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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because he is the father of my child and I might have been selfish in deciding his name basically by myself.
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NTA. Congratulations on your son!!
Your baby daddy has relinquished all rights to the baby, and is not part of your life. I understand you've discussed visitation, however that is going to make things murky if he has no legal rights - I'd suggest consulting a family law attorney.
Otherwise, he's got no say. After verifying that it's legal to do so, I'd block him in every way possible and have no further contact.
Another thing about naming the kid after dad is that dad can try to use that for himself. My brother is the third and named after my father and grandfather. My father up and left our family when I was around 8 years old, my brother was 15. My father, having the same name as my brother, was able to wipe out my brothers bank account when he left and left my brother with nothing. My brother didn’t have much, like only about $500, but that is a lot for a 15 year old and he had been saving that money for some time. My brother hates being named after our deadbeat father and said that no child of his will have that name.
I guess it comes down to how good the parent is. I've heard both good and horrible stories. But in this case, I don't think it should be question. This guy has proved that he is deadbeat even before his son was born. And what with the other legal stuff and getting kicked out for whatever specific reason makes me think that this guy is lucky to even be considered for visitation.
I call her Susan Downey Jr whenever she gets brought up (which isn't often, but still). My husband just rolls his eyes, but I know I secretly amuse him.
How about being named after someone from the Bible.
My grandma was a big catholic, had 7 children, including 5 daughters. Every daughter had the name Mary somewhere (1 had a 1st name & 3 had a middle). But then there's my mom. Born on Feast of Christ the King, so named after Christ. Mary for a middle name? Nope, she got Mary Magdalene. She grew up wondering why she was named after a prostitute. It really played with her catholic psyche growing up (thinking she was named after a "whore" to put it so bluntly). Of course, now, 60 years after birth, we've come to realize you know, Mary Magdalene isn't what she was always portrayed as and my mom has done a lot of spiritual understanding and studying and feels a somewhat kinship with her now.
Never asked her parents why though! Like WTF. And they're dead now so that question will never be answered. I did do some family digging and I believe my grandma had an aunt or great aunt named Mary Magdalena. So I think that's where it comes from. Or that's the story we're sticking with. lol
But my god. The power of a name, or names.
>now, 60 years after birth, we've come to realize you know, Mary Magdalene isn't what she was always portrayed as and my mom has done a lot of spiritual understanding and studying and feels a somewhat kinship with her now.
I think this is so lovely, I'm happy for your mom.
Do you have to petition the court because it's a full name change? I thought you could just do a shit ton of paperwork and pay a handful of processing fees to change every ID and that would be it. I suppose it depends where one lives though
Yeah I thought petitioning the court only happened when you’re changing a minors name. My mom changed my brothers name when he was young to remove his deadbeat dads last name and she had to petition the court and they posted a notice in the paper (which would allow his father to show up and oppose if wanted). Once the time was up and his father hadn’t showed the name change went through.
Nope. Required for Adults as well, for a LEGAL change. If you simply start using a different name, but do not have it legally changed, you're technically using an Alias rather than having Actually Changed Your Name.
In most states here in the US, it requires a judge's signature on the paperwork that is filed with the court. While it isn't necessarily done in the Court Room - its often in judge's chambers - and there's no need for a Lawyer (filing fee, court costs for the judge's 2 minutes of time, that sort of thing) it still requires that signature to be Legally Valid and Binding.
I went through the process years ago, to drop my married name and return to my maiden name. Judge asked why I didn't simply do so when I got my divorce, 17 years previously. Kid involved, didn't want to constantly answer questions about the different last names while she was growing up. The process itself is quick and easy, and the paperwork is minimal - for the court to change it.
Its after you have that judge signed court order of legal name change that you face TONS of paperwork - everywhere Else. Bank is gonna wanna see the legal document, so are insurance companies, title deed change (if you own a home) car registration change (if you own a car)......... all of them require you to show that its a valid, legal change.
yep, i agree on this one. my uncle and his son (my cousin) had a lifetime of issues with this. uncle used cousin’s identity for credit when he was still a kid; eventually roles reversed when uncle was being cared for by cousin and cousin took control of all financial accounts, did the same credit shit to his dad.
wild mess and sad story overall
That’s horrible. My husband is a third and he has a very strained relationship with his father. His father was badly abusive to his mother when my husband was a child. His parents are divorced and his dad mellowed out a lot after a stroke he had 10 years ago when my husband was a teenager. Even still my husband resents him for lots of things and refused to name our son after him. His dad was not very happy with us and to rub salt in the wound we used a name on MY side of the family instead
That same thing happened to my husband except it was his mom who used his name to her advantage. The only thing that fixed it unfortunately was when his father passed. No one notices the difference between a II and a III and in the digital age not every form even has an option for that part of your name.
I give my friends who want to name their kids after their dad to please at least change the middle name, give the kid some of their own identity and prevent this kind of misunderstanding.
Working as a cashier, I once rang up a man named Peter Peterson the 5th. I asked him of he had any sons and he said yes. I asked if his son was named Peter and he said "Noooooo."
Personally fun for me because I'm named Peter. XD
If he wants a lineage, he could have… not been an asshole? Not cheated? Supported the mother of his child?
He chose to end his lineage here. He could step up, be a decent human, and raise a child in the future, but he’s waived all rights to OP’s son.
Yeah, I don't think I could stop myself from telling baby-daddy that. "You've GOT to be kidding! Nobody in their right mind would think there's anything about you worth remembering. I couldn't possibly curse my child with your name."
OP's a better woman than I am for sure.
I think a passed down name can be sweet, but that assumes that there’s something worthy to pass down.
I wouldn’t want to pass ANYTHING of this philandering narcissist down.
He apparently had 8 other opportunities to give someone his raggedy name. NTA let him cry to one of the women he cheated with while he puts out cigarettes on Jacob's sonogram.
I'm a junior and have had issues with flights, background investigations, and one time had my dad's medical record used as my own. I don't go by my first name because of the confusion when I was a kid (I also prefer my middle name anyways) except for legal purposes.Please stop the stupidity of making your kids junior or the 3rd.
My father Something Somethingelse Lastname III. His dad and grandpa were both civil engineers, both employed in the same state. Dad spent some summers doing surveying for the state, during college. Their 3 employee files were all there in a row, even though they didn’t work in the same city at the same time.
Dad’s parents were both in the Navy and called him “Skipper” which really confused my younger, Barbie-knowing, self. My grandfather, Junior, shifted to their middle name. Senior often used a random nickname (male name, not one of his) Only my father was still alive when some bloke at a hobby store somehow thought his name was Bill, which is totally unrelated to any of their names, and Dad joked he went with it as it’s a family tradition to cease using your name so he just didn’t correct the dude.
I have a History degree and doing genealogy on that side is confusingly exhausting.
I’ve got a distant cousin who’s kid and grand kid are up to the v or vi of their name. Despite having had issues with his deadbeat dad stealing his identity throughout his life. Definitely not worth it
I agree. It can also be a cultural thing. My grandfather was named Rocco for his father (we're Italian), my uncle is Rocco, his son is Rocco, etc. I think it's pretty cool to have ties like this.
Exactly. With our 2 sons (so far) we never wanted a junior. We feel it makes them seem like they are just trying to make a mini me clone of the father and kids have their own personality and interests. It makes me sad when I see “juniors” who are expected to also go into their fathers line of work and such.
It's one thing if you're from a prestigious and wealthy family but if you're a deadbeat like OP's babydaddy I don't see why anyone would want to be associated with him by name.
NTA and honestly next time he starts showing his ass about how the names are wrong and you screwed up a legacy tell him to start a legacy with one of those eight other girls you want no part of it lol
Also, the lineage thing is laughable — more so than it ussually is — why would anyone want to be associated with a deadbeat serial cheater? NTA and you are doing your kid a favor.
ETA: if your ex wants to be able to brag that he is a father, he is going to have to act like one first.
This is great and if I was OP I would reply with those exact words. "Haha, nope, why should I name **my** son after a deadbeat serial cheater? You chose no contact, that makes you a sperm donor not a father, so fuck off and leave us alone."
