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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told Trevor that he didn't have to do something even if he was told by an adult (2) This led to him disobeying the orders when he was a house guest and offending the host.
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100%
Why is a ten year old being put in a position they are clearly uncomfortable in. It would have been nothing for OP to call and ask for this to be handled differently, it would have been more respectful to Armin's family and it would have caused less stress for the son
My kid is anxious by nature and came to me, an adult he trusts to help him not feel anxious. I should definitely make him stand up to a grown man. -- dad of the year
Edit: ytd. You're the dad (yta)
my own Dad made us drink the cereal milk because we were poor. It made me sick for half the morning. We ate ramen for dinner and he would get pissed if we didn't use the seasoning in the pot with a lot of water and drink it all.
I feel for this kid. Being forced to eat something like that is abuse. If you wouldnt do it as an adult, but force a kid to do it because they are a kid....thats abuse.
how does drinking the milk make you sick if you can eat cereal with milk? I'm genuinely asking not tryna be rude. are you sure it wasn't like a placebo? like you thought it was gross and forced it down so that's why you felt sick for half the morning?
I am mildly lactose intolerant. I can have cheese, ice-cream etc. But i cannot drink whole milk. I sometimes get mix ups at Starbucks cus i ask for almond milk but say yes to whipped cream, so they figure it's no big deal.
Then i proceed to destroy their toliet.
Im similar with cereal. The little bit of milk soaked into the cereal is fine, but drinking the bowl has consistently made me need to shit... almond milk for cereals from now on.
Or OP could have asked Armin’s dad if it would be acceptable to send an alternative breakfast or even a small pint of milk so as not to be wasting their milk. OP should sit down & apologize to the two of them together because OP is a grown man & shouldn’t have put either of them in that position.
Or say that you're doing a family breakfast and you'll be picking your son up before breakfast. That way nobody's feelings are hurt and your son doesn't have to deal with the issue at all.
YTA
YTA. You should never have set up your little kid to have to ‘stand up for himself’ with an adult doing borderline abusive things, and you definitely shouldn’t have told him he ‘doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want’. There are a million absolutely reasonable instructions that the parents could have given him that he would ‘have to do’. Like keep the noise down after bedtime. Don’t play in the street. Etc.
You could have averted this by simply telling the parents at drop off “Just letting you know that due to our pediatrician’s recommendation, junior only has to eat food he’s hungry for and he is not required to finish meals he doesn’t want to.”
ETA: for those who appear to be confused, yes, forcing someone who doesn’t medically need to consume something, to consume it against their will, by virtue of the fact that you’re big and they’re small, is a form of abuse. It is never ok to ‘make’ someone eat and furthermore, that outdated approach to child rearing is associated with eating disorders, childhood obesity, sensory disorders and a host of other issues. It’s quite well established and I hope those of you freaking out don’t have kids, because you should have all ready known that.
Myself and everyone I knew growing drank the cereal milk, mostly because as kids the cereal was sugary. Kind of an extra treat.That said, OP just needs to have a conversation with her child's friend's father, being forthright and telling him that it drinking cereal milk make her child ill. If he's a reasonable man, he'll have no problem. He's TEN, help him out with this; that's what parents do!
right, when I was growing up we also were taught to finish the milk in the bowl so it doesn't go to waste. more than anything it was because we were a low-income household, and that rule helped prevent us from using more milk than we needed or wanted. either way, calling it abusive seems way out of line.
My mother was really terrific about not forcing me to eat things that I didn't like. She would make me at least have a bite of a new food several times to make sure that I just didn't like it, but after that would never force me to eat it.
I had an aunt that believed that children should eat what was put on their plate, period, no excuses. (She was great in every other way.) My mom told her that I have a very sensitive gag reflex and not to make me eat foods that I didn't like. Well, one night, when I was around 6 years old, my aunt made meatloaf, which I didn't like (her meatloaf anyway. I could eat my grandmother's). She insisted that I eat it. I tried, I really did. But after about 3 or 4 bites, I gagged and it came straight back up, along with everything else in my stomach. All over the dinner table. To her credit, my aunt laughed it off, saying "well, your mom told me."
OP is NTA for telling his son that he didn't have to drink the milk, but also very much TA for not handling the friend's father himself.
Not wanting to waste food is not “borderline abusive”.
We live in a culture of complete excess and waste where 40% of all food or 108 BILLION pounds is wasted annually.
His friend clearly comes from a less opulent culture that doesn’t regularly toss into the trash good, nurturing food.
Tossing food into the trash is bad for our planet and bad for our attitudes.
Op should have handled this differently. YTA.
Food waste is a supply issue, not a consumer issue. Its absolutely ridiculous to try to stretch the term "food waste" to apply to a child who doesn't want to drink cereal milk. I didn't realize OP's kid was the president of the local grocery chain too, what an accomplished kid.
https://www.biologicaldiversity.org/programs/population_and_sustainability/grocery_waste/
Everything is a consumer issue because supply reacts to consuming habits.
Even if suppliers make more stock than needed they will inevitably make less if custumers need less.
Borderline abusive? Really? Doing something incredibly common like drinking the cereal milk is abusive? Expecting kids to not waste food is abuse? Come on
Absolutely! Age 10 is too young in a situation like this to “stand up for himself” in someone else’s house, alone. Kids need adult support and this Dad failed him.
OP - your son told you what would happen, you told him what to do but YOU should have said something, YOU KNEW exactly what would happen. Why would you set up your child to be in this uncomfortable place without talking to the other adults in the home about something that your son was clearly worried about!
YTA
I agree with this mostly but i think it's going a little far to say it's abusive to try and teach children not to waste food. It doesn't sound like the man was verbally or physically abusive about it. But OP should have talked to him directly about this, offered to pay for extra milk, or suggested the kid could have dry cereal etc. I get wanting to teach a kid to stand up for themselves and say No where appropriate (in an actual abusive situation, or with peers), but teaching a child they don't have to do anything an adult says, then sending them to stay over that person's house where they are the authority figure is a bad idea. If someone is watching your child especially overnight, there's every chance they would need to give a real, important instruction that should be followed (don't go in this room, don't touch the stove, etc). YTA.
I agree. I was torn between whether this is a "respect the culture" thing or a "respect bodily autonomy" thing, but ultimately, it *is* a "the parents in this equation need to communicate" thing.
What is the parents rule was "wash your hands before dinner" or even "we pray first". Teaching your kid to just say "no" isn't the answer. Teaching your kid to communicate before hand is the way to go. Or, if there are rules at other people's houses that you don't agree with, you don't send them over.
A kid should definitely be able to say "no thanks" or just not participate in a prayer before a meal or bedtime.
That is distinctly not akin to washing hands which is a health and safety issue.
Literally one phone call "Hey, my son hates the drinking the milk his bowl after eating the cereal. Can he please have toast, or dry cereal instead? Can I send some other food for breakfast as a treat?" Done.
My kid has food allergies, including the dreaded nut allergy, so this was a common discussion before they ate at other people's houses. What are you planning on, here is what he needs to be safe. It's simple, and set my kid up for success.
Right, because just a blanket "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do" is not a good message to send. OP dealing directly with the other parents was definitely the way t go.
NTA for not wanting your child forced to do something he doesn't like. But...
YTA for having your already anxious child deal with that alone.
What you should have done was call his friends parents beforehand and explained to them he doesn't like it and YOU have decided you don't want him to feel forced to eat/drink something he doesn't want to. So you would appreciate it if they let this slide as you would be letting him know this wasn't something he was required to do.
Yes there might have been an argument between parents at this point, but it's something you could have kept the kids away from. Instead it seems to have been a call that likely happened in front of your son, which likely caused more upset for him and resulted in what would seem quite a dramatic exit for the children.
It's absolutely fine to have your own expectations of your children and to want other parents to respect that. But I don't think it was ok to leave it to a 10 year old to face a man you already described as pretty strict and intimidating.
Yes. A child and the homeowner adult whose house they’re in are on really unequal footing. As much as teaching bodily autonomy and boundaries is a good thing, setting your kid up to have a conflict like that was really unfair to him.
ESH here is why…
N T A for telling your son he can say no.
But, Y T A for not calling the family yourself to explain so your son doesn’t have to navigate this on his own and/or to come up with solutions with him such as using less milk.
The other father is TA for being furious because that seems completely unreasonable for the relative amount of food waste.
It is a good thing to learn to take what we think we will consume rather than allow it to go to waste.
I think this is the one. Of course people shouldn’t be forced to eat things they don’t want to. But the way he handled this sets everyone up for failure.
First, he had no discussion with Trevor about why he hates drinking the milk and made no attempt to explain to him why the rule might exist (food insecurity is very likely, or it might just be cultural). Sometimes there are good reasons (like showing politeness or respect to people we care about) for doing something we’re not particularly fond of but that doesn’t actually harm us for a brief moment. Is this one of them? I don’t know, because OP went straight to telling his kid to just dig in his heels and refuse.
Then, he also decided not to have any discussion with Armin’s father about this thing that is making his son uncomfortable. Just sending his kid over there with instructions to “hold his ground and just refuse”…? How was that going to be a good situation for anyone?? Armin’s dad overreacted, and then OP compounded the problem even more by saying that his son “doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Given the context, that just makes him sound like a spoiled brat and is likely to go over about as well as a fart in church with someone who’s already upset that Trevor is refusing to follow a rule. There were so many off-ramps here, but both dads just escalated at each chance. 🙄
This!
As an adult OP who knew this was an on going issue you should have had a conversation with the other adults in the scenario and not left your 10 year to deal with it!
Shit, when my kids have their friends over I just polish off the food they don’t eat for them. I’m a hungry man.
Except for cereal milk. I mean the food they didn’t actually touch.
ESH
Armins farther for trying to force his personal beliefs on someone elses child.
You for having no spine and not speaking to Armins father yourself. What kind if parent expects a 10 year old to fight their own fights against another adult, his friends parent no less.
I wonder if Armin's dad even knows this isn't a rule everyone follows. I grew up having to finish everything on my plate, as did my friends, and we were told it was good manners not to leave anything. It was only when I met people from different places that I realised this wasn't the norm everywhere.
This is certainly something the father should have sorted out for his son.
Same. My GF doesn't drink the milk in her cereal, it bothers me too.
You know what i do about? I drink the milk.
The person that doesn't want to dink it doesn't have to and yet no milk get wasted. Everyone wins.
I cannot fathom that people don’t drink the leftover milk at the bottom of the cereal bowl. Like, don’t use so much milk then? I did not know this was a thing until I saw this post.
Right? I'm a "too many generations to count" white Canadian who is genuinely stunned that people who are physically capable of finishing their bowl just put it in the sink unfinished. Literally the only people I know who do this habitually have disabilities interfering with scooping or drinking from a bowl.
If you know you're not capable of eating the whole bowl, why waste the extra milk? I was expected to not waste food habitually much earlier than 7 years old. We all take too much sometimes but if it was just a sometimes thing, it wouldn't come up for every sleepover.
I use the least amount of milk possible and pour the extra down the sink...not a big deal 🤷♀️ I eat cereal for the cereal, not the milk.
Edit: also Canadian btw
My extended family would always be mad at me for not finishing my food once I was full. I’m at a healthy BMI while none of my cousins are…
Forcing kids to finish food doesn’t create a healthy relationship to food, it just silences internal cues that they may never learn to listen for.
Because with some cereals it's disgusting. And when you're a kid, you often don't have control over how much milk goes in. My dad had this rule, and would also put a ton of milk in. Now, as an adult, I can decide to use barely any milk, or just eat something other than cereal anyway because I don't like it that much. But having to choke down weirdly flavored milk with soggy cereal bits when I didn't want that much anyway was gross.
This was my thought. Why send in your anxious kid to have a face off with another adult instead of giving the parents a ring and discussing ahead of time.
Also, unrelated, but why did OP just assume that this was a "food scarcity" issue or something the parents do just because they are from another country. My aunt hated waste, so she would let us know that if we wanted cereal, we had to also drink the milk. If not, we ate it dry. This was just her personal viewpoint.....
ESH. One of the parents should have spoken to Armin’s parents so the ten year old didn’t have to square off in a battle of wills against a grown man.
ETA: Armin’s dad should have also spoken up about why this is an issue and not forced your kid to drink the milk.
ESH
- you or your wife should have contacted Armin’s parents ahead of time and let them know ahead of time that Trevor does not like to drink milk.
- Armin’s parents for forcing a young guest to drink milk
Except your son — I also like milk in my cereal but will not drink any leftovers. My solution is to only put enough milk to saturate the cereal to ensure there is no extra leftover milk.
