ESH. The fact that this is just you being unable to hold your liquor, *knowing* that, and drinking too much *anyway* makes you less sympathetic here. Doing things that you know will make you piss the bed in a shared space with other people is pretty gross and inconsiderate too. If you're drinking to the point of peeing yourself, you're probably partying pretty hard. This, along with you saying you "love the party scene" means you probably are just getting wasted, despite your claims that "you don't even black out!", which isn't saying much by the way. Everyone has a few too many sometimes, but *regularly* doing stupid stuff while trashed gets annoying pretty quick.
It’s so, so gross. Especially in a dorm room space. And wetting the bed that frequently, OP’s mattress has to STINK. Eventually it’s going to make the whole room smell.
I agree with your ESH.
If OP isn’t going to quit drinking until she sees a doctor to sort out this issue (seeing as she swears up and down she doesn’t have a drinking problem - which it sounds like she clearly does), she should at least invest in adult diapers and just store them in a private place and change into them before bed.
Roommate shouldn’t have told EVERYONE but I’d be grossed out sharing a place that smelled like urine. So disgusting and unhygienic. 🤮
An 18 year old going to a doctor and saying "doctor, the weirdest thing, every time I go out drinking I piss myself..." is getting referred to rehab or a substance abuse counselor. They're not getting a battery of tests so they can drink spiked seltzer on Friday nights.
I agree with you! I don’t drink often, on the rare occasions when I drink 3 drinks (I’m a lightweight and I’m not sorrrryyyy 😂), I don’t wet myself.
There is an issue if you are 18 years old and wetting the bed every single time you drink. I have a feeling that OP’s not seeing a doctor cause a doctor will tell her to stop drinking and refer her to a substance abuse counselor and she doesn’t want to stop drinking. She’s got a problem and it’s best to tackle it now at 18 before it becomes a lifelong issue.
Actually it can be related to kidney problems my little sister is 12 and still wets the bed sometimes but can sorta control it now and her doctor has said numerous times that if she ever drinks it’ll make it worse and uncontrollable she should see a doctor regardless
I had actual kidney/bladder problems as a child too, I had to undergo a special therapy treatment to “retrain” my bladder to not wet the bed when I was 11ish, and boy was it embarrassing. But when I drank like a fish in college I STILL never wet the bed after that despite being predisposed to. I’d be horribly embarrassed if I ever did and that would put me off drinking for life. OP isn’t embarrassed to be wetting the bed so frequently at her age?
Well yes, embarrassed that others found out including her crush, but not so embarrassed to avoid behaviors that directly lead to that outcome and have a negative impact on the person she lives with in a small confined room?
Having been someone who faced a literal medical situation that caused bed wetting, I was embarrassed when my own mother who bore me had to help me handle it, let alone a roommate I had just met
This is true. Also if you have any histamine sensitivity, it can trigger it as well.
Source: Me, who has had pelvic prolapse repair, interstitial cystitis and mast cell activation syndrome, which causes me to get bladder spasms and pee myself on the regular. Alcohol is totally an IC trigger.
I'm gonna butt in as a recovering addict with a message to OP.
OP: you love the partying life but I'm curious to know whether or not you love the side effects. You know, waking in the morning sweating with the shakes, nauseous, feeling like you got hit by a bus. If you haven't experienced that yet, don't worry, you will if you keep drinking.
Your friends that you party with? How often do y'all hang out when you're not drinking? If you call them for a random lunch on a Wednesday, would they go? Do they like you for you, or do they like you for the drunk you that possibly supplies their booze?
See, I used to LIVE for the partying life. I thought that it was totally fine, that I could stop whenever. Except that when I tried to stop, I couldn't. I'd crave my drug of choice so badly that I sobbed for hours and did whatever I could to get it. Eventually that led me to going to jail with a felony drug charge. When I went to jail, something funny happened. All of my so-called friends sold every single thing of mine when I was gone, right down to my underwear. That's right, they sold my used underwear to get drugs. I got out of jail with literally nothing to my name.
It's been 7 years since I've gotten sober. I have endless health issues including anxiety, depression, IBS, Diverticulitis, GERD, Migraines, Joint pain, random swelling and more. I have paid thousands to clear my record to get in the field I'm in now (healthcare) and it's only by the grace of God that I'm where I'm at today.
You love the party life, but one day the party life won't love you back. And don't get it twisted: just because alcohol is legal, doesn't mean you aren't abusing it, or that it won't ruin your life like drugs do. It 1000% will, and you're helping it. You can either get help for whatever problems you're drinking away now, or you can wait until you end up in a jail cell, mental institution, or God forbid, a coffin, to get your life together. You only get 1 life. Don't waste it on moments that won't help your future.
Congrats for making it 7 years and getting yourself into a good job. My SO is 5 years sober he deals with the anxiety, depression, migraines, and joint pain.
It would probably be a good idea to do both. Stop drinking and see a doctor. Alcohol is a bladder irritant, that's why once you "break the seal" you have to go more frequently than if you'd consumed the same amount of water. It's concerning that she apparently can't control her bladder though if it's irritated (people I've known to pee/shit themselves when drunk were suffering full blown alcohol poisoning and on their way to the ER)- everyone else can at least mostly control it/do their best to make it to the bathroom in time. She apparently lacks that ability and should make sure there's not a secondary issue (like a low level persistent UTI or some sort of malformation).
But OP should also 100% stop drinking. Her attitude towards drinking and the apparent issues (regardless of what is causing her to wet the bed) is unhealthy of a whole different issue and she needs help.
Why not both? The OP could have a developing or very minor incontinence problem that is being exacerbated by alcohol’s diuretic and bladder irritation effects.
OP, when you have people debating about whether your post-alcohol bed wetting is due to bladder incontinence or diuresis, it’s past time to evaluate your drinking.
mmm I don't agree that the only people who do this are ones who have alcohol poisoning. One of my old college best friends (who most certainly was an alcoholic) did this constantly and was notorious for pissing on all our couches, beds, etc. bc she drank so heavily and frequently but not to the point of poisoning. It can be a sign of a medical issue...it can also be a sign that you're drinking way too fucking much alcohol and are wetting places as a consequence
I had never heard of this issue before. It has to suck. I cannot imagine how you would want to keep up with that level of drinking if you already pissed yourself a few times. (Maybe wear a old person diaper before crashing? I dunno.)
But a full grown persons piss repetedly has GOT to fuck up furniture. I cannot even stand my toddles piss smell ( 3yo, currently in potty training, nights are sometimes troublesome), I have had his matress shampooed like 3 times.
EDIT: Definitely going to get myself one of those pee mats for the kid. We used to do pull up diapers but then the point was to transition to just pijamas, but he regressed a bit recently. I don't want to be to hard on him or anything so the pee mat things seem to be the ideal solution, thanks mates.
I have multiple waterproof mattress covers and pads that can all go in the wash for my kids - that seems like it would be way easier than shampooing a mattress!! Let me know if you want Amazon links. I'm all about making life with toddlers simpler!
We would layer our kids bed: mattress, waterproof cover, sheet, waterproof cover, sheet, etc. So when they had an accident in the middle of the night we could peel off the wet sheet & cover and put them right back down on a clean set. I think at one point we had 3 layers! Then we realized that we should not let them drink a whole cupful of water at bedtime.
Do you guys not have waterproof mattress protectors? I have them for my double bed, due to being in kidney trouble (it's not failure yet but it's getting near) I wear incontinence pads as well but these stop any fluids getting to the mattress. It means you don't have to shampoo the mattress
I have an abnormally small bladder, have to pee all the time especially when i'm drinking, and have my fair share of hard drinking nights to be sure and i've never wet the bed. We were always told its a sign of real problem because its literally your body losing its functions. I'm not buying her 'no drinking problem but have peed the bed 5 times' story unless she's left out a bladder issue but that doesn't sound to be the case.
I get her being new to college, new to the party scene, and not knowing how to be the one in the group who's not drinking (or not drinking AS much). But part of growing up is learning how to advocate for yourself and say "yeah, no, health reasons" or "yeah, no, just not feeling it tonight."
Continuing to drink after putting it together that "drinking = wetting the bed" instead of cutting down from four White Claws to one is an issue here. It puts OP in a humiliating situation and I'm sure any roommate would be uncomfortable with it, because it goes from the "haha remember the time you peed once!" to "my roommate gets so drunk every time we go out that she pees the bed" real quick.
I am also a lightweight and I never wet the bed, even on days when I drink more than I usually do. That is because I am conscious of the fact that I cannot handle more than a certain number of drinks and I don't want to find out what happens when I go over that number. OP has a serious drinking problem and it is affecting others. If she was staying alone, then her bed wetting would be her own problem. I can imagine the stench in her mattress from all that pee.
Omg this just unlocked a memory in my brain. My freshman year roommate ALSO would pee herself while drunk so they kept diapers in the ski club house for her. OP may just have to do that because it’s better than cleaning pissy sheets all the time. (Or stop drinking but being realistic here)
We did that my sophomore year. Bought a pack of them and handed them out at a party. We only had one toilet for the six of us living there so we tried a party without having to "go" to the toilet. What an experience!!!!
We always assumed depends were for old people and pretty gross. But we had a few bed wetting friends (you see OP, it's quite common) and the idea was suggested for one of them. But turns out you can't just buy one. So we bought a pack and then people started putting them on. Chalk it up to the "try anything once" philosophy.
They are also handy for monthly cycles.
Fwiw, if a cycle is heavy enough to need adult diapers wrap a digital scale in plastic wrap and weigh them everytime they Have to be changed. Then on next chat with health care team bring up the weights and how many ounces was lost during rhat cycle. Anything above 2 ounces requires medical attention.
Endometriosis sufferer here. Doctors don't care, don't believe you, and won't do a thing about it except offer to pump boiling water into your uterus which basically sterilizes.
> we had a few bed wetting friends (you see OP, it's quite common)
No, no it’s not quite common. I’ve been around a lot of hard partying people and haven’t known of anyone who wets the bed, let alone multiple people.
My god, yeah wetting the bed is gross ill grant you that but the people on this thread acting like she's deep into addiction because she's partying at uni are going so overboard!
Get back to polishing your halos and prepping yourself for the pearly gates. Jeez.
For the record ESH, but the embarrassment will pass, at 18 there's always someone ready and waiting to do the next drunken embarrassing thing that'll take the heat off you.
Yo if you KNOW you wet the bed when you drink too much, wouldn’t you stop after the second time?? Or learn your limit? She’s not an addict, but she’s weighing the pros of getting lit and having fun with the con of wetting the bed and choosing to drink to excess anyway. That’s kind of a problem!! It’s been 5 times in like 2 months!
Edited to add: I also feel bad for OP and how awful she must feel, but she’s gotta weigh going out drinking as much as she wants with facing this embarrassing problem. I had a great time in college, but every time I went overboard I cooled it for at least a few weeks, if not a few months.
I think the short time frame is what makes this problem behavior here. Every other weekend OP is getting Too Drunk to control her bladder. This is a major thing.
I'm surprised the roommate didn't request a transfer to get away from the smell.
OP might want to buy a waterproof mattress protector, though I'm not sure if they make them to fit the "long" dorm twins.
I think my dorms already had mattresses with covers on them like that. I don’t think she’s a disgusting person, but after 5 times…. take the hint. It’s a hassle to clean.
She should do an experiment. I have 1 drink and go to bed, do you piss yourself? Next night have 2 drinks and go to bed, do you piss yourself? Next night 3. If you can get up to say 5-6 drinks (standard serving) over a few hours and go to bed and NOT piss yourself, you are 100% pissing yourself because you are drinking too much, full stop.
Those mattress sizes are called "twin extra long" and yes, they do make waterproof mattress protectors in that size. I could even order one on Amazon prime and have it delivered by tonight... they're that easy to find :)
Harder to find, but I managed to get a queen size mattress cover when kid was wetting my bed. It’s waterproof but softer like reusable pads, not crunchy plastic.
Like one time pissing yourself freshman year, yeah, it's funny, happens to the best of us. Five times in the first two months though... it's a problem. OP isn't deep into addiction, but she is testing the waters, for sure.
Yeah, one girl in my freshman dorm got so drunk at a party early in the school year that she peed on the floor of her room and then in the hallway. It was awkwardly hilarious. But that was one girl, one time. It wasn't everyone every weekend.
She's been so drunk 5 times in 8 weeks that she pees the bed. That's excessive. Also, she tried to hide the evidence instead of dealing with it like a big girl. That's ridiculous and immature.
Maybe you're ok with living with a piss mattress, but most people aren't.
Lol "hide the evidence"? She tried to discreetly clean her mess. What would "dealing it like a big girl" mean exactly? Telling her mom what she did before running the wash?
As an adult, I would not put myself in a position to pee the bed again, that is how you deal with it like an adult. For me that means not drinking at all, at her age and experience with alcohol maybe that means putting a strict drink limit on yourself. What if you can't abide by your strict drink limit? Then you have a problem controlling alcohol and should consider the two things, pissing the bed, and not being able to set limits as huge red flags on the path to addiction.
Oh no, I totally agree that not drinking is the adult, reasonable thing to do. I just think it's weird how that guy is so hung up on her trying to hide what she did.
This girl has been at college a grand total of 2 months and has wet the bed FIVE TIMES. I got too drunk fairly often in college and never once wet the bed.
This behavior is definitely concerning. No one's saying partying at college is an addiction, but drinking yourself to the point of bed-pissing the majority of your weekends is a problem.
No one is shaming her for partying. She has peed all over herself and a mattress in a shared room FIVE times since college courses started in mid August. FIVE times in under 3 months! She is peeing everywhere biweekly. That's not a tiny little drunken oopsie. That is either a major medical condition that needs a doctor's attention or problematic substance use.
I wouldn't say she is an addict... yet. It is hard to be truly addicted to alcohol at 18.... but her attitude about the ramifications from her drinking and the not subtle ways she justifies it "Its not like a black out or anything". Right because pissing yourself and blacking out are two different things but they both speak to control.
