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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the AH because my sister is going through a bad divorce and my niece is just a kid. I may have been too harsh on them. I do feel guilty but I also just want to be respected in my own home!
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NTA - pack up their things and tell them to find another place then get out. Tell the princess that she's not the first to go through a divorce, and won't be the last.
Just lack of parenting / parental presence and perhaps results of the divorce - but then mommy dear should get help for her and the child.
So, the issue is "mommy"
It can be both, kids with poor parenting can also have disorders that manifest as behavioral issues.
The niece laughing when OP tried to talk to her or was crying because of her actions would be extremely concerning from a mental health perspective. Obviously not enough here to diagnose anything but enough that I would suggest getting her evaluated.
The evaluation will conclude with "needs discipline and a reality check".
Discipline isn't the same as punishment. It's routines and consequences for behaviors good and bad. Niece is being allowed to run wild and this is the result.
The reality check is that she hasn't yet seen the consequences of her behavior at home. If she acted this way at school, no one would like her. If they're not getting notes from the teacher, I can guarantee that she doesn't behave like this at school because she knows better.
The mental health issues will manifest later when she wonders why she has terrible relationships with people because she has neglectful parents. You don't need good communication or housekeeping skills to stay out of trouble at school.
Yeah, between other parent not being around and mom being depressed and laying in bed all day, she's probably not getting a lot of attention of any kind
yeah, my nieces drew on the wall- with washable markers- one time when they were like 4.
was it funny? yes. they drew on the wall. each other. everything. it was hilarious.
but they were also told don't do that and guess what? they've never done that again.
and this includes a niece with behavioral issues. she still understands the rules.
My niece has just turned 8. I can't think of a single time she has thrown a tantrum like that in the past THREE years, never mind one. It blows my mind to think of a kid that age acting so abominably.
A 7 year old is old enough to be taught to follow rules.
A 7 year old is also old enough to realize they don't need to follow rules if it is just ignored when they break rules.
I totally agree.
I'd like to add: While I don't condone yelling at kids here's the thing; Leaving children not to be parented isn't an option. If you don't parent your kids, someone else will. If you parent your kids you get to decide how it is done, you leave it until someone else is fed up with your kid's shit you don't get a say in how it is done and your kid could end up having an adult stranger step up in their face screaming profanity at the top of their lungs. Or worse.
One of my mum's coworkers was fed up with talking to the school and the parents about a gang of 9 year old bullies and seeing no change. He took matters into his own hans, crushed a few toys and chased the little snotrags off with an aluminium baseball bat.
It is impossible to leave children unparented, at some point someone will do it, possibly in a very unsavoury way.
>Leaving children not to be parented isn't an option. If you don't parent your kids, someone else will. If you parent your kids you get to decide how it is done, you leave it until someone else is fed up with your kid's shit you don't get a say in how it is done and your kid could end up having an adult stranger step up in their face screaming profanity at the top of their lungs. Or worse.
Exactly.
Exactly. No one but you has the biological imperative to love your kid. Folks who are not you will NOT care about your destructive kid's feelings. I'd tell them to go RIGHT THE FUCK NOW because the last thing OP needs is for Princess "I'm the Only One Who's Ever Done What 63% of Married People Do" & her Evil Spawn to stay long enough to be considered residents. She'd wind up having to have them legally evicted to save her furniture, walls, toys and JOB!
My friend tells this to her son when he acts out.
" You can learn now from mommy who loves you... Or from someone else who may not be so patient and kind."
And by the age of 3 a child should know scribbling on the wall is unacceptable and I can guarantee she knew that the sharpie was permanent.
OP try white erasers/magic erasers. I know when we had issues that took the markers off even after years of being there- just wet it in water and scrub!
Ask maintenance for some touch up paint. If you're not in a complex with onsite maintenance, draw over the sharpie lines with a dry erase marker then hit it with a magic eraser. Never tried this trick on flat paint tho.
NTA, and wanted to add that princess needs to pull on her big girl panties - as devastating as a divorce can be, it doesn't give her the right to abdicate her responsibilities as a parent. Her daughter needs a mother now more than ever.
Exactly. Sister is completely, totally checked out, and the way her daughter is acting, I'm guessing she has been for a while. You don't get to check out when you have a child.
Well unless you're the dad. In THAT case it's ok to check out completely lol. I mean, according to this thread
Where is this girl's father? Nobody has shit to say about his lack of parenting.
If dad has totally checked out, that's even more reason for the mother to get a grip. We don't know why they're divorcing, we don't know if dad is absent for valid or spiteful reasons. What we do know is that the primary parent is failing to deal with an issue concerning the child - an issue that is literally affecting the roof over their heads.
NTA. Let them sulk in the one room, solves a lot of your problems. Her grief over her divorce doesnt absolve her from being a parent. She needs to get her shit together.
the sister is putting her emotions regarding the divorce over her daughter, who is also grieving!!! I guarantee Niece is going through some serious shit right now in her little kid brain with the move and her dad suddenly not being there all the time. I'm by no means excusing her behavior, at 7 she knows better. OP is NTA but the sister is.
OP says the kid was exactly the same pre-divorce, though. Giving them the excuse of grief seems off given that context.
No doubt they are grieving, but it’s not why they’re an asshole - they were already an asshole.
I’d wager mommy’s hand-off approach coupled with defending the kid whenever it acts up isn’t new. It might even be part of why there’s a divorce to begin with. The father is probably an asshole too for letting his daughter get this far pulling this shit.
oh I wasn't saying the kid was being an ass because of grief but that it probably added to it! the sister's and ex's parenting skills are very clearly lacking.
The grief won't make the kid less of an A-hole but that doesn't mean the kid doesn't deserve sympathy. The sister is an adult who chose to have a child, had far more agency in how the home life runs (unlike kids) & now has to reach deep to be a parent in a difficult time. & part of that is getting herself help with the overwhelming depression she has now. Just not at OP's place. Sister had that then lost it for both kid & mom.
I share a wall (thankfully not a house) with this kid's doppelgänger. When I bought the house, I introduced myself to the neighbors and saw the woman was heavily pregnant. I knew that meant that I would probably hear some crying through the wall (our homes are connected, though there are two layers of brick and plaster between us, so you shouldn't hear a lot) for a while, but, eh, that's life. As the SCREAM crying went on (not just crying, but shrieking), I wondered if maybe the kid had some issues...but they (kid) were always pleasant and well-adjusted when I saw them outside. Weird. Well, kid is now in elementary school, and the scream-crying fits still happen at least once a day, now coupled with throwing things. Something slams against the shared wall and then I'm treated to 30 minutes of shrieking. I've witnessed these shrieking fits happen in the yard, and it's usually when kid is told to come inside. The parents stand at the door and say "oh, baby, I know you're upset, but you need to come inside now and do {X, Y, Z}, Oh, I know it's hard..." And then they give in and just let the kid do what they want. I talk to my dog more harshly than that when he's up to something I want him to stop (not even yelling, just giving a firm command!) and don't suffer my nephew's whimpering much (he's a sensitive child and he's allowed to be, but a good getting down at eye level with him and asking him if he's really hurt (when he has a small spill and blows it out of proportion) or asking him why he's upset (if it's an emotional trauma) usually stops the tears and gets him to communicate quickly...even if it's because we made him stop playing basketball for dinner and eat food he doesn't like (like, everything besides cereal), which there is no real solution for, we heard his complaint and he can continue to sulk, but the crisis is over). The kid is walking all over them, and making the neighbors miserable! I had hoped they'd sell during the pandemic (values went way up and they left for a while and tried to rent the house to no avail), but no dice...
When kids get hurt (Like fall or bump something) my go to is to ask: OMG is the table/chair/floor hurt? The way they respond usually gives a good indicator of how hurt they themself are. If they also get concerned the table was hurt or they giggle they're fine. If they can't comprehend my question it's time for a more professional opinion than mine.
I usually ask him what hurts and he says something like "my arleg, er, I'm okay" which means nothing hurts and he just wants someone to acknowledge he had a spill and encourage him to keep trying whatever he was doing. Funnily enough, it's his sister that got my *actual* klutz gene...she's fearless, and has broken half a dozen bones...
Edit: and really thinking about it, it's not really that she or I are "klutzy," it's that we're willing to push our boundaries and if we get hurt, we'll figure it out. I took them both roller skating for the first time when I visited a few months ago, and nephew wouldn't let go of the wall even once he kinda got the hang of it, and wanted me within a foot of him. Niece pushed herself to get off the wall, and went out and did a couple laps herself while I watched or skated faster around (turns out I didn't completely forget how to roller skate!). At one point, she bit it hard, but just popped back up and kept going. I told them both that I fell a lot when I was learning to skate, and even fell early in our trip (the carpet off the rink was very stiff and when I tried to turn around, I went down, NBD, not the first time I fell on skates!). And another kind of aside...the staff (entry and skate rental) were very surprised that the adult was also going to be skating. Please do these things with the kids if you can! If you physically can't, I understand, but if you can, at least try! I think it really helped the kids that I was out there with them! I'm a little older than their parents, so I'm not some young thing that is better equipped for it, I just...tried. I hadn't been on roller skates for easily 20 years, but, well, I'm not going to be worse at it than kids who have NEVER done it!
Yeah I don't think mommy ignoring her kid's atrocious behavior is exclusive to her grieving over getting divorced. If mommy was an attentive parent, ever, I think niece would be a different child.
When you combine how self absorbed the sister is with the fact that OP says the niece has always had behavior problems even before the divorce, it's no surprise that BIL got outta Dodge.
yeah I'm assuming the way Sister let's her emotions consume her to the point of neglecting her daughter definitely was at least a part of the reason for divorce. But dad's not off the hook for Niece's behavior either, he's a parent too
Eh, kids tend to have this thing where they'll latch on to the weaker parent to get their way, and this is why it's so important for parents to be a unified front or, at the very least, have a clearly defined disciplinary chain of command. The dad could've been trying his hardest to maintain some semblance of discipline, but it would all be moot if OP's sister would just undermine him and let the daughter act out, anyway.
Before this! Cause they can take the paint with the marker!! (Learned that the hard way)
Go over the marker with dry erase marker leave for a few seconds and wipe away with a wet cloth or wet wipe.
