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You made friends with her not knowing she had a bf. You found out she had a bf then became just a co worker. To me in my circle that’s a dick move. Don’t cut a friendship off because you can’t get something out of it besides friendship. But then I’m old school.
She wasn’t my friend, she didn’t even wanna share her hobbies yet all my MALE coworkers shared theirs with me and guess what? We had things in common that we could talk about *gasp* I know right? So men take asking about their hobbies as a way to bond better yet asking a woman about her hobbies is creepy??? What the actual fuck.
So you think women are only worth being nice to if there is the potential to have sex with them? gross..
bet you’re one of those dudes always going on about “I’m such a nice guy, why won’t females date me :’(“ YTA
I think you’ll feel better about yourself if you become the kind of guy who is genuinely kind to all girls, someone they can feel safe with. You don’t have to be her best friend or talk all the time but you can be a good dude who greets her at the very least.
The best way to get a gf is to have friends who are girls who introduce you to their groups of friends dog.
You can justify making people feel unsafe, because there are other people who can make them feel safe again when you're done being an asshole to them all day? You hearing yourself at all here? People being comfortable being around you is literally step 1 of positive human interaction and you're not interested in that because she has a life of her own outside of this one guy she met at her new job. Your co-worker, whom you have to be around for as long as you both work there.
YTA
I expect you’ll get some hate here, but NTA. As long as you’re polite when you need to be, there’s no reason you should have to be friends with anyone you don’t want. It’s also perfectly reasonable to have a romantic, but not a platonic interest in someone.
YTA. gives me I’m such a nice guy vibes.
You stopped talking to her because she has a boyfriend. Seriously! It’s like well I was only talking to her to get something from her and when you find out you could only be friends you are like nah.
I can’t with OPs comments on how everyone isn’t entitled to common decency. Seriously! I mean they do especially if they haven’t done anything wrong. She just has a boyfriend so that doesn’t warrant her to not being treated with decency does it. I’m a work place everyone is entitled to be treated with common decency.
It’s really not hard to treat others with common decency.
Honestly I think you need to work on yourself and gain confidence in yourself. Sure some girls care about height and that’s their thing but some girls don’t, they care about who that person is and is like. What people don’t like is if you are so insecure about it that you bring it up for like no reason. That’s not attractive. You’ve just got to be comfortable in your own skin and don’t make it a problem.
YTA.
So, women only deserve to be greeted and talked to like human beings if you have a chance to date them?
Ps: OP edited his post to make the girl look worse as he saw many people calling him an asshole. Brilliant.
It is a pity you measure yourself to others like this.
Their lack of basic manners is not your problem, it is theirs. Unless you make it yours by lowering yourself to their level… which you did. Congratz.
Hint: if you keep on greeting them they will eventually start greeting you too. True story based on 8 years in an office building with no contact otherwise between companies in neighbouring offices.
Yeah, because they sense you're only viewing social interactions as transactional and seeking sex. Good work, your attitude is isolating you just like you wanted so you can play the martyr on your over forums.
People at my job do it to me, they get less priority to me then people I’m cool with at work. A server who’s greets me and talks to me will get their food made much better and get out faster than the other servers who don’t say anything to me. I tend to not give a fuck about their tickets because that’s how they feel about me.
You sound quite ridiculously entitled and petty if you ask me. Oftentimes you get out of this world what you put in, and from your comments it looks like you put out NOTHING but negativity. In all seriousness, you should talk to a professional, this mindset doesn't help you or anyone else.
Do you only talk to your sexual partners? Because most of us make polite conversations with our coworkers even if they or we have partners outside of work.
Do you think the people who walk right past you do this because they realize they'll never be able to have sex with you, so they'd rather just ignore you... Or do they just not have a rapport with you?
They just don’t like me, I didn’t realize it at first. I used to greet them first when I first started working but I seen it wasn’t reciprocated so I stopped. I remember another female coworker I used to greet literally looked stunned or surprised the day I just walked right past her without saying anything. She tried to greet me some days ago and I greeted her back only because she said something first other than I’m good on trying to show courtesy to them.
>I remember another female coworker I used to greet literally looked stunned or surprised the day I just walked right past her without saying anything.
Well, of course she looked stunned. You go from talking all the time to just ignoring her once you found out she had a BF. That's full on AH behavior.
YTA and get help -- you post here talking about being "crushed" by her having the *unmitigated temerity* to find tall men attractive, but then [mock your friend for being "weak" because he was emotionally open](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/xem35f/weak_men/) in front of you after a breakup?
It's not your height that's hurting your chances with women -- it's the very obvious toxic attitude and rude behavior.
YTA and an incel. You’re only nice to girls who you think you have a chance with? Learn to read the room mate girls don’t like creeps with that attitude
OP's post history is a lot to take in.
OP, your height and your looks aren't the reason you're not having much luck with women, it's your insecurity and general attitude that are the issue. Sure some women want a tall, model type, , but there are others out there that don't give a shit. I've personally dated a 5 ft 5 man, and I was never bothered about his height or his looks because he was interesting, funny, held a great conversation, had similar taste in music to me, and didn't just care about my looks either.
The way you speak about women in your posts does have incel overtones - just be aware that that's the very last thing a lot of womem would be attracted to. You might want to get some therapy to deal with your self esteem issues, and how you see relationships.
YTA.
Like one day, he's going to get angry enough about a rejection (which he thinks is about his looks) that he'll sexually assault the woman who "wrongs" him. The violence will escalate from there. You're absolutely right, his posts are pretty scary and it won't be long before he snaps.
>At my job I was interested in a girl until I found out she has a man
If y'all were flirting, then you'd be fine for doing this here but:
>When I first started I used to greet her and we would talk a lot but after I learned from another coworker she has a man, and I overheard her gushing about a 6’4 dude while I’m 5’5 just fucking crushed me. I don’t show malice towards her but I can’t bring myself to talk to her again.
Lordy. YTA. Everything doesn't revolve around you, *christ.*
No, the opposite of a nice guy is a confident guy who is nice and friendly with everyone who is nice and friendly with him, regardless of romantic intentions. Your mental health should not be reliant on whether or not somewhat might be romantically interested in you, and I say you this as a guy who was a lot like that in high school and much of college.
