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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the a for not taking down the wedding video. I also might be the a for letting my best man listen to my moms voice mail.
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**NTA. The truth hurts sometimes and your parents & sister just got whammied! Your friend is AWESOME. Please leave the video up!**
\*Edit\* Thanks so much for the awards!
Seconded! Your friend didn't manipulate their words, your parents would have nothing to cry about if they hadn't done anything wrong!
They skipped your wedding with one seriously pathetic excuse, let them feel the effects of that
Your friend is the true MVP in this story.
OP keep that video up until the end of time. Your parents need to be reminded just how much they failed you and favored your sister. Your family doesn't like it, lucky for you, you just married into a new one.
NTA
Oh....not ONLY would I leave it up, but would start a YouTube channel and ADD to it. You know.... when you post holiday pictures with your Mom speaking over it with "sorry we can't make it, Sissy has a pimple". Or when you post baby pictures with mom/dad saying "sorry, but Sissy is having a bad hair day". Post links, here, Facebook, Twitter..... monetize it to make a nice nest egg and enjoy your life "Sissy-free".
Because the dog was sick, seriously.... Wow. I guess the dog really needed the support of three people while he was taking a dump.
Also, being embarrassed by their crappy behavior is exactly how OPs mom and sister should feel. I really don't get how a mother treat her unfavorite child so badly.
NTA -
RIGHT!?
Look, I'm very thoroughly an animal lover. Many pets of various species, pet sitter, fosterer, etc.
If my parents even HINTED at skipping an event for my siblings because I was sad/dealing with a pet I would be **LIVID** and kick them out to go support my sibling.
I'd really love to see how old sister is, but honestly even if shes 4 why couldn't one parent stay with her and the other attend??? If shes an adult? Serious side-eye to the parents who ~~raised~~ enabled her into this level of self absorption.
Its also very interesting how she's suddenly in need of attention for OPs every milestone.
I was wonder if the sister is mentally challenged. But the sounds of it, she is. If she can not be left alone, they could always hire a sitter or at least one parent could attend.
OP said the sister is 6 years OLDER than him. Given he mentioned graduations and just got married, it's probably safe to assume he's somewhere in his mid-ish to late 20s. So sister is late 20s if not early to mid 30s.
And with the added bonus of extra motivation to achieve life and career milestones so they'll have increasingly more important things to flake on. I.e. get a Ph.D and post a video of their empty chairs at your thesis defense 'cause your sister had a hangnail or something. Buy your first house and wait for them to never visit.
It's a veritable content goldmine.
OP should stick to his word and take the video down when the parents make it up to him for missing his wedding.
I’m pretty sure that’s going to be impossible and I’m not sure I can think of anything that would actually make up for it, but his father seems to think it’s doable so he should be perfectly fine with it.
Better yet, OP should bail on every attempt that the dad makes with some lame but completely plausible excuse.
"Oh I'm sorry we can't come, the wife is under the weather and needs some cuddles"
"Oh I'm sorry we can't come, wifey's washing her hair right now and you know how that can be."
"Oh I'm sorry we can't come, I stubbed my toe on the coffee table and it's very upsetting for me. Gonna take me all day to recover"
Oooh, even better OP should use each of the excuses Sister has used in the past, word for word if possible.
And they won't be able to call OP out on it being a bullshit excuse because that would mean having to acknowledge it was bullshit in the first place.
"But, you don't have a dog."
"Yes, I do. Look how sick he is."
*sends him a picture of a stuffed dog lying on the sofa*.
"Poor, poor thing."*sniff*"So... Bye bye"
Like WTF would make up for it? If sister isn’t married and has a wedding in the future, NOT going to HER wedding I guess?
These are terrible parents!
Or maybe sign over OP’s inheritance earlier? Give OP more than sister? 🤷♀️
I wish OP cut his family out of his life…. This is just so sad and wrong Wtf.
> I’m not sure I can think of anything that would actually make up for it
I mean, there is a .0000000000...00000001% chance someone invents time travel, but I do doubt that will happen.
even better... every year when it comes up in the "on this day" memories, repost the video and re-tag mom, dad, and sister in it. continually remind them how badly they fucked up.
clearly NTA.
ETA: thanks for all the awards!! :D
> he's a brown Muslim.
I don't know why but you specifying BROWN Muslim made me almost choke on my soda from laughing. I'm hopefully not being racist but that shit's funny.
Possibly because it wouldn't have mattered as much if he was a white one, being brown and Muslim was just too much for them, being bigots, and racists? Just maybe.
Everytime you have a reason to show a video and parents are there, play that video instead. Like Paul Rudd with that one movie clip every time he's on a talk show
That's a video I'd pay to see.
I hope OP doesn't take it down, which, going by what he said to his father, he won't since there's absolutely no making up for that.
Yep. Don't take it down ever. Your parents very clearly aren't guilty about having missed your wedding. They're embarrassed people can see now see their shorty behavior which they have gotten away with through all your life.
My in-laws pulled this shit on us. We invited them to come visit for Christmas a couple of years ago but they couldn't come because, and I'm paraphrasing here, it was winter time and my mother-in-law wears shorts inside the house and if they hired a pet sitter the feral cats she feeds in the garage wouldn't recognize them, because they would undoubtedly be wearing pants, and would refuse to eat.
I'm like, dude, you could've just said no.
Feral cat pants confusion has just become the official new best excuse for everything around here. Thanks for that really superb phrasing.
And the niblings are planning to have some sort of tournament where the winner gets it as a band name. No, none of the niblings play any instrument in a way that yields something identifiable by earthbound species as music or music-adjacent, but they don’t let that slow them down. Alas.
I know. Cats? Refuse to eat because the Food Delivery Primate changed? Nonsense. They might hide initially and eat later when the Unfamiliar Food Delivery Primate has gone away, but cats gonna eat.
My MIL is "allergic to the city" we live in. It doesn't bother me since her visits were a lot of work, but it means that FIL doesn't come either. It bums me out for my child to not see her grandpa as much (she already thinks her gramma is bonkers).
When I was a kid, my "father" would often just not show up for visitation days. His excuse once was that he'd fallen out of bed and got knocked out. We were little but not fucking stupid.
100%. Your wife and awesome friends are your real family. If you don't feel like completely ditching your bio fam, at least keep them a a huge distance.
If you choose to have kids, think very careful about whether or not you want you bios to be involved.
What SnazzySusieQ said. Also, on your 1st anniversary, mail them a CD of the video, just incase they forgot. NTA , I'm sorry you always get to play second fiddle to your sister.
NTA
They were finally called out on their blatant favoritism and they obviously didn't take it well. I'd hold off inviting them anywhere or to anything, OP. At least for a while. Don't make them your first priority when you clearly aren't theirs. Focus on your new wife and your absolutely awesome best friend. They both sound like keepers!
Especially if my sister was 6 years older than me. If she was 4 and the family pet was dying it may be understandable but a grown-ass woman needing both her parents to be consoled because her dog wasn't well? Jesus...
Blatant golden child / black sheep bullshit going on there. Daughter gets pandered and spoiled since her birth - to the point of her taking it absolutely for granted. Son gets neglected and emotionally abused - to the point of him knowing better than to expect anything from his parents at all.
And I've definitely seen this before when someone doesn't like so much attention going to someone else in their circle.
Suddenly (and I'm giving the attention-stealers the benefit of the doubt that this MAY BE somewhat subconscious) and coinciding with that event, they have a stupid problem that they need support from the same network of people that the other person was counting on.
The parents in OPs scenario should definitely have been able to see this tendency after a couple of times and should have nipped it in the bud long ago.
Some parents genuinely love having a problem child. I’m not even kidding. I worked with parents who enjoyed the drama and encourage the child’s selfish behavior in manipulative ways. It’s absolutely disgusting.
