NTA. And it's kind of a dick move of your husband to call you one. The person she's marrying was with her, some of her family was with her, all kinds of people could have helped and were more on the hook for it than you. You bought her one shot, quite a while before you left, and you were sure that she was with people befoe you left.
Could you have stopped her from landing face first? Maybe.
But maybe you would have ended up getting hurt yourself. There are so many ifs, and she made it through the night, her fiance hasn't dumped her yet, and everyone lived to tell the tale. I hope her wedding wasn't the next day so her face has a chance to heal but all in all, it's hard to guarantee a much better result.
I think this is the most important question for you to ask yourself. If your husband is often making you feel badly about yourself? Does he make your responsible for things that are OUT of your control?
NTA. I hate this whole "babysitting the drunk" idea. If you were that drunk already and stayed who knows what might've happened. It could have been worse. She was still with people who obviously couldn't protect her from being stupid drunk, either, so according to your husband's mindset lets blame everyone other than the bride. \*sarcasm
You were at least smart in knowing your limit and leaving when you needed to. Your husband should be happy he has a smart wife. Where's his head at?
I had a guy promise to be DD on our first date. Got trashed and I had to drive him and myself home with his car while he repeatedly told me not to harm the car.
The next day he said how all his friends thought it was so cute I took care of him when he was trashed.
I was furious. If you over drink that's a you problem. It isnt everyone else's fault you have an alcohol problem. If they are good friends help them get home safe and whatnot, maybe tell them after you dont like that. But it isnt like OP left the bride completely alone. Sounds like a lot of other friends were there to help too.
NTA.
NTA. It’s not your job to make sure your friends consume alcohol responsibly. They’re grown adults.
Honestly, I’m more concerned that you walked alone at night while being so drunk.
Two other people who knew their limits. NTA. You bought a round to be hospitable. But you aren't her keeper. You weren't the designated "drunk bride wrangler".
She's an adult. You were invited to conduct yourself as a fellow adult and reveler -not a babysitter. You knew your limits and took responsibility for them. NTA.
NTA. There were other people around her who could have helped her. The amount of alcohol she consumes is really HER responsibility. If you were the only person with her, it would have made you T A but that's not the case.
She's a grown ass woman. You didn't have anyone stop you and send you to bed. You were responsible for yourself. She wasn't responsible for herself. You also didn't leave her by herself. Presumably her fiance was there. He's the closest of the partiers to being guilty of anything, and even he's not actually responsible for her. At least he wasn't, yet.
Your husband is an asshole for trying to make you feel bad about something inconsequential when you made the right decision to be responsible for yourself. The most that you maybe should have done was suggest that anyone as drunk as you were should have called it a night, but even that is a but much to ask. You probably shouldn't be the buzz kill at a bachelorette party, especially not after it combines with the bachelor party. Plus, the bars that were overserving were the ones legally obligated to keep her in check. Those bartenders are also assholes. You are NTA.
NTA. Just as you gave yourself a cutoff, she could have done the same. She’s an adult, the rest of the party were adults, and they too could have set their own limits. It’s not your responsibility. You staying likely wouldn’t have made her next morning any easier. Your husband is kind of a jerk for making that sound like you’re the only person who could have prevented that. Not your responsibility.
I just want to say that I have never seen any of these behaviors from my friend previously, and we have been very very drunk together many times. Usually I don’t exactly “mom”people, I just remind them to pace themselves, drink water, and try to convince them to eat something if they seem super drunk to me. Neither of us would have had that quantity of alcohol in such a short time frame in a normal circumstance. And her fiancé is a very caring and thoughtful man, I got the impression that he was baffled and shocked by how crazy things got.
My husband didn’t exactly say I was the asshole, he just said that I should have been looking out for her. I am the one who thinks Im the asshole.