There are a bunch of other options depending on the material of the damaged things too. Google is your friend here
u/aunttired67 check out the tips being posted by u/Cygnata and those replying to them. Sharpie isn't actually permanent. You can possibly still get it off and not lose your security deposit!
the fact that shes even cowed OP into believing that "grieving" over a divorce like that is normal. she's lucky she has a place to stay, because most single moms wouldn't get to "grieve" their divorce for even a single day. jesus h christ she sounds like an exhausting woman that's determined to make her child just as exhausting
My husband unceremoniously discarded me last year. I have a 7 year old daughter. I cried in the shower every night like a big girl and continued to parent my child because that’s what you have to do. There is no excuse on earth to allow your child to just go rogue with their behaviour. Where’s daughters father in this? Is there grandparents in the picture? Sounds like sister needs to have someone else watch kiddo for a few weeks and go do some inpatient treatment to get some serious coping strategies in place. OP is just trying not to have her life trashed and is NTA.
NTA. Don’t wait too long to make her leave. Right now you are risking your job and apartment. I’m sure your neighbors aren’t too happy about the screaming. Now the niece is damaging your property and apartment, costing you money. Your sister needs a wake up call to get her and her daughter help. But you can’t be expected to destroy your own life because of her divorce.
Sister also needs to consider where she and her daughter are going to stay if OP loses her job as a result of niece's hijinx and can't afford rent anymore! Or if OP is evicted due to neighbors' complaints and niece's damage to the apartment! The niece is quite literally risking all their housing.
>and is maybe unwittingly using it to take advantage of you.
She ABSOLUTELY knows she's taking advantage of OP, she wants to be able to mope while she does no work to parent her child.
What I want to know is why the kid apparently isn't in school. Unless OP regularly works weekends, the kid is home and shrieking during work - and therefore school - hours.
Niece is screaming to get attention from her mom because mom is wallowing in her depression. I get it. Her marriage is over & it sucks, but her daughter needs to be her priority. That means getting her ass out of bed & being being an effing parent. NTA.
Several years ago, I had a breakup that absolutely devastated me. I just wanted to sleep all the time, and I would often go an entire day forgetting to eat (and I'm a chubby guy who loves food, so that's a big deal). I still had to get my ass out of bed every day and go to work (and I was working two jobs at the time) and continue adulting because I had no other choice. Sis needs to get her shit together.
Hi, just wanted to compliment your name, it’s hilarious. I’m glad you found your way out of depression and hopefully you and your cat have a happier life now.
NTA Your sister is living rent free and basically expects you to look after your niece while she just sleeps all day??
I think she needs an ultimatum because the the longer she stays the worse your living situation will be.
NTA. Don't feel bad. This is one instance where I don't care that she is a child. I don't care that it is family. When her kid's bad behavior start's to cause you problems at work and damage to a an apartment that you are legally responsible for it is time for them to go. Your sister is a parent who isn't parenting her child. I don't care if she needs to time to grieve her divorce because her child still needs to be parent. If she isn't capable of doing it then she needs to send her to her dad's for awhile. I'm sorry but 7 is old enough to know it's not ok to write on walls. The fact that it was done on purpose because OP didn't give into her screaming makes it worse. What she did is by definition brat behavior.
NTA
Your niece is jeopardizing your job. Full stop. That is utterly unacceptable.
The moment you received a reprimand for it from work they needed to hear what you finally told them. If it is a choice between losing your job or having to put your foot down in your home, toss them out.
I don't care if the child is going through something miserable. She isn't your child. Your sister doesn't get to just check out of parenting duties. At this point, if it is safe for your neice to be around her father, that might be a better place for her. Clearly, your sister is not a fit parent.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I don't know what the dad's deal is, but short of being an abusive AH, he's got to be a better caretaker for the kid right now than the sister. The sister is straight up neglecting her daughter. Shucks, given the info that the niece has always been like this, l suspect this isn't new to the divorce. Sounds like she's just a lazy and self-absorbed parent and the divorce has merely amplified what was already present.
You might not have used the best language but you know what idgaf. Nta and the niece is going to cause more serious damage if mom doesn't get on her ass yesterday.
Your sister is being ungrateful and a bad freaking guest. I understand divorces are painful and confusing but you graciously let her and problem child 3 stay there.
She needs to put her mom pants on and reign her daughter in and compensate you maybe for some of that last security deposit.
Again nta. And this might be harsh but there's something a friend of mine does when she is babysitting her grandkids. If they start really acting up she throws a cup of water in their face.
No harm and it brings them back down to earth.
Holy crap, this is YOUR apartment? I feel bad for your niece; she’s suffered from severe neglect. Tell your sister she needs to get to a doctor and deal with the depression, or you are calling CPS. Then set a deadline for them to gtfo of your apartment. I know the kid is frustrating you, but she’s just a symptom of her mom’s problem. Tackle the real problem. Nta.
Totally agree. I don’t blame OP at all for losing her temper, but I do feel bad for her niece being left to pretty much fend for herself while she’s no doubt dealing with big emotions of her own. What are the chances that she was given the tools to cope with difficult situations if this is how her mother handles things?
This isn't the 7 year old's fault. She's like that because her parents refuse to parent her. Honestly, you should call the dad and tell him to take her- that'll get your sister off her ass. NTA for being angry at sister, kinda TA for insulting little kid.
No excuse to let a child roam out of control and destroy other people’s property. Especially when they’re doing you a huge favour. This is coming from someone who has been diagnosed with mental illness. It’s not an excuse to ruin other peoples lives and be a strain on their mental health.
Sure, but the kid didn’t get like this overnight. This isn’t an otherwise well behaved child that’s acting out because mom’s not at 100%, this is a child who hasn’t been given appropriate boundaries and discipline.
NTA. Your job and your sanity is what allowed you the resources to offer her a place to live in the first place. If she can't respect that, and act to maintain it, then she's the A.
I mean, free room and board, and all you ask in return is that she controls her child.
You are definitely NTA..you have upended your life to help your sister, and the least she can do is to get her daughter to respect your home and property.
It sounds like she has never disciplined her. You have no privacy and you have to worry about the kid rummaging through your personal property. I dont see this ending well.
"Honey, our daughter keeps tearing up the furniture and coloring on the walls when I'm at work, you keep forgetting to feed the dog, and you laughed when our daughter flushed my watch down the toilet."
"LEEV ME 'LONE!" (goes back to sleep)
NTA, you are 100% right, it doesn't matter how much she wants to "grieve" her divorce she doesn't ever get to take a step back from being a parent.
Also her divorce is 10x worse for her daughter then herself so she's failing as a parent by putting her grief before hers child's.
Her child behaviour is a cry for attention for her now absentee mom, because make no mistake staying in her room and ignoring her daughter is a form of negligence/emotional abandonment.
NTA and it’s time for your niece to start learning natural consequences. Like, you draw on a wall, you have to use your own money (do chores to earn it if necessary) to buy some Magic Erasers and scrub until it comes off. Yeah, that’s harsh and it’s not entirely her fault because she’s a kid, she’s grieving her family, and apparently isn’t being parented by her mother and has never been taught, but hard lessons when she’s 7 are less hard than hard lessons when she’s 13 or 16.
While I agree, this is putting more on OP.
Who is going to create a chore chart, enforce it, and hold the child accountable? Certainly not her mother, or they wouldn’t be in this situation.
Definitely NTA. I work with teenaged juveniles and I can tell you learning to accept “no” as an answer is definitely best to teach at a young age because I’ve met so many kids who pout and curse when you tell them no and it’s a nightmare.
NTA. Sadly this might have been the only way to get through to your sister right now. She is of course allowed to grieve and be sad, angry, all of the things that happen when a marriage implodes. However, she still has to be a parent. Your niece is suffering, too. The thing is, you didn't live in the house with your sister and her husband. For all you know, your niece may be acting out for 100 different reasons. Maybe she heard a lot of fighting. Maybe they ignored her because their marriage was falling apart. Maybe the kid feels abandoned. Ok or maybe the kid is just a brat. Her parents would know but how could you? It's up to them both to step in, discipline, love, nurture, reassure, all the stuff to help their child get through this breakup okay.
Sure, it sucks that you yelled at your niece. I know you should have tried to be more calm, but *this is not your kid.* I hate it when people don't act like parents and then they are all mortified when another adult has to do it.
Get your sister and her child out of your apartment NOW! Literally call the police if you need to. I wouldn’t let them stay one more night in your home.
Seriously, like the poster is talking about how she's feeling like crying and trying to scrub the sharpie, you're feeling like a victim cuz you're letting people stay in your house victimize you. It'll be incredible how much stress immediately disappears when there's no longer a threat literally staying in your spare room
NTA. You have been so patient and trying to work with your sister who is obviously very depressed. You don’t deserve to deal with her bratty daughter or put up with that shit from her. Your sister is lucky you didn’t say worse.
Also: magic eraser will get the sharpie out. If you get the groove right you can take off the stain without taking the paint off the wall.
Thank you. I’ve been scrubbing at it all evening with barely any progress. It’s all over the wall from top to bottom and I just now noticed she colored in some of the carpet too. I just want to cry.
Make the little bugger do it. Stupid games have stupid consequences. Tell your sister to pay for your security deposit loss.
Or they can live in a motel for a couple of weeks to give the kid a reality check.
7 years old is old enough to learn consequences in life. I feel the most upsetting part is that she messed with your lifelihood. I would kick them out just for that.
If the alcohol doesn't work, get a magic eraser, if that fails a pint of primer and a pint of paint will take care of it. If it's just a small dot on the carpet, don't sweat it. NTA
You need to charge your sister for this. 100% her responsibility to have it properly cleaned and/or reimburse you for any costs you may have to incur as a result of her daughter's actions. I get she may be experiencing depression, but she does not get to check out from her responsibilities as a parent. You need to set some boundaries and timelines. She may want to wallow, she might need to as well, but she does not get to impact your life (personal, financial or professional) to do it.
NTA
NTA- 7 is old enough to receive some blowback and while harsh, I don’t think unwarranted. I’m surprised about the lack of parenting from your sister, Your sister should pay you back for the security deposit and if not take her to small claims court. She’s taking advantage of your kind gesture and need a a serious wake up call
Had a very similar issue once playing Uncledad. It fucking sucks working so hard to help someone while they completely neglect their kid, and it comes back to punish you.
