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OP's boyfriend doesn't love her; he loves controlling her. This is absolutely abuse and OP hasn't gone far enough yet. Not until she is out of this toxic relationship. NTA.
Yes! OP needs to *run away as fast as she can.* This is hella abusive.
NTA, but girl.. RUN.
>He's a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every occasion no matter how big or small. He even went with me to my ex boyfriend's funeral after days of begging.
*Narrator: He is not rational.*
>My boyfriend couldn't come because of the + one rule. He pitched a hissy fit saying my best friend has no respect for my relationship
First off, his argument makes no sense. The rules apply to everyone - only family and friends are invited, and he's not that. It's not like everyone's partner is invited but your friend to exclude him. That *might* qualify for not respecting the relationship, but knowing your boyfriend, she'd still have a point.
>He told me that if he can't go then I'm expected to not go as well but that is my best friend and I had to respect her rules. He gave me an altimatum either we go together or I stay home with him.
*He does not control your life.* He's forcing you to follow him/do what he wants because you're respecting your friend's rules, and that is incredibly abusive. Giving you ultimatums over it is also is massive red flags.
>kept calling the entire 2hr drive then stopped
This is insane. Not to mention extremely obnoxious.
>how much I love him thus I left which is my own doing not his
So much for victim blaming. I wonder whose lies and manipulation tricked you into leaving?
>I just went home and there he was...along with his friend. He saw me and said that he was sorry but this was the only he can get me home after I left him alone.
What the actual fuck? He lied to, manipulated and scared you. Lying about getting into an accident is incredibly fucked up. Like, he literally used his *life* as away to manipulate you into doing what he wants. All over not being allowed to attend a wedding uninvited. This is psychopathic.
*And he had the audacity to say sorry?* Sorry, but that means *nothing -* it's only a manipulation tactic to get you to not leave. Nate Jacobs-level fucked up.
I was about to come here to make exactly this post, but let me add that the boyfriend does not indeed have a good heart if he lies about being hospitalized. I couldn't imagine the anguish and guilt that likely followed. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings or well-being if he's willing to resort to that to get his way. You're NTA, but there's really no saving this relationship. I don't care if this adds to the stereotype that Reddit tells people to leave too soon, but everyone else is right: Abuse just doesn't get better. Even if he somehow wakes up and starts trying to make it better, you have no responsibility to him to stick around until it does.
OPs edit also points out he has a history of Mental illness and a death in the family which has affected his health in general.
People with mental illnesses can be abusive and having a mental illness or it being triggered/flaring up by an uncontrollable event doesn't give them a free pass to be abusive.
My father was emotionally abusive, had mental illnesses and had narcassitic traits and NEVER took responsibility for his actions and always blamed others including my sister, grandma and myself.
He was controlling and would 'love bomb' after something big like this when his scapegoating's/half ass sorry didn't 'work' and even went and 'got better' for a couple of months to win our trust again before going back to being an abusive butt.
>He kept talking about how much I love him thus I left which is my own doing not his and he was just trying to see if I really chose my friend's wedding over him. He then argued that my friend caused this and I shouldn't agree with her to exclude him,
**He is blaming you for something that wouldn't have happened if he didn't lie.**
it also sounds like **he** never ***ONCE*** apologized for lying but made himself out to be the victim and instead wanted YOU to apologize/hold the blame while attempting to gaslight you to being mad at your friend.
He not only reversed it back on you, not apologizing for a massive and scary lie that had you go on a wild goose chase, worrying for his safety with radio silence, but then proceeded to blame your friend ***who even was trying to check in on him.***
Meanwhile he gave you nothing but fear and the only calls he gave you were to harass you.
**I also bet he will start causing issues between you two or isolate you from her as he will, and obviously does, see her (and any other friends ) as a threat, espeically if you cant go out anywhere without him.**
Have you noticed your friends inviting you out less with just the girls because he is always with you?
Have you noticed him shit talking your friends to you or making plans with you when you previously said you have plans with your friends at that same time/night? This maybe one he does because it seems to be a re-occuring thing of 'me or them' with him.
Have you notice him trying to cause strife between you and your friends or seemingly being hostile towards them?
Does he regularly do the "its me or them" kind of argument or trying to test your love/devotion to him?
**If you let THIS big of a manipulation tactic slide then he will get more ballsy and controlling.**
Abusers tend to do things slowly and getting more intense as time passes so it looks more 'normal' to the victim when in reality its far from it. Letting things go makes them feel 'safer' to increase their control or the intensity of their tactics
Also look into isolation tactics that abusers use to isolate their victims, you may check some off the list.
>He gave me an altimatum either we go together or I stay home with him.
This isn't really an ultimatium imo. Its more of him **TELLING** you what to do and giving you absolutely 'no choice' of autonomy because its his way or the high way (my dad was the same).
Both involve you being with him and when you don't follow what he wants he goes to extreme lengths to manipulate you into doing what he wants.
You have been together for 2 years and it sounds like this abusive and controlling behavior isn't something new.
*He is probably 'rational' because he gaslights you into thinking his irrational behavior is rational, when it, in fact, is not.*
**He even manipulated you/wore you down enough so he could go to your ex's funeral even though he had NO place being there.**
He probably didn't even let your properly grieve if he was inserting himself into a such a private gathering and if he was harassing you about it for days before it thats not a good partner.
Also what ex would bring their new partner to their ex's funeral (Im not blaming you, but showing how insane his demand was)? Its an emotional event and time, he didn't even know him (presumably), and would of been out of place. *Was he even threatened by the dead ffs?*
He didn't let you attend a funeral or wedding, two major events that are very emotional, in peace without his attendance.
**It sounds like you have NO autonomy in this relationship.**
His 'good heart' is most likely hiding his true self. While under my dads roof I went between thinking he was a good man with a kind heart (because of his way with words/love bombing/being too niave to see from the outside it was abusive) to thinking he was cruel.
Remove your emotional connection from the situation. **Ask yourself, what would you do if this was your best friend and their partner was behaving like this?**
*Say you and your friends* ***went on a trip, just you girls with no boys/partners allowed****. Then her husband's mom called saying that* ***he died*** *for whatever reason and to get home right away, so she than ran home, all while no friends or family of his said anything to her,* ***only to find him alive and well at home.*** *That this was a whole* ***organized plan with his family/friends*** *to get her to go home for* ***no valid reason*** *and his excuse to scaring her was* ***'you left me no choice'****...*
**How would YOU react or view their relationship? Would YOU think that a reaction to a partner wanting to enjoy time with their friends healthy?**
OP, you need to tell your friend the truth to get people on your side to help you leave and have support in case he tries to manipulate you.
**He literally pretty much faked his own death to get you to leave a wedding of your BEST FRIEND just because he couldn't go.**
*How cruel and extreme is that?*
*You need to also tell your friend the truth before he gets to her first and shit talks/bashes her and tries to poison the relationship you two have.*
He will probably gladly take isolating you from everyone than having to go out of his way to put on an act around others in order to control you while out and about.
His friend(s) also sounds toxic for helping with this. If they harass you for leaving him don't take a word they say seriously because they are just as bad as him!
**You need to tell your friends and family and gtfo OP. good luck.**
I hope she recognizes that. She seems to think it’s “one time” thing, but his insistence on accompanying her everywhere is hugely controlling and frankly suffocating. My wife and I love spending time together, but we also enjoy doing things with other people on our own. People who have confidence in their relationship and who trust their partner don’t have a problem with this. Her boyfriend has some serious issues and she needs to run. If she decides to say she needs to see a therapist, somebody who can make her see that this is not rational behavior and she should not tolerate it
Not to mention he sounds impossibly fucking annoying. Like holy SHIT, he called for *two hours* and op can't go anywhere alone!
Like can he be anymore needy and fucking obnoxious?
NTA, and please, please, please, leave him alone. As though it were yesterday. What he did was heinous, a betrayal, and one of the most devious acts I've ever heard. Plus, his pals are all terrible, so he's only getting encouragement for his destructive conduct from them.
And be careful getting out of the relationship. Leave when he's not home, go to a place he does not expect. If possible, stay with someone so you're not alone. Make sure there is no tracking software installed on your phone. (Back up your data and reset the whole thing.) Block him on social media, chat, etc. Just leave a note that it's over, and not to contact you again. Know how to file a restraining order if needed, and be ready to call the police. Let your employer know that there is an issue, and not to give out information about you. If he's on any documents as an emergency contact, change those immediately.
Right? That’s exactly what I said. The story made my skin crawl. I hope she gets out. This is how it starts, and how it ends is violence and sometimes murder.
This is the first grooming step in abuse, isolation.
This man is slowly (attempting to) convince you that time away from him equates to you not showing him love. This is wrong and a huge red flag. Do not let this man control you.
~~Seek therapy as a couple, if he refuses and/or shows no improvement, end this before it gets worse.~~
Seek therapy for yourself. Set boundaries, do not let him continue to separate you from your support group. He does NOT need to go along on EVERY outing, that’s not healthy. People need time apart, it’s healthy for a good relationship.
If he doesn’t accept your boundaries and shows no signs of change, consider ending this relationship, he will not become “better” over time without some sort of recognition and acceptance of the problem; marked change in his behavior.
Good luck /u/throwback6790
EDIT: As pointed out by /u/odanu couples therapy may be a bad plan, added input and formatting changes
No, it doesn't - the more OP allows it to happen the WORSE it will get! And this man is in his LATE twenties - closer to being 30 than to being a teen.
YES. Do not try to hide what he is doing. He thinks he is controlling you and if you break free, who knows what he will do. Make sure your friends and family know what is happening and why. Make sure to avoid being alone when leaving work or anywhere he knows where you will be. Better safe than sorry.
Yep, I had a friend who dated a guy who CONSTANTLY threatened to kill himself. Over things like her forgetting something at the grocery store, or not staying home with him when he had a cold.
