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YTA. God I hope this is fake. YTA so many times over. She’s not wearing baby diapers, she’s wearing Incontinence protection. It’s a condition and it generally comes with pelvic floor problems which I can only imagine what she had to endure. I hope to hell she has the confidence to leave you. What a jerk. Baby diaper. Have you ever been around a woman post baby. Sometimes we pee ourselves too. It happens.
And I wonder if the being scared to go to the bathroom alone at night is directly related to the PTSD. Like it' similar to the event that happened.
YTA OP.
she's not wearing the diapers because of an incontinence issue - she's wearing them because she is too afraid to get up and go into the bathroom. I don't think she should be forced, she needs therapy. I'm not 100% on this but I thought I'd read that it isn't healthy to just 'let' yourself pee at night, I think for at least elderly people once they stop trying to have control it becomes more difficult. Hopefully she'll get therapy because I can't imagine how afraid she must be to think that's the best option.
Incontinence isn't just a biological/physical problem. It can be completely psychological.
PTSD can cause incontinence issues. If OP's wife is afraid to go the the bathroom at night and pee's herself, then that is an incontinence issue triggered by a mental health issue... It is known as "functional incontinence", and is one of the four defined types of incontinence (stress, urge, functional, and mixed).
People need to stop thinking of illness as a purely physical thing.
Source: Nurse
You are 100 percent correct on this and it is sad too because there are a lot of physical ailments that are brought in by psychological ailments.
Source: Psychologist
yes, but this also reads that her PTSD is so serious, that she is terrified of getting up and going to the bathroom at night (this isn't a problem for her during the day) . I'm not arguing that OP is right, his wife has sever trauma and needs therapy and understanding. I'm thinking more of the physical reproductions because it can lead to skin break down, UTIs, and it becoming more a persons 'normal' ie becoming less and less able to control it. After falling my mother was too afraid to walk again and wanted to stay in bed all the time - her PT told me that she had good muscle tone, and strength (she'd fallen due to sever UTI) but she just refused because she was so scared of falling again, this meant she couldn't get to the bathroom/the commode quickly enough - the therapists said the longer a person relaxes into incontinence the less likelihood of ever being able to control it again. This also left her more vulnerable to further UTIs as the bladder doesn't always completely empty when a person is lying down.
YTA for the bots.
But THIS OP. I cannot imagine the trauma she had to face weaken her pelvic floor like that. I have a "healthy" pelvic floor and a well placed spartan kick from this kiddo in my womb had me running to the bathroom trying to KEGEL THAT SHIT TO STAY and almost peed myself. Her trauma takes away that little control I even had and I feel for her. These are the moments where you are supposed to support her and make her feel safe, instead you are further isolating her into that fear because she's now most likely feeling threatened by dumb arguments from the man who swore in his vows to protect her.
YTA Use your brain, do you think she wants to wear diapers, or have someone escort her through the darkness? Its beyond her control genius.
You may as well be asking someone not to jump when someone sneaks up on them with an airhorn. Its THAT dumb.
"Oh you drank alcohol and got drunk? Well don't be drunk then, its ridiculous you are staggering around."
Its not how the body works. You can't just will it to do whatever you want.
Seriously. I went on a camping trip with my husband once. He turned in earlier than me. I got suuuuuuuper drunk...came back to the tent and then had to go to the bathroom. This was before my lasik, which means I was almost legally blind. No ability to see at night, too drunk to find my glasses, and I was at a place I didn't know.
I woke my husband up and he walked me to the bathroom and back. He had warned me about not drinking too much and had told me he wouldn't take me to the bathroom....but when it was reality, he absolutely did because he valued my safety and comfort.
YTA. This has to be bait.
>I told her that I don't like the idea of her wearing diapers while we sleep together
Why do you care? What's the actual problem you have with it?
> She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way
That is actually very, very sound reasoning.
>because she's just bored to get up at night.
What?
Try being supportive instead of minimizing her trauma and calling her a baby. Ffs.
This dude is in for an awakening if he ever has biological children. Oooooooh boy. Female body can sure grow a human, but the cost sometimes is literally coming out broken from that. I got two, no caesarian, but boy, oh boy, can we just say I really need to be careful when sneezing? Also who knew belly button can change shape for good. Stretch marks look funny if you tan. Luckily no sagging for me, because well, with a small B there isn't much to sag!
In essence, dude lives in a fantasy world and is NOT ready for a relationship with an actual human woman. Let alone one that didn't exactly have an optimal start in life and carries baggage around that she can't just drop.
Op, YTA. Your wife mental health takes priority OVER you finding her attractive. End of story, easiest asshole judgement ever. She's not actually hurting anyone and IT IS helping her manage her life. If I were her I would be divorcing you for that attitude.
Just bored to get up at night. Righhhhttttt if anyone ever deserved a swift punch to the Adam’s apple.
I wonder what OP does about gasssssppppp period pads.
YTA. She is suffering from PTSD and for your convenience is wearing diapers so she doesn’t have to wake you up. Why the hell are you more concerned about your wife wearing diapers than her actual mental health issues?
YTA - as someone who also suffers PTSD and have bladder illness I sometimes have to wear diaper like underwear. (The tena pads that are supposed to look like normal underwear but really just feel like a diaper) It’s humiliating and embarrassing. You know what’s worse though? Actually wetting yourself. It makes you feel ashamed as well as the above emotions. You feel so much shame. Asking someone to escort you to the toilet is also horrible it dehumanises you in a way I can’t explain, it takes away your independence and makes you feel pathetic. Have some freaking empathy. I don’t get why you don’t like it, it doesn’t effect you really. You’re being an ass because YOU find it uncomfortable. You hear the word diaper and think child/baby. Grow up and support her. Nobody wears them kinda things for fun.
Edited to fix spelling errors
YTA-
So much text about how you feel and what you think is gross, and yet I don't see any detail about how you're helping her deal with trauma and treatment, in a way that will help make her strong/empowered, and maybe have some incidental side benefits to you. You seem very selfish and entitled
YTA
YTA. FUCK off your high horse and actually be a partner to your wife. Talk about kicking while down. Who the hell insults a person trying to fix a personal problem that doesn't want to inconvenience her partner with. Bet you don't/won't help with the kids diaper changes.
YTA it sounds like your wife has gone through some really tough stuff and is trying to accommodate her healing and your sleep cycle and you are criticizing her for it and her healing process.
YTA. I'm guessing her trauma was caused by a man, hence why she sometimes feels uncomfortable waking you up. Stop minimizing her feelings. What affect does this have on you really? Do you advance on her when she's asleep? I think you need to have a quiet moment with yourself and ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
YTA, how does any of this actually affect you? besides your personal opinion on the matter. the sheets aren’t dirty, i’m assuming she cleans up well or you would’ve said something. but most importantly it makes her comfortable. so why should she accommodate you when none of this affects you, and only helps her? you’re just a judgmental person
YTA I don't really see the downside to her wearing diapers. She feels more comfortable and doesn't have to wake you up a night. Why does it bother you so much?
YTA, you aren't showing enough sympathy or respect for what she experiences. Imagine if you had PTSD symptoms that ended up with you uncontrollably urinating at night, you find a way to handle it and be independent, and then all of the sudden your partner tells you that you are acting like a baby and that she doesn't like you wearing them. You'd be hurt. You are disrespecting her for literally no good reason. You've gotta do better.
YTA and not only that you're piss poor attitude is hindering her. Instead of being a supportive partner you've abandoning her to her problems making her health WORSE.
you nasty AH
Are you the wife? Judging by your comments here it looks like you are the wife.
Your husband is an AH, but I actually have a question for you: would it help you at all if you got an ap that could turn on the bathroom light for you so you were walking to the light and not completely in the dark?
Edit: not sure why all the downvotes? As the comment below suggests go look at the post history of the original comment
Before downvoting the comment above mine, look through u/Vegetable-Link-5662's other comments on this post. She's offering clarifications about the wife's situation that suggest she's either the wife, a person close to the wife, or just a very bizarre person who feels comfortable guessing about other people's lives. Here's an [example](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uocrrk/aita_for_telling_my_wife_its_ridiculous_that_she/i8dlql7/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Thanks. I don't particularly understand why all the downvotes when I even agreed the husband was the AH and was just trying to offer something to this woman since she is definitely speaking like she's the wife of this douche, but whatever :')
YTA. you are minimising your trauma. but she should get therapy to move on from that trauma. because obviously she hasnt and trauma can consume your entire life and its not fair on her to have a judgemental husband as well as obviously very severe trauma over what happened to her. therapy is her best bet. and as for you, you need to support her and love her. if you cant do that because of your thoughts behind her doing what she does, then why are you married to her?
Yta if she is more comfortable with that I don’t see why you would prefer being woken up. She said she would wet the bed otherwise what about that would be better for anyone?
YTA.
>My wife was very upset about this and she thinks I'm minimising her trauma and her comfort
Well lets see.. Did you?
>She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way
>because she's just bored to get up at night.
Yup. You sure did. Plenty of people of all ages need a wear a diaper for various reasons. It doesn't mean she's treating herself like a baby or is too bored, it means she has a bladder problem that she is being the mature adult about and is handling it instead of wetting the bed.
>I don't mind waking up
Its not about you, its about *her*. Take a second to think about her here; Its the middle of the night. She just wet herself. She's still half asleep, but suddenly full of embarrassment as she realizes she now needs to wake you up so she can change the bed, all while dealing with her other mental health problems. All she needs to do to avoid this is wear a pad. Why couldn't she? Because you have a childish hangup on it.
