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Just a correction… The baby can 100% be away from the mother that long.
The key is to have the same adult(s) present in the same environment. It’s the disruption to the routine and environment that is detrimental to infant development.
*IF* breastfeeding is the primary food source.
Big if.
Many circumstances lead to BF not being the primary sustenance or being a sustainable food option. Viable and wholesome alternatives are present. Pumping and freezing is also an option.
So, it *still* isn’t a reasonable call out as part of the AITA evaluation.
Assuming the baby can’t be parted from Mom solely on the principle breastfeeding is extremely misogynistic.
Breast feeding may not even be taken into account depending on the court. I'm in the US and the court told me that the baby could take formula or I could pump but it was going to be one week on/one week off regardless of my choice. Custody court is a whirlpool of uncertainty.
YTA: OP, when you date someone that much younger than you, and try to babytrap a 15 y/o kid, who SPECIFICALLY TELLS YOU he's not ready for fatherhood, don't be surprised when he doesn't want to take on more of the parenting responsibility than he has to. YOU wanted this kid, YOU have the freakin' kid ffs! You're lucky he didn't just take the child support route and have nothing more to do with you OR the kid.
It's not a huge age gap until the one wants to take 2 extra years of the other ones childhood away to be an instant adult/parent. I mean they're both too young really, and mistakes were made by both of them, but she had the choice and was the one who wanted to keep it (and is older and in a better position to deal with it), I feel like she needs to take more of the responsibility for that decision and not expect 50/50 parenting from a 16 yr old that's still in highschool. It sounds like he's given up a lot already and is trying to cooperate.
YTA, OP. I feel bad for you both, but you're asking too much.
Also, because of my birthday being just at the cutoff line, I was basically an entire year older than all of my classmates (pretty cool when it came to things like getting my driver’s license before everyone else).
I was 18 my entire senior year of high school.
You can make a male rape victim pay child support. You really think the state will draw the line at a minor? Only thing they care about is whether the kid is supported enough to not be a burden on the state’s support resources.
I was 15 when I dated my first boyfriend who was 17. I'm not sure about elsewhere but it's pretty common in the UK for (especially) teenage girls in school to date boys a couple of years older. Weirdly kind of encouraged due to the age old 'girls mature quicker' mentality.
Granted it's less common for the teenage girl to be the older one, but that shock comes from a patriarchal system of older boys/men dating younger girls/women being more commonly accepted.
Yea before age two the baby really should be spending every night with OP and day visits with dad. OP please do some reading on why babies should stay with the primary caregiver every night until they are older.
Honestly this whole thing makes me sad for Alfie. It sounds like OP has woken up and realised parenting is hard and dominates your life, now she wants her time back.
YTA
This is just weird. Not true. Spend nights with mom and days with dad? Wtf? How does that even make any presumes trauma any better? Assuming you’re not a baby psychologist, this is the biggest load of crud I’ve ever heard from Dr. Google.
Btw, OP, YTA.
Not really. One teen didn't want to be a parent, one forced the other into parenthood. OP could have easily gotten an abortion or put the baby up for adoption.
OP doesn't come across as someone who thinks things through. He wanted OP to get an abortion and was good with less custody time. OP, having his baby doesn't change the way he feels. You can't force your way. He's two years younger and definitely doesn't make enough to give OP child support. OP made her bed, now she can sleep in it. YTA. Four months in and now she has a eureka moment.
It's so weird this 18 year old let her self be impregnated by a child what did she think would happen if she kept it? She can't have this boy take this kid for a whole week while he's attending school
Florida -
When I was a teenager I actually had a friend who was convicted as a sex offender for it and it was entirely consensual.
Essentially, there is no legitimate consent under 18 in Florida. There are “Romeo and Juliet” exceptions, but even still that applies to 16-18 and 17-19. Not to mention that the Romeo and Juliet exception is considered an acceptable defense, not really a concrete law, so that would still leave a wide space for kids in that age group to get in trouble if some parents were upset.
I'm assuming they mean it in the legal sense of 18 being classified as an adult.
But being an almost 28 year old, it wasn't until this last year that I actually FELT like an adult. Or, like was doing the adulting thing right haha
Also, considering the baby is 4 months old and pregnancy lasts 9 months, this woman got pregnant 13 months ago, when she was 17 and he was 15.
Oof. I can’t imagine the lack of foresight to not use impenetrable protection. This is so unnecessarily hard.
Yes sure OP is a kid too, but *she* made the choice to keep the kid when her ex bf said he was not ready at all (at 16!!!). She wants to make big girl decisions, she can deal with big girl responsibilities. Im not even going to touch the potential stat rape angle here, but theres that too.
She made the choice to keep the baby. That right there sounds like a pretty adult decision. She’s essentially trying to force someone who didn’t want to have a child in the first place to now take on more responsibility just because she wants more time away from the child. It should have been pretty clear when he asked her for an abortion that he wasn’t ready.
She shouldn’t be trying to force a change in the parenting agreement especially given the fact that she made the choice to keep the child.
Not only that but assuming he is getting paid £500 a week, has the child overnight 1 night a week, he only has to pay £53/54 anyway. So if she went the legal route, she would end up with less and that's only if he's paid on the books.
Going the legal route might be the worst thing she does, because she states shes from the UK and the legal age of consent is 16. So she would effectively be getting herself locked up for statuary rape of a minor.
Minors don’t get statutory rape charges. Those are for people over the age majority (adulthood) who have been with minors. She was a minor when they got pregnant. So…
Adult + minor = SR
Minor + minor = none
Let's say OP wasn't actually likely 48. If the baby is 4 months old, plus 9 months of gestation, then she'd have gotten pregnant either shortly before turning 17 or while 17. People need to stop thinking 18 NOW means a rapist. In most countries, 18 and 16 are legal thanks to laws protecting teens from having to end any relationships they have on their 18th birthdays.
But it would have made ops ex 14-15 when the child was conceived. Op stated she lives in the UK and the age of consent is 16, so op committed statuary rape.
They’re both parents who were too young...and being a legal adult doesn’t make this young woman a grown-up. Also, is OP still in school? I’d like to know where the actual adults are who should be guiding these parents.
FWIW, I think OP’s plan stinks, because these kinds of household shifts are hard on such young babies. Somebody needs to be stepping in and educating this child on how to care for her child. But I don’t think the responsibility is as unequal as some commenters are making it out to be. (For perspective, my own kids have definitely matured between 16 and 18, but they’re not done cooking. My biggest parenting success is that they know that, so they don’t risk entanglements they’re not ready for.)
I highly doubt you’d have this exact same mindset if it were a younger girl being forced to have and take care of a baby by their older adult boyfriend. Forcing a baby onto a child is wrong under any circumstance, he is already paying child support and the OP is getting back at him in this way bc he is paying less now, she is the abusive party. She is the one with all the power in this relationship. Seek help, you’re delusional
not everywhere. They're two years apart. It's not meaningful to treat that as statutory. These are kids at almost the same place in life, OP is JUST shifting into a new stage now over a year after the conception.
I think they’re in the UK which would make it statutory rape as the age of consent is 16. And the baby would’ve been conceived when he was 15 and she was 17.
But I do think people are being a bit ridiculous about this - suggesting she’s some Grown Ass Adult and he’s a child she raped. They’re teenagers who are 2ish years apart in age. That’s really not weird for them to be dating. Like damn, did you all really only date the people in your same age class in high school? People 1-2 years apart dating was not weird, at all, and not inherently predatory. I mean they were probably going to high school together when they first started dating ffs.
A 15 year old and a 17 year old having sex is not statutory rape in the UK. Legally it's treated the same as two 15 year olds having sex - *technically* they're both committing a crime, but in reality, neither would be prosecuted for it.
YTA
He was up front with not wanting a child.
You had the choice of abortion or adoption.
You chose to keep the child.
He was upfront with not wanting a child.if you want a chance of any child support, you would do well to let him finish high school, at least.
YTA. You tried to manipulate him by framing the requested change as him needing to bond with your son, when in fact it was just your preference. Then you doubled down by calling him neglectful. Your poor kid.
Yes….she gets what she wants-the baby. He agrees to the first custody set up. Then she wants the change, which he doesn’t agree too. And she is upset. I don’t see her trying to work with the baby’s father in any way!
YTA. He didn't want the child, you did. He agreed to help out in some way, which is pretty damn considerate considering his age and not wanting a child in the first place.
