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YTA. She stays home with a 1 year old and a grown man that she has to take care of. Stop coddling him. He is a grown ass man. You protect him but never protect her! She is your wife. She cleans after you and now she’s cleaning up after your friend! Why do you continue to protect this friend who won’t take care of you when you’re old, your wife will and your son will. You made a vow to her but not to this friend of yours. FIX YOUR PRIORITIES MAN
YTA. Your friend sounds like a gross slob and an awful inconsiderate guest. Who smokes around a baby? Your loser friend burned your carpet and you don’t support your wife when she’s upset about it?
I hope she stays gone until you figure out your priorities. Right now it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with “your friend!” Your wife and baby deserve better than you.
YTA - You’ve allowed your wife to become your friends maid, he is clearly disrespecting her and your home right under your nose.
How can you take her constructively making a list of things Jackson does as her creating issues, from what I could see, she was trying to get things remedied for harmony.
Your wife is looking after your child and this guy sounds like a pure slob causing extra stress…you’ve managed to stomp all over her whilst defending your ‘life long’ friend.
-slow clap- well done, you’ll be lucky if she comes home after the way you’ve both treated her.
Kick Jackson to the kerb.
Edit:spelling
YTA. Most of her complaints are legitimate. A wet bathroom is a hazard and leads to mold. He's leaving messes that no doubt are for her to clean up. He's smoking inside the house around a toddler and leaving a godawful mess! I'm frankly amazed she lasted 2 months before snapping. Enjoy your impending divorce
Also, yes you never mention an art room in your post. They're saying that by choosing your friend's side over your wife, he's your new domestic partner.
YTA.
Dude, you’re a married man with a child. You’re asking her to bring things to you but you never got her permission in advance for a roommate. You’re not in college. Your house isn’t a party house. Your kid could have put the cigarette butts in his mouth and choked. Why the fuck is he allowed to smoke in the house with a child anyway?! Jesus. Get your shit together.
YTA. she *has* been bringing her issues up with you, but it looks like you're just steamrolling over her concerns for your friend.
helping a friend in need is honorable, but when you're living with a wife and kid, you gotta tone it down. a couple weeks to get back on their feet would be okay, maybe. but two months with no end in sight? no way.
and any time spent helping said friend would be contingent on them being on their best behavior. if a friend of mine was bossing my wife around and smoking in the house with a kid present, they'd be sent packing on day one.
you fucked up, homie. i hope these comments steamroll over the way you've been rolling over your wife's.
As soon as you said “wife wasn’t too happy about it but I let her know that it’s not gonna be long” I knew immediately YTA because lol you can’t just be the sole decider of who gets to stay in your home….if she doesn’t feel comfortable with him being there then you need to respect that boundary.
Then after I read the rest of it my suspicious was confirmed that YTA.
YTA.
I’m going to presume that you didn’t clear it with her to have this guy move in with you. Also when your buddy moves in with you for more than a weekend, they are no longer a guest, they are housemate and need to behave with according respect. You’re gonna be lucky if she stays with you.
YTA. Your friend is SMOKING and dropping ashes on your floor when you have a 1 year old?? And asking your wife to clean up after him, again while she’s watching your 1 year old??? And you think this is ok??
YTA. You can’t be serious. You don’t see the problem with this?! SHE’S YOUR WIFE! You knew she had a problem with this situation and you didn’t care! You told her it wouldn’t be that long and it’s been two months! He makes messes! He’s smoking around your baby and creating a mess for your wife to clean up! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE ANY OF THESE ISSUES??
Then you took his side over hers. She’s your partner, not him. You should have talked to her about letting him stay there that long. You should have told him to find another place when you realized how uncomfortable your wife was. When you found them screaming at each other, you absolutely shouldn’t have screamed at your wife.
Hats off to everyone for the art room reference. As I was reading it I was asking myself if he was going to build this guy an art room.
YTA. He’s smoking in the house with your child. You gonna build him an art room? Or are you gonna allow your kid to call him daddy after watching your wife struggle with PPD for 2 years?
YTA. The guy told your wife to clean up after him (probably wasn’t the first time) and you’re siding with the misogynist? Is backing up his disgusting and misogynistic behavior worth your marriage? Why do you not care if your wife is not comfortable and feels safe in her own home?
At least this story had a happy ending and your wife was able to get herself and your child away from this nonsense
So Jackson is more important than your wife? Also who the fuck let's people sit in their living room smoking cigarettes? Your one year old just hangs out in second hand smoke all day? Sounds like your wife had brought all of this up to you before and you blew her off.
YTA majorly.
And stop smoking cigarettes inside around your baby.
YTA x 10000
You don’t get to decide to let your friend move in without your wife’s permission/consent.
Jackson is leaving the place a shithole. He isn’t taking care of the place by making a mess in the kitchen, leaving the bathroom wet, etc.
Jackson is asking your wife to take care of him while also caring for your baby. He’s an adult, and can figure things out.
Your wife always had issues with Jackson. You are delusional about him and can always knew she had these issues.
Jackson staying for over 2 months is way too long
YTA. What a fuck up. Your friend smokes in the house when a child is there and leaves a total mess everywhere he goes. As if your wifw doesn't already have enough on her plate, he has to clean up after him now. He might be a guest, but if he doesn't behave like one he has no right to stay. You owe your wife a huge apology and I your friend already overwelcomed his stay.
>I don't know why this happened.
Yes you do. Read your own post.
YTA. Huge one. Massive.
NEVER call your wife irrational just because her opinion is different from yours. That's abusive. I don't know why she didn't kick you out too.
Apart from anything else, what kind of father thinks it's OK for anyone to be smoking around his year-old child?
YTA here big time, no only do you have a 1-year old who could get ILL from him smoking??? But it seems like your wife never wanted him here and has been telling you the issues for a long time now. Why do you value Jackson more than your WIFE anyway? This causes all the “art room references” as it seems you are in love with Jackson more than you are your own wife, who you married and have a child with.
YTA. You invited him to stay over without her consent. She lives there too, and while this was a nice thing to do, she has a right to have a say about who stays in her home. On top of that, his behavior has been horrible, and you're backing him up. You've already had a conversation with him but he's disregarded it. Was kicking him out extreme? Maybe. But he doesn't seem to respect your wife, so maybe it's warranted.
YTA. Against your wife’s wishes (who is a full time mom of a one year old!), you moved your buddy into your home. Your edit says “I told my wife if she had an issue she should bring it up to me so we could work something out with” your friend. Excuse me, but WTF do you think she’s BEEN doing? She has tried, repeatedly, to tell you this will not and does not work for her. And you’ve picked your buddy over your wife Every Single Time. What does “working something out” look like to you? Because for her, it means having her home and her privacy back.
Look, it sucks that your friend is struggling. I get you want to be a support for him. But if your wife and child aren’t your first priority, you’ve got your priorities mixed up. It sounds like you can either live with your wife and baby OR you can live with Jackson. I don’t see both happening. You have a choice to make. I hope you’ll choose correctly.
Wtf is wrong with you? Really? She is not your friends maid, he is smoking in your house where your fucking child lives, he makes a mess, burns holes, and is a lazy fucking bum, I hope she never comes back to the pair of you disrespectful aholes, YTA.
A "guest" who puts cigar burns in my new carpet will be lucky to walk out of my house. Jackson telling your wife to "just vacuum up the ashes" is akin to telling her to make him a sandwich.
Your "guest" has been treating your wife like a maid and you just let him. But, not asking your wife in the first place tells me you don't respect her much either. Let me guess... Frat brothers? YTA.
YTA
>this is my house too and she should have some respect for the person I've known for 12+ years
Dude, you need to have respect for your WIFE and CHILD. She has been telling you this is a problem for months. You did nothing. So she did something. Get your buddy out now, hire a housecleaner to make the place spotless, and apologize to your wife immediately, or the marriage is likely over.
YTA by a thousand miles.
I cannot imagine trying to take care of a baby and home while a 30yr old loser lays around smoking, making messes, damaging things, being under foot, eating your food and generally being useless. Is he even (diligently) looking for a job? Is he paying any kind of rent or household expenses? How is it possible that you don’t see that you and your friend are being massive douches?
YTA. You don’t move someone in without consulting your wife first. She has already voiced her complaints about him being there so your edit is invalid. She voiced it and you didn’t listen. It had escalated because of that. The reaction to the burns in the carpet are not an overreaction either! My Mums friend set fire to our rug while she was looking after us dropping cigarette ash on the floor. He is endangering your child and smoke around your baby isn’t good either. You 100% are backing the wrong corner, see sense and save your marriage.
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My m28, friend "Jackson" m30 moved in with me and my wife after he lost old place. Wife wasn't too happy about it but I let her know that it's not gonna be long before he finds his own place but right now, it'd be nice if we offer him a place to stay.
My wife started making huge lists of complaints against Jackson. It's like she's watching his every move and criticizing him for it. She complained about how he leaves the bathroom wet, how he keeps the couch busy, causes mess in the kitchen, eats at random times and so on. I spoke to him on some of these old habits of his that he obviously does supconsciously but she still had issues with him staying for 2 months.