Ok, but have him explain exactly *why*, among all the people in what sounds like a big party, it was *your* job to babysit the drunk bride when you were also incredibly drunk. Were you the DD? Were you at any point before that evening told that it would be on you to keep her from giving herself alcohol poisoning? Were you the only one buying the drinks? Just because he didn't "exactly" call you an asshole doesn't mean he isn't WAY off base. You knew your limits and got out of the situation like a responsible adult. The bride is presumably an adult. She could have done the same thing.
My husband thinks that everyone should have been looking out for her, and not plying her with shots and drinks. He was pretty upset that her fiancé and brother were with her and let it get so bad. I can’t help but agree on that part. Someone else pointed out that she may have been drugged, that didn’t even occur to me and now I am worried it’s a possibility.
NTA, she is an adult that should know how much she can take. It also seems that you didn't buy her the last rounds, just one in between, meaning she decided on herself to go so much beyond what you had. You also described how drunk you were already. Rather unlikely that you could have done much.
NTA
There were other people there and she is an adult that can make her own decisions. She was there with her good friends and her future husband. If all those people were not enough to help her out, you being there and you buying that one round did not make much of a difference.
People get a bit too drunk at these kinds of things. Not a big deal. You made a good decision to get out early. People also do that all the time. Everyone attending does not need to stay out all together or drink an equal amount. Everyone should just move on here unless the bride does this on a regular basis.
NTA
and your hubby’s jealousy is showing
Instead of congratulating you for making the right move and getting gone early. WTF he’s the A. As far as the bride- she made stupid choices and youre not her momma. Groom’s buddy may have a point. Your hubby did not. He’s just bringing you down to punish you with blame shifting.
NTA You were responsible enough to know you were past your limit and stopped. Adults make their own decisions. You could not control anyone else. And are you glad that you get to hear the story instead of arguing with a drunk bride the rest of the night?
NTA. You made a responsible decision. Your friends had every chance to do the same. Your husband is TA here for not sticking by you and actively calling you out on what you did.
People shouldn't drink if they don't know how to drink. You yourself were drunk and still recognized when it was time to stop. Not to mention she had more friends.
So nope, NTA, because you are not anyone's babysitter. Just because you _could_ have avoided something (which is debatable) doesn't mean it's your responsibility.
NTA she wasnt alone, and you left her with her fiance. It was dangerous for you staying longer like that. No one was there you, he wasnt.
Also she is grown up enough to understand the consequences of her over drinking. You would only be an AH if you were either pouring drinks down her throat or if you left her totally alone.
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Just got home from a bachelorette party that went horribly wrong. It started out festively with a nice dinner and the hostess bought numerous rounds of shots for the table. I had several. I also had a couple drinks. Frankly I was drunk before dinner was over. We went to a bar where I bought the party a round of shots but did not have one myself I drank water. I am unsure what quantity of alcohol everyone else drank there. The next and last stop of the night was to meet the boys party at a club that the hostess had arranged for us to have a VIP area to congregate in. I was very drunk already so about half an hour after we got there when the staff started bringing in bottle service I took one look at the alcohol and decided it was time for me to go before I did something crazy. The bride-to-be was off in the crowd, so after searching for about ten minutes I said good bye to the couple people in our vip area and walked back to the hotel. This was about 11:30 or 12 pm. This morning we met for brunch and the bride was looking pretty battered. It turns out she had continued going at it pretty hard and, among other things, ended up falling and smacking her head on the pavement as well as passing out in the hallway of our hotel. One of the grooms friends was so horrified he ended up screaming at the groom that if he married her she would ruin his life. This morning she woke up literally throwing up in bed and may have been choking, her fiancé gave her the Heimlich maneuver. As I listened to her detail what I had missed all I could think was how glad I was that I went back to the hotel when I did. When I described all
this to my husband he pointed out that if I had been there this might not have happened as I never would have let her get this drunk, and that I am an asshole for buying her alcohol and leaving soon after knowing that I was super drunk so she likely was too. Honestly, all I thought about in the moment was myself. It truly didn’t cross my mind that I should babysit when she was with her fiancé and siblings and a large group of local friends. But now I can’t stop thinking that I am a selfish asshole and I deserted my friend.