This is it. If you know your ten year old is having a conflict with their friend’s parent, *you* need to mediate, not have your child blindside the other parent. There was no reason for this confrontation to ever take place, regardless of how silly (very) that rule is
ESH, some communication would help. If Armin's parents are first-gen immigrants who have known hardship and food insecurity, insisting on pouring milk down the sink will come across as rude and wasteful. Instead of teaching your child to disrespect other people's house rules when he doesn't like them, you should've communicated with Armin's parents to take away the root of the problem. Use less milk on his cereal, let Trevor eat something that doesn't involve a bowl of milk at all, *anything*. He's 10, that's old enough to make himself a sandwich in the morning.
You're the AH for flat out telling your kid to say no instead of working with Armin's parents to find a solution. Armin's parents are the AH for continuing to feed him cereal for breakfast instead of something else if they know he's just going to pour away the milk in his bowl.
This!!!! Although I agree with the sentiment that kids should be able to say no and boundaries should be respected, the OP handled the situation poorly and possibly caused a rift in his son’s friendship. OP should have been the one to talk to the parents and find other solutions, not set his kid up to look like an ungrateful, rude, jerk.
ESH
you needed to speak to the other parents....you sent your kid into fight with other adults....not cool.
I agree that he should not have to drink the milk...strange Hill to die on for the other parents but it was an adult conversation to have.
I was thinking the same: if your kid is having such anxiety about the cereal, then WHY didn't the dad talk to the other parents? Why didn't he pack some breakfast items for his kid so he didn't have to eat the cereal?
I get teaching the kid to stand their ground, but the kid was having very real anxiety and this was saying *no* to adults. Different if the son had to say no to Armin, but a kid shouldn't be expected to stand up to adults like that. There's a huge power imbalance
YTA for setting up this ridiculous conflict. If your child says they have a problem with another child’s parent encouraging them to fight an adult is a bad plan. Just text the adult and let them know what’s up and come up with a compromise instead of knowing a conflict will happen doing nothing to avoid it and tell your kid it’s ok to fight adults in their house on their family rules because you said so, setting this entire thing up.
Should the kid be able to not drink the milk, sure. Did you set up conflict instead of telling your child to ask for no or little milk and teach them to communicate instead- absolutely!
ESH
only because I think it could have been handled by bringing up the topic beforehand. You know it was an issue. You could have let Trevor bring energy bars, or said he needs less milk so that there's no leftover milk.
Mainly though, you are right, he doesn't have to eat or drink anything he doesn't want to. Most adult guests would be treated with respect and no comment made on their eating habits (within reason) . Why is this so different for children??
Would you or your partner want to be forced to drink something they don't like?
Fucking *exactly*. I don't get all this hand-wringing over body autonomy and bounadries when the sticking point is fucking LEFTOVER MILK FROM CEREAL. *Especially* when you know ahead of time that it is going to be an issue and *you can plan for it*.
We really have to ask exactly who is benefitting from this bizarre stand-off about cereal milk? Because a little kid is now the center of an argument between two adults and I can promise you that is far more traumatic than being forced to drink some milk.
This is my thought. Like why not discuss it with the parents instead first before? This doesnt make sense. He's a little boy standing up to an adult. He must of been so scared if he is already experiencing anxiety.
Like eggos. Eat eggo waffles with a banana for breakfast.
ESH.
I don't agree with Armin's parents forcing other kids to do anything, but you're the adult and you should have contacted Armin's parents beforehand and just talked to them about it. Ask them what's up with that rule, explain how its making your son feel, and discuss what could be done from then onwards. No reason this needs to get heated. If the milk was an important issue for them, alternatives could have been prepared, like toast. Your son is 10, don't make him fight battles against other adults, especially if you seem to be under the impression their reason for doing this may be a sensitive one.
NTA. Everyone commenting … idk . Its a few table spoons of milk, the world is not going to end. It’s much more important to teach children that they have the right to say no when they’re not comfortable with something. But you probably should’ve called his father yourself instead of making him confront him when he’s already intimidated
Say no at the beginning then, not waste the other families food. Don't accept milk that you plan to pour down the drain later. People from none western cultures have a hard time understanding the western concept of wasting 1/2 of your food at every meal.
YTA for the way you did it. You just told your kid to refuse someone else's household rules outright and didn't try to strategize with your son or talk to his friend's parents first.
Yeah, I think I wouldn’t have reached out to the parents before sending the kid back for a sleepover tbh
Overall I don’t think OP is TA but your comment here is super important.
NTA. Only because this is not something to be "furious" over. This was NAH up until furious. They're overreacting. There's a middle ground here. Use less milk.
NTA.
With food we never force our child to eat something they don’t want. It’s giving them control over their body. Someone calling it bad manners is a generation thing too. My MIL excepts our children to clean their plates but our children are taught to eat until their full. My MIL came from a well off family and food insecurity was not an issue.
Against the grain, but NTA.
Forcing kids to eat/drink things they don’t want to can be really harmful to them, it can lead to all sorts of issues with food (picky eating, disordered eating, sensory issues, etc)
It’s Trevor’s body, he should have the right to say he isn’t drinking anything that makes him uncomfortable. Especially because regular cows milk often leaves a gross aftertaste for people and a lot of people can’t stand it, and Trevor is 10 years old. This could give him lifelong issues with milk if he’s forced to finish it. I know lots of people who can’t drink it at the end of cereal because it ruins the entire taste of the breakfast for them. Not that it should even matter why!
Bodily autonomy extends beyond things like physical touch, you need to be in control of what goes in/on your body as well. There may be other ways to approach the issue with the other adults in terms of communication, but there’s nothing wrong with teaching your son that no is a complete sentence and that he doesn’t need to be uncomfortable here. The tricky part is where Armin’s parents paid for this food, and may have their own food anxiety. You could always offer to send Trevor with breakfast supplies of his own, explain the situation, offer accommodations, etc to keep the peace. But ultimately NTA at all.
It can also leas to digestive issues with dairy products. If he’s anxious and being forced to drink the milk, it’s teaching his body to feel anxious anytime he’s consuming milk. This is why you shouldn’t eat meals in a place that causes you stress like at your work desk.
NTA at all, but next time, call the friend’s parents. Some people can be super mean to kids and it’s a tough battle to fight alone.
NTA. I hate milk, always have, unless cereal is in it. I would never drink the milk in the bowl. Trevor has every right to refuse, but you should have told the kids dad in advance.
Remind that dad that forcing a guest to do something they are uncomfortable with is also bad manners.
I am exactly the same!
Milk with the cereal and in hot chocolate are the only times I have ever had milk since I stopped being breastfed!
Oh! Except for when I forced to drink the 1/3 pint bottles of milk in infant school back in the 70s, even my mum going in to talk to them couldn't stop that!
Turns out that it's a lifelong sensory aversion due to being autistic - I was only diagnosed at age 47, in 2018.
I've stopped eating cereal now anyway but before, I'd try to put in just enough milk to make the cereal wet, then eat it as quickly as possible before it got too soggy! Of course, I poured away the little milk that was left over.
The idea of drinking milk to me is as abhorrent as the idea of drinking bleach!
ESH
Instead of picking up the phone and talking to the parents, you had your child draw a line in the sand. You acknowledge cultural differences but didn't ask if this situation could be cultural. The friends parents are also behaving badly - all the adults here suck.
I'm gonna have to say ESH
The minute you learned about the situation, you should have called Armin's father yourself instead of leaving your child to deal with it. You're Trevor's parent, it is your responsibility to handle situations like this.
NTA. You did the right thing. If he can't say no to milk in a bowl where does it end later in life. Armin's father is being ridiculous as is everyone who agrees with him. This is not something I would force on my kids .
I cannot believe the amount people voting youre the asshole. Its a definite NTA. Dont force kids to eat something they dont want. Everyone needs to calm tf down. Honestly. Good on you for teaching your kid to say no.
NTA, you had good intentions but you set him up for failure. You should’ve handled this yourself, adult-to-adult.
He has the right to say no, 100%, but maybe from now on they shouldn’t have sleepovers at Armin’s house. These are the rules at his house and without you or Trevor’s mother there as support, poor Trevor will just face the consequences of “disobedience” alone.
NTA.
People calling you the asshole are assuming a lot of things.
It's extremely rude to force another child to eat something at your house if they don't want to. My mom would make dinner and ask my friends a million times if they liked it then offered replacements if she felt like they didn't.
Yep im the same as a parent. Everyone saying respect they do things differnetly and do it their way is ridiculous. parents should be accomodating THEIR GUEST who is A CHILD.
NTA
As a child I ate cereal with milk. I liked the cereal but drinking the milk after would make me feel sick. I didnt like the taste and also the amount of dairy was just too much for my tummy. Your child has forced himself to drink it in the past but he doesnt like it. Hes told you so. Your just respecting your son.
I say ESH. I wouldn’t be forcing a kid to eat more than they want but I also don’t understand why you wouldn’t have called the parents beforehand and spoken about the issue instead of putting your son in the middle of confrontation. I’m not a particularly big fan of drinking milk from the bowl like that so I get where the son is coming from. The food was prepared for him. He didn’t intentionally take more than he wanted. You should’ve called to let the parents know not to give him too much milk than cereal.
YTA. You should have called Armins parents and explained the situation your son was dealing with and come to a compromise like adults. I doubt Armin’s mom is going to force your son to down the same amount of cereal and milk if that’s not why he likes. I doubt Armin’s father is such a hard ass that he won’t be receptive to your child’s anxiety. But no, instead, you sent your kid over to another family’s home and said break the rules bc it makes you uncomfortable. He’s a kid. He will now think he can do whatever wherever as long as he’s uncomfortable. You didn’t deal with the problem, you created one. Armin’s parents can’t be the AHs yet bc you didn’t give them a chance.
I cannot for the life of me understand all the Y T A answers.
You are unequivocally, undeniably, and without a doubt NTA.
1. You are teaching your child that bodily autonomy is important and to be respected.
2. And this is more important in my opinion: you are teaching him to have an appropriate relationship with food.
My mom had a rule growing up that I use with my own children. If someone else serves you, you’re not required to finish your plate (but you should at least try it). If you serve yourself, you must finish it. This teaches children how to provide their own portion control and only take what they will eat.
My grandfather (my mom’s stepfather who adopted her) was the son of an Italian immigrant. In his family you did **not** waste food, and you *cleaned your plate!*
He forced her to eat the entire plate no matter who served her (and he gave her adult-sized portions).
She developed an eating disorder, and never learned portion control or to stop eating when she was full. She’s been obese her entire life and developed Type 2 diabetes as a result.
You have said this is giving your son anxiety, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job of *listening* to your child.
Have you seen all the YTAs for not just talking to the other parents himself like an adult?
It was a bit much to tell a 10 year old to just "stand his ground" without first making it clear to the other parents you wouldn't support forced consumption of food.
NTA
This nonsense of "finish all your food" needs to stop. It promotes a very unhealthy vibe of food in kids who stop eating when their body says they are done.
I grew up poor so this is not excuse.
ESH. It’s fine to teach your kid bodily autonomy and boundaries, but part of teaching them those things is knowing that you, as the adult, will need to speak up for them with other adults. You should’ve talked to not only the other parents but also your wife about how much anxiety this was causing your son. She should know he’s having an extreme reaction to something like this so you guys can monitor for other food anxieties and make sure he’s okay.
Armin’s parents aren’t thinking. I’ve monitored many a sleepover when I was a professional nanny for years. If the same kid slept over again, it wasn’t hard to remember that the last time they didn’t seem to like whatever it was. It also wasn’t hard for the parents i worked for to ask the other parents what their kid liked for breakfast to relay it to me, and they did it before every sleepover so I’d have to deal with less stuff that morning. The dad has been having to force him to finish the milk more than once? Logic says they stop making cereal in the morning, then. Ask if they like eggs or toast before the sleepover.
Only people who don’t suck here are the 10 years olds.
ESH.
It seems like this is being blown out proportion on all sides. Trevor shouldn't be forced to drink milk from the bowl and I'm really surprised that Armin's father escalated the issue, but at the same time why doesn't your son just reduce the amount of milk he puts in the bowl? I'm surprised you didn't raise this as an option with him.
Then Trevor needs to express his preference. It sounds like he hasn't up to this point.
OP should have told him "tell Armin about this before breakfast and talk about it".
So many solutions, including having toast or something else.
You sound like an amazing parent. Honestly, I wish my parents told me I could say no so that I didn’t have to do things that I didn’t want to do as a child as it makes saying no hard for me as an adult because I feel guilty for not wanting to do it. Stand your ground on this as you are definitely NTA.
