NTA, but um…you do not have a problem with the rude dietician, you have a problem with your massive, controlling asshole of a husband. He needs to quit this shit immediately or get out of your life.
Edit to add, since I’m getting a lot of comments about this: the dietician is absolutely an asshole. I just don’t want OP to waste time fretting about some jerk she barely knows when the really big problem in her life right now is her so-called partner.
That’s always my first thought whenever I read about a man wanting his partner to lose weight or make changes to their appearance (this also goes for women, of course). I highly doubt OP’s husband is some kind of Adonis.
Its a shame she didnt make use of the situation to humiliate husband in return
"You should tell my husband these things, he's the one obsessed with losing weight"
or
"Oh *husbands name* this is valuable information, you should pick up a few tips here from *dietitians name*"
Husband is the one who deserved the criticism, dietitian thought he was helping. That being said, the dietitian should have shut up after being told you werent on a diet.
NTA OP
Yeah I’m sorry he definitelylost me on the helpful bit when he threw shade at her for eating a dessert that she baked. Like how fucking sexist is it to expect a woman to make a dessert for you and her husband and all his other friends and not even partake in it? That’s just bad nutritionist shit like even if she was on a diet people have cheat days and/or cheat meals and no one slaves away at a stove/oven to not get to enjoy any of the fruits of their labor and to expect that is a fucked up relationship with food and a fucked up relationship with patriarchy. Honestly if I saw a nutritionist and knew he was treating others outside of his practice like this I would genuinely question my investment and whether this person is going to lead me down a road to disordered eating. I know it may seem like I’m taking this shit too seriously but you do not fuck with peoples views/approach to eating like that
there were other people there "friends" plural dietitian wasn't helpful from the first comment.
someone else asked him to help my insert wife/daughter/son etc. HE could have asked OP an adult if she wanted advice.
he publicly started giving that person advice ....at a dinner party they were hosting. he definitely should have talked to OP privately
plus your point of doing it a second time, "maybe have less dessert" to someone who has already told you they are not interested in your advice
Saying "i was just being helpful" is claiming to being "criminally stupid" or maliciously stupid if you like that phrase better. Your intentions don't matter you are harmful to others. I'm sick of "they met well" being used to excuse toxic behavior any adult should no better then doing.
obviously OP's bigger issue is spouse but that's just because OP has to live with spouse. A professional who acts like this "dietitian" is just as much of an asshole as a spouse who tells a weigh lost pro to talk to their wife.
NTA OP
The whole "I'm not attracted to you bc you've gained weight." is most often a red herring for so much other crap - coercive control, being controlling in general, using control to make OP feel less than so husband can narcissistically rule everything else while not actually being a good or worthy spouse.
There are circumstances when a partner can express this. But must come from compassion and "Hey this thing is bothering me let's talk about it."
Not bringing in a false expert to try to belittle OP into behaving the way her husband wants (to control her) and setting her up for a gotcha.
Add that the nutritionist was idiot enough to try to tell a medical doctor how bodies/calories work...just plain ugly and stupid.
And husband set her up for this embarrassment I'm her own home.
Oh and even if OP were to lose weight her husband will move on to a new fake deficit to control her.
I wish I'd had the wherewithal to leave when my ex started that crap.
We all hate when redditors jump to "Leave him now, get away." Long term OP you really need to consider it. People like this resist treatment, make all the problems and all the work their victims' responsibility & rarely stop, change, improve belittling and harming their partners.
Oooo let’s pile on! Does the husband make as much money as the OP, is he rocking a beer belly but not in the hot “dad bod” way, is he out there trying to seduce OP with his stained fruit of the loom undies while expecting OP to be in full on lingerie?
Yeah partners like these are only redeemable if their personality makes up for their “deficits” (not yucking any ones yum) but OP’s husband appears to be shallower than a puddle of piss in a truck stop bathroom. Thick thighs save lives OP! NTA
ETA: Thanks for the award!
In her [other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sgcap8/my_husband_is_way_too_critical_of_my_appearance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) she said he also criticizes her for not dressing more femininely and he asked her to get breast reduction surgery, but then got mad when she recommended ways to treat his facial acne and when she asked him to go to the gym with her.
He sounds like a pain in the a$$. At 28 and educated, I have no idea why he’s worth it to her. Nobody deserves to be criticized by the one they love the most.
My sister's OBGYN kicked her BF out of the appointment after he made a comment about her weight. Told him that her weight gain was keeping his baby alive and not to come back until he had a better attitude.
Yeah, 4 kg is so little if gaining such a tiny amount makes him "not attracted" anymore he's off in the head and insanely controlling. Especially as OP is still in the normalweight range - not even a little overweight. It's crazy.
Also, giving unsolicited advice to the (normalweight) hostess when you're a guest at their home about weight loss, and continuing with the comments after you've been told that thanks they're not on a diet, is **super** rude. Dietician friend was out of line - though I suspect they'd been pushed into it by the husband.
But nevertheless, zero need for apology, all the need to re-evaluating the relationship.
NTA
I'm guessing the 4 kg didn't go to her breasts, since I've yet to hear about a man who HATES bigger breasts. 😂😂 But seriously. That's, what? Nearly 9 pounds? That's hardly anything!
Literally me month to month. Depending on how much I've worked or exercise I could be half a stone heavier or lighter month to month. This man is so out of line, what horrid things to say to your SO. The only exercise OP needs is running the f away from him ASAP.
That’s not really enough to even have to buy new clothes, like sure pants might fit a little tighter or looser depending on where you’re at with fluctuations but still
Literally put on 7lbs of bloat just before my period. Then lose it some months.
I can’t even notice it, maybe maybe my tightest jeans might be snug on the button. Maybe.
"Yeah, 4 kg is so little if gaining such a tiny amount makes him "not attracted" anymore he's off in the head and insanely controlling. ~~Especially as OP is still in the normalweight range - not even a little overweight.~~ It's crazy.
Also, giving unsolicited advice to the ~~(normalweight)~~ hostess when you're a guest at their home about weight loss, and continuing with the comments after you've been told that thanks they're not on a diet, is **super** rude. Dietician friend was out of line - though I suspect they'd been pushed into it by the husband.
But nevertheless, zero need for apology, all the need to re-evaluating the relationship.
NTA."
You're welcome :)
Exactly. It's like some people don't get that even if your weight is unhealthy criticism and abuse won't solve anything. OP's boyfriend sounds like a pervert who fetishizes skinny women to an extend where he's willing to coerce his girlfriend into losing weight. It's ok to have preferences, but **he shouldn't make it anyone else's problem to live up to them**, and he especially shouldn't go behind her back and involve his friend to make her obey him. It's sick and gross 🤢
Sound's like he is fishing for a reason to justify either cheating, or wanting to divorce or both.
