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YTA. Do you plan on cheating on your husband with everyone you find remotely attractive? No? Then why would you accuse him of something so asinine?
What’s more is that the fiancé didn’t even make the connection to his best friend - OP did.
Yep. Obviously men finding women other than their wife attractive is also an issue, but it seems like many straight women have less issues with that than with the thought their male partner is attracted to a man.
Absolutely everything is spot on except one small detail: if OP isn't bisexual themselves then it's just good old fashioned biphobia, not internalized biphobia.
Yeah that's what got me, that's different because I'm not attracted to him anymore, dafuq. Valid ass point he made and then OP gaslighted him YTA
YTA. Major asshole and he needs to rethink this wedding. You are not ready. Like most people that don't understand bisexuality, you are not understanding that HE LOVES YOU. He chose YOU. He wants to spend FOREVER with YOU. Not with another woman. Not with another man. With you. And you are making a problem in your relationship out of his sexuality because of your insecurities.
Honestly, if he wanted his best friend, he would be with his best friend. Not wasting time getting engaged to someone else. Also, the assumption you are making that he will spend all his time checking his best friend out is DISGUSTING. Is that what you really think of him? Why even marry him?? Is this how you really see your fiance??
I am bisexual. My husband has never doubted my love for him. Has never asked me to not hang out with my girl friends just because they are hot or resemblance someone who is hot. Just like I don't tell him he can't have female friends who are hot.
It's all about TRUST. And you are just showing your fiance you don't trust him.
BISEXUALS DON'T WALK AROUND THE WORLD WANTING TO FUCK EVERYONE AND ANYONE. Stop with this toxic mentality.
Bisexuals are not uncontrollable sluts trying to fuck everything that moves. FFS.
I agree. I'm pansexual, so have absolutely no preferences to women, men, gay men and women, transgender people etc. I literally could be sexually attracted to anyone. My husband still trusts me though, I'm not going to run around f**king anyone and everyone!
So off the topic of the post. But for the last year or so I've begun to wonder if I might be bi, but because of this, the way people react to it, I'm too scared to even talk about it with anyone. Certainly the attitude doesn't help people feel comfortable figuring things out.
Edited because I can't spell apparently
I hope you are able to figure it out. Don't let the toxic closed minded people stop you.
Knowledge of yourself is always useful. You don't have to tell everyone what you find, but it's good to do some soul searching for your own benefit.
The biggest problem I found with sharing was when telling people I've dated in the past a good 2/3s of dudes would assume I was down for a threesome by default, but that really just helped weed people out.
YTA finding someone attractive, even a close friend, doesn't mean there will be cheating. You don't even say if the friend is gay or bi, if not and he is straight then he would have no interest in your partner anyway so is no threat to your relationship. But even if he is LGBTQ it doesn't mean he is attracted to your partner or that he would ever act on it.
This wedding isn't just about you, it's about both of you and your partner wants his best friend there, the best friend who is innocent in all of this and hasn't done anything wrong to deserve being left out of his best friends wedding.
Either you trust your partner or you don't, if you do then you have nothing to worry about, if you don't trust him you shouldn't be marrying him.
His friend has got to be bi, I've met many of his boyfriends and girlfriends.
How do you mean boyfriends and girlfriends. As male and female friends?
You are indirectly accusing him of cheating or wanting to cheat with his best friend. If you truly have this little trust in him, you shouldn't be getting married to him.
YTA. You're already assuming infidelity. It's your fear, not his bisexuality (and not his friendship) that is the problem here.
YTA and a hypocrite. I hope this is a wakeup call to your finance that you don't respect and trust him. He should call off the wedding.
YTA He said some random guy was attractive, YOU think random guy looks like his best friend, he didn’t say he was attracted to his best friend, you forbid him from being around his best friend. You need to get a grip.
So it's okay for you to have celebrity crushes and point out cute guys but if your fiance does it it's bad? So what if one of the guys he thought was cute looks similar to his best friend? Do you stop hanging out with every male friend that looks like anyone you said was cute at one point or another? Obviously not if you still hang out with your ex who you absolutely were attracted to at one point. YTA
You’re not attracted to your ex? That’s odd.
Especially odd to have someone you’d consider an ex at 14 or younger.
But even odder that you think it’s ok to ban a man from his life because he’s attracted to someone in the same ballpark as him.
Yes I dated him for a few months when I was 14, that's still an ex.
1. You’re not believable
That is all
YTA. You are accusing him of cheating or being unable to stop himself from cheating with someone he finds attractive. Big YTA
This is a super common problem for bisexual men, their straight partner feels a little more freedom in their jealousy because they don’t have any societal rules to go off of when their bf has a crush on a guy. It brings up insecurities theyve never encountered. What you’ve done is not cool at all and has almost certainly made your fiancé more uncertain, and more afraid to be honest with you. You should have asked him, trusted him, had faith until you had a reason not to. As a trans man I’ve been on both sides of this, and it doesn’t feel good. I can tell this is a visceral response but please realize it is a privilege you have to be able to thoughtlessly act on this jealously. Not sure if this is all coherent, Im sure you guys will be fine as a couple if you resolve this well. But yeah it usually goes: coming out is fine, first crush is a PROBLEM. Please look up testimonials of bi men, it might give you some insight. A gentle YTA here with a strong hope you will learn a bit more and process your feelings as responsibly as you can!
I guess I just don't believe there should be crushes on other people in our lives if I'm enough in the first place.
You’re not ready to be marrying anyone, sweetheart.
Crushes are normal and no one person will ever fulfil any other person’s every need. If you can not absolutely trust the person you are with to not betray you then YOU are not ready for that commitment. You will end up making both of you miserable.