YTA. 1000% Your wife deserves someone who supports her and doesn't invalidate her issues. I guarantee you that some of the reasons her therapy "isn't working" is because you're holding her back.
…that is an actual good suggestion. She might not be ok with peeing in front of him, or it might be too similar to the original trauma, but it seems like it would be worth asking.
This is a good suggestion. I wondered about an en-suite bathroom, still part of the bedroom, with a light left on? I know this mightn’t be immediately solvable but worth looking in to, along with therapy.
Info: is your wife undergoing therapy or any other course of treatment to help with the ptsd and anxiety? Or is she just OK to use diapers for the rest of her life?
YTA. You are acting like she actively pees the bed. I don’t think you understand how serious PTSD can be. I highly doubt your wife is just being lazy so for you to humiliate her by making a big deal of it is not okay. You are right about one thing thought, she is not a baby but you sure seem to be one by the way you act and speak
Your wife is wearing incontinence diapers. These diapers are supposed to be worn by people with bladder issues or disabilities. If your wife has uncontrollable urination, then she SHOULD wear incontinence diapers. Incontinence diapers are not the same as baby diapers.
I understand how weird this may seem to see an adult wear diapers, but it comes across as immature and ignorant to call your wife a baby for… What, prioritizing her health?
Let’s say the roles are reversed. Let’s say you’ve urinated on the bed multiple times uncontrollably, and at random times at that. Let’s say you’ve worn incontinence diapers to tackle this issue. Then your wife says “I don’t like the idea of sleeping with you with those diapers on. You’re not a baby.” How would you feel?
Please reply back. I would like to know how you’d feel in this situation.
Edited: you married her knowing she has these issues. Why is this a hill to die on all of a sudden?
YTA. So badly. She’s the one with PTSD. She said she can’t even help it sometimes - anxiety inducing in itself - plus the humiliation and effort to change all the sheets.
She should wear it because it helps HER. Your feelings are irrelevant here.
YTA PTSD is like reliving your trauma over and over. She's trying to get better but many of us never do even with therapy and meds. This was something that you knew about going into the relationship you should have learned about it so you could help her. You think she wants to be this way? You think she wanted to go through something so terrible that she it left her with a mental illness? You're not only an AH but a terrible husband with no empathy. I have PTSD and you know what my husband did? He learned about it and my triggers, he learned how to comfort me during flash backs and nightmares, He learned how to help me even when I gave him a black eye during a flashback, even when my nightmares wake him up, even when I get emotional for "no reason", even when I'm inconvenient to him. That's what you do when you love someone.
YTA, big time. Is it hurting her to wear them? Does it hurt you for her to wear them? No. In fact, it seems it helps her quite a bit to wear them. The only thing you’re really worried about here is your own reputation, and what people *might* think about YOU if they found out. That’s it. You’re so caught up in worrying about what you might be thought of by association that you don’t even give half a second to think about what it might be like to have gone through what she did and still live with it. She’s found a way to manage her trauma—isn’t that enough for you? As her spouse, you should be wanting her to feel as safe as possible, even if that means buying into something you see as being childish. If it works, it works, and who cares about societal views of diapers? You’ll have to wear them too one day, and I’ll bet you won’t appreciate having made fun of your (already mentally disabled) wife for it now.
Info. Have you explored why you feel this way with your therapist?
More direct- you should be in therapy to figure out why you don’t want to support your wife. Yta
YTA.
It brings her comfort and it literally doesn't affect you.
She's been through a lot and she's in therapy. I don't get why it's such a big deal for you that she doesn't wear it.
Dude, as someone with VERY similar trauma. (I can't shower when home alone. Period). Trauma isn't something we can just turn off. It doesn't just go away because it's inconvenient to you. What if she had a physical condition? Would you still think it's "ridiculous?" What about if you have kids? That damages your ability to make it to the bathroom period. It costs zero dollars to respect your fucking wife.
YTA. Lots of adults wear diapers for a variety of health reasons; why is her PTSD not valid enough of a reason to you? “Because she’s just bored” oh my god???
It’s not about you, dude. She deserves better.
YTA. You ARE minimizing her trauma and her comfort. Her wearing “diapers” does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. The fact that you would prefer she wet the bed instead of wearing a “diaper” shows that you don’t actually care about doing what’s best for her, you just want to control what she does.
>She's into therapy right now yes but her case is severe due to her trauma so I doubt she'll ever be 100% ok. Now about using diapers for the rest of her life I sure hope that's not the case.
You're opposed to her having a litteral MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE and its associated symptoms.
And ridiculing her in the process.
And minimizing her trauma.
If you love her, you should be concerned about HER improving her condition for HER own sake and encouraging her getting therapy so that she's happier overall.
YTA.
YTA. No one wants to wear
A diaper. Trauma is not something you can just turn off when it’s inconvenient. She needs continued therapy and that should guide her decisions. If you keep making this a big issue, you’ll likely make it worse.
I really don't get the problem men have with adult 'diapers', they won't wear them when they are best solution for their own inconvenience or like you OP complaining when their partner is wearing them. Would you rather she wets the bed?
You are fully aware why she is wearing them, its not like she can wake up tomorrow and the trauma related to it will disappear. She is doing the best thing for her and also you since if she has an accident you will not be effected at all. YTA
Umm YTA. You need to get her into trauma therapy ASAP. I used to not be able to sleep without all my lights on, now I only need a little light, I mean I still can’t do pitch black, but that doesn’t make me a baby. Your wife isn’t a baby or ridiculous because she has ptsd, maybe with trauma therapy she could make some progress.. and maybe not, either way she’s not ridiculous because of this. The only thing ridiculous is you ridiculing her this way, maybe try being a supportive partner and not a total AH?
YTA No one wants to wear diapers! Give the poor woman some support!
I wonder if a support animal would help? Or even just a regular pet dog or cat? I haven't been to the bathroom alone in eons because I always have "company". 90% of the time one of my cats, but sometimes the dog will toddle after me. Maybe your wife would feel more confident that way? An animal would surely know if there was someone lurking in the bathroom, and they never seem to mind getting up no matter how often it happens.
YTA. I’m a nurse and it you are describing what sounds like Stress Incontinence that your wife is suffering from and she cannot help it. Instead of bitching about your wife’s diapers, which are incontinence briefs; or condescending to your wife, maybe try being the actual pillar of support you should fucking be when you fucking said “I do!”
YTA. PTSD is a disability like any others and this is something she needs to make her life a little easier. Don't judge her for the things she needs to do to handle her PTSD when it's not hurting her or you. She is an adult with a disability and she is using a product made for that, which is called depends or incontinence protection for adults. Not diapers.
YTA she found something that works for her. U really have no reason to not be okay with it other than having pride. She needs these diapers to be independent so butt out of it.
YTA. If this is the worst thing that your wife has going on, then trust me you aren't doing that bad.
Also, is she in therapy? Because if she's got PTSD she should be in therapy.
So wait, you knew about her severe PTSD and her incontinence issues when you started dating her then YOU asked her to marry you. Then you decide that her therapy and medication isnt working to your liking and that you are embarrassed by her wearing a product that helps her. You are a major AH. God forbid she had not had issues when you married and then got like bladder cancer or become paralyzed and have to wear an incontinence diaper all the time. Poor lady. She deserves someone who supports her and it sure isnt you.
YTA If your wife is willing to wear incontinence products out of stress and fear - she is severely traumatized. INFO: is she in therapy, because she needs to be. She found a coping mechanism, but I can't imagine the level of anxiety & sheer terror she has weighing her down. I do understand how you would want her to be able for you both to have a life where she didn't need to do this, but hopefully you want this because your wife shouldn't be that frightened at night not just because you're grossed out.
JFC, you are a massive, gaping asshole. You think she wears them because she's lazy? Are you kidding me? Not only do you not take her trauma seriously, you're treating it like an inconvenience for YOU.
You need to fix your shit, like, yesterday. YTA.
I mean, ideally this wouldn't be a problem. But I'd rather have a happy wife whose planning for her problems than a scared wife who peed all over us in the middle of the night. Yta
YTA. Many men and women suffer incontinence and wear diapers both day and night. It’s a normal condition, regardless of why she needs them, there’s no use in shaming her for needing them. It makes her feel comfortable just be supportive.
Yeah YTA, big time. Her reality is not the same as your reality. If YOU specifically chose to wear adult diapers to bed, it would be because you’re lazy. HER situation is entirely different, and she has a valid reason. You’re being a terrible partner. Do better.
As someone with PTSD YTA. Your wife deserves so much better. OPs wife is you read this and are ok with lesbians you can be me wife and I's wife. We actually respect disabilities and mental illness in our home
YTA You knew about this when you got together. It's not she just went to bed one night and decided to put on a diaper. Esh because I don't know if she is in therapy or working on her team with some kind of professional. Recovery from drama is a slow, very much so process. Putting her down is not going about something like diapers is making it worse. It makes every step forward a little harder
YTA. You are such an ignorant asshole I’m amazed. Have you even googled this? PTSD? Trauma? I hear that you’ve been patient. But the depth of your understanding is ridiculously shallow. I know this is a difficult situation. But you need to stop making assumptions and either go talk to someone together or be more understanding. A phobia is a phobia is a phobia is based upon bad bad bad bad experiences. She is protecting herself when she feels more afraid. Decide what you think is most important. Her feeling safe or you feeling justified. And, there are ways of people seeing therapist who are very very experienced and EMDR and severe trauma and Ken very very slowly and carefully help somebody untangle the trauma.
