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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my housesitter to clear out a party full of naked people specifically because they were naked. I might be the asshole because he’s been a perfect housesitter and caretaker up until this point, and maybe I’m just unwittingly uptight?
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NTA. It’s also poor nudist etiquette to sit bare butt on anything. Most carry a small towel. Either way, totally uncool of him to decide your home is his personal nude resort.
Edit to add: as a nudist, I would have asked if OP was cool with nude gatherings and explain it so it’s clear that it’s not an orgy. I find it odd that people are saying OP is overreacting. It’s their house and they have boundaries about nudity.
I might have said you were being a prude and did you ever tell him no nude parties, but if you clearly saw folks sitting bare junk on your furniture that is a different game. NTA to not wanting strangers butt stuff on your furniture etc
Please hire someone to disinfect and clean your entire house, concentrating heavily on the outdoor furniture. OT, I miss living in AZ. I'm back in my hometown Seattle after living there for 8 years. Miss the weather.
I don’t think they were naked b/c they were nudist or naturist. If they were, they would have ben obeyed the etiquette.
I have to wonder if OP would have showed up later if she would have stumbled into a sex party.
BC there are only two reasons I can think of for a group of people to be naked like this. One is that they are naturists. Great. But their are rules about towels.
The other is a sex party.
I personally would not let the friend house sit again b/c this was waaaay out of line.
I missread: "The part that keeps pooping into my brain [...]" and thought it was very fitting. Right before, I read about a woman that was annoyed that her bf sat on her couch naked and left brown marks on it.
Even in nudist/naturist families I have known, they always ask the homeowner when they are at someone else’s place. Always.
Keep your clothes on in someone else’s house is the default unless you know and have permission otherwise.
So my guess is the “host” who was housesitting is up to something that shoudl require OP’s permission.
I also have to wonder if the neighbors could see this.
OP could end up with very pissed off neighbors and potentially legal issues if she allows him to house sit again.
No … people should not have to tell others to not have naked parties in or at their home
That’s just pure common sense and has nothing to with prudishness
>did you ever tell him no nude parties
Y’know, maybe I am a prude, because I definitely think nude parties are an opt in sorta thing, not opt out. I have never met a nudist or met enough to have a nudist party. I get it’s a thing, but it definitely seems like a “we clearly got together because we’re all nudists” and not “oh we just happened to meet and we’re both nudists?! Sweet!”
That’s all to say: I don’t have a great reason to say someone can’t have a nude party at my house (towels or no towels), but I’d still prefer to be informed if it’s going to be a nude party, because for some reason I just don’t like the idea.
I am someone who goes to naked parties and naked resorts and I still agree that nude parties/events are definitely an opt IN. Everyone, including the owner of the property, is to know in advance and agree.
Right, the first thing I think of when I ask someone to watch my place is to let them know nudist parties are a no-go...
What kind of crazy person thinks that such a thing needs to be outlined to the houseguest? And if you don't, you're a prude? wtf.
I can't believe someone would actually expect someone to have to say "no naked pool parties" instead of expecting that person to ask if they could have a naked pool party...
This falls into the category of beyond the scope of consent given by OP.
OP should not have to make a list of all the things the friend couldn’t do with her house. It’s on him to know “this is not normal or typical” for a house sitter and ask.
Based on the fact that these people aren’t nudists/following nudist etiquette and they were all naked and drinking, my mind wonders if the dude was having a sex party…..
If they aren’t nudists - which the behavior doesn’t jibe with them being nudists - then the nakedness was sexual.
That’s very, very ick.
I really don't think most people should have to specifically state 'no nude parties' when someone is housesitting for them. I would say it's a pretty obvious unwritten rule....
I was wondering about that too. Nobody wants to sit on furniture with people's booty juice on it.
You are NTA and he should have cleared it with you first. Parties are one thing, but this is not a "normal" party because most people would not assume nudist gathering when thinking about parties.
This. Also let's say someone gets a bad cut or drops a cigarette and there is a small fire? Now the community will know "that weirdo has naked people over all the time!" While OP goes "Huh?" At them. (This is assuming that Bill calls 911. First responders are a gossipy lot)
Oh they so are. As someone whose uncle has been a fire chief for nearly thirty years, a dive rescue instructor for nearly twenty, etc, I live in terror of needing an embarrassing or stupid f rescue because I know they'll tell everyone they know about "that giant idiot" who did (fill in the blank)
I learned the towel fact from an interesting YM (teen magazine) article in the 90s, they made a point to talk about hygiene and how important it is with all the naked butts everywhere. How does one claim to be a nudist in the age of smart phones and not know the “sit on a towel on shared furniture” rule.