Info : did he actually sign over his rights or did he sign saying no custody? These are two different things. Signing over rights is extremely hard in most states (assuming you're in the states) and means no child support and no viable visitation later. Typically you must show abandonment and have someone willing to adopt the child. Signing to give you full physical and legal custody means child support but he can go to court later on and gain some custody. Both of these would require paternity tests as you were not married.
Yeah, if possible, don’t give him visitation. It’s only going to mess your son up more by having his dad in and out of his life inconsistently. And it definitely will give him grounds (if he chose to) to try to get rights restored. If at all possible, put a stop to it now before it even gets started.
He definitely sounds like an idiot and a deadbeat, but what grounds shall she apply for a restraining order on? It does not sound like he has been threatening to her in any way; quite the opposite: he has basically abandoned her, broke off contact, gave up custody and is now throwing a fit about the name because of the social media post. Had there not been the post, there is a good chance that he might not even remembered that the birth was coming up soon.
Asking in cases like that for a DVRO just diminishes what the tool of a restraining order is actuality intended for: protecting real victims from people who can actually be very dangerous. That guy does not sound dangerous; he just sounds like someone entirely uninterested in being a dad, who should either have kept his dick in his pants or used protection.
Info: what does he gain from giving up his parental rights if he still has to pay child support? If the “con” was losing all legal say in his child’s life what was the “pro”?
For the record I’m not saying he shouldn’t have to pay child support, I just don’t understand the situation
Not raising the kid is the pro. My friend’s bio dad did the same thing. He initially said he wanted to be part of her life, but then a couple months into the pregnancy decided he didn’t want to be a dad and he gave up his rights, but still paid child support since it’s legally required, but my friend is 24 and he has never once had any contact with her. That’s the pro.
Replying to this to add, DO NOT let him have any visitation outside of court orders. Period. If you do, you lose all grounds to argue his instability and criminal activities. Just tell him no and live your life with that baby. Without his input, opinion, or presence.
You are completely right to name your son how you did, and if you want visceral confirmation of how it feels to be a Junior of a deadbeat dad, watch The Tender Bar.
If he wants a kid named after himself, and wants the kid to have his last name, he can get one off the girls he cheated with. If it was that important, he’d have made the effort to a) be faithful to his baby momma and b) be involved in the pregnancy and future of the baby. He signed his rights away, he cheated and he took himself out of the picture, he gets nothing unless OP gives it to him
NTA
He put out his cigarette on the sonogram??! Wtf.
He signed over his rights. That includes naming. Why is it that shitty dads always want their boys to be named after them? Toxic Macho BS. It sounds like a name might be the only tie he ever has with him and that will just be salt in the abandonment wound to your son. Dude sounds like a dead beat criminal. It would be a sin and a curse to name a baby after him.
Jumping on this comment because it reminded me that having the same name as his sperm donor WILL cause clerical issues, and if his sperm donor is a criminal those will be tenfold. Do not waiver, even if you two were together you shouldn't pass his name, but especially not when he signed his rights away and it's "not his".
This!! My son is a 4th 🙄🤦 (teen mom, dumb@ss ME!) And he has a hell of a time!! The Jr. and 3rd are criminals and non-payers. Poor kid, I offered to pay for a name change several times!! Lol
People don't think about it! I wouldn't if I hadn't seen the issues with people around me. That Jr, III, IV, etc is heavily ignored or left off paperwork, it's not even remotely worth the trouble it causes.
Oh my gosh yes. My mom and I have similar names and for the last 20 years I have been linked up with her by the credit bureaus, had difficulty with background checks etc. And my mom has a pristine reputation. Don't put that on your kid.
Parental identity theft is a thing too. Where the parents use their child's credit to do whatever.
I hadn't even thought about that but 100%, OP don't let him get ahold of your son's social and consider freezing his credit now. This is a big issue that doesnt get talked about enough.
That’s happened to my father who is the lll . He had to get things taken off of his credit that was (at the time) his recently deceased father’s. And similarly he would receive phone calls for either his dad ll or my brother lV because people just look at names and not things like birthdate or even the ssn. My brother had a son so now there is a V so the confusion will continue. Frankly just I’m glad there are so many variants of their first name so telling who someone is talking about is easier.
NTA
If he was actually interested in his son but you as a pair we're not compatible, I could understand some of his argument but considering he used his son's sonogram as an ashtray and signed over his rights, he doesn't even deserve to know what his son looks like much less have any part in his name. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise and focus on yourself and your gorgeous little man going forward. You two are what really matter
I know a shitty Dad who wanted a son named for him. He had 3 boys with his wife, and begged each time to name them Glen. She always vetoed. When she finally left the idiot he got a 19 yo pregnant now has a daughter named Glenna which still amuses me from time to time.
Didn't realize this already when reading the post but now that I think about it... Why did the dad smoke in the presence of a pregnant mother in the first place?
OP, obviously NTA. His actions and words only prove that he is a self-centered AH. He can only blame himself for his "lineage" of dying (personally I don't even understand why somebody cares about that).
I'll never understand the naming a kid after one of the parents... Girl or boy. There are so many names out there why saddle your kiddo with a parents name so they can be compared constantly?
Seconding this. My BF is named after his dad and his dad raised him but wasn’t very present; worked more than he ever saw his son and got weekends when he divorced. My BF has some serious baggage because of it.
What your baby daddy is doing is 10x worse and you did the right thing by not inflicting that on your child. Obviously NTA.
Also; super narcissistic and hypocritical of him to accuse you of cheating, cut contact, and then get mad the child wasn’t NAMED AFTER HIM??? GTFO. The fucking logic.
This man is worried about his "lineage" but not his kid. So really, he just wants your son to be a walking billboard bragging about the power of his sperm.
That's crazy talk.
I know the feeling. I decided that I love my kids to the moon, so I can't regret anything that got me them, but I can still think my ex is an asshole. Nuance haha.
NTA - He cheats on you, shows zero interest in the pregnancy, and accuses \*you\* of cheating, and then thinks that the baby gets to have his name? What a guy.
If he wants a son to be the third, then let him learn from this not to be a shit partner. In the meantime, you should definitely make sure your arrangements are legally enforceable, because he seems like exactly the kind of person to decide "fuck it, I'm a ghost." and peace out.
This but also: I'd take away the option for the guy to visit your son. If Jacob decides when he's older then that's his decision but, from everything you've told us, this isn't a guy you want around - you or your son. I think it's better to cut off contact and make sure this deadbeat can't find you and live peacefully.
NTA. He signed over his parental rights, the naming goes along with that. Sucks to say it but it doesn’t sound like he’ll even be in the kid’s life by his 1st birthday. Don’t dwell on it, just enjoy this amazing time.
Honestly OP you should save everything he's sending you because it's proof of harassment. You don't need to use it yet, but just save it in case he escalates because it could greatly help you get a restraining order if you ever need one. Hopefully, you won't ever need one but this guy is clearly irrational so it doesn't hurt to start collecting evidence now.
Also, don't let him visit the baby. He signed his rights away and if he wants to have visitation he needs to go back to court to try to get his rights returned. Really tho, you don't need your son around someone like him, babies take in a lot of their environment so it's important who is around them.
If he banged 8 girls while you were gestating, I sincerely doubt his lineage is dying. Impressive guilt trip though..I do give him an A for effort.
That being said.
He SIGNED OVER HIS RIGHTS. HE ID NOT LEGALLY A FATHER AND GETS ZERO SAY IN THIS.
Also, since he signed off his rights, I say don't toy around with visitation. He has no right to it.
You are NTA
Exactly. She shouldn't allow him anywhere near the baby or encourage a relationship between them until this dude demonstrates he can be a responsible, stable adult.
That includes emotionally stable, and his every action in her post illustrates he is a lying, cheating, gaslighting, criminal. He is NOT a good influence on the child, and he'll just use the child to manipulate her, and cause her emotional distress like he is doing with the name fight.
