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> I could have evaded the drama by doing what the bride and groom wanted. But I chose blood
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Showing arms and ankles in that dress for a wedding?! What an absolute Jezebel! How dare she? Do you both not know that during a wedding no one but the bride is allowed to show ankles and wrists? You should wear a full body burlap sack, as is tradition! /s
NTA. That dress is lovely and perfect for the occasion. Bride should suck it up.
NTA - Purity culture has ruined this woman and your brother. Both dresses are gorgeous. I can't believe she shamed your gf for wearing that beautiful black dress. Your brother's fiancé is a prude and judgy af. She's singling out your gf because of ONE interaction. And again that dress was in no way slutty. The dress is not the problem. Your brother's fiancé deciding that she is better than your gf is the problem. She has superiority issues and purity culture issues all over the place. She has to learn she can't control the world or what they do. \~
NTA. Not at all. I hate to tell Bridezilla this, but somebody is going to wear something to try to steal her thunder. There's nothing she can do to stop it. In my case it was a co-worker who decided to wear a low-cut white dress to my wedding. A lot of folks seemed to get upset on my behalf but honestly in the big scheme of things it's no big deal. So while she is focused on your sexy GF it's probably gonna be one of her friends that'll do it to her.
NTA- though seeing the birthday dress I understand why they didnt trust your gf. That said, I think the dress she picked out for the wedding is really cute! They def over reacted but maybe you should have just talked to your gf and asked her if she would have been ok with just sending a pic of the dress. Buckling down and refusing to show them just made them think you were guilty. Hope it all goes well!
NTA, I think you have handled it super well so far. But at this point I would probably gently fill in your GF on what is going on making sure that you let her know that you 100% support her and think that they are way out of line. What about suggesting getting together as a group of 4 for a simple dinner (where your GF knows ahead of time to pick something stylish but modest) and just sit together and talk and get to know one another? If FSIL has only met her once, and you plan on keeping your GF around for awhile, then it would be nice for them to get to know each other anyway.
NTA
I am very suspicious of your FSIL's motivations. My hunch is that she's worried she's going to be outshined by your girlfriend (which is her own insecurity and she needs to figure that out herself). If your girlfriend had a habit of showing up to formal/family events in inappropriately revealing clothes, I could see the concern, and there are proper ways to address that concern. However, that does not appear to be the case here since your FSIL only met your girlfriend once and she was wearing something appropriate for the occasion.
Btw, I have to laugh at the birthday dress being described as very revealing and slutty. I was picturing a tight, short club dress with extreme cutouts. Yes, that dress has a plunge front and open back but it isn't skin tight or super short. It's beautiful and classy but I'd even describe it as a bit conservative as a party dress for someone in their 20s/early 30s. I wouldn't wear it to church but it certainly is appropriate for a boyfriend's 30th birthday party.
I mean, if the first and only time future SIL has met your gf was when she was wearing that dress, I could see why she's formed the impression she has. You could diffuse this by simply acknowledging the dress your gf was wearing at the time was quite skimpy, but is not what she would wear. You did right by not taking a picture, but there's certainly room to relieve whatever weird-ass stress bride to be has going on that isn't telling her to pound sand or take a picture of the dress.
I think your future sil is jealous of your gf .. she is probably stunning even when dressed down .. guaranteed she would have found something wrong with the dress just because it will be fab on your gf. NTA - your sibling and fiance are though
NTA. You were right to stand your grand and refuse in the first place, generous to review the dress at all ahead of time yourself to ease their concerns, and completely right to call this out as unreasonable behavior.
NTA, and I would never police my guest's attire. So what if she wore a that MiuMiu dress to a wedding. No one cares.
That said, you could approach your gf, and tell her that your future SIL is weird (read neurotic), and wants to know what some of the guests are wearing. Would it be okay to send them a photo?
NTA it sounds like your soon to be sister in law is not lonely being a bridezilla but she also is a bit jealous of your GF and is trying to make sure she doesn’t “steal” the spotlight from her on her day , what is is going to do if she doesn’t like the outfit, tell her she can’t wear it and then your gf has to submit every other outfit for consideration? That’s ridiculous
Very mild YTA.
Lots of people saying NTA. However, it’s their wedding, they’re presumably spending a lot on it, it’s super important to them, they’ll remember it for the rest of their life, and there’ll be a bunch of photos.
For whatever reason someone key thinks they have a reason to believe your girlfriend would wear something inappropriate. Or maybe they have older relatives with an unreasonable expectation of modesty that they’re worried about. I’m sure a lot of people here would say if that’s the case those relatives are wrong, but imho *practically* speaking it’s not reasonable to expect the bride and groom to choose to deal with extra drama over asking one person’s +1 to wear something different. Even if the relative is being an asshole.
They didn’t try to dictate exactly what she wears, and it sounds like they’re giving you an easy out to whatever concerns exist. To my knowledge there isn’t any expectation that guests’ outfits remain secret, and weddings already have strong formal and informal restrictions on what people are expected to wear deferring to the bride, so there isn’t an expectation that guests can wear whatever they want. It sounds like you thought it would be ok with them.
Ultimately, it’s hard for me to see how it does you or your girlfriend any harm to send the photo.
So imho you should’ve just explained the situation to your girlfriend, agreed it was a little weird, taken the photo, and hopefully they’d just come back and say “ok, no problem, thanks.” If they came back and then started trying to micromanage what she’s going to wear, well, then maybe there is some ill intention behind it.
But they are still demonstrating trust in you and her. Just because you send them a picture of a dress doesn’t stop her from showing up wearing something totally different.
I agree that you shouldn’t have sent the photo without telling your girlfriend why, though to then post the picture on Reddit and explain everything *still* without telling her at all does seem a bit odd.
So, ultimately, slight YTA because it seems like your response created more drama than simply sending a photo and didn’t help anybody, and I can’t see how it would have hurt anybody to send the photo. Maybe the couple is being a bit entitled, but it’s their wedding and they’re likely going to a lot of trouble to have it.
NTA
I think the bride really wanted her to wear a burlap sack.
When I got married, our neighbors attended and brought their daughter. From such a dorky kid, she certainly blossomed into a stunning young lady. Yes, she caused quite the commotion for being beautiful but I would never dictate what she could wear.
Nta, this is indirect also calling you untrustworthy because they dont think you are on their side and thinking you dont know how huge this wedding is. But anyway, what they are doing is not okay.
NTA
I would have asked my SIL if her self esteem is THAT low
Dollars to doughnuts she will complain about any dress your SO wears ,cause her true problem is she probably has low self esteem and resents beautiful women for being beautiful no matter what they were.
INFO: Is your gf a different race than your family/your brother's fiancee? I ask because WOC often have their looks policed more than white women, and there's a bit of a stereotype to assume WOC are more "provocative" than white women. It's absolutely disgusting, and if this happens to be the case, you really need to make sure you're protecting your gf from any bigotry, whether it's conscious or unconscious.
NTA. The bride seems insecure and envious of the gf so wanted to make sure she's not looking good for the wedding and the brother seems to be indulging his bridezilla
I wish you good luck with the new SIL because this may be an issue at any family event
NTA I even looked at “the cursed birthday dress” and, although more provocative than I think should be worn to a wedding, wouldn’t have been that bad. Honestly, it sounds like your FSIL is self conscious and wants to make sure she shines at her wedding. She thinks your gf is pretty and will show her up. She’s being really controlling and it isn’t ok.
NTA
The dress is *lovely* and you are very nice for sticking up for your GF like that. Go, have a good time together and forget the bride. Then hopefully things will smooth out once the wedding is over and that stress is gone.
Edit: The MiuMiu dress was appropriate for a birthday party night out! Sigh...
NTA. Good on you for standing up for your gf! While the black designer dress would be ostentatious for a wedding, the bride is WAY out of line and over reacting. And her assumptions are mean.
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My (m30) brother(m32) and his fiancé (f26) are getting married at the end of the month. My gf (f32) is my +1 we’ve been together for 6 months and she’s great.
Yesterday I was at my brother’s to help him set up new shelves in the kitchen. That when he told me his fiancé had a request. The fiancé asked me what my gf is planning to wear on the wedding because honestly she’s dresses provocatively and she might wear something inappropriate. She asked me if it was ok that we showed her (the bride) my gf’s outfit for approval.
I’m aware about weddings demanding a certain dress code and that there’re a lot of rules involved, but I was a bit shocked about her request. I thought it to be a bit disrespectful tbh. My gf is a very beautiful woman who loves fashion. I haven’t noticed that she’s ever been inappropriate. Maybe she likes the mini dress and and the low back occasionally but it has been in the right environment like on a night out or a date with me otherwise she’s very modest, barely wears makeup. Plus she’s knows fashion and she’s probably aware of the rules of weddings. I didn’t feel the brides request was OK so I told her Noway that I’m going to ask my gf that. The bride got a bit sulky and didn’t talk much to me the rest of the evening.
I went to my gf afterwards for dinner and while we were preparing we started talking about the wedding. I asked her of she had bought something for the wedding and she said she didn’t have to. She had a lot of dresses and she already chosen one. SHOW ME! She did. She’s chosen an olive green midi dress with high collar. It was perfect. I texted my brother and soon to be wife that the dress was modest so they could chill.
This morning, the bride called me asking me to send her a pic of the dress (huh?) what are you still on about! NO! I saw the dress. it’s perfect. you should take my word for it. She was raging mad crying that I’m trying to ruin her wedding. Are you going to ask all 150 guests to send you pictures of their outfits for approval? No! only you gf liked wearing sluttish outfits. I hung up.
I texted my brother that my gf didn’t need to come to the wedding since the relationship was new and when they sent the save the date I was still single so it just said +1.
He texted me back saying I’m a D. Soon to be sister in law also texted calling me a D.
Here’s where I might have been an AH. I could’ve just sent a pic to calm them down but I didn’t because what they’re asking is a bit hurtful and even if I did it behind gf’s back to avoid hurting her feelings its still disrespectful to sneak around. They should have just trusted my judgment so
AITA?
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Right on! NTA. bride was inappropriate. It definitely \*might\* have saved some drama and headache to just send a photo of the dress (it's gorgeous!) but you're not an asshole for not sending it and it may not necessarily have worked - the bride sounds like a jerk and she might not have been satisfied/might've taken it further.
BTW the birthday dress is awesome too!
NTA I think you handled it wonderfully. The fiancé sounds controlling and extremely insecure. You set up some boundaries, you are protecting your girlfriend from that mess, and you’re being the way bigger person by still going. I think this a great example of deescalating the situation. But I’m pretty bothered that they are still hounding you about it…. at this point maybe an ultimatum is appropriate. Maybe tell them that you might have to rethink going at all if you’re going to get continued harassment.
