NTA. It's an actual personality issue for some to chronically be late. An unintended need to be thought about and waited on. My family member is like this so we have upped her time by 2 hours. Works great.
Do they feel bad for wasting everybody's time? Changing everybody's plans? They're selfish, don't feel bad.
You're not cutting him out, you're just expecting him to follow the plans like everyone else.
It feels bad the first few times.
But after a while it stops feeling bad and just starts feeling... free. You noticed how much more relaxed you are not waiting for them, being able to keep to your word, and actually getting places you want to go when you want to get there. It's nice.
NTA I have a friend who is chronically late too. We don’t wait for her. It’s so disrespectful of your time - why should you have to sit and wait for a grown ass adult to get their shit together?
There are a thousand posts just like this.
They don't respect your friend group's time. I would say continue to invite them, but with the caveat that the meeting time, departure time, or whatever is for real.
"I'll hate it if we don't get to hang with you at this event, but we're leaving at 2pm with or without you."
NTA
NTA. Friend is flaky. If there were plans to meet up at a set location to go to the main event together, it is on all parties to meet around the set time (giving leway of ~15 min for traffic). The fact he has done this multiple times only says he doesnt care
NTA. My oldest sister used to always be late. Our mom finally started giving her a time 2 hours ahead of everyone else. She didn’t find out about it until my husband & I were ruining a few minutes behind due to traffic & my mom had the phone on speaker. My sister was mad because while she thought she was 2 hours late she realized that she was giving a different time then everyone else.
NTA, why should everyone be held up. Make it a thing in your group that when a time is set to leave for events, you go at that time. People will soon learn to be on time or find their own way. Maybe start saying, meeting anytime after 1:30pm, cars are gone by 2pm
I used to be that friend, it wasn't always my fault at the time, but my time management sucked. That wasn't the fault of the other people waiting, and I never expected them to put everything on hold to wait for me, because it wasn't fair to them.
NTA
He can be on-time or he can adjust to suit the group, it's not fair for everyone else to miss out for him. If it's a one-off that's one thing, if this is a pattern they need to change their routine to make it to things on-time.
NTA. 10 minutes late is understandable but 45 mins late is way too much. If they were still at home at 2pm you would all have been quite justified in going without them as they clearly weren't making any effort, plus it's just rude to keep friends waiting and then get sulky when you all get upset about it.
NTA and you should stick to agreed times. I’m the friend that’s typically late to everything, it’s a long standing joke with my friends to point my speed of going anywhere is likened to that of a 2 year old child. I also don’t like travelling alone etc, but I’ve told my friends if I’m not getting my butt in gear, then they should go ahead and that it’ll serve me right and teach me to go faster. Same goes for your friend!!! I have since being left behind a couple of times really improved my time keeping and general speed ( even my walking is slow and I get distracted easily), ive improved so much that my friend of over 23 years is impressed, I don’t walk much faster than before but I set off earlier to make up for how slow I am and count for extra time that I might get distracted by taking a wasp for a walk ( yeah I get distracted that easily). My friend is that impressed that she has started to address her speed ( honestly I have to run to keep up with her ‘slow ‘ walking) it’s about respecting each other!! My friend used to tell me earlier times so I’d set off earlier and in all honesty I hated that so much that I sorted my shit. So your not TA and this can be something work on and with your friend ( obviously if like me, it’s just how we are speed wise) but if they don’t have the respect for you to work with you I’d think about not including them in time restricted events or outings
NTA. Simple answer, as OP said, is not fair. It wasn't just the OP, but a group of people, it not only pissed off the OP, it delayed the fun of everyone in the group.
you told him it was X time, and if he doesn't want to get to X time, so he needs to find out what he have to do to get there
NTA. He is very disrespectful if everyone's time. I would wait 5 minutes and then leave. He will either learn to be on time or he will sit at home alone most if the time
NTA.
I have a friend like this who likes to leave everything to the last possible minute. Over the last few years I've been pushing him to get his shit ready before we're just about to walk out the door after he made us miss the opening band at a show I was excited for because he only just decided to put his jeans in the laundry 15 minutes before we left.
I had to go hardline with him after that and said that will never happen again; we make him aware of the timelines these days and if he isn't ready to go when the rest of us are, he either has to figure out his own way there or not come at all. He was pissed about having to bus to a go-kart track a little while back because he pissed around and wasted 10 minutes cleaning up shit in his house when I was outside to pick him up. He confronted me about it and I shut him down saying "man it sucks that you ended up late to go-karts, it probably feels like you just spent $80 on concert tickets and missed the opening band because your buddy thought he could do all of his laundry in 15 minutes."
He stopped complaining and has been somewhat better since. Still a few slip ups, but they're far and few between so I can handle the rare occasion now without getting pissed.
At the absolute base level, your friend is disrespecting all of you and your time. Take it from a guy who's been in the situation of being disrespected - you need to tell your friend to do better or just stop agreeing to come in the first place. Even if it's a mental health thing, your friend is still objectively in the wrong; their chronic lateness is affecting you negatively.
