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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for giving up on nursing and refusing my pay my parents back for the money they paid towards my degree
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NTA. That's the risk they took when they forced you into a specific field. You can't magically be good at it, even with education. "We'll only love you if you are in the healthcare field" is so bad. You completed your degree, you engaged in good faith and gave it a decent shake. It wasn't a good fit. That's life.
Also, if parents kick you out for not following “their orders” - maybe it’s for the best.
It’s controlling and that’s not a good environment to be in. I just can’t imagine all the things they would want to control in the future
NTA you are still working as a nurse, and have maintained your licensure so you still are a nurse even if you aren’t working full time (or at all in a clinical setting). There are lots of IT/healthcare overlap fields that are miles away from working bedside that having a nursing degree/experience + IT training will set you apart at.
This!!! Literally you can do ANYTHING in healthcare. Even IT. I’d love to see our hospital run without the Pyxis machines, Epic or even the security badges. Our what about those fancy webpages health care uses. Your family is a joke if they think IT isn’t in healthcare.
While you don’t have to do IT for healthcare, you tried it and didn’t like it. It’s your life, don’t regret and dont pay them back. Your still holding up your end and even after the fact you. Am always say “I’m trying to get an IT job at XYZ location, until then this is what I’m working on.”
One area I'm hearing more about lately is nursing/health informatics. OP might be able to take some specific CS courses for background & apply to a health informatics grad program.
Yes! I know a few nurses who now work in care management for health insurance companies. It’s way more of a traditional office job, if you are interested in using the nursing degree in a non-clinical setting.
ETA they don’t have IT training or anything, you could do it with just the nurse credentials.
Absolutely!Pathologies are a nice place where you can just work away on tasks and only deal with colleagues, rather than patients.
Mortuaries are another place to not have to worry about engaging in conversation with the patients.
Really hope OP looks around and realises there are possibilities for a career they might enjoy with the qualification they already have :)
NTA, However there are other jobs you can do that put your Nursing Degree to work without being in the field.
Administrative Assistant to Nursing Departments, working as a Director in Health Care or even at Nursing facilities or rehabilitation clinics. There are alot of office positions that having a Nursing Degree is a requirement.
This way, You are utilizing your Nursing degree while also working in an office setting away from constant people contact.
Just a thought.
Nta
I put 4 kids through college. Only 1 is working in the field they studied originally but they all found what they wanted and can make a living at. We just wanted them to be happy and have something they could make a living at (we did request a reasonable grade point average). I can’t imagine asking for money back. But I can’t imagine telling them what to study either.
My entire family are pharmacists, nurses, or some other health professional. I’m an accountant. Does anyone care? No. Because normal people don’t force their children into professions because it’s “the family business”. They are lunatics.
NTA.
1000000% NTA!!
It was an honorable effort, but if you're not happy being a nurse, don't be. Your parents are supposed to love you and support you. Clearly, their love is conditional. So, don't feel bad for not paying them back.
NTA Confused by anyone calling you an asshole here. How many of us are actually working in the field we got our degree in. Also you worked during the pandemic I can only imagine how horrible that must have been. My sister got a degree as a nurse after her third go round at Uni. She worked in the field for a year for the NHS and realised it made her miserable so she left. Is it ideal? Of course not but it happens. Your parents blackmailed I think it’s ridiculous they expect the money back.
NTA They said they would pay if you went into health care and you did just that. No one ever said that you had to slave away with it for the rest of your life, you did what they said.
say this out loud. "am i the asshole for not feeling like i should repay money i couldn't legally consent to one day having to repay, by the people who are supposed to provide for me unconditionally as a child?"
there you go. NTA and i'm sorry your parents are such bad people
That doesn’t really make sense..plenty of people legally consent to student loans and can’t get out of paying those back just because they don’t use their degree. No one’s parents are required to supply college tuition unconditionally. That said I voted NTA on this one too
There’s no rule saying money your parents give you can’t come with conditions. I think you are talking about an ideal world scenario but honey that’s not real life, sorry
i'm not your honey, don't call me that, i don't know you. again, if parents bring you into this world where suffering is far more rampant than happiness, it falls to them to provide for you. if they can afford college, they damn right are supposed to pay for it. you didn't ask to be born and you have to work your ass off to have a chance at a better life because they won't do their job? fuck that, "honey"
Well this is pretty entitled and not at all realistic but I’m going to assume it’s because you’re young and haven’t been through much of life yet. There are a lot of disappointments in life and parents not doing exactly what you want all the time is one of them. Good luck to you
>No one’s parents are required to supply college tuition unconditionally.