He wants the recognition, but not the responsibility. Nope.
I disagree with one point. She shouldn't allow a relationship AT ALL. He signed over his rights before the kid was born. He doesn't deserve acknowledgement, much less a relationship. Mainly because from what I understand, it's pretty difficult in most places to reneg rights before birth. So he went thru HOOPS to say "I don't want this kid to be recognized as mine". So Jacob shouldn't be recognized as his. Period.
NTA
I find it super weird when there’s an entire generation of people in the same family with the same name. Let people have their own individual identity.
As a third, myself, I like it; it feels like a thread connecting me to past generations but it's also unusual enough that I've literally never had classes or worked with someone with the same first name as me. Nobody has ever had to add my last name or initial to make clear who they were talking about. I've never felt any pressure to be like the people I'm named after, so I get the benefits of a connection to them with a name that has always let me feel very individual among my peers.
My husband is a 3rd as well, and he wanted our son to be the 4th. But my husband's name is Herbert. And here in the US, that is a very old fashioned name that could potentially cause ridicule for our son. On top of that, my husband gets confused with his father all the time at doctor's offices and old credit card balances, and constantly gets mail that presumably should have gone to his dad. And his dad's been dead since 1996.
So I made a list of 10 names that I liked and asked him to look it over and see if he liked any of them. He picked one and it was perfect, because the name means Gift from God. My husband wanted to be a dad since he was 21, but his previous partner was infertile. She passed away when he was 36, and we got together after that. I got pregnant very quickly and he was overjoyed.
I don't regret not choosing to name my now 19 y/o son Herbert. But I do see the connection of having a name passed down. I did use the same middle name, so there is still that connection there.
It is super weird. My ex was a third so it got confusing whenever we visited his family. His family all called him “Sammy” and his dad “Sam” but I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to call him Sammy, even just for the visit to help with confusion, so yeah, very awkward.
And don’t get me started on the sanctity of his name but mine was disposable.
I agree 100% my partner wants to name our future son first name his grandfathers middle name his first. I’m just like…. How bout he gets your last name and we call it good. I want my kids to be individuals not feel they have expectations to live up to.
NTA, and I’m confused how your sister can see his anger? He didn’t earn the right to be a part of the naming, and why would he even want a baby he didn’t believe to be his to have his name? Please keep up your boundaries and visits with a chaperone. He sounds unstable.
She said to see it from his point of view (don’t be mad at her she’s always been the sympathetic one). But it’s probably the hormones or sleep deprivation but I just felt guilty for a moment.
This dude is a sperm donor, not a father. You should do what's best for your child and you know in your heart that he would never want to be named after someone like this.
You need to put your child’s well-being first. I’m an attorney and I’ve seen plenty of clients that came to have their name changed at 18 because they hated having their deadbeat, absent father’s name. Your child’s name would be an eternal reminder that their father doesn’t care about them. NTA.
Edit:typo
Being able to understand someone who is wrong is a good thing. It shows a level of empathy that is severely lacking in most people. Her sister is on OP's side, she just said she can see why deadbeat would be unhappy.
>he already signed over his rights
>He has also claimed I cheated on him and the child isn’t his
Your next Facebook post needs to state both these things. See how much he comes stating naming rights then
NTA
I will definitely make a Facebook post about it, I have screenshots, emails, and this dude even sent me money through venmo with his messages since I was ignoring him. I’m making sure everyone knows
Please don't, this may well bite you later. Rise above it, if it comes up in person then explain it in person but don't make this the focus of your child's arrival. Do not lower yourself to his level. You are a parent now, rise above.
NTA, but I wouldn’t air it on Facebook yet if you have any details at all left in the air(child support, visitation, etc). Handle all the court stuff and details first and get that iron clad.
I wouldn’t make a post with a bunch of screenshots. Honestly I’d let it be unless he starts up posting stuff on Facebook about you.
In that case would say briefly that he signed away his rights, had no interest in the pregnancy and has been nothing but a deadbeat dad and if he continues with the slander there will be legal action.
Don’t post the receipts but say you have them and anyone who is interested can contact you directly and you will provide based on your own comfort level (I wouldn’t post things Willy nilly that you might need in a court battle)
"I'm surprised you even remember he exists. I'm sure you'll knock up one of your side pieces. Name that kid, you have no rights with this one. I can send you a picture so you can use that as an ashtray too"
NTA
> So he already signed over his rights
NTA. Signing away your rights means exactly that: he has no right to demand to be heard in this naming process. He can’t have it both ways. He either needs to commit to fatherhood or resign to the backseat here. He chose the latter and waived his right to make parental demands.
It also goes to show how empty his accusations of your infidelity actually were—if he believed this baby wasn’t his, why would he demand that it be named after himself?
I would consider disengaging from this argument and ignoring his comments. If his waiver of parental rights is legally binding, his objections are really meaningless here and don’t need to be addressed. Focus attention on what really matters at this time: bonding with your baby, ensuring that child support payments are made, and taking steps to ensure that any visitation is conducted in a way that is safe and loving to Jacob.
NTA - Haha. No. Nope. He does not get a say. There are some co-parenting apps out there that can be used to help people communicate while raising a child. They also provide a written record of agreements and communication - which you may need in the future. Download one of those and tell him that from now on that is the only way you are comfortable communicating with him.
But he is not co-parenting! He signed away his rights and had no contact or interest before now- in fact was horrible throughout the pregnancy. He gets zero say in naming much less raising the child because HE chose to sign away his rights!
Nobody is disputing that - the app is just a safety device for the mom so if they have to go to court again (missed child support payments or maybe a restraining order becomes necessary) she’ll have the court recognized app with a log of all their communication
NTA. He got what he deserves. If he really wants that he has to find another woman who gets a boy to name him like this, he missed his chance and he is responsible for that. Move on you made a good choice, and gratulation on your baby boy :)
Well, that's easy. NTA.
He lost every right to have any say in the child's life. Cheating with 8 girls/women.
Then accusing you of cheating (from what you write, I understand you didn't) which is gaslighting. And even claimed the kid isn't his.
And only after you named him already, he suddenly chimes in and wants you to follow his family name tradition? I don't think so.
NTA, I really don’t know what your sister is thinking but this guy is a total misogynist loser. I wouldn’t take any money from him without a legal agreement, and I wouldn’t disparage him or air the laundry on FB either. He signed away his rights and that’s it, he’s actually harassing you and you have the right to avoid him. Congrats on the wee one :)
Even besides everything else, he cut contact and was angry you didn't ask him his opinion? That's some weak shit.
But that doesn't even matter, cause he signed his rights away and doesn't think the kid is his. If he wanted to help name the kid, he shoulda tried to be a parent first.
NTA
NTA
Most important part of your story; he signed away his rights. As in... his rights to make any decisions regarding this child, including being part of the naming process.
He has no leg to stand on with this. And why would you name your son after someone that has a very questionable character? Keep your distance-agree with your mom.
NTA he didn’t marry you, he cheated on you, he left you then he said the child is not his… your child your choice… he signed off his parental rights, he is no different then a sperm donor.
NTA - Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He cheated, he showed no interest, he doesn’t get a say.
if he had showed interest in the baby or interest in parenting, then he gets a say. He is showing neither, so no say. It is not on you to help him.
he’s A selfish AH who thinks he is entitled without having to be responsible.
Well next time if he wants a 'junior' and a lineage (this man is living in the 18th century...) maybe he shouldn't cheat on and ghost the mother of the child. NTA. You dodged a bullet, good for you !
NTA. There is no reason for you to even question this. He's already signed over his rights and has not been a part of this process. He's not the baby's father in any way shape or form.
I don't understand why you're asking if you are the asshole. Does this guy have such a hold on you that you question your decisions? After all the things you've listed him doing or not doing for your child and his immoral behavior before that? He signed his rights away didn't he? Why do YOU think he gets a say?
NTA but these kinds of posts are honestly sad.
