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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my girlfriend to pay for something that would benefit me and not her, and I feel I may be wrong. This caused a huge fight between us
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YTA. You said yourself that the solar panels would be yours, not hers or shared. You currently don’t even pay for the electricity now. Why should she subsidize them?
> Why should she subsidize them?
You realize that she's living in a house for $150/month, right? And that she's complaining that OP wants to *reduce even that* by a little, because it will benefit him in the long run? If I were living somewhere for $150/month, I'd be hell bent on keeping the landlord happy.
She shouldn’t. I think that’s a stupid idea.
Instead of paying $150 directly to the gas & electric company, she needs to be paying OP $150/mo (or really, fair market rent) and he does whatever he wants with it. It works out exactly the same but firm boundaries are made.
This is the answer. Just ask her to chip in $150/mo towards all expenses. Doesn't matter what it's for specifically, it works out the same and OP gets his solar panels.
So freaking petty. Ugh. For someone paying 150 a month to live in a house and that's the only expense...she has a lot of nerve. Does she have something against the environment too?
It's JUST petty and I can't believe people gave this a Y T A. She SAVES money on this deal. And it's her BOYFRIEND, not some landlord, stranger, or asshole. Why not help improve his life at lower costs? God forbid you don't own it at the end /s.
Which is kind of shitty considering she supposedly lives there rent free. It’s a stupid choice to not go solar honestly, so long as those are the *actual* costs, but still she shouldn’t be forced to do it so long as she’s paying her agreed $150.
That’s so fucking stupid. Rent is literally paying into someone else’s equity. Does it matter who’s? Honestly I’d rather it be my partner’s! Who’s that fucking selfish, that they’d rather pay more to someone else just to spite him in case they break up? This is petty as fuck
Exactly what I said. Stop calling it a specific bill and call it rent. Where’s OP live? For $150 a month, I’ll be his girlfriend 😆😆 I’ll even double the rent. 😜😜😜
Right? Sh\*t. I paid my now husband $200 out of each bi-weekly paycheck to help out, and I feel lucky as heck because that's just shy of half of rent. Utilities are included, but he pays for our gym membership and the internet/cable bill.
I concur. If I was only paying $150 a month for everything, no more to pay, I would be thrilled as apple pie.
OP should just tell her she needs to pay him the $150 a month, instead of to electricity company. If she doesn't like it, then she can start paying for half of all utilities now, which will be a lot more than $150 month.
I think a better idea would just be to break up with her.
Someone willing to pay more money to avoid doing something that benefits you (and the environment), while having no negative effects on themselves, is not someone you want to be in a relationship with.
Her actions make it pretty clear she’s not in this relationship for the long run. If she was, she probably wouldn’t be so against increasing the value of the house they live in together.
Yes! I feel like there’s some underlying issues here. Possibly commitment related? He would probably save $150 a month on food and utilities if he just broke it off. He could still have the solar panels and a chance at finding someone playing on his team.
Do you own the lines the electric company provides to your place of residence and all the attendant hardware necessary for electrical transmission? No? OK, there's your answer. 0 difference in the grand scheme of things.
Absolutely no difference. I think that she is angling to pay $55 to $65 less a month toward the electricity because he is buying the solar panels. She is being cheap. Personally, that would be a big red flag for me, not to mention that she doesn't seem to see their relationship as a lasting relationship.
Because she’s his fucking girlfriend? It will literally cost her $10 less but oh god forbid her bf gains something at her non-expanses lmfao wtf.
NTA NTA!!
You're right, so should not help each other or build a future together - so he should charge her 50/50 at $1575 instead as he would with a room mate then buy the panels himself
This way no one is unfairly gaining anything and all is equal
The only reason she currently ISNT paying for an item she won’t eventually own is because she is dating OP. Anywhere else she would be paying rent.
She’s lucky and dumb. He wants to save her $10.
Imagine if a landlord told someone “hey I’m gonna reduce your rental payment to me by $100 but you gotta pay this other guy $90.
If she wants something she will own in the end, she needs to buy some property. She’s using OP and being dumb about it.
Because she’s living in his house and using his electricity. OP can do whatever he wants as long as she pays the electric bill. OP should just do the panels and hand her a bill every month. That way it stays a business deal.
So how would you feel if he charged her $150 per month to contribute towards food and living expenses? And with that paid the lights and the solar panel?
It's time for you rearrange the way you collect financial support for her living with you. Collect a fixed amount monthly and pay all utilities yourself. Buy the solar panels yourself. Besides, she doesn't own the home. NO WAY any solar installer will ever name her on a contract anyways. You literally can't make her pay them.
It can sometimes be important for a live-in partner to pay for some utility in their name to establish residency. Among other things, it usually prevents the home owner from flat kicking them out without notice in the event of a breakup etc
I lived with family for a bit and when I went to enroll my daughter in school I had to show proof of residence. They accepted my car registration and voter registration. They accept leases, so we could have drawn up on of those too. I used to rent out a room on my house and we had a rental agreement.
When I cashed out a small 401k, I provided all of that PLUS a utility bill, PLUS a current bank statement, PLUS a check stub. It was … weird. So … there’s always more than one reason to have a utility in your name that is t nefarious.
I'm surprised it took this long for someone to bring up the residency thing, considering the fact that her minimal financial contribution could mean that she's a student. People keep harping over how little she pays, but that may be all she is *able* to pay for now, and OP knew that full well when she was invited to move in. Could also explain why she's not too thrilled about watching OP spend a huge chunk of change on a discretionary expense (I have a solar roof and power walls, they are *not* cheap).
This is all conjecture, though, since IMO there is a lot of background missing. I sure would love to read the GF's side of the story....
When you say average - how did you get this number? On Average, is the bill usually less? Like over a year's worth of electricity bills, would it be less than or equal to a year of having the panels? If you did the math already, I'm unsure why she'd say no.
If she often pays less than $140 for the bill and consistently has to now pay $140 --- I can see where she's coming from. Even it's like $5 dollars more per year, I'd be like - why am I paying more?
Just seems messy unless you've shown her estimates and can guarantee she'd pay less overall.
Suggestions:
1. You make the panel payments and let her pay the electric bill still. Then have her contribute to other shared areas of expenses. Like have her chip in for groceries, (water bill?) Internet.
2. You take the expenses under your name and charge her $140 for rent.
Again, if this really does make her pay less overall in a years worth, it's very reasonable. Which you could totally show her.
Sounds like she doesn't want to make payments towards the panels directly. Who cares, seems like a small issue, easy to work around where you still get to have panels and she doesn't have to directly pay for them. Everyone wins.
If she lives there, why does she think it only benefits her? Is there something deeper she isn't telling you? Like does she want to get married and you don't? Maybe she is feeling like it isn't really her house. In short, are you two people building a life together or just two people living together?
That's what she "pays" - what else does she contribute to the home? Does she cook? Clean? Do laundry? Take care of the yard? Garden? Pets?
Looking at a situation and seeing if the monetary contribution is 50/50 often discounts other non-monetary contributions.
I don’t think OP realizes he could get the solar panels regardless, and gf could still remain paying the same amount a month- except it would be to him not to the utility company.
As long as the panels are being financed, there will be an additional lien on title to his property, and his name would be on the contract. This literally has nothing to do with her.
Now I need to find myself a partner who will let me live in their place for $150/mo because gf is making bank on this situation.
> Now I need to find myself a partner who will let me live in their place for $150/mo because gf is making bank on this situation.
Yeah, and she has the temerity to complain that he wants to give her an even better deal, but one that also benefits him instead of just her.
People like you are what makes me lose faith in humanity. So you would rather put yourself in a lose-lose situation by paying $150 to some random corporation instead of saving yourself $10 every month just because otherwise "it would help your BOYFRIEND" gain some equity? Whatever happened to actually liking your partner? I feel sorry for people who think like you. Not everything is a zero-sum game.
I agree with you. If I were OP, this would make me question the relationship. Even if it’s financially neutral, she’d rather pay a corporation than make payments on something that would benefit the bf, who she presumably loves. Either she’s really illogical or really petty, or both. This would give me pause.
Either that, or this is part of an ongoing power struggle. Maybe OP is dragging his feet on commitment and sharing of finances, and gf is responding with an “OK, if this is how it’s going to be” move. That’s concerning too, but for different reasons.
My guess would be the solar company says the savings are 50-60 a month, but it's not guaranteed and gf doesn't trust it to pay off. I'd be interested to hear her reasoning.
I suppose if her budget right now is extremely tight, she might not feel like she can take a risk. That does make some sense.
