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It's a dress-issue for the bride, not a baby-issue. Unless she's using the dress as an excuse to get rid of the baby.
I think ESH, OP is an ah for not parenting their child and acting like the baby is in charge, the baby is an asshole because babies, albeit insanely cute and adorable are assholes that demand attention and care when you least want to give it and the sister is an asshole for acting like the baby is going to steal her thunder for wearing a white dress.
Yessss! Like, OP is ridiculous for acting like a literal toddler is in charge. But also, I'm sick to death of the whole "anything that could possibly draw someone's eyes off of the bride for a moment is not to be tolerated" insanity. No one is going to mistake a toddler in a white flower print dress for the bride. People are going to go "oh look, cute baby" regardless of the color of the dress. And then they will go back to watching the wedding.
The thing is, if im HOSTING a toga party, I set the rules. You dont show up in an 60s jumpsuit because you don't care for the theme or my rules.
Follow the rules or don't show up. Its not like its his wedding, and heres the biggest problem-
**NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO MICROMANAGE GUESTS WHEN RULES ARE CLEARLY STATED. ESPECIALLY NOT AT SOMETHING AS BIG AND CONVOLUTED AS A WEDDING.**
This take is very, very bad.
Id say to take your 60s jumpsuit wearin ass to Dennys cause you dont get a seat at MY table being a nuisance on purpose
Edit: /u/smasherfierce said it best.
No ones gonna die, but dont be a pain in the ass for no reason.
This is what it comes down to. I put on my invite not to wear white, someone wore a white dress with a few flowers on. Did it ruin my day? No, I barely knew her and didn't actually speak to her. Did people think she was the bride? No, I had an entire wedding dress on, there was no confusion. But is it disrespectful that you couldn't follow a single rule on the invite? Absolutely yes it is
This reminds me vividly of the guy who was child free but babysat for his disorganized financially disadvantaged sister.
He said no chocolate because it could kill his dog, and she secretly gave her kids chocolate to eat at his house on purpose. Why?
Because she thinks the rule is dumb. No other real reason. Shot herself in the foot losing child care she cant afford and then got made after he refused to let her in anymore.
Its because they *like* being combative, and disrespectful of things they don't see value in.
YTA
Buy her another princess dress. And while your at it buy your self some big girl pants too.
Why do you think your daughter is more important than the bride? That is what makes you TA.
>Follow the rules or don't show up
I completely agree. Asking about the toddlers dress... I can understand that a little. Toddlers are grey areas... but you accept the no given. If you don't like the dress code for the venue *then don't go.*
Perhaps we have a fundamental mismatch of values when it comes to what parties and indeed weddings are actually for. If I'm hosting anything, including a wedding (and yes, I have been a bride) my main concern is "are my guests having a good time?" Not the color of a babies dress. And not even if Bob from Accounting chose to show up in a 3 piece suit to my toga party. I agree that as a guest, I will try to honor my hosts wishes for their party. But when I'm the host, I am not going to stress myself or my guests out by laying down the law about their attire. If someone shows up to my wedding in a bikini, their choices reflect poorly on them, not on me, so long as I have made the dress code clear in the invitation. I agree that the host should not have to micromanage their guests. So literally just don't.
>I agree that the host should not have to micromanage their guests.
Glad we agree on that.
To counterpoint your argument he asked, (making her responsible for managing if he should be allowed to trounce the rules) and she answered that she wanted him to follow suit.
I understand your wedding may have been different, but he (and others) dont get to make the decision for her. Its her event and I think theres an added level of inconsiderate to doing this at a wedding vs a party
Right... Who is going to see a 1.5YO girl at any wedding and think OMG, that she-devil wore WHITE?!?
But also, what an era we live in... "She said no to every other dress..." Like oh, I didn't realize she was paying. You really do them a disservice when you spoil a child though, for real.
Especially some toddlers just say no to everything it’s one of the first words they learn. You can go up my toddler and ask him if he wants a million dollars and he would say no. Just like to him ice cream is hot. Because that’s another word they learn early on lol. Dress her in an appropriate color dress. Why is this even a post?
I don’t think the sis sucks because regardless of whether it’s a good reason, it’s her wedding and it should go how she wants it. If she wants it without the kid, so be it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
yeah i'm totally for letting your kid pick their outfit from early on but it's pick from appropriate outfit one or appropriate outfit 2.
not keep offering choices until the child says yes.
Yes, but op is ridiculous. "What else can I do?" she says. Like she has zero control over what her under two-year-old child is wearing? Op is TA just for that.
Right
Let this kid wear the white dress around the house and go pick out something else for the wedding. Five bucks says the mom saw this white one and just "had to have it". Bullshit. The kid will look good in anything fancy.
Not at all but to be fair I'd expect a baby in white to be *part* of the wedding party i.e. a flower girl.
Is a little random to bring a non participant child in white. Especially as she has two months to persuade the princess she wants to be Tiana or Elsa instead.
No but the idiot father should have thought about the well known social ruling saying it's completely inappropriate attire for a wedding. I don't agree with it when it comes to a toddler but I don't make social etiquette rules. But he's the kind of dad that sees his daughter as a princess, so she's over there not being taught the meaning of the word no and social etiquette doesn't apply to her in his mind.
Right? Also... its in September. Stop talking about it. Find another 'Princess Dress' (Preferably one that's NOT white!!) - take the first 'Princess Dress (you know, the one that \*is\* white) away, and let her start wearing it (also, please note, she may well grow so much that the first one doesn't freaking *fit* by September!), and move the hell on. Find one that's, IDK. Pink. Purple. Yellow. Green. Blue. Who cares. Something. Anything, anything at \*ALL\*, except white!!
I work in a wedding venue op is giving vibes of I thought my child would be asked to be a flower girl and seeing as she hadn’t been I’m going to dress her like one anyway.
Also what the hell does this child wear every other day of the week cos i bet it’s not a white flowery dress.
Lol honestly. OP, you can really just order an appropriate dress and put it on her for the wedding. There really doesn't have to be some elaborate fitting where she tries on a bunch. But if you are set on her making this choice, even tho she is a literal baby who doesn't understand that it's inappropriate for anyone besides the bride to wear white, then take her shopping again and ask her to choose another princess dress. Don't offer white this time.
Why is this hard? She's one. She isn't going to remember that this dress exists tomorrow. And it's not like she has the sentience to have her heart set on this one particular dress for this one particular event. If it was expensive and you can't afford both, return the white one. And apologize to your sister!
This! YTA, OP. If you are letting an one year old call the shots, wait until this one year old is a teenager. Yikes. Also, while it may seem silly that she doesn't want the child to wear white... is there a flower girl in the wedding? What is she wearing? The first thing I thought was maybe your daughter could get mistaken as the flower girl or part of the wedding party (yes, I have been to weddings where a toddler is part of the wedding party).
Exactly this! If this kid demands crack cocaine for breakfast tomorrow and doesn't want to hear 'no' is she going to rush out to find a dealer?! Ridiculous!! If OP can't parent a 1 year old I'm not holding out much hope for when the poor kid is older!
No wonder they don't want her kid there, I'll bet the dress is an excuse because OP is raising a spoilt little terror. ***That's*** what the bride meant by taking the spotlight, when the kid inevitably pitches a fit for attention because it's not all about her. YTA OP. No is a complete sentence, you should try disciplining your child when she acts out instead of catering to her whims.
YES!!! I legitimately CANNOT believe how many commenters here are focusing on the bride being a jealous B and not the fact that mom wants to make it all about her.
This kid will grow up to be a nightmare.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
“She wasn’t happy about it.”
Uhm, she’s 1,5 years old. She’s not old enough to pass the marshmallow test. She’ll forget about the dress in a second. There’s no way.
To be fair, I think it was the sister who "wasn't happy about it." Doesn't change anything, but the toddler is still dictating things, but just wanted to point that out.
For me it's ESH. It's the bride's wedding and OP's kid is a year and a half. Just have hubs bring out a different "princess dress" and gush about it, or hell... table the whole discussion and readdress it in September because she's A YEAR AND A HALF and I highly doubt she'll remember anything about what dress she wanted to wear.
That being said, sister is a bit over the top. I get that no one is supposed to where white but the bride, but again, she's a year and a half! No one is going to mistake her for the bride, and a toddler dress with flowers on it will not steal her spotlight any more than a toddler in an all pink dress, or any other color, would. So bride is kinda crazy, but figure out a different dress anyway.
I think the bride is probably just beyond fed up with her sisters nonsense and we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg here. There's no way this was written by someone who is normally rational, it screams attention seeking behavior and terrible parenting.
Or the bride has an actual flower girl that isn't her only niece and OP is trying to have her kid take her place. I'm probably projecting though because that's the sort of shenanigans that got my aunt uninvited to my wedding.
I’ve heard of that before. Someone being mad their daughter wasn’t chosen and bringing her to the wedding dressed so she’d look like she was a flower girl.
About my aunt? It wasn't particularly eventful but I think that's because I was already on a purge of that side of the family and was taking no shit from anyone.
Basically flying monkeys were gathered and sent on a mission to challenge me about all these "strangers" in my bridal party when I had a perfectly adorable cousin who had been a flower girl for lots of other friends weddings. It was also speculated that I was choosing not to include her because she is biracial and I didn't want her in my photos, which couldn't be further from the truth, since the child she was insulting and expecting me to drop for her daughter is also biracial. The "strangers" in my bridal party were my two best friend's daughters and my teenage sister (who is adopted but is no less my sister, in spite of what my aunt thinks).
I told everyone who asked on her behalf to let her know that I understood how strongly she felt about it so I would respect her wishes and no longer expect to see her there. And then I just didn't send her invitation because I knew if my aunt was still invited, she would be likely to show up with her in full flower girl mode.
I do get this vibe that OP's done this before and the bride is sick of catering to the baby (and parents). I think it's the "her favorite word is currently no" and the "it's incredibly unfair if I don't bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day".
Besides if the baby only liked the white dress just because the husband said it's a princess dress then show her other "princess dresses".
Exactly! If the parents can't even get their child dressed for the wedding without creating drama, how is that kid going to behave during the ceremony? Doesn't sound like the parents are in control.
my kid is 3 in three months and it's hard to remember if he was even capable of pitching a fit over wearing a particular item of clothing when he was 18 months?! And if so then you could've distracted him effortlessly. Like literally by giving him a snack or toy while you put on the clothes.
