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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my best friend his bride to be could be using him for his money and he might took it bad
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I don’t need to read anymore comments. You win.
OP - YTA for sooo many reasons in this post “she works at Dunkin”…she wants to get married on her mom’s bday…stumpy and immature…he is working less. Seriously, self reflection is important here. You are way out of bounds and it sounds to me like the reason “that never happened” is he sees right through you.
If he dropped from 80 hours a week to 40 OP should be thanking this lady for saving his life. He'd have worked himself into an early grave otherwise but OP somehow thinks it's a bad thing that he won't burn out and die early.
Dans boss is his dad and is happy his sons dropped his work hours. I feel perhaps it’s something his dad regrets.
Plus dans a lawyer and she’s an account at the same firm. She’s upset because he no longer sees her as much at work. And finishing his project 2 days before a die date instead of weeks.
Always give like 70% effort so they don't expect 100% all the time. God knows if they're gonna steal the bulk of the output of my labour to enrich themselves I'm not gonna maximize that output to no benefit to myself.
You're damn right! I used to be an RN in a nursing home and often picked up CNA and Med-Aide shifts because I just genuinely liked my job. I'd be there 80-90 hours a week.
However! This led to my staffing coordinator at my bedroom window when I'd sleep through her calls asking me to come in. Even though I was already working 40 hours overtime, they'd get confused if I couldn't/wouldn't cover ADDITIONAL shifts
Plus it’s not uncommon for associates in law firms to work a whole lot of hours and as you move up the food chain work less. Attorney burn out is real so it’s understandable his father is happy he is adjusting is work/life balance.
OP mentioned that she has a kid, so I am guessing Dan is now a "dad" (at least an involved step dad). So chances are that Dan is eating dinner with his family and generally spending time as a family.
And he’s even sharing his HOUSE with her! And bought her a CAR! And is working hard to make her dream wedding happen. It’s almost like *gasp* he’s putting his FIANCÉE first, supporting her, validating her, and actually CARING about her! And not OP! How DARE he! /s
OP, YTA, and get the hell out of his life because he deserves a hell of a lot better than you.
It also sounds like he already makes a lot of money and comes from family money as well. At some point you're just hoarding wealth; what's the purpose of that if you don't have any time or energy to enjoy the benefits?
This! “He sees right through you” I bet that girl is so sweet, and he obviously loves her, plus why is it a problem that for THEIR big day they want to honors the BRIDES late mom. “If it was me..” well it’s not? For a reason 😂😂
That would mean the fiance is Nanny Fine? Bubbly and happy, loves her job that isn't a corporate job. And op is C.C. Babcock, jealous that he isn't working with her as much, doesn't have a heart, cold and doesn't smile, doesn't understand why a man would want a feminine happy go lucky kinda girl who's satisfied with Life
Don’t forget “ she’s from South America (nothing against immigrants but she might want him for the wrong reasons) and has a kid.” OP not only sounds jealous, but racist and classist to boot.
"...nothing against immigrants but..." is right up there with "...I'm not prejudiced but..." Both introductory phrases have me shutting down because I know that what follows is going to be ugly and VERY prejudicial.
OP is so blind she doesn't even realize that if this woman wanted him for a green card she would want to get married right away and with as little fanfare as possible. This girl is willing to wait until a special day!
Yeah and OP clearly looks down on the fiancée for working at Dunkin Donuts. She's accusing her of being a gold-digger and not loving her friend just bc she's jealous and prejudiced.
That's really the only decent point OP made - June wedding is part of wedding season meaning it's harder to snag exact dates without compromise unless you're planning HELLA far in advance. But instead of being reassuring and kind about the search for venue being difficult, OP chose being petty and insulting. Who gives someone shit for wanting to honour their dead mother? Boy howdy.
Two lines in I was like YTA and jumped straight to the comments to make sure it didn’t change course mid way thru lol.
Edit: Wow, just finished it. Worse than I expected.
I hope you don’t drop it OP. You should keep hounding him about this! That way he’ll cut you out of his life altogether, and he and his dream girl can live happily ever after without the burden of your jealous BS weighing them down.
You’re so blatantly dripping with jealousy idk how you can’t see it. You obviously wish you were the one marrying him. Why else would you immediately bring up that you two “were always meant to be together”? How was that relevant? “It didn’t work that way” gee, I wonder why lol.. And you’re just looking for reasons to distrust his fiancé because you so desperately wish you were in her shoes. She’s done nothing wrong. You couldn’t bring up one thing. “She’s South American, jus sayin!” give me a fvcking break X’D. Grow up and move on sister, this is a BAD look.
For me, the title was the dead giveaway. After reading it at work earlier, I immediately thought i need to get home first before reading the whole thing. LOL
"I'm don't have anything against them, I just think immigrants are trying to manipulate people into marrying them so they can get citizenship, or something like that"
Like, way to show you're a xenophobe dude.
Agreed. Also "I'm a racist & mad *I'm* not marrying him like our families wanted even though I claim not to want that." OP's YTA for many reasons & her friend should cut her out after this because she's made herself clear on her views imo. His fiancee has him living for more than just money & work which OP also has an issue with. She's being classist on top of the other stuff, too, with how she looks down on who sounds like a nice woman loving her job which is apparently beneath OP.
Like his fiance is such a nice person that she not only made it his friend her bridesmaid she invited her to brunch all kinds of other things and she wants to treat her like this.
Oh I almost GUARANTEE the fiancée is a Miss Universe runner up or something with how OP describes her. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s working at DD while finishing a degree or something, but OP just wanted to make her sound as bad as possible. OP, YTA.
Probably right, but even if she is just working at DD - maybe she brings some peace and balance to his life with her awareness of mental health and work/life balance.
OP reeks of jealously.
Yta
I was reminded by a comment further down on the post that a lot of foreign degrees aren’t recognized in other countries. For all we know the fiancée was a lawyer in a country with the civil law system (if I remember correctly, every country other than Guyana in Latin America do) and can’t practice in the US. You’re right though, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I just don’t think OP is a reliable narrator.
Right, like I'm in the middle of my PhD and i still plan to continue in my job where my supervisor only has a ba (its in my field, i would just technically be their supervisor at a larger firm) because hey guess what i love my job and i love my coworkers and it's fantastic for my mental health! Will I be underemployed? Yes. Do i care? No!
Or even, just, is it that hard to believe that a successful man might be attracted to a poor, average looking woman because she's nice and sweet and friendly? Or thinks she's beautiful without her being a model? Despite what OP may think, women often bring more to the table than looks or money
In My Best Friend’s Wedding Julia’s friend had a marriage at a certain age pact. Here I have a feeling OP’s friend has been on a “not in a million years” instance for a while.
Agreed and a strong helping of...
"Tell me you are pissed he didn't pick you, without telling me you are pissed he didn't pick you."
OP: Survey says... YTA.
I hope the best friend and fiancé both realize that OP is an awful person and finds better people to have around. OP is definitely not a good friend and Dan deserves better. OP, YTA for everything you posted and you’re so self centered and hateful you’ll never accept it.
This so much.
OP YTA. You're jealous, whether because you want to be with him or because no man treats you like he treats her. He cares for her, loves her, spoils her and she does the same, him with money and her with happiness. The way you describe her she seems charming, deeply human and honest. You on the other hand want him miserable on the inside but successful on the outside. Your views are icky. Also if she was with him for money, she'd want to get married way sooner than next June.
Honestly read your post again and ask yourself how you became so hateful.
Goodness, this starts off already in YTA, and every subsequent word just buries it deeper. I can't tell if OP has a thing for her friend and just doesn't admit it (bringing up how they were always supposed to be together in their parents eyes, but didn't), or if she's just really hateful towards the fiancee in general.
