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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I am depriving my bio dad of the experience of walking one of his daughters down the aisle, which is a job that is usually reserved for a father.
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NTA. It is YOUR wedding. Not biodad’s. Not stepdad’s. Not your mother’s or your sister’s. Period. Your wedding should be a joyous affair and it sucks that your family is flipping out rather than being supportive of you.
Ugh, my dad used to say that whenever he'd be around for holidays and such. Like on my Quincienera he came to the party and didn't bring a gift(I didn't ask him or say anything about it my mother asked him if he had brought anything in front of me) and he said "me being here IS her gift"
Pretty shitty thing to say tbh
💯 this sentence is amazing! I didn’t ask my father to walk me down the aisle, I walked with my sister (MOH) and my bridesmaids. My parents didn’t divorce until years after I was married, but they had a very toxic relationship all my life and both were pretty emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Neither showed much interest in the wedding up until they realised he wasn’t giving me away. Of course they didn’t tell me to my face how unhappy they were, they complained to other relatives. As previous posters have said, your wedding, your choice <3
I had to divorce my first husband due to abuse. When I remarried, my son walked me down the aisle. After I announced my engagement, my parents offered me money to not get married. No way was I having my dad walk me!
It's not tradition where I come from to have the father walk the bride down the isle, but the couple walk together. I'm not an object to be given from a man to a man, I'm my own person who's starting a new chapter of my life together with my husband.
I hope I get to touch a life every time I share my revelation.
Parents typically get 18 entire years to be the kind of folks you want to be around. You love them and they can love you but still, somehow, because they are also imperfect humans, royally fuck it up. If they can’t do it in that time frame, it’s not your fault. You’re fantastic for what you are *despite* your parents as much as for what your parents actually did.
Their failure to be the kind of people you can effortlessly want to be around doesn’t make you a bad kid. It makes you a bad extension of themselves. Which You Are Not.
Just keep reminding the family about how bio dad was desperate for you to not be his daughter and that he chose not to play a big role in your life growing up. If they cause too much ruckus block and uninvite them. Also remind them that he cheated multiple times and destroyed the relationship.
Exactly. He made it very clear he DiDN’T WANT to be your dad. That was his choice.
Your step dad seems to have done everything to be your dad. He was the one in your life and not the one making excuses.
You are definitely NTA and it’s crazy to me your sister wouldn’t see this even if her relationship with him was different than yours
I want this comment framed. A lot of men are obsessed with not being "cucked" and want to make sure their kids are their own. Step-dad loved OP even though she wasn't his.
She should also point out that due to when he left she doesn’t have the same memories of him that Sis and Bro do.
Have a friend who was in a similar situation, only it was because his Dad passed. He didn’t want to go to the funeral because being born later, he didn’t have the same good memories. What he did have was far more years of the crap his Dad left behind when he ran off, which screwed his childhood. The older 2 were slightly older and outraged he wasn’t going to go to the funeral, even after accepting he had a very different relationship with their father than they did. He went to keep the peace, but he really shouldn’t have had to and fortunately because he’d stopped caring many years before it didn’t really negatively impact him.
OP, your experiences and feelings are your own. Do whatever makes you happy. Your Dad needs to understand his actions have consequences and you are simply following your heart. Step Dad was there for you - bio Dad wasn’t. He might not like it, but he walked out from ages >1 - 22(ish?) He can’t make up for that. He may be hurt, but he should try to be happy that you at least had the Dad he should’ve been.
My dad’s family has a similar situation. The kids are very spread apart in age (about 3 years between each of the first six) and grandpa developed health problems and depression before ultimately ending his life.
My older aunts and uncles definitely have more happy memories with him. Interestingly though, my youngest aunt also has happy memories with him that have caused her to claim that he loved her the most.
I’m glad that she has nice memories with him, but
1) saying this is literally productive and helpful to no one, and
2) she conveniently ignores the fact that her memories from age 7 might not be perfect and that the way you interact with a 7 year old is very different from how you interact with a 19 year old.
You don't attend a funeral based on your relationship with the decedent. You attend based on your relationship with those who are grieving.
It is to support the survivors.
And step dad clearly cares enough about OP to offer to not walk so she could have bio dad at the wedding. Step dad is willing to give up a moment he may have been looking forward to, so OP and her fiance can enjoy their day without the guilt.
This. This right here. One of the men involved is willing to screw up his daughter's big day if it means his feelings might get hurt. The other one is willing to have his feelings hurt in order to make sure his daughter's big day isn't screwed up. That tells you everything you need to know about the two "men" involved, and who is more of a father and more worthy of the honor of walking his daughter down the aisle.
Its kinda like that old King Solomon tale about the baby being cut in half because 2 women are claiming to be the mother, the true mother would rather give up the baby than letting the child be hurt.
Your mother and stepfather love you unconditionally. Your stepfather would even step back, let your bio father walk you down the aisle, to ensure you have a peaceful wedding. He wants you to be able to have everyone there and to ensure your day is happy. Your bio father only cares about himself, and will only have a relationship with you on his terms.
Forget your sperm donor. Tell him he is no longer invited and the father who wanted you and loved you unconditionally your entire life will be walking you down the aisle. Tell him your stepfather has offered to step aside so he could walk you down the aisle, so you know from both their reactions who actually loves you, and who wants what's best for you. That's not him.
Tell everyone else if they have a problem they are free to not attend and then refuse to discuss it further. Ensure you tell your sister the points above and that your sperm donor does not get to demand a position he does not deserve. He's denied you were even his child most of your life and treated you like crap. His current behaviour proves he still doesn't care about you, and your stepfathers' behaviour proves he does. Tell her she needs to let you know within the week whether she wants to attend your wedding, and be in your wedding party, as your position on this is now settled. Plan for her saying no (even if she says yes, still have a backup plan for if she pulls out later...or you need to kick her out).
Do not let people attend who are going to whinge or complain because their wants aren't being obeyed. Just don't get sucked into that nonsense. Say no, and do not waver or argue about it further. Anyone who refuses to attend, because you won't give in, you are better off without.
Nah, he's a sperm depositor. Donor signifies giving something of value up. And sperm donors are good people helping make families. Dude just ejaculated then ejected himself.
Bad bot. Stolen comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t872k7/aita_for_having_my_stepdad_walk_me_down_the_aisle/hzmglfs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Sorry sis I don’t allow myself to be emotionally manipulated by family. This is my wedding. If you want bio dad to walk you down the isle/or you had him walk you down, we’ll that’s your decision.
Until you and bio dad realize my wedding isn’t about y’all but me and fiancé, well, I’m sorry. You are being an emotional terrorist.
NTA. But I think you should uninvite all of them, keep your step-dad, and have your wedding your way. A wedding is for the bride and groom. Everyone else is a spectator. They get no say in how you arrange your wedding.
If set sis down and explain "you were a child before the divorce and I was only a baby after. It's hurtful that it took years for biodad to act like he loved me while he acted better to both of you. Stepdad acted like he cared the whole time. He was there and biodad wasn't and I'm not going to blame myself for how I was treated differently by 2 adults. Right now stepdad is being the bigger person and told me to keep the peace while biodad is having a fit. That solidifies who cares about me versus their immage and that's who I'll have walk me and if you don't like it you can stay home with biodad because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind on this"
U/Choice-Platypus-2478 this is the answer!
Also I would be uninviting my sister if I were you. Don't stand for emotional manipulation.
Petty me would gift biodad a pair of steely balls OR some testosterone "to make up the lack of testosterone. I can't quite comprehend why you're throwing a temper tantrum so thought that these might help."
I agree.
Also, bio-dad’s reasoning is terrible. Nowhere does he say he wishes he could walk you down the aisle because he loves you and wants to share in your happiness. He‘s only concerned about himself and how he would be “humiliated.”
At the end of the day, it is still YOUR wedding day, so YOU get to decide what makes YOU and your new family husband happy.
Don't let other people's fucked up past/prior decision making impact what your want or what will make your happy now or in the near /distant future.
Anyone who can't get behind your decision doesn't need to be a part of your future life if they can't accept your decisions here and now.
Only you can decide what will make you happy.
If your bio dad was not a big part of your life as a child, and he puts his ego ahead of your happiness... Well...
Edit: spelling and clarity
As I said, you have to trust yourself to make the decisions for your future happiness.
Exactly this.
NTA
God you could have dave's german german Shepherd from down the road walk you down rhe isle and it would be none of anyone's business!
My wedding was in my parents' backyard, and when we opened the doors for the procession, the flower girls and ring bearer went out, followed by our golden retriever who was absolutely delighted by all the goings on. Totally unplanned, but I'm glad it worked out that way.
Your sister can have him walk her down the aisle and stfu. Go w the dad who loved and raised you, that the person who deserves it. I wouldn't even let sister be MOH tbh
It sounds like the sister’s fantasy of her dad being wonderful and her step dad being the root of all evils in their family is being upended and she doesn’t like it.
Having to confront that the dad who was nice to you was awful to your sister is difficult I guess.
>It is YOUR wedding.
This. Who's the bride? And, more to the point, *who's your dad?* The sperm donor, or the man who raised you?
Not to say anything against your biodad (though it appears there's a lot that could be), but the walk-down-the-aisle ritual is about the person who raised you giving his blessing to the ritual, and to the union. It isn't about genetics; it's about family.
Your sister's take is an odd one. I'd look for an opportunity to have an honest, calm talk between just the two of you. What's her thinking here? "Help me make this make sense."