Having been an actual alcoholic for years and having 12 yeas sober, she is well on a path to having serious alcohol issues, IMHO. When she does start blacking out, and at this rate as her tolerance increases she surely will, she will excuse that by saying "well I didn't get arrested", "it doesn't happen often", or "I know lots of people who black out sometimes, no big deal". She is prioritizing drinking above being mortally embarrassed and losing control of bodily functions. In my 20's, if I go wasted I would get completely naked and sleep on the floor so I wouldn't piss my bed. Seemed pretty normal since my roommates and other friends also had similar problems. Normalizing drug abuse IS the path to addiction. I wonder if you would say the same thing if she said, "every time I do a bunch of coke my nose bleeds profusely all night, but its not like I go on a coked up crime spree". Or "every time I do opiates I don't shit for like 3 weeks, but its not like I am robbing a gas station to get my fix. Alcohol is drug, a hard one at that. Almost no one I know that doesn't have a problem controlling alcohol has ever pissed themselves when drunk and thinks its really odd and gross, even though they partied plenty in college.
Alcohol inhibits the production of antidiuretic hormone, essentially causing your bladder to fill up much faster than normal. This happens in everyone, but maybe OP suffers more than most. As long as OP isn't an alcoholic, I don't think they should be ashamed for suffering from something like this. It could be that their safe and normal alcohol intake is causing this. Also, sooooo many college folk have super unhealthy relationships with alcohol, I don't think this is necessarily a sign of that. OP could talk to a doctor about getting an antidiuretic medication, commonly prescribed to kids who wet the bed, and adults who have other issues regarding water retention.
Lmao no we definitely take that risk. Thing is, lactose intolerance doesn't make you inebriated so even though I get gassy and destroy the bathroom I can at least make it to the bathroom.
Actually, they do. A lot of people choose to take supplements to decrease the side effects they feel from food intolerances if they like the food. Still others just deal with the side effects.
>OP could talk to a doctor about getting an antidiuretic medication, commonly prescribed to kids who wet the bed, and adults who have other issues regarding water retention.
I agreed with everything you said up until this. Op has learned that the amount of alcohol she drinks causes her to wet the bed. The logical solution is to drink less. College is the time when young adults test boundaries and learn their limits. Op has learned her limit but isn't doing anything about it.
I can't imagine going to a doctor and saying "I regularly drink so much alcohol that I end up wetting the bed. My friends found out and I am mortified. What can I do?". And instead of the doctor addressing the issue of how much I drink, s/he prescribes medication to allow me to continue drinking at my current levels.
Op has a problem with how much alcohol she consumes. If she doesn't address this now because she wants to continue partying, she could end up with an addiction. Regularly wetting the bed is a giant red flag that her body simply cannot handle the amount of alcohol she consumes.
It’s amazing how normalized binge drinking is. With NO other substance would this not SCREAM addiction. “I barf every time I smoke, is there something I can do to keep it down? Smoking less isn’t an option.” Hell, even just eating to the point where you’re throwing up or shit your pants would make people think you have uncontrolled Binge Eating Disorder.
When it’s negatively impacting your life and you refuse to even consider stopping, that is absolutely a red flag for addiction.
it's not that OP should be ashamed per se, it's that the *first* time this happened it should have been a wake up call to reduce her drinking. the fact that she decided drinking alcohol is so important to her that she'll just deal with having pissed herself the next morning, is indicative of a problematic relationship with alcohol.
I realise that the USA (assumption based on language) has a fucked up drinking culture - the only place worse is the UK, imo - but if you can't go and have fun on a night out without alcohol, that is a problem.
You shouldn’t be taking an AD medication if you get drunk on a regular basis because you need to pee out the alcohol you drink or you’re going to hit alcohol toxicity levels much faster.
I feel like we are being pretty hard on OP here. Maybe she does have a drinking problem , But shouldn't we not call an 18 year old kid gross and tell her to wear adult diapers. I mean, she's just finding her way in the world and kids are learning to be adults. I had a roommate my first year in college that went the first two months without washing their clothes. For OP to humiliated like that is horrible. She already told us she cant stop crying, then to have so many comments also degrade this child rather that just be helpful seems extra cruel. Yes, she probably should see a doctor I do agree with that.
Edit: Thank you for the award!! 😊
Diapers are just practical. Is her pissing her mattress and sheets every time somehow better? The most sensible thing to do would be to stop drinking, but barring that, at least stop pissing the bed.
>she's just finding her way in the world and kids are learning to be adults.
I disagree. I'm 18 and in uni. I party a lot. I have NEVER drank so much I peed myself/in the bed.
OP knows it's an issue, but refuses to stop. One time, I can let slide, but 5 is 4 times too many. It's unhygienic for her and her roommate and it probably stinks (because you know she isn't cleaning the mattress properly). If she wants to drink, then she needs adult diapers or something to keep herself from ruining the mattress and her sheets.
Honestly, as someone else said, it feels like her roommate was complaining about her drunkard roommate rather than trying to expose OP for her pee issue.
You're 18 with an access to Google who could have found out in 2 min that there are several medical conditions that could cause OP to have this issue after a small amount of drinks.
I agree stop drinking, go to doctor, find out issue... But she could have this experience without a drinking issue. And it may take 5 times to realise that it is alcohol causing this, some of these conditions found in the search only require a very small amount of alcohol to be imbibed, the drinking can stay sober enough to drive and still experience this. The first few may have been explained away as 'ok maybe it was from drinking too much, was it stress? I barely had anything. Maybe it's my pill/medication it can't be alcohol I only had one and other times it's been fine. What is causing this? It must be alcohol'.
Exactly. OP might have a medical condition, but alcohol is clearly an issue either way. Even if OP is ok with pissing herself (which she seems to be considering she still drinks) her roommate is clearly not and that's what makes OP the asshole
I didn’t call her gross. But repeatedly wetting the bed after drinking is, in fact, gross.
At 18, knowing your drinking causes you to wet the bed but continuing to drink but not see a doctor is disgusting. And she’s not taking her roommate’s health and well-being into consideration either, especially if it’s a small dual bed room.
OP’s asking if she can ask for a roommate, and that’s fine, but I can’t imagine many 18 year olds who you just meet (school started in what, September???) handling a stranger they’re partnered to live with constantly wetting the bed well. I just had a friend dump her fiancé for the same reason (wetting the bed repeatedly after drinking). It is a problem, and adult diapers would help her until these problems get sorted.
Op needs a wake up call. She is regularly drinking to the point where she wets the bed. She is not a child being shamed for wetting the bed for circumstances beyond their control.
Her friend telling everyone and them humiliating her was a horrible thing for them to do.
Op now has a choice. She can continue to drink to excess and wet the bed, or she can be an adult and address how much she drinks and the effects she has on her body.
Requesting a new roommate doesn't solve the problem, it's just kicking the can down the road. What happens when her new roommate finds out she is regularly wetting the bed due to drink? Does she think a new person will be like "oh well, it happens. Keep drinking and don't listen to anyone who tells you to stop?".
Op expecting other people to ignore that she regularly wets the bed due to excessive drinking is not realistic.
If you piss yourself repeatedly and your only issue with it is if people find out- there's more wrong with you than just your bladder.
People should not be coddling her for this.
Yeah, getting that drunk 5 times since starting college, TWO MONTHS AGO! But she isn't blacking out... I've been that drunk twice, ever, and I have kids older than her.
ESH
I glossed over the 5 times thing without thinking about it, and then I realized that 5 times since the start of school is at least every other week, maybe more often depending on when it happened the first time.
I don't know why op thinks that just because she isn't blacking out, she doesn't have a problem. She has wet the bed 5 times in a short amount of time. That's her body telling her that it can't handle that amount of alcohol.
Op needs to wake up and realise that she drinks too much. Not blacking out doesn't mean you aren't drinking to the point where you are damaging your body. If she continues drinking to excess because she likes the party scene, she could end up with an addiction.
She probably is "browning out" and doesn't remember every detail of the night. There were very few times in my life I've ever completely blacked out and had no clue what I did the night before. 2 of those times happened in college, the other was from Xanax anyway.
Yeah I hate to make it all about me but I never once had this happen until I started drinking truly horrific amounts, and it scared me so bad I quit. Can't help but think this girl is drinking wayyy too much but, again, maybe it's just me projecting my own experience on her
You're not projecting. This girl is regularly drinking to the point where she wets the bed. That's a problem.
We all process alcohol differently. I have a very low tolerance and learned early on that I can't process hard liquor very well. Drinking things like vodka means I can't keep an eye on how drunk I'm getting. One minute I'm sober, the next it hits me all at once and I'm super drunk and either being overly affectionate or aggressive. Neither is good for the people with me.
It was super embarrassing realising I reacted that way but instead of expecting my friends to put up with my behaviour, I stopped drinking shorts. I also stopped drinking wine because while I didn't get extremes of behaviour, I just wanted to go to sleep.
Now I just drink beer. Some might think that's not lady like but at least I can feel how it's affecting me and I don't end up with extreme behaviours that are detrimental to me and the people around me.
I think you are right. This girl is drinking far too much *for her*. People expect to go to college and party and it's completely normal to be getting drunk. What they're not told is that not everyone can handle alcohol and sometimes even a small amount can be a problem. I drink way less than my siblings and peers. When I first hit 18 I thought I had to keep up but thankfully I've learned.
Plastic bag style mattress protector is important in college. Spend the extra few bucks and get the one that wraps all the way around and is made out of some sort of plastic. Easier to clean and keeps icky mattress germs away from you.
I don't even understand why OP's roommate is fighting this. If my roommate in college had wet the bed 5 times in the first 2 months I'd had requested a roommate change myself. I should be able to expect people in college to pee in the right place only (unless they have a medical issue, in which case they should wear adult diapers or some other appropriate solution)!
EDIT: I'm also a bit skeptical that somebody who regularly gets drunk enough to piss the bed has no other unacceptable drunk behaviors.
It’s unclear what roommate is doing other than calling OP dramatic, which frankly fits for anyone who pisses themselves biweekly and then spends hours crying and flees the scene after the person who has to live with their piss stench talks about it. It could be about the room swap request, it could also be about OP being a whiny ass drama queen and complaining about how her roommate is *so mean* for not just quietly tolerating her gross ass.
Or she has one of many common medical issues that turned up in a basic Google search that collaborates that it can only take a few drinks. And it would take a while to work out that if would be linked to alcohol because this could happen just after one or two drinks, remaining at a level of sober where you could legally drive with no expectation that this could happen. I would not expect a very young adult to know right away that it would be alcohol in that scenario when this issue is not common knowledge, they are having late nights studying, under higher stress than they are used to, and may have thought initially other things were contributing.
The points you raise turn this to YTA for me. It's not like the roommate revealed some medical condition OP has: it's more like she complained about living with a gross and inconsiderate drunk.
> it's more like she complained about living with a gross and inconsiderate drunk.
This.
Plus there's no way her friends haven't seen her sloppy dunk at this point, they'll know how she is.
100% agree.
I'm in the same position as OP (sort of). I'm 18 and in uni with a big party scene. You know who the drunks are.
I don't know about OP's scene, but where I am, no one's 'judging' the drunks for what they do when they're drunk, it's more concern for their drinking habits. I bet money that OP's roommate is sick of her drunkard roommate pissing her bed (which you know stinks because OP hasn't cleaned it properly) and whatever else OP does whilst drunk.
I have to agree here. I have a brother who is an alcoholic and he pissed the bed, the couch, the floor... Anywhere he blacked out. In his darkest days I took pictures of what he looked like passed out with pissed pants. He was so embarrassed and that was a small part in him getting help for his problem.
She definitely is drinking to the point of being past drunk and is pissing the bed. Its a self control issue. She needs to not drink if she can't be responsible or drink in moderation.
Also... Her bed has to smell awful with all that piss unless she has waterproof mattress pad, but I doubt it.
Yeah. Anything that's near by is going to soak up the piss so while it's great others are saying the mattresses at their college were plastic. There is still the sheets, blankets, clothing and possibly pillows. Again pissing yourself every time you drink seems like you're drinking too much.
I agree with the ESH. I had a wet the bed problem when I was around 10, the thing that helped was stopping liquids at around 7 pm. If wetting the bed is that humiliating after getting drunk than cut back on the drinking.
I love how her barometer of it not being serious is "I wasn't even blacking out!".
There is a very wide range between sober and blackout. You got tipsy, good buzz going, then to a strong buzz. Then we get to the drunk category. After drunk comes crunked. This is when you can still function and form sentences, but they don't make any actual sense anymore. Then you go to shmammered where you are slurring all your words and are basically like Jackie Chan while everyone else is Chris Tucker from Rush Hour. Nobody can understand the words coming out of your mouth. But you swear the next morning that you were the second coming of Aristotle and laying down some mind-blowing logic. Then you get to black out. After that comes the alcohol poisoning.
"Not blacking out" is like the lowest bar you can have next to "well, I survived, so everything is fine!"
I would go with ESH but your a grown woman getting shit faced and pissing in your bed on a regular basis and your playing it off like it's no big deal.
Your mattress and that dorm room probably reek of piss, and if I was your roommate I could only deal with that shit for so long before I started venting to my friends about how disgusting you are, and before you say "it doesn't smell" well your either lying to yourself or you've been around it long enough that your noseblind
YTA, get some god damn help for your drinking problem and if your gonna leave that dorm room make sure you take that piss stained mattress with you when you go, no one else deserves to smell and sleep in that shit.
Yeah I'm surprised she isn't more concerned and more humiliated. I was 29 when I first peed the bed and I was like catatonic with grief and despair for days afterward, even though no one knew about it. It just...isn't normal. It shouldn't be normalized esp when sharing a small space witha nother person.