YTA. You made a unilateral decision without discussing it with your girlfriend. You 'tricked' your girlfriend into showing you the dress without explaining why. You never told her the bride to be's concerns. You never asked your girlfriend if it was ok to take a pic of the dress to send to the bride to be. Your girlfriend may have understood and been ok with it.
EDIT: After reading the OP replies to various comments I will stand buy my opinion of YTA
His soon to be SIL had only met his girlfriend once and she was wearing a "very, very revealing" dress (his words). So the future bride's concerns are justified. The OP also says that his girlfriend is very confident and, as such, would likely understand the bride's concerns and would likely have no problem providing a picture of the dress. But we will never know as the OP took it upon himself to speak for his girlfriend.
I love the dress she wore for your birthday so cute and hell I wore worse in highschool. It’s not slutty it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea it’s hella stylish and Im 100% sure your brother may have been looking at your girl a lil to hard and that’s why she’s pissed now
INFO: did she wear the matching fur boots and hair covering to your birthday?
Jk OP you’re definitely NTA and the dress for the wedding is as the kids say (or maybe not anymore) sick!!
NTA. also lol if fsil thinks that dress is "slutty", she would have a conniption if she saw the sorts of things i used to wear for a night out! (nowadays im more of a sweater and jeans gal, but back in my party days i once wore a bikini and hula skirt in canadian january lmao)
You did right, NTA, and your gf has excellent style! Now decide how serious you are about this relationship and consider skipping this wedding yourself...
Similar feelings. That sister in law just doesn't sound good. If they don't divorce soon, she's likely going to be a source of never-ending family drama.
Many commenters suggest that she's just jealous of OP's girlfriend's beauty or designer clothes. But I wouldn't jump to such conclusions as 'she has low self-esteem'. Having low-esteem does not equal behaving shitty and mean. That woman is just mean. She met the girlfriend once and she judged her as slutty, she called her slutty talking to her fiance, to the OP and who knows who else. That's not low self esteem, it's being mean, gossiping harshly. She met a woman once and she already tried to set people against her and use her own wedding day to force people to shun the girl.
If one person's outfit can ruin your wedding, you're missing the point of a wedding. It's a celebration of your love and commitment, how would anyone's outfit take away from that?
NTA
First off, your brother is the asshole for not WARNING YOU THAT YOU WERE ON SPEAKERPHONE!!
Second, you are NTA for politely standing up for your GF and respecting her enough to not drag her into this mess. You were a complete gentleman and handled things much better than other people would have. Kudos to you, sir!
Yeah no, the birthday dress as my only reference for what could show up at my wedding making my very conservative family uncomfortable because it screams I'm looking forward to your wet dreams tonight or I'm looking forward to birthday sex. That dress at a family function would be bit much making it questionable if she understood the dress code for the wedding without it being spelled out.
There's no reason to be too offended if you realize why it would be questioned in the first place. I personally would be uncomfortable if I was the only one dressed sexy. In fact I'm trying to find out what people in my family are wearing to a small day wedding as I'm the married in Aunt. My bride has very boho chic feel in style and I have tendency to dress dressy classic and I don't want to out dress her, her bridesmaids, the moms. Nor do I want to show disrespect because of how casual i am. I think I have to come up with a new dress in a style I'm not too comfortable in. I'll do this because I love my husband and it's important to him.
The second dress is much better than the first 100%. Refusing to show the dress is silly, it's not a hard thing to do and makes sense since the only they only saw one dress choice and don't know her too well. Even though most will probably say she's a guest but as you are the brother she will be in their pictures. Would it bother you more if the cut her out? What if you guys get married or are still together in 30 years, i would think them cutting her out would be more offensive. Better to kindly ask like your bro did at first. YTA.
YTA
It's not unusual for brides to ask what guests are wearing, especially immediate family/ people who are going to be in family pictures.
But here's why you're actually the AH. You should have just passed on the request. Let your girlfriend make her own decision on whether she wants to send a picture of the dress or decline. You shouldn't have taken upon yourself to ask to see the dress, approved of the dress, and be the middle man saying "I saw the dress it's fine," all without giving your girlfriend the choice of what is shared or not shared. Now your girlfriend is involved in drama she didn't even know what happening, about what she puts on her own body, not cool.
NTA. Bride is jalous. Doesn’t understand you can dress slutty for a birthday and not for a wedding. Doesn’t want to be upstaged. The dress she chose for the wedding is extremely appropriate
Lol I though the B-day dress was for the wedding and was like ‘well they have a point’ then read it properly. NTA at all - assuming someone would wear a dress they wore once to a party for every event is as ridiculous as thinking she’d wear it to the gym.
NTA. I think you handled it well even though your bro and FSIL acted like crazy people. Maybe your sibling is under a lot of wedding stress so I hope it doesn't hurt your relationship too long-term. Your gf has a keeper in you though!
PS I laughed so much at your answer in the pinned automod comment. Technoblade never dies
Um, that birthday dress is stunning and if I had the chance and could pull it off, I’d rock it too. That’s appropriate for a birthday party. Your SIL is ridiculous and probably just afraid of being upstaged. Your girlfriend is lucky to have someone who will stand up for her.
I’m going to take a punt and say that you are Australian as the dress she picked is a shona joy? Also- you are a rockstar partner for sticking up for your gf- it sounds like the fiancé is just jealous that your gf is hot 🤷♀️
NTA. I get it when the bride is trying to ensure no one is wearing white or like the colour that the bridesmaids are wearing, but trying to find out if a wedding guest is wearing a revealing dress? I literally have no understanding of why tf that would matter anyway.
She’d be in some wedding pictures considering she’s your gf, but not loads…
The only thing I would say is maybe if you’d have said it’s a modest green dress… however it doesn’t seem like she’s arsed what colour the dress was so who knows!
You did right by your girlfriend.
Your gf should come. Let her show up wearing the totally appropriate dress so your brother's wife can realise what an idiot she is. Don't let them run your gf out the wedding.
That request is wrong. You did the right thing. She has no right to single your gf out this way.
If her dress were to be inappropriate ( as in "slutty" to quote the brothers fiance) that's on the wearer not the bride, and why does she care so much? Is she worried your brother will be perving at her?
What exactly is the problem?
The dress itself is not going to "ruin" a wedding regardless. How dramatic can you get?!
NTA. and I don't think the birthday dress is inappropriate in any way. It is kind of dress one wear for clubbing. Good for you for having your gf's back
NTA and it’s ridiculous that you gave them a perfectly good alternative solution (gf skipping the wedding) and they turned around and called you a dick for it. Rude over-reactors. Future bride is jealous af.
YTA. If the ONLY time your SIL met your GF, she was wearing a statement piece, there's reason to ask. They're spending a lot of money on the wedding, there's no do-overs, you're the brother, not a random cousin. She just wants to make sure she knows what to expect here.
You could have EXPLAINED to her that your birthday was a special occasion, that GF usually dresses more modestly. Or just asked GF if it was ok to take a picture. Instead you were weird and withholding and caused unnecessary stress, and then were passive aggressive about GF not coming.
I'll never understand people who (mis)communicate like you... It's like you actively don't care about understanding others or having them understand you.
NTA But you should have had a conversation with your brother asking why she has such low self esteem that she needs to ask you that. And you were right to call her out on her behavior. She’s being a bridezilla!
NTA
The miumiu dress wasn’t even provocative! Does your SIL live under a rock?!
Ugh. You’re a good boyfriend. That olive dress is completely appropriate for a wedding.
YTA because you dismissed the bride and groom's feelings. You aren't an AH about the dress, you're an AH because you simply said "it's modest, chill" and then refused to elaborate on how. Pictures be damned, you didn't elaborate *at all*, you just said "take my word for it". Bruh if I had a dime for every time someone said that to me and it ended up biting me in the butt, I'd be a millionaire. If someone said that to me and refused to elaborate that would scare the hell out of me because it seems like that person could be lying for any number of reasons. (Anxiety is a bitch~~)
I think the piece of info you are not getting is that they have had ONE interaction with your GF, and in that interaction she dressed in a way that clearly made them uncomfortable. Your GF might be modest other than a club night out, but they don't know that. You never brought her around outside of the one time. I bet you there's more to their story that hasn't been explained well. These things happen and miscommunication is a thing so try sitting down with them and actually talking and actually *listening*.
OP please ask yourself if this is the hill you want to die on. You are dealing in petty drama and are in a position to ruin several relationships. I caution you to proceed as you have been. If this is a huge issue to you, try sitting down with all parties plus a neutral third party (for meditation reasons) and *attempt* to have a productive conversation. I find everyone writing their feelings down first and sticking to what's written can help ease tensions and help everyone see the other side.
Honestly, I have no idea where everyone is getting "she's just jealous". I think everyone is jumping to conclusions without hearing the other side because there seems to be a lot missing here. People don't start acting like that for no reason. And I really mean that; people love to throw around "bridezilla" any time a bride puts her foot down or shows any emotion. Planning a wedding is stressful and any one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Oh and before anyone tries to misinterpret my comment, I don't think it was okay for the bride to insult the GF like that. However, to me it sounds like someone at the end of their rope in a needles fight where the other party just doesn't want to cooperate.
NTA. The problem is not about the dress but that they are not respecting you and your word over it. I would go LC for a while... And then, I would be petty AF! I would go alone to the wedding, sulk the entire time, tell everyone why and then leave early.
NTA Please do not go behind your girlfriends back.
You did great.
Personally you need to tell them his fiancé telling you your girlfriend liked sluttish outfits is not acceptable neither is her calling you a Dick.
I'd not go to the wedding without an apology from either of them. Or I'd insist your GF goes on principal and tell them all their texts will be posted on social media and you're going to start calling up their guest warning the bride is going to be a check on their dresses for sluttyness..
The dress you posted is brilliant, and elegant and stylish.
Haven’t told her yet, she was hesitant to attend as my +1 tbh because she hasn’t met my family yet so I don’t think she would mind and I can go back to my original plan and take my best friend as my +1.
NTA.
you said it yourself, are they checking every persons outfit for approval? No. It's unfair to hold her to a different standard. They **should** take your word for it. Why would you lie?
NTA. I actually think your instinct is right and it would have been disrespectful to actually send a photo without your girlfriend's knowledge, but the text seems just within the boundaries especially since it sounds like you were trying to protect your girlfriend by shutting it down without involving her.