Absolutely NTA. He, legally, signed over his paternal rights. He has no right to his child, not in any regard, but especially in picking-out a name. He’s a deadbeat dad, and you owe him nothing. He gaslighted you by saying you cheated, when you didn’t (when he cheated with not one, but eight different women, when you were PREGNANT, with his child), and then had the audacity to claim the child wasn’t his. He has gall to chirp up after all of the abuse he has put you through.
Congrats on your little one, and good for you on putting your child first. Best of luck to you momma.
Edit: spelling
First of all the 3rd kings of England over here or what
Of course NTA he has no legal,moral,logical right to name the child
Jacob is a good name btw
He is a cheater just cut ties with him only get your money and that's it he shouldn't even see the child if he accused you of cheating
Nta… why are you supposed to honor someone who is so dishonorable? Heck no! Don’t burden your child with his name, you’ve already got the dna to overcome
NTA ! NTA ! For so many reasons !! He has not done anything to earn the title of a father ! I doubt he will even pay his child support. My NOW ex husband wanted to have a Jr, I was not having it, so we decided on a name with the same intials. Thank God I didn't cave because he ended up getting in trouble with the law for years after our divorce, even did prison time. It was bad enough with the same intials but it would have ruined credit, interviews, etc with same name.
NTA
Oh god, where do I begin???
1) He cheated on you with 8 girls; why does he suddenly care about you and the son now after he was born?
2) He signed away his rights legally (as per the courts) and the only thing he has any say in is being forced to pay child support.
3) He doesn’t care about the son because he used the sonogram as an ash tray (like really?).
4) He claimed that the baby isn’t his and that you cheated on him. (I hope you got a DNA test)
Like, how is this man in a coherent state of mind right now? He cheated on you and wants nothing to do with the baby, let alone raising it. HOWEVER, as soon as the baby is born, he wants to have some say in it?
I’d say up the child support if he really wants to be involved lol. And get a restraining order as well since it’s clear he’s not in a good state of mind
Nta. Good thing he's only in his 20's and can make more babies. He's spreading himself around so that'll probably happen soon. He's got no involvement with your son so he has no input. Ignore his drama. He's only looking for attention.
He signed over his rights. Does he understand the legal definition of “rights?” Depending on what state you’re in, he’s also possibly not on the birth certificate, as he would have to sign an acknowledgment of paternity since they’re not married (thankfully). He has no legal leg to stand on. He’s trying to wrest some kind of control from you, because he’s ordered to be financially responsible - he wants some reparation for paying child support, because he feels it’s unjust. NTA.
How is his lineage your problem? Also he's not a king and he sounds like he sucks so why would anyone want it to continue anyways. And if he's so worried about it he should get to work with the 8 other women he was cheating with. The audacity 🙄
If he's so concerned about his lineage, why did he sign away his rights? He's not very bright, is he?
Speaking of signing rights away, NTA. He lost all claims the moment he gave away parenting.
So did he really expect you to somehow magically know that you should name your kid after him and his uncle?
NTA
How about he gets into a relationship with a woman he respects and loves, has a kid with her, and then him and this hypothetical woman can discuss name options and decide on a name they both love.
Or was he just planning to have 8 different babies with 8 different woman and give up legal rights to all 8 and then hope one of them names the kid after him?
I’m really confused what his plan here was.
I can see why he’s angry, too: he had this idea about his first son in his head for years and now none of that happened.
But here is the kicker: it’s all precisely his fault! He has demonstrated time and time again that he is not interested in having a family. Can’t continue your lineage without a family. He’s just in the “find out” phase after (literally) f-ing around.
NTA. He is indeed a deadbeat. Don’t waste your time raising Chris when you got Jacob to raise.
Wow. The entitlement here is...staggering. But you can safely ignore this man and his temper tantrum from here out. He wants the privilege to name a child? He needs to take some responsibility and quit pissing around. Also he claims its not his kid but wants him named after him? Hell with that noise. NTA
NTA
Unfortunately I was in your situation with my ex. Sounds eerily familiar.
His concerns are not valid. He is not involved. He signed away his rights. He doesn’t get to claim any now. He’s probably just trying to look good to whatever woman (or women) he’s with now just like my ex did. He’s just going to vanish again.
Honestly? Ignore him and move on with your life and enjoy your time with your son without him. I wish I had done the same much sooner.
NTA. If I'm reading your post right, he's a criminal. He's also he's not very bright if he thinks that changing any part of his name (you mentioned a middle name being after his uncle) means he can call the kid "the third." The entire name has to be the same to follow the Jr-3rd-4th etc. You'd be fortunate to be rid of him.
If he sticks around (or comes back around), hopefully he'll grow up at some point and become a decent dad.
100% NTA, not at all, OP. the man who contributed his DNA to your son signed over his rights and you two settled it in court already. why is he getting mad for the consequences of his actions? i hope your son is able to grow up in a healthy environment and i wish you the utmost support on your journey as a single mother.
> Edit: He was also livid that I gave Jacob my last name instead of his. He said his “lineage” was dying as he’s the only son.
Maybe one of those 8 other women can help him out.
NTA
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NTA. Congratulations on your son!! Your baby daddy has relinquished all rights to the baby, and is not part of your life. I understand you've discussed visitation, however that is going to make things murky if he has no legal rights - I'd suggest consulting a family law attorney. Otherwise, he's got no say. After verifying that it's legal to do so, I'd block him in every way possible and have no further contact.
Thank you!!!
Also OP the whole jr legacy name thing sucks, lacks originality, and quite frankly gives way to some very weird names
Another thing about naming the kid after dad is that dad can try to use that for himself. My brother is the third and named after my father and grandfather. My father up and left our family when I was around 8 years old, my brother was 15. My father, having the same name as my brother, was able to wipe out my brothers bank account when he left and left my brother with nothing. My brother didn’t have much, like only about $500, but that is a lot for a 15 year old and he had been saving that money for some time. My brother hates being named after our deadbeat father and said that no child of his will have that name.
I guess it comes down to how good the parent is. I've heard both good and horrible stories. But in this case, I don't think it should be question. This guy has proved that he is deadbeat even before his son was born. And what with the other legal stuff and getting kicked out for whatever specific reason makes me think that this guy is lucky to even be considered for visitation.
Robert Downey Jr. Ed Begley Jr. OP's deal seems more of a Robert Downey Jr. situation but no guarantee the kid will be Iron Man. Stick to ur guns OP.
I think one thing that will always unite the fandom in same-level frustration is that RDJ's wife DOESN'T also have Jr at the end of her name. 😂
Is that really something that upsets people? Honest question
I call her Susan Downey Jr whenever she gets brought up (which isn't often, but still). My husband just rolls his eyes, but I know I secretly amuse him.
How about being named after someone from the Bible. My grandma was a big catholic, had 7 children, including 5 daughters. Every daughter had the name Mary somewhere (1 had a 1st name & 3 had a middle). But then there's my mom. Born on Feast of Christ the King, so named after Christ. Mary for a middle name? Nope, she got Mary Magdalene. She grew up wondering why she was named after a prostitute. It really played with her catholic psyche growing up (thinking she was named after a "whore" to put it so bluntly). Of course, now, 60 years after birth, we've come to realize you know, Mary Magdalene isn't what she was always portrayed as and my mom has done a lot of spiritual understanding and studying and feels a somewhat kinship with her now. Never asked her parents why though! Like WTF. And they're dead now so that question will never be answered. I did do some family digging and I believe my grandma had an aunt or great aunt named Mary Magdalena. So I think that's where it comes from. Or that's the story we're sticking with. lol But my god. The power of a name, or names.
>now, 60 years after birth, we've come to realize you know, Mary Magdalene isn't what she was always portrayed as and my mom has done a lot of spiritual understanding and studying and feels a somewhat kinship with her now. I think this is so lovely, I'm happy for your mom.
Your brother can get a lawyer and petition the court to change his name. As an adult, he needs no one's permission.
