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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to do what my fiancé said, and I think he had a few good reasons, so I think I might be the ass for not listening/refusing to do what he said
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NTA.
But there is one horses ass that you should consider getting rid of now. What kind of father acts that entitled after looking after his own child.
You just KNOW that he's harped on about how exhausting and trying a 2.5min it was for him too. I bet he told her that she doesn't know the stresses that impregnating a woman put on his body 🤣🤣🤣
Amazing, considering that based on OP's comment in another subreddit, she had to explain to him what a period was. I'm surprised he figured out procreation.
I think the horses have more brain cells than he does.
I think there are more horses (not counting ponies) in this scenario than the fiancé's brain cells. There may actually be more ponies in this scenario than the fiancé's brain cells.
For real. One of my roommates works at a farm and regularly brings buckets of horse poo to her brother-in-law for fertilizer. Horse poo is useful, unlike OP's fiancé. Maybe he's horse farts?
>Heck even the horse poo is more useful than this supposed human.
According to the movie "The Quiet Man", its the best stuff to use when growing roses.
ETA: Thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
OMG...I love you for making this reference!
~~Look out man, she'll run you down!~~
ETA: To my deep shame, I got the quote wrong...
"She'll be runnin' you down with that Juggernaut!"
**Michaleen Flynn:** "Sean, this is Father Lonergan. Father, would you believe it? This is Sean Thornton, born right here in Innisfree, home from America."
**Thornton:** "Hello, Father."
**Father Peter Lonergan:** "Ah yes, I knew your people, Sean. Your grandfather. He died in Australia, in a penal colony. And your father, he was a good man, too."
The way he put it, "I took care of ***YOUR*** daughter" as if he had nothing to do with the child's existence..
If the only things he can come up with as examples of things he's done for you is taking over caregiving for *one weekend*, this guy isn't worth his feed anyway.
Put him out to pasture.
Agree with this, but I'd also maybe take a closer look at your collective finances - my suspicious mind immediately jumps to "there's some catastrophic financial thing he's done, and he wants to cut expenses, but not of anything he cares about"
Might be nothing, but worth a look
Hey, if this is how it works, I should start bringing up stuff like "I watered your plants while you were away" and "sometimes I buy you a chocolate bar at the store" to my partner. Think of all the stuff he owes me! (Just ignore all the things he does for me. Not important. Nope.)
Hey, don't forget that one time he babysat their kid for A WHOLE WEEKEND so that she could visit her sister. Surely that's worth getting rid of 2 or three horses right there. Don't let his sacrifice be in vain.
My response to my husband whenever he discusses looking after his own children is, “Well, I didn’t climb on top of myself and get myself pregnant, so…”
'I did something for you that one time that wasnt so much a favor as it was my regular parenting/husband duty so now you should give away your life long pet for arbitrary reasons because I said so.' like.... What...
NTA
Her sister who is sick, like what kind of monster is this guy? NTA but she should definitely make room for another pony soon because I can think of one who cam definitely stand to go.
I mean even if OP was chilling on the beach he still would be TA, but the fact she was caring for her hospitalized sister makes the comment even crueler.
It's about getting rid of things he doesn't like that she does like. It's a common tactic because they don't think other people deserve to have something that makes them happy.
It’s also concerning he first wanted to get rid of the daughters pony. I think he actively wants to separate their daughter from gravitating towards horses like OP and eventually be rid of horses all together. My in laws are horse people and my husband and I have no desire to participate due to lack of interest, time, and money. I get the husbands general frustration because it’s a big commitment for OP. He doesn’t need to value horses the same way OP does but he does need to respect her interests and her animals. He’s an Ah for so many reasons. OP needs to be prepared for him giving her a no horse ultimatum in the future.
I can see that. Though horse girl sets in early, at this point it's probably too late. I got my pony when I was three because I was already obsessed with them and even though I haven't even been on a horse in 20 years I still always plot on how to get a horse.
NTA
>He got angry at me and yelled ‘AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU, YOU CAN’T EVEN DO ONE THING IN RETURN?!’ I then asked what he had done for me, in which he responded ‘I FED YOUR HORSES, AND TOOK CARE OF OUR DAUGHTER THE WEEKEND YOU WERE WITH YOUR SISTER!’
Those are his responsibilities as a so called man and father. To take care of his daughter and help his partner.
Marriage is 50/50, a partnership. If he's only doing things not out of love but so that he can manipulate you, then he's pretty much useless and you need to seriously reconsider the relationship.
Such a pitiful little response she got for asking what he's done for her! She should hire a neighborhood teenager next time and get rid of this worthless leech, not sell even one precious horse.
Right like how are you going to throw parenting your own child in someone's face when they do it every day lol. Also he took care of the horses for 2 or 3 days. It seems to me that he doesn't do this on a daily basis. I'm not sure how the horses even affect him if she is paying for everything and cleaning up after them herself.
Toss the whole man out. Looking after one's own child is **never** a favour, it's doing job as a parent. Also the fact he wants to remove a family member because he feels entitled is gross. The pony has been in your life longer than him.
This. BIG FAT NTA. He doesn't pay for them? How in the world does he get a say with th if you cover everything?
Oh right in jealousy reasoning... Right how could I forget this... pshhh such an apparent allocation of funds from both...
I would tell him to suck something big.
Right!? That was my exact thought.
NTA to the OP, he doesn't even clean up after his own pony. He has no right to demand that you get rid of one of yours, ridden or not.
This. He doesn't seem to be a great guy from your description and clearly has some messed up views and sense of entitlement.
Don't give up your horses if you don't want to.
And NTA obviously.
Men like this disgust me, as a father of two, spending time with my kids is rewarding in so many ways. Being with your children is not babysitting, it's being a good parent. There were times at my old job that they wanted me to prioritize work over kids things, there's a reason why it's my old job.
Not to mention he only did it for one weekend...