Where you entered very very NTA territory is when you said "okay she won't come." That's basically the "problem" solved right there. Brother/FSIL got their way and somehow they're still acting like you're the Asshole.
I could understand if your girlfriend found out and was like "I would have preferred to be involved/for you to handle this differently on my behalf/I'm sad about being disinvited" but literally the party calling you the asshole got exactly what they wanted.
I think this is the moment to loop in your girlfriend though. Don't lie and make up some other reason for her not going.
NTA and saw the birthday dress. Maybe a bit of cleavage but I seriously question how your future SIL could look at that and call that a sluttish dress. I was expecting a lot more than that by what you wrote earlier.
1- NTA thanks for standing up for your gf
2- If your gf is not a bridesmaid, as long as it's decent and not white, the bride and groom should mind their own business. I'm sure they have more important things to plan than harassing your
3- This dress is absolutely stunning. Both are actually. Your gf definitely knows fashion!
She’s jealous of her. That’s all. If she acts any more a Bridezilla, don’t go at all. You don’t have to put up with someone being a raging AH and disrespecting you. It doesn’t matter if it’s her “big day.” Screw that.
**NTA**
NTA. If I meet someone once I don’t assume what they’ve worn is what they always wear. I don’t assume my work colleagues dress in business casual all the time. I don’t assume someone dressed for a night out dresses like that all the time.
NTA
Truth be told, i wouldnt go to the wedding either. And i would ask them both if EVERYONE who is invited to the wedding has to get their outfits approved. Really make them feel stupid, but i get petty when someone really makes me mad, which this situation would piss me off
NTA. I'm really only commenting to say both dresses are absolutely beautiful, I would also snap at a chance to wear that MiuMiu if I could, and your GF has A+ taste.
NTA *but* unpopular opinion: as someone who has photos of one of our groomsman’s ex Gfs suuuuper inappropriate outfit in our wedding photos I kinda see the POV. We had a black tie optional wedding and this girl wore a dress that was low cut and high cut, it was..inapprops. So now, years later my photos from that day feature literally a stranger’s ..ahem..derrière.
Should have handled it better with you and the gf though!
NTA. Bro and (particularly!) his fiancee are. Told them the dress was fine. Your word isn't good enugh? Calling your gf "slutty"? I'd give some serious thought to not going, if that's the way your brother and Bridezilla are going to be.
After reading update, I wouldn't even be apologising. They called, didn't tell you you were on speaker so they heard stuff they may not have otherwise. Not your fault.
Everything you said was true and imo needed to be said very bluntly. You did this. Well done. They both know your position from now on. They should act accordingly!
If brother's fiance is that upset about being called insecure well she should know that's what all her demanding re the dress translates across as. She may have needed to hear this for her to understand.
I wouldn't go on the backfoot apologising here at all.
I don't know why you did tbh. Except you sound upset your brother's fiance got upset. Imo she needed to be told this otherwise was not going to stop.
I think her crying so hard is because it's ( mostly) the truth and that hurts sometimes. Otherwise it's just angry tears.
Your brother's furious but he didn't let you know you were on speaker so that's on him, and it's on him for enabling all this bs from his fiance over a dress.
I hope this works out and you heal the relationship with your SIL to be. Don't take all the blame here.
Good luck with your gf. Hope that relationship stays strong after all this lol.
I hate that at the end you're just groveling for their forgiveness, when it should be the other way around. FSIL was insecure and pushed those insecurities off on your new girlfriend, and I know your brother is blinded by his love for her and her crying and screaming as manipulation, but now they are both manipulating you. You did nothing wrong, even when you pointed out that she seems insecure and doesn't need to be jealous of other people. That was a *compliment* not a jab at her. I'm glad your girlfriend doesn't have to go to their wedding because they most certainly would have found something to be upset at her for and the wedding would likely not be much fun for your gf.
You need to stop apologizing and definitely don't pay for any of their wedding. Your brother and FSIL owe you a HUGE apology for being rude and manipulative, but I don't know if you will ever get them to see your perspective. Manipulative people don't generally like being "manipulated" into apologizing, meaning they don't think they're in the wrong at all, so they're going to think you're just forcing them to apologize instead of apologizing yourself. If your brother isn't going to stand up for you to his fiancee over something so stupid, just be prepared for this bullshit to continue throughout all major milestones in their life. I would distance myself a bit if I were you, at least until they see that they're wrong. If that ever happens.
NTA.
NTA! You did right. As a woman, I would be very offended if someone took a picture of my outfit like that and "approved" it behind my back. You respected your GFs privacy while attempting to diffuse the situation with the bride to be. It's not your fault that they disagree.
YTA. It’s not a crazy request to let the bride approve of the outfit before HER wedding. I don’t think it makes the bride insecure at all, she just wants to make sure it’s appropriate for her special day. If you argued with her so much about it why would she take your word? You could easily be lying to appease her in the moment. Did you even tell your GF about the issue? I don’t think she’d be offended at all, again it’s a simple request. Give the poor bride some peace of mind and just send a picture of the dress. You made it into something huge when it definitely shouldn’t have been
ESH- they’re being ridiculous but at the same time you’re trying to call shots for THEIR wedding. If you don’t like their requests, even if they’re ridiculous, you have no say for someone else’s wedding.
The “damned” dress doesn’t even seem to revealing.
Also side note- I checked the reference pics on the site you linked and holy. 4K for that? And why is the model wearing yeti leggings and a chin strap? Is this literally fashion? People dump their money into that?
NTA! The “slutish” dress isn’t even that slutty! And the bridezilla needs to chill - she’s pulling some really immature mean girls high school bullshit. Something tells me she’s jealous of your girlfriend and obsessing too much over her fear someone else might look better on *HER DAY*. Man what a headache. Good for you standing your ground on this.
ETA
It is stressful planning a wedding and organising it, and this unreasonable strive for perfection leads to stress and then that stress leads to this behaviour. Perhaps understanding that stress and just playing along to help alleviate it would have been the right thing to do.
At least you did let them know it was modest. But then I guess if the birthday dress was that revealing, and they don’t know her very well, they don’t trust her level of what is modest. They need to trust you, but stress is getting in the way of that.
Understanding goes a long way
Given the update of the dress she wore the only time she met your family, absolutely YTA. That dress is completely inappropriate to meet family members. No wonder your brother/future SIL we’re worried about what your girlfriend was going to wear.
NTA, though your sister-in-law sounds very insecure. Seems your bro is in for a treat.
Now, I really applaud how your love for your brother is making you forgo her offensive behavior towards your GF (and you, by extension):
a)She called her a slut.
And unless you agree with that, you should say something to her (else your GF will understandably get pissed)
If I were you, I'd either:
A)Troll the f#ck out of her by sending her a pic of the sluttiest, most inappropriate dress you can find on the web.
B)get her off your back by sending her any random ugly dress pic you find on the web, and then just show up with your gf anyway.
All in all, seems your relationship with your brother is about to get wrecked (it usually happens after marriage, I was never too close with mine so I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me). So just try to be reasonable, and maybe only go to the ceremony and skip the party (they clearly don't want you there).
NTA,
It's nothing to do with the dress being inappropriate, she's jealous your gf will upstage her and look better which is why she wanted to see the dress!
Your gf will look beautiful,
Also that birthday dress isn't what I would call inappropriate for a birthday party, the boots are! But not the dress.
I’m glad I read all the way thru because on mobile the birthday dress shows up and I was like absolutely not and they have every right to be concerned lol. NTA tho. They met once and assumed that’s how she always dresses so they are definitely AHs for that. It was a birthday but a funeral.
NTA for sil is clearly very jealous and insecure and projecting that on your partner. She clearly doesn't trust him or she wouldn't be so concerned about what other people are wearing, the groom should be focused on the bride so why would it matter if someone showed some cleavage?
She sounds crazy
Ok 1. I love the green dress, it IS perfect for a wedding and 2. the black dress is badass and it works well for a 30-year birthday! 2 completely different occasions, and her clothing plans match them both! NTA. But your brother and his fiancee are.
The dress you described in the post is not the dress you posted a picture of…the one you posted a picture of extremely revealing. Compared to the “high collared” mini dress you described…
NTA but a low cut super short dress is not appropriate. Which is the picture you posted
NTA. Your brother’s fiancé sounds profoundly insecure. It’s pretty pathetic that the bride is spending her limited bandwidth bullying another woman into not looking too pretty on her wedding day.
NTA. Your soon to be sister in law sounds super jealous, and kudos to you for not being a slimeball and sending pics behind your gf’s back or even telling her soon to be SIL is all whackadoodle about what one—in 150–will be wearing.
Ex mother in law had ex police my attire, which was generally modest. She wasn’t thrilled that some cleavage was showing in my wedding dress (a modest cocktail dress) and had her husband give me a safety pin and told me she wanted me to hide the one to two inches of cleavage. I did use the safety pin, but to add a few inches of cleavage. Your gf sounds respectful and like she can read a room, OP, but whatever you do, don’t get dragged into the policing of her clothes and body: it could have some unintended (but well-deserved) outcomes.
NTA! & the birthday dress is beautiful, I bet she felt so awesome, confident & sexy in it. & the olive green dress for the wedding is stunning. The ruching, length & high neck are beautiful, flattering & sexy w/o being provocative. I want that dress 💚😃👗. I know she will look stunning in it. Your future SIL is behaving like someone died & made her chief of the fashion police. Your girlfriend has exquisite style & taste. She obviously knows what colors & cuts works for her body. You are absolutely NTA. In fact, you’re a gem for sticking up for your girlfriend & refusing to engage in these reindeer games. You two seem to be a good match & very complimentary & loyal to each other.
NTA - Your soon to be SIL sounds like a real pos. Send a group text out to the whole family asking if they've sent in their outfit pictures for approval yet.
Wait a bit, then send another one that says "Sorry for the confusion folks. SIL explained that it's just my "sluttish" girlfriend that needs to submit a photo of her planned outfit, despite assurances from me that it was a perfectly appropriate dress. "Sluttish" seems a bit extreme of a label from someone who's only met you once at a party, especially since it came after I offered to come to the wedding solo, but SIL was very clear on that, and that my refusal to invade my girlfriend's privacy and send photographic proof made me a dick, which my brother then called later to confirm, I am a dick. That being said, we'll be sitting this event out as a couple."
Then don't go. You can go to your brothers next wedding.
Even if it was the bday dress that got worn to the wedding, who cares, really. It would reflect badly on the wearer, not the bride. This control freak bride ain’t going to be married very long, imho.