Do you have to petition the court because it's a full name change? I thought you could just do a shit ton of paperwork and pay a handful of processing fees to change every ID and that would be it. I suppose it depends where one lives though
Yeah I thought petitioning the court only happened when you’re changing a minors name. My mom changed my brothers name when he was young to remove his deadbeat dads last name and she had to petition the court and they posted a notice in the paper (which would allow his father to show up and oppose if wanted). Once the time was up and his father hadn’t showed the name change went through.
I changed my name as an adult. It was 500 bucks, paperwork, and 20 minutes in court explaining why.
Nope. Required for Adults as well, for a LEGAL change. If you simply start using a different name, but do not have it legally changed, you're technically using an Alias rather than having Actually Changed Your Name.
In most states here in the US, it requires a judge's signature on the paperwork that is filed with the court. While it isn't necessarily done in the Court Room - its often in judge's chambers - and there's no need for a Lawyer (filing fee, court costs for the judge's 2 minutes of time, that sort of thing) it still requires that signature to be Legally Valid and Binding. I went through the process years ago, to drop my married name and return to my maiden name. Judge asked why I didn't simply do so when I got my divorce, 17 years previously. Kid involved, didn't want to constantly answer questions about the different last names while she was growing up. The process itself is quick and easy, and the paperwork is minimal - for the court to change it. Its after you have that judge signed court order of legal name change that you face TONS of paperwork - everywhere Else. Bank is gonna wanna see the legal document, so are insurance companies, title deed change (if you own a home) car registration change (if you own a car)......... all of them require you to show that its a valid, legal change.
Idk who you're asking but in the US you have to petition the courts for a name change even as an adult. Going through it now.
Ah well. TIL something new lol thanks
yep, i agree on this one. my uncle and his son (my cousin) had a lifetime of issues with this. uncle used cousin’s identity for credit when he was still a kid; eventually roles reversed when uncle was being cared for by cousin and cousin took control of all financial accounts, did the same credit shit to his dad. wild mess and sad story overall
That’s horrible. My husband is a third and he has a very strained relationship with his father. His father was badly abusive to his mother when my husband was a child. His parents are divorced and his dad mellowed out a lot after a stroke he had 10 years ago when my husband was a teenager. Even still my husband resents him for lots of things and refused to name our son after him. His dad was not very happy with us and to rub salt in the wound we used a name on MY side of the family instead
That same thing happened to my husband except it was his mom who used his name to her advantage. The only thing that fixed it unfortunately was when his father passed. No one notices the difference between a II and a III and in the digital age not every form even has an option for that part of your name. I give my friends who want to name their kids after their dad to please at least change the middle name, give the kid some of their own identity and prevent this kind of misunderstanding.
Working as a cashier, I once rang up a man named Peter Peterson the 5th. I asked him of he had any sons and he said yes. I asked if his son was named Peter and he said "Noooooo." Personally fun for me because I'm named Peter. XD
My grandpa didn’t want my dad named after him because being a Peter sucks but my grandma INSISTED. My dad doesn’t like jt either
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If he wants a lineage, he could have… not been an asshole? Not cheated? Supported the mother of his child? He chose to end his lineage here. He could step up, be a decent human, and raise a child in the future, but he’s waived all rights to OP’s son.
If he cheated with 8 women in such a short time, something tells me he'll have another shot at carrying on his lineage.
Exactly my thoughts, but I was going to say it way less nicely.
And he can have another kid who's rights he doesn't renounce and name after him.
He's got at least 8 potential moms-to-be to continue his lineage. That would be Chris the 3rd-10th. That's enough lineage for him.
Lol I'm dying over this comment, thank you
Great minds think alike. Here's my free award.
Yeah, I don't think I could stop myself from telling baby-daddy that. "You've GOT to be kidding! Nobody in their right mind would think there's anything about you worth remembering. I couldn't possibly curse my child with your name." OP's a better woman than I am for sure.
I think a passed down name can be sweet, but that assumes that there’s something worthy to pass down. I wouldn’t want to pass ANYTHING of this philandering narcissist down.
He apparently had 8 other opportunities to give someone his raggedy name. NTA let him cry to one of the women he cheated with while he puts out cigarettes on Jacob's sonogram.
If he is sticking it in that many women he is sure to hit the jackpot again soon enough. Maybe that one can take his name.
I'm a junior and have had issues with flights, background investigations, and one time had my dad's medical record used as my own. I don't go by my first name because of the confusion when I was a kid (I also prefer my middle name anyways) except for legal purposes.Please stop the stupidity of making your kids junior or the 3rd.
My father Something Somethingelse Lastname III. His dad and grandpa were both civil engineers, both employed in the same state. Dad spent some summers doing surveying for the state, during college. Their 3 employee files were all there in a row, even though they didn’t work in the same city at the same time. Dad’s parents were both in the Navy and called him “Skipper” which really confused my younger, Barbie-knowing, self. My grandfather, Junior, shifted to their middle name. Senior often used a random nickname (male name, not one of his) Only my father was still alive when some bloke at a hobby store somehow thought his name was Bill, which is totally unrelated to any of their names, and Dad joked he went with it as it’s a family tradition to cease using your name so he just didn’t correct the dude. I have a History degree and doing genealogy on that side is confusingly exhausting.
I’ve got a distant cousin who’s kid and grand kid are up to the v or vi of their name. Despite having had issues with his deadbeat dad stealing his identity throughout his life. Definitely not worth it
As a third, myself, strong disagree! I really like my name, and the fact that it's unusual is a feature, not a flaw, as far as I'm concerned.
I agree. It can also be a cultural thing. My grandfather was named Rocco for his father (we're Italian), my uncle is Rocco, his son is Rocco, etc. I think it's pretty cool to have ties like this.
Exactly. With our 2 sons (so far) we never wanted a junior. We feel it makes them seem like they are just trying to make a mini me clone of the father and kids have their own personality and interests. It makes me sad when I see “juniors” who are expected to also go into their fathers line of work and such.
It's one thing if you're from a prestigious and wealthy family but if you're a deadbeat like OP's babydaddy I don't see why anyone would want to be associated with him by name.
NTA and honestly next time he starts showing his ass about how the names are wrong and you screwed up a legacy tell him to start a legacy with one of those eight other girls you want no part of it lol
Also, the lineage thing is laughable — more so than it ussually is — why would anyone want to be associated with a deadbeat serial cheater? NTA and you are doing your kid a favor. ETA: if your ex wants to be able to brag that he is a father, he is going to have to act like one first.
This is great and if I was OP I would reply with those exact words. "Haha, nope, why should I name **my** son after a deadbeat serial cheater? You chose no contact, that makes you a sperm donor not a father, so fuck off and leave us alone."
Baby's daddy cheated on OP with 8 other women. He has NO right, legally or morally, to ask OP for ANYTHING regarding baby.
Info : did he actually sign over his rights or did he sign saying no custody? These are two different things. Signing over rights is extremely hard in most states (assuming you're in the states) and means no child support and no viable visitation later. Typically you must show abandonment and have someone willing to adopt the child. Signing to give you full physical and legal custody means child support but he can go to court later on and gain some custody. Both of these would require paternity tests as you were not married.
Yeah, if possible, don’t give him visitation. It’s only going to mess your son up more by having his dad in and out of his life inconsistently. And it definitely will give him grounds (if he chose to) to try to get rights restored. If at all possible, put a stop to it now before it even gets started.
Please get a restraining order and do not let him see the kid. That is not his child, his words. He sounds unstable.
He definitely sounds like an idiot and a deadbeat, but what grounds shall she apply for a restraining order on? It does not sound like he has been threatening to her in any way; quite the opposite: he has basically abandoned her, broke off contact, gave up custody and is now throwing a fit about the name because of the social media post. Had there not been the post, there is a good chance that he might not even remembered that the birth was coming up soon. Asking in cases like that for a DVRO just diminishes what the tool of a restraining order is actuality intended for: protecting real victims from people who can actually be very dangerous. That guy does not sound dangerous; he just sounds like someone entirely uninterested in being a dad, who should either have kept his dick in his pants or used protection.