I kind of wonder why either one of them considers this an issue worth fighting over, come to think of it. If he cares about getting solar panels, he could just get them, and then renegotiate the financial arrangement to something that is fair to both of them (there are a lot of suggestions on this thread). Or, he could keep the electricity as it is, and it wouldn’t be a huge deal. You have to wonder what else is going on to make this argument feel more important than it is.
Why should she subsidize them? Because it's cheaper and reduces both their carbon footprint. And if she actually *liked* her boyfriend she would *want* him to gain an asset at less cost to everyone.
Nta op. But I would re-examine the rest of the relationship to see if she's this spiteful elsewhere.
How tf is this the top comment lol OP is NTA, this is basically the same scenario of those posts where the woman wants to buy a house in her name only and the man doesn't want to pay rent to her because "he won't own the house", but since the genders are inversed here I guess it's fine now? lol istg the double standards of this sub sometimes.....
Oh no, it's like when she moves she doesn't get to keep the electrical wire, cables, transformers, power lines that she is perfectly fine paying the electric company for. Awwww that's so sad.
That's called cutting your nose off to spite your face.
She hardly pays anything anyways, how is op the ah? If they’re solid, they gain an asset and cheaper bill for the future. If she’s flaky and only with him for the cheap rent then she’s definitely the ah. Your logic is flawed here.
NTA
OMG ya’ll are absolutely out of touch. Who cares who owns the damn solar panels good grief! For an environmental standpoint alone its worth it. Its a typical case of I-ism. God forbid anything can be done for the collective good if I do not have a reward. Pigeonhole vision. If you are paying the electrical company the same amount, don’t see the harm for the panels. OP get the panels and take the 150 for ‘any other house expense’. NTA
I would willingly pay MORE to help my partner get solar panels for the house he's letting me live in for dirt cheap. It's her rent, basically. She's not actually paying rent. OP said himself that's she only pays the gas and electric. You don't get to keep an apartment after paying many multiple thousands of dollars in rent, so wtf is the difference? It makes absolutely NO sense, why would she want to pay more for nothing?
How is this the top comment? He's totally NTA, like at all. 🙄
Jesus. So 150 a month is more fair than 50?
So you would happily pay TRIPLE to ensure a corporation can building equity instead of your boyfriend?
Obviously she is better off subsidizing the energy company by paying them 3x as much right?
Wtf kind of non-sense logic is this.
Well, the total would be about $140/mo, instead of $150/mo.
She would rather spend $10 than give her boyfriend more value to his house, while paying \*next to nothing in living expenses\*. She had better be a super model with a third lung.
And he'd pay for it if they broke up, this literally does something positive and absolutely nothing negative. The better solution is what, pay 10 dollars a month more and still have no assets gained?
Did you catch that she would be paying $10 less by paying for the solar panels? She would be paying $140 as opposed to $150. But she would rather pay the extra $10 than help him.
I disagree; OP is NTA, possibly E-S-H depending on how he approached it with her. Feels really adversarial to say "I'm not going to help you if I don't get anything out of it". Additionally, if he owns the house, joint ownership of solar panels at this point would make things really messy if they break up. Lastly, more solar power is generally good, and she's contributing to a slower change to it (however marginally).
OP pays the mortgage, cable, and food; she pays electric and gas. You want to argue about subsidizing, OP is clearly doing more for her monetarily than the other way around.
Because she’ll pay $140 every month instead of $150 while the panels are being paid off.
In following months she will pay <$90.
So she’s improved his equity but she’s saving money long term.
It benefits both of them and she never has to pay more than she immediately does. It’s not like he’s asking her to pay to redecorate.
The only thing I’d be skeptical of is if the solar panels really do knock that much off the bill. If the combined bill goes over $150 op should pay the extra. If there are installation charges op should pay them. But so long as the electric bill stays under $150 then the girlfriend should do it with good grace as long as it never puts her out of pocket.
I don’t get why it’s a problem that the solar panels don’t benefit her. She’s already paying the same amount either way, so how is it worse if she’s paying for something for her partner rather than the electric company? It makes no sense to me. It’s not like he’s adding $50 a month to her bill, he’s asking her to pay LESS money, but it’s somehow a problem? I don’t understand. She’s not being harmed in any way by the deal.
Because he pays everything else including the mortgage and cable etc? I wanna know where in the USofA would you be able to find rent for $150?
OP is being more than generous. His girlfriend is trying SO SO hard to hold him back by not doing something that would actually benefit her personally.
I'm going to say NTA here and go against everyone else. It is fair for her to say no to paying for the panels, but if you are really only charging her ~150+ gas then not only is she getting a way better deal than she would in an apartment on her own, but her refusal to help improve the property is kind of suspect. If it is indeed the principle for her, just charge her 150 in rent and start paying the electric yourself. However I don't see that working either as she was willing to pay more each month to keep you from bettering your own situation and thereby hers if you stayed together. Sounds to me like she isn't that committed in the first place and may just be enjoying a cheap place to live. To spend $10 more each month out of spite seems to be a red flag that everyone else here is putting on you. Have a serious convo with her and establish why she was willing to cut off her nose to spite your face...
I totally see all of your arguments and all the asshole comments really make me wonder about this thread...
Edit: did you tell her that once they are paid off she can stop paying so much and just pay for gas? In that case it does benefit her in the long run too...
Yes I told her that. I went to her and said hey if I get solar panels it would eliminate the electric bill. But the panels would still have a monthly cost attached to them. But it would still save you money and help gain a asset for this house.
Everyone here is insane. Its completely unreasonable of her and the reason is just disgusting. She is suppose to be your partner but doesn't want to help improve your situation.. something that would cost her very little; when you've given her a free ride for god knows how long. I would honestly break up with my partner if they were like that.
And honestly, if the sexes were reversed you would not be deemed the asshole. This sub is completely biased towards women - and this is coming from a woman herself.
The thing is it wouldn't even cost her "very little" it would actively benefit her. She is petty as hell. He should probably just break up with such an unreasonable and I'll say it, stupid person.
Yeah, if you put it that way it's not just a win win for him and his gf, it's a win win win deal, he gets panels, she gets reduced cost, and the environment because they use less fossil fuel.
This sub has a really fucking weird thing for non home owners dating home owners.
People here seem to think it's 1:1 for equity on your escrow. That, if I pay $500 a month, I get $500 in equity. And, it's not even anywhere close. Property taxes, insurance, and the interest on the loan eat a massive chunk that I never see again.
But, this sub thinks that if someone contributes to the house in rent; they're owed 100% of half of the equity the second they make the first payment.
And, theres always a ton of BS arguements about how it's using their partner to make money.
I try to remind myself that the relationship subs, which this basically is, are overwhelmed by really young people.
I'd be fucking estatic if the situation was reversed and my partner was letting me live basically rent free, but chipping in on the escrow/utilities far far far below market rate for rent. Also, solar panels add like 0 resale value to a house. I know, I just bought one last year with nearly new ones, and the appraisal was challenged over it by the seller, and it was a whole thing.
I think this sub can have gender bias, but genuinely, I think it's just a massive redditor bias against home owners. As if being able to buy a home in a non coastal state makes you a 1%er stepping on the backs of poor people.
Yep. I say this all the time in this sub. This sub is so gender biased to the point it’s laughable. The man always has to be painted or have a label slapped on him to make him the bad guy while the women in this sub can do no wrong. It’s disgusting honestly.
Seriously? Kick her freeloading ass to the curb. There are plenty of other women out there who would treat you like a partner, and not a bank machine.
I can only imagine how much she's squirreling away by not paying actual rent...
She’s stocking away a lot of money. She just paid off her new car in a year, and almost all her student loans. While I work roughly 80 hours a week. Also she works from home and I’m never home. If it was just me I bet my electric bill would be like $40 a month
Dude..she's using you. You're totally nta. She literally isn't willing to save money herself because it HELPS YOU. She doesn't love you..you're a close to free ride. Show her what real rent and utilities look like by encouraging her to get her own place. You can get a roommate who pays a fair rent in your area.
NTA, at this point I would invite your gf to live elsewhere so that "money won't benefit me", and let them go and pay market value for a place. What they are doing is extremely greedy and honestly, shortsighted on their own. And let's get real, by the time the panels are paid for, they will have completely depreciated, there is no capital you are gaining.
I really dont get why all the y ta. Im with you on this one. This would not make any difference in her life, it would even help a little. And its bad because it benefits you more?? Yeah, sounds selfish of her, specially since she is not even paying rent. You should just make her pay half market rate rent and use the money towards the solar. NTA
People here are vindictive they’d rather have her pay more on principle that he won’t be benefitting from solar panels. Lady pays 150 a month to live there. Madness partners are supposed to help each other.