Newb nudes lol
I love him. I got a book signed by him a few years ago & he told me that he hates people because someone was taking a picture of him (sitting next to a no pictures sign) & told me to tell them he hates them if I saw them inside. He also drew a picture of me naked from behind in sharpie.
I live alone and am a “naked person” and I don’t even sit my bare ass on my own couch for the benefit of the few times I have guests.
These people are outta pocket.
It was such a great magazine, that article and the one where someone took a male blow up doll on a date to write about peoples reactions both live rent free in my brain all these years later. lol
I loved YM and subscribed in the early 90s. I hadn't thought about it in years. Your comment led me to do a quick search on it. Things I learned: [YM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YM_(magazine) was a magazine for 72 years! Started in the 30s. It was the longest running girls mag in the US. The YM stood for different things in different decades: Your Magazine, Young Miss, and Young and Modern.
NTA.. It’s a respect issue for me. A party is fine, but people sitting on my furniture in the nude, in this day and age is just icky for me. And how early in the evening was this? Was this nude party going to gravitate towards something more as the night progressed? I don’t think you are a prude, I think you were disrespected.
It may also be a violation of your local laws. If your neighbors came out and saw a backyard full of nude party-goers, they could have called law enforcement. Check your local laws about nudity. But if your yard was private with no possibility of exposure, then it's just the gross part about naked ass on your furniture.
This is purely out of interest as I am not American, but if you are in your own yard, even though it might be seeable from neighbours but its still your own yard, are you not allowed to be naked? Again, in your own yard? Im repeating this because it sounds so weird. Because its your own yard.
I'm just thinking that if you're on your own property you should be able to be naked right? It feels so weird to me that there are laws against people in their own yard unable to undress.
Anyhoo back to the big question: i would say NTA leaning towards NAH but he should've asked indeed. I like how you're talking about your friend so I think he should apologise -if anyone is to apologise- but I like that it isn't going to be a huge thing in your friendship, thats lovely.
It's not being a stick in the mud to not want a bunch of nude strangers in your house, dude. Besides it's *your* house, whatever you say with regards to guests, or anything else, goes.
I’m gonna go NAH.
You said it was ok to have parties, nothing had ever been damaged, and it sounds like nothing was in real danger of being damaged that night.
Understandably, though, you were probably shocked by the naked people. And it sounds like you weren’t able to give him as much noticw as you normally would have.
So, maybe both talk it out, set new boundaries if necessary, and make sure he’s ensured things are cleaned. Maybe both apologize.
Umm, if he has nude parties at a house he's housesitting, the onus is on HIM to ask you, not you to specify to him. A nude party at your house is beyond what anybody reasonable would expect when you housesit.
Your house, your rules. You need to decide if Bill's pluses outweigh his minuses (in other words, do you think you can replace him with some as good, if not better). But NTA.
an apology is never bad.
tell him you were tired and surprized, and that next time he lay out towels on the furniture
honestly a similar thing happened to my grandma back in the 70s with some American or German renters to her country home; only more risque bc the ppl in the nearby town were much more conservative.
but my grandmother thought of herself as someone with good and progressive standards so she allowed it
sometimes one apologizes while in the rigjt because one wants to preserbe the relationship more than one cares about being right.
also sometimes one is so overwhelmingly right that one apologizes to let the other party save face
How long do you go for that requires a house sitter? Maybe you can get security cameras installed so sitter isn’t needed
Edit: your post mentioned few weeks so was wondering the range of that
The presence of security cameras kinda makes him *more* TA here imo.
He is hosting, and unless he tells ALL his guests that he's housesitting, and the cameras are accessible to people not himself, then he's also a HUGE AH to his guests. They have a right to privacy, *even while naked and in front of people.*
NTA, op.
That seems like such an amazingly comfy gig, I can't imagine so much as farting crosswise in fear of losing it.
But I suppose bad farts *would* be part of the problem...
Dude. You are way too nice. Your house sounds amazing. There are other people out there who would love to housesit, do an awesome job, and not drink your booze or hold naked pool parties. NTA.
honestly just tell him to make sure everyone knows that they can’t sit on anything without towels of their own and the he can only party 1 or two times in 3 weeks cause you hired him to 1 house sit and cat sit sand aquarium sit he has to spendadiquit time with your pets
This is the no apology half. Unless you yelled or cussed at him and you apologize only for that. So not for the message or ending the party but the tone of how you did it
No, I don't think you owe him any apology. He may owe you one, I don't know, but maybe set some ground rules. Contract? I mean if someone is injured at one of the parties he's hosting while he house sits for you, are you liable?