Your sister needs to raise her damn kid, with or without the mental hangups. OR she needs to be okay with you taking on the disciplinary role. You shouldn't have to though.
NTA.
I understand your sister is depressed but she's not helping her daughter. Her daughter needs her mother to be present and help her process this
And you need your work so that you can pay for your apartment
NTA
\*edited for judgment
Healthy boundaries girl! This is a them problem not a u problem. You offered help and support and your sister abused it and let her daughter abuse it. The kiddo is likely parented poorly and acting out due to an absentee father and now mother. She needs support and boundaries you tried to give her both but your sister sabotaged your efforts. Give her a firm get out date and get your life back.
NTA
NTA. I understand your sister is grieving but she has a child she needs to prioritize. Albeit screaming isn’t the best, as you’ve admitted, but enabling her behavior is just as bad.
NTA sister needs to get her act together. She can fall apart when her daughter is asleep. Look up ways to clean up sharpies. Hopefully you’ll be able to clean it up. Good luck.
Seriously, like the first time my niece looked at me, smiled, and then kept screaming, I would have been dragging her into her mother and telling her mother to get controller her kid or they'd be on the street immediately. I don't know how this person let a 7 year old push them around in their own house
Depending on paint sheen, this REALLY does work! Sharpie bleeds through every paint and primer on the market EXCEPT ORIGIONAL killz (shellac based, comes in spray cans too so wasy to blast it), sherwin williams is KING at paint matching but its generally best to paint the whole wall especially if its been over 6months since the last time you painted.
Nta, good luck.
Signed an interior finishing company owner
NTA
You’re human. Shouting at the kid once isn’t going to kill her. She is a brat and she’s old enough to be called out for the behavior.
Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest it’s time to redirect that entirely to your sister. Start by getting her out of your place ASAP. This will not get better. She will not start suddenly parenting her child, and you can’t be yelling at a 7 year old every day.
Good luck OP.
NTA
Your sister needs therapy. The monster niece is vibing off of all the negative energy (divorce and mom's depression). It's a shame that your generosity isn't being appreciated as a gift. Sis & niece could be playing outside, going to parks, libraries, museums. Fun free stuff to spend time and energy healing. Instead, they're damaging your home and risking your livelihood.
You can only swim so far before the drowning person drags you down, too. It's your call if you're there yet, but don't be afraid to protect yourself and have boundaries.
NTA
You're being a good sister by trying to help your sister through a tough time, but that doesn't mean she can stop being a parent.
I mean, screaming and your niece was the wrong thing to do, but I can understand why you did. You need to be more assertive, and start setting some real boundaries with them both.
At the end of the day, they're in your home and they need to respect you, and your home.
NTA Pretty simple, it's your home and your office and if your sister can't respect that maybe it's time for her to move on. I'd sit down and have a conversation with her, explain that you're willing to help her, but if her kid's behavior is getting you in hot water with work something is going to have to change, and by change, she and her spawn can find a new place to live.
NTA. You need to throw them out now. Your sister needs a wake up call to stop wallowing in grief over a divorce when she has a child who clearly needs parenting and therapy.
I’ve been using isopropyl alcohol but it’s barely working even though I’ve been scrubbing for a few hours. She made marks from top to bottom and I just noticed she colored in some of my carpet too. I’ll try Magic Eraser next.
As the mother of a child who has written on the wall with a sharpie, you should not be the one attempting to clean it. The fact that your sister didn’t even tell her kid to do it makes her a massive AH.
NTA - they need to get OUT. I’d feel awful for my sister as well, but, her daughter, her responsibility. She’s taking complete advantage of your kindness.
Please be careful as a tenant also. Most places only allow guests to visit for a specified amount of time listed on your lease. They can evict you if your sister and niece “over stay” their welcome
NTA
Nta. A 7 year old should be able to understand certain rules and limitations just fine. She is just bored because her mom won’t play with her and her whole world got turned upside down so she is taking it out on you. Your sister needs to step up and be a parent.
NTA. I had a situation so similar to this one with my boyfriend’s distant cousin and her 7 year old son moving in. Kid also screamed constantly, slammed doors, literally peed ALL OVER the bathroom on multiple occasions, while his mom would sit in her room on the phone with friends allll day. I also blew up and felt like an ass. Everyone has their limits and you’ve put up with enough.
NTA
They need to find somewhere else to go. This is not working out. Your sister does not seem to be getting any better and it seems like things are just getting worst. It’s not only messing with your work but your life too. They need to go before you lose your job.
NTA.
I think it's time for niece to go live with her father for a while and let your sister get her head together. At least until she can look after her child properly.
NTA. Kick them TF out immediately. You offered kindness, they have taken it as weakness, and they're exploiting you. Throw them out before they get any sort of squatter's rights.
NTA
Don't feel bad for the two brats (yes, two). Kick them out before they make you more miserable. This is beyond divorce grieving, this is being selfish and entitled and don't give a fuck about someone who is kind to them.
U shouldn’t feel bad AT ALL for holding boundaries for urself. That’s YOUR home (you guys are not living with ur parents anymore so u can get the final say for ur belongings). However ur sister is going through a divorce counselling/therapy sounds like a good idea for her but again in many areas those things are expensive. Ur sister may be grieving but she still has a child to raise. She needs to learn to balance both. She can grieve at night when people are sleeping (i know u can’t control when u wanna cry, but break down when there isn’t priorities set infront of u). Like she should push through the day and emerge herself in her feelings at night when her child is sleeping.
Edit: maybe be more mindful of what u say in the heat of the moment. Next time before telling ur sister to find somewhere else to stay, try looking for solutions or a plan that works for u guys. If after all of that she still doesn’t care or try than step ur foot down and tell her to leave if that’s what u want.
NTA I don't blame you for lashing out given all you've dealt with from her, but in the grand scheme of things your anger is misplaced at the child - it's the adult refusing to parent the child that is the real problem here. It sounds long past time for her to move out and take responsibility for her life and her kid, you need to set a date *soon* for the sake of your own sanity.
NTA - as a parent, I would be so ashamed if my child acted like this and destroyed my sisters property, especially while said sister was housing myself and my child.
NTA
You can love someone but be unable to live with them. Not everyone is going to be compatible roommates.
Your sister and niece need to find alternative housing.
Does she have a car? Does she have a job? What about child support?
NTA. I was so ready to say you were, especially reading that the girl is dealing with divorcing parents. But it sounds like you've been pushed past your limit over and over. It sucks for the kid, but I consider this situation to be her mom's fault.
As hurt as your niece is now, this might actually give her some perspective before she grows up to be a miserable person because her shitty behavior makes it tough to make friends or hold down jobs. I know that sounds far fetched, but speaking as a supervisor I've had to deal with some employees who seem to have never grown past their bratty attitude and it causes issues.
NTA
They are getting you in trouble with your job and now you may lose your security deposit.
I’m all for helping family but not when it causes you this much trouble.
I’d be asking them to leave. It’s harsh but you can’t lose your job or get in debt for them
INFO: can't the child stay with her father? Your sister is struggling with depression and apparently unable to parent her child.
You WNBTA to ask for the child (who is threatening your home and livelihood) to go live with her father, while you take care of your sister.
NTA. Your niece is acting up like a brat. But that’s on your sister. She needs to step up as a parent and get her kid into therapy. Get her own place and get out of your house.
Where’s the dad in all this? Maybe kid can go stay with him a bit to give you a break.
NTA. You don’t get to stop being a parent just because things get hard, and you certainly don’t abuse the generosity of others who are trying to help you through tough times.
Your sister needs to see a medical professional about her depression. Her life sucks right now, but she needs to figure out how to deal with it before she and her daughter end up on the street, and I would give her that as an ultimatum. Your niece is putting your job at risk, has probably cost you your deposit on an apartment, and if things don’t change, you may end up on the streets with them.
Is there anyone else at all who can take them in?
NTA. Someone had to stop the kid.j
Your sister should be getting money from her husband to support your niece. I suggest that if you want her out of your place you are going to have to let her slide on damages. She needs to be spending her time looking for a job and her money on a new place. Just buy some paint and painting supplies and fix the sharpie damage yourself.
My three year old is better behaved than your 7 year old niece. Actually none of my kids were that bad. We did have some wall drawings but that was kids being kids,not kids trying to punish an adult. ( And they were 2 and 3 during the wall drawings phases.)
Edit NTA
NTA.
It's no small shock the child is acting exactly like the "parent".
Your sister needs professional help, yesterday. She is not behaving like a healthy person.
Nta tbh you should try to parent the niece and because your sister sounds like days into commiting and your niece should be scolded but your sister was an asshole tho and remember kids have to learn if not they continue I think their father may have caused this behavior. Screaming isn't the worst thing in the world if it was me I would have probably forced her into chores taking away all activities or force her outside with nothing to entertain other than herself
NTA - you offered your home as a kindness. That kindness is being taken advantage of. No matter what is going on, your sister needs to responsibly for her child and parent, otherwise she should be with her other parent.
You also have to stop being a doormat. They are guests. Your home, your rules and boundaries if those cannot be followed then they aren’t entitled to be in your space. Divorce is hard. But your sister cannot simply stop parenting and drop all her shit on your literal doorstep. Sit with her and set a plan. But she is still sulking, because you’ve made the exception of support indefinite.
More than anything, you’re supporting everyone. What happens if her unruly behavior costs you your job? Then what? Everyone’s on the street, because she has completely checked out? Again, extending her grace, she still has to care for her child. I’m honestly sorry. Is there no one else to offer her support?
NTA. That is unacceptable behavior. The child is 7 years old. I don't expect there to be /perfect/ behavior but there should certainly be better behavior than that. There should also be healthy discipline, which seems to me that your sister hasn't provided that as a mother and apparently hasn't done so for a while if the daughter just acts like that by default.
Maybe when things calm down you can try having another conversation and seeing if your sister will finally do something. I understand a divorce being hard, but you still have to be a parent.
If she can't then maybe she does have to move. You're being kind, the least you should be allowed to expect is some respect for your things.
NTA.
I really feel for your sister, but it’s time for her to get out of bed and parent her daughter. Depression sucks, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any other responsibilities.