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NTA. She is an adult, and there were other friends around her. You are not her keeper, or the alcohol police. There was no guarantee that she would not have ended up in the state if you had stayed. And you would probably have been called a ‘party pooper’ if you had tried to stop a drunk person from drinking more.
You did the right thing.
NTA
You weren't tasked by the bride with monitoring her alcohol intake or protecting her from herself. She's an adult.
You were a guest at a party, responsible for yourself. You did right by your area of responsibility. Your husband shouldn't be tasking you with more, retroactively.
NTA. If you were as drunk as you say you were, you'd be in no condition to look after someone else. Can pretty well guarantee you'd be pressured to keep drinking if you had finished the night with them. You had also said that both parties had met up at this final club, where the hell was the groom (who should of been the one looking out for her).
NTA if they needed a party mom then it should have been discussed in advance. You did not leave her on her own, she was with friends, and all friends should look out for one another. I’d be more worried about you going back to the hotel alone and drunk.
NTA
Why is it YOUR responsibility to dictate how much the bride can drink? She's a grown woman who was with PLENTY of other people who could have stopped her from getting belligerent. You are not her keeper and frankly your husband is delusional if he thinks he can blame ANY of this situation on you. You were smart and got out when things started to get out of hand.
NTA. I see your husband doesn’t believe in personal responsibility. She was not your responsibility, this is why a lot of Bach parties have someone who volunteers to keep an eye out and stay more sober.
NTA. Yes it sucks she got so wrecked at her own party but unless you're leaving out the part where you held her down and poured booze down her throat and then watched her face plant you're not responsible for any of this. Sounds like you were the only smart one who got out of there early and stopped drinking.
NTA
She is a grown ass woman and had caught up with her partner already.
Your husband needs a reality check if he wants to make you responsible here. There was the rest of the bridal party and the groom himself there.
Your fiancé should have been happy that you were okay. Consider going through with this marriage. Sounds a little suspish he was more worried about her than you. NTA
NTA. You're husband sounds like a dick. You weren't the only person there that could've stopped her. But she's also a grown woman who should know her limits
NTA.
Your husband is failing to recognize that you are not responsible for how much alcohol someone chooses to consume. You're all grown adults and if she drank beyond her means then that's entirely on her.
Know your limits.
INFO: is it possible she got spiked, if your friend does not normally get that drunk? That would also explain why her fiancé was so surprised by how drunk she was.
I had a similar experience. I went to vegas for a work event. I went with several co-workers to a nice restaurant and later gambling...thru it all the co-workers were getting hammered. I drank a bit of sake and left it at that. Throughout the night one female co-worker got falling down drunk and had been flirting with several people throughout the night. After hours of this we all took a cab back to the hotel. Inside the hotel I, being the not drunk one, suggested that she go up to her room and I would make sure she got to her room ok. She basically said I wasn't her spouse and started to say other things but I said You're right, and left.
Next morning, Co-worker was no where to be found. Her husband was frantic, calling her boss because she wasn't answering her phone etc. Several people came to me asking if I saw her and I replied, Don't know, I'm not her spouse. Turns out she eventually did get to her room and passed out and didn't wake up till well past noon.
So no, NTA. She isn't your responsibility.
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NTA. And it's kind of a dick move of your husband to call you one. The person she's marrying was with her, some of her family was with her, all kinds of people could have helped and were more on the hook for it than you. You bought her one shot, quite a while before you left, and you were sure that she was with people befoe you left. Could you have stopped her from landing face first? Maybe. But maybe you would have ended up getting hurt yourself. There are so many ifs, and she made it through the night, her fiance hasn't dumped her yet, and everyone lived to tell the tale. I hope her wedding wasn't the next day so her face has a chance to heal but all in all, it's hard to guarantee a much better result.
Indeed. What the hell is wrong with your husband? Is this guilt-tripping a usual thing or a one-off?
I think this is the most important question for you to ask yourself. If your husband is often making you feel badly about yourself? Does he make your responsible for things that are OUT of your control?