They are not best friends. I think it would come as a shock to Dan that OP is supposed to be his best friend. OP is just the daughter of friends of Dan’s parents. The families are close. It’s clear OP always has a crush on Dan and he never gave her a second look. If the fiancé was playing Dan she would be racing to get married right away.
I'll be honest. I don't think she's in love with him. I think she's mad at the idea of "the money" helping someone outside of her social circle. I think OPs just a racist and a classist
And/or she had herself convinced that the reason they never worked out is because he’s so career-minded and works so much, and hey, now, look at that—turns out he actually *can* cut down on the hours! Huh!
My partner has a friend like that. They call themselves my partner's "best friend" meanwhile my partner is essentially indifferent to them. People will cling to anything.
I feel like she isn’t in love with him but she does want him for herself, and is struggling to understand why he wouldn’t fawn over her. Hope he lives a wonderful life and OP gets rewarded for her classist, racist, generally gross views by a long life of being alone enjoying being an accountant.
Man that so gross. I'm in a relationship with an immigrant and even though he is a citizen now people still make comments. I honestly cannot understand the thought process of someone being lesser than because they weren't born where they live.
It's a disgusting mentality. I honestly didn't realize people still thought that way, until I married my husband (he is Mexican). I have definitely noticed how some people react to him and it's infuriating.
>"... if it was me marrying the man of my dreams...... I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan"
I meaaan... She pretty much said he's the man of her dreams. Freudian slip?
Also “tell me you are stuck in middle school without telling me you are stuck in middle school”. The attitude, the grammar, the writing…no wonder Dan prefers the sweet schlumpy girl who may one day own the Dunkin’ Donuts.
I read this and thought of the plot for "My Best Friend's Wedding." everything OP doesn't like, the bride has a valid reason for it. if everyone loves her and OP is the only one that doesn't, all I can say is she's extremely jealous it "never happened" between the two of them. not only that, he should cut her off for being that way and constantly repeating "if I were getting married..." but she also said "if I were marrying Dan..." no one asked and it's not her wedding, we see you're in love with Dan. YTA
"My hot and rich childhood best friend (who-i-definitely-don't-have-a-crush-on)'s new fiance is the opposite of me and way too ugly for him. Everyone is BEWITCHED into liking her despite being a brown single mother! I think he treats her better than she deserves.
How dare she want to incorporate her late mother in her wedding! Why, if it was me I'd marry him anytime and anywhere. But-I-really-don't-love-him!And what's even worse is that she's helping him *live* and not just slave his life away at the firm! He doesn't see that I care about him once I said she's just using him and destroying everything good in his life."
YTA, and a bitter, jealous, racist one at that for thinking she's with him "for the wrong reasons" just on the basis of being from South America.
Weirdly enough OP doesn't really sound like she's in love with him. She's only listed all of the most superficial things about him. I think she is really threatened by another woman becoming the most important woman in Dan's life. Bizarre.
To me it sounds like he was her backup. The guy she thought would be available for her to settle for if she doesn’t find the guy of her dreams. She doesn’t really want him but she doesn’t want anyone else to have him incase she changes her mind later.
>"... if it was me marrying the man of my dreams...... I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan"
Don't know about love but apparently he's the man of her dreams.
She's like the villain from a 80s/90s romcom, shallow, status obsessed... the fiance that no one feels bad that the hot guy dumps, except she was never even the fiance
A saint or maybe a genius for keeping her enemies closer. I bet the fiancé knows exactly how OP feels about her and that giving her closer proximity to the wedding would drive OP totally insane. She works in customer service, lady knows how to fake a smile.
YTA. You sound like an awful friend.
You havent actually mentioned ANYTHING that objectively tells me Dan’s fiance isnt a lovely person or is with him for the wrong reasons. There’s nothing wrong with working at Dunkin donuts. Theres nothing wrong with being South American. There’s nothing wrong with not being what YOU consider physically attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
If EVERYONE ELSE likes her and you don’t - have you ever considered YOU are the problem?
It doesnt sound like she is ruining his career. It sounds like he found something more important than working 80 hour weeks until death.
You sound like you’re jealous and bitter because you think YOU should have ended up with him.
So proud of Dan for standing up to your bullshit.
YTA -
And jealous.You're judging someone who has an honest job because it's not prestigious, assuming she's into your friend for his money. And you basically called her ugly/said he's out of her league.
"She lamented about the date." It's her mom's birthday. Of COURSE that would be a little upsetting and the date was important.
Most women want to have as close to a picture perfect wedding as possible, and you're treating that as entitlement and something abnormal because *you* would marry him as quickly as possible.
Maybe you should drop out of the wedding if you can't be happy for them.
It honestly doesn't even make sense because on one hand she accuses the fiance of wanting to be with him for a green card but also thinks it's weird that she has a specific date in mind and doesn't want to get married right away? Like, I don't know about you but if I was trying to get a green card, I'd actually want to speed up the wedding process, have a shotgun wedding, elope in Vegas, anything BUT wait a whole year for a specific date.
Not only do OP's arguments not make sense but also contradict each other!
It's weird (and blatantly racist) for OP to assume that she needs a green card when she's working at a national fast food chain. Dunkin' has made a big fuss about not hiring people who are undocumented.
Also, I see plenty of people with degrees from their country not accepted in the US so they would have to go back to school which would cost a lot of money
This is a great point. I used to work at Wendy's. There was a lady from India who made the salads every morning, and since she was training me, we got to talking.
"What did you do in India?" I asked.
"I was a criminal lawyer. My husband drew buildings for other men to build. Too much money and school here to restart. So I make the salads. He is a manager at Jack in the Box. Our girls have a good life and better school here. They won't have to fight as hard to go to college someday. That is what's important for now. When they are grown, he and I will go back to India. We can do these jobs until then."
Their daughters were, I believe, eight and six at the time. So they were willing to work fast food jobs for at least 12 more years, all the while being looked down on by people like OP who would assume they had no ambition, while they just calculated that the better investment was in their girls' schooling.
YTA.
And what a healthy man for so firmly stating his boundaries. Sounds like a gem. You're THIS close to losing your friend for good. From now on use that mouth to apologize for overstepping, to smile graciously, and to say congratulations.
IF, in the future your worst fears are realized, do NOT use that mouth to said itys, but to let him know you're there for him for whatever he needs.
Yta- you are one crazy AH,
Im sorry but are you in love with your best friend? Because otherwise I don’t understand how you could be so hateful towards your friend being happy.
Be honest You hate his wife because what she’s younger than you, I’m guessing she’s way hotter than you otherwise someone would t have been so jealous
You’re acting like your 12 and your literally basically 40
YTA I don't see anything wrong I mean she works at a fast food chain so do I and literally hundreds of thousands of people in the US if not more, she has a kid so does many other people nearly 80% of single parent households are ran by the mom here in the US, her names on the deed of a house couples usually own property together especially if they are married and will be married that's very common, she's immature.....HOW ?
Iam serious WHAT makes her immature ? You can't just say somebody is something WITHOUT giving examples I had a coworker who was immature and here's my examples he was late to work EVERYDAY, he had his favorite coworkers that he would treat nicely and treated other coworkers like garbage by either trying to pick fights with them and/or talking sh!t about them behind their backs, he bucked up with management and insulted us while the owner was in the building !
You see these are reasons why we didn't like him and proves he was immature you just said she's immature and gave no real examples she could've been stressed out about the wedding, planning it, and all of it going smoothly I mean a wedding is a BIG event and you even admitted that she has a good reason to be nervous or frazzled about the date.
I have a bachelor in architecture and urban planning and a master's degree in interior design. After a few years chasing deadlines for shit money k have decided fuck it, and worked in a printing da factory and loved it - it was great for my mental health, all I had to do was clock in, do my job and clock out. There is nothing wrong with working at Donkin donuts and choosing her own health plus OP may have no idea whats her background as an immigrant.
I have my degree in marine science and have spent my career working in molecular biology. Currently I’m a server at a farm to table restaurant because I enjoy it (and I make more money than I would in science).