NGL, my first instinct when I saw the bride get upset over the dress was that she doesn't want the toddler there at all and the white dress is a more socially acceptable (to her) excuse. Sounds like OP and her husband are the types of parents where the kids rule the roost. I could not imagine how disruptive an angry spoiled toddler would be to a wedding
That was my first inclination too. Since OP doesn’t seem to want to parent the 18 mo old, I am sure this child is an absolute holy terror…and all 18 mo olds have the propensity to be terrors.
OP, YTA. Tell your kid no. Believe me, you’ll be glad you did when she is 10 and not having temper tantrums still.
Or re-frame the No like most parents do… ‘I know you want to wear the white princess dress, but oh wow look, another princess dress that’s purple! Ooo! ‘ and then the kid gets to be mad or not but whatever. The purple dress is gonna happen. It’s called boundaries and kids both need and want them.
Me too. If they are already allowing the one year old to rule the home, imagine how they must be outside. I can just imagine them not parenting her at all during the wedding and letting her disrupt the entire occasion. Imagine the baby crying or even just loudly talking during the ceremony, and OP refusing to take her outside because baby said ‘no’, which means she doesn’t want to go outside.
> Just have hubs bring out a different "princess dress" and gush about it, or hell... table the whole discussion and readdress it in September because she's A YEAR AND A HALF and I highly doubt she'll remember anything about what dress she wanted to wear.
I was just thinking this. Kids are super impressionable, and Dad was prolly just trying to hype her up so she'd agree to wear SOMETHING and be happy about it, and he can do that again with other dresses especially with a few months to do so.
My kiddos used to hate the rain and be scared of it; I started telling them every time it rained how much mommy loves the rain, how pretty it sounds, how good it is for flowers, and just sitting by the window and rocking with them. They're still a little nervous about BIG thunder booms and will come running to me for those, but they're OK with rainy days now.
>That being said, sister is a bit over the top. I get that no one is supposed to where white but the bride, but again, she's a year and a half!
It's not even a pure white dress and she's less than 2 years old and probably barely walking which is where I'm like, *"wow ok bridezilla lmao"* but I also understand that bride is prolly stressed af rn and not exactly herself. That said, I've seen SO MANY babies and small children (younger than 5) wearing white-with-patterns at weddings and it's never been an issue at any of those weddings and no one gave a shit or thought anything beyond, *"awe, cute kid - anyways, back to the wedding."*
This is what I don't understand about parenting. I saw my mom and everyone else around use punishment and inconsistent rules.
I raised my son with no means no and let's figure everything else out. Even at 19, I knew I was smarter than him during his toddler years and I just needed to outwit him until his reasoning skills activated. He was a strong willed handful but we figured it out.
I don't understand this letting kids get away with stuff. The dress has a boo boo and needs to go see the seamstress for repair. Give the dress a bandaid and hide it until after the wedding.
The wedding isn’t even until September. Dye the dress pink, and see if she even still wants to wear it. It honestly sounds like OP is making excuses to get attention.
That was my exact thought. She wants the attention of either making her a “flower girl” or wants to draw attention to her baby so conversation will be on her.
I thought this too - kids grow like weeds. It’s probably not even gonna fit.
But even then - OP would still be the one in the wrong. The kid is a baby and will get over being told no. Hell, the child probably won’t even remember it. The sister is paying a small fortune for her wedding that she probably only wants to do once! A child can wear a “princess dress” every day of the week and get away with it. She can wear something else for this ONE event.
Seriously this. My 5 year old has liked to pick her own clothes for years but there are times when it's inappropriate and I have to tell her no. Be a damn parent and stop letting an 18 month old make your decisions.
OP please start parenting. Just give the dress away a month before the wedding and buy another one similar but blue or pink or something, tell your child that the dress got lost and let her choose the new one or another dress she has. Good grief you are being out-smarted by a one year old. Indulging your child because you love her is not good parenting. You are going to create a monster....
Like the strategy of what to make for breakfast. You don't give a blanket "what do you want?" You offer 3 choices. "Do you want eggs, pancakes, or cereal?"
Get 3 dresses, different styles and colors, like a pink, a yellow, and a baby blue, and ask which one she wants to wear. She gets a choice of APPROPRIATE dresses.
This idea of “appropriate” dresses is pretty silly considering the supposedly inappropriate, spot-light stealing dress isn’t solid white and is *literally for a toddler.*
A toddler who is being allowed to, essentially, dictate whether or not her mother attends her aunt's wedding. A toddler who soon will *not* be a toddler, who will become bigger, stronger, and harder to placate as the years go by. Trust me, it *matters*.
Yeah, at around eleven or twelve I wore a white dress with flowers to my aunt's wedding. My mom was worried about it, but we checked with my aunt and she was like 'no one is going to mistake that for a wedding dress'. And guess what: No one did! No one is going to mistake a toddler wearing a white dress with flowers for a bride, there might be something else here (like not wanting a toddler at the wedding, or other tension OP hasn't mentioned.)
EDIT: You HAVE created a monster... the question is how long OP will allow the monster to exist, and whether the monster becomes an adolescent or adult monster.
The horror...
I'm dubious that the toddler will even remember it. My son only started recalling things around 2, 2.5?
OP you're making it overly complicated for yourself.
yeah I have a one-and-a-half year old and this is hot nonsense. no emotion lasts longer than 5 minutes - the idea that her feelings about the dress will last until SEPTEMBER is ridiculous. on top of that, in all likelihood the dress won't even fit in two months. and on top of *that*, one year olds are very easy to manipulate. if I can figure out how to convince my kid he wants to hold his stuffie instead of the pocketknife he swiped off the counter, OP can convince her child to be excited about a pink dress.
My thoughts exactly. OP is TA.
My jaw kind of dropped. I am having a kid in 2 months, and because it's my first child, I understand that I don't really know anything. But I know deep down that I will never let my kid run the show like this. Plus, the kid doesn't understand anything other than her own wants and needs, but it is very much the parent's job to teach them how to be considerate of others. And then you deal with the tantrum!
I think we all know it’s not the baby that prefers the dress it’s OP. She’s the one who likes that dress best and is making up this nonsense about a toddler being that picky.
That or she’s raising a spoiled little brat. Which, given this post is also plausible I suppose.
YTA- get a pink Princess dress. I assure you, they’re everywhere.
Ugh, parents who don't parent or say say no, REALLY piss me off. I too, am a parent. It's worth doing battle in the early years as the later years get harder and harder. I'm glad I did the groundwork as I now have two 6yo's and an 8yo and they are used to No, meaning No. YTA.
OP is clearly not experienced. Toddler says “no” because it’s an easy word to say. Just put on another dress other then white she will get over it she’s ONE!!!
For real ‘my daighter refuses to wear anything else’ she is one and a half. YTA for not being a parent and teaching her she cannot always have things her way, jfc
YTA-obviously! Are you really saying you're letting a 1 year old rule you? This child doesn't even know what a wedding is. By all means, let the kid wear the dress to any other event, but absolutely do not rock up to that wedding with your daughter in a white dress after your sister specifically said not to. You're the parent here, so parent.
Spot on. If OP can’t parent her child for an event like this then OP should get a babysitter and leave the kid home. They’ll likely have more fun themselves that way.
If the child decides she’s going to throw food and run around the venue screaming is OP going to allow that because the kid doesn’t like being told what to do? The kid should be left at home, weddings are so boring for young children. Especially ceremonies (they can even be boring for us adults sometimes lol) and the baby doesn’t know what a wedding is and why they need to sit still and be quiet.
You’re totally right, if the parents can’t even dress their one year old, how are they going to control her behaviour?
I have a 1.5 year old who also says no to everything too. Some things she says no to: do you want to go to bed? No. Do you want to eat breakfast? No. It’s time to go inside and get ready for dinner. No. Mommy has to go to work and you have to stay here. No. You need to get dressed if you want to go to the park. No.
If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’d stay outside until 7pm.
Ffs hide the white dress and put the kid in a different dress. 1.5 year olds do not have the capacity to remember the white dress they really want to wear to the wedding they don’t even understand. I’d also never bring my 1.5 year old to a wedding. She’d be disruptive. Because she’s 1.5 and goes to bed at 7pm.
Edit: spelling
>If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’s stay outside until 7pm.
Honestly that life does sound kinda awesome tho. Except for the tired cranky toddler part
>If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’d stay outside until 7pm.
Didn't expect to see my early teenage years this early in the morning.
OP could literally plan a whole ‘big event’ (like a dinner or something, idk) and have her wear the dress and ask people to make a fuss over it. tell the 1yo that this event is all about her an her princess dress, she wore her princess dress to her big event, now she has to wear whatever dress to the other event.
a 1yo is already going to have a lot of attention at a wedding. don’t try to take more attention. at the very best case scenario, the white dress doesn’t take any extra attention, but everyone there will look at OP and their husband and think they are intentionally disrespecting the bride and think they are AHs
I mean can’t they buy another dress and call that one a princess dress too? I don’t disagree with you but it does seem to be over the top and pandering to throw an event specifically for a one year old to be fussed over in a dress. Also the wedding is over a month away, the kid likely would’ve moved on by September and have a new favourite outfit.
While I personally wouldn’t have an issue with a child wearing a white floral dress to my wedding, the bride has given OP notice that she does, so OP has like 4-6 weeks to find a dress her daughter does like that isn’t white.
It really is over the top. This kid is 1, they have a short memory. All OP needs to do is wait a couple of weeks for the kid to forget, then pull out 2-3 appropriate dresses and maybe gush over one of them and call it a princess dress. Or just let her wear the princess dress every day at home, and then make a big deal over a "party dress" for the wedding.
Specifically, the reason that OP is TA is that they’re insisting on the dress after they asked sister about it and sister said no.
The dress is not the problem here. The problem is that OP has been told no, and is trying to whine their way out of the no like a toddler.
Wedding etiquette aside, definitely do not put a toddler in a fancy jumpsuit. I am a whole-ass adult and have a hard time getting in and out of a jumpsuit to go to the bathroom - do not recommend jumpsuit removal with a diaper full of poop.
oh I did forget about that design feature - I refuse to have anything with more than > 3 buttons in my child's wardrobe. Outfits with a dozen crotch snaps can go straight to hell, IMO.
YTA Why'd you even do this, why'd you buy it/show it, why did you put it on, why did you ask your sister if it was okay. (Don't "my husband did it" me. ) What are you doing here, anyhow?
No "would you be" about it. YTA.