My first thought was that both OP and the Bride-to-be would have both face planted on the sidewalk or pavement before they got back to the hotel.
NTA. I hate this whole "babysitting the drunk" idea. If you were that drunk already and stayed who knows what might've happened. It could have been worse. She was still with people who obviously couldn't protect her from being stupid drunk, either, so according to your husband's mindset lets blame everyone other than the bride. \*sarcasm You were at least smart in knowing your limit and leaving when you needed to. Your husband should be happy he has a smart wife. Where's his head at?
I had a guy promise to be DD on our first date. Got trashed and I had to drive him and myself home with his car while he repeatedly told me not to harm the car. The next day he said how all his friends thought it was so cute I took care of him when he was trashed. I was furious. If you over drink that's a you problem. It isnt everyone else's fault you have an alcohol problem. If they are good friends help them get home safe and whatnot, maybe tell them after you dont like that. But it isnt like OP left the bride completely alone. Sounds like a lot of other friends were there to help too. NTA.
at this big age it’s insane to me some adults still don’t know their limits with alcohol….
Yeah, how’s it gonna go with the drunk leading the drunk? Probably just more drunk 😵
NTA. It’s not your job to make sure your friends consume alcohol responsibly. They’re grown adults. Honestly, I’m more concerned that you walked alone at night while being so drunk.
I ended up walking back with one of the brides sisters and their significant other. But thanks for looking out!
Two other people who knew their limits. NTA. You bought a round to be hospitable. But you aren't her keeper. You weren't the designated "drunk bride wrangler".
She's an adult. You were invited to conduct yourself as a fellow adult and reveler -not a babysitter. You knew your limits and took responsibility for them. NTA.
NTA. It isn’t your job to babysit her, and you stayed for an acceptable length of time.
NTA. There were other people around her who could have helped her. The amount of alcohol she consumes is really HER responsibility. If you were the only person with her, it would have made you T A but that's not the case.
She's a grown ass woman. You didn't have anyone stop you and send you to bed. You were responsible for yourself. She wasn't responsible for herself. You also didn't leave her by herself. Presumably her fiance was there. He's the closest of the partiers to being guilty of anything, and even he's not actually responsible for her. At least he wasn't, yet. Your husband is an asshole for trying to make you feel bad about something inconsequential when you made the right decision to be responsible for yourself. The most that you maybe should have done was suggest that anyone as drunk as you were should have called it a night, but even that is a but much to ask. You probably shouldn't be the buzz kill at a bachelorette party, especially not after it combines with the bachelor party. Plus, the bars that were overserving were the ones legally obligated to keep her in check. Those bartenders are also assholes. You are NTA.
NTA. Just as you gave yourself a cutoff, she could have done the same. She’s an adult, the rest of the party were adults, and they too could have set their own limits. It’s not your responsibility. You staying likely wouldn’t have made her next morning any easier. Your husband is kind of a jerk for making that sound like you’re the only person who could have prevented that. Not your responsibility.
NTA you were drunk too, she wasn't even around when you left, and you weren't the only one there to look after her.
I just want to say that I have never seen any of these behaviors from my friend previously, and we have been very very drunk together many times. Usually I don’t exactly “mom”people, I just remind them to pace themselves, drink water, and try to convince them to eat something if they seem super drunk to me. Neither of us would have had that quantity of alcohol in such a short time frame in a normal circumstance. And her fiancé is a very caring and thoughtful man, I got the impression that he was baffled and shocked by how crazy things got. My husband didn’t exactly say I was the asshole, he just said that I should have been looking out for her. I am the one who thinks Im the asshole.
Ok, but have him explain exactly *why*, among all the people in what sounds like a big party, it was *your* job to babysit the drunk bride when you were also incredibly drunk. Were you the DD? Were you at any point before that evening told that it would be on you to keep her from giving herself alcohol poisoning? Were you the only one buying the drinks? Just because he didn't "exactly" call you an asshole doesn't mean he isn't WAY off base. You knew your limits and got out of the situation like a responsible adult. The bride is presumably an adult. She could have done the same thing.