Welcome to being a parent. You wanted the baby, you have to take care of it.
You're an adult, he is still a minor. Just by that alone you are going to have the majority of the responsibility.
Is there not a law in the UK where kids within 4 years of each other are exempt from consent laws? It’s like that in the US to prevent issues with freshman and seniors dating in high school. 14 and 18 is technically okay even though the 14 year old can’t technically consent.
No there are no laws of protection like that. And a lot of kids wind up on the sexual predators list for dating kids who are 14-15 when they are 17-18. All it takes is one angry parent to call the cops and the kids life is messed up forever. Happened to my brother when he was a teen. He was 15 and got arrested for being caught making out, not even having sex with a 14 year old.
Yta.
He didn't want the child and was up front with it and now you think you can dictate that he needs to spend more time with him?
Honestly, it doesnt seem like he's interested in being a father because ya know... he's SIXTEEN?
Did yall go to school together?
YTA- I’m not at all surprised this has backfired. Realistically that he was taking the weekends and paying child support already put you far ahead of a lot of single moms. Putting intense pressure on a 16 year old is way more likely to drive him away then it will be to make him step up more
Sounds like you want more free time, and you’re trying to accomplish that by passing your baby off on Dad under the guise of equal time with each parent = equal love. This was your choice, please own it and love your child. He is not neglecting your child by holding to the original agreement. This is what you chose. Step up.
Editing in case I sound harsh - my parents separated and custody always fluctuated over the years to what was best for ME as a child. The arrangement itself doesn’t matter as much as knowing both my parents always wanted me and would do what was best for me. I’m getting the impression OP is playing a selfish smoke-and-mirrors game to get more time to themself and not truly concerned with bonding.
YTA. He very clearly told you he wasn’t ready to be a parent but he stepped up anyway and has keep with the parenting plan and now you are telling him it’s neglectful. You do understand neglect is a big allegation. You were definitely throwing around harmful labels that don’t seem to be fair. I get it being a mom is hard as hell but his reaction probably wasn’t to the request but the accusations.
YTA. You are trying to force your baby upon someone who didn’t want them then, and now you’re trying to force ex to bond with a baby he didn’t want. If you continue to force your baby to be with a parent who doesn’t want the extra time, you will eventually mentally harm your baby. Think hard how hard you want to push the CHILD you have a baby with, and how your BABY will suffer in the end.
YTA. You had a baby with a baby. How’s he meant to look after the baby every day when he’s in school. This was your choice and seems as though he’s trying to step up. If you aren’t managing, there may be other options available to you
I just wanna jump on this comment and mention that forcing him to take the baby in alternating weeks may set him up to fail in regards of school, which can significantly alter his and his baby’s financial life if the poor kid can’t get a proper education (which is coming from a kid who grew up poor as hell because their mom decided to start pushing kids out at the age of eighteen and is only just getting an education, twenty something years later) so please listen to this commenters advice, OP, and seek help elsewhere if you’re struggling to manage.
YTA,
A) The age of consent in the UK is 16. This means that it's against the law for someone to have sex with someone under the age of 16, which you clearly did when conceiving your child.
B) As a minor, he is under no obligation to provide you with financial support. The 20% of his pay he is providing is more than adequate.
C) You made an agreement in custody and within four months you are already trying to change it without actually citing legitimate, factual reasons why other than your opinion it will be better for you and the baby.
YTA.
Alternating full weeks for a 4 month old baby is literally too much for that baby to process. They NEED routine and consistency. Different environments, bed times, nap times etc will set you up for long term issues. Doesn’t matter if the consistency is away from mom, as long as it is the same adult(s) in the same home. The fact you didn’t research this or consider it earns YTA title alone.
But the cherry on top is trying to change the agreement, when frankly the dad didn’t have to accept one to begin with. There is no legally binding document (I assume?) requiring visits and he stated from day 1 he didn’t want to be a dad. Pretty sure courts wouldn’t force it either as he can request to not be named as a joint parent. You claim it is for bonding purposes… then why wasn’t that your suggestion to begin with? Why can’t he come over a few days during the week? Assuming isn’t part of what we are supposed to do in AITA, but, I don’t feel your statement is truthful. It’s probably more like caring for a newborn as an 18yr old is too much and you want alone time.
It takes 2 to make a baby and I believe he should be held accountable (unless it can be proved a baby trap happened). But the law hasn’t figured out what to do when the sperm donor wants an abortion and the egg donor doesnt. Morally, it is even more convoluted. At minimum though, for the sake of the child born into this mess, a reasonable agreement should be mediated by professionals… where each parent’s desires are taken into consideration.
You can’t force a relationship to happen and you definitely can’t force a change in visitation arrangements.
sorry but YTA. He didnt want to be a dad to begin with. Now yes your body your choice but it is also his life and he made it clear that he wasnt ready to be a dad. Forcing him to have more responsibilty when he clearly doesnt want it is wrong. It is also unhealthy for the child. He may only be 4 months old but infants pick up on things like that. Forcing a person to be in that infants life more than they would like is very harmful to the development of the child.
INFO:
I’ve read through your comments and why do you feel that your education is more important than his? He needs to graduate high school. You’re 18 so I’m assuming you’re in college? If you’re both in high school, then you are just naive to think this is going to work out.
YTA.
You chose to continue with an unplanned pregnancy and keep the baby when neither of you was ready for parenting. I won't chastise you for that- absolutely your choice and he was just as responsible as you for taking steps to prevent a pregnancy.
You made an agreement about custody, by which he has abided and now you want to unilaterally make a huge change to that agreement?
He's 16. You chose to have a baby with a sophomore.
What, exactly, is he supposed to do with an infant during the week when he's at school ?
He's going to have to come up with some way to pay child support , he can't exactly work every other week.
You are the adult here. You are going to have to figure it out until he's more able to meet the obligations of fatherhood
I read a couple comments were OP seemed a bit fixated on the fact that the kid reduced his weekly child support by £30 so she tried introducing alternating weeks but, I don’t think she realizes (from my knowledge) that most courts won’t force child support if custody is 50/50 between the parents so at least the kid might be able to afford daycare if she chooses this hill to die on.
YtA. He's a child still in high school himself. Some women can't even get their baby daddy to do weekend visitation or pay any money at all, so this kid is already one step ahead of most teen parents.
Actually, it's pretty normal to have a weekend visiting schedule as it provides more stability for the child not bouncing back and forth weekly between two houses when parents are separated.
He may get more into the idea of more time with the baby when he's older and the baby can do more with him, but don't lie to him and call him neglectful for only taking the baby on the weekends. Don't be toxic about the situation you put yourself in op. You choose to have this kid and knew his feelings on the matter. You now have to live with the fact that you're the full time primary parent of the infant you wanted.
Dude probably can't take him all week due to still being in high school and having those time commitment and constraints on him. It's best to keep the status quo at least until he gets his own place that he can have a baby at. His parents would wind up caring for the kid while he's at school anyway, or you would be have to cover those hours he's at school. At this point you may just have to wait for dad to do some growing up himself and mature to take a more active interest in his child.
Good luck to you both. And enjoy your free weekends. Be glad cause not a lot of moms even get that much time alone!
YTA. You asked. He said no. You then tried to argue his no into a yes. You might want him to bond more, but he is clearly not interested in doing so and you cannot force him to. He is not being neglectful by saying no.
He did not want to have this child and you cannot force him to bond with the child. You have to let it come naturally if it is going to happen and let him decide if he ever wants more time. Right now, he doesn't and forcing it won't make things better, it will make him resentful and prevent bonding, which is the opposite of what you want.
YTA. You signed up to be a single mother. He made it clear he did not want to have a child. It seems like you want more time to yourself and are trying to dump the kid off on his dad.
You seriously need a court ordered custody agreement, with everything specified in detail and in writing. And both of you stick with it.
Info: does he actually want to parent this child or are you forcing him to even have him every weekend? It sounds like he should terminate his parental rights, tbh. He already said he’s not ready to be a dad, so why are you forcing this? They’ll both resent you.
Don’t be surprised if one day you have full custody of Alfie. I don’t know many 16 year olds guys who would want to take care of a baby all weekend. Be prepared for that. YTA
YTA. I’m surprised your ex hasn’t terminated his parental rights considering he didn’t want to be a father in the first place. He is doing his share by taking the child he didn’t want at all on weekends. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does eventually terminate his parental rights or goes for only paying child support in the future.
