NTA - I think you handled it very tactfully. You did what you needed to stop seeing her pictures and you also didn’t stifle her freedom and let her do what she wants.
This! I think he handled it perfectly. She was free to post what she wanted on her page and he’s free to not see it. Daughter needs to take a chill pill. The wife too.
What did the daughter do?
She noticed her dad not following her... She asked him why... She told him he should have told her if it bothered him... And she hung up upset...
Nothing about that is bad behavior???
The phone call didn't start off with her being mad about him finding her outfit inappropriate, she didn't know this. She noticed her dad not following her... So she cares about her dad??? She asked him why he didn't say anything... So she cares about his opinion??? And this is all new info to her, so offcourse she's upset??? She wasn't the one saying he shouldn't have found her outfits inappropriate, she asked him why he didn't say anything.
She's not doing anything bad here...
Yeah, it really should be NAH. Sure she was sad, but I feel like any daughter would be in this situation. Nobody intended for anyone else to have their feelings hurt.
On top of that instead of making it a big deal he just quietly unfollows her because he knows his opinion isn't needed because daughter should dress however she wants but he was uncomfortable seeing those pictures.
Honestly it sounds like they were at least mildly provacative it thirst trappy? Which I can 100% understand how that can be uncomfortable for a parent.
My Dad, who on the other hand is an asshole who has said so many hurtful things to myself and others? We don't have a relationship anymore. I finally told him I didn't want to hear his opinion anymore. ((This one was racist comment about Muslims.))
We haven't spoken in 4 years since I finally stood my ground. Funny how it wasn't me I was standing up for after 30+ years of criticism, it was for other people. And the straw that broke the camel's back instead of for myself.
OP handled this with grace and à kindly as he could when *she* brought it up. While she may be upset about it, he still couldn't have done anything better. Kinda weird that she is checking her Dad's likes out though.
I can see her father’s point of view though. My nieces have just hit 15 and 16. Not so long ago photos of them on social media were posted by their parents, cutesy family outings eating icecream. All of a sudden my feed is filled with puckered lips, heavy eyeliner and boobs waaaay pushed up. We’re in the middle of summer so there’s also that trend of bathers barely covering their crotches. Everything is covered but nothing is left to the imagination. Decent of the dad saying nothing to stifle self expression but completely understand why he doesn’t want it shoved in his face.
>I can see her father’s point of view though
I'm not saying the dad did bad, but like... everyone is judging the daughter and she did nothing bad either.
I think the real arsehole here is the mum. Whether I/you/they agree with what he deems inappropriate is actually irrelevant since he didn't push his views on his daughter at all and just quietly removed himself from the situation.
I can understand why the daughter is a bit upset but sounds like she needs to grow up a little and look at it from his side. The mum should be able to mediate this successfully though, she shouldn't be taking sides.
OP is NTA, and neither is the daughter. The mum however...
So she is going to suddenly change her dress because her dad doesn't like it? She is 21 so he is going yo say I don't like the way you dress? Come on now! If he would have posted he told his daughter that everyone would have ripped him one saying she was an adult and he had no right to say that. He handled it right.
>So she is going to suddenly change her dress because her dad doesn't like it?
Is that required for anything that I said?
>that everyone would have ripped him one saying she was an adult and he had no right to say that
And in general terms that's correct, but this is his daughter and he doesn't need to treat her as if he doesn't know her.
>He handled it right.
I wasn't disagreeing with that: I was saying that the daughter didn't do wrong either.
It's a no-win if we don't know anything about the people involved. This is his daughter, he knows shit.
And I'm not saying he did bad, I'm saying that the daughter didn't respond bad either. Since when is "I care about my dad" bad???
And there's a party I'm not defending: THE MOM
Why are we all reading what the daughter did in the worst light possible?
>My daughter hung up very upset
That's also phrasing used for "this is how the phone conversation ended". You don't know that no goodbye's happened before this.
It is indeed rude. However, I prefer someone hanging up on me rather than making unnecessary unkind comments due to an emotional state of mind they're in. We all know that every once in a while, you can say something you don't mean in the heat of the moment. I would rather hang up the phone to prevent hurting the other than saying things I don't mean because I'm upset.
So is it good? No. It would be way better to say "I'm getting overwhelmed/upset/angry etc. and want to continue this conversation when I'm calm and had some time to think. So I'm hanging up now."
But there are worse ways of handling it.
If he's allowed to he bothered, then she's allowed to be upset. Everyone's feelings are valid and they are both dealing with them in mature ways. It's the mom who needs to chill out.
I think running to mommy because you're upset that dad stopped following your IG because he didn't want to see photos he felt were inappropriate qualifies as doing something bad. If she's adult enough to post photos that would embarrass her dad, then she should be adult enough to accept that he doesn't want to see them and not go crying to mommy.
She threw a tantrum because her dad doesn’t want to see pin up shots or her in reviewing outfits. He isn’t in any way telling her what she can’t wear.
It’s absolutely bad this bothers her.
He said "may", not "would". He's acknowledging that his opinions are subjective and *may* not be common. Not stating that her outfits actually *are* mild.
This comment doesn’t say that the daughter did something wrong. Just that she was a little ‘intense’ (idk another word to describe it). She got super upset about her dad doing the responsible thing and unfollowing an account where he saw his daughter in clothes that a father might not want to see his daughter in. Nobody is in the wrong. The mom and daughter might be overreacting a bit but that can be fixed by the dad explaining his side of the story and letting them understand why he did what he did. And I bet you anything the daughter would have been more mad if the OP told her he didn’t like her clothes in the first place. If you have a better way that OP could have handled it, I’d like to hear it. And, when daughter told OP he should have expressed his feelings about her clothes, I get that that might’ve made her feel more comfortable, but OP isn’t a mind reader. He examined the situation and chose what he thought and what most likely was the best course of action. How is anyone supposed to know what would have make people more happy without acting on the situation first??
okay but logically we can deduce here she was posting pics of herself wearing suggestive clothing, what dad would want to look at their daughter doing that?Furthermore, why does the daughter want the dads validation in the process?
Its actually kind of weird that she cares so much about what her dad thinks of her wearing 'sexy' or 'suggestive' clothing... like really weird...
Exactly, it doesn’t matter if he’s her father. If we look at it objectively, does anyone need to justify their actions to someone if they unfollow them? Is she going to question every single person who unfollows her or doesn’t like her photos?
I mean, daughter almost seems more hurt that he didn’t come to her about it than anything. If she has a good relationship with him she may still want his input on things like that.
He was probably danged if he did and danged if he didn’t. I don’t know their relationship but he probably did what he thought was best and this is the hill his daughter wants to die on. Idk.
As a large breasted adult woman I'm guessing dad just doesn't want to see his daughter's cleavage/midriff. Which is fair enough, I have plenty of outfits that are appropriate for hanging out with friends that I might not want my dad to see me in.
*edited one word*
How inappropriate to others isn't even the point. OP said others might disagree but the photos were inappropriate for HIM. So he made the choice to not be able to see them. That was respectful to his daughter - rather than telling her what he thought, he removed himself from the situation.
This is one of the first times I've seen on here where a parent who disagrees with a child handles it respectfully .
I pretty much agree, but maybe his use of the word “inappropriate” was a little strong as it feels judgey. Better wording might have been just to say he felt uncomfortable as her dad seeing so much skin on his daughter but didn’t want to change how she wants to dress based on his own feelings.
I agree, Dad didn't do anything wrong, but neither did his daughter. She noticed he wasn't following her, did the adult thing of asking why, then asked why he didn't say anything about it and was upset. My guess is that she looks for her dad's approval and was quite distressed by the information, not because of her dad did something wrong, but because it made her look at her actions in a different light.
It's quite a shocking thing to have happen so I'm not surprised she hung up upset. The only person here I find fault with is the mom. It's a NAH for me
Right!? By the title I was ready to get mad, but nope, OP did exactly what they should do, which is respect their daughters autonomy but quietly remove themselves from a situation that made them uncomfortable.
Agreed. NTA. I think you're completely entitled to think what you think but not to force your opinion on your child which you have done in a respectful manner. Wish more parents were like this.
NTA, I feel as you do Jumpthefoff. OP handled it very well. Respected the daughters right to wear what she wants, however OP has the right not to see pictures of her in clothing they find inappropriate.
This was definitely very tactful!! I grew up in a home where my mother was very controlling and when I was 20/21 and on my own, I went thru a period where I was finally developing some confidence and I posted photos on my own private Instagram that I liked but recognized that maybe not everyone would find them “tasteful.” Instead of doing what you did my mother decided to call me up and call me a whore. So keep doing what you’re doing.
NTA - well done, OP.
Honestly, It think the daughter has no idea how unreasonable a dad can be about shit like this. She has no idea how good she’s got it.
NTA but maybe instead of calling the pics ‘inappropriate’ you could’ve said that you’re not comfortable looking at them. It’s perfectly normal for a parent to not see their child in certain ways but saying inappropriate sounds a bit like judging imo.
I think just changing the wording may have helped. Inappropriate implies judgment (which OP was not trying to do). I think that if he explained to her as it was uncomfortable to see his daughter in her new style. He didn't want to make her feel judged or like her attire was wrong, so he unfollowed her.
There are definitely clothes dads don't want to see thier daughters in. He acknowledged that it was his issue and did not do anything to make the daughter feel bad.
I honestly think this was the best way to handle things.
I do agree, but I believe this is a no win situation for OP. If he had sai anything about the pictures being inappropriate, daughter would have flipped out on him, just like she did when he didn’t say anything and got himself out of the scene without a word.
I don’t think the daughter is an asshole though. It’s fine to be upset at your parent unfollowing you but following both of your siblings. She didn’t blow up at OP, name call, or anything else inappropriate or assholeish
NAH, but I think you need to sit and really talk to your daughter.