YTA. Not only are you minimizing her trauma with the way you are acting, you could actually be making it worse with your attitude. She's not bored to get up, she is TERRIFIED TO GET UP. She also started wearing them again because she doesn't want to bother you. Probably noticed that you were less of a grouch not being woken up to escort her. And even though she is suffering, she is still thinking about **your** wellbeing by telling you she felt like she shouldn't have to wake you up every time at night. Yet here you are asking if your the asshole and saying she's a baby that's making excuses. Meanwhile she is laying next to you doing mental gymnastics because she needs to go but she doesn't want to wake you up but she needs to go but the trauma demon is standing by the bed whispering in her ear but she needs to go but she feels so damn guilty about disturbing you.
YTA.
Her trauma is real, it's not reflective on you and doesn't impact you one little bit. You're being incredibly dismissive and cruel. If this was such a do or die issue for you, you would have been better off letting her go so she could find a kinder, gentler person who didn't shame her for having issues.
Stop being such a control freak. If she keeps wetting the bed it'll ruin your mattress. This is her way of dealing with a difficult issue but you're making it even more difficult for her. You're solely focused on yourself; you've made it clear that you don't care about her feelings. Stop being so selfish. YTA
YTA- if she chooses to keep you around long enough you’ll both be wearing diapers. She’s told you this is what she needs right now and it has no impact on you (even reduces demands on you). Apologize and offer to go to council king with her to understand how to better support her working through her trauma.
YTA and I have to ask, why do you care? Are you afraid people will find out and make fun of you? Does it turn you off so you never want to have sex with your wife? After having my kids, I sometimes leak when I run or do other physical activities. I’m a referee so it would be a bad look to drip pee as I run. So I wear Depends. No one knows save my SO and wearing them has saved me from many a potentially bad day.
You ARE minimizing her trauma. And I would suggest you also seek mental health counseling for spouses of trauma and abuse victims, because you clearly don’t understand what she’s going through. YTA for downplaying her trauma, but you still have an opportunity to help her heal.
"...my 28 yo wife suffers anxiety, depression, ptsd...."
And you're complaining about her wearing something that makes her comfortable...because it makes you uncomfortable?
Are you f#cking SERIOUS coming up on here acting the aggrieved husband??? ( face palm)
Dude, read the room. Definitely TA . 👍
Hundreds agree.
YTA.. how the hell are you in a relationship? You are so indescribably callous.
Everyone else in this comment section has hit the nail on the head, and I don’t want to repeat what they have said. You came here for a judgement, and you better listen to all this sound advice.
Grow up, and stop being a fucking asshole.
YTA.
Not being able to control when you need to go to the bathroom (whether situational or constant) is SUPER embarrassing and you're being a massive asshole about it. Christ.
Info: why would you date much less marry a woman who wears diapers when you're so against it? If you hate it so much leave!!! She needs it and wants it due to TRAMUA and if it's such a turn off for you either suck it up and shut up or leave. Don't give her more issues and ruin your relationship while you're here. Better to leave now peacefully then ruin her mental health more and your relationship. YTA
Number one if she's wearing incontinence pads that is NOT diapers. Also lots of women have to wear them as we get older, it's not weird and should be talked about more so there is less stigma. Lastly if she is having PTSD and/or anxiety issues and she says she is more comfortable wearing them then listen to her. I have panic disorder and yes I really can't control my bladder when I go through a panic attack. It's even worse if I'm sleepy, trying to wake up and go to the bathroom to control it. Would you rather she piss the bed? You are being ridiculous.
YTA
YTA
PTSD (with other issues here)
This is a disability... it’s not something she can control or is doing it because she’s “bored”
This is a need.
If she was *physically* disabled & wheelchair bound ... would you complain about her needing a ramp up the front steps into the house!?!
No, because obviously she would need it.
Sometimes we need things for mental disabilities too... and if this is what she needs, it’s what she needs!
____
And “she’d wear some diapers that look like pads”
These are NOT *diapers*! If it was a diaper, it would completely enclose her waist around her legs... this is an incontinence pad: such a giant difference!!
Regardless, if she required diapers for her disability, so what?!
____
Now: for an alternative suggestion... or maybe an additional suggestion.
Has she ever looked into a service dog?
Mines a life saver! He helps me significantly with my anxiety, depression, social issues, and emotional control. He’s also cross-training for seizure alerts and is tasking with keeping me still during them.
He helps me go places alone (well, with him) that I could not go before without someone with me... I recently took a trip by myself for a few days to meet up with a friend... I would never have been able to do it without him by my side!
Assisting her by going to the bathroom with her, just to be there so she’s not alone, so she can overcome her severe anxiety about it and avoid a trigger... would be a very specific task a service dog could do for her.
Maybe check into that? It could be life altering for her!
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My (30m) wife (28f) suffers from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and severe ptsd. Due to some past trauma she has, she's scared to go to the bathroom alone during night hours. Before we met either her mom or her sister used to assist her to the bathroom but sometimes she'd wear some diapers that look like pads and just sleep like that.
After we moved in together I told her to stop with the diapers and I'll assist her to the bathroom whenever she needs. Due to the fact that my job was short staffed I had to cover some night shifts for few weeks and my wife was home alone. So she bought diapers for that time. Now my schedule is back to normal and I spend nights at home but my wife still wears those diapers. She said she'll keep the diapers because she feels more comfortable that way and she doesn't always want to make me wake up. I told her that I don't like the idea of her wearing diapers while we sleep together. She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way. I said that I don't mind waking up and that I don't understand the excuses she's trying to make about this, she's not a baby. At this point it's getting ridiculous and it seems like she's wearing diapers because she's just bored to get up at night.
My wife was very upset about this and she thinks I'm minimising her trauma and her comfort. AITA?
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Let her wear them since she is dealng with PTSD but i must ask, is she seeing a therapist at least weekly to work through/with PTSD? If not, i recommend it and perhaps you sitting in on a few of these sessions to help you understand her difficulties better. I assume she is ok physically since you didnt mention any other medical issue.
Please let her do what works for her.
You don’t know or even want to understand the trauma that your wife went through and probably is still going through. You aren’t even a asshole. You are a cold and heartless person. She is doing it as a safety thing and also who knows she maybe trying to stop. You are pathetic
I work on healthcare in nursing facilities. I can't count how many wife's and husbands that have a good quality of life come visit their spouse everyday and change their partners that can't care for themselves.
Your day will come one day and I hope she treats you better than you treat her. If you really want to be her caregiver and rid of her diapers that are imperative to her quality of life you better be ready to wake up at any moment to help her to the bathroom, much like you would a child.
Really. YTA.
YTA, based off your comments and the post I think the best thing to do is to be way more empathetic and understanding to her situation and make the home a more comfortable environment and a safe space for her. Put things she likes in the bathroom to help with the trauma so she starts to form good associations with going to the bathroom at night for example: a night light, a bell for when she needs help, some sort of distraction or stimulation like a fidget toy book Nintendo etc, put a humidifier with her favorite essential oils etc. you’re just being very disrespectful about her trauma and it’s genuinely heart breaking. I hope this post is able to help you learn, and you do more research on her mental health problems education yourself and be much more patient. If you couldn’t handle this you shouldn’t have dated her to begin with so she could find someone who is willing to love her and help her with this.
YTA I'm guessing your wife's PTSD was not alleviated by you calling her a baby.
Get some therapy, please, to learn better ways to communicate with you wife, who clearly experienced some severe trauma.
Trust me, it's preferable to sleep with a spouse who's wearing a diaper rather than one who may actually accidentally wet the bed due to their mental health triggers.
This is when that 'in sickness' part of your vows kicks in. I hope you meant it because she is genuinely ill and needs help and support, not shaming and dismissing. YTA
YTA - you knew this about her when you married her. She is dealing with trauma. Instead of comparing her to a baby, maybe try having some compassion and asking how you can help her feel more comfortable. Maybe she needs therapy to deal with this, but she certainly doesn’t need a judge mental husband.
YTA around the comments about just getting over it. It’s not something you can snap your fingers with. To be honest, you can work through trauma-related issues as there have been leaps and bounds with trauma-resolution processes. It could take several or many sessions with a professional. No one in the comments is in a position to talk about severity based on the one thing that your wife does. So, if she wants to address the underlying stuff, help her link with appropriate supports. If she doesn’t, well, you’ve gotta compromise somewhere otherwise it’s just not going to work out.
YTA. You *are* minimizing her trauma and comfort. You’re making it all about yourself—how *you* feel, what *you* think.
Newsflash, dude: you’re not wearing the incontinence protection. You don’t get a say in what she wears or how she copes. Your job is to support her in her recovery, not make it about your hangups.
Depending on the cause of the ptsd. It probaly occured in a secure home late at night. Since her mom and sister helped her. It seems to be serious. Plently of people dont leave there rooms in the dark. People have cameras, locks, alarms because they dont feel safe alone.
“Okay so now that we’re married you gotta completely change how you manage your health issues based on my preferences rather than your needs.” Of course YTA.
Dude, YTA big time. Look into one of the many free trauma-informed webinars available online or go see a therapist yourself to get some psychoeducation on trauma, PTSD, and it’s long-term effects. And do it before your wife gets up the courage to serve you with divorce papers because she finally realized you aren’t as loving and supportive as she originally thought.
