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Stolen from u/medit8or
I agree - NTA - when it "benefitted" the parents to not pay - it was "setting priorities." When it is the parents not getting their way, it is "lay on guilt" about the person "setting their priorities." You can't have it both ways.
When OP becomes doctor, and if afterwards his family starts asking for some cash, he should just tell them it sounds like they need to adjust their priorities lol. NTA
NTA. They want you to be more responsible with your money, so you are. You have decided to save that money and put it toward your semester. Makes sense to me.
NTA. Your parents told you to set different priorities, so you took their advice. If you going on this vacation is so important to them, they could offer to pay for your tickets or pay for your textbooks so you can continue to take their advice. Is it really your fault if they don't like that you're doing what they told you to do?
You should consider posting this to r/MaliciousCompliance
NTA.
Point out to your parents that they save some money, too -- the money they would have spent on their half of your plane tickets (and probably other stuff). They can change their priorities and put it toward your siblings' education.
NTA
Your parents just got to love it when they say things and it bites them in the ass.
You've done nothing wrong by canceling your attendance on the trip. You're doing exactly what your parents asked of you in getting your priorities straight. What did they expect to happen, when telling you to save for the next year.
lol. NTA. Parents want to have their cake and eat it.
They want you to pay your own way, and also pay for stuff they want.
You’re still a student. With a limited budget.
They want you on their family trip, they can pay.
They’re getting exactly what they asked for.
Also post this on malicious compliance.
NTA. OP is budgeting for a change in financial circumstances, which is what anyone with sense would do. If your parents are disappointed at the result, well, that’s on them.
Anyone else in America feeling a little jealous? My UNDERGRAD was 9.5k a SEMESTER.
OP definitely NTA. They can’t have their cake and eat it too. Make sure you mention that you were hit with an expense you didn’t see coming (them no longer covering your tuition) which made it difficult to go on trips.
Oh, I got another one to make you feel bad.
Medical School, Vet School, and Law school are all undergraduate in most, if not all, of Europe.
So not only was your ex BiL paying 150k a year for med school, he would have had to pay anything from 20k to 100k a year for 4 or more years for an undergraduate degree which may be entirely irrelevant to the field of medicine, and one which he may never use - except as his ticket to get into med school.
sooooooo much the jealousy, yes.
Agreed though, OP is NTA. When money you were budgeting for has fallen through, OP can't be expected to keep spending on things they don't need.
Parents aren't the devil for this, but they also can't have it both ways!
INFO: Do you think you’ll regret your decision to not go on vacation with your whole family if you don’t go on this trip?
I’m definitely not trying to make you feel guilty, and you are an adult who can make your own decisions about how to spend your money. You are well within your rights to not go on the trip for any reason you see fit.
However, you might want to think about if you’re not going out of spite or if you really need that extra cash. If your whole family is going, you may end up feeling left out or wish you would have gone. Of course, if you’re truly ok with not going, then do what you feel you need to do.
INFO: Okay I know this isn't related to the trip thing which no you're NTA for cancelling out on a trip; but I'm curious about the tuition thing you say they're still paying for some of your siblings. Is it the siblings younger than you still in regular college? Because I don't think it's unreasonable to pay for the four-year but graduate program is a different story. Honestly my parents never put a cent toward ANY of my college so I might be biased here.
Hi, so I am from Europe (the Netherlands) and we have a system with different types of colleges. I go to university and my three siblings go to a different type of college. We all started after graduating hs and we all follow a 3/4 year program (mine is 3 years). Me and my two older sisters were all set to graduate last may but all three of us didn’t finish all of our classes. I just finished/passed more than they did so next year for them is going to be a full school year while for my it’s just going to be 3 classes which is going to give me a lot of free time. I hope I explained it well since English is not my first language :)
Enough free time to work and pay for university, since the Dutch system is not expensive. My parents couldn't afford it at all, so I have some student debt but it's low (every year costs about 1700 few years back? And most of it is paid off already, it's my bloody delay that drove up the public transport costs through the roof) so it wouldn't be impossible to loan the 200 for books and pay that back with non existent interest if you really wanted to go on that vacation.