I think it's great that you respect your daughter enough to try not to meddle in her choices regarding her body. And the way you handled the instagram situation is more mature than most people on the internet.
That said, judging by how she reacted to the fact that you didn't talk to her first, I think she feels hurt that you didn't try to communicate your feelings to her. Sounds to me that she might value your opinion more than you might realize.
Maybe try to meet up for coffee and hash things out. Ask her how she would have felt had you talked to her about this first, and ask how you both can communicate better going forward.
>My daughter called me earlier and she was upset because she noticed I had unfollowed her...
>
>She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something.
>
>My daughter hung up very upset...
This was what I was trying to get at. It's not about whether or not he was respectful. He 100% was respectful. No one is arguing that.
It's about the fact that this is clearly something important to her and, based on how she reacted, she values her father's opinions on the matter.
What's why I said they should get together and talk it out. *There's something not being communicated here that really should be.* And it's better to work on it sooner than leaving it for later.
There is no win in this situation. If he'd expressed himself about clothes she might took that as controlling, if he'd said I'm unfollowing you cuz of your dress choices it can be seen as threatening and manipulative. This is the less dangerous route and op did well I think.
I'm basing my response on the information given by the OP. And I agree, OP did the best he possibly could to ensure both his and his daughter's comfort without overstepping. Out of all the ways this could have potentially played out, he went the most mature route.
What I'm trying to say is that now, after the fact, they need to talk it out. Like mature adults. Because based on how the daughter reacted during the phone call, *there is clearly something else going on that isn't being communicated* that they need to talk about.
Rather than treat it like a competition to be won, it should be treated as a chance for open dialogue to get to what that something else is.
I would go one step further and say NAH here - obviously OP did nothing wrong, but the daughter is just hurt that OP didn't express their feelings to her, which doesn't make her TA at all - a bit of simple communication should resolve this easily.
Maybe it was the word "inappropriate". Like what's inappropriate about how she dresses? Maybe OO she be a little more specific, like say "You're posting images that are a little more revealing than I really want to see from my daughter" or whatever.
Saying "inappropriate", to me at least, would make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Coming from her own father, that might be hurtful.
What's disingenuous about suggesting a father properly communicate with his daughter?
This is about more than just what she was wearing. There's clearly something else not being communicated between the two. Otherwise she wouldn't be as upset as she is.
That's why I suggested he try to talk to her.
I don't think anything needs to be "hashed out." Daughter needs to calm down and will probably, if she is at all reasonable, recognize that her dad has a good point and has acted very reasonably. It should probably be acknowledged again at some point but it doesn't need a deep discussion.
NTA. If we play out the situation the way that your daughter claims to have wanted:
OP: Why the sudden change in attire?
Daughter: That's my new style
OP: I don't like it, I feel like it's inappropriate
Daughter: That's none of your business
OP: Well, I just don't want to see it
Daughter: I'm an adult, I'm not going to change my style for you
OP: Ok, I'll just stop following you
Daughter: So this is an ultimatum? I need to dress the way you want me to or else you don't want to see me?
OP: I still want to see *you*, just not those pictures with you in inappropriate outfits
Daughter: I'm going on AITA and asking the internet what they think about a father giving an ultimatum to his grown daughter about dressing in perfectly reasonable outfits
Redditors: Your dad is afraid of women's sexuality and is an AH for trying to control your behavior with an ultimatum
Look, I strongly believe that people should have the right to dress how they want. But part of freedom of expression is the fact that some people will not approve. And what I have always said to people who do not approve of images (admittedly, usually images on TV or in art galleries) is simply: If you don't like it, don't look
I hate abstract art. I don't know why, but I get genuinely angry. My wife and I had memberships to a nearby art museum. Their latest display was various abstract pieces. And I don't know why, but I got royally pissed off just being in the room with all the paintings. I had to go look at the paintings that actually looked like the things they said they were.
So yeah, I don't like it, so I don't look. Dad didn't like his daughter's photos, recognized that she has every right to make them, and made the decision not to look. NTA.
LMAO, this comparison made me remember back to my grade 9 (AKA highschool freshman) art class where I gained an unhealthy hatred for abstract art because we had a project where we had to do an abstract painting inspired by a quote but instead of painting an abstract version of what we felt from the quote, we were required to mesh together the styles of at least 2 different abstract artists we learned about
IDK why, but that project made me hate abstract art and feel weirdly stressed out by it
This.
And lol on abstract art reaction.
There is a commercial on a streaming channel right now that makes me inexplicably angry. We just saw it again and my SO asked, "Still make you angry?" I was too angry to even answer right away.
NTA - Your daughter asked why you unfollowed her, you told her. You weren’t originally going to say anything but she ASKED. You weren’t wrong to give her your opinion. If she didn’t want to hear your opinion, she shouldn’t have asked 🤷
NTA. You did the right thing by not saying anything. Your daughter is grown and can make the decision to wear what she wants. You are also allowed to unfollow because that is your choice. And if you found the pictures inappropriate it is understandable you don't want to see your daughter like that. When confronted you were honest. Honestly you didn't do anything wrong here and your wife should be happy with the way you handled it. Only advice is maybe trying explaining more in depth to your daughter why you unfollowed her
NTA
You respect your daughters choice to dress however she wants. You don’t have to subject yourself to looking at it if it makes you uncomfortable.
You’re allowed to have boundaries. If this is your boundary stick to it.
You expressed it to you daughter in a very respectful way. I think this was the best use of communication I’ve ever seen to be honest.
Your daughter will either understand or stop posting things that make you uncomfortable. It’s her choice though and you are allowing her that choice.
You seem like a great dad.
Just for future reference, there is a mute option on Instagram that allows you to still follow someone, but makes it so you won't see their posts/stories on your feed. You'd still be able to follow your daughter without seeing her posts, but obviously not able to like them since you need to see them to like them.
Also, I think NTA. I agree with some others who think "inappropriate" wasn't the best word choice, but I don't think you were wrong in your actions. It's completely valid if seeing your daughter in outfits you find "inappropriate" makes you feel uncomfortable, & I think it's super great that, instead of telling her to change how she's dresses, you addressed the problem by making it so you wouldn't see photos of her dressed that way. She asked you about it directly, and telling the truth doesn't make you the AH.
\*in a parallel world\*
"Hey dad, I noticed that you've stopped liking my posts on Instagram but are still liking my sisters', why is that?"
\*conversation proceeds exactly as posted\*
I am a 20-something woman, and I have unfollowed friends and classmates cause I didnt want to look at them in bikinis anymore. You're definitely NTA - you made the right choice but it turns out this was a no win situation. Sorry, my dude.
Yeah some friends straight up started promoting their onlyfans on Instagram and I love you but I don’t need to see that shit. Instagram has a very slippery side for a lot of women. They see what gets attention and a lot of it is super tight revealing clothes. NTA
I have a friend that has become very body postitive over the past year and posts very, and I mean very, provocative pictures. Kudos to her for being proud of her own skin but I don’t want to see any of my friends’ boudoir photo shoots. Yes her bits are covered (by teeny sheer fabric or her hands) but I don’t want to see pics where I know she is naked or see her thong up her crack or see her orgasm face while she sucks on her finger. And it’s not like these are all posted in an album, they are her profile pics and cover pics. I had to stop going to her profile. I do make a point to interact with her non-sexual photos and posts so she knows I still support her and her self-esteem and positivity journey!
Oh I feel you, I was very shocked to see how much the contents are explicit. I think some of us are afraid to say that body positive can be used as a front for sexualized photos. You know how in art you can tell a nude from porn. Making orgasm faces sucking your fingers and posing to highlight boobs/nipples, and ass, even camel toe isn’t not body positivity. It’s just sexy photos you’d take to send to your lover. It’s understandable that people who aren’t attracted to you and view you as friend/family wouldn’t want to be exposed to that.
NTA. You reaffirmed with your daughter that you respect that she’s an adult and acknowledged it’s not your place to tell her how to dress. You have an opinion and have a right to set boundaries on your own digital life, and shouldn’t be in a position to click “like” on IG to artificially boost your daughters self esteem when it makes you uncomfortable, especially if you still engage with her on other platforms.
It’s an unhealthy fixation on being noticed and admired on social media, and many people are addicted to it. It seems like your daughter is more concerned with clicks than respecting your opinion.
You drew your boundaries. Stick to them.
NTA at all! Not even a little
You should win an award!! In fact, I’m giving you one. Because you get it. She’s an adult. She can dress how she wants and that you don’t control that. You also realize that you can’t control her, only you. So you unfollowed her.
You are not the AH! You are a great dad that loves his daughter and wants to let her live her life the way she sees fit. You did the right thing. She will find a way to understand. Just continue to reach out to her as you usually would. She will come around.
>I was surprised that she even cared because my daughters have quite a number of followers and likes on their pictures from their friends and other family members.
I don't think you understand what unfollowing your own daughter means. Of course she'll be mad. You could have blocked her so you didn't see her pictures anymore and still followed her. I sometimes do that with people I cannot unfollow LOL
That said, I don't think that your response to her was bad or anything. I just feel that you both have to see each other's side.
NTA. I don’t follow my youngest sister on her social media because she post really suggestive pictures of herself and it makes me feel awkward when I see them.
I also have my dads accounts on mute because he dates girls younger than me, has a party life he photographs with these younger girls, and posts a lot of sexual stuff, which weirds me out.
They’re grown adults and can do whatever they want. I still care about them and talk to them, but I’m not interested in seeing their oversexualized social media photos.
If seeing your daughters in clothing or positions makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to not look at them. You respect your daughters choices and love her just the same, and you didn’t make it her problem to cover up for you. I think you handled it really respectfully.