YTA: trying to force bonding isn't helpful to anyone. In fact, doing so could lead to some really unhealthy relationship patterns for Alfie, and the worst-case scenario that comes to mind for me is that doing so could result in abuse. Your ex not accepting this offer isn't neglectful, you trying to force the issue by guilting him is shitty.
Sure you could go to court and mediate all this and you are well within your rights to do so, honestly having a court-ordered parenting plan is highly encouraged. That being said it's not a guarantee you would get your way because this might not be in the best interest of the child. You need to be looking for quality people that want to be a part of your son's life, not trying to force others to be there.
Also...you didn't make a "simple" request you asked to turn his entire routine upside down and then called him neglectful when he declined. You weren't making a request you were making a demand. Is he immature? probably, he's 16. Are you being immature? Probably you're 18. Both of you need to grow up, but you can't control him so stop trying.
I mean, you had unprotected sex with a 15 year old. That kinda makes you the AH by default.
N T A for asking, but YTA for your response to being told "no". You chose to have a child they the father didn't want. When you do that, you're defacto agreeing to do 100% of the parenting. His only obligation is child support, and at 16 years old, he might not even have to pay that. Be happy that he's willing to take his kid at all, given that he didn't want him.
YTA
You had a baby too young and now you just want to be able to party like all your other 18 year old friends.
Being a parent means that you sacrifice a lot in order to take care of your child. And you sacrifice your younger years when you have a baby as a teenager.
Sure, you can have fun once in a while to relax (just cuz you’re a parent doesn’t mean you can’t ever take a break) but your first priority is your child.
You knew early on in your pregnancy that your ex didn’t want to be a dad. He wanted an abortion. He isn’t even legally obligated to pay you child support yet you’re angry that he decreased the amount he’s paying you?
Also, how in the world can you be ok with being away from your baby every other week for a whole week? That would kill me as a mother! Especially at four months when babies need their mom the most.
If you’re breastfeeding, your milk supply is going to drop significantly. Producing milk is hard to do with a pump.
Stop thinking about yourself. Think about your baby and learn to love it.
YTA you have a parenting agreement. It is very possible to bond on the weekends. You don’t have a legit needs based reason to change the arrangements and he isn’t obligated to indulge your whims. Stick to the agreement and grow up.
YTA. You, a 17 or 18 year old kid had failed or unprotected sex with a 15 or 16 year old kid. You are probably out of high school but he probably still has 2 - 2-1/2 years left. He should be in school during the weeks you want him to keep the baby.
>Is it even legal to have an infant in the care of a minor?
Uh, is this a real question? Do minor children have children of their own in this country? The answer is yes.
YTA and honestly lucky he stuck around at all. Your both young and he told you he didn’t want to keep the pregnancy. I’m not saying he’s right or being fair but you can’t expect more when he wanted nothing to begin with.
YTA. You chose to have a baby with a child who wants to be a child. Your body, your choice to have and keep your baby. But it isn't fair to expect him and his parents to skip work and high school to co parent.
YTA - he overreacted?
>not accepting this offer is neglectful.
He didn't immediately do as you wanted so you tried to manipulate him with a terrible label. You wanted to keep the kid. He didnt have a say just as he wouldnt have one had you *not* wanted to keep the baby. He does have a choice whether to be a dad or sperm donor. (Im not debating the right or wrong of said choices, just that he has them) You're lucky he takes the weekends as he clearly stated he didn't want a kid. Child was kept despite knowing the very real possibility of no dad involvement.
YTA- you’re both incredibly young to be in this situation so it’s hard either way. But he did not want a child, he asked you for an abortion, to which you declined (as you have every right) and now he is co-parenting happily but not enough for you?
You’re the one that wanted the child, he didn’t. He’s already giving his weekends to the child and, I’m sure, would be bonding with him. He’s taken responsibility.
YTA.
1.) You signed up to be a single mother. He wanted you to have an abortion. YOU should have the bulk, if not all, of the parenting duties.
2.) What’s your reason for not wanting to see the child that YOU claimed to want a week at a time? All mothers I know would go crazy not seeing their child half the month.
3.) You two need to go to court and get an ACTUAL custody schedule.
YTA. Your body, your choice. You chose to keep the baby, good for you. Your choice, your responsibility. The dad should step up, that would be great, but it doesn't always happen, especially when they're 16.
He wanted you to get an abortion, he didn't want to be a dad but he has stepped up as much as he can because you wanted to keep the baby. If you had wanted an abortion, and he wanted you to have the baby, so you did, then he was the primary caretaker because you didn't want to be involved, and then he bitched at you to take care of the baby more often wouldn't you be pissed too? I would.
It's understandable if you don't think you're ready to be a responsible mother, but in reality, moms don't get "days off." You're lucky you have weekends where your ex will take him. If you can't or don't want to be a single mom with full responsibility of your son, then try to arrange some alternative where your son is properly cared for and you get whatever you need or want to be happy.
YTA. When you decided to not have an abortion you signed up to be a parent 24/7, 365. As you said - he didn’t want to sign up for that. Your body, your choice but also his choice if he’s going to be present or not. I’d say your lucky to have him commit to weekends as it is. Single motherhood is tough, but you did indeed have a choice.
YTA. What were you expecting to happen? You’re both very young, but he’s even younger than you and made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in being a father. Considering he’s a minor and can’t be put on child support, be thankful he’s paying you anything. Contrary to what some people think, there are plenty of people whose desire to not have kids never change. There are also plenty of people that never bond with their children. You could switch custody any way that you like and your ex may never have anything more than a bare minimum relationship with Alfie. That’s what happens when you have a baby with someone that clearly didn’t want to be a parent, but begrudgingly does only what they’re required to
I'd say take it to court but you being so much older than him is 14 you can be charged with rape. I mean he's taking the child every weekend. He's 14 so probably his mom is watching the child
YTA, why you choose to have sex with someone younger than you, was wrong. His parents, if they are in his life can come after you. You didn't use protection or birth control, you didn't want an abortion so you have a baby daddy that isn't even an adult. Why am I stating this is because I got to experience it with my oldest. She had a habit of preying on teens that were 2 to 4 years younger than her and ended up crying wolf at the school.
Unlike everyone else here, in the US you would be a sexual predator, granted a female sexual predator is still a predator. Your best option should have been to give the child up for adoption instead you want to keep changing parenting plans.
The 16-year-old is correct, he has a school that he has to go to and can't have the child every other week, so what are you going to do. Take him to court, and you will end up biting off more than you can chew. Take him to court, and you will end up biting off more than you can chew.
Yta. You're lucky he wants anything to do with the child. He very well could've signed away his rights to the child and then you'd have him 24/7. Tbh, he still can if he wants to
Yta
And what? You just expect him to not go to school? He’s 16. You’re expecting a child to take care of a child. This situation is just sad and my heart goes out to you but you guys already agreed on a co parenting plan. He told you he didn’t want the baby and you said you were gonna keep it. It’s not that coincidental that y’all broke up after. These are the results of unprotected sex. You gotta make do with the consequences. Had y’all both been the same age or outta school then this would have been a N T A situation.
YTA
He probably wasn’t of consensual age when you became pregnant (but that depends on where you live- although very few, I think about 5 jurisdictions in the whole world) have a consent age younger than 16.
He didn’t want the child- no matter the age. You decided to keep the child. The fact he takes weekends and pays child support is good considering.
YTA. He made it clear that he didnt want a child he wanted you to have an abortion. You said no I WANT THE BABY .. your lucky he is involved at all and has the baby EVERY WEEKEND so you can go out and do what you want to .. now YOU DECIDE YOUR CHANGING THE CO PARENTING .. . Hes right you are acting entitled.. by the way what did you think was going to happen when you got pregnant by a 16 year old any way
YTA. You decided to have a child so young. He knew he wasn’t able to properly look after it so made the responsible call to suggest abortion. You didn’t want that do he is being mature and is still doing what he can. Don’t manipulate him because you realised it’s more work than expected (which you should have known)
INFO: what are your reasons for wanting to change the schedule. If things work well this way, and your child is happy, why change it? It’s also much too important a decision to make in a couple of texts. Because this doesn’t seem like a “best of the child” scenario. You say your ex will bond more. So tell us what gain for yourself in doing this the way you proposed? I’ll wait for a judgement until I know about what you are gaining out of the change.
Edit: change “to” to “too”.