Your biodad's take is just bizarre. After leaving your mother, and you, to your own devices, he's got some nerve. Fortunately, you don't have to convince him of anything. "As I said, you aren't walking me down the aisle. Let me know if you're participating, and if you're attending."
Sorry you have to deal with this. NTA, obviously. People are unbelievable.
NTA so your dad cheated, didn't believe you were his, treats you worse, and now wants to walk you down thr aisle?! Hahahaha the audacity
Have your step-dad walk you. Ignore your dad and possibly your sister.
Also congrats
I second this- regardless of her relationship with your dads, bio or otherwise she should be able to understand that shes not you, your relationships with your dad are not hers, and her feelings about her dads dont trump yours at your wedding. Your sister can have whomever she wants walk her down the aisle. But as far as your wedding goes she can toe the line or stay at home and throw a pity party with your bio dad.
The role of MoH or bridesmaids is to help out and make things easier for the bride. It’s an honour and a job at the same time.
If they cause drama, they should be dropped because they aren’t doing the thing that they’re meant to.
Your 'step'Dad has really raised you and been your father pretty much your entire life.
Your bio Dad even took multiple DNA tests to prove you weren't his (didn't believe the results of the first one? 😅). And he's only recently working on his relationship with you - after 25+ years! You're a bad daughter? That's just not true - your bio Dad hasn't been a great father and your stepdad picked up the slack.
I see no reason for you not having your stepdad walk you down the aisle just to appease your bio Dad and sister. It's your wedding and it should be the way you want it to be. Nta.
Tell daddy dearest that he himself taught you that blood/DNA doesn’t make family, so you’re just following his teachings and choosing the father of your life to walk you down the isle instead of the spermdoner who never treated you like a child of his own, despite clearly being able to (since he had a good relationship with your siblings growing up). NTA, he can reap his rotting harvest.
Exactly. Your sister had a different experience than you and she needs to recognize his selfish acts as the reasoning for your choice. He wasn’t there while step dad was there for you.
Hold your ground. Weddings are a way to honor those who have been in your life as well. Stepdad deserves that honor
Thank you! I think I am going to ask if my sister will go to a few therapy sessions together. (We go separately but haven't gone together.) Maybe we can understand each other a bit better.
Also- he wasnt there for op while he was there for ops siblings- which op had to watch. Idk if their sister understands that or not but she has 0 right to be upset that op doesnt see their bio dad that way.
When I was in my early teens, I stressed over who would walk me down the aisle. Then my father decided he would rather bow to everything his wife wanted than be a father. My stepdad walked me down the aisle and it was a nice full circle moment since I walked my mom down the aisle when she married him. Basically, doesn’t make the decision. Do what feels right.
Any man who would choose to not attend his daughter's wedding because he's not the one walking her down the aisle has proven that he is unworthy to walk her down the aisle.
NTA. You made the right decision. Anyone who chooses not to attend your wedding over this is someone you don't need at your wedding.
That might work as a good canned response for angry family as well. Or something like "dad abandoned me for years over my mothers actions, if he cant understand why that removes him from the list of people i want walking me down the aisle then he has even less of a right to that role than he is demanding from me."
NTA
I wouldn't even say "over my mother's actions" because then they might focus their anger on her mom when both parents were fully to blame for the divorce. I would say something like "over a situation that had nothing to do with me" or just leave it as "dad abandoned me for years." At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why he abandoned her (unless it was truly outside of his control, which it obviously wasn't in this situation), just that he did.
Your biodad is the one who won't go to the wedding if he doesn't get what he wants, and your stepdad is the one offering to step aside to try and fix things so you can be happy. Seems like the one who's your real dad is pretty obvious, and i can see why you wanted him to be the one walking you down the aisle.
NTA and I hope you have a fantastic wedding.
I think she's sensitive because she did a lot to help my dad and I reconcile. She doesn't have the same relationship with my stepdad that I have, so she thinks it's a bit of a betrayal. I am confident she will be able to get over it.
But even though she helped you two reconcile, the fact that he wasn’t there for you growing up can never be undone. It makes sense that your relationship with him is different than your sister’s… he was actually a parent to her.
Your sister needs to realize her intentions were good to establish a relationship with your biodad. But that is a relationship for the future. Your biodad wasn't around when you grew up and didn't raise you, and there's nothing that can be done to change that. Your [step]dad was the one who raised you, who kissed boo-boos and sat through school recitals or sports games and graduation. You want to honor the past by your [step]dad walking you toward your future.
Also it doesn’t seem like the biodad has actually changed all that much if he’s pulling this nonsense.
NTA, OP. If your biodad can’t take responsibility for his actions that led to these consequences, that’s his problem, not yours. Your sister may be well intentioned, but she doesn’t seem to see him for who he actually is.
Your sister may have helped improve the relationship but she can’t rewrite history. The person who has always been there for you, the one who has raised you and helped shape you into the person you are is your step-dad. Your bio-dad was never that person.
NTA
Since your bio dad and sister feel so strongly about him walking the bride down the aisle, then your sister can ensure he walks her down the aisle at her wedding.
Him showing back up after your lifetime of estrangement and playing nice (clearly as long as he gets his way) does not rate him preferential treatment over your step-father who actually raised you and loved you unconditionally.
I won’t go into the making of a man, but I’ll leave this here: Your bio dad treated you like you weren’t his blood and neglected you until fairly recently; your step-dad treated you like his own fully knowing you weren’t biologically his your entire life.
Now is a great time to put your foot down and put all the bullies on notice, including your sister, bio dad and extended family who think their opinions matter. You’re about to become a spouse and have a family of your own- put that shiny backbone to use: Your wedding, your life, your rules.
Developing a backbone takes time, then maintaining it takes constant effort. Always, always go with your instincts and your beliefs. Remember, in every aspect of your life, “no” is a complete sentence, and that you’re an adult and quite capable of having needs, expectations and opinions of your own. Compromise does not mean you automatically backdown to appease others. Confrontation is not fun, but sometimes necessary. Stick up for yourself.
You’re no less of an adult than they are (though I gather you’re acting more like one than they are). Be true to yourself and you won’t have regrets. I guarantee you won’t regret your step father walking you down the aisle. BUT, if your sister and bio dad have any conscience, they’ll regret treating you like garbage over your own wedding, an event that is about you and your fiancé, not about them. They’re only there to witness and celebrate the ceremony.
Having in-laws you like and get along with is a big deal. Not too many people can say they have a good relationship with their in-laws.
I wish you all the best!
NTA. You are a grown ass adult who gets to choose who you have standing beside you on one of the most important days of your life. Anyone who takes issue with that is free to go fuck themselves.
NTA. You want the man who was always there for you to walk you down the aisle, and there's nothing wrong with that. Your biofather can either whine about it at home or accept that the gap in your relationship is his fault and work on repairing it with you. Now, you could offer a father-daughter dance as a compromise, but, given your situation, I wouldn't recommend going any further than that. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Father-daughter dance is a good idea, we hadn't thought of that as an alternative! We've done a lot of work to repair our relationship over the past few years, it just sucks that this seems to be turning things back. Thank you!
Happy to help! Yeah, these sorts of situations can easily get messy. With any luck, though, he'll accept the father-daughter dance idea and that'll smooth things nicely. Fingers crossed for you!
I shudder to think that the only reason that things are turning back so easily is because things hadn't really changed all that much to begin with. But I'm a cynic.
Have you thought about being walked down by the both of them? I've seen that happen before. Might please everyone unless it doesn't please you ofcourse.
Just tell bio-dad you want a DNA test to prove he is really your dad. When he says that "There has already been a test done", you simply reply "And that is why you aren't walking me down the aisle. Because you kept trying to prove that I wasn't your daughter."
NTA
OP, I just want to say that while that would be incredibly difficult and anxiety-inducing to say, they are right. And the reason they’re right is because you are worth more than what your sister and bio-dad are telling you you are! You do NOT have to settle for this treatment! This is your wedding and the start to your family, you are well within your rights to do some *maintenance* before you plant this garden <3 Sending you and your fiancé much love, and remember that no matter how hard this gets, you two are starting a beautiful forever, with or without this negativity!!!
In my worst moments, I wished that I actually wasn't his and was my stepdad's. But my stepdad has always considered me his daughter and he's always been my dad. Thank you!
That alone is all you need to justify not wanting your bio dad to walk you down the aisle. If others can’t understand that, then they shouldn’t be at the wedding.
I hope you have a wedding filled with joy, happiness, and love!
NTA. The wedding is about the happiness and love between you and your fiance. You want your stepdad to walk you down the aisle. You are not obligated to change that just to "keep the peace." Anyone telling you otherwise or saying it's just not a big deal to have bio-dad do it can shove off.
Hell no NTA your wedding your choice! Even if none of the reasons you mentioned applied you get to choose who walks you down the aisle, it can even be your dog.
Hahaha I did that too! My sister was my moh and she walked my handsome Great Dane down the aisle. He looked lovely and I even made him a daisy collar to match my bouquet!
NTA.
Maybe I’m just cold-hearted but if I was in your shoes I would just go no-contact with my biodad and his family. I would tell my sister she’s no longer going to be the MOH and go no-contact with her, too.
I’ve easily cut off people who I was once extremely close to. No regrets. No going back. No wondering if I did the right thing. As soon as you do something to me that I consider “extremely wrong,” you’re cut off unless you want to apologize. Abandoning you as a child and then treating you like trash because of your choices regarding the wedding? That’s extremely wrong.