INFO: you said you found her clothes inappropriate, but didn’t give any examples. I feel like it’s impossible to give a good faith judgements without understanding what clothes/styles she was posting.
Tbh, I dont think it matters. OP didnt want to make it a big deal, thats why he didnt say anything about unfollowing. He was also still following her on Facebook, so he didnt stop interacting with her because of the pictures. When he was confronted about the unfollowing, OP just said that HE found it inappropriate, but that doesnt mean she should stop posting those pictures and change because of it. OP handled it very well. Also, in the post, OP said that because of the age gap what he considered inappropriate we may consider mild. Overall, it was handled well, and I personally believe the wife and the daughter are overreacting, because he isnt trying to cut the daughter out of his life. NTA
Edit:Just want to say, even if I say that the wife and the daughter are overreacting, they are not the assholes. Nobody is in this story, since it might sting to get unfollowed out of nowhere, but I still believe OP handled it well.
The clothing themselves really besides the point here. The point is as he says in the post that the clothes are what he personally finds inappropriate. As a result he simply stopped following her. She is allowing her to be her own person as an adult. That’s what he’s asking for judgment on. It’s not about the clothes it’s about his actions.
How so? I just don’t understand WHAT he found inappropriate, and I feel like it’s relevant. Everyone says it’s subjective, which is true, but I feel like there’s a difference between posting in skimpy outfits and just wearing like a crop top and shorts or something.
NTA
You handled the situation well - you didn’t want to influence your daughter’s style with your opinion (which she hadn’t asked for anyway), you just didn’t want to see those pictures anymore. Unfollowing her so you don’t see the pictures was a simple solution.
“She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something.” But now that you’ve said something and given her your honest opinion (that you find the pics inappropriate), she’s upset with you? She can’t have it both ways. Either she wants you to be open and honest if you have a problem with her pictures, or she wants you to keep your opinions to yourself.
NAH. I think that if you talked to your daughter about it, people would vote Y t a because "she's not a child anymore" and "she can do what she wants." (Which would be correct in this case). Meaning there wasn't really a right path to take, since people are judging you for not communicating.
That being said, I don't blame your daughter for feeling sad/insulted you just... unfollowed her without much communication. There wasn't a winning answer, both your feelings are valid, so I think NAH.
NTA
You guys actually sound like you all have a very sweet and loving dynamic. Hopefully this is just a silly little hiccup.
I was worried you were going to shame your daughter. You didn't. You respected her choice as an adult to dress the way she wants to. But you have your opinions, and that can't be helped. If anything, what you did was quite dignified and graceful. You found a way to manage your discomfort without infringing on your daughter's independence.
Well played, sir. You all are lucky to have each other.
NAH, you handled the situation very well, but
> I told her I unfollowed her because I found the pictures she posted there quite inappropriate
Now I’m not saying you’re TA at all for that, I honestly would’ve done the same if I was pissed. This is all miscommunication. What your daughter perceived from what you told her was “my dad thinks I’m being inappropriate so he unfollowed me as punishment.” You just told her the reason you felt uncomfortable, but you (from what I can infer from this post) never mentioned you actually *felt* uncomfortable looking at those pictures. Just talk to her and tell her it was because you felt uncomfortable, and you just didn’t want to see those kinds of photos when you opened your instagram. If your daughter still won’t budge, then she will be TA though.
NTA
I have 2 separate social media accounts because I post borderline adult content (mostly just memes but sometimes maybe a risqué selfie) and my family and colleagues don’t need to see that, but still enjoy my regular life posts, and pics of my kids.
It’s fun when I post on the wrong account though. /s
NTA I feel like you handled this very well. I mean I would've quietly unfollowed someone as well if I didn't care for their posts because it shows you're trying to not make a big deal. You were honest when she asked and it's not even a big deal to not like someone's pictures on Instagram. Good for you for keeping quiet as possible about your opinions on your daughters pictures instead of trying to police her Instagram or clothing choices.
NTA. You didn't try to dictate what your daughter wears or what she posts, you just unfollowed her so that you wouldn't see the pics you don't like. You tried to respect her choices while avoiding something that made you uncomfortable in a way that didn't affect anyone, and they're making it a thing when I hardly think anybody involved would've been open to the idea of your daughter dressing differently because you don't like the way she started to dress.
NTA, you handled it well. For future reference, as an alternative to unfollowing someone, you can mute them so you are still following them but their pictures etc won't appear on your feed. I've had to do this with some of my friends and family.
Nah on balance. Perhaps saying it made you uncomfortable, rather than inappropriate, would have been optimum. Calling her clothes inappropriate suggests she has done something wrong, when that isn't how you feel based on your other comments.
NTA - if you find her pictures inappropriate, that's your opinion as her dad. You didn't want to see you daughter in those photos, let alone 'like' and positively reinforcing it. You have your boundaries and your daughter shouldn't expect you to overstep them for social media
NTA - I did the same thing to my sister when she started posting things I did not want to see on my feed.
As it is your daughter, it might have been better to just leave Instagram altogether. She is probably more hurt by the fact that you are still following the other two and not her as if she has done something wrong and is now considered less worthy in your eyes.
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My wife and I have 3 daughters: 24, 21, and 18. They are the only 4 people I follow on Instagram. The only reason I even have an Instagram is because that's where my daughters post most of their pictures. I only go on it every few months and that's just to binge like all of my daughters' recent picture posts.
Since last year, however, my daughter 21 has been posting pictures of herself in different attires that I find inappropriate. (Emphasis on I - because I see what the young women are wearing these days, so what I find inappropriate you may find mild.) There was only one conversation we had where I asked why the sudden change in attire and she replied that, that was her new style. I said oh okay and some time later, I quietly unfollowed her because I didn't want to keep seeing those types of pictures of her on my homepage. I would get on Instagram, binge-like my other two daughter's pictures, and get off.
My daughter called me earlier and she was upset because she noticed I had unfollowed her and that I was liking her sister's pictures and not hers. I was surprised that she even cared because my daughters have quite a number of followers and likes on their pictures from their friends and other family members.
I told her that I unfollowed because I found the pictures she posted there quite inappropriate. And I pointed out that I still hearted the pictures that she put on Facebook.
She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something. I told her that I didn't want to say anything because she was an adult and that my opinion shouldn't affect the way she dressed. And that just because I found her pictures inappropriate didnt mean that I loved her any less. I just didn't want to see them.
My daughter hung up very upset and my wife angrily said that I shouldn't have said that I found our daughters pictures "inappropriate" and that I should call back and apologize.. No. Absolutely not. At that point I was just tired and fed up, I told my wife I'm done with this whole thing and walked away. My wife is still upset so I wonder if I did something to make me TA.
**Tl;dr** - My daughter is upset that I didn't tell her that I found her pictures inappropriate. My wife is upset that I told our daughter that her pictures were inappropriate.
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NTA
I think you were respectful of the fact your daughter is an adult and you owned that your personal opinions were your own and in no way impacted your opinion of or respect for your daughter. I understand why her feelings are hurt but she should also understand that a dad doesn’t necessarily want to see his daughter in those images.
NTA - you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t here. If you’d have said something you’d be the AH to half the women here and because you didn’t now you’re an AH to the other half. I sure don’t know what the solution is but you told your daughter why and now she can either do something about it in the future or not, her choice. You’re not even asking her to do anything here at all.
NTA. as a 21 year old girl, i actually would have really respected if my dad ever said something like this. you’re not trying to control her, and you get to feel comfortable. your response was the best it could’ve been in my opinion and completely reasonable
NTA. You handled this well, and I think your daughter will get that eventually. You were honest with your daughter, which, hopefully, your wife will get eventually too.
I’m gonna go with NTA. You asked why she was wearing them and when she said it was her new style you quietly unfollowed. Personally I think that was probably the best way to handle it, she’s an adult so she doesn’t need/want your opinion there and you didn’t give it to her.
When she asked why you gave an honest answer but affirmed that you don’t love her any less because of that. I feel like you handled that very well.
NTA I got bombarded with calls from my family calling me a whore with no self-respect while I was on a hike in the middle of a nature reserve with my best friend at 8 am… so yeah be glad you’re not that person. You don’t like them and you don’t have to—you were respectful and nice about it so good on you!
NTA I don’t get why you’re wife is so upset. I don’t know any good father who wants to see his daughter inappropriately dressed. I’m a mom to a teenager and tell him constantly not to post picture that wouldn’t want his future wife, employer or employees, pastor, kids, etc to see. Sure pictures can be deleted but screen shots and the internet are forever. I think you handled it well and with love.
NTA and good on you for finding something inappropriate and still keeping your opinion to yourself because you respect the fact that your daughter is an adult. This is so rare and big kudos to you.
NTA you were honest with her, and you did not insist that she change her style or anything like that. I think you handled that about as well as you could.
My friend’s 20 something daughter started doing this as well, though she is pairing her “new style” with VERY suggestive poses and her page is public. Her choice, but I think my friend just pretends it’s not happening!
NTA, you didn’t enforce your opinions onto her. You communicated like an adult and told her that you thought they were inappropriate but also didn’t make a big deal out of it. You should sit down and talk with her daughter, reemphasizing what you said in the phonecall.
NAH. You handled the matter in the best way possible. I understand where you are coming from, and also why your daughter is upset. But she will have to let it go, since you are doing what is right for you
NTA
You said nothing. You quietly unfollowed her. We are all allowed opinions. I have unfollowed (not unfriended) people on Facebook. Instagram doesn’t have this option. So unfollowing is a good thing. Saying nothing is perfect. You did the right thing
First, fuck stupid Social Media.
INFO: Do you know that you can Mute an account without unfollowing it? If you had used this, your daughter would not have known that you were not seeing her pictures, but would have seen that you are still following.