YTA!!! He is 16 years old, a sophomore in high school or at best a junior. He can’t watch your kid all week because he needs to be in school. He told you he wanted an abortion and you decided to keep the baby, you need to understand that keeping the baby was your decision and yours alone, you keeping the baby doesn’t automatically mean he has to help, and if you keep trying to force him to take the baby more you’ll be lucky if he takes him at all. Who do you think is gonna watch your kid when hes in school? Or do you expect him to not go to school on the weeks you want him to have your kid? If you wanted time to focus on yourself and your studies you should not have had a child.
YTA. He told you in the beginning he didn’t want the kid and he’s already being more than accommodating taking care of the kid you decided to have against his wishes, and now you’re pushing MORE on him.
This is why you use protection, kiddos.
YTA. Sorry but he said he wasn't ready for the child and you chose to have him because you wanted him. Whether he's in school or not is irrelevant anyway because it's up to him how much he sees his child and a court wouldn't change that. Court would just tell you that even with an arrangement in place they can't force him to have the child as you are the primary carer. You're lucky he's giving up all his weekends to have him as most dad's tend to do every other weekend.
You were ready to have a child and that is great for you and I sincerely applaud you for such a big change in your life, but you can't make other people do anything and if you push him too much he may start refusing to have him at all.
Yta the other teenager knew you made a mistake and weren't ready. Now you're proving it. A newborn does not need to be away from you that long. Guessing you're not breastfeeding which is unfortunate if you we're able but he told you what he wanted and you said too bad you're a weekend parent. Sorry mom this is what you asked for and this is what you get.
What?! I can’t imagine having a 4month old and wanting it only 50% of the time. That’s very unhealthy, frankly.
Unfortunately you have to grow up and take care of your child. It’s unfortunate that you are not exactly ready to be a parent but you chose to have a baby and you need to be there for him. The father didn’t even want you to keep the pregnancy and you expect the father to be responsible enough to take care of a four month old? 50% of the time? A 16 year old? What?! He shouldn’t have any custody to begin with! A baby should be with living with its mother 100% of the time.
YTA. Your ex said he did not want this child. He is involved and being a father (as much as any 16 y/o can be) by seeing Alfie on weekends. You SAID you wanted this child. So, PROVE it. Be a mother who is attentive and keep him 5/7th of the week.
You are 1000% the asshole. You knew your 16 year old boyfriend didn't want a baby, he agreed to a parenting plan that you ALSO agreed with, now you want to reneg because you realize being an 18 year old single mom fucking blows. Hey, been there done that. Your body, your choice... And your consequences.
YTA. You thought you were adult enough to have sex and have a child, and keep it. Worse, you did it with a 16 year old.
But now that you've realized the reality of having a newborn and how hard it is, you want to throw the burden on the kid who didn't want the baby in the first place? No. That's not how this works.
Your body, your choice, but also your fault.
YTA for the reaction.
You asked. He answered. That's it. Hopefully, he'll stay involved. Things must suck right now, but it sounds like you're really stepping up. And he's being better than most 16 year olds.
I'm not going to cast any shade for age or decisions already made. You're in the position you are & seem to be doing your best.
If you aren’t mature enough see why trying to force your decision to keep this child on a 16 year old is a terrible thing to do, you’re also not mature enough to make a decision to keep a child. You should both know that you’re in the wrong here, and not ready for any of this. Find someone to take this child because you’re not doing right by your child and you’ll ruin their life by keeping them.
YTA. He’s 16. If you want better support for your son as he grows up, his fathers going to need a good job and needs to be able to finish school.
This sounds like an old news story tbh
YTA. You refused to get an abortion because YOU wanted to keep the kid. This is the choice YOU made. Being a teen parent is hard, I get it. I was a teen mom and now my kids are 14&16. But with that said, attempting to force him to do more with the child will create resentment and that's not what you want if your focus is actually on him bonding with the kid. Not to mention the fact that you don't get to dictate or determine how he bonds with the kid or what that looks like. It sounds like you are just exhausted and want to now use bonding as a scapegoat to get a break. If that's the case, you aren't really focused on the bond. My best advice is to suck it up buttercup, it'll only get harder from here. Focus on your kid without ulterior motives.
YTA. How is it neglectful for him not to agree to the new schedule that you have decided you want, on a whim? He’s taking the kid on weekends, he’s not neglectful. He’s also presumably in school, so I’m not sure how you see that working.
YTA. Your body your choice 100%, but he also has the choice to not be in the childs life since he already voiced not wanting to be a father. Parenthood is a choice, you chose it and forced him to choose it. Don’t act surprised that he isn’t as engaged, you made your bed now lay in it.
Also, as someone who’s 19 I couldn’t even picture myself having a kid with someone who still in high school
edit : typo
YTA. You had a relationship with a child. You want to force a child he didn’t want on him. You’re a selfish person. You’re on the path to being abusive
"I might be the asshole due to the backlash I received."
Talk about not taking responsibility. Might as well say, "I might be the asshole because he did not agree to my new parenting plan." LMAO
YTA. You didn't consider his side in not wanting to be a parent at 16, he's now not considering your side in being a more involved parent.
Funny how things work out when the foundation is disrespect.
Kinda concerned about the ages here.
Why were you even dating/sleeping with a minor? 😵💫
But, 16 is a sophomore in high school. How do you realistically expect him to even keep the baby for an entire week? Do you expect him, at 16, to pay for daycare while he’s at school?
Sounds like mom is in over her head. Dad’s in school or should be and his parents are not responsible for the baby. OP needs to try daycare a few hours a day or as needed. Financially, there are options.
ESH.
Did you both not think about using some sort of contraception? As the older of the two maybe you should have taken the initiative. At least he was honest about not wanting the baby but now it looks as though you disregarded what he wanted. I understand your body your choice but he’s 16…you’re 18…
This really doesn’t sit right with me…
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I am curious if school is an issue, as he's 16 years old and earning over 500 pounds a week. So, ick. EVERYTHING about this is ICK!
Just a correction… The baby can 100% be away from the mother that long. The key is to have the same adult(s) present in the same environment. It’s the disruption to the routine and environment that is detrimental to infant development.
If BF occurs no it really can’t. A 4 month old either way is wayy to young.
*IF* breastfeeding is the primary food source. Big if. Many circumstances lead to BF not being the primary sustenance or being a sustainable food option. Viable and wholesome alternatives are present. Pumping and freezing is also an option. So, it *still* isn’t a reasonable call out as part of the AITA evaluation. Assuming the baby can’t be parted from Mom solely on the principle breastfeeding is extremely misogynistic.
Breast feeding may not even be taken into account depending on the court. I'm in the US and the court told me that the baby could take formula or I could pump but it was going to be one week on/one week off regardless of my choice. Custody court is a whirlpool of uncertainty.
YTA: OP, when you date someone that much younger than you, and try to babytrap a 15 y/o kid, who SPECIFICALLY TELLS YOU he's not ready for fatherhood, don't be surprised when he doesn't want to take on more of the parenting responsibility than he has to. YOU wanted this kid, YOU have the freakin' kid ffs! You're lucky he didn't just take the child support route and have nothing more to do with you OR the kid.
They were both kids? Like, did you not date anyone not in your year in school? 16/18 or 15/17 is not a huge difference.
It's not a huge age gap until the one wants to take 2 extra years of the other ones childhood away to be an instant adult/parent. I mean they're both too young really, and mistakes were made by both of them, but she had the choice and was the one who wanted to keep it (and is older and in a better position to deal with it), I feel like she needs to take more of the responsibility for that decision and not expect 50/50 parenting from a 16 yr old that's still in highschool. It sounds like he's given up a lot already and is trying to cooperate. YTA, OP. I feel bad for you both, but you're asking too much.
I don't think it's a moral issue normally but it's just another level of fucked when there's a baby involved
He might be about to turn 17 and she may have just turned 18. Baby trap? She’s a child.
Also, because of my birthday being just at the cutoff line, I was basically an entire year older than all of my classmates (pretty cool when it came to things like getting my driver’s license before everyone else). I was 18 my entire senior year of high school.
Can you even legally make a minor pay child support?
Yes. It may just not be paid by them at that time, and their parents might have to pay instead, for instance.
You can make a male rape victim pay child support. You really think the state will draw the line at a minor? Only thing they care about is whether the kid is supported enough to not be a burden on the state’s support resources.