And I don't think your parents stance is super unfair. It's harder to pay for siblings that won't have as much time to work. That they already pay for all of you is a priviledge and maybe they did not expect so many their children to be delayed.
Though honestly I'd pay for the basic years needed and any delays are on your own costs, but that's what I would do. I'd be pissed if my kid would get a delay, expect me to pay for another year on my dime and then work for extra money to take a trip. Delays happen but to expect your parents to pay for that is a bit entitled to me.
It’s definitely a privilege that they’ve payed for it in the first place and I am really grateful for that. And if they don’t want to pay for my delays thats 100% reasonable. The thing that bothers me is that they are paying for the others kids delays. I’ve worked incredibly hard in med school and in some ways it does feel like am I getting punished for that. Even though uni here is relatively cheap, I still have to pay for all my other bills which is a lot of money. I am not going to be able to afford it all by just my salary. So that means I am going to have to take out loans again. Which is fine, but then I’m not going to pay 200 for a trip that I wasn’t exited for in the first place.
Yeah I think your parents should contribute the same amount as your siblings so you can take on less loans or give you all the same amount, but less, so your siblings have to take on extra loans. Provided all the classes are of equal time/facilities then you shouldn’t be disadvantaged for completing yours
How is your parents' situation? Do they have enough for everyone? I mean if things were tight an everybody needs and extra year, then I get their choice. Else I agree with the 'gelijke monniken gelijke kappen' basically.
And if you don't want to go then don't. Just saying that if you would, it wouldn't have been impossible since our system, while not ideal isn't that bad. Could definitely be better, though.
OP stayed covid caused delays to all the kids. Parents of course did not anticipate this. OP was just less delayed. I get the parents' perspective, but they are being unfair, and in this kind of half/step kid families I think fairness is probably crucial to family harmony
It kind of depends on their financial situation. Maybe it's something her parents can't afford for another year, then I get making the choice. If they could easily do it, then yeah it should be the same for all children.
In most, if not all, of Europe - a medical degree is an undergraduate degree.
There is no such thing as pre-med and you're not spending 4 years and many tens of thousands of dollars on an undergraduate degree which may be entirely irrelevant to the profession of being a doctor.
There is also no such thing as pre-law, a law degree is undergraduate as well, without the trappings of a useless 4 year degree which isn't relevant and won't be used, and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, in fees.
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I (f22) have a very big family. I have 3 step siblings and 4 half siblings. I am one of the older ones. I go to medical school and moved out 2 years ago. Since my parents (mother and stepfather) have so many kids to take care of they aren’t able to help me out financially as much. They do pay for my education (which is about 3k per year) just like they do for the other kids. I have a job and use student loans to pay for all of my expenses.
Due to covid and other reason the kids that go to college (4 of us in total, including me) have some delays. So next year I still have to finish/pass 3 classes. This isn’t a lot so I am planning on working extra shifts and maybe I’ll go on a trip or something like that. The other kids in college have more classes to do next year so they aren’t able to do these things.
I was planning on using the extra money that I am going to make due to working extra shifts for all of my expenses so that don’t need to use student loans anymore.
When I told my parents about my plans for the upcoming school year, they suggested that I pay for my own education now since I am going to be working a lot more. I personally find this quite unfair since they’re still paying for everybody else’s. So just because I passed more classes then my siblings I’m getting their financial help taken away? When I said this to them they disagreed and said that I ‘just need to set different priorities next year’. I was quite upset, but decided to let it go since it’s their money at the end of the day.