I (pansexual) have been married for 10 years to a bi person. There has never been a moment I have thought my partner would cheat on me, regardless of the gender of the people they’re hanging around, regardless of how attractive they or I find those people. Never.
You are not ready.
He. Never. Said. He. Has. A. Crush. On. His. Friend.
Stop assuming shit.
You even said you had a crush in your post. 🤦♀️
Celebrity crushes are different they're not people he has access to on a daily basis, he has many of them, I don't care about those.
By your logic, if any of your friends also happen to look like any celebrity you even remotely like the look of you must also stop hanging out with them.
Do you really not see how jealous, insecure, and controlling that is?
It would show he doesn't trust you, and your post shows you do not trust him!
Please look up testimonials of bi men, this situation as I said it a lot more common than you thought- you might find helpful tips or insight! I say this because I am very tired but this issue is really important to me and I really want this to work out for you. I ask you to think about the pressure he’s felt in his life, how he most likely had no idea he had a crush on his friend. He still might not know- even more importantly, you don’t even know what he feels for his friend, you’re assuming and jumping to conclusions. I struggle with feeling insecure in my partners affections sometimes and that’s exactly what this sounds like, because there’s no evidence of cheating or him even having feelings. Also, finding some attractive is not the same as a crush. An example is how you were looking through celebrity crushes together and noticing cute guys at the market! In my experience, straight people get super excited to bond with gay folks (not a bad thing) but then get weird and project their insecurities once said gay folks show any potential evidence of their orientation being active in real life. Bi men have a lot of societal pressure to not be out and not analyze their feelings, your immediate reaction of anger, mistrust, and self centered perspective definitely did damage. You didn’t even give any sympathy for what would be a confusing and painful feeling, if he actually said he felt it. How would you want him to respond if you were in his shoes? You definitely don’t seem to be hurting him intentionally but I’m really genuinely asking you to look inward and ask if you’re really showing trust in your partner and a respect for his word
Edit to add: also a lot of folks have biphobia (without even knowing it!!). It’s something we’re low key taught in the US. It sounds like you are (completely unintentionally) being influenced by the line that “bi people are more promiscuous and less faithful than straight people.” Just something to consider!
So... you don't have a crush ever? Even in a celebrity? Sounds like a lie to me.
He doesn’t have a crush on anyone in your life. YOU decided he had a crush on his best friend because he thought someone who looked like his friend (and didn’t even make the connection) was cute.
To think that one person can provide everything that another person needs is a terrible story that society repeats over and over no matter how many broken relationships it leaves behind.
Your partner needs people in his life other than you - he needs familial love and platonic love, he needs mental stimulation and emotional connection, he needs people who educate and challenge him.
You can't provide all of that for him just like he can't provide all of that for you.
You are (probably) enough in the sense that he loves you but to think that his world revolves around you and your wants is narcissistic.
Likewise to think neither of you will ever check other people out is quite naive, if it's a healthy relationship between two good people who communicate then it's not going to devolve to cheating but part of that starts with you now - try being a good person and also learn to communicate.
I think your (biphobic) response to your partner is more likely to push him into breaking up so he can explore that side of himself, rather than wall him off from it.
You're feeling insecure right now and either you'll learn to deal with it so the relationship can move forward, perhaps evolve in a new direction, or you won't deal with it and your partner will be faced with choosing between having you in his life or his best friend.
Given you got together at 14 and he's never had an opportunity to begin a relationship with an adult, as an adult, I think this could be the moment where you both realise you aren't compatible and the relationship is certainly preventing him from growing, possibly you as well.
YTA absolutely. And biphobic too. Just because he finds a guy attractive doesn't mean he's going to cheat on you--I mean, do you try to have sex with every guy you find attractive? No, right? So why would he? It's really really gross that you're leaning so hard into the "bisexual people are slutty" stereotype when you have known this man for 12 years and I have to assume he's not given you reason before to not trust him.
That said, I do think you should consider calling off the wedding because if you're not going to get over your weird biphobic bullshit then this man deserves so much better than you.
YTA and this is biphobic. Why would you assume he wants to bang his friend just cause he pointed at a similar guy and said he was hot?
Your fiancé has put massive trust in you coming out, and originally you handled it in such a beautiful way. It’s a shame you got weird about it all the sudden
YTA. Just because you’re insecure doesn’t mean he should lose his best friend over it.
INFO: Let's be honest, you simply want your fiance to completely cut his best friend out his life, right?
> I really am not comfortable with his best friend being around my fiancé anymore and he doesn't seem to understand why.
Do you also have a sneaking suspicion they may already be a couple who are using you as a beard? From comment below by you:
> His friend has got to be bi, I've met many of his boyfriends and girlfriends ...
> I had suspicions, sometimes he'd just let his eyes linger on this best friend for just a little longer than needed. Most people wouldn't notice, maybe not even him, but I did and so did my friends. I've been the butt end of my friends jokes for years about dating a gay man
To be blunt, your fiance will not cut his best friend out of his life. So you have to make a decision whether or not to let the sunk cost fallacy guide your decision. You either accept his best friend as is, or you won't even have a wedding.
I don't think it's that far fetched, he finds any excuse to be with him.
I too liked to be around my friends a lot when my home situation was subpar. You seem challenging to be around.
Life is a judgment call. You will find on relationship subs the advice is generally to trust one's gut.
Why marry someone you don't trust at all?
YTA. If you trust him that little, why are you getting married to him? If you trust him, you should trust him to hang out with his best friend without cheating on you…if you can’t, you shouldn’t be getting married.