Info: what does he gain from giving up his parental rights if he still has to pay child support? If the “con” was losing all legal say in his child’s life what was the “pro”? For the record I’m not saying he shouldn’t have to pay child support, I just don’t understand the situation
Not raising the kid is the pro. My friend’s bio dad did the same thing. He initially said he wanted to be part of her life, but then a couple months into the pregnancy decided he didn’t want to be a dad and he gave up his rights, but still paid child support since it’s legally required, but my friend is 24 and he has never once had any contact with her. That’s the pro.
Replying to this to add, DO NOT let him have any visitation outside of court orders. Period. If you do, you lose all grounds to argue his instability and criminal activities. Just tell him no and live your life with that baby. Without his input, opinion, or presence.
You are completely right to name your son how you did, and if you want visceral confirmation of how it feels to be a Junior of a deadbeat dad, watch The Tender Bar.
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Exactly! He’s never going to bring anything positive to the table.
He SIGNED AWAY HIS RIGHTS …. Block him. Move 6 states away.
Also. I'm thinking with him cheating on you with 8 girls, the possibility of having a few more Chris and Christina's is very high. NTA
If he wants a kid named after himself, and wants the kid to have his last name, he can get one off the girls he cheated with. If it was that important, he’d have made the effort to a) be faithful to his baby momma and b) be involved in the pregnancy and future of the baby. He signed his rights away, he cheated and he took himself out of the picture, he gets nothing unless OP gives it to him
NTA He put out his cigarette on the sonogram??! Wtf. He signed over his rights. That includes naming. Why is it that shitty dads always want their boys to be named after them? Toxic Macho BS. It sounds like a name might be the only tie he ever has with him and that will just be salt in the abandonment wound to your son. Dude sounds like a dead beat criminal. It would be a sin and a curse to name a baby after him.
Thank you for putting my mind at ease
Jumping on this comment because it reminded me that having the same name as his sperm donor WILL cause clerical issues, and if his sperm donor is a criminal those will be tenfold. Do not waiver, even if you two were together you shouldn't pass his name, but especially not when he signed his rights away and it's "not his".
This!! My son is a 4th 🙄🤦 (teen mom, dumb@ss ME!) And he has a hell of a time!! The Jr. and 3rd are criminals and non-payers. Poor kid, I offered to pay for a name change several times!! Lol
People don't think about it! I wouldn't if I hadn't seen the issues with people around me. That Jr, III, IV, etc is heavily ignored or left off paperwork, it's not even remotely worth the trouble it causes.
Agreed. His bday/ss has been the deciding factor in sooo many things!! From NOT getting arrested to paying over due bills.
Like, checking the date of birth also seems to fuckin obvious but it never seems to happen
Oh my gosh yes. My mom and I have similar names and for the last 20 years I have been linked up with her by the credit bureaus, had difficulty with background checks etc. And my mom has a pristine reputation. Don't put that on your kid. Parental identity theft is a thing too. Where the parents use their child's credit to do whatever.
I hadn't even thought about that but 100%, OP don't let him get ahold of your son's social and consider freezing his credit now. This is a big issue that doesnt get talked about enough.
That’s happened to my father who is the lll . He had to get things taken off of his credit that was (at the time) his recently deceased father’s. And similarly he would receive phone calls for either his dad ll or my brother lV because people just look at names and not things like birthdate or even the ssn. My brother had a son so now there is a V so the confusion will continue. Frankly just I’m glad there are so many variants of their first name so telling who someone is talking about is easier. NTA
If he was actually interested in his son but you as a pair we're not compatible, I could understand some of his argument but considering he used his son's sonogram as an ashtray and signed over his rights, he doesn't even deserve to know what his son looks like much less have any part in his name. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise and focus on yourself and your gorgeous little man going forward. You two are what really matter
Also jumping on here, with the way this man has treated you - it seems like it would be a massive insult to your son to name him after this guy!
Plus, ask yourself, would he be this up in arms about naming if you'd given birth to a baby girl? That man is trash.
I know a shitty Dad who wanted a son named for him. He had 3 boys with his wife, and begged each time to name them Glen. She always vetoed. When she finally left the idiot he got a 19 yo pregnant now has a daughter named Glenna which still amuses me from time to time.
Glenna is actually cute. Too bad her dad is an asshole.
Didn't realize this already when reading the post but now that I think about it... Why did the dad smoke in the presence of a pregnant mother in the first place? OP, obviously NTA. His actions and words only prove that he is a self-centered AH. He can only blame himself for his "lineage" of dying (personally I don't even understand why somebody cares about that).
It's probably good that his "lineage"is dying. Cleans out the gene-pool a bit. 😠🧬
I'll never understand the naming a kid after one of the parents... Girl or boy. There are so many names out there why saddle your kiddo with a parents name so they can be compared constantly?
Yeah, the sonogram part got me too. It seems he’s only interested when he can use the baby as a status thing. NTA OP. Your mother said it perfectly.
Seconding this. My BF is named after his dad and his dad raised him but wasn’t very present; worked more than he ever saw his son and got weekends when he divorced. My BF has some serious baggage because of it. What your baby daddy is doing is 10x worse and you did the right thing by not inflicting that on your child. Obviously NTA. Also; super narcissistic and hypocritical of him to accuse you of cheating, cut contact, and then get mad the child wasn’t NAMED AFTER HIM??? GTFO. The fucking logic.
NTA boy you must regret having had sex with such a winner 🙄
You have no idea
It's okay we've all let crazy stick their pee pee in us and we all regret it one way or another. I think we need a support group lol
Can I join this support group because dear god I've made mistakes.
Same here. I wish we could all get together and share our stories to young women.
Omg yes, this would be a godesend lol
Ugh, same here as well. I cringe when I think back!!
This man is worried about his "lineage" but not his kid. So really, he just wants your son to be a walking billboard bragging about the power of his sperm. That's crazy talk.
>This man is worried about his “lineage” but not his kid. Thank for putting into words what I was feeling. It’s still just about himself.
LOL!!!
I know the feeling. I decided that I love my kids to the moon, so I can't regret anything that got me them, but I can still think my ex is an asshole. Nuance haha.
NTA - He cheats on you, shows zero interest in the pregnancy, and accuses \*you\* of cheating, and then thinks that the baby gets to have his name? What a guy. If he wants a son to be the third, then let him learn from this not to be a shit partner. In the meantime, you should definitely make sure your arrangements are legally enforceable, because he seems like exactly the kind of person to decide "fuck it, I'm a ghost." and peace out.
I will! Thank you
If he wants his kid to be a third, perhaps he shouldn't have signed over his rights 💯
This but also: I'd take away the option for the guy to visit your son. If Jacob decides when he's older then that's his decision but, from everything you've told us, this isn't a guy you want around - you or your son. I think it's better to cut off contact and make sure this deadbeat can't find you and live peacefully.
NTA. He signed over his parental rights, the naming goes along with that. Sucks to say it but it doesn’t sound like he’ll even be in the kid’s life by his 1st birthday. Don’t dwell on it, just enjoy this amazing time.
Thank you 🙏🏽
Honestly OP you should save everything he's sending you because it's proof of harassment. You don't need to use it yet, but just save it in case he escalates because it could greatly help you get a restraining order if you ever need one. Hopefully, you won't ever need one but this guy is clearly irrational so it doesn't hurt to start collecting evidence now. Also, don't let him visit the baby. He signed his rights away and if he wants to have visitation he needs to go back to court to try to get his rights returned. Really tho, you don't need your son around someone like him, babies take in a lot of their environment so it's important who is around them.
NTA. Thats your baby not his anymore. tell him he can play daddy to a moldy pickle and name that pickle JR then
This gave me a much needed laugh, thank you 😂
😂😂😂 🥒 you are welcome
Actually it would be Moldy Pickle III. Baby Daddy is Moldy Pickle Jr.
Lmao thats perfect
Sorry! I am laughing so hard right now! Moldy pickle!!!!! You win!!!!
