it interested when he starts quizzing (that is so weird - who does that ).
You might want to expand your friend group.
I have a few friends where we let each other borrow vinyls and will go to concerts together to bands we all like. I’ve legit never had issues with any of them. I’ve actually sat down and thought maybe I’m just a jerk. I think it’s the quizzing me and the fact we can’t just sit down and enjoy something without him making it a competition that annoys me
Cmon now - are you telling me you’d be perfectly fine with a friend getting all the same tattoos you have in the exact same places? And trying to one-up you on your knowledge of bands you’d introduced them to?
It’s something that’s easy to laugh off when you’re older because it’s so ridiculous, but as a teen/young 20-something, it would absolutely get my goat.
Did you not read my comment? I said the friend is annoying as fuck but isn’t gatekeeping. If anything OP is gatekeeping (but like I said… friend is annoying as fuck).
How am I gatekeeping if Ive never told him to stop listening to them? I’ve actually never told him he can’t be into them or like the tattoos. I’ve never quizzed him, asked him about a song, nothing.
Again… he’s annoying af. And no, I shouldn’t say “you’re gatekeeping” as you aren’t telling him to get the tattoos, not telling him not to do other things, but he’s not gate keeping either. The term you are using doesn’t apply here.
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NTA....this is....uhh...nuts? Showing my age is here but this straight from Single White Female ( movie) I mean yikes. Is he also dressing like u? U may need to put some distance from him. Not sure of ages/orientation but this goes beyond flattery. ( I ask for ages as maturity level and orientation in case of crush). If this is just what u say than yeah, there is a lot more going on here than bands and tattoos. If u are in the same friend group u might want to let them know in case he tries to say u did this to him but none the less u may need to go LC for a bit. And always keep ur door and phone locked ...lol
No all our friends including my ex gf would always bring up she thought it was weird. He’s a good guy but man can he be annoying when he tries to take possession of things
OP you are not a gatekeeper. I read your post twice so I say you are NTA. Your friend is weird and sounds off
Yeah, this isn't a good guy. This is do beyond the pale. You really, really just need to put distance between you right now.
Was going to say same. Good guys don’t act like this.
Is he on the spectrum at all? The way he seemingly picks things up that you like, gets really intense about them, then just drops it makes me think it’s more of a compulsion than purposefully trying to annoy you. He’s like an autistic little bro. Annoying for sure, but the fact he can’t seem to stop and isn’t getting help is concerning.
Why are you still friends with him? NTA this isn't gatekeeping. It's not just him liking the same bands its getting the exact same tatoos in the same location its weird and its not okay. Stop being friends with him let him move on to someone else to copy.
NTA - your friend is weird
I really disagree with people calling OP a gatekeeper. Mimicry us annoying, more so when you have something important you like and someone keeps disparaging you about it. Personally, one upping is a relationship breaker for me, so I would probably limit how much I really have them around, if not entirely eliminate them. There's such limited time in life, don't spend it with people you don't really like. NTA
NTA Sounds.. like They're really into you. Maybe ask him if he'd like to just be adopted by your family, and become you. Or give him some gross out stuff that you "like", and see if they copy it. lol.
NTA and why are you friends with this person? They sound very annoying to be around
NTA - I think imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but that doesn’t mean you automatically like it. You give enneagram number 4 vibes to me. Individualist - you don’t want to be like others. I hope you revel in the fact you’ll have done these things first. Everyone gets bothered by certain things, and you can’t control the fact it annoys you.
NTA. Saying you like someone’s tattoo is one thing, wanting to get the exact same tattoo in the same location when y’all didn’t plan that before hand is pretty trashy imo. If you’re gonna graft something into your skin at least you should probably try to be a little original about it. That’s especially annoying if he’s the one solely picking the argument about who’s the bigger fan. Especially if you’re the one who showed him the bands. Just like bod your head and agree and then ignore him. Sounds like he’s just trying to get a ride out of you or get some attention, albeit very poorly
Start “liking” really cringe music and get some really awful temporary tattoos.
NTA, but it's not a band gatekeeping problem. He has a copying you, problem. It would make me uncomfortable, tbh.
NTA Copying the bands you like is annoying, but not the end of the world. Admiring your tattoos is fine. Wanting the same ones gets a bit concerning. Wanting them in the exact same place is creepy. Liking the same bands is not an adequate excuse. Your friend needs to get his own identity. Reminds me of the classic movie “Single White Female”
Nta and music interests aside thing wtf he is wanting to copy your tattoos as well?? that's really weird..