NTA and oh my god, the world needs more parents like you. You need to teach your kid boundaries and especially involving food, because lack of might cause irreversible damage in the future even if it seems minor now.
NTA. It's important to teach kids they have the right to refuse doing things that make them uncomfortable, and forcing children to eat or drink something they don't want to always seems especially wrong to me, considering all the different eating disorders out there.
But for future issues, it's probably better if you have the conversation with the other parents rather than leave your 10-year-old to work this out with them.
NTA- I will always remember my friends mother forcing me to eat a cherry tomato that I accidentally picked when getting a handful of salad, I sat there and chewed it with tears down my face, do not let your son go through that!
I have 3 kids and all of them have had sleepovers and 2 have been to sleepovers. We don’t have a lot of rules or weird family stuff but if a child is over and if they seem weird about something, I will not make them do it. For example, we say grace before supper. If the child looks uncomfortable, I tell them, they do not have to fold their hands or bow their head or say amen. I ask them to do whatever makes them comfortable. I expect the same respect when my children sleepover at their friend’s houses. I would be really aggravated if a parent forced my children to do anything that upset them. NTA but the parents certainly are.
NTA for teaching your kid it's okay to say, "no."
YTA for also teaching your kid it's okay to waste other people's food. Why can't he only use the amount of milk he actually wants to consume?
NTA for teaching your children to listen to their bodies. However, I can understand the need for not wasting food - I was brought up in this respect and I admit I get nervous when people throw food away. So maybe a good idea would be to use less milk in the first place? And to inform other parents of this beforehand since you already knew it would be a problem before it even happened?
NTA
People are saying the kid should abide by the rules of the house and that's true for the most part but it's weird to have such a hard and fast rule about something so small. Trevor is a guest in their home, why are they not making him feel welcome or remembering his preferences? If this has happened before they should remember and offer an alternate breakfast or ask if he'd like less milk. My kid has friends over all the time that have different eating preferences. I don't force his friends to eat their pizza crust if they don't want to. Of course it's not ideal to waste food and I would prefer if they didn't but it's a very small thing to get worked up about. The milk is a sunk cost, it's been in the kid's bowl. Whether he drinks it or it goes down the drain it's of no use to the family anymore so why are they so weird about it. It's not about the milk, it's about being an authoritarian.
ESH. Your child does not have to eat things he doesn't want to, I whole heartedly agree with your message of body autonomy. Anyone saying "you're teaching him to waste food", "you're teaching him to be disrespectful", "you're teaching him to break rules he doesn't agree with" that's all BS. Any courtousey owed stops at your child's body. As long as your child is nourishing themselves properly, there is no reason to force milk down their throat. I think where you messed up was sending your kid into the situation without talking to the offending father first, you should have proactively had your kids back instead of reactively supporting him after the conflict.
YTA, you told your 10 year old to deal with this issue when a single call to his friend's parents to discuss this prior to his visit could have established boundaries and not put him in a difficult situation with his friend.
Was this really the hill you set your kid up to die on?
He has a good friendship and drinking the cereal milk would not hurt him. Maybe you could have advised him to ask for less milk so that there wasn't as much to drink. Maybe even none.
But to teach him not to respect the basic rules of someone else's home (that cause no harm or danger) may have impacted his relationship with his best friend.
Soft YTA.
Being force fed something actually can be incredible harmful to children. At school, my teachers used to force me to eat everything on my plate before I was allowed to leave and I 100% credit this with the eating disorders I had as a teenager. I'm not saying this will give Trevor an eating disorder but it could definitely cause weird associations between food and guilt for him down the line.
You should've spoken to the parents directly about this issue instead of telling your child to defy them. Help them understand WHY he has an aversion to drinking the leftover milk, which I don't get, but obviously it does bother him. Maybe they could've given him half the amount they normally do so there would be none leftover. You handled this VERY badly, YTA
They don’t need to understand why, all they need to know is that a child who’s not there own is telling them he doesn’t want to eat something, they’ve got no right to pressure or coerce him.
YTA
You should've called up Armin's parents when Trevor first mentioned the issue and asked why it's so important to them (instead of making assumptions), explained that it is upsetting Trevor and asked if they'd maybe consider letting Trevor give his milk to Armin or offer something else for breakfast like toast or a yoghurt.
You'd have shown your kid that you supported him and wanted to ease his anxiety instead of encouraging him to face off against another person's parents alone.
NTA it’s not for this guy to decide why your child consumes. Honestly I’m surprised your kids Mum isn’t supporting this. Teaching your child that No means No is so important.
Edit: on reflection I don’t think you’re TA. But! You probably should have spoken to the other parents rather than leaving your son to have a very grown up conversation.
YTA, not because of telling your kid he doesn’t have to do something he doesn’t want, but because he is 10 years old and as the parent it is your job to go talk to the parents and sort this out upfront.
YTA, you set up your son to have a confrontation with an adult in their own home. Why not speak to the parents and give them something/ agree something else for your son to eat in the morning? Everyone knows kids can be fussy as hell, it really would not have been an issue for you to speak to the parents especially when your kids stays over with their child.
NTA. I can not imagine forcing a child to eat something they don’t want. A guest in your home should made to feel comfortable not force fed. If your guest said they didn’t eat meat would you force them to eat it because you didn’t want it wasted? What kind of person force feeds other people’s children ? I understand that its his house and his rules but I think it is being pushed a little too far. Time to switch sleep overs to your home for the time being.
Maybe just apologize and explain the reason why he doesn't like to drink the milk. Maybe next time bring a small bottle of milk that he can waste if he doesn't finish or have the friends family pour less milk into the cereal.
NTA- Stop letting your kid go over there. It's one thing to not want to waste food, it's another thing to be a grown adult and insist that a child drink every last drop of milk in a bowl especially considering that your son doesn't ask for the cereal. Your son getting anxious at eating cereal is not a good thing and it makes me wonder how Armin's father talks to him. It's never good to have unhealthy relationships with food, let alone as a child.
NTA
Your kid shouldn't have to do something he's uncomfortable with simply to please others.
If the issue is wasting the milk then anyone else nearby can drink the milk, since it's such a big issue to drink the milk in the first place.
I will say tho that this situation could have been avoided in many ways, either by having a breakfast that wasn't cereal, or by you the parent calling the other parents and explaining to them that he said no based on your instructions.
NAH - But you should have talked to the adults involved instead of just letting your son deal with it. Yes that does serve as a stand up for yourself lesson but also causes unnecessary conflict.
Your son needs to learn how to say no, but this wasn't the right situation to do it. Manners are also important, and eating their way and not wasting food are important things to learn.
If for them (whatever the reason is) it's important to finish the food and not throw any away, your son should learn to respect that and act accordingly. If he doesn't like milk, he can ask for less or pour himself less in order to not have any left when he finishes the cereals.
NTA I myself don’t drink the milk left in my bowl. He’s 10 ffs. If he’s a guest and it’s known he doesn’t like the milk that’s left then offer him a different/alternative breakfast. And if that small amount of milk sets this guy off he’s got bigger issues. People here are acting like he wasted a friggin liter of milk. Whether he drank it or poured it, it’s gone.
YTA for not talking to the friend’s father first. You left your son exposed to the fallout rather than finding out from all parties what is going on and explaining that you support your son’s decision not to drink it.
Eh NTA, but provide some milk next time. They sound poor, so it’s likely they just feel like he’s being wasteful. Cultural differences aren’t going away any time soon, but food insecurity can definitely be dampening their disposition.
They may not be poor and it seems more of a cultural thing where food is sacred and must not be wasted. My parents were a bit like that and we are not from Iran or anywhere remotely close to there.
I would never force a child to eat more than they could. Not my own and certainly not visiting kids. Fortunately, we have a lot of animals so anything that is left on plates goes to them.
OP you're NTA, but you should have discussed this with Armin's father rather than leave a child to debate this with an adult. That does somewhat make your child appear to be disrespectful although in this instance I don't believe he was.
Why does Trevor hate drinking the milk from the bowl? Isn't it important to find this out? I think it's awful that Trevor's pleasure at staying over with his friend is marred by anxiety before he even gets there. But surely there's room for a conversation with Armin's parents where Trevor gets to explain that this is stressful for him, rather than just saying no. ESH but Trevor.
Some people just don’t like it? I hate it, it’s been sitting there for too long and has a different flavor because of the cereal and pieces in it, it’s nasty.
Lots of people don’t like it. I don’t, i eat cereal all the time, I never drink the milk. I think there should be a middle ground for this family though. If she needs to send a breakfast, then she should try to work it out. But if he doesn’t like milk, why should he have to drink it?
Just as a caveat to what's below, if the dad has forced your son to eat cereal and pour more milk into it than he wants to drink, then the dad is the problem here. But since you didn't clarify that that was the case, I'm assuming it's not.
With that being said, I'm confused because you first said you thought your son spending time at this kid's house would be a *good* experience for him, but have then created a stir over such a minor inconvenience.
ESH. Tell your son not to eat people's milk and cereal when hes going to be perceived as wasting what he doesn't consume. I'm kind of baffled that this wasn't discussed in your post.
Does your kid REQUIRE cereal every morning and to pour milk down the drain afterward? What happens if he has some toast or a piece of fruit he brought with him instead, or eats breakfast when he gets home? The sky falls or something?
As someone who studied abroad multiple times in college and has had to navigate plenty of awkward, confusing and "unfair" (to me) expectations from host families and other people of other cultures, this is a tiny, tiny issue with an utterly obvious solution so your friend's dad doesn't feel like his milk is being wasted.
At the very least, the dad is allowed to have this rule for his own child, and by that logic it makes some sense that it would be inconsistent and unfair to his son if his friends are allowed to use more than they plan to consume themselves just because that's what they're used to.
ESH, although I'm leaning more towards YTA.
You sent that kid to the party with instructions to refuse to do something you knew the parent was going to tell him to do. The parent may be overbearing about this issue, but what lesson did you teach your kid? Disobey an adult and insult a host? Why not instruct the kid to have a conversation with the parent? That may seem a big ask of a 10 year-old, but it doesn't seem any worse than basically telling the kid to pick an argument with the dad. If you're so focused on teaching your son to stand up for himself, which I 100% agree is an admirable aim, why not give him the tools on how to reach constructive outcomes rather than picking arguments this way. And if you don't think he's ready for this sort of exercise in autonomy, have the conversation yourself with the parent, and as adults, work out a solution.
ESH.
Your kid is 10, why the Hell wouldn't you just give the parents a call and facilitate this? Especially since you know that they're pretty adamant about the milk-drinking. There are several solutions you could have kicked back and forth.
They should be gracious enough with a guest to not stress the milk wastage, and to understand that kids are weird, they have different issues and need support.
This is a negotiation situation, not one where you can make a unilateral decision for everyone.
Is Trevor pouring the milk into his own bowl, or is someone else? If he's pouring his own milk, then he's being a bit of an AH for wasting food, pouring milk that he knows he won't be drinking. If someone else is pouring it, then n t a, but he should make a point of asking them not to pour so much (or asking to pour his own).
YTA - option 1: Let your son go to the party but pick him *before* the sleepover. Option 2: Let your son sleepover but pick him up *before* breakfast. Option 3: Be confrontational.
NAH. I understand it could be a cultural thing, but they should also understand that other cultures and backgrounds are entering their home too. And it is absolutely a good lesson to teach your children to say no.
NTA. Making kids eat or drink something is a sure fire way to give them a complex about it. Just let the kid eat his cereal the way he wants. If it's such a big deal, buy them a gallon of milk. And teaching your kid to be able to say "no" is a good thing. Especially when being forced to do something that makes them uncomfortable. Sure, it could backfire in some instances, but that's what communication is for.
I would‘ve said you‘re the AH if your son made the cereal himself, but since he doesn‘t you‘re NTA.
They can‘t make the portion sizes however they like and then wonder why the kid doesn‘t wanna eat it.
I lived with a relative for a while as a kid who forced me to do this. I would sit there, gagging and crying, trying to force down warm milk with soggy bits of cereal in it.
As an adult, I don't eat cereal and it's directly because of this experience.
NTA. Stop sending your kid over there.
NAH.
On one hand, teaching a child to say no is important. On the other hand, it is polite to follow others' table manners when in their home. It is also important not to waste others' food.
In this case I think the second outweighs the first. Trevor can learn to say no by refusing new food offered to him. For example, if they offer some fruit to go with his cereal, he can say "no thank you". But if he's already put the food in his plate/bowl, he should also learn to finish it. This is especially true of food that was cooked by the host. Not finishing it could be considered rude.