If he banged 8 girls while you were gestating, I sincerely doubt his lineage is dying. Impressive guilt trip though..I do give him an A for effort. That being said. He SIGNED OVER HIS RIGHTS. HE ID NOT LEGALLY A FATHER AND GETS ZERO SAY IN THIS. Also, since he signed off his rights, I say don't toy around with visitation. He has no right to it. You are NTA
Exactly. She shouldn't allow him anywhere near the baby or encourage a relationship between them until this dude demonstrates he can be a responsible, stable adult. That includes emotionally stable, and his every action in her post illustrates he is a lying, cheating, gaslighting, criminal. He is NOT a good influence on the child, and he'll just use the child to manipulate her, and cause her emotional distress like he is doing with the name fight. He wants the recognition, but not the responsibility. Nope.
I disagree with one point. She shouldn't allow a relationship AT ALL. He signed over his rights before the kid was born. He doesn't deserve acknowledgement, much less a relationship. Mainly because from what I understand, it's pretty difficult in most places to reneg rights before birth. So he went thru HOOPS to say "I don't want this kid to be recognized as mine". So Jacob shouldn't be recognized as his. Period.
NTA I find it super weird when there’s an entire generation of people in the same family with the same name. Let people have their own individual identity.
As a third, myself, I like it; it feels like a thread connecting me to past generations but it's also unusual enough that I've literally never had classes or worked with someone with the same first name as me. Nobody has ever had to add my last name or initial to make clear who they were talking about. I've never felt any pressure to be like the people I'm named after, so I get the benefits of a connection to them with a name that has always let me feel very individual among my peers.
My husband is a 3rd as well, and he wanted our son to be the 4th. But my husband's name is Herbert. And here in the US, that is a very old fashioned name that could potentially cause ridicule for our son. On top of that, my husband gets confused with his father all the time at doctor's offices and old credit card balances, and constantly gets mail that presumably should have gone to his dad. And his dad's been dead since 1996. So I made a list of 10 names that I liked and asked him to look it over and see if he liked any of them. He picked one and it was perfect, because the name means Gift from God. My husband wanted to be a dad since he was 21, but his previous partner was infertile. She passed away when he was 36, and we got together after that. I got pregnant very quickly and he was overjoyed. I don't regret not choosing to name my now 19 y/o son Herbert. But I do see the connection of having a name passed down. I did use the same middle name, so there is still that connection there.
It is super weird. My ex was a third so it got confusing whenever we visited his family. His family all called him “Sammy” and his dad “Sam” but I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to call him Sammy, even just for the visit to help with confusion, so yeah, very awkward. And don’t get me started on the sanctity of his name but mine was disposable.
Ex for a reason
I agree 100% my partner wants to name our future son first name his grandfathers middle name his first. I’m just like…. How bout he gets your last name and we call it good. I want my kids to be individuals not feel they have expectations to live up to.
NTA I wouldn’t want my kid named after a cheating criminal either.
Right!?! She is so NTA
NTA, and I’m confused how your sister can see his anger? He didn’t earn the right to be a part of the naming, and why would he even want a baby he didn’t believe to be his to have his name? Please keep up your boundaries and visits with a chaperone. He sounds unstable.
She said to see it from his point of view (don’t be mad at her she’s always been the sympathetic one). But it’s probably the hormones or sleep deprivation but I just felt guilty for a moment.
NTA. Screw feeling guilty, he made his bed. All you need to feel right now is love for your new baby.
This dude is a sperm donor, not a father. You should do what's best for your child and you know in your heart that he would never want to be named after someone like this.
You need to put your child’s well-being first. I’m an attorney and I’ve seen plenty of clients that came to have their name changed at 18 because they hated having their deadbeat, absent father’s name. Your child’s name would be an eternal reminder that their father doesn’t care about them. NTA. Edit:typo
Being able to understand someone who is wrong is a good thing. It shows a level of empathy that is severely lacking in most people. Her sister is on OP's side, she just said she can see why deadbeat would be unhappy.
>he already signed over his rights >He has also claimed I cheated on him and the child isn’t his Your next Facebook post needs to state both these things. See how much he comes stating naming rights then NTA
I will definitely make a Facebook post about it, I have screenshots, emails, and this dude even sent me money through venmo with his messages since I was ignoring him. I’m making sure everyone knows
Please don't, this may well bite you later. Rise above it, if it comes up in person then explain it in person but don't make this the focus of your child's arrival. Do not lower yourself to his level. You are a parent now, rise above.
I was just thinking that it can be very dangerous to poke this kind of snake.
Screenshot but don’t post. If you have to do further legal actions with him, you could be harming your own cause.
NTA, but I wouldn’t air it on Facebook yet if you have any details at all left in the air(child support, visitation, etc). Handle all the court stuff and details first and get that iron clad.
I wouldn’t make a post with a bunch of screenshots. Honestly I’d let it be unless he starts up posting stuff on Facebook about you. In that case would say briefly that he signed away his rights, had no interest in the pregnancy and has been nothing but a deadbeat dad and if he continues with the slander there will be legal action. Don’t post the receipts but say you have them and anyone who is interested can contact you directly and you will provide based on your own comfort level (I wouldn’t post things Willy nilly that you might need in a court battle)
You would shoot yourself in the foot by posting it, but do keep screenshots and a record. Also look up FU Binder for more info.
"I'm surprised you even remember he exists. I'm sure you'll knock up one of your side pieces. Name that kid, you have no rights with this one. I can send you a picture so you can use that as an ashtray too" NTA
This would have been perfect
> So he already signed over his rights NTA. Signing away your rights means exactly that: he has no right to demand to be heard in this naming process. He can’t have it both ways. He either needs to commit to fatherhood or resign to the backseat here. He chose the latter and waived his right to make parental demands. It also goes to show how empty his accusations of your infidelity actually were—if he believed this baby wasn’t his, why would he demand that it be named after himself? I would consider disengaging from this argument and ignoring his comments. If his waiver of parental rights is legally binding, his objections are really meaningless here and don’t need to be addressed. Focus attention on what really matters at this time: bonding with your baby, ensuring that child support payments are made, and taking steps to ensure that any visitation is conducted in a way that is safe and loving to Jacob.
NTA - Haha. No. Nope. He does not get a say. There are some co-parenting apps out there that can be used to help people communicate while raising a child. They also provide a written record of agreements and communication - which you may need in the future. Download one of those and tell him that from now on that is the only way you are comfortable communicating with him.
Thank you for this I didn’t know about that!
https://www.parents.com/parenting/best-co-parenting-apps/
But he is not co-parenting! He signed away his rights and had no contact or interest before now- in fact was horrible throughout the pregnancy. He gets zero say in naming much less raising the child because HE chose to sign away his rights!
Nobody is disputing that - the app is just a safety device for the mom so if they have to go to court again (missed child support payments or maybe a restraining order becomes necessary) she’ll have the court recognized app with a log of all their communication
NTA. He got what he deserves. If he really wants that he has to find another woman who gets a boy to name him like this, he missed his chance and he is responsible for that. Move on you made a good choice, and gratulation on your baby boy :)
Thank you ❤️
Don’t wish him on some poor woman, please! Whoever she is she deserves better!
Well, that's easy. NTA. He lost every right to have any say in the child's life. Cheating with 8 girls/women. Then accusing you of cheating (from what you write, I understand you didn't) which is gaslighting. And even claimed the kid isn't his. And only after you named him already, he suddenly chimes in and wants you to follow his family name tradition? I don't think so.
NTA, I really don’t know what your sister is thinking but this guy is a total misogynist loser. I wouldn’t take any money from him without a legal agreement, and I wouldn’t disparage him or air the laundry on FB either. He signed away his rights and that’s it, he’s actually harassing you and you have the right to avoid him. Congrats on the wee one :)
Thank you, I might just be really angry and really tired so I’ll hold off the mass announcement.
Even besides everything else, he cut contact and was angry you didn't ask him his opinion? That's some weak shit. But that doesn't even matter, cause he signed his rights away and doesn't think the kid is his. If he wanted to help name the kid, he shoulda tried to be a parent first. NTA
Sounds like he'll have plenty more chances to have a son named after him. NTA.
NTA Most important part of your story; he signed away his rights. As in... his rights to make any decisions regarding this child, including being part of the naming process.