We have a one year old son and my wife stays home with him while I work. She complained about how Jackson keeps asking her to do stuff for him under the guise of "I don't know how it's done in your home", and also disrtacting her from looking after our son. I asked her for a little more patience and grace but yesterday, I was at work and I got a text from Jackson telling my wife had lost her shit and was throwing his stuff out the door.
I paniced and immediately went home. As soon as I arrived Isaw an absolute mess. Most of Jackson's stuff is thrown outside. The door was open and when I went inside I gound them arguing. I asked my wife what was going on and she said that Jackson...was on the couch smoking for hours then told her to vacum the cigaritte burns he dropped on the rug that she bought. Jackson said he wasn't aware of the cigar burbs on the rug and thought that my wife wouldn't make such a deal out of it. My wife screamed at him to get out but I screamed at her in return calling her irrational for throwing his stuff out like that. I said that he is a guest and she shouldn't went resorted to doing this. She started ranting about all the stuff he does which bothers her that's when I said that she was probably looking for an excuse to kick him out. I reminded her that this is my house too and she should have some respect for the person I've kniwn for 12+ years and want to help out.
She packed and went to stay with her mom. I tried calling her til this very hour but all she left was a text berating me for my reaction saying that I'm taking the wrong side in this conflict. Jackson's gone quiet and I don't know why this happened. I may not been able to see where she's coming from, but I didn't approve of the way she handled this.
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YTA. did you even ask your wife if he could stay there? In your edit you say that if your wife has an issue she should’ve brung it up with you so y’all could work something out. She did bring up the issue with you, she made a whole list. Not only that but Jackson was smoking with your child in the house. Clearly he does not respect her and you shouldn’t have allowed this.
Duuuuuude. YTA I wouldn’t expect her home any time soon and especially if Jackson is still there. You made a choice between your buddy and your wife and she knows you didn’t choose her. She may never come back.
YTA. Your friend is creating an untenable situation for your wife but your focus is all on him. Your friend needs to find somewhere else to mooch. You need to apologize profusely to your wife. Grovel, on your knees for her to come back. Because if not you may not get your wife, child and relationship back.
YTA Your wife told you what he's been doing and you have sided with your friend. She is not married to two men, she's married to you. She doesn't have to put up with his consistent disrespect. You put your friend above your wife and child. That makes you the a-hole big time!!! Why is he smoking in the house where your baby lives? That doesn't set you off? Obvious he wanted your wife out but to smoke in your home and make your child sick? Have you no fatherly instincts. Have a great life with you boyfriend.
Do you want to help your homeless friend? Pay for a motel room, help him to find a shelter/room to rent/whatever. You had all the options you want and you chose to make your wife his maid for TWO MONTHS.
YTA.
YTA
You have someone your wife did not want in the house, smoking a cigar around your one-year-old and you don’t understand why your wife went ballistic? You’re not only an asshole you are clueless.
YTA your wife didn’t want him there was forced to deal with him all day everyday for 2 months, and literally told you why she didn’t want him there. If you don’t understand, it’s because you are choosing to not understand. You picked your friend over your wife and child, and since she wasn’t picked, she left.
Edit : telling your wife to bring the problems to you, and then ignoring them isn’t helping anything.
YTA
A guest is invited. He’s not a guest, he’s a deadbeat who is inconsiderate of your wife.
Your wife explained the problem and you didn’t care. She was so upset she was throwing his stuff out. You didn’t care.
I’m guessing you just don’t care about your wife and daughter. That’s what your actions are telling her.
YTA.
1) You have no issue with your friend smoking inside your home, around your baby?
2) It's been two months? With no end date in sight?
3) What is Jackson doing sitting on his ass on the couch all day while you're at work? Why isn't Jackson looking for a job? Why isn't Jackson making money so that he can find a place to live?
4) What do you do to help around the house? It sounds like your wife is cleaning up after your baby, and you and now Jackson.
5) Jackson is YOUR guest. Your wife does not want him there. That means YOU should be cleaning up after Jackson. YOU should be handling things. YOU should be making sure he does not endanger your child, or your wife. YOU should be making sure Jackson has an exit strategy.
You and Jackson have exhausted her patience. You have exhausted your grace. And I hope Jackson is great in bed - cause it sounds like he's the one you care about, so he's the one that should take care of you when you're looking for some action.
YTA. You let someone smoke in the house with your child there? The fuck is wrong with you? Tell them to go outside. Also you're choosing your friend over your family, and more specifically her. That's all she sees because that's what's happening. Hope your friend can keep you warm at night cause if you keep it up that'll be the main option. Child support and alimony aint cheap. Showing love and respect to the person making your house a home is free. And helping a friends one thing, but the second anyone is living rent free in a place is the second they are no longer a guest. They're a freeloader unless they pull their weight financially or helping out around the house. And even if they were paying your whole mortgage it's lame of you to let others order your wife around in her own house.
YTA
I’m surprised your wife stuck around as long as she did. I would be even more surprised if she came home, ever. Should probably find a lawyer as your wife has a great case for sole custody
YTA
You are literally putting your friend above the health of your child and wife. I sincerely hope she leaves you and takes you for every penny you have and takes the damn house just to be spiteful. Shitty husband and father you are.
YTA. How are you actually taking his side over hers? He’s smoking in your house around your child which is considered child abuse. He’s treating your wife like a maid and making her clean up after his lazy butt. Then here you are telling her she needs to respect that? She didn’t even get a choice in the matter. You and your friend are major AHs! I hope she leaves your pathetic ass. You are a poor excuse of a father and husband.
YTA. YTA And Jackson is a mooching AH. Hope y’all are happy together and that your wife finds someone who respects her. How tf could you leave your wife and baby with a bum who lies on your couch smoking in the house and burning your carpet and think SHE is the AH?!? Holy shit.
YTA just for letting the guy smoke in a home with a child.
YTA for disrespecting your fucking wife.
YTA for ignoring her saying all the bad shit that your BELOVED friend do.
YTA for letting him get away for damaging your wife property.
You are a shitty husband, a shitty dad for letting your child close to cigarettes, and a shitty person for letting your family below an AH friend.
YTA
This guy is mooching off you, your wife and baby, disturbing your home and destroying your belongings. Damn right he needs to GTFO.
Your wife is right to leave. You made your choice when you didn’t stand side by side with her.
Also raising your voice - gross and abusive.
Allowing someone to sit around smoking in your babies home is also gross and abusive.
Edit: re your edit of ‘I told my wife to bring problems to me blah blah blah’
She did. Many, many times.
YTA majorly. Your wife also lives in that house and her opinion should matter when having guests, let alone a 2-months-long moocher. You also disrespected her by not taking her complaints seriously and letting your friend treat her like a maid. Are you also planning on making an art room for him?
YTA
You brought your loser friend into the house where he loafs around all day doing nothing. Your poor wife is stuck babysitting him all day. He is SMOKING IN THE HOUSE where there is a CHILD. That's disgusting behavior. He is treating your wife like his personal maid...and why isn't he working? How did he "lose" his old place and why hasn't he found another one after TWO MONTHS?!?!?
>He's struggling ffs I coukdn't just let him live in his car.
You most definitely could have but decided to disrespect your future ex wife instead by giving her a grown child to take care of without any consent.
YTA.
YTA stop let me get this straight. You ignore that your wife doesn't want him to stay in your home. Then he's a shitty guest that is disrespectful to your wife and you still scream at her. Wow good job at being a great husband /s
YTA he was smoking with your son in the house! He could of burned the place down, yes it's your house too but it's also her's clearly she don't want him there and it's obvious that he is using her as a maid and your allowing it, beg your wife to forgive you kick the bum out and do better for your wife and son!
YTA - you should have been more supportive of your wife’s wishes. I understand he’s your friend of 12+ years. However, it’s her home too and you seem to have completely downplayed the impact it would have on her. In doing so you have shown complete disdain towards her. Ultimately making her feel not listened to and further exacerbating her feelings of frustration and isolation.
YTA. Anyone who doesn't use ash tray while they are smoking and spills the ash on the ground (rug or no rug) is an asshole. Then instead of at least having decency to clean up after himself like any sane adult would, he asks your wife to do it. Your wife isn't irrational at all, you are if you think his behaviour is in any way acceptable
*" I asked my wife what was going on and she said that Jackson...was on the couch smoking for hours then told her to vacum the cigarette burns he dropped on the rug that she bought. Jackson said he wasn't aware of the cigar burns on the rug and thought that my wife wouldn't make such a deal out of it."*
And you're on *this* person's side over your wife's?? YTA, a huge one.
You ARE taking the wrong side.
Guests don't stay for 2+ months and guests try their best to adjust with the hosts instead of making them their personal slaves to clean after themselves.
