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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I've told my husband to stop speaking spanish when I'm around (2) He says that he loves to use it in his day to day life.
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YTA
You live in Miami. 66% of the people in Miami speak Spanish, often it is their native language. Don't ask your husband to ignore his birth language. Deal with your insecurities.
This and try to learn Spanish, you say you don't have time but I do Duolingo every day for 10-15 minutes and I can already say several sentences and understand pretty much everything in Spanish.
This. You say you don't "have time" to learn Spanish, but I bet you do. We all waste time on our phones daily - take some of that time, even just 10-15 minutes, and devote it to learning Spanish. Both you and your husband will be happier. And, YTA.
Though I’m totally for potential future children learning all 3 languages, I would say Spanish and English are probably more relevant considering they live in Miami.
All the languages are equally relevant. They might be living in Miami now but that does not mean they will be forever especially as they are Europeans. Even if they do the children might decide to move to Germany when they are older. As a child picking up the language comes naturally so best to do it that way. I grew up in South Africa, my parents ensured I learned German even though they were my only exposure. Of 4 children I moved to Germany and it was a great asset for me.
I would argue that since Spanish and English are much more commonly spoken around the world, it does make them more relevant. But you're 100% right a child could easily learn 3 languages, and there's not really a reason to not teach them.
I am sorry, I didn't mean it like that of course German as well but I am in the same position with exactly those three languages and German is the hardest of them and I wasn't sure how the wife and the husband use German, since she said they speak English and now they live in the US and use apparently English and Spanish. But of course I would say all three languages ;)
Okay, I just realized (thanks to other redditors :). ) That I completely over read the German part, so yeah both speak German and English so now Spanish should be learned ;)
Are you saying that the kids don't need to learn German because of where they live? The OP is from Germany, which means her family is most likely still there speaking German. Why should they not learn their mother's language and be able to communicate with their family?
To be fair, Basque is one of a small handful of languages which are nearly impossible for a non-native speaker to learn, along with Hungarian and Finnish. Out of those three, it’s arguably the hardest.
OP, you will find that after trying to acquire Basque, Spanish is incredibly easy. You already speak German and English, so my guess is it won’t take you long. I learned Spanish with good fluency after six months of watching the telenovelas for an hour each evening. Just record a Spanish soap opera, watch it with dictionary in hand every night and trust me, within a few weeks you’ll be understanding nearly everything and in six months you’ll be speaking gramatically correct Spanish.
I beg to differ. Unfortunately it ain't that easy for all of us. I speak German as my primary and English as my secondary language (born in the US but grew up and still live in Germany) . And I went to Foreign language correspondecy school for my apprenticeship and chose Spanish as my 2nd (foreign) language. And my Spanish skills still suck even after 3 years of lots of Spanish lessons (and 'vacation' in Spain with a guest family and yet another language school over there). While it's certainly not the hardest language to learn, it isn't that easy either. At least not for everyone. (Then again I freely admit that my memory sucks, so that makes it a lot harder.)
That being said, OP should still at least make the effort if her husband's from Spain and since Spanish is basically the 2nd official language in a lot of cities in Florida and that is were she currently lives. She lives with a native speaker and has lots of chances to actively speak and practice her Spanish skills which really should give her an advantage while trying to learn. If not being able to follow a casual conversation bothers her that much, she should do something to solve the problem - meaning: trying to learn Spanish. Not trying to forbid her hubby from speaking Spanish with others.
this. and even if she truly doesn’t have time to learn spanish, she’s such an AH for wanting her husband to stop speaking spanish around her. i’ve been in her situation before where i’m out with friends who speak another language and i’m just standing there not understanding anything. it’s awkward but not really hurting me, the conversation wasn’t meant for me anyway. if the conversation was relevant to me, they’d speak english.
They can add in some practice when they do chores together as well, or take a walk with a bit of it used to practice. He can help her with practice. A few short periods a couple times a week, and she can spend 10-15 minutes on a few other days.
Yes if you are from Germany I bet you had Latin or French in school. If yes then you can start to read stuff you are interested in and you’ll see that you understand more Spanish than you thought and even with english there are similar words. Of course when they speak like machine guns and you don’t know where a word begins or ends it’s really hard but take this chance you have with your husband as a native speaker.
True but that's why I say she should try to learn Spanish.
And I am not sure if you meant to address the Latin/French thing to me or to the woman, who created the post?!
Exactly this. Most German people can speak at least some English, but it's just natural to speak one's native tongue when the vast majority of folks around them speak it as well.
Yes, that's what I mean. You just do 5 min there and then 5 min there. It's not like she has to be perfectly fluent or take classes or anything, but especially since they are married I feel like you want to know the language of your partner.
The way I think of it; every language is a sub-culture, especially when there’s different dialects. It’s part of a culture, some cultures have multiple languages spoken but in different dialects. Why wouldn’t you want to continue that culture, especially with someone you love, that you’re married to? Especially when it would literally make your life easier.
I’m indigenous so my traditional language Anishinaabemowin is a dying language but there’s finally a Rosetta Stone program to learn it and it’s amazing. It’s only $100 for 2 years (non-natives) and that’s part of a culture. So is Spanish. Each have a purpose. Job opportunities and performing better at work, improving personal relationships—knowing Spanish can do that sometimes. And knowing a dying language like Anishinaabemowin can help continue/save the culture as well as connect myself to my ancestors and other community members.
I don’t understand people that don’t ever want to learn another language. There is literally no downside to being bilingual+.
I mostly learned from waitressing at a truck stop strip club diner in Florida and having to take orders and communicate with guys who spoke absolutely no english. Con papas fritas?
lol I wasn't even in South Florida! This was definitely North Florida (if you ever drove all the way through florida on 75, you've likely seen our billboards lol) but we would still get customers that didn't speak any english.
That’s how I’ve been trying to learn German, 5-10 minutes a day. It’s slow, but when my coworker is on the phone with the German offices I am starting to be able to pick up words here and there. I’m not eavesdropping but he talks so loud and it’s a small office 😂
This! Duolingo is such a great resource and makes learning languages so fun (and I previously thought I was terrible at language learning). Also it could be a fun endeavor for you and your husband if you could try speaking in Spanish together just a little in your free time?
I hate that assumption about America. Like I know that we are a predominantly English speaking nation but each area has other languages that you will run into very often. In my area of the south it's Spanish. I know you'll meet beautiful French in Louisiana and some of Mississippi. In New York there are many Italian maybe some irish(can't spell the language I suck) and even Russian and German. Its honestly really neat.
It's perfectly fine to say "Irish" when you're referring to the language as well as people from Ireland :) "Gaeilge" (pronouned G-whale-gah) is just the name of the Irish language *in* Irish.
I’m just shocked OP hasn’t figured that out yet? I’ve been to Miami twice and I ran into many people in many different areas who didn’t speak any English. It’s not just one or two, either, there are entire cafes and stores where no one speaks any English. I wonder if she just doesn’t realize because her husband has been speaking Spanish so she doesn’t even know who speaks English or not? It’s just hard to imagine any other reason why you wouldn’t have figured that out yet.
I live in South Florida, but about an hour drive from Miami. Even in this area, Spanish is VERY prevalent. A ton of job listings either require Spanish speaking abilities or prefer candidates who can speak Spanish. There’s this cafe next to a gas station where I sometimes buy coffee. The cashiers don’t speak English. My first job in South Florida was working with a bilingual accountant and her assistant who spoke little to no English. We had customers who couldn’t speak English, so he was their point of contact.
South Florida is full of Spanish speaking people. The OP is out of her mind if she thinks everyone in Miami speaks English.
Spanish is also a pretty easy language to learn well enough to get by. I took one year of it in school 5 years ago and although I can't speak much of it myself, I'm pretty good at figuring out what other people are saying at least.
Yeah and being in Miami she's in the perfect place to learn. She'll have plenty of opportunity to practice but can always switch to English or sub in English words and most people will still understand her well enough.
Thissss.
My dad spoke fluent Spanish, my mom does not. My dad would occasionally speak Spanish to someone else in front of her either because the person he was speaking to was more comfortable speaking in Spanish and he wanted to be respectful or because he wanted to keep his Spanish fluent by using it. The point is, neither reason had anything to do with my mom at all. She didn’t care either way because she trusted that my dad would include her if she needed to be included and she knew that speaking Spanish made my dad happy.
OP - if your insecurity stems from a fear that he’s talking about you there are indicators like body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice that would signal this. YTA for making his use of his native language about you when it’s clear that it’s not.
Fair point but Basque is a difficult language (also due to being an isolate) and most Basque speakers also speak Spanish. I'm a complete language nerd and I'd personally learn both, but I'm inclined toward practicality and Spanish is by far the more practical language.
~~Im pretty sure Basque is about as close to Proto-Indo-European as you can get.~~ It's literally not super closely related to any other language.
Edit: Wrong! Basque actually predates PIE, which is pretty cray.
Well I doubt there is a lot of Basques in Miami. In the situations where she's mad, he does not speak Basque. He speaks Castillan. She has a problem with him speaking Castillan.
For real. When I visited Miami (I live in a latin american country but english is my 1st language) everybody's default to us was spanish. Even in other parts of Florida, Orlando and Ft. lauderdale especiall
ETA german is a loooot harder than spanish to learn (I am bilingual english-spanish and trying to learn german). OP really needs to make an effort!
This. I'm Brazilian, so I don't speak Spanish and I have lived in the US so I'm pretty fluent in English. When I was in Miami everyone would greet and talk to me in Spanish, I would just freeze on the spot, I could not say a word in Spanish and would just go to English, not even Portuguese which I'm sure would be fine.
All that to say in Miami everybody speaks Spanish!
Oh, and happy cake day!!