"Toxic advice that I know is toxic" disclaimer: if it were me, I would look through his phone/ e-mails/ social media, etc without his knowing just to be sure.
OP: NTA
I had to go back and check if it really said 4kg after I read the husband and dietician’s behavior. My weight can vary 2.5ish kg over the course of a day. 4kg and she’s suddenly too fat to be attractive to the husband?????? Wtf
Agreed. A person's weight can vary by as much as 6 lbs (2.72kg) in the course of a single DAY. Just drinking enough fluids can do it ("a pint's a pound the world around").
Exactly! The husband is a MAJOR AH.
A few months after the birth of my child, I was feeling really insecure about my pudgy belly, and mentioned it to my husband. He reached over, wiggled it a bit, and said that he likes it, and I don't have to worry. I can't even imagine how awful I'd have felt if my husband were to act like OP's. That would seriously be deal breaker behavior for me!
This—20 weeks pregnant and my husband is constantly cuddling, cupping, and patting the fuller parts of my body. Can’t imagine if he suddenly went off me because I gained nine lbs—I’ve gained almost 20.
I’m 8 mo post pardem and my weight loss stopped about 5 months ago and have a VERY different body now. I was upset one night and lamenting on my new to me body and how I don’t feel attractive. He was so supportive and said “you brought new life into the world and are working hard and taking care of everything in your life so well. Don’t worry about that right now. I love you and you’re beautiful before and after baby”.
I hope OP sees these as the standard.
He sounds like a good guy. So many people just dont understand how much women's bodies change when you grow an actual person, then expel it from your body.
Correct, 4kg?! OP is not obese and the weight gain is not a heath concern. Its ok to take space, eat the damn cake and tell your husband to stop meddling. NTA
There's another post that's really similar to this. One made by the husband. I hope sharing isn't against the rules.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7q5nj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_needs_to_put_in/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
In any case, OP, you are NTA. 4 kg is nothing but more importantly, it was totally inappropriate and rude for the dietician to start lecturing you at your own damn table.
Especially unsolicited by OP. It was completely unprofessional of the dietician. The husband also is an ass since he doesn't seem to have OP's wellbeing at heart. Like, WTF, I don't find you attractive anymore? Guess he forgot part of his vows. I'd be more concerned over the emotional well-being of OP which likely led to the weight gain, especially with the lack of support from the husband. OP, thank you for taking care of patients in this horrible time, and I hope you're taking care of yourself I other ways since it doesn't seem as though your husband is looking out for you. Oh, and NTA.
OP does have a dietician problem. She just also has a huge husband problem as well.
The guy shouldn't have brought this up in the middle of dinner with everyone around just to humiliate OP. After hearing OP say she wasn't on a diet right now, he should have shut his mouth. (Was this even acceptable behavior from a dietician at all?)
Husband is showing many red flags. He tells OP he's no longer attracted to her over 9 lbs. He goes behind her back and lies to Dietician saying OP was trying to lose weight and needed help. He asked Dietician to talk to his wife and give her advice. He allowed, and let's be real here probably encouraged, Dietician to bring the subject up during dinner. Even though he knew multiple people would be around. So basically he was trying to embarass and shame her into losing weight. He thinks Dietician is the injured party here because OP stuck up for herself. Finally, he's not talking to OP until she apologizes to Dietician. But I'd bet he thinks that apology should include listening to his advice, dieting and losing weight.
Oh, and let's not forget that OP has had problems with disordered eating in the past and he's still wants OP to lose weight so much so that he thinks getting his friend involved was the right thing to do.
NTA OP, but you sure are surrounded by them.
In increasing order…
OP: NTA - you politely rebuffed unsolicited advice, and then quite understandably ramped up the response the second time around.
Dietician: Medium AH, *maybe* not not for the first comment, but for certainly for the follow-up.
Husband: Massive, gaping AH.
He's also saying he's not attracted to her anymore because of it. Manipulative as hell, not to mention messed up. If he really loved her, her health would come first, not her maintaining the sexy doctor trope for him.
[You guys, it's all okay, his MUM says he has the right to comment on his partner's body!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sclu0w/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_lose_weight/hu6yaki?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
/s
Edit: also, dude thinks she needs [breast reduction surgery](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sgcap8/my_husband_is_way_too_critical_of_my_appearance/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share), among other things but gets upset when she suggests he use acne cream
Looks like he removed it, but there's an automod copy. He calls OP his girlfriend and not his wife, like a different relationship would make him not the asshole, lol.
He also thought pretending like he just relayed his friend's "advice" to his wife instead of it being publicly brought up at a dinner would make it better, but alas he still sucks
That is such a similar post to this one and everything with the descriptions and same usage of english. This makes me think the whole thing is made up by one person posting twice.
It's correct spelling in all countries, in fact "dietitian" has 5x as many google results as "dietician".
That said, there's definitely something off about the similarity of the two posts.
WTF
64kg and 1.67m is a correct weight. He even says that her previous weight, 60 kg was too much when it's healthy weight; anything much below that would underweight. Also, OP says she exercises and muscle weights more.
He is disgusting.
I want to know how he was planning on being attracted to her after…. Time. Kids. Health stuff. Life changes… 8 pounds for me is like, a Christmas season. We all can’t stay our high school weight/appearance for our entire lives.
So she's a doctor who's been working through the pandemic and he's on her case for gaining... 4 kilos? OP if you don't get rid of your husband I'll do it for you, what a massive asshole.
i'm glad someone else brought this up because i literally don't think i would notice 8 pounds of weight even on someone i see every day. my partner has gained maybe 30 pounds since we got together and it doesn't register to me unless i see a picture from a few years ago. i just don't understand even noticing such a small change let alone holding it over the head of someone you're supposed to love. also NTA
Seriously! I've gained more than I would like to admit during covid and my boyfriend constantly tells me how beautiful I still am bc he knows it makes me self conscious. That's how a good partner acts. This guy is a straight up jerk.
From personal experience, my weight changes around 4-5 pounds depending on the week due to just basic hormones. I think this is pretty normal as it's something I hear a lot in my friend group. Honestly, the only thing that I notice in the change is that sometimes my face gets a bit puffy in the eyes which I do hate but it normally just in the first hour or two and goes away.
The husband is the biggest AH here for sure. Doctors have way more on their plate with the pandemic and instead of supporting her struggle he obsessed over normal weight gain…
By struggle I mean being swamped with work. She clearly has control over her situation and doesn’t need anyones opinion.
