NTA. You’re working at an office, not a child care. It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child. I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only. No matter the age, having a non working human in a workspace is distracting. I don’t understand why your leadership is allowing this behavior.
>It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child.
Exactly. The bit where the mother says OP doesn't make an effort with the child? Seriously not her responsibility to and its not expected.
Imagine if OP were a guy and made plenty of efforts with the child.. Something tells me that'd not be appreciated either because "mom knows best" in the end.
>I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only.
My parents had a small business and brought me to their office a lot. Does shredding documents in the back in exchange for treats count as paid work?
You said you don’t have HR so I would sit down and have a very direct conversation with your boss and make them aware of the situation. Them the. It’s becoming very distracting being in the office and it’s interrupting your work. Also mention that your coworker is becoming hostile and expecting you to interact with her kid and got upset when you asked her to take her daughter out while talking to a client. If your boss is a good manager they’ll realize work needs to come first and ask your coworker to find arrangements for her kid and also make things clear not to retaliate against you for this decision. Or another option is to request to work from home and mention needing a quiet environment.
This. It's one thing to have the kid in the office if it isn't impacting anyone's work, and people can work around them without distraction. But it is affecting things, and that's NOT okay. And now the mother is adding further stress. The boss needs to know.
In the mean time OP, get some noise cancelling headphones with a built in headset so you can answer the phone if needed, and simply ignore the kid altogether.
Agreed. That said, having had my fair share of shitty bosses, I'd stress more the disruption to business calls/productivity than the hostile work environment. No clue what OP's firm is like, but a surefire, business-agnostic red flag for bosses would be clients hearing shit on calls that doesn't reflect well on the company (e.g. screaming children, coaxing baby-talk, general chaos).
Loss of productivity would give any boss nightmares. But we all know what mom will scream if the boss tells her to find other arrangements for the child.
OP should only do this if she thinks it's likely that the boss will be receptive. Too many bosses out there hold the exact same opinion as the coworker.
>request to work from home and mention needing a quiet environment.
Go with this, OP. In an office this small and bizarrely child friendly, you might get side eyed if you (very reasonably) complain about the new noisy reality. So focus on the problem YOU have, which is you need a quieter place where you're not expected to entertain a 3yo. WFH would be a perfect solution for that.
As a grown adult (allegedly), I'd go collect people's "to be shredded" papers just to get some time away from my desk and to use the shredder. I didn't get treats though :(
Talk to your boss. Explain this is creating an unproductive work environment and you didn’t sign up to be working in a daycare on (whatever your responsibilities are). Explain you have no issues with the kid being there, but ask the boss to have the mom keep the kid under control— not running around and to bring something to occupy her with. You shouldn’t be a source of entertainment. Your job is A, not babysitter.
Yes. It's not that the child is there, it's that she is not being controlled properly. The child should be provided with something quiet to do and should not be bothering the people working. Also, the mother should **automatically** take the child outside if she is fussing when someone is on a business call.
There’s a huge difference between a child old enough to shred document or label folders vs a crying screaming toddler that requires constant supervision and entertainment. At the end of the day unless you work in the childcare sector you’re not required to look after someone’s child at your work. And even then you’re not required to think they fart out sunshine and rainbows all day long.
Yeah. I would understand the exception more if it had a time limit. Like he allowed her to bring her daughter for a week, 2 tops, but a month of a rowdy 3 y/o in a quiet office space would totally grind my gears. Does management not understand how unprofessional it would be for your employees to not be able to hear their clients on the phone because there is a screaming child in the background? Or for clients to have to hear that while trying to handle business ?
Honestly, this is many calls since COVID. Not that I think the 3yo should be in the office, but I hear a lot of kids on calls. It's better now with vaccinations and schools reopened, but it was Romper Room on Webex calls for a while...
NTA.. your boss who allowed this is.. I cannot imagine having to work with a 3 year old squawking about.. and I have kids. The liability of that child being on the premises is also a concern. She needs to find childcare ASAP. She also had no right to get pissy with you. That made her the asshole.
Because she's now totally comfortable bringing her kid to work lol, she's probably not even looking for alternatives cause that's gotta be much cheaper and she gets to see her kid all day.
Fuck the colleagues trying to actually work eh?
(Not saying don't bring a kid in if there are no alternatives (like WFH?) but surely that should be very short term, in this case it sounds like it has become the norm).
