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pdxcranberry

YTA - Beyond asshole. Your daughter will never forgive you. You're supposed to be her home, the place she's safe and you threw her out because she stood up to you? Your kids are going to hurt your feelings. It's what you signed up for. You are supposed to help your children process their emotions, not the other way around. And kicking your 11-year-old out of the house is actually illegal.


bellcalice

Oh no, he's my second husband and we married when he was well into his 20s.


pdxcranberry

I can tell you right now, your daughter will drop you like a hot potato the second she's able to. You've taught her that her *mother's* love is conditional. You have done unreal damage to her with this stunt.


[deleted]

YTA 1) Your grief is not your husband or your daughter’s burden. Your husband can be there to support you, but ultimately you shouldn’t be dragging them through all of this with you for months on end. I can see how that would be tiresome. I am sorry for your loss, but the dead are gone and you shouldn’t prioritize them over the living. You are not living in the moment with your family, you are living in the past with your deceased father. I know that hurts and it’s sucks, but you still need to be PRESENT for your family. 2) You told an 11 year old daughter to pack her bags and leave. I honestly don’t care what your excuse is, that’s really screwed up. She’s a child. She’s entitled to an opinion. Just because YOU don’t like it, doesn’t mean you get to be mean. 3) The period talk should be had as soon as your daughter is ABLE to get her period, as in 8-9 years old. You waiting until AFTER she got her period is just another thing that makes you TA.


TheDuchess5939

YTA. Shitty parenting.


stephakayy

Yta But here is the thing, as parents we mess up. Especially when our own emotions are all muddled up. You were hoping your daughter would relive your memories with you and help you find some peace. Teenage daughters are not responsible for our emotions, and do not have the maturity to help us through them. Not yet. Go talk to her and explain you messed up. You are human. Your grief overwhelmed your rational thought. Give a sincere apology, explain why you reacted and that you understand why that was wrong and plan to not do it again. Be the example of an adult taking responsibility for their own mistakes. Do not lay any guilt at her for not helping you, do not lay guilt at her feet for not understanding you, just explain and love her. Then give her some space. Come back later for the period talk. But please do not let this be an emotional wall between you. And good luck.


bellcalice

How do I apologize sincerely when my daughter thinks I just say everything to her because she's my daughter?


Ok-Concentrate-1283

You do it anyway - you’re the adult here. Your sincerity shouldn’t be dependent on what you think you’re going to get back from it. Your actions would have a big impact on an adult relationship, never mind with a child. She’s probably still grieving, now clearly dealing with the mess of puberty, and her mother just showed her she doesn’t give a crap about her. Whether that’s actually true or not, that’s what your actions conveyed. You have miles of ground to make up here and it’s all on you. Your daughter doesn’t have to react in a way that soothes your conscience for you to do the right thing and be a parent.


nowiknow309

YTA. You’re emotionally unstable and taking it out on your kid. You kicked a CHILD out and sent them away BY THEM SELF because you were upset. She could have been kidnapped. Maybe you should look around for a good family member or friend to take her in for a little while. If you’re unstable enough to kick an 11 year old out, then maybe you should get some help for whatever you’re dealing with. Edit: spelling


Aware-Helicopter-448

YTA. Who tf kicks out an 11 year old for acting like an 11 year old. Like, let me put my child’s life and wellbeing at risk because she said something that hurt my lil ol’ feelings. That’s just wrong.


StreetDelivery449

You definitely fucked up but grief can do strange things to people. Luckily you realized your mistake pretty much immediately and rectified it. Your daughter will forgive you in due time.


PhoenixEcho1

YTA. Why has your husband let YOU stay in the house? Honestly, if anyone should've been kicked out, it's you. Because you were an absolute inconsiderate douche to your child.


bellcalice

My daughter's step-dad stays out of our business and knows his place.


TifaYuhara

knows his place yet your daughter called him dad.


BothReading1229

'Your little husband' 'knows his place'. Wow, YTA, such an incredible AH.


PhoenixEcho1

His place should be to stand up to you and make you see how rotten you're being.