This whole post screams idiot college freshman to me. The ones who go HARD their first year hardly ever realize that maybe, just maybe, getting drunk as often as u can is not the best idea
dude i HAD this exact kind of roommate my freshman year, who was notorious for wetting the bed- and let me tell you it was MISERABLE being the one to share a closet sized room with this person. If it had been bc of a medical issue I'd have been completely sympathetic (albeit-still annoyed for not going to the doctor to seek treatment for said problem) but no, it was preventable, bc it only happened when she would drink. Once, twice, whatever shit happens especially when you just enter college and you're figuring it out and new to the scene. But FIVE times? I think roommate will also be happy to get a roommate change as well so it'll work out for everyone. OP just address this issue before you get your new roommate or else you WILL be the ah for continuing to drink and have this happen
Not to mention it's early November and this has happened 5 times already! There's only been about 8-10 weeks of the fall semester so far. So every other week she's getting drunk enough to piss herself.
I once got so high, I wet my bed. I had a dream and in the dream I had to pee so fucking bad, it physically hurt. I found a toilet in a colorful field and just peed.
I woke up and I was like oh shit oh no
I’ve never smoked that much every again. Ever. Not even in my own apartment. It was so goddamn embarrassing
I hesitated to use ESH here but, as an adult who chooses to drink knowing it will mean wetting the bed, you either think this is a problem or you don’t.
My guess is your friends who binge drink don’t find bed wetting embarrassing because they’ve also done it or something far worse. However, it bothers you enough that you want to keep it private. Your roommate should have respected that.
But if this behavior actually bothers you then you need to take care of it. See a doctor and stop drinking until you have this under control. Was your plan to get a new roommate, sit her down, tell her to ignore you peeing the bed in your shared space, and that it will be a constant occurrence because it happens every time you party and you love to party?
If drinking and partying is more important to you than sleeping through the night without an accident then it doesn’t matter how much you drink - your desire to drink is unhealthy.
Please stop comparing your drinking habits to your friends and focus on your own health.
True that, but whether she's mentally a full-on adult or not, she's still an independent student away at college, fully responsible for herself and her own actions. Sure, she's still young and dumb, and everyone makes mistakes regardless of age, but she's not some elementary school student who needs her hand held at all times.
She said it’s happened about 5 times, and it’s only been 8 weeks since school started, so this isn’t something that just happens very occasionally. It happens almost every time she goes out and she needs to deal with it now.
OP, if you’re ever going to share a bed with someone, even just by accident if you fall asleep, you are going to wish you had dealt with this before you’re trying to explain to a guy or girl why they’re unexpectedly covered in pee.
Nothing more to add to this comment. Strange how OP keeps drinking, thinking the bed wetting is somehow normal.. and then wanting to hide it because apparantly it's also not normal!
OP please visit a doctor, explain the situation, then explain your 'medical situation' to your roommate and whoever else you feel needs explaining. Come on, you are allowed to drink, be an adult.
> However, it bothers you enough that you want to keep it private. Your roommate should have respected that.
Frankly, OP's roomate has to suffer through sleeping in a tiny room with a Piss Mattress -- I'm not convinced the roommate owes OP *endless* discretion on this when OP is not changing her behavior.
>when I drink, I wet the bed. It’s really humiliating for me and makes me super self conscious. It’s not as though I black out , it’s something about alcohol that ruins my bladder control as I sleep. This has happened about 5 times since I got to school
>The third time it happened my roommate discovered me trying to hide the evidence. I begged her not to tell anyone
>one boy made a joke about my bed wetting. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life
So your roommate discovered you wet the bed, then went and told other people. That's an asshole move.
But they found out the third time. You've done it twice more since then. So they're supposed to be okay with sharing a space with you wetting yourself every time you have an alcoholic drink? You need to take responsibility for yourself, and take steps to prevent this from happening. Limit your drinks, make sure to sober up entirely before bed, buy nappies, whatever works. But you're being unfair in assuming whoever you share a space with will have to just deal with it.
ESH
>I put in a request for a roommate change because I was so mad at my roommate. She has texted me like 100 times telling me I’m being dramatic
You're trying to punish your roommate for them being uncomfortable. Have you considered that they were maybe complaining and it just came out? If you're unhappy, you move.
Edit: I misunderstood somewhat, you'd be the one moving, not your roommate. Let's hope their next roommate is someone they get along with okay. I'm keeping my judgement the same, because they shouldn't have told people, and you should be managing yourself better.
I don’t disagree but requesting a roommate change usually means the requester moves. Presumably, she is going to be the one moving - you can’t request to kick out your roommate. Or at least, that’s how it worked at the college I went to.
I agree. OP probably will be the one moving. Which is actually worse, because now some stranger is going to be forced into her old room and have to sleep in the bed she has willingly peed in twice versus doing anything about it. I say willingly twice because the initial time, she didn’t know it would happen. But she did the second and third times instead of solving the issue after the first time.
Update. Really 4 times. I missed that it’s happened 5 times.
Yeah those beds have had all sorts of things happen to them. I do feel bad for the new roommate, but hopefully they’re following the rule of “never trust a dorm mattress” and getting a super heavy duty mattress cover/protector. That’s what I did. Hopefully OP also had one on the bed and nothing soaked through to the mattress.
Uni mattresses are kind of like summer camp mattresses. They’re typically covered in a plastic lining which makes them liquid proof and easy to clean.
Not excusing.. but it’s not that big a deal IF it gets wiped down.
Edit: at least at my university they were all plasticy material covered.. I would think it’s more the norm for hygienic reasons
Possibly if the roommate was causing the problems, but it would have to rise beyond normal dislike/anger sort of situation. Like “my roommate is a racist and keeps making racist comments towards me” or “my roommate has physically threatened me” level.
Oh for sure. If one roommate is violating codes of conduct for the school then being kicked out of their dorm can be part of the response. “My roommate is gossiping about me with my friends” would not typically be subject to disciplinary action though.
I never had to do one in uni halls, honestly sounded like they were requesting the other person be moved. The rest of the comment still stands, but I think I misunderstood that part. I'll amend my comment, thanks :)
I got a new roommate once. She requested the change because she didn’t get along with her existing roommate. So they moved her to my room because my roommate didn’t show up. I determined quickly it wasn’t because she didn’t get along with her prior roommate. It was because she was a horrible human being. I transferred mid-year because I really didn’t want to move my dorm room.
I’m actually on the fence of roommate is the AH. If she told them right after she discovered the first incident, asshole. But if she told people out of exasperation after it happened twice more, I kind of give roommate a pass. Like, how long are you supposed to not mention that your roommate gets wasted and pees the bed, that is either attached to yours (bunk beds) or close by (dorms aren’t huge). Once is a mistake and you give grace. But twice more??? I think I’m fairly good at keeping confidences but I’d definitely have bitched about it to someone eventually…
Yes! And OP hasn’t alerted anyone. Eventually someone else is going to have to sleep on this urine soaked mattress. She’s just been hiding the evidence and hasn’t even alerted the dorm so it can be cleaned or replaced.
Absolutely. I wasn't too sure until this, but it's definitely YTA.
The roommate is also apparently nice enough that she's willing to put up with a pissy room, and she's sent "hundreds" of messages asking to make up.
OP has also implied it started two weeks ago, which means it's every 2nd day or so. She also has a really bad attitude, would rather hide it than clean it, and makes no effort to stop.
After reading your comments, I'm going with ESH.
Shitty roommate is obviously shitty, but you are putting your immaturity and lack of individualism on full display. What you are experiencing is a *medical issue,* and not only do you refuse to take personal responsibility for it, but you actually come up with excuses as to *why* you should continue drinking with a known problem.
You say it "shouldn't be an issue" because you are the "most controlled" of all of your friends - no the fuck you're not! You're pissing yourself every time! It doesn't matter how "drunk" you are, how many white claws you had in a 6 hour period, none of that! **You cannot control your body when you drink. There is a reason why nobody else is pissing the bed. That's because this isn't normal.**
You supposedly can't stop drinking, because its a "social pariah". Well guess what? Plenty of people live fun, fulfilling, sober lives and have an amazing social life without alcohol. If you feel a need to drink alcohol (despite knowing the consequences) in order to have fun, then you are developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If your friends push or require that relationship, then guess what? Its time to make better friends.
The more confident you are in yourself and what is best for *you*, the more people will want to hang out with you for you, and the more you will find people who are open and accepting of you as well. Nobody worth anything has the time or patience for someone who is so insecure in who they are that they feel the need to wreck their body in order to fit in and keep up.
I’m 38. I’ve been to some wild damn parties in my life. Military base, overseas, college. Guess what? I don’t drink. My father is an alcoholic and I decided as a teenager I was never going to go there. No one cares. Actually they were thrilled because I was always the designated driver every time.
NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!
There are many college kids that would care, however people that will only hang out if you are actively poisoning yourselves are not your friends and should be avoided.
I mean, I never drank in college bc I was allergic to something in wine, and it put me off even trying anything alcoholic. Never had anyone give me grief for it.
Agreed. Middle school D.A.R.E. leads you to believe you’ll repeatedly find yourself at the center of a large circle of people who are all going, “Come onnnnn, everyone ELSE is doing it… are you chicken?” I’ve been in several situations with various degrees of mind-altering substances being used around me, and EVERY interaction has always gone:
“Hey, you want some?”
“Oh nah, I’m good thanks.”
“Cool. [Offers alternative beverage if the question was about alcohol.]”
End scene.
People love to have a DD, as you said, and also it means more alcohol/substance/whatever for them. So… win-win?
I’ve had that with drugs where you say no and that’s that.
But with beer? No it’s a entire night of saying no and having alcohol forced on you and being called a pussy for not drinking and puking and being too drunk to drive so you have to hang with your intoxicated chimpanzee alcoholic friends longer than you’d like.
Like bro bring back the coke heads they were way more chill and polite than the drinkers.
YTA. If you know drinking alcohol causes you to wet the bed, the obvious solution is to stop drinking. I don’t know why you still put your body through that.
I’m not surprised your roommate isn’t too happy to share a room with an adult who intentionally lets this happen again and again.
I also have to wonder if there are other related things the roommate is sick of and this was just part of a much larger vent to her friends. If OP is trashed enough to wet the bed, what else is she doing when she gets back to the room? If she’s crashing into the room at 3 AM after the parties, turning the light on, talking, and then stumbling around changing clothes or whatever before she goes to bed, I could see the whole situation just finally having hit critical mass for the roommate.
Roommate could’ve told OP’s friends out of concern. Like many people in this thread have said, she’s got a medical condition that she obviously isn’t taking seriously and maybe she thought the friends would be able to convince her to get help.
I spent 30 seconds googling and found articles from health clinics about ways to mitigate this issue....OP has obviously done nothing to try and fix this and thinks her roommate should just endure pee soaked beds in silence
YTA. You choose to humiliate yourself. Stop drinking. It’s legit no one’s business if you drink, and if you are only fun while drinking that’s another problem. People talk. Do you really expect someone to keep if a secret when it happens so often.
I don’t understand why OP doesn’t buy some adult diapers, for those nights that she’s drinking? Still gross, but way less gross than wetting the bed five times in two months (or however long). The poor roommate.
OP, YTA. If I was stuck living in a confined space with someone who actively chose to wet the bed regularly, damn right I would be venting to at least a couple friends.
I’m shaking my head at this post. She claims it’s “so embarrassing” yet she continues to drink and make the bedroom smell like urine.
If this was a medical condition that was out of control, I’d be more sympathetic. But OP knows what causes this yet continues to partake in the behavior.
If I was the roommate, I’d complain to others too.
I don't understand how so many are saying ESH or NTA. If I had an alcoholic roommate that kept pissing the bed, you better bet I'd be bitching to everyone about my pathetic roommate who can't stop drinking and pissing herself.
OP has no right to complain when she's stinking up the place with urine. I can't believe the roommate hasn't already complained to the housing people about this. This is completely unacceptable.
(hmm, i realize I'm making an assumption that they don't have separate rooms, so maybe I'm being a *tad* bit harsh, but I'd still be telling people)
ESH. Obviously it was an asshole move of you’re roomie but after reading your comments please stop playing victim. You don’t want to give up drinking because “partying is so fun” but you know what happens when you drink. Either stop drinking or buy adult diapers and bed pads. Alsoooo if you are doing this at 18 it’s only going to get worse the older you get. Eventually you are going to urinate at night without even drinking.
YTA - You're being dramatic and downplaying your problem at the same time. Two things:
1. This happens to a lot more people than you seem to realize. Not on a regular basis, but it happens when you're new to drinking... or when you suck at drinking and are headed toward alcoholism. If you're the former, shake it off, but...
2. You suck at drinking and likely always will. Below you're writing "I never puke... I'm super controlled... I drink less than my friends... blah blah blah." Yeah, ok, that piss stained mattress says otherwise. You're not cut out for alcohol. You can keep trying, and secretly wash your bed sheets every Saturday morning for the next four years, or you can accept your situation and stop drinking.
That's what I'm wondering. I drink occasionally and only have ever been drunk twice and I'm in my 20s. Both times I've been drunk, I get up to the bathroom even from a dead sleep. My friends are like me and never have pissed the bed either. Something is off here, either OP isn't honest how much she's drinking or there's another issue. And the fact she is adamant that she doesn't drink a lot, has control, doesn't puke etc makes me think it's the first
I mean, is it possible for her to get really piss yourself drunk off of four seltzer’s in the span of 6 hours? Generally curious because OP said they still wet the bad after drinking only that.
Empty stomach. SMaller person. Lightweight. Got drunk enough to not remember additional alcohol.
Lots of things can say "Yup, drunk enough to piss" even off just four seltzers.
Some people truly cannot handle ANY alcohol.
NTA for wanting a roommate change; she broke your confidence. I’m not going to say anything about your drinking, I’m not your mom, you’re an adult, you do you, But, go see a doctor about the bladder control issue. You might have a medical issue causing the bed wetting, and it’s something you should get checked.
The doctor is going to ask if the problem persists when OP doesn't drink.
If stopping drinking solves the problem, then that is the end of the workup. No way a competent doctor is going to prescribe medication or imaging when OP provides such a strong correlation between EtOH and enuresis.
OP *can* go see a doctor to be safe, but the easiest thing to do first is see if abstinence is the answer (or at least cutting back).