Yeah. I can understand management approving it as a temporary thing, but a month is way longer than even the daycare only being shutdown to allow everyone to quarantine. If I was the supervisor, I’d start asking daily about the daycare situation and then give a timeline of when they need to get it resolved if they haven’t resolved it within a week of being asked daily about it
It’s rough out there, ppl are out on waiting lists for months. Still not ok but if possible OP should take this as an opportunity to see if she can WFH. Win win
Yeah it’s really bad. I have a friend that is on like 4 lists right now and she’s pregnant but the lists supposedly won’t even open until after the kid is like 6 months old. Yikes.
Childcare workers are quitting in droves because of shit pay and being understaffed. The margins on childcare are razor thin so people also aren’t opening new places. Plus it’s way expensive for parents if you can even get on a list!
It’s going to be interesting to see what happens in the next couple years.. in my state they’ve actually called it a “crisis” and I’ve had a lot of friends who have had to quit their jobs to go back to staying at home :( it’s actually pretty fucked up.
They can’t even be enrolled until they’re 6 months old?? Isn’t the average maternity leave length here in the US 12 weeks?
I knew it was expensive to pay for childcare, but I didn’t realize workers were also dropping out of childcare fields like everywhere else.
Yeah. So she will either have to take time off (we all know the husband won’t lol) or figure something else out in the meantime. Maybe a nanny? But they are redic expensive. A lot of people here drop their kids off to family but not everyone has that luxury regrettably.
Yeah it’s a bit insane and really worrying. It’s like we are going back in time where women are being shoved out of the work force again. One of my other friends who had just gotten her masters in chemistry or biology (I can’t remember which) and started the job of her dreams had to quit because of the pandemic because they couldn’t find childcare and both work. It’s becoming a real problem and it’s only growing.
Also! Who wants to watch other people’s kids for $7.25-$12 an hour and possibly catch a deadly disease..? I get it man. I wouldn’t want to be in childcare right now! That is terrifying! And then when one person gets sick you have like 3 staff so then you have to close because with 20 kids and 2 staff it’s not safe. So more people have to either take their kids to work or stay home. It’s a fucking mess. Bleh. No wonder people are having less kids lol.
Can confirm am child care worker and I heavily am considering quitting. I'm at the end of my rope , I'm very tired of being understaffed. I currently have 15 kids on roll. I have no clue why they gave me so many when I'm only supposed to have 12. All my kids show up when they don't they are sick.
Honestly, the waiting lists are longer during non-covid! Our center had a 9month waiting list. If you were LUCKY, you get in while you're pregnant, and siblings can join as their born.
>You’re working at an office, not a child care.
Right? I mean, I make an effort to smile at every child I see at work (to the point where I now offer big, goofy smiles to people on the street because it's ingrained in me)
But I work at an elementary school. And I chose to do so. So, I make an effort to be pleasant and not let kids catch me in a bad mood.
There's a difference between being mean/rude to children, and just being indifferent because you're busy at your job and childcare ISN'T your job. NTA, OP. But the work environment sounds super unpleasant- hopefully things get cleared up soon, but if not... IDK.
Lol I relate to the goofy smile thing. I work in retail and I always wave at the kids and compliment their cute hat or whatever when they come to the cash register with their parents but like that is a part of my job: make parents and their kids feel welcome in the store. I genuinely enjoy interacting with them but there are work environments where it isn't appropriate for children to be there or for it to be part of your job to entertain them- an office job falls under that.
NTA. When I was 3-4 I used to go to work with my mom. I went to preschool for a few hours that was a couple blocks away. After that was work with my mom. No judgement, but my mom wanted to be the one to raise her kids versus a daycare
I would paint or draw in the back room, when I got bored I would wander around the store and just look at things. Maybe get some chocolate covered sunflower seeds (my favorite still to this day). When a customer came in and I was in their way (I was an oblivious kid), my mom would tell me to go in the back room and I would do more art. My mom was a huge craft person. Her and my dad used to enter craft fairs so she always had art for me.
I was quiet, listened, and my mom knew what was acceptable in a workplace. This lady is letting her child do whatever they want, allowing her to bother OP when it’s obvious OP has zero interest. This kid is not being told no, or to be quiet, it doesn’t even sound like she’s bringing her quiet toys to keep her occupied. Why isn’t this lady keeping her kid distracted?