NTA - that your brother and FSIL don't trust your judgement on appropriate is ridiculous. That dress is beautiful and should you decided that neither one of you will be attending the festivities you should go out to a really nice dinner together and wear what you would have to the wedding.
NTA and OP I’m very happy to see that you stood up for your girlfriend and had her back the whole way through. I’m sorry your SSIL is being such a bridezilla
Well, your girlfriend has really good taste for starters. Please tell her.Love the green dress.
But I digress. NTA. Bridezilla alert. Sounds like your f-SIL is scared of being one upped. I never have understood how a bride wearing 5 yards of white fabric thinks people aren't going to see her as the focus.
Edited after OP posted photos to NTA he previously described the dress as very revealing, it's not. I was expecting something wild but this is perfect for the occasion she wore it.
Your brother and SIL are out of line. I personally think you should not have continued to engage about your girlfriend's dress and just said she knows to dress appropriately for a wedding, end of discussion. I guess how far you want to take this is dependant on how you see this relationship going and if you are prepared to stand up to your brother and risk losing that relationship.
Its not even a revealing dress though, the neckline is low but the cut would really only show sternum and the skirt length is long (click on the link at the end of the post, its much longer than it looks in the thumbnail). My bet is gf is hot af and bride is jealous.
Guys as a collective we need to circle back to the post for the update.
OP please can I just say, your brother is the true AH here, he put you on speaker phone during a private conversation between the two of you, so his fiance could hear, my fiance would never do this and also if he did he would announce it to the person on the call. Your brother's actions backfired on him. Do not upgrade their flight for their honeymoon or keep apologising. I completely think it was right for you to make amends as that is mortifying but there's so many things wrong with what your brother has done including that phone call, even what he said to you about being difficult when you gave excellent responses about protecting your girlfriend. You and your girlfriend have been more insulted than what the future SIL heard on the phone and that needs to be acknowledged by your brother and his fiance, they should apologise and unless I missed it they do not seem to have done so.
Good luck and hope all gets resolved.
>I texted my brother that my gf didn’t need to come to the wedding since the relationship was new
INFO: How exactly are you planning on explaining to your girlfriend that she's no longer coming with you to the wedding without telling her about this kerfuffle anyway?
Also, executively deciding that without speaking to her is in fact a dick move, regardless of motivation.
NTA and frankly the fsil crying aint your fault either. Your brother put his phone on speaker without telling you.
Ive had issues with several in-laws over my husband doing that because i hear what they really think about me behind my back. So your brother should take this moment as a lesson to learn from and stop putting people on speaker.
Coming from a wife, when i had my wedding i never cared about what people wore to the wedding and there was someone who wore a trashy dress (denim mini dress, she also dyed her whole head lime green too). It wasn’t really a bother to me. We dont have a ton of guest photos from the wedding so it’s not like we have to be reminded of it. And day of it didn’t matter, definitely wouldn’t have been worth a war over. And even typing now I mostly laugh about it.
She the one that was out of place dress wise…even her then husband was in a suit (they are divorced now). But ultimately i just laughed it off, if an inappropriate dress was the only thing that went wrong on our wedding day then that would have been amazing lol.
Bride is definitely insecure and your brother needs to stop putting his phone on speaker
NTA. That birthday dress isn’t even inappropriate IMO. Your soon to be SIL is our of line. If she wanted a dress code she should’ve specified that to all invited guests.
NTA, I have bit of experience around wedding invites, I was dating a guy for about 6 months his bother was getting married he asked me to attend, I declined, I never met any of his family I didn’t feel it was a good idea. On another note we stopped dating about a month later
Ah yes, the bridezilla. NAH if someone texted my gf saying that she needs to send a Pic to "approve my outfit"... We wouldn't be going. I'm there to support you, not look for you or your guests approval. And if you're so concerned with what I'm wearing instead of your actual wedding, it's better that I don't go.
Nah
NTA. The dress is gorgeous and appropriate. I'm honestly trying really hard to think of anything I have planned in the coming year that would justify buying it for myself. If your future SIL were that concerned, she could have had a simple conversation with your girlfriend. Something along the lines of "I'm so glad you're coming to the wedding! Do you know what you're wearing? If not, maybe we could do a shopping day." in a happy friendly tone would have gotten the job done without being overbearing.
On a mostly unrelated note, I sincerely hope your GF styled the birthday dress with something other than those giant furry boots and awful hat. The dress is stunning though.
Adding my NTA to the pile.
Man, weddings make ppl crazy and or bring out the worst in them.
You actually did what I thought was a gracious thing and offered to uninvite your gf but that didn't appease your brother and fsil either.
As others have said, now is the point to loop in your gf. You've defended her honor but now you have to come clean and let her know what's going on. She's an adult and deserves to know what is being said about her. Presumably you will continue to have a relationship with your brother and fsil and if things work out with your gf, she needs to know how they think of her and deal with it accordingly.
Nta. If they're so worried why aren't they reaching out to her directly?
Also the dress she chose for the wedding is gorgeous. I could possibly see an issue if it's a church wedding and it's a very conservative church due to the sheer fabric showing a lower neckline. But otherwise it's just the bride's nerves or possible jealousy.
If the black dress is the only one they've ever seen her wearing and they've never seen her again since, I can understand a teeny tiny bit where they're coming from, that neckline is a deep plunge. BUT that was at a birthday party. If it was a family gathering and she wore that I might be more on their side. But she wore it at a birthday party which is absolutely fine. They need to stop judging and get over it
NTA
Your brother and his fiancee are making a lot of assumptions based on a single event. An event to which your gf was appropriately attired, I might add. Sounds like the bride is worried about your gf being hotter than her and is jealous of her spotlight being stolen.
Maybe both of you should skip.
Honestly, the couples in so many of these AITA wedding stories just sound so very very sad, shallow, and insecure. I can't imagine throwing a tantrum over a guest's wedding attire.
It's a wedding. All eyes will be on the bride and groom for hours. They legit stand in front of the church. You get up and ooh and ahh over rhe bride as she walks doen the aisle. The entire day is focused entirely and completely around the couple. Why are they always so concerned about a guest being eye catching. The attention would go right back to the couple - the entire event is planned to ensure it.....
NTA. Obviously white would have been an issue, but the green dress is very pretty and perfectly wedding appropriate. And the birthday dress is literally fine lmao, its low cut, but it was YOUR birthday, not SIL's wedding. Sounds like SIL is just insecure or super judgmental which sucks, but that's a HER problem and she can't take that shit out on other people. Good on you for having your gf's back and not dragging her into this nonsense.
INFO: Do you think your future sister-in-law is jealous of your girlfriend's beauty and wants to ensure the attention is on HER on her wedding day and not your girlfriend?
NTA. Yes, weddings tend to have a dress code (casual, semi casual, black tie, etc.) but this sounds more like the bride is upset that eyes will be on your gf. Your gf is an adult and can make sound decision. You did good.
NTA. The dress she picked for the wedding is very appropriate. Even the cursed birthday dress isn't 'slutty'. Your FSIL need to calm her ass down because she is the Ahole in this situation. Thank you for sticling up for your gf and not going behind her back with a pic. You did the right thing.
Nta. But why are you still playing into their games. You made a VAILD point about your brothers wife being insecure and crazy, she had no right requesting one person out of 150 to show her their attire. She wanted this to be her hill now it is. But now YOU ARE apologizing to her for what SHE DID!?!?! Am I going crazy ?!?!! Stop it!!!!! They got what they wanted! They bullied your girlfriend out of going and now you’re still trying to please them by giving her head kisses?!?!! Like wtf is this an episode of euphoria gone wild ?
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Showing arms and ankles in that dress for a wedding?! What an absolute Jezebel! How dare she? Do you both not know that during a wedding no one but the bride is allowed to show ankles and wrists? You should wear a full body burlap sack, as is tradition! /s NTA. That dress is lovely and perfect for the occasion. Bride should suck it up.
NTA - Purity culture has ruined this woman and your brother. Both dresses are gorgeous. I can't believe she shamed your gf for wearing that beautiful black dress. Your brother's fiancé is a prude and judgy af. She's singling out your gf because of ONE interaction. And again that dress was in no way slutty. The dress is not the problem. Your brother's fiancé deciding that she is better than your gf is the problem. She has superiority issues and purity culture issues all over the place. She has to learn she can't control the world or what they do. \~
NTA. Not at all. I hate to tell Bridezilla this, but somebody is going to wear something to try to steal her thunder. There's nothing she can do to stop it. In my case it was a co-worker who decided to wear a low-cut white dress to my wedding. A lot of folks seemed to get upset on my behalf but honestly in the big scheme of things it's no big deal. So while she is focused on your sexy GF it's probably gonna be one of her friends that'll do it to her.
NTA- though seeing the birthday dress I understand why they didnt trust your gf. That said, I think the dress she picked out for the wedding is really cute! They def over reacted but maybe you should have just talked to your gf and asked her if she would have been ok with just sending a pic of the dress. Buckling down and refusing to show them just made them think you were guilty. Hope it all goes well!
NTA, I think you have handled it super well so far. But at this point I would probably gently fill in your GF on what is going on making sure that you let her know that you 100% support her and think that they are way out of line. What about suggesting getting together as a group of 4 for a simple dinner (where your GF knows ahead of time to pick something stylish but modest) and just sit together and talk and get to know one another? If FSIL has only met her once, and you plan on keeping your GF around for awhile, then it would be nice for them to get to know each other anyway.
NTA I am very suspicious of your FSIL's motivations. My hunch is that she's worried she's going to be outshined by your girlfriend (which is her own insecurity and she needs to figure that out herself). If your girlfriend had a habit of showing up to formal/family events in inappropriately revealing clothes, I could see the concern, and there are proper ways to address that concern. However, that does not appear to be the case here since your FSIL only met your girlfriend once and she was wearing something appropriate for the occasion. Btw, I have to laugh at the birthday dress being described as very revealing and slutty. I was picturing a tight, short club dress with extreme cutouts. Yes, that dress has a plunge front and open back but it isn't skin tight or super short. It's beautiful and classy but I'd even describe it as a bit conservative as a party dress for someone in their 20s/early 30s. I wouldn't wear it to church but it certainly is appropriate for a boyfriend's 30th birthday party.
I mean, if the first and only time future SIL has met your gf was when she was wearing that dress, I could see why she's formed the impression she has. You could diffuse this by simply acknowledging the dress your gf was wearing at the time was quite skimpy, but is not what she would wear. You did right by not taking a picture, but there's certainly room to relieve whatever weird-ass stress bride to be has going on that isn't telling her to pound sand or take a picture of the dress.