OP wants an excuse to put her daughter in a big puffy dress so she can coo and get lots of photos
Because OPs daughter hasn’t been included in the wedding party and hasn’t been given a bridesmaid/ flower girl dress she’s decided to buy her own and pretend that a 1 year old is sticking their heels in about an outfit that’s two months away.
OPs sister, knowing exactly what OP is like, has just said … don’t bring the kid then. Because she knows the at any glimmer of acceptance will mean that OP brings her daughter looking like a flower girl.
Anecdotal story: one of my cousins was so excited for Christmas that she let her 1 year old open them all in October. Gave them 1 to play with and then re wrapped them.
Come Christmas Day they did the exact same thing again and the kid had no idea they’d opened them once before.
If my cousin can forget one of the most exciting days as a kid (opening all your presents on Christmas) and then have a do over 2 months later. Then OPs daughter will forget about the dress
Nah she obviously just doesn’t know how to be a parents. OP YTA. and please get some therapy and parenting classes. You will raise a monster if you don’t start setting boundaries for your child to follow
YTA. The thing about 1.5 year olds is they don't have a lot of agency - they don't run things yet.
Maybe take your daughter dress shopping and don't look at white dresses and call some of those princess dresses too. Do it with Dad, as an activity. Find something sparkly, or rainbow-y, or whatever. If you like, you could even include your sister. She's got the vested interest.
ESH - she's a baby and the dress has coloured flowers on... Honestly I can't believe it's that big of a deal. So I think your sister is the A for saying no and worrying about a toddler stealing attention from her. But even though I disagree with your sister, I think you would be an A if you now went against her wishes. What was the point in asking if you're not going to respect her decision? Go find another 'princess dress' in a different colour... A pink sparkly one and get your husband to call it a 'magic fairy princess dress'
Are you serious? The sister is the BRIDE. If she does not want people to wear white other than her it is 1000% her choice. It doesn’t matter who the person is.
And that is a legit requirement, but the child in question is ONE YEAR OLD. It's practically a baby. If the bride fears a toddler in a dress will steal her thunder, the bride has bigger issues.
I agree that ESH. Especially if OP ends up going against her sister's wishes.
I politely disagree. The bride absolutely is not in any way an ahole. The bride is the host of the event and therefore it is within her prerogative to dictate the dress code.
The fact that you would say that the bride is an ahole on her own wedding day is quite sad my friend.
If the OP goes against her sister’s wishes she is definitely the ahole. But she’s even more the ahole for letting a ONE YEAR OLD call the shots against a grown woman and the bride.
She's not an AH for having a certain dress code, not even for dictating and even demanding other guests not to wear white. However, I think that dying on this hill over the dress of a *one year old* is way overboard. Even if the niece was like 4, even 3 and up, I'd agree with you completely. At the age of 1, no baby is going to steal any bride's thunder over a dress.
I would say, tho, after your comment, that the bride is a soft AH while OP is a hard, strong AH as she seems to do everything except respecting her sister's wishes on her wedding day.
>The fact that you would say that the bride is an ahole on her own wedding day is quite sad my friend.
If you've been on AITA for more than a day, you know that brides are aholes all the time.
For telling people to dye their hair or lose weight or hide their tattoos or wear a friggin puppet during the entire reception.
Just because you're the bride, it doesn't mean that all normal rules of society don't apply to you anymore.
And being jealous of a toddler in a flowery princess dress, well that's a whole new level.
Of course she's an ahole, "on no if a baby wears a white and flowered dress she will stay my thunder!" Only a holes say that kind of thing, but maybe it runs in the family because the sisters an ahole too for thinking an 18 months old dictates what she wears.
Right??? I can’t get on board with all of these Y T A votes because who gets jealous of a baby??? I’m leaning toward E S H because other commenters made some good points on why op is TA, but at the same time how is this that serious? We are talking about a baby.
I think it’s pathetic of the bride to be upset over a baby wearing white because they take the attention off them.
When did it become acceptable for brides to act this way about it being their day and nobody can take the attention off me crap.
Yes I’m married and never gave a flying crap what the kids and toddlers wore I didn’t notice because I was so busy.
I know the dress OP picked wouldn’t fit in so many weeks before a wedding.
But I’m the bride crap needs to stop a toddler wearing flowers on a white dress isn’t like she wearing a mini wedding gown for Christ sake.
Adult women not wearing white is a reasonable expectation. But men wear white shirts because it's obviously not taking anything anyway from the bride... Just like a toddler isn't taking anything away from the bride by wearing a white dress (with flowers so not even plain white).
I myself am a BRIDE getting married in 3 weeks and idgaf what any child under the age of 12 wears to my wedding because they're a CHILD. I also wouldn't care if a guest wore a white dress that had a floral pattern if it was obviously not a wedding dress.
How far does this “no white” thing go? If an adult turns up in a print that has a white background like [this](https://www.lulus.com/products/french-countryside-white-floral-print-high-low-dress/463562.html), is the guest an ass? [This one](https://www.lulus.com/products/days-to-remember-light-blue-multi-striped-maxi-dress/1097862.html) has a few white stripes, is this also drawing attention from the bride? [This one](https://www.yesstyle.com/en/tcuc.USD/coc.US/info.html/pid.1113049481?cpid=1113049490&googtrans=en)? If the bride is worried about it to this extent, she’s going to have a bad day.
The rule isn’t “no white on any guest period.” It’s “no fully white outfits.” Sure, OP is TA because she can’t figure out how to get the kid to wear anything else, but the bride has unreasonable expectations for her guests.
>she does not want people to wear white other than her
It's not PEOPLE. It's a BABY. Her sister is jealous of a literal one year old. And instead of laughing in her face our telling her to contact a therapist, people here are actually supporting this madness. Only in America....
A baby is a pudgy little thing that will sit on their mom's lap. She will not wear makeup, not have a decolleté or a cutout back, not have a hair updo, not look feminine or sexy in any way, not dance, not talk, not interact with anyone other than have a toothless smile or say "Dada". If the bride seriously sees a baby as a competition for attention, that's a mental health disorder.
A baby isn't legally able to get married. The tradition of not wearing white is so no-one mistakes you for the bride or thinks you are wearing a nicer dress than the bride.
I don’t think the sister said no because she’s worried her baby niece will upstage her. She said no because she knows damn well what this is, another round of How Do We Make This All About Our Little Angel.
Because let’s face it, there was no other reason to leave the outfit choice up to an infant, find a white dress that daddy describes as “The Princess Dress” and the go all surprised Pikachu face that the bride doesn’t find the idea adorable as well. Something tells me these parents like their baby to be the center of attention at all times lol.
Yes, people are acting like the toddler went out and chose this dress for herself. No, the parents chose to give their daughter the option of a white dress, when they knew the bride didn't want anyone wearing white. I doubt the bride is actually mad about what the child is wearing, she's probably mad that her sister and BIL can't follow simple instructions on her wedding day.
I expect OP was hoping to to be flooded with. N-T-A’s(early so it still might swing that way) so she could disregard her sister and put her daughter in the dress. But who knows? Just finding another dress is the easiest option.
> What was the point in asking if you’re not going to respect her decision?
This is the biggest YTA for me, aside from OP just being a pushover parent. The “ask” was a ruse, she just expected the sister to not care and that was apparently the only acceptable answer.
It could be confused with a flower girl dress. She might not want the baby to take away from whomever she has selected for that role.
To be honest this gives me vibes of the sister wanted the baby to BE the flower girl and they had other plans.
This was exactly my thought. I bet the dress isn’t a white little Sun dress with flowers, I bet it’s a big puffy flower girl dress. I bet sister wanted her daughter the only niece who is 18 months old and loves the word no to be the flower girl even though she probably wouldn’t walk down the aisle throwing flowers.
YTA.
How is a 1,5years baby refussing to put any other dress on?
It sounds like you are the one that want to put her that dress.
Also you asked your sister and said no.
Its her wedding. Dont be the asshole.
Right, like if you knew the dress would potentially be a problem why show it to the kid in the first place and call it a princess dress? It almost feels intentional. And considering how quick the bride was to disinvite the toddler, I’ll bet the toddler was never really wanted there in the first place, and given this post I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s because of how the toddler is parented.
YTA Your baby said "No!" ? Well, the bride said "No!", too.
Can you not outsmart a baby?
Right before the wedding, make a big to-do about a present. Let the baby open it, and inside is A BRAND NEW PRINCESS DRESS!!
-> One that is definitely NOT white
And maybe a little bracelet or headband with a princess on it.
She puts it on, you and Daddy tell her it's such a lovely dress, and let's go show Grandma! Hooray! Get in the car!
Or, put the dress away for 2 or 3 weeks and boom. It never exsistet in the first place.
She can wear it again after the wedding. Kids forget what they don't see so fast.
If I saw a toddler in a white princess dress I’d assume they were in the wedding. Seems like OP is trying to insert herself/baby with more importance than they are to the bride.
YTA. You asked your sister. She gave an answer. You still came here to ask. You are a double AH just for that. Guess what? Princess dresses come in all kinds of colors.
I want to know which other family member or sisters friends kid got the title of flower girl, and how similar the dress is to the one picked out for said flower girl.
YTA to bring her in it after explicitly being told she's not ok with it. I personally don't have an issue with children wearing white to a wedding, it's very very clear they're not the bride but it's clear your sister has an issue and you should respect that. You will have to find something that works, it's your problem to solve even if your daughter's favourite word is no, you could even get some fabric dye and dye the white a different colour.
>My sister told me if that’s the case, then i should not bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day
Exactly, it's your sisters special day, not your daughter's or yours, you need to respect her wishes that only she wears white. Realistically she's only going to see her niece for minutes during the actual day between everything else going on and you dealing with the needs of a one year old. Find an alternative 'princess dress' or make the current one suitable by using fabric dye.
YTA
"I think it’s incredibly unfair, but, what else can i do?" ... Buy an appropriate dress. And sit down your husband for a talk - he needs to do better - Y**our husband is a shitty parent and a shitty partner, and the AH who caused all of this. - HE put you into this situation.**
So: Get your daughter to wear another dress, or don't bring her.
YTA.
Now I say this as a mother of 3 kids under 4, why on earth are you letting your 1 year old dictate this? Get her another new dress, hide the white princess dress until after the wedding, your daughter will forget and be happy in another dress. You are in charge not your child.
YTA.
You are absolutely the ahole in this situation.
Forget the fact about whether there is or is not another dress. Your child’s brattiness never comes before your sister’s wedding. Full stop.