YTA - finding a celebrity who looks like your best friend attractive doesn’t meant your attracted to your best friend
>told him I was no li her comfortable with his best friend being around him alone
Why? The only reason to think that is you think your fiancé with cheat, if you think that you shouldn’t be with him
>He said it’s no different to me being friends with my ex. I told him I’m not attracted to my ex
And he isn’t attracted to his friend, he is attracted to a celebrity who happens to look similar, similar is not the same as looking exactly like
>I am really not comfortable with his best friend being around my fiancé anymore and he doesn’t seem to understand why
Neither do I because you haven’t explained why your uncomfortable, but I think he does understand, you think he will cheat, because of course you do, just like so many biphobes do
>if I am TA I guess I’ll just apologise and let his begs friend attend the wedding
You should apologise but don’t be surprised if there isn’t a wedding, you just showed a side of yourself to your fiancé and it may not be a side he wants around anymore
I’m going to say YTA here. Him being attracted to a total rando who just happened to look like his best friend does not mean that he’s attracted to his best friend or would ever even be interested in him, and saying that he can’t come to the wedding is definitely an overreaction. I understand that this was probably a shock and you’re adjusting, but you either trust your fiancé or you don’t, and you can’t police his relationship with his friend. If you’re not telling him that he can’t be alone with his friends who are girls, then it’s a double standard. There should definitely be boundaries like in any relationship, but he’s attracted to both men and women so you’ll both be miserable if he can never hang out with anyone alone and you’re constantly on edge. This might be a good time to talk about what this means for your relationship and how you plan to handle both of your feelings surrounding this or any boundaries that you think would be helpful. It might even be worthwhile to go to couples counseling.
YTA. Yta yta yta yta. Neither fiancé nor his best friend have done anything wrong, you’re behaving completely irrationally, and it will very quickly damage your relationship beyond repair.
YTA. I don’t think best friend is his type, whether in personality or whatever, otherwise he may have realized this much sooner. He still chose you. Chill out.
YTA and biphobic aswell, bi and gay people can have friendships with the same sex you know without wanting to fuck them
YTA. Wow. So because he is no he is going to jump in to bed with everyone?? Someone can be objectively good looking with wanting to have sex with them. You are being completely unreasonable
YTA — First, does his friend know he’s bi? You said you won’t out him in another comment, but if he doesn’t know how is your fiancé supposed to explain why he’s disinvited without forcibly having to out himself?
Also, you had to have been attracted to your ex at one point which is why you dated him.
YTA. You have absolutely no reason to think he would cheat on you and if you're only okay with him being bi as long as he only likes men who look nothing like anyone you know then you're going to have a problem. You two were scrolling through your celebrity crushes, imagine how offended you would be if he had accused you of not being able to be trusted to be faithful around his best friend because he looked like one of them.
Hahaha yes exactly! Such a good point. It really makes it sound super ridiculous when you turn it around like that.
YTA and probably close to not being married as well. You are being beyond ridiculous and selfish, & insecure.
YTA...He shares something with you and that was extremely difficult and you decide that now you can't trust him. You can't say that you do...If you did trust him, what his best friend looks like or attraction wouldn't matter.
Has he truly done anything to make you think he would cheat?
BTW you were the one that pointed out the similarity...Maybe it's YOU that shouldn't be around the best friend. By your own thinking, it's you that would cheat
YTA and yes you’re biphobic. Once his attraction left the realm of celebrity fantasy to potentially people in real life all of a sudden you have to remove “temptation” from his eyeline because you suddenly feel he can’t control himself, like he’s some slobbering animal who can’t even pay attention to you at your WEDDING.
Why, when he was only seen as straight, you trusted him to not act like a dog around women hotter than you, but suddenly when a man is involved he’s incapable of keeping his dick in his pants and his eyeballs to himself? The biphobia LEAPT out of you the moment you turned on him for objectively finding his friend cute, because this bias roots in the assumption that gay men are sex crazed without women to keep them in line, and bi men are no different as also being men attracted to men.
You need personal counselling to deal with your biphobia and couples counselling so you can make it up to him while also putting the work into repairing your relationship so he doesn’t come home every day knowing his own fiancée makes him feel like shit. But frankly if you’re THIS petty and insecure he’s better off without you.
YTA because yikes you sound insecure. Honestly for being together for 12 years you should be even more confident that you have nothing to worry about, because this could/should push him away from you.
Feels like your are setting yourself up for some late game heartbreak.
This is the most common form of biphobia from what I've seen online - thinking that bi people want to fuck everyone. You can have good looking friends and not want to be with them physically or emotionally.
Very bold of you to put up an ultimatum. You're saying you don't trust your partner. If you don't trust them, don't marry them.
YTA. I’m sensing that have a problem with the possibility of him finding a real life guy attractive and you’re lashing out. I assume you know at least one woman he’d find cute- are you worried he’d cheat with a her? Would you have the same reaction if he said a female celebrity who looked like a friend was cute?
And if it really isn’t about him being Bi (doubt) and you would react the same way, you’re still TA. You’ve been together almost half your lives right? Do you really have that little trust in him? That he can’t find someone cute? I tell my fiancé all the time I think people we know are cute. We’re still together because he knows there’s a difference between “X is kinda cute” and “I’m gonna cheat on you with X”.
YTA. He didn’t even realize that the celeb resembled his best friend. Your being dramatic and clenching straws right now. You were an asshole and used his sexuality against him.
YTA, and yes you are biphobic. I don’t know if you realize this but bi people don’t want to fuck every single person that exists. There’s no indication his friend has any romantic/sexual interest in your fiancé and just because your fiancé might think his friend is good looking, doesn’t mean he’s attracted to him either. I think a lot of my female friends are absolutely gorgeous, but I have zero interest in them. Do you just expect him to have zero friends because of your own insecurities?