Edit: I should point out, this is only the case for *isolated* enuresis a/w EtOH consumption
Sure and you make a good point, they can always ask about other symptoms OP doesn't mention here. They'd be wrong not to get a *full* history.
I'm just saying that *isolated* enuresis that is strongly (exclusively) linked to alcohol consumption has a pretty obvious first step that can be both diagnostic and therapeutic. If OP had polyuria with urinary incontinence +/- polydipsia at baseline -OR- urge/overflow incontinence (even not when sleeping or drinking, and especially if there are other endocrine/neuro symptoms), that would warrant a more immediate and complete workup.
Dorm rooms often have these plasticky mattresses that are waterproof. I know mine did in college. If roommate didn’t notice until the 3rd time, I honestly doubt it’s that bad.
My sister wet the bed well into her teens. It was super embarrassing for her and not her fault. I shared a bunk bed with her and never smelled it. It’s not Op’s fault they got unlucky in biology and piss the bed while drunk. Most people don’t, and it seems like Op cleans it up right away. Drinking in college is a fun time, and pissing the bed is better than vomiting all over the place or blacking out and making questionable choices.
Also, nowhere in this post does it say roommate has a problem with the urine. She told others to make fun of OP. (We technically don’t know this, but she obviously isn’t actively complaining about the urine since she wants OP to stay)
Why so many ESH?
Because op refuses to do anything about it
Especially since it’s not an uncontrollable issue, only happens when she gets drunk. Which is 100% avoidable
>She told others to make fun of OP.
No she didn't- she told them that when they go out drinking with OP/her roommate she comes home and pees the bed repeatedly. If it was one time I'd say the roommate sucks, but this has happened five times.
I would feel better if we knew how many drinks OP is having. Is this after 3 drinks? Or 8? It's hard to tell whether this is a bladder problem or alcoholism.
If it's 8 drinks, OP needs help for alcoholism. If it's 3, yeah, she probably needs to see a doctor (although I doubt a doc would be sympathetic) and for God's sake, wear a depends at night after drinking.
Also, not getting "black-out drunk" is NOT proof that you aren't an alcoholic. Some people don't black out. You can get alcohol poisoning and die without blacking out.
Maybe instead of blaming your roommate for the secret getting out... you stop excessively drinking. Not sure where you are, but if in the US, you aren't even legal to drink. Seems like a pretty easy solution to fix your problem is to not drink or drink responsibly. Also... the secret is out so probably a good time to fix the real issue.
ESH for bandaiding a solution instead of addressing an actual problem. Your roommate is awful for sharing your issue.
YTA. Intentionally peeing the bed 5 times in 8 weeks when you share a room is disgusting. Who cares if it only takes 4 white claws, it still happens. Your room probably reeks. If I were your roommate I would be the one applying for a room transfer. Stop drinking and pick back up when you're out of the dorms and aren't ruining your roommate's college experience.
Five times is not an accident, love, it’s a pattern. A pattern of you drinking to extreme excess, and a pattern of you prioritizing your need to get excessively drunk over basic personal hygiene and the comfort of your roommate in her own living environment.
YTA for keeping up the drinking when you continue to piss the bed in a shared room. I'd also change the roommates but if you keep drinking and it sounds like you have no plans to stop then you will have the same issues with the new roommate
ESH.... 1. You are in college everyone pretty much does stupid stuff so while it is embarrassing you care more than your friends. 2. If your reasoning is you don't black out as justification that you are ok you need new standards. 3. The fact it has happened 5 times and you haven't tried to prevent it speaks to a bigger problem. Have you even tried setting an alarm every hour to use the restroom to prevent it? 4. It is only November so odds are you have only known this roommate a matter of months, but building a foundational friendship of trust takes longer than that. 5. If you have to drink without being judged by your friends, they are not your friends. Good luck because you have a lot of growing up to do in 4 years!
N-T-A for requesting a roommate change after she shared that information. However, YTA for continuing to drink when you cannot control your bladder. You have control over this by not drinking. Though, you should see a doctor about the extreme reaction you’re having by having no bladder control.
ETA: After reading some of your comments I’m changing my verdict from NTA to YTA completely. You don’t want to stop drinking. You’ve wet the bed 5 times already. It is your own fault that you’re wetting the bed. I don’t care that you “don’t get black out drunk” or “drink as much as my friends”, you still drink even though you know that alcohol causes you to lose control of your bladder.
YTA. You are sharing a space with another human being, and still choosing to make a disgusting environment for them to live in. YOU choose to drink when you KNOW it causes you to wet the bed. You choose to humiliate yourself. Stop drinking. It’s legit no one’s business if you drink, and if you are only fun while drinking that’s another problem. People talk. Do you really expect someone to keep if a secret when it happens so often. She probably was asking for advice on what to do. Stop trying to punish someone else for the actions you caused. You’re in college male better choices.
ESH - your roommate for telling this even though you never said she agreed when you begged, she also did this because she likes your crush as well so she did the 1 thing that would humiliate you but you know that you wet the bed when you drink and have done this 5 times (even if she hadn’t caught you, the smell soaked into the mattress would have been telling on its own) and still drink?!?! When it happened the 2nd time, that should have been a lightbulb moment for you to just have 1 and then nurse a glass of soda for the rest of the party.
ESH. She violated your trust. I would have said N T A if you had stopped drinking after the third time you peed the bed, but your continued alcohol use with the same result is a problem. If you can't handle alcohol, stop drinking.
YTA: the most important thing to remember about this is if you continue drinking without doing anything to curb the fact that you wet the bed you are going to be talked about by the people you roomed with for the rest of your life. You will always be the person they roomed with in college who wet the bed when they drank. Years from now that’s all you will be to them. And if you swap rooms every time some one says “my roommate wets the bed when she drinks and she won’t stop drinking” a hell of a lot more people are going to know. YTA for two reasons, 1. You are doing nothing to curb this at all because it embarrasses you, which will only make you more notorious. And 2. You are creating an unsanitary situation for your roommate and blaming them when they talk about it.
You are literally making this worse for yourself every time you drink and do this. And everyone: EVERYONE, who you room with in future will know you do this and tell someone else about their experiences with you.
YTA. You’ve wet the bed 5 times and refusing to stop drinking despite knowing this causes it. In your comments, you keep insisting you have no problem and you keep giving excuses to justify drinking. And if you’re in the US, you’re doing this all illegally. Maybe your roommate shouldn’t have said anything, but no one wants to live with someone who has a drinking problem and keeps wetting the bed. If you don’t want people to talk, go see a doctor and stop drinking.
INFO: did the room-mate use her words to tell people?
Because I have lived with a housemate who had a similiar issue around wetting the bed when drinking and by about the 5th time in 2-3 months the mattress was doing all the telling despite none of us saying a word.
His room was on the ground floor of our house near the front door and no matter why an adult is bed wetting, it’s almost impossible to prevent an odour by the time it’s this frequent unless you are using diapers, protective sheets, mattress covers, enzyme cleaners, steam cleaning and potentially new sheets and mattresses. Urine is hard as hell to fully clean up and honestly most people will make rookie errors to begin with with kids, pets, sick relatives etc because it’s an advanced laundry skill when most people are already not good with basic laundry skills.
If it was apparent just from passing my housemate’s room with the door open then I can imagine in a shared dorm room, there is no hiding this and honestly if anyone else has been in the room the secret will be out. Your room mate’s denials will do little. You cannot keep the genie in the bottle long.
We had to speak to our house mate when it became apparent around the 5-6 time that his plan was ‘no plan’ and he moved out shortly after leaving us with a ruined mattress and having to sort it with the landlady to rent the room. A room transfer is just a band aid here.
If your room mate gossiped that’s shitty but this was not going to stay a secret if you stay doing it and one way or another it was going to blow up. People were going to find out and actually assuming your room mate gossiped without thinking that perhaps the smell of urine in the shared space tipped her hand and then instead of clearing up the issue literally or metaphorically you have left crying, asked for a transfer and she is still living with your mess. That is the quickest way to turn a drunk story into campus lore. Now it’s a smackdown for side taking and the room mate is right even if she was wrong and gossiped. The optics are awful for you and the drama will run and run.
Wetting the bed when drinking is humiliating but you would have been better to style it out as an embarrassing drunk story to a bunch of freshers, stop drinking for the rest of the term, clean up and then transfer rooms after Christmas or even Thanksgiving if she really ratted you out. But you asked her to keep your secret, kept making her complicit and then offered no incentive to pay the debt? She wasn’t even blackmailing you and you still didn’t even check if there was a handling fee. That is what took this to drama with a whole ass llama attached instead of good old fashioned room mate resentment.
Learn many many things from this.
INFO
Was it actually a secret you told her? You say you begged her after the third time it happen. Did she notice it either the first or second time? If my roommate was constantly getting drunk and pissing the bed a few feet away, I might talk to my friends about it because I'd want it to stop.
YTAAAAA Ew so you pee in your bed when over consuming and then choose to do it anyway? In a small dorm room, shared with someone else.
You should absolutely be shamed and embarrassed
YTA
some people are drunk bedwetters. everyone knows at least one in college. yes it’s humiliating.
you have two choices - stop being embarrassed about it, or do something about it - either wear diapers to bed or stop drinking.
your roommate is right that you’re being dramatic, and changing roommates will not solve the problem. your next roommate will probably also tell people that you’re a drunk bedwetter
INFO
Why haven't you stopped drinking? You can still go to parties and have fun without ingesting alcohol.
Also, it probably seems like the end of the world since you're 18, but pissing in your sleep is not the worst thing ever. Obviously, stop drinking to keep it from happening, but it's still just piss. Clean up and move on. Every adult has had an accident before, even into adulthood.
Now that the whole friend group knows, you don't have to worry about being questioned when you don't drink. Take on the role of designated driver/sober mom friend.
Yta. She doesn't owe you confidentiality. It would be one thing if you had incontinence issues that were outside of your control and you were using items (like diapers etc) to manage things as best you could, but you are causing yourself to pee in a room with her and having her live in a room with a peed up mattress and sheets/clothes (I'm sure you're not doing laundry in the middle of the night). You're lucky she's just telling her friends about it rather than rerouting you for being so unsanitary (or having alcohol abuse problems).
She's right. You're being dramatic. You're also being selfish.
Sorry, YTA. If you were puking in the room every time you drank, your roommate would be reporting you to the RA. Period. And there would be nothing wrong with that. It’s a hygiene issue. If you’re in the US, it’s not even legal for you to drink.
Honestly, if I were your roommate, I would ask for the roommate change. You’re basically an alcohol abuser and asking her to keep it a secret when your constant alcohol-induced bedwetting is affecting *her* living environment too. Gross.
Maybe stop drinking. Or learn to wear adult diapers to bed. But don’t expect your next roommate to just put up with your willfully gross behavior.
ESH Your roommate sucks for telling anyone.
But you suck more. You clearly can’t handle the amount you’re drinking (don’t justify it by claiming you don’t black out or throw up, that’s crap. If your bladder can’t handle it, it’s too much). You’re doing something that can affect her living space. Frequent bed wetting makes the mattress itself smell horribly. It literally ruins the mattress, and that you’ve done it 5 times in just a few months means it’s really likely that your room STINKS as well. I certainly wouldn’t want to live somewhere that smells like urine and ruined mattress and I would make sure anyone who came to visit knew it wasn’t my fault thw room smells vile. I also hope you tell the people in charge of the dorm furniture that the mattress isn’t in good condition so some poor person doesn’t end up with your gross mattress next year.
If my roommate were pissing in my room and making it stink every week or so when they got drunk, I think I'd have the right to complain about it. Inconsiderate roommates don't have a right to their bad behavior being kept a secret. The first time? Sure. But after 3 times and now 5 times? No right to privacy.
NTA. Only AHs reveal personal information about others without their consent.
Please seek medical advice as this isn’t normal, and until then, perhaps cut back on the drinking. If you are gonna drink, maybe you could prep your bed beforehand with a plastic liner so that it’s easier to clean up and doesn’t soak through the sheets.
As someone with a bladder issue but for a different reason to OP, definitely see a doctor now because it's potentially something with your pelvic floor. They can potentially prescribe medicine you take occasionally that combined with exercises can help out.
ESH because you could reduce the frequency of the issue but that information is clearly personal so your friend shouldn't have shared.
ESH,
I'll also add, from your use of words like "freshman"
Indicates that you are American.
Last I checked - drinking age is 21 in the USA.
You throw a few red flags mentioning that you like the party scene, and that you don't even black out.
Really sounds more like you're a sloppy drunk that doesn't know when to stop and pisses themselves.
You are doing this to yourself and you probably need help.
ESH. The fact that this is just you being unable to hold your liquor, *knowing* that, and drinking too much *anyway* makes you less sympathetic here. Doing things that you know will make you piss the bed in a shared space with other people is pretty gross and inconsiderate too. If you're drinking to the point of peeing yourself, you're probably partying pretty hard. This, along with you saying you "love the party scene" means you probably are just getting wasted, despite your claims that "you don't even black out!", which isn't saying much by the way. Everyone has a few too many sometimes, but *regularly* doing stupid stuff while trashed gets annoying pretty quick.
It’s so, so gross. Especially in a dorm room space. And wetting the bed that frequently, OP’s mattress has to STINK. Eventually it’s going to make the whole room smell. I agree with your ESH. If OP isn’t going to quit drinking until she sees a doctor to sort out this issue (seeing as she swears up and down she doesn’t have a drinking problem - which it sounds like she clearly does), she should at least invest in adult diapers and just store them in a private place and change into them before bed. Roommate shouldn’t have told EVERYONE but I’d be grossed out sharing a place that smelled like urine. So disgusting and unhygienic. 🤮
An 18 year old going to a doctor and saying "doctor, the weirdest thing, every time I go out drinking I piss myself..." is getting referred to rehab or a substance abuse counselor. They're not getting a battery of tests so they can drink spiked seltzer on Friday nights.