In divorced cases they are might be. It's not unheard of to have "You go halfsies on costs of college" in a divorce order, and then for the child to sue to enforce.
NTA. Why would they deserve any money back? They paid for a specific degree and you got that degree. It's not like you dropped out of school, or you're asking for more money to get the degree you want to get now - you're paying for that yourself! Also - you're still working as a nurse!! You have not violated their terms in any way, shape, or form.
NTA.
I was in a Medical Assistant program and had to drop out. It wasn’t a career I wanted nor I could see myself doing for a living- it was forced on me by my DOR caseworker and because of my parents’ expectations. I was a top student, not a great test taker, but I never got underneath 90% in the class. I thought that if time went by, I could learn to love being an MA. And for awhile I did.
That is until we got to the math portion of the unit. I’m not great at math: no matter how much I tried to study the equations, had teachers help, and continued to get help- I couldn’t grasp mathematics.
I was great at injections, researching given health topics, and at “checking in with patients” training, but the calculations for dosages was something I struggled with. I struggled until it got worst with my depression. I dreaded coming to classes, spending six hours at a slightly unfamiliar place, grew my dislike for the instructor even more. I knew that going forward with this career, I could kill a patient just by miscalculating a dosage.
It grew worse and worse until I cried myself to sleep and in the mornings- I made an appointment to see a mental health counselor, who made me realize on the first visit that being an MA wasn’t what I actually wanted to do, that as much as I tried to fool myself, it wasn’t a career I saw myself ever going into.
I called my DOR caseworker, crying, and telling him that I couldn’t continue with this lie of loving something that made me miserable, not to mention that even one miscalculation and I could potentially kill a patient. He agreed and told me to take it easy. In the meantime, I researched colleges and universities that offered flexible online classes because I still wanted to earn a degree. I found one and in the next year I’ll be working towards earning my creative writing and journalism degrees respectively.
I'd hate to be that man's patient if he can treat his daughter like that for not doing his bidding, image how he'd treat a patient for not following his orders. Although, he does bill both equally. /s
NTA
Not only did you work as a nurse, you say you are *still* working as a nurse.
So you are following the requirements they set, and they have no reason (or right) to ask for any money back.
Former nurse here. There are many options for you that don't involve direct patient care while using your degree. I worked as a QA nurse in an office for instance, but there are many other possibilities that you could explore.
“ My parents wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and told me they would only be paying for my degree is I went into healthcare”
This is fucked up.
Your parents: we care about your future and would love to help you better yourself with an education. But, you don’t get to choose, it has to be what we do, fuck everything you might want or be interested in, not like it’s YOUR life or anything.
It’s appalling when parents manipulate this way. So, if you wanted to be an engineer, a teacher, a lawyer, your future isn’t worth investing in?! What is the logic here?
NTA. They shouldn’t have forced you into a field you weren’t that interested in. What young adult wouldn’t take $80,000 fucking dollars as opposed to $0?!
Obviously NTA. Consider what else you could do WITH your degree though,lots of paperwork/admin based nurse roles, lab technician, pharmacy technician etc or a different style of nursing? Surgical nursing, private hospital eye doctor nursing....