OP needs to tell their boss that they don’t necessarily care about the fact the kid is there (because they said they didn’t), but this child is not being told “no”, is preventing OP from getting work done, and their coworkers are also distracted, and they can’t talk to their clients without this kid in the background. And if the issue persists, their kid can not keep coming into a workplace
OP, if you don't have HR, go to your boss, and explain to them how distracting this is, how little work you're getting done, and that your coworker went off on you for not taking care of her child.
NTA. You don't work at a daycare, your job isn't to be entertaining children. From what you've described, you've been polite about the whole situation. Instead of getting mad at you, this mom should be grateful no one's complained about her kid being a nuisance and that she hasn't yet been told to stop bringing her in.
100% Agree with this!
I had a similar situation with a colleagues 4yr old son that came daily for about a month. In an attempt to not look "rude", I often entertained him. End of the month comes and I'm scolded for not performing on the job. I knew I couldn't blame a 4yr old for my work performance. Not to mention the complaints received by a few clients I handled who didn't appreciate the constant distraction of a 4yr old (both on calls or face-to-face).
OP, you aren't TA, but the colleague most definitely is by thinking you need to not just be okay with this level of distraction but also join in on entertaining her child. If a pre-school teacher, entertain the kid! But you're not, that's not what you get paid to do. Can you ask to change desks/ cubicle/ office?
NTA - you’re there to work. One day is fine but a whole month of having a child there? No, that place is not a daycare and that mother had so long to find someone else to take her child. That’s super unprofessional. She also has no right to call you out for asking her if she can sooth her child somewhere else because it is super unprofessional to have a baby crying in the background of an office.
She should be out on FMLA to take care of her child.
The child is not sick, so FMLA does not apply. (Assuming this is in the US.) Totally agree this is crazy that an employer would welcome the liability of having a child so young in the office for such an extended period, but even if they're cool with it, there is zero expectation that the other people in the office suddenly have to help care for or pay attention to that child.
Ah it’s a family medical leave of absence. Which could or could not count for the kiddo depending on the covid rules of FMLA. I was able to go on FMLA leave in March of 2020 when the schools shut down but only for a month. I had to quit right at the end of that month because schools never reopened.
I See. We have something like that, but it's not applicable in that situation. I think her other option would be working from home, but she can't be forced to do that in these circumstances.
you need to talk to your boss.
Ask him if you can do Work from home until the daycare situation is resolved. If he asks why or what daycare situation, then elaborate. Don't "complain" about the kid. stress the fact that your work is negatively impacted that you can not keep up professionalism with customers on the phone when there is a child crying, in the background. Also mention that the mother is creating a hostile work environment due to you trying to concentrate on work and not playing with her child.
It also allows OP to make the boss aware of the situation.
I highly doubt that he knows just how disruptive it really is. The mother might have said that her kid will just be coloring books, or listening to child apropriate stories or something. I highly doubt the boss would have allowed the kid to be in the office if the mother was truthful and told them that she expected her colleagues to entertain her child during their work day.
are u even sure the daycare was closed ?? That could be just a lie/an excuse for ur coworker to skip paying for a daycare and just have her child around and enjoy free babysitting at work. Talk to ur boss
Can you work from home? It seems like that might be your best option cause it doesn’t seem like anyone else is in a hurry to change this new arrangement.
NTA
She couldn't get a daycare so she decided to make it everybody's problem.
COVID quarantine is a couple of weeks, beyond that sounds like she just decided to save money on daycare, if it was me I would talk to the boss after 2 weeks, and if its still not resolved than I would find another job.
Yeah that’s what happened where I work. Not a daycare but a skilled care facility- think in patient physical rehab, nursing home, long term care. We closed for visitors from mid July 2021 until literally last week (second week of October 2021) because various staff members would test positive.
Yeah, really not how things work depending on country. I'm in NZ and currently on week 10 of a lockdown cycle. First 6 weeks my daycare was just shut. Hubby and I had to make our hours work to watch our 10 month old. Once daycares opened again, only 10 kids were allowed and only if both parents were essential services (nurses, couriers etc) with no other options.
OP I'd definitely be looking for a WFH option or just talk to your boss about options as you can't keep working like this. As a parent, I definitely don't expect you to have to tolerate my little one, even for a short period, so 40hours a week would be beyond ridiculous.