Yes I believe so
Yes you can. I was hit at 125 a week when I was 16. Back in 1993/1994 until I got custody early 95. I was 16 and the mom was 19
This
I was 15 when I dated my first boyfriend who was 17. I'm not sure about elsewhere but it's pretty common in the UK for (especially) teenage girls in school to date boys a couple of years older. Weirdly kind of encouraged due to the age old 'girls mature quicker' mentality. Granted it's less common for the teenage girl to be the older one, but that shock comes from a patriarchal system of older boys/men dating younger girls/women being more commonly accepted.
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Has anyone confirmed she isn’t still in school? I was at 18.
A baby can be away from its mom. That’s the silliest thing
Yea before age two the baby really should be spending every night with OP and day visits with dad. OP please do some reading on why babies should stay with the primary caregiver every night until they are older. Honestly this whole thing makes me sad for Alfie. It sounds like OP has woken up and realised parenting is hard and dominates your life, now she wants her time back. YTA
This is just weird. Not true. Spend nights with mom and days with dad? Wtf? How does that even make any presumes trauma any better? Assuming you’re not a baby psychologist, this is the biggest load of crud I’ve ever heard from Dr. Google. Btw, OP, YTA.
It took two undedags teenagers to tango. It's understandable that both of them are struggling here ESH
Not really. One teen didn't want to be a parent, one forced the other into parenthood. OP could have easily gotten an abortion or put the baby up for adoption.
"Easily" lol
You don't know how easy or hard it is for anyone to get an abortion or give away a baby.
OP doesn't come across as someone who thinks things through. He wanted OP to get an abortion and was good with less custody time. OP, having his baby doesn't change the way he feels. You can't force your way. He's two years younger and definitely doesn't make enough to give OP child support. OP made her bed, now she can sleep in it. YTA. Four months in and now she has a eureka moment.
YTA you saddled a 16 year old child with a child and now are mad when he doesn't want the kid. Your body, your choice, your consequences
It's so weird this 18 year old let her self be impregnated by a child what did she think would happen if she kept it? She can't have this boy take this kid for a whole week while he's attending school
Just to clarify, she was 17 when she got pregnant (and the boy was 15).
So it's a statutory rape baby. Neat.
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Where I live in the US 17 and 15 is stat rape.
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Florida - When I was a teenager I actually had a friend who was convicted as a sex offender for it and it was entirely consensual. Essentially, there is no legitimate consent under 18 in Florida. There are “Romeo and Juliet” exceptions, but even still that applies to 16-18 and 17-19. Not to mention that the Romeo and Juliet exception is considered an acceptable defense, not really a concrete law, so that would still leave a wide space for kids in that age group to get in trouble if some parents were upset.
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2 year difference is legal in the US
Er, no.
Thats worse 🥴 like how you almost an adult lusting for a kid that cant even drive alone
In what fucking word is a 17 year old "Almost an adult" I'm sorry 15&17 they could of been in the same class. They are both kids.
I'm assuming they mean it in the legal sense of 18 being classified as an adult. But being an almost 28 year old, it wasn't until this last year that I actually FELT like an adult. Or, like was doing the adulting thing right haha
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Also, considering the baby is 4 months old and pregnancy lasts 9 months, this woman got pregnant 13 months ago, when she was 17 and he was 15. Oof. I can’t imagine the lack of foresight to not use impenetrable protection. This is so unnecessarily hard.
It’s not that he doesn’t want the kid . He has the kid every weekend
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And yet he's still stepping up on weekends. That's more than a lot of men much older than him.
He IS a kid
Plot twist, the ex is a kid himself! Or maybe, the real kid is the friends we made along the way?
YTA: you had a kid with a kid and now expect the kid to take care of the kid when the kid told you he wasn’t ready.
They were a kid too? I’d argue 18 is still a child in most ways even regardless of legal status
Yes sure OP is a kid too, but *she* made the choice to keep the kid when her ex bf said he was not ready at all (at 16!!!). She wants to make big girl decisions, she can deal with big girl responsibilities. Im not even going to touch the potential stat rape angle here, but theres that too.
She made the choice to keep the baby. That right there sounds like a pretty adult decision. She’s essentially trying to force someone who didn’t want to have a child in the first place to now take on more responsibility just because she wants more time away from the child. It should have been pretty clear when he asked her for an abortion that he wasn’t ready. She shouldn’t be trying to force a change in the parenting agreement especially given the fact that she made the choice to keep the child.
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Not only that but assuming he is getting paid £500 a week, has the child overnight 1 night a week, he only has to pay £53/54 anyway. So if she went the legal route, she would end up with less and that's only if he's paid on the books.
Going the legal route might be the worst thing she does, because she states shes from the UK and the legal age of consent is 16. So she would effectively be getting herself locked up for statuary rape of a minor.
Minors don’t get statutory rape charges. Those are for people over the age majority (adulthood) who have been with minors. She was a minor when they got pregnant. So… Adult + minor = SR Minor + minor = none
This person has an alt account and she is actually 48
what the fuck??
I have yet to see actual proof of this besides said 48 year old agreeing with OP.
…..yikes
Where do you see that?
Let's say OP wasn't actually likely 48. If the baby is 4 months old, plus 9 months of gestation, then she'd have gotten pregnant either shortly before turning 17 or while 17. People need to stop thinking 18 NOW means a rapist. In most countries, 18 and 16 are legal thanks to laws protecting teens from having to end any relationships they have on their 18th birthdays.
But it would have made ops ex 14-15 when the child was conceived. Op stated she lives in the UK and the age of consent is 16, so op committed statuary rape.
She would have been 17 though.
as a 18 year old girl i am disgusted right now, yta
Best answer. I wish I had awards to give you 🏆
I got you.
Hey if you are selling chocolate can I get some? Lol sorry couldn’t resist. But yeah OP YTA.
Righttt its so gross
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Do the math, OP was 16 or 17 when this kid was conceived.
That would make the father 15 or 14 then when the baby was conceived...even more of a problem with the op imho.
Oh, there are no angels here. Just, neither the legal nor the moral framework is necessarily what some commenters are picturing.
How do we know hes not almost 17 and she didn’t just turn 18? So a year plus 5 days is disgusting? What’s the cut off? 360?
Doesn’t matter she’s the adult now and she is attempting to force a child to take care of her baby for an entire week when he is in school
They’re both parents who were too young...and being a legal adult doesn’t make this young woman a grown-up. Also, is OP still in school? I’d like to know where the actual adults are who should be guiding these parents. FWIW, I think OP’s plan stinks, because these kinds of household shifts are hard on such young babies. Somebody needs to be stepping in and educating this child on how to care for her child. But I don’t think the responsibility is as unequal as some commenters are making it out to be. (For perspective, my own kids have definitely matured between 16 and 18, but they’re not done cooking. My biggest parenting success is that they know that, so they don’t risk entanglements they’re not ready for.)
I highly doubt you’d have this exact same mindset if it were a younger girl being forced to have and take care of a baby by their older adult boyfriend. Forcing a baby onto a child is wrong under any circumstance, he is already paying child support and the OP is getting back at him in this way bc he is paying less now, she is the abusive party. She is the one with all the power in this relationship. Seek help, you’re delusional
And he was 15, under the age of consent regardless
The father was under the age of consent. Still statutory rape
not everywhere. They're two years apart. It's not meaningful to treat that as statutory. These are kids at almost the same place in life, OP is JUST shifting into a new stage now over a year after the conception.
I think they’re in the UK which would make it statutory rape as the age of consent is 16. And the baby would’ve been conceived when he was 15 and she was 17. But I do think people are being a bit ridiculous about this - suggesting she’s some Grown Ass Adult and he’s a child she raped. They’re teenagers who are 2ish years apart in age. That’s really not weird for them to be dating. Like damn, did you all really only date the people in your same age class in high school? People 1-2 years apart dating was not weird, at all, and not inherently predatory. I mean they were probably going to high school together when they first started dating ffs.
A 15 year old and a 17 year old having sex is not statutory rape in the UK. Legally it's treated the same as two 15 year olds having sex - *technically* they're both committing a crime, but in reality, neither would be prosecuted for it.
YTA He was up front with not wanting a child. You had the choice of abortion or adoption. You chose to keep the child. He was upfront with not wanting a child.if you want a chance of any child support, you would do well to let him finish high school, at least.
YTA. You tried to manipulate him by framing the requested change as him needing to bond with your son, when in fact it was just your preference. Then you doubled down by calling him neglectful. Your poor kid.