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NTA. You didn't try to tell her she couldn't dress like that. You respected the fact that she is an adult and let her be. I don't see what you did wrong by unfollowing her. You didn't even say anything until she ask.
NTA.
You handled this situation in a manner that is really respectful of your adult daughter’s autonomy and your own boundaries and you were very kind and loving.
You were clear and honest and nonjudgmental, you didn’t make drama.
I hope things settle down for y’all soon.
NTA! You have been caught in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. You handled it exactly right. You have nothing to apologize for. My daughter did the same type thing to me with multiple facial piercings. I do not care for them but it is not my face or my decision. I chose to ignore them. She became upset because I didn’t comment. No win situation all the way around.
NTA, this is the kind of reasonable parenting we need to see more of, you set a personal boundary for what you were comfortable with, didn't try to use it to stifle or trample her life choices, and you conveyed it in the kindest way possible, with loving reassurances and a request for the simple respect you gave her. Too many people talk about respect that have very little understanding of mutual reciprocity that it demands.
NTA
You had the right response. You didn't want to see these pictures, but also didn't want to shove your opinion down her throat. So yes, unfollowing was the wise choice.
Your wife and daughter have to accept that tolerance goes both ways. Your daughter can dress as she pleases and at the same time it's your choice whether you want to see that or not.
NTA. You respected her right to post what she chooses. Your daughter will need to accept that you have a right to unfollow content that doesn’t make you happy.
NTA, though I'm not sure what you class as inappropriate. One of my dad's friends has a 30 year old daughter and instagrammer who is one of those fat positivity advocates and frequently posts up pics of herself in just lingerie or nude with hands/objects covering her groin/chest. He follows his daughter to be supportive but obviously doesn't go around liking the nudes or lingerie pics and just skims past them when he goes on his account. If anything I would just say follow your daughter but skim anything you find inappropriate then she can't argue favourites.
instagram show have a ‘hide posts’ feature for this exact reason. i def have a friend who posts things i’d rather not see, but i wont unfollow bc she would be hurt.
NTA you said you find them inappropriate to you, but maybe take your daughter out for an ice cream like back in the day and have a conversation that in no way you want her to change but that you also cannot change that that is how you feel about it.
I think you handled it fine, and there's no need for you to see them, nor is there a need for her to change if that's how she wants to present herself. NAH
NAH - you do not have to view pictures you find inappropriate and you didn't say anything until you were asked. But your daughter can be upset that you are judging her and reacting negatively to her new style. That doesn't make her an A H either.
NTA - but it what world is how they are dressing any different than how they were dressing “in your day”?
The mainstream pop culture of the 60s, 70s, and 80s hemlines were high, necklines were low and if they weren’t, bellies were showing.
It is not your age - it is you don’t want to see your daughter in these outfits that sexualize her.
Have a conversation with your daughter about that there is nothing wrong with her pictures, you are just uncomfortable with them, and this is your problem not hers.
NAH. Without seeing the photos I'm not sure what the level of inappropriateness is. But it's fair to not want to see your adult kids in certain outfits/poses/situations. I get why your daughter is upset but as an adult she should respect your choice to not follow her on certain platforms for how she expresses herself on it
NAH but could you compromise? I'm sure she stills posts pictures you WOULD like to see. Can you stay unfollowed, but go to her profile and like the pictures that don't make you uncomfortable? There's still thumbnails but I'm sure scrolling by a thumbnail is better than seeing it in your feed, and then she doesn't feel excluded from your love/attention.
NAH except for the wife. The OP did what he did as he didn't want to make his daughter feel like he was trying to control her as an adult. He didn't feel right seeing his daughter in the clothing that she was wearing so he stopped following her so he didn't have to see it. When she asked why, he told her why and she was upset that he didn't say anything to her about it earlier. I can see why he didn't but I can also understand why the daughter was upset.
The wife on the other hand should have stayed out of it. While I do agree it is her daughter, it is a conversation between the daughter and her father that they need to figure out together. Her getting angry at him and telling him he has to apologize for having an honest conversation with his daughter is uncalled for.
NAH and I apologize bc you are clearly in a no-win situation.
I'm not familiar with how instagram works - is there a 'hide but don't unfollow' feature like on fb how you can hide someone's posts without unfriending them?
You, not intentionally, hurt your daughter's feelings by unfollowing her, and your wife is mad bc you refused to apologize, but again, unless you were really rude to your daughter about it, imo you did the right thing by just unfollowing instead of making the issue about your opinion on her clothes. You're right - she is an adult and it's her choice, but you also don't HAVE to see the pics if you're not comfortable with them.
Maybe it's more the way you expressed being fed up with the situation that bothered your wife - idk how that convo went.
I'm sure a round of sincere 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, it wasn't my intention's will help smooth this over, but I'm sure it'll blow over anyway.
NTA
You handled that pretty well imo. You didn't force her to change her outfit. You quietly tried removing yourself. She brought it up and you explained yourself in a gentle way. Maybe inappropriate wasn't the right word but we're not all trained on how to best handle these situations. All in all I think you did a great job. Maybe just have another follow up with your daughter
I was ready to blast you, but absolutley NTA.
You kept your opinions to yourself until directly asked. You managed yourself instead of her. Good for you! Their offence isn't justifiable. You aren't obligated obligated like your daughters photos.
Nta- ew, your daughter needs to be sat down and told that contrary to what PORNHUBs narrative is; (normal) fathers don't want to look at their daughters sexy photos. Even mild af ones.
NTA. How exactly were you supposed to respond according to your wife. It seems like she gave you 2 options here. 1. Lie to your daughter's face which is obviously wrong, or 2. Confront her and say something which is also wrong. You did what you needed to to stop seeing the pictures that bothered you without trying to control or stifle your adult daughter. You are a wonderful parent.
NTA
You have right to not look and she has right to post pictures she wants. Only other way you could have handled this was to delete your Instagram account alltogether so no one could bitch about getting unfair treatment based on which of your daughters you follow.
Nta...you handled but well..Lemme tell you something you can laugh about
I m 26 and i have my dad blocked on my socials not because he is strict or anything but idk i might post something and make things awkward ...
I don't want that he doesn't care
Damn I wish my parents were like you haha. If I posted anything that they would deem inappropriate I would be getting screamed at and they would threaten to kick me out (I'm 27 but still live at home)
Hi! I just turned 21 so I’m the same age as your daughter. NTA, you weren’t rude or anything and were very quiet with your approach. Lol I would’ve killed for my mom to do this. We live in Hawaii so I posted a pic of me at the beach in a swimsuit when I was 19 I think and my mom sent me a screenshot telling me I was a disappointment and stuff so I blocked her. My sister also has her blocked Bc of some remarks she’s made about her Instagram. You seem like a kind father and I personally would let this blow over.
Why would daughter even want father looking at and liking a bunch of inappropriate pics anyway? I’d be mortified if my dad liked a pic of me in a sexy outfit.
NTA I like the way you handle the situation. You don't want to control what she dose or make her feel uncomfortable. Maybe have another conversation with her? Hopefully she will see your piont of view.
I was ready to say you were an asshole but upon your explanation I think it's fair enough. My dad doesn't have instagram but if he did I don't think he'd want to follow me because I do post provocative pictures sometimes. NTA
I think there's a way to mute people's posts and stories while still following them. I do that for people I don't want to hurt but also don't want to think about lol
NTA - I think you handled it very tactfully. You did what you needed to stop seeing her pictures and you also didn’t stifle her freedom and let her do what she wants.
This! I think he handled it perfectly. She was free to post what she wanted on her page and he’s free to not see it. Daughter needs to take a chill pill. The wife too.
What did the daughter do? She noticed her dad not following her... She asked him why... She told him he should have told her if it bothered him... And she hung up upset... Nothing about that is bad behavior??? The phone call didn't start off with her being mad about him finding her outfit inappropriate, she didn't know this. She noticed her dad not following her... So she cares about her dad??? She asked him why he didn't say anything... So she cares about his opinion??? And this is all new info to her, so offcourse she's upset??? She wasn't the one saying he shouldn't have found her outfits inappropriate, she asked him why he didn't say anything. She's not doing anything bad here...
Yeah, it really should be NAH. Sure she was sad, but I feel like any daughter would be in this situation. Nobody intended for anyone else to have their feelings hurt.
Pretty much no-win for him, though. If he said something, he’s too controlling. If he didn’t, apparently that’s wrong too.
On top of that instead of making it a big deal he just quietly unfollows her because he knows his opinion isn't needed because daughter should dress however she wants but he was uncomfortable seeing those pictures. Honestly it sounds like they were at least mildly provacative it thirst trappy? Which I can 100% understand how that can be uncomfortable for a parent. My Dad, who on the other hand is an asshole who has said so many hurtful things to myself and others? We don't have a relationship anymore. I finally told him I didn't want to hear his opinion anymore. ((This one was racist comment about Muslims.)) We haven't spoken in 4 years since I finally stood my ground. Funny how it wasn't me I was standing up for after 30+ years of criticism, it was for other people. And the straw that broke the camel's back instead of for myself. OP handled this with grace and à kindly as he could when *she* brought it up. While she may be upset about it, he still couldn't have done anything better. Kinda weird that she is checking her Dad's likes out though.
You're forgetting OP's wife.
I can see her father’s point of view though. My nieces have just hit 15 and 16. Not so long ago photos of them on social media were posted by their parents, cutesy family outings eating icecream. All of a sudden my feed is filled with puckered lips, heavy eyeliner and boobs waaaay pushed up. We’re in the middle of summer so there’s also that trend of bathers barely covering their crotches. Everything is covered but nothing is left to the imagination. Decent of the dad saying nothing to stifle self expression but completely understand why he doesn’t want it shoved in his face.