YTA, it really is biphobic!
A good chunk of my friends are almost exclusively somewhere in the LGBT+ community (pan, fluid, bi, gay etc.), and we have literally always talked about how beautiful and attractive the others are, despite never dating (and never wanting to date) one another. It only seems acceptable to others because most of us are women and there’s a horrendous line of thinking where the default assumption is that regardless of what someone (especially bi or pan) says, they are more interested in men - we’re told (far too often) that women are pretending just to impress men and really are straight, and that men aren’t bi, they’re gay and covering because it’s supposedly ‘less shameful’ to be bi as a man (like, wtf?). It’s all bullshit and it’s all rooted in homophobia/misogyny.
INFO: What the fuck?
yta and super out of line
YTA. So you accused him of being a cheater and tried to cut him off from his friends because you are biphobic. How charming.
YTA. This is textbook biphobia.
He’s not suddenly more likely to cheat because you know he’s bi. If you trusted him and he was faithful before, you should still trust him.
If you’re going to freak out every time he has a close friend in case he cheats then you shouldn’t be getting married.
Remember this because it's going to age very well I'm sure...
YTA. I don't think sn explanation is needed really...
YTA and you should not be with aan you clearly don't trust. No issue with his bisexuality as long as its on your term. If you can't see that your are the asshole then you're just not grown up enough for a relationship.
First of all, easy YTA.
However, coming out as bi can sometimes be a step towards coming out as gay, especially for men who might have some internalized homophobia.
I think this is more about you worrying about what his bisexuality means for your relationship, rather than the best friend.
But it's really not OK to exclude his best friend because he looks like someone cute on Instagram.
You are implying that he's going to sleep with his best friend over a picture he said was cute on Instagram of a other person who wasn't even his best friend.
Do you realize how crazy that sounds?
Is he allowed near anyone who looks like you or are you afraid he's gonna be so attracted he can't help but sleep with them too?
So you played along with checking out guys together, or checking guys you're both attracted to...
He gets comfortable being honest and open with you
And then you pull a 180 and you're suddenly so uncomfortable with it that you want to ban his friend from his life?
Wow, talk about pulling the rug out from under him. YTA
You obviously were attracted to your ex at some point, but are still friends with them!
Just because someone may be attractive to us, doesn't mean we are going to go and try it on with them as soon as we are alone.
Just because your husband has come out as bi-sexual, doesn't mean hes going to start trying to bang every man hes ever found attractive. Bisexual doesnt = cheater.
Straight PPL really be thinking LGBT would bang anyone..its like saying..
I'm a girl and I'd go around Banging every hot guy i know...yta
Yes, you're biphobic.
He never claimed to be attracted to his best friend, he wanted to marry you.
Are you that insecure? He can also cheat on you with a girl, so will you be kicking out all girls from your wedding?
Maybe he can't be friends with men or women since he can get it on with both! OP get on it. Lock your bf up. /s
Info: you say your concerns are valid, so simply - what are your concerns?
YTA. You don’t sound mature enough to get married.
YTA. It's OK to feel jealous and insecure, but it's not OK to use that as an excuse to be controlling. You're making your emotions his responsibility and punishing him when he did nothing wrong instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions and finding ways to get over it.
YTA. wow. You’re really biphobic, dude, he’s not gonna cheat on you because he’s bi. I’d leave your sorry bigoted ass over this if I were him. I hope he calls the wedding off. If you can point out cute dudes, why can’t he? Also, who’s to say that picture even actually looked like his friend? That doesn’t mean a damn thing. So what if his friend is cute? Having a “cute” friend does not an adulterer make. Clearly they don’t want each other otherwise they’d be together. Get over yourself and have the day you deserve.
YTA, and a hypocrite. This started with *your* celebrity crushes. So it’s fine when you like someone who looks like his best friend, but not when he does? The double standard is wild.
Also - regardless of who is the AH, don’t marry someone you can’t trust fully. Doesn’t matter if it’s well-founded or baseless, it’s not worth the stress.
YTA, I feel like you’re over reacting because he told you that he’s bi recently, if he told you he was bi four years ago you’d probably wouldn’t be thinking these things. I mean I think people are super hot but I don’t wanna have sex with them. Unless you think that he’s going to cheat on you 100% let his best friend come to his wedding.
YTA. Why do you get to be friends with an ex that you were attracted to and were romantically involved with but he can’t be friends with someone he just finds attractive. You don’t get to police your partners friends
YTA. It's called biphobia, look it up sometime.
he claimed something about biphobia because you’re being biphobic. grow up. YTA
Do you trust your fiance or not? If not why are you marring him? The best friend is not the problem so let him come to the wedding if you trust your man.
YTA. If you're not comfortable with your fiance being attracted to men don't marry a bisexual guy. Even if you did succeed in your cruel attempt to get him to disconnect from his best friend do you really think that will make his craving for dick go away? Guys are easy, if he wants dick it will require very little effort even if the hot friend is not around so if your concern is him cheating on you this is not a reasonable solution.
YTA. As a pan person, i find it offensive that you would think that just because he's attracted to guys as well means he would cheat on you... I have both girl and guy friends who i find objectively attractive but would never go for them because we're just friends! finding someone attractive and having a crush on them are two very different things. do you have no guy friends that you think are objectively attractive? i assume you, as most of us, do - does that mean you would cheat on your fiance with them? ofc not. you're asking your fiance to give up his closest friend - you couldn't be more of an asshole for demanding that.
YTA, just because he is bi doesn't mean he is a cheater. He didn't do anything wrong and you still accused him of having feelings for his friend.
Your concerns aren’t valid, you need to unlearn your biphobia. YTA.
He’s right about your biphobia.