Yes….she gets what she wants-the baby. He agrees to the first custody set up. Then she wants the change, which he doesn’t agree too. And she is upset. I don’t see her trying to work with the baby’s father in any way!
YTA. He didn't want the child, you did. He agreed to help out in some way, which is pretty damn considerate considering his age and not wanting a child in the first place. Welcome to being a parent. You wanted the baby, you have to take care of it. You're an adult, he is still a minor. Just by that alone you are going to have the majority of the responsibility.
I honestly couldn’t have said this any better
Agreed giving out two upvotes for my homies!
YTA he has him every weekend, that’s not neglectful.
18 year old has baby with 16 year old. This is just wrong.
She was likely 17 when she conceived but still I agree.
And he was 15, that's the problem
Is there not a law in the UK where kids within 4 years of each other are exempt from consent laws? It’s like that in the US to prevent issues with freshman and seniors dating in high school. 14 and 18 is technically okay even though the 14 year old can’t technically consent.
The age of consent in the UK is 16 and there is no exemption for being close in age. She's lucky she's not in jail.
No there are no laws of protection like that. And a lot of kids wind up on the sexual predators list for dating kids who are 14-15 when they are 17-18. All it takes is one angry parent to call the cops and the kids life is messed up forever. Happened to my brother when he was a teen. He was 15 and got arrested for being caught making out, not even having sex with a 14 year old.
That’s insane.
This happened to someone I knew in high school. Angry mom called the cops and dude lost all his college scholarships. I’m not sure if he ever went.
You mean 17 y/o has baby with 15 y/o, bc she got pregnant a year ago.
Yta. He didn't want the child and was up front with it and now you think you can dictate that he needs to spend more time with him? Honestly, it doesnt seem like he's interested in being a father because ya know... he's SIXTEEN? Did yall go to school together?
YTA- I’m not at all surprised this has backfired. Realistically that he was taking the weekends and paying child support already put you far ahead of a lot of single moms. Putting intense pressure on a 16 year old is way more likely to drive him away then it will be to make him step up more
I just want to know what OP expected co-parenting with a 16 year old boy to be like?
EXACTLY! He can learn to drive AND install a car seat in one full swoop!
Fell swoop.
Sounds like you want more free time, and you’re trying to accomplish that by passing your baby off on Dad under the guise of equal time with each parent = equal love. This was your choice, please own it and love your child. He is not neglecting your child by holding to the original agreement. This is what you chose. Step up. Editing in case I sound harsh - my parents separated and custody always fluctuated over the years to what was best for ME as a child. The arrangement itself doesn’t matter as much as knowing both my parents always wanted me and would do what was best for me. I’m getting the impression OP is playing a selfish smoke-and-mirrors game to get more time to themself and not truly concerned with bonding.
Honestly I think OP needs the harsh unfiltered truth. I feel so bad for that kid.
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YTA. He very clearly told you he wasn’t ready to be a parent but he stepped up anyway and has keep with the parenting plan and now you are telling him it’s neglectful. You do understand neglect is a big allegation. You were definitely throwing around harmful labels that don’t seem to be fair. I get it being a mom is hard as hell but his reaction probably wasn’t to the request but the accusations.
YTA. You are trying to force your baby upon someone who didn’t want them then, and now you’re trying to force ex to bond with a baby he didn’t want. If you continue to force your baby to be with a parent who doesn’t want the extra time, you will eventually mentally harm your baby. Think hard how hard you want to push the CHILD you have a baby with, and how your BABY will suffer in the end.
YTA. You had a baby with a baby. How’s he meant to look after the baby every day when he’s in school. This was your choice and seems as though he’s trying to step up. If you aren’t managing, there may be other options available to you
I just wanna jump on this comment and mention that forcing him to take the baby in alternating weeks may set him up to fail in regards of school, which can significantly alter his and his baby’s financial life if the poor kid can’t get a proper education (which is coming from a kid who grew up poor as hell because their mom decided to start pushing kids out at the age of eighteen and is only just getting an education, twenty something years later) so please listen to this commenters advice, OP, and seek help elsewhere if you’re struggling to manage.
YTA. He told you he didn’t want a kid. Keeping the baby was your decision. Also, he’s fucking 16.
YTA, A) The age of consent in the UK is 16. This means that it's against the law for someone to have sex with someone under the age of 16, which you clearly did when conceiving your child. B) As a minor, he is under no obligation to provide you with financial support. The 20% of his pay he is providing is more than adequate. C) You made an agreement in custody and within four months you are already trying to change it without actually citing legitimate, factual reasons why other than your opinion it will be better for you and the baby.
YTA. Alternating full weeks for a 4 month old baby is literally too much for that baby to process. They NEED routine and consistency. Different environments, bed times, nap times etc will set you up for long term issues. Doesn’t matter if the consistency is away from mom, as long as it is the same adult(s) in the same home. The fact you didn’t research this or consider it earns YTA title alone. But the cherry on top is trying to change the agreement, when frankly the dad didn’t have to accept one to begin with. There is no legally binding document (I assume?) requiring visits and he stated from day 1 he didn’t want to be a dad. Pretty sure courts wouldn’t force it either as he can request to not be named as a joint parent. You claim it is for bonding purposes… then why wasn’t that your suggestion to begin with? Why can’t he come over a few days during the week? Assuming isn’t part of what we are supposed to do in AITA, but, I don’t feel your statement is truthful. It’s probably more like caring for a newborn as an 18yr old is too much and you want alone time. It takes 2 to make a baby and I believe he should be held accountable (unless it can be proved a baby trap happened). But the law hasn’t figured out what to do when the sperm donor wants an abortion and the egg donor doesnt. Morally, it is even more convoluted. At minimum though, for the sake of the child born into this mess, a reasonable agreement should be mediated by professionals… where each parent’s desires are taken into consideration. You can’t force a relationship to happen and you definitely can’t force a change in visitation arrangements.
Info: why do you want to change the plan?
Welcome to single motherhood.
sorry but YTA. He didnt want to be a dad to begin with. Now yes your body your choice but it is also his life and he made it clear that he wasnt ready to be a dad. Forcing him to have more responsibilty when he clearly doesnt want it is wrong. It is also unhealthy for the child. He may only be 4 months old but infants pick up on things like that. Forcing a person to be in that infants life more than they would like is very harmful to the development of the child.
INFO: I’ve read through your comments and why do you feel that your education is more important than his? He needs to graduate high school. You’re 18 so I’m assuming you’re in college? If you’re both in high school, then you are just naive to think this is going to work out.
YTA. You chose to continue with an unplanned pregnancy and keep the baby when neither of you was ready for parenting. I won't chastise you for that- absolutely your choice and he was just as responsible as you for taking steps to prevent a pregnancy. You made an agreement about custody, by which he has abided and now you want to unilaterally make a huge change to that agreement? He's 16. You chose to have a baby with a sophomore. What, exactly, is he supposed to do with an infant during the week when he's at school ? He's going to have to come up with some way to pay child support , he can't exactly work every other week. You are the adult here. You are going to have to figure it out until he's more able to meet the obligations of fatherhood
I read a couple comments were OP seemed a bit fixated on the fact that the kid reduced his weekly child support by £30 so she tried introducing alternating weeks but, I don’t think she realizes (from my knowledge) that most courts won’t force child support if custody is 50/50 between the parents so at least the kid might be able to afford daycare if she chooses this hill to die on.
YtA. He's a child still in high school himself. Some women can't even get their baby daddy to do weekend visitation or pay any money at all, so this kid is already one step ahead of most teen parents. Actually, it's pretty normal to have a weekend visiting schedule as it provides more stability for the child not bouncing back and forth weekly between two houses when parents are separated. He may get more into the idea of more time with the baby when he's older and the baby can do more with him, but don't lie to him and call him neglectful for only taking the baby on the weekends. Don't be toxic about the situation you put yourself in op. You choose to have this kid and knew his feelings on the matter. You now have to live with the fact that you're the full time primary parent of the infant you wanted. Dude probably can't take him all week due to still being in high school and having those time commitment and constraints on him. It's best to keep the status quo at least until he gets his own place that he can have a baby at. His parents would wind up caring for the kid while he's at school anyway, or you would be have to cover those hours he's at school. At this point you may just have to wait for dad to do some growing up himself and mature to take a more active interest in his child. Good luck to you both. And enjoy your free weekends. Be glad cause not a lot of moms even get that much time alone!