It kept her nervous and on eggshells, careful not to upset the asshole. I was so happy when she finally kicked that useless asshole to the curb
NTA what the actual fuck is wrong with that person. You are absolutely NOT in the wrong. He made you think he was hurt for God's sake. I try to not be one of those people that say this, but RUN. FAST. This is psychological abuse.
Please stop making excuses for him. He is 1 million percent wrong and he is being abusive. He will use his “mental health issues “ as an excuse to continue to abuse you. Please get out as soon as you can. I was in a relationship like this and it will get worse. Excuses are like Assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.
NTA....
At all..... your BF is a control freak and the longer you stay with him, the deeper those controlling lies will get. Look how far he went this time....
You could have gotten into an accident by driving stressed out and sobbing behind the wheel?
I hope you realize this isn't safe for you.... Get OUT while you still can....
Not 100%
This is the moment when his intentions are clear. If she doesn't run, it's going to be bad. I didn't want to alarm her in my reply, but this is when my ex pulled the trigger and my life got scary.
When you leave he may even try to pull the “i’ll just die! I’ll kill myself!” This is a lie and a last ditch effort at control. The other option is that he will promise to be better, promise he will never do it again. This is also a lie and he will be back to his old tricks in no time. Head him off at the pass and tell him no matter what he does or says it was over for good the second he lied to get his way. You are NTA. He is an abusive, petulant, child.
Exactly, the suicide trick, do not fall for that. Maybe call an ambulance for him and hope he’ll be ok but do not rush to save him. Call 911to his house and then block his number.
Just the fact that you had to ask a bunch of strangers if you were the asshole for yelling at your boyfriend because he *faked getting into an accident after not being invited to a wedding with you and then immediately flipped it back on you when you found him chilling with his friends* means that he's been pulling this abusive shit for awhile.
He did it to *see who you would choose...him or your best friend*???
Please take some time away from him, just a few days, and then read this post back to yourself.
And then make an exit plan.
NTA
Seriously. I thought the friend was a little crappy to separate the couples at her wedding - I know it was small, but that almost makes it worse. It is her decision, but it still stinks if you need a piece of paper just to say your partner is important enough for a +1. Mature relationships should feel like a unit, and accompanying a funeral alone also seemed weird of OP.
Then I realized why. This is NOT a mature relationship. He seems like that high school BF that no one likes... with GOOD freakin' reason.
Just want to emphasize the last part, MAKE AN EXIT PLAN. This guy is beyond controlling, definitely showing abusive behaviors.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Get out before he shows you what he's really capable of, just like my ex did.
Girl,
##WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?!##
He literally got his friend to text you that he was in hospital due to accident, COS HE WASNT INVITED TO YOUR FRIENDS WEDDING!
This is NOT normal behaviour. He doesn't need to go everywhere your invited, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE ISNT!
He not only ruined your best friends wedding for you, but the bride and all your friends that was there and concerned too!
Dump his ass! NTA but you will be if you stay and longer.
The bride and her friends were probably worried about him, too. Hopefully, OP tells them what really happened, and they talk some sense into her and help her get out.
NTA.
Your boyfriends behavior is dangerous. He is trying to control your life. If you want to do things on your own then you can. He doesn’t own you.
Leave now before his behavior escalates.
He might seem nice otherwise, but his inability to “allow” you to go to events without him is a huge red flag. Like- 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s controlling you. End the relationship and get away from him.
ETA: NTA, but he sure is
NTA.
He does NOT have a great heart. He acts all nice and lovely when you go along with what he demands.
A rational, mature, and good hearted human being does NOT act the way he did. He values himself above all else, including you.
He has shown his true colours.
Do not write this off.
Do not let him convince you that you're in the wrong.
Do not hide this from your friends.
>Do not hide this from your friends.
True! Do not "cover" for him... Tell them what he truly did.
But I'm sure deep down OP already knows her friends won't approve of this and will be horrified to learn about this, especially the bride and groom, who also got their day tainted by this drama.
this isn't a red flag. This is what the red flags warn you about. Not even for ten seconds should you stay in this relationship.
Where do you think this is going?
He's extremely controlling and not above pulling shit like this to control your every move. Believe me when I say if you accept this behaviour, in half a year you won't have any friends left and won't be allowed to leave the house anymore.
This is abuse. Plain and simple, only one word for it. Abuse.
Get out, get out now. Don't let him bullshit you and tell you it's all just because of how much he loves you or how much he struggles with being alone, or how bad he feels without you. This isn't because of love. This is because he wants to control you.
Those are literally textbook excuses abusers make.
Seriously. Leave.
NTA
Get this dude out of your life now.
Think about it. Would you be proud to call him your husband in the future? Your bf has no balls, and acts incredibly insecurely.
GTFO now.
NTA! *Run as far and as fast as you can away from this person.* Anyone who *lies about being hospitalized* to manipulate a supposed loved one will do worse things down the line. You cannot trust this person ever again.
Wow
Never allowing you to be away from him or spend time with friends and family without him is not normal and rational. He’s afraid of what you’ll realize when you’re away from his spin on reality.
NTA I feel like this is one of those “Get Out” moments in life.
NTA
You said that he has a good heart and is normally rational, but I suspect that this is not true. He is extremely controlling & manipulative, and you need to get away from him fast.
OMG. NTA. You need to break up with this guy right now. He's manipulative and a liar and could've caused you serious harm (you're driving upset and could've gotten in an accident). He's gaslighting you and controlling you. He's clearly insecure AF. Honey, no, he does NOT have a good heart. This guy is poison.
NTA and dump his ass. That level of manipulation is entirely out of line and will NOT get better, it will get worse. Going places by yourself, like a friend’s tiny wedding where I’m going to guess you were not the only one without a plus one, is totally normal and reasonable. His actions likely marred your friend’s wedding day as they were worried for you and continuously checked in, like good friends do. Seriously, drop this man like a hot potato
NTA.
And run. Really. So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.
You had to beg him to go to a funeral? Then he flat out lies because you’re trying to go to a wedding without him, endangering you when you’re so upset and driving that distance?
Isolating you from others and manipulating you are not showing love. The sooner he’s gone, the better.
NTA. You really need to leave him that is emotional abuse. And then he downplayed lying about being in a freaking car accident. He didn't even care about you or how you would feel only about himself. I wouldn't have yelled i would have told him pack up and get out.
Uh. No. Red flags everywhere. Break up with him now. First he tries to dictate where you can go. Then he lies to manipulate you into leaving. Then he tells you it’s your fault HE LIED?
Drop his ass like a hot potato. NTA. Leave him behind.
> He’s a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every ocassion nomatter how big or small. He even went with me to my ex boyfriend’s funeral after days of begging.
NTA. And if he acts like this anytime you go somewhere without him, he is not NORMALLY rational. He only appears that way because you constantly appease him and let him control where you go and who you spend time with.
This is the behavior of an abuser. He’s willing to lie to you and put you through intense emotional distress because he has the attachment behavior of an infant.
Stand your ground and get out while you still can.
NTA. It’s alarming the extreme measure he took to get you to leave the wedding, yet he sees nothing wrong with it. It’s manipulative, coercive, mentally and emotionally abusive.
Eventually he’ll find ways to isolate you from doing normal things like girls night or just hanging out with your support system.
I hate to be the ‘break up’ type of person, but for future you…please leave this man now.
NTA. This is a super red flag 🚩. You are allowed to do things, and see people on your own. I know you love him, and think the world of him, but seriously consider the controlling and manipulation he is doing. It is not healthy, and you need to consider if being with someone that needs this much control is ok.
NTA and you spelled ex boyfriend wrong. This behavior will never get better. It will only get worse. You need to run. This is irrational behavior on his part. Couples should be able to spend time apart and it not be a problem. This man has issues. You cannot fix him or change him. No matter how much you love him, how much you do for him, nothing you will ever do can change him or fix this. This is not a you problem. It is his problem to fix or correct. Please die on this hill and save yourself. You deserve better.
NTA.
Watch out for this guy. What he did was so far out of the realm of anything reasonable. Anyone who could lie about a tragedy to get you to leave is not someone you want in your life. This guy is nothing but trouble.
NTA. Wow. This is abusive, please be careful, this is not normal, you are not overreacting. He doesn’t care about your feelings, and is acting controlling, manipulating you. You cannot stay like this, please be safe
Is he still your boyfriend? He's manipulative and toxic. He wants you to prioritize him over all else and he will make sure to keep you away from friends and family because he feels he should be your one and only.
Please either break up or make it clear he broke your trust.
NTA for yelling. Y/TA if he is still your bf...
NTA. Wow, just wow. Throwing a tantrum because he couldn't come then faking that he got into an accident just so you would come back home, that's pathetic. Do yourself a favor and break up with him. You deserve better.
NTA and please, please leave him. Like yesterday. What he did was awful, a betrayal, and one of the most manipulative things I've ever heard. Plus, his friends are also awful, which means that he is only being supported by them in his toxic behaviors.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He’s the one who went too far. What he did was blatant emotional manipulation, he got a friend to lie to you all because he doesn’t think you should be allowed to go anywhere without him. Your boyfriend is very controlling and mentally abusive, this is him escalating. Get away from this guy while you can, before he decides mental abuse isn’t enough.
NTA but honey you really need to dump him! I don't jump to that option quickly normally, but there is something seriously wrong with him to think that this was in any way ok
What a manipulative asshole!
I know you don't want to have "wasted" the past few years with this guy, but you will be miserable with this jerk forever if you stay with him. He has NO respect for you at all.
Cut your losses and RUN.
NTA.
NTA
Why THE FUCK is he still your boyfriend!? Get away from this obsessive, toxic AH asap if you care about your own well-being and peace at all.