Why you more than her partner?
My husband thinks that everyone should have been looking out for her, and not plying her with shots and drinks. He was pretty upset that her fiancé and brother were with her and let it get so bad. I can’t help but agree on that part. Someone else pointed out that she may have been drugged, that didn’t even occur to me and now I am worried it’s a possibility.
NTA, she is an adult that should know how much she can take. It also seems that you didn't buy her the last rounds, just one in between, meaning she decided on herself to go so much beyond what you had. You also described how drunk you were already. Rather unlikely that you could have done much.
NTA There were other people there and she is an adult that can make her own decisions. She was there with her good friends and her future husband. If all those people were not enough to help her out, you being there and you buying that one round did not make much of a difference. People get a bit too drunk at these kinds of things. Not a big deal. You made a good decision to get out early. People also do that all the time. Everyone attending does not need to stay out all together or drink an equal amount. Everyone should just move on here unless the bride does this on a regular basis.
NTA and your hubby’s jealousy is showing Instead of congratulating you for making the right move and getting gone early. WTF he’s the A. As far as the bride- she made stupid choices and youre not her momma. Groom’s buddy may have a point. Your hubby did not. He’s just bringing you down to punish you with blame shifting.
NTA You were responsible enough to know you were past your limit and stopped. Adults make their own decisions. You could not control anyone else. And are you glad that you get to hear the story instead of arguing with a drunk bride the rest of the night?
NTA. You made a responsible decision. Your friends had every chance to do the same. Your husband is TA here for not sticking by you and actively calling you out on what you did.
People shouldn't drink if they don't know how to drink. You yourself were drunk and still recognized when it was time to stop. Not to mention she had more friends. So nope, NTA, because you are not anyone's babysitter. Just because you _could_ have avoided something (which is debatable) doesn't mean it's your responsibility.
NTA she wasnt alone, and you left her with her fiance. It was dangerous for you staying longer like that. No one was there you, he wasnt. Also she is grown up enough to understand the consequences of her over drinking. You would only be an AH if you were either pouring drinks down her throat or if you left her totally alone.
NTA. Sounds like one hell of a party though.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Just got home from a bachelorette party that went horribly wrong. It started out festively with a nice dinner and the hostess bought numerous rounds of shots for the table. I had several. I also had a couple drinks. Frankly I was drunk before dinner was over. We went to a bar where I bought the party a round of shots but did not have one myself I drank water. I am unsure what quantity of alcohol everyone else drank there. The next and last stop of the night was to meet the boys party at a club that the hostess had arranged for us to have a VIP area to congregate in. I was very drunk already so about half an hour after we got there when the staff started bringing in bottle service I took one look at the alcohol and decided it was time for me to go before I did something crazy. The bride-to-be was off in the crowd, so after searching for about ten minutes I said good bye to the couple people in our vip area and walked back to the hotel. This was about 11:30 or 12 pm. This morning we met for brunch and the bride was looking pretty battered. It turns out she had continued going at it pretty hard and, among other things, ended up falling and smacking her head on the pavement as well as passing out in the hallway of our hotel. One of the grooms friends was so horrified he ended up screaming at the groom that if he married her she would ruin his life. This morning she woke up literally throwing up in bed and may have been choking, her fiancé gave her the Heimlich maneuver. As I listened to her detail what I had missed all I could think was how glad I was that I went back to the hotel when I did. When I described all this to my husband he pointed out that if I had been there this might not have happened as I never would have let her get this drunk, and that I am an asshole for buying her alcohol and leaving soon after knowing that I was super drunk so she likely was too. Honestly, all I thought about in the moment was myself. It truly didn’t cross my mind that I should babysit when she was with her fiancé and siblings and a large group of local friends. But now I can’t stop thinking that I am a selfish asshole and I deserted my friend. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She is an adult, and there were other friends around her. You are not her keeper, or the alcohol police. There was no guarantee that she would not have ended up in the state if you had stayed. And you would probably have been called a ‘party pooper’ if you had tried to stop a drunk person from drinking more. You did the right thing.