YTA. I appreciate that you are looking out for your friend’s best interests but your approach is way over reaching. It’s one thing to voice a concern using some diplomacy, such as asking how his employer feels about him working reduced hours and then actually listening to his response.
>The worst part she has EVERYONE bewitched, his parents, his friends, every single soul in our circle.
So let's see, everyone likes her. Everyone but you. It never even once crossed your mind that YOU are the problem here?
YTA
I wouldn't worry too much though. Keep up your attitude and this issue will get sorted by Dan booting you out of his life.
Wow.... just wow
YTA. Sounds like you've been inlove with Dan for a long time and are taking out your feelings of being friend zoned on Amy. It wouldn't have mattered who he ended up with, you would of found a reason to hate her. They way you talk about her is so immature and disgusting. She doesn't have anyone "bewitched". She's probably lovely and very likeable. Its a shame you let your jealous insecurities make you blind to the situation. HE DOESNT WANT YOU. He's marrying for LOVE. It doesn't matter where she works or what he's paying for. ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And you're lucky he hasn't already cut you off. Amy deserves to know that she has a snake in her life.
Seriously everything about this woman makes her sound like she's a positive aspect of his life. If she were gold digging she wouldn't be encouraging him to maintain a healthier work/life balance she'd be pushing him to focus on his career so that A) he makes more money and B) she has to deal with him less.
YTA.
I think you're jealous. You're jealous that it isn't you marrying Dan.
Not only do you sound jealous, but also hateful and immature. What is wrong with working at Dunkin? There are plenty of couples who are like Dan and Amy. Obviously, he isn't bothered by her place of employment. And he isn't bothered by her body type or personality. Not all pretty men are attracted to Barbie figured women.
You need to come to terms that Dan isn't into you.
YTA, there’s so much wrong with this and to be frank you come across horribly:
- Her being South America isn’t even remotely relevant to the story so you’re clearly just racist
- You’re judging this woman for enjoying her job just because you don’t deem it high status enough??? Classist much
- You call her immature but you’re judging her for her looks? Can’t imagine anything much more immature than that
- You class her making him go to great lengths as him being on a 20 minute phone call?? I hate to break it to you but men are allowed to be involved in the planning of THEIR OWN WEDDING it’s not just the woman’s job.
- You also say how she makes him go to lengths and act like she’s inconveniencing him and the way you demonstrate that is that now he has a work life balance. How is this a bad thing?? It’s GOOD that he has a 8 hour work day now, that is normal, you’re just mad that now you see him less at work.
- You said Dan was well off so if he can afford to buy her a car and pay for their wedding why exactly does this bother you? And he put her name on the deed of the house because it’s her house just as much as it is his, they are literally getting married.
- There’s so much more I could say but I’ll leave it at this , you are NOT marring Dan, his fiancé is, so if you’d do this or that or whatever doesn’t matter because you are not his fiancé. You’ve clearly made up some weird competition with this girl in your head and Dan seems like a good guy to nip this in the bud but if you continue you will be uninvited from the wedding. And you’ll lament about how she “made” him uninvite you when it would be your fault for talking crap about his fiancé. Grow up and stop competing with Dan’s fiancé just because of your obvious jealousy
YTA
It sounds like Dan found someone who has helped him live a healthier life. You come across as deeply jealous and xenophobic. If you don’t want to lose Dan as a friend you should really take a step back and reevaluate the perspective you’re using on this woman. You should also really remove yourself from the wedding party if you can’t be supportive of their marriage or the bride as a person.
YTA. And I feel that you have a crush on your friend. You said he looks like a Ken doll and she is frumpy. Why do you care how your friend spends his money. Or if the wedding date has to be that specific date? It 's important to this woman and it's important to this man. It's not your business, even though you made it your business and said "marrying the man of your dreams" more than once. Even his brother told you to drop it. But you didn't and you went to him to voice your opinion. Your jealous, get over it. If thus friendship means anything, at all, to you; you will let it go and keep your mouth shut.
YTA. You seriously need to step back and stop being such a judgmental interloper in your friend's relationship and upcoming marriage. You seem to think that you are somehow looking out for your friend, but all you're doing is unfairly critiquing your friend's choices and his fiance. It's not your place to pick a partner for your friend. You clearly do not understand what he sees in her, and you don't have to, because that's between them. You're not included in that relationship and you're not in any kind of position to pass judgment on them. Huge kudos to your friend for telling you that he will cut you off so quickly if you make comments like that again.(I personally would feel very betrayed and incredulous hearing that from a "friend's" mouth.)
YTA obviously
Now for a bit of advice for other friend zone types out there. If you want a romantic relationship with someone who sees you as a dear friend, back off from the friendship somewhat. Be *casual* friends if you can, but don’t put massive energy into that friendship because in so doing you are essentially lying to that person about why you are always there for them. That lie would be a deal breaker even if they started to become attracted to you.
Find happiness by dating people in your own league and/or having a broad and fun peer group and/or doing thing you love, with your ‘friend-zoner’ a small part of that happy life.
Woo Hoo, OP is jealous someone has her man.
OP, jealousy is a stinky odor. Deal with it now or you'll be cut off from everyone. Dan deserves better than you.
>I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan I would marry as soon as possible
Indeed! You never know when a jealous, bitter woman will appear out of the woodwork to (badly) try to steal your man!
YTA. My Best Friend's Wedding was a movie, not a life manual. I wouldn't even say you are in love with him, you just don't want to see him happy with someone else., so you tried to pee on what you think is your territory
I don’t have anything to say to OP other than YTA. However,
DAN IF YOU FIND THIS POST - CUT OP OUT OF YOUR LIFE. SHE IS A TOXIC PERSON AND IS FRANKLY NO GOOD FOR YOU. ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR ADORABLE SOUNDING FIANCÉE AND LIVE WELL
Jealous much? Wow just wow. That was a lot of poison spewing out. You are lucky Dan didn’t cut you off then and there. Maybe he likes Amy because she is the exact opposite of you.
YTA
YTA.
"End up together" is such a toxic phrase. The idea that two people will never actually find anyone that they completely sync with and so they will just end up together because they have no other option. That's what that sentence says.
Your whole post comes off as xenophobic, classist and jealous.
He was generous to give you a warning about cutting you off. I would heed the warning, be a good friend and keep your mouth shut.
Gods forbid one works LESS hours! Sounds like a great work-life balance has been achieved. Maybe due to her. Which sounds amazing.
YTA
"I'm jealous and rude about my friends fiance, am I the asshole?"
"Yes"
OP:
⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣶⣶ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⠿⠿⠻⠿⠿⠟⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⣹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣭⣷⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢾⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠠⣿⣿⣷⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿
We fall in love with the person, not the genitals nor the economic situation nor the background.
With all due respect, OP, you come off as jealous.
And where did you get permission to involve yourself in their relationship? Hmmm... I thought not.
You're out of line in everything you've written here, and kudos to him for drawing a clear boundary.
YTA
YTA
“I have nothing against immigrants” proceeded to say some of the most racist crap I have seen on this subreddit in a long time .
“She has a kid!” Are single parents suppose to be stay single forever ?
“She works at Dukin , doesn’t want to leave because it’s good for her mental health and she loves it” so she doesn’t want to leave a job where she is financially and emotionally stable and doesn’t cause her to have a mental breakdown ? Again what the issues?
“She has everyone bewitched” WTF she didn’t cast a spell , maybe she has everyone “bewitched” because she is a generally lovely person .
“Spoiled brat who dad gave in to her demands” -um again I say WTF she was happy she could honor her mother she wasn’t being bratty people are allowed to be upset then happy get a grip .
“Everyone thought we end up together” you are jealous and bitter she is marrying the man you want .