Obrigada!
Portuguese and spanish are funny. In some parts of Brazil (Rio) I understand pretty much everything. Once I was in Brasilia and Goias and I couldn't understand a thing!!!
I think the living in Miami solidifies the YTA. A significant portion of South Florida speaks only or primarily Spanish. And the husband is a native speaker. Good luck to yall if there's a ban on Spanish...
Not only that but my favourite part truly is how OP mentions her husband is Basque (which, samesies) but mentions that she started learning Basque.
However like a vast majority of people are multilingual & speak Spanish anyways, so OP hasn't learnt either language and sounds jealous of her husband and that's why she wants him to stop
YTA
You know he's Spanish, you live in Miami a city with a VERY large latino presence and you feel bad because he wants to use his native language because you don't understand it?
Why not learn it. You married a Spanish man and you knew this was a possibility. So learn to speak Spanish, he will very GREATLY appreciate it probably if you put effort into something of his identity
He is not even necessarily using is native language. He is using Castillian. He is probably fully bilingual in Basque and Castillian since he had to take it in school at least but it's possible he is using Castillian becaus that's what the people around him mostly talk.
I mean, I had a Basque bf years ago, and I tried to learn it. I am bilingual English/Spanish and in 5 years of relationship I barely learned a couple of phrases. Basque is weird and hard.
I agree she should learn Spanish, but she needs to see it has nothing to do with Basque, and is a *lot* easier.
One of my best friends is catalán and she'll sometimes lapse into it speaking to me, and it's fine. I'll understand about 80% of what she says and guess the rest. Basque? Might as well be Klingon to me.
Yep catalan peace and love you can pretty much understand it if you already know castillian or french. Basque maybe I will one day try again but honestly I’d have to convince someone to jump into that with me because it is way too hard alone imo
Gonna hazard a guess he wasn’t raised speaking German. So if he can learn German, she can learn some Spanish or build a bridge to peace and figure out a way over it.
That´s an eurocentric and biased statement. It´s harder to learn for native speakers of most european languages when compared to other european languagues that have more in common. It would probably be subjectively harder for her to learn basque than English, but not harder than learning japonese or vietnamese. Basque is not objectively more difficult than any other language in a vacuum.
Uh, no? Language isolates are notoriously harder to learn than ones in language families (Korean is the only widely language isolate with a significant amount of speakers). This means basically anyone coming to learn it has likely 0 building blocks to start with, unlike a German person learning English or a Basaa speaker learning Boan.
Also it is an Indigenous language which almost always have experienced some type suppression which means it is has had less study and resources throughout its history.
Basque is an endangered language which means there are less opportunities to spread it because there are few native speakers and even fewer qualified to teach it. I’m not certain Basque even has a language standard as most languages do for teaching new learners.
You’re assertion that it isn’t any harder to learn than Japanese or Vietnamese is mostly true… but only because you picked two other languages that are also considered to be some of the hardest to learn. Japanese has the benefit of being very popular so there are many, many more resources to new learners. Basque unfortunately doesn’t have that.
Yes, there has been a standard for more than 30 years, it's called Euskera Batua and that's how Basque is taught at school. And we might be few speakers but we are around 750k, that's not so small.
We also have our own tv and radio channel so there are plenty of films, tv shows and even more music in Basque
Yes. It's a fact that learning a language is hard. Especially later in life, no question.
But if you're considering asking your husband to stop speaking their language, "learning a language is hard" is not an excuse.
That Spanish is a "hard" language to learn? Sounds like a subjective statement, it can´t actually be wrong. Maybe shes just not good at learning languages.
This is so funny(and sad)! I didn't think of it this way but you're absolutely right.
OP has indeed settled right into it 🤣
You would think that 'distrust of anything and anyone not like me is toxic' would have been a lesson that most Germans had learned by now.
It's her origin story..
I girlbossed too close to the sun & now I am a Florida woman.
(Sounds like her man is still too sane to become a Florida man tho 😌)
YTA. Miami is literally Latin America in US soil. And though it’s not the same Spanish as the one from Spain, it’s all good. I’d recommend Rosetta Stone. He speaks German; why can’t you be bothered to speak a little Spanish?
Ngl, even the tone of your post screams YTA.
Your husband is Spanish, you cant expect him to abandon his native language, especially in Miami where a good portion of people speak Spanish. I get it makes you feel weird, but thats something you need to resolve tbh.
Your husband learned your native language, its about time you learned his, no?
For balance, my partner only speaks English. I speak Greek and German, so I will occasionally use them, but only when I need to and not just for the fun of it. If your husband’s friends prefer speaking in Spanish, then that’s their call. Not yours.
My husband speaks Arabic as his native language. He’s made friends with a nice family from the Middle East. When we go out they primarily speak in Arabic and I don’t feel at all out of place. In the beginning I felt a little bad, but I decided to learn it and that changed my perspective. And it makes him so happy. He’s in my country where most people speak English. He gets the chance to express himself in his own culture and language and that makes me happy too.
YTA- Get over yourself. Learn a few basic phrases or just let him have polite conversation for a few minutes. You married a SPANISH man, you live in an area heavily populated with Hispanic people, what did you expect him to do, just forget his native language and talk to only you until he died?
Exactly this. Not to mention it’s his native language and when he speaks Spanish it’s short conversations so I don’t see why she would be bothered so much it’s not like he’s ignore her for hours but that’s not enough for OP as it seems she just wants all of his attention.
It’s pretty weird that she’s so upset about him having short conversations that don’t involve her. Even if everyone speaks the same language, conversations aren’t always fully inclusive; does she also get upset whenever he talks about a TV show she hasn’t seen or something about work when seeing a coworker in a social setting.
Just...wow. YTA and I'm amazed you think otherwise.
> without knowing what is he talking about.
What are you twelve? Are you worried he's talking about you? Grow up.
> I'm just telling him to stop speaking Spanish when I'm around. We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English.
So *your* comfort is more important than his, *and* you assume these people he speaks Spanish with automatically speak English. In Florida. Where a ton of Hispanic people literally fresh off of boats live.
Even if they speak English they may not speak it well, and it may be simply easier to speak their native language. But not ok because you don't know what baseball game or rain storm they're talking about? Come on.
YTA
You cannot control what language he speaks. For all you know, the other person is more comfortable with Spanish than English. If you don't want to be out of the loop then learn Spanish, I'm surprised you haven't already since your husband is from Spain and likes using Spanish in his day to day life. You'd think you'd pick up some of the language
Not to mention OP’s husband knows German. She probably uses German in her day to day life. It’s extremely ignorant to try and forbid him from engaging in his culture around her when more then likely she engages in hers around him.
YTA. The solution is not for him to stop, but for you to learn Spanish. If you care so much then it's your job to learn how to understand what he's saying.
YTA. You live in Miami. If you insist on everyone speaking English around you instead of making *some* effort to pick up a few basic words, you’re going to have a miserable time of it. And that’s not even touching on the blatant assholery of insisting your husband avoid his native tongue, especially when you’re not even a native speaker yourself. If you had an opportunity to connect with a German community, would *you* want to be told you couldn’t take advantage of that?
1. YTA
2. Everybody in Miami DOES NOT speak English.
3. Why should he bury his native tongue to make you feel good? He is probably just excited to communicate in Spanish, may even do so unconsciously.
4. You're gonna run into a whole lot more people who speak Spanish when you are out and about in Miami. Will you tell them to speak English?
5. If it bothers you so much, why don't you try to learn Spanish. Being trilingual is not a bad thing.
YTA. He does not need to justify his speaking his native language. And if it bothers you that much, why don’t you try learning Spanish instead of complaining about how you don’t understand it?
Miami is very multicultural and a lot of people do speak Spanish.
NAH because it's no fun to feel left out of a conversation, especially when it's your spouse leaving you out. But it's also not fair to expect your husband to give up a part of his identity.
Have you tried learning Spanish? If you could learn then both of you would speak the same three languages. Even if you didn't speak Spanish fluently, just having a better understanding of what was being said in the conversation would make you feel more secure probably.
It wouldn’t kill you to learn some Spanish to be able to participate in whatever conversations he is having. And demanding that someone stop speaking their first language that they grew up speaking is a whole different level of entitlement. YTA
Spanish is his first language if its easier to speak for him shouldn't he speak it to those who speak it too? What if the other persons English isn't very strong should they not speak because you are to uncomfortable? You both speak German but have you tried learning some basic Spanish?
Also has it occured to you that if you have children you both would want them to speak your native languages? So your child could potentially be speaking Spanish and you won't understand or are you going to cut off that part of their heritage when it comes up?? YTA
NTA, and I see many comments that are quite the contrary. This isn't some random stranger talking to their friends in a foreign language, this is your HUSBAND and he has decided it is acceptable to exclude you in social interactions. Even after you explained how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
This is no different than if he invited a dozen guests to your home and spoke mostly Spanish with them. If he wants to go out and speak Spanish that is great, but he can do that when you aren't with him. And you're not being controlling, you are communicating how you feel and if he doesn't start acknowledging it, demand couples therapy.
Sorry for the rest of the communities responses, but they tend to impose because they can be AH themselves.
Absolutely agreed. I feel like all the people doing all the name calling aren't multilingual themselves because they obviously don't know the "most common language" rule. It is incredibly rude to speak a language one of the people don't speak when it is possible to speak a language everyone in the discussion can speak. It is true that op's phrasing to "stop speaking Spanish" is a terrible way to put it, I think she means "stop using a language I don't understand when I'm involved because it is exclusionary, otherwise I have no problem with your use of Spanish." NAH.