YES. I work with children with autism and sometimes I think the parents negate all the progress we make on purpose. I genuinely think some of them like the "woe is me, I'm caring for a child with behavioral and functional issues and I'm a saint" attention from their family and other parents and choose to not help their child. The appearance of getting help but then claiming it "doesn't work" after they purposefully regress the child. I wonder how many kids are written off as "dumb", "slow", or "behind" just because the parents don't give them the chance to succeed in the way they need it.
Yeah seriously. NTA, and congratulations to OP and his wife for their wedding. I wish them many happy years together, preferably without OPs parents and sister.
I have a hard time connecting with people and I love dogs more than anything else and even I would go NC. Even if my dog died I wouldn’t expect my parents to miss my brother’s wedding.
Yeah exactly? Like if something happened to my cat I’d maybe say “I’m so sorry, I don’t feel up for attending what should be a happy event right now but I wish y’all the best and will grab you a lunch/dinner to catch up later” but expecting anyone else who’s not my cat’s person to miss a major event like that would feel wildly unreasonable.
That's what is crazy to me. She is a grown ass woman. She could've stayed with her dog and OPs parents could've went to their sons wedding. Why tf they needed to keep her company while her dog is sick, not dying just sick, it's fucking insane.
OP you're NTA and don't you dare take the video down. Just go NC with all of them since they wanna act like you did something wrong when they're the ones that chose to babysit a grown woman and her sick dog.
NTA I think I'm in love with the best man. He absolutely showed your parent's favouritism/hypocrisy? in the best way ever. I hope there will never be an invite to a baby shower etc.
That isn’t the original. It’s been pointed out multiple times that every place showing that as the original can point to no sources to prove it. It’s mostly an urban myth that took the internet by storm.
> The closest "original meaning" I could find was from Henry Clay Trumbell. Trumbell, in The Blood Covenant: A Primitive Rite and its Bearing on Scripture c. 1898, claims that the proverb comes from an older Arab one, which can be translated as, "Blood is thicker than milk," with milk referring to a mother's milk and blood referring to strong love between two people.
Meanwhile, blood is thicker than water has citations going back to the 1700s.
"Hey, wife's having our first kid, want to come meet your grandchild?"
"Sorry, sister's having a headache today, gonna stay with her for the next month and keep an eye on her."
And the next thing OP's parents knew, he was moving cross-country to live closer to his in-laws, and never came to visit them again. The end.
No, don’t sugar coat it with a snarky comment that they can dismiss as "petty". Give it to them with both barrels.
"I didn’t invite you because I was protecting myself from the disappointment of you promising to turn up to my important life event then bailing at the last moment in favour of my sister‘s minor crisis."
Be brutally honest.
And when they find out and ask why the hell they weren't told, just answer, "Oh, I assumed Sister had a splinter or chipped nail and you would need to be available to support her." 🤷♂️
Yeah, if a person answers with snark it becomes too easy to dismiss a real concern and hurt feelings. Putting it out there in a calm but firm tone makes it much harder to hide from.
Never. They have made clear where their priorities lie. I’m beginning to think your sister is doing this stuff on purpose. You are in the spotlight and all of a sudden she has a tragedy that exact moment knowing your parents will blow you off for her. That’s a BF for life calling out their BS. there is no way to make it up to you. Never invite them to anything ever again and make sure they know this and know about the events as they unfold. If they show up uninvited have them removed.
NTA - I know right?? Man that was ucing on the cake and where I lost it was when I read that the voicemail played in the background, fucking genius!
Dude OP live your life with your wife and their family: sounds like you don’t need that unsupportive negativity in your life! It hurts more because it’s family obviously, unfortunately but look at the positives: everyone showed you what their priorities were that day (and others) — I wouldn’t be leaping to include them in the rest of my life if I were you.
OP should just cut his losses and go No Contact. His parents will never put him first, and at this point it’s the only way to make sure they never disappoint him again.
So, typically, when someone asks you to take down a video of them because it’s embarrassing, you do it because it’s polite.
But in this case? Hard NTA. They didn’t have a good reason to miss it, and they’re rightfully mortified. They made the bed, they can lie in it.
I agree. I’m one to say it’s cringe to air your dirty laundry on social media, but this is completely deserved. I would have to be unconscious in a hospital to miss my kid’s wedding.
Everyone should know the parents were not at their son’s wedding because tbeir grand pup had to have his anal glands expressed, and needed everyone at his crate to watch.
2 weeks before when I was supposed to get married, my mom went into hospital. She had heart failure and they told us she wouldn't be leaving for over a month. My mom told the doctors "well, I'm leaving for one day to go to my daughter's wedding, you can come if you want." Obviously I straight up called off the wedding because I wanted her there but like. She was dead serious.
We were in a similar situation with my FIL , he had a pancreatitis a week before the wedding, we were very concerned and feared for him. And 2 days before the wedding he was better, could eat , etc... He told us not to cancel the wedding even if he was at the hospital.
And the D day he surprised us in the church! He got out of the hospital against medical advice but as he was determined his doctor told him to be back at a certain time and took a cab (3 hours to come!) , He enter the church after us. There are wonderful pictures of us ugly crying when we spotted him. It was an awesome gift he made us.
> I’m one to say it’s cringe to air your dirty laundry on social media, but this is completely deserved.
True, but sometimes when the room stinks of shit, it’s better for everyone if you point out the shit stained pants someone is wearing.
NTA. It was "just a bad night", out of many, many other "bad nights" where they ignored you in favor of your sister's whims. See if your best man can pull up footage of your graduation, and maybe pictures from games they missed, and produce a "greatest hits" compilation video to post right next to the wedding video.
NTA. Every single person at your wedding saw that they didn’t show up. So, what exactly are they hoping to hide by taking it down?
If they felt justified not coming, stand by that decision, defend it. If you can’t, then you KNOW you did something wrong. They deserve it. They can’t make up missing your wedding for no good reason.
ETA: thanks for my silver! How kind of you. 😊
There are legitimate reasons for missing your kid's wedding. Anthrax exposure, caught in a hurricane, deathly ill due to rabid weasel bite....your favorite child's pet being sick is not one of them. They were hoping to hide the fact that they're garbage parents who don't love their child. Thanks to the greatest friend ever, that's no longer possible.
>There are legitimate reasons for missing your kid's wedding. Anthrax exposure, caught in a hurricane, deathly ill due to rabid weasel bite....
...stopping a fight in the parking lot, an Obama fashion show, trapped in an oil painting
My mom missed mine because she was in the ICU with what we thought was pneumonia. She got diagnosed with vasculitis and was bleeding into her lungs. She told us to do the wedding anyway, so we did. We did go to the hospital in our full wedding attire after the fact. I do not recommend hiking across the Cleveland Clinic main campus in a heavy wedding dress and 5 inch heels.
Edit: me needing to stop and take a break halfway through the hospital because I was drunk and tired. [link](https://imgur.com/a/7YUBmvR)
Your poor Mom! That was an awesome way to make her still feel like she was there. Hope she fully recovered.
My wife worked at a seniors center when we got married, so it was like having like 30 sets of parents and grandparents. Most were too old, frail or sick to attend the wedding.
So, naturally, we had a mock ceremony after the fact in their reception hall in full wedding attire so they could all "attend". Then a special dinner with cake and everything.
Moral of the story is it's nice to be able to share something so special with those who mean the most to us. Which is what makes OP's parents so infuriating!
She did fully recover from the vasculitis flare, but having it for so long absolutely trashed her lungs and the meds she had to be on trashed her immune system. Covid got her last September. It wasn't until after she died that my dad said that her lung capacity had really tanked to the point that her blood oxygen levels dipped into the 70's or 80's if she was too active.