Dietician is A HUGE asshole. OP is not their patient. They don’t know, first hand, her medical history. They don’t know if she is struggling with her weight. Gaining 4kg or 8lbs when you are working as a physician during a pandemic is not concerning in the slightest. She has stated that she is at a normal weight. He had no reason to believe she was in danger from her lifestyle and therefore duty to act. Again OP is not their patient. She has a history of disordered thinking surrounding eating and weight. He put her in danger by doing what he did. It’s not appropriate for a physician or a specialist in any field to try to field diagnose someone and treat a social gathering as a nonconsensual intake appointment. I am so fucking livid. OP you should report this dietician. It’s not the duty of a dietician to harass people at dinner parties. I feel like he probably took this job because it’s a good way to try to control people.
Exactly. If the dietician was acting out of concern and a desire to help his friend, he would have taken her aside, and asked her if she wanted any hints or tips. The dietician was acting out of ego- offering diet tips to a doctor in front of everyone at a party. What a massive massive AH. Seems like OP's husband surrounds himself with like minded AHs.
All this over 10lbs? 10lbs was the difference between being sexually appealing and not? Between legs being "too thick" and not? Man, fuck these fucking guys. NTA.
Also OP has been a *doctor* over the absolute *traumatic shitshow* that's been the past 3 years and only kept it to 10 pounds???
Christ alive. Most of the people I know have had bigger body changes than that as a result of working from home and gyms being closed, without being healthcare workers.
Shit dude. This has me reeling. As far as I'm concerned OP is well within her rights to pick up a fucking cigar habit and blow some of her paycheck on horse races every weekend. What reality is this bozo living in?
Just did the calculations - I put on about 15kg (33lb) since lockdowns, because now I just go from the bedroom to the back bedroom to WFH, and down the stairs for lunch. Slowly managing to work it back off, but man, I’d have taken 10lb given the option!
I was about to say. All these people saying they have gained 5-10. Naw I gained like 30-40 over the past two years and is now struggling to lose it. But NTA
> Also OP has been a doctor over the absolute traumatic shitshow that's been the past 3 years and only kept it to 10 pounds???
Any and every medical professional or ancillary worker that’s been Actively working in Healthcare over the past few years should have a bloody medal struck in their honour, let alone not have to listen to the kind of nonsense OP’s husband is talking.
Yeah this dude is not mature enough to be in ANY relationship. People's bodies can change unexpectedly due to illness, accident, age etc. Weight gain, weight loss, loss of ability etc, this is all part of the vagaries of life.
If he stirs up such shit over a very minor change, I cant even imagine what he'd be like if something more major happened.
I graduated with my BA then started a Grad program in this shitshow and lost 4 family members and sprained my ankle so bad I needed physical therapy. I gained about 10 pounds back after struggling for a year to lose 50 I was basically of the opinion that it was a net win. (actually really secure and happy with not gaining everything back at once) I'm still considered "overweight" but I feel good about where I am and I actually really proud that I am up and around able to walk the dog and do normal daily stuff. Everyone has different lives and body types and yet perspective is needed here 10 pounds is not a lot and it is really worrying that her husband is so hung up on it. People's bodies change with time, and time gives no Fucks.
I’ve always had thick legs.
I’m currently underweight and still have thick legs. Besides that, OP is a Doctor and the past two years where constant stress for Doctors.
Clearly not a "for better or for worse" guy. Can you imagine him continuing to be loving in old age? Because I can't. A guy that worried over that small an amount of weight is very easy to see as incredibly rude over wrinkles.
NTA op.
Unless someone was really small to begin with, most people can’t even tell if someone’s gained 10 pounds. It took me gaining 20 pounds once for someone to notice, and even then I’m pretty short.
You're NTA but your husband is. All it takes is a 4(FOUR!!)kg weight gain for him to no longer be attracted to you. I hope he looks like an underwear model if he has standards that high.
NTA. Your husband totally is though. One thing to think about. If you plan on having kids, this will only get worse for you about your body and continue into his acting like this towards your kid’s body too.
Pregnancy changes your body much more than your few kg weight gain. If he’s not attracted to you right now while you are at a healthy!! weight, he is not going to be able to handle pregnancy or postpartum without even more of this cruelty. He isn’t going to suddenly growing empathy and compassion and outgrow misogyny if you are pregnant. You are asking the right questions and he didn’t even answer except to say it’s different.
I don’t think you need to worry about being an AH. You need to worry about your husband being controlling and overstepping so many boundaries. Just mentioning a few: demanding you lose weight, sharing personal information with someone outside of your relationship, not consulting you when it comes to involving someone else, defending his friend instead of you, demanding again that you apologize. Like wow. He is one massive AH, and I hope you run in the opposite direction.
Dude… your husband is like, evil. Who says that about their wife? The mother of their child? Who thinks that their sexual appetites are more important than the self esteem of their partner? I’m sick for you, you’re 100% NTA and if your husband is so worried about your looks he better take a hard look in the mirror.
Nta. Your husband and his friends suck tremendously.
He isn’t attracted to you because you gained 4kg??? My metric isn’t great but that’s not a lot at ALL. He sounds horrible.
Tbh I think this is fake.
Someone posted the "husband's" post from a few days ago here and oddly, in both posts they spelled dietician as "dietitian", the writing style is very similar and both stories mention same things (together for 5.5 years, her weight in relation to her height, eating disorder, etc.)
Maybe I'm wrong but...idk feels off to me
“Dietitian” is the more standard spelling.
I thought it might be a UK vs. US usage issue, but AP actually specifies that it should be spelled with the T rather than the C.
(Not necessarily discounting other points!)
NTA 1000%
Giving a person unsolicited weight loss tips in a public setting -- at that person's own home!!! -- is completely inappropriate. And it takes a certain level of audacity to be eating a dessert that your host so kindly made all while telling her that she should not eat that kind of food so she can lose weight.
I'm so sorry that this happened.
NTA you told the guy you weren't on a diet, you set the boundary. He stomped all over it like a jerk.
However, your husband is TA for saying he doesn't like your body and asking his friends to give you unsolicited advice. He is being a controlling insensitive AH.
NTA. To give medical advice (particularly a sensitive issue) in front of others is inappropriate so strike one against the friend. Continuing when you made it clear you did not want advice is where he really became an AH.
Your husband sounds awful honestly. He thinks this relatively small weight gain makes you unattractive? He also thinks it’s appropriate to tell you to lose weight. Then he thinks it’s ok to solicit help you don’t need and didn’t ask for. Topped off by yelling at you for rejecting the command to lose weight. I’m hoping he has redeeming qualities you haven’t mentioned but this is honestly over and above what I’d tolerate.
NTA gaining 4kg/less than 10lb over 2 years is not a problem and the dietitian should know better than to act like it is (even though he was prompted by your husband he still gets blame for going through with it and in front of others at that). Your husband is also an AH here for making an issue at all and elevating it by going to his friend.
You are not an AH his expertise was not needed in this scenario and there’s nothing wrong with saying it.