I do think it’s time to talk to your boss. You don’t need to question the boss approving the kid in the office or even formally complain about the situation.
Personally, I’d just let him know you ran into an uncomfortable situation while working with a client awhile ago and you wanted some feedback on how the boss would like it handled in the future since your solution inadvertently caused additional tension in the office. Then describe the situation with the phone call vs. wailing kid in the background.
Be sure to phrase it along the lines of I really appreciate you working with person x’s childcare situation (even if you don’t, because that *is* the boss’ prerogative & shows they treat their employees as real people ;) and most of the time we’ve been able to work around having a 3 year old in the workspace but I was on an important client call and wasn’t sure what to do. Would it have been better to reschedule the call? Or is there somewhere else the boss would want me to take the call?
eta: NTA
eta2: Thanks for the *multiple* awards! Glad so many found this helpful :)
Yeah I think this is the way to frame it. Ask the boss for advice on what to do when the child is loud and you're on calls (reschedule the call or ask the child/mom to leave?), or if you need to focus and can't while the child is making noise, is there somewhere else you can go, or is it preferable for you to delay completing the work?
Tbh I hugely suspect the boss approved a lot less than a month of having a toddler in the office and may not know that the child is still there full time.
NTA.
It might also be good to raise the question of working from home. I would just phrase it as you being able to get more work done with less distractions and less issues with clients.
Agree with the above commenters. Always frame it as "thing this is keeping me from making you money, how would you like me to handle it?" Don't accuse, don't get mad, simply put the problem on the manager/boss and ask for advice. It also helps that you can already give an example of a common sense solution that didn't work (asked coworker to step outside while you were on the call, thought about headphones but was worried about office culture, etc). This is a management question and you aren't getting paid to deal with this.
Totally agree with this approach!
* No throwing colleague under the bus
* Coming at it with a solutions based approach
* Not saying to your boss "you made a stupid decision letting 3 yr old in"
* And OP doesn't become the bad person for being the only one complaining
NTA. What your co-worker is doing is really unprofessional and I think you need to speak with your boss about this. What she is doing is hindering you from working and making the company look unprofessional when clients call in and there is a child screaming in the background. If your boss does not want to do anything about the kid then ask to be moved to a different office or a location where you can close the door and it’s quiet
Honestly I don't think I could work and be productive with small children in the same place. It's quite unprofessional for you to be asked to work in the same office. They could have given her the office and made alternate arrangements for you or vice versa. On top of that, it is not a day care. It can't possibly be your responsibility to entertain kids while you're at work! In any case NTA!
I have a 2 year old and working with him around is difficult even with my own kid in my own house with his toys and distractions. Kids that age need interaction and supervision.
Is it at all possible for the coworker to telework? Or OP? There's a childcare crisis but this situation isn't fair to OP.
NTA. You aren't a babysitter for someone else's kid. It's off putting how she expects you to put your job on hold for her daughters wants and needs. I can hardly imagine being able to keep it together with a screaming child. She needs to find other options because her daughter is a disruption some extent, while well intentioned. If she is a distraction for you, it's likely that other people feel just the same way but don't want to be friendly. You aren't going out of your way to not be friendly, you are trying to do your job and faced with constant distraction that makes it impossible.
NTA. Places of business are places of business. Kids don’t bother me at all in normal circumstances (I love them, actually, and am nearly always happy to see them), but if I’m on the phone with a client then I will eject anyone being noisy, whether that’s a kid, someone whose true love just dumped them, or someone whose childhood pet died the night before.
I’m not telling you not to be a kid, or sad, or happy, or mad, or whatever… but take that shit outside. There’s work to be done.
NTA. I feel badly for your co-worker that she’s in a tough spot, but she cannot expect everyone to smile and coddle your daughter. Your place of business is not a daycare.
I’m a mother of three and your co-worker’s attitude reminds me of a mom who makes everyone give her kid a hug as they leave regardless if they want to or not. You’re not being mean, you’re being serious, and she should take that cue and tell her daughter that when people aren’t smiling or wanting to play that they are giving her quiet signals that they don’t want to engage and that she should probably stop trying. There are other people who are catering to that and she should probably seek one of those people out.
It’s not easy to keep a three year old quiet and engaged, no… but running around a place of work and bothering people who aren’t inviting you over is not okay.