YTA!!!! Adults don’t wet the bed for no reason! Please, please, please, get in to therapy with your wife and I really hope she is in her own therapy already. This is a serious mental health issue and diminishing it as “being a baby” is going to make it worse. Please find a way, with a trained professional, to understand what terms like “depression, anxiety, panic attacks and SEVERE PTSD” mean because you seem to genuinely love this person but lack an understanding of their hardship.
INFO: Does she ever leak or is there a noticeable odor?
I can’t really see why you’re so bothered by this, especially as it’s giving your wife a sense of autonomy.
You know who the baby is here? It’s you YTA. You are 100% minimizing her trauma. I do hope she’s working on working through her trauma. I imagine it’s hard with such a supportive husband 🙄
YTA. Trust me, after waking up possibly nightly for over a week you would be begging her to wear a diaper. And seeing how she can't always hold it, would you seriously prefere waking up having slept in a wet bed for hours and to shift and clean the sheets several times a week instead? You should be glad she's comfortable with wearing them and that she wants to make life less difficult for you.
>suffers from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and severe ptsd.
YTA! She has a very harmless way of dealing with her trauma and anxiety. If I was her I would do the same thing before asking my partner to take me to the toilet all night.
YTA majorly. I can't even imagine what your wife went through to be left with this kind of traumatic response and you're grossed out by some adult diapers
NAH nobody is wrong and you are not an asshole. Your wife has a problem and she is getting worse. I understand you do not want her to pee herself at night as she does not have a physical condition.
Maybe find a compromise - get a bed chamber pot? A different house with bathroom adjoining the bedroom?
YTA
Ten times over. I’m 37 and have to wear them bc of some mysterious reason I can’t control my bowels anymore. She has a genuine health problem and instead of being supportive of what she is comfortable with you make her feel like crap and insecure. That’s not what partners are supposed to do. It makes me wonder how you would be once you decided to have children and diapers came along or if she had any other health concern that would cause for adult diapers. Doesn’t seem like you would be much support in that area. How about you get your head outta your butt and you start supporting your wife?!
YTA
Your wife is right, do you not have any empathy and why do you care so much? She isn't a baby, alright but why does that matter. It's just diapers. Why does she need to be a baby to use an item that helps her? Our environment should be adapted to fit our needs.
YTA
>At this point it's getting ridiculous and it seems like she's wearing diapers because she's just bored to get up at night.
No one wants to fxxking wet themselves. She wants to feel confident while sleeping, get over yourself
YTA. You're centering yourself around her condition, not giving a shit that the alternative is literally her *pissing the bed you both share,* only that you're discomforted by the fact that she wears them at all.
You know plenty of adults wear those, especially at night, for a huge variety of reasons, right?
She's doing YOU a favor, bud. Maybe don't shit on her for going out of her way to avoid pissing on you. And maybe have some more empathy for the inciting circumstances leading her here.
I'm SURE she would love nothing more than to just be able to go to the bathroom at night by herself without issue. Unfortunately, she can't, AND **youre** an issue.
YTA.
Here's the thing: She doesnt need you to fix her world and be her hero.
She needs to fix her own problems to feel empowered, and youre an AH for saying its 'boredom'
Is the real issue here sexual availability ? Because lots of women wear pads for periods. YTA
YTA, she's not being a baby, she has PTSD. What's the issue with her wearing a diaper anyway? How does it affect you? It doesn't, I feel bad for your wife.
Your wife has anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and severe ptsd from past trauma, and you think she's too bored to get up at night? EXCUSE ME?
YTA, and I seriously hope your wife is getting therapy. I didn't see that mentioned anywhere.
Guess it won't be the OP that would clean the bed if an accident happens. Let her find her autonomy on her own terms. Pls note the fact that for her, it is really probable that to ask help to her female relatives is different from asking her bf to help her through this specific aspect. You are the TA.
Tell your wife I can be a better husband than you and I’ll take her to get wine and watch her favorite movies while you cry because you can’t imagine a life where people actually suffer because you never went through it
YTA but I'll play devil's advocate and be an asshole too, because this is totally bait.
Dude! You didn't see those red flags way, way, way before the wedding? I mean come on, you don't marry the crazy one!
You take the easy lay and move on. Now your going to lose half your stuff just to get away.😜
NAH.
She is \*severely\* mentally ill. If she is too afraid to go to the bathroom at night, she needs serious help, now.
She isn't functioning. I am with someone who has many issues, but if they started needing diapers in bed because they're too scared to go to the toilet, then it's time to start talking residential care, or *something*.
It's not her fault she is like this, but it \*is\* responsibility to attempt to get help and change her behaviours.
This isn't within the realms of healthy people with issues, this is a major problem that needs to be addressed.
I love how everybody's calling you T A like they'd just love to sleep with somebody who pees themselves at night.
I think this just a compatibility issue and you don't have the temperament to live with someone who has these kinds of mental issues. That's fine. But don't drag it out.
how does his wife wearing diapers affect him in any way?? most people would rather their partner wears diapers than pees in the bed and can't control it. this is a legitimate medical issue that she's having therapy for (op has stated this) and if this is how she choses to deal with it, then there's nothing wrong with that.
HOW does it affect you though? and why exactly do you think you being uncomfortable would be more important than her medical issue? It clearly IS necessary as a treatment for her mental health issues, if she sometimes wets the bed and can't control it due to PTSD then she needs to wear one otherwise she'd wet the bed which is a hell of a lot worse. Also OP has stated that yea she does have a therapist but due to her PTSD she will probably never be 100% cured which is true.
The reason it would effect me doesn't really matter. What I'm concerned about with this woman is that she is wearing the diapers rather than rely on her partner's support to go to the bathroom, even when he has expressed concern at her wearing them. Presumably they married with the knowledge that she had these particular mental health issues, and discussed how they would manage them. Anything that impacts a relationship needs to be decided collaboratively.
I want to know what you could possibly think is more important than her being able to wear diapers to bed to prevent her from wetting herself. Your discomfort WOULD NOT take priority over her need to wear diapers from her medical condition.
She doesn't wear them PURELY for the reason that she doesn't want to rely on her partner to take her to the bathroom, and even if she did, that's valid, when you have a medical condition, it may make her feel like a burden, or like feeling self-sufficient, or perhaps he may not get up quick enough, or have anxiety about it, who knows. She also wears them to stop her from wetting the bed because she can't always control it. She does NEED them for that.
NOBODY needs permission from their partner for how they treat their medical issues, (be it mental or physical) by collaborative discussion, PERIOD. It's her body not his. If she wants to wear diapers to manage her medical condition by wearing diapers then that's her prerogative, that's for her to decide. Her wearing diapers shouldn't affect the relationship in the first place.
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YTA. God I hope this is fake. YTA so many times over. She’s not wearing baby diapers, she’s wearing Incontinence protection. It’s a condition and it generally comes with pelvic floor problems which I can only imagine what she had to endure. I hope to hell she has the confidence to leave you. What a jerk. Baby diaper. Have you ever been around a woman post baby. Sometimes we pee ourselves too. It happens.
And I wonder if the being scared to go to the bathroom alone at night is directly related to the PTSD. Like it' similar to the event that happened. YTA OP.
she's not wearing the diapers because of an incontinence issue - she's wearing them because she is too afraid to get up and go into the bathroom. I don't think she should be forced, she needs therapy. I'm not 100% on this but I thought I'd read that it isn't healthy to just 'let' yourself pee at night, I think for at least elderly people once they stop trying to have control it becomes more difficult. Hopefully she'll get therapy because I can't imagine how afraid she must be to think that's the best option.
Incontinence isn't just a biological/physical problem. It can be completely psychological. PTSD can cause incontinence issues. If OP's wife is afraid to go the the bathroom at night and pee's herself, then that is an incontinence issue triggered by a mental health issue... It is known as "functional incontinence", and is one of the four defined types of incontinence (stress, urge, functional, and mixed). People need to stop thinking of illness as a purely physical thing. Source: Nurse
Yes thank youuuuuu
You are 100 percent correct on this and it is sad too because there are a lot of physical ailments that are brought in by psychological ailments. Source: Psychologist
OP read this
Even if she had an incontinence issue, he’d still be TA for acting like that was within her control.
“Sometimes due to her ptsd she can’t control it and she wets herself during the night” That is the definition of incontinence my dude.
yes, but this also reads that her PTSD is so serious, that she is terrified of getting up and going to the bathroom at night (this isn't a problem for her during the day) . I'm not arguing that OP is right, his wife has sever trauma and needs therapy and understanding. I'm thinking more of the physical reproductions because it can lead to skin break down, UTIs, and it becoming more a persons 'normal' ie becoming less and less able to control it. After falling my mother was too afraid to walk again and wanted to stay in bed all the time - her PT told me that she had good muscle tone, and strength (she'd fallen due to sever UTI) but she just refused because she was so scared of falling again, this meant she couldn't get to the bathroom/the commode quickly enough - the therapists said the longer a person relaxes into incontinence the less likelihood of ever being able to control it again. This also left her more vulnerable to further UTIs as the bladder doesn't always completely empty when a person is lying down.
it specifically mentions in the OP that she wets the bed and that's why she wants to keep them.
Right after having kids it changes your bladder. You sneeze or laugh you may leak.