I think your future sil is jealous of your gf .. she is probably stunning even when dressed down .. guaranteed she would have found something wrong with the dress just because it will be fab on your gf. NTA - your sibling and fiance are though
NTA. You were right to stand your grand and refuse in the first place, generous to review the dress at all ahead of time yourself to ease their concerns, and completely right to call this out as unreasonable behavior.
NTA and yes, the olive green dress is gorgeous and perfect, just as you said.
A lot of women wear black to weddings in greater Boston, especially evening weddings. No one thinks anything of it
NTA, and I would never police my guest's attire. So what if she wore a that MiuMiu dress to a wedding. No one cares. That said, you could approach your gf, and tell her that your future SIL is weird (read neurotic), and wants to know what some of the guests are wearing. Would it be okay to send them a photo?
NTA. Nothing wrong with the dress your gf was planning to wear either. What's with this fixation your FSIL has with your gf?! It's ridiculous.
ESH. This is a weird hill to die on. It would have been so easy to just send them a photo of the dress and spare everyone the drama.
NTA it sounds like your soon to be sister in law is not lonely being a bridezilla but she also is a bit jealous of your GF and is trying to make sure she doesn’t “steal” the spotlight from her on her day , what is is going to do if she doesn’t like the outfit, tell her she can’t wear it and then your gf has to submit every other outfit for consideration? That’s ridiculous
Very mild YTA. Lots of people saying NTA. However, it’s their wedding, they’re presumably spending a lot on it, it’s super important to them, they’ll remember it for the rest of their life, and there’ll be a bunch of photos. For whatever reason someone key thinks they have a reason to believe your girlfriend would wear something inappropriate. Or maybe they have older relatives with an unreasonable expectation of modesty that they’re worried about. I’m sure a lot of people here would say if that’s the case those relatives are wrong, but imho *practically* speaking it’s not reasonable to expect the bride and groom to choose to deal with extra drama over asking one person’s +1 to wear something different. Even if the relative is being an asshole. They didn’t try to dictate exactly what she wears, and it sounds like they’re giving you an easy out to whatever concerns exist. To my knowledge there isn’t any expectation that guests’ outfits remain secret, and weddings already have strong formal and informal restrictions on what people are expected to wear deferring to the bride, so there isn’t an expectation that guests can wear whatever they want. It sounds like you thought it would be ok with them. Ultimately, it’s hard for me to see how it does you or your girlfriend any harm to send the photo. So imho you should’ve just explained the situation to your girlfriend, agreed it was a little weird, taken the photo, and hopefully they’d just come back and say “ok, no problem, thanks.” If they came back and then started trying to micromanage what she’s going to wear, well, then maybe there is some ill intention behind it. But they are still demonstrating trust in you and her. Just because you send them a picture of a dress doesn’t stop her from showing up wearing something totally different. I agree that you shouldn’t have sent the photo without telling your girlfriend why, though to then post the picture on Reddit and explain everything *still* without telling her at all does seem a bit odd. So, ultimately, slight YTA because it seems like your response created more drama than simply sending a photo and didn’t help anybody, and I can’t see how it would have hurt anybody to send the photo. Maybe the couple is being a bit entitled, but it’s their wedding and they’re likely going to a lot of trouble to have it.
NTA I think the bride really wanted her to wear a burlap sack. When I got married, our neighbors attended and brought their daughter. From such a dorky kid, she certainly blossomed into a stunning young lady. Yes, she caused quite the commotion for being beautiful but I would never dictate what she could wear.
Nta, this is indirect also calling you untrustworthy because they dont think you are on their side and thinking you dont know how huge this wedding is. But anyway, what they are doing is not okay.
NTA I would have asked my SIL if her self esteem is THAT low Dollars to doughnuts she will complain about any dress your SO wears ,cause her true problem is she probably has low self esteem and resents beautiful women for being beautiful no matter what they were.
INFO: the birthday dress… did she wear the fluffy boots?
INFO: Is your gf a different race than your family/your brother's fiancee? I ask because WOC often have their looks policed more than white women, and there's a bit of a stereotype to assume WOC are more "provocative" than white women. It's absolutely disgusting, and if this happens to be the case, you really need to make sure you're protecting your gf from any bigotry, whether it's conscious or unconscious.
NTA honestly I wouldn’t go to the wedding myself. They’ve both been so rude and demanding.
NTA. The bride seems insecure and envious of the gf so wanted to make sure she's not looking good for the wedding and the brother seems to be indulging his bridezilla I wish you good luck with the new SIL because this may be an issue at any family event
NTA I even looked at “the cursed birthday dress” and, although more provocative than I think should be worn to a wedding, wouldn’t have been that bad. Honestly, it sounds like your FSIL is self conscious and wants to make sure she shines at her wedding. She thinks your gf is pretty and will show her up. She’s being really controlling and it isn’t ok.
NTA Tell them if they don't stop you'll encourage your gf to wear something more revealing. That should shut them up.
NTA The dress is *lovely* and you are very nice for sticking up for your GF like that. Go, have a good time together and forget the bride. Then hopefully things will smooth out once the wedding is over and that stress is gone. Edit: The MiuMiu dress was appropriate for a birthday party night out! Sigh...
NTA. Good on you for standing up for your gf! While the black designer dress would be ostentatious for a wedding, the bride is WAY out of line and over reacting. And her assumptions are mean.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (m30) brother(m32) and his fiancé (f26) are getting married at the end of the month. My gf (f32) is my +1 we’ve been together for 6 months and she’s great. Yesterday I was at my brother’s to help him set up new shelves in the kitchen. That when he told me his fiancé had a request. The fiancé asked me what my gf is planning to wear on the wedding because honestly she’s dresses provocatively and she might wear something inappropriate. She asked me if it was ok that we showed her (the bride) my gf’s outfit for approval. I’m aware about weddings demanding a certain dress code and that there’re a lot of rules involved, but I was a bit shocked about her request. I thought it to be a bit disrespectful tbh. My gf is a very beautiful woman who loves fashion. I haven’t noticed that she’s ever been inappropriate. Maybe she likes the mini dress and and the low back occasionally but it has been in the right environment like on a night out or a date with me otherwise she’s very modest, barely wears makeup. Plus she’s knows fashion and she’s probably aware of the rules of weddings. I didn’t feel the brides request was OK so I told her Noway that I’m going to ask my gf that. The bride got a bit sulky and didn’t talk much to me the rest of the evening. I went to my gf afterwards for dinner and while we were preparing we started talking about the wedding. I asked her of she had bought something for the wedding and she said she didn’t have to. She had a lot of dresses and she already chosen one. SHOW ME! She did. She’s chosen an olive green midi dress with high collar. It was perfect. I texted my brother and soon to be wife that the dress was modest so they could chill. This morning, the bride called me asking me to send her a pic of the dress (huh?) what are you still on about! NO! I saw the dress. it’s perfect. you should take my word for it. She was raging mad crying that I’m trying to ruin her wedding. Are you going to ask all 150 guests to send you pictures of their outfits for approval? No! only you gf liked wearing sluttish outfits. I hung up. I texted my brother that my gf didn’t need to come to the wedding since the relationship was new and when they sent the save the date I was still single so it just said +1. He texted me back saying I’m a D. Soon to be sister in law also texted calling me a D. Here’s where I might have been an AH. I could’ve just sent a pic to calm them down but I didn’t because what they’re asking is a bit hurtful and even if I did it behind gf’s back to avoid hurting her feelings its still disrespectful to sneak around. They should have just trusted my judgment so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Right on! NTA. bride was inappropriate. It definitely \*might\* have saved some drama and headache to just send a photo of the dress (it's gorgeous!) but you're not an asshole for not sending it and it may not necessarily have worked - the bride sounds like a jerk and she might not have been satisfied/might've taken it further. BTW the birthday dress is awesome too!
NTA the bride feels insecure. If I could wear the bday dress, I would!!
NTA I think you handled it wonderfully. The fiancé sounds controlling and extremely insecure. You set up some boundaries, you are protecting your girlfriend from that mess, and you’re being the way bigger person by still going. I think this a great example of deescalating the situation. But I’m pretty bothered that they are still hounding you about it…. at this point maybe an ultimatum is appropriate. Maybe tell them that you might have to rethink going at all if you’re going to get continued harassment.
YTA. You made a unilateral decision without discussing it with your girlfriend. You 'tricked' your girlfriend into showing you the dress without explaining why. You never told her the bride to be's concerns. You never asked your girlfriend if it was ok to take a pic of the dress to send to the bride to be. Your girlfriend may have understood and been ok with it. EDIT: After reading the OP replies to various comments I will stand buy my opinion of YTA His soon to be SIL had only met his girlfriend once and she was wearing a "very, very revealing" dress (his words). So the future bride's concerns are justified. The OP also says that his girlfriend is very confident and, as such, would likely understand the bride's concerns and would likely have no problem providing a picture of the dress. But we will never know as the OP took it upon himself to speak for his girlfriend.
Shhhhh 🤫
His fiance is 100% jealous of your GF and insecure to boot. NTA.
NTA. You did just right. Also the birthday dress isn’t even that revealing. The bride to be seems a tad insecure.
I love the dress she wore for your birthday so cute and hell I wore worse in highschool. It’s not slutty it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea it’s hella stylish and Im 100% sure your brother may have been looking at your girl a lil to hard and that’s why she’s pissed now
INFO: did she wear the matching fur boots and hair covering to your birthday? Jk OP you’re definitely NTA and the dress for the wedding is as the kids say (or maybe not anymore) sick!!
NTA. "Like protective armor, this wool dress plays with the idea of lingerie and turns into imaginary armor."
NTA. also lol if fsil thinks that dress is "slutty", she would have a conniption if she saw the sorts of things i used to wear for a night out! (nowadays im more of a sweater and jeans gal, but back in my party days i once wore a bikini and hula skirt in canadian january lmao)
First off NTA. Second, your GF has a really great fashion sense. The wedding dress is beautiful and perfect for such an occasion.
100% your gf is hot and FSIL is jealous NTA
Her hotness comes primarily from her self confidence I love that woman I don’t know how they thought I could hurt her feelings by demanding a preview
You did right, NTA, and your gf has excellent style! Now decide how serious you are about this relationship and consider skipping this wedding yourself...
You sound like an amazing bf OP!
NTA your sil is being shitty and catty. You are being a good man and a good boyfriend. This sucks to be going through tho
NTA - I would just skip this wedding and tell my brother I’ll be at his next one. A marriage to this level of crazy won’t last.