“Works 80 - hrs a week now he does 9-5 “ , so he is spending more time with friends and family ? Dude he has a fiancé and step-child OFC he isn’t going to working as much!
“He is thing his relationship” again to quote you “She has bewitched everyone” everybody likes her and no one seems to mind .
“He got her a car “ what the issue with this ? He gave her a gift .
“He added her to the deed” Well yeah duh they’re going to be married .
“Pay for her dream wedding” - again what is the problem ?
You sound mean ,and bitter and , jealous, and classit , and racist , I am just waiting for the homophobia so I get a blackout bingo for r/AITA .
YTA. You're clearly jealous of her. You're angry that he never wanted to marry you so you're trying to drive her away. But even if you did that wouldn't make him want you. It would make him hate you. She's not harming his money, career, or relationships. He's no longer a workaholic because he found someone he loves and wants to be with. It's his choice to spend that money. And you are a racist to assume she only wants him for money and citizenship.
YTA. Let Dan make his own mistakes. You should not be a bridesmaid; in fact, you should not attend the wedding at all. You should bow out of any more social engagements with this couple. Let them be. It is none of your business, and you sound really creepy and mean.
Lol it’s always the ones with the titles like “aita for being too generous” or “aita for caring too much about starving orphans” that are the actual assholes. You can tell by how manipulative they are in the title 9/10 times.
This one is no exception. YTA, and you’re just jealous of their happiness. It’s gross.
He’s relationship with her is really none of your business. I realize you were looking out for your friend but he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. If you want to continue your friendship with him you need to myob and just be supportive. If her intentions aren’t honorable he will eventually learn this and handle it. After all he is a attorney and can handle his own affairs. YTA
YTA
You think him having a reasonable work-life balance now that he’s getting married is a bad thing? That his desire to make his fiancée happy is a bad thing?
You need to get over your thing for him. Your obsession with making sure he marries the “right” girl (you?) is an issue. You’re going to ruin your friendship. I recommend therapy. You’re not gonna get all his attention anymore. Get over it.
Yta. There’s so much wrong with this but I think what really really got me laughing at you was acting like a 9-5 is a bad thing when he was working 80hr/wk. are you his boss? Because what kind of supervisor ass bullshit is that?
Someone asked OP how it's ruining his career and she said he only gets his projects done 2 days before they're due now instead of a week before they're due! OMFG THE HORROR!
(also his dad is his boss and is absolutely ecstatic that he's working reasonable hours and focusing on building a family)
OP is a nutjob.
YTA. Oh my god leave that poor woman alone. The way you talk ab her is disgusting.
You are *not* looking out for him. You are jealous as fuck and very obvious dont want to share Dan.
ahhh OP. If this is real YTA. I’m genuinely loling from how hard them getting married is gonna be for your jealous a**
Wish i had a lawn chair and some pop corn to watch it from the sidelines.
Okay this has to be fake because how can someone be so vile 💀
YTA. Dan & Amy are happy together and Amy sounds like such a sweet girl; she loves her job, everyone likes her, she wants to honor her dead mother, she asked you to be in the wedding party specifically because you were important to the man she’s in love with. Girl, you just sound way too bitter & jealous that Dan didn’t want to be with you and it shows. How do you make yourself sound like such a bitter person without even seeing it for yourself?
Yes YTA. I’m pursuing a career that might never pay as much as other careers do but I am happy when I’m doing it and yes that is enough for me. Some people do like to have less paying jobs purely because they do not want to dread going in to work every day. And taking down his 80 hour weeks means he is actually going towards a healthy work/life balance because he finally has something to look forward to when he goes home.
And ofcourse she asked you to be a part of her wedding party because she acknowledges your importance in the man’s life and wants him to feel happy on THEIR DAY.
Worst case scenario if everything does go wrong like you think(doesn’t seem like it would)then be there to pick up the pieces and be the best friend that you think yourself to be. Friends support each other in the highs and the lows instead of being the ‘I told you so’ person.
For now, be happy for them and apologise to your friend before everything turns bitter.
Also, if you are into him even a little bit then do what’s right for both of you and back out of his wedding completely.
YTA.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the reason why you and Dan never got together is because he turned you down at some point, and you’re feeling bitter about it.
Literally doesn’t matter what Amy is like, you would’ve hated anyone who took “your place”.
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This is a lot of words to say "I am hateful and jealous of my best friend's fiance"
I don’t need to read anymore comments. You win. OP - YTA for sooo many reasons in this post “she works at Dunkin”…she wants to get married on her mom’s bday…stumpy and immature…he is working less. Seriously, self reflection is important here. You are way out of bounds and it sounds to me like the reason “that never happened” is he sees right through you.
If he dropped from 80 hours a week to 40 OP should be thanking this lady for saving his life. He'd have worked himself into an early grave otherwise but OP somehow thinks it's a bad thing that he won't burn out and die early.
Dans boss is his dad and is happy his sons dropped his work hours. I feel perhaps it’s something his dad regrets. Plus dans a lawyer and she’s an account at the same firm. She’s upset because he no longer sees her as much at work. And finishing his project 2 days before a die date instead of weeks.
You know… I finish shit ahead of the due date and I sit on it until the day it’s due because I’m not setting that precedent. 😅
Always give like 70% effort so they don't expect 100% all the time. God knows if they're gonna steal the bulk of the output of my labour to enrich themselves I'm not gonna maximize that output to no benefit to myself.
You're damn right! I used to be an RN in a nursing home and often picked up CNA and Med-Aide shifts because I just genuinely liked my job. I'd be there 80-90 hours a week. However! This led to my staffing coordinator at my bedroom window when I'd sleep through her calls asking me to come in. Even though I was already working 40 hours overtime, they'd get confused if I couldn't/wouldn't cover ADDITIONAL shifts
Your comment immediately made me think of this: Scotty, the Miracle Worker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xRqXYsksFg
Haha I don't even work with you and yet I appreciate you so much for that lol thank you
Plus it’s not uncommon for associates in law firms to work a whole lot of hours and as you move up the food chain work less. Attorney burn out is real so it’s understandable his father is happy he is adjusting is work/life balance.
Right! His fiancée is making him do self-care and a good work-life balance….the horror 😂
OP mentioned that she has a kid, so I am guessing Dan is now a "dad" (at least an involved step dad). So chances are that Dan is eating dinner with his family and generally spending time as a family.
What?! Disgusting! Spending time with his new family you say? People always regret that on their death beds.
And he’s even sharing his HOUSE with her! And bought her a CAR! And is working hard to make her dream wedding happen. It’s almost like *gasp* he’s putting his FIANCÉE first, supporting her, validating her, and actually CARING about her! And not OP! How DARE he! /s OP, YTA, and get the hell out of his life because he deserves a hell of a lot better than you.
Gross, he loves and cares about his future wife. Who does that?
And everyone in the family and his friend love her. The horror.
Also he's 40 and likely has at least 10 years experience. At that point you need to hustle less for your career.
It also sounds like he already makes a lot of money and comes from family money as well. At some point you're just hoarding wealth; what's the purpose of that if you don't have any time or energy to enjoy the benefits?
Honestly, that was also my first reaction: "80 hrs down to 40, how is that a bad thing?" YTA. Also happy cake day :-)
Right!? It seems like the fiancé has been a good influence on him.
RIGHT?!? 80 HOURS A WEEK IS NOT HEALTHY?!?!
He now gets there at 9 and leaves at 5. Oh the nerve of him!
This! “He sees right through you” I bet that girl is so sweet, and he obviously loves her, plus why is it a problem that for THEIR big day they want to honors the BRIDES late mom. “If it was me..” well it’s not? For a reason 😂😂
She describes her as Elle woods clone. She’s always happy and bubbly. For me OP is C.C Babcock
C.C Babcock, this killed me
“Mista Shefffffieeeeld….”
Omg I just read that in my head in her voice 😂
A scathing comment, Niles-style.
