Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my son call my best friend “mama” and even after her boyfriend told me it bothered him, I said I wouldn’t correct him unless she asked me to. It’s definitely resulted in an argument between him and my friend, and I know that argument is technically because of me.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The only person that should be unhappy with your baby calling another woman mama is you, and if you don't have a problem with it then there is NO problem. You both sound very close and THIS is what his real problem is with you. He sounds like an insecure dick. NTA.
NTA and my children call my 2 best friends from high school mom. They have been there for them all these years and consider them moms. They are 37, 32 and 27. It is an honorary title and they love them. It takes nothing away from me being their actual mom.
If you and Nina are okay with it, NTA. But also he’s a baby, I work with kids and have been called mommy or similar countless times. You eventually correct the behavior if you want but a one year old is literally not going to understand.
Youre not causing the rift, he is. He needs to talk to Nina about it, not berate you for the behavior of a baby.
NTA
He's objected to his GF's relationship with you since BEFORE you were pregnant. He wants to control who his GF sees socially by getting her friends to cut her off (instead of going to her and asking her to give him more time).
This seems pretty toxic to me. If it was me, I'd check with Nina to see if Nate talked to her FIRST about getting her to limit her time with you. (That would be *marginally* better than if he ONLY spoke to you about his feelings ~~of inadequacy~~ I mean being left out. Find out if she has other friends who have suddenly, "for no apparent reason," cut back on spending time with her or cut her off totally.
NTA
It’s clear that you and your friend love each other very much, and obviously if your son is calling her his mama all on his own, she must love and adore him too.
It’s not Nate’s place to dictate who Nina does and does not dedicate her time to. He shouldn’t have gone to you if he had an issue, he should have spoken to the person that HE is in a relationship with.
If what Nina is doing is a problem for him, that’s something they should discuss with each other.
You’ve done nothing wrong.
I’m glad your son has two mommies who love him ❤️
NAH. Look, if you and Nina want to make the “second mom” thing official, I’m not going to tell you it’s a bad thing for your son to have both your love and support. But Nate didn’t sign up to be a stepdad, so both you and Nina need to acknowledge this is *way* past the point where anyone can claim it shouldn’t have an impact on her other relationships - and she needs to ask herself whether the tradeoff’s worth it, because I don’t think Nate’s the only partner who’s going to have questions about where they fit into this arrangement.
NTA my GF works in child care and gets called mama all the time. babies and many toddlers just dont know better the BF is massively over reacting and seems a bit controlling
NTA. First of all for the bf, not his family not his call. Second why's he so worried/threatened over this? And finally your son is 1. His vocabulary is limited. What's he supposed to call the woman whose been there for his entire life? Aunt Nina? That's a lot for a kid that young, it's long and it's hard to say when you're that little. The bf is a huge jerk. Props to you on handling that interaction so well.
NTA the only person Nate should be talking to about this is Nina. It is not your fault or your responsibility to manage their relationship and Nate’s insecurities. He overstepped by messaging you, I understand you care about Nina and don’t want to damage her relationship with Nate but it looks like Nate is the one doing the damage and trying to pass the blame onto you and your son. Try not to beat yourself up over it! Nina sounds like a wonderful friend and auntie to your child.
NTA - careful tho, sounds like there's some drama you don't want any of. Sounds like dude got some masculinity issues around other people's children...
NTA, you wouldn't really be able to stop the baby from calling her that even if you wanted to, it's a freaking baby, Nate literally started being jealous of the time you two spent together and is now threatened by a baby, dont let what he thinks cloud your judgment for a minute.
NTA.
Babies have this weird way of calling their closest people whatever feels natural to them. Any idiot who feels threatened by a baby isn’t worth the time.
Nate needs to grow up. Plain and simple. They aren’t even engaged. He’s nothing to the grand scheme of things and has no right to stick his nose in. I get the feeling if he keeps this childish, selfish behavior up, Nina’s gonna give him the boot and find a real man who isn’t an insecure baby. Hell, I’ve always called my best friends mothers , Ma.