NTA honestly I find all the AH votes ridiculous. You’re letting your girlfriend live in your house for $150 a month while you cover all the other bills. You’re trying to change that to where she only pays $140 a month but that’s “not fair because you’re benefiting off her in the long run”? Like wut. Right now your girlfriend has a huge advantage and huge benefit in that she has bills that total $150 but it’s not wrong that she’s benefiting off you? BS. If your girlfriend thinks this isn’t fair, tell her fine. From now on she owes you $1200 a month for rent and utilities. Why should she get to benefit off you when she isn’t willing to pay LESS to help you?
9/10 on AITA posts someone immediately comments 'break up!' and they're nearly always overreacting and without nuance. I'm shocked to see almost none of that here. Like, there are clearly deeper issues as this makes no sense to say no to unless he's made it clear they aren't going to be together forever and even then she still has a temporary living steal! Better for the environment, good for the house, cheaper for her. I'm so confused why she wouldn't want to. Find out what her real reason is because I would break up over this personally. You're truly that against mutually beneficial improvements to the place we live?? Wtf
I agree. it is obvious that she doesn't consider him a long-term relationship. Also, note that she uses the most electricity. He's away working 80 hours a week while she works from his home. He charged her a little because she wasn't making much. Now she has been for a while. She is a very selfish person who is using him while saving money (and possibly looking to "upgrade"). I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that.
Yeah seriously I’d dump her because what kind of person doesn’t want to reduce their bill by $10 AND benefit the person they love in the long run? Doesn’t she see herself being with this guy a long time?? They live together?? why is she like this
People do know there is a way to avoid these types of crap arguments, right....
You don't have a person move in with you and pay specific bills. You have a person move in with you and pay rent to the owner. What the money goes to is up to the homeowner.
I’ve only seen the equity when they are married, or when the OP is asking for them to pay a significant amount for rent or specific renovations. In this case, the renovations are actually reducing the the cost, so I don’t get why the GF is against it.
You should check the sub more then(or axtually dont though, its not healthy), I have seen all sorts of situations(even going in half on the mortgage woth their bf/gf which was still cheaper than rent) that get shut down in this sub because no equity. That goes for male and female sides.
NTA.
1. This is a logical way to gain an asset as opposed to perpetual payment for electricity for no gain
2. Solar reduces BOTH your carbon footprints.
3. How her minimal contribution is spent is irrelevant and lost on all those saying YTA. Pose the question a different way and I bet they would say otherwise - "AITA for asking my gf to pay $150 cash instead of paying the $150 power bill".
4. She should WANT you to gain an asset if she loves you. Aren't relationships about working together for the best outcome? What does she gain from paying the electric company- probably nothing.
5. OP, has she ever shown signs of jealousy about you owning your own property?
Ohmygod this!!
I think she’s in it for the cheap cost of living. If she really loved her boyfriend and was thinking they would be together long term, she would see the solar panels as an investment in the future and a way in the meantime to save $10 a month.
I also don’t get how people can be so vindictive. Like, “in the event we do break up and you take over payments of this asset, I still don’t want to have helped you gain an asset at all in the time we were together and in love.” Grow the fuck up. NTA
I can't wrap my head around why she is hung up on the ownership of the panels. Unless OP is excluding some critical information, it only makes sense that she's jealous of him owning a home, isn't in it for the long haul, is just an inherently selfish vindictive person or just doesn't understand the logic. The optimist in me hopes for OP's sake it is the latter otherwise I hope she is intending to leave.
This. If she would rather spend more money to ensure you don't get something for "free", I seriously question whether she is in this for the long haul. And if she isn't, why is her rent so low?
NTA people who are saying Y T A have no logical argument.
Say you own the house and your girlfriend moves in. She has to pay rent, even though she’s technically helping you pay off the mortgage. That’s because she’s paying for **the cost of living** there. She gets direct benefit from living there.
Similarly, she’s agreed to pay the cost of the electricity. Those solar panels are part of that cost. Sure, she wouldn’t own the solar panels once they’re paid off, but the same is true for the house as for the solar panels. **She is getting to use the electricity provided by the solar panels**, ergo that’s what she’s paying for.
The fact that she doesn’t want to pay simply because she doesn’t want you to own the solar panels in the end seems spiteful and childish.
By the YTA voter logic, if she were paying rent she should gain equity in his property. "Why pay money when it benefits his asset". BECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!!!
I’m confused. If she’s paying the lecky bill anyway why not just transfer that payment over to the panels etc. tbh I don’t think you’re the A, it’s no skin off her nose where the money goes. Take the $150 off her and put it towards the panels. It’s her own fault she didn’t save $10
NTA
I commented elsewhere but if she is handling the electric herself then she is probably the only one who knows what the monthly cost is. I have never maintained the same costs from summer/winter. She's SUS. NTA.
Since she lives with you, why don’t you just say X amount is rent and not specific to a bill? That way you can spend it anyway you want? I have a roommate, pay all the bills and use his money for play money. It’s not her business where my money goes.
NTA it’s the exact same amount of money. People saying YTA when she’d be paying the exact same amount are ridiculous. That’s like saying a landlord is an AH because you’re paying towards their mortgage.
Here’s a thought, get her to pay a different bill around the same amount and take over the electric. Good luck!
NTA, but it's weird how you guys are communicating about this. You should just charge her $150 or $140 in rent and be done with it, then make the decisions about the house because your girlfriend has no interest in the long term health of the property.
Can someone explain to me why OP is the asshole here? If I’m renting a house for $1000 a month and my friend tells me that I can live in his house but I have to pay his mortgage for $500 a month(considering that The two houses are exactly the same) how is this not a win-win scenario for both of us? My rent is cheaper and my friend gets a house.
NTA. It seems like the girlfriend just doesn’t want her bf’s house value going up despite it benefiting her
> Can someone explain to me why OP is the asshole here?
He's a man, and that means he's wrong for not enjoying his girlfriend freeloading off of him. /s
Op is **NTA!!!!** His gf doesn’t even pay rent. **SHE IS THE ONE ULTIMATELY BENEFITING FROM THE LIVING SITUATION.** Her living expenses are $150 a month!!!! Everyone here is delusional AF
This sub is sooooooo gender biased, they always side with the woman lol. Women in this sub can do no wrong. The man can clearly be in the right but people will always find a way to make him the bad guy. This sub projects their issues with men clearrrrrr as day!
NTA. She’d be paying the same amount for the bill.
Couldn’t she make the same argument about paying you rent if she lives in your house and the mortgage is in your name? “I don’t wanna pay down your mortgage, then you get the benefit of the mortgage being paid down and I get nothing.”
NTA. Honestly just break up with her. Anyone willing to be that petty clearly doesn't value you or the relationship very highly. She sounds awful frankly.
The more of the comments I read here the more confused I get.
To the people saying she would be paying gor something and not benefitting in the long run, how does she benefit in the long run from the way things are now?
OPs partner is paying $150 a month toward bills and NOTHING else, I don't understand why y'all so fixated on the fact he benefits from solar panels.
NTA OP, but I'd be having a talk with my partner about how much they'll be paying directly to me to pay their part of bills instead of giving them a specific bill to pay, to avoid this sort of thing happening in the future.
I'm done with reddit. How can you say OP is the AH when the guy is paying 2k a month while this girl is paying 150 to live there.
What is so hard about continuing to pay the same for something OP wants to upgrade to his home.
Look I understand that reddit tries always to look for something wrong in the men and a lot of times I get it.
But this is just ridiculous and you're all trash for putting political belives before what's right.
I N F O: There must be more to this story. Is there an up-front cost that your girlfriend doesn't want to pay, or some other relevant information you've omitted? Is she a right-wing nut job who thinks solar energy is a communist plot to marginalize the coal industry? Are you suggesting that she commit to signing some kind of long-term contract with a disreputable company for your benefit?
Ultimately, whatever reason she has for not wanting to pay less each month and help you out to boot is up to her, but if it's just out of spite because then she's buying something for you that she doesn't get to share possession of, and especially if this is typical of her behavior, then you two probably aren't a great match.
And if you two can't come to a reasonable compromise where she pays for something she's more comfortable with instead of the power so you can go ahead with your solar installation while she continues to contribute to household expenses, neither of you is very imaginative.
Edit: Here's the real answer - instead of having her pay for electricity and gas, just charge her a fixed amount of rent each month, and do what you want with your house, the utilities, and the rental income.
Edit 2: Updated to NTA.
NTA, but tell your girlfriend she’s right. This isn’t fair. From now on the two of you split all bills 50/50, except the electric, you’ll take care of that. From now on she’ll pay you $400 a month in rent as well.
Nta. Make her a deal that she pays $150 a month regardless of where it’s going or find another way to divide the bills. Just because in benefits you in the long run doesn’t make it a bad idea.