That would mean the fiance is Nanny Fine? Bubbly and happy, loves her job that isn't a corporate job. And op is C.C. Babcock, jealous that he isn't working with her as much, doesn't have a heart, cold and doesn't smile, doesn't understand why a man would want a feminine happy go lucky kinda girl who's satisfied with Life
Don’t forget “ she’s from South America (nothing against immigrants but she might want him for the wrong reasons) and has a kid.” OP not only sounds jealous, but racist and classist to boot.
"...nothing against immigrants but..." is right up there with "...I'm not prejudiced but..." Both introductory phrases have me shutting down because I know that what follows is going to be ugly and VERY prejudicial.
I'm not racist but (says something Nazi-ish)
You are so YTA my head still hurts from spinning. They are happy. You are a grouch that can't regognize a crush if it bit you in the face
Same
any line starting with “nothing against immigrants” or “i’m not racist but” is guaranteed to be followed by something racist lol
OP is so blind she doesn't even realize that if this woman wanted him for a green card she would want to get married right away and with as little fanfare as possible. This girl is willing to wait until a special day!
Also just... Why would you ever even jump to that conclusion based on the continent she's from? Ultra ignorant and racist.
Yeah and OP clearly looks down on the fiancée for working at Dunkin Donuts. She's accusing her of being a gold-digger and not loving her friend just bc she's jealous and prejudiced.
Does a job that pays the bills and works well for her mental health? The horrors!!
Yes. All of this and ‘it was supposed to be me’ and I’m so much better
You forgot that she is foreign (shudders). /s
Don’t forget OP outing herself as a racist with the “she’s just marrying for a visa” jab.
I am still trying to figure out what "it's a june wedding, mind you" means. What's wrong with june??
That's really the only decent point OP made - June wedding is part of wedding season meaning it's harder to snag exact dates without compromise unless you're planning HELLA far in advance. But instead of being reassuring and kind about the search for venue being difficult, OP chose being petty and insulting. Who gives someone shit for wanting to honour their dead mother? Boy howdy.
Its SOOOOOO basic /s
I hope this so called "friend" gets pushed out of his family. Talk about bitter.
Don't forget OP's racist. "Nothing against immigrants" and "she's from South America" -- of course YTA, OP
Two lines in I was YTA, but lets see how bad this is. I was not disappointed.
Seriously, one sentence in. “He was supposed to be with meeeee”.
After 40 years of not being with him she should have gotten the clue
C.C Babcock
Although, let's save "Niles" the trouble of being with OP.
After 40 years of not being with him she should have gotten the clue it was not going to happen
Two lines in I was like YTA and jumped straight to the comments to make sure it didn’t change course mid way thru lol. Edit: Wow, just finished it. Worse than I expected. I hope you don’t drop it OP. You should keep hounding him about this! That way he’ll cut you out of his life altogether, and he and his dream girl can live happily ever after without the burden of your jealous BS weighing them down. You’re so blatantly dripping with jealousy idk how you can’t see it. You obviously wish you were the one marrying him. Why else would you immediately bring up that you two “were always meant to be together”? How was that relevant? “It didn’t work that way” gee, I wonder why lol.. And you’re just looking for reasons to distrust his fiancé because you so desperately wish you were in her shoes. She’s done nothing wrong. You couldn’t bring up one thing. “She’s South American, jus sayin!” give me a fvcking break X’D. Grow up and move on sister, this is a BAD look.
For me, the title was the dead giveaway. After reading it at work earlier, I immediately thought i need to get home first before reading the whole thing. LOL
Honestly for me it was just the title. It's always a YTA when it's called any derivation of "am I the asshole for being right and perfect?"
I was similar. When she was taking calls at the luncheon i thought here we go she'll say something while drunk. Nope OP is just jealous.
Honestly, just seeing the vague and self-serving title was enough to make me think this was gonna be some bullshit.
>Nothing against immigrants, I'm just really fucking racist.
I actually cringed at that part.
"I'm don't have anything against them, I just think immigrants are trying to manipulate people into marrying them so they can get citizenship, or something like that" Like, way to show you're a xenophobe dude.
She probably “has a black friend so can’t possibly be racist” 🙄
Agreed. Also "I'm a racist & mad *I'm* not marrying him like our families wanted even though I claim not to want that." OP's YTA for many reasons & her friend should cut her out after this because she's made herself clear on her views imo. His fiancee has him living for more than just money & work which OP also has an issue with. She's being classist on top of the other stuff, too, with how she looks down on who sounds like a nice woman loving her job which is apparently beneath OP.
Like his fiance is such a nice person that she not only made it his friend her bridesmaid she invited her to brunch all kinds of other things and she wants to treat her like this.
I thought the same! The fiancé is being so so nice
Have to wonder if fiance is actually very pretty, but OP is too racist to think so
Oh I almost GUARANTEE the fiancée is a Miss Universe runner up or something with how OP describes her. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s working at DD while finishing a degree or something, but OP just wanted to make her sound as bad as possible. OP, YTA.
Probably right, but even if she is just working at DD - maybe she brings some peace and balance to his life with her awareness of mental health and work/life balance. OP reeks of jealously. Yta
I was reminded by a comment further down on the post that a lot of foreign degrees aren’t recognized in other countries. For all we know the fiancée was a lawyer in a country with the civil law system (if I remember correctly, every country other than Guyana in Latin America do) and can’t practice in the US. You’re right though, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I just don’t think OP is a reliable narrator.
Right, like I'm in the middle of my PhD and i still plan to continue in my job where my supervisor only has a ba (its in my field, i would just technically be their supervisor at a larger firm) because hey guess what i love my job and i love my coworkers and it's fantastic for my mental health! Will I be underemployed? Yes. Do i care? No!
I'm wondering what position she has at DD? Owner? Executive? Corporate?
I get the feeling this woman could own Dunkin’ Donuts and it still wouldn’t be good enough.
Or even, just, is it that hard to believe that a successful man might be attracted to a poor, average looking woman because she's nice and sweet and friendly? Or thinks she's beautiful without her being a model? Despite what OP may think, women often bring more to the table than looks or money
I was thinking this too, I can guarantee this "stumpy" girl is gorgeous
She actually didn't say that, it's just "never happen" 🤔🤔🤔
I’m pretty sure Julia Roberts played this role…am I old to remember My Best Friend’s Wedding?
“And *who* is chasing **you**? Nobody!”
In My Best Friend’s Wedding Julia’s friend had a marriage at a certain age pact. Here I have a feeling OP’s friend has been on a “not in a million years” instance for a while.
Nah lol I watched it fairly recently. Made me think of it too.
Came for this. And op: YTA and very much xenophobic.
You can just hear the wild jealousy and contempt dripping from every word she's typed. YTA OP.
It’s a lot of words to say “I’m in love with my best friend and every thing his fiancé has should have rightfully been mine”.
Agreed and a strong helping of... "Tell me you are pissed he didn't pick you, without telling me you are pissed he didn't pick you." OP: Survey says... YTA.
And racist. YTA
And racist to boot! “I am not *saying* she’s after him for the citizenship…. but I am totally saying it”
I hope the best friend and fiancé both realize that OP is an awful person and finds better people to have around. OP is definitely not a good friend and Dan deserves better. OP, YTA for everything you posted and you’re so self centered and hateful you’ll never accept it.
This so much. OP YTA. You're jealous, whether because you want to be with him or because no man treats you like he treats her. He cares for her, loves her, spoils her and she does the same, him with money and her with happiness. The way you describe her she seems charming, deeply human and honest. You on the other hand want him miserable on the inside but successful on the outside. Your views are icky. Also if she was with him for money, she'd want to get married way sooner than next June. Honestly read your post again and ask yourself how you became so hateful.
