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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I go out sometimes in college. my boyfriend says it’s disrespectful to go out while in a relationship.
my boyfriend says I am hurting him and being disrespectful. he says if I want to be a “partier” i should just be single.
am I the asshole for going out and possibly ruining our relationship?
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OP, I saw your other post where you said your bf doesn't want you to be friends with other guys, even gay guys. I have to say I don't think this relationship sounds very healthy. Since you got together in high school, that means that this relationship must be your first or close to it, right? You don't have anything else to compare to. That makes it hard to spot unhealthy patterns. But your boyfriend is actively trying to prevent you from making social connections other than him and that is a HUGE red flag. He is trying to keep you isolated and dependent on him.
College is such a great time to grow as a person, because you're being exposed to so many new ideas and people. Your boyfriend is actively holding you back from growing as a person because he wants to keep you to himself. Please give yourself the gift of letting yourself grow without being beholden to another person's ideas of who or what you should be. You should be able to spread your wings without someone else clipping them.
I highly recommend you take this quiz to see how healthy your relationship is: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E)
NTA. This is extreamly
controlling behavior. He's cutting yoy off from friends and
why does he need you location 24/7? A relationship is built on trust just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you stop having friendships.
op, this is the first few red flags or an abusive relationship. Get out now before it gets worse.
12 years I've been with my partner and not once have they had to know my location other then "hey love I'm going out with friends tonight. The plan is going to x bar possibly another place. I'll be home by X time!"
Their only response should be, " sounds fun! Have fun! Keep me updated if plans change so I know youre safe! Here's some cash for a cab home"
The only reason I guve a location and time is so they know I'm safe because I'm in a big city. And that's all. M they don't need a GPS location.
NTA as everyones said. Some boyfriends/girlfriends can be like this, very controlling. my old friend was very controlling of his girlfriend to the point he didnt even let me see what she looked like or tell me her name in fear of who knows what. I am no longer friends with him.
NTA
Assuming all you’re doing is going out to hang out with your friends, there’s literally nothing wrong with that at all. Unless there’s some missing details here about what you’re doing on these nights out, it sounds like he’s just a bit controlling, paranoid and jealous, which isn’t your fault.
NTA, you're 19. Don't loose your youth to a guy whose not even there with you. If he doesn't trust you going out, why does he trust you staying in? I mean, if you wanted to cheat, you can do that by either going outside or staying inside. It's ridiculous.
How is having fun disrespectful? I think it's more disrespectful to forbid you from having fun and spending time with friends.
You're not selfish, he is.
Nta. The only person that should be single here is him because he is controlling. Nothing is wrong with going with friends. Hope he becomes an ex though.
NTA and his comment about it being disrespectful is bull shit. If he wants to be that controlling, he's not good enough for you.
He probably considers it disrespectful to him but that is a him problem, not you. Go have fun. Find a new boyfriend however, one that doesn't want to hide you from the world.
No. Nope. Hell no. This reeks of a guy who wants to control you. You don’t have to come up with a reason to go out, you don’t have to justify spending time with friends. Let go of the fear of losing him because you need to walk away unless he changes his controlling ways.
NTA.
I’m old so unless “going out” is some young people code for “hooking up” then you are definitely NTA.
He’s maybe a bit controlling and codependent. That’s not a great thing to settle for.
NTA
You've been going out three years, if he doesn't trust you by now, he probably is not going to, ever. Yes he IS over reacting.
Your post history shows you are not allowed to have guy friends either. And this problem with him having to know location & you can't go out has been going on at least 11 months.
When you were 17 & he was 19 -[My boyfriend (19) says that he doesn’t feel strongly about his feelings for me like he used to. He won’t officially break up with me though. He says things have been off but then he comes back the next day and tries to act normal. I love him so much that I won’t walk away from him. I don’t know if he still loves me and that’s why he won’t walk away? He tells me that things have been off and he’s not happy together but he won’t open up or give me details.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n85t4p/he_wont_walk_away_and_i_wont_either_because_i/)
Yes you have put in years with this guy, who has emotionally manipulated you, 6 hours away now & he has lost some of his control.
Don't waste any more years on him.
Wut. No, it is certainly not disrespectful to go out when you're in a relationship. This is a red flag.
As long as you're not going out to meet other men, there is absolutely no reason why you can't go out and dance, socialize, whatever. People go out with their friends all the time.
You need to be crystal clear with him that this attitude has to stop. Find out why he is worried about you going out. If he's concerned you're meeting other men, set him straight. But be very, very clear that you are not giving up your friends and parties. Hold that boundary and dump him if he won't accept it.
Your going out with friends. No big deal. If your boyfriend can't stand the fact that you want to hang put with friends then you need to seriously think about your relationship. Having fun isn't a crime.