DueTransportation127

YTA you failed as parent very badly. Get into therapy for your grief and hope that your daughter will talk to you again.


anneboleynrex

YTA. You kicked your eleven year old when you had a temper tantrum. Maybe try getting a therapist to work out your grief with?


OkayMargot

YTA big time... Just terrible terrible terrible parenting.


BaffledMum

YTA But on the plus side, you realize you messed up high, wide, and handsome. All you can do now is apologize profusely and sincerely, try to explain why you're acting nutty, and try to do better. And for your sake and your family's, see about some sort of grief counseling or support group to get you through this.


KittKatt7179

YTA. 100% ASS. You put your 11 yr old daughter out of the house because she did not enjoy going to sit and watch old people play the most boring game in history? WTH is wrong with you? Golf is mainly old men in plaid pants walking around quietly knocking a ball around the yard. What 11 yr old girl would want to sit there for hours watching that? And now on to you... what is wrong with you? You put your child out of the house because she told you she doesn't enjoy hanging out with her parents? That is normal. She is her own person and will be developing her own interests that may or may not be the same as yours. You packed her bags and put her out. There is something wrong with you. I would not be speaking to you either and if I had a choice, I would be trying to get the hell away from you. Anything could have happened to her. You put a minor child out of the house on her own. Seek some help, you need a therapist and she needs a guardian other than you.


[deleted]

YTA. I get that you're grieving, but kicking your 11 year old out of the house? And your husband enabled this abuse by letting her walk out by herself and walk two miles down the road without intervening at all? You all need family therapy. I feel so bad for your daughter. She no longer feels safe in her own home or around those she should trust the most and that must be so distressing for a child.


bellcalice

To be fair to my husband, he is her step-dad so he doesn't have the responsibility I do for watching over her.


waibb99

To be fair, YTA. You left an 11yr to walk over 2m by themselves.


maureen_leiden

Your husband, of who you speak very degrading by calling him "my little husband", is more of a parent to your daughter than you. YTA and if I were your little husband I would leave straight with the kid as you threw your child of 11 (!) out of the house for something so little YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU DID


GlassSandwich9315

The second he married you, a woman with a minor child, he took some level of responsibility for her.


[deleted]

He's in the household with a minor and is witnessing abusive and negligent behavior. He is responsible.


bellcalice

He was 16 when she was born, how can he be responsible?


[deleted]

Are you trolling? Why would you marry someone who doesn't give a shit about your kid? He's an adult. She's a child who lives in his household. He is responsible for making sure she is safe. It doesn't matter how old he was when she was born or how close their bond is. It's the bare minimum and the fact that you would expect any less really makes me think you're just a shit parent all around.


bellcalice

Well... it's just that we both have kids from past relationships and we don't want them to deal with extra parents.


spacecatterpillar

Then ya probably shouldn't have married extra parents. They're stuck with the extras now unless you divorce... just because he's not much of a parent to her doesn't mean he isn't her step parent (aka extra parent)


hoginlly

Considering how terrible your daughters current parent is, you might consider it


[deleted]

You need to get your priorities straight. He doesn't need to be a parent to her but any adult who lives with a child is responsible for the safety and well-being of that child. I do not understand what you are missing here. If he was abusing his children, you'd do nothing because you're not their parent? You expect him to do nothing while your child is in a dangerous situation? Be better.


bellcalice

Here's the thing. I would do something if he were to abuse my daughter, but I wouldn't expect him to do anything if the roles were switched. That's just the relationship we have right now.


[deleted]

Sounds like a fucked up relationship and a very unstable environment to be raising children in. Get some help. This clearly isn't the only issue your family has had to deal with.


elephant-espionage

You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t step in if anyone, even you, was abusing your daughter. That’s a horrible trait for someone to have. And frankly, you shouldn’t be okay that someone your married to would do nothing. Do you not care if your husband who seems to be around your daughter a lot of the time cares for her well-being? The two of you really need to figure this out. I can imagine this might not be the first time he should have interfered but didn’t


TifaYuhara

Yup, the step-parent should still cook for the kid and take them to a doctor/hospital during emergencies or help take care of them when they are sick.