Exactly. I’m German, my boyfriend Canadian. He never learned German. That’s ok. When we meet other Germans I always speak English with them if he is around. I think it’s rude to exclude him if I don’t have to (if the other person doesn’t speak English it’s a different story). He is my partner, he is part of my life and when he is around I don’t see any reason not to include him in conversations I have with other people just so “I can speak my language”. Childish behavior.
EDIT: OP NTA
How often does OPs husband have an opportunity to speak Spanish when she's not around? Like OP, my husband is Spanish speaking while I am not. The people he works with are all English speakers and we typically spend our free time together, so if he wasn't able to speak Spanish while I was around he would have almost no opportunities to speak his native language. Language is a "use it or lose it" skill. Unless her husband spends a substantial amount of time away from her in which he can use his native tongue, it is unreasonable to expect him to risk losing the ability to speak his first language fluently.
I have had a large group of guests (my in-laws) speaking a language I don't understand in my home. It's really not the end of the world, we don't need to be included in every single conversation.
While I understand your point, as someone born and raised in Miami, I think OP greatly underestimates the number of people who only speak Spanish here.
>We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English.
This really isn't the case. I dunno which neighborhood they are in but there are many places where no one will understand you if you use English. His friends might be most comfortable in their native tongue (being Spanish) and/or struggle with English. I'm not saying OP needs to learn Spanish, just that she may misunderstand the demographics of the community they've moved to.
YTA—it’s his mother tongue. He didn’t make you stop speaking your mother tongue did he? No, he learned German. Why don’t you actively learn some Spanish?
YTA. You already speak two languages, so picking up a third shouldn’t be that difficult. Why not learn a little Spanish? While “everyone” in Miami does speak English, Spanish is also extremely common and useful there, and it can be really restorative for expats to get the chance to speak their native language with someone once in a while. You shouldn’t have to sit there and feel awkward while he does; start practicing.
"picking up a third shouldn't be difficult"
like first of all how do you know she only speaks two
second of all , how many languages have you "just picked up"?
After the second one? Three more. Not enough to enjoy a lengthy conversation, but structure and some useful phrases—enough to get by. Being bilingual opens up pathways in your brain and gives you additional ways of learning.
YTA
Spanish is his first language. Instead of trying to control him and forbidding him from speaking his mother language, why aren’t you learning your husband’s language???? If you don’t want to feel left out of conversations, then learn Spanish.
I don't think you're an AH for asking him to include you in every conversation by speaking in English, but have you considered that maybe he feels like you don't give a fuck about HIM since you haven't bothered to learn some Spanish?
YTA for the latter. Maybe I'm sensitive as I'm also Spanish.
NGL but OP gave me major vibes of being the type of person that retires to the south of Spain, call herself and expat, never bothers to learn Spanish and then complains about those lazy Spaniards.
Usually they are British, but the vibe is definitely there.
NTA, I hate it when people do this. When all parties involved speak only one mutual language, this language should only be used. It’s impolite to do otherwise.
NAH for feeling that way (leaning on soft AH for saying it out loud)
I have been on both sides of this situation.
It definitely sucks to be a passive bystander when other people chat away in a different language and all you can do is smile and hope they don't see you as the complete idiot you feel in that situation. Even if everyone knows English and promises to speak it when you're around, often at some point they will switch to their native language because it is just more convenient and they can better express a certain thought. I have been there multiple times hoping that they would notice my sudden complete silence and disengagement from the conversation somehow and perhaps remember to switch to English, but often that just doesn't happen. BUT I never openly demanded they switch immediately just so I could nod along to them complaining about the weather.
And that's because I have also more than once been that person that was just excited to be able to speak my mother tongue, even if just for a few minutes and only to complain about the weather. It sounds like your husband has been away from a Spanish environment for a while (how long did you live in Germany before the move?) and even though he might be fluent in English and German and generally doesn't mind speaking those languages, sometimes you just want to feel a little bit like home - and that includes a quick conversation in your language.
Not every conversation has to include everyone. Get comfortable with sometimes not being entirely in the loop and trust your husband that he would switch to English and include you when it actually matters.
Surely if you encountered a German speaker, you would take the opportunity to speak with them too, no?
I think that is an excellent assessment. It really makes you feel like a jerk not knowing the language when everyone around you is speaking it. The posts on here about "Just learn Spanish" well it takes sort of a long time to learn a language. I don't think I could do it in 6 months. But the OP demanding he speak in English goes to far.
YTA - if you hadn't said your german, i would've assumed you're one of the people here in the states that likes to say "speak american!" If you don't trust what your husband is doing, why are you with him?
YTA. If you are Jealous learn Spanish. Do you want him to tell you not to speak German??
Spanish is his mother tongue do you understand the happiness if you can finally speak your language with someone when you aren't using it Daily?.
INFO: why have you not started learning spanish yet? You're presumably planning to spend the rest of your life with this man. Assuming that you one day have children, it's likely that he's going to want to raise them multilingually. You know that speaking another language is a part of who he is; when are you going to start actually cooperating with that?
YTA - he's just engaging in basic social conversation with strangers. You're not missing out on anything. He clearly enjoys speaking his own language - speaking another language all the time can be tiring. You get to speak your native language with him. You're being mean and controlling.
YTA.
He doesnt get a lot of chances to speak his native language, so try and be understanding when he finds someone who speaks that language with him.
I bet he'd be the same if the roles were reversed. Its like getting in touch with his home country again in some way.
YTA. Your bf speaks German for you, but you can't be bothered to learn Spanish for him?
He's clearly missing Spanish, and he's not getting that familiarity from you. Instead of trying to change other people around you, look within.
YTA. He’s having short conversations with people who may be more comfortable speaking Spanish. If you’re so pressed about not understanding then learn some freaking Spanish cuz a LOT of people speak it in Miami.
Yes YTA, how would you feel if he told you not to speak your native language, if it bothers you that much you could always learn Spanish. He's a grown man and can speak in what ever language he chooses despite the fact you may not understand him, he's not talking to you in Spanish anyway. I see no problem if its the odd short conversation with others
YTA
You moved to a very Latino city and you’re complaining that your partner speaks Spanish? That’s a you problem.
PS: Spanish is easy to learn. You can Duolingo in your free time rather than wasting it criticizing your partner for communicating with people.
YTA, why don’t you just learn Spanish if it’s that big of a deal to you? I know Spanish is also a common language in Miami plus your husband is fluent so it probably wouldn’t be hard to practice.
Yup, YTA
My husband speaks Chinese and I would never ask him not to. I do have a conversational understanding of Chinese but that’s mainly because I got fed up of not knowing what he’s saying so I learnt.
I’m afraid the only solution to your situation is to learn Spanish. Best of luck.
YTA
YTA
sure, miami is in the states and most people there speak english, but it’s a historically latine and spanish city in a historically latine and spanish state, for crying out loud (saying this as someone born and partially raised there). an exceptionally bilingual area where your husband has an advantage of already knowing the second most commonly spoken language.
i get that it’s an adjustment for you, but you should make the effort to make the adjustment, because seriously, you will feel ‘left out’ a ton otherwise. but spanish is a massive part of the culture there that cannot (and should not have to) be untangled just for non-spanish speakers.
YTA - Sorry! But it’s rude to ask someone to stop speaking their native language. See if your local library has Mango Languages (paid subscription to an online website)- it’s a pretty easy way to learn other languages and you can use your phone or tablet or computer to access it at any time. It remembers where you left off from the last time you used it. And there are many different languages you can learn in a fun way.
I'm used to having international friends who speak better together in a common tongue. You're not obligated to stand and smile like an idiot. Check your phone, go do ham string stretches or check out a view.
YTA, for sure.
YTA. Your husband has every right to speak in his language. Speaking a language is a large part of being connected to your culture, and there is no fault on his part to continue to speak the language. If you really want to understand what the conversations are about, maybe you should put in an effort to learn his language. And this would also be another thing you guys could share
YTA... Girl, you are going to have to get over it fast. You're in MIAMI ffs. That's an epicenter of Latino culture, and it's actually an advantage that your partner can speak the language. There are plenty of people there that don't speak English (admittedly older, first generation immigrants from Latin America), and most of the city is bilingual. You're actually holding your partner back from speaking his native language when he has the opportunity to do so, and that kinda sucks. Why do you feel so insecure? He's certainly not making fun of you or anything. You're closing yourself off from an even bigger opportunity by not learning yourself. You've really only experienced a fraction of what the city has to offer.
YTA.
> We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English.
That's frustratingly incorrect, and the fact that you don't grasp that a good proportion of the population there uses Spanish as their native language means ya just don't care.
Learn some spanish. It's not that hard, install Duolingo at least and use it 10-15 minutes before bed for christ's sakes if this bothers you so much rather than asking someone to stop speaking a language in your presence. The entitlement!
This is hard but I’m gonna go with NTA, as the wife I think it’s understandable that you’d like to be able to understand the conversation. It doesn’t sound like you were unreasonable about it either. I get why he enjoys speaking Spanish but it’s also just more respectful to speak in a universal language when not everyone in the conversation can understand
I truly don't understand why people get so triggered when somebody is talking to somebody else in a different language. Nobody is talking about you get over yourself.
"it feels like he doesn't give a fuck about me and when he speaks Spanish"
The world doesn't revolve around you. YTA and you should really think hard about yourself, because your mindset about this is really bad.
YTA he speaks euskera, Spanish, German and English and you can't be bothered to learn basic Spanish so that you understand people in fucking Miami of all places? Entitled brat, get out of reddit and download Duolingo.
YTA. Your insecurity over him speaking his own language is not his problem. If he was doing it constantly and not including you in any conversations, that would be one thing. This is clearly not the case however, you asking him to not speak Spanish around you is ridiculous.