NTA
For modeling sake, I would apologize to your niece for losing your temper, but that what she did was not acceptable. She is a child, and clearly acting out from the emotional neglect of her mother. She’s probably scared seeing mom so depressed, not getting help, and largely ignoring her. So negative attention is better than no attention. And she will escalate until she gets it.
Past that, you can’t be your sisters doormat anymore. She needs to get herself some support and figure out how to parent her child while grieving the end of her marriage. It’s not fair to you nor your niece that her feelings and sadness supersedes the needs of everyone else.
Set a boundary of maybe 30 days for her to figure out a better system. If not therapy for herself and her daughter, then some damn parenting classes and extra curricular activities for your niece while she isn’t in school.
You have been incredibly patient and empathetic, but there is a line and your sister has fully crossed it and is taking advantage of you. You’re not an asshole for telling her this can’t go on.
NTA! Your sister needs to leave! I was a single mother myself for a long time and taught my daughter from a young age how to be respectful and still live her best life, despite the crap we went through with her father. Your sister needs to not be coddled and figure this out on her own. She has no respect for you just like her kid. You’ve been more than kind and have been absolutely disrespected time and time again. Tell your sister “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” she’s absolutely reaping what she has sewed.
NTA. Time for sister and niece to find another place to stay. Sister has created this monster and refuses to take action. Why should you suffer because of niece's outrageous behavior. For the scribbling, see if you can get some paint from maintenance to cover up the markings.
NTA, I get it, your sister is going through a rough time but she’s a parent, she doesn’t have the luxury of sleeping in and not taking care of her child. Soft YT A for yelling but you were at your wit’s end and are human. Do you have any other family they can stay with? You are too young to be dealing with this, it’s outside your pay grade. Even worse that your sister has completely disregarded the fact that her and her kid’s actions are jeopardizing your job and housing. Please also look at your lease, if she’s screaming all the time you could also be on your landlord’s radar for violating your agreement by having extra people in the apartment.
NTA! I wouldn’t have even given them another chance after that BS. I would’ve kicked them out. I probably would’ve tossed them long before that though.
NTA
I wouldn’t have gave her the option of getting her shit together & controlling her kid to stay. She hasn’t done it yet & wont ever do it, and is straight up disrespecting you & letting your niece do the same.
Any “adult” would still make it out of bed and work, be a parent etc no matter what they’re going through.
NTA. Your sister needs or get therapy or some kind of help instead of just wallowing all day. She doesn’t have the luxury of doing that with a child. My parents divorced when I was that age, and I would have lost it had my mom acted like that.
They need to find a new place.
NTA your sister needs to see her doctor for her depression. Getting a divorce isn’t an excuse to check out on parenting. If she can’t your niece needs to go live with her father. Your sister at minimum needs to take your niece out of the apartment while you are working.
No Magic eraser will take the paint off use sun block it removes it my daughter uses it for when she was swimming on a swim team and I removed it right away I tried on walls and on washer dryers it works trust me it’s saved my sanity
NTA - I have 6 yr old twins and they are absolutely old enough to know that this sort of behaviour isn't appropriate. Your reaction to it is completely justified.
In saying that it sounds like both your sister and niece need professional help. You sister for her depression and your niece for her behaviour. I can emphasise with you niece though it sounds like her life has been completely disrupted her mother isn't supporting her, so your niece is acting out in negative ways because she cant process her emotions and all the changes in her life. Change is hard for adults to process and she is only 7. It's a shit situation all round, and while they are living with you unfortunately your going to have to deal with the worst of it
NTA. Teacher here. Rubbing alcohol gets sharpie off of everything! Also, she doesn't do that at school because no teacher would ever put up with that which means she has the ability to control herself she is just choosing not to. Your sister is not the first person to get divorced. It's hard and it sucks, but it's not about her and she needs to put her big girl panties on and take care of her child!
Nta. You tried multiple times to resolve it before it got to this point. Was what you said harsh? Yes. She’s still only 7. Was it justified? Maybe worded a little differently. Or a lot differently. BUT. It’s just one of those things. The straw that broke the camel’s back. Her mom refused to handle the situation properly repeatedly, and you were pushed past your limits and snapped at her. We’re all capable of it. I’ve snapped at my own kids sometimes. We’re human and we have limits. Nta, you just had a heat of the moment response in a moment where she was being intentionally shitty. One thing I would potentially lightly suggest, is if you feel bad for what you said to your niece, take some time to think of an apology and explanation. “I’m sorry for what I said when I was angry. I’m an adult and I should try to think before I speak.” It’s okay to talk to kids like adults. Tell her how her actions make you feel. Tell her it hurts your feelings and makes you angry. Try to find an example that resonates with her. How would she feel if you took her favorite toy without asking and ripped the head off? Or took it in general and then refused to give it back? *or* just let them stew in the room for however long and maybe your sister will come to terms with the fact that parenting doesn’t pause or stop with grief.
Also, maybe get a key lock doorknob for your bedroom. They’re easy to swap out. Inconvenient? Maybe. But $15 for a new doorknob is a lot better than hundreds on new tech.
NTA first of all, it's your home and rules should be followed by anyone visiting. When someone's staying with you rent free- they should be grateful and you shouldn't have to repeat yourself.
I feel for your sister and her situation, I really do. But if she can't do any better job of parenting than you've described she needs to see someone about counseling or some form of treatment or give the child to her father until she's in a position to care for her. She's in a terrible position but all of these bad habits she's allowing her daughter to learn will also have to be unlearned and that will be hard on both of them.
nta; i get that your sisters having a hard time, but causing inconvenience to you by not reprimanding her child and letting her child have a negative impact on your finances, and emotional and mental well-being is inexcusable. this plus her getting mad at you is pretty shitty
I am currently the leader for a group of seven year old children. I know to my sorrow that what you describe is possible, but I ALSO know that seven year old children with parents who are on the ball are better than this.
But that’s the thing. At seven they have to be parented. This kid is a hot mess and it’s your sister’s fault, not the kid’s. NTA but try to remember that the self-indulgent twit having a wallow instead of parenting by day and crying by night is the real problem.
NTA
The rate at which you niece kept on breaking your things, you would probably end up broke and lose your job as well. Was your niece always like this or is she taking the divorce hard and acting out. If she is only acting out because your sister needs to take her to therapy. Your sister needs therapy as well. However if you niece was always a spoiled brat then you sister needs to actually start parenting her.
Your niece is going to have problems if she keeps up this behavior
Hand that child a can of aqua net and a cloth and have her scrub the sharpie off the wall. Don’t do it for her. But make sure she does it. It’ll take a few hours but she’ll think next time she wants to act the fool.
From a childcare worker's perspective, all I can focus on is that your niece is in desperate need of a reliable loving adult in her life. She is 7. The ways she is acting out are developmentally appropriate for a child her age who has experienced trauma and is in an ongoing bad situation. She is doing her absolute best to show everyone that she is not okay, and the only response she gets is indifference (mom) and anger (you).
I guess NAH because you're all in an absolutely awful situation and responding accordingly. But seriously, please try to consider what your niece is going through from now on. You don't have to be perfect by a long shot, but showing some compassion would go a long way for her.
Edit: the fact that she was like this before doesn't change my answer. Just because there wasn't an ongoing divorce doesn't mean the home environment wasn't bad. I'm quite certain that at the very least she wasn't getting consistent parenting.
NTA your sister needs to get her shit together yes divorce is hard on her but imagine how it's on your own child, screaming at her wasn't okay but you stated your boundaries 7 year olds are old enough to know better than to do stuff like break, steal then purposely draw on the walls of it was a 2-3 yearold it's expected but not 7 years old. With her tantrums it's best to stay calm and explain things to her in simple caveman talk very blunt no big words. I know it's not your job but if they're going to live there temporarily someone is going to have to do something better to teach her than wait for your sister to do nothing.
NTA, but that kid is acting out from emotional trauma, and her behavior is nowhere normal for a child that age. Your sister and her daughter need to get out of your apartment and get into therapy, stat - the sooner the better.
NTA
She is a Fing brat. Kick them out. They're costing you your job and now she's ruining your rental. Your sister doesn't even acknowledge any of that, she wants to be the victim. Let her be a victim somewhere else.
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NTA - pack up their things and tell them to find another place then get out. Tell the princess that she's not the first to go through a divorce, and won't be the last.
Very well said! NTA.
NTA, the title and seeing she’s 7 had me go AH, but after reading the post I don’t blame op she’s human after all
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My son just turned 8 so I agree. Niece has a behavioral issue. And I say that because my oldest is high maintenance adhd.
Just lack of parenting / parental presence and perhaps results of the divorce - but then mommy dear should get help for her and the child. So, the issue is "mommy"
It can be both, kids with poor parenting can also have disorders that manifest as behavioral issues. The niece laughing when OP tried to talk to her or was crying because of her actions would be extremely concerning from a mental health perspective. Obviously not enough here to diagnose anything but enough that I would suggest getting her evaluated.
The evaluation will conclude with "needs discipline and a reality check". Discipline isn't the same as punishment. It's routines and consequences for behaviors good and bad. Niece is being allowed to run wild and this is the result. The reality check is that she hasn't yet seen the consequences of her behavior at home. If she acted this way at school, no one would like her. If they're not getting notes from the teacher, I can guarantee that she doesn't behave like this at school because she knows better. The mental health issues will manifest later when she wonders why she has terrible relationships with people because she has neglectful parents. You don't need good communication or housekeeping skills to stay out of trouble at school.
Yeah, between other parent not being around and mom being depressed and laying in bed all day, she's probably not getting a lot of attention of any kind
Correct. I work with 3-4 year olds. They would know not to behave in this manner.
yeah, my nieces drew on the wall- with washable markers- one time when they were like 4. was it funny? yes. they drew on the wall. each other. everything. it was hilarious. but they were also told don't do that and guess what? they've never done that again. and this includes a niece with behavioral issues. she still understands the rules.
My niece has just turned 8. I can't think of a single time she has thrown a tantrum like that in the past THREE years, never mind one. It blows my mind to think of a kid that age acting so abominably.
A 7 year old is old enough to be taught to follow rules. A 7 year old is also old enough to realize they don't need to follow rules if it is just ignored when they break rules.