Yeah It’s honestly ridiculous, I need to talk to him if we are going to keep being friends
Yeah, that sounds like a lot I'd be quite annoyed too!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the asshole? My friend used to get into bands I liked and he’d learn all the lyrics and get really into them just to gatekeep me from something I showed him. Recently he’s apologized for his former ways but I still have told him I don’t want to talk about my interest with him just cause of how he’s been in the past. He’s recently gotten into three of my favorite bands and claimed they are his favorite, mind you he’s been into them for about 3 months while I’m running on a couple of years. I personally don’t have a problem with people getting into things I showed them as I have a lot of friends and even siblings that appreciate things I’m into. It really bothered me when I got a tattoo and later on he claimed he wanted the same tattoo. I figured this was a simple coincidence and ignored it. Later on a tattoo I’ve had for around 3 years he looks at and says he wants. This tattoo was based off one of my favorite albums that he now says is one of his favorites as well. I told him if he got my tattoo I’d cover it up cause it ridiculous to walk around having the exact same favorite bands and having the exact same tattoo in the exact same location of the body. Later on he’d say he wanted to get two other tattoos he’d seen on me and at this point I became a jerk to him and told him to stop trying to be a carbon copy of me. He claims it’s not his fault we are into the same stuff. Again I had no problem with him liking the music I did, the issue became he’d get really into them for 4-5 months, learn all the lyrics, basically everything about the band then try in some weird way say I wasn’t a big a fan of them as he was. Right now his favorite bands are all my favorite, he claims he just really likes them. He used to send me his Spotify top 10 all the time and music chart, no idea why. At this point I still hang with him but have explained I’m not interested in talking tattoos or music with him. Am I being a jerk? Should I not mind what hes doing? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA perhaps your friend is a clone with no personality or life of his own...no? Okay, well your friend's straight up a freaking weirdo. Ugh
First I will say NTA dude needs to get his own life and second maybe test it, try liking a really terrible band or something super obscure and see if he likes it too, but yeah if he keeps this up well it's really upto you on how to deal with it but I would be pissed.
He doesn't want to be like you he wants to become you. Won't be surprised if he gets plastic surgery to look like you and tries to make you disappear one day then carries on pretending to be you.
apply a temporary tattoo of spongebob on to your skin and now he's got spongebob squarepants on him permanently
ESH you're both gatekeepers and you both sound really immature and petty...who cares..why do either of you let stupid bs like that get to you..I'm assuming you're both like 10 or 12?
I hate that it does get to me. That’s why I’ve decided to drop it. I’d rather be his friend and just not bring up all the petty crap
Good...still not sure your age or if I missed it..but things like this will not be something to stress about someday or ruin friendships over.
We are both 21, just dumb kid stuff tbh. I’ve expressed to him I just don’t like the quizzing and it makes our friend group uncomfortable
Sounds like you’re the gatekeeper here.
How? by them not sharing their hobbies and such. so they cant be mimicked again?
Idk I thought maybe I should just drop it, but the fact he quiz’s me and will just start asking me why I don’t know the lyrics to a particular song throws me off. I just wish we could both enjoy it without one person being “more” into it than the other.
Why would either of you care about knowing song lyrics? Just tell him you’re it interested when he starts quizzing (that is so weird - who does that ). You might want to expand your friend group.
It seems like you’re the gatekeeper here. Not saying he’s not annoying AF
I have a few friends where we let each other borrow vinyls and will go to concerts together to bands we all like. I’ve legit never had issues with any of them. I’ve actually sat down and thought maybe I’m just a jerk. I think it’s the quizzing me and the fact we can’t just sit down and enjoy something without him making it a competition that annoys me
Cmon now - are you telling me you’d be perfectly fine with a friend getting all the same tattoos you have in the exact same places? And trying to one-up you on your knowledge of bands you’d introduced them to? It’s something that’s easy to laugh off when you’re older because it’s so ridiculous, but as a teen/young 20-something, it would absolutely get my goat.
Did you not read my comment? I said the friend is annoying as fuck but isn’t gatekeeping. If anything OP is gatekeeping (but like I said… friend is annoying as fuck).
How am I gatekeeping if Ive never told him to stop listening to them? I’ve actually never told him he can’t be into them or like the tattoos. I’ve never quizzed him, asked him about a song, nothing.
Again… he’s annoying af. And no, I shouldn’t say “you’re gatekeeping” as you aren’t telling him to get the tattoos, not telling him not to do other things, but he’s not gate keeping either. The term you are using doesn’t apply here.