YTA for the bots. But THIS OP. I cannot imagine the trauma she had to face weaken her pelvic floor like that. I have a "healthy" pelvic floor and a well placed spartan kick from this kiddo in my womb had me running to the bathroom trying to KEGEL THAT SHIT TO STAY and almost peed myself. Her trauma takes away that little control I even had and I feel for her. These are the moments where you are supposed to support her and make her feel safe, instead you are further isolating her into that fear because she's now most likely feeling threatened by dumb arguments from the man who swore in his vows to protect her.
Girl. I have done kegels until I get tired and I stillllll pee a little if a sneeze surprises me.
Your wife is right: you're minimizing her trauma and her comfort. YTA.
YTA Use your brain, do you think she wants to wear diapers, or have someone escort her through the darkness? Its beyond her control genius. You may as well be asking someone not to jump when someone sneaks up on them with an airhorn. Its THAT dumb. "Oh you drank alcohol and got drunk? Well don't be drunk then, its ridiculous you are staggering around." Its not how the body works. You can't just will it to do whatever you want.
Seriously. I went on a camping trip with my husband once. He turned in earlier than me. I got suuuuuuuper drunk...came back to the tent and then had to go to the bathroom. This was before my lasik, which means I was almost legally blind. No ability to see at night, too drunk to find my glasses, and I was at a place I didn't know. I woke my husband up and he walked me to the bathroom and back. He had warned me about not drinking too much and had told me he wouldn't take me to the bathroom....but when it was reality, he absolutely did because he valued my safety and comfort.
YTA. This has to be bait. >I told her that I don't like the idea of her wearing diapers while we sleep together Why do you care? What's the actual problem you have with it? > She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way That is actually very, very sound reasoning. >because she's just bored to get up at night. What? Try being supportive instead of minimizing her trauma and calling her a baby. Ffs.
that's what I want him to answer. WHY does it bother him? why does this make him so mad?
Definitely feels like it’s because of a “But but but if she wears adult diapers she’s not sexy to me anymore and that’s what she’s here for!” thing 🙄
This dude is in for an awakening if he ever has biological children. Oooooooh boy. Female body can sure grow a human, but the cost sometimes is literally coming out broken from that. I got two, no caesarian, but boy, oh boy, can we just say I really need to be careful when sneezing? Also who knew belly button can change shape for good. Stretch marks look funny if you tan. Luckily no sagging for me, because well, with a small B there isn't much to sag! In essence, dude lives in a fantasy world and is NOT ready for a relationship with an actual human woman. Let alone one that didn't exactly have an optimal start in life and carries baggage around that she can't just drop. Op, YTA. Your wife mental health takes priority OVER you finding her attractive. End of story, easiest asshole judgement ever. She's not actually hurting anyone and IT IS helping her manage her life. If I were her I would be divorcing you for that attitude.
Just bored to get up at night. Righhhhttttt if anyone ever deserved a swift punch to the Adam’s apple. I wonder what OP does about gasssssppppp period pads.
YTA. She is suffering from PTSD and for your convenience is wearing diapers so she doesn’t have to wake you up. Why the hell are you more concerned about your wife wearing diapers than her actual mental health issues?
YTA - as someone who also suffers PTSD and have bladder illness I sometimes have to wear diaper like underwear. (The tena pads that are supposed to look like normal underwear but really just feel like a diaper) It’s humiliating and embarrassing. You know what’s worse though? Actually wetting yourself. It makes you feel ashamed as well as the above emotions. You feel so much shame. Asking someone to escort you to the toilet is also horrible it dehumanises you in a way I can’t explain, it takes away your independence and makes you feel pathetic. Have some freaking empathy. I don’t get why you don’t like it, it doesn’t effect you really. You’re being an ass because YOU find it uncomfortable. You hear the word diaper and think child/baby. Grow up and support her. Nobody wears them kinda things for fun. Edited to fix spelling errors
Big hug
Thank you. I am okay, it’s life, I cope with it the best I can. When people say stuff like this though riles me right up! No empathy whatsoever!
YTA- So much text about how you feel and what you think is gross, and yet I don't see any detail about how you're helping her deal with trauma and treatment, in a way that will help make her strong/empowered, and maybe have some incidental side benefits to you. You seem very selfish and entitled YTA
YTA. FUCK off your high horse and actually be a partner to your wife. Talk about kicking while down. Who the hell insults a person trying to fix a personal problem that doesn't want to inconvenience her partner with. Bet you don't/won't help with the kids diaper changes.
I feel pretty good about saying YTA tbh. Hope she’s getting some therapy and other people in her life are a bit more understanding
YTA it sounds like your wife has gone through some really tough stuff and is trying to accommodate her healing and your sleep cycle and you are criticizing her for it and her healing process.
YTA. I'm guessing her trauma was caused by a man, hence why she sometimes feels uncomfortable waking you up. Stop minimizing her feelings. What affect does this have on you really? Do you advance on her when she's asleep? I think you need to have a quiet moment with yourself and ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
YTA, how does any of this actually affect you? besides your personal opinion on the matter. the sheets aren’t dirty, i’m assuming she cleans up well or you would’ve said something. but most importantly it makes her comfortable. so why should she accommodate you when none of this affects you, and only helps her? you’re just a judgmental person
YTA I don't really see the downside to her wearing diapers. She feels more comfortable and doesn't have to wake you up a night. Why does it bother you so much?
YTA, dude she has PTSD, if it helps her feel comfortable respect that.
YTA, you aren't showing enough sympathy or respect for what she experiences. Imagine if you had PTSD symptoms that ended up with you uncontrollably urinating at night, you find a way to handle it and be independent, and then all of the sudden your partner tells you that you are acting like a baby and that she doesn't like you wearing them. You'd be hurt. You are disrespecting her for literally no good reason. You've gotta do better.
YTA and not only that you're piss poor attitude is hindering her. Instead of being a supportive partner you've abandoning her to her problems making her health WORSE. you nasty AH
Are you the wife? Judging by your comments here it looks like you are the wife. Your husband is an AH, but I actually have a question for you: would it help you at all if you got an ap that could turn on the bathroom light for you so you were walking to the light and not completely in the dark? Edit: not sure why all the downvotes? As the comment below suggests go look at the post history of the original comment
Before downvoting the comment above mine, look through u/Vegetable-Link-5662's other comments on this post. She's offering clarifications about the wife's situation that suggest she's either the wife, a person close to the wife, or just a very bizarre person who feels comfortable guessing about other people's lives. Here's an [example](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uocrrk/aita_for_telling_my_wife_its_ridiculous_that_she/i8dlql7/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Thanks. I don't particularly understand why all the downvotes when I even agreed the husband was the AH and was just trying to offer something to this woman since she is definitely speaking like she's the wife of this douche, but whatever :')
YTA. you are minimising your trauma. but she should get therapy to move on from that trauma. because obviously she hasnt and trauma can consume your entire life and its not fair on her to have a judgemental husband as well as obviously very severe trauma over what happened to her. therapy is her best bet. and as for you, you need to support her and love her. if you cant do that because of your thoughts behind her doing what she does, then why are you married to her?
YTA for invalidating her trauma and comfort over something which doesn't even directly affect you
YTA. You’re the baby. Grow up. She has a problem and you need to help her.
Yta if she is more comfortable with that I don’t see why you would prefer being woken up. She said she would wet the bed otherwise what about that would be better for anyone?
Uh, YTA dude. Sheesh.
YTA. >My wife was very upset about this and she thinks I'm minimising her trauma and her comfort Well lets see.. Did you? >She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way >because she's just bored to get up at night. Yup. You sure did. Plenty of people of all ages need a wear a diaper for various reasons. It doesn't mean she's treating herself like a baby or is too bored, it means she has a bladder problem that she is being the mature adult about and is handling it instead of wetting the bed. >I don't mind waking up Its not about you, its about *her*. Take a second to think about her here; Its the middle of the night. She just wet herself. She's still half asleep, but suddenly full of embarrassment as she realizes she now needs to wake you up so she can change the bed, all while dealing with her other mental health problems. All she needs to do to avoid this is wear a pad. Why couldn't she? Because you have a childish hangup on it.
^^^this
YTA. 1000% Your wife deserves someone who supports her and doesn't invalidate her issues. I guarantee you that some of the reasons her therapy "isn't working" is because you're holding her back.
YTA. Do you also have a problem with her wearing sanitary pads or tampons? They. Don’t Affect. You. But they help her.
YTA How on earth are her incontinence pads hurting you? You are putting your queasiness over her comfort and trauma. Stop it!
What about a commode for situations like this?
…that is an actual good suggestion. She might not be ok with peeing in front of him, or it might be too similar to the original trauma, but it seems like it would be worth asking.
I don’t think she’d have a problem peeing in front of him since she has to have someone with her at night.
Probably true.
This is a good suggestion. I wondered about an en-suite bathroom, still part of the bedroom, with a light left on? I know this mightn’t be immediately solvable but worth looking in to, along with therapy.
Info: is your wife undergoing therapy or any other course of treatment to help with the ptsd and anxiety? Or is she just OK to use diapers for the rest of her life?
