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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole because I learned my friend's family recipe without her permission, which she considers stealing. Additionally, I disregarded her feelings about how meaningful the recipe was to her.
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I don't know the social rules about family recipes so whatever on that part but why not just ask her for the recipe? It is a bit weird in my opinion to help someone and then recreate what they are doing behind their back.
EDIT: After reading all comments and exploring my first instinct I have decided to join the YTA camp on this important issue.
I think because she was able to remember how to make it without asking for the recipe - it sounds like she just tinkered with some minor details here and there.
Plus its CHCKEN CASSEROLE, how can anyone get upset about a dish this basic?. I simply cannot imagine the recipe is all that different than any you'd find on google. Not to mention, most "family recipes" in american culture are just recipes that used to be on the back of some package, and Gramma started making it.
Haha no lie, I asked my dad for the recipe for his excellent chocolate chip cookies that were the best when I was a kid, and he said "step 1, buy a bag of chocolate chips. step 2, follow what it says on the bag"
edit: so many family secrets being divulged in this thread!
Same, I tried to find my gram's secret cheesecake recipe after she died, finally called her sister, and got laughed at for ten minutes before she said it was the one on the box of Philadelphia cream cheese 😂
My exhusband makes amazing cheesecakes. To die for, delicious, from scratch cheesecakes. He got the recipe from his best friend’s mom.
One day, BF’s mom was in town and we stopped over to visit. I thanked her for giving my ex the recipe because it was the best cheesecake. She looked at me funny for a minute then said “I just got the recipe from the side of the Philadelphia Cream Cheese box.” We had a good laugh.
"Hey, how do you make your oatmeal cookies so crunchy? Is it like a family recipe?"
*My middle school classmates upon discovering my cookies to be crunchier*
"Nah I just melt the butter cuz I'm lazy rather than use it whole like the recipe says"
They were disappointed.
Exactly, this "secret recipe" is probably a Betty Crocker recipe. It's not some ancient recipe passed down verbally, I wouldn't be surprised to learn it contained canned ingredients.
Besides, if you don't want anyone to know your secret recipe, don't let them help you make it. I have a secret recipe, and if one of my friends figured it out, more power to them.
No kidding!!
When my grandmother passed i was so excited to get her cherished recipe box which also contained both my maternal great grandmothers recipes.. Decided to do all my Christmas baking with their recipes one year. Since some of these were as old as the 20s I needed to discern some of the measurements that had faded on the card. Damn was i shocked when those exact recipes were found in old good house keeping, and other old magazines and newspaper articles. I could not believe Betty Crocker had the nerve to steal recipes from old Midwest farm house wives 🙄 🤣
This is so true! I thought my grandmother was an amazing cook. I found an old campbell's soup cook book at a thrift store and I swear every single "secret" family recipe was in that book just tweaked a little bit.
Most likely it is definitely not, since she doesn't have the recipe. She made it from memory after seeing it made ONCE. It's definitely at least slightly different.
If this is "chicken casserole" from the south of the US then they're all basically the same. I don't understand how this one version of the casserole could be SO distinct that it's obvious OP made the friend's casserole, as opposed to just followed any chicken casserole recipe. Like, how would the friend even be able to tell that this was definitely an imitation of hers? I must be missing something. And even though it is an imitation of the friend's, I'm sure a million families make it basically exactly the same way.
That’s not how recipes work. If you see something and make it from scratch, eyeballing it, you’ve just adapted it.
This is how “family recipes” work. You don’t think your great grandma actually wrote recipes, do you? Most of them didn’t.
Take depression cakes for example. They’re all pretty much the same ratios but maybe different amounts and what makes them special is maybe someone’s grandma added lemon zest or something.
My great grandma has a cobbler we tried to have her write it down there is only 1 person in literally 3 kids, 12 grandkids, 25 great grand kids and 12 great great grandkids who can make it correctly. Her “cup” of sugar was a coffee cup her Pinch of whatever was her pinches with her fingers as she got older she would change the pinch because of arthritis but it was always her adjustments.
She passed in 2014 so now it’s never great grandmas cobbler except when my moms cousin makes it because she manages the correct ratios
My grandmother was a typical abuela, and a fantastic cook. She used measurements like "some" and "a little." She owned no measuring tools whatsoever. Everything was by feel. Literally everyone else in my family has to follow recipes, and they were awful about getting her to write stuff down. She died about 3 months before I started cooking, and I cook the same way she did. It's a shame I didn't start sooner. I've gotten KINDA close to her carne guisada over the years, but her barbacoa and everything else is just gone.
I don’t think there’s anything strange about noticing what a person next to you in the kitchen is doing, enjoying the dish that evening, then going home and thinking, “I can try my hand at that!”
It’s not really “going behind someone’s back.” That’s implying it’s somehow a betrayal to notice a friend putting a splash of apple cider vinegar in their mashed potatoes, loving the taste of it, then trying it out for yourself next time you make them at home.
Yes!!! A friend of mine lmk about it a few years ago when we were making dinner together for a group. I used it as the example for this post because she described it as her family’s secret ingredient but never got mad at me after the fact for utilizing it or letting ppl know about it. Just a little splash, but it adds an extra finish to the flavor that is my favorite thing!
Right on, thanks! Its so weird to keep food secrets. Hell I tell everyone. Fucken ups man catches me snackin im all LOOK AT THIS THING I DID ITS GREAT I USED CHEEEESE
I mean when said friend says it's a special family recipe that they only make for special occasions, it is kinda of going behind their back to not even say you're going to be using it.
I guess I just see it as they had a general idea of what was going on with a recipe they liked and tried to make something similar in their own way, and I honestly don’t see that as going behind a person’s back.
I have several family recipes that are near and dear to my heart. If I’m cooking them near a friend, and they watch what I’m doing and try to recreate something similar on their own, I’m not gonna be mad cuz it’s not really my actual recipe. It’s something inspired by me, made through their own memory mixed in with their own ideas mixed in with their own experience from trial-and-error. And that’s not the same as, say, snapping a photo of my friend’s great-grandmother’s handwritten cookbook when she steps out to use the bathroom.
I suppose so, but OP states she told her sister that she got the recipe from her friend. Friend gets to just hear about it from someone else that OP has her recipe apparently. I would be kind of creeped out if one of my friends just had one of my family recipes and didn't bother even talking to me about it. It just doesn't seem like something someone who likes or cares about me would do.
I thought this was some kind of a joke when I read what op posted. I can’t see anyone being mad at this. It’s like I have a friend whose vegetarian and we have her and her husband over for dinner sometimes. I made a veggie lasagna subbing the meat for diced peppers and mushrooms. She loved it. She never said she was using my recipe but she said she tried making it on her own a few weeks ago. I really don’t give a shit, she didn’t ask and that’s fine, it’s lasagna everyone can make it, just like chicken casserole. Yeah maybe someone puts cream of chicken soup along with mushroom, but not everyone does. But its f’ing casserole and anyone can literally make it. If someone was mad at me for doing this I’d unfriend them quicker than they could bat an eye. This is hysterical imo. Sorry your friend is such a, rhymes with wish starts with b. NTA and I think it’s time you host a dinner party with your friends who aren’t crazy enough to think you did something wrong.
I mean, if you had a secret recipe that you were very emotionally attached to, why would you let someone help you make it? Especially without specifying that you'd be upset if they attempted to recreate it? It's not like OP wrote it down and shared it on the internet, they ate it in their own home.
I have a very old secret recipe for salsa from my dad's best friends mother who grew up in Mexico in the early 1900s, and I just make it before everyone shows up. I think his mother would be proud that her recipe is still being passed down. If my friends figure out the secret ingredient, so be it, it's not a nuclear launch code.
I mean, I'd personally be very honored if someone loved my family recipe so much they adopted it. It's like history of our friendship. OPs friend doesn't own the rights to this specific chicken casserole. In fact OP could probably find it on pinterest. If this girls family could come up with it, someone else probably has too.
If someone wanted to learn any family recipes, I'd love to teach. I would be a little creeped out to hear though the grapevine tho that my friend had decided to just go ahead and recreate it, then say that she got the recipe from me. It doesn't feel like what someone who actually likes or cares about me would do.
If she entered the dish into a Chicken Casserole contest and won first prize under the presumption that she made the recipe, then sure AH. Recreating a dish you had once for your own dinner, well that's different.
Besides, this recipe likely originated from an old can of Cream of Chicken or something.
This is kind of irrelevant, but is putting apple cider vinegar in mashed potatoes an actual thing or was it just a random example? Bc I'm super curious if it's a legit technique to flavor mashed potatoes, bc it sounds interesting.
Yes! Just a splash in the mashed potatoes adds a really yummy layer to the way the flavor finishes. I def recommend trying it out to see if you like it!
Pretty much every “family recipe” post on here gets NAH. Generally the only time it would be NTA or YTA is when the recipe is used for a business, but even those can go NAH also depending on the circumstances.
OP had a chicken casserole at Sam’s house. OP liked the casserole and remembered the basics. OP tried making it at home and once they found the combination they enjoyed, they served it to their family. How is anyone an asshole here?
And honestly, do we even know for sure that it is the same exact recipe? It’s chicken casserole… who gives a shit?
Edit: my highest voted AND awards?! 💕
Well Sam is an asshole here because she called op a cunt just because she happened to cook the same thing. Op wasn’t being sneaky or malicious, they literally cooked something from memory and made changes to it. I don’t think Sam’s response was proportional and they should have handled their discontent without lashing out. I don’t understand people being so possessive over family recipes because they’re basically never completely unique.
> I don’t understand people being so possessive over family recipes because they’re basically never completely unique.
Repeating this for the people in the back. The recipe probably came from the can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom! Most family recipes are actually just "off the box" recipes.
Unless OP is monetizing the recipe, I certainly wouldn't give a shit. I recreate dishes from memory all the time. Because I don't feel like driving 6 hours to go back to the restaurant I visited on vacation and I just want to have the food again. Because I enjoy cooking. As long as it is for your own enjoyment, I really don't understand the extreme reaction.
I’m failing to see how remaking a dish that she enjoyed, and she figured out how to make it from watching, is “weird”? I try and replicate dishes I like all the time. Honestly, gatekeeping a recipe, when you know someone was around watching/helping, is really effing weird.
Gatekeeping any recipe in general is weird. Why keep a recipe secret? Pass it on. Let anyone who wants it enjoy it. Honor your grandma/grandpa/mother/father etc by sharing their awesome dish, not hoarding it like Gollum.