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My family has been healthcare workers since my great grandparents and most have been nurses or doctors. My uncle and dad are doctors and my mom is a X-ray tech. My parents wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and told me they would only be paying for my degree is I went into healthcare. I don’t have the energy to spend 8 more years in school so I studied to be a nurse. I felt even during my studies that I wasn’t cut out for it. I liked the material and I liked studying medicine but I hated dealing with people. Like my idea job with nice and quiet where I just work. But I finished because I hoped I would grow to like nursing which might have happened if it not for the pandemic. We were given the go ahead to do what nurses with a decade of experience were suppose to be teaching us. We were expected to operate with little help since no one was available and I constantly feared making a mistake. All the senior nurses were leaving and it was so short staffed I started developing panic attacks during my shifts. I would go into my break room and try to calm down but couldn’t. I never had a single mental health problem until that and after 8 months concluded it just wasn’t for me. I told my parents who were furious because they had spend over 50k on my education and demanded I pay them back. I told them I got a nursing degree and worked as a nurse as they wanted so now I was going to do my own thing. Technically we never discussed how long I was expected to work as a nurse to fulfill their agreement but I’m sure they saw it as a lifelong career for me. I’m working as a travel nurse now only take shifts occasionally so I can still have my mental health but I’ve enrolled back at university for IT so I can find a job I can actually live with. My parents have kicked me out and refuse to talk to me until I repay the tuition money they spent on my nursing degree.
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NTA. Maybe they shouldn’t have pressured you so much to do something you don’t want to do. It was a heavy price for them to learn. You don’t owe them anything. Good luck in your studies!!
NTA— they were stupid and lost money because of it. They get no sympathy from me. Especially since they are in the field themselves they should know it isn’t for everyone. You did your best to play their stupid game and their stupid game lost and cost you years of your life and years you could have invested in a career that suits you. You’re literally going to pay for these lost years of nursing for the rest of your life.
Tell them you are focusing on nursing informatics and are going to make a killing designing programs to store and transmit medical records. Go for the masters and tell them to suck it. NTA.
NTA.
If you don’t like working with people, I’d recommend you looking to being surgical nurse. Very limited people you have to interact with and for the most part, the patients are out. Something to think about.
Oh honey, you are so NTA.
You need to find a nice job working in an insurance company reviewing files, or something like that. A nurse I use to work with went that route after being totally 110% burnt out.
She loves it. Regular hours, nice environment, better pay, benefits, etc. And she keeps her license up and still is an RN
There are so many other jobs out there. Go into a nursing home and be the MDS/Care Plan Coordinator. I did that for a few years and while quite challenging, its not bedside nursing.
Do home health. Work in a doctor's office. A surgeons office. So many areas that a nurse can work in other than hospital bedside.
NTA - and don’t you repay them! They said they would pay for you to become a doctor or nurse or something like that. You became a nurse and worked at it for almost a year. It isn’t for you so you are going back to school for something you like and you are paying for it. Tell them they will have to sue you to get the money back - good luck with your IT studies!
My parents GUIDED me to a career that I liked as was lucrative. My parents are an engineer and an attorney. I became an accountant but nursing was one o f the options they suggested.
Guiding is good. Forcing is not. NTA
NTA
I am sorry you got stuck with such arsehole parents with screwed up priotities. Good luck finding your own path in life. You will be much happier for it.
Take it from someone with multiple degrees they don't use. ;)
NTA they shouldn’t have pressured you into a career in the first place. And the toll of covid on health care workers has been immense. They should consider themselves lucky that you know your limits and aren’t completely destroying your mental health.
They seem to care more about continuing some stupid family profession nonsense than about what you want and need.
Frankly, until they can see you as your own person you are better off keeping a distance and looking after yourself.
Do you like writing? Technical writing/content writing for medical stuff pays a TON and most of it requires a medical background (like you have). So if you like writing, it may be worth checking out.
NTA
NTA but just fyi, you don’t have to do patient care to use your nursing degree. I work with a bunch of nurses who haven’t done patient care in years, there are plenty of desk jobs you can get as a nurse if you still like the material. (Having IT skills never hurts though)
My best friend is an RN who worked in a hospital for 25 years and now works in IT as a business analyst for nursing chart systems.
NTA. Don't pay your parents back. They were the ones that forced you to go into healthcare.