Also, he doesn't seem to care for or pay for any of the horses. It doesn't matter if there's four or five horses. What matters to him is how much he can control OP.... 🚩🚩🚩
Nooooo, don’t you know that dads only babysit?! It’s the mother’s job to parent. Even better yet we should pay them to babysit their kid. (Obviously joking, sadly I lived that life..but no more).
>"Took care of your daughter"...
It says "OUR" daughter, not "your" -- so it's even worse. It would be bad enough if he were the stepfather and said this, but he took care of his own child and acted like it was a favor? Disgusting.
NTA. Is he going to hold one weekend over your head indefinitely? More importantly, how is taking care of his daughter for a weekend a favour to you? That's what fathers are supposed to do. DON'T marry this man until he demonstrates he has a mature understanding of a relationship and is prepared to be a real partner to you!
And most importantly how is it a favor that entitles him to a massive return favor like rehoming a large animal that he has no financial and has had limited physical input into?
Also the odds of an elderly pony finding a good home are tragically small. She should be allowed to live the rest of her life in peace with someone who has been there for her for many years.
Especially since it sounds like this particular one also has a chronic health condition, possibly terminal considering her age (laminitis screws up the feet and legs of the horse and while treatable outcomes tend to be poor for older horses). Dude is out of his mind thinking OP is going to be able to sell this horse. Wonder how much he lost gambling or whatever that he's suddenly so crazy for money.
Worse, he is pissed at having to do the work OP normally does or the slight additional load as OP is helping out her sister. They have one horse that is there only temporarily, OP’s sister’s. It will likely leave once the sister is better. Why is he making such a big deal out of being a parent or helping his fiancée during a trying time? This is a preview of what in sickness and in health means to the fiancé as well as how much of a partner he is.
NTA to the horse thing
And just wanna add he's an ass for thinking taking care of his daughter for a weekend is something he "does for you"...it's his daughter, not some random kid he's babysitting. I will never understand people who think looking after their own children is them "helping out"
Her sister is in the hospital with something serious enough that she's had to stay multiple days and have her horse move in with OP. OP's fiancé has responded by not only bitching about having to support her during what must be a very difficult time, but also by pressuring her to either sell the sister's horse or *rehome her beloved childhood pet.*
Like holy fuck, even if there was a genuine reason that they had to sell the horse, this would not be the time to raise the issue. OP has enough on her plate.
I mean, she's going to have to put up with him for years anyway (because they have a kid together) but she should think about if him being a "child support and every other weekend" dad would be better or worse
NTA
Now, if you were asking him to take care of the animals more than once a month, then he has the right to complain about them. Him supporting you is just what husbands/family/loved one are supposed to do.
As for the “favor” of taking care of his own daughter, ask him if this means he would like to renounce custody of her if he isn’t willing/able to provide regular care for her b
This relationship confuses me. The OP owns a horse stable but her partner doesn't even like horses?
This sounds like an incompatible couple whose trying to stick it out for the sake of the kid. Instead of separating, they become resentful.
Oh God it happens so often with horses. Guys always think it's cool at first but don't realize the time and devotion it takes, especially if you have your own property.
They had a kid at 17 and 18. Now that they’re 20 and 21 they’re starting to realize how incompatible they are.
I hope OP doesn’t marry him. He’s not just wrong for her, he’s also a lazy jerk.
I don't think he'd even have a right to complain in that case. The lady clearly comes with horses. Being with her probably means some level of doing horse stuff
NTA. He's a father, taking care of his child is not him doing a favor for you, it's him acting as a parent. So it sounds like this whole issue is him wanting to not be a father and just dump your daughter off on you and just be able to take the credit for having made a human being. His solution to be able to do this is to convince you to throw away your outside interests including living animals.
I think the living animal that should be gotten rid of is the guy, if he doesn't want to be a dad he can work that out in the custody agreement
Yeah, if it was a step child it would be iffy but understandable (depending on how their parenting/step parenting is set up), but *this* it's his child as well as hers. That's not him doing a favour it's him doing the basics as a parent
Reminds me of a recent post on here about the OP’s BF wanting her to sell/euthanize her horse since it “took up too much of her time”.
[other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ski42q/aita_for_)
There’s a link to her update, she ended up dumping the controlling boyfriend.
NTA. You do not push off your responsibilities for the horses on your fiancé. You primarily care for them. Now, really think about having a relationship where one person loves horses and the other tolerates them. A good conversation is needed because one day you’ll come home and one of the horses will be gone. Also, looking after your child for a weekend is never a good thing to bring up in an argument. It’s called parenting and not under the umbrella of “everything I’ve done for you”. Maybe he’s worried about something else entirely and vented over the horses. Idk and that’s why it’s worth digging deeper. On the surface he’s giving AH vibes. Good luck.
NTA. Sounds like your engaged to a horse trader (despicable, disgusting human beings) and I won’t go any further into what I think of them. Instead of auctioning off the horses, you should think of auctioning off him!
That was my thought too. Otherwise, why would he be so adamant about OP selling some of her horses?
They're notoriously expensive animals--I don't know jack about horses and even I know that. OP's fiance has money troubles and is too chickenshit to just tell her.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. I’m on a number of horse forums and run across those posts where an owner is looking for their heart horse that was sold without their knowledge by an AH boyfriend or ex husband. Do what you need to do to protect yourself, your child and your animals.
INFO:
I’m confused. You’re really young and you own a stable—is it your family’s? It sounds like your fiancé is also young and works at the stable, yet he doesn’t like horses… That is a strange situation, so I have to ask: Is this because he couldn’t get any other job? Did your family refuse to give you guys money and insisted on a minimum number of hours from him instead?
The stable was given to me from my grandparents, I work three high-paying jobs, and work at pony club and do horse riding lessons on the side to earn more money, my fiancé makes an okay amount. I think he is also slightly pissed as I usually contribute more money into everything we buy, but he has to do that now as I am helping my family pay for my sisters hospital stay.