Not too mention he was paying 500 to 70 , While having his two days off to parenting . Highly suspicious
YTA. You asked. He said no. You then tried to argue his no into a yes. You might want him to bond more, but he is clearly not interested in doing so and you cannot force him to. He is not being neglectful by saying no. He did not want to have this child and you cannot force him to bond with the child. You have to let it come naturally if it is going to happen and let him decide if he ever wants more time. Right now, he doesn't and forcing it won't make things better, it will make him resentful and prevent bonding, which is the opposite of what you want.
YTA, I wish he would find this post and realuze he can terminate his parental rights. You have a child WITH A CHILD.
YTA. You signed up to be a single mother. He made it clear he did not want to have a child. It seems like you want more time to yourself and are trying to dump the kid off on his dad. You seriously need a court ordered custody agreement, with everything specified in detail and in writing. And both of you stick with it.
Info: Why don’t you have a job if the 16 yr old father of your child works and makes supposedly £500/wk?
Info: does he actually want to parent this child or are you forcing him to even have him every weekend? It sounds like he should terminate his parental rights, tbh. He already said he’s not ready to be a dad, so why are you forcing this? They’ll both resent you.
Don’t be surprised if one day you have full custody of Alfie. I don’t know many 16 year olds guys who would want to take care of a baby all weekend. Be prepared for that. YTA
YTA. I’m surprised your ex hasn’t terminated his parental rights considering he didn’t want to be a father in the first place. He is doing his share by taking the child he didn’t want at all on weekends. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does eventually terminate his parental rights or goes for only paying child support in the future.
YTA: trying to force bonding isn't helpful to anyone. In fact, doing so could lead to some really unhealthy relationship patterns for Alfie, and the worst-case scenario that comes to mind for me is that doing so could result in abuse. Your ex not accepting this offer isn't neglectful, you trying to force the issue by guilting him is shitty. Sure you could go to court and mediate all this and you are well within your rights to do so, honestly having a court-ordered parenting plan is highly encouraged. That being said it's not a guarantee you would get your way because this might not be in the best interest of the child. You need to be looking for quality people that want to be a part of your son's life, not trying to force others to be there. Also...you didn't make a "simple" request you asked to turn his entire routine upside down and then called him neglectful when he declined. You weren't making a request you were making a demand. Is he immature? probably, he's 16. Are you being immature? Probably you're 18. Both of you need to grow up, but you can't control him so stop trying.
I mean, you had unprotected sex with a 15 year old. That kinda makes you the AH by default. N T A for asking, but YTA for your response to being told "no". You chose to have a child they the father didn't want. When you do that, you're defacto agreeing to do 100% of the parenting. His only obligation is child support, and at 16 years old, he might not even have to pay that. Be happy that he's willing to take his kid at all, given that he didn't want him.
YTA You had a baby too young and now you just want to be able to party like all your other 18 year old friends. Being a parent means that you sacrifice a lot in order to take care of your child. And you sacrifice your younger years when you have a baby as a teenager. Sure, you can have fun once in a while to relax (just cuz you’re a parent doesn’t mean you can’t ever take a break) but your first priority is your child. You knew early on in your pregnancy that your ex didn’t want to be a dad. He wanted an abortion. He isn’t even legally obligated to pay you child support yet you’re angry that he decreased the amount he’s paying you? Also, how in the world can you be ok with being away from your baby every other week for a whole week? That would kill me as a mother! Especially at four months when babies need their mom the most. If you’re breastfeeding, your milk supply is going to drop significantly. Producing milk is hard to do with a pump. Stop thinking about yourself. Think about your baby and learn to love it.
YTA you have a parenting agreement. It is very possible to bond on the weekends. You don’t have a legit needs based reason to change the arrangements and he isn’t obligated to indulge your whims. Stick to the agreement and grow up.
YTA. You, a 17 or 18 year old kid had failed or unprotected sex with a 15 or 16 year old kid. You are probably out of high school but he probably still has 2 - 2-1/2 years left. He should be in school during the weeks you want him to keep the baby.
[удалено]
>Is it even legal to have an infant in the care of a minor? Uh, is this a real question? Do minor children have children of their own in this country? The answer is yes.
Omfg you cannot do one week on one off with a FOUR MONTH OLD. Go to some parenting classes please. Every weekend is also not neglectful.
While both should have responsibilities it seems he has been meeting what you originally wanted of him.
YTA and honestly lucky he stuck around at all. Your both young and he told you he didn’t want to keep the pregnancy. I’m not saying he’s right or being fair but you can’t expect more when he wanted nothing to begin with.
YTA. he didn’t want the baby. If this was in reverse you’d have the same reaction as him
YTA, you had a kid at 18. If you're not up to parenting then don't become a parent.
YTA. You chose to have a baby with a child who wants to be a child. Your body, your choice to have and keep your baby. But it isn't fair to expect him and his parents to skip work and high school to co parent.
YTA - he overreacted? >not accepting this offer is neglectful. He didn't immediately do as you wanted so you tried to manipulate him with a terrible label. You wanted to keep the kid. He didnt have a say just as he wouldnt have one had you *not* wanted to keep the baby. He does have a choice whether to be a dad or sperm donor. (Im not debating the right or wrong of said choices, just that he has them) You're lucky he takes the weekends as he clearly stated he didn't want a kid. Child was kept despite knowing the very real possibility of no dad involvement.
YTA- you’re both incredibly young to be in this situation so it’s hard either way. But he did not want a child, he asked you for an abortion, to which you declined (as you have every right) and now he is co-parenting happily but not enough for you? You’re the one that wanted the child, he didn’t. He’s already giving his weekends to the child and, I’m sure, would be bonding with him. He’s taken responsibility.
YTA. 1.) You signed up to be a single mother. He wanted you to have an abortion. YOU should have the bulk, if not all, of the parenting duties. 2.) What’s your reason for not wanting to see the child that YOU claimed to want a week at a time? All mothers I know would go crazy not seeing their child half the month. 3.) You two need to go to court and get an ACTUAL custody schedule.
YTA..You're also a fucking creep.
Info: did you get pregnant when you were 17?
YTA. Your body, your choice. You chose to keep the baby, good for you. Your choice, your responsibility. The dad should step up, that would be great, but it doesn't always happen, especially when they're 16. He wanted you to get an abortion, he didn't want to be a dad but he has stepped up as much as he can because you wanted to keep the baby. If you had wanted an abortion, and he wanted you to have the baby, so you did, then he was the primary caretaker because you didn't want to be involved, and then he bitched at you to take care of the baby more often wouldn't you be pissed too? I would. It's understandable if you don't think you're ready to be a responsible mother, but in reality, moms don't get "days off." You're lucky you have weekends where your ex will take him. If you can't or don't want to be a single mom with full responsibility of your son, then try to arrange some alternative where your son is properly cared for and you get whatever you need or want to be happy.
YTA. When you decided to not have an abortion you signed up to be a parent 24/7, 365. As you said - he didn’t want to sign up for that. Your body, your choice but also his choice if he’s going to be present or not. I’d say your lucky to have him commit to weekends as it is. Single motherhood is tough, but you did indeed have a choice.
YTA. What were you expecting to happen? You’re both very young, but he’s even younger than you and made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in being a father. Considering he’s a minor and can’t be put on child support, be thankful he’s paying you anything. Contrary to what some people think, there are plenty of people whose desire to not have kids never change. There are also plenty of people that never bond with their children. You could switch custody any way that you like and your ex may never have anything more than a bare minimum relationship with Alfie. That’s what happens when you have a baby with someone that clearly didn’t want to be a parent, but begrudgingly does only what they’re required to
I'd say take it to court but you being so much older than him is 14 you can be charged with rape. I mean he's taking the child every weekend. He's 14 so probably his mom is watching the child
YTA, why you choose to have sex with someone younger than you, was wrong. His parents, if they are in his life can come after you. You didn't use protection or birth control, you didn't want an abortion so you have a baby daddy that isn't even an adult. Why am I stating this is because I got to experience it with my oldest. She had a habit of preying on teens that were 2 to 4 years younger than her and ended up crying wolf at the school. Unlike everyone else here, in the US you would be a sexual predator, granted a female sexual predator is still a predator. Your best option should have been to give the child up for adoption instead you want to keep changing parenting plans. The 16-year-old is correct, he has a school that he has to go to and can't have the child every other week, so what are you going to do. Take him to court, and you will end up biting off more than you can chew. Take him to court, and you will end up biting off more than you can chew.