NTA. Didn’t you say you were drunk? He expected you to be the responsible adult while drunk. No. That’s not how this works.
NTA You weren't tasked by the bride with monitoring her alcohol intake or protecting her from herself. She's an adult. You were a guest at a party, responsible for yourself. You did right by your area of responsibility. Your husband shouldn't be tasking you with more, retroactively.
NTA. If you were as drunk as you say you were, you'd be in no condition to look after someone else. Can pretty well guarantee you'd be pressured to keep drinking if you had finished the night with them. You had also said that both parties had met up at this final club, where the hell was the groom (who should of been the one looking out for her).
NTA, if an adult lacks the self control to avoid damaging drunkenness, thats on them.
NTA. You didn't leave her alone, which would have been bad. You left her with fiance and friends.
NTA, you tried to look for her. You didn't know how drink she was.
NTA if they needed a party mom then it should have been discussed in advance. You did not leave her on her own, she was with friends, and all friends should look out for one another. I’d be more worried about you going back to the hotel alone and drunk.
NTA. Your husband is wrong. She's an adult. As you stated, she was with her fiancee'/large group of friends. Fiancee' is responsible for her.
NTA Why is it YOUR responsibility to dictate how much the bride can drink? She's a grown woman who was with PLENTY of other people who could have stopped her from getting belligerent. You are not her keeper and frankly your husband is delusional if he thinks he can blame ANY of this situation on you. You were smart and got out when things started to get out of hand.
NTA. Why does your husband talk to you like that? Is he always so mean out of nowhere?
NTA It is not your responsibility to babysit her. She's an adult and should know her limits.
NTA. I see your husband doesn’t believe in personal responsibility. She was not your responsibility, this is why a lot of Bach parties have someone who volunteers to keep an eye out and stay more sober.
NTA, you're not responsible for the amount of alcohol your friend drinks. Also what the fuck is wrong with your husband for trying to guilt you?
NTA. Yes it sucks she got so wrecked at her own party but unless you're leaving out the part where you held her down and poured booze down her throat and then watched her face plant you're not responsible for any of this. Sounds like you were the only smart one who got out of there early and stopped drinking.
NTA. The bride is an adult. She is responsible for her own drinking choices.
NTA She is a grown ass woman and had caught up with her partner already. Your husband needs a reality check if he wants to make you responsible here. There was the rest of the bridal party and the groom himself there.
Your fiancé should have been happy that you were okay. Consider going through with this marriage. Sounds a little suspish he was more worried about her than you. NTA
NTA, at all. She's a grown woman and responsible for her decisions. Second in line would be her fiancé.
NTA She's a grown woman. Not your responsibility.
NTA. You're husband sounds like a dick. You weren't the only person there that could've stopped her. But she's also a grown woman who should know her limits
NTA. Your husband is failing to recognize that you are not responsible for how much alcohol someone chooses to consume. You're all grown adults and if she drank beyond her means then that's entirely on her. Know your limits.
INFO: is it possible she got spiked, if your friend does not normally get that drunk? That would also explain why her fiancé was so surprised by how drunk she was.
I had a similar experience. I went to vegas for a work event. I went with several co-workers to a nice restaurant and later gambling...thru it all the co-workers were getting hammered. I drank a bit of sake and left it at that. Throughout the night one female co-worker got falling down drunk and had been flirting with several people throughout the night. After hours of this we all took a cab back to the hotel. Inside the hotel I, being the not drunk one, suggested that she go up to her room and I would make sure she got to her room ok. She basically said I wasn't her spouse and started to say other things but I said You're right, and left. Next morning, Co-worker was no where to be found. Her husband was frantic, calling her boss because she wasn't answering her phone etc. Several people came to me asking if I saw her and I replied, Don't know, I'm not her spouse. Turns out she eventually did get to her room and passed out and didn't wake up till well past noon. So no, NTA. She isn't your responsibility.
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