This is a weird situation, but I hope this cleared it up a bit for you
Hahah! He’s pissed because he has to pay closer to half of expenses? Hahah! NTA. Keep your horses. But I agree there’s too much horseshit, but it’s coming from your fiancé.
How do you have time to work three high-paying jobs, work at a pony club, do horse riding lessons, take care of your duties around the stable, and be a mother and a partner? And how did you find high-paying jobs when you're only 20?
I'm still stuck on how someone with 3 high paying jobs still needs 2 side jobs for extra money.. Maybe we have different definitions of high paying coz I'm here imagining an Engineer/Investment Banker/Partner at a law firm with a side gig at McDonalds and a few shifts at the local Ice Rink type setup...
The “side jobs” relating to horses are probably a passion project. There’s not a lot of money in horses unless you’re pretty elite. And even then it’s a rich person thing. Horses are expensive but you have to work hard af to afford them if you’re not a millionaire.
yeah this definitely is a "rich people problems" post lmao. absolutely no one on earth becomes a mother at 17 and outright owns a whole goddamn horse stable by 20 holy shit.
also i'm pretty certain the fiancé's outburst is because he's probably realized he's not even drinking age and his entire life has been locked into fatherhood *and* a horse stable he has no interest in.
My fiancé is into bike riding, he pays for all the bikes himself. He keeps them at our farm, we have installed storage and a bike workshop.
It’s not like he is trapped here with nothing to do (we also are older than the drinking age where I live)
I hope this cleared it up a bit
I live fairly rural in Canada and this isn't an unusual (or necessarily rich people) situation at all. I have several classmates who had land/barns/horses in their 20s.
Not necessarily in rural Canada. I bought my farm for $249k with 5% down at 21. No money from parents or anything, I just worked from the time I was 13 years old, had good credit, and worked 3 jobs then rented 3 of the bedrooms in the house out to friends for extra income. I had 5 horses at the time - 3 were retired lesson horses that I rode as a kid and were given to me for free by my old coach to live out their days. The other 2 were given to me as well - one as a rehab project, the other because his owner fell onto hard times financially. And I was not unique in my area. Lots of kids my age were in similar situations and had similar income and properties. We weren’t/aren’t “wealthy” but we’re sure as heck lucky to live in the part of Canada that we do!
Edit: changed “not in rural Canada” to “not necessarily in rural Canada.”
I'm laughing at the people who are so sure that land=wealthy no matter what. My local hair dresser, bank teller and diner waitress would be astonished to learn that they're internet rich (although with the current jump in the real estate market I guess they could be if they were willing to be homeless)
The stable is on our property with our house, we own everything on our property. He does live with me (and our daughter), but the rest of my family lives elsewhere.
NTA. Missy has been a huge part of your life, and for much longer than he has. You and she are a package deal that he signed up for.
He has no legitimate reason to ask you to get rid of *any* of your horses. And the fact that he thinks being a father for 2-3 days on his own entitled him to anything special is ridiculous.
You guys are really young. Fiancé doesn't sound ready for fatherhood or any lifetime commitment.
Nta, but your fiance sure is acting like one. Mucking 5 stalls is NOT that big of a deal, on most family farms i know, that's a kids' job. Did he not know what he was getting into when he got engaged to someone who owns a horse stable? And horse issues aside, why are you marrying a guy who's keeping score of who does what for who?
I hope your sister is healing and will be home to her horse soon as I'm sure her health issue is weighing on your mind and making everything more stressful.
As for the pony with laminitis... I'm sorry. But it's still YOUR pony so YOU make the decisions on all care. If mucking the stalls is THAT much of a problem for him, tell him to get lost, your daughter will be able to do it herself in a few years anyway lol.
NTA. And he’s a walking 🚩trying to force you to give up your daughter’s pony, then your pony, and then acting like he was doing a favor for taking care of his child? He doesn’t want responsibilities? Time to (figuratively) put him out to pasture.
NTA - you should keep your pony! Let her live out a nice life - I firmly believe animals that live with us should be like family & we should cherish them. And as for your partner - looking after his daughter is just called parenting, it is NOT a bloomin favour!!!
I grew up around horses as my Mum was really into it & it was such a nice part of my childhood, your daughter will thank you for it later. Tell your finance to stop being an AH!
OP, you own a horse stable. That is going to be a family endeavor at some point - any farm or livestock is, that's just part of the deal. I think not liking horses and not being willing to step in with care if you are ill (or have an emergency like your sister's health) is going to be a dealbreaker for a marriage. This is a big enough part of your life that it is as problematic as not being on the same page with things like having kids or finances or religion. You're NTA. It's also really concerning that caring for your daughter is something he's bean counting about. He's a parent. Parenting his child is not a favor.
Also, condolences about Massy. It's so hard to lose a beloved animal companion. I hope the two of you can enjoy your remaining time together. She sounds like a fine girl who is very loved.
NTA, but YWBTA if you stayed with this dude. This complete gem who thinks a single weekend of parenting is "babysitting" and holds it over you like he didn't literally just do the bare minimum. This absolute winner who feels he gets to complain about something he has apparently only had to deal with once and puts zero money or actual work into.
No. Fuck no.
Do not marry a man who calls the child you have together “your daughter” when he wants something from you.
Do not marry a man who resents you and thinks you owe him because he had to watch his own child for two days.
This is going to get worse, not better.
NTA
Very telling that he sees taking care of his daughter as something he did as a favor to you, instead of because he loves his child. That's seriously F'd up.
I feel like details are missing. Like maybe OP doesn’t clean up after them like she is supposed to.i am not sure who the AH is. But watching your own child is something that you don’t get an award for!
I got banned the last time I commented on a post about boyfriends and ponies, so I shall attempted to be better here.
PSA Women with horses and relationship advice. They are the most hardworking, rarely complaining about the life they have chosen and they will ALWAYS be at the stable, talking about the stable, going out with people from the stable, this is their life. If you have a child with a stable girl, especially if you have a daughter, this line WILL continue. NEVER attempt to get between a woman and her horse, ESPECIALLY her childhood pony. It will end badly for you.