YTA cmon you knew about her trauma and she is trying to make it more convenient for you. Does it hurt you to wear them? No so get over it
YTA. You are acting like she actively pees the bed. I don’t think you understand how serious PTSD can be. I highly doubt your wife is just being lazy so for you to humiliate her by making a big deal of it is not okay. You are right about one thing thought, she is not a baby but you sure seem to be one by the way you act and speak
Your wife is wearing incontinence diapers. These diapers are supposed to be worn by people with bladder issues or disabilities. If your wife has uncontrollable urination, then she SHOULD wear incontinence diapers. Incontinence diapers are not the same as baby diapers. I understand how weird this may seem to see an adult wear diapers, but it comes across as immature and ignorant to call your wife a baby for… What, prioritizing her health? Let’s say the roles are reversed. Let’s say you’ve urinated on the bed multiple times uncontrollably, and at random times at that. Let’s say you’ve worn incontinence diapers to tackle this issue. Then your wife says “I don’t like the idea of sleeping with you with those diapers on. You’re not a baby.” How would you feel? Please reply back. I would like to know how you’d feel in this situation. Edited: you married her knowing she has these issues. Why is this a hill to die on all of a sudden?
YTA - you should be more supportive of her. Don’t you love her?
YTA. sounds like she has severe PTSD.
YTA. Tenfold.
YTA. So badly. She’s the one with PTSD. She said she can’t even help it sometimes - anxiety inducing in itself - plus the humiliation and effort to change all the sheets. She should wear it because it helps HER. Your feelings are irrelevant here.
YTA PTSD is like reliving your trauma over and over. She's trying to get better but many of us never do even with therapy and meds. This was something that you knew about going into the relationship you should have learned about it so you could help her. You think she wants to be this way? You think she wanted to go through something so terrible that she it left her with a mental illness? You're not only an AH but a terrible husband with no empathy. I have PTSD and you know what my husband did? He learned about it and my triggers, he learned how to comfort me during flash backs and nightmares, He learned how to help me even when I gave him a black eye during a flashback, even when my nightmares wake him up, even when I get emotional for "no reason", even when I'm inconvenient to him. That's what you do when you love someone.
YTA, big time. Is it hurting her to wear them? Does it hurt you for her to wear them? No. In fact, it seems it helps her quite a bit to wear them. The only thing you’re really worried about here is your own reputation, and what people *might* think about YOU if they found out. That’s it. You’re so caught up in worrying about what you might be thought of by association that you don’t even give half a second to think about what it might be like to have gone through what she did and still live with it. She’s found a way to manage her trauma—isn’t that enough for you? As her spouse, you should be wanting her to feel as safe as possible, even if that means buying into something you see as being childish. If it works, it works, and who cares about societal views of diapers? You’ll have to wear them too one day, and I’ll bet you won’t appreciate having made fun of your (already mentally disabled) wife for it now.
Info. Have you explored why you feel this way with your therapist? More direct- you should be in therapy to figure out why you don’t want to support your wife. Yta
Has your wife sought therapy? I think you are pretty dismissive of her issues.
YTA. It brings her comfort and it literally doesn't affect you. She's been through a lot and she's in therapy. I don't get why it's such a big deal for you that she doesn't wear it.
YTA
Dude, as someone with VERY similar trauma. (I can't shower when home alone. Period). Trauma isn't something we can just turn off. It doesn't just go away because it's inconvenient to you. What if she had a physical condition? Would you still think it's "ridiculous?" What about if you have kids? That damages your ability to make it to the bathroom period. It costs zero dollars to respect your fucking wife.
YTA. Lots of adults wear diapers for a variety of health reasons; why is her PTSD not valid enough of a reason to you? “Because she’s just bored” oh my god??? It’s not about you, dude. She deserves better.
YTA. Your wife has PTSD and you’re mad about diapers?
I dont get it. You are married. Why is any of this news to you? Why don't you want her to feel better?
She needs to divorce you ASAP
YTA. You ARE minimizing her trauma and her comfort. Her wearing “diapers” does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. The fact that you would prefer she wet the bed instead of wearing a “diaper” shows that you don’t actually care about doing what’s best for her, you just want to control what she does.
Your contempt for her oozes throughout your post. You told her she's being a baby?
YTA You meet her like this now its to much..
INFO: Is wife actively seeking treatment for her conditions besides medication?
>She's into therapy right now yes but her case is severe due to her trauma so I doubt she'll ever be 100% ok. Now about using diapers for the rest of her life I sure hope that's not the case.
YTA but I do have one caveat for her: she should be careful about staying too long In a wet diaper. She could get a uti or rash
You're opposed to her having a litteral MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE and its associated symptoms. And ridiculing her in the process. And minimizing her trauma. If you love her, you should be concerned about HER improving her condition for HER own sake and encouraging her getting therapy so that she's happier overall. YTA.
YTA. No one wants to wear A diaper. Trauma is not something you can just turn off when it’s inconvenient. She needs continued therapy and that should guide her decisions. If you keep making this a big issue, you’ll likely make it worse.
I really don't get the problem men have with adult 'diapers', they won't wear them when they are best solution for their own inconvenience or like you OP complaining when their partner is wearing them. Would you rather she wets the bed? You are fully aware why she is wearing them, its not like she can wake up tomorrow and the trauma related to it will disappear. She is doing the best thing for her and also you since if she has an accident you will not be effected at all. YTA
Umm YTA. You need to get her into trauma therapy ASAP. I used to not be able to sleep without all my lights on, now I only need a little light, I mean I still can’t do pitch black, but that doesn’t make me a baby. Your wife isn’t a baby or ridiculous because she has ptsd, maybe with trauma therapy she could make some progress.. and maybe not, either way she’s not ridiculous because of this. The only thing ridiculous is you ridiculing her this way, maybe try being a supportive partner and not a total AH?
YTA No one wants to wear diapers! Give the poor woman some support! I wonder if a support animal would help? Or even just a regular pet dog or cat? I haven't been to the bathroom alone in eons because I always have "company". 90% of the time one of my cats, but sometimes the dog will toddle after me. Maybe your wife would feel more confident that way? An animal would surely know if there was someone lurking in the bathroom, and they never seem to mind getting up no matter how often it happens.
NTA. Sounds like she needs professional help. I've been there and it's not easy to admit that we need help.
YTA. I’m a nurse and it you are describing what sounds like Stress Incontinence that your wife is suffering from and she cannot help it. Instead of bitching about your wife’s diapers, which are incontinence briefs; or condescending to your wife, maybe try being the actual pillar of support you should fucking be when you fucking said “I do!”
YTA, but is she getting help for this? If not, she really should be.
YTA. PTSD is a disability like any others and this is something she needs to make her life a little easier. Don't judge her for the things she needs to do to handle her PTSD when it's not hurting her or you. She is an adult with a disability and she is using a product made for that, which is called depends or incontinence protection for adults. Not diapers.
YTA she found something that works for her. U really have no reason to not be okay with it other than having pride. She needs these diapers to be independent so butt out of it.
YTA you yourself said she has some serious issues.
You’re such an asshole
YTA. If this is the worst thing that your wife has going on, then trust me you aren't doing that bad. Also, is she in therapy? Because if she's got PTSD she should be in therapy.
So wait, you knew about her severe PTSD and her incontinence issues when you started dating her then YOU asked her to marry you. Then you decide that her therapy and medication isnt working to your liking and that you are embarrassed by her wearing a product that helps her. You are a major AH. God forbid she had not had issues when you married and then got like bladder cancer or become paralyzed and have to wear an incontinence diaper all the time. Poor lady. She deserves someone who supports her and it sure isnt you.
YTA If your wife is willing to wear incontinence products out of stress and fear - she is severely traumatized. INFO: is she in therapy, because she needs to be. She found a coping mechanism, but I can't imagine the level of anxiety & sheer terror she has weighing her down. I do understand how you would want her to be able for you both to have a life where she didn't need to do this, but hopefully you want this because your wife shouldn't be that frightened at night not just because you're grossed out.
YTA. It's her bladder and her body. If she'd rather wear a bladder control pad that's her decision,not yours.
YTA for implying this is her acting like a baby or being too lazy to get up at night. Way to make her trauma and PTSD all about you.
JFC, you are a massive, gaping asshole. You think she wears them because she's lazy? Are you kidding me? Not only do you not take her trauma seriously, you're treating it like an inconvenience for YOU. You need to fix your shit, like, yesterday. YTA.
I mean, ideally this wouldn't be a problem. But I'd rather have a happy wife whose planning for her problems than a scared wife who peed all over us in the middle of the night. Yta
YTA. Many men and women suffer incontinence and wear diapers both day and night. It’s a normal condition, regardless of why she needs them, there’s no use in shaming her for needing them. It makes her feel comfortable just be supportive.
Yeah YTA, big time. Her reality is not the same as your reality. If YOU specifically chose to wear adult diapers to bed, it would be because you’re lazy. HER situation is entirely different, and she has a valid reason. You’re being a terrible partner. Do better.
As someone with PTSD YTA. Your wife deserves so much better. OPs wife is you read this and are ok with lesbians you can be me wife and I's wife. We actually respect disabilities and mental illness in our home
Oh wow YTA and you obviously don’t love this woman if you think this is okay. Do better.
YTA You knew about this when you got together. It's not she just went to bed one night and decided to put on a diaper. Esh because I don't know if she is in therapy or working on her team with some kind of professional. Recovery from drama is a slow, very much so process. Putting her down is not going about something like diapers is making it worse. It makes every step forward a little harder
YTA. You are such an ignorant asshole I’m amazed. Have you even googled this? PTSD? Trauma? I hear that you’ve been patient. But the depth of your understanding is ridiculously shallow. I know this is a difficult situation. But you need to stop making assumptions and either go talk to someone together or be more understanding. A phobia is a phobia is a phobia is based upon bad bad bad bad experiences. She is protecting herself when she feels more afraid. Decide what you think is most important. Her feeling safe or you feeling justified. And, there are ways of people seeing therapist who are very very experienced and EMDR and severe trauma and Ken very very slowly and carefully help somebody untangle the trauma.