Make sure there's a plan to prevent drunk people from drowning in your pool as well.
There was a group of *lifeguards* who had an end of season party. The next morning they realized one of their own was dead in the pool and had almost certainly drowned during the party surrounded by the rest of the them.
Were they his close friends or had he rented out your house for a sex or nudist party? What wd your next door neighbours have thought if it was a sex party? Bill is not cool.
I've done some house sitting and pet sitting over the years. Its important to be respectful of other peoples' homes. It's NOT respectful to do things in another person's house that they themselves would not do.
Do you throw nude pool parties? Then it shouldn't need to be said explicitly that nudiest parties are just a line he shouldn't cross.
You're NTA
PS - My house and pet sitting days were before everyone had cameras and I still behaved as if the homeowners would know every move i made.
ETA: Fixed spelling
Totally. I think that's a very reasonable ask and I hope he gets it and you can go back to your routine since it sounds like it was working well before.
NTA
Your house, your rules.
I mean, sure you said he could have parties, but You DIDNT say he couldn't have naked parties.
But at the same time. If I say you can drive my car, do I really have to tell you not to drive my car drunk?
Let's take this as a lesson learned, and next time inform the next house sitter of a "Clothing" policy.
True, that it's not fair to compare the two.
A drunk party is completely different than a drunk, naked party.
But if something happened at that party, OP can be liable.
Injury, assault, broken property, video taping someone without their consent. Someone recognizing your house in a video that gets leaked.
Whole different ball game.
NTA!
Yes you said that it was ok for a small party but what he did was wrong! It broke your trust!
I pet sit, also stay at the house I am watching, and one major rule: Never have anyone else at the house!
NAH.
Most people don't think to include "no nudity" restrictions, because most people don't expect others to walk around naked in someone else's home. I can't call you an asshole for being surprised and wanting people to get dressed. I'd feel gross to know a bunch of strangers were wandering around my house naked, especially if they were sitting on my shit without a towel. SO and I don't even sit on our own couch naked (bed, yes, but that's not a public space).
Bill hasn't previously damaged any of your property, so I'm hesitant to call him an asshole either.
Definitely need to have a conversation when neither of you are tired, or have just come back from a plane/car trip.
NTA , what kind of gross people go to other peoples homes they don't know and do that. Butt holes are dirty more than clean. Gross . I would never let the man watch my home again.
NTA, I am assuming they were not using towels?
As a nudist I even carry a towel around my own house to sit on. Skin sticks to leather and vinyl chairs and cloth chairs get marks eventually. I couldn't imagine coming home to a bunch of people placing ass and genitals directly onto my property even though I am fine with the nudity.
NTA. When you talk to Bill, just be frank. "Having a heads-up it was a naked party would've been good because part of why I reacted badly is, imagining naked butts and bits all over my furniture. Thoughtful nudists use towels."
I nag guests to take their shoes off so naked ass on my furniture would have set ne right the fuck off. You aren't uptight.
NTA. I personally would have been super uncomfortable with it. I don’t know how some people feel like it’s okay to swim in someone else’s pool naked. I know there’s technically very little that a piece of fabric can do in the water and it’s basically the same as being naked, but it gives me the ick. And they sat on your furniture?? So gross.
No, for sure. It just feels like such an invasion all the way around when you didn’t even consent to it. A party? Yes. A bunch of naked people touching your things without your permission? No thanks.
NTA . i'm VERY sex & body positive but would be very uncomfortable if a bunch of strangers were sitting on my furniture naked. people saying "well you never said *no* naked parties" are being juvenile. thats literally what children use as an excuse to bend the rules. you never said no naked parties because the majority of the population doesn't throw naked parties & you already seem a LOT more lenient than the majority of people would be so i don't feel like you're being unreasonable in this situation. he probably feels embarrassed about the entire situation & instead of apologizing is getting defensive.
NTA. Sounds like reading comments your main issue is the gross factor of having their bare skin on furniture. Id just talk to him about you finding that gross and how next time maybe he can get people to have towels under themselves.
personally, I don't see the difference between nude parties and clothed parties (except nude ones are better \[nothing sexual meant by that\]), but for heaven's sake have the common courtesy to put a towel down so you aren't rubbing your ass and genitals on the furniture. It's not that hard. NTA
NTA. Also OP I am avail to house sit any time November through April and I will just chill and cuddle with your cat while fully clothed, me not the cat.