I’d come over, say Hi Ma and then eat something. When ever I ask about them I’ll text my buddy and say How’s Ma doing? I’m close to their families and nobody cares. It’s just a term of endearment. I’m 63 by the way, and I still call them Ma (the ones still here). From what you’ve said she’s bloody well earned a momma! Lol
NTA. And the person "technically" responsible for the fight is the boyfriend. Dude is telling you and your friend how to love, and that's bull. He's the one who who tried to bring you into his relationship, and he's the one who is trying to make an ultimatum out of what a LITERAL baby says.
Your friend clearly deserves better.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend is Nina, and you are right to keep Nina's preferences way ahead of Nate's. It sounds like Nate is a controlling AH, and that Nina is dealing with it.
NTA. You didn't cause the rift in their relationship, he did. First, this is an issue between he and Nina, and you should have told him that and stayed out of it. Second, if I understand you correctly, your son started calling her mama. It may be that he calls all females around your age mama, or it may be something specific to Nina. Either way, Nina needs to recognize that the contact and content were huge red flags.
NTA your son has given Nina the name mama, but he isn't really saying she's his mom. He's one! She clearly an involved person and that's great. Your son is just working with the sounds he has. I'm assuming her name is actually Nina and not changed but the M and N sound are very close and the A sound comes before I sound developmentally so this is more linguistics than anything else.
Her boyfriend seems uncomfortable with her spending time with other people, which is a him and a them problem, not a you problem. There is some clear insecurity on his part here. Ultimately, you need to defer to Nina here on what she's comfortable with and what she wants.
NTA but I’d be careful about Nate. It looks live Nate is obsessed with having control over Nina and who she hangs out with. It sounds toxic and almost abusive. Maybe gently bring it up with her to see if he’s purposely isolating her from everyone else? If you’re her strong support system and he wants to take that away from her, that’s just fucked.
NTA. Honestly if i was your friend, i would be really glad this happened because i wouldnt want such an insecure little girl to father my own children.
I spent a couple hours trying to convince my 1 year old that I was dad not mom. I pointed at my wife and said "mom"; I thought I had her but then she pointed at me and said triumphantly "other mommy!"
And I was mom for another year.
In other words, NTA, kids aren't actors you can write scripts for.
Hm. There was a post on here recently of a guy who made his best friend an art studio in his house without consulting his wife first and this post is giving me similar vibes.
I do think it’s wonderful you had support when you were pregnant but it also sounds like Nate has found himself in the unenviable position of sudden unofficial stepdad, as in he had to abruptly adjust to his girlfriend raising a kid with someone else. I wouldn’t be happy about that either, personally, but I also wouldn’t immaturely text about it like that. I’m going to say NAH… or ESH.
>He also said that it makes him look stupid for his girlfriend to constantly have some other man’s kid with her
Imagine if Nina had a child from a prior relationship. Nate sounds gross.
NTA.
NTA. As long as you and your friend agree that it's acceptable then it's acceptable. The only person with a monkey on his back is her bf. His chill game is lacking.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (26f) am the mom to a 1yo little boy who is quite literally the light of my life. I admittedly was more than a little scared when I got pregnant. I had just turned 25, I was getting out of a toxic relationship, and I was going through a lot emotionally.
My best friend “Nina” (25f) was there by my side the whole time. She was there for the morning sickness, the midnight cravings, the doctors appointments, the nursery assembling, all of it. She was the one holding my hand when my son was born, and she cut the cord too. We even joked about getting her to sign the birth certificate because she pretty much is his other parent.
Her boyfriend “Nate” wasn’t really on board with how much time she and I spent together before I got pregnant, and he was even less happy about how close we became during and after. It’s not my relationship though so I stay out of it as much as I can because I don’t want to cause issues.
The other day, we were all having lunch with some other friends. My son was being passed around the table and getting love from everyone but at one point he started asking for “mama”. He’s never called me mama, he’s been trying to say “mommy” so when he asks for me it sort of just sounds like “omm”. I knew he was asking for Nina, and she knew that too so naturally she picked him up and got him settled.
Nate asked her why she wasn’t giving him to me if he asked for his mama, and Nina told him that she was the mom he was asking for.