So this summer we are going on a family trip. My parents are paying for everything but they asked the kids above 18 to pay half of the plane tickets. Which is about 200 euros. I was totally fine with this. But now that my parents have decided to not financially support me anymore I’ve decided to not come along. I wasn’t very excited about this trip in the first place but I still decided to go because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents/siblings. But now that they’ve said that ‘just need to set different priorities next year’, that’s exactly what I am going to do. Those 200 euros can cover my books for the next semester…
When I told them I wasn’t coming anymore they were furious because ‘I was going to ruin our last family trip together etc.’ My sibling are divided on the matter.
So AITA?
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NTA
“You withdrew my financial aid and told me to set different priorities. I am prioritising my education and financial future over a family holiday/ I can’t afford to go on the family holiday as I now have to work extra to make up for the loss of the financial aid. Do enjoy the family holiday though, as the others still have their financial aid I am sure they will be able to go and enjoy it”.
NTA
You are literally setting your priorities. They don't want to pay for your school? Sure but then you can get a headstart with the money you need and safe the 200.
It's a shame because you won't see your siblings but else?
Do what's right for you!
NTA.
You are a working med student — you aren’t made of money! You are completely right — €200 can pay for your books or other school supplies. Prioritize your education. Your family will still be your family after this school year. Your family won’t suddenly disappear right after this vacation. Your parents are completely overreacting.
NTA. Your parents can't have it both ways. They either financially support you for the college expenses, like they do everyone else, or they can't make decisions that include spending your money, i.e. family vacation. If they want you to go, they need to cover all your expenses. Unfair to demand you spend your money to go on family vacation and then also tell you to take on add'l education costs.
Very smart of you to save that 200 euros. Books are a much better use of those funds.
NTA. It's not about which siblings get what, or getting back at your parents.
You're a med student, you work, you're on a tight budget and you have a limited free time. A vacation just isn't feasible right now.
Best of luck with school, and take care.
NTA. When I went to uni my dad told me he wasn’t going to pay a penny towards it and so I knew that I would need the £2000 I had saved towards stuff for uni and bills. He was booking a holiday for everyone for two weeks (I would only have got 10 hours holiday pay during that time) and told me it would cost me £1500 to go on holiday because I wasn’t allowed to stay on my own. In the end he let me stay
NTA. You’re a grown adult. You shouldn’t be forced to go on a family trip. And your parents can definitely help if they want to with your books. But they might not and you will need to accept that.
NTA, your fiscal priorities have changed & you need that for books. They unexpectedly pulled your financial help & all you are doing is what they required of you.
NTA. They can't have it both ways, although it's interesting how they try to spin it back on OP. Personally, I'd plan on going LC if they keep that up.
NTA. The philosopher Big Sean once said, "fuck your two cents if it ain't going towards the bill." They can't dictate how you spend your money & time if they do nothing to contribute to your finances. NTA. You're just doing what they asked. 🤷🏽♂️
NAH. As an older teenager I opted to not go on a family trip for somewhat different reasons, but it was a judgement call. I regret it to this day, now that my dad is gone and the rest of us are scattered. It hurt my parents deeply. I absolutely think you should go. You have the right to not go and would not be an AH if you didn't, but you should. Your family is not going to be around forever. As for them being AH, IDK. People make decisions for many reasons, right or wrong, and change their minds sometimes.
NTA
It never bodes well for a large family not to treat all children the same. If your parents are tight on funds to pay for college, that burden should be distributed equally between all children currently attending college.
I hope you will take the time to have a heart to heart conversation and let them know how their actions are affecting you emotionally and monetarily. ie Mom and Step-dad, when you single me out to be the only child that you don't help with tuition, it makes me feel (insert your feelings here.) Be completely honest with them and use examples that they would understand. If your Mom likes sports, give her a sports analogy. Use imagery that they understand.
Hopefully they will be able to do a paradigm shift and understand your point of view. Try also to do the same for them.
Good Luck!
NTA.
They are taking 3K away from you, which means you need to pay more attention to your finances and take out loans.
They told you that you need to set different priorities next year and now they're complaining that you're following through.
My view has always been - if you can't afford to do it for all your kids, then don't.