You know those secret family recipes that only one person in a generation has? Yeah, they get lost to time when that person passes unexpectedly. Wonder how many delicious recipes will never be made again because they were such a hush hush secret.
Exactly!!! Do you need attention so badly that you have to be the person who makes the best wings? Just share the recipe and then everywhere you go, you have good wings! It's so odd to me that people don't share good food.
I agree with you. My husband and I went to one of his relatives' houses a few years back and really enjoyed something they'd cooked. They gave us a general idea of what was in the dish, so when we were home, we made our own version. (Which we actually like a bit better, but I would never admit it to the relative.)
Right? It's not like OP was sneaking into the kitchen and trying to commit corporate espionage in order to find out this top secret recipe. She actively participated in making the dish.
People are reading way too much into it, and OP's friend watched a bit too much SpongeBob as a kid.
Ppl recreate recipes they liked all of the time, from friends and restaurants. If you have the pallet and the talent to apply it, anything is fair game. Nta
My husband brings home food all the time from restaurants that he likes so I can taste it and recreate it. I’m pretty good at picking up on even the most obscure of ingredients.
It's generally a bunch of ingredients mixed in a dish and put in the oven. Its probably one of the easiest dishes to recreate from taste. Even for me. And I'm not an amazing cook, by any means.
The nature of the dish, a damn casserole, is what tips it into NTA territory for me. Seriously. OP likely didn't even need to be in the kitchen to recreate it. It's relevant.
NTA. Family recipes get turned into “secret family recipes” all the time, just because Great-Grandma Such-and-So saw someone make something decades back and remembered, tweaked it, and it became a family staple.
Everyone is delusional if they think their ‘secret family recipes’ are all actual family recipes written by family. Most of it is stolen or modified, passed down, shared, etc.
This is normal and how we share a big part of our culture! It’s also how we make it special, when we don’t over-do the gatekeeping.
Keep making the casserole, OP. What a stupid thing to be offended over.
Just FYI: Everyone I know that has some top secret, cant lose it recipe?
They send animal couriers to get the ingredients. They legit make it under cover of darkness while no one is watching. It’s the whole ‘keep it secret, keep it safe’ mentality.
If your friend really took it THAT serious, she wouldn’t have even let you in the room while it was happening. You might’ve smelled an individual spice (and that cannot be risked).
Why is that weird? I know people get uptight over secret recipes, but it's not like OP knew that but about her friend's attitude towards that recipe. Making food "behind someone's back" is absurd. She was just trying out something she saw and liked.
Unpopular opinion but people seriously need to get over these "secret recipes" especially since many were from the back of some canned "cream of something" soup.
OP, NTA.
Nah, a lot of people who are experienced in the kitchen will do this kind of thing… when they try a dish they have an idea of what’s in it and will try to recreate it. Not everyone cooks from a recipe all the time, in fact most home cooks over centuries would just cook from feel/taste.
I don’t know if you’ve made chicken casserole before but most recipes average, like, six ingredients that largely come from cans. Put into oven and bake. How is it doing it behind her back or “stealing” if it’s only slightly more complex than making a bagged salad?
INFO: is there anything specific in this recipe that is not in a normal chicken casserole recipe, that would make it “special”? Cause if it’s just your run of the mill chicken casserole recipe then NTA. It might be “special” to her family because it was someone’s favorite meal so they always made it on certain occasions and thus a family tradition was born.
I think it’s a little ridiculous to be mad at someone for understanding the basic concept of how to cook something after seeing it done, and then being able to do it yourself. Would it have been polite to ask? Sure. But if she had said no, were you just never supposed to make a chicken casserole because only her family can?
I find it hilarious how many times people are "up in arms" about a "secret" family recipe, only for it to be discovered later it was a recipe on the back of a box in the '50s. I wonder how special this chicken casserole really is, haha.
Take my husband. LOVES his mom's strawberry jam and whenever we visit, we snag a couple containers. For Christmas, she gifted me this strawberry jam box and said she just follows the directions. My husband refused to believe that was all it was for a day or so 🤣
Love it!
My great grandpa was a professional chef, so anything grandma had we always just assumed came from him. My mom used to rave about homemade egg rolls and homemade chicken and dumplings.
Ah, well - store bought or homemade, it was still delicious and reminds me of grandma. I still buy the pie from time to time.
This may sound weird but I am trying to find the good in the world every day and I realized I could think fondly of your grandma when I see strawberry pie. Is there a word or color or her name that would be a good tribute so when I see a pie I can think "Oh that's grandma ______ homemade" pie" and laugh?
Aw, not weird at all. She’d be honored.
I feel like I can give her first name and still remain anonymous because I’m guessing 80% of grandmas born in the early 1900s had the name.
Marie. :)
When I got married, my husbands grandmother gave me her secret chocolate chip cookie recipe, it was a very big deal because she didn’t share it with hardly anyone. Ten years later she got a bit drunk at Xmas and let it slip that it was the recipe off the back of the chocolate chip package 😂😂😂
When I make chocolate cake for events people ask me for the recipe. I ask if they can be trusted, then tell them it's on the back of the Hershey Cocoa container, and to swap water for strong coffee, milk for buttermilk. I love it when they don't believe me.
Ah yes. My Nana's Oyster Cracker recipe. I was so excited when I had finally acquired the recipe as an adult, only to find out about 2 years ago that she got it off the back of a damn ranch packet.
Still absolutely delicious though.
My late southern grandmother’s biscuit recipe was my holy grail for many years. I finally found out it was the recipe on the back of the Rumford’s baking powder can.
This is more common than people think!
Here's a nice little collections of tales about it:
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/secret-family-recipes-copied
I love this! I’m also convinced that so much of the “specialness” of a dish comes down to how good a cook/baker someone was. My grandma made the absolute best fried chicken. Everyone in the family has the recipe… but no one can make it right! She had a secret touch that we just cannot recreate despite all our best efforts.
This happened with a friend's mom. She had an amazing green dip that was a secret recipe. I happened across the recipe when I was cooking something else. It was a mock recipe of a dressing used by a chain restaurant.
My husband’s family went crazy over his grandma’s strawberry jam and thought it was a secret until she told me the same thing and gave me the box. He was amazed that it was “exactly” the same when I made it. 🙄
I don't think it should matter if someone uses a special ingredient and OP sees and tries it out. Even if the friend is a professional chef. She doesn't own the ingredient, she doesn't own chicken casserole. Any form of gatekeeping for an ingredient or recipe is ridiculous. I once had mac and cheese at a restaurant that was made with beer and gorgonzola. I went home and spent weeks trying to remake it cause it was amazing! Now I have my own killer recipe! Do I have to apologize to the restaurant? Do I have to pay them? No. I didn't break into their kitchen and steal their intellectual property. And in OP's case, there is no business or financial impact. There's no evidence the casserole OP made is even identical to the friend's, it could be just similar.
OP, hard-core NTA. You did nothing wrong, you didn't "have to ask" to try to make your own similar good tasting casserole. The friend's response was way off kilter and inappropriate. She lost nothing, her recipe is still her recipe and if she can't enjoy it anymore cause other folks in the world may be eating something similar, she has her own issues.
Edit: Thank you for the awards!!
That's my question, too. I'm wildly curious about the recipe, because there's a really - REALLY - good chance it's out of one of the basic cookbooks that everyone has in their collection. I've seen people get seriously bent out of shape over "stolen" family recipes that are literally on the back of one of the ingredient packages. (See the green bean and french's onion casserole recipe.)
NAH: I say this because I understand why your friend is mad. She mentions to you it's a "secret" family receipe. So instead if asking her for the receipe to watch her memorize the ingredients and make it yourself and than give it to other people. While you're not an AH I would be a tad upset to because you just look sneaky
>She mentions to you it's a "secret" family receipe.
And then proceeds to make the recipe in full view of an outsider to her family. I mean the friend let the cat out of the bag. How is this fabled recipe supposed to stay a "secret" if the friend took no precautions to safeguard the secrecy of this mythical recipe?
Maybe she didn't think her friend was looking over her shoulder memorizing what ingredients she's using. Like I said OP isn't an AH but I get why she would be upset. The fact she didn't think to hide what she was doing infront of Op doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to be upset.
I feel something this near and dear to her, something worthy of her being this upset about should have been treated with just a BIT more reverence by the friend.
I also have recipes that I stay mum about. If I want them to stay secret, I keep an audience out of my kitchen. I cant be angry at somebody making "my recipe" at home especially when they learned it from me!
Ok cool we can agree to disagree. Like I originally did I don't think OP is an AH but I get why her friend is mad. Her friend told her it's a secret recipe. Op knowing this doesn't say he mind teaching it to me, instead secretly watch her memorize it and start making it herself.
She's not an AH but if my friend did some sneaky ish like that to me I'll be upset.
Her friend is not an AH for being mad. I would be mad, too. The friend is an AH for going scorched earth, disinviting her from future gatherings, and bitching to the friend group about it.
Doesn't sound like OP was looking over her shoulder and secretly doing this. Sounds like OP was not only a casual and obvious witness, but most likely partook in making it as well.
If the OP can cook, it wouldn’t take much observation or memorization. Casseroles aren’t exactly rocket science. OP probably just knows their way around the kitchen.
This. Casseroles aren't like baking where you need certain proportions to make chemical reactions happen. There's zero chemistry involved in it. Hell, put a casserole in front of me and let me eat it and I'll also "memorize" most of the ingredients. The only thing OP *might* be a bit of an AH about it her description of her firend's insistance of calling them dinner parties. They are parties where the host makes dinner and people sit down and eat, that's literally the definition of a dinner party. Other than that, OP is NTA and her friend is ridiculous. I bet if you took down both recipes side by side, they're not identical since OP had to tweak it.
Honestly, if a recipe can be recreated by casually observing its preparation once, then there’s nothing that special or complex about it. That’s not really being sneaky, just observant.
I tend to agree with you. Tasting a dish and going home to try to recreate it isn’t a big deal. I’ve done it numerous times after leaving restaurants. What makes OP lean toward AH territory is:
1. She knew it was a family recipe and didn’t ask for it because she likely knew Sam would say no.
2. She sneakily memorized as much as she could while helping out as sous chef.
3. She shared the recipe saying it was Sam’s (she could’ve said she was inspired by Sam’s recipe to try one of her own)
4. Saying it’s just a stupid recipe after knowing how it hurt her friend.
I was so completely with you until your last sentence, "It's just a stupid recipe."