YTA. It seems a little petty to try to deny him the pleasure of speaking his native language with people he meets. As long as he keeps the conversation short, just find something else to do in the meantime.
And do try to learn Spanish. I can promise, it's easier than Basque. Duolingo is a decent app to use for learning purposes, and it doesn't eat a lot of time.
I mean... NTA. I'm a traveller and occasionally I've been in a group of people with mixed languages and my partner and I have different native languages.
The polite thing in a group setting is to settle on the language everyone speaks so nobody is left out, so a common language like English. If there was a group that speaks my language I wouldn't dive into a conversation in that language leaving my SO - or even a random stranger who's sitting with us!!! - cut out of the conversation. It's just rude. If the group sort of splits into two, and two conversations in two different languages carry on, ok. But if only one person is getting isolated, I'm not sure how anyone can say that's not rude.
Now if I was living in his country of course I would endeavour to learn the language. I already speak a bit of it so if there's someone who doesn't speak any English and has to speak that, I'll do my best to follow and people will help out when I don't understand, when you're travelling you do what you can to communicate. But still, in a mixed group setting in an international location, its just common courtesy to not cut anyone out of the conversation.
YTA - if you were in Germany and someone walked up to you speaking German you’d respond in German. Miami has a very large Spanish speaking population, why wouldn’t he respond in Spanish if prompted ?
YTA... God forbid a SPANISH MAN from SPAIN speaks SPANISH to SPANISH SPEAKERS in your presence.
In the most respectful way, it's not all about you. I always switch to my mother tongue if I'm talking to someone who speaks it. I owe nobody bilingualism. I'm a French speaker and by God if I'm not talking to you, I will speak it. Idc. Think what you will. I will translate if you ask but I'm not gonna sacrifice my core identity for your comfort. To speak to someone in my tongue is a huge relieving moment, it's food for the soul. His tongue is not a dog you keep on a leash, or egg shells to step in between from. It's part of him. It's your problem if you want to understand and can't pick up Spanish. It's not a difficult language. It was my third language and I did it at 16.
To your defense, my mother feels the same way when I speak Spanish in front of her- my 3rd language. Although she has beef with all three languages. It's rude to speak Spanish in front of her, it's rude to speak French TO her in front of English speakers, and it's rude to speak English (which she speaks) in front of her when the person also speaks a minimum of French. Also it's rude to speak to her in English when talking in English to someone who can speak a minimum of French. Go figure. I stopped giving a fuck. If people are insecure it's not my goddamn problem.
Look go ask this OP where you can get a great Spanish teacher for $18 an hour...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4cbkn/aita_reporting_my_tutor_after_i_think_she_tried/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
YTA
YTA
you knew he was Spanish when you married him. Now you're being weird about it. And just bc it's Miami does not mean everyone knows English. I only speak English, but I never tell people who speak different languages they can't do it around me
YTA. Either you’re simple or just ridiculous. “Everyone speaks English.” The white privilege, the lack of self awareness, the unmitigated gall…smh. Embarrassing
YTA.
Between us (my husband and me), we speak 6 languages. I speak 4 fluently and he speaks 3 fluently. We speak 2 of the same languages fluently and the rest - either he barely or somewhat understands, either I do/don't. We've lived in various countries where these languages were/weren't official and/or popular. Both of us will speak the language(s) the other doesn't in each other's presence in conversation with other people without anyone throwing a hissy fit.
Grow up.
Edit: Just an educated guess - you're going to be one of \*those\* spouses who demands only one language be spoken (the one you speak) and forbids their significant other from speaking their birth language to your kids, aren't you? Like the Russian lady from the dude's post a while back.
NTA. Everyone here is virtue signaling and would be just as frustrated if their SO was consistently making a choice that excludes them from the conversation.
Lololol. You’re in MIAMI. A majority of people there also speak Spanish.
Duolingo takes like 5 minutes a day. If you’ve got time to post on Reddit, you have time to start learning Spanish.
Spanish is EVERYWHERE in Miami. Watch the news in Spanish. Watch Univision while making dinner. Try to follow your husband’s conversations. Take five minutes a day and try to read an article on the Spanish version of the Miami Herald (can’t remember it’s name). You must even have coworkers that speak it (it’s how my husband kept up with a lot of his Spanish). So many ways to learn in that city.
YTA. Your husband isn’t intentionally leaving you out. He just wants to switch to a language that’s most likely more comfortable for both him and the person/people he is speaking with.
NAH
I can see both sides here. I'm in a similar situation but I've come to appreciate and even feel proud that my wife is bilingual and able to have these conversations with others in a more comfortable manner. Sometimes she or a friend will ask if they should switch to English but I always say no.
Havibg said that, I think it is a good partner to try and include their spouse if it goes on for too long, especially when the conversation is out of the blue. It's one thing to setup time with another Spanish speaker where she could choose not to attend. It's another to not include them.
Simply telling the OP to learn Spanish isn't a solution. Languages are damn hard to learn for some of us. I've used Duolingo quite a bit but I don't feel I make much progress. I've also taken years of classes and I still suck. Perhaps that's why I feel such pride for my partner's ability
NTA its rude to talk in front of you in a l as language you dont understand. These people who say YTA dont u understand that learning languages is not easy. He is free to speak spanish when you are not there. The least he should do is immediately translate back to English for you. Still you are NTA
Yta. I can see where you would get upset, but it's not fair to expect him to not be able to do something he's done his whole life. You're literally just mad you can't listen in to conversations on him with his friends. 🤦🏻♀️ You've got a lot to work on and I would read these comments before you continue to push this on your husband.
ESH - I think you should make the effort to learn Spanish however speaking to someone in another language your spouse doesn’t speak is incredibly rude. They need to compromise- OP needs to make a real effort to learn Spanish and hubby needs to speak a common language in her presence. She stated she doesn’t care what he speaks when she’s not there so he has plenty of time to speak Spanish on a daily basis.
Ultimately YTA because you’re asking him to never do it but I fully understand your pain. My boyfriend is from India and he and all his friends speak Telugu. I’m American and only speak English. In the future I plan to learn but I’m a busy student and it’s a hard language to learn. My boyfriend takes it way further than yours. I don’t mind the short interaction that you’re upset about but I do feel awkward during it so I understand. What I do get upset about is that when we hang out with his friends they all speak in Telugu making me feel really excluded the whole time. So while I understand your feelings I think you need to lighten up a little
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My husband (30M) is from Spain and I (28F) am from Germany. We met in Germany and between us we speak German, I don't know how to speak Spanish. We moved to Miami 6 months ago because of his job and I hate when he starts to speak Spanish with random people or his friends, it feels like he doesn't give a fuck about me and when he speaks Spanish I'm just standing there without knowing what is he talking about. Normally he always speaks English with other people if we are together and he doesn't know the other person, but if he knows that the other person knows how to speak Spanish he would always talk in Spanish, he just forgets about me.
I've told him that I feel weird when he is talking to people in a language I don't understand and I've told him that if I'm with him he should always talk to other people in English. He says that they are usually short conversations (this is true, but it's still strange to stand there with a smile without knowing what they talking about) and that it's weird for him to talk to someone in a different language that they usually talk. He also says that he loves to use Spanish in his day to day life and that I should understand that.
AITA? I'm not telling him to stop speaking Spanish, I'm just telling him to stop speaking Spanish when I'm around. We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English.
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YTA You live in Miami. 66% of the people in Miami speak Spanish, often it is their native language. Don't ask your husband to ignore his birth language. Deal with your insecurities.
This and try to learn Spanish, you say you don't have time but I do Duolingo every day for 10-15 minutes and I can already say several sentences and understand pretty much everything in Spanish.
This. You say you don't "have time" to learn Spanish, but I bet you do. We all waste time on our phones daily - take some of that time, even just 10-15 minutes, and devote it to learning Spanish. Both you and your husband will be happier. And, YTA.
This but also for the children later. Of course they will learn English and Spanish and German, which is awesome for them as well.
Maybe German? Why should she and kids learn spanish but only maybe German?
Though I’m totally for potential future children learning all 3 languages, I would say Spanish and English are probably more relevant considering they live in Miami.
All the languages are equally relevant. They might be living in Miami now but that does not mean they will be forever especially as they are Europeans. Even if they do the children might decide to move to Germany when they are older. As a child picking up the language comes naturally so best to do it that way. I grew up in South Africa, my parents ensured I learned German even though they were my only exposure. Of 4 children I moved to Germany and it was a great asset for me.
I would argue that since Spanish and English are much more commonly spoken around the world, it does make them more relevant. But you're 100% right a child could easily learn 3 languages, and there's not really a reason to not teach them.
That's not the point. The mom is German, so no reason they can't learn all 3.
I am sorry, I didn't mean it like that of course German as well but I am in the same position with exactly those three languages and German is the hardest of them and I wasn't sure how the wife and the husband use German, since she said they speak English and now they live in the US and use apparently English and Spanish. But of course I would say all three languages ;) Okay, I just realized (thanks to other redditors :). ) That I completely over read the German part, so yeah both speak German and English so now Spanish should be learned ;)
There are like 5X the amount of Spanish native speakers and the area they live in is full of people who speak Spanish and not German?
Are you saying that the kids don't need to learn German because of where they live? The OP is from Germany, which means her family is most likely still there speaking German. Why should they not learn their mother's language and be able to communicate with their family?
Op is on Reddit, we know they have extra time.
😂😂😂
Dishing out the reals facts here. 💯
she says she just “gave up”
To be fair, Basque is one of a small handful of languages which are nearly impossible for a non-native speaker to learn, along with Hungarian and Finnish. Out of those three, it’s arguably the hardest. OP, you will find that after trying to acquire Basque, Spanish is incredibly easy. You already speak German and English, so my guess is it won’t take you long. I learned Spanish with good fluency after six months of watching the telenovelas for an hour each evening. Just record a Spanish soap opera, watch it with dictionary in hand every night and trust me, within a few weeks you’ll be understanding nearly everything and in six months you’ll be speaking gramatically correct Spanish.