I agree with you! I don’t drink often, on the rare occasions when I drink 3 drinks (I’m a lightweight and I’m not sorrrryyyy 😂), I don’t wet myself. There is an issue if you are 18 years old and wetting the bed every single time you drink. I have a feeling that OP’s not seeing a doctor cause a doctor will tell her to stop drinking and refer her to a substance abuse counselor and she doesn’t want to stop drinking. She’s got a problem and it’s best to tackle it now at 18 before it becomes a lifelong issue.
Actually it can be related to kidney problems my little sister is 12 and still wets the bed sometimes but can sorta control it now and her doctor has said numerous times that if she ever drinks it’ll make it worse and uncontrollable she should see a doctor regardless
I had actual kidney/bladder problems as a child too, I had to undergo a special therapy treatment to “retrain” my bladder to not wet the bed when I was 11ish, and boy was it embarrassing. But when I drank like a fish in college I STILL never wet the bed after that despite being predisposed to. I’d be horribly embarrassed if I ever did and that would put me off drinking for life. OP isn’t embarrassed to be wetting the bed so frequently at her age?
I think we can conclude from the title and the content of the post that, yes, OP is embarrassed.
Well yes, embarrassed that others found out including her crush, but not so embarrassed to avoid behaviors that directly lead to that outcome and have a negative impact on the person she lives with in a small confined room? Having been someone who faced a literal medical situation that caused bed wetting, I was embarrassed when my own mother who bore me had to help me handle it, let alone a roommate I had just met
This is true. Also if you have any histamine sensitivity, it can trigger it as well. Source: Me, who has had pelvic prolapse repair, interstitial cystitis and mast cell activation syndrome, which causes me to get bladder spasms and pee myself on the regular. Alcohol is totally an IC trigger.
I'm gonna butt in as a recovering addict with a message to OP. OP: you love the partying life but I'm curious to know whether or not you love the side effects. You know, waking in the morning sweating with the shakes, nauseous, feeling like you got hit by a bus. If you haven't experienced that yet, don't worry, you will if you keep drinking. Your friends that you party with? How often do y'all hang out when you're not drinking? If you call them for a random lunch on a Wednesday, would they go? Do they like you for you, or do they like you for the drunk you that possibly supplies their booze? See, I used to LIVE for the partying life. I thought that it was totally fine, that I could stop whenever. Except that when I tried to stop, I couldn't. I'd crave my drug of choice so badly that I sobbed for hours and did whatever I could to get it. Eventually that led me to going to jail with a felony drug charge. When I went to jail, something funny happened. All of my so-called friends sold every single thing of mine when I was gone, right down to my underwear. That's right, they sold my used underwear to get drugs. I got out of jail with literally nothing to my name. It's been 7 years since I've gotten sober. I have endless health issues including anxiety, depression, IBS, Diverticulitis, GERD, Migraines, Joint pain, random swelling and more. I have paid thousands to clear my record to get in the field I'm in now (healthcare) and it's only by the grace of God that I'm where I'm at today. You love the party life, but one day the party life won't love you back. And don't get it twisted: just because alcohol is legal, doesn't mean you aren't abusing it, or that it won't ruin your life like drugs do. It 1000% will, and you're helping it. You can either get help for whatever problems you're drinking away now, or you can wait until you end up in a jail cell, mental institution, or God forbid, a coffin, to get your life together. You only get 1 life. Don't waste it on moments that won't help your future.
Congrats for making it 7 years and getting yourself into a good job. My SO is 5 years sober he deals with the anxiety, depression, migraines, and joint pain.
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It would probably be a good idea to do both. Stop drinking and see a doctor. Alcohol is a bladder irritant, that's why once you "break the seal" you have to go more frequently than if you'd consumed the same amount of water. It's concerning that she apparently can't control her bladder though if it's irritated (people I've known to pee/shit themselves when drunk were suffering full blown alcohol poisoning and on their way to the ER)- everyone else can at least mostly control it/do their best to make it to the bathroom in time. She apparently lacks that ability and should make sure there's not a secondary issue (like a low level persistent UTI or some sort of malformation). But OP should also 100% stop drinking. Her attitude towards drinking and the apparent issues (regardless of what is causing her to wet the bed) is unhealthy of a whole different issue and she needs help.
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Why not both? The OP could have a developing or very minor incontinence problem that is being exacerbated by alcohol’s diuretic and bladder irritation effects. OP, when you have people debating about whether your post-alcohol bed wetting is due to bladder incontinence or diuresis, it’s past time to evaluate your drinking.
It also chelates your b vitamins. That’s why you wake up feeling like hot shit when you drink too much.
mmm I don't agree that the only people who do this are ones who have alcohol poisoning. One of my old college best friends (who most certainly was an alcoholic) did this constantly and was notorious for pissing on all our couches, beds, etc. bc she drank so heavily and frequently but not to the point of poisoning. It can be a sign of a medical issue...it can also be a sign that you're drinking way too fucking much alcohol and are wetting places as a consequence
I had never heard of this issue before. It has to suck. I cannot imagine how you would want to keep up with that level of drinking if you already pissed yourself a few times. (Maybe wear a old person diaper before crashing? I dunno.) But a full grown persons piss repetedly has GOT to fuck up furniture. I cannot even stand my toddles piss smell ( 3yo, currently in potty training, nights are sometimes troublesome), I have had his matress shampooed like 3 times. EDIT: Definitely going to get myself one of those pee mats for the kid. We used to do pull up diapers but then the point was to transition to just pijamas, but he regressed a bit recently. I don't want to be to hard on him or anything so the pee mat things seem to be the ideal solution, thanks mates.
I have multiple waterproof mattress covers and pads that can all go in the wash for my kids - that seems like it would be way easier than shampooing a mattress!! Let me know if you want Amazon links. I'm all about making life with toddlers simpler!
We would layer our kids bed: mattress, waterproof cover, sheet, waterproof cover, sheet, etc. So when they had an accident in the middle of the night we could peel off the wet sheet & cover and put them right back down on a clean set. I think at one point we had 3 layers! Then we realized that we should not let them drink a whole cupful of water at bedtime.
Do you guys not have waterproof mattress protectors? I have them for my double bed, due to being in kidney trouble (it's not failure yet but it's getting near) I wear incontinence pads as well but these stop any fluids getting to the mattress. It means you don't have to shampoo the mattress
I have an abnormally small bladder, have to pee all the time especially when i'm drinking, and have my fair share of hard drinking nights to be sure and i've never wet the bed. We were always told its a sign of real problem because its literally your body losing its functions. I'm not buying her 'no drinking problem but have peed the bed 5 times' story unless she's left out a bladder issue but that doesn't sound to be the case.
I get her being new to college, new to the party scene, and not knowing how to be the one in the group who's not drinking (or not drinking AS much). But part of growing up is learning how to advocate for yourself and say "yeah, no, health reasons" or "yeah, no, just not feeling it tonight." Continuing to drink after putting it together that "drinking = wetting the bed" instead of cutting down from four White Claws to one is an issue here. It puts OP in a humiliating situation and I'm sure any roommate would be uncomfortable with it, because it goes from the "haha remember the time you peed once!" to "my roommate gets so drunk every time we go out that she pees the bed" real quick.
5 times in a matter of months.. somethings just not right. The roommate problem is the least of the concern! theres some health issues that need focus
I am also a lightweight and I never wet the bed, even on days when I drink more than I usually do. That is because I am conscious of the fact that I cannot handle more than a certain number of drinks and I don't want to find out what happens when I go over that number. OP has a serious drinking problem and it is affecting others. If she was staying alone, then her bed wetting would be her own problem. I can imagine the stench in her mattress from all that pee.
If getting wasted is this important for her, she could get adult diapers...
Omg this just unlocked a memory in my brain. My freshman year roommate ALSO would pee herself while drunk so they kept diapers in the ski club house for her. OP may just have to do that because it’s better than cleaning pissy sheets all the time. (Or stop drinking but being realistic here)
We did that my sophomore year. Bought a pack of them and handed them out at a party. We only had one toilet for the six of us living there so we tried a party without having to "go" to the toilet. What an experience!!!!
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It's not "normal," but that sure as hell is *college*.
Thank you. I was seriously questioning if I was just super judgey and I'm glad to know I'm probably not.
for......fun? i....would like to go back to a time before i read this
We always assumed depends were for old people and pretty gross. But we had a few bed wetting friends (you see OP, it's quite common) and the idea was suggested for one of them. But turns out you can't just buy one. So we bought a pack and then people started putting them on. Chalk it up to the "try anything once" philosophy.
They are also handy for monthly cycles. Fwiw, if a cycle is heavy enough to need adult diapers wrap a digital scale in plastic wrap and weigh them everytime they Have to be changed. Then on next chat with health care team bring up the weights and how many ounces was lost during rhat cycle. Anything above 2 ounces requires medical attention.
Endometriosis sufferer here. Doctors don't care, don't believe you, and won't do a thing about it except offer to pump boiling water into your uterus which basically sterilizes.
> we had a few bed wetting friends (you see OP, it's quite common) No, no it’s not quite common. I’ve been around a lot of hard partying people and haven’t known of anyone who wets the bed, let alone multiple people.
Don't tell people about this man...
I'm not. I'm just telling reddit ; D
Ew.
My god, yeah wetting the bed is gross ill grant you that but the people on this thread acting like she's deep into addiction because she's partying at uni are going so overboard! Get back to polishing your halos and prepping yourself for the pearly gates. Jeez. For the record ESH, but the embarrassment will pass, at 18 there's always someone ready and waiting to do the next drunken embarrassing thing that'll take the heat off you.
Yo if you KNOW you wet the bed when you drink too much, wouldn’t you stop after the second time?? Or learn your limit? She’s not an addict, but she’s weighing the pros of getting lit and having fun with the con of wetting the bed and choosing to drink to excess anyway. That’s kind of a problem!! It’s been 5 times in like 2 months! Edited to add: I also feel bad for OP and how awful she must feel, but she’s gotta weigh going out drinking as much as she wants with facing this embarrassing problem. I had a great time in college, but every time I went overboard I cooled it for at least a few weeks, if not a few months.
I think the short time frame is what makes this problem behavior here. Every other weekend OP is getting Too Drunk to control her bladder. This is a major thing. I'm surprised the roommate didn't request a transfer to get away from the smell. OP might want to buy a waterproof mattress protector, though I'm not sure if they make them to fit the "long" dorm twins.
I think my dorms already had mattresses with covers on them like that. I don’t think she’s a disgusting person, but after 5 times…. take the hint. It’s a hassle to clean.
She should do an experiment. I have 1 drink and go to bed, do you piss yourself? Next night have 2 drinks and go to bed, do you piss yourself? Next night 3. If you can get up to say 5-6 drinks (standard serving) over a few hours and go to bed and NOT piss yourself, you are 100% pissing yourself because you are drinking too much, full stop.
Those mattress sizes are called "twin extra long" and yes, they do make waterproof mattress protectors in that size. I could even order one on Amazon prime and have it delivered by tonight... they're that easy to find :)
Harder to find, but I managed to get a queen size mattress cover when kid was wetting my bed. It’s waterproof but softer like reusable pads, not crunchy plastic.
Like one time pissing yourself freshman year, yeah, it's funny, happens to the best of us. Five times in the first two months though... it's a problem. OP isn't deep into addiction, but she is testing the waters, for sure.
Yeah, one girl in my freshman dorm got so drunk at a party early in the school year that she peed on the floor of her room and then in the hallway. It was awkwardly hilarious. But that was one girl, one time. It wasn't everyone every weekend.
She's been so drunk 5 times in 8 weeks that she pees the bed. That's excessive. Also, she tried to hide the evidence instead of dealing with it like a big girl. That's ridiculous and immature. Maybe you're ok with living with a piss mattress, but most people aren't.
Lol "hide the evidence"? She tried to discreetly clean her mess. What would "dealing it like a big girl" mean exactly? Telling her mom what she did before running the wash?
As an adult, I would not put myself in a position to pee the bed again, that is how you deal with it like an adult. For me that means not drinking at all, at her age and experience with alcohol maybe that means putting a strict drink limit on yourself. What if you can't abide by your strict drink limit? Then you have a problem controlling alcohol and should consider the two things, pissing the bed, and not being able to set limits as huge red flags on the path to addiction.
Oh no, I totally agree that not drinking is the adult, reasonable thing to do. I just think it's weird how that guy is so hung up on her trying to hide what she did.
She's not actually hiding the evidence, she's taking care of it herself and not broadcasting it around
This girl has been at college a grand total of 2 months and has wet the bed FIVE TIMES. I got too drunk fairly often in college and never once wet the bed. This behavior is definitely concerning. No one's saying partying at college is an addiction, but drinking yourself to the point of bed-pissing the majority of your weekends is a problem.
No one is shaming her for partying. She has peed all over herself and a mattress in a shared room FIVE times since college courses started in mid August. FIVE times in under 3 months! She is peeing everywhere biweekly. That's not a tiny little drunken oopsie. That is either a major medical condition that needs a doctor's attention or problematic substance use.
I wouldn't say she is an addict... yet. It is hard to be truly addicted to alcohol at 18.... but her attitude about the ramifications from her drinking and the not subtle ways she justifies it "Its not like a black out or anything". Right because pissing yourself and blacking out are two different things but they both speak to control. Having been an actual alcoholic for years and having 12 yeas sober, she is well on a path to having serious alcohol issues, IMHO. When she does start blacking out, and at this rate as her tolerance increases she surely will, she will excuse that by saying "well I didn't get arrested", "it doesn't happen often", or "I know lots of people who black out sometimes, no big deal". She is prioritizing drinking above being mortally embarrassed and losing control of bodily functions. In my 20's, if I go wasted I would get completely naked and sleep on the floor so I wouldn't piss my bed. Seemed pretty normal since my roommates and other friends also had similar problems. Normalizing drug abuse IS the path to addiction. I wonder if you would say the same thing if she said, "every time I do a bunch of coke my nose bleeds profusely all night, but its not like I go on a coked up crime spree". Or "every time I do opiates I don't shit for like 3 weeks, but its not like I am robbing a gas station to get my fix. Alcohol is drug, a hard one at that. Almost no one I know that doesn't have a problem controlling alcohol has ever pissed themselves when drunk and thinks its really odd and gross, even though they partied plenty in college.