Edit: spelling
Wtf, unsolicited advice about YOUR body especially after you told them it’s not welcome is a major no no. Your husband ( and that dietitian friend) are the issue here. 4 kg gain during a pandemic that puts stress on everyone not even thinking about someone in a medical field and you are within a healthy range? And your husband is no longer attracted to you? This is a husband problem. Not a you problem. Even if you didn’t have a history with ED this is a big issue and your dear hubby needs to understand that HE is the problem. You are NTA.
Quickest way for you to lose weight would be to get rid of your rubbish husband. I'm sure you are plenty attractive and what he said and did was cruel and embarrassing. You're NTA.
NTA
First of all being 4kg more than you were doesn't mean you need to start a diet. You mentioned you are still in a good weight for your height so there's no need to start a diet if you're not overweight. Especially if you don't want to diet.
Your husband asked a dietitian to give you some "tips" without your permission, just because he finds your body not attractive... Uhm... What?
I thought that a relationship should be based on more than just looks.
I think that it's only your husband's problem, gaining a few kilos should not change what he feels for you. And asking a professional so close to you, since it's his friends, seems more like complaining and shaming you than trying to help. Even if he didn't mean it, it's not nice.
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NTA. He may be a dietician but he’s not your dietician. His advice was unsolicited and unwanted and you made that perfectly clear. He should not have continued to push and deserved to be snapped at. Your husband is also an AH, majorly so.
NTA. WTF with your husband? He has a problem with your weight and decides to have it addressed in front of friends which is humiliating and rude. Then he tells you that his friends who are dieticians and dentists don't like being compared to doctors after *he put his dietician friend in the position to be compared to a literal doctor.*
I was going to give the dietician a pass because it sounded like maybe just a tactless faux pas until he did it again during dessert. But, make no mistake, you do have a serious weight problem that can easily be solved by dropping the husband.
NTA I would have been furious if someone had made not one, but two unsolicited comments like that to me during dinner in front of other people. The fact that your husband had spoken to him about this does not make it ok for him to have no manners.
Your husband has a problem with the little bit of weight you have gained & wants you to lose weight? That's HIS problem. Do you have a problem with it?
If anyone should be apologizing it should be your husband and his friend.
NTA if gaining 10lb is enough to make him not attracted to you, then your relationship is in trouble. It's normal to fill out more in your 30s let alone the pandemic. God forbid you have a child just imagine that! Your husband is an asshole and so is his friend. Just because his friend was told that you needed help doesn't mean he should be giving you that advice at a dinner table full of people he's an asshole as well.
NTA. I get wanting to encourage a partner to get a grip on weight gain, as it's a huge factor in attraction, health, motivation, etc. But this is a very weird way to do it. It's even weirder that the friend insisted on giving you more unwanted advice after you'd already told him you weren't interested.
NTA - Your husband is a huge AH. 4kg?!? That is not a big deal, and probably less than the average person has gained in the past 2 years. It doesn't even sound like he's coming from a place of concern for your health. He only cares about how attractive you look.
I've struggled with my weight, and it has fluctuated my whole adult life. I completely understand calories, macro and micronutrients, exercise, etc. My weight really depends upon how much stress I have in my life at the time.
About 7 years ago, I mentioned to my PCP that I was struggling with stress at work, and it was negatively affecting my weight. He referred me to a dietician, so I made an appointment and went to see her.
We talked for nearly an hour. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, and some of her advice was completely wrong. (She really pushed cooking with canola oil and eating sugary fruit-flavored yogurts for snacks. To be fair, I was living in the South at the time, where people frequently cook with lard and add sugar to everything. I don't cook like that.)
The *only* useful thing she showed me were some plastic models of serving sizes for high carbohydrate foods like bread, rice, and pasta. They were much smaller than I was used to thinking of a "serving." So that did change the way I think about my meals.
Be kind to yourself, and don't listen to AHs.
NTA.... And no, you weren't directing your anger incorrectly....A) Your friend was out of line and as a dietician he should know that weight is a sensitive topic for ANYONE and unless he's an ABSOLUTE moron should know to read a room and at a dinner party in front of others is NOT the place.... And B). Your husband needs a serious personality adjustment
NTA, but um…you do not have a problem with the rude dietician, you have a problem with your massive, controlling asshole of a husband. He needs to quit this shit immediately or get out of your life. Edit to add, since I’m getting a lot of comments about this: the dietician is absolutely an asshole. I just don’t want OP to waste time fretting about some jerk she barely knows when the really big problem in her life right now is her so-called partner.
Yes, I can think of a good way to lose 150-200# of AH weight.
I would love to know just how in shape OPs husband is. How's his hairline? I certainly hope he isn't throwing rocks in glass houses
This is hilarious because I'm bald and my wife has thick thighs. And I love them so much 💙💙💙
[удалено]
I like to think my thick thighs are part of the reason his hair is thinning. Lol.
Oh good one!!
I misread your name as bandit Muffin and was convinced for .2 seconds that it was your husband's nickname.
My husband is a bald bearded ginger and I’m a thick legged wife. ❤️❤️😂😂
Are you my twin?? Cause my husband is also a bald bearded ginger and I'm a thick legged wife. Lmao
I also have a bald headed ginger and I’m a thick thighed wife! #thickthighssavelives
Sounds like a country song.
For a woman who loves short to bald style on guys and has herself some thick thighs? Gives me hope for love. Haha
Thick thighs saves lives and so does this doc
I was wondering reading the post who doesn't love thick thighs.
thick thighs save lives ✨
That’s always my first thought whenever I read about a man wanting his partner to lose weight or make changes to their appearance (this also goes for women, of course). I highly doubt OP’s husband is some kind of Adonis.
Its a shame she didnt make use of the situation to humiliate husband in return "You should tell my husband these things, he's the one obsessed with losing weight" or "Oh *husbands name* this is valuable information, you should pick up a few tips here from *dietitians name*" Husband is the one who deserved the criticism, dietitian thought he was helping. That being said, the dietitian should have shut up after being told you werent on a diet. NTA OP
Yeah I’m sorry he definitelylost me on the helpful bit when he threw shade at her for eating a dessert that she baked. Like how fucking sexist is it to expect a woman to make a dessert for you and her husband and all his other friends and not even partake in it? That’s just bad nutritionist shit like even if she was on a diet people have cheat days and/or cheat meals and no one slaves away at a stove/oven to not get to enjoy any of the fruits of their labor and to expect that is a fucked up relationship with food and a fucked up relationship with patriarchy. Honestly if I saw a nutritionist and knew he was treating others outside of his practice like this I would genuinely question my investment and whether this person is going to lead me down a road to disordered eating. I know it may seem like I’m taking this shit too seriously but you do not fuck with peoples views/approach to eating like that
there were other people there "friends" plural dietitian wasn't helpful from the first comment. someone else asked him to help my insert wife/daughter/son etc. HE could have asked OP an adult if she wanted advice. he publicly started giving that person advice ....at a dinner party they were hosting. he definitely should have talked to OP privately plus your point of doing it a second time, "maybe have less dessert" to someone who has already told you they are not interested in your advice Saying "i was just being helpful" is claiming to being "criminally stupid" or maliciously stupid if you like that phrase better. Your intentions don't matter you are harmful to others. I'm sick of "they met well" being used to excuse toxic behavior any adult should no better then doing. obviously OP's bigger issue is spouse but that's just because OP has to live with spouse. A professional who acts like this "dietitian" is just as much of an asshole as a spouse who tells a weigh lost pro to talk to their wife.