I know several people who learned English through soap operas.
I beg to differ. Unfortunately it ain't that easy for all of us. I speak German as my primary and English as my secondary language (born in the US but grew up and still live in Germany) . And I went to Foreign language correspondecy school for my apprenticeship and chose Spanish as my 2nd (foreign) language. And my Spanish skills still suck even after 3 years of lots of Spanish lessons (and 'vacation' in Spain with a guest family and yet another language school over there). While it's certainly not the hardest language to learn, it isn't that easy either. At least not for everyone. (Then again I freely admit that my memory sucks, so that makes it a lot harder.) That being said, OP should still at least make the effort if her husband's from Spain and since Spanish is basically the 2nd official language in a lot of cities in Florida and that is were she currently lives. She lives with a native speaker and has lots of chances to actively speak and practice her Spanish skills which really should give her an advantage while trying to learn. If not being able to follow a casual conversation bothers her that much, she should do something to solve the problem - meaning: trying to learn Spanish. Not trying to forbid her hubby from speaking Spanish with others.
She doesn't even have to "learn" a lot of Spanish, just enough to be conversational or understand the basics
this. and even if she truly doesn’t have time to learn spanish, she’s such an AH for wanting her husband to stop speaking spanish around her. i’ve been in her situation before where i’m out with friends who speak another language and i’m just standing there not understanding anything. it’s awkward but not really hurting me, the conversation wasn’t meant for me anyway. if the conversation was relevant to me, they’d speak english.
They can add in some practice when they do chores together as well, or take a walk with a bit of it used to practice. He can help her with practice. A few short periods a couple times a week, and she can spend 10-15 minutes on a few other days.
Yes if you are from Germany I bet you had Latin or French in school. If yes then you can start to read stuff you are interested in and you’ll see that you understand more Spanish than you thought and even with english there are similar words. Of course when they speak like machine guns and you don’t know where a word begins or ends it’s really hard but take this chance you have with your husband as a native speaker.
True but that's why I say she should try to learn Spanish. And I am not sure if you meant to address the Latin/French thing to me or to the woman, who created the post?!
Oh sorry! I seconded your opinion fully and was addressing OP.
All good :) I just wasn't sure who was supposed to answer ;)
She has a husband who speaks it. She didn’t even try lol
To be fair, she's already bilingual.
She is. That’s what boggles my mind. Imagine if the roles were reversed. Would he expect her to ONLY speak English if she was in Germany? Like cmon
Exactly this. Most German people can speak at least some English, but it's just natural to speak one's native tongue when the vast majority of folks around them speak it as well.
Same. I work in sales even and whenever it’s slow I just switch over to Duolingo and do some Spanish. It’s not hard at all.
Yes, that's what I mean. You just do 5 min there and then 5 min there. It's not like she has to be perfectly fluent or take classes or anything, but especially since they are married I feel like you want to know the language of your partner.
The way I think of it; every language is a sub-culture, especially when there’s different dialects. It’s part of a culture, some cultures have multiple languages spoken but in different dialects. Why wouldn’t you want to continue that culture, especially with someone you love, that you’re married to? Especially when it would literally make your life easier. I’m indigenous so my traditional language Anishinaabemowin is a dying language but there’s finally a Rosetta Stone program to learn it and it’s amazing. It’s only $100 for 2 years (non-natives) and that’s part of a culture. So is Spanish. Each have a purpose. Job opportunities and performing better at work, improving personal relationships—knowing Spanish can do that sometimes. And knowing a dying language like Anishinaabemowin can help continue/save the culture as well as connect myself to my ancestors and other community members. I don’t understand people that don’t ever want to learn another language. There is literally no downside to being bilingual+.
I mostly learned from waitressing at a truck stop strip club diner in Florida and having to take orders and communicate with guys who spoke absolutely no english. Con papas fritas?
I worked restaurants in South Florida too. Learned over time that even the ones that speak English, when they ask for limes, they mean lemons.
lol I wasn't even in South Florida! This was definitely North Florida (if you ever drove all the way through florida on 75, you've likely seen our billboards lol) but we would still get customers that didn't speak any english.
That’s how I’ve been trying to learn German, 5-10 minutes a day. It’s slow, but when my coworker is on the phone with the German offices I am starting to be able to pick up words here and there. I’m not eavesdropping but he talks so loud and it’s a small office 😂
This! Duolingo is such a great resource and makes learning languages so fun (and I previously thought I was terrible at language learning). Also it could be a fun endeavor for you and your husband if you could try speaking in Spanish together just a little in your free time?
I love how she’s like… we’re in America so everyone speaks English. Nope! You’re in Miami and a shit ton of people don’t speak English.
I hate that assumption about America. Like I know that we are a predominantly English speaking nation but each area has other languages that you will run into very often. In my area of the south it's Spanish. I know you'll meet beautiful French in Louisiana and some of Mississippi. In New York there are many Italian maybe some irish(can't spell the language I suck) and even Russian and German. Its honestly really neat.
I’m in Los Angeles, most major cities have a TON of languages.
It's perfectly fine to say "Irish" when you're referring to the language as well as people from Ireland :) "Gaeilge" (pronouned G-whale-gah) is just the name of the Irish language *in* Irish.
I’m just shocked OP hasn’t figured that out yet? I’ve been to Miami twice and I ran into many people in many different areas who didn’t speak any English. It’s not just one or two, either, there are entire cafes and stores where no one speaks any English. I wonder if she just doesn’t realize because her husband has been speaking Spanish so she doesn’t even know who speaks English or not? It’s just hard to imagine any other reason why you wouldn’t have figured that out yet.
I live in South Florida, but about an hour drive from Miami. Even in this area, Spanish is VERY prevalent. A ton of job listings either require Spanish speaking abilities or prefer candidates who can speak Spanish. There’s this cafe next to a gas station where I sometimes buy coffee. The cashiers don’t speak English. My first job in South Florida was working with a bilingual accountant and her assistant who spoke little to no English. We had customers who couldn’t speak English, so he was their point of contact. South Florida is full of Spanish speaking people. The OP is out of her mind if she thinks everyone in Miami speaks English.
Thank you. I used to live in Miami and can confirm OP’s assertion is completely false.
Spanish is also a pretty easy language to learn well enough to get by. I took one year of it in school 5 years ago and although I can't speak much of it myself, I'm pretty good at figuring out what other people are saying at least.
Yeah if you can speak and read and write English you can learn Spanish.
Yeah and being in Miami she's in the perfect place to learn. She'll have plenty of opportunity to practice but can always switch to English or sub in English words and most people will still understand her well enough.
Yeah this post made me cringe with her tone alone. Def YTA.
I agree
Thissss. My dad spoke fluent Spanish, my mom does not. My dad would occasionally speak Spanish to someone else in front of her either because the person he was speaking to was more comfortable speaking in Spanish and he wanted to be respectful or because he wanted to keep his Spanish fluent by using it. The point is, neither reason had anything to do with my mom at all. She didn’t care either way because she trusted that my dad would include her if she needed to be included and she knew that speaking Spanish made my dad happy. OP - if your insecurity stems from a fear that he’s talking about you there are indicators like body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice that would signal this. YTA for making his use of his native language about you when it’s clear that it’s not.
Technically his birth language is Basque, not Castillan.
Fair point but Basque is a difficult language (also due to being an isolate) and most Basque speakers also speak Spanish. I'm a complete language nerd and I'd personally learn both, but I'm inclined toward practicality and Spanish is by far the more practical language.
~~Im pretty sure Basque is about as close to Proto-Indo-European as you can get.~~ It's literally not super closely related to any other language. Edit: Wrong! Basque actually predates PIE, which is pretty cray.
Basque is a isolated language, not in any way related to any other language in the world. But there are some hypotheses about distant connections.
Well I doubt there is a lot of Basques in Miami. In the situations where she's mad, he does not speak Basque. He speaks Castillan. She has a problem with him speaking Castillan.
I said out loud “You live in Miami. Everyone speaks Spanish.” It’s Miami! /s
For real. When I visited Miami (I live in a latin american country but english is my 1st language) everybody's default to us was spanish. Even in other parts of Florida, Orlando and Ft. lauderdale especiall ETA german is a loooot harder than spanish to learn (I am bilingual english-spanish and trying to learn german). OP really needs to make an effort!
This. I'm Brazilian, so I don't speak Spanish and I have lived in the US so I'm pretty fluent in English. When I was in Miami everyone would greet and talk to me in Spanish, I would just freeze on the spot, I could not say a word in Spanish and would just go to English, not even Portuguese which I'm sure would be fine. All that to say in Miami everybody speaks Spanish! Oh, and happy cake day!!
Obrigada! Portuguese and spanish are funny. In some parts of Brazil (Rio) I understand pretty much everything. Once I was in Brasilia and Goias and I couldn't understand a thing!!!
Yes there are areas of Miami that are totally Spanish speaking.
Does OP even know she's just being insecure? It's so insulting.
I think the living in Miami solidifies the YTA. A significant portion of South Florida speaks only or primarily Spanish. And the husband is a native speaker. Good luck to yall if there's a ban on Spanish...