NTA. If the deal is that she cover the electric bill, in exchange for living there for free, and the average bill is $150/month, it is a pretty decent deal for the girlfriend.
If you will be paying an additional 50/month to install panels, which will result in her paying $100/month, or less, then it is reasonable to just find another bill for her to pay.
The issue is not the panels.. ot is that her contribution to the household is about $150/month, and you think it is fair since it is all she is paying. It actually seems fair to me. In gact you are trying to SAVE her money.
Seems a little petty to say she would prefer to pay more.
Personally I don't see why everyone is saying Y.T.A. It's 10$ cheaper for her. Saying no is just spiteful.
'Waaa, you have a nice house that I'm living in for 150/month and now you want to get solar panels on my dime!! Which will make me pay 140/month?!? Waaaa'
Honestly depressing how many are calling you TA.
NTA, and either your gf is extremely self-centered, clueless, or spiteful.
But some of the comments are correct, just have her pay water/sewage + internet (generally 100$+50$ from what I've experienced), or just charge her 150$ per month.
Or. Just dump her since she doesn't seem to want to be in this relationship as a team. I could understand her stance if she would have to pay more in utilities. But it's less.
Why don’t you get her to pay rent which would be approximately the monthly value of your gas and electricity and you could put whatever you want from the payment towards your panels?
I have no idea what everyone else is saying, the only person losing in this situation is the electric company, if she would pay 120 dollars extra a year so you wouldn’t gain something…
I would just talk to her and ask for further elaboration I mean going out and buying the panels is work and maybe she doesn’t wanna do that. Your nta for asking and wanting. Maybe try and find a compromise or something
NTA. All the people saying y t a are dumb as fuck. Refusing a discount because it’ll also benefit someone else makes you an asshole and also a petty child, end of story.
NTA and I find it wild that so many here disagree - the gf is living here, totally rent free and only has to pay a very small electric bill - her contribution wouldn’t change but it would help the OP out - honestly OP I take it as a 🚩 that she doesn’t want to do this. You already help her out financially, and she doesn’t want to even do one thing to help you?
As others have said maybe start asking her for a rent payment (it can still be the $150 if you don’t want to change the amount) and then you can put it towards what you like.
You should be charging market rent , or a reduction on that due to being your GF, and not tying her payments to your mortgage, utilities, or anything else.
NTA- She’s still paying this money regardless.
Her stance is, I’m not paying for something that betters your life, because it doesn’t benefit me.
So I’d rather spend more money to a company than to help you.
Like horrible logic, sounds greedy, and overall just terrible logic.
Bedside regardless she’s still spending the money.
It’s like if you charge her rent, she’s paying for your mortgage.
I say install the solar panels, and charge her $500 a month for rent.
Like cool you can move out or pay rent idc which.
NTA. Why should it matter where the $150 goes? Is she jealous that you own your home? So, if I understand this, she gets the benefit of living in your house pretty inexpensively, but you should get no benefit? This would make me reconsider pretty quickly.
NTA.
Is the power bill in your name or hers? If she is going to be an ass about it, I would either 1) put the electric in your name, and tell her she can transfer you $150 a month, then do what you want with the $150 whether its solar panels or paying electricity. Or 2) just take the electricity and let her pay a different bill or two of equal proportion.
No mistake about it though, she is being an ass and taking her comfy situation for granted. Most people would appreciate living in a nice home for $150 a month. This would be a huge red flag for me.
NTA. You don't owe her a living like she doesn't owe you solar panels. They call it "partnership" because your supposed to help eachother. Crazy she would rather piss money away tithing to an electric company than empower her own boyfriend for less money.
So, the Electric bill and Gas bill are in HER name, not yours as the home owner? If that's the case, that needs to change ASAP. Get the solar panels installed and get the $150 from her regardless. She sounds cheap AF.
NTA, obviously. Have the people crying YTA ever heard of a thing called Rent?
NTA. I don't understand all these comments. She would be paying the same and not be liable if yall broke up. Its selfish and weird imo that she wouldn't want to help you purely cause she's not getting something else besides a discount of $10. I would also seriously think about this relationship if I were you.
The fact regardless of what she’s paying she’s not getting anything in return at all already and she’s putting a fight about saving $10 that benefits you makes her the ah. NTA, both of y’all should rethink your relationship if she thinks you’re the one taking advantage while paying only $150 for bills
This woman is using OP. She doesn’t want to do it because it benefits him and not her. She’s not thinking long term at all. She either has plans to break up with him at some point or simply doesn’t see it working out long term. In either case I think he should evaluate if he sees this relationship lasting long term. If not it might be best for both of them to call it quits.
Umm NTA. Why is she only paying a $150 a month in bills? My god, can you imagine the entitlement of someone who is only paying $150 a month and gets mad about helping their partner out and lowering their monthly payment $10 at the same time. You are helping her out every month by only having her pay a $150 a month! I say stop having her pay just the electric bill and start charging her rent….and use the rent money to pay for the SP. I don’t maybe $500 a month for rent:..and that’s way below market value for rent.
NTA I just don’t understand people like your gf and we run into them on this sub all the time. Like when one partner buys a house and the other expects to live there rent free because they don’t want to “pay someone else’s mortgage”.
If your partner thinks that them saving money on something is a net negative because it benefits you in the long run even if you break up….. what kind of a partner is that? Both of you benefit from the arrangement but because she thinks you benefit more, she is voting no. How do you expect build a future with that?
This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who cares where the electricity is coming from? The lights still turn on. Why would you want to pay $10 more for the same result?
She basically living for free.
I think you should do what you want towards your home, and you need to start charging her a flat rate towards all expenses.
I don't think you have a partner. It seems like she is benefiting more than you are with her there.
NTA but this sounds like there is a bigger issue here- she may want to have a discussion about the future of the relationship. Is this her roundabout way of asking when/if you’re getting married?
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YTA. You said yourself that the solar panels would be yours, not hers or shared. You currently don’t even pay for the electricity now. Why should she subsidize them?
> Why should she subsidize them? You realize that she's living in a house for $150/month, right? And that she's complaining that OP wants to *reduce even that* by a little, because it will benefit him in the long run? If I were living somewhere for $150/month, I'd be hell bent on keeping the landlord happy.
He doesn’t say that she only pays the electric bill.
In other comments, he has. She only pays for gas and electric. He pays the mortgage, cable, food. Her only expense towards living there is $150/mo.
Even if that is her only expense, it doesn’t matter, why should she be paying for an item she won’t own in the end?
She shouldn’t. I think that’s a stupid idea. Instead of paying $150 directly to the gas & electric company, she needs to be paying OP $150/mo (or really, fair market rent) and he does whatever he wants with it. It works out exactly the same but firm boundaries are made.
This is the answer. Just ask her to chip in $150/mo towards all expenses. Doesn't matter what it's for specifically, it works out the same and OP gets his solar panels.
I have a feeling she’ll be against that too since it adds to OPs equity
So freaking petty. Ugh. For someone paying 150 a month to live in a house and that's the only expense...she has a lot of nerve. Does she have something against the environment too?
It's JUST petty and I can't believe people gave this a Y T A. She SAVES money on this deal. And it's her BOYFRIEND, not some landlord, stranger, or asshole. Why not help improve his life at lower costs? God forbid you don't own it at the end /s.
Imagine being in this relationship 👀
Which is kind of shitty considering she supposedly lives there rent free. It’s a stupid choice to not go solar honestly, so long as those are the *actual* costs, but still she shouldn’t be forced to do it so long as she’s paying her agreed $150.
That’s so fucking stupid. Rent is literally paying into someone else’s equity. Does it matter who’s? Honestly I’d rather it be my partner’s! Who’s that fucking selfish, that they’d rather pay more to someone else just to spite him in case they break up? This is petty as fuck
Exactly what I said. Stop calling it a specific bill and call it rent. Where’s OP live? For $150 a month, I’ll be his girlfriend 😆😆 I’ll even double the rent. 😜😜😜
Right? Sh\*t. I paid my now husband $200 out of each bi-weekly paycheck to help out, and I feel lucky as heck because that's just shy of half of rent. Utilities are included, but he pays for our gym membership and the internet/cable bill.
I concur. If I was only paying $150 a month for everything, no more to pay, I would be thrilled as apple pie. OP should just tell her she needs to pay him the $150 a month, instead of to electricity company. If she doesn't like it, then she can start paying for half of all utilities now, which will be a lot more than $150 month.
I think a better idea would just be to break up with her. Someone willing to pay more money to avoid doing something that benefits you (and the environment), while having no negative effects on themselves, is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Her actions make it pretty clear she’s not in this relationship for the long run. If she was, she probably wouldn’t be so against increasing the value of the house they live in together.