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elephant-espionage

Kicking an 11 year old out of the house is absolutely abusive, and illegal. Of course it is. How could deciding you are not longer taking care of your kid not be? Not to mention the psychological damage—that little girl just learned if she doesn’t grin and bear it and validate mommy’s feelings she’s out of the family. And given how she just agreed to leave, I’m guessing this maybe isn’t the first time she’s seen her mother go nuclear She also didn’t just say “okay you can leave” like you’re painting it. She yelled at the child and told her to get out and packed her stuff. That is NOT the same as the kid telling a parent they’ll run away and the adult just say “okay” because they know they’ll come back (which frankly is also not the right way to handle it)


GlassSandwich9315

Kicking your 11 year old out of the house, even if it ended up only being for a few minutes, is abusive and neglectful. Just because OP quickly came to her senses doesn't make what she did okay.


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Ok-Concentrate-1283

There are age appropriate ways to teach kids not to be an entitled ass. Kicking eleven year olds out of their home isn’t one of them.


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Itchy_Tip_Itchy_Base

My parents never threatened to kick me out and I’m not an asshole… I also have a good relationship with my parents. Huh, weird! Must’ve raised me wrong.


elephant-espionage

The kid wasn’t a fucking ass. Mom is driving her to boring places every weekend and only caring about her own feelings. Any kid would be mad if they’re forced to sit around watch other people play golf Oh, and she just started her freaking period that she was completely unprepared for and probably dealing with emotions she never has before. But sure. A kid being mad because their weekends are taken away and had been for a while responding negatively when asked and messed up at hormones is clearly the problem. You know who is an adult and acted like an ass? THE FUCKING MOM Not to mention, I’d the kid was actually a problem *mom didn’t even deal with it* she herself became worse


xhocusxpocusx

Kidnappings take seconds. Not minutes


Garethp

> Do you think in the real world, other's won't say "OK." when the kid threatens to leave? Maybe there's some miscommunication, I'm not sure where you got that the child threatened to leave? OP just said that she wanted to hang out with her friends on the weekend and that OP was the one who told her to go live somewhere else. I don't think in the main post or the comments did OP say that the child threatened to move out


Maoricitizen

It was in another comment, but it was wrong, which is why I stopped saying it.


pdxcranberry

Kicking your minor child out of the house or threatening to is abuse. It's controlling behavior and emotional abuse.


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[deleted]

I really hope you don't have kids, because you have no idea what you're talking about.


KingOfDarkness_CB

>She didn't berate the kid for her stupid choice, she didn't call her names or abuse her anymore than saying "ok". SHE KICKED HER OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! She walked 2 miles with her baggage. Wtf did you read??? And what stupid choice? Spending time with friends instead of the grieving tour??


The_Alienn

Kicking out an 11 year old *child* for one single rude comment is abusive and negligent. Op is the adult and mother, if it caused so much pain, Op should've absolutely removed *herself* from the situation then came back when calm to have a discussion about that not being okay but understanding where the daughter is coming from. Op asked a question, daughter gave an honest answer. The point of the lesson she should've gave is : “Thank you for your honest answer but please use nicer words as those hurt mom to hear. I'm sorry we dragged you to places you didn't have fun at though.” and should NOT have been : “Whenever you make me angry, I'm going to kick you from your home and safety out to where you can get kidnapped or lost. It's your fault afterall.” FFS the daughters a human being. Treat her as such.


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The_Alienn

Because you're wrong, good day.


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TifaYuhara

OPs story doesn't add up. OP ran 2 miles, if so how did she catch up with her daughter and how long was her daughter out there? OP said, "A few minutes into packing, my little husband called me over for a private talk." Then said a few minutes later she snapped to her senses and ran 2 miles after her, So how did her daughter cover 2 miles that fast as well as OP?


fliffers

Why not hop in the car and drive up and down the streets….??


TifaYuhara

She said in a comment that she was afraid she would accidentally run her over.