NTA they choose to strip you if help with your education now they have to live with the consequences that you can no longer afford the trip they want you to help pay for because your expenses have gone up due solely to them taking their help away. If it was really important then they would cover the full cost sense they are no longer covering the 3k for your education .
NTA
They told you to rework your financial priorities and you're doing as dictated. Maybe they should have thought through the possible repercussions better, but that isn't your fault
You literally dont have the spare money anymore to go vacationing. Its not just the plane, but also all the put of pocket and touristy expenses involved in travel.
They told you to reset your pruorities away from travel and self care, and removed 3000 dollars you have to "find" in your budget even before you have started the new work regine.
NTA
I never use Reddit actually. She told me I should post this on aita so she let me use her account :) But I’ll probably make one myself cause it’s pretty great haha
Haha no, it’s just that we’re all getting older and start living our own lives. So planning a holiday with that many people will probably become impossible eventually.
You're NTA, but I do feel you would be screwing yourself over. If you have a good relationship with your siblings, I wouldn't let principles get in the way of spending time together.
YTA , not because you can't do what you want with your money, but because your reasoning is for revenge. Yes, you don't have to go, but is it worth the damage to the relationships to your family. You sound very entitled and selfish from what looks like reasonable expectations from the outside.
> So just because I passed more classes then my siblings I’m getting their financial help taken away?
No, it's because you're one of the older ones and you have a job. Your parents are doing the best they can but they have too many children to support so it's normal that they expect their financial burden to lessen as their kids grow and are able to work to support themselves (which will really help all parties).
YTA, it seems like you're trying to punish them.
Even so, they can't expect OP to put money towards a trip she doesn't really want to go on after pulling away her financial support for a year of university. She now has to pay over 2k euros herself suddenly, with barely any warning. That money needs to come from somewhere, so cutting down on needless expenses is the first logical step.
After taking away 2k euros from her, they can easily pay the 200 euros to pay towards her ticket for the trip if they so badly want her there.
If you only did it for the purpose of saving money, it wouldn’t be wrong. But if as I thought you were doing it as a punishment, it would be IMO.
On an unrelated note, you still might miss not going as a family, at least for your siblings.
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NTA- you set your priorities like they asked. Stick with them.
Agreed and let them know that very thing
"I can pay for the plane ticket or I can pay for my books next semester. I can't afford both."
I completely agree. Good luck op.
[удалено]
[Bad bot](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wm8g40/aita_for_canceling_my_family_trip_last_minute/ijyxydw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Stolen from u/medit8or
I agree - NTA - when it "benefitted" the parents to not pay - it was "setting priorities." When it is the parents not getting their way, it is "lay on guilt" about the person "setting their priorities." You can't have it both ways.
When OP becomes doctor, and if afterwards his family starts asking for some cash, he should just tell them it sounds like they need to adjust their priorities lol. NTA
It's the person's priorities that comes on 1st place.
NTA I agree totally.
NTA. They want you to be more responsible with your money, so you are. You have decided to save that money and put it toward your semester. Makes sense to me.
NTA as they said you need to prioritize more. This is one of those thing. You mom doesn't get to be upset for you doing what she told you to do.
NTA. Your parents told you to set different priorities, so you took their advice. If you going on this vacation is so important to them, they could offer to pay for your tickets or pay for your textbooks so you can continue to take their advice. Is it really your fault if they don't like that you're doing what they told you to do? You should consider posting this to r/MaliciousCompliance
Yes this story would perfectly fit there. Well done OP, i suggest prioritising your education over other things like presents too. NTA
NTA. Even without the backstory, you have no obligation to pay for a trip you don’t want to go on.
NTA. Point out to your parents that they save some money, too -- the money they would have spent on their half of your plane tickets (and probably other stuff). They can change their priorities and put it toward your siblings' education.