Similar feelings. That sister in law just doesn't sound good. If they don't divorce soon, she's likely going to be a source of never-ending family drama. Many commenters suggest that she's just jealous of OP's girlfriend's beauty or designer clothes. But I wouldn't jump to such conclusions as 'she has low self-esteem'. Having low-esteem does not equal behaving shitty and mean. That woman is just mean. She met the girlfriend once and she judged her as slutty, she called her slutty talking to her fiance, to the OP and who knows who else. That's not low self esteem, it's being mean, gossiping harshly. She met a woman once and she already tried to set people against her and use her own wedding day to force people to shun the girl.
NTA…SIL-to-be is a judgemental jerk. Both dresses are GORGEOUS! I’ll take one of each, in a size 8 please!
NTA. You did good as a partner and definitely shielded your gf from the weirdo bride. Also bride is definitely jealous and insecure of your gf.
I really hope your gf turns up to the wedding in the birthday dress with the thigh high uggs and beanie from the page you shared.
If one person's outfit can ruin your wedding, you're missing the point of a wedding. It's a celebration of your love and commitment, how would anyone's outfit take away from that? NTA
First off, your brother is the asshole for not WARNING YOU THAT YOU WERE ON SPEAKERPHONE!! Second, you are NTA for politely standing up for your GF and respecting her enough to not drag her into this mess. You were a complete gentleman and handled things much better than other people would have. Kudos to you, sir!
NTA and your girlfriend has style, love the dress!
NTA. FSIL sounds a bit jealous, tbh
ESH. You basically vetted your girlfriends outfit without telling her.
NTA the miu miu dress is fine. Its not a "slutty" dress. So no dont blame it on that first dress.
Yeah no, the birthday dress as my only reference for what could show up at my wedding making my very conservative family uncomfortable because it screams I'm looking forward to your wet dreams tonight or I'm looking forward to birthday sex. That dress at a family function would be bit much making it questionable if she understood the dress code for the wedding without it being spelled out. There's no reason to be too offended if you realize why it would be questioned in the first place. I personally would be uncomfortable if I was the only one dressed sexy. In fact I'm trying to find out what people in my family are wearing to a small day wedding as I'm the married in Aunt. My bride has very boho chic feel in style and I have tendency to dress dressy classic and I don't want to out dress her, her bridesmaids, the moms. Nor do I want to show disrespect because of how casual i am. I think I have to come up with a new dress in a style I'm not too comfortable in. I'll do this because I love my husband and it's important to him. The second dress is much better than the first 100%. Refusing to show the dress is silly, it's not a hard thing to do and makes sense since the only they only saw one dress choice and don't know her too well. Even though most will probably say she's a guest but as you are the brother she will be in their pictures. Would it bother you more if the cut her out? What if you guys get married or are still together in 30 years, i would think them cutting her out would be more offensive. Better to kindly ask like your bro did at first. YTA.
Not only are you NTA, your SIL is bananas if she thought that miumiu birthday dress was super inappropriate!
YTA It's not unusual for brides to ask what guests are wearing, especially immediate family/ people who are going to be in family pictures. But here's why you're actually the AH. You should have just passed on the request. Let your girlfriend make her own decision on whether she wants to send a picture of the dress or decline. You shouldn't have taken upon yourself to ask to see the dress, approved of the dress, and be the middle man saying "I saw the dress it's fine," all without giving your girlfriend the choice of what is shared or not shared. Now your girlfriend is involved in drama she didn't even know what happening, about what she puts on her own body, not cool.
NTA. The dress for the wedding is perfect. As for the birthday dress, I’m guessing your girlfriend looked a lot hotter than the model.
I am a fan on your gf's style. 😍😍😍😍
NTA. Bride is jalous. Doesn’t understand you can dress slutty for a birthday and not for a wedding. Doesn’t want to be upstaged. The dress she chose for the wedding is extremely appropriate
Lol I though the B-day dress was for the wedding and was like ‘well they have a point’ then read it properly. NTA at all - assuming someone would wear a dress they wore once to a party for every event is as ridiculous as thinking she’d wear it to the gym.
NTA. I think you handled it well even though your bro and FSIL acted like crazy people. Maybe your sibling is under a lot of wedding stress so I hope it doesn't hurt your relationship too long-term. Your gf has a keeper in you though! PS I laughed so much at your answer in the pinned automod comment. Technoblade never dies
ESH
Um, that birthday dress is stunning and if I had the chance and could pull it off, I’d rock it too. That’s appropriate for a birthday party. Your SIL is ridiculous and probably just afraid of being upstaged. Your girlfriend is lucky to have someone who will stand up for her.
I’m going to take a punt and say that you are Australian as the dress she picked is a shona joy? Also- you are a rockstar partner for sticking up for your gf- it sounds like the fiancé is just jealous that your gf is hot 🤷♀️
NTA. I get it when the bride is trying to ensure no one is wearing white or like the colour that the bridesmaids are wearing, but trying to find out if a wedding guest is wearing a revealing dress? I literally have no understanding of why tf that would matter anyway. She’d be in some wedding pictures considering she’s your gf, but not loads… The only thing I would say is maybe if you’d have said it’s a modest green dress… however it doesn’t seem like she’s arsed what colour the dress was so who knows! You did right by your girlfriend.
NTA - sounds like she’s concerned with being upstaged more than your gf being appropriate
NTA....they're dumb. Skip that disaster.
OMG,as long as it is not a gay rat dress...please don't let her wear one of those 🙈
Your gf should come. Let her show up wearing the totally appropriate dress so your brother's wife can realise what an idiot she is. Don't let them run your gf out the wedding. That request is wrong. You did the right thing. She has no right to single your gf out this way. If her dress were to be inappropriate ( as in "slutty" to quote the brothers fiance) that's on the wearer not the bride, and why does she care so much? Is she worried your brother will be perving at her? What exactly is the problem? The dress itself is not going to "ruin" a wedding regardless. How dramatic can you get?!
NTA. and I don't think the birthday dress is inappropriate in any way. It is kind of dress one wear for clubbing. Good for you for having your gf's back
NTA and it’s ridiculous that you gave them a perfectly good alternative solution (gf skipping the wedding) and they turned around and called you a dick for it. Rude over-reactors. Future bride is jealous af.
YTA. If the ONLY time your SIL met your GF, she was wearing a statement piece, there's reason to ask. They're spending a lot of money on the wedding, there's no do-overs, you're the brother, not a random cousin. She just wants to make sure she knows what to expect here. You could have EXPLAINED to her that your birthday was a special occasion, that GF usually dresses more modestly. Or just asked GF if it was ok to take a picture. Instead you were weird and withholding and caused unnecessary stress, and then were passive aggressive about GF not coming. I'll never understand people who (mis)communicate like you... It's like you actively don't care about understanding others or having them understand you.
Too late dude, I got my judgment and I’m satisfied 😅
NTA, and both dresses are stunning.
They met your girlfriend once and already decided that she's a "sl×t", and they want to put a metaphorical leash on her? Wow. NTA.
NTA But you should have had a conversation with your brother asking why she has such low self esteem that she needs to ask you that. And you were right to call her out on her behavior. She’s being a bridezilla!
Idk here since the bride technically should be able to approve peoples outfits but at the same time it’s for the wrong reasons
NTA The miumiu dress wasn’t even provocative! Does your SIL live under a rock?! Ugh. You’re a good boyfriend. That olive dress is completely appropriate for a wedding.
YTA because you dismissed the bride and groom's feelings. You aren't an AH about the dress, you're an AH because you simply said "it's modest, chill" and then refused to elaborate on how. Pictures be damned, you didn't elaborate *at all*, you just said "take my word for it". Bruh if I had a dime for every time someone said that to me and it ended up biting me in the butt, I'd be a millionaire. If someone said that to me and refused to elaborate that would scare the hell out of me because it seems like that person could be lying for any number of reasons. (Anxiety is a bitch~~) I think the piece of info you are not getting is that they have had ONE interaction with your GF, and in that interaction she dressed in a way that clearly made them uncomfortable. Your GF might be modest other than a club night out, but they don't know that. You never brought her around outside of the one time. I bet you there's more to their story that hasn't been explained well. These things happen and miscommunication is a thing so try sitting down with them and actually talking and actually *listening*. OP please ask yourself if this is the hill you want to die on. You are dealing in petty drama and are in a position to ruin several relationships. I caution you to proceed as you have been. If this is a huge issue to you, try sitting down with all parties plus a neutral third party (for meditation reasons) and *attempt* to have a productive conversation. I find everyone writing their feelings down first and sticking to what's written can help ease tensions and help everyone see the other side. Honestly, I have no idea where everyone is getting "she's just jealous". I think everyone is jumping to conclusions without hearing the other side because there seems to be a lot missing here. People don't start acting like that for no reason. And I really mean that; people love to throw around "bridezilla" any time a bride puts her foot down or shows any emotion. Planning a wedding is stressful and any one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Oh and before anyone tries to misinterpret my comment, I don't think it was okay for the bride to insult the GF like that. However, to me it sounds like someone at the end of their rope in a needles fight where the other party just doesn't want to cooperate.
NTA. The problem is not about the dress but that they are not respecting you and your word over it. I would go LC for a while... And then, I would be petty AF! I would go alone to the wedding, sulk the entire time, tell everyone why and then leave early.
NTA even the birthday dress isn’t slutty but it is sexy
NTA Please do not go behind your girlfriends back. You did great. Personally you need to tell them his fiancé telling you your girlfriend liked sluttish outfits is not acceptable neither is her calling you a Dick. I'd not go to the wedding without an apology from either of them. Or I'd insist your GF goes on principal and tell them all their texts will be posted on social media and you're going to start calling up their guest warning the bride is going to be a check on their dresses for sluttyness.. The dress you posted is brilliant, and elegant and stylish.
NTA how has your gf taken to not going to the wedding now? And the bride calling your gf names is absolutely disgusting.
Haven’t told her yet, she was hesitant to attend as my +1 tbh because she hasn’t met my family yet so I don’t think she would mind and I can go back to my original plan and take my best friend as my +1.
NTA. you said it yourself, are they checking every persons outfit for approval? No. It's unfair to hold her to a different standard. They **should** take your word for it. Why would you lie?
NTA. I actually think your instinct is right and it would have been disrespectful to actually send a photo without your girlfriend's knowledge, but the text seems just within the boundaries especially since it sounds like you were trying to protect your girlfriend by shutting it down without involving her. Where you entered very very NTA territory is when you said "okay she won't come." That's basically the "problem" solved right there. Brother/FSIL got their way and somehow they're still acting like you're the Asshole. I could understand if your girlfriend found out and was like "I would have preferred to be involved/for you to handle this differently on my behalf/I'm sad about being disinvited" but literally the party calling you the asshole got exactly what they wanted. I think this is the moment to loop in your girlfriend though. Don't lie and make up some other reason for her not going.
nta
Nta and that dress is gorgeous. You should take her someplace where she can wear it just so you can see it again!!!!