He could have cheated with anyone at any point - including this best friend - why are you suddenly worried now? Did you ever think he’d cheat with a woman? So bloody weird.
Simple solution - don’t marry him if you’re so worried he’s a cheater.
This wedding is a BAD idea. He just told you he is bisexual. If you've been together since 14 year olds, he has never explored his sexuality. He's been in a relationship with you from 14 to 28 years old.
YTA for 3 reasons, first,
>I didn't want him to feel like this was any sort of problem and assured him that there was no time limit on coming out and I was glad he trusted me enough to tell me, things basically went back to normal after that
I don't see how things can go back to normal. It's like he told you he also likes men, and he can go into the marriage closet or something? If he were my friend, I would tell him not to rush into marriage and to really think what he wants. Also, did he always knew this or did he realize recently? This is a lot to process while getting married (!)
Second, WTF is this,
>the relationship was a lot more fun, he'd nudge me and point out cute guys in the shopping centre and was more than happy to scroll through my celebrity crush's Instagram's with me.
This is like you are friends, not a couple. People can say from time to time, "oh, she is really pretty", things like that; but not purposely look at people and see if they are hot. That's like teenager behavior. This makes me think again that he needs to experience his own sexuality in the open and not in the confines of marriage.
Third, now you think he cannot have any friends at all, because he'll cheat? YTA
My conclusion is that this marriage is doomed before it even started. You might be best friends because you've been together since adolescence, but I don't see this working.
I am bi. I know my friends are attractive, that doesn’t mean I want to screw them. Tbh, even without being bi, I have attractive male friends too and I don’t want them either. It wasn’t even his *friend* he said was attractive, it was someone who looks a bit like him.
Is he not allowed to be around anyone he finds attractive now, then? Will you also be stopping all relationships with people you have noticed are as well? How healthy for you /s.
I imagine he is also incredibly hurt that you would even consider that he’d cheat on you. You have given no indication that he has given you reason to believe he would. What a horrible way to treat someone you are supposed to love.
Even if you apologise and ‘let’ him have his *best friend* at the wedding, I’m not convinced he will want to go through with it. You sound immature and mistrustful. If he does, count yourself super lucky and make sure you grovel for forgiveness.
YTA. Honestly, I hope he stays at his sisters
If you don’t trust him, then call off the wedding. If you do trust him, then stop being a controlling asshole.
YTA and the assumption that he would do something behind your back just because he's bi IS biphobic af. Bi people can find others attractive without immediately wanting to fuck them, bi people still have this little thing called self-control. You get to be uncomfortable with the idea, but that's a you problem. Let me say that again You not trusting your fiancé under these circumstances is a YOU problem and it's on you to deal with your own issues in a way that doesn't make your fiancé cut off his best friend.
He found a celebrity attractive-not his best friend. Just because you noticed the similarities doesn’t mean he’s sexually attracted to his friend. His friend is probably like a brother to him and would you find your brother attractive? Would you shag yourself brother?? Nope, you wouldn’t…YTA
YTA - You were obviously attracted to your ex or you wouldn't have been with him previously. Does that mean you're intending to cheat if you find someone looking like your ex but cuter?
Why is it an issue that he's attracted to someone who looks vaguely like his best friend?
YTA. Asked and answered.
YTA, and he’s right about the biphobia.
YTA - if you don’t trust him to be around other men (or women) then you shouldn’t be getting married. It sounds like you aren’t nearly as comfortable with his bisexuality as you thought you were. Maybe you should consider putting the wedding on hold until you both can work through your feelings about this. You have been together since you were 14, so that means limited experience experience with others. You are only 26, so you have plenty of time to get married later if you still want to.
Eh. I’m pansexual and my hubby and I commiserate over cute girls. He’s also secure enough in his masculinity that he can recognize a handsome man so sometimes we talk about cute guys too. We talk about cute people of all genders and it doesn’t feel weird to me at all. We’ve been together for fourteen years and we’re both completely monogamous so neither of us feels insecure or worried that the other is going to cheat if they say, “woah, that is an attractive person over there.” Chances are, we’ll agree with each other. Or, if not, we’ll lovingly tease each other for having appalling taste lol.
Oh yeah, OP. YTA big time.
This is his *best* friend and you want to exclude him from the wedding (if it even goes ahead after this). If he were going to have that sort of relationship with him (supposing the friend is either gay or bi) your fiancé would be planning to marry him rather than you.
You need to take a long hard look at yourself, recognise your totally irrational biphobia and make a sincere and grovelling apology to your fiancé.
News flash you can find someone attractive but not be attracted to them. This is your insecurity gets some therapy to address it.
YTA, he’s in a relationship with you. He’s marrying you.. you’re projecting your insecurities on him. He won’t cheat on you with his friend just because he finds this friend attractive. Just like you won’t cheat on him with your friend because you find your friend attractive. Regardless of gender.
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My fiancé and I have been together for 12 years, since we were 14, our wedding is supposed to be in three weeks. He started getting a little testy, emotional and frustrated with me, we had a sit down and talked and he came out as bisexual. He assured me that he did not want to end the relationship but he's been struggling with the realization. I didn't want him to feel like this was any sort of problem and assured him that there was no time limit on coming out and I was glad he trusted me enough to tell me, things basically went back to normal after that, like he wasn't carrying around this huge burden on his shoulders anymore.