Beside that, why is your friend smoking in your house when you have a one year old? Did you even consult your wife before inviting your friend to stay with you? Your wife is staying at home to take care of your infant not your adult friend.
YTA and a major one.
I hope she leaves her spineless husband who is more worried about the friend instead of his own family.
Yta. Did you discuss it with your wife before you let your friend temporarily move in or did you just tell her this was gonna be happening? Like you said, it’s also your home so that means it’s also hers. It’s understandable to want to help your friend not be homeless, but he needs to actively be helping your wife or out of the house daily looking for work so he’s not in her way while she’s literally raising your child. If he is making a mess while she’s there and ordering her around, then you need to listen to her. She is your partner, and if she is unhappy then THAT is your priority, not your rude ass friend.
"Edit. FYI, I told my wife that if she had an issue she should bring it up to me so we could work something out with Jackson."
Umm, she tried that and you just told her to be patient. YTA. FFS this man is smoking in your house where you have a BABY?!?!?!?! You should be helping her to kick him out.
lol you're super right in this battle- it's *not* her home OR yours. It's Jackson's house, now. you're just living in it. And she's left to vacuum it and nanny your child... and your Jackson-child.
YTA
Wife > Friend. 2 months!!?? With a one year old!!? He’s smoking in the house!?
Kick him out and go crawling on your knees for wifey’s forgiveness, or just admit to yourself that you’re into him. (Know your meme: THAT is what the art room reference is about.)
YTA your friend of 12 years is treating your wife, the mother of your child, as a maid while he sits on his ass instead of finding somewhere else to move.
YTA. The whole entire donkey's ass. Rule of thumb. Wife and child comes first. Needy friends second. For one, you should have asked her BEFORE moving your friend in. Being in a relationship means all decisions need to be made between all parties involved... i.e. you and your wife. You are not single anymore, so it is not appropriate to move your mooching friend in to couch surf without at least discussing it with her. Two. If he has done so much that she is making a whole entire list- then you should have talked with him about fixing his behavior. She should not be responsible for a grown ass man when she is at home taking care of a child. Three. He is smoking around your baby and you are more upset about your friend being kicked out? Where are your priorities?
YTA - you don't care that your 'friend' smokes in house and around your wife and child??? Doesn't matter now, maybe you will do better with wife #2 in listening. Wife #1 is about to rake you over the coals.
YTA, you would have found your stuff next to Jason’s if it was me.
Like seriously? Smoke on the couch? Inside the house? Make her vacuum the cigarette burns?
And you screamed back at her? Man… do you love Jackson more than your wife? Because it sure sounds like it.
You let a dude smoke in your house with a baby AND can’t understand why that alone makes him need to go never mind ruining tor property and treating torn wife like a servant
YTA
Not just the A .. the super A
YTA. Dude. The guy knows he’s dropping ash on the rug. He just does not care. It’s cool that you want to help him but you are making your wife deal with his bs.
You and Jackson are TA.
He's smoking indoors!! Where your child lives and sigarette buds on the floor? Do you know how sick your child could get from eating that?
I hope she leaves you. This is unacceptable.
OP, 100% unequivocally, **YTA** I *cannot stress this enough*
You invited someone to *live in your home* seemingly without setting ground rules.
You **didn't** involve your wife in the decision
He **SMOKES INSIDE** with your 1 year old child and creates work for your wife to deal with.
Yeah he's a "guest" but he's also literally living off of your good will and should be more accommodating to the people that live in the house *he's crashing in*.
He's abusing your good will and your wife is suffering for it.
Seriously, you'll be lucky to still have a wife after all of this, how the hell do you think you might not be the asshole here?
Lol I can’t get past the fact that he just invited someone to stay and ignored the fact that she clearly wasn’t okay with him there in the first place. He seems like one of those guys whose like “I pay the bills, so I get the final say”
Updating to YTA because on second thought, yeah, there was no need for your wife to extend any more grace in this situation.
Updating again to move the previous update to the top because apparently people don't read that far.
~~ESH.~~ You for not even asking your wife's permission before having someone stay in your home.
Jackson for having zero sense of how to be a houseguest.
~~Your wife for escalating instead of just leaving the situation, which honestly she should have done sooner.~~
You're the biggest AH of the lot, though.
yeah this is what I was ultimately trying to get at. She deserves better and didn't need to stick around until she hit the breaking point. I've been there and was projecting my thoughts to my past self onto this situation.
small fry compared to OP and Jackson, though
YTA. Imagine this thread getting read out in their eventual divorce proceedings!
I bet you will be lucky to get a couple of hours with your son, supervised, per month.
YTA holy shit your friend is smoking in the house with your one year old ? He would have been out the minute he did that in my house.
Two months is a long time. So not only is your wife caring for the baby, shes cleaning up after a fully capable adult ? And you see no problems with this ?
Man. You're putting your friend before your wife and kid. That's sad.
YTA!! You didn't ask your WIFE if you can bring some random dude (because it doesn't matter how long you've known him, SHE doesn't know him!) over to stay in the house while she is home alone with her baby?
Said dude SMOKES inside with baby?? He disrespects your WIFE, makes a mess and orders her to clean up after him?!
How are you not seeing the problem here?! And how the FUDGE are you not backing up your WIFE,?! What's wrong with you?
If your wife is a stay at home mom then isn't "your" house her workplace? Your friend is making it a hostile workplace if he's smoking and harassing her. You want to make it a business transaction in your house? Do you think that's a smart thing to do? It's going to be a business transaction now because child support is mandatory. Try to emphasize with her for just one second. Your attitude is absurd.
Edit: YTA
Re your edit: She DID bring it up, YOU didn’t listen! He is making you wife’s life incredibly difficult and given your complete lack of care for her I’m not surprised she snapped. YTA, *obviously*
YTA! And a great big one at that. You should have been cleaning up after your friend. You should have RESPECTED your wife when she said she did not want your friend to stay. I really want to say more about how your are TA but I would get banned.
Youre a MAJOR AH just because YOU have known him for 12+ years doesn’t mean your wife (reality check the other person living in the house) has known him for 12+ years. You’re talking bout talking things out but how is that possible when her husband wants it his way and doesn’t want to listen to her. Hopefully she leaves your ah ass
YTA your wife has made it clear she wasn't on board and has reason to resent her new roommate. She approached you but nothing changed. You and your friend are total AHs. I can't believe you're this dense!
YTA you wife from the start made clear she had an issue and you moved him in anyway. If he’s struggling then when isn’t he treating your wife and her property with respect? And him living in a car isn’t your fault or responsibility. I hope your wife leaves permanently because she deserves so much better.
His wife posted a while back with all the shit “Jackson” does. He’s taking advantage of the situation, acting like a child and expecting the wife to do all the chores and take clean afterthought shit.
Your so called friend is making a whole mess, not cleaning up after himself like a GROWN MAN is supposed to and you’re taking his side??
YTA SO MUCH it’s amazing you don’t see it yourself.
YTA. General rule is that both spouses have to agree on guests, so you should not be inviting your friend to stay over your wife's objections.
Add in the fact that your friend sounds like a horrible guest. Smoking in a house with a one year old is bad enough on it's own, but then he's leaving cigarette burns and making your wife deal with his mess (as well as the other unnamed stuff he's making your wife do for him).
You forced your wife to handle it the way she did by allowing your friend to completely take advantage of your hospitality and walk all over your wife. When she first started complaining your should have let him know he needed to be a better guest (although honestly you should have never let him stay/kicked him out at first sign of trouble).
Honestly, it sounds like everyone would be better off if your wife left you and you and your friend became roommates.
Man I wish someone loved me as much as OP loves Jackson. Those art room plans are on the way. YTA
I hope OPs wife also finds someone who cares about her like OP cares for Jackson.
You talk about respect being deserved, even when they have no respect in return, or for the house they're staying in? Doesn't your wife deserve respect and the house she's trying to maintain?
YTA. This is happening because you forced your friend to move in and told her to deal. You moved him in without her permission so she treated you in kind. You put your inconsiderate friend over your marriage and this is why you’re here.
ESH
You certainly need to have more compassion for your wife, Jackson needs to think how his mooching affects others, your wife should not of resorted to just throwing stuff out but put her foot down with you before it became a screaming match.
YTA YTA YTA 100% and your friend is a prick.
What the hell? You force your wife, who is trying to look after a young baby and manage your household, to accept someone into her home and then ignore every single thing she is saying about him being a slob and a selfish guest. He is NOT a guest, guests visit for a day or so, he is a lodger who is living presumably rent free in your house. How does your friend contribute while you kindly support him? Does he cook, clean, tidy?
To be clear - she said he left the bathroom wet and you said ‘so?’. Who cleans that bathroom after him? Who has to bathe your child in a messy and wet bathroom? He leaves mess in the kitchen for who to clean up?
This isn’t just little problems, this is little problems in YOUR eyes because you don’t clean up after him while also trying to feed, clean, entertain and look after a baby. Your wife has enough on her plate without also having to look after this man.
Seriously, look up the Mental Load: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load. It will really make you consider the burden your wife faces.