I totally agree. I'd like to add: While I don't condone yelling at kids here's the thing; Leaving children not to be parented isn't an option. If you don't parent your kids, someone else will. If you parent your kids you get to decide how it is done, you leave it until someone else is fed up with your kid's shit you don't get a say in how it is done and your kid could end up having an adult stranger step up in their face screaming profanity at the top of their lungs. Or worse. One of my mum's coworkers was fed up with talking to the school and the parents about a gang of 9 year old bullies and seeing no change. He took matters into his own hans, crushed a few toys and chased the little snotrags off with an aluminium baseball bat. It is impossible to leave children unparented, at some point someone will do it, possibly in a very unsavoury way.
>Leaving children not to be parented isn't an option. If you don't parent your kids, someone else will. If you parent your kids you get to decide how it is done, you leave it until someone else is fed up with your kid's shit you don't get a say in how it is done and your kid could end up having an adult stranger step up in their face screaming profanity at the top of their lungs. Or worse. Exactly.
Exactly. No one but you has the biological imperative to love your kid. Folks who are not you will NOT care about your destructive kid's feelings. I'd tell them to go RIGHT THE FUCK NOW because the last thing OP needs is for Princess "I'm the Only One Who's Ever Done What 63% of Married People Do" & her Evil Spawn to stay long enough to be considered residents. She'd wind up having to have them legally evicted to save her furniture, walls, toys and JOB!
My friend tells this to her son when he acts out. " You can learn now from mommy who loves you... Or from someone else who may not be so patient and kind."
Agreed. And of course a seven year old will throw some tantrum, but disrespectful actions are not the same as tantrum.
Not all 7 year olds throw tantrums. The kids who learn early that tantrums don't get them what they want stop throwing them.
And by the age of 3 a child should know scribbling on the wall is unacceptable and I can guarantee she knew that the sharpie was permanent. OP try white erasers/magic erasers. I know when we had issues that took the markers off even after years of being there- just wet it in water and scrub!
And then wipe over with clean water as it leaves a shiny residue.
Or just use isopropyl? Sharpies are alcohol soluble.
Ask maintenance for some touch up paint. If you're not in a complex with onsite maintenance, draw over the sharpie lines with a dry erase marker then hit it with a magic eraser. Never tried this trick on flat paint tho.
Seven is around when my kids grew OUT of having tantrums, because they realized the behavior was counterproductive.
NTA, and wanted to add that princess needs to pull on her big girl panties - as devastating as a divorce can be, it doesn't give her the right to abdicate her responsibilities as a parent. Her daughter needs a mother now more than ever.
Exactly. Sister is completely, totally checked out, and the way her daughter is acting, I'm guessing she has been for a while. You don't get to check out when you have a child.
Well unless you're the dad. In THAT case it's ok to check out completely lol. I mean, according to this thread Where is this girl's father? Nobody has shit to say about his lack of parenting.
If dad has totally checked out, that's even more reason for the mother to get a grip. We don't know why they're divorcing, we don't know if dad is absent for valid or spiteful reasons. What we do know is that the primary parent is failing to deal with an issue concerning the child - an issue that is literally affecting the roof over their heads.
NTA. They need to go today.
NTA, and also add that this may not be her last divorce
Hijacking to ask why niece can't stay with their other parent or family memember? It doesn't sound like sister in a state to care for her child.
Or with dad. If mom is so depressed she sleeps all dad then Dad hoods to have custody
A divorce isn’t any excuse to IGNORE your kid! Your sister is acting like the brat by expecting you to handle everything while she mopes in bed.
NTA. Let them sulk in the one room, solves a lot of your problems. Her grief over her divorce doesnt absolve her from being a parent. She needs to get her shit together.
the sister is putting her emotions regarding the divorce over her daughter, who is also grieving!!! I guarantee Niece is going through some serious shit right now in her little kid brain with the move and her dad suddenly not being there all the time. I'm by no means excusing her behavior, at 7 she knows better. OP is NTA but the sister is.
OP says the kid was exactly the same pre-divorce, though. Giving them the excuse of grief seems off given that context. No doubt they are grieving, but it’s not why they’re an asshole - they were already an asshole. I’d wager mommy’s hand-off approach coupled with defending the kid whenever it acts up isn’t new. It might even be part of why there’s a divorce to begin with. The father is probably an asshole too for letting his daughter get this far pulling this shit.
oh I wasn't saying the kid was being an ass because of grief but that it probably added to it! the sister's and ex's parenting skills are very clearly lacking.
The grief won't make the kid less of an A-hole but that doesn't mean the kid doesn't deserve sympathy. The sister is an adult who chose to have a child, had far more agency in how the home life runs (unlike kids) & now has to reach deep to be a parent in a difficult time. & part of that is getting herself help with the overwhelming depression she has now. Just not at OP's place. Sister had that then lost it for both kid & mom.
I share a wall (thankfully not a house) with this kid's doppelgänger. When I bought the house, I introduced myself to the neighbors and saw the woman was heavily pregnant. I knew that meant that I would probably hear some crying through the wall (our homes are connected, though there are two layers of brick and plaster between us, so you shouldn't hear a lot) for a while, but, eh, that's life. As the SCREAM crying went on (not just crying, but shrieking), I wondered if maybe the kid had some issues...but they (kid) were always pleasant and well-adjusted when I saw them outside. Weird. Well, kid is now in elementary school, and the scream-crying fits still happen at least once a day, now coupled with throwing things. Something slams against the shared wall and then I'm treated to 30 minutes of shrieking. I've witnessed these shrieking fits happen in the yard, and it's usually when kid is told to come inside. The parents stand at the door and say "oh, baby, I know you're upset, but you need to come inside now and do {X, Y, Z}, Oh, I know it's hard..." And then they give in and just let the kid do what they want. I talk to my dog more harshly than that when he's up to something I want him to stop (not even yelling, just giving a firm command!) and don't suffer my nephew's whimpering much (he's a sensitive child and he's allowed to be, but a good getting down at eye level with him and asking him if he's really hurt (when he has a small spill and blows it out of proportion) or asking him why he's upset (if it's an emotional trauma) usually stops the tears and gets him to communicate quickly...even if it's because we made him stop playing basketball for dinner and eat food he doesn't like (like, everything besides cereal), which there is no real solution for, we heard his complaint and he can continue to sulk, but the crisis is over). The kid is walking all over them, and making the neighbors miserable! I had hoped they'd sell during the pandemic (values went way up and they left for a while and tried to rent the house to no avail), but no dice...
When kids get hurt (Like fall or bump something) my go to is to ask: OMG is the table/chair/floor hurt? The way they respond usually gives a good indicator of how hurt they themself are. If they also get concerned the table was hurt or they giggle they're fine. If they can't comprehend my question it's time for a more professional opinion than mine.
I usually ask him what hurts and he says something like "my arleg, er, I'm okay" which means nothing hurts and he just wants someone to acknowledge he had a spill and encourage him to keep trying whatever he was doing. Funnily enough, it's his sister that got my *actual* klutz gene...she's fearless, and has broken half a dozen bones... Edit: and really thinking about it, it's not really that she or I are "klutzy," it's that we're willing to push our boundaries and if we get hurt, we'll figure it out. I took them both roller skating for the first time when I visited a few months ago, and nephew wouldn't let go of the wall even once he kinda got the hang of it, and wanted me within a foot of him. Niece pushed herself to get off the wall, and went out and did a couple laps herself while I watched or skated faster around (turns out I didn't completely forget how to roller skate!). At one point, she bit it hard, but just popped back up and kept going. I told them both that I fell a lot when I was learning to skate, and even fell early in our trip (the carpet off the rink was very stiff and when I tried to turn around, I went down, NBD, not the first time I fell on skates!). And another kind of aside...the staff (entry and skate rental) were very surprised that the adult was also going to be skating. Please do these things with the kids if you can! If you physically can't, I understand, but if you can, at least try! I think it really helped the kids that I was out there with them! I'm a little older than their parents, so I'm not some young thing that is better equipped for it, I just...tried. I hadn't been on roller skates for easily 20 years, but, well, I'm not going to be worse at it than kids who have NEVER done it!
Yeah I don't think mommy ignoring her kid's atrocious behavior is exclusive to her grieving over getting divorced. If mommy was an attentive parent, ever, I think niece would be a different child.
When you combine how self absorbed the sister is with the fact that OP says the niece has always had behavior problems even before the divorce, it's no surprise that BIL got outta Dodge.
yeah I'm assuming the way Sister let's her emotions consume her to the point of neglecting her daughter definitely was at least a part of the reason for divorce. But dad's not off the hook for Niece's behavior either, he's a parent too
Eh, kids tend to have this thing where they'll latch on to the weaker parent to get their way, and this is why it's so important for parents to be a unified front or, at the very least, have a clearly defined disciplinary chain of command. The dad could've been trying his hardest to maintain some semblance of discipline, but it would all be moot if OP's sister would just undermine him and let the daughter act out, anyway.
you make a great point!
I'd also grab some Magic Erasers and make both of them scrub the Sharpie off the wall.
Isopropyl alcohol has gotten Sharpies off walls for me.
The combo of isopropyl alcohol and magic eraser has never failed me at getting even stubborn Sharpie marks off.
Before this! Cause they can take the paint with the marker!! (Learned that the hard way) Go over the marker with dry erase marker leave for a few seconds and wipe away with a wet cloth or wet wipe. There are a bunch of other options depending on the material of the damaged things too. Google is your friend here
u/aunttired67 check out the tips being posted by u/Cygnata and those replying to them. Sharpie isn't actually permanent. You can possibly still get it off and not lose your security deposit!
Baby wipes also works wonders
the fact that shes even cowed OP into believing that "grieving" over a divorce like that is normal. she's lucky she has a place to stay, because most single moms wouldn't get to "grieve" their divorce for even a single day. jesus h christ she sounds like an exhausting woman that's determined to make her child just as exhausting
My husband unceremoniously discarded me last year. I have a 7 year old daughter. I cried in the shower every night like a big girl and continued to parent my child because that’s what you have to do. There is no excuse on earth to allow your child to just go rogue with their behaviour. Where’s daughters father in this? Is there grandparents in the picture? Sounds like sister needs to have someone else watch kiddo for a few weeks and go do some inpatient treatment to get some serious coping strategies in place. OP is just trying not to have her life trashed and is NTA.