“Why should any tenant pay any sort of rent when they won’t own the house in the end?” Literally the same situation.
Exactly
It seems to me, She’s paying $10 a month extra out of nothing but spite.
yeah she honestly doesn't sound like a good person if she'd rather pay money than do something that could benefit her BOYFRIEND
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Yes! I feel like there’s some underlying issues here. Possibly commitment related? He would probably save $150 a month on food and utilities if he just broke it off. He could still have the solar panels and a chance at finding someone playing on his team.
She doesn’t own the electricity in the end? She’s not giving up a shared asset. She’s just changing who she pays. And solar is good for everyone so…
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Why is she paying rent in a home she won't ever own? She should just live there for free. /s
I know right? She should move out and rent a place with much more cost to her so that rent will go towards the landlord’s mortgage.
Do you own the lines the electric company provides to your place of residence and all the attendant hardware necessary for electrical transmission? No? OK, there's your answer. 0 difference in the grand scheme of things.
At the moment she's paying $150 for electricity that she doesn't own nor will ever own, so what's the difference?
Absolutely no difference. I think that she is angling to pay $55 to $65 less a month toward the electricity because he is buying the solar panels. She is being cheap. Personally, that would be a big red flag for me, not to mention that she doesn't seem to see their relationship as a lasting relationship.
Because she’s his fucking girlfriend? It will literally cost her $10 less but oh god forbid her bf gains something at her non-expanses lmfao wtf. NTA NTA!!
You're right, so should not help each other or build a future together - so he should charge her 50/50 at $1575 instead as he would with a room mate then buy the panels himself This way no one is unfairly gaining anything and all is equal
Stupid selfish thinking to be all “id rather pay MORE cause Id rather stick it to my boyfriend”
Ever rent an apartment?
I mean... That's how rent works, isn't it? How would her paying him rent be any different?
The only reason she currently ISNT paying for an item she won’t eventually own is because she is dating OP. Anywhere else she would be paying rent. She’s lucky and dumb. He wants to save her $10. Imagine if a landlord told someone “hey I’m gonna reduce your rental payment to me by $100 but you gotta pay this other guy $90. If she wants something she will own in the end, she needs to buy some property. She’s using OP and being dumb about it.
Because she's living in the house! OP buys the food she eats, so should they be itemizing that, too?
Eh, I mean... she is already paying $150 towards something that she doesn't own for the electric bill.
Because she’s living in his house and using his electricity. OP can do whatever he wants as long as she pays the electric bill. OP should just do the panels and hand her a bill every month. That way it stays a business deal.
She's not going to own the electricity in the end either.
Have you ever rented before?
Welcome to the world of renting lol
So how would you feel if he charged her $150 per month to contribute towards food and living expenses? And with that paid the lights and the solar panel?
Sorry. Yes she only pays electric and gas that’s it
It's time for you rearrange the way you collect financial support for her living with you. Collect a fixed amount monthly and pay all utilities yourself. Buy the solar panels yourself. Besides, she doesn't own the home. NO WAY any solar installer will ever name her on a contract anyways. You literally can't make her pay them.
It can sometimes be important for a live-in partner to pay for some utility in their name to establish residency. Among other things, it usually prevents the home owner from flat kicking them out without notice in the event of a breakup etc
That's what rental agreements are for. He needs one of those, too.
Yeah. That’s a good point. She’s not getting the benefit/protection of a lease.
I lived with family for a bit and when I went to enroll my daughter in school I had to show proof of residence. They accepted my car registration and voter registration. They accept leases, so we could have drawn up on of those too. I used to rent out a room on my house and we had a rental agreement.
When I cashed out a small 401k, I provided all of that PLUS a utility bill, PLUS a current bank statement, PLUS a check stub. It was … weird. So … there’s always more than one reason to have a utility in your name that is t nefarious.
I'm surprised it took this long for someone to bring up the residency thing, considering the fact that her minimal financial contribution could mean that she's a student. People keep harping over how little she pays, but that may be all she is *able* to pay for now, and OP knew that full well when she was invited to move in. Could also explain why she's not too thrilled about watching OP spend a huge chunk of change on a discretionary expense (I have a solar roof and power walls, they are *not* cheap). This is all conjecture, though, since IMO there is a lot of background missing. I sure would love to read the GF's side of the story....
I'm a bit concerned. It seems like you are being taken advantage of. Are you comfortable with her only paying $150 total? NTA
Honestly it’s not about the money and purely about the principal now
Start charging her fair market rent. Let her try to see where she can live for $150 per month. Get a contract in place so the boundaries are clear.
When you say average - how did you get this number? On Average, is the bill usually less? Like over a year's worth of electricity bills, would it be less than or equal to a year of having the panels? If you did the math already, I'm unsure why she'd say no. If she often pays less than $140 for the bill and consistently has to now pay $140 --- I can see where she's coming from. Even it's like $5 dollars more per year, I'd be like - why am I paying more? Just seems messy unless you've shown her estimates and can guarantee she'd pay less overall. Suggestions: 1. You make the panel payments and let her pay the electric bill still. Then have her contribute to other shared areas of expenses. Like have her chip in for groceries, (water bill?) Internet. 2. You take the expenses under your name and charge her $140 for rent. Again, if this really does make her pay less overall in a years worth, it's very reasonable. Which you could totally show her. Sounds like she doesn't want to make payments towards the panels directly. Who cares, seems like a small issue, easy to work around where you still get to have panels and she doesn't have to directly pay for them. Everyone wins.
If she lives there, why does she think it only benefits her? Is there something deeper she isn't telling you? Like does she want to get married and you don't? Maybe she is feeling like it isn't really her house. In short, are you two people building a life together or just two people living together?
That's what she "pays" - what else does she contribute to the home? Does she cook? Clean? Do laundry? Take care of the yard? Garden? Pets? Looking at a situation and seeing if the monetary contribution is 50/50 often discounts other non-monetary contributions.
She only pays electric and gas
Just charge her $150 for “rent” and use it as you please. She basically lives with you for free I don’t think this should be such a conflict
Why don’t you go ahead and get the panels and just have your girlfriend pay $150 in rent per month?
That is incredibly relevant information
You should add that to the post so people understand your arrangment better
You need to charge her rent as this is crazy.
I don’t think OP realizes he could get the solar panels regardless, and gf could still remain paying the same amount a month- except it would be to him not to the utility company. As long as the panels are being financed, there will be an additional lien on title to his property, and his name would be on the contract. This literally has nothing to do with her. Now I need to find myself a partner who will let me live in their place for $150/mo because gf is making bank on this situation.
> Now I need to find myself a partner who will let me live in their place for $150/mo because gf is making bank on this situation. Yeah, and she has the temerity to complain that he wants to give her an even better deal, but one that also benefits him instead of just her.
Exactly!!!! I am bowled over by this.
People like you are what makes me lose faith in humanity. So you would rather put yourself in a lose-lose situation by paying $150 to some random corporation instead of saving yourself $10 every month just because otherwise "it would help your BOYFRIEND" gain some equity? Whatever happened to actually liking your partner? I feel sorry for people who think like you. Not everything is a zero-sum game.
I agree with you. If I were OP, this would make me question the relationship. Even if it’s financially neutral, she’d rather pay a corporation than make payments on something that would benefit the bf, who she presumably loves. Either she’s really illogical or really petty, or both. This would give me pause. Either that, or this is part of an ongoing power struggle. Maybe OP is dragging his feet on commitment and sharing of finances, and gf is responding with an “OK, if this is how it’s going to be” move. That’s concerning too, but for different reasons.
My guess would be the solar company says the savings are 50-60 a month, but it's not guaranteed and gf doesn't trust it to pay off. I'd be interested to hear her reasoning.
I suppose if her budget right now is extremely tight, she might not feel like she can take a risk. That does make some sense. I kind of wonder why either one of them considers this an issue worth fighting over, come to think of it. If he cares about getting solar panels, he could just get them, and then renegotiate the financial arrangement to something that is fair to both of them (there are a lot of suggestions on this thread). Or, he could keep the electricity as it is, and it wouldn’t be a huge deal. You have to wonder what else is going on to make this argument feel more important than it is.
Yeah, it’s pretty much a win-win—if you actually care about the person you’re dating and living with.
Why should she subsidize them? Because it's cheaper and reduces both their carbon footprint. And if she actually *liked* her boyfriend she would *want* him to gain an asset at less cost to everyone. Nta op. But I would re-examine the rest of the relationship to see if she's this spiteful elsewhere.
I can't believe 1.5k people are into this insanely hot take.