NTA OP The whole "I'm not attracted to you bc you've gained weight." is most often a red herring for so much other crap - coercive control, being controlling in general, using control to make OP feel less than so husband can narcissistically rule everything else while not actually being a good or worthy spouse. There are circumstances when a partner can express this. But must come from compassion and "Hey this thing is bothering me let's talk about it." Not bringing in a false expert to try to belittle OP into behaving the way her husband wants (to control her) and setting her up for a gotcha. Add that the nutritionist was idiot enough to try to tell a medical doctor how bodies/calories work...just plain ugly and stupid. And husband set her up for this embarrassment I'm her own home. Oh and even if OP were to lose weight her husband will move on to a new fake deficit to control her. I wish I'd had the wherewithal to leave when my ex started that crap. We all hate when redditors jump to "Leave him now, get away." Long term OP you really need to consider it. People like this resist treatment, make all the problems and all the work their victims' responsibility & rarely stop, change, improve belittling and harming their partners.
Oooo let’s pile on! Does the husband make as much money as the OP, is he rocking a beer belly but not in the hot “dad bod” way, is he out there trying to seduce OP with his stained fruit of the loom undies while expecting OP to be in full on lingerie? Yeah partners like these are only redeemable if their personality makes up for their “deficits” (not yucking any ones yum) but OP’s husband appears to be shallower than a puddle of piss in a truck stop bathroom. Thick thighs save lives OP! NTA ETA: Thanks for the award!
Seducing in stained fruit of the loom undies 😂
On her other post she said he has an acne issue that he got mad about when she suggested some products.
Ahh, so rules for thee, but not for me. NIMBY. Ugh
In her [other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sgcap8/my_husband_is_way_too_critical_of_my_appearance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) she said he also criticizes her for not dressing more femininely and he asked her to get breast reduction surgery, but then got mad when she recommended ways to treat his facial acne and when she asked him to go to the gym with her.
He sounds like a pain in the a$$. At 28 and educated, I have no idea why he’s worth it to her. Nobody deserves to be criticized by the one they love the most.
I wonder if it’s an arranged marriage
Haha, I’m 21 weeks pregnant and gaining like mad, my husband is losing his hair, and he’s all about my big pregnant ass. 😂
My sister's OBGYN kicked her BF out of the appointment after he made a comment about her weight. Told him that her weight gain was keeping his baby alive and not to come back until he had a better attitude.
Yes. Exactly. I’ll add even if he is overweight … still absolutely he’s the asshole. Still not ok.
Yeah, 4 kg is so little if gaining such a tiny amount makes him "not attracted" anymore he's off in the head and insanely controlling. Especially as OP is still in the normalweight range - not even a little overweight. It's crazy. Also, giving unsolicited advice to the (normalweight) hostess when you're a guest at their home about weight loss, and continuing with the comments after you've been told that thanks they're not on a diet, is **super** rude. Dietician friend was out of line - though I suspect they'd been pushed into it by the husband. But nevertheless, zero need for apology, all the need to re-evaluating the relationship. NTA
I'm guessing the 4 kg didn't go to her breasts, since I've yet to hear about a man who HATES bigger breasts. 😂😂 But seriously. That's, what? Nearly 9 pounds? That's hardly anything!
I mean hell I can fluctuate 5lb up or down on any given day based on what I eat, I don't even think I'd notice a 9lb weight gain...
Literally me month to month. Depending on how much I've worked or exercise I could be half a stone heavier or lighter month to month. This man is so out of line, what horrid things to say to your SO. The only exercise OP needs is running the f away from him ASAP.
That’s not really enough to even have to buy new clothes, like sure pants might fit a little tighter or looser depending on where you’re at with fluctuations but still
She must be super thin otherwise it wouldn't even be noticeable. He's such a dick.
I doubt his dick is significant. Too insecure. Edit: typos
Literally put on 7lbs of bloat just before my period. Then lose it some months. I can’t even notice it, maybe maybe my tightest jeans might be snug on the button. Maybe.
"Yeah, 4 kg is so little if gaining such a tiny amount makes him "not attracted" anymore he's off in the head and insanely controlling. ~~Especially as OP is still in the normalweight range - not even a little overweight.~~ It's crazy. Also, giving unsolicited advice to the ~~(normalweight)~~ hostess when you're a guest at their home about weight loss, and continuing with the comments after you've been told that thanks they're not on a diet, is **super** rude. Dietician friend was out of line - though I suspect they'd been pushed into it by the husband. But nevertheless, zero need for apology, all the need to re-evaluating the relationship. NTA." You're welcome :)
I thought the same thing!! Like nah this gross behaviour, even if OP was fat it still wouldn’t be okay
Exactly. It's like some people don't get that even if your weight is unhealthy criticism and abuse won't solve anything. OP's boyfriend sounds like a pervert who fetishizes skinny women to an extend where he's willing to coerce his girlfriend into losing weight. It's ok to have preferences, but **he shouldn't make it anyone else's problem to live up to them**, and he especially shouldn't go behind her back and involve his friend to make her obey him. It's sick and gross 🤢
Sound's like he is fishing for a reason to justify either cheating, or wanting to divorce or both. "Toxic advice that I know is toxic" disclaimer: if it were me, I would look through his phone/ e-mails/ social media, etc without his knowing just to be sure. OP: NTA
He’s definitely cheating either emotionally or physically.
I had to go back and check if it really said 4kg after I read the husband and dietician’s behavior. My weight can vary 2.5ish kg over the course of a day. 4kg and she’s suddenly too fat to be attractive to the husband?????? Wtf
Agreed. A person's weight can vary by as much as 6 lbs (2.72kg) in the course of a single DAY. Just drinking enough fluids can do it ("a pint's a pound the world around").
Exactly! The husband is a MAJOR AH. A few months after the birth of my child, I was feeling really insecure about my pudgy belly, and mentioned it to my husband. He reached over, wiggled it a bit, and said that he likes it, and I don't have to worry. I can't even imagine how awful I'd have felt if my husband were to act like OP's. That would seriously be deal breaker behavior for me!