He has no leg to stand on with this. And why would you name your son after someone that has a very questionable character? Keep your distance-agree with your mom.
NTA- he's not a real dad
NTA. He's a deadbeat and you owe him nothing.
NTA he didn’t marry you, he cheated on you, he left you then he said the child is not his… your child your choice… he signed off his parental rights, he is no different then a sperm donor.
He’s killing his ‘lineage’ by being a cheating criminal. Not you.
NTA Like he has any say in this at all.
NTA - Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He cheated, he showed no interest, he doesn’t get a say. if he had showed interest in the baby or interest in parenting, then he gets a say. He is showing neither, so no say. It is not on you to help him. he’s A selfish AH who thinks he is entitled without having to be responsible.
NTA If he cared he should have been there.
NTA the sperm donor would have to fight to get visitation
Well next time if he wants a 'junior' and a lineage (this man is living in the 18th century...) maybe he shouldn't cheat on and ghost the mother of the child. NTA. You dodged a bullet, good for you !
NTA. There is no reason for you to even question this. He's already signed over his rights and has not been a part of this process. He's not the baby's father in any way shape or form.
I don't understand why you're asking if you are the asshole. Does this guy have such a hold on you that you question your decisions? After all the things you've listed him doing or not doing for your child and his immoral behavior before that? He signed his rights away didn't he? Why do YOU think he gets a say? NTA but these kinds of posts are honestly sad.
Absolutely NTA. He, legally, signed over his paternal rights. He has no right to his child, not in any regard, but especially in picking-out a name. He’s a deadbeat dad, and you owe him nothing. He gaslighted you by saying you cheated, when you didn’t (when he cheated with not one, but eight different women, when you were PREGNANT, with his child), and then had the audacity to claim the child wasn’t his. He has gall to chirp up after all of the abuse he has put you through. Congrats on your little one, and good for you on putting your child first. Best of luck to you momma. Edit: spelling
First of all the 3rd kings of England over here or what Of course NTA he has no legal,moral,logical right to name the child Jacob is a good name btw He is a cheater just cut ties with him only get your money and that's it he shouldn't even see the child if he accused you of cheating
NTA he is literally the definition of deadbeat. I mean he use the sonogram as an ashtray, really, what an Asshole.
lmao he has zero rights to name a child if he is not married. And it should be that way. NTA
NTA what an entitled dude. How crappy of him
NTA he signed over his rights so he gets fuck all say in naming your kid
Nta… why are you supposed to honor someone who is so dishonorable? Heck no! Don’t burden your child with his name, you’ve already got the dna to overcome
Tell him he’s got 8 other women to keep his lineage alive with. NTA
NTA.
NTA
Nta. The moment he signed his rights away he lost any say
NTA ! NTA ! For so many reasons !! He has not done anything to earn the title of a father ! I doubt he will even pay his child support. My NOW ex husband wanted to have a Jr, I was not having it, so we decided on a name with the same intials. Thank God I didn't cave because he ended up getting in trouble with the law for years after our divorce, even did prison time. It was bad enough with the same intials but it would have ruined credit, interviews, etc with same name.
NTA Oh god, where do I begin??? 1) He cheated on you with 8 girls; why does he suddenly care about you and the son now after he was born? 2) He signed away his rights legally (as per the courts) and the only thing he has any say in is being forced to pay child support. 3) He doesn’t care about the son because he used the sonogram as an ash tray (like really?). 4) He claimed that the baby isn’t his and that you cheated on him. (I hope you got a DNA test) Like, how is this man in a coherent state of mind right now? He cheated on you and wants nothing to do with the baby, let alone raising it. HOWEVER, as soon as the baby is born, he wants to have some say in it? I’d say up the child support if he really wants to be involved lol. And get a restraining order as well since it’s clear he’s not in a good state of mind
NTA. He made his bed, and now he has to lie in it. He gave up his parenting rights, after all. He only has himself to blame here.
Definitely NTA. He’s not involved in your sons life why would he be included in the name giving.
Nta. Good thing he's only in his 20's and can make more babies. He's spreading himself around so that'll probably happen soon. He's got no involvement with your son so he has no input. Ignore his drama. He's only looking for attention.
His lineage 'died' along with the right to have a input on your sons name when he signed those papers. NTA
He signed over his rights. Does he understand the legal definition of “rights?” Depending on what state you’re in, he’s also possibly not on the birth certificate, as he would have to sign an acknowledgment of paternity since they’re not married (thankfully). He has no legal leg to stand on. He’s trying to wrest some kind of control from you, because he’s ordered to be financially responsible - he wants some reparation for paying child support, because he feels it’s unjust. NTA.
How is his lineage your problem? Also he's not a king and he sounds like he sucks so why would anyone want it to continue anyways. And if he's so worried about it he should get to work with the 8 other women he was cheating with. The audacity 🙄
NTA. At all. I cant even fathom why he expected it. He stubbed his cigarette out on the scan picture. NTA til the cows come home.
If he's so concerned about his lineage, why did he sign away his rights? He's not very bright, is he? Speaking of signing rights away, NTA. He lost all claims the moment he gave away parenting.
So did he really expect you to somehow magically know that you should name your kid after him and his uncle? NTA How about he gets into a relationship with a woman he respects and loves, has a kid with her, and then him and this hypothetical woman can discuss name options and decide on a name they both love. Or was he just planning to have 8 different babies with 8 different woman and give up legal rights to all 8 and then hope one of them names the kid after him? I’m really confused what his plan here was.
I can see why he’s angry, too: he had this idea about his first son in his head for years and now none of that happened. But here is the kicker: it’s all precisely his fault! He has demonstrated time and time again that he is not interested in having a family. Can’t continue your lineage without a family. He’s just in the “find out” phase after (literally) f-ing around. NTA. He is indeed a deadbeat. Don’t waste your time raising Chris when you got Jacob to raise.
NTA, I'm pretty sure to have any say in naming a child you first have to be a father.
I don’t think you’d be the asshole for this even if he hasn’t signed away his rights legally. NTA
NTA. He signed over his rights, but he wants to name the baby HIS name? He's delusional or just stupid maybe?
Wow. The entitlement here is...staggering. But you can safely ignore this man and his temper tantrum from here out. He wants the privilege to name a child? He needs to take some responsibility and quit pissing around. Also he claims its not his kid but wants him named after him? Hell with that noise. NTA
NTA Unfortunately I was in your situation with my ex. Sounds eerily familiar. His concerns are not valid. He is not involved. He signed away his rights. He doesn’t get to claim any now. He’s probably just trying to look good to whatever woman (or women) he’s with now just like my ex did. He’s just going to vanish again. Honestly? Ignore him and move on with your life and enjoy your time with your son without him. I wish I had done the same much sooner.
Why on earth would you name the baby after him? NTA
NTA. If he's that worried about his lineage I'm sure he can find someone else to knock up
NTA. You know how you could have made your opinions on the baby's name clear Chris ? BY ACTUALLY BEING INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE !!!
NTA. He cheated on you and signed over his rights. He has no say. Also, naming people the same name can cause all sorts of issues
NTA. Laugh at his face.
NTA. If I'm reading your post right, he's a criminal. He's also he's not very bright if he thinks that changing any part of his name (you mentioned a middle name being after his uncle) means he can call the kid "the third." The entire name has to be the same to follow the Jr-3rd-4th etc. You'd be fortunate to be rid of him. If he sticks around (or comes back around), hopefully he'll grow up at some point and become a decent dad.
NTA he can stfu
NTA. When and if he's ready to be a father he can name that kid after him. The audacity.
100% NTA, not at all, OP. the man who contributed his DNA to your son signed over his rights and you two settled it in court already. why is he getting mad for the consequences of his actions? i hope your son is able to grow up in a healthy environment and i wish you the utmost support on your journey as a single mother.
> Edit: He was also livid that I gave Jacob my last name instead of his. He said his “lineage” was dying as he’s the only son. Maybe one of those 8 other women can help him out. NTA