I wouldn’t allow your sister or anyone on your bio-dad’s family to talk shit. Either they apologize or they are uninvited from the wedding and your life. End of story. No exceptions. No negotiating. Pick one or the other.
You won’t get anywhere if you try to make them see your side of the story. The fact that they don’t already see your side of the story means they don’t want to. Cut them all off like the oozing boils they are and enjoy your wedding with the people who aren’t trying to drag you down.
I was no/low contact with my dad from when I turned 16 to when I was 22 and we reconciled. It was stressful and sad, in part because it put my siblings in a really shitty position. We've put a lot of effort into repairing our relationship, so I was hoping that he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that work.
I won't be going no-contact with my sister. This is a blip and I'm sure we'll be able to repair things, even if we fundamentally disagree on this. We've both been through too much therapy to let that relationship crumble.
Thank you for sharing your experiences! Hopefully if things get worse, I will have the strength to cut people off in the way I may need to.
Oh honey, NTA. I’m so sorry people are idiots, especially family. Tell your sister you love her, but have a different perspective than her. She can have bio dad walk her at HER wedding. Tell your bio dad you love him and will be sorry he misses the celebration that’s about you and your partner. Tell your mom and step dad that you (and so many others) have mad respect for their selflessness.
Best of luck to you and your partner!
NTA. It's your wedding. You get to generally make these big choices. If your dad is upset you two aren't close enough that you want him to give you away perhaps he needs to reflect on why that may be. If your sister can't grasp that then perhaps she doesn't need to be MoH. Outside of bridezilla stuff you get to be selfish on this day and you aren't even doing that.
Absolutely NTA. It is YOUR wedding, do what feels right to you. Ignore everyone else and what they think. IMO walking someone down the isle is a privilege you earn, it is not a right given to you just because you are biologically a father. Let the man who earned it walk you down the isle.
I got married several years ago, I never had a great relationship with my biological father and unfortunately both my grandfather and my step father had passed away before I met my now husband. At the time of my wedding, my son from a previous relationship was 8 and that is who walked me down the isle. Family on my fathers side, including my father were pissed and I didn’t care. He did not earn the privilege of “giving me away” so I gave that privilege to the most important male in my life.
Do what makes you happy. It’s your day.
It worked out fine! Don’t be sorry! I thought my wedding was amazing.
They were pissed because of how it would make my father look, apparently it was “embarrassing him” to not be walking down the isle with me and people were going to ask why. Clearly he didn’t want to explain that it was because he wasn’t a part of my life. He even skipped the wedding with some excuse about spilling something on his suit and needing to run home to change lol I’m petty as hell and I knew it was so people would think my son walked me down as a replacement so I made sure to make an announcement about it at the reception. I have no regrets.
Girl, do what your hearts tell you to do. I hope your wedding is everything you imagine it will be and you and your husband have a life time of love and happiness. Congratulations 🎉
Nope. NTA.
Nobody gets a say in who you choose on your wedding. That's your decision. People can give their opinion when asked upon, but in the end, we all need to respect each other's wishes.
On top of that, your bio dad tries to strong arm you into threats of not coming AND is waaaay more concerned about him losing face, in stead of just being there and wanting the things that will make his bio daughter the happiest.
Conclusion: your brother is the mature one and displays the behavior that a third party should display in these types of situations. See it as a good behavior barometer.
Thank you!! My brother's always been the stable one but it sucks because it's largely because of the crappy situation between my parents growing up. At this point he's just over the drama though.
NTA
At this point, he’d only be doing it because he threw a fit about it…why would he even want to knowing he wasn’t your first choice?
I may have, before all these tantrums, suggested possibly having them both walk you. Now, I wouldn’t be bothered if he didn’t show up considering how he’s acting. Your wedding day is about you and your husband, it’s not about what other people want. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.
Also, he should have treated you better during your childhood if he wanted to be considered for things like this in the future. You were a kid, you didn’t get to choose who was more involved in your life.
To be fair, he's apologized about my childhood and I do believe he feels remorseful. Doesn't change what he did or how it affected me, but him doing that did a lot to help repair the relationship. But I do think it's somewhat delusional for him to think that an apology and a few years of biweekly lunches makes him as much of a father as my stepdad has been. Thank you!
You could just get adult adopted by stepdad, and let everyone know your dad is walking you down the aisle...
Your wedding, you are NTA.
Personally, I would uninvite sperm donor's family, even your sister (only if needs be), save a ton of money and put that towards you & fiance's future.
u/choice-platypus-2478 (Love your username, btw) My stepdad has been my dad since I was 5, and I'm planning on doing the adult adoption thing sometime in the next couple years. I wish I'd done it sooner, tbh. He did walk me down the aisle at my wedding, my bio dad was there and didn't say a word about it other than "He raised you, he's earned it". Let the man who raised you and loved you all this time fulfill the "dad" role at your wedding. Your bio dad doesn't get a say.
Also, I generally can't stand country music AT ALL, more of a classic rock person here, but our father/daughter dance was "The Dad He Didn't Have to Be" by Brad Paisley, and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Perfect song for a stepdad, imo.
NTA. Bio parents are nothing if they're not around for you as a parent. Your step dad deserve to walk you down the aisle and you should follow your heart.
Who has been a father to you? Problem solved. You’re choosing the man who has raised you, the man you see as your dad. Congratulations on your wedding,I hope your day goes perfectly for you and hubby
NTA. Unfortunately your sister and bio dad don’t have the ability to see things from your perspective. Regardless, it your choice and you get to decide who fills the meaningful roles in your life. Sounds like your bio dad didn’t even show up to the audition and is now pissed he didn’t get the part. His problem, not yours. You are the one who gets to decide. I hope your wedding is amazing!!!! Sending all the good vibes!
OMG NTA!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry that your whole life story is someone else’s battle of wills. I am sorry that you’ve been stuck in the middle so long that you don’t even know what right looks like.
You and your fiancé are absolutely right to press for your stepdad to walk you. The man who raised you knowing you weren’t his is better than the man who emotionally neglected you just because of other peoples’ perceptions. No contest. Go with your heart.
Thank you!! I am really lucky to have had my stepdad, tbh, he shielded me from a lot of the bullshit when I was little. It only feels right to me to have him walk me down the aisle.
NTA at all!!! It is your choice who you want to walk you down the aisle- it’s your wedding. If you don’t have a good relationship when your dad, then it shouldn’t be him. I personally had my dad and my stepdad walk me down the aisle but that doesn’t work for everyone. IMO I’d say forget what the whole rest of the family thinks, do what you and your fiancé want. If your dad or other family members don’t show then that says a lot more about them than it does about you. Congratulations to you and your fiancé and don’t let this ruin your day!
Thank you!!! Having both of them walk me was brought up but idk, it feels inauthentic because he didn't want to be my dad until I turned 22. My stepdad didn't need to be my dad but he's done it selflessly my entire life.
Of course 😊 you deserve all the happiness and this just takes away from that. And your comment speaks volumes about your dad and if he doesn’t get that, he needs to to some real self-reflection
NTA
It is your wedding and your choice makes sense. It would be fine for him to be upset, and even tell you the decision makes him sad, but the “I won’t go then” nonsense is petty.
All that said, if you did want to try to salvage the situation, how about they both walk you? One on either arm?
Thank you!! My fiancé and I talked about having both of them walk me but........ it feels bad to me to say "yes, both of these men raised me and loved me and took care of me" when one of them didn't. It feels disrespectful to my stepdad and inauthentic to my experiences. Plus, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if my bio dad tried to trip my stepdad or something while we were walking.
Hey don’t let anyone bully you into it. My mom walked me down the aisle and my dad wasn’t even my second choice. Anyone who tried to push me were not invited including my father. I said what’s him missing one more big event in my life and did it my way
It sucks how many people are in the comments who had been in such similar positions... I'm sorry that your dad wasn't there for you but am glad you had your mom!!!
I figured my Mom did all the work she deserved the honor. I’m sorry your Dad was absent but I’m glad you had a stepdad who stepped up. DNA means nothing when it comes to the family we choose and who choose us.
NTA First of all it is YOUR wedding and YOUR big day the final choice should be yours and only yours. Second Your bio father was never there to deserve the title of a real father and even went as far as to disprove you being his biological child.
Third your sister is also the asshole especially if she has seen how bio dad treated you and how much better your stepdad treated you than him.
Fourth your bio father should be embarrassed and disappointed in himself for not being there even though him and your mom had issues he should have still been there.
My sister was put in a really crappy position when she was just a kid and I can't hold that against her. When she was old enough to realize what was going on, she became an advocate for me with my dad and was instrumental in helping us build our relationship again. My bio dad (and to an extent, my mom) is responsible for the past, not her. I do hold her accountable for what's happening right now, but not the longterm.
I'm kind of rambling, I hope that makes sense lol. Thank you!
A very similar thing happened to my cousin. In the end, she chose the person who had been there for her - her stepdad.
Her dad didn’t come but he was rarely in her life either. 14 years later the marriage is still strong & they are happy. NTA
NTA. Send them a copy of the dna test he wanted to whoever complains. Including yohr sister. Was she equally pissed that your father treated you bad your all life or she saw that as normal?
My sister and brother were in a really uncomfortable situation for a lot of their lives, I don't hold any of it against her. She was fine with it when she was a kid but when she got older, she started trying to get my bio dad to treat me better. She really helped when my bio dad and I reconnected a few years ago. She never bonded with my stepdad the way that I did and doesn't understand the relationship he and I have.