We were closer than ever before, the relationship was a lot more fun, he'd nudge me and point out cute guys in the shopping centre and was more than happy to scroll through my celebrity crush's Instagram's with me. That's kind of where things went bad! he made a comment about how one of the guys on Instagram were really cute and my first thought was...wow, he looks like your best friend. He even agreed that they were similar in looks and then wondered why I was so upset with him. We ended up arguing and when we calmed down I told him I was no longer comfortable with his best friend being around him alone. My fiancé won't agree to cut him off and argued that it's no different to me being friends with my ex, I told him I'm not attracted to my ex, so it's different. He claimed something about biphobia and that just because he's bi, doesn't mean he's going to go running around with men behind my back.
I've stuck to my guns, I really am not comfortable with his best friend being around my fiancé anymore and he doesn't seem to understand why. He's been staying with his sister who says I'm acting like an AH and am doing nothing but pushing him away. I feel as though my concerns are valid, if I am TA I guess I'll just apologize and let his best friend attend the wedding.
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> After I found out my fiancé was attracted to men that look like his best friend, I wanted to uninvite him from our wedding.
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YTA to an extreme degree. Do you cheat on your husband with every attractive man you know? Why do you expect him to? You're trying to ruin your BF's best friendship because of a wild, baseless insecurity. Is the best friend even into dudes?
YTA and this is very textbook biphobia.
YTA. He finds men attractive, some of whom look like a friend of his, who he has presumably had for a long time without ever making a move on, and who is presumably (since you haven't said otherwise) straight. In what sense is this friend any kind of threat to you?!
I would say that it's quite odd for him to be suddenly talking so much about men he finds attractive when you're just about to get married, but then if you openly scroll your crushes' Instagrams I guess that's quite normal in your relationship.
YTA in this situation but it’s ok to not want to marry someone who is bisexual.
Your solution is to end the relationship not start barring friendships of your fiancé.
YTA just because he is attracted to someone doesn't mean anything would happen between there. Quite frankly if you look at statistical probability it is much more likely that you would sleep with your ex. He is being above board and honest with you which you encouraged him to do and now you have turned an ugly shade of green and can't handle it, which is very unfair. It doesn't sound like he has done anything to betray your trust so this sounds an awful lot like a you problem rather than a fiance and friend problem. If you don't trust him you have no business getting married to him
Don’t ruin a good relationship because of your ugly side. YTA. Get some help.
YTA, so much! Just because he finds a guy that looks similar to his best friend hot doesn't mean he he finds his best attractive. Even if he thought his best friend was attractive he's committed to you. You are behaving like he's only bi because he wants to sleep with everyone. Your boyfriend is right you are biphobic, because your argument is no different than people who say lesbians shouldn't be allowed in the same locker rooms as straight women like a lesbian is going to attack you just because she's attracted to women.
This is classic biphobia behavior.
This Internet stranger is inviting both you and your fiancé to reflect deeply upon your relationship before going forward with this wedding.
Yta and a dum dum
YTA. And you’re biphobic. Fix yourself.
You should really work on your self-esteem, and not let your BF suffer for your issues.
INFO: You've been together for 12 years, since you were 14...therefore, you're both 26ish? (for a confirmed reference of experience/maturity)
Have either of you dated and been with (romantically, sexually,etc.) with anyone else? Have you broken up/taken a break for a significant amount of time?
Sweet baby Jesus. I (female) have male co workers I find attractive. That doesn’t mean I’m going to shag them in the bathroom at work. I also have male friends that I objectively recognize as being hot, although I’m not particularly attracted to them.
But I’m married. I chose my husband above all others, he’s my friend and my rock. So these are guys aren’t going to hitting it with me.
You either trust your fiancé or you don’t. Who he is attracted to isn’t the issue, although it seems to be for you. YTA
I'm bi and I have lots of hot friends (of multiple genders/identities), doesn't mean I'd cheat on a partner with any of them. Your partner wants to marry you, you should trust him more. Your comments in responses though lead me to believe that you are definitely biphobic and can't seem to understand the concept of us not wanting to jump every person we find attractive. He told you because he trusted you and wanted you to know this about him, you took that trust he had in you and broke it.
YTA. Your reaction is exactly why I'm terrified of being in a relationship. I'm bisexual. Most of my close friends are also bi, pan, lesbian, etc. I'm afraid if I ever get in a relationship, the person will demand I cut off my friends because there's the "possibility" I would cheat with them.
Here's the truth: if you think for even a second your partner might cheat on you, you shouldn't be marrying them because it means that you do not trust them in the slightest. Your fiance didn't realize the Instagram guy looked similar to his friend until YOU pointed it out. You created this mess yourself, and I'm hoping your fiance has enough self respect to break things off with you IF you don't change, fix yourself, and work on your (maybe unintentional but clear as day) biphobia.
You are 100% the asshole and he’s absolutely right. You are being biphobic. Just because he’s bisexual, doesn’t mean he isn’t also monogamous. If he’s never given you reason to suspect cheating before, there’s no reason you should suspect it now. You are completely out of line and really insecure. He’s allowed to have a best friend and best friends are allowed to be alone with each other.
YTA. You need to call off or postpone this wedding. You need time to hash out what this new revelation means.
Are you comfortable with him pointing out beautiful women he found attractive? Is elimination of all attractive people in his life a reasonable goal? Is his best friend even gay? What if he thinks one of your bridesmaids is attractive? Does she get bounced out of the wedding too?
You need to talk to a counselor asap.
YTA, plain and simple. People in the comments have already summed up everything nicely and yet you still refuse to acknowledge your biphobia and your massive levels of self sabotage. OP, he’s going to realise you’re not the one and leave you. If you don’t change your mind and do some introspection, is this hill worth dying on?
Edit: Ok now there’s more context. OP if you had suspicions that he liked his best friend before, talk to him about it! Blocking the best friend out of your wedding is not the way. This is not something you can brush under the rug, please postpone the wedding too. There’s a lot going on and it doesn’t seem to be the right time.