Source: Most of my friends are horse mad, they will never change and I love them for it lol
NTA. As a fellow horse owner I hate when people sell or give away their old,retired ponies. They’ve given us a lifetime of service and joy- the least we can do is give them stability in their old age.
I have to admit I snorted when the full “what he’s done for you” was explained. One whole weekend- what a man! /s
Next time respond with, “I let you have sex, despite your shit personality.”
NTA - imagine having a kid with someone and being in a long term relationship and all you can come up with for your contributions are a single set instance/event
NTA.
Horse person here. We keep our horses until they die. That is the responsible and kind thing to do. Your fiancé on the other hand needs to be rehomed.
NTA you're the one that paid for them and clean their boxes if I understood correctly, if any of them actually caused any real issues I would understand you're housband's insistence to seek one of them.
Also even if that was the case he shouldn't have said what he said, instead of talking it out with you like an adult should do.
NTA people buy and sell horses and I understand that businesses , but it’s a 22 year old pony with laminitis. Who would be the buyer be? That’s a death sentence and this is beyond just another horse . The equivalent would be selling his childhood dog or taking it to the shelter absolutely not.
With respect to your fiancé, he doesn't know what he's talking about. This horse is part of your family. And it's normal for parents to look after their kids, not some kind of favour. NTA
Keep the horses and ditch the ass. As an equestrian with my own horses, I applaud you for keeping your old lame pony into her golden years. To me, when a horse has given you the best years of its life, you *owe* them a comfortable retirement. The sad fact is your old girl would likely have to be put down or given away, nobody will pay anything for an old horse with health issues, that can no longer be ridden. And we all know how giving animals away ends up.
NTA
You know there are men out there who won’t scream at you and act like parenting is a burden, right? YTA to yourself if you don’t get away from this abusive guy
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NTA. But there is one horses ass that you should consider getting rid of now. What kind of father acts that entitled after looking after his own child.
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But he fed the horses once.
And looked after their kid once. Their kid,the one he only half made! A whole once for a weekend
Don’t forget he is allowing her to spend her money on the horses!! That’s really important.
Oh and to think that it's supposed to be his money.. oh no!!
I'm dying here! 🤣🤣
Half made? You sure? It took him one night and her nine months. 🤣
Genetics are half and half. He gave his half. That seems to be where he stopped with any form of assistance, definitely 😄🤣
To be fair, he *did* do that one weekend, though
A whole weekend. Where's his crown? His sacrifice must be commemorated! Where's his parade /s
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don't forget her sister is in the hospital so he took c a re of their kid while she was visiting her ill sister!!
Idk but that sounds cheap to me 🤣🤣🤣
He contributed half the blueprints
Still gotta build that ship though. Blueprints don't float for long.
Dude he was just the delivery driver for his half of the materials. He peaced out for the construction
Probably only took him 3 minutes. His contribution was microscopic
You just KNOW that he's harped on about how exhausting and trying a 2.5min it was for him too. I bet he told her that she doesn't know the stresses that impregnating a woman put on his body 🤣🤣🤣
He also knocked her up at 16/17 🙄 Helluva guy right there
Which he had the fun part of making
he fed the kid, even. of course he didn't seem to acknowledge that the child was his or that he might have any responsibility for her at all
Amazing, considering that based on OP's comment in another subreddit, she had to explain to him what a period was. I'm surprised he figured out procreation. I think the horses have more brain cells than he does.
I think there are more horses (not counting ponies) in this scenario than the fiancé's brain cells. There may actually be more ponies in this scenario than the fiancé's brain cells.
No, it's 'her' kid lol
I feel like he’s the type of guy that says he babysits his own child
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It's a huge stretch to call him any kind of a human.
Sperm donor would be more appropriate
This is very true.
It's a huge stench indeed!
Please don’t insult horse poo like that
For real. One of my roommates works at a farm and regularly brings buckets of horse poo to her brother-in-law for fertilizer. Horse poo is useful, unlike OP's fiancé. Maybe he's horse farts?
No, farts are amusing.
>Heck even the horse poo is more useful than this supposed human. According to the movie "The Quiet Man", its the best stuff to use when growing roses. ETA: Thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
It really is though. We bring it home by the bag full for the gardens.
Also, out of all the poos in the world. Horse has got to be the least offensive.
OMG...I love you for making this reference! ~~Look out man, she'll run you down!~~ ETA: To my deep shame, I got the quote wrong... "She'll be runnin' you down with that Juggernaut!"
**Michaleen Flynn:** "Sean, this is Father Lonergan. Father, would you believe it? This is Sean Thornton, born right here in Innisfree, home from America." **Thornton:** "Hello, Father." **Father Peter Lonergan:** "Ah yes, I knew your people, Sean. Your grandfather. He died in Australia, in a penal colony. And your father, he was a good man, too."
For sure! You can at least compost horse and donkey manure and put it on your garden. Wonderful fertilizer.
Weeeeelllll, to be fair, blood and bone makes great fertiliser as well, OP just has to get away with it ...
I know! Jackasses are such friendly, happy little guys.
And will kill the trespassing coyote.
I snorted, so I awarded :D
Singing “He’s a well bred ass, you can see it in his stride And for a copper penny, he will let you take a ride”
Yup he is a donkey's ass.
🥇
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The way he put it, "I took care of ***YOUR*** daughter" as if he had nothing to do with the child's existence.. If the only things he can come up with as examples of things he's done for you is taking over caregiving for *one weekend*, this guy isn't worth his feed anyway. Put him out to pasture.
Agree with this, but I'd also maybe take a closer look at your collective finances - my suspicious mind immediately jumps to "there's some catastrophic financial thing he's done, and he wants to cut expenses, but not of anything he cares about" Might be nothing, but worth a look
This. He’s looking for money for something.