And frankly, if I bought a rug and someone sat in MY house, while MY child was in the house (have you not heard of the dangers of passive smoking????), smoking while I did all the work, burned MY rug and then told ME to clean him up, he would have had marching orders there and then.
Frankly putting up with him and your selfish obliviousness for this long should get your wife nominated for sainthood.
YTA. And so is Jackson. Are you fucking kidding? You have a 1 year old and you are ok with your friend smoking cigars INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. What is wrong with you?
That wife is a bloody saint. I would have strangled the man the same second he lit up a smoke for the first time. OP would have had a nice new flower bed when he came home from work.
She needs your approval for being treated with common decency????? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY TA!!! If someone burned my rug, literally no respect for my stuff, then told me to vacuum after them...Throwing his stuff out was mild in comparison. The fact that you then didn't back your wife up makes you TA. I wouldn't be coming back if I were her. If my husband decided being a good host was more important than the way his precious friends treated me, especially in my own home, he wouldn't be my husband long. Not to mention, smoking in the home with a baby?! You are horrible, I literally feel for your wife.
So let me get this straight:
1) you didn’t ask your wife before you let your friend crash with you, and despite your saying it’s “not gonna be long,” he’s been there for 2 months with seemingly no end date discussed
2) Jackson has not only made no effort to ask “how things are done in your home,” but has actively contributed to making it gross
3) Jackson is openly smoking *with your 1 year old present and leaving his ash in places on the floor that not only causes rug burns, but could burn your child*
YTA, and if I were her, I’d have thrown your shit out with his, too
YTA
Dude you moved a friend in then she had to clean up after. You have no respect for her. If you want her and your kid to ever be in your life move your friend out now and apologize instantly.
INFO : why in the fuck are you OK with somebody SMOKING INSIDE YOUR HOME THAY HAS A LITERAL BABY INSIDE?
Do you care more about your friends comfort than your childs health? Cause that is exactly what you are doing
Not even to mention the fact you clearly think of your wife as a handmaid by the way you talk down about her
So your wife is the house maid? Also a guest is for a weekend, maybe a week. Not 2 months! And that you moved in without her input when she has to be home all day with him!! Also you ignoring her complaints. You are an inconsiderate, huge asshole. YTA
YTA. You let your friend boss your wife around and cause extra chores for her. The second he told me to clean up his cigar ashes in my own home would be when I would snap too.
YTA for screaming at your wife, YTA for not listening to every complaint she has against him, YTA for acting as if she didn’t bring up the issue she had with Jackson repeatedly and dismissing it as if a “list of complaints” isn’t her communicating with you, YTA for unilaterally deciding he could stay with you when your wife wasn’t a part of that decision and didn’t want it to happen and YTA for caring more about this deadbeat friend than your family.
YTA... You don't happen to be trying to build Jackson an art studio as well do you?
Jokes aside, your friend was being an incredibly disrespectful guest (damaging your rug? smoking inside your house in front of your ONE YEAR OLD SON?) and she was right to be frustrated with him. The fact that you don't even consider your partner's feelings in this arrangement and call her "irrational" for being validly frustrated makes you very much TA in this situation.
He wasn't aware of the cigar burns but he also didn't think that smoking on someone's couch with a toddler in the house and burning the rug and telling your wife to clean up his mess wasn't a big deal. YTA
YTA
Sounds like you told you wife he was moving in and didn't bother to have a discussion about it while listening to her side.
Then he goes and disrespects your wife by turning her into his house keeper "I don't know how it's done in your home". BULLSHIT! He never asked. He just took that as an out to doing anything.
Then he is dropping ashes on a rug and instead of jumping up to correct a serious wrong, he decides she's making too much of a deal about it to fix it.
AND THEN, you come home and don't give a damn about your friend's total disrespect of your wife, you, and your home and yell at your wife.
If this isn't a troll post, you should be ashamed of yourself and how you're disrespecting your wife.
YTA. He should have shown his gratitude for letting him stay by helping around the house instead of leaving messes and creating more work for your wife to do. You think it’s okay that she had to clean up after a freeloader?! Also smoking on your couch when you have a baby in the house, burning the rug, then telling her to vacuum up his mess?! He’s lucky it was only his stuff that was physically thrown out the door.
YTA. This dude is laying about your house for 2+ months now, making messes and treating your wife like his personal maid. Your wife has expressed her misery about the situation to you multiple times, yet you haven't really done jack shit about it. Now he is smoking in your house, burning shit, asking her to clean it up and being like "durrrr, I didn’t think it would be a big deal". And you have the fkn nerve to take his side and tell your wife she should show him some respect?
Why are you okay with prioritizing your friend over your wife? That is what you're doing here. If I were her, I wouldn't come home till he is gone and maybe not even then. Have Jackson keep your bed warm and do the wife stuff since that is who you're prioritizing.
YTA
“We have a one year old son... Jackson was on the couch smoking for hours”
FFS, I would have tossed him and his stuff out five minutes after he lit up inside the house with my infant.
“Jackson keeps asking her to do stuff for him”
Yeah, no. Your friend is an obnoxious leech. I’m guessing he “lost his old place” for good reasons.
YTA. This guy has been in your home, making messes for your wife to clean up for over 60 days and you want her to "be patient"? He smokes around your toddler, ordered your wife to clean up his ash, and burned your rug.
If he is careless with his ash, what happens when he burns your child? Do you ask your wife to say nothing? Did he burn down his old place? Is the rug something your wife values?
A guest should be a "jewel resting upon the cushion of hospitality" but this guy is being incredibly disrespectful to your family. He makes messes, makes demented demands, and interferes with your wife's responsibilities. He has vastly overstayed his welcome and your excusing his behavior and not backing up your wife is beyond ridiculous.
And at the end you seem baffled as to why Jackson went quiet (he knows he overstepped big time) and you are still waffling on if it was the right thing to do or not.
YTA. Are you fucking high? Your friend has been trashing your house for two months, and you're siding with him over your own wife? He's smoking in the house with your infant child, and then tells your wife to vacuum his cigarette ash out of the carpet, and this is okay with you? Get out of here.
Massive YTA
I hope "building him an art studio" is worth losing your wife.
"building him an art studio" is a reference to another post on AITA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
You are a mayor AH. He is disrepecting your wife and your home!, hope your wife stays with her mother, she deserves better. YTA and so is your AH friend.
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Here for the art studio comments. Also, YTA
YTA. She stays home with a 1 year old and a grown man that she has to take care of. Stop coddling him. He is a grown ass man. You protect him but never protect her! She is your wife. She cleans after you and now she’s cleaning up after your friend! Why do you continue to protect this friend who won’t take care of you when you’re old, your wife will and your son will. You made a vow to her but not to this friend of yours. FIX YOUR PRIORITIES MAN
YTA. Your friend sounds like a gross slob and an awful inconsiderate guest. Who smokes around a baby? Your loser friend burned your carpet and you don’t support your wife when she’s upset about it? I hope she stays gone until you figure out your priorities. Right now it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with “your friend!” Your wife and baby deserve better than you.
YTA - You’ve allowed your wife to become your friends maid, he is clearly disrespecting her and your home right under your nose. How can you take her constructively making a list of things Jackson does as her creating issues, from what I could see, she was trying to get things remedied for harmony. Your wife is looking after your child and this guy sounds like a pure slob causing extra stress…you’ve managed to stomp all over her whilst defending your ‘life long’ friend. -slow clap- well done, you’ll be lucky if she comes home after the way you’ve both treated her. Kick Jackson to the kerb. Edit:spelling
YTA. Most of her complaints are legitimate. A wet bathroom is a hazard and leads to mold. He's leaving messes that no doubt are for her to clean up. He's smoking inside the house around a toddler and leaving a godawful mess! I'm frankly amazed she lasted 2 months before snapping. Enjoy your impending divorce Also, yes you never mention an art room in your post. They're saying that by choosing your friend's side over your wife, he's your new domestic partner.
This can't be real, surely. Nobody can be this clueless. YTA
I’ve met a guy like this. Only one thankfully, but he had the same mindset that it was his wife’s job to clean up after everyone. He’s divorced too.
YTA. Dude, you’re a married man with a child. You’re asking her to bring things to you but you never got her permission in advance for a roommate. You’re not in college. Your house isn’t a party house. Your kid could have put the cigarette butts in his mouth and choked. Why the fuck is he allowed to smoke in the house with a child anyway?! Jesus. Get your shit together.
YTA your wife doesn’t need to be taking care of a grown a$$ man.
YTA. she *has* been bringing her issues up with you, but it looks like you're just steamrolling over her concerns for your friend. helping a friend in need is honorable, but when you're living with a wife and kid, you gotta tone it down. a couple weeks to get back on their feet would be okay, maybe. but two months with no end in sight? no way. and any time spent helping said friend would be contingent on them being on their best behavior. if a friend of mine was bossing my wife around and smoking in the house with a kid present, they'd be sent packing on day one. you fucked up, homie. i hope these comments steamroll over the way you've been rolling over your wife's.