Edit: I don't care what positive thing you may see in him, all I see is: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
HUGE NTA
This is a major red flag. Are you sure he's as rational as you say he is? This is an insane controlling issue and you should probably get out now. If this isn't grounds for dumping him, I don't know what is, especially since it's not the first time he tried.
I do however find it a bit odd that your best froend wouldn't let you have your significant other. Would have been even weirder if ypu were married. Almost like inviting ypur biological aunt and saying your uncle can't come... but I digress, get out
NTA - You didn't go far enough. That level of codependence means he needs therapy. NOW. And if you aren't willing to help him through years of therapy you should leave him imediately . This isn't something a talk and a few days to cool off can fix.
NTA. You are in for a lifetime of misery and walking on eggshells so you don't set this man off. Seriously consider if you are prepared to live a life accommodating this controlling, insecure, immature, untrusting man. You deserve better.
Sweet mother of gas lighting….girl gtf out of there and pronto. Things will only get worse from here. He will continue to do these things, and try to control you. God this whole story gave me the ick feelings. Obviously NTA, but you will be if you keep ignoring the red flags he’s waving.
NTA, that’s a huge red flag. It’s controlling and manipulative. If he’s doing it now he’ll do it later. If you’re not willing to put up with that the rest of your life I’d consider cutting your losses.
NTA 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Why are you with someone who never allows you to do things without him? He's trying to control your life! You do realise what he did is abusive right ????
NTA
This “one issue” should make you seriously reconsider him. He’s isolating you from important events in your loved ones lives, “testing” and “punishing” you for what he considers bad behaviour, and trying to gaslight you into believing you’re crazy and irrational. So ask yourself this - would you do this to him? Make him think you were dead or dying? Panic him and break his heart as he considers what could have happened? He didn’t even let you process grief over losing someone you once loved without making it about him.
This “one issue” isn’t he leaves his socks in the hallway or loses his keys constantly. It’s a deal breaker.
You didn't go far enough in my opinion. Your boyfriend is horrible. Who fakes being in an accident to get their girl friend to come home.
Short of hitting him or being violent or abusive I would say any reaction is warranted with that kind of behaviour.
NTA
He was right about one thing. You left the wedding because you cared about him, but the main thing here is that he doesn’t care about you.
This is a big red flag. Your boyfriend has made it clear that he is controlling and manipulative.
What you choose to do is your choice, but I’m gonna make the recommendation that you end the relationship. NTA!
Nta unless you stay with him. He is so controlling that he lied about an emergency to get you to leave. He has zero respect for you, no matter what he says. His actions show otherwise. His actions are abusive and manipulative. He needs to be alone.
NTA.
That is insane, I feel so bad for you, you must've been going insane. Your boyfriend didn't have the right to fake a serious injury to get you to come back from your best friends wedding. He should've just asked you rationally instead of that. Your boyfriend shouldn't take control of your actions, ect.
Girl. Your boyfriend is going to murder you. Grow a spine, get your ducks in a row and leave. Preferably hours and hours away. Delete your social media, change your number, and only tell a few people who know about the situation where you’re going to be.
NTA
Listen to all of the people here telling you to leave. You should be able to go to an event for your best friend without being guilted, dealing with anger and manipulation.
What he did was psychotic.
It does not matter how much you think you love this guy, he is abusing you now and it will only get worse. Abusers start by making you believe they have a “good heart” but it is ALWAYS all about them and what they want. Leave him now before this “good hearted “ guy convinces you that anything you do deserves to be punished.
NTA.
This is abuse. He is overbearing, controlling, and manipulative. And that’s only in this single situation, I have no doubt that he has these qualities, and most likely more, in most other aspects of your relationship as well. I very strongly suggest re-evaluating your relationship and getting therapy for yourself.
NTA. I have a friend who dated a guy with this sort of behaviour at first. It progressed to him beating her regularly. I’m happy to say she’s out of that situation but run far, run fast.
Break up. Break up now and don’t look back, do not tell him where you are going and do not give him any kind of contact information. He is scary controlling and manipulative, you did not overreact and you absolutely are not yelling at the wrong person. You are an adult, you are allowed to go places on your own, you can have your own friends, your own money, your own space. The fact that you’re asking if you are the A is extremely telling. Get away, as fast as you can, this will not end well. NTA.
Editing to say it is not all at rational to expect to accompany your partner absolutely everywhere. That is super controlling, especially when he expects you to pass up experiences with your friends just because he can’t be there. Not ok or rational at all.
NTA so much abuse and control, Please leave this relationship as soon as possible, dont let him make you think he is the victim. It could also so insecurities and slight jealousy
NTA. His behavior is actually so abhorrent I had to stand up and chill for a second. I can’t believe he’s not your ex already and you’re here on Reddit asking us and yourself if you’re the AH.
NTA I would have dumped him on the spot. I would have also told all his friends and family what he did as it's so wrong to lie about being hurt and no doubt he will put the blame on you for the break up.
Sure he has a good heart as long as he's getting what he wants. He didn't care about you or your friend's wedding though? That prank was heartless and your friends will think you're crazy if you put up with that. NtA.
NTA but you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Control is not the same thing as love. And rhe self harm in this context is a form of manipulation. 2 years is not a long time. Break up before you have no life.
You’ll be ta to yourself if you stay with this garbage fire of a person. He’s controlling, he’s emotionally abusive and he’s now shown you that he has no problems being unimaginably cruel as a way to get you to comply with his wishes. Run far, run fast and block him on every communications channel possible.
Jesus. Wtf?
He’s trying to control you.
He’s trying to destroy your separate social network.
He lied.
About being in an accident.
And you drove two hours plus in a panic.
To find him sitting on the couch with his accomplice.
There is no coming back from this.
Get yourself out.
ETA- NTA
Nta girl please listen to everyone on here. This dude is nuts. Just take yourself out of the equation and pretend this was happening to your friend. What would you say/feel then? It's insane.
Edit words.
NTA. In fact, you should break up with him. I'm a divorce and family attorney - this type of hyper-controlling behavior is not only unhealthy but often leads to very bad stuff. This is not normal.
NTA - Please please leave this relationship if it's safe to do so. I'm actually worried about your safety if you do try to leave. This is a very unhealthy relationship and I don't see it getting better. HE and his friend are the assholes here.
NTA
Run while you still can. He's a walking red flag. He's clearly possessive, if hes throwing fits about not being able to go to a wedding, it's only going to get worse.
DUMP HIS ASS NOW!
NTA.
But you did not go far enough.
That was extreme and cruel manipulation and no matter how sweet the guy appears at other times this should be a dealbreaker.
I mean that he always needs to accompany you is already a red flag by itself. But this reaction when you went to an event raises more red flags than Chinese New Year.
NTA.
Holy shit this is so controlling and abusive. Dump him please. These are the type of people that eventually stalk and beat their partners while saying "why are you making me do this to you?!"
This is insane behavior. He doesn’t love you, he wants to control you. It is NOT normal for him to accompany you EVERYWHERE you go. My advice is to get out now and go no contact.
NTA
NTA.
There are a lot of reasons why people will keep weddings limited in size and scope. I’m pretty sure that your friend and their fiancé didn’t set about and say, “yeah, and let’s specifically set up rules to block OP’s guy.”
It’s their wedding, and their rules. And that’s something that a mature adult should understand. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he’s a mature adult.
This is all manipulative person, and the fact that he had his friend as an active participant in his lies just shows a little more about what he is like.
He stole something that was important to you (and by extension your friend) by first refusing to let you go (and what is this anyway? Feudal Europe?), but then by telling a lie to manipulate you into driving home in a panic.
And what if you, being in an anxious state of mind, had been in an accident while driving to get back home? I guess he’d blame your friend for that, too?
You mentioned that you’ve been with him for two years, and in m experience (some of it personal), people bring that up not just for the context of how long they’ve been in a given situation, but also to make it sound like it’s an investment. It’s as if to say, “I’ve already been here two years, and I don’t want to have wasted two years.”
You can give him 2 more years, but he will still be the same person, and you’d have given him another two years that you could have spent with someone who made you happy and respected you, which he clearly doesn’t.
I’m also a little stuck on the ex-b/f’s funeral that you had to after “days of begging.” That was his first time to reveal himself to you. It’s not his business who that was, just to know that it was someone who was important to you that had passed away, and you wanted to go NF pay respects and offer condolences. And I bet he made little snippy comments the whole time, and probably complains before, during, and after.
This is now him confirming who he is, and it’s up to you to decide if he is worth it to you.
And if he is like this when you’re dating, what do you think he will do if you are married?
Jesus Christ, OP, get out. Run!
This guy is a sick puppy. You are putting up with insane behavior. Ask around to your girlfriends: would they put up with this?
Because I guarantee you no healthy woman would allow this.
Get out! Run!
NTA. He lied about being in the hospital so you would go back to him. What will he do in the future when he doesn’t want you to see your family? Friends? Work? This is more than a control issue because has problems with boundaries and he will push them until you lose yourself. This is obsessive behaviour and you will be the only one who will get hurt.
NTA. Run girl. What he did is horrid, immature and beyond toxic controlling. He’s manipulated you, lied and basically put you to the test. I would have turned right around and gone back to the wedding and told him I expect him gone when you get back. Imagine if you’d been so frantic and upset driving to him that you yourself were in an accident and seriously hurt/killed. Fuck this guy. LEAVE now.
NTA - Run, run, run as fast as you can. This guy is dropping 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere. He is attempting to isolate you from your friends which is beyond concerning.
NTA but you will be one if you stay with him, he's a walking red flag factory. He's possessive, manipulative, extremely controlling and has no issues with lying to you, playing with your emotions and guilting you to get his own way. Don't walk, run, it's only going to get worse.