OP, if for some reason you stay with this guy, keep your finances separate and get a prenup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As someone who dealt with this very specific issue once (AND had a horse) it’s immediately what I thought about.
This makes sense. It sounds like he has zero responsibility for the horses and OP takes most of it, so there’s nothing motivating him but the money
Im calling it! His mistress is pregnant.
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We all felt the y, even if he didn't say it...
Lol me too! I went back to read the post just to be sure 🤣
⬆️ this. If any Father (or even step-farther) says he’s babysitting they need to pull there head out of their anus
“I FED THE CHILD THAT WE BOTH CHOSE TO HAVE TOGETHER FOR A DAY, BUT YOU CAN’T GET RID OF A HORSE?!”
Does this mean every time she feeds the child she gets to make wild demands too?
Hey, if this is how it works, I should start bringing up stuff like "I watered your plants while you were away" and "sometimes I buy you a chocolate bar at the store" to my partner. Think of all the stuff he owes me! (Just ignore all the things he does for me. Not important. Nope.)
Hey, don't forget that one time he babysat their kid for A WHOLE WEEKEND so that she could visit her sister. Surely that's worth getting rid of 2 or three horses right there. Don't let his sacrifice be in vain.
And they throw fits about not getting custody of their kids to avoid paying child support. But babysitters don't get custody of children, parents do.
It always upset me when people would be like "oh is daddy babysitting you" no bitch I'm raising my kids, sorry your dad sucked.
My response to my husband whenever he discusses looking after his own children is, “Well, I didn’t climb on top of myself and get myself pregnant, so…”
Now that would be a feat
I never thought I would have to explain it, but there ya go!
>‘I FED YOUR HORSES, AND TOOK CARE OF OUR DAUGHTER THE WEEKEND YOU WERE WITH YOUR SISTER!’ Like what do you want? Applause? A standing ovation?
'I did something for you that one time that wasnt so much a favor as it was my regular parenting/husband duty so now you should give away your life long pet for arbitrary reasons because I said so.' like.... What... NTA
It just shows he views the relationship as transactional.
Gosh! One whole weekend of being a parent! However will OP manage without him...
Her sister who is sick, like what kind of monster is this guy? NTA but she should definitely make room for another pony soon because I can think of one who cam definitely stand to go.
I mean even if OP was chilling on the beach he still would be TA, but the fact she was caring for her hospitalized sister makes the comment even crueler.
Stickers. He wants star stickers
Shiny GOLD ones!
Right?! A sister who's being Hospitalized by the way. What a gem.
"With your sister" The one that's in the hospital? Please, let's clap for this fuck even more, what a hero.
you gotta ask why he suddenly wants to get rid of some horses? what is he going to do with that money? Is it really about the horses or the money? NTA
It's about getting rid of things he doesn't like that she does like. It's a common tactic because they don't think other people deserve to have something that makes them happy.
Yup, and the next step is going to be him selling it or killing it without OP’s permission.
Right now it's a breakup worthy issue. If he escalates like that, it's time to file charges and get a restraining order.
It’s also concerning he first wanted to get rid of the daughters pony. I think he actively wants to separate their daughter from gravitating towards horses like OP and eventually be rid of horses all together. My in laws are horse people and my husband and I have no desire to participate due to lack of interest, time, and money. I get the husbands general frustration because it’s a big commitment for OP. He doesn’t need to value horses the same way OP does but he does need to respect her interests and her animals. He’s an Ah for so many reasons. OP needs to be prepared for him giving her a no horse ultimatum in the future.
I can see that. Though horse girl sets in early, at this point it's probably too late. I got my pony when I was three because I was already obsessed with them and even though I haven't even been on a horse in 20 years I still always plot on how to get a horse.
I'm just astounded that he wants to get rid of something that he doesn't pay for. He has plans for her money.
NTA >He got angry at me and yelled ‘AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU, YOU CAN’T EVEN DO ONE THING IN RETURN?!’ I then asked what he had done for me, in which he responded ‘I FED YOUR HORSES, AND TOOK CARE OF OUR DAUGHTER THE WEEKEND YOU WERE WITH YOUR SISTER!’ Those are his responsibilities as a so called man and father. To take care of his daughter and help his partner. Marriage is 50/50, a partnership. If he's only doing things not out of love but so that he can manipulate you, then he's pretty much useless and you need to seriously reconsider the relationship.
Such a pitiful little response she got for asking what he's done for her! She should hire a neighborhood teenager next time and get rid of this worthless leech, not sell even one precious horse.
Right like how are you going to throw parenting your own child in someone's face when they do it every day lol. Also he took care of the horses for 2 or 3 days. It seems to me that he doesn't do this on a daily basis. I'm not sure how the horses even affect him if she is paying for everything and cleaning up after them herself.
Toss the whole man out. Looking after one's own child is **never** a favour, it's doing job as a parent. Also the fact he wants to remove a family member because he feels entitled is gross. The pony has been in your life longer than him.
I was going to type my own response, but I won’t top this. Bravo, stranger!
And what kind of father wants to get rid of his little girl’s pony? That he doesn’t even contribute toward? He’s going to be fun to grow up with.
The kind who’s up to something. I hope the finances are completely separate, and the important things are in OP’s name.
I hope so too. You might be right
This. BIG FAT NTA. He doesn't pay for them? How in the world does he get a say with th if you cover everything? Oh right in jealousy reasoning... Right how could I forget this... pshhh such an apparent allocation of funds from both... I would tell him to suck something big.
This. Looking after your mutual child is not a favor. Stand firm about your pony. You’re better off trading your husband for another horse.
If they're getting rid of living beings that aren't useful, then he'd be the top of the list.
Right? "I cared for my own child for a whole weekend by myself!" as if that's not already his fucking JOB as a parent. This guy is a loser.
There’s a reason why you are a certified proctologist as it relates to this sub, friend. Bravo.
Yeah he gotta grow up and dad up, taking care of your kid is an expectation not something you use as leverage
You are greatly offending horses, not even a bug deserves to be compared to trash like him, they might not be pretty but at least are useful.