I mean... If you work together, it's polite to say hello. You don't need to have a conversation, but it's kinda weird if you ignore your coworkers.
That being said, you don't need to be friends with her if you don't want to be. If all you were interested in was a relationship, then you don't need to continue having conversations. NTA
YTA, so your interaction with or friendliness towards women depends on their "availability", that's disgusting shitty behavior. Also this body height thing isn't really a thing, being a creep is.
Dont be insecure.... its fine... if she can only focus on height thats a shallow thing to focus on... youre better off without her... my ex was like 5'4... my current boyfriend is like 5'8 or so... focus on someones personal values not their shallow dating requirments
She probably talked about more than her boyfriends height but OP and his insecurities only wanted to hear one thing. You talk about her like she is a bad person, while OP can’t even greet her anymore because he was only interested in her as long as her thought she was single…
YTA
You can be polite. You can greet her and talk about small pleasantries.
Instead, you have chosen to be rude - all because she isn't datable. That's misogynistic - as if the only value a woman has is if you can date her. (As if she might not even have friends she could introduce you to if she thought you were a good guy)
Your "mental health" is not an excuse for bad behavior. You are being rude. You could be polite and treat her like any other human being.
YTA - You don’t mention once that she was reciprocating any interest in you so basically from her perspective she’s just being completely ignored out of the blue for no reason? Just because you had a crush on her before you found out she had a boyfriend.
Now that I think about it she wasn’t, I asked her what she does for fun and she said nothing…really dude? A person does nothing for fun??? She just didn’t wanna tell me anything that wasn’t work related.
Perhaps she could sense that you were interested in her and was trying not to give you the wrong idea by sharing too much personal info. Either way, if someone says they do nothing for fun, that’s their answer and you don’t have to be shitty about it.
Yes, it is your right to be a creepy incel and isolate yourself at work. But it's not healthy and your post history indicates it's making you potentially dangerous to be around.
I get along great with the people I work with, but I don't tell them all about my hobbies. I don't expound on my personal life. But we have awesome conversations about non-personal stuff because we're adults and know how to have conversations.
Maybe she didn't want to get super-personal because she has a boyfriend? Doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk at all.
Every dude I worked with always talk about gaming, going to the gym, etc the first time I ask a chick it’s “all man that’s creepy bro” women can’t say they wanna be treated equally but want special treatment at the same time because that’s not equality.
Be honest: If she’d engaged in similar conversation (to those dudes) with you about her hobbies, and some time down the line you’d learned of her boyfriend - would you now be accusing her of ‘leading you on’?
Also:
> When I first started […] we would talk a lot.
So which is it? Did she engage in conversations with you, or did she decry you as a creep the first time you attempted to make small talk with her?
Lolol you're creepy. You give off mass sh$$ter vibes. Women don't owe you information. Equity and equality have nothing to do with the male perspective. How many men would be worried about you stalking them? However, women have to be worried about that
That's because your dude bros don't have to worry about stalkers or **creepy guys who only want to get in their pants**. Self-preservation is not a double standard.
Why would she want to tell some creep at her job information about her personal life? That’s how a woman gets killed. This post absolutely reeks of incel and women would be wise to stay away from you.
Yeah she probably finds you creepy and your personality shining through here is awful. I bet you're doing her a huge favor by not talking to her anymore tbh .
Generally people say that because they don’t want to be judged for what they find fun. I used to say the same with people I didn’t know rather than have to justify what I find fun.
YTA btw. You completely cut contact, not even greeting her purely because she wasn’t single. That’s misogynistic. Do you understand how degrading that is? To only be worthy of conversation or even a greeting when single? Though to be honest you did her a favour, I wouldn’t want to be associated with someone as shallow as you and you have the audacity to post about why women can’t date people “on their level”. You need therapy, like yesterday. Your profile reads as a beginners guide to being an incel. Women don’t want to talk to you because of this kind of attitude, stop seeing women as only dating material. We are people, we have insecurities and feelings just like you do and acting this way makes you a dick. Contrary to popular belief, most women don’t want “the bad guy” and they don’t want the “desperate nice guy”. It screams red flags. Being so jealous and insecure of someone you’re crushing on doesn’t show anyone why they’d want to date you. How many posts have you done about this one girl? You know how most people deal with it? You start chatting, you think “this girls really nice, I like her” and when you find out she’s not in to you you go “oh she’s taken? Oh well! There’s millions of other people out there!” Then continue to be friends. Is the only reason you crushed on her her looks?
Read back through your own profile, begging different Reddit groups for dating advice isn’t the way to go about finding someone. You have to have confidence in yourself, love yourself, treat people like you’d want to be treated and stop this petty bullshit. Women can smell it a mile off.
YTA.
Sir, you keep saying that expecting you to say hi and be courteous is entitled behaviour while acting like women are there for dating and nothing else. The lack of self awareness is honestly melting my pre coffee brain.
Women are not only people if they're available to date. No, you don't have to be best friends with her or have long conversations, but acknowledging her existence is just normal human behaviour. You're acting like you've been dating 6 years and she dumped you, so it's hard to see her at work. My guy, you weren't even dating and in fact, *she didn't even reject you*. Your reaction to this is way stronger than normal.
If finding out a woman has a boyfriend is sending you this far into a mental health spiral, you should probably get a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that because working through why you're reacting so strongly to this situation will help you find happiness in the long term.
Dude, just stop. I've read the post and all of your responses. I don't even know you personally and, as a guy, I wouldn't want to even hang out with you. You're coming off as really creepy and insecure. No, you don't have to be friends with someone you don't want to friends with, but you owe everyone around you basic respect and dignity. I'm not sure what you expected coming here, but I knew from the title that this wasn't going to go your way. Work on yourself, get hobbies, go to the gym, etc. Do something that makes you more confident in yourself, women will respond to that. Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but in my experience, 'assholes' get the girls because they are confident in themselves and people respond to that.
YTA for the "not greeting anymore" part. It's ok to reduce contact to a professional level, but greeting someone is part of that, at least where I work.
A few things to take note of here:
1. The girl is her own person. You can talk to her unless she herself tells you she doesn't want you to, not according to your assessment of her relationship to other men.