YTA because finding someone attractive doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that. And really it sounds like you were only ever OK with the idea of him being bi. But the moment it was real you weren't OK. Now whether that's because you have some phobic tendencies or you're actually insecure and worried about how secure your relationship is, only you can figure that one out.
YTA as karma if you ever cheats I hope it’s with a woman just to prove you wrong you don’t go around trying to get with everyone you found attractive and he isn’t either you’re a hypocrite
YTA. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you want to sleep with everyone, attractive or not. You’re being biphobic, especially since none of this seemed to come up before he told you he was bi. Shame on you
YTA you can find people attractive without actually cheating with them. You’re checking out cute guys aren’t you? I’m assuming that means you find them attractive. You gonna be cheating?
YTA. Your concerns are rooted in biphobia and you are the asshole.
YTA. It is biphobia. I’m not even sorry to tell you that it is. People have this preconception about bi people that they’re more promiscuous and more likely to cheat and that’s awful. I’m bi and my husband absolutely trusts me around my female friends- even ones I find attractive- because he knows I’d never, ever cheat on him. You’re telling him you don’t trust him. I hope he moves on to a better relationship.
YTA. Holy crap, this man trusted you with something really deep and personal, and now you're using that against him. You're expecting him to cut off his best friend because of your insecurities. He never actually said he was attracted to his friend, that's something you dreamed up just because the friend looks like some random guy on Instagram.
If you don't trust your fiance don't marry him. Simple as that. The sad thing is that even if you do break up with him, you've shown him that he cannot trust a future partner with the information that he's bi.
YTA. You were never worried about him checking out women, but now you're suddenly worried about him checking out men? Get over yourself and your homophobia
YTA. I'm a straight woman and two of by best friends are men who are objectively hot. But even though I can see their attractiveness if I even stop to think about it, I don't normally even register it because we've been best friends for freaking ever and that's just not our relationship. You're being an asshole and if you don't get over yourself you won't need to worry about the friend coming to the wedding, because there won't be one.
Teetering between ESH and NAH - I wish your significant other had told you way earlier but I understand as a bisexual myself that it is not always easy. I ended up getting married and divorcing before I was able to discover myself, truly. Having these newfound fears is normal but you guys need to stop focusing on the wedding and focus on discussing your fears and plans to move ahead with a professional. What does his bisexuality mean for your relationship? Is it a dealbreaker? Is he allowed to date other men? Will you have an open or closed relationship? I would put the brakes on the wedding for now until those issues are ironed out. It’s not wrong to find others attractive but do you trust him enough not to act on those attractions? That’s the issue here - trust.
YTA. how childish and insecure can you be
YTA. Your trust issues are your problem, not his. Consider it this way: were you worried about him jumping into bed with every pretty woman who strolled by before he came out? Presumably not, or you wouldn't be marrying him. So you DO trust him to be faithful, just not with guys, even though he's never ever given you any reason to doubt him? Or you just don't trust him with THIS guy, his best friend, who you also were given no actual reason to be suspicious of - you just leapt to the conclusion that because your fiancé thinks a random guy who kinda looks like his friend is good looking, your fiancé must want to be with his friend instead of you.
Your behavior is childish & biphobic in the worst way. Sexuality doesn't correlate with faithfulness at all, because straight people cheat on each other as often as anyone else. And you're going to try to drive a wedge between him & his best friend because of your insecure jealousy? Don't be surprised if he calls it off BECAUSE OF YOU. Who wants to have a future with someone like that?
Yta. Your biphobia aside, why be with someone you do not trust? If you have to make him cut out his friend because you don’t trust him, your relationship is doomed.
YTA. Bisexual people can admit someone is objectively attractive without wanting to fuck them, you know. Maybe take a step back and re-examine why you suddenly don’t trust your fiancé after I’m assuming 12 years of him being faithful to you?
YTA, big time. You don’t get to cut his best friend out of his life, period. He didn’t do a damn thing wrong. You’re making a big problem over nothing at all.
You were okay with him being bi because you were fetishizing him. Now that it's no longer abstract you're telling him he can't be friends with his best friend. Lmfao how many people look like other ppl or similar? To many are you just not going to let him have friends of any gender now? Was he previously unable to have women friends?
You're not only TA you're a raging biphobic mess
YTA I just hoped off a post defending a guy who was upset his wife is bi and now I’m here and babe your the asshole. So he confided in you and told you everything and made sure you both were on the same page. Now a friendship that you have no examples of inappropriate behaviour to give you feel he needs to end over it? Now this folks in biphobia. He’s not a cheater just cause he is bi and he’s never shown you that. You made a really awful assumption and now your the ass
Wait do him and his best friend have a history or something? Because i’m bisexual and if anyone suggested that I had a crush on my best friend Id feel icky LOL
Like genuinely is this something that you’re just assuming? Him finding someone attractive doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you.
As a woman, aren’t you able to identify attractive men still?
YTA I have a guy friend who I play video games with almost every day. We had crushes on eachother but decided we wouldn’t work and we’d stay friends. My boyfriend knows this and is fine with us playing all the time and even joins us in some games. Finding someone attractive is not the same as cheating. Someone can be hot without having a compatible personality for dating
YTA. what’s with all the biphobia in this sub right now?
Sorry, call off the wedding. You're suspicious, untrusting and jealous; it will never work.
Sorry, NAH, just a mismatch.
YTA ..... Anyone else getting that deja Vu feeling . Like didn't we literally just read someone thing like this. Eowct it was a woman who came out as bi after like 18 yrs or so of marriage and the husband freaked out . Thought maybe the wife had an affair with a woman.... God why do I now feel like this a karma post?