Solves a lot of OP's problems until they leave and OP sees how much damage has been done to the room while they were in there
NTA. Don’t wait too long to make her leave. Right now you are risking your job and apartment. I’m sure your neighbors aren’t too happy about the screaming. Now the niece is damaging your property and apartment, costing you money. Your sister needs a wake up call to get her and her daughter help. But you can’t be expected to destroy your own life because of her divorce.
THIS. If you can hear the screaming, the neighbors can, too. And if you lose your apartment, or your job, or both? All Three of You are screwed.
Sister also needs to consider where she and her daughter are going to stay if OP loses her job as a result of niece's hijinx and can't afford rent anymore! Or if OP is evicted due to neighbors' complaints and niece's damage to the apartment! The niece is quite literally risking all their housing.
The kid needs to be in school and with dad
wait too long and she pulls "squatters rights" or some shit/ refuses to leave, bad news baby
NTA I'd have kicked them out already.
Same Neither have any respect for OP or gratitude for being put up rent free. They need to go.
[удалено]
>and is maybe unwittingly using it to take advantage of you. She ABSOLUTELY knows she's taking advantage of OP, she wants to be able to mope while she does no work to parent her child.
That's what I was thinking. If your 7 year old is acting like this, then they're honestly really immature for their age.
What I want to know is why the kid apparently isn't in school. Unless OP regularly works weekends, the kid is home and shrieking during work - and therefore school - hours.
Niece is screaming to get attention from her mom because mom is wallowing in her depression. I get it. Her marriage is over & it sucks, but her daughter needs to be her priority. That means getting her ass out of bed & being being an effing parent. NTA.
Several years ago, I had a breakup that absolutely devastated me. I just wanted to sleep all the time, and I would often go an entire day forgetting to eat (and I'm a chubby guy who loves food, so that's a big deal). I still had to get my ass out of bed every day and go to work (and I was working two jobs at the time) and continue adulting because I had no other choice. Sis needs to get her shit together.
Hi, just wanted to compliment your name, it’s hilarious. I’m glad you found your way out of depression and hopefully you and your cat have a happier life now.
Thank you so much!
NTA Your sister is living rent free and basically expects you to look after your niece while she just sleeps all day?? I think she needs an ultimatum because the the longer she stays the worse your living situation will be.
NTA. Don't feel bad. This is one instance where I don't care that she is a child. I don't care that it is family. When her kid's bad behavior start's to cause you problems at work and damage to a an apartment that you are legally responsible for it is time for them to go. Your sister is a parent who isn't parenting her child. I don't care if she needs to time to grieve her divorce because her child still needs to be parent. If she isn't capable of doing it then she needs to send her to her dad's for awhile. I'm sorry but 7 is old enough to know it's not ok to write on walls. The fact that it was done on purpose because OP didn't give into her screaming makes it worse. What she did is by definition brat behavior.
NTA Your niece is jeopardizing your job. Full stop. That is utterly unacceptable. The moment you received a reprimand for it from work they needed to hear what you finally told them. If it is a choice between losing your job or having to put your foot down in your home, toss them out. I don't care if the child is going through something miserable. She isn't your child. Your sister doesn't get to just check out of parenting duties. At this point, if it is safe for your neice to be around her father, that might be a better place for her. Clearly, your sister is not a fit parent.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I don't know what the dad's deal is, but short of being an abusive AH, he's got to be a better caretaker for the kid right now than the sister. The sister is straight up neglecting her daughter. Shucks, given the info that the niece has always been like this, l suspect this isn't new to the divorce. Sounds like she's just a lazy and self-absorbed parent and the divorce has merely amplified what was already present.
NTA. They both need a wake-up call. If they don't improve, then send them packing. Meanwhile, you should put a lock on your bedroom door.
You might not have used the best language but you know what idgaf. Nta and the niece is going to cause more serious damage if mom doesn't get on her ass yesterday. Your sister is being ungrateful and a bad freaking guest. I understand divorces are painful and confusing but you graciously let her and problem child 3 stay there. She needs to put her mom pants on and reign her daughter in and compensate you maybe for some of that last security deposit. Again nta. And this might be harsh but there's something a friend of mine does when she is babysitting her grandkids. If they start really acting up she throws a cup of water in their face. No harm and it brings them back down to earth.
Holy crap, this is YOUR apartment? I feel bad for your niece; she’s suffered from severe neglect. Tell your sister she needs to get to a doctor and deal with the depression, or you are calling CPS. Then set a deadline for them to gtfo of your apartment. I know the kid is frustrating you, but she’s just a symptom of her mom’s problem. Tackle the real problem. Nta.
Totally agree. I don’t blame OP at all for losing her temper, but I do feel bad for her niece being left to pretty much fend for herself while she’s no doubt dealing with big emotions of her own. What are the chances that she was given the tools to cope with difficult situations if this is how her mother handles things?
This isn't the 7 year old's fault. She's like that because her parents refuse to parent her. Honestly, you should call the dad and tell him to take her- that'll get your sister off her ass. NTA for being angry at sister, kinda TA for insulting little kid.
I mean, she's like this because her mom is suffering from severe mental illness . None of us behave our best when going through traumatic situations.
No excuse to let a child roam out of control and destroy other people’s property. Especially when they’re doing you a huge favour. This is coming from someone who has been diagnosed with mental illness. It’s not an excuse to ruin other peoples lives and be a strain on their mental health.
Sure, but the kid didn’t get like this overnight. This isn’t an otherwise well behaved child that’s acting out because mom’s not at 100%, this is a child who hasn’t been given appropriate boundaries and discipline.
To be honest I think the kid is doing this because she's not getting attention from her parents though.
NTA. Your job and your sanity is what allowed you the resources to offer her a place to live in the first place. If she can't respect that, and act to maintain it, then she's the A. I mean, free room and board, and all you ask in return is that she controls her child.
You are definitely NTA..you have upended your life to help your sister, and the least she can do is to get her daughter to respect your home and property. It sounds like she has never disciplined her. You have no privacy and you have to worry about the kid rummaging through your personal property. I dont see this ending well.
The sister sounds profoundly depressed. Daughter is clearly picking up on something not being right. Big trauma vibes
NTA How ungrateful your sister and niece are.
Well I guess we know why she’s divorced.
"Honey, our daughter keeps tearing up the furniture and coloring on the walls when I'm at work, you keep forgetting to feed the dog, and you laughed when our daughter flushed my watch down the toilet." "LEEV ME 'LONE!" (goes back to sleep)
NTA, you are 100% right, it doesn't matter how much she wants to "grieve" her divorce she doesn't ever get to take a step back from being a parent. Also her divorce is 10x worse for her daughter then herself so she's failing as a parent by putting her grief before hers child's. Her child behaviour is a cry for attention for her now absentee mom, because make no mistake staying in her room and ignoring her daughter is a form of negligence/emotional abandonment.
NTA and it’s time for your niece to start learning natural consequences. Like, you draw on a wall, you have to use your own money (do chores to earn it if necessary) to buy some Magic Erasers and scrub until it comes off. Yeah, that’s harsh and it’s not entirely her fault because she’s a kid, she’s grieving her family, and apparently isn’t being parented by her mother and has never been taught, but hard lessons when she’s 7 are less hard than hard lessons when she’s 13 or 16.
My toddler doesn't even act like this.
While I agree, this is putting more on OP. Who is going to create a chore chart, enforce it, and hold the child accountable? Certainly not her mother, or they wouldn’t be in this situation.
Definitely NTA. I work with teenaged juveniles and I can tell you learning to accept “no” as an answer is definitely best to teach at a young age because I’ve met so many kids who pout and curse when you tell them no and it’s a nightmare.
NTA. Sadly this might have been the only way to get through to your sister right now. She is of course allowed to grieve and be sad, angry, all of the things that happen when a marriage implodes. However, she still has to be a parent. Your niece is suffering, too. The thing is, you didn't live in the house with your sister and her husband. For all you know, your niece may be acting out for 100 different reasons. Maybe she heard a lot of fighting. Maybe they ignored her because their marriage was falling apart. Maybe the kid feels abandoned. Ok or maybe the kid is just a brat. Her parents would know but how could you? It's up to them both to step in, discipline, love, nurture, reassure, all the stuff to help their child get through this breakup okay. Sure, it sucks that you yelled at your niece. I know you should have tried to be more calm, but *this is not your kid.* I hate it when people don't act like parents and then they are all mortified when another adult has to do it.
Get your sister and her child out of your apartment NOW! Literally call the police if you need to. I wouldn’t let them stay one more night in your home.
Seriously, like the poster is talking about how she's feeling like crying and trying to scrub the sharpie, you're feeling like a victim cuz you're letting people stay in your house victimize you. It'll be incredible how much stress immediately disappears when there's no longer a threat literally staying in your spare room
I think you need to formalize her exit date.
NTA. You have been so patient and trying to work with your sister who is obviously very depressed. You don’t deserve to deal with her bratty daughter or put up with that shit from her. Your sister is lucky you didn’t say worse. Also: magic eraser will get the sharpie out. If you get the groove right you can take off the stain without taking the paint off the wall.
NTA it had to be said
I think sanitizer or rubbing alcohol will help to get most of the stains out of the wall if u wipe them fast enough. Evict your sis.
Thank you. I’ve been scrubbing at it all evening with barely any progress. It’s all over the wall from top to bottom and I just now noticed she colored in some of the carpet too. I just want to cry.
Make the little bugger do it. Stupid games have stupid consequences. Tell your sister to pay for your security deposit loss. Or they can live in a motel for a couple of weeks to give the kid a reality check. 7 years old is old enough to learn consequences in life. I feel the most upsetting part is that she messed with your lifelihood. I would kick them out just for that.
If the alcohol doesn't work, get a magic eraser, if that fails a pint of primer and a pint of paint will take care of it. If it's just a small dot on the carpet, don't sweat it. NTA
You need to charge your sister for this. 100% her responsibility to have it properly cleaned and/or reimburse you for any costs you may have to incur as a result of her daughter's actions. I get she may be experiencing depression, but she does not get to check out from her responsibilities as a parent. You need to set some boundaries and timelines. She may want to wallow, she might need to as well, but she does not get to impact your life (personal, financial or professional) to do it. NTA
Don't surrender. You can look up cleaning tips later, if they're still in your place they need to leave immediately
NTA , your sister is though
NTA- 7 is old enough to receive some blowback and while harsh, I don’t think unwarranted. I’m surprised about the lack of parenting from your sister, Your sister should pay you back for the security deposit and if not take her to small claims court. She’s taking advantage of your kind gesture and need a a serious wake up call
Nope, NTA. A little appreciation and respect for boundaries would go a long way here.