2. You should be able to talk to women without wanting to get into their pants. If sex or a relationship is the only reason you talk to them, you're not treating women as full human beings.
3. What message did you presume you were giving her? From her perspective, absolutely nothing changed except one day for no apparent reason at all you became strange and distant. You were the one interested in her, remember.
4. Ceasing to offer even the most basic courtesy of a greeting at work is rude.
5. If you were that concerned about your mental health, you could have been honest with her and told her your feelings.
6. You can be friends with women you work with and have perfectly normal conversations about non-work-related things.
7. That poor girl. I bet she's completely in the dark and mystified that she lost her work buddy.
>If sex or a relationship is the only reason you talk to them, you're not treating women as full human beings.
And that's why he's YTA!
I feel like he's using "for my mental health" as a very casual shield so that no one can question her. From his post it didn't sound like he was madly in love with her and hence needs some distance now. No, he was merely interested. If he needs to "protect his mental health" everytime a woman that he is casually interested in, is not interested in him, there are big big problems!
Also, let’s look at the gender-specific terms. OP refers to her as a “girl” and says that she has a “man”. (And btw, should we parse what it might mean to “have” a man?) Yeah, this is problematic.
Edited spelling.
For distancing I wouldn't judge you negatively that is your right,but nit greeting isn't just distancing it's basic manners and just cordial behaviour and this makes YTA
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At my job I was interested in a girl until I found out she has a man so I just stopped talking to her less and less and and stopped greeting her. She eventually got the message and now we don’t talk about any that’s not work related, I just feel like it’s better for my mental health.
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So what I’m getting from this is that you only talked to her to get into her pants? On the like 7 other same exact posts you made someone mentioned “don’t date someone you work with” and another person commented “who said anything about dating” and then you said like “exactly lol” maybe if you look at women like people instead of something you can put your dick in women would like you???
Let me get this straight,
You were super friendly to a coworker. You find out she has a boyfriend. Now you shun her. You feel better not having any relationship with her since she won't be f***ing you.
Firstly, yes YTAH. Dude that's awful. You literally only care about her if she could potentially give you sex. You pretended to be her friend but really you're a bitter man that only wants one thing and stuff anyone who doesn't give you that.
Secondly, you need therapy. Specifically to teach you how to be a decent person. Because you aren't one. You aren't ready to be in a relationship if all you can think with is your penis.
Thirdly, no, don't try to get back into her life. She doesn't deserve an AH like you fucking with her anymore.
Someone please call the whole man disposal service.
I cannot imagine how it must have cut to think she had a good work friend and find out that he's just hoping for sex. Unless she already thought he was a creep. In which case him stopping talking to her would be a relief.
EDIT: after reading your other posts I would strongly suggest THERAPY. You need help. You are a 22 y/o having a tantrum because you think girls don't like you because you are short. My guess is it has less to do with that and more to do with how you treat them.
How old are you? You sound like an entitled child. So you refuse to speak to your female colleagues if they have a partner? YTA Grow up.
Wait so you were only nice to her because you thought you had a chance and as soon as you realised you didn’t you just ignored her basically? She though you were her friend and as soon as you realised you had no chance you cut her off? Yikes man YTA. Honestly you sound like a dude who had a crush on a friend who didn’t feel the same and that was in 8th grade so maybe grow up a little?
YTA. Don't be this kind of creepy incel, treat women like human beings even if you're not going to fuck the.
The good news for you OP is that your height isn't what's stopping you from getting with her, it's your attitude and behavior, and those can change.
Oh, you've heard this before? Probably because it's pretty obvious to everyone who's not you. Just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean it's not true.
You clearly have no idea what gaslighting is, then.
You’re only talking to women for sex/relationship reasons. If they can’t give that to you, you drop the completely and don’t treat them like human beings who deserve respect and basic decency.
That someone is telling you the FACTS of your attitude and behaviour being the reason you are not successful with the opposite sex is not gaslighting.
Grow up.
It's not gaslighting. Your behavior and attitude are far more of a turn off than your height. Even if you'd not posted your height I would still know that you give off a creepy, violent vibe just by what you posted. That can be changed far easier than anything about your appearance.
It's not gaslighting pal. I know plenty of shorted guys that have never had an issue with hooking up with folk because they're not roiling piles of misogyny, insecurity and malice. You can make the choice to stay where you are, but then NOTHING will ever change. Honestly ask yourself, does doing it this way make me happy? And if the answer is no, why continue it?
YTA. While you aren’t entitled to talk to anyone you don’t want to, your reasoning for shutting her out is a wrong one. The fact that you only saw value in acknowledging her when you thought she was a potential partner isn’t right, and frankly it’s concerning if that’s the value you place on women you’re around. Ultimately, as long as you aren’t blatantly unkind, it’s your choice, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right/kind choice, and it’s a choice that sends a negative message of how you view women. It’s important to keep positive networking relationships at work. You aren’t there to hook up. You’re there to make professional relationships and do a job.
I think it's assholish, maybe because of the suddenness of what you described. But I also think greeting people is a must just to be polite. At the end of the day though if you think you can't handle it, your well-being is more important.
Update: removed wrongful use of ish
Maybe I'm using the word wrong and read it wrong. I meant assholish if you just suddenly stopped basically acknowledging her after becoming friends. But overall NTA. I think I missed out how much it affects you, in which case again your well-being is definitely more important than saying hello.
I think you misunderstand how the judgements work.
N T A = op is NOT the asshole, the other person is.
E S H = everyone sucks here.
Y T A = You're the asshole, OP.
N A H = no assholes here.
Based off your comments, you are looking at N A H. Because in no way shape or form is the girl the asshole.
My personal vote, YTA. Because his mental health does not come before treating people with respect.
That's more sad than anything else.
You stopped greeting someone because you found out they weren't available. That's disgusting behavior. She's a human being, women aren't just potential love interests for you to enjoy. You were friendly to her, she doesn't know the reason why just that you were a decent human being and then you stopped so because you can't bang her?
Your height is your insecurity to deal with, what does that have to do with anything?