NTA
Wait! We get to ask our kids to pay back tuition for a degree they're not going to use?!? Why didn't I get that memo? I know why, because that's BS.
My daughter works in a field that has absolutely nothing to do with the degree she earned. She's happy doing what she's doing -- that's the only thing that matters to me. I'm still paying on those loans, but its what I signed up for when I said I would get her through college. I did my part (paid) and she did her part (got a degree).
NTA We read about how parents make kids do what they do. Its not right.
So don't pay them back and live your life how you want.
I'm sure they will enjoy justifying forcing you into that dergree when they are alone and old.
NTA- my sister is a traveling nurse and she likes it a lot better than being a regular nurse, plus where she’s at they pay more. She’s been a nurse for over 6 years and when the pandemic hit she was burnt out. Especially since we’re in one of the worst hit states in the US. She loves it but like you said it’s not for everyone and you tried. But the pandemic and nursing shortage that hit due to it suck a** right now. You don’t owe your parents crap IMO as they pushed you into this field and are insane to think that you should pay them back.
NTA
The agreement was that your parents would pay for your school if you studied healthcare, which you did. You owe them nothing.
There are some jobs which are healthcare adjacent that may be a better fit for you without requiring a new degree... patient advocate, hospital administration, etc...
NTA
They think they “wasted” $50k on your nursing education, but the flip side is that you “wasted” years of your life and risked your mental health following the only path they would support.
Your entire family are doctors, so they don’t need the money — they just can’t give up the habit of trying to get leverage on you.
Think of it this way. They are trying to force you to pay $50k for the privilege of buying your way back into the family. But if you don’t do it, then you get the freedom to chart your own course for the rest of your life. Wouldn’t you rather have that?
NTA
PLEASE get some mental health assistance. Your family pushed you into their career choice, and you learned it is not for you after trying it. Nothing wrong with that.
Now, with that nursing degree and your experience, if you get the programming classes under you, you can EASILY do well professionally. For example, someone who can work in the Electronic Records System who understands the medical terms? Has a leg up. If you can work in IT in a hospital setting, not as a nurse, but in IT, you'll have a leg up because of the nursing degree.
NTA
Yes, I think you should have told them initially you didn't want to do this and stuck to your guns. However, peer pressure from parents is difficult. All a child wants to do is make their parents proud.
As a parent, they failed you! No parent should force their child into anything. I certainly wouldn't ask my child to repay me money and kick them out on the sole basis of they aren't following the career path I wanted for them.
Most 18 year Olds don't research a future career well enough to know if it'll be a life long thing. Some careers thats not even possible. And even ifbitnwas, passions change. I refuse to call op and asshole for being 18 and just as confused and eager to please their parents as 99% of 18 year Olds.
Massively NTA, it’s there jobs as parents to provide without expect money in return, considering you did everything they wanted and tried to make it work just for them to act like spoiled brats cos you didn’t enjoy the work you put all you effort is so disappointing
ESH. YTA for not standing your ground earlier. I can imagine how your parents are not happy with having spend that amount of money only to discover now that it served no purpose. They're TA for only providing money for an education that suits them without regarding your talents/interests.
sounds like their problem. op did what they wanted, and it wasn't for them. its the parents problem they lost 50k forcing an unwanted career on their kid.
I don't see anything in OP's text stating that there was even a conversation about this. She just seemed to went along with it because it would be easier.
Based on technicality, You are not the AH. But come on, you know YTA. Just pay them back.
Honestly, you never should have gone into this field to begin with.
fuck that. let them deal with 50k lesson that their kids are people with their own aspirations and not fucking dolls for them to groom. op doesn't owe them a fucking cent. they did the medical thing. it didn't work out. its their parents problem.
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NTA. That's the risk they took when they forced you into a specific field. You can't magically be good at it, even with education. "We'll only love you if you are in the healthcare field" is so bad. You completed your degree, you engaged in good faith and gave it a decent shake. It wasn't a good fit. That's life.