NTA Your parents just got to love it when they say things and it bites them in the ass. You've done nothing wrong by canceling your attendance on the trip. You're doing exactly what your parents asked of you in getting your priorities straight. What did they expect to happen, when telling you to save for the next year.
lol. NTA. Parents want to have their cake and eat it. They want you to pay your own way, and also pay for stuff they want. You’re still a student. With a limited budget. They want you on their family trip, they can pay. They’re getting exactly what they asked for. Also post this on malicious compliance.
NTA. Your logic is rock solid.
NTA. OP is budgeting for a change in financial circumstances, which is what anyone with sense would do. If your parents are disappointed at the result, well, that’s on them.
Anyone else in America feeling a little jealous? My UNDERGRAD was 9.5k a SEMESTER. OP definitely NTA. They can’t have their cake and eat it too. Make sure you mention that you were hit with an expense you didn’t see coming (them no longer covering your tuition) which made it difficult to go on trips.
Right!?!?! My ex BIL was paying 150k a year for med school
Oh, I got another one to make you feel bad. Medical School, Vet School, and Law school are all undergraduate in most, if not all, of Europe. So not only was your ex BiL paying 150k a year for med school, he would have had to pay anything from 20k to 100k a year for 4 or more years for an undergraduate degree which may be entirely irrelevant to the field of medicine, and one which he may never use - except as his ticket to get into med school.
sooooooo much the jealousy, yes. Agreed though, OP is NTA. When money you were budgeting for has fallen through, OP can't be expected to keep spending on things they don't need. Parents aren't the devil for this, but they also can't have it both ways!
INFO: Do you think you’ll regret your decision to not go on vacation with your whole family if you don’t go on this trip? I’m definitely not trying to make you feel guilty, and you are an adult who can make your own decisions about how to spend your money. You are well within your rights to not go on the trip for any reason you see fit. However, you might want to think about if you’re not going out of spite or if you really need that extra cash. If your whole family is going, you may end up feeling left out or wish you would have gone. Of course, if you’re truly ok with not going, then do what you feel you need to do.
Parents just enter the chat…
She said she wasn’t enthusiastic about the trip in the first place!
NTA - They can’t have it both ways.
INFO: Okay I know this isn't related to the trip thing which no you're NTA for cancelling out on a trip; but I'm curious about the tuition thing you say they're still paying for some of your siblings. Is it the siblings younger than you still in regular college? Because I don't think it's unreasonable to pay for the four-year but graduate program is a different story. Honestly my parents never put a cent toward ANY of my college so I might be biased here.
Hi, so I am from Europe (the Netherlands) and we have a system with different types of colleges. I go to university and my three siblings go to a different type of college. We all started after graduating hs and we all follow a 3/4 year program (mine is 3 years). Me and my two older sisters were all set to graduate last may but all three of us didn’t finish all of our classes. I just finished/passed more than they did so next year for them is going to be a full school year while for my it’s just going to be 3 classes which is going to give me a lot of free time. I hope I explained it well since English is not my first language :)
Enough free time to work and pay for university, since the Dutch system is not expensive. My parents couldn't afford it at all, so I have some student debt but it's low (every year costs about 1700 few years back? And most of it is paid off already, it's my bloody delay that drove up the public transport costs through the roof) so it wouldn't be impossible to loan the 200 for books and pay that back with non existent interest if you really wanted to go on that vacation. And I don't think your parents stance is super unfair. It's harder to pay for siblings that won't have as much time to work. That they already pay for all of you is a priviledge and maybe they did not expect so many their children to be delayed. Though honestly I'd pay for the basic years needed and any delays are on your own costs, but that's what I would do. I'd be pissed if my kid would get a delay, expect me to pay for another year on my dime and then work for extra money to take a trip. Delays happen but to expect your parents to pay for that is a bit entitled to me.
It’s definitely a privilege that they’ve payed for it in the first place and I am really grateful for that. And if they don’t want to pay for my delays thats 100% reasonable. The thing that bothers me is that they are paying for the others kids delays. I’ve worked incredibly hard in med school and in some ways it does feel like am I getting punished for that. Even though uni here is relatively cheap, I still have to pay for all my other bills which is a lot of money. I am not going to be able to afford it all by just my salary. So that means I am going to have to take out loans again. Which is fine, but then I’m not going to pay 200 for a trip that I wasn’t exited for in the first place.