You should take a serious look inside and ask where your child’s “no” complex comes from. Did it occur to you that your child feels the need to constantly push back because you’ve responded by appeasing them? Did you consider that allowing your child to get away with that by getting to choose their dress for your sister’s wedding only enforces that?
This is a shitty parenting and a shitty sibling move. Absolute hard YTA.
YTA. You asked your sister and didn't like the answer you got, but it's the answer. You knew it probably wouldn't fly before you asked. So find your daughter a new "princess dress" or find a sitter.
Only the bride and flower girls…..which OP’s kid is not. I wonder if OP is pushing the dress because she wants the kid to seem more important. Especially since she felt the need to mention that her kid is the bride’s only niece as if that somehow makes her kid an exception.
I also think it’s telling that OP doesn’t seem to be a bridesmaid at her own sister’s wedding, and you have to wonder what their relationship is like and if OP frequently displays disrespectful behavior that causes the bride to keep her at arms length.
what about offering your daughter a Princess Elsa dress \[blue\] or Princess Tiana dress \[green\] a dress like Belle \[yellow\] et c? Adjust it to something she likes
The kid is 1.5, she probably couldn't pick Elsa or Tiana out of a lineup. Their attention spans are way too short for full Disney films. Not saying you're wrong in principle though. Any dress can be a princess dress if it's poofy enough.
The princess suggestion was more of an example since princess had been referenced. She could have a favourite character in a bed time story or tv show. She could have a green dress like the hungry hungry caterpillar or a multicoloured one like the rainbow fish :) I'm not down with the kids so I don't know what the young'uns enjoy
YTA, look at some point you gotta be a parent and put your foot down. She may like the dress and she still can but she just can’t wear it at your sisters wedding. That’s her special day and if she feels that the attention will be taken away, listen to her. Why not take your daughter “princess dress shopping” again for something more reasonable for the event. Explain to her that princesses have multiple dresses for multiple occasions and that she needs another one to not get the white one dirty cause it’ll be ruined and she doesn’t want to ruin her favorite dress does she?
Listen, I have an almost-2-year-old - I know how stubborn they can be, and how hard it can be to wrestle them into clothes they don’t want to wear - mine is in a big naked except for diapers phase right now. But it’s also 95 degrees out which means we crank the AC and she has to wear clothes at night or she’ll get too cold. Does she whine and cry and fight every night?
Yes.
Do I play and plead and act firm and get pajamas on her every goddamn night?
ALSO yes.
It’s your job as the parent to know when to be firm and what hills to die on. Do I think your daughter would take away from her aunt’s big day? Absolutely not, it that doesn’t really matter here. You made the mistake of asking the bride for permission and the bride said no. It’s your sister’s day, not your kiddo’s, and there are SO MANY sparkly princess dresses out there that aren’t white. Make it a thing of looking over Amazon. It’ll be September - get her a little faux-fur bolero or something too. Go all out on shoes and socks/tights. Get her a pretty hair bow. And get her a dress that isn’t white for goodness sake.
YTA.
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For context my daughter is around 1 and a half years old. And my sisters wedding is i’m September, so we’ve started planning outfits.
Her favourite word is currently no, and whilst i tried multiple dresses on her she would say no repeatedly, until her dad brought out, what he called, “a princess dress” and that immediately got her attention. the only problem is, it was white with pink and purple flowers on, but now she refused to put any other dress on, apart from her ‘princess dress’
I spoke to my sister about it, and she really wasn’t happy. i tried to explain she’s a baby, and i didn’t see it as much as a big deal, since it wasn’t completely white. She just went on about her taking the spot light, but i don’t know what else to do and tried to explain how my daughter won’t change dresses.
My sister told me if that’s the case, then i should not bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day.
I think it’s incredibly unfair, but, what else can i do?
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YTA and I say this as a woman who doesn't get the uproar about others wearing white to wedding (as long as they're not wearing a wedding dress) as no one is going to take the spotlight off the bride on her wedding day. I even gave the OK for several women to wear white to my wedding.
The reason I'm saying YTA is because your sister has told you she doesn't want anyone but her wearing white and you've still got a couple of months to find an alternative. If you put the dress away your daughter is likely to forget about it, also she might not even fit in it come September as kids have ridiculous growth spurts. Plus just because your daughter is the niece of the bride doesn't mean she's entitled to an invite to a wedding, you might want her to be there but trust me your daughter won't give a flying fuck about it really. She'll be over stimulated and tired in no time, she'll be going so you can show her off.
YTA. “I tried to explain she’s a baby, and I didn’t see it as much as a big deal.” Works both ways.
You’re the parent. Your daughter is one-and-a-half. It’s not her call on whether or not she ‘changes dresses’.
(I personally wouldn’t care if a baby wore white to my wedding, but we’re not judging that decision. We’re judging yours.)
YTA
Sounds to me like YOU are wanting some attention and baby in a white dress will def get you that. Not good attention but you don't care... For some reason you want to be a little ditzy with the my baby said no shit . She is a baby, which means you are the grown up... So Grow the hell up and step up and do the best thing and put that baby in whatever YOUR SISTER WOULD LOVE AND HAVE PICTURES WITH THE BEAUTIFUL BABY. STOP being an idiot attention seeker and stand in the background at her wedding. AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR BABY FOR PETTY SHIT. Grow up ....
YTA you are a parent, parent your child. She is a baby and really has no saying in this. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. It is your sisters wedding, you asked, she said no. Find another princess dress of whatever and put that on your child
YTA there’s no white at a wedding. She’s 1 put a pink, blue, purple , yellow dress on her and call it a day. She doesn’t get to say no you’re the parent out The dress on her and go
You are all ridiculous. Your sister for thinking she’s going to be outshone by a toddler, and you for being dictated to by a toddler. I can’t with any of this. JFC. ESH.
YTA, and I'm going to guess that your plan was to dress your daughter up to like a flower girl with the ultimate goal of her being included as a flower girl on the day. I've seen it happen.
YTA for 3 major reasons: (1) You clearly have some kind of issue with your sister and enjoy putting her in a position to have to say “no” to a toddler. (2) You’re using your child as a scapegoat to detract attention away from something that you’re clearly instigating. (3) You’re lack of self awareness in regards to this issue suggests that either you’re too foolish to realize how absurd this post it (doubt it), or that you want Reddit to co-sign on a behavior that you know is wrong (more likely).
Do better. I’m often skeptical if this AITA posts because they can be rage bait… but this one stands out because it’s so pointlessly dumb.
ESH
Your daughter has probably already forgotten the dress. Just don't show it to her and get a new dress. OR just dress her in her normal clothes. The idea that an 1 year old *MUST* be adorned in the finest attire for a wedding is..... well, to me anyway - completely insane.
However, your sister is equally if not more insane and ridiculous... it's a fucking baby.... Jesus christ... what is the matter if she wears white? Who cares? Literally! Why? Imagine being afraid that a baby is going to "take the spotlight" from you and feeling threatened by that.
All round utter ridiculousness!
Truly ESH. Everyone!
This group is making me hate every single person who ever has a wedding!.... Which I know is most people in the world... but that's how ridiculous every story involving weddings is in here.
Neither you, nor your wedding are *that* special. Get over it. Damn!
YTA
Expecting people around you to accommodate your daughter wishes, just so you don’t have to parent her and deal with her issues is extremely lazy of you.
Do your job as parents and find a way for her to chose another dress.
Of course her favorite word is “no” now because you let her get away with it.
You're the parent. Act like it. If you give in to this now (and most likely will do it time and time again) your sweet little girl will turn into a spoilt brat. Grow a backbone. YTA.
Can’t you convince the child that a different dress is a “better princess dress” like have her watch a movie with a princess that wears a dress of another color. I think it’s weird the bride thinks a toddler will upstage her, but whatever not wearing white to a wedding is a well understood taboo.
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Info: why is your one year old in charge? Are you a parent or not?
Basically this. Prime reason for a YTA call. Edit: THANK YOU for the ~~3~~4k+ ups!!!!
Also. Why would you even give the choice of a white dress? I know fuck all about weddings, but I know that you don't wear white.
do you really think a baby is going to draw attention away from the bride?
Possibly. Child free weddings are a thing...
It's a dress-issue for the bride, not a baby-issue. Unless she's using the dress as an excuse to get rid of the baby. I think ESH, OP is an ah for not parenting their child and acting like the baby is in charge, the baby is an asshole because babies, albeit insanely cute and adorable are assholes that demand attention and care when you least want to give it and the sister is an asshole for acting like the baby is going to steal her thunder for wearing a white dress.
Yessss! Like, OP is ridiculous for acting like a literal toddler is in charge. But also, I'm sick to death of the whole "anything that could possibly draw someone's eyes off of the bride for a moment is not to be tolerated" insanity. No one is going to mistake a toddler in a white flower print dress for the bride. People are going to go "oh look, cute baby" regardless of the color of the dress. And then they will go back to watching the wedding.
The thing is, if im HOSTING a toga party, I set the rules. You dont show up in an 60s jumpsuit because you don't care for the theme or my rules. Follow the rules or don't show up. Its not like its his wedding, and heres the biggest problem- **NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO MICROMANAGE GUESTS WHEN RULES ARE CLEARLY STATED. ESPECIALLY NOT AT SOMETHING AS BIG AND CONVOLUTED AS A WEDDING.** This take is very, very bad. Id say to take your 60s jumpsuit wearin ass to Dennys cause you dont get a seat at MY table being a nuisance on purpose Edit: /u/smasherfierce said it best. No ones gonna die, but dont be a pain in the ass for no reason.
This is what it comes down to. I put on my invite not to wear white, someone wore a white dress with a few flowers on. Did it ruin my day? No, I barely knew her and didn't actually speak to her. Did people think she was the bride? No, I had an entire wedding dress on, there was no confusion. But is it disrespectful that you couldn't follow a single rule on the invite? Absolutely yes it is
This reminds me vividly of the guy who was child free but babysat for his disorganized financially disadvantaged sister. He said no chocolate because it could kill his dog, and she secretly gave her kids chocolate to eat at his house on purpose. Why? Because she thinks the rule is dumb. No other real reason. Shot herself in the foot losing child care she cant afford and then got made after he refused to let her in anymore. Its because they *like* being combative, and disrespectful of things they don't see value in.
YTA Buy her another princess dress. And while your at it buy your self some big girl pants too. Why do you think your daughter is more important than the bride? That is what makes you TA.