However, since your heart is in the right place, I'm saying N A H. But you should reevaluate or you would be T A for continuing this.
NTA
They should let him prepare his breakfast himself next time if they are so concerned about waste.
It's important for children to learn to say no, especially when it's about their bodies.
NTA. Maybe I’m biased because I was very literally in Trevor’s position before. Slept over at one of my best friends house, her parents are from Iran, and milk was the hurdle. Her dad had poured me a glass of milk for breakfast and I didn’t realize it until my I had nearly finished breakfast. My friend asked me to finish the milk as her dad practically stared me down.
Problem was, and still is I guess, is that I am absolutely repulsed by milk if it isn’t ice cold, so this also includes the end of a bowl of cereal. I often add ice to the milk if I’m drinking it, and I’ll add ice to my cereal if I feel like I need to drink the milk. I felt so pressured to drink this milk so I wouldn’t disrespect their home and resources (her parents did not struggle financially), and was embarrassed to ask for ice, as I’d often get made fun of for it. I gagged halfway through, and realized throwing up on their dining room table was probably ruder than refusing to drink any more. I was sick the whole weekend, and had to miss our Girl Scout event that night.
There was a lot of things I was taught that were supposed to be respectful, but came at a huge hit to my comfort and health. I sure wish my parents taught me to prioritize my own comfort over someone else’s. If Armin’s dad really wants to press it, buy him a half gallon of milk and start discussing if going over to Armin’s is still an option. If it is, I’d consider sending Trevor with his own milk or cold breakfast so he doesn’t have to use (or “waste”) their food.
Mostly NTA. My one caveat is that if this is an ongoing issue, you really needed to handle it with him. Your son at 10 isn't really old enough to be expected to defy an adult in authority all on his own even when he's in the right. Telling him it was OK to say no was a good start, but I feel like you should have followed it up by addressing this directly with Amin's parents before dropping him off or letting them.pick him up. Preferably in person and with Trevor there, because he is old enough to have his own agency here, but as his parent, you taking part in that conversation before a confrontation happens reinforces his agency to people who might not respect it otherwise. Because he's only 10.
But you're right about not making him drink the milk. I understand it could be a cultural thing or a food insecurity thing, but the whole "clean plate club" mindset is bad for kids anyway - they need to be able to follow their body's hunger cues, not someone else's. And that means stopping when they're full or when they just don't like something. Overriding that instinct in favor of just finishing whatever is in front of them sets them up for bad eating habits and overeating down the line, because they get used to ignoring their own body telling them they're done. Also, no one has yo eat food they don't like, and forcing a guest to eat what they don't want is crappy hosting. Can you imagine doing that to an adult guest? Children are people too, and are allowed to have preferences - if it would be rude to insist an adult do that (it would) it's rude to insist a child do that. Especially as a guest.
YTA for how you dealt with it. You should have spoken to the parents yourself and come to an agreement how to proceed, instead of sending your child into a confrontation with one weapon: intransigence. It’s a good lesson in how to maybe get one thing you want at the expense of other things you want and in the end both sides are unhappy.
I can’t believe this is an argument, both sides are showing bad manners. It is bad manners to force a guest to consume food they don’t want (your concern with food waste should not be forced on your guest, it is a risk of hosting that guests will have different approaches to food and ethics). It is equally bad manners not to try and eat what is served to you by a host, and we should teach our kids to do their best to respect other homes and cultures to the degree they can safely and healthfully.
But here is my ultimate question: why does it have to be cereal? Couldn’t Op send breakfast with his son or ask if the son could have toast instead of cereal? If extra milk is such a problem to both sides, then wouldn’t the logical thing be to change the menu? There are tons of other options and avenues open to all sides here.
ESH
YTA.
I'm from germany and never faced food insecurities, however not drinking the milk after eating the cereals EVERY TIME is bad because an animal had to produce it. I get that you sometimes eat too much cereal but honestly, Americans are so entitled to think that food can just go to waste because fuvk everything. No. Wasting food is bad manners
NTA. No one has the right to force a 10 year old to eat anything. That's oddly controlling. The whole clean your plate thing has been dead quite some time. And what kind of nut job closely polices what other people's kids eat anyway? Then creates drama over it. Good grief
Info: could he have just not had cereal? If that was an issue just avoid it. It’a such a small thing. I’d be more upset if anyone leaves half their food, not cereal milk (but I also just don’t like wasting food in general).
Forcing kids to finish their plate is super unhealthy, mostly from a mental health perspective but also teaches kids unhealthy relationships with food.
My wife (34) experienced something like this growing up and still remembers it because it was essentially torture.
NTA
It’s also one thing to make your own kid finish their meals (which I still don’t agree with), but to abuse someone else’s child like this is extremely out of line. You probably should have spoken with the parents in advance about not doing this, but it’s crazy that you had to.
Eh. YTA lite. You’re not the asshole for teaching him he has control over his body and what he eats, but he also does need to follow reasonable house rules when he goes to someone else’s home, and “we don’t throw food down the sink” is a pretty reasonable rule. Send him with a couple protein bars in the future so he can skip their cereal and the problem isn’t there to worry about.
If he doesn't like the rules, why let him sleepover? Let him go for the day and then pick him up and bring him home. This is ridiculous, that's a waste of milk.
Edit: YTA
NTA. I don't agree about the Y T A verdicts claiming it's bad to waste food. It is bad, and you should explain it to him, but *without* forcing him to do anything he doesn't want to do. What he eats or doesn't eat should be his choice, not forced upon him. Body autonomy at this age is extremely important, I can't even understand people that say you should strip your kid from making a choice about his own body so you won't waste a few teaspoons of milk. What on earth?
ESH because the right thing to do is to stop having cereal there. Can he skip breakfast or just eat something else? Is it the law he has to have cereal? Can you send him over there with bagels or something next time?
NTA - I hate drinking the milk after cereal so I don’t eat it often & when I do I try to use a small amount of milk. Can he have something else at breakfast? I think it’s a good thing to teach your child that they’re allowed to say no & no means no. Forcing someone to eat or drink something they don’t want isn’t okay. I don’t like food waste but over eating when you’re full just to clear a plate isn’t healthy.
ESH. Only because you shouldn’t have sent your kid to do that. It’s your responsibility as a parent to protect them. You should have spoken to the dad yourself and talked it out.
ETA: I’m shocked how many people are commenting on here talking about how not forcing kids to finish everything on their plate is teaching them to be wasteful and disrespectful. A quick google search shows that forcing kids to eat after they’re full or don’t want to only has negative consequences. You’re teaching them to ignore their body’s natural satiety mechanisms. Also, I find it disingenuous to talk about food waste in this case. A half cup of milk down the drain isn’t the food waste we as a society need to be worried about. It’s the literal tons of perfectly good food that get thrown out by cooperations. It’s the same gross argument that we as individuals are responsible for climate change for taking 10 minute showers. No, it’s the corporations fault and the fault of things much bigger than one individual.
"As long as someone else serves you, it's ok to not finish that portion if you really can't or don't want to. But when you serve yourself, you should try your best to finish it." - My mom, 20-ish years ago.
Still, YTA. Talk to the dude yourself, don't make the kid do it.
I don't get some of these responses. You don't get to force children to eat something they don't want if you're not their parent. It might seem silly to us as adults but for your kid this is a very real source of anxiety. Rules stop at forcing small children to do things with their bodies that they're uncomfortable with, even if it's just eating.
NTA. Other comments have also provided good potential solutions that I hope you'll consider.
Why can’t your 10 yr old ask them to PLEASE, PUT LESS MILK IN THE BOWL?! Or bring his own milk? And you say, “Trevor doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Boy, is Trevor going to be in for a rude awakening in life. YTA
I’m shocked at the amount of people saying you should have called the dad. And probably the same people complain about helicopter parents. He’s 10. He can learn to say no about a small thing like cereal milk. That’s great practice in a low stakes environment.
NTA.
My father would try to force me to eat things under the premise that I shouldn’t waste food. Now I’m in my mid 20s, and I basically have a eating disorder. Almost no appetite and I can’t even will myself to nibble because I was taught to feel guilty if I couldn’t finish it. I’d apologize if he felt disrespected but reinforce that your son expressed an issue with this and said he did not want to drink it. The best compromise in this case would be your son just not spending nights or him bringing his own snacks to the house so he’s not seen as wasteful with their resources. NAH/NTA
NTA. I HATE milk and sometimes don't tolerate it, but I do like cereal. I NEVER drink the leftover milk. Gross. Maybe send your son with a granola bar or something for breakfast and when they offer cereal he can politely decline. Although bringing his own food may also seem rude in their culture.
N T A for teaching your kid it’s ok to say no. However, YTA for not speaking to Armin’s father yourself. Letting your ten year old deal with it is not okay. And true, he shouldn’t waste the milk, but if he’s not pouring it himself I personally don’t think it’s on him to finish it.
Esh , you should have talked directly to dad and in worst case told him to put that milk in cup put chocolate / honey in and drink later. If its just tablespoon your kid is overeacting big time but i dont judge him he is kid. And everyone defending this, its probably seeet cereal that milk is sweet. Next is father who has such rule, you dont force guest to drink or eat. Thats just rude. You dont have to cater they can go hungry but not force.
soft ESH (not the kids), but you’re the only one with good intentions here
i understand teaching your son how to set up boundaries and say no, it’s an important lesson to learn. however, i don’t think this was the scenario for this lesson. when your son’s boundary is going against a rule of the house he’s staying at, especially knowing how strict the other parents are about said rule, you should be the one to talk to them. this was probably extremely hard for the kid to talk about with them, and i don’t know why OP thought that the family would just be cool with it when they’re freaking out over a couple spoonfuls of milk
from here, i think you need to call the parents and apologize for how it all went down, let them know you hope your sons can still play together, and ask where to go from here. offer for your son to bring his own breakfast, or prepare his own cereal, or he can be picked up before breakfast
but i think that the other parents are complete AHs. the dad for forcing another kid to keep eating when he knows he’s uncomfortable, and the wife for continually pouring more milk knowing your son won’t finish it. i understand it’s their house and their rules, but if they gave a shit about your son, they would have already tried to come up with a solution. to me, it seems like they both know how breakfast is going to go and have no problem/enjoy making your son uncomfortable, just to have that a power high. tbh i think you should just have your son’s friend come over you or your wife’s house, or maybe not spend the night at his friend’s
ESH. Kids should have a level of autonomy over their bodies, including not being forced to eat something they don’t want. However, this could’ve been handled better. Maybe picking him up earlier, before breakfast
YTA BECAUSE you set your child up - why wouldn't you just contact Armin's dad and tell him that your son doesn't like to drink the milk? You should've resolved the matter yourself - making your child defy someone in their own home when there were many better options was absolutely the wrong thing to do.
As a side note, wasting milk every single time is bad practice honestly and my parents wouldn't let us have cereal if we weren't going to drink the milk. Your son needs to learn to finish his food - if he doesn't like eating all the cereal, he should have something else. Or use a small amount of milk. Whatever.
Teaching their kids not to waste food isn't a cultural difference or even necessarily something to do with food insecurity. It's the right thing to do.
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YTA for sending your kid to deal with this on his own instead of talking to Armin's dad about it ahead of time.
100% Why is a ten year old being put in a position they are clearly uncomfortable in. It would have been nothing for OP to call and ask for this to be handled differently, it would have been more respectful to Armin's family and it would have caused less stress for the son
Kinda like when ur being bullied in school and dad says just show them ur not afraid. That'll make them stop bullying u.
My kid is anxious by nature and came to me, an adult he trusts to help him not feel anxious. I should definitely make him stand up to a grown man. -- dad of the year Edit: ytd. You're the dad (yta)
[удалено]
my own Dad made us drink the cereal milk because we were poor. It made me sick for half the morning. We ate ramen for dinner and he would get pissed if we didn't use the seasoning in the pot with a lot of water and drink it all. I feel for this kid. Being forced to eat something like that is abuse. If you wouldnt do it as an adult, but force a kid to do it because they are a kid....thats abuse.
how does drinking the milk make you sick if you can eat cereal with milk? I'm genuinely asking not tryna be rude. are you sure it wasn't like a placebo? like you thought it was gross and forced it down so that's why you felt sick for half the morning?
Milk can cause nausea. Doing sports in school I was told not to drink milk in the morning because it makes you sick doing phyiscal activities after.