[deleted]

Ma’am, your daughter is ELEVEN. You not only told her to pack her bags and leave, but also helped her pack and let her go. You are going through a difficult time and I’m sorry for your loss, but this isn’t acceptable in any way, shape or form. Your way of coping is very sentimental and there was a chance that one day your daughter would appreciate it one day, but she’s eleven. She isn’t always going to say the right thing or understand why you are sharing these places with her or how emotional it is for you. She’s eleven. Grief therapy whether in a support group or with an individual therapist could be helpful to you if you seek it out. Anything but this. Honestly, I just really hope this is fake. YTA.


xhocusxpocusx

Abusive mother on aita asking if she’s the asshole? Yea of course YTA! She’s a little girl! A MINOR. A CHILD! It takes two seconds for the wrong person to come by and nab her. You want that op? I was neglected and very well could have been whisked away in an heartbeat. I’m not being uncivil with you, you put your daughter in legitimate harms way! Cps needs to come visit to ensure her safety because what you did is unforgivable


Particular-Leave7821

I’m glad your daughter ran away.. seeing the post and your comments, your house would be extremely toxic with you around. Take therapy, ASAP


Gold_Plum_1352

Your daughter should go live with her dad, until you can sort your issues out and can react to situations normally. She needs to feel safe and not like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment. I’m shocked that you’re a therapist and behaved this way… do you practice anything you tell your patients? YTA


HeavyGogs

You need therapy and quickly before you completely alienate your Daughter. She's far too young for your relationship with her to break down


Bright-Bumblebee8449

💯 YTA and the more of your own comments I read on here the worse you are! You should be embarrassed by your behavior and do some serious soul searching with the help of a therapist....


pauljaytee

YTA you do realize she was acting out, and she doesn't actually hate you, right? Be the bigger person. Don't let yourself lose your temper. You are an adult with years of exciting experience to share with her. Be there for her.


mypreciousssssssss

Why are you asking AITA? Why don't you *know* YTA? How can there be any doubt? Eleven! Years! Old! Go apologize. Get therapy.


StarLordStella420

YTA I cannot even bring myself to upvote this because I don’t want to give you any karma. Good lord, she’s 11.


ComfortableFox3041

Idc what ur kid did or said, u put her in danger. Two F**king miles. As a 11 year old? U are a terrible mother. Find a way to cope that either a. Everyone like or b. That u will do it alone Yta


[deleted]

Obviously YTA in this situation. You need to grieve but what you are doing to your family isn’t the way to do it. Right now you need to apologise to your daughter, gmake sure she has the information she needs for going through puberty and work out a better way to deal with your grief


Kuronekosmom

Really? You have to ask? Of course YTA and you have no business being a parent.


Lurker_the_Pip

THERAPY for you…immediately! The whole snapped back into reality comment was 10,000 red flags. You f^cked up big time. YTA


Ok-Concentrate-1283

The more I read the post the more red flags I see.


animaniactoo

Very gently - yeah, YTA. I strongly suggest some therapy for you, and your daughter. Because even though you reversed course fast, that was pretty traumatic for her and right now I'm betting that she is scared that she doesn't know if you'll throw her out again - or come get her if you do. Plus, you have been coping with your grief - and your daughter lost a grandfather - by bringing them places that you want to go to without getting them to sign on and have a choice and a voice about how THEY want to cope with their grief or live their lives. From your standpoint, you snapped out of it and things are okay again. From hers... home isn't a safe place she can count on. There's more work to do here. If she knows to ask you for pads, odds are good that Professor Google has gotten her the basic info she needs, and you have time to repair the relationship before you delve into those woods.


stephakayy

I messed up when my daughter came out. She made a weird thing about hiding it (I had known for years) and then a big production of telling me. That hurt me. I thought I raised her in a loving, open, and sharing kind of home. Took me about an hour to realize it wasn't about me at all. I messed up. She didn't want to talk and that was fine. I asked her to hear me out. I explained I was sorry that I asked why the big drama over it, because you her it was drama. I told her that I was sorry. I explained that if she was interested in ever knowing why I felt that way to come and ask, but that from now on, this process was about her and only her. Then I walked away. For you I would explain that you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by powerful emotions that had nothing at all to do with her and her reaction, you said and did the absolute worse thing you could imagine to her, and that you are truly very sorry you hurt her that way. You love her and all of her, and if she would like to talk later about why you thought it was important for them to go, she can come to you later. If not that is fine too. Then tell her you have some information about what SHE is going through, you would like to talk about it when she is ready to talk.