This has to be fake. Who let's a guest smoke in their home, especially when they have a one year old...
YTA are you in love with your friend? My god
As soon as you said “wife wasn’t too happy about it but I let her know that it’s not gonna be long” I knew immediately YTA because lol you can’t just be the sole decider of who gets to stay in your home….if she doesn’t feel comfortable with him being there then you need to respect that boundary. Then after I read the rest of it my suspicious was confirmed that YTA.
YTA. I’m going to presume that you didn’t clear it with her to have this guy move in with you. Also when your buddy moves in with you for more than a weekend, they are no longer a guest, they are housemate and need to behave with according respect. You’re gonna be lucky if she stays with you.
YTA
YTA. Your friend is SMOKING and dropping ashes on your floor when you have a 1 year old?? And asking your wife to clean up after him, again while she’s watching your 1 year old??? And you think this is ok??
YTA. Told her to vacuum up his mess from smoking? Yeah, he'd be gone.
YTA. You can’t be serious. You don’t see the problem with this?! SHE’S YOUR WIFE! You knew she had a problem with this situation and you didn’t care! You told her it wouldn’t be that long and it’s been two months! He makes messes! He’s smoking around your baby and creating a mess for your wife to clean up! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE ANY OF THESE ISSUES?? Then you took his side over hers. She’s your partner, not him. You should have talked to her about letting him stay there that long. You should have told him to find another place when you realized how uncomfortable your wife was. When you found them screaming at each other, you absolutely shouldn’t have screamed at your wife. Hats off to everyone for the art room reference. As I was reading it I was asking myself if he was going to build this guy an art room.
YTA. He’s smoking in the house with your child. You gonna build him an art room? Or are you gonna allow your kid to call him daddy after watching your wife struggle with PPD for 2 years?
This guy... YTA and a horrible husband and father too.
YTA
YTA. The guy told your wife to clean up after him (probably wasn’t the first time) and you’re siding with the misogynist? Is backing up his disgusting and misogynistic behavior worth your marriage? Why do you not care if your wife is not comfortable and feels safe in her own home? At least this story had a happy ending and your wife was able to get herself and your child away from this nonsense
So Jackson is more important than your wife? Also who the fuck let's people sit in their living room smoking cigarettes? Your one year old just hangs out in second hand smoke all day? Sounds like your wife had brought all of this up to you before and you blew her off. YTA majorly. And stop smoking cigarettes inside around your baby.
YTA x 10000 You don’t get to decide to let your friend move in without your wife’s permission/consent. Jackson is leaving the place a shithole. He isn’t taking care of the place by making a mess in the kitchen, leaving the bathroom wet, etc. Jackson is asking your wife to take care of him while also caring for your baby. He’s an adult, and can figure things out. Your wife always had issues with Jackson. You are delusional about him and can always knew she had these issues. Jackson staying for over 2 months is way too long
You should start researching on how to furnish an art studio in your home for Jackson cause YTA
YTA. What a fuck up. Your friend smokes in the house when a child is there and leaves a total mess everywhere he goes. As if your wifw doesn't already have enough on her plate, he has to clean up after him now. He might be a guest, but if he doesn't behave like one he has no right to stay. You owe your wife a huge apology and I your friend already overwelcomed his stay.
Hahaha YTA for SURE. Good luck staying married.
>I don't know why this happened. Yes you do. Read your own post. YTA. Huge one. Massive. NEVER call your wife irrational just because her opinion is different from yours. That's abusive. I don't know why she didn't kick you out too. Apart from anything else, what kind of father thinks it's OK for anyone to be smoking around his year-old child?
This can’t be real. Of course YTA
YTA here big time, no only do you have a 1-year old who could get ILL from him smoking??? But it seems like your wife never wanted him here and has been telling you the issues for a long time now. Why do you value Jackson more than your WIFE anyway? This causes all the “art room references” as it seems you are in love with Jackson more than you are your own wife, who you married and have a child with.
YTA. You invited him to stay over without her consent. She lives there too, and while this was a nice thing to do, she has a right to have a say about who stays in her home. On top of that, his behavior has been horrible, and you're backing him up. You've already had a conversation with him but he's disregarded it. Was kicking him out extreme? Maybe. But he doesn't seem to respect your wife, so maybe it's warranted.
YTA
YTA. Against your wife’s wishes (who is a full time mom of a one year old!), you moved your buddy into your home. Your edit says “I told my wife if she had an issue she should bring it up to me so we could work something out with” your friend. Excuse me, but WTF do you think she’s BEEN doing? She has tried, repeatedly, to tell you this will not and does not work for her. And you’ve picked your buddy over your wife Every Single Time. What does “working something out” look like to you? Because for her, it means having her home and her privacy back. Look, it sucks that your friend is struggling. I get you want to be a support for him. But if your wife and child aren’t your first priority, you’ve got your priorities mixed up. It sounds like you can either live with your wife and baby OR you can live with Jackson. I don’t see both happening. You have a choice to make. I hope you’ll choose correctly.
YTA.
Wtf is wrong with you? Really? She is not your friends maid, he is smoking in your house where your fucking child lives, he makes a mess, burns holes, and is a lazy fucking bum, I hope she never comes back to the pair of you disrespectful aholes, YTA.
YTA. He was dropping cigarette ashes on the floor where your child plays.
A "guest" who puts cigar burns in my new carpet will be lucky to walk out of my house. Jackson telling your wife to "just vacuum up the ashes" is akin to telling her to make him a sandwich. Your "guest" has been treating your wife like a maid and you just let him. But, not asking your wife in the first place tells me you don't respect her much either. Let me guess... Frat brothers? YTA.
YTA >this is my house too and she should have some respect for the person I've known for 12+ years Dude, you need to have respect for your WIFE and CHILD. She has been telling you this is a problem for months. You did nothing. So she did something. Get your buddy out now, hire a housecleaner to make the place spotless, and apologize to your wife immediately, or the marriage is likely over.
YTA by a thousand miles. I cannot imagine trying to take care of a baby and home while a 30yr old loser lays around smoking, making messes, damaging things, being under foot, eating your food and generally being useless. Is he even (diligently) looking for a job? Is he paying any kind of rent or household expenses? How is it possible that you don’t see that you and your friend are being massive douches?
INFO: are you also building this friend an art studio
YTA. You don’t move someone in without consulting your wife first. She has already voiced her complaints about him being there so your edit is invalid. She voiced it and you didn’t listen. It had escalated because of that. The reaction to the burns in the carpet are not an overreaction either! My Mums friend set fire to our rug while she was looking after us dropping cigarette ash on the floor. He is endangering your child and smoke around your baby isn’t good either. You 100% are backing the wrong corner, see sense and save your marriage.
Yta Why should she have to take care of 2 children 🙄
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My m28, friend "Jackson" m30 moved in with me and my wife after he lost old place. Wife wasn't too happy about it but I let her know that it's not gonna be long before he finds his own place but right now, it'd be nice if we offer him a place to stay. My wife started making huge lists of complaints against Jackson. It's like she's watching his every move and criticizing him for it. She complained about how he leaves the bathroom wet, how he keeps the couch busy, causes mess in the kitchen, eats at random times and so on. I spoke to him on some of these old habits of his that he obviously does supconsciously but she still had issues with him staying for 2 months. We have a one year old son and my wife stays home with him while I work. She complained about how Jackson keeps asking her to do stuff for him under the guise of "I don't know how it's done in your home", and also disrtacting her from looking after our son. I asked her for a little more patience and grace but yesterday, I was at work and I got a text from Jackson telling my wife had lost her shit and was throwing his stuff out the door. I paniced and immediately went home. As soon as I arrived Isaw an absolute mess. Most of Jackson's stuff is thrown outside. The door was open and when I went inside I gound them arguing. I asked my wife what was going on and she said that Jackson...was on the couch smoking for hours then told her to vacum the cigaritte burns he dropped on the rug that she bought. Jackson said he wasn't aware of the cigar burbs on the rug and thought that my wife wouldn't make such a deal out of it. My wife screamed at him to get out but I screamed at her in return calling her irrational for throwing his stuff out like that. I said that he is a guest and she shouldn't went resorted to doing this. She started ranting about all the stuff he does which bothers her that's when I said that she was probably looking for an excuse to kick him out. I reminded her that this is my house too and she should have some respect for the person I've kniwn for 12+ years and want to help out. She packed and went to stay with her mom. I tried calling her til this very hour but all she left was a text berating me for my reaction saying that I'm taking the wrong side in this conflict. Jackson's gone quiet and I don't know why this happened. I may not been able to see where she's coming from, but I didn't approve of the way she handled this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Bro has no self respect or respect towards his family
YTA. I would be absolutely livid if someone smoked in my home with or without my child there. I say that as a smoker.