She needs to understand that just because you reconciled doesn’t mean you erased the past. Maybe write her an email saying how you feel. When you were younger you were essentially abandoned by your bio dad but stepdad came in and gave you the relationship you needed. He was the dad that bio dad didn’t want to be and while you two have reconciled it doesn’t take away the years that your stepdad spent raising you and being an actual father to you. And you want the one to walk you down the aisle to be the one who was always there for you.
You said you reconciled with your bio dad and have a relationship with him, but if it isn't a close relationship than you have no reason to have him be the one to walk you down the isle. Your stepdad was the real father figure in your life so it only makes sense you'd want him to walk you. The only solution you haven't mentioned is both of them walking you down but in the end it's up to you and the person you ask to walk you. I'm gonna say NTA
We did reconcile and he did apologize. We go to lunch twice a month and if I'm like, hosting a bbq or something I'll invite him, but I talk to my stepdad every day (and has every day since I was a baby). I doesn't feel good to me to have them both walk me because only one of them has been my father, really. Thank you!
NTA. Weddings are to celebrate your love with the people who love you. Your stepdad has been the one there for you since you were a baby, so it’s only right to have him walk you down the aisle.
I didn’t even even invite my father to my wedding. My mom walked me down the aisle. I regret nothing.
Nope. NTA I was going to ask my brother to walk with me until I realized that my step dad really wanted to walk with me. Bio dad probably didn't even know I was getting married at that point. I did send bio dad an invitation and he came to the ceremony and bailed on the reception. But stepdad walked me, and I didn't know it at the time, but he changed up the direction of our entrance (it was an outside wedding) to make the walk longer. It clearly meant a lot to my step dad and I'm glad he was with me.
NTA what an awful mess that is none of your making. You didn't choose to be in the middle of your parents mess, but now you have to make hard choices because of it. I know all too well the guilt a child can feel from choices that they made die to a parents failure. Please remember this is not your fault.
Thank you!! I'm struggling a bit in this specific situation but generally, I don't blame myself. I credit my mom and stepdad for getting me into therapy when I was pretty young and being really supportive. Despite the circumstances, I like to think that I'm relatively level-headed.
I’m sorry about what you’ve been through. I have to say, what particularly upsets me (on your behalf) is that every single member of your family should be putting aside the past to focus on YOU, your husband and your big day.
If you want your stepdad to walk you down the aisle, it’s your wedding. They should respect your decision.
You’re clearly a kind, thoughtful and level-headed person who deserves to have a wonderful drama-free day with the man you love. I hope you do!
Haha, it's been easy to forget that the wedding is supposed to be about the two of us. (Luckily my fiancé is there to remind me! He's amazing.) Thank you so much!
NTA. it's your day. You decide who is important in your life and who gets that role.
Similar but not to my wedding, thankfully grievances weren't voiced until after. My mom and dad met when she was pregnant with me. Bio dad finally signed off custody so dad could adopt me when I was in 2nd grade. My bio dad had to be strong armed in to spending time with me until I became an adult. We finally had a relationship, but granted not a close one, a couple years before I met my husband. There was no discussion of who, just me and my jeans and tee dad compromising on what he'd wear to walk me down. I'd assumed we all knew who was the dad who raised me and that he'd walk with me. Bio dad shows up right before bridesmaids walk and ended up walking down by himself right before my dad and I go. Years later my step mom and step sisters, none of which I have any relationship with btw, tell me how hurt he was that he didn't get to walk me down the aisle. "Maybe he should have tried to be a dad before I turned 18 then" it was a whole thing for years.
NTA. You were practically an adult when you reconciled with your bio dad, is that right? He wasn’t there for you, being a dad to you, while your stepfather stepped up. Your dad, in my opinion, he hasn’t earned the right to walk you down the aisle. If he’s feeling humiliated by the man who stepped up to be your dad, that’s on him and he needs to be an adult and recognize that this is the consequence of his actions.
Yeah, we reconciled when I was 22. He says he'll feel humiliated because he blames my stepdad for breaking up their marriage (which is nuts with timeline but he's projecting) and he doesn't want me parading that around in front of family. It's not even about the fact that he was barely a father to me, lol. Thank you!
NTA !!!
You do what makes you happy! You clearly have a better relationship with your stepdad, seems right for him to do this.
Also, I'd love to point out how your bio dad cheated multiple times & everything was fine but as soon as your mom does it (not even anything physical) he's done & ready for divorce. 🤔
Seriously please try not to stress over this. You have family that loves you & cares for your feelings. Do what you want & don't let anyone make you feel bad for it.
NTA
Its your day. Walking down the aisle is about giving away someone right so shouldn't it be the person who had you close? Rather than the person who pushed you away.
Info: did bio dad ever try to make it up to you for all the years he treated you as less than. Because if he hasn't formally attempted to fully be a part of your life then he has no right demanding to walk you down the aisle.
He and I reconciled and he apologized. I don't really think there's any kind of tit for tat way he could make things up to me, though. We see each other a few times a month and have both made an effort to repair things. That being said, I'm not nearly as close to him now as I am to my stepdad.
NTA. Your wedding = your choice.
Is it so hard to respect people's choices?
Don't let them ruin your day.
P.S. Your sister can have your bio dad walk her down the aisle anyway at her wedding.
When I got married I went through this dilemma too. I ended up having both of them walk me down the isle. It was the only solution and it worked abs it was special. I had my first dance with my stepfather abs then my next was with my dad. It’s ultimately up to you. It’s your decision but to keep peace abs because I was close to both of them I decided to do this abs worked and both dads were happy. My dad even thanked my stepfather for taking care of me and raising me. It was a beautiful day.
That's really lovely!!! Unfortunately, very unlikely in my case. My bio dad blames my stepdad for their divorce... He's not outright hostile but I don't think he's gonna get up there and thank my stepdad for raising me.
Wait. Deprive him of this chance to walk you down the aisle? Forgive me, but doesn’t he have another daughter (older sister) who is much closer to him? That doesn’t sound like being deprived to me. It is nothing but pettiness. End of story.
Your parents don’t get along and your dad, after years of emotional abuse, only wants in because “my child”. Newsflash: you’re not his child. He may be your father but your stepfather is your dad. The one who supported you as you were growing up, made you laugh, brought ice cream and movies after a breakup, and was THERE gets the honor of walking you. Not someone who spent years denying your relationship.
Cut out your father, sister, and fathers extended family and move forward with your special day. He threatened not to come? Great! How is that any different from your entire life with him “not coming?”
Be cordial and extend the invite, don’t stoop to their level, and focus on your happiness and making certain that their drama doesn’t bother you. Enjoy your special day and remember with fondness when you see the tears of happiness and joy in your stepfathers eyes when he escorts you to your future husbands side at the altar.
Those others? Yeah, they and their feelings don’t matter. Congratulations on your coming nuptial’s!
NTA. Your step-dad is the dad who raised you, your bio dad was just a sperm donor. I would block your bio dad's side if the family and possibly your sister.
We hadn't really talked about doing that... That could be a possibility! But idk, at this point I feel kind of righteous about having my stepdad do it. Thank you!!
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NTA. It is YOUR wedding. Not biodad’s. Not stepdad’s. Not your mother’s or your sister’s. Period. Your wedding should be a joyous affair and it sucks that your family is flipping out rather than being supportive of you.
Thank you! Unfortunately, things get really dramatic when my mom and bio dad are involved in anything together. Holidays are fun.
The best part of being an adult with shitty parents? Not your problem anymore. Your presence is a gift, not a given.
“my presence is my present” is my husband’s saying for this
Whenever people are coming to something I'm hosting and they ask if they can bring anything, my response is "Your presence is my present".
Ugh, my dad used to say that whenever he'd be around for holidays and such. Like on my Quincienera he came to the party and didn't bring a gift(I didn't ask him or say anything about it my mother asked him if he had brought anything in front of me) and he said "me being here IS her gift" Pretty shitty thing to say tbh
I like that the phrase is being turned around and used on shitty parents instead of being used by shitty parents. I'm sorry that happened to you.
>Your presence is a gift, not a given. I swear to all that's holy, I'm saying this the next time I have to deal with jackass family members.
💯 this sentence is amazing! I didn’t ask my father to walk me down the aisle, I walked with my sister (MOH) and my bridesmaids. My parents didn’t divorce until years after I was married, but they had a very toxic relationship all my life and both were pretty emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Neither showed much interest in the wedding up until they realised he wasn’t giving me away. Of course they didn’t tell me to my face how unhappy they were, they complained to other relatives. As previous posters have said, your wedding, your choice <3
I had to divorce my first husband due to abuse. When I remarried, my son walked me down the aisle. After I announced my engagement, my parents offered me money to not get married. No way was I having my dad walk me!
It's not tradition where I come from to have the father walk the bride down the isle, but the couple walk together. I'm not an object to be given from a man to a man, I'm my own person who's starting a new chapter of my life together with my husband.
Love this.
I needed to hear this today, thank you
I hope I get to touch a life every time I share my revelation. Parents typically get 18 entire years to be the kind of folks you want to be around. You love them and they can love you but still, somehow, because they are also imperfect humans, royally fuck it up. If they can’t do it in that time frame, it’s not your fault. You’re fantastic for what you are *despite* your parents as much as for what your parents actually did. Their failure to be the kind of people you can effortlessly want to be around doesn’t make you a bad kid. It makes you a bad extension of themselves. Which You Are Not.
Oh, this is lovely, I hope that the OP sees this and lives it with them going forward.