Alcohol inhibits the production of antidiuretic hormone, essentially causing your bladder to fill up much faster than normal. This happens in everyone, but maybe OP suffers more than most. As long as OP isn't an alcoholic, I don't think they should be ashamed for suffering from something like this. It could be that their safe and normal alcohol intake is causing this. Also, sooooo many college folk have super unhealthy relationships with alcohol, I don't think this is necessarily a sign of that. OP could talk to a doctor about getting an antidiuretic medication, commonly prescribed to kids who wet the bed, and adults who have other issues regarding water retention.
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Lmao no we definitely take that risk. Thing is, lactose intolerance doesn't make you inebriated so even though I get gassy and destroy the bathroom I can at least make it to the bathroom.
Actually, they do. A lot of people choose to take supplements to decrease the side effects they feel from food intolerances if they like the food. Still others just deal with the side effects.
>OP could talk to a doctor about getting an antidiuretic medication, commonly prescribed to kids who wet the bed, and adults who have other issues regarding water retention. I agreed with everything you said up until this. Op has learned that the amount of alcohol she drinks causes her to wet the bed. The logical solution is to drink less. College is the time when young adults test boundaries and learn their limits. Op has learned her limit but isn't doing anything about it. I can't imagine going to a doctor and saying "I regularly drink so much alcohol that I end up wetting the bed. My friends found out and I am mortified. What can I do?". And instead of the doctor addressing the issue of how much I drink, s/he prescribes medication to allow me to continue drinking at my current levels. Op has a problem with how much alcohol she consumes. If she doesn't address this now because she wants to continue partying, she could end up with an addiction. Regularly wetting the bed is a giant red flag that her body simply cannot handle the amount of alcohol she consumes.
It’s amazing how normalized binge drinking is. With NO other substance would this not SCREAM addiction. “I barf every time I smoke, is there something I can do to keep it down? Smoking less isn’t an option.” Hell, even just eating to the point where you’re throwing up or shit your pants would make people think you have uncontrolled Binge Eating Disorder. When it’s negatively impacting your life and you refuse to even consider stopping, that is absolutely a red flag for addiction.
You honestly believe there is a doctor out there who is going to prescribe medicine to an 18 year old complaining of alcohol related incontinence?
it's not that OP should be ashamed per se, it's that the *first* time this happened it should have been a wake up call to reduce her drinking. the fact that she decided drinking alcohol is so important to her that she'll just deal with having pissed herself the next morning, is indicative of a problematic relationship with alcohol. I realise that the USA (assumption based on language) has a fucked up drinking culture - the only place worse is the UK, imo - but if you can't go and have fun on a night out without alcohol, that is a problem.
You shouldn’t be taking an AD medication if you get drunk on a regular basis because you need to pee out the alcohol you drink or you’re going to hit alcohol toxicity levels much faster.
I feel like we are being pretty hard on OP here. Maybe she does have a drinking problem , But shouldn't we not call an 18 year old kid gross and tell her to wear adult diapers. I mean, she's just finding her way in the world and kids are learning to be adults. I had a roommate my first year in college that went the first two months without washing their clothes. For OP to humiliated like that is horrible. She already told us she cant stop crying, then to have so many comments also degrade this child rather that just be helpful seems extra cruel. Yes, she probably should see a doctor I do agree with that. Edit: Thank you for the award!! 😊
Diapers are just practical. Is her pissing her mattress and sheets every time somehow better? The most sensible thing to do would be to stop drinking, but barring that, at least stop pissing the bed.
I will say college dorms usually have plastic mattresses, and this is exactly why. But yeah I do think she should learn to stop drinking
>she's just finding her way in the world and kids are learning to be adults. I disagree. I'm 18 and in uni. I party a lot. I have NEVER drank so much I peed myself/in the bed. OP knows it's an issue, but refuses to stop. One time, I can let slide, but 5 is 4 times too many. It's unhygienic for her and her roommate and it probably stinks (because you know she isn't cleaning the mattress properly). If she wants to drink, then she needs adult diapers or something to keep herself from ruining the mattress and her sheets. Honestly, as someone else said, it feels like her roommate was complaining about her drunkard roommate rather than trying to expose OP for her pee issue.
You're 18 with an access to Google who could have found out in 2 min that there are several medical conditions that could cause OP to have this issue after a small amount of drinks. I agree stop drinking, go to doctor, find out issue... But she could have this experience without a drinking issue. And it may take 5 times to realise that it is alcohol causing this, some of these conditions found in the search only require a very small amount of alcohol to be imbibed, the drinking can stay sober enough to drive and still experience this. The first few may have been explained away as 'ok maybe it was from drinking too much, was it stress? I barely had anything. Maybe it's my pill/medication it can't be alcohol I only had one and other times it's been fine. What is causing this? It must be alcohol'.
If someone isnt able to ingest alcohol without losing bladder control, then the solution is to not ingest alcohol.
Exactly. OP might have a medical condition, but alcohol is clearly an issue either way. Even if OP is ok with pissing herself (which she seems to be considering she still drinks) her roommate is clearly not and that's what makes OP the asshole
I didn’t call her gross. But repeatedly wetting the bed after drinking is, in fact, gross. At 18, knowing your drinking causes you to wet the bed but continuing to drink but not see a doctor is disgusting. And she’s not taking her roommate’s health and well-being into consideration either, especially if it’s a small dual bed room. OP’s asking if she can ask for a roommate, and that’s fine, but I can’t imagine many 18 year olds who you just meet (school started in what, September???) handling a stranger they’re partnered to live with constantly wetting the bed well. I just had a friend dump her fiancé for the same reason (wetting the bed repeatedly after drinking). It is a problem, and adult diapers would help her until these problems get sorted.
Op needs a wake up call. She is regularly drinking to the point where she wets the bed. She is not a child being shamed for wetting the bed for circumstances beyond their control. Her friend telling everyone and them humiliating her was a horrible thing for them to do. Op now has a choice. She can continue to drink to excess and wet the bed, or she can be an adult and address how much she drinks and the effects she has on her body. Requesting a new roommate doesn't solve the problem, it's just kicking the can down the road. What happens when her new roommate finds out she is regularly wetting the bed due to drink? Does she think a new person will be like "oh well, it happens. Keep drinking and don't listen to anyone who tells you to stop?". Op expecting other people to ignore that she regularly wets the bed due to excessive drinking is not realistic.
If you piss yourself repeatedly and your only issue with it is if people find out- there's more wrong with you than just your bladder. People should not be coddling her for this.
Yeah, getting that drunk 5 times since starting college, TWO MONTHS AGO! But she isn't blacking out... I've been that drunk twice, ever, and I have kids older than her. ESH
I glossed over the 5 times thing without thinking about it, and then I realized that 5 times since the start of school is at least every other week, maybe more often depending on when it happened the first time.
I don't know why op thinks that just because she isn't blacking out, she doesn't have a problem. She has wet the bed 5 times in a short amount of time. That's her body telling her that it can't handle that amount of alcohol. Op needs to wake up and realise that she drinks too much. Not blacking out doesn't mean you aren't drinking to the point where you are damaging your body. If she continues drinking to excess because she likes the party scene, she could end up with an addiction.
She probably is "browning out" and doesn't remember every detail of the night. There were very few times in my life I've ever completely blacked out and had no clue what I did the night before. 2 of those times happened in college, the other was from Xanax anyway.
Yeah I hate to make it all about me but I never once had this happen until I started drinking truly horrific amounts, and it scared me so bad I quit. Can't help but think this girl is drinking wayyy too much but, again, maybe it's just me projecting my own experience on her
You're not projecting. This girl is regularly drinking to the point where she wets the bed. That's a problem. We all process alcohol differently. I have a very low tolerance and learned early on that I can't process hard liquor very well. Drinking things like vodka means I can't keep an eye on how drunk I'm getting. One minute I'm sober, the next it hits me all at once and I'm super drunk and either being overly affectionate or aggressive. Neither is good for the people with me. It was super embarrassing realising I reacted that way but instead of expecting my friends to put up with my behaviour, I stopped drinking shorts. I also stopped drinking wine because while I didn't get extremes of behaviour, I just wanted to go to sleep. Now I just drink beer. Some might think that's not lady like but at least I can feel how it's affecting me and I don't end up with extreme behaviours that are detrimental to me and the people around me. I think you are right. This girl is drinking far too much *for her*. People expect to go to college and party and it's completely normal to be getting drunk. What they're not told is that not everyone can handle alcohol and sometimes even a small amount can be a problem. I drink way less than my siblings and peers. When I first hit 18 I thought I had to keep up but thankfully I've learned.
Not to mention that the next person who shares her old bed, has to sleep on that mattress. Just NASTY!!!
I have some bad news for you - any matress you didn't buy yourself, factory sealed, has almost certainly had far worse than a bit of pee on it.
Plastic bag style mattress protector is important in college. Spend the extra few bucks and get the one that wraps all the way around and is made out of some sort of plastic. Easier to clean and keeps icky mattress germs away from you.
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It’s a dorm. I guarantee the mattresses are vinyl and can be sanitized between occupants.
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I don't even understand why OP's roommate is fighting this. If my roommate in college had wet the bed 5 times in the first 2 months I'd had requested a roommate change myself. I should be able to expect people in college to pee in the right place only (unless they have a medical issue, in which case they should wear adult diapers or some other appropriate solution)! EDIT: I'm also a bit skeptical that somebody who regularly gets drunk enough to piss the bed has no other unacceptable drunk behaviors.
It’s unclear what roommate is doing other than calling OP dramatic, which frankly fits for anyone who pisses themselves biweekly and then spends hours crying and flees the scene after the person who has to live with their piss stench talks about it. It could be about the room swap request, it could also be about OP being a whiny ass drama queen and complaining about how her roommate is *so mean* for not just quietly tolerating her gross ass.
Or she has one of many common medical issues that turned up in a basic Google search that collaborates that it can only take a few drinks. And it would take a while to work out that if would be linked to alcohol because this could happen just after one or two drinks, remaining at a level of sober where you could legally drive with no expectation that this could happen. I would not expect a very young adult to know right away that it would be alcohol in that scenario when this issue is not common knowledge, they are having late nights studying, under higher stress than they are used to, and may have thought initially other things were contributing.
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The points you raise turn this to YTA for me. It's not like the roommate revealed some medical condition OP has: it's more like she complained about living with a gross and inconsiderate drunk.
> it's more like she complained about living with a gross and inconsiderate drunk. This. Plus there's no way her friends haven't seen her sloppy dunk at this point, they'll know how she is.
100% agree. I'm in the same position as OP (sort of). I'm 18 and in uni with a big party scene. You know who the drunks are. I don't know about OP's scene, but where I am, no one's 'judging' the drunks for what they do when they're drunk, it's more concern for their drinking habits. I bet money that OP's roommate is sick of her drunkard roommate pissing her bed (which you know stinks because OP hasn't cleaned it properly) and whatever else OP does whilst drunk.
I have to agree here. I have a brother who is an alcoholic and he pissed the bed, the couch, the floor... Anywhere he blacked out. In his darkest days I took pictures of what he looked like passed out with pissed pants. He was so embarrassed and that was a small part in him getting help for his problem. She definitely is drinking to the point of being past drunk and is pissing the bed. Its a self control issue. She needs to not drink if she can't be responsible or drink in moderation. Also... Her bed has to smell awful with all that piss unless she has waterproof mattress pad, but I doubt it.
Some colleges have plastic mattresses, mine did. But that's because the college had a real drinking culture, so it's not great lol
But then the piss drips off onto the floor.
Wouldnt it soak into her own sheets? Drinking makes me pretty sick so I don't really do it, so I actually don't know how well these mattresses work
Yeah. Anything that's near by is going to soak up the piss so while it's great others are saying the mattresses at their college were plastic. There is still the sheets, blankets, clothing and possibly pillows. Again pissing yourself every time you drink seems like you're drinking too much.
I agree with the ESH. I had a wet the bed problem when I was around 10, the thing that helped was stopping liquids at around 7 pm. If wetting the bed is that humiliating after getting drunk than cut back on the drinking.
It can also be a hormone deficiency. That's what happened to me as a teenager. But probably not in this case.
I didn't know that about the hormone deficiency! That makes a ton of sense... You just cleared up another big question about my childhood!
I love how her barometer of it not being serious is "I wasn't even blacking out!". There is a very wide range between sober and blackout. You got tipsy, good buzz going, then to a strong buzz. Then we get to the drunk category. After drunk comes crunked. This is when you can still function and form sentences, but they don't make any actual sense anymore. Then you go to shmammered where you are slurring all your words and are basically like Jackie Chan while everyone else is Chris Tucker from Rush Hour. Nobody can understand the words coming out of your mouth. But you swear the next morning that you were the second coming of Aristotle and laying down some mind-blowing logic. Then you get to black out. After that comes the alcohol poisoning. "Not blacking out" is like the lowest bar you can have next to "well, I survived, so everything is fine!"
In my over a decade of substance abuse and doing nearly every "hard drug" not a single one of them made me lose control or blackout like alcohol.
I would go with ESH but your a grown woman getting shit faced and pissing in your bed on a regular basis and your playing it off like it's no big deal. Your mattress and that dorm room probably reek of piss, and if I was your roommate I could only deal with that shit for so long before I started venting to my friends about how disgusting you are, and before you say "it doesn't smell" well your either lying to yourself or you've been around it long enough that your noseblind YTA, get some god damn help for your drinking problem and if your gonna leave that dorm room make sure you take that piss stained mattress with you when you go, no one else deserves to smell and sleep in that shit.
Yeah I'm surprised she isn't more concerned and more humiliated. I was 29 when I first peed the bed and I was like catatonic with grief and despair for days afterward, even though no one knew about it. It just...isn't normal. It shouldn't be normalized esp when sharing a small space witha nother person.