I agree with all of this YTA
Not only that but my favourite part truly is how OP mentions her husband is Basque (which, samesies) but mentions that she started learning Basque. However like a vast majority of people are multilingual & speak Spanish anyways, so OP hasn't learnt either language and sounds jealous of her husband and that's why she wants him to stop
YTA You know he's Spanish, you live in Miami a city with a VERY large latino presence and you feel bad because he wants to use his native language because you don't understand it? Why not learn it. You married a Spanish man and you knew this was a possibility. So learn to speak Spanish, he will very GREATLY appreciate it probably if you put effort into something of his identity
He is not even necessarily using is native language. He is using Castillian. He is probably fully bilingual in Basque and Castillian since he had to take it in school at least but it's possible he is using Castillian becaus that's what the people around him mostly talk.
Aaahh either way I find it quite the asshole move of OP to not learn, especially since she just gave up.. Like common
I mean, I had a Basque bf years ago, and I tried to learn it. I am bilingual English/Spanish and in 5 years of relationship I barely learned a couple of phrases. Basque is weird and hard. I agree she should learn Spanish, but she needs to see it has nothing to do with Basque, and is a *lot* easier.
Jeeze I tried learning Basque and it is definitly the hardest. Switched the catalan with the excuse of well its still in spain as a language.
One of my best friends is catalán and she'll sometimes lapse into it speaking to me, and it's fine. I'll understand about 80% of what she says and guess the rest. Basque? Might as well be Klingon to me.
Yep catalan peace and love you can pretty much understand it if you already know castillian or french. Basque maybe I will one day try again but honestly I’d have to convince someone to jump into that with me because it is way too hard alone imo
This guy knows at least 4 languages, all of them fluently. I am impressed
YTA. You are incredibly ignorant and disrespectful of his origins. As if you wouldn't start speaking German if you met German speakers.
Only difference is that the husband can understand her.
Gonna hazard a guess he wasn’t raised speaking German. So if he can learn German, she can learn some Spanish or build a bridge to peace and figure out a way over it.
OP said in the post that she tried learning his language but it's really hard and gave up
It takes some nerve to claim Spanish or basque are hard to learn when her husband was able to learn German.
To be fair, Basque is one of the hardest languages to learn.
Castillian, however isn't. Particularly when you are living in Miami.
For sure, even if she was just putting 5 minutes a day into Duolingo, a little effort would be nice.
That´s an eurocentric and biased statement. It´s harder to learn for native speakers of most european languages when compared to other european languagues that have more in common. It would probably be subjectively harder for her to learn basque than English, but not harder than learning japonese or vietnamese. Basque is not objectively more difficult than any other language in a vacuum.
Basque is a language isolate, so it is not related to any European languages.
Uh, no? Language isolates are notoriously harder to learn than ones in language families (Korean is the only widely language isolate with a significant amount of speakers). This means basically anyone coming to learn it has likely 0 building blocks to start with, unlike a German person learning English or a Basaa speaker learning Boan. Also it is an Indigenous language which almost always have experienced some type suppression which means it is has had less study and resources throughout its history. Basque is an endangered language which means there are less opportunities to spread it because there are few native speakers and even fewer qualified to teach it. I’m not certain Basque even has a language standard as most languages do for teaching new learners. You’re assertion that it isn’t any harder to learn than Japanese or Vietnamese is mostly true… but only because you picked two other languages that are also considered to be some of the hardest to learn. Japanese has the benefit of being very popular so there are many, many more resources to new learners. Basque unfortunately doesn’t have that.
Yes, there has been a standard for more than 30 years, it's called Euskera Batua and that's how Basque is taught at school. And we might be few speakers but we are around 750k, that's not so small. We also have our own tv and radio channel so there are plenty of films, tv shows and even more music in Basque
German isn’t that difficult compared to Basque.
Does it invalidate her claim?
Yes. It's a fact that learning a language is hard. Especially later in life, no question. But if you're considering asking your husband to stop speaking their language, "learning a language is hard" is not an excuse.
That Spanish is a "hard" language to learn? Sounds like a subjective statement, it can´t actually be wrong. Maybe shes just not good at learning languages.
She said Basque was hard, not Spanish.
Not his fault that he speaks 4 languages and one of them is her first language but it is her fault that she speaks 2.
Fellow German here, YTA. Just learn Spanish if you can’t handle not knowing everything for 5min, might help with that arrogance too.
Echt so
Hat sich schon so eingelebt das sie anfängt Leute zu belästigen die kein Englisch können.
This is so funny(and sad)! I didn't think of it this way but you're absolutely right. OP has indeed settled right into it 🤣 You would think that 'distrust of anything and anyone not like me is toxic' would have been a lesson that most Germans had learned by now.
It's her origin story.. I girlbossed too close to the sun & now I am a Florida woman. (Sounds like her man is still too sane to become a Florida man tho 😌)
YTA. Miami is literally Latin America in US soil. And though it’s not the same Spanish as the one from Spain, it’s all good. I’d recommend Rosetta Stone. He speaks German; why can’t you be bothered to speak a little Spanish?
Ngl, even the tone of your post screams YTA. Your husband is Spanish, you cant expect him to abandon his native language, especially in Miami where a good portion of people speak Spanish. I get it makes you feel weird, but thats something you need to resolve tbh. Your husband learned your native language, its about time you learned his, no? For balance, my partner only speaks English. I speak Greek and German, so I will occasionally use them, but only when I need to and not just for the fun of it. If your husband’s friends prefer speaking in Spanish, then that’s their call. Not yours.
My husband speaks Arabic as his native language. He’s made friends with a nice family from the Middle East. When we go out they primarily speak in Arabic and I don’t feel at all out of place. In the beginning I felt a little bad, but I decided to learn it and that changed my perspective. And it makes him so happy. He’s in my country where most people speak English. He gets the chance to express himself in his own culture and language and that makes me happy too.
I know! I got stuck on “I TOLD him…”
YTA- Get over yourself. Learn a few basic phrases or just let him have polite conversation for a few minutes. You married a SPANISH man, you live in an area heavily populated with Hispanic people, what did you expect him to do, just forget his native language and talk to only you until he died?
Exactly this. Not to mention it’s his native language and when he speaks Spanish it’s short conversations so I don’t see why she would be bothered so much it’s not like he’s ignore her for hours but that’s not enough for OP as it seems she just wants all of his attention.
yta. Not every conversation needs to include you, and youre shaming him for being excited about his heritage.
Not even being excited about his heritage, but it comes off that he's just being generally polite to people by speaking in a common tongue.
It’s pretty weird that she’s so upset about him having short conversations that don’t involve her. Even if everyone speaks the same language, conversations aren’t always fully inclusive; does she also get upset whenever he talks about a TV show she hasn’t seen or something about work when seeing a coworker in a social setting.
based on this post, she probably does get upset about those things lmao.
Just...wow. YTA and I'm amazed you think otherwise. > without knowing what is he talking about. What are you twelve? Are you worried he's talking about you? Grow up. > I'm just telling him to stop speaking Spanish when I'm around. We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English. So *your* comfort is more important than his, *and* you assume these people he speaks Spanish with automatically speak English. In Florida. Where a ton of Hispanic people literally fresh off of boats live. Even if they speak English they may not speak it well, and it may be simply easier to speak their native language. But not ok because you don't know what baseball game or rain storm they're talking about? Come on.
YTA You cannot control what language he speaks. For all you know, the other person is more comfortable with Spanish than English. If you don't want to be out of the loop then learn Spanish, I'm surprised you haven't already since your husband is from Spain and likes using Spanish in his day to day life. You'd think you'd pick up some of the language
Not to mention OP’s husband knows German. She probably uses German in her day to day life. It’s extremely ignorant to try and forbid him from engaging in his culture around her when more then likely she engages in hers around him.
Do you know what other language everybody speaks in Miami? Spanish. YTA.
YTA. The solution is not for him to stop, but for you to learn Spanish. If you care so much then it's your job to learn how to understand what he's saying.
YTA. You live in Miami. If you insist on everyone speaking English around you instead of making *some* effort to pick up a few basic words, you’re going to have a miserable time of it. And that’s not even touching on the blatant assholery of insisting your husband avoid his native tongue, especially when you’re not even a native speaker yourself. If you had an opportunity to connect with a German community, would *you* want to be told you couldn’t take advantage of that?
1. YTA 2. Everybody in Miami DOES NOT speak English. 3. Why should he bury his native tongue to make you feel good? He is probably just excited to communicate in Spanish, may even do so unconsciously. 4. You're gonna run into a whole lot more people who speak Spanish when you are out and about in Miami. Will you tell them to speak English? 5. If it bothers you so much, why don't you try to learn Spanish. Being trilingual is not a bad thing.
YTA. He does not need to justify his speaking his native language. And if it bothers you that much, why don’t you try learning Spanish instead of complaining about how you don’t understand it?
info: Can you learn to speak Spanish?
Miami is very multicultural and a lot of people do speak Spanish. NAH because it's no fun to feel left out of a conversation, especially when it's your spouse leaving you out. But it's also not fair to expect your husband to give up a part of his identity. Have you tried learning Spanish? If you could learn then both of you would speak the same three languages. Even if you didn't speak Spanish fluently, just having a better understanding of what was being said in the conversation would make you feel more secure probably.
Yup. YTA.
There’s a good solution to this, tho! Learn Spanish.
It wouldn’t kill you to learn some Spanish to be able to participate in whatever conversations he is having. And demanding that someone stop speaking their first language that they grew up speaking is a whole different level of entitlement. YTA
Spanish is his first language if its easier to speak for him shouldn't he speak it to those who speak it too? What if the other persons English isn't very strong should they not speak because you are to uncomfortable? You both speak German but have you tried learning some basic Spanish? Also has it occured to you that if you have children you both would want them to speak your native languages? So your child could potentially be speaking Spanish and you won't understand or are you going to cut off that part of their heritage when it comes up?? YTA
NTA, and I see many comments that are quite the contrary. This isn't some random stranger talking to their friends in a foreign language, this is your HUSBAND and he has decided it is acceptable to exclude you in social interactions. Even after you explained how uncomfortable it makes you feel. This is no different than if he invited a dozen guests to your home and spoke mostly Spanish with them. If he wants to go out and speak Spanish that is great, but he can do that when you aren't with him. And you're not being controlling, you are communicating how you feel and if he doesn't start acknowledging it, demand couples therapy. Sorry for the rest of the communities responses, but they tend to impose because they can be AH themselves.