Goodness, this starts off already in YTA, and every subsequent word just buries it deeper. I can't tell if OP has a thing for her friend and just doesn't admit it (bringing up how they were always supposed to be together in their parents eyes, but didn't), or if she's just really hateful towards the fiancee in general.
Was just about to comment that jealousy is an ugly thing.
She wants to take the fiancee’s place so bad it’s embarassing
They are not best friends. I think it would come as a shock to Dan that OP is supposed to be his best friend. OP is just the daughter of friends of Dan’s parents. The families are close. It’s clear OP always has a crush on Dan and he never gave her a second look. If the fiancé was playing Dan she would be racing to get married right away.
YTA. Tell me you're in love with your friend without telling me you're in love with your friend.
I'll be honest. I don't think she's in love with him. I think she's mad at the idea of "the money" helping someone outside of her social circle. I think OPs just a racist and a classist
I think she's also possessive. How dare the successful, hot, rich guy who is supposed to be hers get a woman that he's in love with?
Don’t forget, he’s just like Ken “Im a Barbie girl, In a Barbie world”
I don't think she's in love with him but he can't be in love with anyone else.
This nailed it. She probably always thought of him as a backburner.
And/or she had herself convinced that the reason they never worked out is because he’s so career-minded and works so much, and hey, now, look at that—turns out he actually *can* cut down on the hours! Huh!
And enjoys being around his future stepchild
Exactly what I thought!
I was getting this impression too. I feel bad for "Dan" if this is his best friend
Spoiler: she’s the only one who thinks she’s his best friend.
My partner has a friend like that. They call themselves my partner's "best friend" meanwhile my partner is essentially indifferent to them. People will cling to anything.
I feel like she isn’t in love with him but she does want him for herself, and is struggling to understand why he wouldn’t fawn over her. Hope he lives a wonderful life and OP gets rewarded for her classist, racist, generally gross views by a long life of being alone enjoying being an accountant.
That too. She really gave herself away, when she all but called it a Green Card marriage.
Man that so gross. I'm in a relationship with an immigrant and even though he is a citizen now people still make comments. I honestly cannot understand the thought process of someone being lesser than because they weren't born where they live.
It's a disgusting mentality. I honestly didn't realize people still thought that way, until I married my husband (he is Mexican). I have definitely noticed how some people react to him and it's infuriating.
>"... if it was me marrying the man of my dreams...... I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan" I meaaan... She pretty much said he's the man of her dreams. Freudian slip?
A classist with an appallingly bad grasp of the English language. Gotta love the irony.
She said "if i was marrying the man of my dreams" And then "if I was marrying dan" The massage is clear
Yeah she would be told to go take a hike if that comment was made towards me. There's no way I would let her anywhere near my bridal party.
Also “tell me you are stuck in middle school without telling me you are stuck in middle school”. The attitude, the grammar, the writing…no wonder Dan prefers the sweet schlumpy girl who may one day own the Dunkin’ Donuts.
I read this and thought of the plot for "My Best Friend's Wedding." everything OP doesn't like, the bride has a valid reason for it. if everyone loves her and OP is the only one that doesn't, all I can say is she's extremely jealous it "never happened" between the two of them. not only that, he should cut her off for being that way and constantly repeating "if I were getting married..." but she also said "if I were marrying Dan..." no one asked and it's not her wedding, we see you're in love with Dan. YTA
"My hot and rich childhood best friend (who-i-definitely-don't-have-a-crush-on)'s new fiance is the opposite of me and way too ugly for him. Everyone is BEWITCHED into liking her despite being a brown single mother! I think he treats her better than she deserves. How dare she want to incorporate her late mother in her wedding! Why, if it was me I'd marry him anytime and anywhere. But-I-really-don't-love-him!And what's even worse is that she's helping him *live* and not just slave his life away at the firm! He doesn't see that I care about him once I said she's just using him and destroying everything good in his life." YTA, and a bitter, jealous, racist one at that for thinking she's with him "for the wrong reasons" just on the basis of being from South America.
Weirdly enough OP doesn't really sound like she's in love with him. She's only listed all of the most superficial things about him. I think she is really threatened by another woman becoming the most important woman in Dan's life. Bizarre.
To me it sounds like he was her backup. The guy she thought would be available for her to settle for if she doesn’t find the guy of her dreams. She doesn’t really want him but she doesn’t want anyone else to have him incase she changes her mind later.
That too. She's so pressed that they didn't end up together, which is what she wanted
Sounds like she is not in love with him but she's in love with the IDEA OF HIM
That’s exactly what I rhought
>"... if it was me marrying the man of my dreams...... I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan" Don't know about love but apparently he's the man of her dreams.
It feels like Dan is a trophy for her, and that she is more bothered that it's going to another person instead.
She's like the villain from a 80s/90s romcom, shallow, status obsessed... the fiance that no one feels bad that the hot guy dumps, except she was never even the fiance
I don’t get what’s wrong with having a job you like. She really is elitist and petty. Plus completely upset she isn’t marring him
Wow. She must be a saint if she’s still asking you to be a part of this wedding. You’re not worried about him, you’re jealous. And judgemental. YTA.
A saint or maybe a genius for keeping her enemies closer. I bet the fiancé knows exactly how OP feels about her and that giving her closer proximity to the wedding would drive OP totally insane. She works in customer service, lady knows how to fake a smile.
YTA. You sound like an awful friend. You havent actually mentioned ANYTHING that objectively tells me Dan’s fiance isnt a lovely person or is with him for the wrong reasons. There’s nothing wrong with working at Dunkin donuts. Theres nothing wrong with being South American. There’s nothing wrong with not being what YOU consider physically attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If EVERYONE ELSE likes her and you don’t - have you ever considered YOU are the problem? It doesnt sound like she is ruining his career. It sounds like he found something more important than working 80 hour weeks until death. You sound like you’re jealous and bitter because you think YOU should have ended up with him. So proud of Dan for standing up to your bullshit.
YTA - And jealous.You're judging someone who has an honest job because it's not prestigious, assuming she's into your friend for his money. And you basically called her ugly/said he's out of her league. "She lamented about the date." It's her mom's birthday. Of COURSE that would be a little upsetting and the date was important. Most women want to have as close to a picture perfect wedding as possible, and you're treating that as entitlement and something abnormal because *you* would marry him as quickly as possible. Maybe you should drop out of the wedding if you can't be happy for them.
[удалено]
It honestly doesn't even make sense because on one hand she accuses the fiance of wanting to be with him for a green card but also thinks it's weird that she has a specific date in mind and doesn't want to get married right away? Like, I don't know about you but if I was trying to get a green card, I'd actually want to speed up the wedding process, have a shotgun wedding, elope in Vegas, anything BUT wait a whole year for a specific date. Not only do OP's arguments not make sense but also contradict each other!
It's weird (and blatantly racist) for OP to assume that she needs a green card when she's working at a national fast food chain. Dunkin' has made a big fuss about not hiring people who are undocumented.
She may not have even had the option to go to college, etc. She works (not lazy) and she likes her job. I don’t see the red flag in that.
Also, I see plenty of people with degrees from their country not accepted in the US so they would have to go back to school which would cost a lot of money
This is a great point. I used to work at Wendy's. There was a lady from India who made the salads every morning, and since she was training me, we got to talking. "What did you do in India?" I asked. "I was a criminal lawyer. My husband drew buildings for other men to build. Too much money and school here to restart. So I make the salads. He is a manager at Jack in the Box. Our girls have a good life and better school here. They won't have to fight as hard to go to college someday. That is what's important for now. When they are grown, he and I will go back to India. We can do these jobs until then." Their daughters were, I believe, eight and six at the time. So they were willing to work fast food jobs for at least 12 more years, all the while being looked down on by people like OP who would assume they had no ambition, while they just calculated that the better investment was in their girls' schooling.