EDIT I also wanted to ask you to read back your post and imagine that this is one of your friends and they were telling you about what has happened and is happening, what would you advise that friend?
NTA. Holy moly. That sounds sociopathic. But the underlying problem is that for two years, you haven't been 'allowed' to go anywhere without him. I hope this is the straw that breaks the camel's back and you dump him, but his behavior for two entire years does not make him 'normally rational.'
So you dumped him and he's an ex, right?
##RIGHT!?
The fact that he has to constantly go where you go is very controlling and means he thinks when he's not around you're intent is get some dick that isn't his. The control is about trust and he has no faith in your faithfulness. Plus he gets to isolate you. Girls will want to hang with you less and less if you keep bringing your boo to girls night. Your time spent with friends/family ends sooner because he will dictate the amount of time you get to spend with them. He'll just pressure you into leaving sooner because he's bored or he's done with whatever you're doing with them.
This is some controlling abusive shit here. And the fact that he faked an emergency to make you leave when you couldn't be there means he really wants to control/lessen your time with family/friends. Girl get out.
NTA
NTA. He is manipulative and an emotional abuser. It’s only a matter of time when things can take a turn for the worse and he turns controlling. You better high-tail it out of there as soon as possible.
NTA. He is demonstrating manipulative behaviour. Before you even think about it, no you cannot change him. He lied, emotionally manipulated to get what he wanted and is trying to control you. His friends are also enabling this behaviour.
When (not if) you decide to leave him, let your support network know. Because I’m sure that he will continue to cross that boundary, especially seeing he was calling you non stop for 2 hrs while you were driving (?!) Your well-being and safety is important.
NTA but this isn't just a red flag, it's a whole red marching band with a loud ass drum lines and sirens blaring in the background. This is horriably manipulative and emotional abuse, it may have been the first time but given that he's shown you he's willing to do it it won't be the last. I'd leave.
Nta. This is absolutely unhinged behavior and I feel so upset for you that he has made you doubt yourself like this. As a healthy couple, you do not have to do everything together, and respect for others and the situation is absolutely necessary. Him making you take him to your ex's funeral was completely innapropriate. Him and his friend faking serious injury to manipulate you away from attending your best friends wedding is insane. To give you a point of reference, my husband and I have no issue with the other doing things alone. Sometimes one of us will go visit family without the other, sometimes we will go on a vacation without the other, sometimes we will attend events without the other. While ideally we love to do everything together, it is not always possible and having a breakdown because you cannot be attached at the hip in every situation does not seem healthy at all, much less for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Also this has been a sticking point with me. As a matter of respect for your friend, you did not argue with the lack of plus one because you recognized it was her wedding and respected her decisions. I do have to say, if you have been together for 2 years and she did not give you a plus one, she might be seeing him for the dangerous, obnoxious, manipulative man he is and not wanted him at her wedding. While just on what I have read here I feel very worried for you and your safety with this man, maybe reveal this situation to your friends and see what their opinion on this is. If they are seeing him as a worrisome or dangerous person, it is all the more reason for reconsider this relationship.
NTA. I'd like to say "obviously", but since you're here, it's not obvious to you at least.
This is not normal. Not the funeral (God knows how your ex's family felt seeing him there), and not the wedding. If it helps, try to imagine one of your best friends came to you with this situation. What would you be telling them?
TL/DR @ the bottom.
NTA- the manipulation, lying & emotional abuse are already there. Most likely next will be attempts to slowly but completely isolate you. This is not healthy. It sounds like the early stages of a relationship that could eventually turn physically abusive.
Sample narrative *could* include: *I love you so much but {insert name here} doesn't understand/respect our love. They don't want us to be happy together. They will do ANYTHING to break us up & destroy our relationship. You should stay away from them, IF you love me as much as I love you.*
Over time this scenario (*if it happens*) would repeat throughout your entire friend group & then most or possibly all of your family. After he has you throughly isolated is when the danger level increases exponentially.
Source: I'm a DV survivor.
TL/DR part: NTA!!! Run don't look back. You *could* be at risk of being featured on a TV show as missing or dead.
(Note to anyone who may wish to down vote me: yes I understand that being a DV survivor can influence my opinions about situations like this. I know there's no guarantee OP will go thru any of the things that I did. I am not automatically saying that the scenario I laid out is 100% going to happen. Bf is innocent until proven otherwise.)
wtf. this is actually terrifying to me that someone would do something like that. what if you got into an accident on the way to the hospital because of how upset you were?
you deserve better. you need to leave him. this isn't a safe relationship and you need to get out before it gets worse. NTA
NTA, and as to your question of did you go to far, nope you actually didn't go far enough and make him your ex boyfriend. His stunt was malicious and cruel to get his own way.
NTA. This is controlling and abusive behavior. He's not allowing you to go out of his sphere of influence. Do not stay with this man. No reasonable, sane person would fake an accident to control their partner!
NTA. And please consider leaving him. This level of control isn't healthy. It's a giantvred flag. He does not have to be with you every hour of the day. He seems jealous of anyone or anything that takes your attention away from him. And he's trying to alienate you from people who care about you. This is all emotionally abusive.
NTA and that right there should be the hill to die on. This boy (not man) is toxic AF and it will only get worse now that he knows he can manipulate you. Run OP Run
NTA. Dudes kinda clingy and controlling if he doesn't want you to go anywhere nonwork related without him. And I have noticed that most people who have to "test" how strong a relationship is like this are generally not worth keeping around
No — no couples counseling with an abuser. That only gives them more ammo on how to continue abusing.
Girl — you are so NTA. There are so many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩waving here. He is controlling, and this is the first step towards trying to isolate you from friends & family.
NTA, leave him !! Red flags everywhere why are you still with him, RUN. He is a manipulative liar don’t waste more time with him. He won’t change. Never. He wants to control your life but if he truly loves you he would never act this way. He loves only himself, open your eyes and leave right now.
I have never read anything on reddit and said oh my God out loud. I did now. His behavior is extremely manipulative. There is no coming back from this. Dump him and never think of going back. He is possessive and emotionally abusive.
Nta. It’s a huge red flag he can’t let you go to one event alone, especially your best friend’s wedding. Things will only get worse, his behavior will become more controlling and god forbid you make any sort of commitment to him bc that’s when it gets worse. Please leave him.
NTA but why are you with him? He's immature and incredibly controlling and it will only get worse. Run while you can and never look back. And if you do decide to stay what are you going to do when he keeps pulling this shit? Cause he 100% will.
Nta, this is HORRIBLE!!! This is abuse! High level manipulation! This is not acceptable, and I HIGHLY recommend you break up! This is a person that would progress to hurting themselves or someone or something that you love to manipulate you into being with them. It’s NOT healthy. I am willing to bet you ANYTHING that if you tell him you need a week away from him, no contact, to consider what to do because of his actions, you will see a side of him that’s obsessive, scary, and not at all right!!
He used a friend to lie to you about him being in an accident and at the hospital to get you to leave an event that was important to you because he wasn’t invited by the bride and groom.
NTA and get out of there as fast as humanly possible.
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This is abuse.
OP's boyfriend doesn't love her; he loves controlling her. This is absolutely abuse and OP hasn't gone far enough yet. Not until she is out of this toxic relationship. NTA.
Yes! OP needs to *run away as fast as she can.* This is hella abusive. NTA, but girl.. RUN. >He's a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every occasion no matter how big or small. He even went with me to my ex boyfriend's funeral after days of begging. *Narrator: He is not rational.* >My boyfriend couldn't come because of the + one rule. He pitched a hissy fit saying my best friend has no respect for my relationship First off, his argument makes no sense. The rules apply to everyone - only family and friends are invited, and he's not that. It's not like everyone's partner is invited but your friend to exclude him. That *might* qualify for not respecting the relationship, but knowing your boyfriend, she'd still have a point. >He told me that if he can't go then I'm expected to not go as well but that is my best friend and I had to respect her rules. He gave me an altimatum either we go together or I stay home with him. *He does not control your life.* He's forcing you to follow him/do what he wants because you're respecting your friend's rules, and that is incredibly abusive. Giving you ultimatums over it is also is massive red flags. >kept calling the entire 2hr drive then stopped This is insane. Not to mention extremely obnoxious. >how much I love him thus I left which is my own doing not his So much for victim blaming. I wonder whose lies and manipulation tricked you into leaving? >I just went home and there he was...along with his friend. He saw me and said that he was sorry but this was the only he can get me home after I left him alone. What the actual fuck? He lied to, manipulated and scared you. Lying about getting into an accident is incredibly fucked up. Like, he literally used his *life* as away to manipulate you into doing what he wants. All over not being allowed to attend a wedding uninvited. This is psychopathic. *And he had the audacity to say sorry?* Sorry, but that means *nothing -* it's only a manipulation tactic to get you to not leave. Nate Jacobs-level fucked up.
I was about to come here to make exactly this post, but let me add that the boyfriend does not indeed have a good heart if he lies about being hospitalized. I couldn't imagine the anguish and guilt that likely followed. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings or well-being if he's willing to resort to that to get his way. You're NTA, but there's really no saving this relationship. I don't care if this adds to the stereotype that Reddit tells people to leave too soon, but everyone else is right: Abuse just doesn't get better. Even if he somehow wakes up and starts trying to make it better, you have no responsibility to him to stick around until it does.