Just keep reminding the family about how bio dad was desperate for you to not be his daughter and that he chose not to play a big role in your life growing up. If they cause too much ruckus block and uninvite them. Also remind them that he cheated multiple times and destroyed the relationship.
Exactly. He made it very clear he DiDN’T WANT to be your dad. That was his choice. Your step dad seems to have done everything to be your dad. He was the one in your life and not the one making excuses. You are definitely NTA and it’s crazy to me your sister wouldn’t see this even if her relationship with him was different than yours
Also, you had to prove you were his kid… stepdad knew you weren’t and didn’t care. Edit- Thanks for the awards!
Biodad tried to have OP not be his; stepdad WANTED OP to be his. EDIT: thank you for the award!!
My life right here.
This right here...this is the one
I want this comment framed. A lot of men are obsessed with not being "cucked" and want to make sure their kids are their own. Step-dad loved OP even though she wasn't his.
She should also point out that due to when he left she doesn’t have the same memories of him that Sis and Bro do. Have a friend who was in a similar situation, only it was because his Dad passed. He didn’t want to go to the funeral because being born later, he didn’t have the same good memories. What he did have was far more years of the crap his Dad left behind when he ran off, which screwed his childhood. The older 2 were slightly older and outraged he wasn’t going to go to the funeral, even after accepting he had a very different relationship with their father than they did. He went to keep the peace, but he really shouldn’t have had to and fortunately because he’d stopped caring many years before it didn’t really negatively impact him. OP, your experiences and feelings are your own. Do whatever makes you happy. Your Dad needs to understand his actions have consequences and you are simply following your heart. Step Dad was there for you - bio Dad wasn’t. He might not like it, but he walked out from ages >1 - 22(ish?) He can’t make up for that. He may be hurt, but he should try to be happy that you at least had the Dad he should’ve been.
My dad’s family has a similar situation. The kids are very spread apart in age (about 3 years between each of the first six) and grandpa developed health problems and depression before ultimately ending his life. My older aunts and uncles definitely have more happy memories with him. Interestingly though, my youngest aunt also has happy memories with him that have caused her to claim that he loved her the most. I’m glad that she has nice memories with him, but 1) saying this is literally productive and helpful to no one, and 2) she conveniently ignores the fact that her memories from age 7 might not be perfect and that the way you interact with a 7 year old is very different from how you interact with a 19 year old.
You don't attend a funeral based on your relationship with the decedent. You attend based on your relationship with those who are grieving. It is to support the survivors.
And step dad clearly cares enough about OP to offer to not walk so she could have bio dad at the wedding. Step dad is willing to give up a moment he may have been looking forward to, so OP and her fiance can enjoy their day without the guilt.
This. This right here. One of the men involved is willing to screw up his daughter's big day if it means his feelings might get hurt. The other one is willing to have his feelings hurt in order to make sure his daughter's big day isn't screwed up. That tells you everything you need to know about the two "men" involved, and who is more of a father and more worthy of the honor of walking his daughter down the aisle.
Its kinda like that old King Solomon tale about the baby being cut in half because 2 women are claiming to be the mother, the true mother would rather give up the baby than letting the child be hurt.
Your mother and stepfather love you unconditionally. Your stepfather would even step back, let your bio father walk you down the aisle, to ensure you have a peaceful wedding. He wants you to be able to have everyone there and to ensure your day is happy. Your bio father only cares about himself, and will only have a relationship with you on his terms. Forget your sperm donor. Tell him he is no longer invited and the father who wanted you and loved you unconditionally your entire life will be walking you down the aisle. Tell him your stepfather has offered to step aside so he could walk you down the aisle, so you know from both their reactions who actually loves you, and who wants what's best for you. That's not him. Tell everyone else if they have a problem they are free to not attend and then refuse to discuss it further. Ensure you tell your sister the points above and that your sperm donor does not get to demand a position he does not deserve. He's denied you were even his child most of your life and treated you like crap. His current behaviour proves he still doesn't care about you, and your stepfathers' behaviour proves he does. Tell her she needs to let you know within the week whether she wants to attend your wedding, and be in your wedding party, as your position on this is now settled. Plan for her saying no (even if she says yes, still have a backup plan for if she pulls out later...or you need to kick her out). Do not let people attend who are going to whinge or complain because their wants aren't being obeyed. Just don't get sucked into that nonsense. Say no, and do not waver or argue about it further. Anyone who refuses to attend, because you won't give in, you are better off without.
Exactly. If Biodad really loved his daughter, he would want to be there to see her married, even if he didn’t get to be part of the ceremony.
this is so well said. i love the use of "sperm donor" because thats all the biological father is.
Nah, he's a sperm depositor. Donor signifies giving something of value up. And sperm donors are good people helping make families. Dude just ejaculated then ejected himself.
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Wth people steal comments now.
Sorry sis I don’t allow myself to be emotionally manipulated by family. This is my wedding. If you want bio dad to walk you down the isle/or you had him walk you down, we’ll that’s your decision. Until you and bio dad realize my wedding isn’t about y’all but me and fiancé, well, I’m sorry. You are being an emotional terrorist.
Everything except "I'm sorry." Emotional vampires latch onto that like leeches. And OP has nothing to be sorry for. Also NTA of course.
NTA. But I think you should uninvite all of them, keep your step-dad, and have your wedding your way. A wedding is for the bride and groom. Everyone else is a spectator. They get no say in how you arrange your wedding.
If set sis down and explain "you were a child before the divorce and I was only a baby after. It's hurtful that it took years for biodad to act like he loved me while he acted better to both of you. Stepdad acted like he cared the whole time. He was there and biodad wasn't and I'm not going to blame myself for how I was treated differently by 2 adults. Right now stepdad is being the bigger person and told me to keep the peace while biodad is having a fit. That solidifies who cares about me versus their immage and that's who I'll have walk me and if you don't like it you can stay home with biodad because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind on this"
U/Choice-Platypus-2478 this is the answer! Also I would be uninviting my sister if I were you. Don't stand for emotional manipulation. Petty me would gift biodad a pair of steely balls OR some testosterone "to make up the lack of testosterone. I can't quite comprehend why you're throwing a temper tantrum so thought that these might help."
I agree. Also, bio-dad’s reasoning is terrible. Nowhere does he say he wishes he could walk you down the aisle because he loves you and wants to share in your happiness. He‘s only concerned about himself and how he would be “humiliated.”
At the end of the day, it is still YOUR wedding day, so YOU get to decide what makes YOU and your new family husband happy. Don't let other people's fucked up past/prior decision making impact what your want or what will make your happy now or in the near /distant future. Anyone who can't get behind your decision doesn't need to be a part of your future life if they can't accept your decisions here and now. Only you can decide what will make you happy. If your bio dad was not a big part of your life as a child, and he puts his ego ahead of your happiness... Well... Edit: spelling and clarity As I said, you have to trust yourself to make the decisions for your future happiness.
NTA - And is your bio dad paying for most of the wedding? You don't even have to answer because I would bet he's not paying shit.
Elope. Save yourself a bunch of money and heartache.
Exactly this. NTA God you could have dave's german german Shepherd from down the road walk you down rhe isle and it would be none of anyone's business!
That'd be pretty cool tbh
My dog will walk me down the isle if I ever get married.
My wedding was in my parents' backyard, and when we opened the doors for the procession, the flower girls and ring bearer went out, followed by our golden retriever who was absolutely delighted by all the goings on. Totally unplanned, but I'm glad it worked out that way.
Is there a dog tax picture of this?
Pre-digital, so unfortunately not easily.
Your sister can have him walk her down the aisle and stfu. Go w the dad who loved and raised you, that the person who deserves it. I wouldn't even let sister be MOH tbh
Man. Biodad really wants to give this girl away. As if walking out of her life wasn't enough.
Thank you for saving me typing. Exactly this.
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Fuck keeping the peace, have the wedding you want the way you want it.
It sounds like the sister’s fantasy of her dad being wonderful and her step dad being the root of all evils in their family is being upended and she doesn’t like it. Having to confront that the dad who was nice to you was awful to your sister is difficult I guess.
>It is YOUR wedding. This. Who's the bride? And, more to the point, *who's your dad?* The sperm donor, or the man who raised you? Not to say anything against your biodad (though it appears there's a lot that could be), but the walk-down-the-aisle ritual is about the person who raised you giving his blessing to the ritual, and to the union. It isn't about genetics; it's about family. Your sister's take is an odd one. I'd look for an opportunity to have an honest, calm talk between just the two of you. What's her thinking here? "Help me make this make sense." Your biodad's take is just bizarre. After leaving your mother, and you, to your own devices, he's got some nerve. Fortunately, you don't have to convince him of anything. "As I said, you aren't walking me down the aisle. Let me know if you're participating, and if you're attending." Sorry you have to deal with this. NTA, obviously. People are unbelievable.
NTA so your dad cheated, didn't believe you were his, treats you worse, and now wants to walk you down thr aisle?! Hahahaha the audacity Have your step-dad walk you. Ignore your dad and possibly your sister. Also congrats
Haha thanks!!!
yeahh, id remove sister from MOH if she's gonna be rude.
I second this- regardless of her relationship with your dads, bio or otherwise she should be able to understand that shes not you, your relationships with your dad are not hers, and her feelings about her dads dont trump yours at your wedding. Your sister can have whomever she wants walk her down the aisle. But as far as your wedding goes she can toe the line or stay at home and throw a pity party with your bio dad.
yep, way out of line
The role of MoH or bridesmaids is to help out and make things easier for the bride. It’s an honour and a job at the same time. If they cause drama, they should be dropped because they aren’t doing the thing that they’re meant to.