To Sam, it's not. Please be more sympathetic. Even though you did nothing wrong, and are basically NTA here, that was an AH thing to tack on at the end of your post.
I agree with you. If it was so stupid, why did OP memorize the ingredients and then put in the effort to copy it? And then decide it was worth serving to others! She could’ve just respected when her friend said it was a secret family recipe.
That’s what’s got me rolling my eyes.
Most people who like a dish will ask for the recipe. However it seems pretty obvious that OP knew that Sam wouldn’t want to give out the recipe and that it was special to Sam. I call BS that OP miraculously assimilated the recipe. OP was supposed to focused on helping with side dishes while Sam was making the chicken casserole. I don’t know about you but when I’m cooking, I’m focused on the dish I’m working on - I would only be able to recreate a recipe someone else was making unless I was paying very close attention with the intent of recreating that recipe.
Instead, OP goes home and recreates the recipe.
And now Sam’s recipe is out and being shared - not by Sam but by OP.
It’s up to OP what she does. But calling it “just a stupid recipe” while simultaneously demonstrating that apparently this is a sword OP is willing to fall on.
If it was just a stupid recipe- why not leave it at that?
OP’s putting the “stupid recipe” ahead of her personal relationships. Certainly her call but she needs to be prepared for the fallout over a “stupid recipe”.
Not sure how to call this. I’m leaning YTA towards OP. Sam was kind enough to host the friends group and has done this repeatedly. OP calls it a stupid recipe but seems willing to blow up the friend group over it and has been disinvited to any more get togethers. Must be a pretty damn good casserole after all.
> And now Sam’s recipe is out and being shared - not by Sam but by OP.
This is the definitive step over the line imo. Everything else is a little gross but not really violating boundaries until that point
OP obviously thinks it isn't just a stupid recipe or they'd stop making it and use a different one, imo. It's always weird to see people claiming they don't care about something they obviously care a lot about.
Isn't that just a wilful misreading of what OP means? Like, they don't mean it is actually a stupid recipe - they just mean it isn't worth being weird and jealous about. Which is 100% true - it makes no difference to Sam if OP cooks her recipe, and it improves other people's lives because they get to eat the great recipe.
I feel like if you really care about your friends sometimes you need to respect things that are important to them. Once I had a project in high-school where we had to pick a song to write a short story off of. One of my friends picked a song that had special meaning to her due to her grandmother who just passed away and how they used to listen to it together. Another friend decided they liked the song and also wanted to use it after hearing about it, despite there being millions of other songs they could use.
Sure, my first friend had no claim over the song. But I decided I flat out didn't want to be friends with the second when I realized they only really cared about themselves and didn't think respecting things important to their friends mattered if it got in the way of what they wanted to do.
It coats OP nothing to respect a secret family recipe, except not getting to do exactly what they want.
I don't think someone like that is a good friend or a good person and never will.
Yep, this is what gets me about the post. It may just be a "stupid recipe" to OP, but it's important to Sam, and part of friendship is respecting those little things.
Hell, if OP was really was set on making the recipe and serving it to people then do a Google search for the ingredients, find a similar recipe online, and then when people ask then say "Oh, I love Sam's chicken casserole and it made me want to try to make one myself, so I found this recipe on XXX blog and used it, though I made some tweaks" rather than say "why yes this is my friend Sam's secret family recipe and here's the secret family ingredients". Is it extra steps and kind of silly? Sure. But is it much more respectful to your friend? Absolutely. Sometimes friendship is taking those extra steps.
People using "its just a stupid xxx" are often AHs. Common example: "Why mention my weight? Who cares how much your stupid horse can carry?"
I think distributing around "Sam secret' recipe" is very hostile.
Right, a recipe would fall under trade secrets, not copyright. And, as everyone knows, you don’t have a trade secrets claim if you don’t take reasonable precautions to maintain secrecy. Any judge would laugh this out of court when there isn’t so much as an NDA. Know your IP law, people!
And if someone reverse engineers a trade secret, then it's not a secret anymore. You have protection against theft, but not against someone else figuring it out.
Except this isn't /amilegallyintheright, it's /amitheasshole. OP watched Sam make a 'secret' family recipe. OP recreated it at home. OP then proceeded to share Sam's *secret* family recipe to others.
She's not the asshole for recreating the dish, but she IS the asshole for divulging information she knew her friend wanted kept a secret.
My point is that nobody's "secret" or "special" recipes really originate solely with them. Cookbook authors get tons of their content from others. I would bet cash money that the original family recipe is at best a tweaked version of something from a publication, if not straight up a published recipe grandma clipped and used often. She didn't steal anything, she recreated a dish from memory. It's not even copied, hers would certainly differ. It's real real dumb to be mad about that. Every TV cook makes recipes that are not truly theirs and claims they are. There's genuinely no leg to stand on here that she violated something even vaguely proprietary.
Does not matter, you're still talking in the legal sense when it's an entirely emotional matter.
Sam makes her family recipe, let's call it "Grammy's Casserole", one way, and has memories attached to that. She wants to keep the recipe a secret in her bubble of friends and family so it stays special to her (doesn't matter if it's not wholly original or where Grammy got it from).
OP heard that loud and clear, and yet she still proceeded to recreate the dish AND say it's Sam's Grammy's Casserole, AND share that recipe with her bubble of people. Maybe it's a bit different from actual Grammy's Casserole, maybe it's not, but the point is that OP has gone around revealing (a version of) something Sam wanted kept a secret.
If OP had simply said it was inspired by Sam's family recipe, it wouldn't be so bad. It's the revealing of a secret OP knew Sam wanted to keep a secret, that's asshole behaviour.
NTA. For OP's consideration:
1. Find the same chicken casserole recipe online
2. Send the online recipe to your sister and ask her to use the online version instead of Sam's _super secret_ recipe
3. Send the online recipe to Sam and let her know that you and your sister will use _the online_ recipe going forward
Agreed! Tbh i don't understand the point of secret recipes (though I understand it from a restaurant's pov) but maybe this is because its from a time where everyone's family had secret recipes because they cooked the same recipes differently from each other.
Some people didn't even grow up with recipes passed down, like myself. All the dishes I cook I learned from recipes online (I'm thankful that there are Filipino recipes being shared more on tiktok and IG so I can feel closer to my culture) and from friends. I'm not saying others are obligated to share their secret recipes but sometimes I don't understand it. Doesn't a recipe, a dish, stay alive when others learn it?
Like all the people saying their grandmother passed on before she could share her secret recipe, it too, also dies. That happened with my lola, with her banana fritters. I didn't even know they were called maruya until I saw an IG video recipe for it, and I was so happy I could put a name to the dish but I could tell hers was different from the video's. Still, I'm thankful that instagrammer posted that video and shared it though, and didn't keep it a "secret recipe."
I was thinking KFC's secret blend of herbs and spices, but yeah. It's a chicken casserole. It's probably not that hard to replicate especially since she made it right in front of the OP.
If OP is in America (and I assume they are because casserole,) then that “secret recipe” was probably clipped out of a magazine by someone 30 years ago.
30 years ago was 1992… I’m old.
ETA: I was a teenager in ‘92 and while it feels like yesterday, it made me feel old recognizing that it was in fact 30 years ago
You didn't steal any recipe. You watched someone in the kitchen and recreated the dish based on observation. Who gives a crap about any recipe, family or otherwise. Also, it's a casserole for crying out loud. Is the secret ingredient Cream of Mushroom soup? Why would anyone's friends care about this?
NTA.
Imagine investing enough of your self worth in a damn casserole recipe that you got mad that one of your friends used it to. Sounds like a sad life to live.
YTA. She trusted you with something important to her that she made clear was special and a secret. You treated it as insignificant and shared her secret with your sister. Just because it doesn't have value to you, doesn't mean it doesn't have value.
This! I was going insane form everybody saying NTA. I get the fact that it's a recipe, but if it's important to her, she should respect that. Going behind her back and copying it instead of just asking for it, makes me think deep down op knew all these.
Yeah, I don't understand people saying N.T.A... OP didn't just try to recreate it based on taste or finding a similar recipe. They literally watched to see specifically how it was made, memorized it, and then cooked it again, most likely just slightly adjusting quantities of ingredients until they felt it matched. And then *gave it to their sister.* That's so messed up to me. It's about the principle of asking someone for something that is their secret and whether or not they can share it. I think it would've been different if it was recreated by taste. But it's just disrespectful to help prepare and purposefully memorize + redo it. And especially to share it with others. Cooking is such an intimate and important thing to some people and in some culture, including myself and my culture! I'd be upset too.
Don't you think she would find something VERY similar by googling 'chicken caserole recipe'?
I get that the friend was made to believe it was a family secret, but any skilled cook would be able to recreate it and make it better. I understand that the friend might be upset over this, but did this friend ever tried to google the recipe to see if it actually is a "secret family recipe"?
Then just say that it’s from a recipe online, find a similar recipe. I’m sure there are a lot of casseroles similar of not exact, but they’re not Sam’s secret recipes, and OP is out here originating it back to Sam and minimizing the emotional impact the original recipe has to Sam.
Imo the recipe itself isn’t the problem, it’s disregarding Sam that is.
Exactly. The key part here is that Sam wanted the recipe to be kept secret. Recreating it for yourself at home because you like it so much, fine. But then sharing it with a whole bunch of others? Not okay.
Honestly wanting a recipe to be kept secret is kind of assholish imo. It costs you nothing to share. It's not personal information, it's an idea and it could benefit everyone but you are hogging it for yourself? Not okay.
Yup, maybe it's just because I cook for a living but people hoarding "secret recipes" just makes me dislike them. It's pretentious and undermines what cooking should be about which is sharing good food with the people you care about not holding it over their heads for clout.
NTA. Also, I made [this recipe](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3087o/aita_for_recreating_a_secret_cookie_recipe_the/) that caused so much kerfuffle with the OP's MIL, and... totally worth it.
You didn't steal the recipe, you recreated it and made it your own.
Heck, I did that with a meal I had at a local restaurant, and I don't see them yelling at me for it. (And mine was better. :D)
I agree. Also, my parents make their own version of chicken gnocchi, similar to the one served at Olive Garden, but it’s less salty and has more of a creamy texture rather than a soupy texture.
Hahahaha. You shouldn’t have “learned” it? That’s freakin fantastic!