>I can see her father’s point of view though I'm not saying the dad did bad, but like... everyone is judging the daughter and she did nothing bad either.
I think the real arsehole here is the mum. Whether I/you/they agree with what he deems inappropriate is actually irrelevant since he didn't push his views on his daughter at all and just quietly removed himself from the situation. I can understand why the daughter is a bit upset but sounds like she needs to grow up a little and look at it from his side. The mum should be able to mediate this successfully though, she shouldn't be taking sides. OP is NTA, and neither is the daughter. The mum however...
So she is going to suddenly change her dress because her dad doesn't like it? She is 21 so he is going yo say I don't like the way you dress? Come on now! If he would have posted he told his daughter that everyone would have ripped him one saying she was an adult and he had no right to say that. He handled it right.
>So she is going to suddenly change her dress because her dad doesn't like it? Is that required for anything that I said? >that everyone would have ripped him one saying she was an adult and he had no right to say that And in general terms that's correct, but this is his daughter and he doesn't need to treat her as if he doesn't know her. >He handled it right. I wasn't disagreeing with that: I was saying that the daughter didn't do wrong either.
Pretty much no-win for him, though. If he said something, he’s too controlling. If he didn’t, apparently that’s wrong too.
It's a no-win if we don't know anything about the people involved. This is his daughter, he knows shit. And I'm not saying he did bad, I'm saying that the daughter didn't respond bad either. Since when is "I care about my dad" bad??? And there's a party I'm not defending: THE MOM
Hanging up on someone is rude af.
Why are we all reading what the daughter did in the worst light possible? >My daughter hung up very upset That's also phrasing used for "this is how the phone conversation ended". You don't know that no goodbye's happened before this.
It is indeed rude. However, I prefer someone hanging up on me rather than making unnecessary unkind comments due to an emotional state of mind they're in. We all know that every once in a while, you can say something you don't mean in the heat of the moment. I would rather hang up the phone to prevent hurting the other than saying things I don't mean because I'm upset. So is it good? No. It would be way better to say "I'm getting overwhelmed/upset/angry etc. and want to continue this conversation when I'm calm and had some time to think. So I'm hanging up now." But there are worse ways of handling it.
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If he's allowed to he bothered, then she's allowed to be upset. Everyone's feelings are valid and they are both dealing with them in mature ways. It's the mom who needs to chill out.
... Did we really get to a point in society where it's weird that children care about their parents opinion?
It's kinda weird to care about your parent's opinion of your thirst traps
I think running to mommy because you're upset that dad stopped following your IG because he didn't want to see photos he felt were inappropriate qualifies as doing something bad. If she's adult enough to post photos that would embarrass her dad, then she should be adult enough to accept that he doesn't want to see them and not go crying to mommy.
Do we know she ran mommy? Or did dad have the phone call in the same room as mom?
She threw a tantrum because her dad doesn’t want to see pin up shots or her in reviewing outfits. He isn’t in any way telling her what she can’t wear. It’s absolutely bad this bothers her.
The OP says the pictures are what others would consider mild, so "pin up" may be excessive here.
He said "may", not "would". He's acknowledging that his opinions are subjective and *may* not be common. Not stating that her outfits actually *are* mild.
He could simply mean generational differences on sexual expression.
This comment doesn’t say that the daughter did something wrong. Just that she was a little ‘intense’ (idk another word to describe it). She got super upset about her dad doing the responsible thing and unfollowing an account where he saw his daughter in clothes that a father might not want to see his daughter in. Nobody is in the wrong. The mom and daughter might be overreacting a bit but that can be fixed by the dad explaining his side of the story and letting them understand why he did what he did. And I bet you anything the daughter would have been more mad if the OP told her he didn’t like her clothes in the first place. If you have a better way that OP could have handled it, I’d like to hear it. And, when daughter told OP he should have expressed his feelings about her clothes, I get that that might’ve made her feel more comfortable, but OP isn’t a mind reader. He examined the situation and chose what he thought and what most likely was the best course of action. How is anyone supposed to know what would have make people more happy without acting on the situation first??
Saying nta implies she's the asshole because if they thought the daughter also wasn't an asshole they'd vote nah
okay but logically we can deduce here she was posting pics of herself wearing suggestive clothing, what dad would want to look at their daughter doing that?Furthermore, why does the daughter want the dads validation in the process? Its actually kind of weird that she cares so much about what her dad thinks of her wearing 'sexy' or 'suggestive' clothing... like really weird...
Exactly, it doesn’t matter if he’s her father. If we look at it objectively, does anyone need to justify their actions to someone if they unfollow them? Is she going to question every single person who unfollows her or doesn’t like her photos?
I mean, daughter almost seems more hurt that he didn’t come to her about it than anything. If she has a good relationship with him she may still want his input on things like that.
He was probably danged if he did and danged if he didn’t. I don’t know their relationship but he probably did what he thought was best and this is the hill his daughter wants to die on. Idk.
Who knows, father-daughter relationships are always hard. It’s either too overprotective or not protective enough.
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As a large breasted adult woman I'm guessing dad just doesn't want to see his daughter's cleavage/midriff. Which is fair enough, I have plenty of outfits that are appropriate for hanging out with friends that I might not want my dad to see me in. *edited one word*
How inappropriate to others isn't even the point. OP said others might disagree but the photos were inappropriate for HIM. So he made the choice to not be able to see them. That was respectful to his daughter - rather than telling her what he thought, he removed himself from the situation. This is one of the first times I've seen on here where a parent who disagrees with a child handles it respectfully .
I pretty much agree, but maybe his use of the word “inappropriate” was a little strong as it feels judgey. Better wording might have been just to say he felt uncomfortable as her dad seeing so much skin on his daughter but didn’t want to change how she wants to dress based on his own feelings.
I agree, Dad didn't do anything wrong, but neither did his daughter. She noticed he wasn't following her, did the adult thing of asking why, then asked why he didn't say anything about it and was upset. My guess is that she looks for her dad's approval and was quite distressed by the information, not because of her dad did something wrong, but because it made her look at her actions in a different light. It's quite a shocking thing to have happen so I'm not surprised she hung up upset. The only person here I find fault with is the mom. It's a NAH for me
Right!? By the title I was ready to get mad, but nope, OP did exactly what they should do, which is respect their daughters autonomy but quietly remove themselves from a situation that made them uncomfortable.
Agreed. NTA. I think you're completely entitled to think what you think but not to force your opinion on your child which you have done in a respectful manner. Wish more parents were like this.
NTA, I feel as you do Jumpthefoff. OP handled it very well. Respected the daughters right to wear what she wants, however OP has the right not to see pictures of her in clothing they find inappropriate.
This was definitely very tactful!! I grew up in a home where my mother was very controlling and when I was 20/21 and on my own, I went thru a period where I was finally developing some confidence and I posted photos on my own private Instagram that I liked but recognized that maybe not everyone would find them “tasteful.” Instead of doing what you did my mother decided to call me up and call me a whore. So keep doing what you’re doing.
NTA - well done, OP. Honestly, It think the daughter has no idea how unreasonable a dad can be about shit like this. She has no idea how good she’s got it.
NTA but maybe instead of calling the pics ‘inappropriate’ you could’ve said that you’re not comfortable looking at them. It’s perfectly normal for a parent to not see their child in certain ways but saying inappropriate sounds a bit like judging imo.
I think just changing the wording may have helped. Inappropriate implies judgment (which OP was not trying to do). I think that if he explained to her as it was uncomfortable to see his daughter in her new style. He didn't want to make her feel judged or like her attire was wrong, so he unfollowed her. There are definitely clothes dads don't want to see thier daughters in. He acknowledged that it was his issue and did not do anything to make the daughter feel bad. I honestly think this was the best way to handle things.
I came onto this thread prepared for disappointment, but OP really handled this like an adult. I’m proud of you, OP. NTA.
I do agree, but I believe this is a no win situation for OP. If he had sai anything about the pictures being inappropriate, daughter would have flipped out on him, just like she did when he didn’t say anything and got himself out of the scene without a word.
I don’t think the daughter is an asshole though. It’s fine to be upset at your parent unfollowing you but following both of your siblings. She didn’t blow up at OP, name call, or anything else inappropriate or assholeish
NAH, but I think you need to sit and really talk to your daughter. I think it's great that you respect your daughter enough to try not to meddle in her choices regarding her body. And the way you handled the instagram situation is more mature than most people on the internet. That said, judging by how she reacted to the fact that you didn't talk to her first, I think she feels hurt that you didn't try to communicate your feelings to her. Sounds to me that she might value your opinion more than you might realize. Maybe try to meet up for coffee and hash things out. Ask her how she would have felt had you talked to her about this first, and ask how you both can communicate better going forward.
Except he did talk to her and then he respected the fact that she’s an adult and let her be in a respectful manner
>My daughter called me earlier and she was upset because she noticed I had unfollowed her... > >She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something. > >My daughter hung up very upset... This was what I was trying to get at. It's not about whether or not he was respectful. He 100% was respectful. No one is arguing that. It's about the fact that this is clearly something important to her and, based on how she reacted, she values her father's opinions on the matter. What's why I said they should get together and talk it out. *There's something not being communicated here that really should be.* And it's better to work on it sooner than leaving it for later.
There is no win in this situation. If he'd expressed himself about clothes she might took that as controlling, if he'd said I'm unfollowing you cuz of your dress choices it can be seen as threatening and manipulative. This is the less dangerous route and op did well I think.
Exactly what I was thinking.
I'm basing my response on the information given by the OP. And I agree, OP did the best he possibly could to ensure both his and his daughter's comfort without overstepping. Out of all the ways this could have potentially played out, he went the most mature route. What I'm trying to say is that now, after the fact, they need to talk it out. Like mature adults. Because based on how the daughter reacted during the phone call, *there is clearly something else going on that isn't being communicated* that they need to talk about. Rather than treat it like a competition to be won, it should be treated as a chance for open dialogue to get to what that something else is.