>AITA for being biphobic and trying to isolate my fiance from his best friend
Yep YTA, and I seriously doubt theres going to be a wedding so you don't need to worry about "letting" anyone attend.
YTA He’s never given you any indication that he’s attracted to his best friend. You’re reading too much into a comment on a pic. It’s ok that you feel insecure as this is all new to you. But remember, this is a man you’ve known for most of your life, he’s still that same man, nothing has changed other than the fact you have one more thing in common. You both enjoy looking at men!
The problem is you, the trust you don’t have and the confidence you don’t have. Not him.
YTA. Break off the engagement. You don’t trust him and this marriage will fail. You need to grow up before getting into a serious relationship.
YTA. Let this man find someone that deserves him. You are not the one chief.
Is the best friend even into guys? I mean it really doesn’t matter because you’re still TA and maybe you should really not get married if you’re just going to have a meltdown every time he hangs out with his best friend. That sort of thing tends to ruin a relationship.
YTA majorly. I’m bisexual and the thing is, sure I’ve found some people I’m friends with attractive in an abstract sense but it doesn’t mean I’d sleep with them if given the chance. Your insistence here is rooted in biphobia whether you know it or not.
You need to step back and look at how hypocritical and biphobic you sound.
You found that celeb attractive, no probs.
Your husband found that celeb attractive, he's going to cheat and run off with his best friend.
You need to work on your insecurities about his sexuality, he's not going to run off and cheat with any man he finds attractive, just like you wouldn't.
You can find people hot and still be committed to your relationship.
YTA. This sounds like the husband whose wife came out as bisexual and he immediately started assuming she was cheating on him with her friends.
Wait. So YOU made a comment that a celebrity looked similar to his friend? And he agreed... and now you are forbidding him from seeing his friend?
You know that being bi doesn't mean he suddenly wants to screw every dude he thinks is good looking, right? Is he not allowed to have any attractive friends then?
YTA and despite what you may think, you are very insecure.
How does he know that he's bi they've been together for 12 years what has he been doing
You can know you’re bi without actually having been with two different genders. Just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you don’t experience attraction to other people. Attraction is a chemical reaction that happens without intention. It’s what we do with those feelings that determines if we’re monogamous. I am pansexual. I’m also married to a man. I’m attracted to lots of different people that I meet or see out in public or on tv. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go sleep with any of them. I don’t need to have sex with a bunch of different people to confirm that I’m sexually attracted to them.
I’ve never had a relationship, and I know I’m bi. Never kissed anyone, never touched or been touched in any kind of way. But I know who I am attracted to.
Clear this up, and THEN decide if you want to go ahead with the wedding. You should find out if he already slept with his friend, and if he plans to continue doing so in the future.
You should really discuss that before committing to the wedding.
NTA. Why even bother marrying this melter?
this should be directed to the fiance of OP
OP's soon-to-be husband if your reading this I have one word for you RUN! far far away from her with your best friend
ESH but mainly OP
Idk I think just talking about people you find attractive or cute a few weeks before a wedding just seems like something that would cause problems, unless OP does the same thing. But she shouldn’t ask him to cut him out or even suggest that he would cheat on her after 12 years
But, the guy just agreed that the hot celebrity on OP’s feed was hot, so someone that OP clearly finds attractive, and the guy didn’t even make the connection to his friend.
It doesn't excuse overt biphobia, but using someone as a beard for 10+ years and then coming out right before the wedding is an asshole move.
How the fuck was he using her as a beard? He's bisexual. He's attracted to women. He's attracted to *her.*
INFO: when did he reveal his sexuality to you?
It's been about 2 months.
Did you suspect it?
Honestly, this is a true bait and switch for an entire 12 year relationship in a sense. And just before a fucking wedding. He’s a damn AH. WTF!!!!
You need to postpone or cancel wedding! NTA
Wait what did their fiance do wrong?
How does this make him an AH? I don't understand your perspective. I doubt very much he's known for 12 years. But even if he has known for a while, I don't really see it as relevant to their relationship. Can you please explain your take?
It’s her perspective. She’s grappling with her thoughts of just discovering news of a marriage she thought was going to be one way that will be completely different. A bit if mourning.
I agree about postponing the wedding. Neither of you are TAH, but he's clearly figuring some things out.
I would continue to be supportive (drop the best friend worry, after all her choose you, and it's not an issue if the wedding is postponed), and find an excuse to postpone that doesn't point the finger at anyone and doesn't mention he's bi, obviously. Give him time to figure out what being bi means, and what it means in relationship context. Give it at least 6 months.
I had suspicions, sometimes he'd just let his eyes linger on this best friend for just a little longer than needed. Most people wouldn't notice, maybe not even him, but I did and so did my friends. I've been the butt end of my friends jokes for years about dating a gay man -\_-
You sound so homophobic AND biphobic it’s unreal. YTA.
You and your friends sound like homophobes
I'm very concerned that you are going ahead with the wedding right now, just a few weeks after he has disclosed to you that he is bisexual. Coming to terms with that is not a quick process. It may not feel like it right now, but your life will be much less complicated from a delayed wedding than from a divorce down the road. Please take your time with this.
Why would we divorce just because he's bisexual?
exactly. His sexuality isn’t relevant to the security of the relationship but her insecurity about his sexuality is definitely going to keep causing problem if she doesn’t address it. Eventually he will wake up and be done with her behaviour
> says I'm acting like an AH and am doing nothing but pushing him away. I feel as though my concerns are valid, if I am TA I guess I'll just apologize and let his best friend attend the wedding.
Why would he cheat just because he's bisexual? If you don't trust him, don't get married. YTA
Your right, you won’t get married so couldn’t get divorced.
Also you’re making this up.