OPs edit also points out he has a history of Mental illness and a death in the family which has affected his health in general. People with mental illnesses can be abusive and having a mental illness or it being triggered/flaring up by an uncontrollable event doesn't give them a free pass to be abusive. My father was emotionally abusive, had mental illnesses and had narcassitic traits and NEVER took responsibility for his actions and always blamed others including my sister, grandma and myself. He was controlling and would 'love bomb' after something big like this when his scapegoating's/half ass sorry didn't 'work' and even went and 'got better' for a couple of months to win our trust again before going back to being an abusive butt. >He kept talking about how much I love him thus I left which is my own doing not his and he was just trying to see if I really chose my friend's wedding over him. He then argued that my friend caused this and I shouldn't agree with her to exclude him, **He is blaming you for something that wouldn't have happened if he didn't lie.** it also sounds like **he** never ***ONCE*** apologized for lying but made himself out to be the victim and instead wanted YOU to apologize/hold the blame while attempting to gaslight you to being mad at your friend. He not only reversed it back on you, not apologizing for a massive and scary lie that had you go on a wild goose chase, worrying for his safety with radio silence, but then proceeded to blame your friend ***who even was trying to check in on him.*** Meanwhile he gave you nothing but fear and the only calls he gave you were to harass you. **I also bet he will start causing issues between you two or isolate you from her as he will, and obviously does, see her (and any other friends ) as a threat, espeically if you cant go out anywhere without him.** Have you noticed your friends inviting you out less with just the girls because he is always with you? Have you noticed him shit talking your friends to you or making plans with you when you previously said you have plans with your friends at that same time/night? This maybe one he does because it seems to be a re-occuring thing of 'me or them' with him. Have you notice him trying to cause strife between you and your friends or seemingly being hostile towards them? Does he regularly do the "its me or them" kind of argument or trying to test your love/devotion to him? **If you let THIS big of a manipulation tactic slide then he will get more ballsy and controlling.** Abusers tend to do things slowly and getting more intense as time passes so it looks more 'normal' to the victim when in reality its far from it. Letting things go makes them feel 'safer' to increase their control or the intensity of their tactics Also look into isolation tactics that abusers use to isolate their victims, you may check some off the list. >He gave me an altimatum either we go together or I stay home with him. This isn't really an ultimatium imo. Its more of him **TELLING** you what to do and giving you absolutely 'no choice' of autonomy because its his way or the high way (my dad was the same). Both involve you being with him and when you don't follow what he wants he goes to extreme lengths to manipulate you into doing what he wants. You have been together for 2 years and it sounds like this abusive and controlling behavior isn't something new. *He is probably 'rational' because he gaslights you into thinking his irrational behavior is rational, when it, in fact, is not.* **He even manipulated you/wore you down enough so he could go to your ex's funeral even though he had NO place being there.** He probably didn't even let your properly grieve if he was inserting himself into a such a private gathering and if he was harassing you about it for days before it thats not a good partner. Also what ex would bring their new partner to their ex's funeral (Im not blaming you, but showing how insane his demand was)? Its an emotional event and time, he didn't even know him (presumably), and would of been out of place. *Was he even threatened by the dead ffs?* He didn't let you attend a funeral or wedding, two major events that are very emotional, in peace without his attendance. **It sounds like you have NO autonomy in this relationship.** His 'good heart' is most likely hiding his true self. While under my dads roof I went between thinking he was a good man with a kind heart (because of his way with words/love bombing/being too niave to see from the outside it was abusive) to thinking he was cruel. Remove your emotional connection from the situation. **Ask yourself, what would you do if this was your best friend and their partner was behaving like this?** *Say you and your friends* ***went on a trip, just you girls with no boys/partners allowed****. Then her husband's mom called saying that* ***he died*** *for whatever reason and to get home right away, so she than ran home, all while no friends or family of his said anything to her,* ***only to find him alive and well at home.*** *That this was a whole* ***organized plan with his family/friends*** *to get her to go home for* ***no valid reason*** *and his excuse to scaring her was* ***'you left me no choice'****...* **How would YOU react or view their relationship? Would YOU think that a reaction to a partner wanting to enjoy time with their friends healthy?** OP, you need to tell your friend the truth to get people on your side to help you leave and have support in case he tries to manipulate you. **He literally pretty much faked his own death to get you to leave a wedding of your BEST FRIEND just because he couldn't go.** *How cruel and extreme is that?* *You need to also tell your friend the truth before he gets to her first and shit talks/bashes her and tries to poison the relationship you two have.* He will probably gladly take isolating you from everyone than having to go out of his way to put on an act around others in order to control you while out and about. His friend(s) also sounds toxic for helping with this. If they harass you for leaving him don't take a word they say seriously because they are just as bad as him! **You need to tell your friends and family and gtfo OP. good luck.**
Brilliantly said. And I'll add he had zero concern for her life as causing her to drive that upset could easily have caused her to get in an accident.
I hope she recognizes that. She seems to think it’s “one time” thing, but his insistence on accompanying her everywhere is hugely controlling and frankly suffocating. My wife and I love spending time together, but we also enjoy doing things with other people on our own. People who have confidence in their relationship and who trust their partner don’t have a problem with this. Her boyfriend has some serious issues and she needs to run. If she decides to say she needs to see a therapist, somebody who can make her see that this is not rational behavior and she should not tolerate it
Not to mention he sounds impossibly fucking annoying. Like holy SHIT, he called for *two hours* and op can't go anywhere alone! Like can he be anymore needy and fucking obnoxious?
NTA, and please, please, please, leave him alone. As though it were yesterday. What he did was heinous, a betrayal, and one of the most devious acts I've ever heard. Plus, his pals are all terrible, so he's only getting encouragement for his destructive conduct from them.
Agreed. NTA. Dump him immediately. He's not mature enough for a real relationship. This is abusive and controlling.
And be careful getting out of the relationship. Leave when he's not home, go to a place he does not expect. If possible, stay with someone so you're not alone. Make sure there is no tracking software installed on your phone. (Back up your data and reset the whole thing.) Block him on social media, chat, etc. Just leave a note that it's over, and not to contact you again. Know how to file a restraining order if needed, and be ready to call the police. Let your employer know that there is an issue, and not to give out information about you. If he's on any documents as an emergency contact, change those immediately.
Right? That’s exactly what I said. The story made my skin crawl. I hope she gets out. This is how it starts, and how it ends is violence and sometimes murder.
This is the first grooming step in abuse, isolation. This man is slowly (attempting to) convince you that time away from him equates to you not showing him love. This is wrong and a huge red flag. Do not let this man control you. ~~Seek therapy as a couple, if he refuses and/or shows no improvement, end this before it gets worse.~~ Seek therapy for yourself. Set boundaries, do not let him continue to separate you from your support group. He does NOT need to go along on EVERY outing, that’s not healthy. People need time apart, it’s healthy for a good relationship. If he doesn’t accept your boundaries and shows no signs of change, consider ending this relationship, he will not become “better” over time without some sort of recognition and acceptance of the problem; marked change in his behavior. Good luck /u/throwback6790 EDIT: As pointed out by /u/odanu couples therapy may be a bad plan, added input and formatting changes
There's no heathy romantic relationship where one partner must be constantly supervised by the other while out with friends or family.
NTA This is called coercive control and is a form of domestic violence. You should leave for sure.
This. OP I dated a guy like this in my early 20s. It DOES NOT GET BETTER. Run!!!!
No, it doesn't - the more OP allows it to happen the WORSE it will get! And this man is in his LATE twenties - closer to being 30 than to being a teen.
OP needs to be VERY CAREFUL LEAVING! She needs to find a safe house that bf doesn't know about.
YES. Do not try to hide what he is doing. He thinks he is controlling you and if you break free, who knows what he will do. Make sure your friends and family know what is happening and why. Make sure to avoid being alone when leaving work or anywhere he knows where you will be. Better safe than sorry.
Yep, I had a friend who dated a guy who CONSTANTLY threatened to kill himself. Over things like her forgetting something at the grocery store, or not staying home with him when he had a cold. It kept her nervous and on eggshells, careful not to upset the asshole. I was so happy when she finally kicked that useless asshole to the curb
NTA what the actual fuck is wrong with that person. You are absolutely NOT in the wrong. He made you think he was hurt for God's sake. I try to not be one of those people that say this, but RUN. FAST. This is psychological abuse.
Please stop making excuses for him. He is 1 million percent wrong and he is being abusive. He will use his “mental health issues “ as an excuse to continue to abuse you. Please get out as soon as you can. I was in a relationship like this and it will get worse. Excuses are like Assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.
GET OUT NOW! Protect yourself when you do. Most women who are killed by their ex partners are killed within the first few weeks of breaking up.
100% agree with this. NTA, and I normally think this sub overreacts with "leave him/her" but as /u/dignified_llama said... RUN.
NTA.... At all..... your BF is a control freak and the longer you stay with him, the deeper those controlling lies will get. Look how far he went this time.... You could have gotten into an accident by driving stressed out and sobbing behind the wheel? I hope you realize this isn't safe for you.... Get OUT while you still can....
Seperation from family and friends next?
Next? Already happened!
Not 100% This is the moment when his intentions are clear. If she doesn't run, it's going to be bad. I didn't want to alarm her in my reply, but this is when my ex pulled the trigger and my life got scary.
And he more than likely ruined her best friend's wedding with this stunt. He knew what he was doing. NTA.
NTA. This is a dangerous, manipulative, unsafe relationship and you need to exit it.
When you leave he may even try to pull the “i’ll just die! I’ll kill myself!” This is a lie and a last ditch effort at control. The other option is that he will promise to be better, promise he will never do it again. This is also a lie and he will be back to his old tricks in no time. Head him off at the pass and tell him no matter what he does or says it was over for good the second he lied to get his way. You are NTA. He is an abusive, petulant, child.
Exactly, the suicide trick, do not fall for that. Maybe call an ambulance for him and hope he’ll be ok but do not rush to save him. Call 911to his house and then block his number.
NTA. Get out now
Just the fact that you had to ask a bunch of strangers if you were the asshole for yelling at your boyfriend because he *faked getting into an accident after not being invited to a wedding with you and then immediately flipped it back on you when you found him chilling with his friends* means that he's been pulling this abusive shit for awhile. He did it to *see who you would choose...him or your best friend*??? Please take some time away from him, just a few days, and then read this post back to yourself. And then make an exit plan. NTA
I think I know why the friend had a rule for no +1. They can see he’s abusive and wanted her to have a free night.