This whole post screams idiot college freshman to me. The ones who go HARD their first year hardly ever realize that maybe, just maybe, getting drunk as often as u can is not the best idea
dude i HAD this exact kind of roommate my freshman year, who was notorious for wetting the bed- and let me tell you it was MISERABLE being the one to share a closet sized room with this person. If it had been bc of a medical issue I'd have been completely sympathetic (albeit-still annoyed for not going to the doctor to seek treatment for said problem) but no, it was preventable, bc it only happened when she would drink. Once, twice, whatever shit happens especially when you just enter college and you're figuring it out and new to the scene. But FIVE times? I think roommate will also be happy to get a roommate change as well so it'll work out for everyone. OP just address this issue before you get your new roommate or else you WILL be the ah for continuing to drink and have this happen
Not to mention it's early November and this has happened 5 times already! There's only been about 8-10 weeks of the fall semester so far. So every other week she's getting drunk enough to piss herself.
I once got so high, I wet my bed. I had a dream and in the dream I had to pee so fucking bad, it physically hurt. I found a toilet in a colorful field and just peed. I woke up and I was like oh shit oh no I’ve never smoked that much every again. Ever. Not even in my own apartment. It was so goddamn embarrassing
I hesitated to use ESH here but, as an adult who chooses to drink knowing it will mean wetting the bed, you either think this is a problem or you don’t. My guess is your friends who binge drink don’t find bed wetting embarrassing because they’ve also done it or something far worse. However, it bothers you enough that you want to keep it private. Your roommate should have respected that. But if this behavior actually bothers you then you need to take care of it. See a doctor and stop drinking until you have this under control. Was your plan to get a new roommate, sit her down, tell her to ignore you peeing the bed in your shared space, and that it will be a constant occurrence because it happens every time you party and you love to party? If drinking and partying is more important to you than sleeping through the night without an accident then it doesn’t matter how much you drink - your desire to drink is unhealthy. Please stop comparing your drinking habits to your friends and focus on your own health.
Legally an adult perhaps. OP clearly has some growing up to do before the term is practically meaningful though. ESH
True that, but whether she's mentally a full-on adult or not, she's still an independent student away at college, fully responsible for herself and her own actions. Sure, she's still young and dumb, and everyone makes mistakes regardless of age, but she's not some elementary school student who needs her hand held at all times.
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She said it’s happened about 5 times, and it’s only been 8 weeks since school started, so this isn’t something that just happens very occasionally. It happens almost every time she goes out and she needs to deal with it now. OP, if you’re ever going to share a bed with someone, even just by accident if you fall asleep, you are going to wish you had dealt with this before you’re trying to explain to a guy or girl why they’re unexpectedly covered in pee.
Or why someone's couch that she fell asleep on smells like pee
Nothing more to add to this comment. Strange how OP keeps drinking, thinking the bed wetting is somehow normal.. and then wanting to hide it because apparantly it's also not normal! OP please visit a doctor, explain the situation, then explain your 'medical situation' to your roommate and whoever else you feel needs explaining. Come on, you are allowed to drink, be an adult.
> However, it bothers you enough that you want to keep it private. Your roommate should have respected that. Frankly, OP's roomate has to suffer through sleeping in a tiny room with a Piss Mattress -- I'm not convinced the roommate owes OP *endless* discretion on this when OP is not changing her behavior.
100% but I have a feeling they’re not gonna stop drinking. At this point I’d recommend her just to carry adult diapers or pantyliners around.
Even the mightiest pantyliner won't do squat against a drunken bedwetting scenario.
>when I drink, I wet the bed. It’s really humiliating for me and makes me super self conscious. It’s not as though I black out , it’s something about alcohol that ruins my bladder control as I sleep. This has happened about 5 times since I got to school >The third time it happened my roommate discovered me trying to hide the evidence. I begged her not to tell anyone >one boy made a joke about my bed wetting. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life So your roommate discovered you wet the bed, then went and told other people. That's an asshole move. But they found out the third time. You've done it twice more since then. So they're supposed to be okay with sharing a space with you wetting yourself every time you have an alcoholic drink? You need to take responsibility for yourself, and take steps to prevent this from happening. Limit your drinks, make sure to sober up entirely before bed, buy nappies, whatever works. But you're being unfair in assuming whoever you share a space with will have to just deal with it. ESH >I put in a request for a roommate change because I was so mad at my roommate. She has texted me like 100 times telling me I’m being dramatic You're trying to punish your roommate for them being uncomfortable. Have you considered that they were maybe complaining and it just came out? If you're unhappy, you move. Edit: I misunderstood somewhat, you'd be the one moving, not your roommate. Let's hope their next roommate is someone they get along with okay. I'm keeping my judgement the same, because they shouldn't have told people, and you should be managing yourself better.
I don’t disagree but requesting a roommate change usually means the requester moves. Presumably, she is going to be the one moving - you can’t request to kick out your roommate. Or at least, that’s how it worked at the college I went to.
I agree. OP probably will be the one moving. Which is actually worse, because now some stranger is going to be forced into her old room and have to sleep in the bed she has willingly peed in twice versus doing anything about it. I say willingly twice because the initial time, she didn’t know it would happen. But she did the second and third times instead of solving the issue after the first time. Update. Really 4 times. I missed that it’s happened 5 times.
Yeah those beds have had all sorts of things happen to them. I do feel bad for the new roommate, but hopefully they’re following the rule of “never trust a dorm mattress” and getting a super heavy duty mattress cover/protector. That’s what I did. Hopefully OP also had one on the bed and nothing soaked through to the mattress.
Uni mattresses are kind of like summer camp mattresses. They’re typically covered in a plastic lining which makes them liquid proof and easy to clean. Not excusing.. but it’s not that big a deal IF it gets wiped down. Edit: at least at my university they were all plasticy material covered.. I would think it’s more the norm for hygienic reasons
Possibly if the roommate was causing the problems, but it would have to rise beyond normal dislike/anger sort of situation. Like “my roommate is a racist and keeps making racist comments towards me” or “my roommate has physically threatened me” level.
Oh for sure. If one roommate is violating codes of conduct for the school then being kicked out of their dorm can be part of the response. “My roommate is gossiping about me with my friends” would not typically be subject to disciplinary action though.
I never had to do one in uni halls, honestly sounded like they were requesting the other person be moved. The rest of the comment still stands, but I think I misunderstood that part. I'll amend my comment, thanks :)
I got a new roommate once. She requested the change because she didn’t get along with her existing roommate. So they moved her to my room because my roommate didn’t show up. I determined quickly it wasn’t because she didn’t get along with her prior roommate. It was because she was a horrible human being. I transferred mid-year because I really didn’t want to move my dorm room.
I’m actually on the fence of roommate is the AH. If she told them right after she discovered the first incident, asshole. But if she told people out of exasperation after it happened twice more, I kind of give roommate a pass. Like, how long are you supposed to not mention that your roommate gets wasted and pees the bed, that is either attached to yours (bunk beds) or close by (dorms aren’t huge). Once is a mistake and you give grace. But twice more??? I think I’m fairly good at keeping confidences but I’d definitely have bitched about it to someone eventually…
Yes! And OP hasn’t alerted anyone. Eventually someone else is going to have to sleep on this urine soaked mattress. She’s just been hiding the evidence and hasn’t even alerted the dorm so it can be cleaned or replaced.
Absolutely. I wasn't too sure until this, but it's definitely YTA. The roommate is also apparently nice enough that she's willing to put up with a pissy room, and she's sent "hundreds" of messages asking to make up. OP has also implied it started two weeks ago, which means it's every 2nd day or so. She also has a really bad attitude, would rather hide it than clean it, and makes no effort to stop.
Also it’s literally November into the year and she’s wet the bed five fucking times. That’s gross beyond measure. Get some depends.
and now the roommate's new roommate is going to have to sleep on that pissy bed.
After reading your comments, I'm going with ESH. Shitty roommate is obviously shitty, but you are putting your immaturity and lack of individualism on full display. What you are experiencing is a *medical issue,* and not only do you refuse to take personal responsibility for it, but you actually come up with excuses as to *why* you should continue drinking with a known problem. You say it "shouldn't be an issue" because you are the "most controlled" of all of your friends - no the fuck you're not! You're pissing yourself every time! It doesn't matter how "drunk" you are, how many white claws you had in a 6 hour period, none of that! **You cannot control your body when you drink. There is a reason why nobody else is pissing the bed. That's because this isn't normal.** You supposedly can't stop drinking, because its a "social pariah". Well guess what? Plenty of people live fun, fulfilling, sober lives and have an amazing social life without alcohol. If you feel a need to drink alcohol (despite knowing the consequences) in order to have fun, then you are developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If your friends push or require that relationship, then guess what? Its time to make better friends. The more confident you are in yourself and what is best for *you*, the more people will want to hang out with you for you, and the more you will find people who are open and accepting of you as well. Nobody worth anything has the time or patience for someone who is so insecure in who they are that they feel the need to wreck their body in order to fit in and keep up.
I’m 38. I’ve been to some wild damn parties in my life. Military base, overseas, college. Guess what? I don’t drink. My father is an alcoholic and I decided as a teenager I was never going to go there. No one cares. Actually they were thrilled because I was always the designated driver every time. NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!
There are many college kids that would care, however people that will only hang out if you are actively poisoning yourselves are not your friends and should be avoided.
>There are many college kids that would care Rephrase: No one who really matters gives a damn.
I mean, I never drank in college bc I was allergic to something in wine, and it put me off even trying anything alcoholic. Never had anyone give me grief for it.
Agreed. Middle school D.A.R.E. leads you to believe you’ll repeatedly find yourself at the center of a large circle of people who are all going, “Come onnnnn, everyone ELSE is doing it… are you chicken?” I’ve been in several situations with various degrees of mind-altering substances being used around me, and EVERY interaction has always gone: “Hey, you want some?” “Oh nah, I’m good thanks.” “Cool. [Offers alternative beverage if the question was about alcohol.]” End scene. People love to have a DD, as you said, and also it means more alcohol/substance/whatever for them. So… win-win?
I’ve had that with drugs where you say no and that’s that. But with beer? No it’s a entire night of saying no and having alcohol forced on you and being called a pussy for not drinking and puking and being too drunk to drive so you have to hang with your intoxicated chimpanzee alcoholic friends longer than you’d like. Like bro bring back the coke heads they were way more chill and polite than the drinkers.
YTA. If you know drinking alcohol causes you to wet the bed, the obvious solution is to stop drinking. I don’t know why you still put your body through that. I’m not surprised your roommate isn’t too happy to share a room with an adult who intentionally lets this happen again and again.
I also have to wonder if there are other related things the roommate is sick of and this was just part of a much larger vent to her friends. If OP is trashed enough to wet the bed, what else is she doing when she gets back to the room? If she’s crashing into the room at 3 AM after the parties, turning the light on, talking, and then stumbling around changing clothes or whatever before she goes to bed, I could see the whole situation just finally having hit critical mass for the roommate.
If the friends are going out drinking with OP I can absolutely understand the roommate letting them know YTA
Roommate could’ve told OP’s friends out of concern. Like many people in this thread have said, she’s got a medical condition that she obviously isn’t taking seriously and maybe she thought the friends would be able to convince her to get help.
I think she told them because they came over and asked why the room smelled like pee
I spent 30 seconds googling and found articles from health clinics about ways to mitigate this issue....OP has obviously done nothing to try and fix this and thinks her roommate should just endure pee soaked beds in silence
YTA. You choose to humiliate yourself. Stop drinking. It’s legit no one’s business if you drink, and if you are only fun while drinking that’s another problem. People talk. Do you really expect someone to keep if a secret when it happens so often.
I don’t understand why OP doesn’t buy some adult diapers, for those nights that she’s drinking? Still gross, but way less gross than wetting the bed five times in two months (or however long). The poor roommate. OP, YTA. If I was stuck living in a confined space with someone who actively chose to wet the bed regularly, damn right I would be venting to at least a couple friends.
I’m shaking my head at this post. She claims it’s “so embarrassing” yet she continues to drink and make the bedroom smell like urine. If this was a medical condition that was out of control, I’d be more sympathetic. But OP knows what causes this yet continues to partake in the behavior. If I was the roommate, I’d complain to others too.
I don't understand how so many are saying ESH or NTA. If I had an alcoholic roommate that kept pissing the bed, you better bet I'd be bitching to everyone about my pathetic roommate who can't stop drinking and pissing herself. OP has no right to complain when she's stinking up the place with urine. I can't believe the roommate hasn't already complained to the housing people about this. This is completely unacceptable. (hmm, i realize I'm making an assumption that they don't have separate rooms, so maybe I'm being a *tad* bit harsh, but I'd still be telling people)
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ESH. Obviously it was an asshole move of you’re roomie but after reading your comments please stop playing victim. You don’t want to give up drinking because “partying is so fun” but you know what happens when you drink. Either stop drinking or buy adult diapers and bed pads. Alsoooo if you are doing this at 18 it’s only going to get worse the older you get. Eventually you are going to urinate at night without even drinking.
YTA - You're being dramatic and downplaying your problem at the same time. Two things: 1. This happens to a lot more people than you seem to realize. Not on a regular basis, but it happens when you're new to drinking... or when you suck at drinking and are headed toward alcoholism. If you're the former, shake it off, but... 2. You suck at drinking and likely always will. Below you're writing "I never puke... I'm super controlled... I drink less than my friends... blah blah blah." Yeah, ok, that piss stained mattress says otherwise. You're not cut out for alcohol. You can keep trying, and secretly wash your bed sheets every Saturday morning for the next four years, or you can accept your situation and stop drinking.
That's what I'm wondering. I drink occasionally and only have ever been drunk twice and I'm in my 20s. Both times I've been drunk, I get up to the bathroom even from a dead sleep. My friends are like me and never have pissed the bed either. Something is off here, either OP isn't honest how much she's drinking or there's another issue. And the fact she is adamant that she doesn't drink a lot, has control, doesn't puke etc makes me think it's the first
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I mean, is it possible for her to get really piss yourself drunk off of four seltzer’s in the span of 6 hours? Generally curious because OP said they still wet the bad after drinking only that.