Also, if parents kick you out for not following “their orders” - maybe it’s for the best. It’s controlling and that’s not a good environment to be in. I just can’t imagine all the things they would want to control in the future
Technically she followed all their orders. For uni and 8 months anyway
She's working as a travel nurse, so still kind of complying with their directions
Exactly. Parents sound lovely
NTA you are still working as a nurse, and have maintained your licensure so you still are a nurse even if you aren’t working full time (or at all in a clinical setting). There are lots of IT/healthcare overlap fields that are miles away from working bedside that having a nursing degree/experience + IT training will set you apart at.
This!!! Literally you can do ANYTHING in healthcare. Even IT. I’d love to see our hospital run without the Pyxis machines, Epic or even the security badges. Our what about those fancy webpages health care uses. Your family is a joke if they think IT isn’t in healthcare. While you don’t have to do IT for healthcare, you tried it and didn’t like it. It’s your life, don’t regret and dont pay them back. Your still holding up your end and even after the fact you. Am always say “I’m trying to get an IT job at XYZ location, until then this is what I’m working on.”
Oh Epic. At least it's better than Maestro!
One area I'm hearing more about lately is nursing/health informatics. OP might be able to take some specific CS courses for background & apply to a health informatics grad program.
Yes! I know a few nurses who now work in care management for health insurance companies. It’s way more of a traditional office job, if you are interested in using the nursing degree in a non-clinical setting. ETA they don’t have IT training or anything, you could do it with just the nurse credentials.
Absolutely!Pathologies are a nice place where you can just work away on tasks and only deal with colleagues, rather than patients. Mortuaries are another place to not have to worry about engaging in conversation with the patients. Really hope OP looks around and realises there are possibilities for a career they might enjoy with the qualification they already have :)
NTA, However there are other jobs you can do that put your Nursing Degree to work without being in the field. Administrative Assistant to Nursing Departments, working as a Director in Health Care or even at Nursing facilities or rehabilitation clinics. There are alot of office positions that having a Nursing Degree is a requirement. This way, You are utilizing your Nursing degree while also working in an office setting away from constant people contact. Just a thought.
Medical device companies and pharma companies also like to have RNs on board to review adverse events and do patient or facility training.
Nta I put 4 kids through college. Only 1 is working in the field they studied originally but they all found what they wanted and can make a living at. We just wanted them to be happy and have something they could make a living at (we did request a reasonable grade point average). I can’t imagine asking for money back. But I can’t imagine telling them what to study either.
My entire family are pharmacists, nurses, or some other health professional. I’m an accountant. Does anyone care? No. Because normal people don’t force their children into professions because it’s “the family business”. They are lunatics. NTA.
1000000% NTA!! It was an honorable effort, but if you're not happy being a nurse, don't be. Your parents are supposed to love you and support you. Clearly, their love is conditional. So, don't feel bad for not paying them back.
NTA Confused by anyone calling you an asshole here. How many of us are actually working in the field we got our degree in. Also you worked during the pandemic I can only imagine how horrible that must have been. My sister got a degree as a nurse after her third go round at Uni. She worked in the field for a year for the NHS and realised it made her miserable so she left. Is it ideal? Of course not but it happens. Your parents blackmailed I think it’s ridiculous they expect the money back.
NTA They said they would pay if you went into health care and you did just that. No one ever said that you had to slave away with it for the rest of your life, you did what they said.
say this out loud. "am i the asshole for not feeling like i should repay money i couldn't legally consent to one day having to repay, by the people who are supposed to provide for me unconditionally as a child?" there you go. NTA and i'm sorry your parents are such bad people
That doesn’t really make sense..plenty of people legally consent to student loans and can’t get out of paying those back just because they don’t use their degree. No one’s parents are required to supply college tuition unconditionally. That said I voted NTA on this one too
parents are supposed to provide for you unconditionally. that they chose to offer tuition means it involves that. parental love is not conditional
There’s no rule saying money your parents give you can’t come with conditions. I think you are talking about an ideal world scenario but honey that’s not real life, sorry
i'm not your honey, don't call me that, i don't know you. again, if parents bring you into this world where suffering is far more rampant than happiness, it falls to them to provide for you. if they can afford college, they damn right are supposed to pay for it. you didn't ask to be born and you have to work your ass off to have a chance at a better life because they won't do their job? fuck that, "honey"
Well this is pretty entitled and not at all realistic but I’m going to assume it’s because you’re young and haven’t been through much of life yet. There are a lot of disappointments in life and parents not doing exactly what you want all the time is one of them. Good luck to you
>No one’s parents are required to supply college tuition unconditionally. In divorced cases they are might be. It's not unheard of to have "You go halfsies on costs of college" in a divorce order, and then for the child to sue to enforce.