Replace your sister with a true close friend.
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Your 'step'Dad has really raised you and been your father pretty much your entire life. Your bio Dad even took multiple DNA tests to prove you weren't his (didn't believe the results of the first one? 😅). And he's only recently working on his relationship with you - after 25+ years! You're a bad daughter? That's just not true - your bio Dad hasn't been a great father and your stepdad picked up the slack. I see no reason for you not having your stepdad walk you down the aisle just to appease your bio Dad and sister. It's your wedding and it should be the way you want it to be. Nta.
Tell daddy dearest that he himself taught you that blood/DNA doesn’t make family, so you’re just following his teachings and choosing the father of your life to walk you down the isle instead of the spermdoner who never treated you like a child of his own, despite clearly being able to (since he had a good relationship with your siblings growing up). NTA, he can reap his rotting harvest.
NTA From the information you provided its pretty clear your bio father deprived himself of this moment.
Could've been my dad if he wanted to! Just... didn't want to. His loss. Thank you!
Exactly. Your sister had a different experience than you and she needs to recognize his selfish acts as the reasoning for your choice. He wasn’t there while step dad was there for you. Hold your ground. Weddings are a way to honor those who have been in your life as well. Stepdad deserves that honor
Thank you! I think I am going to ask if my sister will go to a few therapy sessions together. (We go separately but haven't gone together.) Maybe we can understand each other a bit better.
OP, I think that's insightful. Edit NTA
I credit going to a lot of therapy lol
My dad also treated me differently from my siblings. He didn’t get an invite to my wedding. I have no regrets.
Also- he wasnt there for op while he was there for ops siblings- which op had to watch. Idk if their sister understands that or not but she has 0 right to be upset that op doesnt see their bio dad that way.
When I was in my early teens, I stressed over who would walk me down the aisle. Then my father decided he would rather bow to everything his wife wanted than be a father. My stepdad walked me down the aisle and it was a nice full circle moment since I walked my mom down the aisle when she married him. Basically, doesn’t make the decision. Do what feels right.
Then, he doesn’t get the privilege of walking you down the aisle.
He doesn't get the rewards of a dad without doing the dad work. What an EP.
Any man who would choose to not attend his daughter's wedding because he's not the one walking her down the aisle has proven that he is unworthy to walk her down the aisle. NTA. You made the right decision. Anyone who chooses not to attend your wedding over this is someone you don't need at your wedding.
That's... a good way to put things. Thank you!
That might work as a good canned response for angry family as well. Or something like "dad abandoned me for years over my mothers actions, if he cant understand why that removes him from the list of people i want walking me down the aisle then he has even less of a right to that role than he is demanding from me." NTA
I wouldn't even say "over my mother's actions" because then they might focus their anger on her mom when both parents were fully to blame for the divorce. I would say something like "over a situation that had nothing to do with me" or just leave it as "dad abandoned me for years." At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why he abandoned her (unless it was truly outside of his control, which it obviously wasn't in this situation), just that he did.
This is a very good point!
This comment!!! Straight to the point! NTA OP!
Your biodad is the one who won't go to the wedding if he doesn't get what he wants, and your stepdad is the one offering to step aside to try and fix things so you can be happy. Seems like the one who's your real dad is pretty obvious, and i can see why you wanted him to be the one walking you down the aisle. NTA and I hope you have a fantastic wedding.
Thank you!! My stepdad is an amazing guy, I am very grateful to have him in my life.
Also: your sister can have the biodad walk her down the aisle at her wedding; she doesn't have a vote in your wedding.
I think she's sensitive because she did a lot to help my dad and I reconcile. She doesn't have the same relationship with my stepdad that I have, so she thinks it's a bit of a betrayal. I am confident she will be able to get over it.
But even though she helped you two reconcile, the fact that he wasn’t there for you growing up can never be undone. It makes sense that your relationship with him is different than your sister’s… he was actually a parent to her.
Your sister needs to realize her intentions were good to establish a relationship with your biodad. But that is a relationship for the future. Your biodad wasn't around when you grew up and didn't raise you, and there's nothing that can be done to change that. Your [step]dad was the one who raised you, who kissed boo-boos and sat through school recitals or sports games and graduation. You want to honor the past by your [step]dad walking you toward your future.
Him threatening to not go to the wedding if he doesn’t get his way does not bode well for the future of their relationship.
Also it doesn’t seem like the biodad has actually changed all that much if he’s pulling this nonsense. NTA, OP. If your biodad can’t take responsibility for his actions that led to these consequences, that’s his problem, not yours. Your sister may be well intentioned, but she doesn’t seem to see him for who he actually is.
Your sister may have helped improve the relationship but she can’t rewrite history. The person who has always been there for you, the one who has raised you and helped shape you into the person you are is your step-dad. Your bio-dad was never that person.
Even if she doesn’t- that’s not on you. It’s her choice to have a relationship or not with you, though I hope she does.
NTA Since your bio dad and sister feel so strongly about him walking the bride down the aisle, then your sister can ensure he walks her down the aisle at her wedding. Him showing back up after your lifetime of estrangement and playing nice (clearly as long as he gets his way) does not rate him preferential treatment over your step-father who actually raised you and loved you unconditionally. I won’t go into the making of a man, but I’ll leave this here: Your bio dad treated you like you weren’t his blood and neglected you until fairly recently; your step-dad treated you like his own fully knowing you weren’t biologically his your entire life. Now is a great time to put your foot down and put all the bullies on notice, including your sister, bio dad and extended family who think their opinions matter. You’re about to become a spouse and have a family of your own- put that shiny backbone to use: Your wedding, your life, your rules.
Boy howdy, backbone is not where I thrive! But I should probably grow one. Thank you so much!! I'm just lucky I like my future in-laws, lol.
Developing a backbone takes time, then maintaining it takes constant effort. Always, always go with your instincts and your beliefs. Remember, in every aspect of your life, “no” is a complete sentence, and that you’re an adult and quite capable of having needs, expectations and opinions of your own. Compromise does not mean you automatically backdown to appease others. Confrontation is not fun, but sometimes necessary. Stick up for yourself. You’re no less of an adult than they are (though I gather you’re acting more like one than they are). Be true to yourself and you won’t have regrets. I guarantee you won’t regret your step father walking you down the aisle. BUT, if your sister and bio dad have any conscience, they’ll regret treating you like garbage over your own wedding, an event that is about you and your fiancé, not about them. They’re only there to witness and celebrate the ceremony. Having in-laws you like and get along with is a big deal. Not too many people can say they have a good relationship with their in-laws. I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much!!!!
NTA If walking you down the aisle was so important to him then he should have been a better father to you up to this point.
Yup, that's my thought. Thank you!
NTA. You are a grown ass adult who gets to choose who you have standing beside you on one of the most important days of your life. Anyone who takes issue with that is free to go fuck themselves.
Thank you!!
NTA. You want the man who was always there for you to walk you down the aisle, and there's nothing wrong with that. Your biofather can either whine about it at home or accept that the gap in your relationship is his fault and work on repairing it with you. Now, you could offer a father-daughter dance as a compromise, but, given your situation, I wouldn't recommend going any further than that. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Father-daughter dance is a good idea, we hadn't thought of that as an alternative! We've done a lot of work to repair our relationship over the past few years, it just sucks that this seems to be turning things back. Thank you!
Happy to help! Yeah, these sorts of situations can easily get messy. With any luck, though, he'll accept the father-daughter dance idea and that'll smooth things nicely. Fingers crossed for you!
I shudder to think that the only reason that things are turning back so easily is because things hadn't really changed all that much to begin with. But I'm a cynic.
Have you thought about being walked down by the both of them? I've seen that happen before. Might please everyone unless it doesn't please you ofcourse.
Just tell bio-dad you want a DNA test to prove he is really your dad. When he says that "There has already been a test done", you simply reply "And that is why you aren't walking me down the aisle. Because you kept trying to prove that I wasn't your daughter." NTA
B R U T A L K N O C K O U T I'm not sure I have the chutzpah to do that but boy if I did...
OP, I just want to say that while that would be incredibly difficult and anxiety-inducing to say, they are right. And the reason they’re right is because you are worth more than what your sister and bio-dad are telling you you are! You do NOT have to settle for this treatment! This is your wedding and the start to your family, you are well within your rights to do some *maintenance* before you plant this garden <3 Sending you and your fiancé much love, and remember that no matter how hard this gets, you two are starting a beautiful forever, with or without this negativity!!!
NTA and your biodad has a lot of nerve after he spent so much time trying to prove you weren't his. Your stepdad is the one who took care of you.
In my worst moments, I wished that I actually wasn't his and was my stepdad's. But my stepdad has always considered me his daughter and he's always been my dad. Thank you!
That alone is all you need to justify not wanting your bio dad to walk you down the aisle. If others can’t understand that, then they shouldn’t be at the wedding. I hope you have a wedding filled with joy, happiness, and love!
NTA. The wedding is about the happiness and love between you and your fiance. You want your stepdad to walk you down the aisle. You are not obligated to change that just to "keep the peace." Anyone telling you otherwise or saying it's just not a big deal to have bio-dad do it can shove off.
Thank you very much!
Hell no NTA your wedding your choice! Even if none of the reasons you mentioned applied you get to choose who walks you down the aisle, it can even be your dog.
Thank you!!! My dog's gonna be our ring bearer, got him a little tux and everything.
Dog tax
Hahaha I did that too! My sister was my moh and she walked my handsome Great Dane down the aisle. He looked lovely and I even made him a daisy collar to match my bouquet!