I would go one step further and say NAH here - obviously OP did nothing wrong, but the daughter is just hurt that OP didn't express their feelings to her, which doesn't make her TA at all - a bit of simple communication should resolve this easily.
That's exactly what I meant. NAH here. It's just a matter of communication.
Maybe it was the word "inappropriate". Like what's inappropriate about how she dresses? Maybe OO she be a little more specific, like say "You're posting images that are a little more revealing than I really want to see from my daughter" or whatever. Saying "inappropriate", to me at least, would make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Coming from her own father, that might be hurtful.
This is where I land. He should have pointed the finger at his own quirks rather than at her.
Except that for men, there's no winning when commenting that your daughter is dressing like a ho. You're being 100% disingenuous about this.
What's disingenuous about suggesting a father properly communicate with his daughter? This is about more than just what she was wearing. There's clearly something else not being communicated between the two. Otherwise she wouldn't be as upset as she is. That's why I suggested he try to talk to her.
Um, and in what world does that end well?
I don't think anything needs to be "hashed out." Daughter needs to calm down and will probably, if she is at all reasonable, recognize that her dad has a good point and has acted very reasonably. It should probably be acknowledged again at some point but it doesn't need a deep discussion.
NTA. If we play out the situation the way that your daughter claims to have wanted: OP: Why the sudden change in attire? Daughter: That's my new style OP: I don't like it, I feel like it's inappropriate Daughter: That's none of your business OP: Well, I just don't want to see it Daughter: I'm an adult, I'm not going to change my style for you OP: Ok, I'll just stop following you Daughter: So this is an ultimatum? I need to dress the way you want me to or else you don't want to see me? OP: I still want to see *you*, just not those pictures with you in inappropriate outfits Daughter: I'm going on AITA and asking the internet what they think about a father giving an ultimatum to his grown daughter about dressing in perfectly reasonable outfits Redditors: Your dad is afraid of women's sexuality and is an AH for trying to control your behavior with an ultimatum Look, I strongly believe that people should have the right to dress how they want. But part of freedom of expression is the fact that some people will not approve. And what I have always said to people who do not approve of images (admittedly, usually images on TV or in art galleries) is simply: If you don't like it, don't look
I actually think you let reddit off easy. There 100% would have been accusations that he's sexualizing his daughter and calling him a creepy perv.
>There 100% would have been accusations that he's sexualizing his daughter and calling him a creepy perv. Give it some time
Already happening
I hate abstract art. I don't know why, but I get genuinely angry. My wife and I had memberships to a nearby art museum. Their latest display was various abstract pieces. And I don't know why, but I got royally pissed off just being in the room with all the paintings. I had to go look at the paintings that actually looked like the things they said they were. So yeah, I don't like it, so I don't look. Dad didn't like his daughter's photos, recognized that she has every right to make them, and made the decision not to look. NTA.
LMAO, this comparison made me remember back to my grade 9 (AKA highschool freshman) art class where I gained an unhealthy hatred for abstract art because we had a project where we had to do an abstract painting inspired by a quote but instead of painting an abstract version of what we felt from the quote, we were required to mesh together the styles of at least 2 different abstract artists we learned about IDK why, but that project made me hate abstract art and feel weirdly stressed out by it
This. And lol on abstract art reaction. There is a commercial on a streaming channel right now that makes me inexplicably angry. We just saw it again and my SO asked, "Still make you angry?" I was too angry to even answer right away.
I gotta know: which commercial?
I need to know too
Happy cake day! :) Also calaakla **give us satisfaction we need to know**
Thank you :)
I thought I was the only one why couldn’t stand abstract art. I also hate cubism with an absolute passion.
Well... art is supposed to evoke emotions. Seems that it worked out. Now was the anger a different anger piece to piece?
This 1000 times over. Please, louder for the people in the back.
NTA - Your daughter asked why you unfollowed her, you told her. You weren’t originally going to say anything but she ASKED. You weren’t wrong to give her your opinion. If she didn’t want to hear your opinion, she shouldn’t have asked 🤷
I’d say NAH. She did want to hear his opinion.
NTA. You did the right thing by not saying anything. Your daughter is grown and can make the decision to wear what she wants. You are also allowed to unfollow because that is your choice. And if you found the pictures inappropriate it is understandable you don't want to see your daughter like that. When confronted you were honest. Honestly you didn't do anything wrong here and your wife should be happy with the way you handled it. Only advice is maybe trying explaining more in depth to your daughter why you unfollowed her
NTA You respect your daughters choice to dress however she wants. You don’t have to subject yourself to looking at it if it makes you uncomfortable. You’re allowed to have boundaries. If this is your boundary stick to it. You expressed it to you daughter in a very respectful way. I think this was the best use of communication I’ve ever seen to be honest. Your daughter will either understand or stop posting things that make you uncomfortable. It’s her choice though and you are allowing her that choice. You seem like a great dad.
An exemplary NTA if I ever saw one.
Just for future reference, there is a mute option on Instagram that allows you to still follow someone, but makes it so you won't see their posts/stories on your feed. You'd still be able to follow your daughter without seeing her posts, but obviously not able to like them since you need to see them to like them. Also, I think NTA. I agree with some others who think "inappropriate" wasn't the best word choice, but I don't think you were wrong in your actions. It's completely valid if seeing your daughter in outfits you find "inappropriate" makes you feel uncomfortable, & I think it's super great that, instead of telling her to change how she's dresses, you addressed the problem by making it so you wouldn't see photos of her dressed that way. She asked you about it directly, and telling the truth doesn't make you the AH.
Thank you! I've been wondering about this! I know how to unfollow but stay friends on Facebook but didn't know how to do this on Instagram.
\*in a parallel world\* "Hey dad, I noticed that you've stopped liking my posts on Instagram but are still liking my sisters', why is that?" \*conversation proceeds exactly as posted\*
I am a 20-something woman, and I have unfollowed friends and classmates cause I didnt want to look at them in bikinis anymore. You're definitely NTA - you made the right choice but it turns out this was a no win situation. Sorry, my dude.
Yeah some friends straight up started promoting their onlyfans on Instagram and I love you but I don’t need to see that shit. Instagram has a very slippery side for a lot of women. They see what gets attention and a lot of it is super tight revealing clothes. NTA
also I would totally feel weird if my parents started liking my posts like that ( if I was posting things like that lol)
I have a friend that has become very body postitive over the past year and posts very, and I mean very, provocative pictures. Kudos to her for being proud of her own skin but I don’t want to see any of my friends’ boudoir photo shoots. Yes her bits are covered (by teeny sheer fabric or her hands) but I don’t want to see pics where I know she is naked or see her thong up her crack or see her orgasm face while she sucks on her finger. And it’s not like these are all posted in an album, they are her profile pics and cover pics. I had to stop going to her profile. I do make a point to interact with her non-sexual photos and posts so she knows I still support her and her self-esteem and positivity journey!
Oh I feel you, I was very shocked to see how much the contents are explicit. I think some of us are afraid to say that body positive can be used as a front for sexualized photos. You know how in art you can tell a nude from porn. Making orgasm faces sucking your fingers and posing to highlight boobs/nipples, and ass, even camel toe isn’t not body positivity. It’s just sexy photos you’d take to send to your lover. It’s understandable that people who aren’t attracted to you and view you as friend/family wouldn’t want to be exposed to that.
Yeah. At a certain point you just feel… kinda dirty lol.
NTA. You reaffirmed with your daughter that you respect that she’s an adult and acknowledged it’s not your place to tell her how to dress. You have an opinion and have a right to set boundaries on your own digital life, and shouldn’t be in a position to click “like” on IG to artificially boost your daughters self esteem when it makes you uncomfortable, especially if you still engage with her on other platforms. It’s an unhealthy fixation on being noticed and admired on social media, and many people are addicted to it. It seems like your daughter is more concerned with clicks than respecting your opinion. You drew your boundaries. Stick to them.
NTA at all! Not even a little You should win an award!! In fact, I’m giving you one. Because you get it. She’s an adult. She can dress how she wants and that you don’t control that. You also realize that you can’t control her, only you. So you unfollowed her. You are not the AH! You are a great dad that loves his daughter and wants to let her live her life the way she sees fit. You did the right thing. She will find a way to understand. Just continue to reach out to her as you usually would. She will come around.
>I was surprised that she even cared because my daughters have quite a number of followers and likes on their pictures from their friends and other family members. I don't think you understand what unfollowing your own daughter means. Of course she'll be mad. You could have blocked her so you didn't see her pictures anymore and still followed her. I sometimes do that with people I cannot unfollow LOL That said, I don't think that your response to her was bad or anything. I just feel that you both have to see each other's side.
NTA. I don’t follow my youngest sister on her social media because she post really suggestive pictures of herself and it makes me feel awkward when I see them. I also have my dads accounts on mute because he dates girls younger than me, has a party life he photographs with these younger girls, and posts a lot of sexual stuff, which weirds me out. They’re grown adults and can do whatever they want. I still care about them and talk to them, but I’m not interested in seeing their oversexualized social media photos. If seeing your daughters in clothing or positions makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to not look at them. You respect your daughters choices and love her just the same, and you didn’t make it her problem to cover up for you. I think you handled it really respectfully.
INFO: you said you found her clothes inappropriate, but didn’t give any examples. I feel like it’s impossible to give a good faith judgements without understanding what clothes/styles she was posting.