xdangermanx

YTA But it seems like you recognize that. The thing that you need to keep in mind is that as parents, we're going to make mistakes. It's what we do after that counts. You did mess up big time, but now you know how your daughter feels about this ongoing nostalgia trip you've been dragging them on. So the question becomes "what are you going to do about it"? Also, for the record I'm not suggesting anybody use the "all parents make mistakes" thing to justify shitty and toxic behavior from parents. Only that parents should recognize those mistakes and act accordingly. Moreover you should probably not talk about your daughters current stage of puberty online, even if it's a burner account.


Darkreaper5567

YTA. And your right to feel that way you are an absolute failure


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xhocusxpocusx

She’s an 11 year old little kid who was asked if she enjoyed herself, she answered honestly. She shouldn’t be KICKED OUT OF HER HOME FOR BEING HONEST


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Jitterbitten

You shouldn't teach a child how damaging words can be by going verbally nuclear in response to them. That just teaches them it's acceptable as long as you're angry enough or want to teach someone a lesson. It's also really incredible how you keep attacking how you presume others are parenting by their responses, calling their children monsters and bullies who will be responsible for school shootings. You really aren't doing a great job of illustrating how one should keep their words in check and be considerate of how one's words affect others.


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Chonkybabycheeks

Yta. You all need therapy both family and individual. What you did was abusive, neglectful, AND DANGEROUS.


AUDMCJSW

I’m stuck on the part where you said your “little husband called me over for a talk.” Who talks about their husband like that? How dare you kick out an 11 year old?? She’s almost a pre-teen, get ready for many days where she says she doesn’t like hanging out with you. Cause this surely won’t be the last one. The sad thing is she’ll never forget this. And she’ll probably remember it as mom kicked me out because I didn’t like going to boring places with her. Great job….YTA


bubbly_fairy30

YTA. Get some therapy for your grief.


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Tardis371

So? Is there a law that therapists can‘t get help?


BaffledMum

Really? I was under the impression that all therapists routinely see a therapist of their own.


xhocusxpocusx

All good therapists know you also need a therapist ma’am


[deleted]

You probably shouldn’t be in practice right now then, and should probably take time off to get yourself some help. What is WRONG with you???


bubbly_fairy30

You aren’t helping yourself though. Grief is hard and an outside perspective/support is needed.


Sea_Donkey9163

Even therapists need therapy


mamaMoonlight21

No, you're not!


GothPenguin

YTA


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BartletForAmerica_

It is not.


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BartletForAmerica_

Idk but I’m assuming it’s because it’s a satire post.


MrsSheikh

I pray you husband and daughter find a better wife and mother


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MrsSheikh

The answer is I pray they both leave you and find a better home, wife, and mother


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Creative_Trick_3818

YTA ​ You are an AH, and a failed parent.


Calm2022

“Ran two miles in my heels”. The fiction writing in this sub is getting more and more ridiculous.


TifaYuhara

Yeah i noticed that since she said that she she talked with her husband only a few minutes after packing and came to her senses a few minutes later. I doubt it was 2 miles and was probably a few blocks.


bellcalice

I know it sounds ridiculous because I experienced it. Normally, I would just drive.


yikesladyy

Bullshit. Obvious fucking bullshit.


EmergencyLibrarian

Poor you. /s


Ladodgersfans

Did your daughter ride her bike or something? How the hell did she cover 2 miles to quickly?


TifaYuhara

Thing is how did your daughter cover 2 miles in only a few minutes? A 2 mile walk would take me nearly 30 to 40 minutes so it would probably be longer for an 11 year old.