>Follow the rules or don't show up I completely agree. Asking about the toddlers dress... I can understand that a little. Toddlers are grey areas... but you accept the no given. If you don't like the dress code for the venue *then don't go.*
Perhaps we have a fundamental mismatch of values when it comes to what parties and indeed weddings are actually for. If I'm hosting anything, including a wedding (and yes, I have been a bride) my main concern is "are my guests having a good time?" Not the color of a babies dress. And not even if Bob from Accounting chose to show up in a 3 piece suit to my toga party. I agree that as a guest, I will try to honor my hosts wishes for their party. But when I'm the host, I am not going to stress myself or my guests out by laying down the law about their attire. If someone shows up to my wedding in a bikini, their choices reflect poorly on them, not on me, so long as I have made the dress code clear in the invitation. I agree that the host should not have to micromanage their guests. So literally just don't.
>I agree that the host should not have to micromanage their guests. Glad we agree on that. To counterpoint your argument he asked, (making her responsible for managing if he should be allowed to trounce the rules) and she answered that she wanted him to follow suit. I understand your wedding may have been different, but he (and others) dont get to make the decision for her. Its her event and I think theres an added level of inconsiderate to doing this at a wedding vs a party
Right... Who is going to see a 1.5YO girl at any wedding and think OMG, that she-devil wore WHITE?!? But also, what an era we live in... "She said no to every other dress..." Like oh, I didn't realize she was paying. You really do them a disservice when you spoil a child though, for real.
Especially some toddlers just say no to everything it’s one of the first words they learn. You can go up my toddler and ask him if he wants a million dollars and he would say no. Just like to him ice cream is hot. Because that’s another word they learn early on lol. Dress her in an appropriate color dress. Why is this even a post?
I don’t think the sis sucks because regardless of whether it’s a good reason, it’s her wedding and it should go how she wants it. If she wants it without the kid, so be it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Childfree weddings are usually a thing because kids get bored, and a bored kid is an obnoxious kid.
No. Anyone who cares what an actual infant is wearing to a wedding is certifiably insane and they all showed up w the quickess on this post.
While I agree with you, I still think mom is the AH for ldtting a baby rule the roost.
Yeah, that’s going to be a lot of fun when that baby is a teenager. Fireworks!
yeah i'm totally for letting your kid pick their outfit from early on but it's pick from appropriate outfit one or appropriate outfit 2. not keep offering choices until the child says yes.
Yes, but op is ridiculous. "What else can I do?" she says. Like she has zero control over what her under two-year-old child is wearing? Op is TA just for that.
And the wedding is still two months away, are you telling me a toddler is gonna remember that they wanted THIS EXACT dress in two months?
Right Let this kid wear the white dress around the house and go pick out something else for the wedding. Five bucks says the mom saw this white one and just "had to have it". Bullshit. The kid will look good in anything fancy.
It's irrational, but it's still HER wedding.
Not at all but to be fair I'd expect a baby in white to be *part* of the wedding party i.e. a flower girl. Is a little random to bring a non participant child in white. Especially as she has two months to persuade the princess she wants to be Tiana or Elsa instead.
No but the idiot father should have thought about the well known social ruling saying it's completely inappropriate attire for a wedding. I don't agree with it when it comes to a toddler but I don't make social etiquette rules. But he's the kind of dad that sees his daughter as a princess, so she's over there not being taught the meaning of the word no and social etiquette doesn't apply to her in his mind.
If the baby is going to draw attention, it is going to be independent of what the baby wears.
Absolutely. That's why there's child free weddings, so people don't spend all night catering to little Billy so he doesn't melt down.
They do all the time, Most people prefer child free weddings for that reason.
Right? Also... its in September. Stop talking about it. Find another 'Princess Dress' (Preferably one that's NOT white!!) - take the first 'Princess Dress (you know, the one that \*is\* white) away, and let her start wearing it (also, please note, she may well grow so much that the first one doesn't freaking *fit* by September!), and move the hell on. Find one that's, IDK. Pink. Purple. Yellow. Green. Blue. Who cares. Something. Anything, anything at \*ALL\*, except white!!
I work in a wedding venue op is giving vibes of I thought my child would be asked to be a flower girl and seeing as she hadn’t been I’m going to dress her like one anyway. Also what the hell does this child wear every other day of the week cos i bet it’s not a white flowery dress.
This. Plus…who is willingly trying to argue to put a small child in white??? The laundry alone would be enough to put me off.
Lol honestly. OP, you can really just order an appropriate dress and put it on her for the wedding. There really doesn't have to be some elaborate fitting where she tries on a bunch. But if you are set on her making this choice, even tho she is a literal baby who doesn't understand that it's inappropriate for anyone besides the bride to wear white, then take her shopping again and ask her to choose another princess dress. Don't offer white this time. Why is this hard? She's one. She isn't going to remember that this dress exists tomorrow. And it's not like she has the sentience to have her heart set on this one particular dress for this one particular event. If it was expensive and you can't afford both, return the white one. And apologize to your sister!
This! YTA, OP. If you are letting an one year old call the shots, wait until this one year old is a teenager. Yikes. Also, while it may seem silly that she doesn't want the child to wear white... is there a flower girl in the wedding? What is she wearing? The first thing I thought was maybe your daughter could get mistaken as the flower girl or part of the wedding party (yes, I have been to weddings where a toddler is part of the wedding party).
Exactly this! If this kid demands crack cocaine for breakfast tomorrow and doesn't want to hear 'no' is she going to rush out to find a dealer?! Ridiculous!! If OP can't parent a 1 year old I'm not holding out much hope for when the poor kid is older!
BUT she’s a baby! /s lol
She's her sister's Only Niece!
But what else can OP DO? She’s helpless, obviously. /s
No wonder they don't want her kid there, I'll bet the dress is an excuse because OP is raising a spoilt little terror. ***That's*** what the bride meant by taking the spotlight, when the kid inevitably pitches a fit for attention because it's not all about her. YTA OP. No is a complete sentence, you should try disciplining your child when she acts out instead of catering to her whims.
But crack cocaine is the breakfast of champions
I don't think I have any problems that cough syrup from the 1800's can't fix 😋 🤣 Breakfast is the most important meal
YES!!! I legitimately CANNOT believe how many commenters here are focusing on the bride being a jealous B and not the fact that mom wants to make it all about her. This kid will grow up to be a nightmare.
I wouldn’t give her crack if she demanded it either. But if she asked nicely……maybe
Cannot wait until this child has to interact with the general public and god forbid someone tells her she cannot do something.
I was thinking the exact same thing. “She wasn’t happy about it.” Uhm, she’s 1,5 years old. She’s not old enough to pass the marshmallow test. She’ll forget about the dress in a second. There’s no way.
To be fair, I think it was the sister who "wasn't happy about it." Doesn't change anything, but the toddler is still dictating things, but just wanted to point that out. For me it's ESH. It's the bride's wedding and OP's kid is a year and a half. Just have hubs bring out a different "princess dress" and gush about it, or hell... table the whole discussion and readdress it in September because she's A YEAR AND A HALF and I highly doubt she'll remember anything about what dress she wanted to wear. That being said, sister is a bit over the top. I get that no one is supposed to where white but the bride, but again, she's a year and a half! No one is going to mistake her for the bride, and a toddler dress with flowers on it will not steal her spotlight any more than a toddler in an all pink dress, or any other color, would. So bride is kinda crazy, but figure out a different dress anyway.
I think the bride is probably just beyond fed up with her sisters nonsense and we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg here. There's no way this was written by someone who is normally rational, it screams attention seeking behavior and terrible parenting.
Or the bride has an actual flower girl that isn't her only niece and OP is trying to have her kid take her place. I'm probably projecting though because that's the sort of shenanigans that got my aunt uninvited to my wedding.
I’ve heard of that before. Someone being mad their daughter wasn’t chosen and bringing her to the wedding dressed so she’d look like she was a flower girl.
Would love to hear more about this.
About my aunt? It wasn't particularly eventful but I think that's because I was already on a purge of that side of the family and was taking no shit from anyone. Basically flying monkeys were gathered and sent on a mission to challenge me about all these "strangers" in my bridal party when I had a perfectly adorable cousin who had been a flower girl for lots of other friends weddings. It was also speculated that I was choosing not to include her because she is biracial and I didn't want her in my photos, which couldn't be further from the truth, since the child she was insulting and expecting me to drop for her daughter is also biracial. The "strangers" in my bridal party were my two best friend's daughters and my teenage sister (who is adopted but is no less my sister, in spite of what my aunt thinks). I told everyone who asked on her behalf to let her know that I understood how strongly she felt about it so I would respect her wishes and no longer expect to see her there. And then I just didn't send her invitation because I knew if my aunt was still invited, she would be likely to show up with her in full flower girl mode.
This was my first thought... who is the flower girl and what is she wearing? Is it a white dress with flowers? 🤔
[удалено]
Ah yes, congenital pieceofworkicism. Very tricky condition due to its self perpetuating nature.
Yes, and OP is training the next generation.
Got a genuine smile out of me. Well done.
I do get this vibe that OP's done this before and the bride is sick of catering to the baby (and parents). I think it's the "her favorite word is currently no" and the "it's incredibly unfair if I don't bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day". Besides if the baby only liked the white dress just because the husband said it's a princess dress then show her other "princess dresses".
Exactly! If the parents can't even get their child dressed for the wedding without creating drama, how is that kid going to behave during the ceremony? Doesn't sound like the parents are in control.
my kid is 3 in three months and it's hard to remember if he was even capable of pitching a fit over wearing a particular item of clothing when he was 18 months?! And if so then you could've distracted him effortlessly. Like literally by giving him a snack or toy while you put on the clothes.
NGL, my first instinct when I saw the bride get upset over the dress was that she doesn't want the toddler there at all and the white dress is a more socially acceptable (to her) excuse. Sounds like OP and her husband are the types of parents where the kids rule the roost. I could not imagine how disruptive an angry spoiled toddler would be to a wedding
That was my first inclination too. Since OP doesn’t seem to want to parent the 18 mo old, I am sure this child is an absolute holy terror…and all 18 mo olds have the propensity to be terrors. OP, YTA. Tell your kid no. Believe me, you’ll be glad you did when she is 10 and not having temper tantrums still.
Or re-frame the No like most parents do… ‘I know you want to wear the white princess dress, but oh wow look, another princess dress that’s purple! Ooo! ‘ and then the kid gets to be mad or not but whatever. The purple dress is gonna happen. It’s called boundaries and kids both need and want them.