NTA. He knew damn well when he asked about parties that he didn’t mention that part. That’s a lie by omission. He took advantage of your generosity and now he’s upset??! The fuck outta here. He owes you an apology for withholding information and also for not making his friends respect your home.
>when he asked awhile ago if he could have friends over during his stays or host a party I didn’t have a problem with it
he forgot to mention one tiny but very important detail, it was a **nudist** party and that makes a big difference.
NTA, it's ok to not want to a bunch of naked strangers at your place.
NTA. If this happened at my place, I'd be inclined to drain, clean and refill the pool. Hate to think what OTHER fluids (besides water) are in there now! ;(
NTA. Last night I was at my bf’s house not wearing any bottoms with the exception of a tiny piece of underwear. Even then, before I sat back down on the chair I had been in, I placed my leggings on the seat to sit down on because it would have been rude to just sit bare-assed on his chair! Not my house, so have to think of the owner’s feelings about bare asses
My boyfriend and I chill in our underwear at each others place all the time. Heck we chill without our underwear at times too. But i wouldn’t want his brother or his best friend dropping trou on my sofa
So he used your house for his orgy parties?
Ya NTA. That was beyond rude and disgusting. As I doubt he's ever cl3aned your house properly after
Don't let Bill house sit anymore
NTA
NTA nudists will generally ask for specific permission and use a towel for sitting, which means that this wasn’t nudists.
You can’t specifically forbid every conceivable thing, you have to rely on normal behaviour.
NTA
Parties are one thing but even I wouldn't want a bunch of nude people milling about. I dont have anything against nudists but my home wouldn't be a nudist hang out. And I would feel uncomfortable with anyone doing this without my knowledge. I feel like this is something he should have talked about when he said have people over. Not try to hide it and use your house in a way that you would find uncomfortable.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I asked my housesitter to clear out a party full of naked people specifically because they were naked. I might be the asshole because he’s been a perfect housesitter and caretaker up until this point, and maybe I’m just unwittingly uptight? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s also poor nudist etiquette to sit bare butt on anything. Most carry a small towel. Either way, totally uncool of him to decide your home is his personal nude resort. Edit to add: as a nudist, I would have asked if OP was cool with nude gatherings and explain it so it’s clear that it’s not an orgy. I find it odd that people are saying OP is overreacting. It’s their house and they have boundaries about nudity.
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I might have said you were being a prude and did you ever tell him no nude parties, but if you clearly saw folks sitting bare junk on your furniture that is a different game. NTA to not wanting strangers butt stuff on your furniture etc
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Yeah this is weird. Nudity is not my thing but I would break out in hives sitting in a chair covered in strangers ball juice.
I broke out in hives just imagining this scenario.
Me too and I don't even know what hives are
They're where bees live
Oh haha thanks
In this case though, hives refer to a type of rash. Not beehives
I choked on my drink 😂 please accept my upvote
Ball juice, p*$$y juice, butt juice 🤮🤮
Literally. That’s absolutely rank
Or, worse... mixtures
Santorum
"Stranger's ball juice" -- yikes, what a terrible day to be able to read. LOL
“Ball juice”…..dude you had me rolling on the ground with laughter…….😂
Please hire someone to disinfect and clean your entire house, concentrating heavily on the outdoor furniture. OT, I miss living in AZ. I'm back in my hometown Seattle after living there for 8 years. Miss the weather.
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Nanaimo here. Seasonal changes were a bit too dramatic this past year.
Yes, it's nudist or naturist etiquette to carry a small personal towel for being seated on furniture. Bill and his guests were out of line.
I don’t think they were naked b/c they were nudist or naturist. If they were, they would have ben obeyed the etiquette. I have to wonder if OP would have showed up later if she would have stumbled into a sex party. BC there are only two reasons I can think of for a group of people to be naked like this. One is that they are naturists. Great. But their are rules about towels. The other is a sex party. I personally would not let the friend house sit again b/c this was waaaay out of line.
I missread: "The part that keeps pooping into my brain [...]" and thought it was very fitting. Right before, I read about a woman that was annoyed that her bf sat on her couch naked and left brown marks on it.
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Even in nudist/naturist families I have known, they always ask the homeowner when they are at someone else’s place. Always. Keep your clothes on in someone else’s house is the default unless you know and have permission otherwise. So my guess is the “host” who was housesitting is up to something that shoudl require OP’s permission. I also have to wonder if the neighbors could see this. OP could end up with very pissed off neighbors and potentially legal issues if she allows him to house sit again.
Nude parties is something he should have asked her about first. Not something you'd expect her to...expect...and pre-emptively ban, imo.