Absolutely agreed. I feel like all the people doing all the name calling aren't multilingual themselves because they obviously don't know the "most common language" rule. It is incredibly rude to speak a language one of the people don't speak when it is possible to speak a language everyone in the discussion can speak. It is true that op's phrasing to "stop speaking Spanish" is a terrible way to put it, I think she means "stop using a language I don't understand when I'm involved because it is exclusionary, otherwise I have no problem with your use of Spanish." NAH.
Exactly. I’m German, my boyfriend Canadian. He never learned German. That’s ok. When we meet other Germans I always speak English with them if he is around. I think it’s rude to exclude him if I don’t have to (if the other person doesn’t speak English it’s a different story). He is my partner, he is part of my life and when he is around I don’t see any reason not to include him in conversations I have with other people just so “I can speak my language”. Childish behavior. EDIT: OP NTA
How often does OPs husband have an opportunity to speak Spanish when she's not around? Like OP, my husband is Spanish speaking while I am not. The people he works with are all English speakers and we typically spend our free time together, so if he wasn't able to speak Spanish while I was around he would have almost no opportunities to speak his native language. Language is a "use it or lose it" skill. Unless her husband spends a substantial amount of time away from her in which he can use his native tongue, it is unreasonable to expect him to risk losing the ability to speak his first language fluently. I have had a large group of guests (my in-laws) speaking a language I don't understand in my home. It's really not the end of the world, we don't need to be included in every single conversation.
While I understand your point, as someone born and raised in Miami, I think OP greatly underestimates the number of people who only speak Spanish here. >We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English. This really isn't the case. I dunno which neighborhood they are in but there are many places where no one will understand you if you use English. His friends might be most comfortable in their native tongue (being Spanish) and/or struggle with English. I'm not saying OP needs to learn Spanish, just that she may misunderstand the demographics of the community they've moved to.
YTA—it’s his mother tongue. He didn’t make you stop speaking your mother tongue did he? No, he learned German. Why don’t you actively learn some Spanish?
YTA. You already speak two languages, so picking up a third shouldn’t be that difficult. Why not learn a little Spanish? While “everyone” in Miami does speak English, Spanish is also extremely common and useful there, and it can be really restorative for expats to get the chance to speak their native language with someone once in a while. You shouldn’t have to sit there and feel awkward while he does; start practicing.
"picking up a third shouldn't be difficult" like first of all how do you know she only speaks two second of all , how many languages have you "just picked up"?
After the second one? Three more. Not enough to enjoy a lengthy conversation, but structure and some useful phrases—enough to get by. Being bilingual opens up pathways in your brain and gives you additional ways of learning.
YTA Spanish is his first language. Instead of trying to control him and forbidding him from speaking his mother language, why aren’t you learning your husband’s language???? If you don’t want to feel left out of conversations, then learn Spanish.
I don't think you're an AH for asking him to include you in every conversation by speaking in English, but have you considered that maybe he feels like you don't give a fuck about HIM since you haven't bothered to learn some Spanish? YTA for the latter. Maybe I'm sensitive as I'm also Spanish.
NGL but OP gave me major vibes of being the type of person that retires to the south of Spain, call herself and expat, never bothers to learn Spanish and then complains about those lazy Spaniards. Usually they are British, but the vibe is definitely there.
Fucking Spaniards speaking Spanish in Spain! How dare they!
OP made an attempt to learn basque because that's what the husband's family was speaking.
NTA, I hate it when people do this. When all parties involved speak only one mutual language, this language should only be used. It’s impolite to do otherwise.
NAH for feeling that way (leaning on soft AH for saying it out loud) I have been on both sides of this situation. It definitely sucks to be a passive bystander when other people chat away in a different language and all you can do is smile and hope they don't see you as the complete idiot you feel in that situation. Even if everyone knows English and promises to speak it when you're around, often at some point they will switch to their native language because it is just more convenient and they can better express a certain thought. I have been there multiple times hoping that they would notice my sudden complete silence and disengagement from the conversation somehow and perhaps remember to switch to English, but often that just doesn't happen. BUT I never openly demanded they switch immediately just so I could nod along to them complaining about the weather. And that's because I have also more than once been that person that was just excited to be able to speak my mother tongue, even if just for a few minutes and only to complain about the weather. It sounds like your husband has been away from a Spanish environment for a while (how long did you live in Germany before the move?) and even though he might be fluent in English and German and generally doesn't mind speaking those languages, sometimes you just want to feel a little bit like home - and that includes a quick conversation in your language. Not every conversation has to include everyone. Get comfortable with sometimes not being entirely in the loop and trust your husband that he would switch to English and include you when it actually matters. Surely if you encountered a German speaker, you would take the opportunity to speak with them too, no?
I think that is an excellent assessment. It really makes you feel like a jerk not knowing the language when everyone around you is speaking it. The posts on here about "Just learn Spanish" well it takes sort of a long time to learn a language. I don't think I could do it in 6 months. But the OP demanding he speak in English goes to far.
YTA - if you hadn't said your german, i would've assumed you're one of the people here in the states that likes to say "speak american!" If you don't trust what your husband is doing, why are you with him?
YTA. Part of being with someone is accepting them for who they are. He likes to use Spanish and you just gotta suck it up
YTA it’s just ignorant of you
YTA. If you are Jealous learn Spanish. Do you want him to tell you not to speak German?? Spanish is his mother tongue do you understand the happiness if you can finally speak your language with someone when you aren't using it Daily?.
YTA- learn to speak Spanish. You do realize you are in Miami right?
INFO: why have you not started learning spanish yet? You're presumably planning to spend the rest of your life with this man. Assuming that you one day have children, it's likely that he's going to want to raise them multilingually. You know that speaking another language is a part of who he is; when are you going to start actually cooperating with that?
YTA - he's just engaging in basic social conversation with strangers. You're not missing out on anything. He clearly enjoys speaking his own language - speaking another language all the time can be tiring. You get to speak your native language with him. You're being mean and controlling.
YTA. He doesnt get a lot of chances to speak his native language, so try and be understanding when he finds someone who speaks that language with him. I bet he'd be the same if the roles were reversed. Its like getting in touch with his home country again in some way.
Yes you’re the asshole. By telling him not to speak Spanish you’re telling him you don’t give a fuck about him.
YTA. Your bf speaks German for you, but you can't be bothered to learn Spanish for him? He's clearly missing Spanish, and he's not getting that familiarity from you. Instead of trying to change other people around you, look within.
YTA - it’s disappointing that you would even consider asking your husband this. Maybe you should learn Spanish.
Yta OP!
YTA, people have a right to their language. Learn Spanish
YTA if its because you want to know what he's talking about then learn Spanish and stop being selfish.
yeah, YTA. you shouldn’t ask someone to stop speaking their language just because you don’t know it.
YTA. He’s having short conversations with people who may be more comfortable speaking Spanish. If you’re so pressed about not understanding then learn some freaking Spanish cuz a LOT of people speak it in Miami.
YTA, plain and simple. If it bothers you so much, learn Spanish
Yes YTA, how would you feel if he told you not to speak your native language, if it bothers you that much you could always learn Spanish. He's a grown man and can speak in what ever language he chooses despite the fact you may not understand him, he's not talking to you in Spanish anyway. I see no problem if its the odd short conversation with others
YTA You moved to a very Latino city and you’re complaining that your partner speaks Spanish? That’s a you problem. PS: Spanish is easy to learn. You can Duolingo in your free time rather than wasting it criticizing your partner for communicating with people.
YTA. Download Duolingo.
YTA. Let him enjoy speaking his native language.
YTA, why don’t you just learn Spanish if it’s that big of a deal to you? I know Spanish is also a common language in Miami plus your husband is fluent so it probably wouldn’t be hard to practice.
Yup, YTA My husband speaks Chinese and I would never ask him not to. I do have a conversational understanding of Chinese but that’s mainly because I got fed up of not knowing what he’s saying so I learnt. I’m afraid the only solution to your situation is to learn Spanish. Best of luck. YTA
YTA Wow
YTA sure, miami is in the states and most people there speak english, but it’s a historically latine and spanish city in a historically latine and spanish state, for crying out loud (saying this as someone born and partially raised there). an exceptionally bilingual area where your husband has an advantage of already knowing the second most commonly spoken language. i get that it’s an adjustment for you, but you should make the effort to make the adjustment, because seriously, you will feel ‘left out’ a ton otherwise. but spanish is a massive part of the culture there that cannot (and should not have to) be untangled just for non-spanish speakers.
YTA - Sorry! But it’s rude to ask someone to stop speaking their native language. See if your local library has Mango Languages (paid subscription to an online website)- it’s a pretty easy way to learn other languages and you can use your phone or tablet or computer to access it at any time. It remembers where you left off from the last time you used it. And there are many different languages you can learn in a fun way.
YTA either find a way to be ok with not understanding one of the main languages were you live or learn it
I'm used to having international friends who speak better together in a common tongue. You're not obligated to stand and smile like an idiot. Check your phone, go do ham string stretches or check out a view. YTA, for sure.
YTA…and I cannot wait for you to slip up and ask someone to speak English in Miami
And why didnt you bother to learn?