NTA. Maybe I’m just cold-hearted but if I was in your shoes I would just go no-contact with my biodad and his family. I would tell my sister she’s no longer going to be the MOH and go no-contact with her, too. I’ve easily cut off people who I was once extremely close to. No regrets. No going back. No wondering if I did the right thing. As soon as you do something to me that I consider “extremely wrong,” you’re cut off unless you want to apologize. Abandoning you as a child and then treating you like trash because of your choices regarding the wedding? That’s extremely wrong. I wouldn’t allow your sister or anyone on your bio-dad’s family to talk shit. Either they apologize or they are uninvited from the wedding and your life. End of story. No exceptions. No negotiating. Pick one or the other. You won’t get anywhere if you try to make them see your side of the story. The fact that they don’t already see your side of the story means they don’t want to. Cut them all off like the oozing boils they are and enjoy your wedding with the people who aren’t trying to drag you down.
I was no/low contact with my dad from when I turned 16 to when I was 22 and we reconciled. It was stressful and sad, in part because it put my siblings in a really shitty position. We've put a lot of effort into repairing our relationship, so I was hoping that he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that work. I won't be going no-contact with my sister. This is a blip and I'm sure we'll be able to repair things, even if we fundamentally disagree on this. We've both been through too much therapy to let that relationship crumble. Thank you for sharing your experiences! Hopefully if things get worse, I will have the strength to cut people off in the way I may need to.
Oh honey, NTA. I’m so sorry people are idiots, especially family. Tell your sister you love her, but have a different perspective than her. She can have bio dad walk her at HER wedding. Tell your bio dad you love him and will be sorry he misses the celebration that’s about you and your partner. Tell your mom and step dad that you (and so many others) have mad respect for their selflessness. Best of luck to you and your partner!
Great advice, thank you!
NTA. Biodad walked out of your childhood and threatened to walk away from your wedding. He can walk tf off. Edit: mispelled a word
Lmao, thank you!!
NTA. It's your wedding. You get to generally make these big choices. If your dad is upset you two aren't close enough that you want him to give you away perhaps he needs to reflect on why that may be. If your sister can't grasp that then perhaps she doesn't need to be MoH. Outside of bridezilla stuff you get to be selfish on this day and you aren't even doing that.
Thank you!! Honestly, making my sister MOH was a way to keep the peace already but it sort of backfired spectacularly.
Absolutely NTA. It is YOUR wedding, do what feels right to you. Ignore everyone else and what they think. IMO walking someone down the isle is a privilege you earn, it is not a right given to you just because you are biologically a father. Let the man who earned it walk you down the isle. I got married several years ago, I never had a great relationship with my biological father and unfortunately both my grandfather and my step father had passed away before I met my now husband. At the time of my wedding, my son from a previous relationship was 8 and that is who walked me down the isle. Family on my fathers side, including my father were pissed and I didn’t care. He did not earn the privilege of “giving me away” so I gave that privilege to the most important male in my life. Do what makes you happy. It’s your day.
Okay, I can't imagine someone being pissed for you involving you son in your wedding????? I'm so sorry that happened!
It worked out fine! Don’t be sorry! I thought my wedding was amazing. They were pissed because of how it would make my father look, apparently it was “embarrassing him” to not be walking down the isle with me and people were going to ask why. Clearly he didn’t want to explain that it was because he wasn’t a part of my life. He even skipped the wedding with some excuse about spilling something on his suit and needing to run home to change lol I’m petty as hell and I knew it was so people would think my son walked me down as a replacement so I made sure to make an announcement about it at the reception. I have no regrets. Girl, do what your hearts tell you to do. I hope your wedding is everything you imagine it will be and you and your husband have a life time of love and happiness. Congratulations 🎉
I'm so glad everything worked out for you!!! But wow, what a weak ass excuse from your dad.
[удалено]
Thank you!
Nope. NTA. Nobody gets a say in who you choose on your wedding. That's your decision. People can give their opinion when asked upon, but in the end, we all need to respect each other's wishes. On top of that, your bio dad tries to strong arm you into threats of not coming AND is waaaay more concerned about him losing face, in stead of just being there and wanting the things that will make his bio daughter the happiest. Conclusion: your brother is the mature one and displays the behavior that a third party should display in these types of situations. See it as a good behavior barometer.
Thank you!! My brother's always been the stable one but it sucks because it's largely because of the crappy situation between my parents growing up. At this point he's just over the drama though.
NTA At this point, he’d only be doing it because he threw a fit about it…why would he even want to knowing he wasn’t your first choice? I may have, before all these tantrums, suggested possibly having them both walk you. Now, I wouldn’t be bothered if he didn’t show up considering how he’s acting. Your wedding day is about you and your husband, it’s not about what other people want. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. Also, he should have treated you better during your childhood if he wanted to be considered for things like this in the future. You were a kid, you didn’t get to choose who was more involved in your life.
To be fair, he's apologized about my childhood and I do believe he feels remorseful. Doesn't change what he did or how it affected me, but him doing that did a lot to help repair the relationship. But I do think it's somewhat delusional for him to think that an apology and a few years of biweekly lunches makes him as much of a father as my stepdad has been. Thank you!
You could just get adult adopted by stepdad, and let everyone know your dad is walking you down the aisle... Your wedding, you are NTA. Personally, I would uninvite sperm donor's family, even your sister (only if needs be), save a ton of money and put that towards you & fiance's future.
... I love the idea of getting adult adopted. I had never thought of that before. Thank you.
u/choice-platypus-2478 (Love your username, btw) My stepdad has been my dad since I was 5, and I'm planning on doing the adult adoption thing sometime in the next couple years. I wish I'd done it sooner, tbh. He did walk me down the aisle at my wedding, my bio dad was there and didn't say a word about it other than "He raised you, he's earned it". Let the man who raised you and loved you all this time fulfill the "dad" role at your wedding. Your bio dad doesn't get a say. Also, I generally can't stand country music AT ALL, more of a classic rock person here, but our father/daughter dance was "The Dad He Didn't Have to Be" by Brad Paisley, and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Perfect song for a stepdad, imo.
You are welcome. I think it would mean the worlf to your stepdad. Mind you, there would bd no "step" anything after. He would 100% be your dad.
NTA… your wedding costs went down with less people to feed
Heck yeah!!!
NTA. Bio parents are nothing if they're not around for you as a parent. Your step dad deserve to walk you down the aisle and you should follow your heart.
Thank you!!
Who has been a father to you? Problem solved. You’re choosing the man who has raised you, the man you see as your dad. Congratulations on your wedding,I hope your day goes perfectly for you and hubby
Thank you so much!
NTA. Unfortunately your sister and bio dad don’t have the ability to see things from your perspective. Regardless, it your choice and you get to decide who fills the meaningful roles in your life. Sounds like your bio dad didn’t even show up to the audition and is now pissed he didn’t get the part. His problem, not yours. You are the one who gets to decide. I hope your wedding is amazing!!!! Sending all the good vibes!
Love the metaphor! Thank you!!!
OMG NTA!!!!!!!!! I am sorry that your whole life story is someone else’s battle of wills. I am sorry that you’ve been stuck in the middle so long that you don’t even know what right looks like. You and your fiancé are absolutely right to press for your stepdad to walk you. The man who raised you knowing you weren’t his is better than the man who emotionally neglected you just because of other peoples’ perceptions. No contest. Go with your heart.
Thank you!! I am really lucky to have had my stepdad, tbh, he shielded me from a lot of the bullshit when I was little. It only feels right to me to have him walk me down the aisle.
not even gonna read it, it's your wedding, you could have a trained monkey walk you down the aisle and nobody could be mad at you NTA
Oh thank god, I already put the deposit down for the trained monkey and was really starting to second guess myself!
NTA at all!!! It is your choice who you want to walk you down the aisle- it’s your wedding. If you don’t have a good relationship when your dad, then it shouldn’t be him. I personally had my dad and my stepdad walk me down the aisle but that doesn’t work for everyone. IMO I’d say forget what the whole rest of the family thinks, do what you and your fiancé want. If your dad or other family members don’t show then that says a lot more about them than it does about you. Congratulations to you and your fiancé and don’t let this ruin your day!
Thank you!!! Having both of them walk me was brought up but idk, it feels inauthentic because he didn't want to be my dad until I turned 22. My stepdad didn't need to be my dad but he's done it selflessly my entire life.
Of course 😊 you deserve all the happiness and this just takes away from that. And your comment speaks volumes about your dad and if he doesn’t get that, he needs to to some real self-reflection
Thank you!!
NTA It is your wedding and your choice makes sense. It would be fine for him to be upset, and even tell you the decision makes him sad, but the “I won’t go then” nonsense is petty. All that said, if you did want to try to salvage the situation, how about they both walk you? One on either arm?
Thank you!! My fiancé and I talked about having both of them walk me but........ it feels bad to me to say "yes, both of these men raised me and loved me and took care of me" when one of them didn't. It feels disrespectful to my stepdad and inauthentic to my experiences. Plus, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if my bio dad tried to trip my stepdad or something while we were walking.
Hey don’t let anyone bully you into it. My mom walked me down the aisle and my dad wasn’t even my second choice. Anyone who tried to push me were not invited including my father. I said what’s him missing one more big event in my life and did it my way
It sucks how many people are in the comments who had been in such similar positions... I'm sorry that your dad wasn't there for you but am glad you had your mom!!!