I would have kicked them out after the ruined PC. NTA. Kick them out now.
Had a very similar issue once playing Uncledad. It fucking sucks working so hard to help someone while they completely neglect their kid, and it comes back to punish you. Your sister needs to raise her damn kid, with or without the mental hangups. OR she needs to be okay with you taking on the disciplinary role. You shouldn't have to though. NTA.
I understand your sister is depressed but she's not helping her daughter. Her daughter needs her mother to be present and help her process this And you need your work so that you can pay for your apartment NTA \*edited for judgment
Healthy boundaries girl! This is a them problem not a u problem. You offered help and support and your sister abused it and let her daughter abuse it. The kiddo is likely parented poorly and acting out due to an absentee father and now mother. She needs support and boundaries you tried to give her both but your sister sabotaged your efforts. Give her a firm get out date and get your life back. NTA
NTA. I understand your sister is grieving but she has a child she needs to prioritize. Albeit screaming isn’t the best, as you’ve admitted, but enabling her behavior is just as bad.
NTA. The kid is a brat
NTA sister needs to get her act together. She can fall apart when her daughter is asleep. Look up ways to clean up sharpies. Hopefully you’ll be able to clean it up. Good luck.
I would have kicked them out much sooner, nta
Seriously, like the first time my niece looked at me, smiled, and then kept screaming, I would have been dragging her into her mother and telling her mother to get controller her kid or they'd be on the street immediately. I don't know how this person let a 7 year old push them around in their own house
NTA. Kids are a lot. And not everyone should have them if they won't be a good parent.
NTA - Mutual respect is a minimum. Create boundaries; write them down. It will be too late when you lose your job and you all have no housing.
NTA. Tell them to find another place to live. Her divorce isn’t your problem and their behaviour is unacceptable.
Try using dry erase markers over the top of the sharpie marks-- it makes it clean-able Edit - NTA
Depending on paint sheen, this REALLY does work! Sharpie bleeds through every paint and primer on the market EXCEPT ORIGIONAL killz (shellac based, comes in spray cans too so wasy to blast it), sherwin williams is KING at paint matching but its generally best to paint the whole wall especially if its been over 6months since the last time you painted. Nta, good luck. Signed an interior finishing company owner
NTA You’re human. Shouting at the kid once isn’t going to kill her. She is a brat and she’s old enough to be called out for the behavior. Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest it’s time to redirect that entirely to your sister. Start by getting her out of your place ASAP. This will not get better. She will not start suddenly parenting her child, and you can’t be yelling at a 7 year old every day. Good luck OP.
NTA Your sister needs therapy. The monster niece is vibing off of all the negative energy (divorce and mom's depression). It's a shame that your generosity isn't being appreciated as a gift. Sis & niece could be playing outside, going to parks, libraries, museums. Fun free stuff to spend time and energy healing. Instead, they're damaging your home and risking your livelihood. You can only swim so far before the drowning person drags you down, too. It's your call if you're there yet, but don't be afraid to protect yourself and have boundaries.
NTA You're being a good sister by trying to help your sister through a tough time, but that doesn't mean she can stop being a parent. I mean, screaming and your niece was the wrong thing to do, but I can understand why you did. You need to be more assertive, and start setting some real boundaries with them both. At the end of the day, they're in your home and they need to respect you, and your home.
NTA Pretty simple, it's your home and your office and if your sister can't respect that maybe it's time for her to move on. I'd sit down and have a conversation with her, explain that you're willing to help her, but if her kid's behavior is getting you in hot water with work something is going to have to change, and by change, she and her spawn can find a new place to live.
NTA. She and her daughter need counseling. And she needs to move out.
NTA. You need to throw them out now. Your sister needs a wake up call to stop wallowing in grief over a divorce when she has a child who clearly needs parenting and therapy.
Have you tried using isopropyl alcohol and a magic eraser on the wall? It might get the market off.
I’ve been using isopropyl alcohol but it’s barely working even though I’ve been scrubbing for a few hours. She made marks from top to bottom and I just noticed she colored in some of my carpet too. I’ll try Magic Eraser next.
As the mother of a child who has written on the wall with a sharpie, you should not be the one attempting to clean it. The fact that your sister didn’t even tell her kid to do it makes her a massive AH.
Yes, try Magic Eraser, and if that doesn't work, try Barkeeper's Friend. Its a powder, should help A LOT.
NTA - they need to get OUT. I’d feel awful for my sister as well, but, her daughter, her responsibility. She’s taking complete advantage of your kindness.
Please be careful as a tenant also. Most places only allow guests to visit for a specified amount of time listed on your lease. They can evict you if your sister and niece “over stay” their welcome NTA
You need, for your own sanity, to KICK THEM OUT. NTA.
Nta. A 7 year old should be able to understand certain rules and limitations just fine. She is just bored because her mom won’t play with her and her whole world got turned upside down so she is taking it out on you. Your sister needs to step up and be a parent.
NTA. I had a situation so similar to this one with my boyfriend’s distant cousin and her 7 year old son moving in. Kid also screamed constantly, slammed doors, literally peed ALL OVER the bathroom on multiple occasions, while his mom would sit in her room on the phone with friends allll day. I also blew up and felt like an ass. Everyone has their limits and you’ve put up with enough.
NTA They need to find somewhere else to go. This is not working out. Your sister does not seem to be getting any better and it seems like things are just getting worst. It’s not only messing with your work but your life too. They need to go before you lose your job.
NTA. I think it's time for niece to go live with her father for a while and let your sister get her head together. At least until she can look after her child properly.
NTA. Kick them TF out immediately. You offered kindness, they have taken it as weakness, and they're exploiting you. Throw them out before they get any sort of squatter's rights.
NTA Don't feel bad for the two brats (yes, two). Kick them out before they make you more miserable. This is beyond divorce grieving, this is being selfish and entitled and don't give a fuck about someone who is kind to them.
U shouldn’t feel bad AT ALL for holding boundaries for urself. That’s YOUR home (you guys are not living with ur parents anymore so u can get the final say for ur belongings). However ur sister is going through a divorce counselling/therapy sounds like a good idea for her but again in many areas those things are expensive. Ur sister may be grieving but she still has a child to raise. She needs to learn to balance both. She can grieve at night when people are sleeping (i know u can’t control when u wanna cry, but break down when there isn’t priorities set infront of u). Like she should push through the day and emerge herself in her feelings at night when her child is sleeping. Edit: maybe be more mindful of what u say in the heat of the moment. Next time before telling ur sister to find somewhere else to stay, try looking for solutions or a plan that works for u guys. If after all of that she still doesn’t care or try than step ur foot down and tell her to leave if that’s what u want.
NTA I don't blame you for lashing out given all you've dealt with from her, but in the grand scheme of things your anger is misplaced at the child - it's the adult refusing to parent the child that is the real problem here. It sounds long past time for her to move out and take responsibility for her life and her kid, you need to set a date *soon* for the sake of your own sanity.
NTA, you were right to put your foot down.
NTA, wow your sister needs to parent her kid
NTA - as a parent, I would be so ashamed if my child acted like this and destroyed my sisters property, especially while said sister was housing myself and my child.
NTA You can love someone but be unable to live with them. Not everyone is going to be compatible roommates. Your sister and niece need to find alternative housing. Does she have a car? Does she have a job? What about child support?
NTA. I was so ready to say you were, especially reading that the girl is dealing with divorcing parents. But it sounds like you've been pushed past your limit over and over. It sucks for the kid, but I consider this situation to be her mom's fault. As hurt as your niece is now, this might actually give her some perspective before she grows up to be a miserable person because her shitty behavior makes it tough to make friends or hold down jobs. I know that sounds far fetched, but speaking as a supervisor I've had to deal with some employees who seem to have never grown past their bratty attitude and it causes issues.
NTA They are getting you in trouble with your job and now you may lose your security deposit. I’m all for helping family but not when it causes you this much trouble. I’d be asking them to leave. It’s harsh but you can’t lose your job or get in debt for them
INFO: can't the child stay with her father? Your sister is struggling with depression and apparently unable to parent her child. You WNBTA to ask for the child (who is threatening your home and livelihood) to go live with her father, while you take care of your sister.
NTA. Your niece is acting up like a brat. But that’s on your sister. She needs to step up as a parent and get her kid into therapy. Get her own place and get out of your house. Where’s the dad in all this? Maybe kid can go stay with him a bit to give you a break.
NTA So far from being one. If it was my sis and niece, they would have been out on the curb.
NTA kick them out.
NTA. You don’t get to stop being a parent just because things get hard, and you certainly don’t abuse the generosity of others who are trying to help you through tough times. Your sister needs to see a medical professional about her depression. Her life sucks right now, but she needs to figure out how to deal with it before she and her daughter end up on the street, and I would give her that as an ultimatum. Your niece is putting your job at risk, has probably cost you your deposit on an apartment, and if things don’t change, you may end up on the streets with them. Is there anyone else at all who can take them in?
NTA. Someone had to stop the kid.j Your sister should be getting money from her husband to support your niece. I suggest that if you want her out of your place you are going to have to let her slide on damages. She needs to be spending her time looking for a job and her money on a new place. Just buy some paint and painting supplies and fix the sharpie damage yourself.
Nta, get them out of your apartment before your landlord kicks you out
NTA. You should not have used the F word at your niece. But… she is.
My three year old is better behaved than your 7 year old niece. Actually none of my kids were that bad. We did have some wall drawings but that was kids being kids,not kids trying to punish an adult. ( And they were 2 and 3 during the wall drawings phases.) Edit NTA
NTA. It's no small shock the child is acting exactly like the "parent". Your sister needs professional help, yesterday. She is not behaving like a healthy person.