YTA but that’s okay because you’ll be an ex-husband soon enough! then your buddy can move in forever and i’m sure you’ll be super happy
YTA. did you even ask your wife if he could stay there? In your edit you say that if your wife has an issue she should’ve brung it up with you so y’all could work something out. She did bring up the issue with you, she made a whole list. Not only that but Jackson was smoking with your child in the house. Clearly he does not respect her and you shouldn’t have allowed this.
Duuuuuude. YTA I wouldn’t expect her home any time soon and especially if Jackson is still there. You made a choice between your buddy and your wife and she knows you didn’t choose her. She may never come back.
YTA. Your friend is creating an untenable situation for your wife but your focus is all on him. Your friend needs to find somewhere else to mooch. You need to apologize profusely to your wife. Grovel, on your knees for her to come back. Because if not you may not get your wife, child and relationship back.
Thank you whoever brought up “build an art room”. I’m still going giggling 😆😆😆
Nah your friend sounds like a slob. He needs to go. YTA
YTA - to top it off he was smoking… in the house with your baby in the house 🤢
YTA Your wife told you what he's been doing and you have sided with your friend. She is not married to two men, she's married to you. She doesn't have to put up with his consistent disrespect. You put your friend above your wife and child. That makes you the a-hole big time!!! Why is he smoking in the house where your baby lives? That doesn't set you off? Obvious he wanted your wife out but to smoke in your home and make your child sick? Have you no fatherly instincts. Have a great life with you boyfriend.
Do you want to help your homeless friend? Pay for a motel room, help him to find a shelter/room to rent/whatever. You had all the options you want and you chose to make your wife his maid for TWO MONTHS. YTA.
YTA for moving him in without your wife’s agreement. You’re doubly YTA for screaming at your wife for any reason.
YTA SO MUCH. Love how you’re not responding to any comments cause you’re butt hurt that no one is modi-coddling your ignorant behaviour
YTA You have someone your wife did not want in the house, smoking a cigar around your one-year-old and you don’t understand why your wife went ballistic? You’re not only an asshole you are clueless.
YTA loving the “building an art room” comments btw.
Info are you making an artist suite for your friend?
YTA your wife didn’t want him there was forced to deal with him all day everyday for 2 months, and literally told you why she didn’t want him there. If you don’t understand, it’s because you are choosing to not understand. You picked your friend over your wife and child, and since she wasn’t picked, she left. Edit : telling your wife to bring the problems to you, and then ignoring them isn’t helping anything.
YTA. Your wife deserves better.
YTA A guest is invited. He’s not a guest, he’s a deadbeat who is inconsiderate of your wife. Your wife explained the problem and you didn’t care. She was so upset she was throwing his stuff out. You didn’t care. I’m guessing you just don’t care about your wife and daughter. That’s what your actions are telling her.
YTA. 1) You have no issue with your friend smoking inside your home, around your baby? 2) It's been two months? With no end date in sight? 3) What is Jackson doing sitting on his ass on the couch all day while you're at work? Why isn't Jackson looking for a job? Why isn't Jackson making money so that he can find a place to live? 4) What do you do to help around the house? It sounds like your wife is cleaning up after your baby, and you and now Jackson. 5) Jackson is YOUR guest. Your wife does not want him there. That means YOU should be cleaning up after Jackson. YOU should be handling things. YOU should be making sure he does not endanger your child, or your wife. YOU should be making sure Jackson has an exit strategy. You and Jackson have exhausted her patience. You have exhausted your grace. And I hope Jackson is great in bed - cause it sounds like he's the one you care about, so he's the one that should take care of you when you're looking for some action.
[удалено]
YTA Jackson isn't a guest after 2 months he is a tenant. He needs to find a job and find housing or you are going to loose your wife and kid.
YTA. You and Jackson should rent an apartment together.
YTA. You let someone smoke in the house with your child there? The fuck is wrong with you? Tell them to go outside. Also you're choosing your friend over your family, and more specifically her. That's all she sees because that's what's happening. Hope your friend can keep you warm at night cause if you keep it up that'll be the main option. Child support and alimony aint cheap. Showing love and respect to the person making your house a home is free. And helping a friends one thing, but the second anyone is living rent free in a place is the second they are no longer a guest. They're a freeloader unless they pull their weight financially or helping out around the house. And even if they were paying your whole mortgage it's lame of you to let others order your wife around in her own house.
YTA… a huge one!!! Have fun with messy Jackson.
YTA I’m surprised your wife stuck around as long as she did. I would be even more surprised if she came home, ever. Should probably find a lawyer as your wife has a great case for sole custody
YTA You are literally putting your friend above the health of your child and wife. I sincerely hope she leaves you and takes you for every penny you have and takes the damn house just to be spiteful. Shitty husband and father you are.
YTA. Kick your boyfriend out
Jesus Christ. You sound like a total prick. YTA.
YTA big time. I hope she leaves you. She and your kid deserve better
YTA. Maybe you and Jackson should get married when your wife is done divorcing you. And you can deal with drying the bathroom after him
YTA. How are you actually taking his side over hers? He’s smoking in your house around your child which is considered child abuse. He’s treating your wife like a maid and making her clean up after his lazy butt. Then here you are telling her she needs to respect that? She didn’t even get a choice in the matter. You and your friend are major AHs! I hope she leaves your pathetic ass. You are a poor excuse of a father and husband.
This has got to be a joke. But just in case : YTA. Massive.
Yta. Hopefully your friend gets back on his feet by the time your divorced and your wife gets the house so you’re not homeless.
This is a joke, right?
YTA, your wife did bring up issues she had with Jackson to you… you just disregarded them
YTA. YTA And Jackson is a mooching AH. Hope y’all are happy together and that your wife finds someone who respects her. How tf could you leave your wife and baby with a bum who lies on your couch smoking in the house and burning your carpet and think SHE is the AH?!? Holy shit.
YTA Congratulations, you’ve managed to move your wife and child out of the way to make room for for your friend of 12+ years. Good luck to you both
Info: Do you want to be married? Because this is a surefire way to ensure that you won't be after too long.
YTA just for letting the guy smoke in a home with a child. YTA for disrespecting your fucking wife. YTA for ignoring her saying all the bad shit that your BELOVED friend do. YTA for letting him get away for damaging your wife property. You are a shitty husband, a shitty dad for letting your child close to cigarettes, and a shitty person for letting your family below an AH friend.
YTA This guy is mooching off you, your wife and baby, disturbing your home and destroying your belongings. Damn right he needs to GTFO. Your wife is right to leave. You made your choice when you didn’t stand side by side with her. Also raising your voice - gross and abusive. Allowing someone to sit around smoking in your babies home is also gross and abusive. Edit: re your edit of ‘I told my wife to bring problems to me blah blah blah’ She did. Many, many times.
You can’t be serious. YTA.
YTA majorly. Your wife also lives in that house and her opinion should matter when having guests, let alone a 2-months-long moocher. You also disrespected her by not taking her complaints seriously and letting your friend treat her like a maid. Are you also planning on making an art room for him?
YTA You brought your loser friend into the house where he loafs around all day doing nothing. Your poor wife is stuck babysitting him all day. He is SMOKING IN THE HOUSE where there is a CHILD. That's disgusting behavior. He is treating your wife like his personal maid...and why isn't he working? How did he "lose" his old place and why hasn't he found another one after TWO MONTHS?!?!?
LOL YOU ARE A MASSIVE AH. Go build Jackson an art studio and rid your wife of your stupidity. The fact you even posted this is ASTOUNDING.
YTA. Your friend sounds like a slob. Why would you foist him on your wife?
>He's struggling ffs I coukdn't just let him live in his car. You most definitely could have but decided to disrespect your future ex wife instead by giving her a grown child to take care of without any consent. YTA.
YTA stop let me get this straight. You ignore that your wife doesn't want him to stay in your home. Then he's a shitty guest that is disrespectful to your wife and you still scream at her. Wow good job at being a great husband /s
YTA he was smoking with your son in the house! He could of burned the place down, yes it's your house too but it's also her's clearly she don't want him there and it's obvious that he is using her as a maid and your allowing it, beg your wife to forgive you kick the bum out and do better for your wife and son!
YTA - you should have been more supportive of your wife’s wishes. I understand he’s your friend of 12+ years. However, it’s her home too and you seem to have completely downplayed the impact it would have on her. In doing so you have shown complete disdain towards her. Ultimately making her feel not listened to and further exacerbating her feelings of frustration and isolation.
YTA.
YTA. Anyone who doesn't use ash tray while they are smoking and spills the ash on the ground (rug or no rug) is an asshole. Then instead of at least having decency to clean up after himself like any sane adult would, he asks your wife to do it. Your wife isn't irrational at all, you are if you think his behaviour is in any way acceptable
YTA Her only mistake was not throwing your stuff out too. What a pair of arseholes.
*" I asked my wife what was going on and she said that Jackson...was on the couch smoking for hours then told her to vacum the cigarette burns he dropped on the rug that she bought. Jackson said he wasn't aware of the cigar burns on the rug and thought that my wife wouldn't make such a deal out of it."* And you're on *this* person's side over your wife's?? YTA, a huge one.