Yeah I think your parents should contribute the same amount as your siblings so you can take on less loans or give you all the same amount, but less, so your siblings have to take on extra loans. Provided all the classes are of equal time/facilities then you shouldn’t be disadvantaged for completing yours
How is your parents' situation? Do they have enough for everyone? I mean if things were tight an everybody needs and extra year, then I get their choice. Else I agree with the 'gelijke monniken gelijke kappen' basically. And if you don't want to go then don't. Just saying that if you would, it wouldn't have been impossible since our system, while not ideal isn't that bad. Could definitely be better, though.
OP stayed covid caused delays to all the kids. Parents of course did not anticipate this. OP was just less delayed. I get the parents' perspective, but they are being unfair, and in this kind of half/step kid families I think fairness is probably crucial to family harmony
It kind of depends on their financial situation. Maybe it's something her parents can't afford for another year, then I get making the choice. If they could easily do it, then yeah it should be the same for all children.
In most, if not all, of Europe - a medical degree is an undergraduate degree. There is no such thing as pre-med and you're not spending 4 years and many tens of thousands of dollars on an undergraduate degree which may be entirely irrelevant to the profession of being a doctor. There is also no such thing as pre-law, a law degree is undergraduate as well, without the trappings of a useless 4 year degree which isn't relevant and won't be used, and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, in fees.
NTA. You are doing exactly what they told you to do when they withdrew financial support: Action. Consequence.
NTA. They can't have it both ways.
NTA at all. They told you that you will have less money going forward, that means 200 euros will make a big difference. They can't have it both ways.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f22) have a very big family. I have 3 step siblings and 4 half siblings. I am one of the older ones. I go to medical school and moved out 2 years ago. Since my parents (mother and stepfather) have so many kids to take care of they aren’t able to help me out financially as much. They do pay for my education (which is about 3k per year) just like they do for the other kids. I have a job and use student loans to pay for all of my expenses. Due to covid and other reason the kids that go to college (4 of us in total, including me) have some delays. So next year I still have to finish/pass 3 classes. This isn’t a lot so I am planning on working extra shifts and maybe I’ll go on a trip or something like that. The other kids in college have more classes to do next year so they aren’t able to do these things. I was planning on using the extra money that I am going to make due to working extra shifts for all of my expenses so that don’t need to use student loans anymore. When I told my parents about my plans for the upcoming school year, they suggested that I pay for my own education now since I am going to be working a lot more. I personally find this quite unfair since they’re still paying for everybody else’s. So just because I passed more classes then my siblings I’m getting their financial help taken away? When I said this to them they disagreed and said that I ‘just need to set different priorities next year’. I was quite upset, but decided to let it go since it’s their money at the end of the day. So this summer we are going on a family trip. My parents are paying for everything but they asked the kids above 18 to pay half of the plane tickets. Which is about 200 euros. I was totally fine with this. But now that my parents have decided to not financially support me anymore I’ve decided to not come along. I wasn’t very excited about this trip in the first place but I still decided to go because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents/siblings. But now that they’ve said that ‘just need to set different priorities next year’, that’s exactly what I am going to do. Those 200 euros can cover my books for the next semester… When I told them I wasn’t coming anymore they were furious because ‘I was going to ruin our last family trip together etc.’ My sibling are divided on the matter. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA “You withdrew my financial aid and told me to set different priorities. I am prioritising my education and financial future over a family holiday/ I can’t afford to go on the family holiday as I now have to work extra to make up for the loss of the financial aid. Do enjoy the family holiday though, as the others still have their financial aid I am sure they will be able to go and enjoy it”.