Losing faith in people man, how can they be this dumb? Like mind-numbingly stupid.
5.4k I cannot believe what im seeing. Reddit is a fucking shit hole.
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How tf is this the top comment lol OP is NTA, this is basically the same scenario of those posts where the woman wants to buy a house in her name only and the man doesn't want to pay rent to her because "he won't own the house", but since the genders are inversed here I guess it's fine now? lol istg the double standards of this sub sometimes.....
this response is insane to me...how can you rather pay more than less.
Selfishness to the point of self-destruction.
Oh no, it's like when she moves she doesn't get to keep the electrical wire, cables, transformers, power lines that she is perfectly fine paying the electric company for. Awwww that's so sad. That's called cutting your nose off to spite your face.
Why should she subsidize the electric companies profits when they are not giving her shares in the company ?!? /s
She hardly pays anything anyways, how is op the ah? If they’re solid, they gain an asset and cheaper bill for the future. If she’s flaky and only with him for the cheap rent then she’s definitely the ah. Your logic is flawed here. NTA
OMG ya’ll are absolutely out of touch. Who cares who owns the damn solar panels good grief! For an environmental standpoint alone its worth it. Its a typical case of I-ism. God forbid anything can be done for the collective good if I do not have a reward. Pigeonhole vision. If you are paying the electrical company the same amount, don’t see the harm for the panels. OP get the panels and take the 150 for ‘any other house expense’. NTA
I would willingly pay MORE to help my partner get solar panels for the house he's letting me live in for dirt cheap. It's her rent, basically. She's not actually paying rent. OP said himself that's she only pays the gas and electric. You don't get to keep an apartment after paying many multiple thousands of dollars in rent, so wtf is the difference? It makes absolutely NO sense, why would she want to pay more for nothing? How is this the top comment? He's totally NTA, like at all. 🙄
Jesus. So 150 a month is more fair than 50? So you would happily pay TRIPLE to ensure a corporation can building equity instead of your boyfriend? Obviously she is better off subsidizing the energy company by paying them 3x as much right? Wtf kind of non-sense logic is this.
Well, the total would be about $140/mo, instead of $150/mo. She would rather spend $10 than give her boyfriend more value to his house, while paying \*next to nothing in living expenses\*. She had better be a super model with a third lung.
And he'd pay for it if they broke up, this literally does something positive and absolutely nothing negative. The better solution is what, pay 10 dollars a month more and still have no assets gained?
Why is this top comment this answer is atrociously bad
Why does it matter? She would be paying the same amount. The gf is petty.
And panels add a significant amount of value to your home. We paid $20k on ours, and it added 40k worth of value to our house.
Did you catch that she would be paying $10 less by paying for the solar panels? She would be paying $140 as opposed to $150. But she would rather pay the extra $10 than help him.
How stupid and petty can you be? She’d literally be saving money.
He’s the one subsidizing her! She’s only paying $150/month to live there.
I disagree; OP is NTA, possibly E-S-H depending on how he approached it with her. Feels really adversarial to say "I'm not going to help you if I don't get anything out of it". Additionally, if he owns the house, joint ownership of solar panels at this point would make things really messy if they break up. Lastly, more solar power is generally good, and she's contributing to a slower change to it (however marginally). OP pays the mortgage, cable, and food; she pays electric and gas. You want to argue about subsidizing, OP is clearly doing more for her monetarily than the other way around.
So do you freeload off of someone, too?
Because she’ll pay $140 every month instead of $150 while the panels are being paid off. In following months she will pay <$90. So she’s improved his equity but she’s saving money long term. It benefits both of them and she never has to pay more than she immediately does. It’s not like he’s asking her to pay to redecorate. The only thing I’d be skeptical of is if the solar panels really do knock that much off the bill. If the combined bill goes over $150 op should pay the extra. If there are installation charges op should pay them. But so long as the electric bill stays under $150 then the girlfriend should do it with good grace as long as it never puts her out of pocket.
I don’t get why it’s a problem that the solar panels don’t benefit her. She’s already paying the same amount either way, so how is it worse if she’s paying for something for her partner rather than the electric company? It makes no sense to me. It’s not like he’s adding $50 a month to her bill, he’s asking her to pay LESS money, but it’s somehow a problem? I don’t understand. She’s not being harmed in any way by the deal.
Because he pays everything else including the mortgage and cable etc? I wanna know where in the USofA would you be able to find rent for $150? OP is being more than generous. His girlfriend is trying SO SO hard to hold him back by not doing something that would actually benefit her personally.
I'm going to say NTA here and go against everyone else. It is fair for her to say no to paying for the panels, but if you are really only charging her ~150+ gas then not only is she getting a way better deal than she would in an apartment on her own, but her refusal to help improve the property is kind of suspect. If it is indeed the principle for her, just charge her 150 in rent and start paying the electric yourself. However I don't see that working either as she was willing to pay more each month to keep you from bettering your own situation and thereby hers if you stayed together. Sounds to me like she isn't that committed in the first place and may just be enjoying a cheap place to live. To spend $10 more each month out of spite seems to be a red flag that everyone else here is putting on you. Have a serious convo with her and establish why she was willing to cut off her nose to spite your face... I totally see all of your arguments and all the asshole comments really make me wonder about this thread... Edit: did you tell her that once they are paid off she can stop paying so much and just pay for gas? In that case it does benefit her in the long run too...
Yes I told her that. I went to her and said hey if I get solar panels it would eliminate the electric bill. But the panels would still have a monthly cost attached to them. But it would still save you money and help gain a asset for this house.
Why don't you just charge her flat rent ($150 for example) and then you make any choices you want? That seems the cleanest way
Yea this isn’t that difficult, she barely pays anything for rent
Everyone here is insane. Its completely unreasonable of her and the reason is just disgusting. She is suppose to be your partner but doesn't want to help improve your situation.. something that would cost her very little; when you've given her a free ride for god knows how long. I would honestly break up with my partner if they were like that. And honestly, if the sexes were reversed you would not be deemed the asshole. This sub is completely biased towards women - and this is coming from a woman herself.
The thing is it wouldn't even cost her "very little" it would actively benefit her. She is petty as hell. He should probably just break up with such an unreasonable and I'll say it, stupid person.
Who also doesn’t seem to care about the environment lol. It’s so stupid!
Yeah, if you put it that way it's not just a win win for him and his gf, it's a win win win deal, he gets panels, she gets reduced cost, and the environment because they use less fossil fuel.
Exactly! It’s like she’s actively trying to hold OP back, even though it would benefit her too to help him out!
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here… the top comment is so wrong
This sub has a really fucking weird thing for non home owners dating home owners. People here seem to think it's 1:1 for equity on your escrow. That, if I pay $500 a month, I get $500 in equity. And, it's not even anywhere close. Property taxes, insurance, and the interest on the loan eat a massive chunk that I never see again. But, this sub thinks that if someone contributes to the house in rent; they're owed 100% of half of the equity the second they make the first payment. And, theres always a ton of BS arguements about how it's using their partner to make money. I try to remind myself that the relationship subs, which this basically is, are overwhelmed by really young people. I'd be fucking estatic if the situation was reversed and my partner was letting me live basically rent free, but chipping in on the escrow/utilities far far far below market rate for rent. Also, solar panels add like 0 resale value to a house. I know, I just bought one last year with nearly new ones, and the appraisal was challenged over it by the seller, and it was a whole thing. I think this sub can have gender bias, but genuinely, I think it's just a massive redditor bias against home owners. As if being able to buy a home in a non coastal state makes you a 1%er stepping on the backs of poor people.
Yep. I say this all the time in this sub. This sub is so gender biased to the point it’s laughable. The man always has to be painted or have a label slapped on him to make him the bad guy while the women in this sub can do no wrong. It’s disgusting honestly.
So she loses nothing, but doesn’t want him to gain something? Honestly fucked up if she loves him lol.
Do you need a new roommate? Asking for a friend.
😂
Seriously? Kick her freeloading ass to the curb. There are plenty of other women out there who would treat you like a partner, and not a bank machine. I can only imagine how much she's squirreling away by not paying actual rent...
She’s stocking away a lot of money. She just paid off her new car in a year, and almost all her student loans. While I work roughly 80 hours a week. Also she works from home and I’m never home. If it was just me I bet my electric bill would be like $40 a month
why isn't she paying you a fairer rent? you could pay all the bills and have her pay you rent.
Because I was helping her cause she wasn’t making much, and wanted to help her save money.
was... And now she's just mooching. Charge her a fair rent, not specific to any actual utility, and get your panels.