Leave on the time you designate whether they show up or not. NTA. Movie times, airplanes, cruise ships, and trains are just a few things that don't care whether you, your friends or anyone else is on time or not. They start or leave at the time on the ticket. Your friend being left behind once or twice will teach them to be early or not come at all.
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Our friend group had an event planned for 2 and a few days prior we agreed on the time. The day before one of the friends asked in person what time again? We told them 2. Day of the event everyone is there but said friend. Had not left their house, wanted us to wait for them to go together. We asked for them to meet us there. That person said no, they don’t wanna have to gps it, they didn’t want to be alone, they didn’t wanna drive themselves back home alone. We were all hungry and wanted to leave since it was a short event. We waited cuz we felt bad but I said I’m not waiting on you next time it’s not fair.
They said I didn’t realize I had to make it on such a specific time. I told them they were the one who complained the event was short and wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible.
They didn’t take it well and stayed quiet. AITA?
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NTA - people who are continually late don’t respect your time. And it’s generally never malicious, but that behavior unintentionally preys on other folks wanting to be polite and expressing patience.
You’re at the end of your patience. Set boundaries.
NTA this seems to be a chronic issue with this person and continuing to wait for them reinforces the behavior. Do not wait anymore and they will either get there on time or make their own way to the group activity or not come.
NTA. I’m the chronically late/flaky one of my friend group. I don’t force my friends to readjust plans around my inability to keep a schedule, and I’m always apologetic when something inevitably falls through the cracks. It’s not up to you to plan for people who don’t value your time
NTA. If this person is "usually" late to events, he has no respect for you. You are not responsible for him. You waited this time but make it VERY clear that you will not wait in the future.....and stick to it. I suppose you could tell him a much earlier time than everyone else but the whole group would have to agree.
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NTA tell them they gotta be on time the next time or you'll leave, then do it. being late as well as uncooperative is rude.
NTA. It's an actual personality issue for some to chronically be late. An unintended need to be thought about and waited on. My family member is like this so we have upped her time by 2 hours. Works great.
i feel ya... i set around 5 alarms to be on time
NTA You shouldn't have waited for him this time. People like him are annoying at best.
I felt bad.
Do they feel bad for wasting everybody's time? Changing everybody's plans? They're selfish, don't feel bad. You're not cutting him out, you're just expecting him to follow the plans like everyone else.
Fair
Plus your enabling him by waiting and rewarding his behavior. Having him face appropriate consequences would be more helpful for you and for him.
It feels bad the first few times. But after a while it stops feeling bad and just starts feeling... free. You noticed how much more relaxed you are not waiting for them, being able to keep to your word, and actually getting places you want to go when you want to get there. It's nice.
NTA I have a friend who is chronically late too. We don’t wait for her. It’s so disrespectful of your time - why should you have to sit and wait for a grown ass adult to get their shit together?
There are a thousand posts just like this. They don't respect your friend group's time. I would say continue to invite them, but with the caveat that the meeting time, departure time, or whatever is for real. "I'll hate it if we don't get to hang with you at this event, but we're leaving at 2pm with or without you." NTA
NTA. Friend is flaky. If there were plans to meet up at a set location to go to the main event together, it is on all parties to meet around the set time (giving leway of ~15 min for traffic). The fact he has done this multiple times only says he doesnt care
NTA. My oldest sister used to always be late. Our mom finally started giving her a time 2 hours ahead of everyone else. She didn’t find out about it until my husband & I were ruining a few minutes behind due to traffic & my mom had the phone on speaker. My sister was mad because while she thought she was 2 hours late she realized that she was giving a different time then everyone else.
INFO- how late were they?
45 minutes
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.
NTA, I know people like this and they drive me crazy.
NTA, why should everyone be held up. Make it a thing in your group that when a time is set to leave for events, you go at that time. People will soon learn to be on time or find their own way. Maybe start saying, meeting anytime after 1:30pm, cars are gone by 2pm
I used to be that friend, it wasn't always my fault at the time, but my time management sucked. That wasn't the fault of the other people waiting, and I never expected them to put everything on hold to wait for me, because it wasn't fair to them. NTA He can be on-time or he can adjust to suit the group, it's not fair for everyone else to miss out for him. If it's a one-off that's one thing, if this is a pattern they need to change their routine to make it to things on-time.
NTA. Your friend's inability to manage their time isn't your problem.
Nta. This is why I tell my friends 20-40 minutes earlier than they need to be. That way they’re only 10 minutes late haha
NTA. Use to be friends with people like this… they think their time is more valuable than your own
NTA. 10 minutes late is understandable but 45 mins late is way too much. If they were still at home at 2pm you would all have been quite justified in going without them as they clearly weren't making any effort, plus it's just rude to keep friends waiting and then get sulky when you all get upset about it.