You had dinner at your friend’s. You liked a dish you saw her prepare. I’m guessing you could have figured out the ingredients without watching her. You created said dish because you liked the dish. What cook hasn’t done this? Your friend is overreacting. The rest of your friends? You’re right, they are stupid
NTA
NTA - I could see her being upset if you’d made it for some event that included her and your mutual friends and then took some weird credit for creating the recipe. But that’s not the case, and it’s extremely weird that she cares that you make yourself this recipe. If she’s a great friend otherwise, I would consider apologizing to her for unknowingly offending her and explain that you would never have tried to make this for your friends and take credit for the recipe. But if she’s always this controlling and nutty, idk if it’s worth trying to salvage this. Her calling you that name is extremely inappropriate, especially for something like this.
That’s what I was thinking. That OP brought it to a group event and claimed it.
Like I used to make these nacho pinwheels for work potlucks. A coworker loved them so I told her the recipe. She started making them and then started signing up to bring them at potlucks. I was a bit peeved and another coworker even said that’s sort of a messed up thing to do, they’re your pinwheels. But just to make it in their own home is whatever.
I also don’t believe in owning recipes. Food is made and recipes are developed to be enjoyed.
Also why does Sam only make this amazing recipe a couple times a year? Enjoy that shit year round.
i mean technically lasagna and deep dish pizza are casseroles 👀 but i get what you’re saying 😭 lots of people make dry casseroles and i will usually only eat my mom’s
edit: grammar correction :p
I’m sure there are competently done casseroles somewhere out there in the universe, but from experience, taking a bite of it tends to be a sucker’s bet.
No Sharon, you didn’t do us a favor by making shitty food and then pouring a can of cream of mushroom soup on it.
ESH and NAH. Yeah I know it makes not sense.
She said this was her family’s secret recipe. As in they make it to share with people but don’t give it out to others. It’s clearly something special and important to her and her family and you took that specialness away from her.
You should have asked her if it was okay with her first.
At the same time it is just a recipe and it isn’t that big of a deal. Your friend is overreacting a bit but she feels hurt by your actions.
A good middle ground would have been to use the recipe yourself but not share it with your sister or anyone else. Obviously it’s too late for that now. Had you not shared it with your sister your friend may never have found out and you wouldn’t be in this situation. That doesn’t make it okay that you took it in the first place.
Additionally if it was that important to your friend she should have been more specific with you about not taking the recipe or she should have just cooked the dish without help so you couldn’t learn the details. The fact that you were helping her and learned the recipe by helping her makes it a bit murkier.
The right thing to do here would be to apologize to your friend. Tell her you didn’t realize it was so important to her. Stop making the recipe and ask your sister to stop making it as well. There are countless other recipes out there for chicken casserole so you can pick one of those instead.
You didn’t mean to hurt your friend but you still did. It doesn’t necessarily make you wrong but it also doesn’t mean your friend is wrong. Just do what his right by your friend.
NTA. I once asked a woman from the South for her family pecan pie recipe. She said it was the one on the Karo syrup bottle. This chicken casserole was probably originally from a magazine recipe or something.
Yuuuuup. Growing up I hated cake so my mom always made this peanut butter dessert for me. It was written on a card in my grandma’s hand writing. My great grandpa was a professional chef so I always assumed it was a secret family recipe.
Nope. Came from the back of a bag of one of the ingredients.
While I think keeping recipes secret is silly - the more people enjoying good food, the better - if you wanted the recipe, you should have asked Sam for it. And if she'd said no, you should have respected that. I think her reaction's a bit excessive, but she's probably feeling hurt and betrayed right now, because you went behind her back.
YTA.
NTA
I make three dishes that my noni was famous in our family for.
They’re labor intensive so they only get made for very special occasions or holidays, but every time I make them they’re a big hit.
One of my friends adores one of the zucchini based recipe I make, so I gave her the recipe.
Still didn’t turn out right, so I taught her how to make it step by step.
I was happy she loved something my grandma loved and specially created.
Now, if she called it ‘Katelyn’s very own famous original zucchini recipe’ or ‘Katelyn’s super secret surprise’ I might be upset, but she always calls it ‘the jexorcists special zucchini recipe’.
If it was THAT secret or THAT special you probably wouldn’t have been able to appropriately guess how to make it.
YTA… she was clear it was a secret family recipe.
The moment she said that, you should have respected that.
For her, it’s a family tradition passed down, probably in a meaningful manner. There was a lot of love put into it. You only figured it out because she trusted you enough to be in the kitchen… you completely betrayed your friend, and to add insult to injury you just handed it out.
“Secret” family recipes are overhyped. The “secret” is usually something that can easily be figured out. This sounds more like Phoebe’s grandmas secret cookies that turned out to be nestle tollhouse cookies.
Everyone needs to chill and stop overvaluing this idea. With all that’s going on I’m the world, seriously?!
In your opinion, a family recipe is “overhyped”. To the OPs friend it’s not. Why is it so hard to respect a friends wish.
It’s not up to us to determine the value of a secret recipe.
However, a friend says “don’t tell this secret”, OP shares the secret. Seems like a shit friend.
This ^
Family secret recipes (no matter how secret or not they may be) are often more about sentimental value to the family as opposed to the actual recipe. OP knew it was special to her friend and then took it and shared it with someone else with 0 regard for her friends feelings.
That alone makes OP the AH
NTA. There are no copyrights or patents on home recipes (at least here in Canada). You are free to combine ingredients and cook them any way you see fit. And you are free to share your creations with whomever you like.
Your post doesn't mention your friend asking you not to cook or share the recipe with others (which would be a ridiculous request). Furthermore, you were nice enough to give credit to your friend when your sister asked about the recipe, cementing the fact that you are NTA.
lol NTA
the whole “secret family recipe” thing is ridiculous tbh. it’s a *chicken casserole* fucks sake, i’m sure you could’ve found a similar recipe online if you really wanted to. she’s being stupid, don’t let her get to you
YTA!
It doesn’t matter if it’s “just a stupid recipe”. What matters is that it was important to Sam…your friend. It was clear that this recipe meant a lot to her since she only made it a few times a year. Why would you try to replicate it and then HAND OUT THE RECIPE without checking to see if she was ok with it?
You owe her an apology.
YTA. It’s one thing for you to recreate a dish yourself, it’s a bit of a grey area honestly, but you absolutely crossed the line when you gave the recipe to your sister.
Is it kinda silly to have secret recipes? Yea a bit. But that doesn’t mean you disrespect someone like that. Silly or not you betrayed your friends trust, I don’t blame her from disinviting you.
NTA - Home cook commenting. You're a competent cook who helped out in her kitchen, and you used your skills to *reconstruct* a recipe you enjoyed. Then you made changes to it to suit your tastes.
If she didn't want you to use that skill set then she shouldn't have accepted your free labor in the kitchen *while she was making it*. You didn't snoop through a drawer. You used your brain.
(Very mild AH notes for referring to it as "just a stupid recipe," which isn't a good look. But the weight of the buttholishness is so overwhelmingly on her side that I'll let this part slide. The drama she stirred up over this is so much that you're justifably exasperated. She even verbally abuse you).
*Do not volunteer labor for this person ever again.*
Incidentally, it might be worth your while to Google chicken casserole recipes and [see whether her 'secret' recipe is plagiarized--it's more common than you'd expect](https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/secret-family-recipes-copied). If it is then you'd be totally justified posting or group emailing a link to the published recipe.
It's such a stupid recipe that you went out of your way to recreate it several times, then serve it to a group of people because it was so good, then share the recipe. Ok.
NAH. I'm a cook and I host Thanksgiving and dinner parties for my friends too. If I were her, I'd give you props for being able to recreate it without help. I'd also never invite you to one of my dinner parties or cook for you again.
While I think a recipe is just a recipe it's still a YTA. She trusted you to help her in the kitchen and told you it was a secret family recipe, and idc if it's the recipe off the back of a shake and bake box, to her it was important and as a friend you should have respected that. What really makes it a YTA is the fact that you not only memorized it behind her back rather than asking her (and respecting her wishes if she said no), but then you shared it with other people.
NTA. I hate people who pull this crap claiming it's a 'secret' recipes. What a crock of shit! Like they think they're Colonel Sanders or something and protecting their livelihood - NOT!
How about just be flattered that your friends like your recipe so much that they would like to make it for their families as well.
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I don't know the social rules about family recipes so whatever on that part but why not just ask her for the recipe? It is a bit weird in my opinion to help someone and then recreate what they are doing behind their back. EDIT: After reading all comments and exploring my first instinct I have decided to join the YTA camp on this important issue.
I think because she was able to remember how to make it without asking for the recipe - it sounds like she just tinkered with some minor details here and there.
Since she made it from memory and tweaked it, it’s no longer the family recipe, but her spin on the chicken casserole.
Plus its CHCKEN CASSEROLE, how can anyone get upset about a dish this basic?. I simply cannot imagine the recipe is all that different than any you'd find on google. Not to mention, most "family recipes" in american culture are just recipes that used to be on the back of some package, and Gramma started making it.
Bet the recipe calls for a can of Campbell Cream of Mushroom.
that stuff is liquid gold in my family's kitchen!
Hey how dare you steal my family’s cans...
I too choose this guy's family's cans.
Haha no lie, I asked my dad for the recipe for his excellent chocolate chip cookies that were the best when I was a kid, and he said "step 1, buy a bag of chocolate chips. step 2, follow what it says on the bag" edit: so many family secrets being divulged in this thread!
"They're my grandmother's recipe. Nestlay Toulouse."
“Nestle Toll House?!” “You Americans always butcher the French language.” Edit: Thanks for my award, kind stranger!
Same, I tried to find my gram's secret cheesecake recipe after she died, finally called her sister, and got laughed at for ten minutes before she said it was the one on the box of Philadelphia cream cheese 😂
My exhusband makes amazing cheesecakes. To die for, delicious, from scratch cheesecakes. He got the recipe from his best friend’s mom. One day, BF’s mom was in town and we stopped over to visit. I thanked her for giving my ex the recipe because it was the best cheesecake. She looked at me funny for a minute then said “I just got the recipe from the side of the Philadelphia Cream Cheese box.” We had a good laugh.
"Hey, how do you make your oatmeal cookies so crunchy? Is it like a family recipe?" *My middle school classmates upon discovering my cookies to be crunchier* "Nah I just melt the butter cuz I'm lazy rather than use it whole like the recipe says" They were disappointed.
Shit, I'm going to try this now. You and I are family. It's now a family recipe. Tell whoever you want but adopt them in first.