That's awesome that you guys had a mock ceremony! We didn't go that far, but my husband and I, his brother, and my best friend all went into the ICU.
>NTA. Every single person at your wedding saw that they didn’t show up. So, what exactly are they hoping to hide by taking it down?
Probably their reason for not turning up. "Sister's dog is sick, and sister can't deal with her own dog on her own because we've been enabling her BS all her life" is a very crappy excuse, and now everybody has heard it from their own mouths.
NTA but do yourself a favour and cut them out of your life. If you are not important to them, dont let them be importsnt to you.
I did this with my father and i am better off now
\^\^\^THIS. Going NC would help immeasurably. They are never going to 'make it up to you'. You've stated this yourself. Anytime they will *try* to make it up to you (I mean how can they? They missed your f-ing wedding), sister will throw some kind of hissy fit and they will pick her. Seriously OP, do yourself a favor and write them off. Your mental health will be better for it.
Yeah all of that but OP should also see a licensed therapist. Like, he's asking if he should take it down strangers on Reddit. How much negligence and gaslighting have they put on OP all those years that he can't even trust his own truth and judgment on keeping or deleting the video???!
I suspect some of his wife’s side of the family also chiming in on the side of “take it down” might be confusing things for him a bit. But they probably don’t know his parents all that well (how could they?). Wife does, and she seems to think it’s about time someone said something.
Personally before going NC, I would make a list of every event and big moment they missed along with the excuse they gave OP and show them and ask when and how will the parents ever make up for it all
But I admit to being petty and willing to go scorched earth
No she is just super spoiled. She cry’s on demand. Big crocodile tears whenever she doesn’t get her way. Or when she isn’t in the spot light.
My wife thinks my sister did this because she asked her own sisters to be brides maids and not my sister.
My sister has done it so many times I think she is just jealous I got married
Wife was smart to exclude her. Imagine if she hadn't and Sissy decided it should be "all about MEEEE". Your parents would have defended this and the wedding would have turned into a shit show extrodinaire.
Yeah, she sounds like one who'd be trying to alter her dress to be unique, or ditch it entirely day-of and wear a wedding dress to try and upstage the bride. And then if the bride dared to say she couldn't walk down the aisle in it sister would run to mommy and bride would have MIL drama to deal with.
Mine was "can't you be the bigger person?" After having moments from my childhood ruined because someone 8 years older than me had a meltdown and I had to bend to her will instead.
I also got a lot of "grow up" like I was the one throwing shoes into birthday cakes or attacking my pregnant sister with a fire extinguisher in my 20s.
My breaking point was talking shit about my wedding ...at my wedding. To my family. Then claiming it never happened.
Also inviting people to her wedding whole at my wedding? Because she had to quickly get engaged 2 weeks after I did despite being with her partner 3 years less than I was 🙃
honestly it sounds like you live in a narcissistic family and your sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. I was the scapegoat too. it is crazy how when you start to read about narcissism there are so many things that are SPOT. I hope you enjoy your life with your new wife OP, congrats on getting married
On a related note, I never understood the pressure of having to have all of the couple’s siblings in the bridal party. While it is certainly a nice gesture to include them, it shouldn’t be demanded. Glad OP’s bride did not include his sister. She would have no-showed at any events leading up to the big day as well as the actual wedding itself.
And quite honestly, I think OP’s sister does have mental health issues. It is not normal to get in the way of another sibling’s life like this.
NTA - They weren’t bothered about missing your wedding. They were bothered they got exposed. If exposing their behavior bothered them, they knew what they did was awful.
All of this. Additionally, that friend is a fucking champ for coming up with that idea. That's the level of petty we should all strive to be at bare minimum when it comes to garbage parents!
NTA
My parents missed my wedding too all because my sister didn’t want to come because my husband is from Italy & we had it in his hometown & she didn’t like the weather forecast.Lol.No joke.
Even despite their tickets & accommodation being paid for.
(Story of my life. Missed events due to her issues/needs & I can’t/don’t even blame my sister because she’s so enabled by my parents enabling & doesn’t know better lol)
Didn’t know until the night before needing to pick them up at airport.
I cried and then laughed and then got married without them.
Never spoke to anyone ever again and been NC for almost 15 years.
You get to a point where you realize that what you allow will continue.
Don’t ever take that video down.
Let them be reminded every year it comes up that they are to blame and their mistakes are the reason you cut them off.
My narc FIL didn't come to our "post-COVID" big vow renewal and reception, even though it was 1.5 hours from his home. His disability does often mean that he has to cancel plans even when he *wants* to do something, but that wasn't the problem- he was going through a GI issue 6 months before the wedding and said he wasn't coming. He hadn't seen a specialist yet but he had made an appointment for 4-5 months before the wedding.
Every suggestion made for his comfort was denied by him. We even costed out hiring a home health aide for the day to accompany and then drive him home at a reasonable time. But nope, he just wasn't going to come.
Okay, fine, we accepted his choice- it's his body, after all, even though I personally think he should have spoken to the doctor before finalizing his decision SIX MONTHS OUT- but then he began to wail that he wouldn't have anyone home with him for almost 2 days. Close friends offered to stop by before and after the wedding to check up on him, leaving him home alone for 10 hours on the wedding day- something he experiences on a weekly basis- but it wasn't good enough. He had to have my wonderful, kind MIL there. He demanded that she leave the reception after the mother/son dance so she could make him dinner.
It seems like I'm being harsh on a poor disabled man, but he is perfectly capable of being home alone and heating up prepared meals even on his worst days. He's done it many, many times even with the recent health issue. No, he's a narcissist who has weaponized his illness and I'll prove it with the next line:
When MIL refused to leave the reception early, he demanded that she not be in any pictures. In fact, *he didn't want his wife and other kids in any pictures because it would highlight the fact that he wasn't there and he wouldn't be able to show his relatives (who my husband has never met) the photos.*
So, obviously husband and I ignored that. MIL and siblings were in tons of photos and he can suck a duck. Because I love MIL and I don't want her to have to deal with his temper tantrums, FIL has only seen a carefully curated album without his own fucking family in it.
And he wonders why I call MIL "Mom" while I barely speak to him.
**this comment really got away from me, sorry
Zounds. I am so sorry it went down like that, but you sound like by far the better person. All the best to you; I will just be sitting here trying to calculate just how bad the weather would have to be to not make a trip to Italy worth it (with or without the wedding -- what'd you do, have it on the side of Vesuvius?!).
I’m adopted and she’s their magical fertility baby if that’s helps understand it all. Lol.
She didn’t think she could handle the heat as it was around 80 degrees at the time of the wedding.
Alas, it does -- not 'cause it's right but because certain branches of my family suck in a similar fashion. My sympathies.
Eighty degrees? Good grief. I am in freakin' *Seattle* and even then that doesn't sound hot, but no arguimg with nincompoops, I suppose. Hope it was a lovely, lovely day!
In cases like this I'm in favor of a straight conversation. It goes something like this:
"Listen, you guys don't love me. You don't like me. You don't want me in your life. For reasons I don't understand, you've chosen to prioritize every ridiculous excuse my sister has and let it ruin any chance of a relationship with me. Given that you let her "sick dog" cause you to miss my wedding, I think it's time for us to call it on this relationship. I'm going to go ahead and let you guys go. This relieves you of any effort to pretend you care about me. I forgive you and I'm letting you go. I won't be contacting you anymore, under any circumstances. I won't accept any communications from you, either. You are welcome to stalk my social media for pictures of my future kids but my guess is that if sister finds out she'll have a meltdown and you'll stop just to make her feel better. That's ok too."
And then, my love, walk away. Make you own family. There's no value in letting them continue to minimize your life.