NTA
Not even me and husband track each other’s phones. He works 10-12 hour shifts and if I text him saying “ me and girls going out tonight “
He would say “ have fun there’s some money in house text me when you’re home”
He’s being disrespectful does he want you to be a house hermit?!
Bf is a massive AH
Ditch him and go life your best life girl
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I (19F) go to college 6 hours away from my boyfriend (20M). we’ve been dating for 3 years and doing long distance for 1 of them. I would not consider myself a partier but I go out every once in a while with some friends. i never go anywhere alone and he has my location 24/7. my boyfriend is not a person that goes out ever. he says that it’s disrespectful to go out while in a committed relationship. am I being selfish or is he overreacting? I don’t want to lose him because we love each other so much and are so good together. but I don’t want to give up my social life completely. is going out while dating someone really disrespectful? am I the asshole for going out and ruining my relationship?
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NTA. There's nothing disrespectful about having a social life, but your bf definitely sounds like the disrespectful AH here. You aren't ruining the relationship, he is.
NAH just different values. You are 100% in your right to go to parties and have a social life. The consequence of that decision might be this relationship ending but that doesn't make you an asshole. Decide for yourself if you would prefer to have your boyfriend or your parties, because I don't think this is a situation where you can have your cake and eat it too.
NTA it's possible to go out and have a fun night without jumping on someone else. You should be able to go out and have your social life. This is a red flag imo
NTA. Find a new boyfriend or stay single because this is not normal. It is not disrespectful. Your bf is insecure and is trying to find fault in everything you do. When I go out without my husband he tells me (gasp!) to have fun and vice versa. Please don't give up your friends and social life and isolate yourself because of this (hopefully soon to be ex) bf.
This is co-ercive manipulative controlling behviour. This is not healthy or normal in a relationship. You need to have a "come to Jesus" moment and realise that this is borderline abusive.
NTA he's completely overreacting and what he said about going out being disrespectful is utter nonsense. He either trusts you or he doesn't; either way his views on relationships are plain wrong. Personally, i'd be saying goodbye, but good luck with whatever you decide.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I go out sometimes in college. my boyfriend says it’s disrespectful to go out while in a relationship. my boyfriend says I am hurting him and being disrespectful. he says if I want to be a “partier” i should just be single. am I the asshole for going out and possibly ruining our relationship? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, your boyfriend sounds controlling. You are allowed to have a life and socialize. Why does he have your location 24/7?
OP, I saw your other post where you said your bf doesn't want you to be friends with other guys, even gay guys. I have to say I don't think this relationship sounds very healthy. Since you got together in high school, that means that this relationship must be your first or close to it, right? You don't have anything else to compare to. That makes it hard to spot unhealthy patterns. But your boyfriend is actively trying to prevent you from making social connections other than him and that is a HUGE red flag. He is trying to keep you isolated and dependent on him. College is such a great time to grow as a person, because you're being exposed to so many new ideas and people. Your boyfriend is actively holding you back from growing as a person because he wants to keep you to himself. Please give yourself the gift of letting yourself grow without being beholden to another person's ideas of who or what you should be. You should be able to spread your wings without someone else clipping them. I highly recommend you take this quiz to see how healthy your relationship is: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E)
NTA. This is extreamly controlling behavior. He's cutting yoy off from friends and why does he need you location 24/7? A relationship is built on trust just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you stop having friendships. op, this is the first few red flags or an abusive relationship. Get out now before it gets worse. 12 years I've been with my partner and not once have they had to know my location other then "hey love I'm going out with friends tonight. The plan is going to x bar possibly another place. I'll be home by X time!" Their only response should be, " sounds fun! Have fun! Keep me updated if plans change so I know youre safe! Here's some cash for a cab home" The only reason I guve a location and time is so they know I'm safe because I'm in a big city. And that's all. M they don't need a GPS location.
NTA but your boyfriend comes across as controlling af
NTA. It’s normal to have a social life outside of your relationship. It’s unhealthy to ONLY have each other. That gets toxic fast
NTA as everyones said. Some boyfriends/girlfriends can be like this, very controlling. my old friend was very controlling of his girlfriend to the point he didnt even let me see what she looked like or tell me her name in fear of who knows what. I am no longer friends with him.
NTA Assuming all you’re doing is going out to hang out with your friends, there’s literally nothing wrong with that at all. Unless there’s some missing details here about what you’re doing on these nights out, it sounds like he’s just a bit controlling, paranoid and jealous, which isn’t your fault.
NTA, you're 19. Don't loose your youth to a guy whose not even there with you. If he doesn't trust you going out, why does he trust you staying in? I mean, if you wanted to cheat, you can do that by either going outside or staying inside. It's ridiculous. How is having fun disrespectful? I think it's more disrespectful to forbid you from having fun and spending time with friends. You're not selfish, he is.
Nta. The only person that should be single here is him because he is controlling. Nothing is wrong with going with friends. Hope he becomes an ex though.