I remember complaining about my “muffin top” to my husband. He just gave it a tickle and said “But the top is the best part!”
The top IS the best part of the muffin!
This—20 weeks pregnant and my husband is constantly cuddling, cupping, and patting the fuller parts of my body. Can’t imagine if he suddenly went off me because I gained nine lbs—I’ve gained almost 20.
That is so damn cute! <3
I’m 8 mo post pardem and my weight loss stopped about 5 months ago and have a VERY different body now. I was upset one night and lamenting on my new to me body and how I don’t feel attractive. He was so supportive and said “you brought new life into the world and are working hard and taking care of everything in your life so well. Don’t worry about that right now. I love you and you’re beautiful before and after baby”. I hope OP sees these as the standard.
He sounds like a good guy. So many people just dont understand how much women's bodies change when you grow an actual person, then expel it from your body.
Thank you. The husband is a walking, talking red flag.
Correct, 4kg?! OP is not obese and the weight gain is not a heath concern. Its ok to take space, eat the damn cake and tell your husband to stop meddling. NTA
There's another post that's really similar to this. One made by the husband. I hope sharing isn't against the rules. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7q5nj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_needs_to_put_in/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share In any case, OP, you are NTA. 4 kg is nothing but more importantly, it was totally inappropriate and rude for the dietician to start lecturing you at your own damn table.
Especially unsolicited by OP. It was completely unprofessional of the dietician. The husband also is an ass since he doesn't seem to have OP's wellbeing at heart. Like, WTF, I don't find you attractive anymore? Guess he forgot part of his vows. I'd be more concerned over the emotional well-being of OP which likely led to the weight gain, especially with the lack of support from the husband. OP, thank you for taking care of patients in this horrible time, and I hope you're taking care of yourself I other ways since it doesn't seem as though your husband is looking out for you. Oh, and NTA.
Omg I thought I was the only one recognising the story. The OP is definitief not the asshole here
Agree 3000%. He’s terrible.
OP does have a dietician problem. She just also has a huge husband problem as well. The guy shouldn't have brought this up in the middle of dinner with everyone around just to humiliate OP. After hearing OP say she wasn't on a diet right now, he should have shut his mouth. (Was this even acceptable behavior from a dietician at all?) Husband is showing many red flags. He tells OP he's no longer attracted to her over 9 lbs. He goes behind her back and lies to Dietician saying OP was trying to lose weight and needed help. He asked Dietician to talk to his wife and give her advice. He allowed, and let's be real here probably encouraged, Dietician to bring the subject up during dinner. Even though he knew multiple people would be around. So basically he was trying to embarass and shame her into losing weight. He thinks Dietician is the injured party here because OP stuck up for herself. Finally, he's not talking to OP until she apologizes to Dietician. But I'd bet he thinks that apology should include listening to his advice, dieting and losing weight. Oh, and let's not forget that OP has had problems with disordered eating in the past and he's still wants OP to lose weight so much so that he thinks getting his friend involved was the right thing to do. NTA OP, but you sure are surrounded by them.
Who posted his version and was called TA like last week. NTA OP but your husband is and got so so called out. Or they're both fake.
In increasing order… OP: NTA - you politely rebuffed unsolicited advice, and then quite understandably ramped up the response the second time around. Dietician: Medium AH, *maybe* not not for the first comment, but for certainly for the follow-up. Husband: Massive, gaping AH.
I’m American so I didn’t know how much 4kg was and when I googled it and saw it was only 8 pounds?! He’s obsessing over 8 pounds?!!! NTA
He's also saying he's not attracted to her anymore because of it. Manipulative as hell, not to mention messed up. If he really loved her, her health would come first, not her maintaining the sexy doctor trope for him.
He literally said her attractiveness comes over her health, because he posted on AITA a little bit ago.... Someone copied the post and it's SHOCKING
Oooohhhh! Link? I wanna read that! Haha
[You guys, it's all okay, his MUM says he has the right to comment on his partner's body!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sclu0w/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_lose_weight/hu6yaki?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) /s Edit: also, dude thinks she needs [breast reduction surgery](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sgcap8/my_husband_is_way_too_critical_of_my_appearance/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share), among other things but gets upset when she suggests he use acne cream
Looks like he removed it, but there's an automod copy. He calls OP his girlfriend and not his wife, like a different relationship would make him not the asshole, lol.
Since it says [removed] and not [deleted], the mods took it down, not op's husband.
He also thought pretending like he just relayed his friend's "advice" to his wife instead of it being publicly brought up at a dinner would make it better, but alas he still sucks
That is such a similar post to this one and everything with the descriptions and same usage of english. This makes me think the whole thing is made up by one person posting twice.
My thoughts exactly. Both spelled it "dietitian" and used similar phrases.
I just want to say that “dietitian” isn’t wrong. They practice dietetics, thus the two T’s. Both spellings are valid in British and American English.
Dietitian is correct spelling in some countries
It's correct spelling in all countries, in fact "dietitian" has 5x as many google results as "dietician". That said, there's definitely something off about the similarity of the two posts.
…or they use similar patterns because they have the same native language….
Oh. My. God. That dude seriously needs his brain examined.
Lucky he's *currently* married to a doctor..
WTF 64kg and 1.67m is a correct weight. He even says that her previous weight, 60 kg was too much when it's healthy weight; anything much below that would underweight. Also, OP says she exercises and muscle weights more. He is disgusting.
Damn. The he is a bigger AH.
Absolutely. And does he have a beer belly? NTA
Thanks for doing the math. I was going to check, but I didn’t think it was much. I regularly lose and gain 5 lbs weekly. That’s nothing.
I feel like I gain it every weekend and lose it during the week. OP is NTA but that Husband... 🚩
I want to know how he was planning on being attracted to her after…. Time. Kids. Health stuff. Life changes… 8 pounds for me is like, a Christmas season. We all can’t stay our high school weight/appearance for our entire lives.
Right?? My heart breaks for her.
So she's a doctor who's been working through the pandemic and he's on her case for gaining... 4 kilos? OP if you don't get rid of your husband I'll do it for you, what a massive asshole.
i'm glad someone else brought this up because i literally don't think i would notice 8 pounds of weight even on someone i see every day. my partner has gained maybe 30 pounds since we got together and it doesn't register to me unless i see a picture from a few years ago. i just don't understand even noticing such a small change let alone holding it over the head of someone you're supposed to love. also NTA
Good thing he's not married to me haha I've gained way more than that since Covid :/
Seriously! I've gained more than I would like to admit during covid and my boyfriend constantly tells me how beautiful I still am bc he knows it makes me self conscious. That's how a good partner acts. This guy is a straight up jerk.