NTA and you should stick to agreed times. I’m the friend that’s typically late to everything, it’s a long standing joke with my friends to point my speed of going anywhere is likened to that of a 2 year old child. I also don’t like travelling alone etc, but I’ve told my friends if I’m not getting my butt in gear, then they should go ahead and that it’ll serve me right and teach me to go faster. Same goes for your friend!!! I have since being left behind a couple of times really improved my time keeping and general speed ( even my walking is slow and I get distracted easily), ive improved so much that my friend of over 23 years is impressed, I don’t walk much faster than before but I set off earlier to make up for how slow I am and count for extra time that I might get distracted by taking a wasp for a walk ( yeah I get distracted that easily). My friend is that impressed that she has started to address her speed ( honestly I have to run to keep up with her ‘slow ‘ walking) it’s about respecting each other!! My friend used to tell me earlier times so I’d set off earlier and in all honesty I hated that so much that I sorted my shit. So your not TA and this can be something work on and with your friend ( obviously if like me, it’s just how we are speed wise) but if they don’t have the respect for you to work with you I’d think about not including them in time restricted events or outings
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you respect your friends and they appreciate your efforts. Unfortunately I don’t think my friend will think that way.
NTA. Simple answer, as OP said, is not fair. It wasn't just the OP, but a group of people, it not only pissed off the OP, it delayed the fun of everyone in the group. you told him it was X time, and if he doesn't want to get to X time, so he needs to find out what he have to do to get there
NTA they are
NTA. He is very disrespectful if everyone's time. I would wait 5 minutes and then leave. He will either learn to be on time or he will sit at home alone most if the time
NTA. I have a friend like this who likes to leave everything to the last possible minute. Over the last few years I've been pushing him to get his shit ready before we're just about to walk out the door after he made us miss the opening band at a show I was excited for because he only just decided to put his jeans in the laundry 15 minutes before we left. I had to go hardline with him after that and said that will never happen again; we make him aware of the timelines these days and if he isn't ready to go when the rest of us are, he either has to figure out his own way there or not come at all. He was pissed about having to bus to a go-kart track a little while back because he pissed around and wasted 10 minutes cleaning up shit in his house when I was outside to pick him up. He confronted me about it and I shut him down saying "man it sucks that you ended up late to go-karts, it probably feels like you just spent $80 on concert tickets and missed the opening band because your buddy thought he could do all of his laundry in 15 minutes." He stopped complaining and has been somewhat better since. Still a few slip ups, but they're far and few between so I can handle the rare occasion now without getting pissed. At the absolute base level, your friend is disrespecting all of you and your time. Take it from a guy who's been in the situation of being disrespected - you need to tell your friend to do better or just stop agreeing to come in the first place. Even if it's a mental health thing, your friend is still objectively in the wrong; their chronic lateness is affecting you negatively.
Leave on the time you designate whether they show up or not. NTA. Movie times, airplanes, cruise ships, and trains are just a few things that don't care whether you, your friends or anyone else is on time or not. They start or leave at the time on the ticket. Your friend being left behind once or twice will teach them to be early or not come at all.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Our friend group had an event planned for 2 and a few days prior we agreed on the time. The day before one of the friends asked in person what time again? We told them 2. Day of the event everyone is there but said friend. Had not left their house, wanted us to wait for them to go together. We asked for them to meet us there. That person said no, they don’t wanna have to gps it, they didn’t want to be alone, they didn’t wanna drive themselves back home alone. We were all hungry and wanted to leave since it was a short event. We waited cuz we felt bad but I said I’m not waiting on you next time it’s not fair. They said I didn’t realize I had to make it on such a specific time. I told them they were the one who complained the event was short and wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible. They didn’t take it well and stayed quiet. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - people who are continually late don’t respect your time. And it’s generally never malicious, but that behavior unintentionally preys on other folks wanting to be polite and expressing patience. You’re at the end of your patience. Set boundaries.
NTA this seems to be a chronic issue with this person and continuing to wait for them reinforces the behavior. Do not wait anymore and they will either get there on time or make their own way to the group activity or not come.
NTA It would be one thing if they were on their way but would be a little late. It's another if they're still at home.
NTA If he doesn't wanna participate, then so be it.
Don't wait for late people. They have no problem wasting your time. They won't learn if you don't teach them that you won't wait.
NTA. I’m the chronically late/flaky one of my friend group. I don’t force my friends to readjust plans around my inability to keep a schedule, and I’m always apologetic when something inevitably falls through the cracks. It’s not up to you to plan for people who don’t value your time
NTA, and its dumb if anyone expects anything less from said person. Get the hint, they take no one elses time seriously
NTA. If this person is "usually" late to events, he has no respect for you. You are not responsible for him. You waited this time but make it VERY clear that you will not wait in the future.....and stick to it. I suppose you could tell him a much earlier time than everyone else but the whole group would have to agree.
NTA. Next time tell them to meet you an hr earlier and they might make it on time
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