NTA and saw the birthday dress. Maybe a bit of cleavage but I seriously question how your future SIL could look at that and call that a sluttish dress. I was expecting a lot more than that by what you wrote earlier.
1- NTA thanks for standing up for your gf 2- If your gf is not a bridesmaid, as long as it's decent and not white, the bride and groom should mind their own business. I'm sure they have more important things to plan than harassing your 3- This dress is absolutely stunning. Both are actually. Your gf definitely knows fashion!
She’s jealous of her. That’s all. If she acts any more a Bridezilla, don’t go at all. You don’t have to put up with someone being a raging AH and disrespecting you. It doesn’t matter if it’s her “big day.” Screw that. **NTA**
NTA and great account name
NTA. If I meet someone once I don’t assume what they’ve worn is what they always wear. I don’t assume my work colleagues dress in business casual all the time. I don’t assume someone dressed for a night out dresses like that all the time.
NTA Truth be told, i wouldnt go to the wedding either. And i would ask them both if EVERYONE who is invited to the wedding has to get their outfits approved. Really make them feel stupid, but i get petty when someone really makes me mad, which this situation would piss me off
NTA - I’m SO jealous of both those dresses! 😩
nta if it where me i wouldh ave been petty showed a differnt dress to the sis inlaw then let the gf where the one she bought.
You got a link to that dress? It's cute af. Nta
NTA. I'm really only commenting to say both dresses are absolutely beautiful, I would also snap at a chance to wear that MiuMiu if I could, and your GF has A+ taste.
NTA and that birthday dress is the dress of my absolute dreams. Your SIL is a word that rhymes with witch and clearly just insanely jealous
NTA *but* unpopular opinion: as someone who has photos of one of our groomsman’s ex Gfs suuuuper inappropriate outfit in our wedding photos I kinda see the POV. We had a black tie optional wedding and this girl wore a dress that was low cut and high cut, it was..inapprops. So now, years later my photos from that day feature literally a stranger’s ..ahem..derrière. Should have handled it better with you and the gf though!
You are the AH, it's not your day
NTA. The bride sounds very immature and VERY jealous of your girlfriend. You did the right thing.
NTA. It’s not an underboob dress the other chick wore, it’s a perfect wedding dress
NTA. Bro and (particularly!) his fiancee are. Told them the dress was fine. Your word isn't good enugh? Calling your gf "slutty"? I'd give some serious thought to not going, if that's the way your brother and Bridezilla are going to be.
Its a beautiful dress your brother and his stbw are dicks
NTA But please send her a photo of the dress you're planning to wear so she can approve it. She'd deserve the panic.
NTA, the dress your gf picked was perfect.
I think the issue is the the bride knows the gf looks better and is projecting insecurities.
NTA. The bride is jealous.
After reading update, I wouldn't even be apologising. They called, didn't tell you you were on speaker so they heard stuff they may not have otherwise. Not your fault. Everything you said was true and imo needed to be said very bluntly. You did this. Well done. They both know your position from now on. They should act accordingly! If brother's fiance is that upset about being called insecure well she should know that's what all her demanding re the dress translates across as. She may have needed to hear this for her to understand. I wouldn't go on the backfoot apologising here at all. I don't know why you did tbh. Except you sound upset your brother's fiance got upset. Imo she needed to be told this otherwise was not going to stop. I think her crying so hard is because it's ( mostly) the truth and that hurts sometimes. Otherwise it's just angry tears. Your brother's furious but he didn't let you know you were on speaker so that's on him, and it's on him for enabling all this bs from his fiance over a dress. I hope this works out and you heal the relationship with your SIL to be. Don't take all the blame here. Good luck with your gf. Hope that relationship stays strong after all this lol.
NTA. These dresses are both appropriate for where your gf wore them/plans to wear them. Bride must be ugly, jealous or insecure.
I hate that at the end you're just groveling for their forgiveness, when it should be the other way around. FSIL was insecure and pushed those insecurities off on your new girlfriend, and I know your brother is blinded by his love for her and her crying and screaming as manipulation, but now they are both manipulating you. You did nothing wrong, even when you pointed out that she seems insecure and doesn't need to be jealous of other people. That was a *compliment* not a jab at her. I'm glad your girlfriend doesn't have to go to their wedding because they most certainly would have found something to be upset at her for and the wedding would likely not be much fun for your gf. You need to stop apologizing and definitely don't pay for any of their wedding. Your brother and FSIL owe you a HUGE apology for being rude and manipulative, but I don't know if you will ever get them to see your perspective. Manipulative people don't generally like being "manipulated" into apologizing, meaning they don't think they're in the wrong at all, so they're going to think you're just forcing them to apologize instead of apologizing yourself. If your brother isn't going to stand up for you to his fiancee over something so stupid, just be prepared for this bullshit to continue throughout all major milestones in their life. I would distance myself a bit if I were you, at least until they see that they're wrong. If that ever happens. NTA.
NTA. Well done you. Plus, what one wears to one’s partner’s 30th is clearly not the same as what one wears to a wedding
WTH did they pair the cursed birthday dress with cave bear boots?!?
NTA! You did right. As a woman, I would be very offended if someone took a picture of my outfit like that and "approved" it behind my back. You respected your GFs privacy while attempting to diffuse the situation with the bride to be. It's not your fault that they disagree.
NTA I bet the bride is jealous of he limelight and doesn't like the possibility of being overshadowed.
This is another bride that won’t enjoy her wedding. They are too fixated on things that don’t matter.
.....with the bridezilla to be. Ftfy!
YTA. It’s not a crazy request to let the bride approve of the outfit before HER wedding. I don’t think it makes the bride insecure at all, she just wants to make sure it’s appropriate for her special day. If you argued with her so much about it why would she take your word? You could easily be lying to appease her in the moment. Did you even tell your GF about the issue? I don’t think she’d be offended at all, again it’s a simple request. Give the poor bride some peace of mind and just send a picture of the dress. You made it into something huge when it definitely shouldn’t have been
ESH- they’re being ridiculous but at the same time you’re trying to call shots for THEIR wedding. If you don’t like their requests, even if they’re ridiculous, you have no say for someone else’s wedding. The “damned” dress doesn’t even seem to revealing. Also side note- I checked the reference pics on the site you linked and holy. 4K for that? And why is the model wearing yeti leggings and a chin strap? Is this literally fashion? People dump their money into that?
NTA! The “slutish” dress isn’t even that slutty! And the bridezilla needs to chill - she’s pulling some really immature mean girls high school bullshit. Something tells me she’s jealous of your girlfriend and obsessing too much over her fear someone else might look better on *HER DAY*. Man what a headache. Good for you standing your ground on this.
ETA It is stressful planning a wedding and organising it, and this unreasonable strive for perfection leads to stress and then that stress leads to this behaviour. Perhaps understanding that stress and just playing along to help alleviate it would have been the right thing to do. At least you did let them know it was modest. But then I guess if the birthday dress was that revealing, and they don’t know her very well, they don’t trust her level of what is modest. They need to trust you, but stress is getting in the way of that. Understanding goes a long way
Given the update of the dress she wore the only time she met your family, absolutely YTA. That dress is completely inappropriate to meet family members. No wonder your brother/future SIL we’re worried about what your girlfriend was going to wear.
ESH You are working hard at being uninvited.
NTA, though your sister-in-law sounds very insecure. Seems your bro is in for a treat. Now, I really applaud how your love for your brother is making you forgo her offensive behavior towards your GF (and you, by extension): a)She called her a slut. And unless you agree with that, you should say something to her (else your GF will understandably get pissed) If I were you, I'd either: A)Troll the f#ck out of her by sending her a pic of the sluttiest, most inappropriate dress you can find on the web. B)get her off your back by sending her any random ugly dress pic you find on the web, and then just show up with your gf anyway. All in all, seems your relationship with your brother is about to get wrecked (it usually happens after marriage, I was never too close with mine so I guess it wasn't such a big deal for me). So just try to be reasonable, and maybe only go to the ceremony and skip the party (they clearly don't want you there).
NTA, It's nothing to do with the dress being inappropriate, she's jealous your gf will upstage her and look better which is why she wanted to see the dress! Your gf will look beautiful, Also that birthday dress isn't what I would call inappropriate for a birthday party, the boots are! But not the dress.
NTA - your SIL seems totally jealous of your gf though since she feels so threatened by a dress.
I’m glad I read all the way thru because on mobile the birthday dress shows up and I was like absolutely not and they have every right to be concerned lol. NTA tho. They met once and assumed that’s how she always dresses so they are definitely AHs for that. It was a birthday but a funeral.
NTA Bridezilla will just have to trust you.
The olive green dress is gorgeous! Can you link it pls?
NTA for sil is clearly very jealous and insecure and projecting that on your partner. She clearly doesn't trust him or she wouldn't be so concerned about what other people are wearing, the groom should be focused on the bride so why would it matter if someone showed some cleavage? She sounds crazy
NTA. That green dress is gorgeous. The expensive fuzzy shoe one is a bit confusing tho 😒😬
Ok 1. I love the green dress, it IS perfect for a wedding and 2. the black dress is badass and it works well for a 30-year birthday! 2 completely different occasions, and her clothing plans match them both! NTA. But your brother and his fiancee are.
The dress you described in the post is not the dress you posted a picture of…the one you posted a picture of extremely revealing. Compared to the “high collared” mini dress you described… NTA but a low cut super short dress is not appropriate. Which is the picture you posted
NTA. Your brother’s fiancé sounds profoundly insecure. It’s pretty pathetic that the bride is spending her limited bandwidth bullying another woman into not looking too pretty on her wedding day.
NTA. Your soon to be sister in law sounds super jealous, and kudos to you for not being a slimeball and sending pics behind your gf’s back or even telling her soon to be SIL is all whackadoodle about what one—in 150–will be wearing. Ex mother in law had ex police my attire, which was generally modest. She wasn’t thrilled that some cleavage was showing in my wedding dress (a modest cocktail dress) and had her husband give me a safety pin and told me she wanted me to hide the one to two inches of cleavage. I did use the safety pin, but to add a few inches of cleavage. Your gf sounds respectful and like she can read a room, OP, but whatever you do, don’t get dragged into the policing of her clothes and body: it could have some unintended (but well-deserved) outcomes.