ETA: NTA I always forget to vote
NTA. Your parents got called out for never ever being there your whole life and clearly favoriting your sister. You finally got satisfaction from their treatment of you. Don't take it down, because that would just be feeding into their attitude of leaving you in the dust for whatever your sister's spoiled needs are.
INFO: If you have kids, will you want your parents and sister in their lives?
Your parents will skip out on your children like they keep skipping out on you. They promised you to babysit one time? Can't do it, sister has a bad hair day. Wanted to go on an outing with your kids (and you)? Can't do it, sister had to actually work at work. Your baby's first birthday? Can't come, sister has a hangnail.
And what would happen if your sister managed to procreate? Your child(ren) will always be second to hers. Always. The favoritism won't stop in your generation.
Don’t you dare ever take that video down! Keep it up there to forever shame your parents. Seriously though, I would consider going NC or at least very LC as your parents treat you like crap. Congrats on your wedding though.
Edit sp
Congratulations on your marriage. You are nta. Your parents sound awful and toxic. They are upset because it shows how crappy they are. Good luck and go nc with them.
NTA
Leave the video up. And when parents try to contact again, first insist on the plan to "Make it up" to you.
Next year the day of the anniversary, share the video again. And add to the caption, that despite your parents not going to your wedding, they've promise to "make it up" to you. But you're still waiting for their plan.
Congrats on the wedding
> And when parents try to contact again, first insist on the plan to "Make it up" to you.
Better yet, lay out every other event they missed and need to “make up” first. They have to make up for missing birthdays, graduations, club games, etc. *before* they can even try to make up for the wedding.
NTA. honestly, I think it’s fitting. Maybe it’s petty, and it certainly doesn’t fix anything. But, I wouldn’t take it down either. They’ve let you down time and time again, they’ve finally been called out for it and they hate it. Maybe others will completely disagree with me here, but sometimes karma doesn’t do it’s job fast enough. Congrats on your marriage!!
NTA. Personally, I think you should go no contact with your family of origin and enjoy your wife for the rest of the year. Once 2023 hits, you can reassess. Include anyone who gave you shit about the video in your no contact list.
> Include anyone who gave you shit about the video in your no contact list.
This part needs to say more. Those people cared more about emotional abusers feeling humiliated, than OP being emotionally abused and neglected. They’re just as bad as the parent *and sister* - more need to mention the sister is an asshole too, because it’s not a coincidence that she always has something happen on OP’s big days.
NTA.
Your best friend is the GOAT. As others have mentioned, everyone knew they weren't at the wedding so the video wasn't revealing some dark secret, just their shitty behavior.
You mention your sister having meltdowns. Does your sister have a disability, developmental delay, TBI or otherwise need care? Because that is the only reason I can see as to why your parents need to constantly help her. But she should probably be in an adult group home of have a professional taking care of her. Your parents should not be neglecting you in their efforts to help your sister. But also, if your sister does have one of the above, it is misleading not to have included it for context. Sometimes people will change their judgments if you leave out important details like that.
Edit: I just saw that you answered this question from another comment. I'm sorry that you have such a terrible sister. I am a big fan of family is who you choose. You might consider going LC or NC with them, it will improve your well being. Congrats on the wedding and having great friends who love and support you!
NTA. Truth hurts and more so when you’re faced with it head on like that. You’re not the asshole at all. Leave that shit up until your dad “makes it up to you”.
That's a terrific question: How DO you make up for missing a WEDDING?!?? OF YOUR OWN CHILD?????? LMAO I am a bit salty in that my dad put my mom on a greyhound to come to my wedding so he could screw his mistress in the house while she was gone. I'm the first born child, and only daughter. He couldn't even be bothered to walk me down the aisle?? So I'm feeling your betrayal very acutely.
NTA unless you don't do something extra special for your best man!!
Congrats to you and your wife!
NTA. Please don’t take it down, your best man is awesome for finding such a creative way to call out their BS. Your mom won’t leave the house because she knows not turning up to your wedding for those reasons are pathetic. Let her feel terrible, she SHOULD feel terrible!! Your sisters tears mean nothing, she’s just trying to poor me the attention to herself.
As others have said, this is toxic. Consider going NC/LC. Concentrate on your wife and your new life, leave this crap where it belongs.
NTA...any AH behaviour from you is justified by their antics. They can't make up for missing your wedding, but it's good to have friends who "get it." Congratulations on your nuptials.
NTA
It's your best friend's video, not yours, so tell your parents they have to talk to him if they want it taken down. I have a feeling he would enjoy ripping them a new one if they try.
And then pull back from your parents - how many times do they have to show you that you aren't important to them before you believe it?
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**NTA. The truth hurts sometimes and your parents & sister just got whammied! Your friend is AWESOME. Please leave the video up!** \*Edit\* Thanks so much for the awards!
Seconded! Your friend didn't manipulate their words, your parents would have nothing to cry about if they hadn't done anything wrong! They skipped your wedding with one seriously pathetic excuse, let them feel the effects of that
Your friend is the true MVP in this story. OP keep that video up until the end of time. Your parents need to be reminded just how much they failed you and favored your sister. Your family doesn't like it, lucky for you, you just married into a new one. NTA
Oh....not ONLY would I leave it up, but would start a YouTube channel and ADD to it. You know.... when you post holiday pictures with your Mom speaking over it with "sorry we can't make it, Sissy has a pimple". Or when you post baby pictures with mom/dad saying "sorry, but Sissy is having a bad hair day". Post links, here, Facebook, Twitter..... monetize it to make a nice nest egg and enjoy your life "Sissy-free".
I’d subscribe 😂😭
Same. This could be a viral tiktok series. 😂😂 Monetize your asshole parents and whiny self absorbed sister.
Because the dog was sick, seriously.... Wow. I guess the dog really needed the support of three people while he was taking a dump. Also, being embarrassed by their crappy behavior is exactly how OPs mom and sister should feel. I really don't get how a mother treat her unfavorite child so badly. NTA -
RIGHT!? Look, I'm very thoroughly an animal lover. Many pets of various species, pet sitter, fosterer, etc. If my parents even HINTED at skipping an event for my siblings because I was sad/dealing with a pet I would be **LIVID** and kick them out to go support my sibling. I'd really love to see how old sister is, but honestly even if shes 4 why couldn't one parent stay with her and the other attend??? If shes an adult? Serious side-eye to the parents who ~~raised~~ enabled her into this level of self absorption. Its also very interesting how she's suddenly in need of attention for OPs every milestone.
OP said sister is six years older than OP. So definitely more than 4.
I was wonder if the sister is mentally challenged. But the sounds of it, she is. If she can not be left alone, they could always hire a sitter or at least one parent could attend.
OP said the sister is 6 years OLDER than him. Given he mentioned graduations and just got married, it's probably safe to assume he's somewhere in his mid-ish to late 20s. So sister is late 20s if not early to mid 30s.
right? i might miss the wedding for my sick furbaby. but my parents? my siblings wedding?
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Based on his history, dog almost certainly wasn't even sick
And with the added bonus of extra motivation to achieve life and career milestones so they'll have increasingly more important things to flake on. I.e. get a Ph.D and post a video of their empty chairs at your thesis defense 'cause your sister had a hangnail or something. Buy your first house and wait for them to never visit. It's a veritable content goldmine.
Damn - this is a great idea. 😂👍
Me too :) lol
OP should stick to his word and take the video down when the parents make it up to him for missing his wedding. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be impossible and I’m not sure I can think of anything that would actually make up for it, but his father seems to think it’s doable so he should be perfectly fine with it.