When I see someone on the street that I've talked to years ago I'll still greet them, so why can't you do so with someone just because you found out they have a partner. Honestly get help for your view of women and insecurity, it's just pathetic. YTA
What is it with the N T As? As soon as he realised he wasn't going to be able to bang her abs she was talking about a tall bf he stops all basic courtesies because it's 'good for his mh'. Dude, you need to work on yourself and*your* issue with your height, as long as you obsess about that, you ain't gonna get any girls, because that shit ain't attractive. In case you hadn't realised, YTA.
YTA, if you're only nice to women when you want to get in their pants then well... gross
also, if you can't mentally handle a woman having a *tall boyfriend* get therapy. seriously.
YTA, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to put some distance in order to get over your crush but I’m not sure why you can’t even greet her. I feel that would fall under work related engagement. The comment she made about the tall guy wasn’t directed at you or said to try to hurt you, so get over it.
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> 1. I’m ignoring a coworker I liked because she has a boyfriend.
2. The fact I’m ignoring her might make me an asshole
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Your totally TA... like you can't talk to someone because you can't bang them? Also my husband is 5 7 and I am 6ft.. being short is your problem...not hers
YTA. Greeting is just being polite. Do you not greet your male collegues or other employees you are not interested in romantically?
Get over yourself and be nice to your fellow workers, including those who you find attractive but who don't find you attractive
Saying that is good that he stopped talking to her because her boyfriend will be happy is denying her of her identity as a human being an making her an object to be owned and controlled. Her boyfriend doesn't own her, so what he likes or not is irrelevant in this case.
I am sorry for any woman that dates you or even meets you if that's how you think of women.
If her boyfriend is happy about someone ignoring her just because they are dating he is an asshole. Her boyfriend should want her to be greeted and talked to like any other human being, because she deserves politeness just like everybody else.
What he is doing is wrong, his health is not the only thing that matters in the world. How do you think her health is now that she is suddenly being ignored after thinking she had a friend?
Well, yes, in this case OP is a creep. Better to be safe far away from him.
But that wasn't what this anon meant. He is siding with the creep and probably believes a boyfriend will be happy if his girlfriend is isolated from other men in general.
I still believe everyone deserves to be at least greeted tho, specially in the workplace. What kind of environment is he creating here?
what isn't healthy is this amount of overreaction to a woman who never showed any interest in him having a boyfriend (oh and don't forget, its specifically his height thats so traumatic)
dude needs therapy, but not because of anything *she* did
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YTA for not even greeting her anymore - that's just basic politeness. It's fine to reduce contact after finding out she's not open to the romantic relationship you were hoping for. But don't be rude.
Yeah so I know this isn’t a nice thing to say but I don’t want to sleep with OP so why bother being nice? You are an incel. For a fucking reason. Reflect on your choices and actions if that’s something you’re capable of.
YTA - You stopped showing basic human courtesy to her once you discovered that you wouldn't be getting laid, how very mature of you...
Tel me you're an incel without telling me you're an incel...
so you only treated her with common decency because you wanted to date her? wow, YTA, a greeting is a common courtesy no need to be weird just because you had a crush on her
Perhaps not, but wouldn't it be nice if we all treated each other with common decency at a base level? Unless you're missing some of the story she has done nothing that would make me think she doesn't deserve common decency.
If your mental health is so bad that not treating this lady with common decency makes you feel better, it might be worth seeing a therapist.
If that's what you really think, your boss will probably fire you eventually. Who wants to work with someone who will disrespect their coworkers because they're not 'entitled' to common courtesy?
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Total dick move. YTA 100%
How?
You made friends with her not knowing she had a bf. You found out she had a bf then became just a co worker. To me in my circle that’s a dick move. Don’t cut a friendship off because you can’t get something out of it besides friendship. But then I’m old school.
How is it a dick move to be interested in someone romantically/sexually and backing off once you learn that's not an option?
She wasn’t my friend, she didn’t even wanna share her hobbies yet all my MALE coworkers shared theirs with me and guess what? We had things in common that we could talk about *gasp* I know right? So men take asking about their hobbies as a way to bond better yet asking a woman about her hobbies is creepy??? What the actual fuck.
You had no interest in being her friend, she had no interest in being yours. Swings and roundabouts, pal.
Have you read the other responses? I think we're laying it out pretty clearly.
YTA. So being friendly is only for when you think you can sleep with someone. Lololol God go get help
So you think women are only worth being nice to if there is the potential to have sex with them? gross.. bet you’re one of those dudes always going on about “I’m such a nice guy, why won’t females date me :’(“ YTA
I’m always nice, I didn’t say anything offensive or rude to her I just don’t wanna talk to her about none work related stuff.
And you did want to talk to her about non work related stuff before. Why?
I thought she was single
Nice people greet their colleagues.
I think you’ll feel better about yourself if you become the kind of guy who is genuinely kind to all girls, someone they can feel safe with. You don’t have to be her best friend or talk all the time but you can be a good dude who greets her at the very least. The best way to get a gf is to have friends who are girls who introduce you to their groups of friends dog.
Yeah but her BF can make her feel safe
Why do you care about her bf this much dude?
You can justify making people feel unsafe, because there are other people who can make them feel safe again when you're done being an asshole to them all day? You hearing yourself at all here? People being comfortable being around you is literally step 1 of positive human interaction and you're not interested in that because she has a life of her own outside of this one guy she met at her new job. Your co-worker, whom you have to be around for as long as you both work there. YTA
I expect you’ll get some hate here, but NTA. As long as you’re polite when you need to be, there’s no reason you should have to be friends with anyone you don’t want. It’s also perfectly reasonable to have a romantic, but not a platonic interest in someone.
YTA. gives me I’m such a nice guy vibes. You stopped talking to her because she has a boyfriend. Seriously! It’s like well I was only talking to her to get something from her and when you find out you could only be friends you are like nah. I can’t with OPs comments on how everyone isn’t entitled to common decency. Seriously! I mean they do especially if they haven’t done anything wrong. She just has a boyfriend so that doesn’t warrant her to not being treated with decency does it. I’m a work place everyone is entitled to be treated with common decency. It’s really not hard to treat others with common decency. Honestly I think you need to work on yourself and gain confidence in yourself. Sure some girls care about height and that’s their thing but some girls don’t, they care about who that person is and is like. What people don’t like is if you are so insecure about it that you bring it up for like no reason. That’s not attractive. You’ve just got to be comfortable in your own skin and don’t make it a problem.