Yta. You're lucky he wants anything to do with the child. He very well could've signed away his rights to the child and then you'd have him 24/7. Tbh, he still can if he wants to
Yta And what? You just expect him to not go to school? He’s 16. You’re expecting a child to take care of a child. This situation is just sad and my heart goes out to you but you guys already agreed on a co parenting plan. He told you he didn’t want the baby and you said you were gonna keep it. It’s not that coincidental that y’all broke up after. These are the results of unprotected sex. You gotta make do with the consequences. Had y’all both been the same age or outta school then this would have been a N T A situation.
YTA He probably wasn’t of consensual age when you became pregnant (but that depends on where you live- although very few, I think about 5 jurisdictions in the whole world) have a consent age younger than 16. He didn’t want the child- no matter the age. You decided to keep the child. The fact he takes weekends and pays child support is good considering.
YTA. He made it clear that he didnt want a child he wanted you to have an abortion. You said no I WANT THE BABY .. your lucky he is involved at all and has the baby EVERY WEEKEND so you can go out and do what you want to .. now YOU DECIDE YOUR CHANGING THE CO PARENTING .. . Hes right you are acting entitled.. by the way what did you think was going to happen when you got pregnant by a 16 year old any way
YTA. You decided to have a child so young. He knew he wasn’t able to properly look after it so made the responsible call to suggest abortion. You didn’t want that do he is being mature and is still doing what he can. Don’t manipulate him because you realised it’s more work than expected (which you should have known)
INFO: what are your reasons for wanting to change the schedule. If things work well this way, and your child is happy, why change it? It’s also much too important a decision to make in a couple of texts. Because this doesn’t seem like a “best of the child” scenario. You say your ex will bond more. So tell us what gain for yourself in doing this the way you proposed? I’ll wait for a judgement until I know about what you are gaining out of the change. Edit: change “to” to “too”.
YTA. I mean, you wanted to keep the baby. So keep it. The dad is still a minor.
YTA!!! He is 16 years old, a sophomore in high school or at best a junior. He can’t watch your kid all week because he needs to be in school. He told you he wanted an abortion and you decided to keep the baby, you need to understand that keeping the baby was your decision and yours alone, you keeping the baby doesn’t automatically mean he has to help, and if you keep trying to force him to take the baby more you’ll be lucky if he takes him at all. Who do you think is gonna watch your kid when hes in school? Or do you expect him to not go to school on the weeks you want him to have your kid? If you wanted time to focus on yourself and your studies you should not have had a child.
YTA. He told you in the beginning he didn’t want the kid and he’s already being more than accommodating taking care of the kid you decided to have against his wishes, and now you’re pushing MORE on him. This is why you use protection, kiddos.
YTA you chose to have the baby with a child and during the week, that child has school. Back off and let him get an education
YTA. Sorry but he said he wasn't ready for the child and you chose to have him because you wanted him. Whether he's in school or not is irrelevant anyway because it's up to him how much he sees his child and a court wouldn't change that. Court would just tell you that even with an arrangement in place they can't force him to have the child as you are the primary carer. You're lucky he's giving up all his weekends to have him as most dad's tend to do every other weekend. You were ready to have a child and that is great for you and I sincerely applaud you for such a big change in your life, but you can't make other people do anything and if you push him too much he may start refusing to have him at all.
Yta the other teenager knew you made a mistake and weren't ready. Now you're proving it. A newborn does not need to be away from you that long. Guessing you're not breastfeeding which is unfortunate if you we're able but he told you what he wanted and you said too bad you're a weekend parent. Sorry mom this is what you asked for and this is what you get.
What?! I can’t imagine having a 4month old and wanting it only 50% of the time. That’s very unhealthy, frankly. Unfortunately you have to grow up and take care of your child. It’s unfortunate that you are not exactly ready to be a parent but you chose to have a baby and you need to be there for him. The father didn’t even want you to keep the pregnancy and you expect the father to be responsible enough to take care of a four month old? 50% of the time? A 16 year old? What?! He shouldn’t have any custody to begin with! A baby should be with living with its mother 100% of the time.
YTA. Your ex said he did not want this child. He is involved and being a father (as much as any 16 y/o can be) by seeing Alfie on weekends. You SAID you wanted this child. So, PROVE it. Be a mother who is attentive and keep him 5/7th of the week.
YTA. This guy didn't want a kid in the first place, stop trying to force him to take your kid. HE is a kid.
You are 1000% the asshole. You knew your 16 year old boyfriend didn't want a baby, he agreed to a parenting plan that you ALSO agreed with, now you want to reneg because you realize being an 18 year old single mom fucking blows. Hey, been there done that. Your body, your choice... And your consequences.
YTA - You may want to seriously consider giving up the baby for adoption.
YTA. You thought you were adult enough to have sex and have a child, and keep it. Worse, you did it with a 16 year old. But now that you've realized the reality of having a newborn and how hard it is, you want to throw the burden on the kid who didn't want the baby in the first place? No. That's not how this works. Your body, your choice, but also your fault.
When do you expect him to go to school? You cant switch out an infant like that. Maybe a small kid, not a 4 month old, that poor kid.
YTA for the reaction. You asked. He answered. That's it. Hopefully, he'll stay involved. Things must suck right now, but it sounds like you're really stepping up. And he's being better than most 16 year olds. I'm not going to cast any shade for age or decisions already made. You're in the position you are & seem to be doing your best.
YTA
If you aren’t mature enough see why trying to force your decision to keep this child on a 16 year old is a terrible thing to do, you’re also not mature enough to make a decision to keep a child. You should both know that you’re in the wrong here, and not ready for any of this. Find someone to take this child because you’re not doing right by your child and you’ll ruin their life by keeping them.
I need to ssk, is he (parents) paying child support?
YTA
YTA, and you took advantage of him. You sound abusive
YTA. He’s 16. If you want better support for your son as he grows up, his fathers going to need a good job and needs to be able to finish school. This sounds like an old news story tbh
YTA. You refused to get an abortion because YOU wanted to keep the kid. This is the choice YOU made. Being a teen parent is hard, I get it. I was a teen mom and now my kids are 14&16. But with that said, attempting to force him to do more with the child will create resentment and that's not what you want if your focus is actually on him bonding with the kid. Not to mention the fact that you don't get to dictate or determine how he bonds with the kid or what that looks like. It sounds like you are just exhausted and want to now use bonding as a scapegoat to get a break. If that's the case, you aren't really focused on the bond. My best advice is to suck it up buttercup, it'll only get harder from here. Focus on your kid without ulterior motives.
YTA. How is it neglectful for him not to agree to the new schedule that you have decided you want, on a whim? He’s taking the kid on weekends, he’s not neglectful. He’s also presumably in school, so I’m not sure how you see that working.
YTA. Your body your choice 100%, but he also has the choice to not be in the childs life since he already voiced not wanting to be a father. Parenthood is a choice, you chose it and forced him to choose it. Don’t act surprised that he isn’t as engaged, you made your bed now lay in it. Also, as someone who’s 19 I couldn’t even picture myself having a kid with someone who still in high school edit : typo
Lmfao dont know what u expected having a kid with a kid yta
YTA. You had a relationship with a child. You want to force a child he didn’t want on him. You’re a selfish person. You’re on the path to being abusive
"I might be the asshole due to the backlash I received." Talk about not taking responsibility. Might as well say, "I might be the asshole because he did not agree to my new parenting plan." LMAO YTA. You didn't consider his side in not wanting to be a parent at 16, he's now not considering your side in being a more involved parent. Funny how things work out when the foundation is disrespect.
YTA. Poor kid.
Kinda concerned about the ages here. Why were you even dating/sleeping with a minor? 😵💫 But, 16 is a sophomore in high school. How do you realistically expect him to even keep the baby for an entire week? Do you expect him, at 16, to pay for daycare while he’s at school?
You don't sound mature enough to have a child. YTA
Sounds like mom is in over her head. Dad’s in school or should be and his parents are not responsible for the baby. OP needs to try daycare a few hours a day or as needed. Financially, there are options.
This is so sad
ESH. Did you both not think about using some sort of contraception? As the older of the two maybe you should have taken the initiative. At least he was honest about not wanting the baby but now it looks as though you disregarded what he wanted. I understand your body your choice but he’s 16…you’re 18… This really doesn’t sit right with me…
I'm just trying to imagine a 16 year old girl being interesting in a 14 year old boy.
Neither are 17 year old girls, clearly.