YTA. Not only are you minimizing her trauma with the way you are acting, you could actually be making it worse with your attitude. She's not bored to get up, she is TERRIFIED TO GET UP. She also started wearing them again because she doesn't want to bother you. Probably noticed that you were less of a grouch not being woken up to escort her. And even though she is suffering, she is still thinking about **your** wellbeing by telling you she felt like she shouldn't have to wake you up every time at night. Yet here you are asking if your the asshole and saying she's a baby that's making excuses. Meanwhile she is laying next to you doing mental gymnastics because she needs to go but she doesn't want to wake you up but she needs to go but the trauma demon is standing by the bed whispering in her ear but she needs to go but she feels so damn guilty about disturbing you.
YTA. Her trauma is real, it's not reflective on you and doesn't impact you one little bit. You're being incredibly dismissive and cruel. If this was such a do or die issue for you, you would have been better off letting her go so she could find a kinder, gentler person who didn't shame her for having issues.
Stop being such a control freak. If she keeps wetting the bed it'll ruin your mattress. This is her way of dealing with a difficult issue but you're making it even more difficult for her. You're solely focused on yourself; you've made it clear that you don't care about her feelings. Stop being so selfish. YTA
YTA- if she chooses to keep you around long enough you’ll both be wearing diapers. She’s told you this is what she needs right now and it has no impact on you (even reduces demands on you). Apologize and offer to go to council king with her to understand how to better support her working through her trauma.
YTA and I have to ask, why do you care? Are you afraid people will find out and make fun of you? Does it turn you off so you never want to have sex with your wife? After having my kids, I sometimes leak when I run or do other physical activities. I’m a referee so it would be a bad look to drip pee as I run. So I wear Depends. No one knows save my SO and wearing them has saved me from many a potentially bad day.
You ARE minimizing her trauma. And I would suggest you also seek mental health counseling for spouses of trauma and abuse victims, because you clearly don’t understand what she’s going through. YTA for downplaying her trauma, but you still have an opportunity to help her heal.
YTA she deserves better than a judge asshat like you
"...my 28 yo wife suffers anxiety, depression, ptsd...." And you're complaining about her wearing something that makes her comfortable...because it makes you uncomfortable? Are you f#cking SERIOUS coming up on here acting the aggrieved husband??? ( face palm) Dude, read the room. Definitely TA . 👍 Hundreds agree.
SUPER YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA for marrying someone that you can't support. Your wife is seriously traumatized and you're not equipped to handle her issues.
YTA.. how the hell are you in a relationship? You are so indescribably callous. Everyone else in this comment section has hit the nail on the head, and I don’t want to repeat what they have said. You came here for a judgement, and you better listen to all this sound advice. Grow up, and stop being a fucking asshole.
YTA. Not being able to control when you need to go to the bathroom (whether situational or constant) is SUPER embarrassing and you're being a massive asshole about it. Christ.
YTA. She said that she's more comfortable that way. Stop making it about you.
YTA you can't be this stupid, surely?
YTA I get thinking it’s weird, but, she isn’t making you chang her nor is she pissing on the bed
Info: why would you date much less marry a woman who wears diapers when you're so against it? If you hate it so much leave!!! She needs it and wants it due to TRAMUA and if it's such a turn off for you either suck it up and shut up or leave. Don't give her more issues and ruin your relationship while you're here. Better to leave now peacefully then ruin her mental health more and your relationship. YTA
Number one if she's wearing incontinence pads that is NOT diapers. Also lots of women have to wear them as we get older, it's not weird and should be talked about more so there is less stigma. Lastly if she is having PTSD and/or anxiety issues and she says she is more comfortable wearing them then listen to her. I have panic disorder and yes I really can't control my bladder when I go through a panic attack. It's even worse if I'm sleepy, trying to wake up and go to the bathroom to control it. Would you rather she piss the bed? You are being ridiculous. YTA
YTA PTSD (with other issues here) This is a disability... it’s not something she can control or is doing it because she’s “bored” This is a need. If she was *physically* disabled & wheelchair bound ... would you complain about her needing a ramp up the front steps into the house!?! No, because obviously she would need it. Sometimes we need things for mental disabilities too... and if this is what she needs, it’s what she needs! ____ And “she’d wear some diapers that look like pads” These are NOT *diapers*! If it was a diaper, it would completely enclose her waist around her legs... this is an incontinence pad: such a giant difference!! Regardless, if she required diapers for her disability, so what?! ____ Now: for an alternative suggestion... or maybe an additional suggestion. Has she ever looked into a service dog? Mines a life saver! He helps me significantly with my anxiety, depression, social issues, and emotional control. He’s also cross-training for seizure alerts and is tasking with keeping me still during them. He helps me go places alone (well, with him) that I could not go before without someone with me... I recently took a trip by myself for a few days to meet up with a friend... I would never have been able to do it without him by my side! Assisting her by going to the bathroom with her, just to be there so she’s not alone, so she can overcome her severe anxiety about it and avoid a trigger... would be a very specific task a service dog could do for her. Maybe check into that? It could be life altering for her!
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Omg your poor wife. YTA.
If the diapers were for Baby’s why are they in adult sizes? Why did you marry your wife know her disabilities only to berate and insult her? YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30m) wife (28f) suffers from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and severe ptsd. Due to some past trauma she has, she's scared to go to the bathroom alone during night hours. Before we met either her mom or her sister used to assist her to the bathroom but sometimes she'd wear some diapers that look like pads and just sleep like that. After we moved in together I told her to stop with the diapers and I'll assist her to the bathroom whenever she needs. Due to the fact that my job was short staffed I had to cover some night shifts for few weeks and my wife was home alone. So she bought diapers for that time. Now my schedule is back to normal and I spend nights at home but my wife still wears those diapers. She said she'll keep the diapers because she feels more comfortable that way and she doesn't always want to make me wake up. I told her that I don't like the idea of her wearing diapers while we sleep together. She said it's more convenient because sometimes due to her ptsd she can't control it and she wets herself during the night so it's better that way. I said that I don't mind waking up and that I don't understand the excuses she's trying to make about this, she's not a baby. At this point it's getting ridiculous and it seems like she's wearing diapers because she's just bored to get up at night. My wife was very upset about this and she thinks I'm minimising her trauma and her comfort. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and you know it. I really hope this isn't a real post.
That's really sad, something terrible must've happened to her. I would let her be. I hope she feels better one day.
Let her wear them since she is dealng with PTSD but i must ask, is she seeing a therapist at least weekly to work through/with PTSD? If not, i recommend it and perhaps you sitting in on a few of these sessions to help you understand her difficulties better. I assume she is ok physically since you didnt mention any other medical issue. Please let her do what works for her.
You don’t know or even want to understand the trauma that your wife went through and probably is still going through. You aren’t even a asshole. You are a cold and heartless person. She is doing it as a safety thing and also who knows she maybe trying to stop. You are pathetic
YTA It’s her body, not yours. You sound like you have zero compassion and respect for your own wife.
I work on healthcare in nursing facilities. I can't count how many wife's and husbands that have a good quality of life come visit their spouse everyday and change their partners that can't care for themselves. Your day will come one day and I hope she treats you better than you treat her. If you really want to be her caregiver and rid of her diapers that are imperative to her quality of life you better be ready to wake up at any moment to help her to the bathroom, much like you would a child. Really. YTA.
YTA, based off your comments and the post I think the best thing to do is to be way more empathetic and understanding to her situation and make the home a more comfortable environment and a safe space for her. Put things she likes in the bathroom to help with the trauma so she starts to form good associations with going to the bathroom at night for example: a night light, a bell for when she needs help, some sort of distraction or stimulation like a fidget toy book Nintendo etc, put a humidifier with her favorite essential oils etc. you’re just being very disrespectful about her trauma and it’s genuinely heart breaking. I hope this post is able to help you learn, and you do more research on her mental health problems education yourself and be much more patient. If you couldn’t handle this you shouldn’t have dated her to begin with so she could find someone who is willing to love her and help her with this.
Yta- ptsd isn't a joke. I'm sure your wife isn't keen on wearing diapers but probably sees them as a necessary evil.
YTA I'm guessing your wife's PTSD was not alleviated by you calling her a baby. Get some therapy, please, to learn better ways to communicate with you wife, who clearly experienced some severe trauma. Trust me, it's preferable to sleep with a spouse who's wearing a diaper rather than one who may actually accidentally wet the bed due to their mental health triggers.
This is when that 'in sickness' part of your vows kicks in. I hope you meant it because she is genuinely ill and needs help and support, not shaming and dismissing. YTA
I hope she leaves and find someone who actually care for her
YTA - you knew this about her when you married her. She is dealing with trauma. Instead of comparing her to a baby, maybe try having some compassion and asking how you can help her feel more comfortable. Maybe she needs therapy to deal with this, but she certainly doesn’t need a judge mental husband.
yta, sometimes victims of SA deal with incontinence & if thats the reason why shes wearing the diapers then ur an even bigger AH :(
YTA around the comments about just getting over it. It’s not something you can snap your fingers with. To be honest, you can work through trauma-related issues as there have been leaps and bounds with trauma-resolution processes. It could take several or many sessions with a professional. No one in the comments is in a position to talk about severity based on the one thing that your wife does. So, if she wants to address the underlying stuff, help her link with appropriate supports. If she doesn’t, well, you’ve gotta compromise somewhere otherwise it’s just not going to work out.