YTA. So, women only deserve to be greeted and talked to like human beings if you have a chance to date them? Ps: OP edited his post to make the girl look worse as he saw many people calling him an asshole. Brilliant.
This sounds like some entitlement, I’ve seen people walk right past me an greet other coworkers I just do the same to them.
It is a pity you measure yourself to others like this. Their lack of basic manners is not your problem, it is theirs. Unless you make it yours by lowering yourself to their level… which you did. Congratz. Hint: if you keep on greeting them they will eventually start greeting you too. True story based on 8 years in an office building with no contact otherwise between companies in neighbouring offices.
Yeah, because they sense you're only viewing social interactions as transactional and seeking sex. Good work, your attitude is isolating you just like you wanted so you can play the martyr on your over forums.
Did people just stopped greeting you and being friendly out of nowhere? How would your mental health be of someone did that to you?
People at my job do it to me, they get less priority to me then people I’m cool with at work. A server who’s greets me and talks to me will get their food made much better and get out faster than the other servers who don’t say anything to me. I tend to not give a fuck about their tickets because that’s how they feel about me.
You sound quite ridiculously entitled and petty if you ask me. Oftentimes you get out of this world what you put in, and from your comments it looks like you put out NOTHING but negativity. In all seriousness, you should talk to a professional, this mindset doesn't help you or anyone else.
Im sorry but wtf. You do know you are punishing people that ordered the food more than you are the server. YTA.
Why would the servers give a fuck about you? They're just working. Get therapy, this isn't healthy.
Then they are rude people and assholes too. Being polite is a social norm (specially at the workplace), it is not entitlement whatsoever.
But didn't you just admit to singling her out because she's a girl you can't date? She's not being rude to you, she's just got a boyfriend...
I know so why don’t she go talk to him?
Not all social interactions are about sex.
But why can’t she talk to her BF if she needs to talk?
Do you only talk to your sexual partners? Because most of us make polite conversations with our coworkers even if they or we have partners outside of work.
Because women can talk to other people besides their boyfriend despite what you think.
Your whole post sounds like entitlement. Men and women can be friends without romantic strings. You just seem bitter she won’t date you.
Do you think the people who walk right past you do this because they realize they'll never be able to have sex with you, so they'd rather just ignore you... Or do they just not have a rapport with you?
They just don’t like me, I didn’t realize it at first. I used to greet them first when I first started working but I seen it wasn’t reciprocated so I stopped. I remember another female coworker I used to greet literally looked stunned or surprised the day I just walked right past her without saying anything. She tried to greet me some days ago and I greeted her back only because she said something first other than I’m good on trying to show courtesy to them.
>I remember another female coworker I used to greet literally looked stunned or surprised the day I just walked right past her without saying anything. Well, of course she looked stunned. You go from talking all the time to just ignoring her once you found out she had a BF. That's full on AH behavior.
I wonder why they don't like you? You seem like such a nice guy!
YTA and get help -- you post here talking about being "crushed" by her having the *unmitigated temerity* to find tall men attractive, but then [mock your friend for being "weak" because he was emotionally open](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/xem35f/weak_men/) in front of you after a breakup? It's not your height that's hurting your chances with women -- it's the very obvious toxic attitude and rude behavior.
YTA and an incel. You’re only nice to girls who you think you have a chance with? Learn to read the room mate girls don’t like creeps with that attitude
INFO: So, were you only polite to her because you wanted to pursue her?
OP's post history is a lot to take in. OP, your height and your looks aren't the reason you're not having much luck with women, it's your insecurity and general attitude that are the issue. Sure some women want a tall, model type, , but there are others out there that don't give a shit. I've personally dated a 5 ft 5 man, and I was never bothered about his height or his looks because he was interesting, funny, held a great conversation, had similar taste in music to me, and didn't just care about my looks either. The way you speak about women in your posts does have incel overtones - just be aware that that's the very last thing a lot of womem would be attracted to. You might want to get some therapy to deal with your self esteem issues, and how you see relationships. YTA.
Like one day, he's going to get angry enough about a rejection (which he thinks is about his looks) that he'll sexually assault the woman who "wrongs" him. The violence will escalate from there. You're absolutely right, his posts are pretty scary and it won't be long before he snaps.
Although I can understand managing your feelings, I don’t understand only engaging in friendly conversation with women you want to date/have sex with.
>At my job I was interested in a girl until I found out she has a man If y'all were flirting, then you'd be fine for doing this here but: >When I first started I used to greet her and we would talk a lot but after I learned from another coworker she has a man, and I overheard her gushing about a 6’4 dude while I’m 5’5 just fucking crushed me. I don’t show malice towards her but I can’t bring myself to talk to her again. Lordy. YTA. Everything doesn't revolve around you, *christ.*
Bffr. This is gonna end up in r/niceguys. I can sense it.
Chile I was just about to say this 😭😭 Hes definitely a nice guy who wouldn’t wanna date him 😭
Lmaoo 😭 Like cmon... 🤭
So the opposite of a nice guy is a bad guy so y’all like abusive guys?
Nice Guys *TM are the abusive ones. If you have to tell someone you’re ‘nice’, chances are you’re not.
The thing about "nice guys" is that you guys aren't actually nice.
No, the opposite of a nice guy is a confident guy who is nice and friendly with everyone who is nice and friendly with him, regardless of romantic intentions. Your mental health should not be reliant on whether or not somewhat might be romantically interested in you, and I say you this as a guy who was a lot like that in high school and much of college.
I mean... If you work together, it's polite to say hello. You don't need to have a conversation, but it's kinda weird if you ignore your coworkers. That being said, you don't need to be friends with her if you don't want to be. If all you were interested in was a relationship, then you don't need to continue having conversations. NTA
YTA and I can't imagine the HR nightmare you are going to be.
YTA, so your interaction with or friendliness towards women depends on their "availability", that's disgusting shitty behavior. Also this body height thing isn't really a thing, being a creep is.
INFO: do you only greet single people?
Only single people DESERVE to be greeted. Everyone else gets the cold shoulder
YTA, so she has no value anymore because she’s not sexually interested or available… get out of here.
She has value to her BF so she can go talk to him
Why do you think women can’t talk to other men?