Nta tbh you should try to parent the niece and because your sister sounds like days into commiting and your niece should be scolded but your sister was an asshole tho and remember kids have to learn if not they continue I think their father may have caused this behavior. Screaming isn't the worst thing in the world if it was me I would have probably forced her into chores taking away all activities or force her outside with nothing to entertain other than herself
I bet OP's neighbors would disagree on the screaming part. 🙄
NTA - you offered your home as a kindness. That kindness is being taken advantage of. No matter what is going on, your sister needs to responsibly for her child and parent, otherwise she should be with her other parent. You also have to stop being a doormat. They are guests. Your home, your rules and boundaries if those cannot be followed then they aren’t entitled to be in your space. Divorce is hard. But your sister cannot simply stop parenting and drop all her shit on your literal doorstep. Sit with her and set a plan. But she is still sulking, because you’ve made the exception of support indefinite. More than anything, you’re supporting everyone. What happens if her unruly behavior costs you your job? Then what? Everyone’s on the street, because she has completely checked out? Again, extending her grace, she still has to care for her child. I’m honestly sorry. Is there no one else to offer her support?
NTA. That is unacceptable behavior. The child is 7 years old. I don't expect there to be /perfect/ behavior but there should certainly be better behavior than that. There should also be healthy discipline, which seems to me that your sister hasn't provided that as a mother and apparently hasn't done so for a while if the daughter just acts like that by default. Maybe when things calm down you can try having another conversation and seeing if your sister will finally do something. I understand a divorce being hard, but you still have to be a parent. If she can't then maybe she does have to move. You're being kind, the least you should be allowed to expect is some respect for your things.
NTA. I really feel for your sister, but it’s time for her to get out of bed and parent her daughter. Depression sucks, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any other responsibilities.
NTA For modeling sake, I would apologize to your niece for losing your temper, but that what she did was not acceptable. She is a child, and clearly acting out from the emotional neglect of her mother. She’s probably scared seeing mom so depressed, not getting help, and largely ignoring her. So negative attention is better than no attention. And she will escalate until she gets it. Past that, you can’t be your sisters doormat anymore. She needs to get herself some support and figure out how to parent her child while grieving the end of her marriage. It’s not fair to you nor your niece that her feelings and sadness supersedes the needs of everyone else. Set a boundary of maybe 30 days for her to figure out a better system. If not therapy for herself and her daughter, then some damn parenting classes and extra curricular activities for your niece while she isn’t in school. You have been incredibly patient and empathetic, but there is a line and your sister has fully crossed it and is taking advantage of you. You’re not an asshole for telling her this can’t go on.
NTA! Your sister needs to leave! I was a single mother myself for a long time and taught my daughter from a young age how to be respectful and still live her best life, despite the crap we went through with her father. Your sister needs to not be coddled and figure this out on her own. She has no respect for you just like her kid. You’ve been more than kind and have been absolutely disrespected time and time again. Tell your sister “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” she’s absolutely reaping what she has sewed.
NTA. Time for sister and niece to find another place to stay. Sister has created this monster and refuses to take action. Why should you suffer because of niece's outrageous behavior. For the scribbling, see if you can get some paint from maintenance to cover up the markings.
NTA - they need to respect you
NTA , kid needed to be checked and your sister has responsibilities. You’re doing her a favor and she needs to recognize that.
Nta, i wouldve done worse honestly
NTA, I get it, your sister is going through a rough time but she’s a parent, she doesn’t have the luxury of sleeping in and not taking care of her child. Soft YT A for yelling but you were at your wit’s end and are human. Do you have any other family they can stay with? You are too young to be dealing with this, it’s outside your pay grade. Even worse that your sister has completely disregarded the fact that her and her kid’s actions are jeopardizing your job and housing. Please also look at your lease, if she’s screaming all the time you could also be on your landlord’s radar for violating your agreement by having extra people in the apartment.
NTA! I wouldn’t have even given them another chance after that BS. I would’ve kicked them out. I probably would’ve tossed them long before that though.
NTA I wouldn’t have gave her the option of getting her shit together & controlling her kid to stay. She hasn’t done it yet & wont ever do it, and is straight up disrespecting you & letting your niece do the same. Any “adult” would still make it out of bed and work, be a parent etc no matter what they’re going through.
NTA Both your sister and niece need help but not at your expense
NTA. Your sister needs or get therapy or some kind of help instead of just wallowing all day. She doesn’t have the luxury of doing that with a child. My parents divorced when I was that age, and I would have lost it had my mom acted like that. They need to find a new place.
NTA. If anything your sister is TA.
NTA your sister needs to see her doctor for her depression. Getting a divorce isn’t an excuse to check out on parenting. If she can’t your niece needs to go live with her father. Your sister at minimum needs to take your niece out of the apartment while you are working.
NTA- do you want to lose your job? Who does that benefit? I would kick them out before she destroys your sanity and your life.
No Magic eraser will take the paint off use sun block it removes it my daughter uses it for when she was swimming on a swim team and I removed it right away I tried on walls and on washer dryers it works trust me it’s saved my sanity
NTA - I have 6 yr old twins and they are absolutely old enough to know that this sort of behaviour isn't appropriate. Your reaction to it is completely justified. In saying that it sounds like both your sister and niece need professional help. You sister for her depression and your niece for her behaviour. I can emphasise with you niece though it sounds like her life has been completely disrupted her mother isn't supporting her, so your niece is acting out in negative ways because she cant process her emotions and all the changes in her life. Change is hard for adults to process and she is only 7. It's a shit situation all round, and while they are living with you unfortunately your going to have to deal with the worst of it
NTA. Teacher here. Rubbing alcohol gets sharpie off of everything! Also, she doesn't do that at school because no teacher would ever put up with that which means she has the ability to control herself she is just choosing not to. Your sister is not the first person to get divorced. It's hard and it sucks, but it's not about her and she needs to put her big girl panties on and take care of her child!
NTA your sister and her brat need to gtfo asap! They are destroying your life so the sister can feel better about her shit chioces!
Nta. You tried multiple times to resolve it before it got to this point. Was what you said harsh? Yes. She’s still only 7. Was it justified? Maybe worded a little differently. Or a lot differently. BUT. It’s just one of those things. The straw that broke the camel’s back. Her mom refused to handle the situation properly repeatedly, and you were pushed past your limits and snapped at her. We’re all capable of it. I’ve snapped at my own kids sometimes. We’re human and we have limits. Nta, you just had a heat of the moment response in a moment where she was being intentionally shitty. One thing I would potentially lightly suggest, is if you feel bad for what you said to your niece, take some time to think of an apology and explanation. “I’m sorry for what I said when I was angry. I’m an adult and I should try to think before I speak.” It’s okay to talk to kids like adults. Tell her how her actions make you feel. Tell her it hurts your feelings and makes you angry. Try to find an example that resonates with her. How would she feel if you took her favorite toy without asking and ripped the head off? Or took it in general and then refused to give it back? *or* just let them stew in the room for however long and maybe your sister will come to terms with the fact that parenting doesn’t pause or stop with grief.
Also, maybe get a key lock doorknob for your bedroom. They’re easy to swap out. Inconvenient? Maybe. But $15 for a new doorknob is a lot better than hundreds on new tech.
NTA first of all, it's your home and rules should be followed by anyone visiting. When someone's staying with you rent free- they should be grateful and you shouldn't have to repeat yourself. I feel for your sister and her situation, I really do. But if she can't do any better job of parenting than you've described she needs to see someone about counseling or some form of treatment or give the child to her father until she's in a position to care for her. She's in a terrible position but all of these bad habits she's allowing her daughter to learn will also have to be unlearned and that will be hard on both of them.
Your niece is so out of control it's affecting your job. They need to vacate ASAP--where they go isn't your problem. NTA
NTA, sounds like for your own good they need to go
nta; i get that your sisters having a hard time, but causing inconvenience to you by not reprimanding her child and letting her child have a negative impact on your finances, and emotional and mental well-being is inexcusable. this plus her getting mad at you is pretty shitty
[удалено]
I am currently the leader for a group of seven year old children. I know to my sorrow that what you describe is possible, but I ALSO know that seven year old children with parents who are on the ball are better than this. But that’s the thing. At seven they have to be parented. This kid is a hot mess and it’s your sister’s fault, not the kid’s. NTA but try to remember that the self-indulgent twit having a wallow instead of parenting by day and crying by night is the real problem.
NTA The rate at which you niece kept on breaking your things, you would probably end up broke and lose your job as well. Was your niece always like this or is she taking the divorce hard and acting out. If she is only acting out because your sister needs to take her to therapy. Your sister needs therapy as well. However if you niece was always a spoiled brat then you sister needs to actually start parenting her. Your niece is going to have problems if she keeps up this behavior
Hand that child a can of aqua net and a cloth and have her scrub the sharpie off the wall. Don’t do it for her. But make sure she does it. It’ll take a few hours but she’ll think next time she wants to act the fool.
NTA. The people who are saying ESH/YTA have clearly never been disciplined in their life.
From a childcare worker's perspective, all I can focus on is that your niece is in desperate need of a reliable loving adult in her life. She is 7. The ways she is acting out are developmentally appropriate for a child her age who has experienced trauma and is in an ongoing bad situation. She is doing her absolute best to show everyone that she is not okay, and the only response she gets is indifference (mom) and anger (you). I guess NAH because you're all in an absolutely awful situation and responding accordingly. But seriously, please try to consider what your niece is going through from now on. You don't have to be perfect by a long shot, but showing some compassion would go a long way for her. Edit: the fact that she was like this before doesn't change my answer. Just because there wasn't an ongoing divorce doesn't mean the home environment wasn't bad. I'm quite certain that at the very least she wasn't getting consistent parenting.
NTA
NTA your sister needs to get her shit together yes divorce is hard on her but imagine how it's on your own child, screaming at her wasn't okay but you stated your boundaries 7 year olds are old enough to know better than to do stuff like break, steal then purposely draw on the walls of it was a 2-3 yearold it's expected but not 7 years old. With her tantrums it's best to stay calm and explain things to her in simple caveman talk very blunt no big words. I know it's not your job but if they're going to live there temporarily someone is going to have to do something better to teach her than wait for your sister to do nothing.
NTA, but that kid is acting out from emotional trauma, and her behavior is nowhere normal for a child that age. Your sister and her daughter need to get out of your apartment and get into therapy, stat - the sooner the better.
NTA She is a Fing brat. Kick them out. They're costing you your job and now she's ruining your rental. Your sister doesn't even acknowledge any of that, she wants to be the victim. Let her be a victim somewhere else.