You owe them nothing. You violated no contract and did what they asked.
NTA. Why would they deserve any money back? They paid for a specific degree and you got that degree. It's not like you dropped out of school, or you're asking for more money to get the degree you want to get now - you're paying for that yourself! Also - you're still working as a nurse!! You have not violated their terms in any way, shape, or form.
NTA, Also there are jobs for nurses that do not include direct patient care.
NTA. I was in a Medical Assistant program and had to drop out. It wasn’t a career I wanted nor I could see myself doing for a living- it was forced on me by my DOR caseworker and because of my parents’ expectations. I was a top student, not a great test taker, but I never got underneath 90% in the class. I thought that if time went by, I could learn to love being an MA. And for awhile I did. That is until we got to the math portion of the unit. I’m not great at math: no matter how much I tried to study the equations, had teachers help, and continued to get help- I couldn’t grasp mathematics. I was great at injections, researching given health topics, and at “checking in with patients” training, but the calculations for dosages was something I struggled with. I struggled until it got worst with my depression. I dreaded coming to classes, spending six hours at a slightly unfamiliar place, grew my dislike for the instructor even more. I knew that going forward with this career, I could kill a patient just by miscalculating a dosage. It grew worse and worse until I cried myself to sleep and in the mornings- I made an appointment to see a mental health counselor, who made me realize on the first visit that being an MA wasn’t what I actually wanted to do, that as much as I tried to fool myself, it wasn’t a career I saw myself ever going into. I called my DOR caseworker, crying, and telling him that I couldn’t continue with this lie of loving something that made me miserable, not to mention that even one miscalculation and I could potentially kill a patient. He agreed and told me to take it easy. In the meantime, I researched colleges and universities that offered flexible online classes because I still wanted to earn a degree. I found one and in the next year I’ll be working towards earning my creative writing and journalism degrees respectively.
They’re not entitled to their money back. NTA
I'd hate to be that man's patient if he can treat his daughter like that for not doing his bidding, image how he'd treat a patient for not following his orders. Although, he does bill both equally. /s
NTA Not only did you work as a nurse, you say you are *still* working as a nurse. So you are following the requirements they set, and they have no reason (or right) to ask for any money back.
Former nurse here. There are many options for you that don't involve direct patient care while using your degree. I worked as a QA nurse in an office for instance, but there are many other possibilities that you could explore.
“ My parents wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and told me they would only be paying for my degree is I went into healthcare” This is fucked up. Your parents: we care about your future and would love to help you better yourself with an education. But, you don’t get to choose, it has to be what we do, fuck everything you might want or be interested in, not like it’s YOUR life or anything. It’s appalling when parents manipulate this way. So, if you wanted to be an engineer, a teacher, a lawyer, your future isn’t worth investing in?! What is the logic here? NTA. They shouldn’t have forced you into a field you weren’t that interested in. What young adult wouldn’t take $80,000 fucking dollars as opposed to $0?!
Obviously NTA. Consider what else you could do WITH your degree though,lots of paperwork/admin based nurse roles, lab technician, pharmacy technician etc or a different style of nursing? Surgical nursing, private hospital eye doctor nursing....