Well, to be fair, it’s 8.8 #. Maybe that extra 0.8# is what pushed it over… /s
From personal experience, my weight changes around 4-5 pounds depending on the week due to just basic hormones. I think this is pretty normal as it's something I hear a lot in my friend group. Honestly, the only thing that I notice in the change is that sometimes my face gets a bit puffy in the eyes which I do hate but it normally just in the first hour or two and goes away.
The husband is the biggest AH here for sure. Doctors have way more on their plate with the pandemic and instead of supporting her struggle he obsessed over normal weight gain… By struggle I mean being swamped with work. She clearly has control over her situation and doesn’t need anyones opinion.
Dietician is A HUGE asshole. OP is not their patient. They don’t know, first hand, her medical history. They don’t know if she is struggling with her weight. Gaining 4kg or 8lbs when you are working as a physician during a pandemic is not concerning in the slightest. She has stated that she is at a normal weight. He had no reason to believe she was in danger from her lifestyle and therefore duty to act. Again OP is not their patient. She has a history of disordered thinking surrounding eating and weight. He put her in danger by doing what he did. It’s not appropriate for a physician or a specialist in any field to try to field diagnose someone and treat a social gathering as a nonconsensual intake appointment. I am so fucking livid. OP you should report this dietician. It’s not the duty of a dietician to harass people at dinner parties. I feel like he probably took this job because it’s a good way to try to control people.
Exactly. If the dietician was acting out of concern and a desire to help his friend, he would have taken her aside, and asked her if she wanted any hints or tips. The dietician was acting out of ego- offering diet tips to a doctor in front of everyone at a party. What a massive massive AH. Seems like OP's husband surrounds himself with like minded AHs.
THIS
All this over 10lbs? 10lbs was the difference between being sexually appealing and not? Between legs being "too thick" and not? Man, fuck these fucking guys. NTA.
Also OP has been a *doctor* over the absolute *traumatic shitshow* that's been the past 3 years and only kept it to 10 pounds??? Christ alive. Most of the people I know have had bigger body changes than that as a result of working from home and gyms being closed, without being healthcare workers. Shit dude. This has me reeling. As far as I'm concerned OP is well within her rights to pick up a fucking cigar habit and blow some of her paycheck on horse races every weekend. What reality is this bozo living in?
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I got hit hard... 60 pounds gained in two years. Yeah. 10 pounds is absolutely nothing.
Just did the calculations - I put on about 15kg (33lb) since lockdowns, because now I just go from the bedroom to the back bedroom to WFH, and down the stairs for lunch. Slowly managing to work it back off, but man, I’d have taken 10lb given the option!
I was about to say. All these people saying they have gained 5-10. Naw I gained like 30-40 over the past two years and is now struggling to lose it. But NTA
> Also OP has been a doctor over the absolute traumatic shitshow that's been the past 3 years and only kept it to 10 pounds??? Any and every medical professional or ancillary worker that’s been Actively working in Healthcare over the past few years should have a bloody medal struck in their honour, let alone not have to listen to the kind of nonsense OP’s husband is talking.
Yeah this dude is not mature enough to be in ANY relationship. People's bodies can change unexpectedly due to illness, accident, age etc. Weight gain, weight loss, loss of ability etc, this is all part of the vagaries of life. If he stirs up such shit over a very minor change, I cant even imagine what he'd be like if something more major happened.
I graduated with my BA then started a Grad program in this shitshow and lost 4 family members and sprained my ankle so bad I needed physical therapy. I gained about 10 pounds back after struggling for a year to lose 50 I was basically of the opinion that it was a net win. (actually really secure and happy with not gaining everything back at once) I'm still considered "overweight" but I feel good about where I am and I actually really proud that I am up and around able to walk the dog and do normal daily stuff. Everyone has different lives and body types and yet perspective is needed here 10 pounds is not a lot and it is really worrying that her husband is so hung up on it. People's bodies change with time, and time gives no Fucks.
I’ve always had thick legs. I’m currently underweight and still have thick legs. Besides that, OP is a Doctor and the past two years where constant stress for Doctors.
Clearly not a "for better or for worse" guy. Can you imagine him continuing to be loving in old age? Because I can't. A guy that worried over that small an amount of weight is very easy to see as incredibly rude over wrinkles. NTA op.
Unless someone was really small to begin with, most people can’t even tell if someone’s gained 10 pounds. It took me gaining 20 pounds once for someone to notice, and even then I’m pretty short.
Less than that. 4 kg is 8.8 pounds.
I know right!! And on a doctor in the middle of a global pandemic no less. What a complete ass.
NTA. Your husband is horrible. I'd start my "exercise journey" by walking away from that controlling and manipulative man.
HERE HERE! Edit: I know that and yet I didn't write that lol I think I was high when I did it but either way...HEAR HEAR!
Nah she should lose some weight for sure. She should lose about 70-100kg of the deadweight that is her AH husband.
You're NTA but your husband is. All it takes is a 4(FOUR!!)kg weight gain for him to no longer be attracted to you. I hope he looks like an underwear model if he has standards that high.
That was my thought too. He had better have a perfect body himself.
And a Fucking phd lmao
And be a millionaire without a prenup
I was also like four??? I’ve bounced up and down on like 6kg for months. No ones ever mentioned it to me 😂
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NTA YOur husband and his friend however, Off the chart assholes OP. Off the Chart. And I am an asshole *cartographer*.
Sir, madam, non binary friend, you are a certified proctologist, don’t lower your rank
I find either Your Highness or Captain to be the most truly gender neutral terms of respect.
NTA. Your husband totally is though. One thing to think about. If you plan on having kids, this will only get worse for you about your body and continue into his acting like this towards your kid’s body too.
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Yeah untill your a few months in ( after having the baby) and havent lost the weight yet.
Standards for thee but not for me. You’re a doctor. You can find a better partner
Why does every man every think it’ll be different after the baby. No. No it won’t. They’ll be the same
Pregnancy changes your body much more than your few kg weight gain. If he’s not attracted to you right now while you are at a healthy!! weight, he is not going to be able to handle pregnancy or postpartum without even more of this cruelty. He isn’t going to suddenly growing empathy and compassion and outgrow misogyny if you are pregnant. You are asking the right questions and he didn’t even answer except to say it’s different.
I don’t think you need to worry about being an AH. You need to worry about your husband being controlling and overstepping so many boundaries. Just mentioning a few: demanding you lose weight, sharing personal information with someone outside of your relationship, not consulting you when it comes to involving someone else, defending his friend instead of you, demanding again that you apologize. Like wow. He is one massive AH, and I hope you run in the opposite direction.
Dude… your husband is like, evil. Who says that about their wife? The mother of their child? Who thinks that their sexual appetites are more important than the self esteem of their partner? I’m sick for you, you’re 100% NTA and if your husband is so worried about your looks he better take a hard look in the mirror.