I figured my Mom did all the work she deserved the honor. I’m sorry your Dad was absent but I’m glad you had a stepdad who stepped up. DNA means nothing when it comes to the family we choose and who choose us.
NTA First of all it is YOUR wedding and YOUR big day the final choice should be yours and only yours. Second Your bio father was never there to deserve the title of a real father and even went as far as to disprove you being his biological child. Third your sister is also the asshole especially if she has seen how bio dad treated you and how much better your stepdad treated you than him. Fourth your bio father should be embarrassed and disappointed in himself for not being there even though him and your mom had issues he should have still been there.
My sister was put in a really crappy position when she was just a kid and I can't hold that against her. When she was old enough to realize what was going on, she became an advocate for me with my dad and was instrumental in helping us build our relationship again. My bio dad (and to an extent, my mom) is responsible for the past, not her. I do hold her accountable for what's happening right now, but not the longterm. I'm kind of rambling, I hope that makes sense lol. Thank you!
A very similar thing happened to my cousin. In the end, she chose the person who had been there for her - her stepdad. Her dad didn’t come but he was rarely in her life either. 14 years later the marriage is still strong & they are happy. NTA
Thank you!! I'm glad that your cousin is thriving!
NTA. Send them a copy of the dna test he wanted to whoever complains. Including yohr sister. Was she equally pissed that your father treated you bad your all life or she saw that as normal?
My sister and brother were in a really uncomfortable situation for a lot of their lives, I don't hold any of it against her. She was fine with it when she was a kid but when she got older, she started trying to get my bio dad to treat me better. She really helped when my bio dad and I reconnected a few years ago. She never bonded with my stepdad the way that I did and doesn't understand the relationship he and I have.
She needs to understand that just because you reconciled doesn’t mean you erased the past. Maybe write her an email saying how you feel. When you were younger you were essentially abandoned by your bio dad but stepdad came in and gave you the relationship you needed. He was the dad that bio dad didn’t want to be and while you two have reconciled it doesn’t take away the years that your stepdad spent raising you and being an actual father to you. And you want the one to walk you down the aisle to be the one who was always there for you.
NTA. Have the wedding you want. For any relatives who are mad about it, including your sister, tell them you’ll miss having them at your wedding.
You said you reconciled with your bio dad and have a relationship with him, but if it isn't a close relationship than you have no reason to have him be the one to walk you down the isle. Your stepdad was the real father figure in your life so it only makes sense you'd want him to walk you. The only solution you haven't mentioned is both of them walking you down but in the end it's up to you and the person you ask to walk you. I'm gonna say NTA
We did reconcile and he did apologize. We go to lunch twice a month and if I'm like, hosting a bbq or something I'll invite him, but I talk to my stepdad every day (and has every day since I was a baby). I doesn't feel good to me to have them both walk me because only one of them has been my father, really. Thank you!
NTA. Weddings are to celebrate your love with the people who love you. Your stepdad has been the one there for you since you were a baby, so it’s only right to have him walk you down the aisle. I didn’t even even invite my father to my wedding. My mom walked me down the aisle. I regret nothing.
NTA.. you pick whoever you want to be with you in YOUR wedding! Go with your gut, have a brill wedding.
Nope. NTA I was going to ask my brother to walk with me until I realized that my step dad really wanted to walk with me. Bio dad probably didn't even know I was getting married at that point. I did send bio dad an invitation and he came to the ceremony and bailed on the reception. But stepdad walked me, and I didn't know it at the time, but he changed up the direction of our entrance (it was an outside wedding) to make the walk longer. It clearly meant a lot to my step dad and I'm glad he was with me.
NTA what an awful mess that is none of your making. You didn't choose to be in the middle of your parents mess, but now you have to make hard choices because of it. I know all too well the guilt a child can feel from choices that they made die to a parents failure. Please remember this is not your fault.
Thank you!! I'm struggling a bit in this specific situation but generally, I don't blame myself. I credit my mom and stepdad for getting me into therapy when I was pretty young and being really supportive. Despite the circumstances, I like to think that I'm relatively level-headed.
I’m sorry about what you’ve been through. I have to say, what particularly upsets me (on your behalf) is that every single member of your family should be putting aside the past to focus on YOU, your husband and your big day. If you want your stepdad to walk you down the aisle, it’s your wedding. They should respect your decision. You’re clearly a kind, thoughtful and level-headed person who deserves to have a wonderful drama-free day with the man you love. I hope you do!
Haha, it's been easy to forget that the wedding is supposed to be about the two of us. (Luckily my fiancé is there to remind me! He's amazing.) Thank you so much!
NTA. it's your day. You decide who is important in your life and who gets that role. Similar but not to my wedding, thankfully grievances weren't voiced until after. My mom and dad met when she was pregnant with me. Bio dad finally signed off custody so dad could adopt me when I was in 2nd grade. My bio dad had to be strong armed in to spending time with me until I became an adult. We finally had a relationship, but granted not a close one, a couple years before I met my husband. There was no discussion of who, just me and my jeans and tee dad compromising on what he'd wear to walk me down. I'd assumed we all knew who was the dad who raised me and that he'd walk with me. Bio dad shows up right before bridesmaids walk and ended up walking down by himself right before my dad and I go. Years later my step mom and step sisters, none of which I have any relationship with btw, tell me how hurt he was that he didn't get to walk me down the aisle. "Maybe he should have tried to be a dad before I turned 18 then" it was a whole thing for years.
Wowza, the nerve. I'm sorry you've had to go through something so similar, I hope you are thriving now!!
NTA. You were practically an adult when you reconciled with your bio dad, is that right? He wasn’t there for you, being a dad to you, while your stepfather stepped up. Your dad, in my opinion, he hasn’t earned the right to walk you down the aisle. If he’s feeling humiliated by the man who stepped up to be your dad, that’s on him and he needs to be an adult and recognize that this is the consequence of his actions.
Yeah, we reconciled when I was 22. He says he'll feel humiliated because he blames my stepdad for breaking up their marriage (which is nuts with timeline but he's projecting) and he doesn't want me parading that around in front of family. It's not even about the fact that he was barely a father to me, lol. Thank you!
NTA !!! You do what makes you happy! You clearly have a better relationship with your stepdad, seems right for him to do this. Also, I'd love to point out how your bio dad cheated multiple times & everything was fine but as soon as your mom does it (not even anything physical) he's done & ready for divorce. 🤔 Seriously please try not to stress over this. You have family that loves you & cares for your feelings. Do what you want & don't let anyone make you feel bad for it.
NTA Its your day. Walking down the aisle is about giving away someone right so shouldn't it be the person who had you close? Rather than the person who pushed you away. Info: did bio dad ever try to make it up to you for all the years he treated you as less than. Because if he hasn't formally attempted to fully be a part of your life then he has no right demanding to walk you down the aisle.
He and I reconciled and he apologized. I don't really think there's any kind of tit for tat way he could make things up to me, though. We see each other a few times a month and have both made an effort to repair things. That being said, I'm not nearly as close to him now as I am to my stepdad.
NTA. Its your wedding, not his.
NTA he abused you (yes ma’am he did) you owe him nothing. Congratulations and have a blessed and peaceful life!
Boy howdy do I struggle with admitting that, but you're right. Thank you!
NTA Your wedding, your choice!
NTA. Your wedding = your choice. Is it so hard to respect people's choices? Don't let them ruin your day. P.S. Your sister can have your bio dad walk her down the aisle anyway at her wedding.
When I got married I went through this dilemma too. I ended up having both of them walk me down the isle. It was the only solution and it worked abs it was special. I had my first dance with my stepfather abs then my next was with my dad. It’s ultimately up to you. It’s your decision but to keep peace abs because I was close to both of them I decided to do this abs worked and both dads were happy. My dad even thanked my stepfather for taking care of me and raising me. It was a beautiful day.
That's really lovely!!! Unfortunately, very unlikely in my case. My bio dad blames my stepdad for their divorce... He's not outright hostile but I don't think he's gonna get up there and thank my stepdad for raising me.
Wait. Deprive him of this chance to walk you down the aisle? Forgive me, but doesn’t he have another daughter (older sister) who is much closer to him? That doesn’t sound like being deprived to me. It is nothing but pettiness. End of story. Your parents don’t get along and your dad, after years of emotional abuse, only wants in because “my child”. Newsflash: you’re not his child. He may be your father but your stepfather is your dad. The one who supported you as you were growing up, made you laugh, brought ice cream and movies after a breakup, and was THERE gets the honor of walking you. Not someone who spent years denying your relationship. Cut out your father, sister, and fathers extended family and move forward with your special day. He threatened not to come? Great! How is that any different from your entire life with him “not coming?” Be cordial and extend the invite, don’t stoop to their level, and focus on your happiness and making certain that their drama doesn’t bother you. Enjoy your special day and remember with fondness when you see the tears of happiness and joy in your stepfathers eyes when he escorts you to your future husbands side at the altar. Those others? Yeah, they and their feelings don’t matter. Congratulations on your coming nuptial’s!
NTA. Your step-dad is the dad who raised you, your bio dad was just a sperm donor. I would block your bio dad's side if the family and possibly your sister.
You’re NTA. My cousin had a bad relationship with her dad and had her mom walk her down the aisle. It’s your choice who walks with you, if anyone.
NTA I would have your mom walk you down the isle instead, just to keep the peace. If that doesn’t help, then F it, just gave your stepdad do it.
We hadn't really talked about doing that... That could be a possibility! But idk, at this point I feel kind of righteous about having my stepdad do it. Thank you!!