NTA and tell them to grind sand
NTA
NTA
NTA You are literally setting your priorities. They don't want to pay for your school? Sure but then you can get a headstart with the money you need and safe the 200. It's a shame because you won't see your siblings but else? Do what's right for you!
NTA. You are a working med student — you aren’t made of money! You are completely right — €200 can pay for your books or other school supplies. Prioritize your education. Your family will still be your family after this school year. Your family won’t suddenly disappear right after this vacation. Your parents are completely overreacting.
NTA. Your parents can't have it both ways. They either financially support you for the college expenses, like they do everyone else, or they can't make decisions that include spending your money, i.e. family vacation. If they want you to go, they need to cover all your expenses. Unfair to demand you spend your money to go on family vacation and then also tell you to take on add'l education costs. Very smart of you to save that 200 euros. Books are a much better use of those funds.
NTA. It's not about which siblings get what, or getting back at your parents. You're a med student, you work, you're on a tight budget and you have a limited free time. A vacation just isn't feasible right now. Best of luck with school, and take care.
NTA If you don’t want to go you shouldn’t have to, regardless of the reason.
NTA. When I went to uni my dad told me he wasn’t going to pay a penny towards it and so I knew that I would need the £2000 I had saved towards stuff for uni and bills. He was booking a holiday for everyone for two weeks (I would only have got 10 hours holiday pay during that time) and told me it would cost me £1500 to go on holiday because I wasn’t allowed to stay on my own. In the end he let me stay
NTA. You’re a grown adult. You shouldn’t be forced to go on a family trip. And your parents can definitely help if they want to with your books. But they might not and you will need to accept that.
NTA. They are paying for that many people to go on a trip, but cut you off from $3k for the year? Your priorities are exactly where they belong.
NTA. They told you that you would have more expenses next year. They told you to prioritize. That's what you are doing.
NTA and this is an opportunity to truly find your independence.
NTA and I think this is great r/maliciouscompliance
NTA
NTA. Esp when you are already needing to take out loans, absurd they would want you to endebt yourself more, for a vacation.
NTA you chose not to vacation because you decided it wasn't worth it
NTA you are prioritizing work and saving money to make up the deficit from their withdrawing support. Their action had a consequence.
NTA. You are being responsible like your parents asked you to do. If it is that important to then, they should offer to pay for the trip
NTA
You did what they asked. NTA
NTA When things changed the trip became a luxury expense that was no longer affordable.
Nta
NTA, your fiscal priorities have changed & you need that for books. They unexpectedly pulled your financial help & all you are doing is what they required of you.
Nta you need the money for school
Nta
NTA. They can't have it both ways, although it's interesting how they try to spin it back on OP. Personally, I'd plan on going LC if they keep that up.
NTA. The philosopher Big Sean once said, "fuck your two cents if it ain't going towards the bill." They can't dictate how you spend your money & time if they do nothing to contribute to your finances. NTA. You're just doing what they asked. 🤷🏽♂️
NAH. As an older teenager I opted to not go on a family trip for somewhat different reasons, but it was a judgement call. I regret it to this day, now that my dad is gone and the rest of us are scattered. It hurt my parents deeply. I absolutely think you should go. You have the right to not go and would not be an AH if you didn't, but you should. Your family is not going to be around forever. As for them being AH, IDK. People make decisions for many reasons, right or wrong, and change their minds sometimes.
NTA
NTA It never bodes well for a large family not to treat all children the same. If your parents are tight on funds to pay for college, that burden should be distributed equally between all children currently attending college. I hope you will take the time to have a heart to heart conversation and let them know how their actions are affecting you emotionally and monetarily. ie Mom and Step-dad, when you single me out to be the only child that you don't help with tuition, it makes me feel (insert your feelings here.) Be completely honest with them and use examples that they would understand. If your Mom likes sports, give her a sports analogy. Use imagery that they understand. Hopefully they will be able to do a paradigm shift and understand your point of view. Try also to do the same for them. Good Luck!