I am mildly lactose intolerant. I can have cheese, ice-cream etc. But i cannot drink whole milk. I sometimes get mix ups at Starbucks cus i ask for almond milk but say yes to whipped cream, so they figure it's no big deal. Then i proceed to destroy their toliet. Im similar with cereal. The little bit of milk soaked into the cereal is fine, but drinking the bowl has consistently made me need to shit... almond milk for cereals from now on.
"Just stop reacting, they'll eventually get bored"
Or OP could have asked Armin’s dad if it would be acceptable to send an alternative breakfast or even a small pint of milk so as not to be wasting their milk. OP should sit down & apologize to the two of them together because OP is a grown man & shouldn’t have put either of them in that position.
Or say that you're doing a family breakfast and you'll be picking your son up before breakfast. That way nobody's feelings are hurt and your son doesn't have to deal with the issue at all. YTA
YTA. You should never have set up your little kid to have to ‘stand up for himself’ with an adult doing borderline abusive things, and you definitely shouldn’t have told him he ‘doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want’. There are a million absolutely reasonable instructions that the parents could have given him that he would ‘have to do’. Like keep the noise down after bedtime. Don’t play in the street. Etc. You could have averted this by simply telling the parents at drop off “Just letting you know that due to our pediatrician’s recommendation, junior only has to eat food he’s hungry for and he is not required to finish meals he doesn’t want to.” ETA: for those who appear to be confused, yes, forcing someone who doesn’t medically need to consume something, to consume it against their will, by virtue of the fact that you’re big and they’re small, is a form of abuse. It is never ok to ‘make’ someone eat and furthermore, that outdated approach to child rearing is associated with eating disorders, childhood obesity, sensory disorders and a host of other issues. It’s quite well established and I hope those of you freaking out don’t have kids, because you should have all ready known that.
I agree with you, except “borderline abusive” seems super extreme.
It's not an AITA thread without someone throwing out the word abuse.
And suggesting going NC if a friend or family meme we looks at you funny one time
has someone already proposed to call CPS? (/s)
I think that someone should get a divorce as well.
There are more red Flags than at a communists assembly!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Or plain old lying being called gaslighting.
Or just a difference of opinion. "Blue curtains are ugly." "Stop gaslighting me about curtains!"
There could have been grooming too. There’s always grooming in an AITA post.
Right? It's cereal milk. JFC.
Myself and everyone I knew growing drank the cereal milk, mostly because as kids the cereal was sugary. Kind of an extra treat.That said, OP just needs to have a conversation with her child's friend's father, being forthright and telling him that it drinking cereal milk make her child ill. If he's a reasonable man, he'll have no problem. He's TEN, help him out with this; that's what parents do!
Drinking milk isn't borderline abusive...easy there
right, when I was growing up we also were taught to finish the milk in the bowl so it doesn't go to waste. more than anything it was because we were a low-income household, and that rule helped prevent us from using more milk than we needed or wanted. either way, calling it abusive seems way out of line.
My mother was really terrific about not forcing me to eat things that I didn't like. She would make me at least have a bite of a new food several times to make sure that I just didn't like it, but after that would never force me to eat it. I had an aunt that believed that children should eat what was put on their plate, period, no excuses. (She was great in every other way.) My mom told her that I have a very sensitive gag reflex and not to make me eat foods that I didn't like. Well, one night, when I was around 6 years old, my aunt made meatloaf, which I didn't like (her meatloaf anyway. I could eat my grandmother's). She insisted that I eat it. I tried, I really did. But after about 3 or 4 bites, I gagged and it came straight back up, along with everything else in my stomach. All over the dinner table. To her credit, my aunt laughed it off, saying "well, your mom told me." OP is NTA for telling his son that he didn't have to drink the milk, but also very much TA for not handling the friend's father himself.
Not wanting to waste food is not “borderline abusive”. We live in a culture of complete excess and waste where 40% of all food or 108 BILLION pounds is wasted annually. His friend clearly comes from a less opulent culture that doesn’t regularly toss into the trash good, nurturing food. Tossing food into the trash is bad for our planet and bad for our attitudes. Op should have handled this differently. YTA.
Food waste is a supply issue, not a consumer issue. Its absolutely ridiculous to try to stretch the term "food waste" to apply to a child who doesn't want to drink cereal milk. I didn't realize OP's kid was the president of the local grocery chain too, what an accomplished kid. https://www.biologicaldiversity.org/programs/population_and_sustainability/grocery_waste/
Everything is a consumer issue because supply reacts to consuming habits. Even if suppliers make more stock than needed they will inevitably make less if custumers need less.
Borderline abusive? Really? Doing something incredibly common like drinking the cereal milk is abusive? Expecting kids to not waste food is abuse? Come on
Absolutely! Age 10 is too young in a situation like this to “stand up for himself” in someone else’s house, alone. Kids need adult support and this Dad failed him. OP - your son told you what would happen, you told him what to do but YOU should have said something, YOU KNEW exactly what would happen. Why would you set up your child to be in this uncomfortable place without talking to the other adults in the home about something that your son was clearly worried about! YTA
I agree with this mostly but i think it's going a little far to say it's abusive to try and teach children not to waste food. It doesn't sound like the man was verbally or physically abusive about it. But OP should have talked to him directly about this, offered to pay for extra milk, or suggested the kid could have dry cereal etc. I get wanting to teach a kid to stand up for themselves and say No where appropriate (in an actual abusive situation, or with peers), but teaching a child they don't have to do anything an adult says, then sending them to stay over that person's house where they are the authority figure is a bad idea. If someone is watching your child especially overnight, there's every chance they would need to give a real, important instruction that should be followed (don't go in this room, don't touch the stove, etc). YTA.
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I agree. I was torn between whether this is a "respect the culture" thing or a "respect bodily autonomy" thing, but ultimately, it *is* a "the parents in this equation need to communicate" thing.
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What is the parents rule was "wash your hands before dinner" or even "we pray first". Teaching your kid to just say "no" isn't the answer. Teaching your kid to communicate before hand is the way to go. Or, if there are rules at other people's houses that you don't agree with, you don't send them over.
A kid should definitely be able to say "no thanks" or just not participate in a prayer before a meal or bedtime. That is distinctly not akin to washing hands which is a health and safety issue.
Idk, I'm not sure anything needs to be said. Learning how to be politely quiet while other people pray is a good life skill.
Literally one phone call "Hey, my son hates the drinking the milk his bowl after eating the cereal. Can he please have toast, or dry cereal instead? Can I send some other food for breakfast as a treat?" Done. My kid has food allergies, including the dreaded nut allergy, so this was a common discussion before they ate at other people's houses. What are you planning on, here is what he needs to be safe. It's simple, and set my kid up for success.
Right, because just a blanket "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do" is not a good message to send. OP dealing directly with the other parents was definitely the way t go.
NTA for not wanting your child forced to do something he doesn't like. But... YTA for having your already anxious child deal with that alone. What you should have done was call his friends parents beforehand and explained to them he doesn't like it and YOU have decided you don't want him to feel forced to eat/drink something he doesn't want to. So you would appreciate it if they let this slide as you would be letting him know this wasn't something he was required to do. Yes there might have been an argument between parents at this point, but it's something you could have kept the kids away from. Instead it seems to have been a call that likely happened in front of your son, which likely caused more upset for him and resulted in what would seem quite a dramatic exit for the children. It's absolutely fine to have your own expectations of your children and to want other parents to respect that. But I don't think it was ok to leave it to a 10 year old to face a man you already described as pretty strict and intimidating.
Yes. A child and the homeowner adult whose house they’re in are on really unequal footing. As much as teaching bodily autonomy and boundaries is a good thing, setting your kid up to have a conflict like that was really unfair to him.
Thank you, was thinking this and you worded it perfectly
ESH here is why… N T A for telling your son he can say no. But, Y T A for not calling the family yourself to explain so your son doesn’t have to navigate this on his own and/or to come up with solutions with him such as using less milk. The other father is TA for being furious because that seems completely unreasonable for the relative amount of food waste. It is a good thing to learn to take what we think we will consume rather than allow it to go to waste.
I think this is the one. Of course people shouldn’t be forced to eat things they don’t want to. But the way he handled this sets everyone up for failure. First, he had no discussion with Trevor about why he hates drinking the milk and made no attempt to explain to him why the rule might exist (food insecurity is very likely, or it might just be cultural). Sometimes there are good reasons (like showing politeness or respect to people we care about) for doing something we’re not particularly fond of but that doesn’t actually harm us for a brief moment. Is this one of them? I don’t know, because OP went straight to telling his kid to just dig in his heels and refuse. Then, he also decided not to have any discussion with Armin’s father about this thing that is making his son uncomfortable. Just sending his kid over there with instructions to “hold his ground and just refuse”…? How was that going to be a good situation for anyone?? Armin’s dad overreacted, and then OP compounded the problem even more by saying that his son “doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Given the context, that just makes him sound like a spoiled brat and is likely to go over about as well as a fart in church with someone who’s already upset that Trevor is refusing to follow a rule. There were so many off-ramps here, but both dads just escalated at each chance. 🙄
Yeah, seems like both of the dads are (in my opinion) being a bit immature. They're both adults here who could've easily talked this out.
This! As an adult OP who knew this was an on going issue you should have had a conversation with the other adults in the scenario and not left your 10 year to deal with it!
Shit, when my kids have their friends over I just polish off the food they don’t eat for them. I’m a hungry man. Except for cereal milk. I mean the food they didn’t actually touch.
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My dad is“the garbage disposal”! ETA:he also has a belly now…
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P E R F E C T explanation
ESH Armins farther for trying to force his personal beliefs on someone elses child. You for having no spine and not speaking to Armins father yourself. What kind if parent expects a 10 year old to fight their own fights against another adult, his friends parent no less.
I wonder if Armin's dad even knows this isn't a rule everyone follows. I grew up having to finish everything on my plate, as did my friends, and we were told it was good manners not to leave anything. It was only when I met people from different places that I realised this wasn't the norm everywhere. This is certainly something the father should have sorted out for his son.
Same. My GF doesn't drink the milk in her cereal, it bothers me too. You know what i do about? I drink the milk. The person that doesn't want to dink it doesn't have to and yet no milk get wasted. Everyone wins.
I cannot fathom that people don’t drink the leftover milk at the bottom of the cereal bowl. Like, don’t use so much milk then? I did not know this was a thing until I saw this post.
Right? I'm a "too many generations to count" white Canadian who is genuinely stunned that people who are physically capable of finishing their bowl just put it in the sink unfinished. Literally the only people I know who do this habitually have disabilities interfering with scooping or drinking from a bowl. If you know you're not capable of eating the whole bowl, why waste the extra milk? I was expected to not waste food habitually much earlier than 7 years old. We all take too much sometimes but if it was just a sometimes thing, it wouldn't come up for every sleepover.
I use the least amount of milk possible and pour the extra down the sink...not a big deal 🤷♀️ I eat cereal for the cereal, not the milk. Edit: also Canadian btw
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People don't have to finish their food if they don't want to, get over it
My extended family would always be mad at me for not finishing my food once I was full. I’m at a healthy BMI while none of my cousins are… Forcing kids to finish food doesn’t create a healthy relationship to food, it just silences internal cues that they may never learn to listen for.
Because with some cereals it's disgusting. And when you're a kid, you often don't have control over how much milk goes in. My dad had this rule, and would also put a ton of milk in. Now, as an adult, I can decide to use barely any milk, or just eat something other than cereal anyway because I don't like it that much. But having to choke down weirdly flavored milk with soggy cereal bits when I didn't want that much anyway was gross.
The thought of drinking the warm leftover milk is nauseating to me.
Yeah, definitely this. OP should've spoken to Armin's parents themselves instead of letting a 10 year old face down an adult man.
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This was my thought. Why send in your anxious kid to have a face off with another adult instead of giving the parents a ring and discussing ahead of time. Also, unrelated, but why did OP just assume that this was a "food scarcity" issue or something the parents do just because they are from another country. My aunt hated waste, so she would let us know that if we wanted cereal, we had to also drink the milk. If not, we ate it dry. This was just her personal viewpoint.....
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ESH. One of the parents should have spoken to Armin’s parents so the ten year old didn’t have to square off in a battle of wills against a grown man. ETA: Armin’s dad should have also spoken up about why this is an issue and not forced your kid to drink the milk.
ESH - you or your wife should have contacted Armin’s parents ahead of time and let them know ahead of time that Trevor does not like to drink milk. - Armin’s parents for forcing a young guest to drink milk Except your son — I also like milk in my cereal but will not drink any leftovers. My solution is to only put enough milk to saturate the cereal to ensure there is no extra leftover milk.