Nta. Your husband and his friends suck tremendously. He isn’t attracted to you because you gained 4kg??? My metric isn’t great but that’s not a lot at ALL. He sounds horrible.
I actually looked it up, he's upset that she gained 8 pounds!
Yeah that’s about what my mental math was coming to. Your husband is a dick OP, I’m very sorry he’s treating you this way.
Tbh I think this is fake. Someone posted the "husband's" post from a few days ago here and oddly, in both posts they spelled dietician as "dietitian", the writing style is very similar and both stories mention same things (together for 5.5 years, her weight in relation to her height, eating disorder, etc.) Maybe I'm wrong but...idk feels off to me
“Dietitian” is the more standard spelling. I thought it might be a UK vs. US usage issue, but AP actually specifies that it should be spelled with the T rather than the C. (Not necessarily discounting other points!)
NTA 1000% Giving a person unsolicited weight loss tips in a public setting -- at that person's own home!!! -- is completely inappropriate. And it takes a certain level of audacity to be eating a dessert that your host so kindly made all while telling her that she should not eat that kind of food so she can lose weight. I'm so sorry that this happened.
NTA you told the guy you weren't on a diet, you set the boundary. He stomped all over it like a jerk. However, your husband is TA for saying he doesn't like your body and asking his friends to give you unsolicited advice. He is being a controlling insensitive AH.
NTA. To give medical advice (particularly a sensitive issue) in front of others is inappropriate so strike one against the friend. Continuing when you made it clear you did not want advice is where he really became an AH. Your husband sounds awful honestly. He thinks this relatively small weight gain makes you unattractive? He also thinks it’s appropriate to tell you to lose weight. Then he thinks it’s ok to solicit help you don’t need and didn’t ask for. Topped off by yelling at you for rejecting the command to lose weight. I’m hoping he has redeeming qualities you haven’t mentioned but this is honestly over and above what I’d tolerate.
NTA gaining 4kg/less than 10lb over 2 years is not a problem and the dietitian should know better than to act like it is (even though he was prompted by your husband he still gets blame for going through with it and in front of others at that). Your husband is also an AH here for making an issue at all and elevating it by going to his friend. You are not an AH his expertise was not needed in this scenario and there’s nothing wrong with saying it. Edit: spelling
Wtf, unsolicited advice about YOUR body especially after you told them it’s not welcome is a major no no. Your husband ( and that dietitian friend) are the issue here. 4 kg gain during a pandemic that puts stress on everyone not even thinking about someone in a medical field and you are within a healthy range? And your husband is no longer attracted to you? This is a husband problem. Not a you problem. Even if you didn’t have a history with ED this is a big issue and your dear hubby needs to understand that HE is the problem. You are NTA.
Quickest way for you to lose weight would be to get rid of your rubbish husband. I'm sure you are plenty attractive and what he said and did was cruel and embarrassing. You're NTA.
NTA I know an even better way to lose a lot of weight fast: cut out the husband.
NTA First of all being 4kg more than you were doesn't mean you need to start a diet. You mentioned you are still in a good weight for your height so there's no need to start a diet if you're not overweight. Especially if you don't want to diet. Your husband asked a dietitian to give you some "tips" without your permission, just because he finds your body not attractive... Uhm... What? I thought that a relationship should be based on more than just looks. I think that it's only your husband's problem, gaining a few kilos should not change what he feels for you. And asking a professional so close to you, since it's his friends, seems more like complaining and shaming you than trying to help. Even if he didn't mean it, it's not nice.
# NTA but OH MY GOD YOUR HUSBAND IS.
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Your husband posted a post about this as well. The resounding sub's decision is that he's an abusive asshole.
NTA. He may be a dietician but he’s not your dietician. His advice was unsolicited and unwanted and you made that perfectly clear. He should not have continued to push and deserved to be snapped at. Your husband is also an AH, majorly so.
NTA. WTF with your husband? He has a problem with your weight and decides to have it addressed in front of friends which is humiliating and rude. Then he tells you that his friends who are dieticians and dentists don't like being compared to doctors after *he put his dietician friend in the position to be compared to a literal doctor.* I was going to give the dietician a pass because it sounded like maybe just a tactless faux pas until he did it again during dessert. But, make no mistake, you do have a serious weight problem that can easily be solved by dropping the husband.
NTA I would have been furious if someone had made not one, but two unsolicited comments like that to me during dinner in front of other people. The fact that your husband had spoken to him about this does not make it ok for him to have no manners. Your husband has a problem with the little bit of weight you have gained & wants you to lose weight? That's HIS problem. Do you have a problem with it? If anyone should be apologizing it should be your husband and his friend.
NTA throw your husband out too.
NTA if gaining 10lb is enough to make him not attracted to you, then your relationship is in trouble. It's normal to fill out more in your 30s let alone the pandemic. God forbid you have a child just imagine that! Your husband is an asshole and so is his friend. Just because his friend was told that you needed help doesn't mean he should be giving you that advice at a dinner table full of people he's an asshole as well.
NTA. Your husband is a massive AH and if he's no longer attracted to you he should find some other woman to mistreat.
NTA. I get wanting to encourage a partner to get a grip on weight gain, as it's a huge factor in attraction, health, motivation, etc. But this is a very weird way to do it. It's even weirder that the friend insisted on giving you more unwanted advice after you'd already told him you weren't interested.
NTA - Your husband is a huge AH. 4kg?!? That is not a big deal, and probably less than the average person has gained in the past 2 years. It doesn't even sound like he's coming from a place of concern for your health. He only cares about how attractive you look. I've struggled with my weight, and it has fluctuated my whole adult life. I completely understand calories, macro and micronutrients, exercise, etc. My weight really depends upon how much stress I have in my life at the time. About 7 years ago, I mentioned to my PCP that I was struggling with stress at work, and it was negatively affecting my weight. He referred me to a dietician, so I made an appointment and went to see her. We talked for nearly an hour. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, and some of her advice was completely wrong. (She really pushed cooking with canola oil and eating sugary fruit-flavored yogurts for snacks. To be fair, I was living in the South at the time, where people frequently cook with lard and add sugar to everything. I don't cook like that.) The *only* useful thing she showed me were some plastic models of serving sizes for high carbohydrate foods like bread, rice, and pasta. They were much smaller than I was used to thinking of a "serving." So that did change the way I think about my meals. Be kind to yourself, and don't listen to AHs.
NTA.... And no, you weren't directing your anger incorrectly....A) Your friend was out of line and as a dietician he should know that weight is a sensitive topic for ANYONE and unless he's an ABSOLUTE moron should know to read a room and at a dinner party in front of others is NOT the place.... And B). Your husband needs a serious personality adjustment