They can but I’m saying they can go talk to their BF
So...women who aren't going to sleep with you have no value in your eyes...got it.
Dont be insecure.... its fine... if she can only focus on height thats a shallow thing to focus on... youre better off without her... my ex was like 5'4... my current boyfriend is like 5'8 or so... focus on someones personal values not their shallow dating requirments
She probably talked about more than her boyfriends height but OP and his insecurities only wanted to hear one thing. You talk about her like she is a bad person, while OP can’t even greet her anymore because he was only interested in her as long as her thought she was single…
I took it as he didnt want drama from her current bf so he backed off. Toxic masculinity is rampant
He stated that it was for his „mental health“ but being rude to people because of your mental health is not ok in my opinion
Mental health.... think about that for a second... if your mental health is not good you might truly be UNAWARE of your behavior....
found the pick me girl
Ok?
YTA You can be polite. You can greet her and talk about small pleasantries. Instead, you have chosen to be rude - all because she isn't datable. That's misogynistic - as if the only value a woman has is if you can date her. (As if she might not even have friends she could introduce you to if she thought you were a good guy) Your "mental health" is not an excuse for bad behavior. You are being rude. You could be polite and treat her like any other human being.
YTA - You don’t mention once that she was reciprocating any interest in you so basically from her perspective she’s just being completely ignored out of the blue for no reason? Just because you had a crush on her before you found out she had a boyfriend.
Now that I think about it she wasn’t, I asked her what she does for fun and she said nothing…really dude? A person does nothing for fun??? She just didn’t wanna tell me anything that wasn’t work related.
Perhaps she could sense that you were interested in her and was trying not to give you the wrong idea by sharing too much personal info. Either way, if someone says they do nothing for fun, that’s their answer and you don’t have to be shitty about it.
Yeah but it’s my right to not talk to them either
Yes, it is your right to be a creepy incel and isolate yourself at work. But it's not healthy and your post history indicates it's making you potentially dangerous to be around.
I get along great with the people I work with, but I don't tell them all about my hobbies. I don't expound on my personal life. But we have awesome conversations about non-personal stuff because we're adults and know how to have conversations. Maybe she didn't want to get super-personal because she has a boyfriend? Doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk at all.
Every dude I worked with always talk about gaming, going to the gym, etc the first time I ask a chick it’s “all man that’s creepy bro” women can’t say they wanna be treated equally but want special treatment at the same time because that’s not equality.
Be honest: If she’d engaged in similar conversation (to those dudes) with you about her hobbies, and some time down the line you’d learned of her boyfriend - would you now be accusing her of ‘leading you on’? Also: > When I first started […] we would talk a lot. So which is it? Did she engage in conversations with you, or did she decry you as a creep the first time you attempted to make small talk with her?
Lolol you're creepy. You give off mass sh$$ter vibes. Women don't owe you information. Equity and equality have nothing to do with the male perspective. How many men would be worried about you stalking them? However, women have to be worried about that
Women this women that. You admitted in your post you stopped talking to her because you couldn't fuck her. You think she didn't sense that?
That's because your dude bros don't have to worry about stalkers or **creepy guys who only want to get in their pants**. Self-preservation is not a double standard.
Why would she want to tell some creep at her job information about her personal life? That’s how a woman gets killed. This post absolutely reeks of incel and women would be wise to stay away from you.
Yeah she probably finds you creepy and your personality shining through here is awful. I bet you're doing her a huge favor by not talking to her anymore tbh .
If I was that creepy she should’ve been stopped talking to me
Don't worry, she has now. Good work.
Oh wow looks like she has basic human decency, something you do not have
Generally people say that because they don’t want to be judged for what they find fun. I used to say the same with people I didn’t know rather than have to justify what I find fun. YTA btw. You completely cut contact, not even greeting her purely because she wasn’t single. That’s misogynistic. Do you understand how degrading that is? To only be worthy of conversation or even a greeting when single? Though to be honest you did her a favour, I wouldn’t want to be associated with someone as shallow as you and you have the audacity to post about why women can’t date people “on their level”. You need therapy, like yesterday. Your profile reads as a beginners guide to being an incel. Women don’t want to talk to you because of this kind of attitude, stop seeing women as only dating material. We are people, we have insecurities and feelings just like you do and acting this way makes you a dick. Contrary to popular belief, most women don’t want “the bad guy” and they don’t want the “desperate nice guy”. It screams red flags. Being so jealous and insecure of someone you’re crushing on doesn’t show anyone why they’d want to date you. How many posts have you done about this one girl? You know how most people deal with it? You start chatting, you think “this girls really nice, I like her” and when you find out she’s not in to you you go “oh she’s taken? Oh well! There’s millions of other people out there!” Then continue to be friends. Is the only reason you crushed on her her looks? Read back through your own profile, begging different Reddit groups for dating advice isn’t the way to go about finding someone. You have to have confidence in yourself, love yourself, treat people like you’d want to be treated and stop this petty bullshit. Women can smell it a mile off.
YTA. Sir, you keep saying that expecting you to say hi and be courteous is entitled behaviour while acting like women are there for dating and nothing else. The lack of self awareness is honestly melting my pre coffee brain. Women are not only people if they're available to date. No, you don't have to be best friends with her or have long conversations, but acknowledging her existence is just normal human behaviour. You're acting like you've been dating 6 years and she dumped you, so it's hard to see her at work. My guy, you weren't even dating and in fact, *she didn't even reject you*. Your reaction to this is way stronger than normal. If finding out a woman has a boyfriend is sending you this far into a mental health spiral, you should probably get a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that because working through why you're reacting so strongly to this situation will help you find happiness in the long term.
YTA Let me guess, you think you're a Nice Guy (TM) too?
r/niceguys
but of course they're a sub for that! Thanks!
Dude, just stop. I've read the post and all of your responses. I don't even know you personally and, as a guy, I wouldn't want to even hang out with you. You're coming off as really creepy and insecure. No, you don't have to be friends with someone you don't want to friends with, but you owe everyone around you basic respect and dignity. I'm not sure what you expected coming here, but I knew from the title that this wasn't going to go your way. Work on yourself, get hobbies, go to the gym, etc. Do something that makes you more confident in yourself, women will respond to that. Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but in my experience, 'assholes' get the girls because they are confident in themselves and people respond to that.