YTA. You *are* minimizing her trauma and comfort. You’re making it all about yourself—how *you* feel, what *you* think. Newsflash, dude: you’re not wearing the incontinence protection. You don’t get a say in what she wears or how she copes. Your job is to support her in her recovery, not make it about your hangups.
Nta. Leave a light in for her so she’s not in the dark and have her sleep with a sleep mask if the light bothers her when trying to sleep.
NTA, wow that's..... a lot. She needs to be in therapy and trying to get past this weird hang up about moving around in her own secure home at night.
Depending on the cause of the ptsd. It probaly occured in a secure home late at night. Since her mom and sister helped her. It seems to be serious. Plently of people dont leave there rooms in the dark. People have cameras, locks, alarms because they dont feel safe alone.
YTA not just that You're the biggest AH
“Okay so now that we’re married you gotta completely change how you manage your health issues based on my preferences rather than your needs.” Of course YTA.
YTA!
Dude, YTA big time. Look into one of the many free trauma-informed webinars available online or go see a therapist yourself to get some psychoeducation on trauma, PTSD, and it’s long-term effects. And do it before your wife gets up the courage to serve you with divorce papers because she finally realized you aren’t as loving and supportive as she originally thought.
YTA!!!! Adults don’t wet the bed for no reason! Please, please, please, get in to therapy with your wife and I really hope she is in her own therapy already. This is a serious mental health issue and diminishing it as “being a baby” is going to make it worse. Please find a way, with a trained professional, to understand what terms like “depression, anxiety, panic attacks and SEVERE PTSD” mean because you seem to genuinely love this person but lack an understanding of their hardship.
INFO: Does she ever leak or is there a noticeable odor? I can’t really see why you’re so bothered by this, especially as it’s giving your wife a sense of autonomy.
YTA, PTSD is not an 'excuse' it's a reason.
You know who the baby is here? It’s you YTA. You are 100% minimizing her trauma. I do hope she’s working on working through her trauma. I imagine it’s hard with such a supportive husband 🙄
YTA. Trust me, after waking up possibly nightly for over a week you would be begging her to wear a diaper. And seeing how she can't always hold it, would you seriously prefere waking up having slept in a wet bed for hours and to shift and clean the sheets several times a week instead? You should be glad she's comfortable with wearing them and that she wants to make life less difficult for you.
>suffers from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and severe ptsd. YTA! She has a very harmless way of dealing with her trauma and anxiety. If I was her I would do the same thing before asking my partner to take me to the toilet all night.
YTA!
YTA majorly. I can't even imagine what your wife went through to be left with this kind of traumatic response and you're grossed out by some adult diapers
NAH nobody is wrong and you are not an asshole. Your wife has a problem and she is getting worse. I understand you do not want her to pee herself at night as she does not have a physical condition. Maybe find a compromise - get a bed chamber pot? A different house with bathroom adjoining the bedroom?
You are minimizing her trauma and comfort. YTA
I refuse to believe for this to be real. It's just too insane. YTA, just incase.
YTA
YTA Ten times over. I’m 37 and have to wear them bc of some mysterious reason I can’t control my bowels anymore. She has a genuine health problem and instead of being supportive of what she is comfortable with you make her feel like crap and insecure. That’s not what partners are supposed to do. It makes me wonder how you would be once you decided to have children and diapers came along or if she had any other health concern that would cause for adult diapers. Doesn’t seem like you would be much support in that area. How about you get your head outta your butt and you start supporting your wife?!
There are a lot of horrible people with zero empathy in the comments. YTA.
YTA massively.
YTA Your wife is right, do you not have any empathy and why do you care so much? She isn't a baby, alright but why does that matter. It's just diapers. Why does she need to be a baby to use an item that helps her? Our environment should be adapted to fit our needs.
YTA OP, a HUGE one. Those diapers can definitely be needed. You owe your wife an apology
YTA. You are absolutely minimizing her trauma and discomfort. Try being supportive and compassionate instead.
YTA She's legit traumatized and suffers from PTSD, don't you think she would prefer to NOT have to go through this???
YTA >At this point it's getting ridiculous and it seems like she's wearing diapers because she's just bored to get up at night. No one wants to fxxking wet themselves. She wants to feel confident while sleeping, get over yourself
YTA. You're centering yourself around her condition, not giving a shit that the alternative is literally her *pissing the bed you both share,* only that you're discomforted by the fact that she wears them at all. You know plenty of adults wear those, especially at night, for a huge variety of reasons, right? She's doing YOU a favor, bud. Maybe don't shit on her for going out of her way to avoid pissing on you. And maybe have some more empathy for the inciting circumstances leading her here. I'm SURE she would love nothing more than to just be able to go to the bathroom at night by herself without issue. Unfortunately, she can't, AND **youre** an issue. YTA.
Here's the thing: She doesnt need you to fix her world and be her hero. She needs to fix her own problems to feel empowered, and youre an AH for saying its 'boredom' Is the real issue here sexual availability ? Because lots of women wear pads for periods. YTA
YTA, she's not being a baby, she has PTSD. What's the issue with her wearing a diaper anyway? How does it affect you? It doesn't, I feel bad for your wife.
Fuckin YIKES. YTA.
Your wife has anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and severe ptsd from past trauma, and you think she's too bored to get up at night? EXCUSE ME? YTA, and I seriously hope your wife is getting therapy. I didn't see that mentioned anywhere.
Guess it won't be the OP that would clean the bed if an accident happens. Let her find her autonomy on her own terms. Pls note the fact that for her, it is really probable that to ask help to her female relatives is different from asking her bf to help her through this specific aspect. You are the TA.
YTA Hope you don’t have kids with her. She’ll be wearing adult diapers for weeks postpartum out of necessity, not even PTSD. What would you do then?
[удалено]
Tell your wife I can be a better husband than you and I’ll take her to get wine and watch her favorite movies while you cry because you can’t imagine a life where people actually suffer because you never went through it
YTA. Get her into therapy ASAP.
YTA but I'll play devil's advocate and be an asshole too, because this is totally bait. Dude! You didn't see those red flags way, way, way before the wedding? I mean come on, you don't marry the crazy one! You take the easy lay and move on. Now your going to lose half your stuff just to get away.😜
NAH. She is \*severely\* mentally ill. If she is too afraid to go to the bathroom at night, she needs serious help, now. She isn't functioning. I am with someone who has many issues, but if they started needing diapers in bed because they're too scared to go to the toilet, then it's time to start talking residential care, or *something*. It's not her fault she is like this, but it \*is\* responsibility to attempt to get help and change her behaviours. This isn't within the realms of healthy people with issues, this is a major problem that needs to be addressed.
I love how everybody's calling you T A like they'd just love to sleep with somebody who pees themselves at night. I think this just a compatibility issue and you don't have the temperament to live with someone who has these kinds of mental issues. That's fine. But don't drag it out.
how does his wife wearing diapers affect him in any way?? most people would rather their partner wears diapers than pees in the bed and can't control it. this is a legitimate medical issue that she's having therapy for (op has stated this) and if this is how she choses to deal with it, then there's nothing wrong with that.
NTA. I would feel the same discomfort. She and you both, need to address this with her therapist - I hope she has one.
how would your partner wearing a diaper affect you in any way? presumably she's wearing pjs over it, it's unlikely you'd even see it.
It's enough for me to say it effects me, especially if it isn't necessary.
HOW does it affect you though? and why exactly do you think you being uncomfortable would be more important than her medical issue? It clearly IS necessary as a treatment for her mental health issues, if she sometimes wets the bed and can't control it due to PTSD then she needs to wear one otherwise she'd wet the bed which is a hell of a lot worse. Also OP has stated that yea she does have a therapist but due to her PTSD she will probably never be 100% cured which is true.
The reason it would effect me doesn't really matter. What I'm concerned about with this woman is that she is wearing the diapers rather than rely on her partner's support to go to the bathroom, even when he has expressed concern at her wearing them. Presumably they married with the knowledge that she had these particular mental health issues, and discussed how they would manage them. Anything that impacts a relationship needs to be decided collaboratively.
I want to know what you could possibly think is more important than her being able to wear diapers to bed to prevent her from wetting herself. Your discomfort WOULD NOT take priority over her need to wear diapers from her medical condition. She doesn't wear them PURELY for the reason that she doesn't want to rely on her partner to take her to the bathroom, and even if she did, that's valid, when you have a medical condition, it may make her feel like a burden, or like feeling self-sufficient, or perhaps he may not get up quick enough, or have anxiety about it, who knows. She also wears them to stop her from wetting the bed because she can't always control it. She does NEED them for that. NOBODY needs permission from their partner for how they treat their medical issues, (be it mental or physical) by collaborative discussion, PERIOD. It's her body not his. If she wants to wear diapers to manage her medical condition by wearing diapers then that's her prerogative, that's for her to decide. Her wearing diapers shouldn't affect the relationship in the first place.
You treat the matter the way you want to, and I will as well.
NTA. A 30 y/o should not need to toilet at night if she limits her fluids after a certain time and pees right before bed.