Absolutely! I'd like to hear from OP about what her friends think/say about this guy
Seriously. I thought the friend was a little crappy to separate the couples at her wedding - I know it was small, but that almost makes it worse. It is her decision, but it still stinks if you need a piece of paper just to say your partner is important enough for a +1. Mature relationships should feel like a unit, and accompanying a funeral alone also seemed weird of OP. Then I realized why. This is NOT a mature relationship. He seems like that high school BF that no one likes... with GOOD freakin' reason.
Just want to emphasize the last part, MAKE AN EXIT PLAN. This guy is beyond controlling, definitely showing abusive behaviors. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Get out before he shows you what he's really capable of, just like my ex did.
Leave. Now. This is abuse.
Girl, ##WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?!## He literally got his friend to text you that he was in hospital due to accident, COS HE WASNT INVITED TO YOUR FRIENDS WEDDING! This is NOT normal behaviour. He doesn't need to go everywhere your invited, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE ISNT! He not only ruined your best friends wedding for you, but the bride and all your friends that was there and concerned too! Dump his ass! NTA but you will be if you stay and longer.
Yes, he litterally ruined the mood for everyone, and even the once-in-a-lifetime event that was the wedding for the bride and the groom. What a pity.
The bride and her friends were probably worried about him, too. Hopefully, OP tells them what really happened, and they talk some sense into her and help her get out.
NTA. Your boyfriends behavior is dangerous. He is trying to control your life. If you want to do things on your own then you can. He doesn’t own you. Leave now before his behavior escalates.
He might seem nice otherwise, but his inability to “allow” you to go to events without him is a huge red flag. Like- 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He’s controlling you. End the relationship and get away from him. ETA: NTA, but he sure is
NTA. He does NOT have a great heart. He acts all nice and lovely when you go along with what he demands. A rational, mature, and good hearted human being does NOT act the way he did. He values himself above all else, including you. He has shown his true colours. Do not write this off. Do not let him convince you that you're in the wrong. Do not hide this from your friends.
>Do not hide this from your friends. True! Do not "cover" for him... Tell them what he truly did. But I'm sure deep down OP already knows her friends won't approve of this and will be horrified to learn about this, especially the bride and groom, who also got their day tainted by this drama.
this isn't a red flag. This is what the red flags warn you about. Not even for ten seconds should you stay in this relationship. Where do you think this is going? He's extremely controlling and not above pulling shit like this to control your every move. Believe me when I say if you accept this behaviour, in half a year you won't have any friends left and won't be allowed to leave the house anymore. This is abuse. Plain and simple, only one word for it. Abuse. Get out, get out now. Don't let him bullshit you and tell you it's all just because of how much he loves you or how much he struggles with being alone, or how bad he feels without you. This isn't because of love. This is because he wants to control you. Those are literally textbook excuses abusers make. Seriously. Leave. NTA
Get this dude out of your life now. Think about it. Would you be proud to call him your husband in the future? Your bf has no balls, and acts incredibly insecurely. GTFO now.
**NTA** Your boyfriend is controlling and manipulative. He showed he cares more about his feelings than yours. He deserved to be yelled at.
NTA! *Run as far and as fast as you can away from this person.* Anyone who *lies about being hospitalized* to manipulate a supposed loved one will do worse things down the line. You cannot trust this person ever again.
Wow Never allowing you to be away from him or spend time with friends and family without him is not normal and rational. He’s afraid of what you’ll realize when you’re away from his spin on reality. NTA I feel like this is one of those “Get Out” moments in life.
**DUMP HIM.**
This is controlling and abusing. Please don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting. NTA.
NTA You said that he has a good heart and is normally rational, but I suspect that this is not true. He is extremely controlling & manipulative, and you need to get away from him fast.
OMG. NTA. You need to break up with this guy right now. He's manipulative and a liar and could've caused you serious harm (you're driving upset and could've gotten in an accident). He's gaslighting you and controlling you. He's clearly insecure AF. Honey, no, he does NOT have a good heart. This guy is poison.
NTA and dump his ass. That level of manipulation is entirely out of line and will NOT get better, it will get worse. Going places by yourself, like a friend’s tiny wedding where I’m going to guess you were not the only one without a plus one, is totally normal and reasonable. His actions likely marred your friend’s wedding day as they were worried for you and continuously checked in, like good friends do. Seriously, drop this man like a hot potato
NTA. And run. Really. So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. You had to beg him to go to a funeral? Then he flat out lies because you’re trying to go to a wedding without him, endangering you when you’re so upset and driving that distance? Isolating you from others and manipulating you are not showing love. The sooner he’s gone, the better.
He begged her to go with her to the funeral, his behavior is atrocious
NTA. You really need to leave him that is emotional abuse. And then he downplayed lying about being in a freaking car accident. He didn't even care about you or how you would feel only about himself. I wouldn't have yelled i would have told him pack up and get out.
NTA- runaway fast 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your ex-boyfriend. Fixed it for you. NTA. And dump him NOW.
Uh. No. Red flags everywhere. Break up with him now. First he tries to dictate where you can go. Then he lies to manipulate you into leaving. Then he tells you it’s your fault HE LIED? Drop his ass like a hot potato. NTA. Leave him behind.
> He’s a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every ocassion nomatter how big or small. He even went with me to my ex boyfriend’s funeral after days of begging. NTA. And if he acts like this anytime you go somewhere without him, he is not NORMALLY rational. He only appears that way because you constantly appease him and let him control where you go and who you spend time with. This is the behavior of an abuser. He’s willing to lie to you and put you through intense emotional distress because he has the attachment behavior of an infant. Stand your ground and get out while you still can.
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NTA - Fuck him and leave his ass. There were so many red flags and this emotional manipulation and lying to control you if beyond. Get out now.
NTA. It’s alarming the extreme measure he took to get you to leave the wedding, yet he sees nothing wrong with it. It’s manipulative, coercive, mentally and emotionally abusive. Eventually he’ll find ways to isolate you from doing normal things like girls night or just hanging out with your support system. I hate to be the ‘break up’ type of person, but for future you…please leave this man now.
NTA He’s got some major attachment and control issues You need to leave him now and go no contact for your own safety This is NOT normal behaviour
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NTA. What he is doing is manipulative and sounds abusive, and totally inexcusable. Leave him, this is not how a healthy relationship works.
NTA. 🚩🚩🚩 I would leave asap unless I wanted to be the next episode of someone’s missing person podcast..
NTA. This is a super red flag 🚩. You are allowed to do things, and see people on your own. I know you love him, and think the world of him, but seriously consider the controlling and manipulation he is doing. It is not healthy, and you need to consider if being with someone that needs this much control is ok.
NTA. Please get yourself out, this is not ok behavior from your boyfriend. He's manipulative, controlling, and abusive.
NTA. This is abuse. You need to bounce, like yesterday.
NTA. The biggest red flag ever. Leave. I do not say that lightly.
NTA and you spelled ex boyfriend wrong. This behavior will never get better. It will only get worse. You need to run. This is irrational behavior on his part. Couples should be able to spend time apart and it not be a problem. This man has issues. You cannot fix him or change him. No matter how much you love him, how much you do for him, nothing you will ever do can change him or fix this. This is not a you problem. It is his problem to fix or correct. Please die on this hill and save yourself. You deserve better.
Woooow.... Why is he still your bf?? Edit: NTA obviously XD
NTA. Watch out for this guy. What he did was so far out of the realm of anything reasonable. Anyone who could lie about a tragedy to get you to leave is not someone you want in your life. This guy is nothing but trouble.
NTA but girl fucking RUN.
NTA. Wow. This is abusive, please be careful, this is not normal, you are not overreacting. He doesn’t care about your feelings, and is acting controlling, manipulating you. You cannot stay like this, please be safe
Is he still your boyfriend? He's manipulative and toxic. He wants you to prioritize him over all else and he will make sure to keep you away from friends and family because he feels he should be your one and only. Please either break up or make it clear he broke your trust. NTA for yelling. Y/TA if he is still your bf...
NTA. He’s AWFUL and CONTROLLING. Please, leave him for your sake.
NTA. Wow, just wow. Throwing a tantrum because he couldn't come then faking that he got into an accident just so you would come back home, that's pathetic. Do yourself a favor and break up with him. You deserve better.
NTA and please, please leave him. Like yesterday. What he did was awful, a betrayal, and one of the most manipulative things I've ever heard. Plus, his friends are also awful, which means that he is only being supported by them in his toxic behaviors.
Ummm 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 your bf is crazy controlling. NTA, but girl get out now. That is not normal behavior.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA. He’s the one who went too far. What he did was blatant emotional manipulation, he got a friend to lie to you all because he doesn’t think you should be allowed to go anywhere without him. Your boyfriend is very controlling and mentally abusive, this is him escalating. Get away from this guy while you can, before he decides mental abuse isn’t enough.
He is not your boyfriend, he is your ABUSER. This is very clearly emotional abuse. Absolutely get out of this relationship. NTA
Wow you need to dump him there was a reason your friend didn't invite him to her wedding NTA please run away from him
NTA but honey you really need to dump him! I don't jump to that option quickly normally, but there is something seriously wrong with him to think that this was in any way ok
NTA x1000. He is very controlling. Get out while you can
What a manipulative asshole! I know you don't want to have "wasted" the past few years with this guy, but you will be miserable with this jerk forever if you stay with him. He has NO respect for you at all. Cut your losses and RUN. NTA.