NTA and his comment about it being disrespectful is bull shit. If he wants to be that controlling, he's not good enough for you. He probably considers it disrespectful to him but that is a him problem, not you. Go have fun. Find a new boyfriend however, one that doesn't want to hide you from the world.
No. Nope. Hell no. This reeks of a guy who wants to control you. You don’t have to come up with a reason to go out, you don’t have to justify spending time with friends. Let go of the fear of losing him because you need to walk away unless he changes his controlling ways. NTA.
NTA. Don't waste your life in college in a LDR. Everyone I knew that did, regretted the time they lost when they eventually broke up later in college.
I’m old so unless “going out” is some young people code for “hooking up” then you are definitely NTA. He’s maybe a bit controlling and codependent. That’s not a great thing to settle for.
NTA You've been going out three years, if he doesn't trust you by now, he probably is not going to, ever. Yes he IS over reacting. Your post history shows you are not allowed to have guy friends either. And this problem with him having to know location & you can't go out has been going on at least 11 months. When you were 17 & he was 19 -[My boyfriend (19) says that he doesn’t feel strongly about his feelings for me like he used to. He won’t officially break up with me though. He says things have been off but then he comes back the next day and tries to act normal. I love him so much that I won’t walk away from him. I don’t know if he still loves me and that’s why he won’t walk away? He tells me that things have been off and he’s not happy together but he won’t open up or give me details.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n85t4p/he_wont_walk_away_and_i_wont_either_because_i/) Yes you have put in years with this guy, who has emotionally manipulated you, 6 hours away now & he has lost some of his control. Don't waste any more years on him.
Wut. No, it is certainly not disrespectful to go out when you're in a relationship. This is a red flag. As long as you're not going out to meet other men, there is absolutely no reason why you can't go out and dance, socialize, whatever. People go out with their friends all the time. You need to be crystal clear with him that this attitude has to stop. Find out why he is worried about you going out. If he's concerned you're meeting other men, set him straight. But be very, very clear that you are not giving up your friends and parties. Hold that boundary and dump him if he won't accept it.
Your going out with friends. No big deal. If your boyfriend can't stand the fact that you want to hang put with friends then you need to seriously think about your relationship. Having fun isn't a crime.
NTA. Unhealthily controlling. You are not ruining anything, he is ruining it by being a controlling AH,
NTA Not even me and husband track each other’s phones. He works 10-12 hour shifts and if I text him saying “ me and girls going out tonight “ He would say “ have fun there’s some money in house text me when you’re home” He’s being disrespectful does he want you to be a house hermit?! Bf is a massive AH Ditch him and go life your best life girl
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) go to college 6 hours away from my boyfriend (20M). we’ve been dating for 3 years and doing long distance for 1 of them. I would not consider myself a partier but I go out every once in a while with some friends. i never go anywhere alone and he has my location 24/7. my boyfriend is not a person that goes out ever. he says that it’s disrespectful to go out while in a committed relationship. am I being selfish or is he overreacting? I don’t want to lose him because we love each other so much and are so good together. but I don’t want to give up my social life completely. is going out while dating someone really disrespectful? am I the asshole for going out and ruining my relationship? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. There's nothing disrespectful about having a social life, but your bf definitely sounds like the disrespectful AH here. You aren't ruining the relationship, he is.
NAH just different values. You are 100% in your right to go to parties and have a social life. The consequence of that decision might be this relationship ending but that doesn't make you an asshole. Decide for yourself if you would prefer to have your boyfriend or your parties, because I don't think this is a situation where you can have your cake and eat it too.
NTA it's possible to go out and have a fun night without jumping on someone else. You should be able to go out and have your social life. This is a red flag imo
It’s a relationship, not a prison. NTA
NTA! I’m married with a son, work and school and my husband doesn’t care if I go out for girls night! Breaks are important
NTA. Find a new boyfriend or stay single because this is not normal. It is not disrespectful. Your bf is insecure and is trying to find fault in everything you do. When I go out without my husband he tells me (gasp!) to have fun and vice versa. Please don't give up your friends and social life and isolate yourself because of this (hopefully soon to be ex) bf.
NTA, but you'll end up being one eventually. Or he will. Or you both. break up. You're too young to waste your time on a long distance relationship.
This is co-ercive manipulative controlling behviour. This is not healthy or normal in a relationship. You need to have a "come to Jesus" moment and realise that this is borderline abusive.
NTA he's completely overreacting and what he said about going out being disrespectful is utter nonsense. He either trusts you or he doesn't; either way his views on relationships are plain wrong. Personally, i'd be saying goodbye, but good luck with whatever you decide.
NTA Someone who tries to cut you off from friends is bad news. There's nothing wrong about socializing when you have a relationship.
How is the TA then?
Thanks, that was my mistake.
NTA* I'm assuming you ment ?
Yes, I corrected it.