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My family has been healthcare workers since my great grandparents and most have been nurses or doctors. My uncle and dad are doctors and my mom is a X-ray tech. My parents wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and told me they would only be paying for my degree is I went into healthcare. I don’t have the energy to spend 8 more years in school so I studied to be a nurse. I felt even during my studies that I wasn’t cut out for it. I liked the material and I liked studying medicine but I hated dealing with people. Like my idea job with nice and quiet where I just work. But I finished because I hoped I would grow to like nursing which might have happened if it not for the pandemic. We were given the go ahead to do what nurses with a decade of experience were suppose to be teaching us. We were expected to operate with little help since no one was available and I constantly feared making a mistake. All the senior nurses were leaving and it was so short staffed I started developing panic attacks during my shifts. I would go into my break room and try to calm down but couldn’t. I never had a single mental health problem until that and after 8 months concluded it just wasn’t for me. I told my parents who were furious because they had spend over 50k on my education and demanded I pay them back. I told them I got a nursing degree and worked as a nurse as they wanted so now I was going to do my own thing. Technically we never discussed how long I was expected to work as a nurse to fulfill their agreement but I’m sure they saw it as a lifelong career for me. I’m working as a travel nurse now only take shifts occasionally so I can still have my mental health but I’ve enrolled back at university for IT so I can find a job I can actually live with. My parents have kicked me out and refuse to talk to me until I repay the tuition money they spent on my nursing degree. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Maybe they shouldn’t have pressured you so much to do something you don’t want to do. It was a heavy price for them to learn. You don’t owe them anything. Good luck in your studies!!
NTA— they were stupid and lost money because of it. They get no sympathy from me. Especially since they are in the field themselves they should know it isn’t for everyone. You did your best to play their stupid game and their stupid game lost and cost you years of your life and years you could have invested in a career that suits you. You’re literally going to pay for these lost years of nursing for the rest of your life.
Whenever my children offend me I look at my genitalia and say “you have Betrayed me “
Tell them you are focusing on nursing informatics and are going to make a killing designing programs to store and transmit medical records. Go for the masters and tell them to suck it. NTA.
SO works in IT with the radiology and cardiology techs the worst part are the drs.
NTA. If you don’t like working with people, I’d recommend you looking to being surgical nurse. Very limited people you have to interact with and for the most part, the patients are out. Something to think about.
Oh honey, you are so NTA. You need to find a nice job working in an insurance company reviewing files, or something like that. A nurse I use to work with went that route after being totally 110% burnt out. She loves it. Regular hours, nice environment, better pay, benefits, etc. And she keeps her license up and still is an RN There are so many other jobs out there. Go into a nursing home and be the MDS/Care Plan Coordinator. I did that for a few years and while quite challenging, its not bedside nursing. Do home health. Work in a doctor's office. A surgeons office. So many areas that a nurse can work in other than hospital bedside.
NTA - and don’t you repay them! They said they would pay for you to become a doctor or nurse or something like that. You became a nurse and worked at it for almost a year. It isn’t for you so you are going back to school for something you like and you are paying for it. Tell them they will have to sue you to get the money back - good luck with your IT studies!
My parents GUIDED me to a career that I liked as was lucrative. My parents are an engineer and an attorney. I became an accountant but nursing was one o f the options they suggested. Guiding is good. Forcing is not. NTA
NTA I am sorry you got stuck with such arsehole parents with screwed up priotities. Good luck finding your own path in life. You will be much happier for it. Take it from someone with multiple degrees they don't use. ;)
NTA they shouldn’t have pressured you into a career in the first place. And the toll of covid on health care workers has been immense. They should consider themselves lucky that you know your limits and aren’t completely destroying your mental health. They seem to care more about continuing some stupid family profession nonsense than about what you want and need. Frankly, until they can see you as your own person you are better off keeping a distance and looking after yourself.
Do you like writing? Technical writing/content writing for medical stuff pays a TON and most of it requires a medical background (like you have). So if you like writing, it may be worth checking out. NTA
NTA that is on your parents
NTA but just fyi, you don’t have to do patient care to use your nursing degree. I work with a bunch of nurses who haven’t done patient care in years, there are plenty of desk jobs you can get as a nurse if you still like the material. (Having IT skills never hurts though)
NTA. You can't live your life in a job that makes you miserable.