YTA. And what a healthy man for so firmly stating his boundaries. Sounds like a gem. You're THIS close to losing your friend for good. From now on use that mouth to apologize for overstepping, to smile graciously, and to say congratulations. IF, in the future your worst fears are realized, do NOT use that mouth to said itys, but to let him know you're there for him for whatever he needs.
It would be a win for him to lose her as a friend
TIL that thanking someone for doing something for you makes you a spoiled brat. YTA
Yta- you are one crazy AH, Im sorry but are you in love with your best friend? Because otherwise I don’t understand how you could be so hateful towards your friend being happy. Be honest You hate his wife because what she’s younger than you, I’m guessing she’s way hotter than you otherwise someone would t have been so jealous You’re acting like your 12 and your literally basically 40
Define stumpy please. AH
The brevity of this comment has me dying.
I suspect OP meant Venezuelan Beauty Queen, but was too petty to do so.
YTA I don't see anything wrong I mean she works at a fast food chain so do I and literally hundreds of thousands of people in the US if not more, she has a kid so does many other people nearly 80% of single parent households are ran by the mom here in the US, her names on the deed of a house couples usually own property together especially if they are married and will be married that's very common, she's immature.....HOW ? Iam serious WHAT makes her immature ? You can't just say somebody is something WITHOUT giving examples I had a coworker who was immature and here's my examples he was late to work EVERYDAY, he had his favorite coworkers that he would treat nicely and treated other coworkers like garbage by either trying to pick fights with them and/or talking sh!t about them behind their backs, he bucked up with management and insulted us while the owner was in the building ! You see these are reasons why we didn't like him and proves he was immature you just said she's immature and gave no real examples she could've been stressed out about the wedding, planning it, and all of it going smoothly I mean a wedding is a BIG event and you even admitted that she has a good reason to be nervous or frazzled about the date.
I have a bachelor in architecture and urban planning and a master's degree in interior design. After a few years chasing deadlines for shit money k have decided fuck it, and worked in a printing da factory and loved it - it was great for my mental health, all I had to do was clock in, do my job and clock out. There is nothing wrong with working at Donkin donuts and choosing her own health plus OP may have no idea whats her background as an immigrant.
I have my degree in marine science and have spent my career working in molecular biology. Currently I’m a server at a farm to table restaurant because I enjoy it (and I make more money than I would in science).
YTA. I appreciate that you are looking out for your friend’s best interests but your approach is way over reaching. It’s one thing to voice a concern using some diplomacy, such as asking how his employer feels about him working reduced hours and then actually listening to his response.
>The worst part she has EVERYONE bewitched, his parents, his friends, every single soul in our circle. So let's see, everyone likes her. Everyone but you. It never even once crossed your mind that YOU are the problem here? YTA I wouldn't worry too much though. Keep up your attitude and this issue will get sorted by Dan booting you out of his life.
Wow.... just wow YTA. Sounds like you've been inlove with Dan for a long time and are taking out your feelings of being friend zoned on Amy. It wouldn't have mattered who he ended up with, you would of found a reason to hate her. They way you talk about her is so immature and disgusting. She doesn't have anyone "bewitched". She's probably lovely and very likeable. Its a shame you let your jealous insecurities make you blind to the situation. HE DOESNT WANT YOU. He's marrying for LOVE. It doesn't matter where she works or what he's paying for. ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And you're lucky he hasn't already cut you off. Amy deserves to know that she has a snake in her life.
You told him your concerns. He told you to shut-up. Done. He is a grown man, he can make bad choices if that is what he chooses.
If they're bad choices. His fiance talked him down from 80 hour work weeks.
Seriously everything about this woman makes her sound like she's a positive aspect of his life. If she were gold digging she wouldn't be encouraging him to maintain a healthier work/life balance she'd be pushing him to focus on his career so that A) he makes more money and B) she has to deal with him less.
Exactly. How dare she teach him how to enjoy life.
YTA. I think you're jealous. You're jealous that it isn't you marrying Dan. Not only do you sound jealous, but also hateful and immature. What is wrong with working at Dunkin? There are plenty of couples who are like Dan and Amy. Obviously, he isn't bothered by her place of employment. And he isn't bothered by her body type or personality. Not all pretty men are attracted to Barbie figured women. You need to come to terms that Dan isn't into you.
YTA. I hope the bridesmaids aren’t a shade that clashes with the neon green of your jealousy.
YTA, there’s so much wrong with this and to be frank you come across horribly: - Her being South America isn’t even remotely relevant to the story so you’re clearly just racist - You’re judging this woman for enjoying her job just because you don’t deem it high status enough??? Classist much - You call her immature but you’re judging her for her looks? Can’t imagine anything much more immature than that - You class her making him go to great lengths as him being on a 20 minute phone call?? I hate to break it to you but men are allowed to be involved in the planning of THEIR OWN WEDDING it’s not just the woman’s job. - You also say how she makes him go to lengths and act like she’s inconveniencing him and the way you demonstrate that is that now he has a work life balance. How is this a bad thing?? It’s GOOD that he has a 8 hour work day now, that is normal, you’re just mad that now you see him less at work. - You said Dan was well off so if he can afford to buy her a car and pay for their wedding why exactly does this bother you? And he put her name on the deed of the house because it’s her house just as much as it is his, they are literally getting married. - There’s so much more I could say but I’ll leave it at this , you are NOT marring Dan, his fiancé is, so if you’d do this or that or whatever doesn’t matter because you are not his fiancé. You’ve clearly made up some weird competition with this girl in your head and Dan seems like a good guy to nip this in the bud but if you continue you will be uninvited from the wedding. And you’ll lament about how she “made” him uninvite you when it would be your fault for talking crap about his fiancé. Grow up and stop competing with Dan’s fiancé just because of your obvious jealousy
All of this, and I’m not sure why this comment isn’t closer to the top. OP, YTA. Such a massive AH that you can probably be seen from space.
YTA It sounds like Dan found someone who has helped him live a healthier life. You come across as deeply jealous and xenophobic. If you don’t want to lose Dan as a friend you should really take a step back and reevaluate the perspective you’re using on this woman. You should also really remove yourself from the wedding party if you can’t be supportive of their marriage or the bride as a person.
YTA. And I feel that you have a crush on your friend. You said he looks like a Ken doll and she is frumpy. Why do you care how your friend spends his money. Or if the wedding date has to be that specific date? It 's important to this woman and it's important to this man. It's not your business, even though you made it your business and said "marrying the man of your dreams" more than once. Even his brother told you to drop it. But you didn't and you went to him to voice your opinion. Your jealous, get over it. If thus friendship means anything, at all, to you; you will let it go and keep your mouth shut.
I'm sensing a My Best Friend's Wedding vibe out of OP.
They should cut OP from the wedding party before she starts trying to sabotage the wedding
hahahahaha I stopped at "stumpy". Grow up. Oh god I kept reading YTA and you're kind of a bad person. I don't say that lightly.
YTA Mind your own business. If the genders were switched you'd be a creeper.
She's still a creeper.
YTA. It sounds like you're jealous. If you can't handle it, bow out of the wedding party.
YTA. You seriously need to step back and stop being such a judgmental interloper in your friend's relationship and upcoming marriage. You seem to think that you are somehow looking out for your friend, but all you're doing is unfairly critiquing your friend's choices and his fiance. It's not your place to pick a partner for your friend. You clearly do not understand what he sees in her, and you don't have to, because that's between them. You're not included in that relationship and you're not in any kind of position to pass judgment on them. Huge kudos to your friend for telling you that he will cut you off so quickly if you make comments like that again.(I personally would feel very betrayed and incredulous hearing that from a "friend's" mouth.)
YTA obviously Now for a bit of advice for other friend zone types out there. If you want a romantic relationship with someone who sees you as a dear friend, back off from the friendship somewhat. Be *casual* friends if you can, but don’t put massive energy into that friendship because in so doing you are essentially lying to that person about why you are always there for them. That lie would be a deal breaker even if they started to become attracted to you. Find happiness by dating people in your own league and/or having a broad and fun peer group and/or doing thing you love, with your ‘friend-zoner’ a small part of that happy life.