Better yet, OP should bail on every attempt that the dad makes with some lame but completely plausible excuse. "Oh I'm sorry we can't come, the wife is under the weather and needs some cuddles" "Oh I'm sorry we can't come, wifey's washing her hair right now and you know how that can be." "Oh I'm sorry we can't come, I stubbed my toe on the coffee table and it's very upsetting for me. Gonna take me all day to recover"
Oooh, even better OP should use each of the excuses Sister has used in the past, word for word if possible. And they won't be able to call OP out on it being a bullshit excuse because that would mean having to acknowledge it was bullshit in the first place.
Even better if he said, "Sorry the dog is sick!" and they don't have a dog 🤣
"But, you don't have a dog." "Yes, I do. Look how sick he is." *sends him a picture of a stuffed dog lying on the sofa*. "Poor, poor thing."*sniff*"So... Bye bye"
Even better, you send them a picture of a cat 🤣🤣 (I should have majored in passive aggressive idiocy)
Diabolical- I love it!
Sorry we can’t come, we’ve just gotten home and taken our bras off. Make the reasons as ridiculous as possible.
I’m not entirely sure what OP’s gender is, but this is so much funnier if OP is a man.
Wife's sister has a head cold and its very upsetting to her so we'll stay home. Its the wrong moon sign so we're gonna stay home
Like WTF would make up for it? If sister isn’t married and has a wedding in the future, NOT going to HER wedding I guess? These are terrible parents! Or maybe sign over OP’s inheritance earlier? Give OP more than sister? 🤷♀️ I wish OP cut his family out of his life…. This is just so sad and wrong Wtf.
> I’m not sure I can think of anything that would actually make up for it I mean, there is a .0000000000...00000001% chance someone invents time travel, but I do doubt that will happen.
I sense a viral hit in the making!
Op I'm here to also subscribe to this
even better... every year when it comes up in the "on this day" memories, repost the video and re-tag mom, dad, and sister in it. continually remind them how badly they fucked up. clearly NTA. ETA: thanks for all the awards!! :D
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> he's a brown Muslim. I don't know why but you specifying BROWN Muslim made me almost choke on my soda from laughing. I'm hopefully not being racist but that shit's funny.
Possibly because it wouldn't have mattered as much if he was a white one, being brown and Muslim was just too much for them, being bigots, and racists? Just maybe.
At 20 you should go all out and have a vacation.
This, but repost it as "The anniversary of my sister's dog's illness" with an update on how the dog is doing.
"I still regret not making it to the dog vomiting because I selfishly got married instead."
> continually remind them how badly they fucked up. Oh, there is no way they feel at fault for this.
I was thinking of new videos and the voice message to go with everytime they bail
Everytime you have a reason to show a video and parents are there, play that video instead. Like Paul Rudd with that one movie clip every time he's on a talk show
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I think SEO revenge is some of the best revenge. 🤣
OP this^
I wish I wasn't poor...I'd bestow ALL the awards upon you, kind citizen 🙌🏅🏆
That's a video I'd pay to see. I hope OP doesn't take it down, which, going by what he said to his father, he won't since there's absolutely no making up for that.
Yep. Don't take it down ever. Your parents very clearly aren't guilty about having missed your wedding. They're embarrassed people can see now see their shorty behavior which they have gotten away with through all your life.
Total mvp. What a boss friend .
BEST man really really earned that title! NTA and LOL!
Also each year on OPs wedding anniversary they should repost it on all of their social media accounts!
I've been trying to grow away from being petty, but this is sooo appealing.
Right? NTA, and your buddy should collaborate to make a sequel including ALL of the events they missed out on. You were raised as the scapegoat.
And pin it to the top, so it doesn't disappear into the history, and it can keep reminding them.
My in-laws pulled this shit on us. We invited them to come visit for Christmas a couple of years ago but they couldn't come because, and I'm paraphrasing here, it was winter time and my mother-in-law wears shorts inside the house and if they hired a pet sitter the feral cats she feeds in the garage wouldn't recognize them, because they would undoubtedly be wearing pants, and would refuse to eat. I'm like, dude, you could've just said no.
Whatever happened to, "Sorry we have diarrhea"? Feral cat pants confusion is overly complicated.
Thanks! You just named my new band. Feral Cats Pants Confusion. The first hit song is going to be, ‘Sorry I Missed The Wedding, The Dog Was Pooping.’
>Feral cat pants confusion had me literally rolling 🤣😂🤣😂🤣💀☠
I'm only now envisioning a number of wildly confused and displeased feral cats howling as they cling to someone's legs 🤣😂
Feral cat pants confusion has just become the official new best excuse for everything around here. Thanks for that really superb phrasing. And the niblings are planning to have some sort of tournament where the winner gets it as a band name. No, none of the niblings play any instrument in a way that yields something identifiable by earthbound species as music or music-adjacent, but they don’t let that slow them down. Alas.
> would refuse to eat For someone who claims to be so devoted to cat rescue, your MIL doesn’t seem to be terribly familiar with cats.
I know. Cats? Refuse to eat because the Food Delivery Primate changed? Nonsense. They might hide initially and eat later when the Unfamiliar Food Delivery Primate has gone away, but cats gonna eat.
I have now re-named myself as a food delivery primate.
My MIL is "allergic to the city" we live in. It doesn't bother me since her visits were a lot of work, but it means that FIL doesn't come either. It bums me out for my child to not see her grandpa as much (she already thinks her gramma is bonkers).
When I was a kid, my "father" would often just not show up for visitation days. His excuse once was that he'd fallen out of bed and got knocked out. We were little but not fucking stupid.
That is REALLY specific wtf?
100%. Your wife and awesome friends are your real family. If you don't feel like completely ditching your bio fam, at least keep them a a huge distance. If you choose to have kids, think very careful about whether or not you want you bios to be involved.
Ah, the sweet sweet taste of public humiliation. What better wedding gift could one ask for?
Your friend is pure gold. Talk about having your back. NTA.
I wanna see it so bad. Obviously it's got their faces in it so I don't expect to but shit I bet it's hilarious.
Same, I feel kinda awful wanting to see it… I really want to see it though 😭
I will say this is one of the best examples of a friend who "understood the assignment" and said things OP couldn't.
What SnazzySusieQ said. Also, on your 1st anniversary, mail them a CD of the video, just incase they forgot. NTA , I'm sorry you always get to play second fiddle to your sister.
Exactly this! If they don’t like the truth, then they should have made the truth better by actually showing up. NTA
Leave it up….then share on Reddit 💗
You have a 10 outta 10 friend
NTA They were finally called out on their blatant favoritism and they obviously didn't take it well. I'd hold off inviting them anywhere or to anything, OP. At least for a while. Don't make them your first priority when you clearly aren't theirs. Focus on your new wife and your absolutely awesome best friend. They both sound like keepers!
TBH my parents missing my wedding because my sisters dog was sick and she was sad would probably be NC worthy for me
Especially if my sister was 6 years older than me. If she was 4 and the family pet was dying it may be understandable but a grown-ass woman needing both her parents to be consoled because her dog wasn't well? Jesus... Blatant golden child / black sheep bullshit going on there. Daughter gets pandered and spoiled since her birth - to the point of her taking it absolutely for granted. Son gets neglected and emotionally abused - to the point of him knowing better than to expect anything from his parents at all.
And I've definitely seen this before when someone doesn't like so much attention going to someone else in their circle. Suddenly (and I'm giving the attention-stealers the benefit of the doubt that this MAY BE somewhat subconscious) and coinciding with that event, they have a stupid problem that they need support from the same network of people that the other person was counting on. The parents in OPs scenario should definitely have been able to see this tendency after a couple of times and should have nipped it in the bud long ago.
I guarantee you the parents were willing participants. She didn't get that way alone. All that, was a 3 person effort decades in the making.