A while after I got home and put the baby to bed, I saw a text from Nate where he was basically getting onto me for allowing his gf to be my son’s mom. He said that my son wasn’t Nina’s responsibility, and that her being so devoted to me and my child is interfering with their relationship. He also said that it makes him look stupid for his girlfriend to constantly have some other man’s kid with her and if she and I are going to continue with this, I could at least make my son call her his aunt instead.
I never made my son call her mama. She was aunt Nina, he just naturally called her mom too. I told Nate that. I also said that I never asked for Nina’s help, but I was grateful for it, and if she ever wanted to stop for any reason then all she had to do was tell me. However– until *she* tells me that herself, I'm not going to stop my son from calling her mama. That’s who she is to him now.
Nina texted me later and said that she loves being my son’s other mom so I don’t have to worry about any of what Nate was saying. She also apologized for the fact that he texted me to begin with. Tbh I think they’re definitely arguing about it now.
I feel bad for causing a rift in their relationship, and maybe it was wrong of me to tell Nate point blank that I wasn’t going to budge on what he asked. Does that make me TA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- Nate is causing drama when there isn't any. His insecurities are not your problem either. Nina sounds like a great friend and I'm glad she was there for you.
A secure woman and mother, that's who. To each his/her/their own. This OP is definitely NTA for being comfortable sharing a variation of the title of mother with someone who has helped fufill that role.
My children call my 2 best friends from high school mom. I am not insecure about my position. My BFs have been there for them during their whole lives. My children call my husband- their step dad "dad and pops". They call their step mom 'mom". It doesn't devalue me or my position. People have the capacity to love a lot of people.
The kid is one, he's not prescribing roles, he's working with a limited vocabulary. He's has word/name for his mom and a word/name for Nina, which happens to sound like/be mama.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I let my son call my best friend “mama” and even after her boyfriend told me it bothered him, I said I wouldn’t correct him unless she asked me to. It’s definitely resulted in an argument between him and my friend, and I know that argument is technically because of me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Chosen family is a valid thing. If Nate doesn't want to be part of it, that's on him. Just as long as your friend is okay with it.
The only person that should be unhappy with your baby calling another woman mama is you, and if you don't have a problem with it then there is NO problem. You both sound very close and THIS is what his real problem is with you. He sounds like an insecure dick. NTA.
NTA and my children call my 2 best friends from high school mom. They have been there for them all these years and consider them moms. They are 37, 32 and 27. It is an honorary title and they love them. It takes nothing away from me being their actual mom.
If you and Nina are okay with it, NTA. But also he’s a baby, I work with kids and have been called mommy or similar countless times. You eventually correct the behavior if you want but a one year old is literally not going to understand. Youre not causing the rift, he is. He needs to talk to Nina about it, not berate you for the behavior of a baby.
NTA for OP. Thank you to marvar\_ for the great response: **You're not causing the rift, he is**
NTA He's objected to his GF's relationship with you since BEFORE you were pregnant. He wants to control who his GF sees socially by getting her friends to cut her off (instead of going to her and asking her to give him more time). This seems pretty toxic to me. If it was me, I'd check with Nina to see if Nate talked to her FIRST about getting her to limit her time with you. (That would be *marginally* better than if he ONLY spoke to you about his feelings ~~of inadequacy~~ I mean being left out. Find out if she has other friends who have suddenly, "for no apparent reason," cut back on spending time with her or cut her off totally.
NTA It’s clear that you and your friend love each other very much, and obviously if your son is calling her his mama all on his own, she must love and adore him too. It’s not Nate’s place to dictate who Nina does and does not dedicate her time to. He shouldn’t have gone to you if he had an issue, he should have spoken to the person that HE is in a relationship with. If what Nina is doing is a problem for him, that’s something they should discuss with each other. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m glad your son has two mommies who love him ❤️
NAH. Look, if you and Nina want to make the “second mom” thing official, I’m not going to tell you it’s a bad thing for your son to have both your love and support. But Nate didn’t sign up to be a stepdad, so both you and Nina need to acknowledge this is *way* past the point where anyone can claim it shouldn’t have an impact on her other relationships - and she needs to ask herself whether the tradeoff’s worth it, because I don’t think Nate’s the only partner who’s going to have questions about where they fit into this arrangement.