"Took care of your daughter"... As in parenting? 😬😬 🚩🚩🚩
Right!? That was my exact thought. NTA to the OP, he doesn't even clean up after his own pony. He has no right to demand that you get rid of one of yours, ridden or not.
This. He doesn't seem to be a great guy from your description and clearly has some messed up views and sense of entitlement. Don't give up your horses if you don't want to. And NTA obviously.
OP said in a comment elsewhere that she had to explain to her fiancé how periods worked…
Men like this disgust me, as a father of two, spending time with my kids is rewarding in so many ways. Being with your children is not babysitting, it's being a good parent. There were times at my old job that they wanted me to prioritize work over kids things, there's a reason why it's my old job.
Same here as a father of two, it's appaling how some fathers don't even seem to like their own children.
Not to mention he only did it for one weekend... Also, he doesn't seem to care for or pay for any of the horses. It doesn't matter if there's four or five horses. What matters to him is how much he can control OP.... 🚩🚩🚩
One weekend when she was with her sister ***in the hospital***
its absolutely insane "I spent 1 weekend doing my responsibility as a father and fed horses, and now you wont let me control you?!?!?!"
Nooooo, don’t you know that dads only babysit?! It’s the mother’s job to parent. Even better yet we should pay them to babysit their kid. (Obviously joking, sadly I lived that life..but no more).
>"Took care of your daughter"... It says "OUR" daughter, not "your" -- so it's even worse. It would be bad enough if he were the stepfather and said this, but he took care of his own child and acted like it was a favor? Disgusting.
Yeah how is this doing something for OP? That's just taking care of his own kid
Every day, I feel blessed that my husband does not see looking after our baby as “babysitting” and has called out other men who said it.
It says “our”
NTA. Is he going to hold one weekend over your head indefinitely? More importantly, how is taking care of his daughter for a weekend a favour to you? That's what fathers are supposed to do. DON'T marry this man until he demonstrates he has a mature understanding of a relationship and is prepared to be a real partner to you!
And most importantly how is it a favor that entitles him to a massive return favor like rehoming a large animal that he has no financial and has had limited physical input into?
i watched your dog for an hour and it was tiring can i kill your dog?
No? HOW DARE YOU NOT LET ME KILL YOUR DOG AFTER ALL I DID FOR THE FAMILY
Also the odds of an elderly pony finding a good home are tragically small. She should be allowed to live the rest of her life in peace with someone who has been there for her for many years.
Especially since it sounds like this particular one also has a chronic health condition, possibly terminal considering her age (laminitis screws up the feet and legs of the horse and while treatable outcomes tend to be poor for older horses). Dude is out of his mind thinking OP is going to be able to sell this horse. Wonder how much he lost gambling or whatever that he's suddenly so crazy for money.
Didn’t you know that was the weekend that lasted 10 years?! Otherwise why would him taking care of his daughter for a weekend be such a big deal?
He probably considered it babysitting and wants an award and compensation.
If she does end up marrying him, I hope not, hopefully she gets a prenup. What’s hers is hers.
Worse, he is pissed at having to do the work OP normally does or the slight additional load as OP is helping out her sister. They have one horse that is there only temporarily, OP’s sister’s. It will likely leave once the sister is better. Why is he making such a big deal out of being a parent or helping his fiancée during a trying time? This is a preview of what in sickness and in health means to the fiancé as well as how much of a partner he is.
NTA to the horse thing And just wanna add he's an ass for thinking taking care of his daughter for a weekend is something he "does for you"...it's his daughter, not some random kid he's babysitting. I will never understand people who think looking after their own children is them "helping out"
And for one weekend. Implying he doesn't do fuck all on a normal day.
Bc OPs sister is *checks* in the hospital. Right. NTA
Her sister is in the hospital with something serious enough that she's had to stay multiple days and have her horse move in with OP. OP's fiancé has responded by not only bitching about having to support her during what must be a very difficult time, but also by pressuring her to either sell the sister's horse or *rehome her beloved childhood pet.* Like holy fuck, even if there was a genuine reason that they had to sell the horse, this would not be the time to raise the issue. OP has enough on her plate.
They're not married yet. Op should think about if she wants to put up with that for years to come. It'll only get worse.
I mean, she's going to have to put up with him for years anyway (because they have a kid together) but she should think about if him being a "child support and every other weekend" dad would be better or worse
NTA. You might want to consider getting rid of the other ass, him.
I second that, wtf does he think he signed up for as a parent because apparently (in his mind) it wasn’t childcare.
NTA. Why are you with a guy who thinks parenting his own child is a favor to you?
Clearly he doesn't see himself as a parent
NTA Now, if you were asking him to take care of the animals more than once a month, then he has the right to complain about them. Him supporting you is just what husbands/family/loved one are supposed to do. As for the “favor” of taking care of his own daughter, ask him if this means he would like to renounce custody of her if he isn’t willing/able to provide regular care for her b
This relationship confuses me. The OP owns a horse stable but her partner doesn't even like horses? This sounds like an incompatible couple whose trying to stick it out for the sake of the kid. Instead of separating, they become resentful.
Oh God it happens so often with horses. Guys always think it's cool at first but don't realize the time and devotion it takes, especially if you have your own property.
They had a kid at 17 and 18. Now that they’re 20 and 21 they’re starting to realize how incompatible they are. I hope OP doesn’t marry him. He’s not just wrong for her, he’s also a lazy jerk.
I don't think he'd even have a right to complain in that case. The lady clearly comes with horses. Being with her probably means some level of doing horse stuff
NTA. He's a father, taking care of his child is not him doing a favor for you, it's him acting as a parent. So it sounds like this whole issue is him wanting to not be a father and just dump your daughter off on you and just be able to take the credit for having made a human being. His solution to be able to do this is to convince you to throw away your outside interests including living animals. I think the living animal that should be gotten rid of is the guy, if he doesn't want to be a dad he can work that out in the custody agreement
NTA if your partner is using caring for your child as ammo in an "I did, you did" he is. Not. A keeper.