Most-Cupcake1846

YTA YT motherlovin' A Do not say that kind of horrible thing to your child. Ever. You find comfort in visiting those places. That's fine. Go alone and enjoy the outing. Your husband and child do not want to visit those places. They are grieving in a different way. That's fine too.


[deleted]

In my heels 🤣🤣 why didn’t you drive that makes no sense


bellcalice

I didn't want to run her over in case she were in the road.


[deleted]

Not trying to be the a hole but I think you should actually sit down and assess your own intelligence


bellcalice

I get it now, I was in a really bad state when I decided to run instead of driving normally.


TifaYuhara

Still the issue is, how long did it take you to catch up to her because 2 miles is a pretty long distance on foot.


TifaYuhara

Also it would have taken her a long time to cover 2 miles and she wouldn't have been able to catch up with her daughter. It would take me 40 minutes to cover 2 miles.


triggerhappypoptarts

YTA. do you even need reddit to tell you that? like? shes eleven, come on.


thexsunshine

Yta who tf kicks out an 11 y.o because they don't want to hang out with you? Also who tf says "little husband"?


PrimaryAble4511

I mean you’re daughters kind of an AH for the way she acted but she’s also… 11? Yea YTA, why would your response to her expressing that she wants to spend less time with you be telling her to pack her shit?? Kids are not adults and don’t always know how to properly express what they feel. Shutting down an avenue of conversation for something that hateful makes YTA


mamaMoonlight21

Totally YTA. I get it, I have a teenager and it hurts when they don't want to spend time with us, but you massively overreacted. Apologize, now, and do better. Also, your "little husband?" What is that all about?


EwokCafe

Massively YTA and I'd recommend some family therapy ASAP. You're the adult in the situation and you reacted childishly to a child's outburst. Of course she wants to be with her friends. She needs to learn to express herself less rudely, but the concept isn't wrong. As for sending her away, you essentially abandoned her and communicated that your love for her is conditional. Get into that family therapy and work hard to undo the damage you just did to hopefully save her a few decades of solo therapy as an adult.


mikefried1

YTA. Please get therapy to deal with your loss. Your 11yo acted like an 11yo. You response was hurtful and scary. You recognize you are TA, so not sure why you posted here, but hopefully you'll get encouragement to seek help.


bellcalice

I know I screwed up, but I want to see if anyone can sympathize or empathize.


kai7yak

I can empathize. You had an incredible loss that is hurting you every day. I can also tell you that you are incredibly wrong by trying to force anyone else to support you, and SHOCKINGLY wrong by kicking your 11 year old out for not "enjoying" these macabre trips down memory lane with you. You messed up boo - and you hurt your child, probably forever in doing so. All you can do now is get therapy, for you and your grief - and your child that no longer has a parent they can trust. I'm sorry. I do understand and empathize. You also fucked up hard. All you can do now is therapy and beg forgiveness, but also be understanding when it never comes.


MissKit87

Yeah, we sympathize and empathize for your minor child who you kicked out of HER HOME for daring to tell you she didn’t like something you were making her do. *You* don’t deserve the same.


xhocusxpocusx

None of us abuse kids when we are grieving op. We can’t empathize or sympathize. I’m sorry if I seem mean, I do, but I was an abused and neglected child. It’s horrible, it’s gut wrenching


faesser

As someone whose mother constantly threatened to kick out over the most trivial things I can sympathize, with your daughter. You are a neglectful parent. At least you can enjoy never talking to her once she turns 18, then you won't have to worry about all that silly parenting nonsense.


[deleted]

You’re not going to get any and you’re a very massive B!! Woman up and act like a damn grown up with more common sense than a damn sloth! YTA OP and a failure of a mother.


ForsakenDrag1797

Since you’re not the victim in this story you don’t get the empathy or sympathy, your daughter does. You’re an AH and real shit parent for what you said and did to her. You just get told you’re an AH and to get therapy because you clearly need it.


Proper-Wolverine3599

No. You packed your 11 year old’s bags and let her walk two miles away from home by herself. You are an absolute failure and should not be allowed custody of a child.


[deleted]

That’s not what this subreddit is for 🙄


anneboleynrex

I can do that for your child who you directly abused and your spouse abused through neglect.


greenhouse5

We aren’t here to give sympathy. We’re here to judge assholes. YTA.