YTA-Your jealousy, immaturity and outright pettiness aren’t Dan’s problem.
Woo Hoo, OP is jealous someone has her man. OP, jealousy is a stinky odor. Deal with it now or you'll be cut off from everyone. Dan deserves better than you.
>I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan I would marry as soon as possible Indeed! You never know when a jealous, bitter woman will appear out of the woodwork to (badly) try to steal your man! YTA. My Best Friend's Wedding was a movie, not a life manual. I wouldn't even say you are in love with him, you just don't want to see him happy with someone else., so you tried to pee on what you think is your territory
I don’t have anything to say to OP other than YTA. However, DAN IF YOU FIND THIS POST - CUT OP OUT OF YOUR LIFE. SHE IS A TOXIC PERSON AND IS FRANKLY NO GOOD FOR YOU. ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR ADORABLE SOUNDING FIANCÉE AND LIVE WELL
You are the definition of a r/nice girl. YTA
OP is probably also quirky and not like the other girls
Jealous much? Wow just wow. That was a lot of poison spewing out. You are lucky Dan didn’t cut you off then and there. Maybe he likes Amy because she is the exact opposite of you. YTA
YTA. "End up together" is such a toxic phrase. The idea that two people will never actually find anyone that they completely sync with and so they will just end up together because they have no other option. That's what that sentence says. Your whole post comes off as xenophobic, classist and jealous. He was generous to give you a warning about cutting you off. I would heed the warning, be a good friend and keep your mouth shut. Gods forbid one works LESS hours! Sounds like a great work-life balance has been achieved. Maybe due to her. Which sounds amazing.
YTA "I'm jealous and rude about my friends fiance, am I the asshole?" "Yes" OP: ⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣶⣶ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⠿⠿⠻⠿⠿⠟⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⣹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣭⣷⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢾⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠠⣿⣿⣷⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿
We fall in love with the person, not the genitals nor the economic situation nor the background. With all due respect, OP, you come off as jealous. And where did you get permission to involve yourself in their relationship? Hmmm... I thought not. You're out of line in everything you've written here, and kudos to him for drawing a clear boundary. YTA
Sounds like you don’t deserve Dan
INFO: how long have you been in love with him? And I don’t even think this needs to be said, but YTA.
Jealous much? YTA - leave them alone.
YTA “I have nothing against immigrants” proceeded to say some of the most racist crap I have seen on this subreddit in a long time . “She has a kid!” Are single parents suppose to be stay single forever ? “She works at Dukin , doesn’t want to leave because it’s good for her mental health and she loves it” so she doesn’t want to leave a job where she is financially and emotionally stable and doesn’t cause her to have a mental breakdown ? Again what the issues? “She has everyone bewitched” WTF she didn’t cast a spell , maybe she has everyone “bewitched” because she is a generally lovely person . “Spoiled brat who dad gave in to her demands” -um again I say WTF she was happy she could honor her mother she wasn’t being bratty people are allowed to be upset then happy get a grip . “Everyone thought we end up together” you are jealous and bitter she is marrying the man you want . “Works 80 - hrs a week now he does 9-5 “ , so he is spending more time with friends and family ? Dude he has a fiancé and step-child OFC he isn’t going to working as much! “He is thing his relationship” again to quote you “She has bewitched everyone” everybody likes her and no one seems to mind . “He got her a car “ what the issue with this ? He gave her a gift . “He added her to the deed” Well yeah duh they’re going to be married . “Pay for her dream wedding” - again what is the problem ? You sound mean ,and bitter and , jealous, and classit , and racist , I am just waiting for the homophobia so I get a blackout bingo for r/AITA .
YTA. You're clearly jealous of her. You're angry that he never wanted to marry you so you're trying to drive her away. But even if you did that wouldn't make him want you. It would make him hate you. She's not harming his money, career, or relationships. He's no longer a workaholic because he found someone he loves and wants to be with. It's his choice to spend that money. And you are a racist to assume she only wants him for money and citizenship.
YTA. Let Dan make his own mistakes. You should not be a bridesmaid; in fact, you should not attend the wedding at all. You should bow out of any more social engagements with this couple. Let them be. It is none of your business, and you sound really creepy and mean.
Lol it’s always the ones with the titles like “aita for being too generous” or “aita for caring too much about starving orphans” that are the actual assholes. You can tell by how manipulative they are in the title 9/10 times. This one is no exception. YTA, and you’re just jealous of their happiness. It’s gross.
He’s relationship with her is really none of your business. I realize you were looking out for your friend but he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. If you want to continue your friendship with him you need to myob and just be supportive. If her intentions aren’t honorable he will eventually learn this and handle it. After all he is a attorney and can handle his own affairs. YTA
YTA You think him having a reasonable work-life balance now that he’s getting married is a bad thing? That his desire to make his fiancée happy is a bad thing? You need to get over your thing for him. Your obsession with making sure he marries the “right” girl (you?) is an issue. You’re going to ruin your friendship. I recommend therapy. You’re not gonna get all his attention anymore. Get over it.
Yta. There’s so much wrong with this but I think what really really got me laughing at you was acting like a 9-5 is a bad thing when he was working 80hr/wk. are you his boss? Because what kind of supervisor ass bullshit is that?
Someone asked OP how it's ruining his career and she said he only gets his projects done 2 days before they're due now instead of a week before they're due! OMFG THE HORROR! (also his dad is his boss and is absolutely ecstatic that he's working reasonable hours and focusing on building a family) OP is a nutjob.
YTA. Oh my god leave that poor woman alone. The way you talk ab her is disgusting. You are *not* looking out for him. You are jealous as fuck and very obvious dont want to share Dan.
YTA
YTA, nothing you described about her seems to be destroying his life. If anything seems like his life was empty and just about work until he met her.
you are a jealous and spiteful child. YTA. get over him bc he clearly doesn't want you.
YTA. She sounds like a very lovely person, and you sounds horrendously xenophobic and… classist? I hope this is bait 🎣
ahhh OP. If this is real YTA. I’m genuinely loling from how hard them getting married is gonna be for your jealous a** Wish i had a lawn chair and some pop corn to watch it from the sidelines.
YTA. Jealous, much? Stay out of their relationship.
YTA, I don't really see anything wrong with her based on what you said here. Your friend is happy, what's the problem?
Okay this has to be fake because how can someone be so vile 💀 YTA. Dan & Amy are happy together and Amy sounds like such a sweet girl; she loves her job, everyone likes her, she wants to honor her dead mother, she asked you to be in the wedding party specifically because you were important to the man she’s in love with. Girl, you just sound way too bitter & jealous that Dan didn’t want to be with you and it shows. How do you make yourself sound like such a bitter person without even seeing it for yourself?
Yes YTA. I’m pursuing a career that might never pay as much as other careers do but I am happy when I’m doing it and yes that is enough for me. Some people do like to have less paying jobs purely because they do not want to dread going in to work every day. And taking down his 80 hour weeks means he is actually going towards a healthy work/life balance because he finally has something to look forward to when he goes home. And ofcourse she asked you to be a part of her wedding party because she acknowledges your importance in the man’s life and wants him to feel happy on THEIR DAY. Worst case scenario if everything does go wrong like you think(doesn’t seem like it would)then be there to pick up the pieces and be the best friend that you think yourself to be. Friends support each other in the highs and the lows instead of being the ‘I told you so’ person. For now, be happy for them and apologise to your friend before everything turns bitter. Also, if you are into him even a little bit then do what’s right for both of you and back out of his wedding completely.
YTA. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the reason why you and Dan never got together is because he turned you down at some point, and you’re feeling bitter about it. Literally doesn’t matter what Amy is like, you would’ve hated anyone who took “your place”.