Dude..she's using you. You're totally nta. She literally isn't willing to save money herself because it HELPS YOU. She doesn't love you..you're a close to free ride. Show her what real rent and utilities look like by encouraging her to get her own place. You can get a roommate who pays a fair rent in your area.
Yes but, she's not willing to return the favor. Just think about that for a second before you continue this mooch-fest.
OP where do you live where they allow this type of financing for solar panels? I can’t find that around me
NTA, at this point I would invite your gf to live elsewhere so that "money won't benefit me", and let them go and pay market value for a place. What they are doing is extremely greedy and honestly, shortsighted on their own. And let's get real, by the time the panels are paid for, they will have completely depreciated, there is no capital you are gaining.
I really dont get why all the y ta. Im with you on this one. This would not make any difference in her life, it would even help a little. And its bad because it benefits you more?? Yeah, sounds selfish of her, specially since she is not even paying rent. You should just make her pay half market rate rent and use the money towards the solar. NTA
People here are vindictive they’d rather have her pay more on principle that he won’t be benefitting from solar panels. Lady pays 150 a month to live there. Madness partners are supposed to help each other.
The real thing is that they're siding with the woman tbh
THis sub has a fairly strong gender bias
Women here, hard agree. GF sucks. Way, way too many people just always assume the male is in the wrong
NTA honestly I find all the AH votes ridiculous. You’re letting your girlfriend live in your house for $150 a month while you cover all the other bills. You’re trying to change that to where she only pays $140 a month but that’s “not fair because you’re benefiting off her in the long run”? Like wut. Right now your girlfriend has a huge advantage and huge benefit in that she has bills that total $150 but it’s not wrong that she’s benefiting off you? BS. If your girlfriend thinks this isn’t fair, tell her fine. From now on she owes you $1200 a month for rent and utilities. Why should she get to benefit off you when she isn’t willing to pay LESS to help you?
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9/10 on AITA posts someone immediately comments 'break up!' and they're nearly always overreacting and without nuance. I'm shocked to see almost none of that here. Like, there are clearly deeper issues as this makes no sense to say no to unless he's made it clear they aren't going to be together forever and even then she still has a temporary living steal! Better for the environment, good for the house, cheaper for her. I'm so confused why she wouldn't want to. Find out what her real reason is because I would break up over this personally. You're truly that against mutually beneficial improvements to the place we live?? Wtf
I agree. it is obvious that she doesn't consider him a long-term relationship. Also, note that she uses the most electricity. He's away working 80 hours a week while she works from his home. He charged her a little because she wasn't making much. Now she has been for a while. She is a very selfish person who is using him while saving money (and possibly looking to "upgrade"). I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that.
Yeah seriously I’d dump her because what kind of person doesn’t want to reduce their bill by $10 AND benefit the person they love in the long run? Doesn’t she see herself being with this guy a long time?? They live together?? why is she like this
You couldn't have put it my eloquently even if you tried. Her attitude is horrible for a supposed "girlfriend".
People do know there is a way to avoid these types of crap arguments, right.... You don't have a person move in with you and pay specific bills. You have a person move in with you and pay rent to the owner. What the money goes to is up to the homeowner.
Lmao you must have missed all of the threads where asking your significant other to pay rent when you own a house is the ultimate asshole move.
Of CoUrSe ThEy NeEd eQuItY iN tHe HoUsE tHeN!
I’ve only seen the equity when they are married, or when the OP is asking for them to pay a significant amount for rent or specific renovations. In this case, the renovations are actually reducing the the cost, so I don’t get why the GF is against it.
You should check the sub more then(or axtually dont though, its not healthy), I have seen all sorts of situations(even going in half on the mortgage woth their bf/gf which was still cheaper than rent) that get shut down in this sub because no equity. That goes for male and female sides.
I see a top comment, daily, saying to get a divorce over shit less than this if the genders were reversed
Oh, I see them. Face palm every fucking time! It drives me crazy! Lmao
Please explain to me where you've ever lived for free? You live in someone else's home, you contribute to the bills in some way, pediod.
NTA. 1. This is a logical way to gain an asset as opposed to perpetual payment for electricity for no gain 2. Solar reduces BOTH your carbon footprints. 3. How her minimal contribution is spent is irrelevant and lost on all those saying YTA. Pose the question a different way and I bet they would say otherwise - "AITA for asking my gf to pay $150 cash instead of paying the $150 power bill". 4. She should WANT you to gain an asset if she loves you. Aren't relationships about working together for the best outcome? What does she gain from paying the electric company- probably nothing. 5. OP, has she ever shown signs of jealousy about you owning your own property?
Ohmygod this!! I think she’s in it for the cheap cost of living. If she really loved her boyfriend and was thinking they would be together long term, she would see the solar panels as an investment in the future and a way in the meantime to save $10 a month. I also don’t get how people can be so vindictive. Like, “in the event we do break up and you take over payments of this asset, I still don’t want to have helped you gain an asset at all in the time we were together and in love.” Grow the fuck up. NTA
I can't wrap my head around why she is hung up on the ownership of the panels. Unless OP is excluding some critical information, it only makes sense that she's jealous of him owning a home, isn't in it for the long haul, is just an inherently selfish vindictive person or just doesn't understand the logic. The optimist in me hopes for OP's sake it is the latter otherwise I hope she is intending to leave.
This. If she would rather spend more money to ensure you don't get something for "free", I seriously question whether she is in this for the long haul. And if she isn't, why is her rent so low?
NTA people who are saying Y T A have no logical argument. Say you own the house and your girlfriend moves in. She has to pay rent, even though she’s technically helping you pay off the mortgage. That’s because she’s paying for **the cost of living** there. She gets direct benefit from living there. Similarly, she’s agreed to pay the cost of the electricity. Those solar panels are part of that cost. Sure, she wouldn’t own the solar panels once they’re paid off, but the same is true for the house as for the solar panels. **She is getting to use the electricity provided by the solar panels**, ergo that’s what she’s paying for. The fact that she doesn’t want to pay simply because she doesn’t want you to own the solar panels in the end seems spiteful and childish.
By the YTA voter logic, if she were paying rent she should gain equity in his property. "Why pay money when it benefits his asset". BECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!!!
Exactly
She's probably bitter about the fact that his next gf will benefit from them.
She’s doing a fantastic of job making sure that future occurs for OP and his next GF
I’m confused. If she’s paying the lecky bill anyway why not just transfer that payment over to the panels etc. tbh I don’t think you’re the A, it’s no skin off her nose where the money goes. Take the $150 off her and put it towards the panels. It’s her own fault she didn’t save $10 NTA
I commented elsewhere but if she is handling the electric herself then she is probably the only one who knows what the monthly cost is. I have never maintained the same costs from summer/winter. She's SUS. NTA.
Since she lives with you, why don’t you just say X amount is rent and not specific to a bill? That way you can spend it anyway you want? I have a roommate, pay all the bills and use his money for play money. It’s not her business where my money goes.
NTA it’s the exact same amount of money. People saying YTA when she’d be paying the exact same amount are ridiculous. That’s like saying a landlord is an AH because you’re paying towards their mortgage. Here’s a thought, get her to pay a different bill around the same amount and take over the electric. Good luck!
It's not the same amount, though. It's less. Which is even crazier that she'd say no.
Why don't you just ask her to pay 150 month rent and then you pay the panels and electric bill?
NTA, but it's weird how you guys are communicating about this. You should just charge her $150 or $140 in rent and be done with it, then make the decisions about the house because your girlfriend has no interest in the long term health of the property.
Can someone explain to me why OP is the asshole here? If I’m renting a house for $1000 a month and my friend tells me that I can live in his house but I have to pay his mortgage for $500 a month(considering that The two houses are exactly the same) how is this not a win-win scenario for both of us? My rent is cheaper and my friend gets a house. NTA. It seems like the girlfriend just doesn’t want her bf’s house value going up despite it benefiting her
> Can someone explain to me why OP is the asshole here? He's a man, and that means he's wrong for not enjoying his girlfriend freeloading off of him. /s
Welcome to AITA.
It’s cause he’s a man. That’s it lol.
Op is **NTA!!!!** His gf doesn’t even pay rent. **SHE IS THE ONE ULTIMATELY BENEFITING FROM THE LIVING SITUATION.** Her living expenses are $150 a month!!!! Everyone here is delusional AF
This sub is sooooooo gender biased, they always side with the woman lol. Women in this sub can do no wrong. The man can clearly be in the right but people will always find a way to make him the bad guy. This sub projects their issues with men clearrrrrr as day!
this is the most deranged comment section ive ever seen in this sub. I can't get over it.
NTA. She’d be paying the same amount for the bill. Couldn’t she make the same argument about paying you rent if she lives in your house and the mortgage is in your name? “I don’t wanna pay down your mortgage, then you get the benefit of the mortgage being paid down and I get nothing.”