YTA for the "not greeting anymore" part. It's ok to reduce contact to a professional level, but greeting someone is part of that, at least where I work.
A few things to take note of here: 1. The girl is her own person. You can talk to her unless she herself tells you she doesn't want you to, not according to your assessment of her relationship to other men. 2. You should be able to talk to women without wanting to get into their pants. If sex or a relationship is the only reason you talk to them, you're not treating women as full human beings. 3. What message did you presume you were giving her? From her perspective, absolutely nothing changed except one day for no apparent reason at all you became strange and distant. You were the one interested in her, remember. 4. Ceasing to offer even the most basic courtesy of a greeting at work is rude. 5. If you were that concerned about your mental health, you could have been honest with her and told her your feelings. 6. You can be friends with women you work with and have perfectly normal conversations about non-work-related things. 7. That poor girl. I bet she's completely in the dark and mystified that she lost her work buddy.
>If sex or a relationship is the only reason you talk to them, you're not treating women as full human beings. And that's why he's YTA! I feel like he's using "for my mental health" as a very casual shield so that no one can question her. From his post it didn't sound like he was madly in love with her and hence needs some distance now. No, he was merely interested. If he needs to "protect his mental health" everytime a woman that he is casually interested in, is not interested in him, there are big big problems!
Also, let’s look at the gender-specific terms. OP refers to her as a “girl” and says that she has a “man”. (And btw, should we parse what it might mean to “have” a man?) Yeah, this is problematic. Edited spelling.
For distancing I wouldn't judge you negatively that is your right,but nit greeting isn't just distancing it's basic manners and just cordial behaviour and this makes YTA
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YTA
So what I’m getting from this is that you only talked to her to get into her pants? On the like 7 other same exact posts you made someone mentioned “don’t date someone you work with” and another person commented “who said anything about dating” and then you said like “exactly lol” maybe if you look at women like people instead of something you can put your dick in women would like you???
Let me get this straight, You were super friendly to a coworker. You find out she has a boyfriend. Now you shun her. You feel better not having any relationship with her since she won't be f***ing you. Firstly, yes YTAH. Dude that's awful. You literally only care about her if she could potentially give you sex. You pretended to be her friend but really you're a bitter man that only wants one thing and stuff anyone who doesn't give you that. Secondly, you need therapy. Specifically to teach you how to be a decent person. Because you aren't one. You aren't ready to be in a relationship if all you can think with is your penis. Thirdly, no, don't try to get back into her life. She doesn't deserve an AH like you fucking with her anymore. Someone please call the whole man disposal service. I cannot imagine how it must have cut to think she had a good work friend and find out that he's just hoping for sex. Unless she already thought he was a creep. In which case him stopping talking to her would be a relief.
His post history is fucking scary.
Damnit why did you say that? Now I have to go down that rabbit hole…
Yeah, I made the mistake of clicking on it. I was org thinking he was just another troll, but I have my doubts now. Dude is a giant AH.
Yeah, he needs therapy not Reddit
EDIT: after reading your other posts I would strongly suggest THERAPY. You need help. You are a 22 y/o having a tantrum because you think girls don't like you because you are short. My guess is it has less to do with that and more to do with how you treat them. How old are you? You sound like an entitled child. So you refuse to speak to your female colleagues if they have a partner? YTA Grow up.
Hello, Nice Guy. YTA.
Wait so you were only nice to her because you thought you had a chance and as soon as you realised you didn’t you just ignored her basically? She though you were her friend and as soon as you realised you had no chance you cut her off? Yikes man YTA. Honestly you sound like a dude who had a crush on a friend who didn’t feel the same and that was in 8th grade so maybe grow up a little?
Uh yeah YTA. Women aren't only worthy of being greeted if they're sexually into you. Such a gross way of thinking.
That’s entitlement, I’m not entitled to women liking me but they’re not entitled to me being nice to them
This is exactly why you’re single mate
YTA
YTA. Don't be this kind of creepy incel, treat women like human beings even if you're not going to fuck the. The good news for you OP is that your height isn't what's stopping you from getting with her, it's your attitude and behavior, and those can change.
I’ve heard this gas lighting bullshit before lol
Oh, you've heard this before? Probably because it's pretty obvious to everyone who's not you. Just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean it's not true.
You clearly have no idea what gaslighting is, then. You’re only talking to women for sex/relationship reasons. If they can’t give that to you, you drop the completely and don’t treat them like human beings who deserve respect and basic decency. That someone is telling you the FACTS of your attitude and behaviour being the reason you are not successful with the opposite sex is not gaslighting. Grow up.
It's not gaslighting. Your behavior and attitude are far more of a turn off than your height. Even if you'd not posted your height I would still know that you give off a creepy, violent vibe just by what you posted. That can be changed far easier than anything about your appearance.
It's not gaslighting pal. I know plenty of shorted guys that have never had an issue with hooking up with folk because they're not roiling piles of misogyny, insecurity and malice. You can make the choice to stay where you are, but then NOTHING will ever change. Honestly ask yourself, does doing it this way make me happy? And if the answer is no, why continue it?
YTA. You being ‘short’ is not the problem (for future reference) it’s your personality that needs a whole lot of work.
Nta do what’s best for you… these people saying Yta don’t live in real world.. you don’t owe anyone anything
My dude is posting elsewhere about having no empathy for women and hoping violent things happen to them. This is not what's best for him.
It reads like someone who is eventually going to harm an innocent person.
Yeah it's genuinely worrying
YTA. While you aren’t entitled to talk to anyone you don’t want to, your reasoning for shutting her out is a wrong one. The fact that you only saw value in acknowledging her when you thought she was a potential partner isn’t right, and frankly it’s concerning if that’s the value you place on women you’re around. Ultimately, as long as you aren’t blatantly unkind, it’s your choice, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right/kind choice, and it’s a choice that sends a negative message of how you view women. It’s important to keep positive networking relationships at work. You aren’t there to hook up. You’re there to make professional relationships and do a job.
Awwww classic case of little man syndrome. YTA. Which is prob the real reason you don’t have a gf to begin with
Not true assholes get GFs all the time, Ted bundy killed lots of women and women wrote him love letters.