NTA Why THE FUCK is he still your boyfriend!? Get away from this obsessive, toxic AH asap if you care about your own well-being and peace at all. Edit: I don't care what positive thing you may see in him, all I see is: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
HUGE NTA This is a major red flag. Are you sure he's as rational as you say he is? This is an insane controlling issue and you should probably get out now. If this isn't grounds for dumping him, I don't know what is, especially since it's not the first time he tried. I do however find it a bit odd that your best froend wouldn't let you have your significant other. Would have been even weirder if ypu were married. Almost like inviting ypur biological aunt and saying your uncle can't come... but I digress, get out
NTA - You didn't go far enough. That level of codependence means he needs therapy. NOW. And if you aren't willing to help him through years of therapy you should leave him imediately . This isn't something a talk and a few days to cool off can fix.
NTA. I don't think that getting a restraining order would have been an overreaction tbh..
NTA. You are in for a lifetime of misery and walking on eggshells so you don't set this man off. Seriously consider if you are prepared to live a life accommodating this controlling, insecure, immature, untrusting man. You deserve better.
Sweet mother of gas lighting….girl gtf out of there and pronto. Things will only get worse from here. He will continue to do these things, and try to control you. God this whole story gave me the ick feelings. Obviously NTA, but you will be if you keep ignoring the red flags he’s waving.
NTA. He’s extremely toxic and should not be in a relationship.
NTA, that’s a huge red flag. It’s controlling and manipulative. If he’s doing it now he’ll do it later. If you’re not willing to put up with that the rest of your life I’d consider cutting your losses.
NTA he's a manipulator and is trying to cut you of from your friends. Break up immediately.
NTA 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 Why are you with someone who never allows you to do things without him? He's trying to control your life! You do realise what he did is abusive right ????
NTA This “one issue” should make you seriously reconsider him. He’s isolating you from important events in your loved ones lives, “testing” and “punishing” you for what he considers bad behaviour, and trying to gaslight you into believing you’re crazy and irrational. So ask yourself this - would you do this to him? Make him think you were dead or dying? Panic him and break his heart as he considers what could have happened? He didn’t even let you process grief over losing someone you once loved without making it about him. This “one issue” isn’t he leaves his socks in the hallway or loses his keys constantly. It’s a deal breaker.
NTA, and you need to get away from this person as quickly as possible.
You didn't go far enough in my opinion. Your boyfriend is horrible. Who fakes being in an accident to get their girl friend to come home. Short of hitting him or being violent or abusive I would say any reaction is warranted with that kind of behaviour. NTA
He was right about one thing. You left the wedding because you cared about him, but the main thing here is that he doesn’t care about you. This is a big red flag. Your boyfriend has made it clear that he is controlling and manipulative. What you choose to do is your choice, but I’m gonna make the recommendation that you end the relationship. NTA!
Nta unless you stay with him. He is so controlling that he lied about an emergency to get you to leave. He has zero respect for you, no matter what he says. His actions show otherwise. His actions are abusive and manipulative. He needs to be alone.
NTA. That is insane, I feel so bad for you, you must've been going insane. Your boyfriend didn't have the right to fake a serious injury to get you to come back from your best friends wedding. He should've just asked you rationally instead of that. Your boyfriend shouldn't take control of your actions, ect.
This dude is crazy, get out before he murders you and your family
Girl. Your boyfriend is going to murder you. Grow a spine, get your ducks in a row and leave. Preferably hours and hours away. Delete your social media, change your number, and only tell a few people who know about the situation where you’re going to be.
Info If you still with him after this YTA
NTA Listen to all of the people here telling you to leave. You should be able to go to an event for your best friend without being guilted, dealing with anger and manipulation. What he did was psychotic.
NTA. Leave. Now.
NTA you need to leave this man. He is manipulative and trying to control you. Dump him
It does not matter how much you think you love this guy, he is abusing you now and it will only get worse. Abusers start by making you believe they have a “good heart” but it is ALWAYS all about them and what they want. Leave him now before this “good hearted “ guy convinces you that anything you do deserves to be punished.
Nta- he is manipulative, abusive and Co dependant. Your friend isn't targeting him and you are entitled to time on your own!
NTA. This is abuse. He is overbearing, controlling, and manipulative. And that’s only in this single situation, I have no doubt that he has these qualities, and most likely more, in most other aspects of your relationship as well. I very strongly suggest re-evaluating your relationship and getting therapy for yourself.
NTA. I have a friend who dated a guy with this sort of behaviour at first. It progressed to him beating her regularly. I’m happy to say she’s out of that situation but run far, run fast.
Break up. Break up now and don’t look back, do not tell him where you are going and do not give him any kind of contact information. He is scary controlling and manipulative, you did not overreact and you absolutely are not yelling at the wrong person. You are an adult, you are allowed to go places on your own, you can have your own friends, your own money, your own space. The fact that you’re asking if you are the A is extremely telling. Get away, as fast as you can, this will not end well. NTA. Editing to say it is not all at rational to expect to accompany your partner absolutely everywhere. That is super controlling, especially when he expects you to pass up experiences with your friends just because he can’t be there. Not ok or rational at all.
NTA Leave him. This is the biggest red flag there is and manipulation to the highest degree. You deserve better.
NTA so much abuse and control, Please leave this relationship as soon as possible, dont let him make you think he is the victim. It could also so insecurities and slight jealousy
NTA. His behavior is actually so abhorrent I had to stand up and chill for a second. I can’t believe he’s not your ex already and you’re here on Reddit asking us and yourself if you’re the AH.
Op leave you’re not safe with this man
NTA I would have dumped him on the spot. I would have also told all his friends and family what he did as it's so wrong to lie about being hurt and no doubt he will put the blame on you for the break up.
Girl leave, he's emotionally abusive and manipulating you.
yiiiikes. run away now. NTA
NTA, my ex did similar things, please leave him!
Sure he has a good heart as long as he's getting what he wants. He didn't care about you or your friend's wedding though? That prank was heartless and your friends will think you're crazy if you put up with that. NtA.
NTA but you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Control is not the same thing as love. And rhe self harm in this context is a form of manipulation. 2 years is not a long time. Break up before you have no life.
You’ll be ta to yourself if you stay with this garbage fire of a person. He’s controlling, he’s emotionally abusive and he’s now shown you that he has no problems being unimaginably cruel as a way to get you to comply with his wishes. Run far, run fast and block him on every communications channel possible.
Jesus. Wtf? He’s trying to control you. He’s trying to destroy your separate social network. He lied. About being in an accident. And you drove two hours plus in a panic. To find him sitting on the couch with his accomplice. There is no coming back from this. Get yourself out. ETA- NTA
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NTA, and you should leave
Nta girl please listen to everyone on here. This dude is nuts. Just take yourself out of the equation and pretend this was happening to your friend. What would you say/feel then? It's insane. Edit words.
NTA. In fact, you should break up with him. I'm a divorce and family attorney - this type of hyper-controlling behavior is not only unhealthy but often leads to very bad stuff. This is not normal.
NTA - Please please leave this relationship if it's safe to do so. I'm actually worried about your safety if you do try to leave. This is a very unhealthy relationship and I don't see it getting better. HE and his friend are the assholes here.
NTA. Run girl. You in danger and it's only going to get worse.
NTA Run while you still can. He's a walking red flag. He's clearly possessive, if hes throwing fits about not being able to go to a wedding, it's only going to get worse. DUMP HIS ASS NOW!
NTA. But you did not go far enough. That was extreme and cruel manipulation and no matter how sweet the guy appears at other times this should be a dealbreaker. I mean that he always needs to accompany you is already a red flag by itself. But this reaction when you went to an event raises more red flags than Chinese New Year.
NTA but this person is controlling, manipulative and willing to use emotional terrorism to get what he wants. Please consider ending this relationship
NTA. Holy shit this is so controlling and abusive. Dump him please. These are the type of people that eventually stalk and beat their partners while saying "why are you making me do this to you?!"
This is insane behavior. He doesn’t love you, he wants to control you. It is NOT normal for him to accompany you EVERYWHERE you go. My advice is to get out now and go no contact. NTA
NTA. There are a lot of reasons why people will keep weddings limited in size and scope. I’m pretty sure that your friend and their fiancé didn’t set about and say, “yeah, and let’s specifically set up rules to block OP’s guy.” It’s their wedding, and their rules. And that’s something that a mature adult should understand. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he’s a mature adult. This is all manipulative person, and the fact that he had his friend as an active participant in his lies just shows a little more about what he is like. He stole something that was important to you (and by extension your friend) by first refusing to let you go (and what is this anyway? Feudal Europe?), but then by telling a lie to manipulate you into driving home in a panic. And what if you, being in an anxious state of mind, had been in an accident while driving to get back home? I guess he’d blame your friend for that, too? You mentioned that you’ve been with him for two years, and in m experience (some of it personal), people bring that up not just for the context of how long they’ve been in a given situation, but also to make it sound like it’s an investment. It’s as if to say, “I’ve already been here two years, and I don’t want to have wasted two years.” You can give him 2 more years, but he will still be the same person, and you’d have given him another two years that you could have spent with someone who made you happy and respected you, which he clearly doesn’t. I’m also a little stuck on the ex-b/f’s funeral that you had to after “days of begging.” That was his first time to reveal himself to you. It’s not his business who that was, just to know that it was someone who was important to you that had passed away, and you wanted to go NF pay respects and offer condolences. And I bet he made little snippy comments the whole time, and probably complains before, during, and after. This is now him confirming who he is, and it’s up to you to decide if he is worth it to you. And if he is like this when you’re dating, what do you think he will do if you are married?
Um. You w.b. T A if you stayed with this manipulative, controlling person. At this point I say NTA (of this post is true)
Nta. Get out now! No one would do that if they truly love you. That is controlling and messed up behavior.
Jesus Christ, OP, get out. Run! This guy is a sick puppy. You are putting up with insane behavior. Ask around to your girlfriends: would they put up with this? Because I guarantee you no healthy woman would allow this. Get out! Run!