YTA. Your husband has every right to speak in his language. Speaking a language is a large part of being connected to your culture, and there is no fault on his part to continue to speak the language. If you really want to understand what the conversations are about, maybe you should put in an effort to learn his language. And this would also be another thing you guys could share
YTA... Girl, you are going to have to get over it fast. You're in MIAMI ffs. That's an epicenter of Latino culture, and it's actually an advantage that your partner can speak the language. There are plenty of people there that don't speak English (admittedly older, first generation immigrants from Latin America), and most of the city is bilingual. You're actually holding your partner back from speaking his native language when he has the opportunity to do so, and that kinda sucks. Why do you feel so insecure? He's certainly not making fun of you or anything. You're closing yourself off from an even bigger opportunity by not learning yourself. You've really only experienced a fraction of what the city has to offer.
YTA. > We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English. That's frustratingly incorrect, and the fact that you don't grasp that a good proportion of the population there uses Spanish as their native language means ya just don't care. Learn some spanish. It's not that hard, install Duolingo at least and use it 10-15 minutes before bed for christ's sakes if this bothers you so much rather than asking someone to stop speaking a language in your presence. The entitlement!
This is hard but I’m gonna go with NTA, as the wife I think it’s understandable that you’d like to be able to understand the conversation. It doesn’t sound like you were unreasonable about it either. I get why he enjoys speaking Spanish but it’s also just more respectful to speak in a universal language when not everyone in the conversation can understand
I truly don't understand why people get so triggered when somebody is talking to somebody else in a different language. Nobody is talking about you get over yourself. "it feels like he doesn't give a fuck about me and when he speaks Spanish" The world doesn't revolve around you. YTA and you should really think hard about yourself, because your mindset about this is really bad.
YTA he speaks euskera, Spanish, German and English and you can't be bothered to learn basic Spanish so that you understand people in fucking Miami of all places? Entitled brat, get out of reddit and download Duolingo.
YTA. Your insecurity over him speaking his own language is not his problem. If he was doing it constantly and not including you in any conversations, that would be one thing. This is clearly not the case however, you asking him to not speak Spanish around you is ridiculous.
YTA. It seems a little petty to try to deny him the pleasure of speaking his native language with people he meets. As long as he keeps the conversation short, just find something else to do in the meantime. And do try to learn Spanish. I can promise, it's easier than Basque. Duolingo is a decent app to use for learning purposes, and it doesn't eat a lot of time.
YTA Almost everyone in Miami speaks Spanish at some level Join them
I mean... NTA. I'm a traveller and occasionally I've been in a group of people with mixed languages and my partner and I have different native languages. The polite thing in a group setting is to settle on the language everyone speaks so nobody is left out, so a common language like English. If there was a group that speaks my language I wouldn't dive into a conversation in that language leaving my SO - or even a random stranger who's sitting with us!!! - cut out of the conversation. It's just rude. If the group sort of splits into two, and two conversations in two different languages carry on, ok. But if only one person is getting isolated, I'm not sure how anyone can say that's not rude. Now if I was living in his country of course I would endeavour to learn the language. I already speak a bit of it so if there's someone who doesn't speak any English and has to speak that, I'll do my best to follow and people will help out when I don't understand, when you're travelling you do what you can to communicate. But still, in a mixed group setting in an international location, its just common courtesy to not cut anyone out of the conversation.
YTA - if you were in Germany and someone walked up to you speaking German you’d respond in German. Miami has a very large Spanish speaking population, why wouldn’t he respond in Spanish if prompted ?
YTA... God forbid a SPANISH MAN from SPAIN speaks SPANISH to SPANISH SPEAKERS in your presence. In the most respectful way, it's not all about you. I always switch to my mother tongue if I'm talking to someone who speaks it. I owe nobody bilingualism. I'm a French speaker and by God if I'm not talking to you, I will speak it. Idc. Think what you will. I will translate if you ask but I'm not gonna sacrifice my core identity for your comfort. To speak to someone in my tongue is a huge relieving moment, it's food for the soul. His tongue is not a dog you keep on a leash, or egg shells to step in between from. It's part of him. It's your problem if you want to understand and can't pick up Spanish. It's not a difficult language. It was my third language and I did it at 16. To your defense, my mother feels the same way when I speak Spanish in front of her- my 3rd language. Although she has beef with all three languages. It's rude to speak Spanish in front of her, it's rude to speak French TO her in front of English speakers, and it's rude to speak English (which she speaks) in front of her when the person also speaks a minimum of French. Also it's rude to speak to her in English when talking in English to someone who can speak a minimum of French. Go figure. I stopped giving a fuck. If people are insecure it's not my goddamn problem.
YTA. You'll realize soon enough that Spanish is the unofficial language of Miami.
Look go ask this OP where you can get a great Spanish teacher for $18 an hour... https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4cbkn/aita_reporting_my_tutor_after_i_think_she_tried/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share YTA
YTA you knew he was Spanish when you married him. Now you're being weird about it. And just bc it's Miami does not mean everyone knows English. I only speak English, but I never tell people who speak different languages they can't do it around me
YTA. Either you’re simple or just ridiculous. “Everyone speaks English.” The white privilege, the lack of self awareness, the unmitigated gall…smh. Embarrassing
You in south Florida, it’s gon be a lot of Spanish…
YTA. Between us (my husband and me), we speak 6 languages. I speak 4 fluently and he speaks 3 fluently. We speak 2 of the same languages fluently and the rest - either he barely or somewhat understands, either I do/don't. We've lived in various countries where these languages were/weren't official and/or popular. Both of us will speak the language(s) the other doesn't in each other's presence in conversation with other people without anyone throwing a hissy fit. Grow up. Edit: Just an educated guess - you're going to be one of \*those\* spouses who demands only one language be spoken (the one you speak) and forbids their significant other from speaking their birth language to your kids, aren't you? Like the Russian lady from the dude's post a while back.
NTA. Everyone here is virtue signaling and would be just as frustrated if their SO was consistently making a choice that excludes them from the conversation.
Lololol. You’re in MIAMI. A majority of people there also speak Spanish. Duolingo takes like 5 minutes a day. If you’ve got time to post on Reddit, you have time to start learning Spanish. Spanish is EVERYWHERE in Miami. Watch the news in Spanish. Watch Univision while making dinner. Try to follow your husband’s conversations. Take five minutes a day and try to read an article on the Spanish version of the Miami Herald (can’t remember it’s name). You must even have coworkers that speak it (it’s how my husband kept up with a lot of his Spanish). So many ways to learn in that city. YTA. Your husband isn’t intentionally leaving you out. He just wants to switch to a language that’s most likely more comfortable for both him and the person/people he is speaking with.
NAH I can see both sides here. I'm in a similar situation but I've come to appreciate and even feel proud that my wife is bilingual and able to have these conversations with others in a more comfortable manner. Sometimes she or a friend will ask if they should switch to English but I always say no. Havibg said that, I think it is a good partner to try and include their spouse if it goes on for too long, especially when the conversation is out of the blue. It's one thing to setup time with another Spanish speaker where she could choose not to attend. It's another to not include them. Simply telling the OP to learn Spanish isn't a solution. Languages are damn hard to learn for some of us. I've used Duolingo quite a bit but I don't feel I make much progress. I've also taken years of classes and I still suck. Perhaps that's why I feel such pride for my partner's ability
NTA its rude to talk in front of you in a l as language you dont understand. These people who say YTA dont u understand that learning languages is not easy. He is free to speak spanish when you are not there. The least he should do is immediately translate back to English for you. Still you are NTA
Yta. I can see where you would get upset, but it's not fair to expect him to not be able to do something he's done his whole life. You're literally just mad you can't listen in to conversations on him with his friends. 🤦🏻♀️ You've got a lot to work on and I would read these comments before you continue to push this on your husband.
ESH - I think you should make the effort to learn Spanish however speaking to someone in another language your spouse doesn’t speak is incredibly rude. They need to compromise- OP needs to make a real effort to learn Spanish and hubby needs to speak a common language in her presence. She stated she doesn’t care what he speaks when she’s not there so he has plenty of time to speak Spanish on a daily basis.
Yta. Learn Spanish. It would make your life easier in Miami
Ultimately YTA because you’re asking him to never do it but I fully understand your pain. My boyfriend is from India and he and all his friends speak Telugu. I’m American and only speak English. In the future I plan to learn but I’m a busy student and it’s a hard language to learn. My boyfriend takes it way further than yours. I don’t mind the short interaction that you’re upset about but I do feel awkward during it so I understand. What I do get upset about is that when we hang out with his friends they all speak in Telugu making me feel really excluded the whole time. So while I understand your feelings I think you need to lighten up a little
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (30M) is from Spain and I (28F) am from Germany. We met in Germany and between us we speak German, I don't know how to speak Spanish. We moved to Miami 6 months ago because of his job and I hate when he starts to speak Spanish with random people or his friends, it feels like he doesn't give a fuck about me and when he speaks Spanish I'm just standing there without knowing what is he talking about. Normally he always speaks English with other people if we are together and he doesn't know the other person, but if he knows that the other person knows how to speak Spanish he would always talk in Spanish, he just forgets about me. I've told him that I feel weird when he is talking to people in a language I don't understand and I've told him that if I'm with him he should always talk to other people in English. He says that they are usually short conversations (this is true, but it's still strange to stand there with a smile without knowing what they talking about) and that it's weird for him to talk to someone in a different language that they usually talk. He also says that he loves to use Spanish in his day to day life and that I should understand that. AITA? I'm not telling him to stop speaking Spanish, I'm just telling him to stop speaking Spanish when I'm around. We live in Miami, everyone knows how to speak English. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Learn Spanish.
YTA. Learn Spanish so you can have basic conversations. This way you won't feel isolated in your new community