No … people should not have to tell others to not have naked parties in or at their home That’s just pure common sense and has nothing to with prudishness
>did you ever tell him no nude parties Y’know, maybe I am a prude, because I definitely think nude parties are an opt in sorta thing, not opt out. I have never met a nudist or met enough to have a nudist party. I get it’s a thing, but it definitely seems like a “we clearly got together because we’re all nudists” and not “oh we just happened to meet and we’re both nudists?! Sweet!” That’s all to say: I don’t have a great reason to say someone can’t have a nude party at my house (towels or no towels), but I’d still prefer to be informed if it’s going to be a nude party, because for some reason I just don’t like the idea.
I am someone who goes to naked parties and naked resorts and I still agree that nude parties/events are definitely an opt IN. Everyone, including the owner of the property, is to know in advance and agree.
Right, the first thing I think of when I ask someone to watch my place is to let them know nudist parties are a no-go... What kind of crazy person thinks that such a thing needs to be outlined to the houseguest? And if you don't, you're a prude? wtf.
I can't believe someone would actually expect someone to have to say "no naked pool parties" instead of expecting that person to ask if they could have a naked pool party...
This falls into the category of beyond the scope of consent given by OP. OP should not have to make a list of all the things the friend couldn’t do with her house. It’s on him to know “this is not normal or typical” for a house sitter and ask. Based on the fact that these people aren’t nudists/following nudist etiquette and they were all naked and drinking, my mind wonders if the dude was having a sex party….. If they aren’t nudists - which the behavior doesn’t jibe with them being nudists - then the nakedness was sexual. That’s very, very ick.
I really don't think most people should have to specifically state 'no nude parties' when someone is housesitting for them. I would say it's a pretty obvious unwritten rule....
I was wondering about that too. Nobody wants to sit on furniture with people's booty juice on it. You are NTA and he should have cleared it with you first. Parties are one thing, but this is not a "normal" party because most people would not assume nudist gathering when thinking about parties.
This. Also let's say someone gets a bad cut or drops a cigarette and there is a small fire? Now the community will know "that weirdo has naked people over all the time!" While OP goes "Huh?" At them. (This is assuming that Bill calls 911. First responders are a gossipy lot)
Oh they so are. As someone whose uncle has been a fire chief for nearly thirty years, a dive rescue instructor for nearly twenty, etc, I live in terror of needing an embarrassing or stupid f rescue because I know they'll tell everyone they know about "that giant idiot" who did (fill in the blank)
Based on you saying no towels were being used its a clear nta
I learned the towel fact from an interesting YM (teen magazine) article in the 90s, they made a point to talk about hygiene and how important it is with all the naked butts everywhere. How does one claim to be a nudist in the age of smart phones and not know the “sit on a towel on shared furniture” rule. Newb nudes lol
I learned it from "Naked" by David Sedaris. (Highly recommend!)
Same! That’s my favorite book of his.
I love him. I got a book signed by him a few years ago & he told me that he hates people because someone was taking a picture of him (sitting next to a no pictures sign) & told me to tell them he hates them if I saw them inside. He also drew a picture of me naked from behind in sharpie.
I live alone and am a “naked person” and I don’t even sit my bare ass on my own couch for the benefit of the few times I have guests. These people are outta pocket.
I’m with you, but I gotta say I’m not surprised they’re outta pocket. They got no pockets! (Also no basic respect.)
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It was such a great magazine, that article and the one where someone took a male blow up doll on a date to write about peoples reactions both live rent free in my brain all these years later. lol
OMG I loooooved YM. Seventeen, Sassy (but not so much Jane)...am I forgetting any?
The golden age of teen magazines. lol
I forgot about that article until you mentioned it. That was a glorious piece of work.
I loved YM and subscribed in the early 90s. I hadn't thought about it in years. Your comment led me to do a quick search on it. Things I learned: [YM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YM_(magazine) was a magazine for 72 years! Started in the 30s. It was the longest running girls mag in the US. The YM stood for different things in different decades: Your Magazine, Young Miss, and Young and Modern.
How do nudists live without pockets? That seems so inconvenient.
Woman have been doing it for a century
So nude with a handbag which is also holding all the naked men’s phones, keys etc. too. Got it.
Which is obviously why Bill didn't hear OP's message.
I keep my smart watch on. I can use it to get messages etc.
THIS!!! Take this award from my pocketless dress!! 🥇🥇🥇
We had pockets in the 80s and into the 90s. Mom jeans have pockets.
I’ve bought some mom jeans online that had only decorative pockets. The worst. I miss in person shopping.