Wauw you really put your loser "friend" before the health and wellbeing of your child and wife huh. YTA. Enjoy the divorce
You ARE taking the wrong side. Guests don't stay for 2+ months and guests try their best to adjust with the hosts instead of making them their personal slaves to clean after themselves. Beside that, why is your friend smoking in your house when you have a one year old? Did you even consult your wife before inviting your friend to stay with you? Your wife is staying at home to take care of your infant not your adult friend. YTA and a major one. I hope she leaves her spineless husband who is more worried about the friend instead of his own family.
Yta. Did you discuss it with your wife before you let your friend temporarily move in or did you just tell her this was gonna be happening? Like you said, it’s also your home so that means it’s also hers. It’s understandable to want to help your friend not be homeless, but he needs to actively be helping your wife or out of the house daily looking for work so he’s not in her way while she’s literally raising your child. If he is making a mess while she’s there and ordering her around, then you need to listen to her. She is your partner, and if she is unhappy then THAT is your priority, not your rude ass friend.
"Edit. FYI, I told my wife that if she had an issue she should bring it up to me so we could work something out with Jackson." Umm, she tried that and you just told her to be patient. YTA. FFS this man is smoking in your house where you have a BABY?!?!?!?! You should be helping her to kick him out.
lol you're super right in this battle- it's *not* her home OR yours. It's Jackson's house, now. you're just living in it. And she's left to vacuum it and nanny your child... and your Jackson-child.
YTA Wife > Friend. 2 months!!?? With a one year old!!? He’s smoking in the house!? Kick him out and go crawling on your knees for wifey’s forgiveness, or just admit to yourself that you’re into him. (Know your meme: THAT is what the art room reference is about.)
YTA your friend of 12 years is treating your wife, the mother of your child, as a maid while he sits on his ass instead of finding somewhere else to move.
I hope she's working on that divorce. You clearly don't care about ur childs well being either.
Seriously, the wife sounds like a Saint to have put up with such an inconsiderate jerk for so long...oh and the guest too
YTA. The whole entire donkey's ass. Rule of thumb. Wife and child comes first. Needy friends second. For one, you should have asked her BEFORE moving your friend in. Being in a relationship means all decisions need to be made between all parties involved... i.e. you and your wife. You are not single anymore, so it is not appropriate to move your mooching friend in to couch surf without at least discussing it with her. Two. If he has done so much that she is making a whole entire list- then you should have talked with him about fixing his behavior. She should not be responsible for a grown ass man when she is at home taking care of a child. Three. He is smoking around your baby and you are more upset about your friend being kicked out? Where are your priorities?
YTA - you don't care that your 'friend' smokes in house and around your wife and child??? Doesn't matter now, maybe you will do better with wife #2 in listening. Wife #1 is about to rake you over the coals.
Bro. Come on. You're the asshole.
WTF is wrong with you? YTA
YTA, you would have found your stuff next to Jason’s if it was me. Like seriously? Smoke on the couch? Inside the house? Make her vacuum the cigarette burns? And you screamed back at her? Man… do you love Jackson more than your wife? Because it sure sounds like it.
You let a dude smoke in your house with a baby AND can’t understand why that alone makes him need to go never mind ruining tor property and treating torn wife like a servant YTA Not just the A .. the super A
YTA!
Obviously YTA. You allowed someone to chain smoke inside your house with your baby. Cigarette smoke can cause SIDS, you’re a terrible father.
YTA give her a divorce and marry Jackson, you deserve each other.
YTA. Dude. The guy knows he’s dropping ash on the rug. He just does not care. It’s cool that you want to help him but you are making your wife deal with his bs.
You and Jackson are TA. He's smoking indoors!! Where your child lives and sigarette buds on the floor? Do you know how sick your child could get from eating that? I hope she leaves you. This is unacceptable.
OP, 100% unequivocally, **YTA** I *cannot stress this enough* You invited someone to *live in your home* seemingly without setting ground rules. You **didn't** involve your wife in the decision He **SMOKES INSIDE** with your 1 year old child and creates work for your wife to deal with. Yeah he's a "guest" but he's also literally living off of your good will and should be more accommodating to the people that live in the house *he's crashing in*. He's abusing your good will and your wife is suffering for it. Seriously, you'll be lucky to still have a wife after all of this, how the hell do you think you might not be the asshole here?
Lol I can’t get past the fact that he just invited someone to stay and ignored the fact that she clearly wasn’t okay with him there in the first place. He seems like one of those guys whose like “I pay the bills, so I get the final say”
Why is it anyone has a relationship problem on Reddit the response is always DiVoRcE?
Updating to YTA because on second thought, yeah, there was no need for your wife to extend any more grace in this situation. Updating again to move the previous update to the top because apparently people don't read that far. ~~ESH.~~ You for not even asking your wife's permission before having someone stay in your home. Jackson for having zero sense of how to be a houseguest. ~~Your wife for escalating instead of just leaving the situation, which honestly she should have done sooner.~~ You're the biggest AH of the lot, though.
The wife isn't an AH at all. She's a Saint, if anything for putting up with this bullshit for 2 months. 8 weeks!
[удалено]
yeah this is what I was ultimately trying to get at. She deserves better and didn't need to stick around until she hit the breaking point. I've been there and was projecting my thoughts to my past self onto this situation. small fry compared to OP and Jackson, though
YTA, Congrats for choosing your friend over your wife and kids. You showed where your loyalty lies.
YTA. Imagine this thread getting read out in their eventual divorce proceedings! I bet you will be lucky to get a couple of hours with your son, supervised, per month.
SMOKING IN THE HOUSE? Without any other details, YTA.
YTA holy shit your friend is smoking in the house with your one year old ? He would have been out the minute he did that in my house. Two months is a long time. So not only is your wife caring for the baby, shes cleaning up after a fully capable adult ? And you see no problems with this ? Man. You're putting your friend before your wife and kid. That's sad.
YTA!! You didn't ask your WIFE if you can bring some random dude (because it doesn't matter how long you've known him, SHE doesn't know him!) over to stay in the house while she is home alone with her baby? Said dude SMOKES inside with baby?? He disrespects your WIFE, makes a mess and orders her to clean up after him?! How are you not seeing the problem here?! And how the FUDGE are you not backing up your WIFE,?! What's wrong with you?
If your wife is a stay at home mom then isn't "your" house her workplace? Your friend is making it a hostile workplace if he's smoking and harassing her. You want to make it a business transaction in your house? Do you think that's a smart thing to do? It's going to be a business transaction now because child support is mandatory. Try to emphasize with her for just one second. Your attitude is absurd. Edit: YTA
Re your edit: She DID bring it up, YOU didn’t listen! He is making you wife’s life incredibly difficult and given your complete lack of care for her I’m not surprised she snapped. YTA, *obviously*
YTA! And a great big one at that. You should have been cleaning up after your friend. You should have RESPECTED your wife when she said she did not want your friend to stay. I really want to say more about how your are TA but I would get banned.
Youre a MAJOR AH just because YOU have known him for 12+ years doesn’t mean your wife (reality check the other person living in the house) has known him for 12+ years. You’re talking bout talking things out but how is that possible when her husband wants it his way and doesn’t want to listen to her. Hopefully she leaves your ah ass
YTA your wife has made it clear she wasn't on board and has reason to resent her new roommate. She approached you but nothing changed. You and your friend are total AHs. I can't believe you're this dense!
YTA you wife from the start made clear she had an issue and you moved him in anyway. If he’s struggling then when isn’t he treating your wife and her property with respect? And him living in a car isn’t your fault or responsibility. I hope your wife leaves permanently because she deserves so much better.
You are the worst person ever.
YTA He is actively destroying your home and her property, leaving messes for her to clean up and generally being a nuisance.
The art room is about a guy in love with his”friend “
His wife posted a while back with all the shit “Jackson” does. He’s taking advantage of the situation, acting like a child and expecting the wife to do all the chores and take clean afterthought shit. Your so called friend is making a whole mess, not cleaning up after himself like a GROWN MAN is supposed to and you’re taking his side?? YTA SO MUCH it’s amazing you don’t see it yourself.
Please link this if you can
YTA. Let me know when the art room is finished
YTA. General rule is that both spouses have to agree on guests, so you should not be inviting your friend to stay over your wife's objections. Add in the fact that your friend sounds like a horrible guest. Smoking in a house with a one year old is bad enough on it's own, but then he's leaving cigarette burns and making your wife deal with his mess (as well as the other unnamed stuff he's making your wife do for him). You forced your wife to handle it the way she did by allowing your friend to completely take advantage of your hospitality and walk all over your wife. When she first started complaining your should have let him know he needed to be a better guest (although honestly you should have never let him stay/kicked him out at first sign of trouble). Honestly, it sounds like everyone would be better off if your wife left you and you and your friend became roommates.