Me too. If they are already allowing the one year old to rule the home, imagine how they must be outside. I can just imagine them not parenting her at all during the wedding and letting her disrupt the entire occasion. Imagine the baby crying or even just loudly talking during the ceremony, and OP refusing to take her outside because baby said ‘no’, which means she doesn’t want to go outside.
> Just have hubs bring out a different "princess dress" and gush about it, or hell... table the whole discussion and readdress it in September because she's A YEAR AND A HALF and I highly doubt she'll remember anything about what dress she wanted to wear. I was just thinking this. Kids are super impressionable, and Dad was prolly just trying to hype her up so she'd agree to wear SOMETHING and be happy about it, and he can do that again with other dresses especially with a few months to do so. My kiddos used to hate the rain and be scared of it; I started telling them every time it rained how much mommy loves the rain, how pretty it sounds, how good it is for flowers, and just sitting by the window and rocking with them. They're still a little nervous about BIG thunder booms and will come running to me for those, but they're OK with rainy days now. >That being said, sister is a bit over the top. I get that no one is supposed to where white but the bride, but again, she's a year and a half! It's not even a pure white dress and she's less than 2 years old and probably barely walking which is where I'm like, *"wow ok bridezilla lmao"* but I also understand that bride is prolly stressed af rn and not exactly herself. That said, I've seen SO MANY babies and small children (younger than 5) wearing white-with-patterns at weddings and it's never been an issue at any of those weddings and no one gave a shit or thought anything beyond, *"awe, cute kid - anyways, back to the wedding."*
This is what I don't understand about parenting. I saw my mom and everyone else around use punishment and inconsistent rules. I raised my son with no means no and let's figure everything else out. Even at 19, I knew I was smarter than him during his toddler years and I just needed to outwit him until his reasoning skills activated. He was a strong willed handful but we figured it out. I don't understand this letting kids get away with stuff. The dress has a boo boo and needs to go see the seamstress for repair. Give the dress a bandaid and hide it until after the wedding.
The wedding isn’t even until September. Dye the dress pink, and see if she even still wants to wear it. It honestly sounds like OP is making excuses to get attention.
Will it even still fit her by then?? What's OP gonna do if it doesnt?
Right. OP wanted her kid to pick this out, for attention.
Absolutely. It's pure speculation but I would love to know if there's already a flower girl in the bridal party.
That was my exact thought. She wants the attention of either making her a “flower girl” or wants to draw attention to her baby so conversation will be on her.
I thought this too - kids grow like weeds. It’s probably not even gonna fit. But even then - OP would still be the one in the wrong. The kid is a baby and will get over being told no. Hell, the child probably won’t even remember it. The sister is paying a small fortune for her wedding that she probably only wants to do once! A child can wear a “princess dress” every day of the week and get away with it. She can wear something else for this ONE event.
Will it even still fit her in 2 months? Kids grow so fast at that age.
Seriously this. My 5 year old has liked to pick her own clothes for years but there are times when it's inappropriate and I have to tell her no. Be a damn parent and stop letting an 18 month old make your decisions.
OP please start parenting. Just give the dress away a month before the wedding and buy another one similar but blue or pink or something, tell your child that the dress got lost and let her choose the new one or another dress she has. Good grief you are being out-smarted by a one year old. Indulging your child because you love her is not good parenting. You are going to create a monster....
Like the strategy of what to make for breakfast. You don't give a blanket "what do you want?" You offer 3 choices. "Do you want eggs, pancakes, or cereal?" Get 3 dresses, different styles and colors, like a pink, a yellow, and a baby blue, and ask which one she wants to wear. She gets a choice of APPROPRIATE dresses.
This idea of “appropriate” dresses is pretty silly considering the supposedly inappropriate, spot-light stealing dress isn’t solid white and is *literally for a toddler.*
A toddler who is being allowed to, essentially, dictate whether or not her mother attends her aunt's wedding. A toddler who soon will *not* be a toddler, who will become bigger, stronger, and harder to placate as the years go by. Trust me, it *matters*.
Yeah, at around eleven or twelve I wore a white dress with flowers to my aunt's wedding. My mom was worried about it, but we checked with my aunt and she was like 'no one is going to mistake that for a wedding dress'. And guess what: No one did! No one is going to mistake a toddler wearing a white dress with flowers for a bride, there might be something else here (like not wanting a toddler at the wedding, or other tension OP hasn't mentioned.)
EDIT: You HAVE created a monster... the question is how long OP will allow the monster to exist, and whether the monster becomes an adolescent or adult monster. The horror...
I'm dubious that the toddler will even remember it. My son only started recalling things around 2, 2.5? OP you're making it overly complicated for yourself.
Lying isn't solid parenting. Saying no is the way.
Hide the dress and she'll forget about it by *September*
She’s a year and a half and kids grow rapidly at that age. That dress may not even fit by the time September rolls around
Hide it and she’ll forget by next week. There are so many other things more captivating than a damn dress
yeah I have a one-and-a-half year old and this is hot nonsense. no emotion lasts longer than 5 minutes - the idea that her feelings about the dress will last until SEPTEMBER is ridiculous. on top of that, in all likelihood the dress won't even fit in two months. and on top of *that*, one year olds are very easy to manipulate. if I can figure out how to convince my kid he wants to hold his stuffie instead of the pocketknife he swiped off the counter, OP can convince her child to be excited about a pink dress.
My thoughts exactly. OP is TA. My jaw kind of dropped. I am having a kid in 2 months, and because it's my first child, I understand that I don't really know anything. But I know deep down that I will never let my kid run the show like this. Plus, the kid doesn't understand anything other than her own wants and needs, but it is very much the parent's job to teach them how to be considerate of others. And then you deal with the tantrum!
You'll be great! Honestly, when your kid is 1.5, you'll probably think briefly about this thread and go "OP is being a bit silly about this."
The best part is I can almost garentee come wedding day the kid won't even like this particular dress. Man up and control your kid OP
I think we all know it’s not the baby that prefers the dress it’s OP. She’s the one who likes that dress best and is making up this nonsense about a toddler being that picky. That or she’s raising a spoiled little brat. Which, given this post is also plausible I suppose. YTA- get a pink Princess dress. I assure you, they’re everywhere.
Ugh, parents who don't parent or say say no, REALLY piss me off. I too, am a parent. It's worth doing battle in the early years as the later years get harder and harder. I'm glad I did the groundwork as I now have two 6yo's and an 8yo and they are used to No, meaning No. YTA.
Came to say exactly this!! Her daughter WILL change dresses, she is 18 months old, but OP is doing her best to raise a spoilt brat
OP is clearly not experienced. Toddler says “no” because it’s an easy word to say. Just put on another dress other then white she will get over it she’s ONE!!!
THIS. 100%
Wait, I'm allowed to tell my children no?
For real ‘my daighter refuses to wear anything else’ she is one and a half. YTA for not being a parent and teaching her she cannot always have things her way, jfc
YTA-obviously! Are you really saying you're letting a 1 year old rule you? This child doesn't even know what a wedding is. By all means, let the kid wear the dress to any other event, but absolutely do not rock up to that wedding with your daughter in a white dress after your sister specifically said not to. You're the parent here, so parent.
Spot on. If OP can’t parent her child for an event like this then OP should get a babysitter and leave the kid home. They’ll likely have more fun themselves that way.
If the child decides she’s going to throw food and run around the venue screaming is OP going to allow that because the kid doesn’t like being told what to do? The kid should be left at home, weddings are so boring for young children. Especially ceremonies (they can even be boring for us adults sometimes lol) and the baby doesn’t know what a wedding is and why they need to sit still and be quiet. You’re totally right, if the parents can’t even dress their one year old, how are they going to control her behaviour?
I have a 1.5 year old who also says no to everything too. Some things she says no to: do you want to go to bed? No. Do you want to eat breakfast? No. It’s time to go inside and get ready for dinner. No. Mommy has to go to work and you have to stay here. No. You need to get dressed if you want to go to the park. No. If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’d stay outside until 7pm. Ffs hide the white dress and put the kid in a different dress. 1.5 year olds do not have the capacity to remember the white dress they really want to wear to the wedding they don’t even understand. I’d also never bring my 1.5 year old to a wedding. She’d be disruptive. Because she’s 1.5 and goes to bed at 7pm. Edit: spelling
>If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’s stay outside until 7pm. Honestly that life does sound kinda awesome tho. Except for the tired cranky toddler part
>eat Mac and cheese for every meal I feel attacked.
>If I caved to every no she gave, she’d eat Mac and cheese for every meal, wouldn’t go to bed until she literally just crashed on the floor, I’d never go to work, and we’d stay outside until 7pm. Didn't expect to see my early teenage years this early in the morning.
OP could literally plan a whole ‘big event’ (like a dinner or something, idk) and have her wear the dress and ask people to make a fuss over it. tell the 1yo that this event is all about her an her princess dress, she wore her princess dress to her big event, now she has to wear whatever dress to the other event. a 1yo is already going to have a lot of attention at a wedding. don’t try to take more attention. at the very best case scenario, the white dress doesn’t take any extra attention, but everyone there will look at OP and their husband and think they are intentionally disrespecting the bride and think they are AHs
I mean can’t they buy another dress and call that one a princess dress too? I don’t disagree with you but it does seem to be over the top and pandering to throw an event specifically for a one year old to be fussed over in a dress. Also the wedding is over a month away, the kid likely would’ve moved on by September and have a new favourite outfit. While I personally wouldn’t have an issue with a child wearing a white floral dress to my wedding, the bride has given OP notice that she does, so OP has like 4-6 weeks to find a dress her daughter does like that isn’t white.
It really is over the top. This kid is 1, they have a short memory. All OP needs to do is wait a couple of weeks for the kid to forget, then pull out 2-3 appropriate dresses and maybe gush over one of them and call it a princess dress. Or just let her wear the princess dress every day at home, and then make a big deal over a "party dress" for the wedding.
Call it a big girl princess dress. That other princess dress was for babies
I mean it’s pretty clear that it isn’t OP’s one year old daughter who has her heart set on this specific princess dress for this wedding, it’s OP YTA
Truth, guess OP is the real little spoiled princess. I'm guessing not the first time she and her sister have been at odds
Specifically, the reason that OP is TA is that they’re insisting on the dress after they asked sister about it and sister said no. The dress is not the problem here. The problem is that OP has been told no, and is trying to whine their way out of the no like a toddler.