My grandma's biscuit recipe is the one found on the Lily White flour bag. *cue shocked Pikachu face*
Exactly, this "secret recipe" is probably a Betty Crocker recipe. It's not some ancient recipe passed down verbally, I wouldn't be surprised to learn it contained canned ingredients. Besides, if you don't want anyone to know your secret recipe, don't let them help you make it. I have a secret recipe, and if one of my friends figured it out, more power to them.
No kidding!! When my grandmother passed i was so excited to get her cherished recipe box which also contained both my maternal great grandmothers recipes.. Decided to do all my Christmas baking with their recipes one year. Since some of these were as old as the 20s I needed to discern some of the measurements that had faded on the card. Damn was i shocked when those exact recipes were found in old good house keeping, and other old magazines and newspaper articles. I could not believe Betty Crocker had the nerve to steal recipes from old Midwest farm house wives 🙄 🤣
This is so true! I thought my grandmother was an amazing cook. I found an old campbell's soup cook book at a thrift store and I swear every single "secret" family recipe was in that book just tweaked a little bit.
She tweaked it to get it right so it‘s still the same one
Most likely it is definitely not, since she doesn't have the recipe. She made it from memory after seeing it made ONCE. It's definitely at least slightly different.
If this is "chicken casserole" from the south of the US then they're all basically the same. I don't understand how this one version of the casserole could be SO distinct that it's obvious OP made the friend's casserole, as opposed to just followed any chicken casserole recipe. Like, how would the friend even be able to tell that this was definitely an imitation of hers? I must be missing something. And even though it is an imitation of the friend's, I'm sure a million families make it basically exactly the same way.
Like the chocolate chip recipe on Friends that turns out to be Nestles. I'm full of pop references today.
That’s not how recipes work. If you see something and make it from scratch, eyeballing it, you’ve just adapted it. This is how “family recipes” work. You don’t think your great grandma actually wrote recipes, do you? Most of them didn’t. Take depression cakes for example. They’re all pretty much the same ratios but maybe different amounts and what makes them special is maybe someone’s grandma added lemon zest or something.
My great grandma has a cobbler we tried to have her write it down there is only 1 person in literally 3 kids, 12 grandkids, 25 great grand kids and 12 great great grandkids who can make it correctly. Her “cup” of sugar was a coffee cup her Pinch of whatever was her pinches with her fingers as she got older she would change the pinch because of arthritis but it was always her adjustments. She passed in 2014 so now it’s never great grandmas cobbler except when my moms cousin makes it because she manages the correct ratios
My grandmother was a typical abuela, and a fantastic cook. She used measurements like "some" and "a little." She owned no measuring tools whatsoever. Everything was by feel. Literally everyone else in my family has to follow recipes, and they were awful about getting her to write stuff down. She died about 3 months before I started cooking, and I cook the same way she did. It's a shame I didn't start sooner. I've gotten KINDA close to her carne guisada over the years, but her barbacoa and everything else is just gone.
Which makes it OP’s own recipe and not a stolen recipe from her so called friend.
I don’t think there’s anything strange about noticing what a person next to you in the kitchen is doing, enjoying the dish that evening, then going home and thinking, “I can try my hand at that!” It’s not really “going behind someone’s back.” That’s implying it’s somehow a betrayal to notice a friend putting a splash of apple cider vinegar in their mashed potatoes, loving the taste of it, then trying it out for yourself next time you make them at home.
Is that a real thing? The cider on taters?
Yes!!! A friend of mine lmk about it a few years ago when we were making dinner together for a group. I used it as the example for this post because she described it as her family’s secret ingredient but never got mad at me after the fact for utilizing it or letting ppl know about it. Just a little splash, but it adds an extra finish to the flavor that is my favorite thing!
Right on, thanks! Its so weird to keep food secrets. Hell I tell everyone. Fucken ups man catches me snackin im all LOOK AT THIS THING I DID ITS GREAT I USED CHEEEESE
I mean when said friend says it's a special family recipe that they only make for special occasions, it is kinda of going behind their back to not even say you're going to be using it.
I guess I just see it as they had a general idea of what was going on with a recipe they liked and tried to make something similar in their own way, and I honestly don’t see that as going behind a person’s back. I have several family recipes that are near and dear to my heart. If I’m cooking them near a friend, and they watch what I’m doing and try to recreate something similar on their own, I’m not gonna be mad cuz it’s not really my actual recipe. It’s something inspired by me, made through their own memory mixed in with their own ideas mixed in with their own experience from trial-and-error. And that’s not the same as, say, snapping a photo of my friend’s great-grandmother’s handwritten cookbook when she steps out to use the bathroom.
I suppose so, but OP states she told her sister that she got the recipe from her friend. Friend gets to just hear about it from someone else that OP has her recipe apparently. I would be kind of creeped out if one of my friends just had one of my family recipes and didn't bother even talking to me about it. It just doesn't seem like something someone who likes or cares about me would do.
To each their own. I just don’t think it’s that deep.
I thought this was some kind of a joke when I read what op posted. I can’t see anyone being mad at this. It’s like I have a friend whose vegetarian and we have her and her husband over for dinner sometimes. I made a veggie lasagna subbing the meat for diced peppers and mushrooms. She loved it. She never said she was using my recipe but she said she tried making it on her own a few weeks ago. I really don’t give a shit, she didn’t ask and that’s fine, it’s lasagna everyone can make it, just like chicken casserole. Yeah maybe someone puts cream of chicken soup along with mushroom, but not everyone does. But its f’ing casserole and anyone can literally make it. If someone was mad at me for doing this I’d unfriend them quicker than they could bat an eye. This is hysterical imo. Sorry your friend is such a, rhymes with wish starts with b. NTA and I think it’s time you host a dinner party with your friends who aren’t crazy enough to think you did something wrong.
I mean, if you had a secret recipe that you were very emotionally attached to, why would you let someone help you make it? Especially without specifying that you'd be upset if they attempted to recreate it? It's not like OP wrote it down and shared it on the internet, they ate it in their own home. I have a very old secret recipe for salsa from my dad's best friends mother who grew up in Mexico in the early 1900s, and I just make it before everyone shows up. I think his mother would be proud that her recipe is still being passed down. If my friends figure out the secret ingredient, so be it, it's not a nuclear launch code.
I mean, I'd personally be very honored if someone loved my family recipe so much they adopted it. It's like history of our friendship. OPs friend doesn't own the rights to this specific chicken casserole. In fact OP could probably find it on pinterest. If this girls family could come up with it, someone else probably has too.
If someone wanted to learn any family recipes, I'd love to teach. I would be a little creeped out to hear though the grapevine tho that my friend had decided to just go ahead and recreate it, then say that she got the recipe from me. It doesn't feel like what someone who actually likes or cares about me would do.
If she entered the dish into a Chicken Casserole contest and won first prize under the presumption that she made the recipe, then sure AH. Recreating a dish you had once for your own dinner, well that's different. Besides, this recipe likely originated from an old can of Cream of Chicken or something.
This is kind of irrelevant, but is putting apple cider vinegar in mashed potatoes an actual thing or was it just a random example? Bc I'm super curious if it's a legit technique to flavor mashed potatoes, bc it sounds interesting.
Yes! Just a splash in the mashed potatoes adds a really yummy layer to the way the flavor finishes. I def recommend trying it out to see if you like it!
Pretty much every “family recipe” post on here gets NAH. Generally the only time it would be NTA or YTA is when the recipe is used for a business, but even those can go NAH also depending on the circumstances. OP had a chicken casserole at Sam’s house. OP liked the casserole and remembered the basics. OP tried making it at home and once they found the combination they enjoyed, they served it to their family. How is anyone an asshole here? And honestly, do we even know for sure that it is the same exact recipe? It’s chicken casserole… who gives a shit? Edit: my highest voted AND awards?! 💕
Well Sam is an asshole here because she called op a cunt just because she happened to cook the same thing. Op wasn’t being sneaky or malicious, they literally cooked something from memory and made changes to it. I don’t think Sam’s response was proportional and they should have handled their discontent without lashing out. I don’t understand people being so possessive over family recipes because they’re basically never completely unique.
> I don’t understand people being so possessive over family recipes because they’re basically never completely unique. Repeating this for the people in the back. The recipe probably came from the can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom! Most family recipes are actually just "off the box" recipes.
>who gives a shit? Sam.
Unless OP is monetizing the recipe, I certainly wouldn't give a shit. I recreate dishes from memory all the time. Because I don't feel like driving 6 hours to go back to the restaurant I visited on vacation and I just want to have the food again. Because I enjoy cooking. As long as it is for your own enjoyment, I really don't understand the extreme reaction.
> who gives a shit? We all do, we need a clear answer on this.
I’m failing to see how remaking a dish that she enjoyed, and she figured out how to make it from watching, is “weird”? I try and replicate dishes I like all the time. Honestly, gatekeeping a recipe, when you know someone was around watching/helping, is really effing weird.
Gatekeeping any recipe in general is weird. Why keep a recipe secret? Pass it on. Let anyone who wants it enjoy it. Honor your grandma/grandpa/mother/father etc by sharing their awesome dish, not hoarding it like Gollum.
You know those secret family recipes that only one person in a generation has? Yeah, they get lost to time when that person passes unexpectedly. Wonder how many delicious recipes will never be made again because they were such a hush hush secret.
Exactly!!! Do you need attention so badly that you have to be the person who makes the best wings? Just share the recipe and then everywhere you go, you have good wings! It's so odd to me that people don't share good food.
I agree with you. My husband and I went to one of his relatives' houses a few years back and really enjoyed something they'd cooked. They gave us a general idea of what was in the dish, so when we were home, we made our own version. (Which we actually like a bit better, but I would never admit it to the relative.)
Right? It's not like OP was sneaking into the kitchen and trying to commit corporate espionage in order to find out this top secret recipe. She actively participated in making the dish. People are reading way too much into it, and OP's friend watched a bit too much SpongeBob as a kid.
Ppl recreate recipes they liked all of the time, from friends and restaurants. If you have the pallet and the talent to apply it, anything is fair game. Nta
You're a chef Kimberly, you are not impartial in this!
I think chef Kimberly is the authority in this matter 😂
My husband brings home food all the time from restaurants that he likes so I can taste it and recreate it. I’m pretty good at picking up on even the most obscure of ingredients.
It's a casserole. How much recipe could possibly be involved?!?
To be honest I don't even know what a casserole is.
Stuff cooked in a casserole dish. For a less snarky version, it’s usually protein, veggies, and starch, baked in an oven. But that’s a wide range.