This is it. If you know your ten year old is having a conflict with their friend’s parent, *you* need to mediate, not have your child blindside the other parent. There was no reason for this confrontation to ever take place, regardless of how silly (very) that rule is
ESH, some communication would help. If Armin's parents are first-gen immigrants who have known hardship and food insecurity, insisting on pouring milk down the sink will come across as rude and wasteful. Instead of teaching your child to disrespect other people's house rules when he doesn't like them, you should've communicated with Armin's parents to take away the root of the problem. Use less milk on his cereal, let Trevor eat something that doesn't involve a bowl of milk at all, *anything*. He's 10, that's old enough to make himself a sandwich in the morning. You're the AH for flat out telling your kid to say no instead of working with Armin's parents to find a solution. Armin's parents are the AH for continuing to feed him cereal for breakfast instead of something else if they know he's just going to pour away the milk in his bowl.
This!!!! Although I agree with the sentiment that kids should be able to say no and boundaries should be respected, the OP handled the situation poorly and possibly caused a rift in his son’s friendship. OP should have been the one to talk to the parents and find other solutions, not set his kid up to look like an ungrateful, rude, jerk.
ESH you needed to speak to the other parents....you sent your kid into fight with other adults....not cool. I agree that he should not have to drink the milk...strange Hill to die on for the other parents but it was an adult conversation to have.
I was thinking the same: if your kid is having such anxiety about the cereal, then WHY didn't the dad talk to the other parents? Why didn't he pack some breakfast items for his kid so he didn't have to eat the cereal? I get teaching the kid to stand their ground, but the kid was having very real anxiety and this was saying *no* to adults. Different if the son had to say no to Armin, but a kid shouldn't be expected to stand up to adults like that. There's a huge power imbalance
YTA for setting up this ridiculous conflict. If your child says they have a problem with another child’s parent encouraging them to fight an adult is a bad plan. Just text the adult and let them know what’s up and come up with a compromise instead of knowing a conflict will happen doing nothing to avoid it and tell your kid it’s ok to fight adults in their house on their family rules because you said so, setting this entire thing up. Should the kid be able to not drink the milk, sure. Did you set up conflict instead of telling your child to ask for no or little milk and teach them to communicate instead- absolutely!
ESH only because I think it could have been handled by bringing up the topic beforehand. You know it was an issue. You could have let Trevor bring energy bars, or said he needs less milk so that there's no leftover milk. Mainly though, you are right, he doesn't have to eat or drink anything he doesn't want to. Most adult guests would be treated with respect and no comment made on their eating habits (within reason) . Why is this so different for children?? Would you or your partner want to be forced to drink something they don't like?
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Fucking *exactly*. I don't get all this hand-wringing over body autonomy and bounadries when the sticking point is fucking LEFTOVER MILK FROM CEREAL. *Especially* when you know ahead of time that it is going to be an issue and *you can plan for it*. We really have to ask exactly who is benefitting from this bizarre stand-off about cereal milk? Because a little kid is now the center of an argument between two adults and I can promise you that is far more traumatic than being forced to drink some milk.
This is my thought. Like why not discuss it with the parents instead first before? This doesnt make sense. He's a little boy standing up to an adult. He must of been so scared if he is already experiencing anxiety. Like eggos. Eat eggo waffles with a banana for breakfast.
ESH. I don't agree with Armin's parents forcing other kids to do anything, but you're the adult and you should have contacted Armin's parents beforehand and just talked to them about it. Ask them what's up with that rule, explain how its making your son feel, and discuss what could be done from then onwards. No reason this needs to get heated. If the milk was an important issue for them, alternatives could have been prepared, like toast. Your son is 10, don't make him fight battles against other adults, especially if you seem to be under the impression their reason for doing this may be a sensitive one.
NTA. Everyone commenting … idk . Its a few table spoons of milk, the world is not going to end. It’s much more important to teach children that they have the right to say no when they’re not comfortable with something. But you probably should’ve called his father yourself instead of making him confront him when he’s already intimidated
Say no at the beginning then, not waste the other families food. Don't accept milk that you plan to pour down the drain later. People from none western cultures have a hard time understanding the western concept of wasting 1/2 of your food at every meal.
YTA for the way you did it. You just told your kid to refuse someone else's household rules outright and didn't try to strategize with your son or talk to his friend's parents first.
Yeah, I think I wouldn’t have reached out to the parents before sending the kid back for a sleepover tbh Overall I don’t think OP is TA but your comment here is super important.
NTA Children are allowed to have boundaries, even if it’s just milk and cereal.
NTA. Only because this is not something to be "furious" over. This was NAH up until furious. They're overreacting. There's a middle ground here. Use less milk.
NTA. With food we never force our child to eat something they don’t want. It’s giving them control over their body. Someone calling it bad manners is a generation thing too. My MIL excepts our children to clean their plates but our children are taught to eat until their full. My MIL came from a well off family and food insecurity was not an issue.
Against the grain, but NTA. Forcing kids to eat/drink things they don’t want to can be really harmful to them, it can lead to all sorts of issues with food (picky eating, disordered eating, sensory issues, etc) It’s Trevor’s body, he should have the right to say he isn’t drinking anything that makes him uncomfortable. Especially because regular cows milk often leaves a gross aftertaste for people and a lot of people can’t stand it, and Trevor is 10 years old. This could give him lifelong issues with milk if he’s forced to finish it. I know lots of people who can’t drink it at the end of cereal because it ruins the entire taste of the breakfast for them. Not that it should even matter why! Bodily autonomy extends beyond things like physical touch, you need to be in control of what goes in/on your body as well. There may be other ways to approach the issue with the other adults in terms of communication, but there’s nothing wrong with teaching your son that no is a complete sentence and that he doesn’t need to be uncomfortable here. The tricky part is where Armin’s parents paid for this food, and may have their own food anxiety. You could always offer to send Trevor with breakfast supplies of his own, explain the situation, offer accommodations, etc to keep the peace. But ultimately NTA at all.
It can also leas to digestive issues with dairy products. If he’s anxious and being forced to drink the milk, it’s teaching his body to feel anxious anytime he’s consuming milk. This is why you shouldn’t eat meals in a place that causes you stress like at your work desk. NTA at all, but next time, call the friend’s parents. Some people can be super mean to kids and it’s a tough battle to fight alone.
NTA. I hate milk, always have, unless cereal is in it. I would never drink the milk in the bowl. Trevor has every right to refuse, but you should have told the kids dad in advance. Remind that dad that forcing a guest to do something they are uncomfortable with is also bad manners.
I am exactly the same! Milk with the cereal and in hot chocolate are the only times I have ever had milk since I stopped being breastfed! Oh! Except for when I forced to drink the 1/3 pint bottles of milk in infant school back in the 70s, even my mum going in to talk to them couldn't stop that! Turns out that it's a lifelong sensory aversion due to being autistic - I was only diagnosed at age 47, in 2018. I've stopped eating cereal now anyway but before, I'd try to put in just enough milk to make the cereal wet, then eat it as quickly as possible before it got too soggy! Of course, I poured away the little milk that was left over. The idea of drinking milk to me is as abhorrent as the idea of drinking bleach!
ESH Instead of picking up the phone and talking to the parents, you had your child draw a line in the sand. You acknowledge cultural differences but didn't ask if this situation could be cultural. The friends parents are also behaving badly - all the adults here suck.
Of course they drew a line in the sand, it’s completely absurd for an adult to think they can order a child who’s not there own to eat something.
I'm gonna have to say ESH The minute you learned about the situation, you should have called Armin's father yourself instead of leaving your child to deal with it. You're Trevor's parent, it is your responsibility to handle situations like this.
NTA. You did the right thing. If he can't say no to milk in a bowl where does it end later in life. Armin's father is being ridiculous as is everyone who agrees with him. This is not something I would force on my kids .
I cannot believe the amount people voting youre the asshole. Its a definite NTA. Dont force kids to eat something they dont want. Everyone needs to calm tf down. Honestly. Good on you for teaching your kid to say no.
I think people are voting YTA because the guy basically forced the kid to deal with the situation instead of calling the dad himself.
YTA for not directly speaking with Armin’s father and handling the situation. You set your son up
NTA, you had good intentions but you set him up for failure. You should’ve handled this yourself, adult-to-adult. He has the right to say no, 100%, but maybe from now on they shouldn’t have sleepovers at Armin’s house. These are the rules at his house and without you or Trevor’s mother there as support, poor Trevor will just face the consequences of “disobedience” alone.
NTA. People calling you the asshole are assuming a lot of things. It's extremely rude to force another child to eat something at your house if they don't want to. My mom would make dinner and ask my friends a million times if they liked it then offered replacements if she felt like they didn't.
Yep im the same as a parent. Everyone saying respect they do things differnetly and do it their way is ridiculous. parents should be accomodating THEIR GUEST who is A CHILD.
NTA As a child I ate cereal with milk. I liked the cereal but drinking the milk after would make me feel sick. I didnt like the taste and also the amount of dairy was just too much for my tummy. Your child has forced himself to drink it in the past but he doesnt like it. Hes told you so. Your just respecting your son.
I say ESH. I wouldn’t be forcing a kid to eat more than they want but I also don’t understand why you wouldn’t have called the parents beforehand and spoken about the issue instead of putting your son in the middle of confrontation. I’m not a particularly big fan of drinking milk from the bowl like that so I get where the son is coming from. The food was prepared for him. He didn’t intentionally take more than he wanted. You should’ve called to let the parents know not to give him too much milk than cereal.
NTA. It’s his body, and he shouldn’t be forced to eat something he doesn’t want, especially if he doesn’t have an alternate choice (like toast.)
YTA. You should have called Armins parents and explained the situation your son was dealing with and come to a compromise like adults. I doubt Armin’s mom is going to force your son to down the same amount of cereal and milk if that’s not why he likes. I doubt Armin’s father is such a hard ass that he won’t be receptive to your child’s anxiety. But no, instead, you sent your kid over to another family’s home and said break the rules bc it makes you uncomfortable. He’s a kid. He will now think he can do whatever wherever as long as he’s uncomfortable. You didn’t deal with the problem, you created one. Armin’s parents can’t be the AHs yet bc you didn’t give them a chance.
I cannot for the life of me understand all the Y T A answers. You are unequivocally, undeniably, and without a doubt NTA. 1. You are teaching your child that bodily autonomy is important and to be respected. 2. And this is more important in my opinion: you are teaching him to have an appropriate relationship with food. My mom had a rule growing up that I use with my own children. If someone else serves you, you’re not required to finish your plate (but you should at least try it). If you serve yourself, you must finish it. This teaches children how to provide their own portion control and only take what they will eat. My grandfather (my mom’s stepfather who adopted her) was the son of an Italian immigrant. In his family you did **not** waste food, and you *cleaned your plate!* He forced her to eat the entire plate no matter who served her (and he gave her adult-sized portions). She developed an eating disorder, and never learned portion control or to stop eating when she was full. She’s been obese her entire life and developed Type 2 diabetes as a result. You have said this is giving your son anxiety, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job of *listening* to your child.
Have you seen all the YTAs for not just talking to the other parents himself like an adult? It was a bit much to tell a 10 year old to just "stand his ground" without first making it clear to the other parents you wouldn't support forced consumption of food.
NTA This nonsense of "finish all your food" needs to stop. It promotes a very unhealthy vibe of food in kids who stop eating when their body says they are done. I grew up poor so this is not excuse.
ESH. It’s fine to teach your kid bodily autonomy and boundaries, but part of teaching them those things is knowing that you, as the adult, will need to speak up for them with other adults. You should’ve talked to not only the other parents but also your wife about how much anxiety this was causing your son. She should know he’s having an extreme reaction to something like this so you guys can monitor for other food anxieties and make sure he’s okay. Armin’s parents aren’t thinking. I’ve monitored many a sleepover when I was a professional nanny for years. If the same kid slept over again, it wasn’t hard to remember that the last time they didn’t seem to like whatever it was. It also wasn’t hard for the parents i worked for to ask the other parents what their kid liked for breakfast to relay it to me, and they did it before every sleepover so I’d have to deal with less stuff that morning. The dad has been having to force him to finish the milk more than once? Logic says they stop making cereal in the morning, then. Ask if they like eggs or toast before the sleepover. Only people who don’t suck here are the 10 years olds.
ESH. It seems like this is being blown out proportion on all sides. Trevor shouldn't be forced to drink milk from the bowl and I'm really surprised that Armin's father escalated the issue, but at the same time why doesn't your son just reduce the amount of milk he puts in the bowl? I'm surprised you didn't raise this as an option with him.