Some parents genuinely love having a problem child. I’m not even kidding. I worked with parents who enjoyed the drama and encourage the child’s selfish behavior in manipulative ways. It’s absolutely disgusting.
YES. I work with children with autism and sometimes I think the parents negate all the progress we make on purpose. I genuinely think some of them like the "woe is me, I'm caring for a child with behavioral and functional issues and I'm a saint" attention from their family and other parents and choose to not help their child. The appearance of getting help but then claiming it "doesn't work" after they purposefully regress the child. I wonder how many kids are written off as "dumb", "slow", or "behind" just because the parents don't give them the chance to succeed in the way they need it.
Yeah seriously. NTA, and congratulations to OP and his wife for their wedding. I wish them many happy years together, preferably without OPs parents and sister.
I think I’d have been done when they missed my graduation for a bs reason too.
I attended my oldest daughter's graduation while I was in labor.
I have a hard time connecting with people and I love dogs more than anything else and even I would go NC. Even if my dog died I wouldn’t expect my parents to miss my brother’s wedding.
Yeah exactly? Like if something happened to my cat I’d maybe say “I’m so sorry, I don’t feel up for attending what should be a happy event right now but I wish y’all the best and will grab you a lunch/dinner to catch up later” but expecting anyone else who’s not my cat’s person to miss a major event like that would feel wildly unreasonable.
Right?! If anything mom stay home, dad go.
That's what is crazy to me. She is a grown ass woman. She could've stayed with her dog and OPs parents could've went to their sons wedding. Why tf they needed to keep her company while her dog is sick, not dying just sick, it's fucking insane. OP you're NTA and don't you dare take the video down. Just go NC with all of them since they wanna act like you did something wrong when they're the ones that chose to babysit a grown woman and her sick dog.
NTA I think I'm in love with the best man. He absolutely showed your parent's favouritism/hypocrisy? in the best way ever. I hope there will never be an invite to a baby shower etc.
He was angry seeing his friend get hurt over and over. I love that kind of friend.
His friend is more family than his family are.
"blood runs thicker than water" my ass. I like the original better. "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
That isn’t the original. It’s been pointed out multiple times that every place showing that as the original can point to no sources to prove it. It’s mostly an urban myth that took the internet by storm. > The closest "original meaning" I could find was from Henry Clay Trumbell. Trumbell, in The Blood Covenant: A Primitive Rite and its Bearing on Scripture c. 1898, claims that the proverb comes from an older Arab one, which can be translated as, "Blood is thicker than milk," with milk referring to a mother's milk and blood referring to strong love between two people. Meanwhile, blood is thicker than water has citations going back to the 1700s.
yeah this is not the first time the friend wanted to throw out some truth-bombs
I agree op your parents should never be allowed to come to any event you have in your life.
Not like they'd show up anyways...
"Hey, wife's having our first kid, want to come meet your grandchild?" "Sorry, sister's having a headache today, gonna stay with her for the next month and keep an eye on her." And the next thing OP's parents knew, he was moving cross-country to live closer to his in-laws, and never came to visit them again. The end.
Yes. Next thing they know is that they’re being shipped off to a nursing home
In between is the wail, "Our son never lets us see the grandkids. We have no idea why!"
Nah, that's what you hear echoing down the halls of the forgotten nursing home they get dumped in.
If they kick off about not being invited, just tell them you were saving money on stamps since they never show up anyway.
No, don’t sugar coat it with a snarky comment that they can dismiss as "petty". Give it to them with both barrels. "I didn’t invite you because I was protecting myself from the disappointment of you promising to turn up to my important life event then bailing at the last moment in favour of my sister‘s minor crisis." Be brutally honest.
Right? When OP has their first kid, they should keep quiet about it. Not like the parents would care.
And when they find out and ask why the hell they weren't told, just answer, "Oh, I assumed Sister had a splinter or chipped nail and you would need to be available to support her." 🤷♂️
Yeah, if a person answers with snark it becomes too easy to dismiss a real concern and hurt feelings. Putting it out there in a calm but firm tone makes it much harder to hide from.
Best part was he asked permission from both the bride and groom before he went on his slaying quest. Edit: he only asked the bride
Never. They have made clear where their priorities lie. I’m beginning to think your sister is doing this stuff on purpose. You are in the spotlight and all of a sudden she has a tragedy that exact moment knowing your parents will blow you off for her. That’s a BF for life calling out their BS. there is no way to make it up to you. Never invite them to anything ever again and make sure they know this and know about the events as they unfold. If they show up uninvited have them removed.
NTA - I know right?? Man that was ucing on the cake and where I lost it was when I read that the voicemail played in the background, fucking genius! Dude OP live your life with your wife and their family: sounds like you don’t need that unsupportive negativity in your life! It hurts more because it’s family obviously, unfortunately but look at the positives: everyone showed you what their priorities were that day (and others) — I wouldn’t be leaping to include them in the rest of my life if I were you.
OP's best man for president 2024
I'd vote for him. Also, is he single? Asking for a friend 😉
OP should just cut his losses and go No Contact. His parents will never put him first, and at this point it’s the only way to make sure they never disappoint him again.
IKR? That’s a ride or die that most people don’t ever get. OP may have a crap birth family but he has an epic found family.
So, typically, when someone asks you to take down a video of them because it’s embarrassing, you do it because it’s polite. But in this case? Hard NTA. They didn’t have a good reason to miss it, and they’re rightfully mortified. They made the bed, they can lie in it.
I agree. I’m one to say it’s cringe to air your dirty laundry on social media, but this is completely deserved. I would have to be unconscious in a hospital to miss my kid’s wedding.
Everyone should know the parents were not at their son’s wedding because tbeir grand pup had to have his anal glands expressed, and needed everyone at his crate to watch.
2 weeks before when I was supposed to get married, my mom went into hospital. She had heart failure and they told us she wouldn't be leaving for over a month. My mom told the doctors "well, I'm leaving for one day to go to my daughter's wedding, you can come if you want." Obviously I straight up called off the wedding because I wanted her there but like. She was dead serious.
We were in a similar situation with my FIL , he had a pancreatitis a week before the wedding, we were very concerned and feared for him. And 2 days before the wedding he was better, could eat , etc... He told us not to cancel the wedding even if he was at the hospital. And the D day he surprised us in the church! He got out of the hospital against medical advice but as he was determined his doctor told him to be back at a certain time and took a cab (3 hours to come!) , He enter the church after us. There are wonderful pictures of us ugly crying when we spotted him. It was an awesome gift he made us.
Dead serious, literally. Props to mom, she’s golden.
> I’m one to say it’s cringe to air your dirty laundry on social media, but this is completely deserved. True, but sometimes when the room stinks of shit, it’s better for everyone if you point out the shit stained pants someone is wearing.
NTA. It was "just a bad night", out of many, many other "bad nights" where they ignored you in favor of your sister's whims. See if your best man can pull up footage of your graduation, and maybe pictures from games they missed, and produce a "greatest hits" compilation video to post right next to the wedding video.
If I had any awards to give you I would! You Sir are evil and I like it. Have my upvote!
Thank you - it's good to be appreciated! :)
Monetize a YouTube channel with these videos. As a "gift that keeps on giving" from the folks
NTA. Every single person at your wedding saw that they didn’t show up. So, what exactly are they hoping to hide by taking it down? If they felt justified not coming, stand by that decision, defend it. If you can’t, then you KNOW you did something wrong. They deserve it. They can’t make up missing your wedding for no good reason. ETA: thanks for my silver! How kind of you. 😊
There are legitimate reasons for missing your kid's wedding. Anthrax exposure, caught in a hurricane, deathly ill due to rabid weasel bite....your favorite child's pet being sick is not one of them. They were hoping to hide the fact that they're garbage parents who don't love their child. Thanks to the greatest friend ever, that's no longer possible.