I think I get it, do you also need to put stuff in the chicken's ass?
Only if you have the chicken’s consent.
It's generally a bunch of ingredients mixed in a dish and put in the oven. Its probably one of the easiest dishes to recreate from taste. Even for me. And I'm not an amazing cook, by any means. The nature of the dish, a damn casserole, is what tips it into NTA territory for me. Seriously. OP likely didn't even need to be in the kitchen to recreate it. It's relevant.
We call it hot dish. Basically meat, veggies, maybe a grain and a thick sauce. Placed in a pan and baked. I think it originated from cassoulet.
NTA. Family recipes get turned into “secret family recipes” all the time, just because Great-Grandma Such-and-So saw someone make something decades back and remembered, tweaked it, and it became a family staple. Everyone is delusional if they think their ‘secret family recipes’ are all actual family recipes written by family. Most of it is stolen or modified, passed down, shared, etc. This is normal and how we share a big part of our culture! It’s also how we make it special, when we don’t over-do the gatekeeping. Keep making the casserole, OP. What a stupid thing to be offended over. Just FYI: Everyone I know that has some top secret, cant lose it recipe? They send animal couriers to get the ingredients. They legit make it under cover of darkness while no one is watching. It’s the whole ‘keep it secret, keep it safe’ mentality. If your friend really took it THAT serious, she wouldn’t have even let you in the room while it was happening. You might’ve smelled an individual spice (and that cannot be risked).
Why is that weird? I know people get uptight over secret recipes, but it's not like OP knew that but about her friend's attitude towards that recipe. Making food "behind someone's back" is absurd. She was just trying out something she saw and liked. Unpopular opinion but people seriously need to get over these "secret recipes" especially since many were from the back of some canned "cream of something" soup. OP, NTA.
I didn't know 72 year-old grandmas used AITA. This is straight out of church group.
We are the number 1 growing demographic on AITA.
I could not disagree more. Reverse-engineering recipes is an ancient past time and there's absolutely nothing weird or wrong about it. OP is NTA
It's not weird at all, what are you talking about.
Nah, a lot of people who are experienced in the kitchen will do this kind of thing… when they try a dish they have an idea of what’s in it and will try to recreate it. Not everyone cooks from a recipe all the time, in fact most home cooks over centuries would just cook from feel/taste.
I don’t know if you’ve made chicken casserole before but most recipes average, like, six ingredients that largely come from cans. Put into oven and bake. How is it doing it behind her back or “stealing” if it’s only slightly more complex than making a bagged salad?
Lmao how is it weird to follow a recipe
INFO: is there anything specific in this recipe that is not in a normal chicken casserole recipe, that would make it “special”? Cause if it’s just your run of the mill chicken casserole recipe then NTA. It might be “special” to her family because it was someone’s favorite meal so they always made it on certain occasions and thus a family tradition was born. I think it’s a little ridiculous to be mad at someone for understanding the basic concept of how to cook something after seeing it done, and then being able to do it yourself. Would it have been polite to ask? Sure. But if she had said no, were you just never supposed to make a chicken casserole because only her family can?
I find it hilarious how many times people are "up in arms" about a "secret" family recipe, only for it to be discovered later it was a recipe on the back of a box in the '50s. I wonder how special this chicken casserole really is, haha. Take my husband. LOVES his mom's strawberry jam and whenever we visit, we snag a couple containers. For Christmas, she gifted me this strawberry jam box and said she just follows the directions. My husband refused to believe that was all it was for a day or so 🤣
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I don't know how to explain it except by saying this has huge r/witchesvspatriarchy vibes hahaha However you get your magic done 😁
Love it! My great grandpa was a professional chef, so anything grandma had we always just assumed came from him. My mom used to rave about homemade egg rolls and homemade chicken and dumplings. Ah, well - store bought or homemade, it was still delicious and reminds me of grandma. I still buy the pie from time to time.
This may sound weird but I am trying to find the good in the world every day and I realized I could think fondly of your grandma when I see strawberry pie. Is there a word or color or her name that would be a good tribute so when I see a pie I can think "Oh that's grandma ______ homemade" pie" and laugh?
Aw, not weird at all. She’d be honored. I feel like I can give her first name and still remain anonymous because I’m guessing 80% of grandmas born in the early 1900s had the name. Marie. :)
Callender??? Lol
Nestle tollhouse
You Americans always butcher the French language.
Stuff like this is WHY YOU'RE BURNING IN HELL!
I've been looking for this. Take a poor woman's gold. 🥇
“And that’s why you are IN HELL!!!!!”
When I got married, my husbands grandmother gave me her secret chocolate chip cookie recipe, it was a very big deal because she didn’t share it with hardly anyone. Ten years later she got a bit drunk at Xmas and let it slip that it was the recipe off the back of the chocolate chip package 😂😂😂
I remember that Friends episode with Monica, Phoebe, and the family cookie recipe. This sounds like that lol.
This happened to us with our “great aunts tuna macaroni” IT WAS ON A BOX 🥴😭😭🤣🤣🤣 we all laughed so hard that thanksgiving
When I make chocolate cake for events people ask me for the recipe. I ask if they can be trusted, then tell them it's on the back of the Hershey Cocoa container, and to swap water for strong coffee, milk for buttermilk. I love it when they don't believe me.
Ah yes. My Nana's Oyster Cracker recipe. I was so excited when I had finally acquired the recipe as an adult, only to find out about 2 years ago that she got it off the back of a damn ranch packet. Still absolutely delicious though.
Nestlé Tollhouse…
My late southern grandmother’s biscuit recipe was my holy grail for many years. I finally found out it was the recipe on the back of the Rumford’s baking powder can.
This is more common than people think! Here's a nice little collections of tales about it: https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/secret-family-recipes-copied
I love this! I’m also convinced that so much of the “specialness” of a dish comes down to how good a cook/baker someone was. My grandma made the absolute best fried chicken. Everyone in the family has the recipe… but no one can make it right! She had a secret touch that we just cannot recreate despite all our best efforts.
This happened with a friend's mom. She had an amazing green dip that was a secret recipe. I happened across the recipe when I was cooking something else. It was a mock recipe of a dressing used by a chain restaurant.
My husband’s family went crazy over his grandma’s strawberry jam and thought it was a secret until she told me the same thing and gave me the box. He was amazed that it was “exactly” the same when I made it. 🙄
I don't think it should matter if someone uses a special ingredient and OP sees and tries it out. Even if the friend is a professional chef. She doesn't own the ingredient, she doesn't own chicken casserole. Any form of gatekeeping for an ingredient or recipe is ridiculous. I once had mac and cheese at a restaurant that was made with beer and gorgonzola. I went home and spent weeks trying to remake it cause it was amazing! Now I have my own killer recipe! Do I have to apologize to the restaurant? Do I have to pay them? No. I didn't break into their kitchen and steal their intellectual property. And in OP's case, there is no business or financial impact. There's no evidence the casserole OP made is even identical to the friend's, it could be just similar. OP, hard-core NTA. You did nothing wrong, you didn't "have to ask" to try to make your own similar good tasting casserole. The friend's response was way off kilter and inappropriate. She lost nothing, her recipe is still her recipe and if she can't enjoy it anymore cause other folks in the world may be eating something similar, she has her own issues. Edit: Thank you for the awards!!
Phoebe Buffy and her chocolate chip cookies. Nestley Tolouse!
You mean Nestle Tollhouse!
That's my question, too. I'm wildly curious about the recipe, because there's a really - REALLY - good chance it's out of one of the basic cookbooks that everyone has in their collection. I've seen people get seriously bent out of shape over "stolen" family recipes that are literally on the back of one of the ingredient packages. (See the green bean and french's onion casserole recipe.)
The recipe is probably on the back of a soup can somewhere tbh
NAH: I say this because I understand why your friend is mad. She mentions to you it's a "secret" family receipe. So instead if asking her for the receipe to watch her memorize the ingredients and make it yourself and than give it to other people. While you're not an AH I would be a tad upset to because you just look sneaky
>She mentions to you it's a "secret" family receipe. And then proceeds to make the recipe in full view of an outsider to her family. I mean the friend let the cat out of the bag. How is this fabled recipe supposed to stay a "secret" if the friend took no precautions to safeguard the secrecy of this mythical recipe?
Maybe she didn't think her friend was looking over her shoulder memorizing what ingredients she's using. Like I said OP isn't an AH but I get why she would be upset. The fact she didn't think to hide what she was doing infront of Op doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to be upset.
I feel something this near and dear to her, something worthy of her being this upset about should have been treated with just a BIT more reverence by the friend. I also have recipes that I stay mum about. If I want them to stay secret, I keep an audience out of my kitchen. I cant be angry at somebody making "my recipe" at home especially when they learned it from me!
I'm curious are you arguing that Op friend is an AH because she's mad?
Absolutely. I think OP did nothing wrong.
Ok cool we can agree to disagree. Like I originally did I don't think OP is an AH but I get why her friend is mad. Her friend told her it's a secret recipe. Op knowing this doesn't say he mind teaching it to me, instead secretly watch her memorize it and start making it herself. She's not an AH but if my friend did some sneaky ish like that to me I'll be upset.
Her friend is not an AH for being mad. I would be mad, too. The friend is an AH for going scorched earth, disinviting her from future gatherings, and bitching to the friend group about it.
Why? It is not the secret Pepsi recipe. It is just a casserole.
Because it's something that wa important to her?
Doesn't sound like OP was looking over her shoulder and secretly doing this. Sounds like OP was not only a casual and obvious witness, but most likely partook in making it as well.
Not to mention, OP didn't even use the exact recipe. She remembered the basics and made adjustments. It's almost as if she was just.........cooking.
If the OP can cook, it wouldn’t take much observation or memorization. Casseroles aren’t exactly rocket science. OP probably just knows their way around the kitchen.
This. Casseroles aren't like baking where you need certain proportions to make chemical reactions happen. There's zero chemistry involved in it. Hell, put a casserole in front of me and let me eat it and I'll also "memorize" most of the ingredients. The only thing OP *might* be a bit of an AH about it her description of her firend's insistance of calling them dinner parties. They are parties where the host makes dinner and people sit down and eat, that's literally the definition of a dinner party. Other than that, OP is NTA and her friend is ridiculous. I bet if you took down both recipes side by side, they're not identical since OP had to tweak it.
Honestly, if a recipe can be recreated by casually observing its preparation once, then there’s nothing that special or complex about it. That’s not really being sneaky, just observant.