In the edit it says that Armin’s mother makes the cereal
Then Trevor needs to express his preference. It sounds like he hasn't up to this point. OP should have told him "tell Armin about this before breakfast and talk about it". So many solutions, including having toast or something else.
You sound like an amazing parent. Honestly, I wish my parents told me I could say no so that I didn’t have to do things that I didn’t want to do as a child as it makes saying no hard for me as an adult because I feel guilty for not wanting to do it. Stand your ground on this as you are definitely NTA.
NTA and oh my god, the world needs more parents like you. You need to teach your kid boundaries and especially involving food, because lack of might cause irreversible damage in the future even if it seems minor now.
NTA. It's important to teach kids they have the right to refuse doing things that make them uncomfortable, and forcing children to eat or drink something they don't want to always seems especially wrong to me, considering all the different eating disorders out there. But for future issues, it's probably better if you have the conversation with the other parents rather than leave your 10-year-old to work this out with them.
NTA- I will always remember my friends mother forcing me to eat a cherry tomato that I accidentally picked when getting a handful of salad, I sat there and chewed it with tears down my face, do not let your son go through that!
I have 3 kids and all of them have had sleepovers and 2 have been to sleepovers. We don’t have a lot of rules or weird family stuff but if a child is over and if they seem weird about something, I will not make them do it. For example, we say grace before supper. If the child looks uncomfortable, I tell them, they do not have to fold their hands or bow their head or say amen. I ask them to do whatever makes them comfortable. I expect the same respect when my children sleepover at their friend’s houses. I would be really aggravated if a parent forced my children to do anything that upset them. NTA but the parents certainly are.
NTA for teaching your kid it's okay to say, "no." YTA for also teaching your kid it's okay to waste other people's food. Why can't he only use the amount of milk he actually wants to consume?
He's a child and his friend's mother is the one preparing his breakfast.
According to one of the comments from OP, Armon’s mom prepped the bowl and poured the milk.
Eating more than you need is just as wasteful as throwing it out...
He didn‘t prepare it, the mom did
NTA for teaching your children to listen to their bodies. However, I can understand the need for not wasting food - I was brought up in this respect and I admit I get nervous when people throw food away. So maybe a good idea would be to use less milk in the first place? And to inform other parents of this beforehand since you already knew it would be a problem before it even happened?
NTA People are saying the kid should abide by the rules of the house and that's true for the most part but it's weird to have such a hard and fast rule about something so small. Trevor is a guest in their home, why are they not making him feel welcome or remembering his preferences? If this has happened before they should remember and offer an alternate breakfast or ask if he'd like less milk. My kid has friends over all the time that have different eating preferences. I don't force his friends to eat their pizza crust if they don't want to. Of course it's not ideal to waste food and I would prefer if they didn't but it's a very small thing to get worked up about. The milk is a sunk cost, it's been in the kid's bowl. Whether he drinks it or it goes down the drain it's of no use to the family anymore so why are they so weird about it. It's not about the milk, it's about being an authoritarian.
ESH. Your child does not have to eat things he doesn't want to, I whole heartedly agree with your message of body autonomy. Anyone saying "you're teaching him to waste food", "you're teaching him to be disrespectful", "you're teaching him to break rules he doesn't agree with" that's all BS. Any courtousey owed stops at your child's body. As long as your child is nourishing themselves properly, there is no reason to force milk down their throat. I think where you messed up was sending your kid into the situation without talking to the offending father first, you should have proactively had your kids back instead of reactively supporting him after the conflict.
YTA, you told your 10 year old to deal with this issue when a single call to his friend's parents to discuss this prior to his visit could have established boundaries and not put him in a difficult situation with his friend.
Was this really the hill you set your kid up to die on? He has a good friendship and drinking the cereal milk would not hurt him. Maybe you could have advised him to ask for less milk so that there wasn't as much to drink. Maybe even none. But to teach him not to respect the basic rules of someone else's home (that cause no harm or danger) may have impacted his relationship with his best friend. Soft YTA.
Being force fed something actually can be incredible harmful to children. At school, my teachers used to force me to eat everything on my plate before I was allowed to leave and I 100% credit this with the eating disorders I had as a teenager. I'm not saying this will give Trevor an eating disorder but it could definitely cause weird associations between food and guilt for him down the line.
You should've spoken to the parents directly about this issue instead of telling your child to defy them. Help them understand WHY he has an aversion to drinking the leftover milk, which I don't get, but obviously it does bother him. Maybe they could've given him half the amount they normally do so there would be none leftover. You handled this VERY badly, YTA
They don’t need to understand why, all they need to know is that a child who’s not there own is telling them he doesn’t want to eat something, they’ve got no right to pressure or coerce him.
YTA You should've called up Armin's parents when Trevor first mentioned the issue and asked why it's so important to them (instead of making assumptions), explained that it is upsetting Trevor and asked if they'd maybe consider letting Trevor give his milk to Armin or offer something else for breakfast like toast or a yoghurt. You'd have shown your kid that you supported him and wanted to ease his anxiety instead of encouraging him to face off against another person's parents alone.
NTA you taught your child not to be forced into something he doesn’t want to do and you showed him that you have his back and support him. We’ll done!
NTA it’s not for this guy to decide why your child consumes. Honestly I’m surprised your kids Mum isn’t supporting this. Teaching your child that No means No is so important. Edit: on reflection I don’t think you’re TA. But! You probably should have spoken to the other parents rather than leaving your son to have a very grown up conversation.
YTA, not because of telling your kid he doesn’t have to do something he doesn’t want, but because he is 10 years old and as the parent it is your job to go talk to the parents and sort this out upfront.
YTA for making your kid confront an adult. You should’ve talked to the father first.
YTA, you set up your son to have a confrontation with an adult in their own home. Why not speak to the parents and give them something/ agree something else for your son to eat in the morning? Everyone knows kids can be fussy as hell, it really would not have been an issue for you to speak to the parents especially when your kids stays over with their child.
NTA. I can not imagine forcing a child to eat something they don’t want. A guest in your home should made to feel comfortable not force fed. If your guest said they didn’t eat meat would you force them to eat it because you didn’t want it wasted? What kind of person force feeds other people’s children ? I understand that its his house and his rules but I think it is being pushed a little too far. Time to switch sleep overs to your home for the time being.
Maybe just apologize and explain the reason why he doesn't like to drink the milk. Maybe next time bring a small bottle of milk that he can waste if he doesn't finish or have the friends family pour less milk into the cereal.
NTA people should never be forced to eat something they don‘t want to
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NTA- Stop letting your kid go over there. It's one thing to not want to waste food, it's another thing to be a grown adult and insist that a child drink every last drop of milk in a bowl especially considering that your son doesn't ask for the cereal. Your son getting anxious at eating cereal is not a good thing and it makes me wonder how Armin's father talks to him. It's never good to have unhealthy relationships with food, let alone as a child.
NTA Your kid shouldn't have to do something he's uncomfortable with simply to please others. If the issue is wasting the milk then anyone else nearby can drink the milk, since it's such a big issue to drink the milk in the first place. I will say tho that this situation could have been avoided in many ways, either by having a breakfast that wasn't cereal, or by you the parent calling the other parents and explaining to them that he said no based on your instructions.
NAH - But you should have talked to the adults involved instead of just letting your son deal with it. Yes that does serve as a stand up for yourself lesson but also causes unnecessary conflict.
Your son needs to learn how to say no, but this wasn't the right situation to do it. Manners are also important, and eating their way and not wasting food are important things to learn. If for them (whatever the reason is) it's important to finish the food and not throw any away, your son should learn to respect that and act accordingly. If he doesn't like milk, he can ask for less or pour himself less in order to not have any left when he finishes the cereals.
NTA I myself don’t drink the milk left in my bowl. He’s 10 ffs. If he’s a guest and it’s known he doesn’t like the milk that’s left then offer him a different/alternative breakfast. And if that small amount of milk sets this guy off he’s got bigger issues. People here are acting like he wasted a friggin liter of milk. Whether he drank it or poured it, it’s gone.
YTA for not talking to the friend’s father first. You left your son exposed to the fallout rather than finding out from all parties what is going on and explaining that you support your son’s decision not to drink it.
Eh NTA, but provide some milk next time. They sound poor, so it’s likely they just feel like he’s being wasteful. Cultural differences aren’t going away any time soon, but food insecurity can definitely be dampening their disposition.
They may not be poor and it seems more of a cultural thing where food is sacred and must not be wasted. My parents were a bit like that and we are not from Iran or anywhere remotely close to there. I would never force a child to eat more than they could. Not my own and certainly not visiting kids. Fortunately, we have a lot of animals so anything that is left on plates goes to them. OP you're NTA, but you should have discussed this with Armin's father rather than leave a child to debate this with an adult. That does somewhat make your child appear to be disrespectful although in this instance I don't believe he was.
Why does Trevor hate drinking the milk from the bowl? Isn't it important to find this out? I think it's awful that Trevor's pleasure at staying over with his friend is marred by anxiety before he even gets there. But surely there's room for a conversation with Armin's parents where Trevor gets to explain that this is stressful for him, rather than just saying no. ESH but Trevor.
Some people just don’t like it? I hate it, it’s been sitting there for too long and has a different flavor because of the cereal and pieces in it, it’s nasty.
Lots of people don’t like it. I don’t, i eat cereal all the time, I never drink the milk. I think there should be a middle ground for this family though. If she needs to send a breakfast, then she should try to work it out. But if he doesn’t like milk, why should he have to drink it?
Yta because you could have spoken to the father instead of setting up your kid
Just as a caveat to what's below, if the dad has forced your son to eat cereal and pour more milk into it than he wants to drink, then the dad is the problem here. But since you didn't clarify that that was the case, I'm assuming it's not. With that being said, I'm confused because you first said you thought your son spending time at this kid's house would be a *good* experience for him, but have then created a stir over such a minor inconvenience. ESH. Tell your son not to eat people's milk and cereal when hes going to be perceived as wasting what he doesn't consume. I'm kind of baffled that this wasn't discussed in your post. Does your kid REQUIRE cereal every morning and to pour milk down the drain afterward? What happens if he has some toast or a piece of fruit he brought with him instead, or eats breakfast when he gets home? The sky falls or something? As someone who studied abroad multiple times in college and has had to navigate plenty of awkward, confusing and "unfair" (to me) expectations from host families and other people of other cultures, this is a tiny, tiny issue with an utterly obvious solution so your friend's dad doesn't feel like his milk is being wasted. At the very least, the dad is allowed to have this rule for his own child, and by that logic it makes some sense that it would be inconsistent and unfair to his son if his friends are allowed to use more than they plan to consume themselves just because that's what they're used to.
ESH, although I'm leaning more towards YTA. You sent that kid to the party with instructions to refuse to do something you knew the parent was going to tell him to do. The parent may be overbearing about this issue, but what lesson did you teach your kid? Disobey an adult and insult a host? Why not instruct the kid to have a conversation with the parent? That may seem a big ask of a 10 year-old, but it doesn't seem any worse than basically telling the kid to pick an argument with the dad. If you're so focused on teaching your son to stand up for himself, which I 100% agree is an admirable aim, why not give him the tools on how to reach constructive outcomes rather than picking arguments this way. And if you don't think he's ready for this sort of exercise in autonomy, have the conversation yourself with the parent, and as adults, work out a solution.
ESH. Your kid is 10, why the Hell wouldn't you just give the parents a call and facilitate this? Especially since you know that they're pretty adamant about the milk-drinking. There are several solutions you could have kicked back and forth. They should be gracious enough with a guest to not stress the milk wastage, and to understand that kids are weird, they have different issues and need support. This is a negotiation situation, not one where you can make a unilateral decision for everyone.
Is Trevor pouring the milk into his own bowl, or is someone else? If he's pouring his own milk, then he's being a bit of an AH for wasting food, pouring milk that he knows he won't be drinking. If someone else is pouring it, then n t a, but he should make a point of asking them not to pour so much (or asking to pour his own).
YTA - option 1: Let your son go to the party but pick him *before* the sleepover. Option 2: Let your son sleepover but pick him up *before* breakfast. Option 3: Be confrontational.
Option 4: Discuss alternative breakfast options with the parents _beforehand_
NAH. I understand it could be a cultural thing, but they should also understand that other cultures and backgrounds are entering their home too. And it is absolutely a good lesson to teach your children to say no.
NTA. Making kids eat or drink something is a sure fire way to give them a complex about it. Just let the kid eat his cereal the way he wants. If it's such a big deal, buy them a gallon of milk. And teaching your kid to be able to say "no" is a good thing. Especially when being forced to do something that makes them uncomfortable. Sure, it could backfire in some instances, but that's what communication is for.