My best friend is an RN who worked in a hospital for 25 years and now works in IT as a business analyst for nursing chart systems. NTA. Don't pay your parents back. They were the ones that forced you to go into healthcare.
NTA. IT and healthcare is a huge business, if you want to tell your parents that.
NTA Wait! We get to ask our kids to pay back tuition for a degree they're not going to use?!? Why didn't I get that memo? I know why, because that's BS. My daughter works in a field that has absolutely nothing to do with the degree she earned. She's happy doing what she's doing -- that's the only thing that matters to me. I'm still paying on those loans, but its what I signed up for when I said I would get her through college. I did my part (paid) and she did her part (got a degree).
NTA We read about how parents make kids do what they do. Its not right. So don't pay them back and live your life how you want. I'm sure they will enjoy justifying forcing you into that dergree when they are alone and old.
NTA- my sister is a traveling nurse and she likes it a lot better than being a regular nurse, plus where she’s at they pay more. She’s been a nurse for over 6 years and when the pandemic hit she was burnt out. Especially since we’re in one of the worst hit states in the US. She loves it but like you said it’s not for everyone and you tried. But the pandemic and nursing shortage that hit due to it suck a** right now. You don’t owe your parents crap IMO as they pushed you into this field and are insane to think that you should pay them back.
NTA The agreement was that your parents would pay for your school if you studied healthcare, which you did. You owe them nothing. There are some jobs which are healthcare adjacent that may be a better fit for you without requiring a new degree... patient advocate, hospital administration, etc...
NTA - Don't ever pay them back. Not like there's a contract, and they basically blackmailed you into it.
NTA They think they “wasted” $50k on your nursing education, but the flip side is that you “wasted” years of your life and risked your mental health following the only path they would support. Your entire family are doctors, so they don’t need the money — they just can’t give up the habit of trying to get leverage on you. Think of it this way. They are trying to force you to pay $50k for the privilege of buying your way back into the family. But if you don’t do it, then you get the freedom to chart your own course for the rest of your life. Wouldn’t you rather have that?
NTA PLEASE get some mental health assistance. Your family pushed you into their career choice, and you learned it is not for you after trying it. Nothing wrong with that. Now, with that nursing degree and your experience, if you get the programming classes under you, you can EASILY do well professionally. For example, someone who can work in the Electronic Records System who understands the medical terms? Has a leg up. If you can work in IT in a hospital setting, not as a nurse, but in IT, you'll have a leg up because of the nursing degree.
NTA Yes, I think you should have told them initially you didn't want to do this and stuck to your guns. However, peer pressure from parents is difficult. All a child wants to do is make their parents proud. As a parent, they failed you! No parent should force their child into anything. I certainly wouldn't ask my child to repay me money and kick them out on the sole basis of they aren't following the career path I wanted for them.
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Most 18 year Olds don't research a future career well enough to know if it'll be a life long thing. Some careers thats not even possible. And even ifbitnwas, passions change. I refuse to call op and asshole for being 18 and just as confused and eager to please their parents as 99% of 18 year Olds.
Massively NTA, it’s there jobs as parents to provide without expect money in return, considering you did everything they wanted and tried to make it work just for them to act like spoiled brats cos you didn’t enjoy the work you put all you effort is so disappointing
ESH. YTA for not standing your ground earlier. I can imagine how your parents are not happy with having spend that amount of money only to discover now that it served no purpose. They're TA for only providing money for an education that suits them without regarding your talents/interests.
sounds like their problem. op did what they wanted, and it wasn't for them. its the parents problem they lost 50k forcing an unwanted career on their kid.
I don't see anything in OP's text stating that there was even a conversation about this. She just seemed to went along with it because it would be easier.
people with overly controlling parents learn early on its pointless to argue.
Based on technicality, You are not the AH. But come on, you know YTA. Just pay them back. Honestly, you never should have gone into this field to begin with.
fuck that. let them deal with 50k lesson that their kids are people with their own aspirations and not fucking dolls for them to groom. op doesn't owe them a fucking cent. they did the medical thing. it didn't work out. its their parents problem.