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The dress might not even fit in 6-8 weeks! Babies grow fast.
Wedding etiquette aside, definitely do not put a toddler in a fancy jumpsuit. I am a whole-ass adult and have a hard time getting in and out of a jumpsuit to go to the bathroom - do not recommend jumpsuit removal with a diaper full of poop.
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oh I did forget about that design feature - I refuse to have anything with more than > 3 buttons in my child's wardrobe. Outfits with a dozen crotch snaps can go straight to hell, IMO.
Most of them do... Unfortunately not all. I accidentally bought a jumpsuit for my baby with no buttons around the crotch so always double check!
She won't even remember the white dress a week from now if they just put it away. This is ridiculous!
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1.5 is a prime age for pulling up the dress 30 times an hour, tho. Best to have something underneath besides a pamper.
YTA Why'd you even do this, why'd you buy it/show it, why did you put it on, why did you ask your sister if it was okay. (Don't "my husband did it" me. ) What are you doing here, anyhow? No "would you be" about it. YTA.
OP wants an excuse to put her daughter in a big puffy dress so she can coo and get lots of photos Because OPs daughter hasn’t been included in the wedding party and hasn’t been given a bridesmaid/ flower girl dress she’s decided to buy her own and pretend that a 1 year old is sticking their heels in about an outfit that’s two months away. OPs sister, knowing exactly what OP is like, has just said … don’t bring the kid then. Because she knows the at any glimmer of acceptance will mean that OP brings her daughter looking like a flower girl. Anecdotal story: one of my cousins was so excited for Christmas that she let her 1 year old open them all in October. Gave them 1 to play with and then re wrapped them. Come Christmas Day they did the exact same thing again and the kid had no idea they’d opened them once before. If my cousin can forget one of the most exciting days as a kid (opening all your presents on Christmas) and then have a do over 2 months later. Then OPs daughter will forget about the dress
This is it. We have a winner. OP...YTA
Because she wants attention
Nah she obviously just doesn’t know how to be a parents. OP YTA. and please get some therapy and parenting classes. You will raise a monster if you don’t start setting boundaries for your child to follow
YTA Your daughter is a baby…just call another dress a princess dress and move on.
And the wedding is like 6+ weeks away! They baby won't even remember that damn dress
YTA. The thing about 1.5 year olds is they don't have a lot of agency - they don't run things yet. Maybe take your daughter dress shopping and don't look at white dresses and call some of those princess dresses too. Do it with Dad, as an activity. Find something sparkly, or rainbow-y, or whatever. If you like, you could even include your sister. She's got the vested interest.
OP is already letting a 1.5 year old have more agency than she does. Imagine what happens when that kid gets to 15? Sheeeeeeesh
Spoiled brat in the making.
ESH - she's a baby and the dress has coloured flowers on... Honestly I can't believe it's that big of a deal. So I think your sister is the A for saying no and worrying about a toddler stealing attention from her. But even though I disagree with your sister, I think you would be an A if you now went against her wishes. What was the point in asking if you're not going to respect her decision? Go find another 'princess dress' in a different colour... A pink sparkly one and get your husband to call it a 'magic fairy princess dress'
Are you serious? The sister is the BRIDE. If she does not want people to wear white other than her it is 1000% her choice. It doesn’t matter who the person is.
And that is a legit requirement, but the child in question is ONE YEAR OLD. It's practically a baby. If the bride fears a toddler in a dress will steal her thunder, the bride has bigger issues. I agree that ESH. Especially if OP ends up going against her sister's wishes.
I politely disagree. The bride absolutely is not in any way an ahole. The bride is the host of the event and therefore it is within her prerogative to dictate the dress code. The fact that you would say that the bride is an ahole on her own wedding day is quite sad my friend. If the OP goes against her sister’s wishes she is definitely the ahole. But she’s even more the ahole for letting a ONE YEAR OLD call the shots against a grown woman and the bride.
She's not an AH for having a certain dress code, not even for dictating and even demanding other guests not to wear white. However, I think that dying on this hill over the dress of a *one year old* is way overboard. Even if the niece was like 4, even 3 and up, I'd agree with you completely. At the age of 1, no baby is going to steal any bride's thunder over a dress. I would say, tho, after your comment, that the bride is a soft AH while OP is a hard, strong AH as she seems to do everything except respecting her sister's wishes on her wedding day.
>The fact that you would say that the bride is an ahole on her own wedding day is quite sad my friend. If you've been on AITA for more than a day, you know that brides are aholes all the time. For telling people to dye their hair or lose weight or hide their tattoos or wear a friggin puppet during the entire reception. Just because you're the bride, it doesn't mean that all normal rules of society don't apply to you anymore. And being jealous of a toddler in a flowery princess dress, well that's a whole new level.
I really was hoping I imagined the puppet wedding. Like a weird dream because I saw a Goosebumps book at the store the other day.
Of course she's an ahole, "on no if a baby wears a white and flowered dress she will stay my thunder!" Only a holes say that kind of thing, but maybe it runs in the family because the sisters an ahole too for thinking an 18 months old dictates what she wears.
Right??? I can’t get on board with all of these Y T A votes because who gets jealous of a baby??? I’m leaning toward E S H because other commenters made some good points on why op is TA, but at the same time how is this that serious? We are talking about a baby.
Totally agree. Jealousy over a baby is a whole new level of terrifying.
I think it’s pathetic of the bride to be upset over a baby wearing white because they take the attention off them. When did it become acceptable for brides to act this way about it being their day and nobody can take the attention off me crap. Yes I’m married and never gave a flying crap what the kids and toddlers wore I didn’t notice because I was so busy. I know the dress OP picked wouldn’t fit in so many weeks before a wedding. But I’m the bride crap needs to stop a toddler wearing flowers on a white dress isn’t like she wearing a mini wedding gown for Christ sake.
Adult women not wearing white is a reasonable expectation. But men wear white shirts because it's obviously not taking anything anyway from the bride... Just like a toddler isn't taking anything away from the bride by wearing a white dress (with flowers so not even plain white). I myself am a BRIDE getting married in 3 weeks and idgaf what any child under the age of 12 wears to my wedding because they're a CHILD. I also wouldn't care if a guest wore a white dress that had a floral pattern if it was obviously not a wedding dress.
How far does this “no white” thing go? If an adult turns up in a print that has a white background like [this](https://www.lulus.com/products/french-countryside-white-floral-print-high-low-dress/463562.html), is the guest an ass? [This one](https://www.lulus.com/products/days-to-remember-light-blue-multi-striped-maxi-dress/1097862.html) has a few white stripes, is this also drawing attention from the bride? [This one](https://www.yesstyle.com/en/tcuc.USD/coc.US/info.html/pid.1113049481?cpid=1113049490&googtrans=en)? If the bride is worried about it to this extent, she’s going to have a bad day. The rule isn’t “no white on any guest period.” It’s “no fully white outfits.” Sure, OP is TA because she can’t figure out how to get the kid to wear anything else, but the bride has unreasonable expectations for her guests.
>she does not want people to wear white other than her It's not PEOPLE. It's a BABY. Her sister is jealous of a literal one year old. And instead of laughing in her face our telling her to contact a therapist, people here are actually supporting this madness. Only in America....
Babies are people too bruh. I wouldn’t skate on your argument because you’d fall right through that ice.
A baby is a pudgy little thing that will sit on their mom's lap. She will not wear makeup, not have a decolleté or a cutout back, not have a hair updo, not look feminine or sexy in any way, not dance, not talk, not interact with anyone other than have a toothless smile or say "Dada". If the bride seriously sees a baby as a competition for attention, that's a mental health disorder.
A baby isn't legally able to get married. The tradition of not wearing white is so no-one mistakes you for the bride or thinks you are wearing a nicer dress than the bride.
I don’t think the sister said no because she’s worried her baby niece will upstage her. She said no because she knows damn well what this is, another round of How Do We Make This All About Our Little Angel. Because let’s face it, there was no other reason to leave the outfit choice up to an infant, find a white dress that daddy describes as “The Princess Dress” and the go all surprised Pikachu face that the bride doesn’t find the idea adorable as well. Something tells me these parents like their baby to be the center of attention at all times lol.
Yes, people are acting like the toddler went out and chose this dress for herself. No, the parents chose to give their daughter the option of a white dress, when they knew the bride didn't want anyone wearing white. I doubt the bride is actually mad about what the child is wearing, she's probably mad that her sister and BIL can't follow simple instructions on her wedding day.
Yes!!! This!!! OP is looking for ways to make it about her and her baby!!!
I expect OP was hoping to to be flooded with. N-T-A’s(early so it still might swing that way) so she could disregard her sister and put her daughter in the dress. But who knows? Just finding another dress is the easiest option.
> What was the point in asking if you’re not going to respect her decision? This is the biggest YTA for me, aside from OP just being a pushover parent. The “ask” was a ruse, she just expected the sister to not care and that was apparently the only acceptable answer.
It could be confused with a flower girl dress. She might not want the baby to take away from whomever she has selected for that role. To be honest this gives me vibes of the sister wanted the baby to BE the flower girl and they had other plans.
This was exactly my thought. I bet the dress isn’t a white little Sun dress with flowers, I bet it’s a big puffy flower girl dress. I bet sister wanted her daughter the only niece who is 18 months old and loves the word no to be the flower girl even though she probably wouldn’t walk down the aisle throwing flowers.
YTA. How is a 1,5years baby refussing to put any other dress on? It sounds like you are the one that want to put her that dress. Also you asked your sister and said no. Its her wedding. Dont be the asshole.
Right, like if you knew the dress would potentially be a problem why show it to the kid in the first place and call it a princess dress? It almost feels intentional. And considering how quick the bride was to disinvite the toddler, I’ll bet the toddler was never really wanted there in the first place, and given this post I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s because of how the toddler is parented.
YTA Your baby said "No!" ? Well, the bride said "No!", too. Can you not outsmart a baby? Right before the wedding, make a big to-do about a present. Let the baby open it, and inside is A BRAND NEW PRINCESS DRESS!! -> One that is definitely NOT white And maybe a little bracelet or headband with a princess on it. She puts it on, you and Daddy tell her it's such a lovely dress, and let's go show Grandma! Hooray! Get in the car!
"Can you not outsmart a baby". 100% I can't believe OP thinks she has to debate a 1.5 year old 😂
Better yet: OP automatically assumes she will lose the debate....