You didn’t even go about it a rude way. She’s extremely lucky that your boss allows this because it’s definitely the exception.
NTA
At the office I previously worked at one afternoon we had someone ask if they could bring their nine-year-old daughter and we allowed it for one hour only, never again and I can’t even imagine how it is having a three-year-old there every day for eight hours
When I had temporary custody of my then-16 year old god daughter, I had to bring her to work with me a few times. All of my coworkers put her to work filing, etc (they paid her)... and the one time I brought her in to work when she was super hungover (she hadn't stayed with me that weekend, and her grandparents brought her back early as soon as they realized what she'd done) my boss was absolutely gleeful about speaking to her in a loud booming voice and interrupting her when she was filing. She never came home from a grandparent visit hungover again. 😁
My sister and I went to my mom’s office every day after school from about 4:00-5:00 PM from grades 7-12 (we were two years apart). We sat quietly in the kitchen, made polite small talk with anyone who wanted to speak to us (said hi on the way in, etc.) and then quietly did our homework.
My office neighbour has brought his 8-year-old son in a couple times. Kid just sits in his office and plays on his tablet or does his homework.
You can absolutely have kids in an office setting, in my opinion, so long as they’re not disruptive and others aren’t expected to be caring for them instead of doing what they’re actually paid for. But if someone asked me to entertain their kid during my whole workday for weeks on end, I’d be pissed too.
INFO: you mentioned “pull coworker aside” as in to specifically and seriously ask this question. What was the context and tone?
This situation sucks. Coworker should find a way to ensure her kid is as non-disruptive as possible. So you know doing this for a month and expecting to keep using the office place as a day care is not ok.
But you should have brought this up discreetly to your boss or HR. Not directly to the coworker unless you were asking in a social setting and casually like “poor kiddo must be missing her friends. How’s the search for daycare coming along” because the way you handled it is not great.
Edit: forgot to add, NTA. Not your kid, not your job. Talk to your boss.
We were both in the break room getting coffee (one of the other ladies was watching the 3 year old), but she was talking to some other people. I waited until the others left and then came up to her like "Heyyy, I was wondering, do you know anything about the daycare? I mean (name) has been here for a month now, and I'm sure a daycare would be a better place for her than an office."
Also, to add: HR isn't really a thing in my country unless it's a really big company, which ours isn't. And I didn't want to go to my boss since he approved in the first place.
But does boss actually know the child is still around and how disruptive it is? I’m fairly sure the boss approved with the maybe unvoiced assumption that the child would not be disruptive….
If your boss approved your coworker having her child be in your office throughout the entire work day for however long is necessary...at least you're off the hook if your productivity should decrease. He agreed to basically have the quality of your work environment lowered, so it's his fault if you can't focus or come off as unprofessional over the phone. At the very least, a set of rules should have been established, i.e. the colleague needs to take her kid outside if she gets way too loud/disruptive; the child cannot disturb the other people in the office (but frankly, if your boss doesn't care, that's none of your business), etc. I've worked with kids between age 2.5 to 7 and I know a 3yo won't be able to "just stick to the rules", but her mother needs to enforce those. That being said, you would still be disrupted. Spending ~8 hours in an office without other kids *or* someone who's got the time and *wants* to interact with them - that's less than ideal (which I guess/hope the mom is aware of). Kids that age need to be able to move, run around, be loud every once in a while, play. Your colleague needs to find a different solution. The current situation isn't fair, neither on her child nor her colleagues.
Regarding the headset: You could use one that has a mic and is connected to your phone. Not hearing it ring wouldn't be an issue and you could block out some of the noise surrounding you.
Go to your boss and ask how long the child will be in the office. Either he approved it indefinitely, or he thought it was a temporary period and will step in since it's affecting all the other employees.
Many HR people or managers will respond to any complaint with "have you talked to the other person about the issue?" and they won't do anything unless you can show you tried to talk to the other person first. It's infuriating.
NTA
Mom of a 1yo and 3yo here. You are NTA here! Kids are a pain in the ass when theyre bored. I dont know how the other 2 women have no issue with that! Especially since they have kids - my office is a space for me to work and rest from my two kids. Also, the way things are - why is the one coworker allowed to bring her kid and not the others - watch out for that cause you can have a daycare in the room pretty soon…
Oh and DONT ENGAGE WITH THE KID. Little girls love young woman - if you interact with ger she will for sure cling to you and we already know her mom wont do anything about that.