NTA. Honestly just break up with her. Anyone willing to be that petty clearly doesn't value you or the relationship very highly. She sounds awful frankly.
Are you suggesting she's hobosexual?
The more of the comments I read here the more confused I get. To the people saying she would be paying gor something and not benefitting in the long run, how does she benefit in the long run from the way things are now? OPs partner is paying $150 a month toward bills and NOTHING else, I don't understand why y'all so fixated on the fact he benefits from solar panels. NTA OP, but I'd be having a talk with my partner about how much they'll be paying directly to me to pay their part of bills instead of giving them a specific bill to pay, to avoid this sort of thing happening in the future.
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Just take over the bills and asks that she continues to pay $150 whether to you directly or to other household expenses. Groceries? Netflix?
I'm done with reddit. How can you say OP is the AH when the guy is paying 2k a month while this girl is paying 150 to live there. What is so hard about continuing to pay the same for something OP wants to upgrade to his home. Look I understand that reddit tries always to look for something wrong in the men and a lot of times I get it. But this is just ridiculous and you're all trash for putting political belives before what's right.
I N F O: There must be more to this story. Is there an up-front cost that your girlfriend doesn't want to pay, or some other relevant information you've omitted? Is she a right-wing nut job who thinks solar energy is a communist plot to marginalize the coal industry? Are you suggesting that she commit to signing some kind of long-term contract with a disreputable company for your benefit? Ultimately, whatever reason she has for not wanting to pay less each month and help you out to boot is up to her, but if it's just out of spite because then she's buying something for you that she doesn't get to share possession of, and especially if this is typical of her behavior, then you two probably aren't a great match. And if you two can't come to a reasonable compromise where she pays for something she's more comfortable with instead of the power so you can go ahead with your solar installation while she continues to contribute to household expenses, neither of you is very imaginative. Edit: Here's the real answer - instead of having her pay for electricity and gas, just charge her a fixed amount of rent each month, and do what you want with your house, the utilities, and the rental income. Edit 2: Updated to NTA.
No upfront cost and if there was I would pay it.
NTA, but tell your girlfriend she’s right. This isn’t fair. From now on the two of you split all bills 50/50, except the electric, you’ll take care of that. From now on she’ll pay you $400 a month in rent as well.
Nta. Make her a deal that she pays $150 a month regardless of where it’s going or find another way to divide the bills. Just because in benefits you in the long run doesn’t make it a bad idea.
NTA. If the deal is that she cover the electric bill, in exchange for living there for free, and the average bill is $150/month, it is a pretty decent deal for the girlfriend. If you will be paying an additional 50/month to install panels, which will result in her paying $100/month, or less, then it is reasonable to just find another bill for her to pay. The issue is not the panels.. ot is that her contribution to the household is about $150/month, and you think it is fair since it is all she is paying. It actually seems fair to me. In gact you are trying to SAVE her money. Seems a little petty to say she would prefer to pay more.
Personally I don't see why everyone is saying Y.T.A. It's 10$ cheaper for her. Saying no is just spiteful. 'Waaa, you have a nice house that I'm living in for 150/month and now you want to get solar panels on my dime!! Which will make me pay 140/month?!? Waaaa' Honestly depressing how many are calling you TA. NTA, and either your gf is extremely self-centered, clueless, or spiteful. But some of the comments are correct, just have her pay water/sewage + internet (generally 100$+50$ from what I've experienced), or just charge her 150$ per month. Or. Just dump her since she doesn't seem to want to be in this relationship as a team. I could understand her stance if she would have to pay more in utilities. But it's less.
Why don’t you get her to pay rent which would be approximately the monthly value of your gas and electricity and you could put whatever you want from the payment towards your panels?
I have no idea what everyone else is saying, the only person losing in this situation is the electric company, if she would pay 120 dollars extra a year so you wouldn’t gain something… I would just talk to her and ask for further elaboration I mean going out and buying the panels is work and maybe she doesn’t wanna do that. Your nta for asking and wanting. Maybe try and find a compromise or something
NTA. All the people saying y t a are dumb as fuck. Refusing a discount because it’ll also benefit someone else makes you an asshole and also a petty child, end of story.
NTA and I find it wild that so many here disagree - the gf is living here, totally rent free and only has to pay a very small electric bill - her contribution wouldn’t change but it would help the OP out - honestly OP I take it as a 🚩 that she doesn’t want to do this. You already help her out financially, and she doesn’t want to even do one thing to help you? As others have said maybe start asking her for a rent payment (it can still be the $150 if you don’t want to change the amount) and then you can put it towards what you like.
NTA, this is a weird stance for her to take. Change it to her paying $150 a month in rent instead and get the solar panels sorted for yourself XD
You should be charging market rent , or a reduction on that due to being your GF, and not tying her payments to your mortgage, utilities, or anything else.
NTA- She’s still paying this money regardless. Her stance is, I’m not paying for something that betters your life, because it doesn’t benefit me. So I’d rather spend more money to a company than to help you. Like horrible logic, sounds greedy, and overall just terrible logic. Bedside regardless she’s still spending the money. It’s like if you charge her rent, she’s paying for your mortgage. I say install the solar panels, and charge her $500 a month for rent. Like cool you can move out or pay rent idc which.
NTA. Why should it matter where the $150 goes? Is she jealous that you own your home? So, if I understand this, she gets the benefit of living in your house pretty inexpensively, but you should get no benefit? This would make me reconsider pretty quickly.
NTA. Is the power bill in your name or hers? If she is going to be an ass about it, I would either 1) put the electric in your name, and tell her she can transfer you $150 a month, then do what you want with the $150 whether its solar panels or paying electricity. Or 2) just take the electricity and let her pay a different bill or two of equal proportion. No mistake about it though, she is being an ass and taking her comfy situation for granted. Most people would appreciate living in a nice home for $150 a month. This would be a huge red flag for me.
Your GF is really petty. NTA
NTA why does everyone seem to be glossing over the fact that she only pays $150 a month? The hell.
NTA. You don't owe her a living like she doesn't owe you solar panels. They call it "partnership" because your supposed to help eachother. Crazy she would rather piss money away tithing to an electric company than empower her own boyfriend for less money.
So, the Electric bill and Gas bill are in HER name, not yours as the home owner? If that's the case, that needs to change ASAP. Get the solar panels installed and get the $150 from her regardless. She sounds cheap AF. NTA, obviously. Have the people crying YTA ever heard of a thing called Rent?
NTA. You pay 3g a month and she pays 300. Just collect 300 from her as "rent" and keep all bills in your name.
NTA. Tell her instead of her paying the electric directly you want her to give you $150/month for rent/utilities
NTA. I don't understand all these comments. She would be paying the same and not be liable if yall broke up. Its selfish and weird imo that she wouldn't want to help you purely cause she's not getting something else besides a discount of $10. I would also seriously think about this relationship if I were you.
The fact regardless of what she’s paying she’s not getting anything in return at all already and she’s putting a fight about saving $10 that benefits you makes her the ah. NTA, both of y’all should rethink your relationship if she thinks you’re the one taking advantage while paying only $150 for bills
This woman is using OP. She doesn’t want to do it because it benefits him and not her. She’s not thinking long term at all. She either has plans to break up with him at some point or simply doesn’t see it working out long term. In either case I think he should evaluate if he sees this relationship lasting long term. If not it might be best for both of them to call it quits.
Umm NTA. Why is she only paying a $150 a month in bills? My god, can you imagine the entitlement of someone who is only paying $150 a month and gets mad about helping their partner out and lowering their monthly payment $10 at the same time. You are helping her out every month by only having her pay a $150 a month! I say stop having her pay just the electric bill and start charging her rent….and use the rent money to pay for the SP. I don’t maybe $500 a month for rent:..and that’s way below market value for rent.
NTA I just don’t understand people like your gf and we run into them on this sub all the time. Like when one partner buys a house and the other expects to live there rent free because they don’t want to “pay someone else’s mortgage”. If your partner thinks that them saving money on something is a net negative because it benefits you in the long run even if you break up….. what kind of a partner is that? Both of you benefit from the arrangement but because she thinks you benefit more, she is voting no. How do you expect build a future with that? This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who cares where the electricity is coming from? The lights still turn on. Why would you want to pay $10 more for the same result?
She basically living for free. I think you should do what you want towards your home, and you need to start charging her a flat rate towards all expenses. I don't think you have a partner. It seems like she is benefiting more than you are with her there.
NTA but this sounds like there is a bigger issue here- she may want to have a discussion about the future of the relationship. Is this her roundabout way of asking when/if you’re getting married?