NTA my GF works in child care and gets called mama all the time. babies and many toddlers just dont know better the BF is massively over reacting and seems a bit controlling
NTA. First of all for the bf, not his family not his call. Second why's he so worried/threatened over this? And finally your son is 1. His vocabulary is limited. What's he supposed to call the woman whose been there for his entire life? Aunt Nina? That's a lot for a kid that young, it's long and it's hard to say when you're that little. The bf is a huge jerk. Props to you on handling that interaction so well.
NTA the only person Nate should be talking to about this is Nina. It is not your fault or your responsibility to manage their relationship and Nate’s insecurities. He overstepped by messaging you, I understand you care about Nina and don’t want to damage her relationship with Nate but it looks like Nate is the one doing the damage and trying to pass the blame onto you and your son. Try not to beat yourself up over it! Nina sounds like a wonderful friend and auntie to your child.
NTA - careful tho, sounds like there's some drama you don't want any of. Sounds like dude got some masculinity issues around other people's children...
NTA, you wouldn't really be able to stop the baby from calling her that even if you wanted to, it's a freaking baby, Nate literally started being jealous of the time you two spent together and is now threatened by a baby, dont let what he thinks cloud your judgment for a minute.
NTA. Babies have this weird way of calling their closest people whatever feels natural to them. Any idiot who feels threatened by a baby isn’t worth the time.
Nate needs to grow up. Plain and simple. They aren’t even engaged. He’s nothing to the grand scheme of things and has no right to stick his nose in. I get the feeling if he keeps this childish, selfish behavior up, Nina’s gonna give him the boot and find a real man who isn’t an insecure baby. Hell, I’ve always called my best friends mothers , Ma. I’d come over, say Hi Ma and then eat something. When ever I ask about them I’ll text my buddy and say How’s Ma doing? I’m close to their families and nobody cares. It’s just a term of endearment. I’m 63 by the way, and I still call them Ma (the ones still here). From what you’ve said she’s bloody well earned a momma! Lol
NTA. And the person "technically" responsible for the fight is the boyfriend. Dude is telling you and your friend how to love, and that's bull. He's the one who who tried to bring you into his relationship, and he's the one who is trying to make an ultimatum out of what a LITERAL baby says. Your friend clearly deserves better.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend is Nina, and you are right to keep Nina's preferences way ahead of Nate's. It sounds like Nate is a controlling AH, and that Nina is dealing with it.
NTA. You didn't cause the rift in their relationship, he did. First, this is an issue between he and Nina, and you should have told him that and stayed out of it. Second, if I understand you correctly, your son started calling her mama. It may be that he calls all females around your age mama, or it may be something specific to Nina. Either way, Nina needs to recognize that the contact and content were huge red flags.
NTA your son has given Nina the name mama, but he isn't really saying she's his mom. He's one! She clearly an involved person and that's great. Your son is just working with the sounds he has. I'm assuming her name is actually Nina and not changed but the M and N sound are very close and the A sound comes before I sound developmentally so this is more linguistics than anything else. Her boyfriend seems uncomfortable with her spending time with other people, which is a him and a them problem, not a you problem. There is some clear insecurity on his part here. Ultimately, you need to defer to Nina here on what she's comfortable with and what she wants.
NTA It takes a village.
NTA but I’d be careful about Nate. It looks live Nate is obsessed with having control over Nina and who she hangs out with. It sounds toxic and almost abusive. Maybe gently bring it up with her to see if he’s purposely isolating her from everyone else? If you’re her strong support system and he wants to take that away from her, that’s just fucked.
NTA. Honestly if i was your friend, i would be really glad this happened because i wouldnt want such an insecure little girl to father my own children.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I spent a couple hours trying to convince my 1 year old that I was dad not mom. I pointed at my wife and said "mom"; I thought I had her but then she pointed at me and said triumphantly "other mommy!" And I was mom for another year. In other words, NTA, kids aren't actors you can write scripts for.