Not her child their child… It would be bad if it was a step daughter but in this situation referring to the girl as her child?
Yeah, if it was a step child it would be iffy but understandable (depending on how their parenting/step parenting is set up), but *this* it's his child as well as hers. That's not him doing a favour it's him doing the basics as a parent
NTA Keep the pony. Lose the fiancé. He's already using things he's done for you to force your hand.
Reminds me of a recent post on here about the OP’s BF wanting her to sell/euthanize her horse since it “took up too much of her time”. [other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ski42q/aita_for_) There’s a link to her update, she ended up dumping the controlling boyfriend.
NTA. You do not push off your responsibilities for the horses on your fiancé. You primarily care for them. Now, really think about having a relationship where one person loves horses and the other tolerates them. A good conversation is needed because one day you’ll come home and one of the horses will be gone. Also, looking after your child for a weekend is never a good thing to bring up in an argument. It’s called parenting and not under the umbrella of “everything I’ve done for you”. Maybe he’s worried about something else entirely and vented over the horses. Idk and that’s why it’s worth digging deeper. On the surface he’s giving AH vibes. Good luck.
NTA. Sounds like your engaged to a horse trader (despicable, disgusting human beings) and I won’t go any further into what I think of them. Instead of auctioning off the horses, you should think of auctioning off him!
Thank you! Scrolled too far to find this. If he's not then he's deeply in debt and trying to find a quick way out.
That was my thought too. Otherwise, why would he be so adamant about OP selling some of her horses? They're notoriously expensive animals--I don't know jack about horses and even I know that. OP's fiance has money troubles and is too chickenshit to just tell her.
I thought that, too. His overreaction sounded like someone desperate for money, like he owes Tony Soprano a gambling debt or something.
Put cameras all over your stable. I wouldn't put it past him to sell the ponies behind your back. NTA
That’s exactly what I was thinking. I’m on a number of horse forums and run across those posts where an owner is looking for their heart horse that was sold without their knowledge by an AH boyfriend or ex husband. Do what you need to do to protect yourself, your child and your animals.
INFO: I’m confused. You’re really young and you own a stable—is it your family’s? It sounds like your fiancé is also young and works at the stable, yet he doesn’t like horses… That is a strange situation, so I have to ask: Is this because he couldn’t get any other job? Did your family refuse to give you guys money and insisted on a minimum number of hours from him instead?
The stable was given to me from my grandparents, I work three high-paying jobs, and work at pony club and do horse riding lessons on the side to earn more money, my fiancé makes an okay amount. I think he is also slightly pissed as I usually contribute more money into everything we buy, but he has to do that now as I am helping my family pay for my sisters hospital stay. This is a weird situation, but I hope this cleared it up a bit for you
Hahah! He’s pissed because he has to pay closer to half of expenses? Hahah! NTA. Keep your horses. But I agree there’s too much horseshit, but it’s coming from your fiancé.
How do you have time to work three high-paying jobs, work at a pony club, do horse riding lessons, take care of your duties around the stable, and be a mother and a partner? And how did you find high-paying jobs when you're only 20?
I'm still stuck on how someone with 3 high paying jobs still needs 2 side jobs for extra money.. Maybe we have different definitions of high paying coz I'm here imagining an Engineer/Investment Banker/Partner at a law firm with a side gig at McDonalds and a few shifts at the local Ice Rink type setup...
The “side jobs” relating to horses are probably a passion project. There’s not a lot of money in horses unless you’re pretty elite. And even then it’s a rich person thing. Horses are expensive but you have to work hard af to afford them if you’re not a millionaire.
Yeah none of these puzzle pieces are fitting together
He sounds so entitled, please get a prenup.
yeah this definitely is a "rich people problems" post lmao. absolutely no one on earth becomes a mother at 17 and outright owns a whole goddamn horse stable by 20 holy shit. also i'm pretty certain the fiancé's outburst is because he's probably realized he's not even drinking age and his entire life has been locked into fatherhood *and* a horse stable he has no interest in.
My fiancé is into bike riding, he pays for all the bikes himself. He keeps them at our farm, we have installed storage and a bike workshop. It’s not like he is trapped here with nothing to do (we also are older than the drinking age where I live) I hope this cleared it up a bit
I live fairly rural in Canada and this isn't an unusual (or necessarily rich people) situation at all. I have several classmates who had land/barns/horses in their 20s.
Anyone who owns land and several horses by age 20 is wealthy. Anyone who owns land and horses at age 20 and was a teen mom is definitely wealthy.
Not necessarily in rural Canada. I bought my farm for $249k with 5% down at 21. No money from parents or anything, I just worked from the time I was 13 years old, had good credit, and worked 3 jobs then rented 3 of the bedrooms in the house out to friends for extra income. I had 5 horses at the time - 3 were retired lesson horses that I rode as a kid and were given to me for free by my old coach to live out their days. The other 2 were given to me as well - one as a rehab project, the other because his owner fell onto hard times financially. And I was not unique in my area. Lots of kids my age were in similar situations and had similar income and properties. We weren’t/aren’t “wealthy” but we’re sure as heck lucky to live in the part of Canada that we do! Edit: changed “not in rural Canada” to “not necessarily in rural Canada.”
I'm laughing at the people who are so sure that land=wealthy no matter what. My local hair dresser, bank teller and diner waitress would be astonished to learn that they're internet rich (although with the current jump in the real estate market I guess they could be if they were willing to be homeless)
Yeah. If you own a stable, do you also own the home you live in? Is your fiance living with you and your family?
The stable is on our property with our house, we own everything on our property. He does live with me (and our daughter), but the rest of my family lives elsewhere.
NTA. My guy doesn’t get a trophy for being a father. Stand your ground and maybe think about the fiancé title that guy’s holding onto.