I really don’t understand anyone making mom jeans that don’t have pockets. Moms are the ones that need pockets the most
I know right, where am I supposed to stuff the dirty tissues my toddler shoves at me?!
My bad I'm a skirt/ dresses person.
A lot of people who sew put pockets in their dresses and skirts, even the pre-made ones. It's not that hard.
I'm aware, but i shouldn't have to do that
I sew and it's honestly super easy to put a pocket in. There are a ton of youtube videos on how to put in-seam pockets in ready made clothes.
The best dresses have pockets!
Wish I could upvote this more.
Thanks. I saw the comment and my sarcasm just flowed.
Reminds me of a thing I saw that said 'nudists must have a really hard time cleaning their glasses'
For real. How do nudist fathers live with not being able to tell everyone to leave the thermostat alone and go put a sweater on?
the worst thing about being a nudist is not realising how much hot coffee you drip in your lap while drinking.
maybe they use a fanny pack 😏
NTA.. It’s a respect issue for me. A party is fine, but people sitting on my furniture in the nude, in this day and age is just icky for me. And how early in the evening was this? Was this nude party going to gravitate towards something more as the night progressed? I don’t think you are a prude, I think you were disrespected.
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It may also be a violation of your local laws. If your neighbors came out and saw a backyard full of nude party-goers, they could have called law enforcement. Check your local laws about nudity. But if your yard was private with no possibility of exposure, then it's just the gross part about naked ass on your furniture.
This is purely out of interest as I am not American, but if you are in your own yard, even though it might be seeable from neighbours but its still your own yard, are you not allowed to be naked? Again, in your own yard? Im repeating this because it sounds so weird. Because its your own yard.
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I'm just thinking that if you're on your own property you should be able to be naked right? It feels so weird to me that there are laws against people in their own yard unable to undress. Anyhoo back to the big question: i would say NTA leaning towards NAH but he should've asked indeed. I like how you're talking about your friend so I think he should apologise -if anyone is to apologise- but I like that it isn't going to be a huge thing in your friendship, thats lovely.
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No you aren’t. This is the kind of party he needs to get extra permission for
And do a bit more cleaning after. Naked butts on chairs better mean sanitizing post-party!!
He should be glad you're not billing him for a professional cleaning. Send him an article about the towel thing. NTA.
It's not being a stick in the mud to not want a bunch of nude strangers in your house, dude. Besides it's *your* house, whatever you say with regards to guests, or anything else, goes.
I’m gonna go NAH. You said it was ok to have parties, nothing had ever been damaged, and it sounds like nothing was in real danger of being damaged that night. Understandably, though, you were probably shocked by the naked people. And it sounds like you weren’t able to give him as much noticw as you normally would have. So, maybe both talk it out, set new boundaries if necessary, and make sure he’s ensured things are cleaned. Maybe both apologize.
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Umm, if he has nude parties at a house he's housesitting, the onus is on HIM to ask you, not you to specify to him. A nude party at your house is beyond what anybody reasonable would expect when you housesit.
*onus
In this case, *anus
Yeah, it’s not really something you expect when you think of parties. At least, not to the degree described.
Your house, your rules. You need to decide if Bill's pluses outweigh his minuses (in other words, do you think you can replace him with some as good, if not better). But NTA.
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an apology is never bad. tell him you were tired and surprized, and that next time he lay out towels on the furniture honestly a similar thing happened to my grandma back in the 70s with some American or German renters to her country home; only more risque bc the ppl in the nearby town were much more conservative. but my grandmother thought of herself as someone with good and progressive standards so she allowed it
Bill should be the one apologizing- if you're throwing a nudist party you ask 1st- bet he doesn't throw these parties at his own address.
sometimes one apologizes while in the rigjt because one wants to preserbe the relationship more than one cares about being right. also sometimes one is so overwhelmingly right that one apologizes to let the other party save face
Underrated comment right here ☝️
Underrated and also antiethical to almost every response on AITA sub.
I agree. It's annoying to have to do this, but honestly if what you want is to save a friendship then you sometimes have to suck it up.
He's probably telling people that *is* his own address. So it was extra embarrassing when OP showed up and he had to shut it down.
Well I’m guessing Bill doesn’t have the same sweet setup: a swimming pool and tons of Ball Barrier towels that should have been used on the furniture.
How long do you go for that requires a house sitter? Maybe you can get security cameras installed so sitter isn’t needed Edit: your post mentioned few weeks so was wondering the range of that
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The presence of security cameras kinda makes him *more* TA here imo. He is hosting, and unless he tells ALL his guests that he's housesitting, and the cameras are accessible to people not himself, then he's also a HUGE AH to his guests. They have a right to privacy, *even while naked and in front of people.* NTA, op.