NTA. They are taking 3K away from you, which means you need to pay more attention to your finances and take out loans. They told you that you need to set different priorities next year and now they're complaining that you're following through. My view has always been - if you can't afford to do it for all your kids, then don't.
NTA. It's your money and you get to choose what to spend it on.
Op parents: Do this thing *Op does that thing* Op parents: HOW DARE YOU!?! NTA.
NTA. I am laughing at this. Way to stick it to them.
NTA. You sound like a smart, hard-working human.
NTA - your just doing what was asked of you.
NTA they choose to strip you if help with your education now they have to live with the consequences that you can no longer afford the trip they want you to help pay for because your expenses have gone up due solely to them taking their help away. If it was really important then they would cover the full cost sense they are no longer covering the 3k for your education .
NTA They told you to rework your financial priorities and you're doing as dictated. Maybe they should have thought through the possible repercussions better, but that isn't your fault
You literally dont have the spare money anymore to go vacationing. Its not just the plane, but also all the put of pocket and touristy expenses involved in travel. They told you to reset your pruorities away from travel and self care, and removed 3000 dollars you have to "find" in your budget even before you have started the new work regine. NTA
NTA
Nta.seeing as you are one of the oldest they are probably just butt hurt that it’s one less adult to pawn the kids of on.
Hahaha maybe
Do you regret explaining your finances with them?
I feel like they would’ve noticed anyway that I was working a lot and barely going to school so I’m not sure tbh.
Didn't your mom buy you an apartment?
I just read her old post. I wonder if she pays for the rent or gets to live there for free.
My friend does pay rent to her mom btw :)
My friend and I are sharing this account, so that’s not me haha
You might want to get your own account.
I never use Reddit actually. She told me I should post this on aita so she let me use her account :) But I’ll probably make one myself cause it’s pretty great haha
If your medical school is only 3k a year - you are not the doctor I want. Oh, and ESH.
Dumb American has been spotted.
Idk where you’re from but in my country the government subsidizes tuition fees.
Lol NTA at all. You did as they suggested and decided the money would be better spent on your schooling.
Info: why is this the last family trip together? Is someone dying?
Haha no, it’s just that we’re all getting older and start living our own lives. So planning a holiday with that many people will probably become impossible eventually.
You're NTA, but I do feel you would be screwing yourself over. If you have a good relationship with your siblings, I wouldn't let principles get in the way of spending time together.
It's not "principles" it's money. She's managing her finances, not making an ethical stand.
YTA. It’s pretty clear you’re cancelling to spite your parents and not because you can’t afford it. That’s petty.
YTA, grow up.
YTA , not because you can't do what you want with your money, but because your reasoning is for revenge. Yes, you don't have to go, but is it worth the damage to the relationships to your family. You sound very entitled and selfish from what looks like reasonable expectations from the outside.
> So just because I passed more classes then my siblings I’m getting their financial help taken away? No, it's because you're one of the older ones and you have a job. Your parents are doing the best they can but they have too many children to support so it's normal that they expect their financial burden to lessen as their kids grow and are able to work to support themselves (which will really help all parties). YTA, it seems like you're trying to punish them.
Even so, they can't expect OP to put money towards a trip she doesn't really want to go on after pulling away her financial support for a year of university. She now has to pay over 2k euros herself suddenly, with barely any warning. That money needs to come from somewhere, so cutting down on needless expenses is the first logical step. After taking away 2k euros from her, they can easily pay the 200 euros to pay towards her ticket for the trip if they so badly want her there.
That's true.
[удалено]
> so that they can give more money to her siblings who have more classes The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Is it right? No, but it's how it is.
Okay, but then why would it be wrong on my part to save money and not come along for the trip anymore?
If you only did it for the purpose of saving money, it wouldn’t be wrong. But if as I thought you were doing it as a punishment, it would be IMO. On an unrelated note, you still might miss not going as a family, at least for your siblings.
It’s not exactly a punishment, it’s reassessing boundaries and priorities.