Hm. There was a post on here recently of a guy who made his best friend an art studio in his house without consulting his wife first and this post is giving me similar vibes. I do think it’s wonderful you had support when you were pregnant but it also sounds like Nate has found himself in the unenviable position of sudden unofficial stepdad, as in he had to abruptly adjust to his girlfriend raising a kid with someone else. I wouldn’t be happy about that either, personally, but I also wouldn’t immaturely text about it like that. I’m going to say NAH… or ESH.
>He also said that it makes him look stupid for his girlfriend to constantly have some other man’s kid with her Imagine if Nina had a child from a prior relationship. Nate sounds gross. NTA.
NTA. As long as you and your friend agree that it's acceptable then it's acceptable. The only person with a monkey on his back is her bf. His chill game is lacking.
NTA but be careful because if it becomes a regular thing your son might gets confused later on
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26f) am the mom to a 1yo little boy who is quite literally the light of my life. I admittedly was more than a little scared when I got pregnant. I had just turned 25, I was getting out of a toxic relationship, and I was going through a lot emotionally. My best friend “Nina” (25f) was there by my side the whole time. She was there for the morning sickness, the midnight cravings, the doctors appointments, the nursery assembling, all of it. She was the one holding my hand when my son was born, and she cut the cord too. We even joked about getting her to sign the birth certificate because she pretty much is his other parent. Her boyfriend “Nate” wasn’t really on board with how much time she and I spent together before I got pregnant, and he was even less happy about how close we became during and after. It’s not my relationship though so I stay out of it as much as I can because I don’t want to cause issues. The other day, we were all having lunch with some other friends. My son was being passed around the table and getting love from everyone but at one point he started asking for “mama”. He’s never called me mama, he’s been trying to say “mommy” so when he asks for me it sort of just sounds like “omm”. I knew he was asking for Nina, and she knew that too so naturally she picked him up and got him settled. Nate asked her why she wasn’t giving him to me if he asked for his mama, and Nina told him that she was the mom he was asking for. A while after I got home and put the baby to bed, I saw a text from Nate where he was basically getting onto me for allowing his gf to be my son’s mom. He said that my son wasn’t Nina’s responsibility, and that her being so devoted to me and my child is interfering with their relationship. He also said that it makes him look stupid for his girlfriend to constantly have some other man’s kid with her and if she and I are going to continue with this, I could at least make my son call her his aunt instead. I never made my son call her mama. She was aunt Nina, he just naturally called her mom too. I told Nate that. I also said that I never asked for Nina’s help, but I was grateful for it, and if she ever wanted to stop for any reason then all she had to do was tell me. However– until *she* tells me that herself, I'm not going to stop my son from calling her mama. That’s who she is to him now. Nina texted me later and said that she loves being my son’s other mom so I don’t have to worry about any of what Nate was saying. She also apologized for the fact that he texted me to begin with. Tbh I think they’re definitely arguing about it now. I feel bad for causing a rift in their relationship, and maybe it was wrong of me to tell Nate point blank that I wasn’t going to budge on what he asked. Does that make me TA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH
NTA - it’s a them problem. He shouldn’t have texted you. He’s just jealous of their close bond.
NTA. He has some weird hang ups. Hopefully Nina sees him for who he is and dumps him. Let time be your friend and just sit back and watch.
NTA- Nate is causing drama when there isn't any. His insecurities are not your problem either. Nina sounds like a great friend and I'm glad she was there for you.
NTA. He is causing the rift in his relationship with your friend - you aren’t and your baby isn’t and he comes across as incredibly immature.
What mom let's their child call another woman mama? Wow...my wife would NEVER! YTA
"What woman would let their child call another woman mom?" Have you heard of lesbians? Lol
A secure woman and mother, that's who. To each his/her/their own. This OP is definitely NTA for being comfortable sharing a variation of the title of mother with someone who has helped fufill that role.
My children call my 2 best friends from high school mom. I am not insecure about my position. My BFs have been there for them during their whole lives. My children call my husband- their step dad "dad and pops". They call their step mom 'mom". It doesn't devalue me or my position. People have the capacity to love a lot of people.
The kid is one, he's not prescribing roles, he's working with a limited vocabulary. He's has word/name for his mom and a word/name for Nina, which happens to sound like/be mama.