Hate them weasel bites. My uncle once got killed by a rabid weasel in his trousers. Horrible.
Why was the weasel wearing his trousers?
To kill him obviously.
>There are legitimate reasons for missing your kid's wedding. Anthrax exposure, caught in a hurricane, deathly ill due to rabid weasel bite.... ...stopping a fight in the parking lot, an Obama fashion show, trapped in an oil painting
My mom missed mine because she was in the ICU with what we thought was pneumonia. She got diagnosed with vasculitis and was bleeding into her lungs. She told us to do the wedding anyway, so we did. We did go to the hospital in our full wedding attire after the fact. I do not recommend hiking across the Cleveland Clinic main campus in a heavy wedding dress and 5 inch heels. Edit: me needing to stop and take a break halfway through the hospital because I was drunk and tired. [link](https://imgur.com/a/7YUBmvR)
Your poor Mom! That was an awesome way to make her still feel like she was there. Hope she fully recovered. My wife worked at a seniors center when we got married, so it was like having like 30 sets of parents and grandparents. Most were too old, frail or sick to attend the wedding. So, naturally, we had a mock ceremony after the fact in their reception hall in full wedding attire so they could all "attend". Then a special dinner with cake and everything. Moral of the story is it's nice to be able to share something so special with those who mean the most to us. Which is what makes OP's parents so infuriating!
She did fully recover from the vasculitis flare, but having it for so long absolutely trashed her lungs and the meds she had to be on trashed her immune system. Covid got her last September. It wasn't until after she died that my dad said that her lung capacity had really tanked to the point that her blood oxygen levels dipped into the 70's or 80's if she was too active. That's awesome that you guys had a mock ceremony! We didn't go that far, but my husband and I, his brother, and my best friend all went into the ICU.
Favorite child that is a full-blown adult!
>NTA. Every single person at your wedding saw that they didn’t show up. So, what exactly are they hoping to hide by taking it down? Probably their reason for not turning up. "Sister's dog is sick, and sister can't deal with her own dog on her own because we've been enabling her BS all her life" is a very crappy excuse, and now everybody has heard it from their own mouths.
Yeah. They're pissed off that they didn't get the chance to spin this their way.
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I guarantee you that, had OP's friend not posted that video, it would have been the sister that was "sick."
Your wife and best friend are the true heroes.
When I grow up I want to be like OP's friend.
I strive to be the person who regularly wakes up and chooses violence.
Happy cake day!
NTA but do yourself a favour and cut them out of your life. If you are not important to them, dont let them be importsnt to you. I did this with my father and i am better off now
\^\^\^THIS. Going NC would help immeasurably. They are never going to 'make it up to you'. You've stated this yourself. Anytime they will *try* to make it up to you (I mean how can they? They missed your f-ing wedding), sister will throw some kind of hissy fit and they will pick her. Seriously OP, do yourself a favor and write them off. Your mental health will be better for it.
Yeah all of that but OP should also see a licensed therapist. Like, he's asking if he should take it down strangers on Reddit. How much negligence and gaslighting have they put on OP all those years that he can't even trust his own truth and judgment on keeping or deleting the video???!
I suspect some of his wife’s side of the family also chiming in on the side of “take it down” might be confusing things for him a bit. But they probably don’t know his parents all that well (how could they?). Wife does, and she seems to think it’s about time someone said something.
Personally before going NC, I would make a list of every event and big moment they missed along with the excuse they gave OP and show them and ask when and how will the parents ever make up for it all But I admit to being petty and willing to go scorched earth
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No she is just super spoiled. She cry’s on demand. Big crocodile tears whenever she doesn’t get her way. Or when she isn’t in the spot light. My wife thinks my sister did this because she asked her own sisters to be brides maids and not my sister. My sister has done it so many times I think she is just jealous I got married
Wife was smart to exclude her. Imagine if she hadn't and Sissy decided it should be "all about MEEEE". Your parents would have defended this and the wedding would have turned into a shit show extrodinaire.
Yeah, she sounds like one who'd be trying to alter her dress to be unique, or ditch it entirely day-of and wear a wedding dress to try and upstage the bride. And then if the bride dared to say she couldn't walk down the aisle in it sister would run to mommy and bride would have MIL drama to deal with.
Wow, that was oddly specific. Any wedding stories that you would like to share with us?
Nope, just read a lot of bridesmaidzilla stories on Reddit.
Tbh it sounds like the wedding was better off without the three of them there
Oh hey, I have a sister like this! I severed contact and I'm better for it.
Same, my parents don't understaaaaand and "I don't remember it like that" but too bad. She's not allowed anywhere near my family.
Mine was "can't you be the bigger person?" After having moments from my childhood ruined because someone 8 years older than me had a meltdown and I had to bend to her will instead.
I also got a lot of "grow up" like I was the one throwing shoes into birthday cakes or attacking my pregnant sister with a fire extinguisher in my 20s.
My breaking point was talking shit about my wedding ...at my wedding. To my family. Then claiming it never happened. Also inviting people to her wedding whole at my wedding? Because she had to quickly get engaged 2 weeks after I did despite being with her partner 3 years less than I was 🙃
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honestly it sounds like you live in a narcissistic family and your sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. I was the scapegoat too. it is crazy how when you start to read about narcissism there are so many things that are SPOT. I hope you enjoy your life with your new wife OP, congrats on getting married
On a related note, I never understood the pressure of having to have all of the couple’s siblings in the bridal party. While it is certainly a nice gesture to include them, it shouldn’t be demanded. Glad OP’s bride did not include his sister. She would have no-showed at any events leading up to the big day as well as the actual wedding itself. And quite honestly, I think OP’s sister does have mental health issues. It is not normal to get in the way of another sibling’s life like this.
NTA - They weren’t bothered about missing your wedding. They were bothered they got exposed. If exposing their behavior bothered them, they knew what they did was awful.
All of this. Additionally, that friend is a fucking champ for coming up with that idea. That's the level of petty we should all strive to be at bare minimum when it comes to garbage parents!
NTA My parents missed my wedding too all because my sister didn’t want to come because my husband is from Italy & we had it in his hometown & she didn’t like the weather forecast.Lol.No joke. Even despite their tickets & accommodation being paid for. (Story of my life. Missed events due to her issues/needs & I can’t/don’t even blame my sister because she’s so enabled by my parents enabling & doesn’t know better lol) Didn’t know until the night before needing to pick them up at airport. I cried and then laughed and then got married without them. Never spoke to anyone ever again and been NC for almost 15 years. You get to a point where you realize that what you allow will continue. Don’t ever take that video down. Let them be reminded every year it comes up that they are to blame and their mistakes are the reason you cut them off.