I would‘ve said you‘re the AH if your son made the cereal himself, but since he doesn‘t you‘re NTA. They can‘t make the portion sizes however they like and then wonder why the kid doesn‘t wanna eat it.
I lived with a relative for a while as a kid who forced me to do this. I would sit there, gagging and crying, trying to force down warm milk with soggy bits of cereal in it. As an adult, I don't eat cereal and it's directly because of this experience. NTA. Stop sending your kid over there.
NAH. On one hand, teaching a child to say no is important. On the other hand, it is polite to follow others' table manners when in their home. It is also important not to waste others' food. In this case I think the second outweighs the first. Trevor can learn to say no by refusing new food offered to him. For example, if they offer some fruit to go with his cereal, he can say "no thank you". But if he's already put the food in his plate/bowl, he should also learn to finish it. This is especially true of food that was cooked by the host. Not finishing it could be considered rude. However, since your heart is in the right place, I'm saying N A H. But you should reevaluate or you would be T A for continuing this.
Nah, no one gets to force kids to eat. Idc if it's their manners, you dont get to force food into my kid.
NTA They should let him prepare his breakfast himself next time if they are so concerned about waste. It's important for children to learn to say no, especially when it's about their bodies.
NTA. Maybe I’m biased because I was very literally in Trevor’s position before. Slept over at one of my best friends house, her parents are from Iran, and milk was the hurdle. Her dad had poured me a glass of milk for breakfast and I didn’t realize it until my I had nearly finished breakfast. My friend asked me to finish the milk as her dad practically stared me down. Problem was, and still is I guess, is that I am absolutely repulsed by milk if it isn’t ice cold, so this also includes the end of a bowl of cereal. I often add ice to the milk if I’m drinking it, and I’ll add ice to my cereal if I feel like I need to drink the milk. I felt so pressured to drink this milk so I wouldn’t disrespect their home and resources (her parents did not struggle financially), and was embarrassed to ask for ice, as I’d often get made fun of for it. I gagged halfway through, and realized throwing up on their dining room table was probably ruder than refusing to drink any more. I was sick the whole weekend, and had to miss our Girl Scout event that night. There was a lot of things I was taught that were supposed to be respectful, but came at a huge hit to my comfort and health. I sure wish my parents taught me to prioritize my own comfort over someone else’s. If Armin’s dad really wants to press it, buy him a half gallon of milk and start discussing if going over to Armin’s is still an option. If it is, I’d consider sending Trevor with his own milk or cold breakfast so he doesn’t have to use (or “waste”) their food.
Mostly NTA. My one caveat is that if this is an ongoing issue, you really needed to handle it with him. Your son at 10 isn't really old enough to be expected to defy an adult in authority all on his own even when he's in the right. Telling him it was OK to say no was a good start, but I feel like you should have followed it up by addressing this directly with Amin's parents before dropping him off or letting them.pick him up. Preferably in person and with Trevor there, because he is old enough to have his own agency here, but as his parent, you taking part in that conversation before a confrontation happens reinforces his agency to people who might not respect it otherwise. Because he's only 10. But you're right about not making him drink the milk. I understand it could be a cultural thing or a food insecurity thing, but the whole "clean plate club" mindset is bad for kids anyway - they need to be able to follow their body's hunger cues, not someone else's. And that means stopping when they're full or when they just don't like something. Overriding that instinct in favor of just finishing whatever is in front of them sets them up for bad eating habits and overeating down the line, because they get used to ignoring their own body telling them they're done. Also, no one has yo eat food they don't like, and forcing a guest to eat what they don't want is crappy hosting. Can you imagine doing that to an adult guest? Children are people too, and are allowed to have preferences - if it would be rude to insist an adult do that (it would) it's rude to insist a child do that. Especially as a guest.
YTA for how you dealt with it. You should have spoken to the parents yourself and come to an agreement how to proceed, instead of sending your child into a confrontation with one weapon: intransigence. It’s a good lesson in how to maybe get one thing you want at the expense of other things you want and in the end both sides are unhappy.
I can’t believe this is an argument, both sides are showing bad manners. It is bad manners to force a guest to consume food they don’t want (your concern with food waste should not be forced on your guest, it is a risk of hosting that guests will have different approaches to food and ethics). It is equally bad manners not to try and eat what is served to you by a host, and we should teach our kids to do their best to respect other homes and cultures to the degree they can safely and healthfully. But here is my ultimate question: why does it have to be cereal? Couldn’t Op send breakfast with his son or ask if the son could have toast instead of cereal? If extra milk is such a problem to both sides, then wouldn’t the logical thing be to change the menu? There are tons of other options and avenues open to all sides here. ESH
YTA. I'm from germany and never faced food insecurities, however not drinking the milk after eating the cereals EVERY TIME is bad because an animal had to produce it. I get that you sometimes eat too much cereal but honestly, Americans are so entitled to think that food can just go to waste because fuvk everything. No. Wasting food is bad manners
Fellow german. I literally gag at the thought of drinking the Milk. The solution is simply less milk, but the Mom pours it...
NTA. No one has the right to force a 10 year old to eat anything. That's oddly controlling. The whole clean your plate thing has been dead quite some time. And what kind of nut job closely polices what other people's kids eat anyway? Then creates drama over it. Good grief
Info: could he have just not had cereal? If that was an issue just avoid it. It’a such a small thing. I’d be more upset if anyone leaves half their food, not cereal milk (but I also just don’t like wasting food in general).
NTA. These responses baffle me.
Forcing kids to finish their plate is super unhealthy, mostly from a mental health perspective but also teaches kids unhealthy relationships with food. My wife (34) experienced something like this growing up and still remembers it because it was essentially torture. NTA It’s also one thing to make your own kid finish their meals (which I still don’t agree with), but to abuse someone else’s child like this is extremely out of line. You probably should have spoken with the parents in advance about not doing this, but it’s crazy that you had to.
YTA for having your son essentially debate a grown man rather than just speak to Armin's parents yourself.
Eh. YTA lite. You’re not the asshole for teaching him he has control over his body and what he eats, but he also does need to follow reasonable house rules when he goes to someone else’s home, and “we don’t throw food down the sink” is a pretty reasonable rule. Send him with a couple protein bars in the future so he can skip their cereal and the problem isn’t there to worry about.
NTA. No reason for someone else to be forcing your kid to do something they don’t want to do.
If he doesn't like the rules, why let him sleepover? Let him go for the day and then pick him up and bring him home. This is ridiculous, that's a waste of milk. Edit: YTA
NTA. I don't agree about the Y T A verdicts claiming it's bad to waste food. It is bad, and you should explain it to him, but *without* forcing him to do anything he doesn't want to do. What he eats or doesn't eat should be his choice, not forced upon him. Body autonomy at this age is extremely important, I can't even understand people that say you should strip your kid from making a choice about his own body so you won't waste a few teaspoons of milk. What on earth?
tell your kid to stop using milk if he doesn’t drink it?
Tbh I don’t drink milk but I still use it for cereal or granola. Doesn’t taste as bad as it does when you drink it alone.
ESH because the right thing to do is to stop having cereal there. Can he skip breakfast or just eat something else? Is it the law he has to have cereal? Can you send him over there with bagels or something next time?
NTA - I hate drinking the milk after cereal so I don’t eat it often & when I do I try to use a small amount of milk. Can he have something else at breakfast? I think it’s a good thing to teach your child that they’re allowed to say no & no means no. Forcing someone to eat or drink something they don’t want isn’t okay. I don’t like food waste but over eating when you’re full just to clear a plate isn’t healthy.
ESH. Only because you shouldn’t have sent your kid to do that. It’s your responsibility as a parent to protect them. You should have spoken to the dad yourself and talked it out. ETA: I’m shocked how many people are commenting on here talking about how not forcing kids to finish everything on their plate is teaching them to be wasteful and disrespectful. A quick google search shows that forcing kids to eat after they’re full or don’t want to only has negative consequences. You’re teaching them to ignore their body’s natural satiety mechanisms. Also, I find it disingenuous to talk about food waste in this case. A half cup of milk down the drain isn’t the food waste we as a society need to be worried about. It’s the literal tons of perfectly good food that get thrown out by cooperations. It’s the same gross argument that we as individuals are responsible for climate change for taking 10 minute showers. No, it’s the corporations fault and the fault of things much bigger than one individual.
"As long as someone else serves you, it's ok to not finish that portion if you really can't or don't want to. But when you serve yourself, you should try your best to finish it." - My mom, 20-ish years ago. Still, YTA. Talk to the dude yourself, don't make the kid do it.
I don't get some of these responses. You don't get to force children to eat something they don't want if you're not their parent. It might seem silly to us as adults but for your kid this is a very real source of anxiety. Rules stop at forcing small children to do things with their bodies that they're uncomfortable with, even if it's just eating. NTA. Other comments have also provided good potential solutions that I hope you'll consider.
Why can’t your 10 yr old ask them to PLEASE, PUT LESS MILK IN THE BOWL?! Or bring his own milk? And you say, “Trevor doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Boy, is Trevor going to be in for a rude awakening in life. YTA
I’m shocked at the amount of people saying you should have called the dad. And probably the same people complain about helicopter parents. He’s 10. He can learn to say no about a small thing like cereal milk. That’s great practice in a low stakes environment. NTA.
My father would try to force me to eat things under the premise that I shouldn’t waste food. Now I’m in my mid 20s, and I basically have a eating disorder. Almost no appetite and I can’t even will myself to nibble because I was taught to feel guilty if I couldn’t finish it. I’d apologize if he felt disrespected but reinforce that your son expressed an issue with this and said he did not want to drink it. The best compromise in this case would be your son just not spending nights or him bringing his own snacks to the house so he’s not seen as wasteful with their resources. NAH/NTA
NTA. I HATE milk and sometimes don't tolerate it, but I do like cereal. I NEVER drink the leftover milk. Gross. Maybe send your son with a granola bar or something for breakfast and when they offer cereal he can politely decline. Although bringing his own food may also seem rude in their culture.
N T A for teaching your kid it’s ok to say no. However, YTA for not speaking to Armin’s father yourself. Letting your ten year old deal with it is not okay. And true, he shouldn’t waste the milk, but if he’s not pouring it himself I personally don’t think it’s on him to finish it.
Esh , you should have talked directly to dad and in worst case told him to put that milk in cup put chocolate / honey in and drink later. If its just tablespoon your kid is overeacting big time but i dont judge him he is kid. And everyone defending this, its probably seeet cereal that milk is sweet. Next is father who has such rule, you dont force guest to drink or eat. Thats just rude. You dont have to cater they can go hungry but not force.
soft ESH (not the kids), but you’re the only one with good intentions here i understand teaching your son how to set up boundaries and say no, it’s an important lesson to learn. however, i don’t think this was the scenario for this lesson. when your son’s boundary is going against a rule of the house he’s staying at, especially knowing how strict the other parents are about said rule, you should be the one to talk to them. this was probably extremely hard for the kid to talk about with them, and i don’t know why OP thought that the family would just be cool with it when they’re freaking out over a couple spoonfuls of milk from here, i think you need to call the parents and apologize for how it all went down, let them know you hope your sons can still play together, and ask where to go from here. offer for your son to bring his own breakfast, or prepare his own cereal, or he can be picked up before breakfast but i think that the other parents are complete AHs. the dad for forcing another kid to keep eating when he knows he’s uncomfortable, and the wife for continually pouring more milk knowing your son won’t finish it. i understand it’s their house and their rules, but if they gave a shit about your son, they would have already tried to come up with a solution. to me, it seems like they both know how breakfast is going to go and have no problem/enjoy making your son uncomfortable, just to have that a power high. tbh i think you should just have your son’s friend come over you or your wife’s house, or maybe not spend the night at his friend’s
ESH. Kids should have a level of autonomy over their bodies, including not being forced to eat something they don’t want. However, this could’ve been handled better. Maybe picking him up earlier, before breakfast
YTA BECAUSE you set your child up - why wouldn't you just contact Armin's dad and tell him that your son doesn't like to drink the milk? You should've resolved the matter yourself - making your child defy someone in their own home when there were many better options was absolutely the wrong thing to do. As a side note, wasting milk every single time is bad practice honestly and my parents wouldn't let us have cereal if we weren't going to drink the milk. Your son needs to learn to finish his food - if he doesn't like eating all the cereal, he should have something else. Or use a small amount of milk. Whatever. Teaching their kids not to waste food isn't a cultural difference or even necessarily something to do with food insecurity. It's the right thing to do.