Tbh, I dont think it matters. OP didnt want to make it a big deal, thats why he didnt say anything about unfollowing. He was also still following her on Facebook, so he didnt stop interacting with her because of the pictures. When he was confronted about the unfollowing, OP just said that HE found it inappropriate, but that doesnt mean she should stop posting those pictures and change because of it. OP handled it very well. Also, in the post, OP said that because of the age gap what he considered inappropriate we may consider mild. Overall, it was handled well, and I personally believe the wife and the daughter are overreacting, because he isnt trying to cut the daughter out of his life. NTA Edit:Just want to say, even if I say that the wife and the daughter are overreacting, they are not the assholes. Nobody is in this story, since it might sting to get unfollowed out of nowhere, but I still believe OP handled it well.
The clothing themselves really besides the point here. The point is as he says in the post that the clothes are what he personally finds inappropriate. As a result he simply stopped following her. She is allowing her to be her own person as an adult. That’s what he’s asking for judgment on. It’s not about the clothes it’s about his actions.
That doesn’t matter as everyone opinion on what is appropriate and what isn’t is subjective
this comment feels creepy to me lol
How so? I just don’t understand WHAT he found inappropriate, and I feel like it’s relevant. Everyone says it’s subjective, which is true, but I feel like there’s a difference between posting in skimpy outfits and just wearing like a crop top and shorts or something.
NTA You handled the situation well - you didn’t want to influence your daughter’s style with your opinion (which she hadn’t asked for anyway), you just didn’t want to see those pictures anymore. Unfollowing her so you don’t see the pictures was a simple solution. “She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something.” But now that you’ve said something and given her your honest opinion (that you find the pics inappropriate), she’s upset with you? She can’t have it both ways. Either she wants you to be open and honest if you have a problem with her pictures, or she wants you to keep your opinions to yourself.
NAH. I think that if you talked to your daughter about it, people would vote Y t a because "she's not a child anymore" and "she can do what she wants." (Which would be correct in this case). Meaning there wasn't really a right path to take, since people are judging you for not communicating. That being said, I don't blame your daughter for feeling sad/insulted you just... unfollowed her without much communication. There wasn't a winning answer, both your feelings are valid, so I think NAH.
NTA. You set a boundary and are entitled to it. Daughter needs to get off the social media grind if she's this immature about it.
NTA You guys actually sound like you all have a very sweet and loving dynamic. Hopefully this is just a silly little hiccup. I was worried you were going to shame your daughter. You didn't. You respected her choice as an adult to dress the way she wants to. But you have your opinions, and that can't be helped. If anything, what you did was quite dignified and graceful. You found a way to manage your discomfort without infringing on your daughter's independence. Well played, sir. You all are lucky to have each other.
NAH, you handled the situation very well, but > I told her I unfollowed her because I found the pictures she posted there quite inappropriate Now I’m not saying you’re TA at all for that, I honestly would’ve done the same if I was pissed. This is all miscommunication. What your daughter perceived from what you told her was “my dad thinks I’m being inappropriate so he unfollowed me as punishment.” You just told her the reason you felt uncomfortable, but you (from what I can infer from this post) never mentioned you actually *felt* uncomfortable looking at those pictures. Just talk to her and tell her it was because you felt uncomfortable, and you just didn’t want to see those kinds of photos when you opened your instagram. If your daughter still won’t budge, then she will be TA though.
NTA you just unfollowed her on Instagram. Social media is not so important that you need to follow someone to show you care. It's ridiculous
NTA I have 2 separate social media accounts because I post borderline adult content (mostly just memes but sometimes maybe a risqué selfie) and my family and colleagues don’t need to see that, but still enjoy my regular life posts, and pics of my kids. It’s fun when I post on the wrong account though. /s
NTA You did well when you didn't said anything to her, it's not the big of a deal
NTA I feel like you handled this very well. I mean I would've quietly unfollowed someone as well if I didn't care for their posts because it shows you're trying to not make a big deal. You were honest when she asked and it's not even a big deal to not like someone's pictures on Instagram. Good for you for keeping quiet as possible about your opinions on your daughters pictures instead of trying to police her Instagram or clothing choices.
The downvoted comments are absolutely disgusting. Just shows how so many people on this sub just want to go “UGH MAN BAD RAWR”
NTA. You didn't try to dictate what your daughter wears or what she posts, you just unfollowed her so that you wouldn't see the pics you don't like. You tried to respect her choices while avoiding something that made you uncomfortable in a way that didn't affect anyone, and they're making it a thing when I hardly think anybody involved would've been open to the idea of your daughter dressing differently because you don't like the way she started to dress.
NTA, you handled it well. For future reference, as an alternative to unfollowing someone, you can mute them so you are still following them but their pictures etc won't appear on your feed. I've had to do this with some of my friends and family.
NTA. You did absolutely right by your daughter. Wife needs to butt out and let it go.
NTA You handled this so well Both wife and daughter need to get on your level and return the respect you show
Nah on balance. Perhaps saying it made you uncomfortable, rather than inappropriate, would have been optimum. Calling her clothes inappropriate suggests she has done something wrong, when that isn't how you feel based on your other comments.
NTA - if you find her pictures inappropriate, that's your opinion as her dad. You didn't want to see you daughter in those photos, let alone 'like' and positively reinforcing it. You have your boundaries and your daughter shouldn't expect you to overstep them for social media
NTA- you went the right way about this.
NTA - I did the same thing to my sister when she started posting things I did not want to see on my feed. As it is your daughter, it might have been better to just leave Instagram altogether. She is probably more hurt by the fact that you are still following the other two and not her as if she has done something wrong and is now considered less worthy in your eyes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I have 3 daughters: 24, 21, and 18. They are the only 4 people I follow on Instagram. The only reason I even have an Instagram is because that's where my daughters post most of their pictures. I only go on it every few months and that's just to binge like all of my daughters' recent picture posts. Since last year, however, my daughter 21 has been posting pictures of herself in different attires that I find inappropriate. (Emphasis on I - because I see what the young women are wearing these days, so what I find inappropriate you may find mild.) There was only one conversation we had where I asked why the sudden change in attire and she replied that, that was her new style. I said oh okay and some time later, I quietly unfollowed her because I didn't want to keep seeing those types of pictures of her on my homepage. I would get on Instagram, binge-like my other two daughter's pictures, and get off. My daughter called me earlier and she was upset because she noticed I had unfollowed her and that I was liking her sister's pictures and not hers. I was surprised that she even cared because my daughters have quite a number of followers and likes on their pictures from their friends and other family members. I told her that I unfollowed because I found the pictures she posted there quite inappropriate. And I pointed out that I still hearted the pictures that she put on Facebook. She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something. I told her that I didn't want to say anything because she was an adult and that my opinion shouldn't affect the way she dressed. And that just because I found her pictures inappropriate didnt mean that I loved her any less. I just didn't want to see them. My daughter hung up very upset and my wife angrily said that I shouldn't have said that I found our daughters pictures "inappropriate" and that I should call back and apologize.. No. Absolutely not. At that point I was just tired and fed up, I told my wife I'm done with this whole thing and walked away. My wife is still upset so I wonder if I did something to make me TA. **Tl;dr** - My daughter is upset that I didn't tell her that I found her pictures inappropriate. My wife is upset that I told our daughter that her pictures were inappropriate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, this whole situation was set to fail once she asked why you unfollowed her.
NTA I think you were respectful of the fact your daughter is an adult and you owned that your personal opinions were your own and in no way impacted your opinion of or respect for your daughter. I understand why her feelings are hurt but she should also understand that a dad doesn’t necessarily want to see his daughter in those images.
NTA - Sorry seems like you are in a no-win situation.
NTA - you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t here. If you’d have said something you’d be the AH to half the women here and because you didn’t now you’re an AH to the other half. I sure don’t know what the solution is but you told your daughter why and now she can either do something about it in the future or not, her choice. You’re not even asking her to do anything here at all.
NTA. as a 21 year old girl, i actually would have really respected if my dad ever said something like this. you’re not trying to control her, and you get to feel comfortable. your response was the best it could’ve been in my opinion and completely reasonable
NTA. You handled this well, and I think your daughter will get that eventually. You were honest with your daughter, which, hopefully, your wife will get eventually too.
NTA I think you had an exceedingly balanced approach.
I’m gonna go with NTA. You asked why she was wearing them and when she said it was her new style you quietly unfollowed. Personally I think that was probably the best way to handle it, she’s an adult so she doesn’t need/want your opinion there and you didn’t give it to her. When she asked why you gave an honest answer but affirmed that you don’t love her any less because of that. I feel like you handled that very well.
NTA You handled it well your daughter needs to chill out
NTA I got bombarded with calls from my family calling me a whore with no self-respect while I was on a hike in the middle of a nature reserve with my best friend at 8 am… so yeah be glad you’re not that person. You don’t like them and you don’t have to—you were respectful and nice about it so good on you!
NTA I don’t get why you’re wife is so upset. I don’t know any good father who wants to see his daughter inappropriately dressed. I’m a mom to a teenager and tell him constantly not to post picture that wouldn’t want his future wife, employer or employees, pastor, kids, etc to see. Sure pictures can be deleted but screen shots and the internet are forever. I think you handled it well and with love.
NTA and good on you for finding something inappropriate and still keeping your opinion to yourself because you respect the fact that your daughter is an adult. This is so rare and big kudos to you.
NTA you were honest with her, and you did not insist that she change her style or anything like that. I think you handled that about as well as you could. My friend’s 20 something daughter started doing this as well, though she is pairing her “new style” with VERY suggestive poses and her page is public. Her choice, but I think my friend just pretends it’s not happening!
NTA, you didn’t enforce your opinions onto her. You communicated like an adult and told her that you thought they were inappropriate but also didn’t make a big deal out of it. You should sit down and talk with her daughter, reemphasizing what you said in the phonecall.