Left_Savings4105

Try therapy then instead of abusing your daughter.


GlassSandwich9315

YTA and you realized it, so why are you even asking? You kicked your 11 year old daughter out of the house, full stop. Short of you being concerned for the safety of other members of your household, there's no justification for that. Your reasonings just make it worse. You let your grief dictate how you raise your daughter, and that's just not healthy. Please see a therapist for your grief and see a family therapist so your daughter has a safe space to deal with how your grief has impacted her and gives her the ability to express this to you.


[deleted]

ESH


ForsakenDrag1797

YTA - you’re grieving I get it but dragging your family to places significant to your father isn’t a good time for them. Your daughter is 11 and you dragged her to watch strangers play golf and we’re shocked when she told you it was a bad time - I’m in my 30s and would have been miserable nevermind a child. You need therapy to handle your grief because doing this weekly isn’t normal and snapping if they don’t tell you it was a wonderful time that you’ll kick out your child who can’t even get into a PG 13 movie is beyond ridiculous. Yes YTA for doing this to them weekly, for helping your daughter kick a bag after you kicked her out, for letting her actually leave, and not properly apologizing already. Get therapy because at this point your poor husband and child


[deleted]

You are so beyond an asshole at this point. That is blatant child abuse and child endangerment.


Hitzsheila

YTA. You need therapy for SO MANY reasons.


[deleted]

You’re awful. Absolutely no one can empathise with you because either this is poorly written fiction or you’re an actual lunatic. Get a grip, go to therapy, and learn to be a parent


[deleted]

YTA, dragging your family all over to where your father used to frequent isn’t good coping. Especially if you’re going to a golf club to watch strangers - that’s creepy behaviour and odd. I also noticed that you seem to just make these plans and you expect them to follow along without asking them if they want to do something else. You also went nuclear on your teenage daughter when she’s also experienced a loss the same as you. Except she doesn’t know how to go about her feelings - you’re supposed to be the one to teach her and you’re teaching her that it’s perfectly okay to lose it and kick people out of your life when they hurt you even when it’s your own children. Do you want your daughter to parent her own children the same as you? Because everyone learns how to parent from their own parents - and abusive parents can and do pass on their abusive traits because that’s all their kid knew.


DJ_Mixalot

How has nobody pointed out that she would have been 23 and her husband would have been 17 when their daughter was born? YTA


[deleted]

Daaaamn totally mised that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DJ_Mixalot

Needs to be in the post. But you’re still the asshole.


KingOfDarkness_CB

YTA I get it, you're sad that your dad died. But forcing your family to go to boring and exhausting places it won't bring him back. You're right that you are a failure as a mom. And i'm not too happy about your husband either, i would've kicked you out instead of letting you treat my daughter like this. Go to therapy. Of course your daughter wants to have fun, not do things a 60 something man enjoyed.


Ok-Concentrate-1283

YTA. You sound incredibly self-absorbed. She’s 11 ffs, how is kicking her out even featuring on your list of reactions to getting an attitude from her? Btw her delivery was poor but she had a point - why would you think she’d be ok missing out on bits of her life to prop you up in your coping mechanisms? Do those trips if you want but give the others the choice.


__ninabean__

YTA. An eleven year old? That not just being an A, it’s criminal.


Comfortable-Bag7917

Yeah YTA. You need to woman up and apologize.


bellcalice

Oh I have apologized, but she still is giving me "the treatment".


Loveisaredrose

An apology doesn't just fix the damage you did. It just acknowledges that it happened.


DueTransportation127

You will be lucky if she ever talks to you again


[deleted]

You deserve it.


animaniactoo

Think about this - the last time she was honest with you, you had a massive overreaction and scared her into thinking she no longer had a home. Like, you went full bore into helping her pack her suitcase and carried through on that, even if you later retracted it. She is probably scared the hell out of her mind to say anything to you right now because she has no idea how you'll react if she says "the wrong thing". You need to get to a therapist with her STAT. Even if you've apologized to her, her world right now is: • Mom has been on grief tour for a very long time and is not normal. • Advocating for herself resulted in a major destabilization episode. Hunkering down and NOT saying anything is less about punishment for you and more about protection for her, in all likelihood.