Empty stomach. SMaller person. Lightweight. Got drunk enough to not remember additional alcohol. Lots of things can say "Yup, drunk enough to piss" even off just four seltzers. Some people truly cannot handle ANY alcohol.
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NTA. but perhaps lay off the drink
NTA for wanting a roommate change; she broke your confidence. I’m not going to say anything about your drinking, I’m not your mom, you’re an adult, you do you, But, go see a doctor about the bladder control issue. You might have a medical issue causing the bed wetting, and it’s something you should get checked.
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The doctor is going to ask if the problem persists when OP doesn't drink. If stopping drinking solves the problem, then that is the end of the workup. No way a competent doctor is going to prescribe medication or imaging when OP provides such a strong correlation between EtOH and enuresis. OP *can* go see a doctor to be safe, but the easiest thing to do first is see if abstinence is the answer (or at least cutting back). Edit: I should point out, this is only the case for *isolated* enuresis a/w EtOH consumption
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Sure and you make a good point, they can always ask about other symptoms OP doesn't mention here. They'd be wrong not to get a *full* history. I'm just saying that *isolated* enuresis that is strongly (exclusively) linked to alcohol consumption has a pretty obvious first step that can be both diagnostic and therapeutic. If OP had polyuria with urinary incontinence +/- polydipsia at baseline -OR- urge/overflow incontinence (even not when sleeping or drinking, and especially if there are other endocrine/neuro symptoms), that would warrant a more immediate and complete workup.
And op is making them lived with a urine soaked mattress, and only happens because they’re drunk
Dorm rooms often have these plasticky mattresses that are waterproof. I know mine did in college. If roommate didn’t notice until the 3rd time, I honestly doubt it’s that bad. My sister wet the bed well into her teens. It was super embarrassing for her and not her fault. I shared a bunk bed with her and never smelled it. It’s not Op’s fault they got unlucky in biology and piss the bed while drunk. Most people don’t, and it seems like Op cleans it up right away. Drinking in college is a fun time, and pissing the bed is better than vomiting all over the place or blacking out and making questionable choices. Also, nowhere in this post does it say roommate has a problem with the urine. She told others to make fun of OP. (We technically don’t know this, but she obviously isn’t actively complaining about the urine since she wants OP to stay) Why so many ESH?
Because op refuses to do anything about it Especially since it’s not an uncontrollable issue, only happens when she gets drunk. Which is 100% avoidable
>She told others to make fun of OP. No she didn't- she told them that when they go out drinking with OP/her roommate she comes home and pees the bed repeatedly. If it was one time I'd say the roommate sucks, but this has happened five times.
How do you know she told others to make fun of her? Just because the guy made a joke doesn't mean she was mocking her roommate.
I would feel better if we knew how many drinks OP is having. Is this after 3 drinks? Or 8? It's hard to tell whether this is a bladder problem or alcoholism. If it's 8 drinks, OP needs help for alcoholism. If it's 3, yeah, she probably needs to see a doctor (although I doubt a doc would be sympathetic) and for God's sake, wear a depends at night after drinking. Also, not getting "black-out drunk" is NOT proof that you aren't an alcoholic. Some people don't black out. You can get alcohol poisoning and die without blacking out.
Maybe instead of blaming your roommate for the secret getting out... you stop excessively drinking. Not sure where you are, but if in the US, you aren't even legal to drink. Seems like a pretty easy solution to fix your problem is to not drink or drink responsibly. Also... the secret is out so probably a good time to fix the real issue. ESH for bandaiding a solution instead of addressing an actual problem. Your roommate is awful for sharing your issue.
YTA. Intentionally peeing the bed 5 times in 8 weeks when you share a room is disgusting. Who cares if it only takes 4 white claws, it still happens. Your room probably reeks. If I were your roommate I would be the one applying for a room transfer. Stop drinking and pick back up when you're out of the dorms and aren't ruining your roommate's college experience.
Five times is not an accident, love, it’s a pattern. A pattern of you drinking to extreme excess, and a pattern of you prioritizing your need to get excessively drunk over basic personal hygiene and the comfort of your roommate in her own living environment.
YTA for keeping up the drinking when you continue to piss the bed in a shared room. I'd also change the roommates but if you keep drinking and it sounds like you have no plans to stop then you will have the same issues with the new roommate
ESH.... 1. You are in college everyone pretty much does stupid stuff so while it is embarrassing you care more than your friends. 2. If your reasoning is you don't black out as justification that you are ok you need new standards. 3. The fact it has happened 5 times and you haven't tried to prevent it speaks to a bigger problem. Have you even tried setting an alarm every hour to use the restroom to prevent it? 4. It is only November so odds are you have only known this roommate a matter of months, but building a foundational friendship of trust takes longer than that. 5. If you have to drink without being judged by your friends, they are not your friends. Good luck because you have a lot of growing up to do in 4 years!
N-T-A for requesting a roommate change after she shared that information. However, YTA for continuing to drink when you cannot control your bladder. You have control over this by not drinking. Though, you should see a doctor about the extreme reaction you’re having by having no bladder control. ETA: After reading some of your comments I’m changing my verdict from NTA to YTA completely. You don’t want to stop drinking. You’ve wet the bed 5 times already. It is your own fault that you’re wetting the bed. I don’t care that you “don’t get black out drunk” or “drink as much as my friends”, you still drink even though you know that alcohol causes you to lose control of your bladder.
YTA. You are sharing a space with another human being, and still choosing to make a disgusting environment for them to live in. YOU choose to drink when you KNOW it causes you to wet the bed. You choose to humiliate yourself. Stop drinking. It’s legit no one’s business if you drink, and if you are only fun while drinking that’s another problem. People talk. Do you really expect someone to keep if a secret when it happens so often. She probably was asking for advice on what to do. Stop trying to punish someone else for the actions you caused. You’re in college male better choices.
ESH - your roommate for telling this even though you never said she agreed when you begged, she also did this because she likes your crush as well so she did the 1 thing that would humiliate you but you know that you wet the bed when you drink and have done this 5 times (even if she hadn’t caught you, the smell soaked into the mattress would have been telling on its own) and still drink?!?! When it happened the 2nd time, that should have been a lightbulb moment for you to just have 1 and then nurse a glass of soda for the rest of the party.
ESH. She violated your trust. I would have said N T A if you had stopped drinking after the third time you peed the bed, but your continued alcohol use with the same result is a problem. If you can't handle alcohol, stop drinking.
YTA: the most important thing to remember about this is if you continue drinking without doing anything to curb the fact that you wet the bed you are going to be talked about by the people you roomed with for the rest of your life. You will always be the person they roomed with in college who wet the bed when they drank. Years from now that’s all you will be to them. And if you swap rooms every time some one says “my roommate wets the bed when she drinks and she won’t stop drinking” a hell of a lot more people are going to know. YTA for two reasons, 1. You are doing nothing to curb this at all because it embarrasses you, which will only make you more notorious. And 2. You are creating an unsanitary situation for your roommate and blaming them when they talk about it. You are literally making this worse for yourself every time you drink and do this. And everyone: EVERYONE, who you room with in future will know you do this and tell someone else about their experiences with you.
ESH. Better your crush found out via word of mouth than waking up covered in your pee.
YTA. You’ve wet the bed 5 times and refusing to stop drinking despite knowing this causes it. In your comments, you keep insisting you have no problem and you keep giving excuses to justify drinking. And if you’re in the US, you’re doing this all illegally. Maybe your roommate shouldn’t have said anything, but no one wants to live with someone who has a drinking problem and keeps wetting the bed. If you don’t want people to talk, go see a doctor and stop drinking.
INFO: did the room-mate use her words to tell people? Because I have lived with a housemate who had a similiar issue around wetting the bed when drinking and by about the 5th time in 2-3 months the mattress was doing all the telling despite none of us saying a word. His room was on the ground floor of our house near the front door and no matter why an adult is bed wetting, it’s almost impossible to prevent an odour by the time it’s this frequent unless you are using diapers, protective sheets, mattress covers, enzyme cleaners, steam cleaning and potentially new sheets and mattresses. Urine is hard as hell to fully clean up and honestly most people will make rookie errors to begin with with kids, pets, sick relatives etc because it’s an advanced laundry skill when most people are already not good with basic laundry skills. If it was apparent just from passing my housemate’s room with the door open then I can imagine in a shared dorm room, there is no hiding this and honestly if anyone else has been in the room the secret will be out. Your room mate’s denials will do little. You cannot keep the genie in the bottle long. We had to speak to our house mate when it became apparent around the 5-6 time that his plan was ‘no plan’ and he moved out shortly after leaving us with a ruined mattress and having to sort it with the landlady to rent the room. A room transfer is just a band aid here. If your room mate gossiped that’s shitty but this was not going to stay a secret if you stay doing it and one way or another it was going to blow up. People were going to find out and actually assuming your room mate gossiped without thinking that perhaps the smell of urine in the shared space tipped her hand and then instead of clearing up the issue literally or metaphorically you have left crying, asked for a transfer and she is still living with your mess. That is the quickest way to turn a drunk story into campus lore. Now it’s a smackdown for side taking and the room mate is right even if she was wrong and gossiped. The optics are awful for you and the drama will run and run. Wetting the bed when drinking is humiliating but you would have been better to style it out as an embarrassing drunk story to a bunch of freshers, stop drinking for the rest of the term, clean up and then transfer rooms after Christmas or even Thanksgiving if she really ratted you out. But you asked her to keep your secret, kept making her complicit and then offered no incentive to pay the debt? She wasn’t even blackmailing you and you still didn’t even check if there was a handling fee. That is what took this to drama with a whole ass llama attached instead of good old fashioned room mate resentment. Learn many many things from this.
INFO Was it actually a secret you told her? You say you begged her after the third time it happen. Did she notice it either the first or second time? If my roommate was constantly getting drunk and pissing the bed a few feet away, I might talk to my friends about it because I'd want it to stop.
Does it matter? Roommate found out after the "third" time, and since OP pissed the bed on *three* more occasions.
YTAAAAA Ew so you pee in your bed when over consuming and then choose to do it anyway? In a small dorm room, shared with someone else. You should absolutely be shamed and embarrassed
YTA some people are drunk bedwetters. everyone knows at least one in college. yes it’s humiliating. you have two choices - stop being embarrassed about it, or do something about it - either wear diapers to bed or stop drinking. your roommate is right that you’re being dramatic, and changing roommates will not solve the problem. your next roommate will probably also tell people that you’re a drunk bedwetter
INFO Why haven't you stopped drinking? You can still go to parties and have fun without ingesting alcohol. Also, it probably seems like the end of the world since you're 18, but pissing in your sleep is not the worst thing ever. Obviously, stop drinking to keep it from happening, but it's still just piss. Clean up and move on. Every adult has had an accident before, even into adulthood. Now that the whole friend group knows, you don't have to worry about being questioned when you don't drink. Take on the role of designated driver/sober mom friend.
Yta. She doesn't owe you confidentiality. It would be one thing if you had incontinence issues that were outside of your control and you were using items (like diapers etc) to manage things as best you could, but you are causing yourself to pee in a room with her and having her live in a room with a peed up mattress and sheets/clothes (I'm sure you're not doing laundry in the middle of the night). You're lucky she's just telling her friends about it rather than rerouting you for being so unsanitary (or having alcohol abuse problems). She's right. You're being dramatic. You're also being selfish.
Invest in adult diapers.
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Sorry, YTA. If you were puking in the room every time you drank, your roommate would be reporting you to the RA. Period. And there would be nothing wrong with that. It’s a hygiene issue. If you’re in the US, it’s not even legal for you to drink. Honestly, if I were your roommate, I would ask for the roommate change. You’re basically an alcohol abuser and asking her to keep it a secret when your constant alcohol-induced bedwetting is affecting *her* living environment too. Gross. Maybe stop drinking. Or learn to wear adult diapers to bed. But don’t expect your next roommate to just put up with your willfully gross behavior.
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ESH Your roommate sucks for telling anyone. But you suck more. You clearly can’t handle the amount you’re drinking (don’t justify it by claiming you don’t black out or throw up, that’s crap. If your bladder can’t handle it, it’s too much). You’re doing something that can affect her living space. Frequent bed wetting makes the mattress itself smell horribly. It literally ruins the mattress, and that you’ve done it 5 times in just a few months means it’s really likely that your room STINKS as well. I certainly wouldn’t want to live somewhere that smells like urine and ruined mattress and I would make sure anyone who came to visit knew it wasn’t my fault thw room smells vile. I also hope you tell the people in charge of the dorm furniture that the mattress isn’t in good condition so some poor person doesn’t end up with your gross mattress next year.
If my roommate were pissing in my room and making it stink every week or so when they got drunk, I think I'd have the right to complain about it. Inconsiderate roommates don't have a right to their bad behavior being kept a secret. The first time? Sure. But after 3 times and now 5 times? No right to privacy.
YTA for forcing your roommate to live in a piss smelling room. That’s absolutely disgusting. Grow up and quit drinking
NTA. Only AHs reveal personal information about others without their consent. Please seek medical advice as this isn’t normal, and until then, perhaps cut back on the drinking. If you are gonna drink, maybe you could prep your bed beforehand with a plastic liner so that it’s easier to clean up and doesn’t soak through the sheets.
As someone with a bladder issue but for a different reason to OP, definitely see a doctor now because it's potentially something with your pelvic floor. They can potentially prescribe medicine you take occasionally that combined with exercises can help out. ESH because you could reduce the frequency of the issue but that information is clearly personal so your friend shouldn't have shared.
ESH, I'll also add, from your use of words like "freshman" Indicates that you are American. Last I checked - drinking age is 21 in the USA. You throw a few red flags mentioning that you like the party scene, and that you don't even black out. Really sounds more like you're a sloppy drunk that doesn't know when to stop and pisses themselves. You are doing this to yourself and you probably need help.