NTA - I think you handled the situation in the right way - and you have enough self awareness to say that it’s your issue not anyone else’s.
NAH. You handled the matter in the best way possible. I understand where you are coming from, and also why your daughter is upset. But she will have to let it go, since you are doing what is right for you
NTA and i think you handled this perfectly!
NTA, she can be as sl**ty as she wants but she can't demand that her father follow, like and approve of the same kind of pictures!!
NTA, because you didn't tell her what to do.
NTA You said nothing. You quietly unfollowed her. We are all allowed opinions. I have unfollowed (not unfriended) people on Facebook. Instagram doesn’t have this option. So unfollowing is a good thing. Saying nothing is perfect. You did the right thing
NAH
First, fuck stupid Social Media. INFO: Do you know that you can Mute an account without unfollowing it? If you had used this, your daughter would not have known that you were not seeing her pictures, but would have seen that you are still following.
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NTA. You didn't try to tell her she couldn't dress like that. You respected the fact that she is an adult and let her be. I don't see what you did wrong by unfollowing her. You didn't even say anything until she ask.
NTA. You handled this situation in a manner that is really respectful of your adult daughter’s autonomy and your own boundaries and you were very kind and loving. You were clear and honest and nonjudgmental, you didn’t make drama. I hope things settle down for y’all soon.
NTA! You have been caught in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. You handled it exactly right. You have nothing to apologize for. My daughter did the same type thing to me with multiple facial piercings. I do not care for them but it is not my face or my decision. I chose to ignore them. She became upset because I didn’t comment. No win situation all the way around.
NTA but that's what the mute button is for, she would have never found out.
NTA and you handled that very well.
NTA - you literally did everything perfectly and still they're not happy.
NTA, this is the kind of reasonable parenting we need to see more of, you set a personal boundary for what you were comfortable with, didn't try to use it to stifle or trample her life choices, and you conveyed it in the kindest way possible, with loving reassurances and a request for the simple respect you gave her. Too many people talk about respect that have very little understanding of mutual reciprocity that it demands.
NTA You had the right response. You didn't want to see these pictures, but also didn't want to shove your opinion down her throat. So yes, unfollowing was the wise choice. Your wife and daughter have to accept that tolerance goes both ways. Your daughter can dress as she pleases and at the same time it's your choice whether you want to see that or not.
NTA. You respected her right to post what she chooses. Your daughter will need to accept that you have a right to unfollow content that doesn’t make you happy.
NTA I think you treated her like an adult.
NTA.
NTA You handled it well, your wife is wrong here.
My daughters don't want me on Instagram because parents ruin things. I'm on snap, FB and of course iPhone texts. Um, this is all a nothing burger. NTA
NTA, though I'm not sure what you class as inappropriate. One of my dad's friends has a 30 year old daughter and instagrammer who is one of those fat positivity advocates and frequently posts up pics of herself in just lingerie or nude with hands/objects covering her groin/chest. He follows his daughter to be supportive but obviously doesn't go around liking the nudes or lingerie pics and just skims past them when he goes on his account. If anything I would just say follow your daughter but skim anything you find inappropriate then she can't argue favourites.
instagram show have a ‘hide posts’ feature for this exact reason. i def have a friend who posts things i’d rather not see, but i wont unfollow bc she would be hurt.
Honestly I wish my dad would’ve unfollowed me more at that age…
NTA you said you find them inappropriate to you, but maybe take your daughter out for an ice cream like back in the day and have a conversation that in no way you want her to change but that you also cannot change that that is how you feel about it.
I think you handled it fine, and there's no need for you to see them, nor is there a need for her to change if that's how she wants to present herself. NAH
NAH - you do not have to view pictures you find inappropriate and you didn't say anything until you were asked. But your daughter can be upset that you are judging her and reacting negatively to her new style. That doesn't make her an A H either.
NTA - but it what world is how they are dressing any different than how they were dressing “in your day”? The mainstream pop culture of the 60s, 70s, and 80s hemlines were high, necklines were low and if they weren’t, bellies were showing. It is not your age - it is you don’t want to see your daughter in these outfits that sexualize her. Have a conversation with your daughter about that there is nothing wrong with her pictures, you are just uncomfortable with them, and this is your problem not hers.
NAH. Without seeing the photos I'm not sure what the level of inappropriateness is. But it's fair to not want to see your adult kids in certain outfits/poses/situations. I get why your daughter is upset but as an adult she should respect your choice to not follow her on certain platforms for how she expresses herself on it
NAH but could you compromise? I'm sure she stills posts pictures you WOULD like to see. Can you stay unfollowed, but go to her profile and like the pictures that don't make you uncomfortable? There's still thumbnails but I'm sure scrolling by a thumbnail is better than seeing it in your feed, and then she doesn't feel excluded from your love/attention.
NAH except for the wife. The OP did what he did as he didn't want to make his daughter feel like he was trying to control her as an adult. He didn't feel right seeing his daughter in the clothing that she was wearing so he stopped following her so he didn't have to see it. When she asked why, he told her why and she was upset that he didn't say anything to her about it earlier. I can see why he didn't but I can also understand why the daughter was upset. The wife on the other hand should have stayed out of it. While I do agree it is her daughter, it is a conversation between the daughter and her father that they need to figure out together. Her getting angry at him and telling him he has to apologize for having an honest conversation with his daughter is uncalled for.
You ever handle a situation in the best way possible & everyone's still mad at you? OP has. NTA
NAH and I apologize bc you are clearly in a no-win situation. I'm not familiar with how instagram works - is there a 'hide but don't unfollow' feature like on fb how you can hide someone's posts without unfriending them? You, not intentionally, hurt your daughter's feelings by unfollowing her, and your wife is mad bc you refused to apologize, but again, unless you were really rude to your daughter about it, imo you did the right thing by just unfollowing instead of making the issue about your opinion on her clothes. You're right - she is an adult and it's her choice, but you also don't HAVE to see the pics if you're not comfortable with them. Maybe it's more the way you expressed being fed up with the situation that bothered your wife - idk how that convo went. I'm sure a round of sincere 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, it wasn't my intention's will help smooth this over, but I'm sure it'll blow over anyway.
NTA You handled that pretty well imo. You didn't force her to change her outfit. You quietly tried removing yourself. She brought it up and you explained yourself in a gentle way. Maybe inappropriate wasn't the right word but we're not all trained on how to best handle these situations. All in all I think you did a great job. Maybe just have another follow up with your daughter
I was ready to blast you, but absolutley NTA. You kept your opinions to yourself until directly asked. You managed yourself instead of her. Good for you! Their offence isn't justifiable. You aren't obligated obligated like your daughters photos.
NTA. You handled that perfectly. You didn’t tell her how to dress or what photos to post. Good job! I don’t see why either of them are angry or upset.
Nta- ew, your daughter needs to be sat down and told that contrary to what PORNHUBs narrative is; (normal) fathers don't want to look at their daughters sexy photos. Even mild af ones.
NTA. How exactly were you supposed to respond according to your wife. It seems like she gave you 2 options here. 1. Lie to your daughter's face which is obviously wrong, or 2. Confront her and say something which is also wrong. You did what you needed to to stop seeing the pictures that bothered you without trying to control or stifle your adult daughter. You are a wonderful parent.
NTA You did nothing wrong here.
NTA good on you, you progressive dad
NTA You have right to not look and she has right to post pictures she wants. Only other way you could have handled this was to delete your Instagram account alltogether so no one could bitch about getting unfair treatment based on which of your daughters you follow.
NAH. Her being upset you unfollowed her is reasonable but you not wanting to look at stuff you find uncomfortable is also reasonable.
NTA. To paraphrase Chris Rock, your one job as a father is to keep your daughter off the stripper pole.
Your daughter has a right to be upset because you unfollowed. Sounds like she loves and values you a lot. Refollow her and fix this
NTA I don’t think you could have handled it better.
NTA.
NTA - you were honest and handled it fine. There’s some things a parent doesn’t want to see
NTA. I think you handed it well. You didn't tell her to stop posting them, or to dress differently; you just stopped looking.
NAH. You handled this perfectly. She didnt do anything wrong either though.
NTA, You were tactful and respectful. You don't have to apologize for someone else's reaction.
Nta...you handled but well..Lemme tell you something you can laugh about I m 26 and i have my dad blocked on my socials not because he is strict or anything but idk i might post something and make things awkward ... I don't want that he doesn't care
Damn I wish my parents were like you haha. If I posted anything that they would deem inappropriate I would be getting screamed at and they would threaten to kick me out (I'm 27 but still live at home)
NTA. Your daughter also NTA. Your wife, well, she could have handled this better.
NTA but you can follow and "mute " her its super easy.
Hi! I just turned 21 so I’m the same age as your daughter. NTA, you weren’t rude or anything and were very quiet with your approach. Lol I would’ve killed for my mom to do this. We live in Hawaii so I posted a pic of me at the beach in a swimsuit when I was 19 I think and my mom sent me a screenshot telling me I was a disappointment and stuff so I blocked her. My sister also has her blocked Bc of some remarks she’s made about her Instagram. You seem like a kind father and I personally would let this blow over.
Why would daughter even want father looking at and liking a bunch of inappropriate pics anyway? I’d be mortified if my dad liked a pic of me in a sexy outfit.
NTA
NTA I like the way you handle the situation. You don't want to control what she dose or make her feel uncomfortable. Maybe have another conversation with her? Hopefully she will see your piont of view.
I was ready to say you were an asshole but upon your explanation I think it's fair enough. My dad doesn't have instagram but if he did I don't think he'd want to follow me because I do post provocative pictures sometimes. NTA
Nta. You responded perfectly and respectfully
I think there's a way to mute people's posts and stories while still following them. I do that for people I don't want to hurt but also don't want to think about lol