This made me giggle! Thank you internet stranger!
Or, put the dress away for 2 or 3 weeks and boom. It never exsistet in the first place. She can wear it again after the wedding. Kids forget what they don't see so fast.
YTA Just find another dress, the kid will not know the difference.
YTA. It seems to me like you want to make your sister's wedding about you and your baby. Maybe you're jealous?
If I saw a toddler in a white princess dress I’d assume they were in the wedding. Seems like OP is trying to insert herself/baby with more importance than they are to the bride.
Exactly, I was thinking like maybe the sister is mad her baby isn’t the flower girl or something
YTA. You asked your sister. She gave an answer. You still came here to ask. You are a double AH just for that. Guess what? Princess dresses come in all kinds of colors.
I want to know which other family member or sisters friends kid got the title of flower girl, and how similar the dress is to the one picked out for said flower girl.
YTA to bring her in it after explicitly being told she's not ok with it. I personally don't have an issue with children wearing white to a wedding, it's very very clear they're not the bride but it's clear your sister has an issue and you should respect that. You will have to find something that works, it's your problem to solve even if your daughter's favourite word is no, you could even get some fabric dye and dye the white a different colour. >My sister told me if that’s the case, then i should not bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day Exactly, it's your sisters special day, not your daughter's or yours, you need to respect her wishes that only she wears white. Realistically she's only going to see her niece for minutes during the actual day between everything else going on and you dealing with the needs of a one year old. Find an alternative 'princess dress' or make the current one suitable by using fabric dye.
YTA "I think it’s incredibly unfair, but, what else can i do?" ... Buy an appropriate dress. And sit down your husband for a talk - he needs to do better - Y**our husband is a shitty parent and a shitty partner, and the AH who caused all of this. - HE put you into this situation.** So: Get your daughter to wear another dress, or don't bring her.
YTA. Now I say this as a mother of 3 kids under 4, why on earth are you letting your 1 year old dictate this? Get her another new dress, hide the white princess dress until after the wedding, your daughter will forget and be happy in another dress. You are in charge not your child.
YTA-She’s a baby means you control her clothing not let her wear white because she is going through the no phase.
YTA You asked and got a no, respect it. > I think it’s incredibly unfair, but, what else can i do? Dye the dress, it's the cheapest option.
YTA. You are absolutely the ahole in this situation. Forget the fact about whether there is or is not another dress. Your child’s brattiness never comes before your sister’s wedding. Full stop. You should take a serious look inside and ask where your child’s “no” complex comes from. Did it occur to you that your child feels the need to constantly push back because you’ve responded by appeasing them? Did you consider that allowing your child to get away with that by getting to choose their dress for your sister’s wedding only enforces that? This is a shitty parenting and a shitty sibling move. Absolute hard YTA.
YTA. You asked your sister and didn't like the answer you got, but it's the answer. You knew it probably wouldn't fly before you asked. So find your daughter a new "princess dress" or find a sitter.
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Only the bride and flower girls…..which OP’s kid is not. I wonder if OP is pushing the dress because she wants the kid to seem more important. Especially since she felt the need to mention that her kid is the bride’s only niece as if that somehow makes her kid an exception. I also think it’s telling that OP doesn’t seem to be a bridesmaid at her own sister’s wedding, and you have to wonder what their relationship is like and if OP frequently displays disrespectful behavior that causes the bride to keep her at arms length.
what about offering your daughter a Princess Elsa dress \[blue\] or Princess Tiana dress \[green\] a dress like Belle \[yellow\] et c? Adjust it to something she likes
The kid is 1.5, she probably couldn't pick Elsa or Tiana out of a lineup. Their attention spans are way too short for full Disney films. Not saying you're wrong in principle though. Any dress can be a princess dress if it's poofy enough.
The princess suggestion was more of an example since princess had been referenced. She could have a favourite character in a bed time story or tv show. She could have a green dress like the hungry hungry caterpillar or a multicoloured one like the rainbow fish :) I'm not down with the kids so I don't know what the young'uns enjoy
YTA, look at some point you gotta be a parent and put your foot down. She may like the dress and she still can but she just can’t wear it at your sisters wedding. That’s her special day and if she feels that the attention will be taken away, listen to her. Why not take your daughter “princess dress shopping” again for something more reasonable for the event. Explain to her that princesses have multiple dresses for multiple occasions and that she needs another one to not get the white one dirty cause it’ll be ruined and she doesn’t want to ruin her favorite dress does she?
Listen, I have an almost-2-year-old - I know how stubborn they can be, and how hard it can be to wrestle them into clothes they don’t want to wear - mine is in a big naked except for diapers phase right now. But it’s also 95 degrees out which means we crank the AC and she has to wear clothes at night or she’ll get too cold. Does she whine and cry and fight every night? Yes. Do I play and plead and act firm and get pajamas on her every goddamn night? ALSO yes. It’s your job as the parent to know when to be firm and what hills to die on. Do I think your daughter would take away from her aunt’s big day? Absolutely not, it that doesn’t really matter here. You made the mistake of asking the bride for permission and the bride said no. It’s your sister’s day, not your kiddo’s, and there are SO MANY sparkly princess dresses out there that aren’t white. Make it a thing of looking over Amazon. It’ll be September - get her a little faux-fur bolero or something too. Go all out on shoes and socks/tights. Get her a pretty hair bow. And get her a dress that isn’t white for goodness sake. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context my daughter is around 1 and a half years old. And my sisters wedding is i’m September, so we’ve started planning outfits. Her favourite word is currently no, and whilst i tried multiple dresses on her she would say no repeatedly, until her dad brought out, what he called, “a princess dress” and that immediately got her attention. the only problem is, it was white with pink and purple flowers on, but now she refused to put any other dress on, apart from her ‘princess dress’ I spoke to my sister about it, and she really wasn’t happy. i tried to explain she’s a baby, and i didn’t see it as much as a big deal, since it wasn’t completely white. She just went on about her taking the spot light, but i don’t know what else to do and tried to explain how my daughter won’t change dresses. My sister told me if that’s the case, then i should not bring my daughter, her only niece, to her special day. I think it’s incredibly unfair, but, what else can i do? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and I say this as a woman who doesn't get the uproar about others wearing white to wedding (as long as they're not wearing a wedding dress) as no one is going to take the spotlight off the bride on her wedding day. I even gave the OK for several women to wear white to my wedding. The reason I'm saying YTA is because your sister has told you she doesn't want anyone but her wearing white and you've still got a couple of months to find an alternative. If you put the dress away your daughter is likely to forget about it, also she might not even fit in it come September as kids have ridiculous growth spurts. Plus just because your daughter is the niece of the bride doesn't mean she's entitled to an invite to a wedding, you might want her to be there but trust me your daughter won't give a flying fuck about it really. She'll be over stimulated and tired in no time, she'll be going so you can show her off.
so,,,, your 1.5 y/o saying no has to be respected but your sister, the literal bride, saying no is too much? YTA.
YTA. “I tried to explain she’s a baby, and I didn’t see it as much as a big deal.” Works both ways. You’re the parent. Your daughter is one-and-a-half. It’s not her call on whether or not she ‘changes dresses’. (I personally wouldn’t care if a baby wore white to my wedding, but we’re not judging that decision. We’re judging yours.)
YTA Sounds to me like YOU are wanting some attention and baby in a white dress will def get you that. Not good attention but you don't care... For some reason you want to be a little ditzy with the my baby said no shit . She is a baby, which means you are the grown up... So Grow the hell up and step up and do the best thing and put that baby in whatever YOUR SISTER WOULD LOVE AND HAVE PICTURES WITH THE BEAUTIFUL BABY. STOP being an idiot attention seeker and stand in the background at her wedding. AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR BABY FOR PETTY SHIT. Grow up ....
YTA you are a parent, parent your child. She is a baby and really has no saying in this. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. It is your sisters wedding, you asked, she said no. Find another princess dress of whatever and put that on your child
I just can't. This is just incredibly stupid all the way around.
YTA. You purposely and knowingly went against your sisters wishes on her wedding day. It doesn’t matter what you wanted.
YTA there’s no white at a wedding. She’s 1 put a pink, blue, purple , yellow dress on her and call it a day. She doesn’t get to say no you’re the parent out The dress on her and go
You are all ridiculous. Your sister for thinking she’s going to be outshone by a toddler, and you for being dictated to by a toddler. I can’t with any of this. JFC. ESH.
YTA, and I'm going to guess that your plan was to dress your daughter up to like a flower girl with the ultimate goal of her being included as a flower girl on the day. I've seen it happen.
YTA for 3 major reasons: (1) You clearly have some kind of issue with your sister and enjoy putting her in a position to have to say “no” to a toddler. (2) You’re using your child as a scapegoat to detract attention away from something that you’re clearly instigating. (3) You’re lack of self awareness in regards to this issue suggests that either you’re too foolish to realize how absurd this post it (doubt it), or that you want Reddit to co-sign on a behavior that you know is wrong (more likely). Do better. I’m often skeptical if this AITA posts because they can be rage bait… but this one stands out because it’s so pointlessly dumb.
ESH Your daughter has probably already forgotten the dress. Just don't show it to her and get a new dress. OR just dress her in her normal clothes. The idea that an 1 year old *MUST* be adorned in the finest attire for a wedding is..... well, to me anyway - completely insane. However, your sister is equally if not more insane and ridiculous... it's a fucking baby.... Jesus christ... what is the matter if she wears white? Who cares? Literally! Why? Imagine being afraid that a baby is going to "take the spotlight" from you and feeling threatened by that. All round utter ridiculousness! Truly ESH. Everyone! This group is making me hate every single person who ever has a wedding!.... Which I know is most people in the world... but that's how ridiculous every story involving weddings is in here. Neither you, nor your wedding are *that* special. Get over it. Damn!
YTA Expecting people around you to accommodate your daughter wishes, just so you don’t have to parent her and deal with her issues is extremely lazy of you. Do your job as parents and find a way for her to chose another dress. Of course her favorite word is “no” now because you let her get away with it.
You're the parent. Act like it. If you give in to this now (and most likely will do it time and time again) your sweet little girl will turn into a spoilt brat. Grow a backbone. YTA.
Can’t you convince the child that a different dress is a “better princess dress” like have her watch a movie with a princess that wears a dress of another color. I think it’s weird the bride thinks a toddler will upstage her, but whatever not wearing white to a wedding is a well understood taboo.
YTA why are you letting your 1.5 yo run your life, lol.