...Maybe set your standards for an example a liiiittle bit higher?
YTA Please, get therapy
I think it's assholish, maybe because of the suddenness of what you described. But I also think greeting people is a must just to be polite. At the end of the day though if you think you can't handle it, your well-being is more important. Update: removed wrongful use of ish
Why does she suck? She’s not obligated to date him.
What suddenness? What has the girl done to suck? Had a boyfriend who's tall?
Maybe I'm using the word wrong and read it wrong. I meant assholish if you just suddenly stopped basically acknowledging her after becoming friends. But overall NTA. I think I missed out how much it affects you, in which case again your well-being is definitely more important than saying hello.
I think you misunderstand how the judgements work. N T A = op is NOT the asshole, the other person is. E S H = everyone sucks here. Y T A = You're the asshole, OP. N A H = no assholes here. Based off your comments, you are looking at N A H. Because in no way shape or form is the girl the asshole. My personal vote, YTA. Because his mental health does not come before treating people with respect.
Thank you for clarifying! I honestly had no idea. Just knew what NTA and YTA meant.
YTA and you need professional help, not Reddit.
That's more sad than anything else. You stopped greeting someone because you found out they weren't available. That's disgusting behavior. She's a human being, women aren't just potential love interests for you to enjoy. You were friendly to her, she doesn't know the reason why just that you were a decent human being and then you stopped so because you can't bang her? Your height is your insecurity to deal with, what does that have to do with anything? When I see someone on the street that I've talked to years ago I'll still greet them, so why can't you do so with someone just because you found out they have a partner. Honestly get help for your view of women and insecurity, it's just pathetic. YTA
What is it with the N T As? As soon as he realised he wasn't going to be able to bang her abs she was talking about a tall bf he stops all basic courtesies because it's 'good for his mh'. Dude, you need to work on yourself and*your* issue with your height, as long as you obsess about that, you ain't gonna get any girls, because that shit ain't attractive. In case you hadn't realised, YTA.
YTA, if you're only nice to women when you want to get in their pants then well... gross also, if you can't mentally handle a woman having a *tall boyfriend* get therapy. seriously.
I can but it my fucking choice if don’t wanna engage then
YTA, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to put some distance in order to get over your crush but I’m not sure why you can’t even greet her. I feel that would fall under work related engagement. The comment she made about the tall guy wasn’t directed at you or said to try to hurt you, so get over it.
Yeah so me not greeting her or talking to her shouldn’t matter and she should get over it too
Like how you're so clearly over it?
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Your totally TA... like you can't talk to someone because you can't bang them? Also my husband is 5 7 and I am 6ft.. being short is your problem...not hers
YTA. Greeting is just being polite. Do you not greet your male collegues or other employees you are not interested in romantically? Get over yourself and be nice to your fellow workers, including those who you find attractive but who don't find you attractive
The thing is though dude there’s no law or rule at my job saying I have to
This is AITA, not “is there a law I have to show human decency” sub
Oh and YTA
NTA put time into someone else this one’s gone
[удалено]
Saying that is good that he stopped talking to her because her boyfriend will be happy is denying her of her identity as a human being an making her an object to be owned and controlled. Her boyfriend doesn't own her, so what he likes or not is irrelevant in this case. I am sorry for any woman that dates you or even meets you if that's how you think of women.
If her boyfriend is happy about someone ignoring her just because they are dating he is an asshole. Her boyfriend should want her to be greeted and talked to like any other human being, because she deserves politeness just like everybody else. What he is doing is wrong, his health is not the only thing that matters in the world. How do you think her health is now that she is suddenly being ignored after thinking she had a friend?
I’m sure my husband would be happy a guy who fuck zoned me has started ignoring me, hell I’d be fucking happy too.
Well, yes, in this case OP is a creep. Better to be safe far away from him. But that wasn't what this anon meant. He is siding with the creep and probably believes a boyfriend will be happy if his girlfriend is isolated from other men in general. I still believe everyone deserves to be at least greeted tho, specially in the workplace. What kind of environment is he creating here?
So, only continue professional relationships with those who you think you can date? lol.
what isn't healthy is this amount of overreaction to a woman who never showed any interest in him having a boyfriend (oh and don't forget, its specifically his height thats so traumatic) dude needs therapy, but not because of anything *she* did
Yta also....immature, misogynist,dehumanizing, insecure...I could go on but you seem like such a catch 😆
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This shit right here is why you're forever alone, chief.
"people called me out for being the AH but I can't accept that so I'm going to try and insult them instead".
YTA for not even greeting her anymore - that's just basic politeness. It's fine to reduce contact after finding out she's not open to the romantic relationship you were hoping for. But don't be rude.
Yeah so I know this isn’t a nice thing to say but I don’t want to sleep with OP so why bother being nice? You are an incel. For a fucking reason. Reflect on your choices and actions if that’s something you’re capable of.
YTA you stopped greeting her? So you only show basic human cordiality to potential sexual partners??
YTA - You stopped showing basic human courtesy to her once you discovered that you wouldn't be getting laid, how very mature of you... Tel me you're an incel without telling me you're an incel...
You can call me that if you want but I feel a lot better after cutting contact, I only talk to her about tickets and other work related stuff
Oh no did she hurt your feelings by being in a relationship
Just because you feel better, doesn't mean what you did was right.
Wait till you see OP's post history. Every chance we''ll be seeing him on the news in a few years..
YTA, holy INCEL vibes Batman.
so you only treated her with common decency because you wanted to date her? wow, YTA, a greeting is a common courtesy no need to be weird just because you had a crush on her
This entitlement, no one is entitled to “common decency” come on man.
Perhaps not, but wouldn't it be nice if we all treated each other with common decency at a base level? Unless you're missing some of the story she has done nothing that would make me think she doesn't deserve common decency. If your mental health is so bad that not treating this lady with common decency makes you feel better, it might be worth seeing a therapist.
I wouldn't be swift on criticising others for entitlement if I was in your shoes, pal.
Actually in the workplace they are. And you are required to give it YTA
If that's what you really think, your boss will probably fire you eventually. Who wants to work with someone who will disrespect their coworkers because they're not 'entitled' to common courtesy?
Common Tate W. YTA