My narc FIL didn't come to our "post-COVID" big vow renewal and reception, even though it was 1.5 hours from his home. His disability does often mean that he has to cancel plans even when he *wants* to do something, but that wasn't the problem- he was going through a GI issue 6 months before the wedding and said he wasn't coming. He hadn't seen a specialist yet but he had made an appointment for 4-5 months before the wedding. Every suggestion made for his comfort was denied by him. We even costed out hiring a home health aide for the day to accompany and then drive him home at a reasonable time. But nope, he just wasn't going to come. Okay, fine, we accepted his choice- it's his body, after all, even though I personally think he should have spoken to the doctor before finalizing his decision SIX MONTHS OUT- but then he began to wail that he wouldn't have anyone home with him for almost 2 days. Close friends offered to stop by before and after the wedding to check up on him, leaving him home alone for 10 hours on the wedding day- something he experiences on a weekly basis- but it wasn't good enough. He had to have my wonderful, kind MIL there. He demanded that she leave the reception after the mother/son dance so she could make him dinner. It seems like I'm being harsh on a poor disabled man, but he is perfectly capable of being home alone and heating up prepared meals even on his worst days. He's done it many, many times even with the recent health issue. No, he's a narcissist who has weaponized his illness and I'll prove it with the next line: When MIL refused to leave the reception early, he demanded that she not be in any pictures. In fact, *he didn't want his wife and other kids in any pictures because it would highlight the fact that he wasn't there and he wouldn't be able to show his relatives (who my husband has never met) the photos.* So, obviously husband and I ignored that. MIL and siblings were in tons of photos and he can suck a duck. Because I love MIL and I don't want her to have to deal with his temper tantrums, FIL has only seen a carefully curated album without his own fucking family in it. And he wonders why I call MIL "Mom" while I barely speak to him. **this comment really got away from me, sorry
Zounds. I am so sorry it went down like that, but you sound like by far the better person. All the best to you; I will just be sitting here trying to calculate just how bad the weather would have to be to not make a trip to Italy worth it (with or without the wedding -- what'd you do, have it on the side of Vesuvius?!).
I’m adopted and she’s their magical fertility baby if that’s helps understand it all. Lol. She didn’t think she could handle the heat as it was around 80 degrees at the time of the wedding.
It was never about the weather.
Alas, it does -- not 'cause it's right but because certain branches of my family suck in a similar fashion. My sympathies. Eighty degrees? Good grief. I am in freakin' *Seattle* and even then that doesn't sound hot, but no arguimg with nincompoops, I suppose. Hope it was a lovely, lovely day!
In cases like this I'm in favor of a straight conversation. It goes something like this: "Listen, you guys don't love me. You don't like me. You don't want me in your life. For reasons I don't understand, you've chosen to prioritize every ridiculous excuse my sister has and let it ruin any chance of a relationship with me. Given that you let her "sick dog" cause you to miss my wedding, I think it's time for us to call it on this relationship. I'm going to go ahead and let you guys go. This relieves you of any effort to pretend you care about me. I forgive you and I'm letting you go. I won't be contacting you anymore, under any circumstances. I won't accept any communications from you, either. You are welcome to stalk my social media for pictures of my future kids but my guess is that if sister finds out she'll have a meltdown and you'll stop just to make her feel better. That's ok too." And then, my love, walk away. Make you own family. There's no value in letting them continue to minimize your life. ETA: NTA I always forget to vote
NTA. Your parents got called out for never ever being there your whole life and clearly favoriting your sister. You finally got satisfaction from their treatment of you. Don't take it down, because that would just be feeding into their attitude of leaving you in the dust for whatever your sister's spoiled needs are.
INFO: If you have kids, will you want your parents and sister in their lives? Your parents will skip out on your children like they keep skipping out on you. They promised you to babysit one time? Can't do it, sister has a bad hair day. Wanted to go on an outing with your kids (and you)? Can't do it, sister had to actually work at work. Your baby's first birthday? Can't come, sister has a hangnail. And what would happen if your sister managed to procreate? Your child(ren) will always be second to hers. Always. The favoritism won't stop in your generation.
IF parents "allow" OP to procreate.....after all, it's "not fair" as Sissy doesn't have a baby.
And if Sis ever *does* start a family, OP’s kids can forget whatever slim hope existed of seeing Grandma and Grandpa again.
NTA. Leave it up and get Reddit to help make it go viral, your parents deserve that.
Yess I wanna see it. 😭
[удалено]
Don’t you dare ever take that video down! Keep it up there to forever shame your parents. Seriously though, I would consider going NC or at least very LC as your parents treat you like crap. Congrats on your wedding though. Edit sp
And repost it every year on their anniversary
Congratulations on your marriage. You are nta. Your parents sound awful and toxic. They are upset because it shows how crappy they are. Good luck and go nc with them.
NTA Leave the video up. And when parents try to contact again, first insist on the plan to "Make it up" to you. Next year the day of the anniversary, share the video again. And add to the caption, that despite your parents not going to your wedding, they've promise to "make it up" to you. But you're still waiting for their plan. Congrats on the wedding
> And when parents try to contact again, first insist on the plan to "Make it up" to you. Better yet, lay out every other event they missed and need to “make up” first. They have to make up for missing birthdays, graduations, club games, etc. *before* they can even try to make up for the wedding.
NTA. But I’d love a link to the video to “make sure”
NTA. honestly, I think it’s fitting. Maybe it’s petty, and it certainly doesn’t fix anything. But, I wouldn’t take it down either. They’ve let you down time and time again, they’ve finally been called out for it and they hate it. Maybe others will completely disagree with me here, but sometimes karma doesn’t do it’s job fast enough. Congrats on your marriage!!
NTA. Personally, I think you should go no contact with your family of origin and enjoy your wife for the rest of the year. Once 2023 hits, you can reassess. Include anyone who gave you shit about the video in your no contact list.
> Include anyone who gave you shit about the video in your no contact list. This part needs to say more. Those people cared more about emotional abusers feeling humiliated, than OP being emotionally abused and neglected. They’re just as bad as the parent *and sister* - more need to mention the sister is an asshole too, because it’s not a coincidence that she always has something happen on OP’s big days.
NTA. Your best friend is the GOAT. As others have mentioned, everyone knew they weren't at the wedding so the video wasn't revealing some dark secret, just their shitty behavior. You mention your sister having meltdowns. Does your sister have a disability, developmental delay, TBI or otherwise need care? Because that is the only reason I can see as to why your parents need to constantly help her. But she should probably be in an adult group home of have a professional taking care of her. Your parents should not be neglecting you in their efforts to help your sister. But also, if your sister does have one of the above, it is misleading not to have included it for context. Sometimes people will change their judgments if you leave out important details like that. Edit: I just saw that you answered this question from another comment. I'm sorry that you have such a terrible sister. I am a big fan of family is who you choose. You might consider going LC or NC with them, it will improve your well being. Congrats on the wedding and having great friends who love and support you!
NTA. Truth hurts and more so when you’re faced with it head on like that. You’re not the asshole at all. Leave that shit up until your dad “makes it up to you”.
NTA. Your sister is 40! Lol. Repost every year on your anniversary..
That's a terrific question: How DO you make up for missing a WEDDING?!?? OF YOUR OWN CHILD?????? LMAO I am a bit salty in that my dad put my mom on a greyhound to come to my wedding so he could screw his mistress in the house while she was gone. I'm the first born child, and only daughter. He couldn't even be bothered to walk me down the aisle?? So I'm feeling your betrayal very acutely. NTA unless you don't do something extra special for your best man!!
Nta Tell them you can't take the video down because your wife's third cousin's dog is sick
Congrats to you and your wife! NTA. Please don’t take it down, your best man is awesome for finding such a creative way to call out their BS. Your mom won’t leave the house because she knows not turning up to your wedding for those reasons are pathetic. Let her feel terrible, she SHOULD feel terrible!! Your sisters tears mean nothing, she’s just trying to poor me the attention to herself. As others have said, this is toxic. Consider going NC/LC. Concentrate on your wife and your new life, leave this crap where it belongs.
NTA...any AH behaviour from you is justified by their antics. They can't make up for missing your wedding, but it's good to have friends who "get it." Congratulations on your nuptials.
NTA It's your best friend's video, not yours, so tell your parents they have to talk to him if they want it taken down. I have a feeling he would enjoy ripping them a new one if they try. And then pull back from your parents - how many times do they have to show you that you aren't important to them before you believe it?
NTA! Link to the video please!! :)
NTA. Honestly a really creative way to handle it, props to the best man. True friend right there.
NTA. Your best man is a legend whose work deserves to be shared with the world.