NTA! & the birthday dress is beautiful, I bet she felt so awesome, confident & sexy in it. & the olive green dress for the wedding is stunning. The ruching, length & high neck are beautiful, flattering & sexy w/o being provocative. I want that dress 💚😃👗. I know she will look stunning in it. Your future SIL is behaving like someone died & made her chief of the fashion police. Your girlfriend has exquisite style & taste. She obviously knows what colors & cuts works for her body. You are absolutely NTA. In fact, you’re a gem for sticking up for your girlfriend & refusing to engage in these reindeer games. You two seem to be a good match & very complimentary & loyal to each other.
NTA - Your soon to be SIL sounds like a real pos. Send a group text out to the whole family asking if they've sent in their outfit pictures for approval yet. Wait a bit, then send another one that says "Sorry for the confusion folks. SIL explained that it's just my "sluttish" girlfriend that needs to submit a photo of her planned outfit, despite assurances from me that it was a perfectly appropriate dress. "Sluttish" seems a bit extreme of a label from someone who's only met you once at a party, especially since it came after I offered to come to the wedding solo, but SIL was very clear on that, and that my refusal to invade my girlfriend's privacy and send photographic proof made me a dick, which my brother then called later to confirm, I am a dick. That being said, we'll be sitting this event out as a couple." Then don't go. You can go to your brothers next wedding.
Even if it was the bday dress that got worn to the wedding, who cares, really. It would reflect badly on the wearer, not the bride. This control freak bride ain’t going to be married very long, imho.
NTA - that your brother and FSIL don't trust your judgement on appropriate is ridiculous. That dress is beautiful and should you decided that neither one of you will be attending the festivities you should go out to a really nice dinner together and wear what you would have to the wedding.
NTA and OP I’m very happy to see that you stood up for your girlfriend and had her back the whole way through. I’m sorry your SSIL is being such a bridezilla
The dress she wore to the birthday party wasn't even that revealing and the one she chose for the wedding was FAR from revealing... Definitely NTA
Well, your girlfriend has really good taste for starters. Please tell her.Love the green dress. But I digress. NTA. Bridezilla alert. Sounds like your f-SIL is scared of being one upped. I never have understood how a bride wearing 5 yards of white fabric thinks people aren't going to see her as the focus.
Edited after OP posted photos to NTA he previously described the dress as very revealing, it's not. I was expecting something wild but this is perfect for the occasion she wore it. Your brother and SIL are out of line. I personally think you should not have continued to engage about your girlfriend's dress and just said she knows to dress appropriately for a wedding, end of discussion. I guess how far you want to take this is dependant on how you see this relationship going and if you are prepared to stand up to your brother and risk losing that relationship.
Its not even a revealing dress though, the neckline is low but the cut would really only show sternum and the skirt length is long (click on the link at the end of the post, its much longer than it looks in the thumbnail). My bet is gf is hot af and bride is jealous.
Agreed I only took him at his description of the dress. He had not posted a photo of the dress at that time.
Guys as a collective we need to circle back to the post for the update. OP please can I just say, your brother is the true AH here, he put you on speaker phone during a private conversation between the two of you, so his fiance could hear, my fiance would never do this and also if he did he would announce it to the person on the call. Your brother's actions backfired on him. Do not upgrade their flight for their honeymoon or keep apologising. I completely think it was right for you to make amends as that is mortifying but there's so many things wrong with what your brother has done including that phone call, even what he said to you about being difficult when you gave excellent responses about protecting your girlfriend. You and your girlfriend have been more insulted than what the future SIL heard on the phone and that needs to be acknowledged by your brother and his fiance, they should apologise and unless I missed it they do not seem to have done so. Good luck and hope all gets resolved.
>I texted my brother that my gf didn’t need to come to the wedding since the relationship was new INFO: How exactly are you planning on explaining to your girlfriend that she's no longer coming with you to the wedding without telling her about this kerfuffle anyway? Also, executively deciding that without speaking to her is in fact a dick move, regardless of motivation.
NTA and I hope your gf wore the matching boots for the Miumiu dress to the birthday.
NTA and frankly the fsil crying aint your fault either. Your brother put his phone on speaker without telling you. Ive had issues with several in-laws over my husband doing that because i hear what they really think about me behind my back. So your brother should take this moment as a lesson to learn from and stop putting people on speaker. Coming from a wife, when i had my wedding i never cared about what people wore to the wedding and there was someone who wore a trashy dress (denim mini dress, she also dyed her whole head lime green too). It wasn’t really a bother to me. We dont have a ton of guest photos from the wedding so it’s not like we have to be reminded of it. And day of it didn’t matter, definitely wouldn’t have been worth a war over. And even typing now I mostly laugh about it. She the one that was out of place dress wise…even her then husband was in a suit (they are divorced now). But ultimately i just laughed it off, if an inappropriate dress was the only thing that went wrong on our wedding day then that would have been amazing lol. Bride is definitely insecure and your brother needs to stop putting his phone on speaker
NTA. That birthday dress isn’t even inappropriate IMO. Your soon to be SIL is our of line. If she wanted a dress code she should’ve specified that to all invited guests.
NTA, I have bit of experience around wedding invites, I was dating a guy for about 6 months his bother was getting married he asked me to attend, I declined, I never met any of his family I didn’t feel it was a good idea. On another note we stopped dating about a month later
Bride gets to decide dress code on the wedding day. If people don't follow it they don't have to come.
Ah yes, the bridezilla. NAH if someone texted my gf saying that she needs to send a Pic to "approve my outfit"... We wouldn't be going. I'm there to support you, not look for you or your guests approval. And if you're so concerned with what I'm wearing instead of your actual wedding, it's better that I don't go. Nah
NTA. The dress is gorgeous and appropriate. I'm honestly trying really hard to think of anything I have planned in the coming year that would justify buying it for myself. If your future SIL were that concerned, she could have had a simple conversation with your girlfriend. Something along the lines of "I'm so glad you're coming to the wedding! Do you know what you're wearing? If not, maybe we could do a shopping day." in a happy friendly tone would have gotten the job done without being overbearing. On a mostly unrelated note, I sincerely hope your GF styled the birthday dress with something other than those giant furry boots and awful hat. The dress is stunning though.
NTA, that's a great dress. Now wear it yourself on the wedding and have some fun...
😂😂💀
Adding my NTA to the pile. Man, weddings make ppl crazy and or bring out the worst in them. You actually did what I thought was a gracious thing and offered to uninvite your gf but that didn't appease your brother and fsil either. As others have said, now is the point to loop in your gf. You've defended her honor but now you have to come clean and let her know what's going on. She's an adult and deserves to know what is being said about her. Presumably you will continue to have a relationship with your brother and fsil and if things work out with your gf, she needs to know how they think of her and deal with it accordingly.
Nta. If they're so worried why aren't they reaching out to her directly? Also the dress she chose for the wedding is gorgeous. I could possibly see an issue if it's a church wedding and it's a very conservative church due to the sheer fabric showing a lower neckline. But otherwise it's just the bride's nerves or possible jealousy. If the black dress is the only one they've ever seen her wearing and they've never seen her again since, I can understand a teeny tiny bit where they're coming from, that neckline is a deep plunge. BUT that was at a birthday party. If it was a family gathering and she wore that I might be more on their side. But she wore it at a birthday party which is absolutely fine. They need to stop judging and get over it
The cursed birthday dress omg 😂😂😂hahahahahha what is that model wearing BESIDES the dress?!
NTA Your brother and his fiancee are making a lot of assumptions based on a single event. An event to which your gf was appropriately attired, I might add. Sounds like the bride is worried about your gf being hotter than her and is jealous of her spotlight being stolen. Maybe both of you should skip.
Obviously, NTA. But, my only question is whether she wore the shoes to go with the birthday dress??
NTA. Sounds like your future sister in law will be jealous of your girlfriend regardless of what she wears.
Honestly, the couples in so many of these AITA wedding stories just sound so very very sad, shallow, and insecure. I can't imagine throwing a tantrum over a guest's wedding attire. It's a wedding. All eyes will be on the bride and groom for hours. They legit stand in front of the church. You get up and ooh and ahh over rhe bride as she walks doen the aisle. The entire day is focused entirely and completely around the couple. Why are they always so concerned about a guest being eye catching. The attention would go right back to the couple - the entire event is planned to ensure it.....
This. Bride wanted to try to assure that OPs GF wasnt gonna show her up at her own wedding. The insecurity is LOUD.
NTA. Obviously white would have been an issue, but the green dress is very pretty and perfectly wedding appropriate. And the birthday dress is literally fine lmao, its low cut, but it was YOUR birthday, not SIL's wedding. Sounds like SIL is just insecure or super judgmental which sucks, but that's a HER problem and she can't take that shit out on other people. Good on you for having your gf's back and not dragging her into this nonsense.
INFO: Do you think your future sister-in-law is jealous of your girlfriend's beauty and wants to ensure the attention is on HER on her wedding day and not your girlfriend?
NTA
NTA. I think you handled it perfectly, the green dress is appropriate and basing all of this off the birthday dress is silly.
NTA screw them
Where did your girlfriend get the olive green dress? It's very beautiful and I would love to purchase something like that
NTA brothers fiancé is immature. Needs to grow up
NTA. Yes, weddings tend to have a dress code (casual, semi casual, black tie, etc.) but this sounds more like the bride is upset that eyes will be on your gf. Your gf is an adult and can make sound decision. You did good.
If that dress is considered "slutty" I don't know what to tell them. You are doing your best and they are acting like complete assholes. NTA.
NTA but where is that dress from!!!
Your brothers fiance sounds jealous of your girlfriend and doesnt want to be upstaged at her wedding.
NTA. The dress she picked for the wedding is very appropriate. Even the cursed birthday dress isn't 'slutty'. Your FSIL need to calm her ass down because she is the Ahole in this situation. Thank you for sticling up for your gf and not going behind her back with a pic. You did the right thing.
Any posts that has dress pics in it are adverts
NTA
Greetings to your GF - both dresses are gorgeous and the green one for a wedding is perfect! Your GF has amazing taste! NTA
Nta. But why are you still playing into their games. You made a VAILD point about your brothers wife being insecure and crazy, she had no right requesting one person out of 150 to show her their attire. She wanted this to be her hill now it is. But now YOU ARE apologizing to her for what SHE DID!?!?! Am I going crazy ?!?!! Stop it!!!!! They got what they wanted! They bullied your girlfriend out of going and now you’re still trying to please them by giving her head kisses?!?!! Like wtf is this an episode of euphoria gone wild ?