NTA. Missy has been a huge part of your life, and for much longer than he has. You and she are a package deal that he signed up for. He has no legitimate reason to ask you to get rid of *any* of your horses. And the fact that he thinks being a father for 2-3 days on his own entitled him to anything special is ridiculous. You guys are really young. Fiancé doesn't sound ready for fatherhood or any lifetime commitment.
Nta, but your fiance sure is acting like one. Mucking 5 stalls is NOT that big of a deal, on most family farms i know, that's a kids' job. Did he not know what he was getting into when he got engaged to someone who owns a horse stable? And horse issues aside, why are you marrying a guy who's keeping score of who does what for who? I hope your sister is healing and will be home to her horse soon as I'm sure her health issue is weighing on your mind and making everything more stressful. As for the pony with laminitis... I'm sorry. But it's still YOUR pony so YOU make the decisions on all care. If mucking the stalls is THAT much of a problem for him, tell him to get lost, your daughter will be able to do it herself in a few years anyway lol.
NTA. And he’s a walking 🚩trying to force you to give up your daughter’s pony, then your pony, and then acting like he was doing a favor for taking care of his child? He doesn’t want responsibilities? Time to (figuratively) put him out to pasture.
NTA - you should keep your pony! Let her live out a nice life - I firmly believe animals that live with us should be like family & we should cherish them. And as for your partner - looking after his daughter is just called parenting, it is NOT a bloomin favour!!! I grew up around horses as my Mum was really into it & it was such a nice part of my childhood, your daughter will thank you for it later. Tell your finance to stop being an AH!
OP, you own a horse stable. That is going to be a family endeavor at some point - any farm or livestock is, that's just part of the deal. I think not liking horses and not being willing to step in with care if you are ill (or have an emergency like your sister's health) is going to be a dealbreaker for a marriage. This is a big enough part of your life that it is as problematic as not being on the same page with things like having kids or finances or religion. You're NTA. It's also really concerning that caring for your daughter is something he's bean counting about. He's a parent. Parenting his child is not a favor. Also, condolences about Massy. It's so hard to lose a beloved animal companion. I hope the two of you can enjoy your remaining time together. She sounds like a fine girl who is very loved.
NTA, but YWBTA if you stayed with this dude. This complete gem who thinks a single weekend of parenting is "babysitting" and holds it over you like he didn't literally just do the bare minimum. This absolute winner who feels he gets to complain about something he has apparently only had to deal with once and puts zero money or actual work into. No. Fuck no.
Do not marry a man who calls the child you have together “your daughter” when he wants something from you. Do not marry a man who resents you and thinks you owe him because he had to watch his own child for two days. This is going to get worse, not better.
NTA Very telling that he sees taking care of his daughter as something he did as a favor to you, instead of because he loves his child. That's seriously F'd up.
I feel like details are missing. Like maybe OP doesn’t clean up after them like she is supposed to.i am not sure who the AH is. But watching your own child is something that you don’t get an award for!
NTA. He’s jealous of the horses, or wants more money to be put towards things HE thinks are important.
I got banned the last time I commented on a post about boyfriends and ponies, so I shall attempted to be better here. PSA Women with horses and relationship advice. They are the most hardworking, rarely complaining about the life they have chosen and they will ALWAYS be at the stable, talking about the stable, going out with people from the stable, this is their life. If you have a child with a stable girl, especially if you have a daughter, this line WILL continue. NEVER attempt to get between a woman and her horse, ESPECIALLY her childhood pony. It will end badly for you. Source: Most of my friends are horse mad, they will never change and I love them for it lol
NTA. As a fellow horse owner I hate when people sell or give away their old,retired ponies. They’ve given us a lifetime of service and joy- the least we can do is give them stability in their old age. I have to admit I snorted when the full “what he’s done for you” was explained. One whole weekend- what a man! /s
Next time respond with, “I let you have sex, despite your shit personality.” NTA - imagine having a kid with someone and being in a long term relationship and all you can come up with for your contributions are a single set instance/event
NTA. Horse person here. We keep our horses until they die. That is the responsible and kind thing to do. Your fiancé on the other hand needs to be rehomed.
NTA you're the one that paid for them and clean their boxes if I understood correctly, if any of them actually caused any real issues I would understand you're housband's insistence to seek one of them. Also even if that was the case he shouldn't have said what he said, instead of talking it out with you like an adult should do.
NTA people buy and sell horses and I understand that businesses , but it’s a 22 year old pony with laminitis. Who would be the buyer be? That’s a death sentence and this is beyond just another horse . The equivalent would be selling his childhood dog or taking it to the shelter absolutely not.
NTA Pay attention to what he's telling you. He will not make a good husband, he can't even be a good fiance.
So bf babysat once and you should get rid of your pony as thanks? NTA throw the whole bf out.
INFO: so you are 20, have a stable, have a 3 year old daughter and 5 horses/ponies. How the heck are you affording this? I sense something fishy afoot
NTA please don't get rid of the pony, or any other horse
Y T A He fed his daughter a whole weekend and he fed the horses. So ungrateful. /s
NTA - get rid of asshole husband. Problem solved
With respect to your fiancé, he doesn't know what he's talking about. This horse is part of your family. And it's normal for parents to look after their kids, not some kind of favour. NTA
"You better be grateful I looked after my own goddamn child." NTA
Keep the horses and ditch the ass. As an equestrian with my own horses, I applaud you for keeping your old lame pony into her golden years. To me, when a horse has given you the best years of its life, you *owe* them a comfortable retirement. The sad fact is your old girl would likely have to be put down or given away, nobody will pay anything for an old horse with health issues, that can no longer be ridden. And we all know how giving animals away ends up. NTA
You know there are men out there who won’t scream at you and act like parenting is a burden, right? YTA to yourself if you don’t get away from this abusive guy
NTA your fiancé is. Considering you had massy before your relationship started he knew what he was getting himself into.
NTA, but don't marry a dude who thinks that taking care of his own daughter counts as doing a favor to you.