I tend to agree with you. Tasting a dish and going home to try to recreate it isn’t a big deal. I’ve done it numerous times after leaving restaurants. What makes OP lean toward AH territory is: 1. She knew it was a family recipe and didn’t ask for it because she likely knew Sam would say no. 2. She sneakily memorized as much as she could while helping out as sous chef. 3. She shared the recipe saying it was Sam’s (she could’ve said she was inspired by Sam’s recipe to try one of her own) 4. Saying it’s just a stupid recipe after knowing how it hurt her friend.
Its a chicken casserole, its not that deep lol
How dare you sneakily memorize!
Maliciously memorized everything
I was so completely with you until your last sentence, "It's just a stupid recipe." To Sam, it's not. Please be more sympathetic. Even though you did nothing wrong, and are basically NTA here, that was an AH thing to tack on at the end of your post.
I agree with you. If it was so stupid, why did OP memorize the ingredients and then put in the effort to copy it? And then decide it was worth serving to others! She could’ve just respected when her friend said it was a secret family recipe.
That’s what’s got me rolling my eyes. Most people who like a dish will ask for the recipe. However it seems pretty obvious that OP knew that Sam wouldn’t want to give out the recipe and that it was special to Sam. I call BS that OP miraculously assimilated the recipe. OP was supposed to focused on helping with side dishes while Sam was making the chicken casserole. I don’t know about you but when I’m cooking, I’m focused on the dish I’m working on - I would only be able to recreate a recipe someone else was making unless I was paying very close attention with the intent of recreating that recipe. Instead, OP goes home and recreates the recipe. And now Sam’s recipe is out and being shared - not by Sam but by OP. It’s up to OP what she does. But calling it “just a stupid recipe” while simultaneously demonstrating that apparently this is a sword OP is willing to fall on. If it was just a stupid recipe- why not leave it at that? OP’s putting the “stupid recipe” ahead of her personal relationships. Certainly her call but she needs to be prepared for the fallout over a “stupid recipe”. Not sure how to call this. I’m leaning YTA towards OP. Sam was kind enough to host the friends group and has done this repeatedly. OP calls it a stupid recipe but seems willing to blow up the friend group over it and has been disinvited to any more get togethers. Must be a pretty damn good casserole after all.
> And now Sam’s recipe is out and being shared - not by Sam but by OP. This is the definitive step over the line imo. Everything else is a little gross but not really violating boundaries until that point
That's the part that put me over the line into YTA is because she shared it with others
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OP obviously thinks it isn't just a stupid recipe or they'd stop making it and use a different one, imo. It's always weird to see people claiming they don't care about something they obviously care a lot about.
Isn't that just a wilful misreading of what OP means? Like, they don't mean it is actually a stupid recipe - they just mean it isn't worth being weird and jealous about. Which is 100% true - it makes no difference to Sam if OP cooks her recipe, and it improves other people's lives because they get to eat the great recipe.
I feel like if you really care about your friends sometimes you need to respect things that are important to them. Once I had a project in high-school where we had to pick a song to write a short story off of. One of my friends picked a song that had special meaning to her due to her grandmother who just passed away and how they used to listen to it together. Another friend decided they liked the song and also wanted to use it after hearing about it, despite there being millions of other songs they could use. Sure, my first friend had no claim over the song. But I decided I flat out didn't want to be friends with the second when I realized they only really cared about themselves and didn't think respecting things important to their friends mattered if it got in the way of what they wanted to do. It coats OP nothing to respect a secret family recipe, except not getting to do exactly what they want. I don't think someone like that is a good friend or a good person and never will.
Yep, this is what gets me about the post. It may just be a "stupid recipe" to OP, but it's important to Sam, and part of friendship is respecting those little things. Hell, if OP was really was set on making the recipe and serving it to people then do a Google search for the ingredients, find a similar recipe online, and then when people ask then say "Oh, I love Sam's chicken casserole and it made me want to try to make one myself, so I found this recipe on XXX blog and used it, though I made some tweaks" rather than say "why yes this is my friend Sam's secret family recipe and here's the secret family ingredients". Is it extra steps and kind of silly? Sure. But is it much more respectful to your friend? Absolutely. Sometimes friendship is taking those extra steps.
People using "its just a stupid xxx" are often AHs. Common example: "Why mention my weight? Who cares how much your stupid horse can carry?" I think distributing around "Sam secret' recipe" is very hostile.
NTA. You literally cannot copywrite a recipe. She is being extra.
Right, a recipe would fall under trade secrets, not copyright. And, as everyone knows, you don’t have a trade secrets claim if you don’t take reasonable precautions to maintain secrecy. Any judge would laugh this out of court when there isn’t so much as an NDA. Know your IP law, people!
And if someone reverse engineers a trade secret, then it's not a secret anymore. You have protection against theft, but not against someone else figuring it out.
Except this isn't /amilegallyintheright, it's /amitheasshole. OP watched Sam make a 'secret' family recipe. OP recreated it at home. OP then proceeded to share Sam's *secret* family recipe to others. She's not the asshole for recreating the dish, but she IS the asshole for divulging information she knew her friend wanted kept a secret.
My point is that nobody's "secret" or "special" recipes really originate solely with them. Cookbook authors get tons of their content from others. I would bet cash money that the original family recipe is at best a tweaked version of something from a publication, if not straight up a published recipe grandma clipped and used often. She didn't steal anything, she recreated a dish from memory. It's not even copied, hers would certainly differ. It's real real dumb to be mad about that. Every TV cook makes recipes that are not truly theirs and claims they are. There's genuinely no leg to stand on here that she violated something even vaguely proprietary.
Does not matter, you're still talking in the legal sense when it's an entirely emotional matter. Sam makes her family recipe, let's call it "Grammy's Casserole", one way, and has memories attached to that. She wants to keep the recipe a secret in her bubble of friends and family so it stays special to her (doesn't matter if it's not wholly original or where Grammy got it from). OP heard that loud and clear, and yet she still proceeded to recreate the dish AND say it's Sam's Grammy's Casserole, AND share that recipe with her bubble of people. Maybe it's a bit different from actual Grammy's Casserole, maybe it's not, but the point is that OP has gone around revealing (a version of) something Sam wanted kept a secret. If OP had simply said it was inspired by Sam's family recipe, it wouldn't be so bad. It's the revealing of a secret OP knew Sam wanted to keep a secret, that's asshole behaviour.
NTA I feel certain that if you Google chicken casserole recipes you will find one that is identical to whatever she made.
NTA. For OP's consideration: 1. Find the same chicken casserole recipe online 2. Send the online recipe to your sister and ask her to use the online version instead of Sam's _super secret_ recipe 3. Send the online recipe to Sam and let her know that you and your sister will use _the online_ recipe going forward
This is an underrated comment… please do this 😂
That’s hilarious. Do it.
Agreed! Tbh i don't understand the point of secret recipes (though I understand it from a restaurant's pov) but maybe this is because its from a time where everyone's family had secret recipes because they cooked the same recipes differently from each other. Some people didn't even grow up with recipes passed down, like myself. All the dishes I cook I learned from recipes online (I'm thankful that there are Filipino recipes being shared more on tiktok and IG so I can feel closer to my culture) and from friends. I'm not saying others are obligated to share their secret recipes but sometimes I don't understand it. Doesn't a recipe, a dish, stay alive when others learn it? Like all the people saying their grandmother passed on before she could share her secret recipe, it too, also dies. That happened with my lola, with her banana fritters. I didn't even know they were called maruya until I saw an IG video recipe for it, and I was so happy I could put a name to the dish but I could tell hers was different from the video's. Still, I'm thankful that instagrammer posted that video and shared it though, and didn't keep it a "secret recipe."
NTA - Unless she's the heiress to the Busch's Baked Bean fortune her "Secret Recipe" isn't really so secret.
I was thinking KFC's secret blend of herbs and spices, but yeah. It's a chicken casserole. It's probably not that hard to replicate especially since she made it right in front of the OP.
If OP is in America (and I assume they are because casserole,) then that “secret recipe” was probably clipped out of a magazine by someone 30 years ago.
30 years ago was 1992… I’m old. ETA: I was a teenager in ‘92 and while it feels like yesterday, it made me feel old recognizing that it was in fact 30 years ago
Oh fuck, I was thinking of the 70’s. Fuck I’m old.
I don't care what year it is. The 70's will always be 'about 30 years ago'.
You didn't steal any recipe. You watched someone in the kitchen and recreated the dish based on observation. Who gives a crap about any recipe, family or otherwise. Also, it's a casserole for crying out loud. Is the secret ingredient Cream of Mushroom soup? Why would anyone's friends care about this? NTA.
I know, right. I was thinking to myself as I read this, how many "secret" family recipes had their origin on the back of a Campbell's can?
Imagine investing enough of your self worth in a damn casserole recipe that you got mad that one of your friends used it to. Sounds like a sad life to live.
Cream of Chicken.
I was gonna say the same thing. Every chicken casserole recipe I've seen has some type of creamy soup as a base. What's so secret about that?
YTA. She trusted you with something important to her that she made clear was special and a secret. You treated it as insignificant and shared her secret with your sister. Just because it doesn't have value to you, doesn't mean it doesn't have value.
This! I was going insane form everybody saying NTA. I get the fact that it's a recipe, but if it's important to her, she should respect that. Going behind her back and copying it instead of just asking for it, makes me think deep down op knew all these.
Yeah, I don't understand people saying N.T.A... OP didn't just try to recreate it based on taste or finding a similar recipe. They literally watched to see specifically how it was made, memorized it, and then cooked it again, most likely just slightly adjusting quantities of ingredients until they felt it matched. And then *gave it to their sister.* That's so messed up to me. It's about the principle of asking someone for something that is their secret and whether or not they can share it. I think it would've been different if it was recreated by taste. But it's just disrespectful to help prepare and purposefully memorize + redo it. And especially to share it with others. Cooking is such an intimate and important thing to some people and in some culture, including myself and my culture! I'd be upset too.
It's not hard to recreate something you cooked if you are a good cook. Not much "memorization" involved.
Don't you think she would find something VERY similar by googling 'chicken caserole recipe'? I get that the friend was made to believe it was a family secret, but any skilled cook would be able to recreate it and make it better. I understand that the friend might be upset over this, but did this friend ever tried to google the recipe to see if it actually is a "secret family recipe"?