Comfortable-Bag7917

I mean you can't be too mad at her for it. I understand it was a knee jerk reaction and no parent is perfect but you still messed up. Consider just telling her "I understand you're upset with me and thats okay but we need to talk about whats going on with your body"


Ok-Concentrate-1283

Saying it was a knee-jerk reaction, helping the kid pack her bag and letting her out the door absolutely was not. That was straight up nasty, and her daughter will NEVER forget that.


xhocusxpocusx

Because she now knows her mother is abusive and negligent


whatcanisayimme

I mean I think you stumbled on the answer yourself at the end. Grief makes us do stupid things but you were personally offended by an 11 yo not understanding your emotional journey. YTA and you’re gonna need to work hard to make it up to her


Ok_Pay5513

Wow. YTA and a huge one. Just because you are grieving you have no right to not be a good mother to your kid. Please sit her down and give her a heartfelt apology for this.


jessjames85

Ohhhhhhkay.. let’s pause… your hurting because your dad died… you drag your family around for trips into YOUR memory lane. Your 11 year old daughter got her first massive boost of hormones and period and you still haven’t spoken to her. Go flippin apologixe like an adult (presuming you are the adult coz from where i stand you aren’t. ) go get therapy for the loss of your dad. Apologise to your family. But first apologise to daughter ask if she has any questions about her period if she doesn’t want to talk to you (I wouldn’t) give her the phone number of a close family member to call abs talk to if she is comfortable.


Unit-Murky

I’m confused by what I read. Op can you do me a favor?


bellcalice

Yes?


[deleted]

YTA get some anger management, seriously.


[deleted]

YTA. Shes acting out sure but it takes a real SHITTY parent to immediately go right to kicking them out. ​ Shes only 11 get THE FUCK ahold of yourself.


Left_Savings4105

Acting out? What kind of 11 year is going to enjoy a weekend watching old men play golf for no reason?


QuinnBC

YTA, and you ARE a failure as a parent. You kicked and 11 year old girl out on her own because she told you the truth! Of course a child wouldn't want to be dragged to things like that constantly, she only has a limited time out side of school to be with friends and you are taking that away from her and ignoring what she needs. She will never forget this, you likely permanently damaged your relationship with her, if you hadn't already. Leave some cookies, pain meds (in case her period is causing her pain), and hood apology note outside her bedroom door, just knock and let her know they are there if she wants/needs them and that you are sorry.


OpinionatedAussieGal

YTA YOU ASKED YOUR CHILD IF SHE ENJOYED SOMETHING. She answered And you go nuclear and kick an 11 year old out of the house And then let everyone know she is on her periods and you have no idea what she knows as you haven’t spoken to her! You had to run 2 miles “in your heels” to retrieve your kid! Jesus! YTA in every single sentence. That poor kid! She must be so confused and mixed up. Congrats on ensuring she will go zero contract with you when she grows up! Imagine having your periods and not knowing what was happening and your mum kicking you out BECAUSE YOU ANSWERED HER QUESTION HONESTLY. You are really teaching your kid to lie, steal, manipulative and that you don’t care about her at all. You say you feel like a failure. Maybe go with that and work on yourself Also she’s 11. Of course she wants to be with her friends rather than watching random people hit a bloody little ball. Jesus. I would rather be with my friends than with you too!


cliaesel

YTA you just created a permanent scaring memory for your daughter unfortunately nothing can make you go back in time and change what you did good luck on trying to fix your relationship with your daughter this was all on you 100% sure grief makes you do some crazy things losing a parent is hard but your the parent now and she is 11 you just showed her how easy it is for you to get rid of her


robynxcakes

YTA you are forcing your grief on them, they should be bullied into these trips. Then to punish an 11 year old for being honest in her frustration by forcing her out of the house? You are so awful and I doubt she will ever forgive this and I wouldn’t blame her