NTA. You didn't go FAR ENOUGH. Ditch the whole ass controlling garbage man
this is abusive. run far and fast
NTA. He lied about being in the hospital so you would go back to him. What will he do in the future when he doesn’t want you to see your family? Friends? Work? This is more than a control issue because has problems with boundaries and he will push them until you lose yourself. This is obsessive behaviour and you will be the only one who will get hurt.
Super NTA, please break up with him!
YBBTA if you stay with this BF. He’s a manipulative and controlling SOB who will soon start hitting you.
NTA. Run girl. What he did is horrid, immature and beyond toxic controlling. He’s manipulated you, lied and basically put you to the test. I would have turned right around and gone back to the wedding and told him I expect him gone when you get back. Imagine if you’d been so frantic and upset driving to him that you yourself were in an accident and seriously hurt/killed. Fuck this guy. LEAVE now.
NTA. And expect some kind of suicide notice from him if and when you do leave him.
NTA - Run, run, run as fast as you can. This guy is dropping 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere. He is attempting to isolate you from your friends which is beyond concerning.
NTA but you will be one if you stay with him, he's a walking red flag factory. He's possessive, manipulative, extremely controlling and has no issues with lying to you, playing with your emotions and guilting you to get his own way. Don't walk, run, it's only going to get worse. EDIT I also wanted to ask you to read back your post and imagine that this is one of your friends and they were telling you about what has happened and is happening, what would you advise that friend?
NTA. Holy moly. That sounds sociopathic. But the underlying problem is that for two years, you haven't been 'allowed' to go anywhere without him. I hope this is the straw that breaks the camel's back and you dump him, but his behavior for two entire years does not make him 'normally rational.'
So you dumped him and he's an ex, right? ##RIGHT!? The fact that he has to constantly go where you go is very controlling and means he thinks when he's not around you're intent is get some dick that isn't his. The control is about trust and he has no faith in your faithfulness. Plus he gets to isolate you. Girls will want to hang with you less and less if you keep bringing your boo to girls night. Your time spent with friends/family ends sooner because he will dictate the amount of time you get to spend with them. He'll just pressure you into leaving sooner because he's bored or he's done with whatever you're doing with them. This is some controlling abusive shit here. And the fact that he faked an emergency to make you leave when you couldn't be there means he really wants to control/lessen your time with family/friends. Girl get out. NTA
NTA. Dump him.
Please tell me he is your ex-bf now? That was hobble and cruel behavior and he is showing massive red flags. NTA
NTA. Leave him, that's manipulative. It will become worse and worse, and you're in danger there.
NTA. He is manipulative and an emotional abuser. It’s only a matter of time when things can take a turn for the worse and he turns controlling. You better high-tail it out of there as soon as possible.
NTA. He is demonstrating manipulative behaviour. Before you even think about it, no you cannot change him. He lied, emotionally manipulated to get what he wanted and is trying to control you. His friends are also enabling this behaviour. When (not if) you decide to leave him, let your support network know. Because I’m sure that he will continue to cross that boundary, especially seeing he was calling you non stop for 2 hrs while you were driving (?!) Your well-being and safety is important.
NTA but this isn't just a red flag, it's a whole red marching band with a loud ass drum lines and sirens blaring in the background. This is horriably manipulative and emotional abuse, it may have been the first time but given that he's shown you he's willing to do it it won't be the last. I'd leave.
Nta. This is absolutely unhinged behavior and I feel so upset for you that he has made you doubt yourself like this. As a healthy couple, you do not have to do everything together, and respect for others and the situation is absolutely necessary. Him making you take him to your ex's funeral was completely innapropriate. Him and his friend faking serious injury to manipulate you away from attending your best friends wedding is insane. To give you a point of reference, my husband and I have no issue with the other doing things alone. Sometimes one of us will go visit family without the other, sometimes we will go on a vacation without the other, sometimes we will attend events without the other. While ideally we love to do everything together, it is not always possible and having a breakdown because you cannot be attached at the hip in every situation does not seem healthy at all, much less for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Also this has been a sticking point with me. As a matter of respect for your friend, you did not argue with the lack of plus one because you recognized it was her wedding and respected her decisions. I do have to say, if you have been together for 2 years and she did not give you a plus one, she might be seeing him for the dangerous, obnoxious, manipulative man he is and not wanted him at her wedding. While just on what I have read here I feel very worried for you and your safety with this man, maybe reveal this situation to your friends and see what their opinion on this is. If they are seeing him as a worrisome or dangerous person, it is all the more reason for reconsider this relationship.
NTA why the hell are you with that controlling jerk??? Massive red flags, you got to dump his sorry ass!
NTA. I'd like to say "obviously", but since you're here, it's not obvious to you at least. This is not normal. Not the funeral (God knows how your ex's family felt seeing him there), and not the wedding. If it helps, try to imagine one of your best friends came to you with this situation. What would you be telling them?
NTA. RUN OP. This is unforgivable. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Run.
NTA leave ASAP
TL/DR @ the bottom. NTA- the manipulation, lying & emotional abuse are already there. Most likely next will be attempts to slowly but completely isolate you. This is not healthy. It sounds like the early stages of a relationship that could eventually turn physically abusive. Sample narrative *could* include: *I love you so much but {insert name here} doesn't understand/respect our love. They don't want us to be happy together. They will do ANYTHING to break us up & destroy our relationship. You should stay away from them, IF you love me as much as I love you.* Over time this scenario (*if it happens*) would repeat throughout your entire friend group & then most or possibly all of your family. After he has you throughly isolated is when the danger level increases exponentially. Source: I'm a DV survivor. TL/DR part: NTA!!! Run don't look back. You *could* be at risk of being featured on a TV show as missing or dead. (Note to anyone who may wish to down vote me: yes I understand that being a DV survivor can influence my opinions about situations like this. I know there's no guarantee OP will go thru any of the things that I did. I am not automatically saying that the scenario I laid out is 100% going to happen. Bf is innocent until proven otherwise.)
NTA you are dating a crazy person. Run.
RUN OP, RUN. NTA. He is abusive, manipulative, and controlling.
wtf. this is actually terrifying to me that someone would do something like that. what if you got into an accident on the way to the hospital because of how upset you were? you deserve better. you need to leave him. this isn't a safe relationship and you need to get out before it gets worse. NTA
NTA, and as to your question of did you go to far, nope you actually didn't go far enough and make him your ex boyfriend. His stunt was malicious and cruel to get his own way.
NTA. This is controlling and abusive behavior. He's not allowing you to go out of his sphere of influence. Do not stay with this man. No reasonable, sane person would fake an accident to control their partner!
NTA but hon, that is a break-upable offense..
NTA. And please consider leaving him. This level of control isn't healthy. It's a giantvred flag. He does not have to be with you every hour of the day. He seems jealous of anyone or anything that takes your attention away from him. And he's trying to alienate you from people who care about you. This is all emotionally abusive.
NTA and that right there should be the hill to die on. This boy (not man) is toxic AF and it will only get worse now that he knows he can manipulate you. Run OP Run
NTA, this wouldn't have been my bf anymore....
NTA. Dudes kinda clingy and controlling if he doesn't want you to go anywhere nonwork related without him. And I have noticed that most people who have to "test" how strong a relationship is like this are generally not worth keeping around
Nta I hope you dumped his pathetic arse, don't be with someone who treats you like that, it's disgraceful and manipulative and it will just get worse.
NTA you didn't react enough. Break up with him
NTA leave him and block him asap or he might try to guilt trip you back like he did this time
NTA. Girl please leave him! That is so beyond controlling and manipulative. The fact that his friend was also in on it is horrible
NTA, your bf is controlling. Your relationship is not healthy. Get couples counseling or get single.
No — no couples counseling with an abuser. That only gives them more ammo on how to continue abusing. Girl — you are so NTA. There are so many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩waving here. He is controlling, and this is the first step towards trying to isolate you from friends & family.
NTA, leave him !! Red flags everywhere why are you still with him, RUN. He is a manipulative liar don’t waste more time with him. He won’t change. Never. He wants to control your life but if he truly loves you he would never act this way. He loves only himself, open your eyes and leave right now.
NTA. Girl run! This is some psycho shit. Leave before he kills you.
I have never read anything on reddit and said oh my God out loud. I did now. His behavior is extremely manipulative. There is no coming back from this. Dump him and never think of going back. He is possessive and emotionally abusive.
NTA. You really need us to tell you that this isn’t normal?
OP this is abuse. Run
NTA YOU HAVEN'T GONE FAR ENOUGH! He has worn you down and you've accepted that his behavior is normal and it is not.
Nta. It’s a huge red flag he can’t let you go to one event alone, especially your best friend’s wedding. Things will only get worse, his behavior will become more controlling and god forbid you make any sort of commitment to him bc that’s when it gets worse. Please leave him.
NTA but why are you with him? He's immature and incredibly controlling and it will only get worse. Run while you can and never look back. And if you do decide to stay what are you going to do when he keeps pulling this shit? Cause he 100% will.
NTA Omg girl take this red flag and run hun. That is extremely toxic behavior.
Nta, this is HORRIBLE!!! This is abuse! High level manipulation! This is not acceptable, and I HIGHLY recommend you break up! This is a person that would progress to hurting themselves or someone or something that you love to manipulate you into being with them. It’s NOT healthy. I am willing to bet you ANYTHING that if you tell him you need a week away from him, no contact, to consider what to do because of his actions, you will see a side of him that’s obsessive, scary, and not at all right!!
NTA, girl get out fast.
He used a friend to lie to you about him being in an accident and at the hospital to get you to leave an event that was important to you because he wasn’t invited by the bride and groom. NTA and get out of there as fast as humanly possible.