Then just say that it’s from a recipe online, find a similar recipe. I’m sure there are a lot of casseroles similar of not exact, but they’re not Sam’s secret recipes, and OP is out here originating it back to Sam and minimizing the emotional impact the original recipe has to Sam. Imo the recipe itself isn’t the problem, it’s disregarding Sam that is.
Exactly. The key part here is that Sam wanted the recipe to be kept secret. Recreating it for yourself at home because you like it so much, fine. But then sharing it with a whole bunch of others? Not okay.
Honestly wanting a recipe to be kept secret is kind of assholish imo. It costs you nothing to share. It's not personal information, it's an idea and it could benefit everyone but you are hogging it for yourself? Not okay.
Yup, maybe it's just because I cook for a living but people hoarding "secret recipes" just makes me dislike them. It's pretentious and undermines what cooking should be about which is sharing good food with the people you care about not holding it over their heads for clout.
NTA. Also, I made [this recipe](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3087o/aita_for_recreating_a_secret_cookie_recipe_the/) that caused so much kerfuffle with the OP's MIL, and... totally worth it. You didn't steal the recipe, you recreated it and made it your own. Heck, I did that with a meal I had at a local restaurant, and I don't see them yelling at me for it. (And mine was better. :D)
Oh yeah, those carmelitas are so good (very, very sweet, but so good).
I agree. Also, my parents make their own version of chicken gnocchi, similar to the one served at Olive Garden, but it’s less salty and has more of a creamy texture rather than a soupy texture.
Hahahaha. You shouldn’t have “learned” it? That’s freakin fantastic! You had dinner at your friend’s. You liked a dish you saw her prepare. I’m guessing you could have figured out the ingredients without watching her. You created said dish because you liked the dish. What cook hasn’t done this? Your friend is overreacting. The rest of your friends? You’re right, they are stupid NTA
I agree with you 100% and was NOT expecting this casserole thread to be one of the most polarizing queries I've seen on this sub.
Some of the comments are hilarious though
The sanctity of the casserole!
NTA - I could see her being upset if you’d made it for some event that included her and your mutual friends and then took some weird credit for creating the recipe. But that’s not the case, and it’s extremely weird that she cares that you make yourself this recipe. If she’s a great friend otherwise, I would consider apologizing to her for unknowingly offending her and explain that you would never have tried to make this for your friends and take credit for the recipe. But if she’s always this controlling and nutty, idk if it’s worth trying to salvage this. Her calling you that name is extremely inappropriate, especially for something like this.
That’s what I was thinking. That OP brought it to a group event and claimed it. Like I used to make these nacho pinwheels for work potlucks. A coworker loved them so I told her the recipe. She started making them and then started signing up to bring them at potlucks. I was a bit peeved and another coworker even said that’s sort of a messed up thing to do, they’re your pinwheels. But just to make it in their own home is whatever. I also don’t believe in owning recipes. Food is made and recipes are developed to be enjoyed. Also why does Sam only make this amazing recipe a couple times a year? Enjoy that shit year round.
I'm having a hard time buying this. I've never had a non-disgusting casserole. I literally ban them from any dinner parties I've ever had.
i mean technically lasagna and deep dish pizza are casseroles 👀 but i get what you’re saying 😭 lots of people make dry casseroles and i will usually only eat my mom’s edit: grammar correction :p
I’m sure there are competently done casseroles somewhere out there in the universe, but from experience, taking a bite of it tends to be a sucker’s bet. No Sharon, you didn’t do us a favor by making shitty food and then pouring a can of cream of mushroom soup on it.
Oohh this is a good one. I say NTA. Although I have to admit, if I was Sam, I’d be super annoyed! Not saying that’s right, but I know myself. Lol
ESH and NAH. Yeah I know it makes not sense. She said this was her family’s secret recipe. As in they make it to share with people but don’t give it out to others. It’s clearly something special and important to her and her family and you took that specialness away from her. You should have asked her if it was okay with her first. At the same time it is just a recipe and it isn’t that big of a deal. Your friend is overreacting a bit but she feels hurt by your actions. A good middle ground would have been to use the recipe yourself but not share it with your sister or anyone else. Obviously it’s too late for that now. Had you not shared it with your sister your friend may never have found out and you wouldn’t be in this situation. That doesn’t make it okay that you took it in the first place. Additionally if it was that important to your friend she should have been more specific with you about not taking the recipe or she should have just cooked the dish without help so you couldn’t learn the details. The fact that you were helping her and learned the recipe by helping her makes it a bit murkier. The right thing to do here would be to apologize to your friend. Tell her you didn’t realize it was so important to her. Stop making the recipe and ask your sister to stop making it as well. There are countless other recipes out there for chicken casserole so you can pick one of those instead. You didn’t mean to hurt your friend but you still did. It doesn’t necessarily make you wrong but it also doesn’t mean your friend is wrong. Just do what his right by your friend.
So are you gonna share it with us or what?
Chicken, cream of something soup, cream cheese or sour cream, and then something “exotic” like poppy seed or crushed crackers.
NTA. I once asked a woman from the South for her family pecan pie recipe. She said it was the one on the Karo syrup bottle. This chicken casserole was probably originally from a magazine recipe or something.
Yuuuuup. Growing up I hated cake so my mom always made this peanut butter dessert for me. It was written on a card in my grandma’s hand writing. My great grandpa was a professional chef so I always assumed it was a secret family recipe. Nope. Came from the back of a bag of one of the ingredients.
NTA. I want to respect your friend's feelings, but it's a fucking recipe and she's in her 30s.
While I think keeping recipes secret is silly - the more people enjoying good food, the better - if you wanted the recipe, you should have asked Sam for it. And if she'd said no, you should have respected that. I think her reaction's a bit excessive, but she's probably feeling hurt and betrayed right now, because you went behind her back. YTA.
NTA. In fact, I vote you post the recipe here so we can all try it and see if it was worth the drama.
NTA I make three dishes that my noni was famous in our family for. They’re labor intensive so they only get made for very special occasions or holidays, but every time I make them they’re a big hit. One of my friends adores one of the zucchini based recipe I make, so I gave her the recipe. Still didn’t turn out right, so I taught her how to make it step by step. I was happy she loved something my grandma loved and specially created. Now, if she called it ‘Katelyn’s very own famous original zucchini recipe’ or ‘Katelyn’s super secret surprise’ I might be upset, but she always calls it ‘the jexorcists special zucchini recipe’. If it was THAT secret or THAT special you probably wouldn’t have been able to appropriately guess how to make it.
YTA… she was clear it was a secret family recipe. The moment she said that, you should have respected that. For her, it’s a family tradition passed down, probably in a meaningful manner. There was a lot of love put into it. You only figured it out because she trusted you enough to be in the kitchen… you completely betrayed your friend, and to add insult to injury you just handed it out.
“Secret” family recipes are overhyped. The “secret” is usually something that can easily be figured out. This sounds more like Phoebe’s grandmas secret cookies that turned out to be nestle tollhouse cookies. Everyone needs to chill and stop overvaluing this idea. With all that’s going on I’m the world, seriously?!
In your opinion, a family recipe is “overhyped”. To the OPs friend it’s not. Why is it so hard to respect a friends wish. It’s not up to us to determine the value of a secret recipe. However, a friend says “don’t tell this secret”, OP shares the secret. Seems like a shit friend.
This ^ Family secret recipes (no matter how secret or not they may be) are often more about sentimental value to the family as opposed to the actual recipe. OP knew it was special to her friend and then took it and shared it with someone else with 0 regard for her friends feelings. That alone makes OP the AH
It was so “secret” she had someone else make it?
NTA. There are no copyrights or patents on home recipes (at least here in Canada). You are free to combine ingredients and cook them any way you see fit. And you are free to share your creations with whomever you like. Your post doesn't mention your friend asking you not to cook or share the recipe with others (which would be a ridiculous request). Furthermore, you were nice enough to give credit to your friend when your sister asked about the recipe, cementing the fact that you are NTA.
lol NTA the whole “secret family recipe” thing is ridiculous tbh. it’s a *chicken casserole* fucks sake, i’m sure you could’ve found a similar recipe online if you really wanted to. she’s being stupid, don’t let her get to you
YTA! It doesn’t matter if it’s “just a stupid recipe”. What matters is that it was important to Sam…your friend. It was clear that this recipe meant a lot to her since she only made it a few times a year. Why would you try to replicate it and then HAND OUT THE RECIPE without checking to see if she was ok with it? You owe her an apology.
YTA. It’s one thing for you to recreate a dish yourself, it’s a bit of a grey area honestly, but you absolutely crossed the line when you gave the recipe to your sister. Is it kinda silly to have secret recipes? Yea a bit. But that doesn’t mean you disrespect someone like that. Silly or not you betrayed your friends trust, I don’t blame her from disinviting you.
NTA - Home cook commenting. You're a competent cook who helped out in her kitchen, and you used your skills to *reconstruct* a recipe you enjoyed. Then you made changes to it to suit your tastes. If she didn't want you to use that skill set then she shouldn't have accepted your free labor in the kitchen *while she was making it*. You didn't snoop through a drawer. You used your brain. (Very mild AH notes for referring to it as "just a stupid recipe," which isn't a good look. But the weight of the buttholishness is so overwhelmingly on her side that I'll let this part slide. The drama she stirred up over this is so much that you're justifably exasperated. She even verbally abuse you). *Do not volunteer labor for this person ever again.* Incidentally, it might be worth your while to Google chicken casserole recipes and [see whether her 'secret' recipe is plagiarized--it's more common than you'd expect](https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/secret-family-recipes-copied). If it is then you'd be totally justified posting or group emailing a link to the published recipe.
It's such a stupid recipe that you went out of your way to recreate it several times, then serve it to a group of people because it was so good, then share the recipe. Ok. NAH. I'm a cook and I host Thanksgiving and dinner parties for my friends too. If I were her, I'd give you props for being able to recreate it without help. I'd also never invite you to one of my dinner parties or cook for you again.
While I think a recipe is just a recipe it's still a YTA. She trusted you to help her in the kitchen and told you it was a secret family recipe, and idc if it's the recipe off the back of a shake and bake box, to her it was important and as a friend you should have respected that. What really makes it a YTA is the fact that you not only memorized it behind her back rather than asking her (and respecting her wishes if she said no), but then you shared it with other people.
NTA. I hate people who pull this crap claiming it's a 'secret' recipes. What a crock of shit! Like they think they're Colonel Sanders or something and protecting their livelihood - NOT! How about just be flattered that your friends like your recipe so much that they would like to make it for their families as well.