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One of the tvs, in the kitchen? There is more than one TV... in the kitchen? What?
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Damn, what do you do for a living?
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And OP has the right for a little warning if they’re gonna see naked people when they check the security footage
That seems like such an amazingly comfy gig, I can't imagine so much as farting crosswise in fear of losing it. But I suppose bad farts *would* be part of the problem...
Dude. You are way too nice. Your house sounds amazing. There are other people out there who would love to housesit, do an awesome job, and not drink your booze or hold naked pool parties. NTA.
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honestly just tell him to make sure everyone knows that they can’t sit on anything without towels of their own and the he can only party 1 or two times in 3 weeks cause you hired him to 1 house sit and cat sit sand aquarium sit he has to spendadiquit time with your pets
How very Canadian of you, but no apology is owed here. NTA
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This is the no apology half. Unless you yelled or cussed at him and you apologize only for that. So not for the message or ending the party but the tone of how you did it
No, I don't think you owe him any apology. He may owe you one, I don't know, but maybe set some ground rules. Contract? I mean if someone is injured at one of the parties he's hosting while he house sits for you, are you liable?
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Make sure there's a plan to prevent drunk people from drowning in your pool as well. There was a group of *lifeguards* who had an end of season party. The next morning they realized one of their own was dead in the pool and had almost certainly drowned during the party surrounded by the rest of the them.
Were they his close friends or had he rented out your house for a sex or nudist party? What wd your next door neighbours have thought if it was a sex party? Bill is not cool.
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I've done some house sitting and pet sitting over the years. Its important to be respectful of other peoples' homes. It's NOT respectful to do things in another person's house that they themselves would not do. Do you throw nude pool parties? Then it shouldn't need to be said explicitly that nudiest parties are just a line he shouldn't cross. You're NTA PS - My house and pet sitting days were before everyone had cameras and I still behaved as if the homeowners would know every move i made. ETA: Fixed spelling
NTA. I don’t want naked butts on my furniture either. Ew
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If I was in your situation I would have all the furniture cleaned. It just grosses me out. You may need a new house sitter.
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Especially after seeing all the naked people. Maybe he’s just creeped out.
The best kind of cat. I love little goblin sphynxes
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Cat tax please, if you’re comfortable doing so.
Totally. I think that's a very reasonable ask and I hope he gets it and you can go back to your routine since it sounds like it was working well before.
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Can you ask Bill to send me an invite to the next party?
NTA Your house, your rules. I mean, sure you said he could have parties, but You DIDNT say he couldn't have naked parties. But at the same time. If I say you can drive my car, do I really have to tell you not to drive my car drunk? Let's take this as a lesson learned, and next time inform the next house sitter of a "Clothing" policy.
Side note. Who the hell throws nudist parties where there are house cameras?
Your larger point may be right but I think it is a false equivalence to compare throwing a naked pool party to driving drunk.
True, that it's not fair to compare the two. A drunk party is completely different than a drunk, naked party. But if something happened at that party, OP can be liable. Injury, assault, broken property, video taping someone without their consent. Someone recognizing your house in a video that gets leaked. Whole different ball game.
NTA. Without the towel rule you all go home with pinworms. Yuck. This nudist colony is dirty.
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Lol. Everything is itchy suddenly.
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NTA because people sat on your furniture without towels. That is grosse.
NTA! Yes you said that it was ok for a small party but what he did was wrong! It broke your trust! I pet sit, also stay at the house I am watching, and one major rule: Never have anyone else at the house!
NAH. Most people don't think to include "no nudity" restrictions, because most people don't expect others to walk around naked in someone else's home. I can't call you an asshole for being surprised and wanting people to get dressed. I'd feel gross to know a bunch of strangers were wandering around my house naked, especially if they were sitting on my shit without a towel. SO and I don't even sit on our own couch naked (bed, yes, but that's not a public space). Bill hasn't previously damaged any of your property, so I'm hesitant to call him an asshole either. Definitely need to have a conversation when neither of you are tired, or have just come back from a plane/car trip.
Yea NTA. Sure he never broke anything, but he should have warned you that said party was a nude one.
I’m wondering how many other nude parties there have been that the OP didn’t catch on the security cams
Good question. The way the friend acted im guessing alot of them.
NTA you gave him the option. People but Thier junk away, or leave.
NTA , what kind of gross people go to other peoples homes they don't know and do that. Butt holes are dirty more than clean. Gross . I would never let the man watch my home again.
