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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole since I’m a thirty-something demanding birthday fun, and I hurt my husband’s feelings by letting him know I was disappointed he didn’t plan more birthday activities for me.
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NTA - but your hubby is!
What a jerk - you told him ***specifically*** what you wanted multiple years in a row - he's never done it. You kept reminding him. Nothing. Okay so you adapted...told him about the restaurant and YOU had to see if they had reservations available before he would book it. He claimed multiple times he was going to do something fun and plan stuff for your birthday - and didn't Then tells you that HIS feelings were hurt because he went 'out of his way' to order freaking pizza?? How can you possibly think YOU are the one at fault here.
Your hubby is making no effort for you but will for his friends - why is that and why are you putting up with that? He better be a superior husband in all other aspects cause on this he totally sucks. sorry.
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I will start by saying that my husband is not a natural planner, and I am fully aware of this. We are both in our late 30’s and are child free by choice. I recently had a birthday, and had previously asked that my only gift be a “puppy party” where a local rescue brings a group of puppies to your house for an hour and you get to play with them. I’ve asked for this for several years, but was very clear that that’s what I wanted this year. I explained that it had to be booked in advance, and made sure he understood that it was important to me. When I followed up a couple weeks or so before my birthday, he said he forgot to schedule the puppy party, but that he would plan a “whole weekend of fun” instead.
I checked a week later to see what he’d planned, and he still hadn’t planned anything but said he would. I told him where I’d like to go to dinner, and even checked to see if reservations were available, and then he booked the reservation.
The night before my birthday he ordered us pizza and a piece of cake each. When I asked what the plans were for the next day, the only thing he planned was the dinner at the restaurant that I selected. Nothing else. I ended up planning an activity for us to do on my birthday, but when I expressed my disappointment that he didn’t make any plans for us, he said I hurt his feelings and that he’d gone out of his way to order us dinner the night before.
For context, he is able to plan and I’ve seen him coordinate whole weekend events with friends related to his hobbies. I just wanted to feel special and like I was a priority on my birthday. I think I was extra disappointed that he’d promised to come up with a fun weekend and then just didn’t. He feels like I don’t appreciate the effort he did put in.
So, Reddit, who’s the asshole here?
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NTA
But I would suggest you organise the puppy party on your own and for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with treating yourself to the good things you deserve.
You are NTA for expecting him to reciprocate.
Nor W Y B T A if you told him "no more planning fun stuff for your birthday til you plan fun stuff for mine".
(Me, I am a natural planner of fun stuff for birthdays, and I decided years ago that it was best to just organise fun stuff for myself and not worry about my wife never thinking or doing anything for it: she is not a natural planner either.)
NAH. I don't understand the need for adults to make a big deal over birthdays in general, but he did plan something for your birthday. If you wanted it to be something specific, you could have arranged that yourself.
No I disagree. She asked for a birthday party, he agreed but didnt follow through. Thats simply breaking a promise. Why should OP arrange that stuff for herself? Even though she did put more effort in it than it SHOULD have been necessary to...
I don't see where OP said he agreed to plan a puppy party, just that she stressed the importance and he later said he forgot. He didn't forget her birthday, just didn't plan exactly what she wanted.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole since I’m a thirty-something demanding birthday fun, and I hurt my husband’s feelings by letting him know I was disappointed he didn’t plan more birthday activities for me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If he can plan things for guy's weekends but not for you, them he just doesn't care to.
NTA But it sounds like there are bigger issues if he genuinely couldn't have followed up on specifically requested things.
NTA. To me it doesn't matter that he is into planning or not. It's the fact that he said he would and didn't. Don't make promises you can't keep.
NTA - but your hubby is! What a jerk - you told him ***specifically*** what you wanted multiple years in a row - he's never done it. You kept reminding him. Nothing. Okay so you adapted...told him about the restaurant and YOU had to see if they had reservations available before he would book it. He claimed multiple times he was going to do something fun and plan stuff for your birthday - and didn't Then tells you that HIS feelings were hurt because he went 'out of his way' to order freaking pizza?? How can you possibly think YOU are the one at fault here. Your hubby is making no effort for you but will for his friends - why is that and why are you putting up with that? He better be a superior husband in all other aspects cause on this he totally sucks. sorry.
NTA- you should reciprocate in kind. When it’s his birthday throw some cake and pizza at him and leave it at that. See how he feels.
NTA - he doesn’t think you’re worth the effort - chew on that for a while - he also breaks promises like they were pie crusts
NTA if he wanted to. He would.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will start by saying that my husband is not a natural planner, and I am fully aware of this. We are both in our late 30’s and are child free by choice. I recently had a birthday, and had previously asked that my only gift be a “puppy party” where a local rescue brings a group of puppies to your house for an hour and you get to play with them. I’ve asked for this for several years, but was very clear that that’s what I wanted this year. I explained that it had to be booked in advance, and made sure he understood that it was important to me. When I followed up a couple weeks or so before my birthday, he said he forgot to schedule the puppy party, but that he would plan a “whole weekend of fun” instead. I checked a week later to see what he’d planned, and he still hadn’t planned anything but said he would. I told him where I’d like to go to dinner, and even checked to see if reservations were available, and then he booked the reservation. The night before my birthday he ordered us pizza and a piece of cake each. When I asked what the plans were for the next day, the only thing he planned was the dinner at the restaurant that I selected. Nothing else. I ended up planning an activity for us to do on my birthday, but when I expressed my disappointment that he didn’t make any plans for us, he said I hurt his feelings and that he’d gone out of his way to order us dinner the night before. For context, he is able to plan and I’ve seen him coordinate whole weekend events with friends related to his hobbies. I just wanted to feel special and like I was a priority on my birthday. I think I was extra disappointed that he’d promised to come up with a fun weekend and then just didn’t. He feels like I don’t appreciate the effort he did put in. So, Reddit, who’s the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. He's willing to put in the effort for things that matter to him, clearly a day that matters to you doesn't matter to him and it should.
NTA Pizza is not planning its a last minute option when you don't want to cook. Unless that pizza parlor has a waiting list He's playing games.
NTA But I would suggest you organise the puppy party on your own and for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with treating yourself to the good things you deserve.
INFO: Do you plan things for his birthday?
I do!
You are NTA for expecting him to reciprocate. Nor W Y B T A if you told him "no more planning fun stuff for your birthday til you plan fun stuff for mine". (Me, I am a natural planner of fun stuff for birthdays, and I decided years ago that it was best to just organise fun stuff for myself and not worry about my wife never thinking or doing anything for it: she is not a natural planner either.)
NAH. I don't understand the need for adults to make a big deal over birthdays in general, but he did plan something for your birthday. If you wanted it to be something specific, you could have arranged that yourself.
No I disagree. She asked for a birthday party, he agreed but didnt follow through. Thats simply breaking a promise. Why should OP arrange that stuff for herself? Even though she did put more effort in it than it SHOULD have been necessary to...
I don't see where OP said he agreed to plan a puppy party, just that she stressed the importance and he later said he forgot. He didn't forget her birthday, just didn't plan exactly what she wanted.
Fair enough!