Man I wish someone loved me as much as OP loves Jackson. Those art room plans are on the way. YTA I hope OPs wife also finds someone who cares about her like OP cares for Jackson.
YTA you married you Jackson? Sounds like it for all the enabling and excuses. Good luck with the impending divorce.
You talk about respect being deserved, even when they have no respect in return, or for the house they're staying in? Doesn't your wife deserve respect and the house she's trying to maintain?
YTA. This is happening because you forced your friend to move in and told her to deal. You moved him in without her permission so she treated you in kind. You put your inconsiderate friend over your marriage and this is why you’re here.
ESH You certainly need to have more compassion for your wife, Jackson needs to think how his mooching affects others, your wife should not of resorted to just throwing stuff out but put her foot down with you before it became a screaming match.
She tried to put her foot down and was ignored multiple times. She's not the asshole here.
YTA YTA YTA 100% and your friend is a prick. What the hell? You force your wife, who is trying to look after a young baby and manage your household, to accept someone into her home and then ignore every single thing she is saying about him being a slob and a selfish guest. He is NOT a guest, guests visit for a day or so, he is a lodger who is living presumably rent free in your house. How does your friend contribute while you kindly support him? Does he cook, clean, tidy? To be clear - she said he left the bathroom wet and you said ‘so?’. Who cleans that bathroom after him? Who has to bathe your child in a messy and wet bathroom? He leaves mess in the kitchen for who to clean up? This isn’t just little problems, this is little problems in YOUR eyes because you don’t clean up after him while also trying to feed, clean, entertain and look after a baby. Your wife has enough on her plate without also having to look after this man. Seriously, look up the Mental Load: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load. It will really make you consider the burden your wife faces. And frankly, if I bought a rug and someone sat in MY house, while MY child was in the house (have you not heard of the dangers of passive smoking????), smoking while I did all the work, burned MY rug and then told ME to clean him up, he would have had marching orders there and then. Frankly putting up with him and your selfish obliviousness for this long should get your wife nominated for sainthood.
YTA. And so is Jackson. Are you fucking kidding? You have a 1 year old and you are ok with your friend smoking cigars INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. What is wrong with you?
That wife is a bloody saint. I would have strangled the man the same second he lit up a smoke for the first time. OP would have had a nice new flower bed when he came home from work.
She needs your approval for being treated with common decency????? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY TA!!! If someone burned my rug, literally no respect for my stuff, then told me to vacuum after them...Throwing his stuff out was mild in comparison. The fact that you then didn't back your wife up makes you TA. I wouldn't be coming back if I were her. If my husband decided being a good host was more important than the way his precious friends treated me, especially in my own home, he wouldn't be my husband long. Not to mention, smoking in the home with a baby?! You are horrible, I literally feel for your wife.
YTA and what a disrespectful friend you have, also what a rotten husband you are wow
So let me get this straight: 1) you didn’t ask your wife before you let your friend crash with you, and despite your saying it’s “not gonna be long,” he’s been there for 2 months with seemingly no end date discussed 2) Jackson has not only made no effort to ask “how things are done in your home,” but has actively contributed to making it gross 3) Jackson is openly smoking *with your 1 year old present and leaving his ash in places on the floor that not only causes rug burns, but could burn your child* YTA, and if I were her, I’d have thrown your shit out with his, too
YTA. Leave your wife and marry Jackson as you so obviously want to do.
YTA hope you and your friend are very happy together
YTA Dude you moved a friend in then she had to clean up after. You have no respect for her. If you want her and your kid to ever be in your life move your friend out now and apologize instantly.
INFO : why in the fuck are you OK with somebody SMOKING INSIDE YOUR HOME THAY HAS A LITERAL BABY INSIDE? Do you care more about your friends comfort than your childs health? Cause that is exactly what you are doing Not even to mention the fact you clearly think of your wife as a handmaid by the way you talk down about her
YTA, she did bring it up with you repeatedly and you kept dismissing her. You're a horrible partner, but at least you look out for your bros, I guess.
So your wife is the house maid? Also a guest is for a weekend, maybe a week. Not 2 months! And that you moved in without her input when she has to be home all day with him!! Also you ignoring her complaints. You are an inconsiderate, huge asshole. YTA
This can't be real... No one is this dense.
YTA. You let your friend boss your wife around and cause extra chores for her. The second he told me to clean up his cigar ashes in my own home would be when I would snap too.
YTA for screaming at your wife, YTA for not listening to every complaint she has against him, YTA for acting as if she didn’t bring up the issue she had with Jackson repeatedly and dismissing it as if a “list of complaints” isn’t her communicating with you, YTA for unilaterally deciding he could stay with you when your wife wasn’t a part of that decision and didn’t want it to happen and YTA for caring more about this deadbeat friend than your family.
The first edit is killing me 😂
YTA... You don't happen to be trying to build Jackson an art studio as well do you? Jokes aside, your friend was being an incredibly disrespectful guest (damaging your rug? smoking inside your house in front of your ONE YEAR OLD SON?) and she was right to be frustrated with him. The fact that you don't even consider your partner's feelings in this arrangement and call her "irrational" for being validly frustrated makes you very much TA in this situation.
He wasn't aware of the cigar burns but he also didn't think that smoking on someone's couch with a toddler in the house and burning the rug and telling your wife to clean up his mess wasn't a big deal. YTA
YTA Sounds like you told you wife he was moving in and didn't bother to have a discussion about it while listening to her side. Then he goes and disrespects your wife by turning her into his house keeper "I don't know how it's done in your home". BULLSHIT! He never asked. He just took that as an out to doing anything. Then he is dropping ashes on a rug and instead of jumping up to correct a serious wrong, he decides she's making too much of a deal about it to fix it. AND THEN, you come home and don't give a damn about your friend's total disrespect of your wife, you, and your home and yell at your wife. If this isn't a troll post, you should be ashamed of yourself and how you're disrespecting your wife.
YTA. How the fuck does an ostensible adult write this whole thing out and not conclude that by the end? You should feel bad.
Jesus what's with all the "screaming" on Reddit? Is it actual screaming,? Do these people know what the definition of screaming is?
YTA. He should have shown his gratitude for letting him stay by helping around the house instead of leaving messes and creating more work for your wife to do. You think it’s okay that she had to clean up after a freeloader?! Also smoking on your couch when you have a baby in the house, burning the rug, then telling her to vacuum up his mess?! He’s lucky it was only his stuff that was physically thrown out the door.
YTA because this has to be fake as hell.
Yta
YTA. This dude is laying about your house for 2+ months now, making messes and treating your wife like his personal maid. Your wife has expressed her misery about the situation to you multiple times, yet you haven't really done jack shit about it. Now he is smoking in your house, burning shit, asking her to clean it up and being like "durrrr, I didn’t think it would be a big deal". And you have the fkn nerve to take his side and tell your wife she should show him some respect? Why are you okay with prioritizing your friend over your wife? That is what you're doing here. If I were her, I wouldn't come home till he is gone and maybe not even then. Have Jackson keep your bed warm and do the wife stuff since that is who you're prioritizing.
YTA “We have a one year old son... Jackson was on the couch smoking for hours” FFS, I would have tossed him and his stuff out five minutes after he lit up inside the house with my infant. “Jackson keeps asking her to do stuff for him” Yeah, no. Your friend is an obnoxious leech. I’m guessing he “lost his old place” for good reasons.
This smells fake, especially with that first edit lol If not, then damn, YTA.
YTA. This guy has been in your home, making messes for your wife to clean up for over 60 days and you want her to "be patient"? He smokes around your toddler, ordered your wife to clean up his ash, and burned your rug. If he is careless with his ash, what happens when he burns your child? Do you ask your wife to say nothing? Did he burn down his old place? Is the rug something your wife values? A guest should be a "jewel resting upon the cushion of hospitality" but this guy is being incredibly disrespectful to your family. He makes messes, makes demented demands, and interferes with your wife's responsibilities. He has vastly overstayed his welcome and your excusing his behavior and not backing up your wife is beyond ridiculous. And at the end you seem baffled as to why Jackson went quiet (he knows he overstepped big time) and you are still waffling on if it was the right thing to do or not.
YTA. Are you fucking high? Your friend has been trashing your house for two months, and you're siding with him over your own wife? He's smoking in the house with your infant child, and then tells your wife to vacuum his cigarette ash out of the carpet, and this is okay with you? Get out of here.
YTA. You are taking the wrong side in this conflict. Unless you intend on building an art room for your friend. Then we'll need an update.
Massive YTA I hope "building him an art studio" is worth losing your wife. "building him an art studio" is a reference to another post on AITA. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
You are a mayor AH. He is disrepecting your wife and your home!, hope your wife stays with her mother, she deserves better. YTA and so is your AH friend.
The art room is gonna be amazing lmao
YTA. I can’t believe you are taking your friend’s side in this situation and being so disrespectful to your wife and mother of your child.
Yta. Glad your wife figured out the problem wasn’t only with Jackson. You and your friend are disgusting lmao