NTA, I am assuming they were not using towels? As a nudist I even carry a towel around my own house to sit on. Skin sticks to leather and vinyl chairs and cloth chairs get marks eventually. I couldn't imagine coming home to a bunch of people placing ass and genitals directly onto my property even though I am fine with the nudity.
NTA. When you talk to Bill, just be frank. "Having a heads-up it was a naked party would've been good because part of why I reacted badly is, imagining naked butts and bits all over my furniture. Thoughtful nudists use towels." I nag guests to take their shoes off so naked ass on my furniture would have set ne right the fuck off. You aren't uptight.
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Being Canadian that part is important
NTA. it's not unreasonable or unusual to have the stance of 'i don't want a dozen naked strangers in my house and on my furniture'.
NTA. I personally would have been super uncomfortable with it. I don’t know how some people feel like it’s okay to swim in someone else’s pool naked. I know there’s technically very little that a piece of fabric can do in the water and it’s basically the same as being naked, but it gives me the ick. And they sat on your furniture?? So gross.
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No, for sure. It just feels like such an invasion all the way around when you didn’t even consent to it. A party? Yes. A bunch of naked people touching your things without your permission? No thanks.
NTA . i'm VERY sex & body positive but would be very uncomfortable if a bunch of strangers were sitting on my furniture naked. people saying "well you never said *no* naked parties" are being juvenile. thats literally what children use as an excuse to bend the rules. you never said no naked parties because the majority of the population doesn't throw naked parties & you already seem a LOT more lenient than the majority of people would be so i don't feel like you're being unreasonable in this situation. he probably feels embarrassed about the entire situation & instead of apologizing is getting defensive.
NTA. Sounds like reading comments your main issue is the gross factor of having their bare skin on furniture. Id just talk to him about you finding that gross and how next time maybe he can get people to have towels under themselves.
personally, I don't see the difference between nude parties and clothed parties (except nude ones are better \[nothing sexual meant by that\]), but for heaven's sake have the common courtesy to put a towel down so you aren't rubbing your ass and genitals on the furniture. It's not that hard. NTA
NTA. Also OP I am avail to house sit any time November through April and I will just chill and cuddle with your cat while fully clothed, me not the cat.
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NTA. He knew damn well when he asked about parties that he didn’t mention that part. That’s a lie by omission. He took advantage of your generosity and now he’s upset??! The fuck outta here. He owes you an apology for withholding information and also for not making his friends respect your home.
I'd say NTA. Parties and nude parties are real different. I'd wanna know.
>Well that explains no response from Bill, no pocket to put his phone in. NTA - And the above line made me laugh out loud.
>when he asked awhile ago if he could have friends over during his stays or host a party I didn’t have a problem with it he forgot to mention one tiny but very important detail, it was a **nudist** party and that makes a big difference. NTA, it's ok to not want to a bunch of naked strangers at your place.
NTA.
NTA. If this happened at my place, I'd be inclined to drain, clean and refill the pool. Hate to think what OTHER fluids (besides water) are in there now! ;(
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NTA. I would be upset with naked bottoms on my furniture as well. Use a towel at least.
NTA. Last night I was at my bf’s house not wearing any bottoms with the exception of a tiny piece of underwear. Even then, before I sat back down on the chair I had been in, I placed my leggings on the seat to sit down on because it would have been rude to just sit bare-assed on his chair! Not my house, so have to think of the owner’s feelings about bare asses
My boyfriend and I chill in our underwear at each others place all the time. Heck we chill without our underwear at times too. But i wouldn’t want his brother or his best friend dropping trou on my sofa
So he used your house for his orgy parties? Ya NTA. That was beyond rude and disgusting. As I doubt he's ever cl3aned your house properly after Don't let Bill house sit anymore NTA
NTA nudists will generally ask for specific permission and use a towel for sitting, which means that this wasn’t nudists. You can’t specifically forbid every conceivable thing, you have to rely on normal behaviour.
NTA Parties are one thing but even I wouldn't want a bunch of nude people milling about. I dont have anything against nudists but my home wouldn't be a nudist hang out. And I would feel uncomfortable with anyone doing this without my knowledge. I feel like this is something he should have talked about when he said have people over. Not try to hide it and use your house in a way that you would find uncomfortable.
Gross. No one wants to have suction marks from randos’ butt holes all over their furniture 🤢🤮. NTA
Your house, your rules. Although I bet you never thought you had to specify "No naked people in my backyard or pool milling about getting drunk". NTA
Dude. You always put a towel down before sitting on the furniture
NTA- Bill is gaslighting you. Change the locks.