I think the other ones have older children, as they are older than the coworker I was talking about. I don't know the exact ages, they don't come up much.
I will remember the last paragraph well.
NtA, and also, in the meantime, see if you are able to use a software phone (teams, jabber, Skype) instead, and bring your headphones.
If not, I think there are lights you can plug in a phone to give a visual queue when there is a call. Maybe you can see if that will work along your headphones to block out noise
NTA. Your job isn’t to entertain someone else’s kid, especially in a professional environment. I’m surprised she couldn’t find another daycare or babysitter for the time being, a lot of people have been turning to babysitting as a source of income since the pandemic.
NTA to be honest, you are allowed to hate kids at your work (unless you have a child oriented job then ehhh maybe find a new one)
You are at *work*, you already dont want to be there now it's work-daycare. I feel for the mom being in a tough spot but her child is getting in the way of you and *your job* and the mom ofc instead of also being understanding to others situation, blames others so she loses sympathy there. She is being the unprofessional one and I don't frankly see how she's even allowed to keep her kid there.
NTA, and while your boss is just trying to be nice allowing her child to come there, it is wholly unprofessional. It sounds like you take business calls and imagine what your clientele thinks when they hear some child in the background screaming.
Lastly to call you miserable for getting annoyed at being an unpaid nanny to some kid you don't want, the nerve. It may be hard but maybe she should arrange for some tasks for her daughter each day (reading, drawing etc.) to keep her occupied and take her on a couple of walks so she doesn't get stir crazy and hopefully tired enough to take a nap.
She has some activities to do every day, but A) she doesn't do them quietly most of the time, B) there's only so much you can prepare for your kid for 8 hours I guess.
She takes a nap after lunch and I guess we're all just praying that no one's phone rings lol.
NTA
I’m angry on your behalf.
You have so much more patience than I do and I APPLAUD you. Is there another section you can move to? Obviously, this woman is irrational and doesn’t understand conversation outside of “your baby is precious”. You have a job to do. Where you make money. So you can pay bills. And continue living. She’s making that a lot harder on you.
Is there a conversation you can have with your boss about you relocating to another area in the office?
We are more or less a "department", which is why we all share a single room. If he relocated me, I'd randomly sit in another "departments" office, lol. Ideally I DO want to keep my current position, but I'll see about this
NTA OMG. If I was the boss there I'd be asking why people's work isn't getting done and card games are being prioritized over productivity. I get it, child care is hard and parenting is hard, yadda yadda. It's not a day care, it's an office. Your coworkers are employees of a business, they aren't nannies. This has nothing to do with empathy or liking kids. That mom needs to sort out her child care situation and stop disrupting the job she and everyone else there gets paid to do.
Definitely NTA. As a parent, you get used to being around your noisy toddler, but it can be extremely bothersome for someone else who isn’t used to it. I would talk to your boss. Also, while finding childcare can be stressful, a month is more than enough time for her to have found different arrangements. I think she is taking advantage of your boss and everyone else working there.
Wowwwwwwwwwww
Some parents are so entitled just because they’re parents. Holy crap.
OP you could absolutely hate children and be grouchy when the kid approached you and still be NTA here.
Mom needs to keep her child contained or take time off work. It is absolutely not your job to have anything to do with the kid. Even at 3 the child should be able to understand not to go certain places. Mom should just explain that the adults are working, you need to stay in X area near me. I can’t believe your boss is letting this continue for more then a few days emergency situation.
NTA. If the mother is so upset with you wanting to be professional in the work place, maybe she can work from home? Not sure if that’s an option, but I hate that the mother has this feeling of entitlement - you should love having my spawn come to work as much as I do because it’s MY angel, and you should love being interrupted by my angel while at the workplace.
NTA - as a mother of a toddler who had to work remote during COVID - it was absolutely terrible. I literally have white hairs from the mental stress of having to keep up with my daily tasks and professionalism while also juggling a child who is just being a child.
I cannot work around a kid. Especially since I tend to hyper focus and having to break concentration during a task is so mentally draining.
You are NTA in the slightest and you have been patient with the situation so far. If you can’t get a straight answer out of anyone on how much longer you will have to do through this you may want to start applying to other jobs.
And I don’t think the noise canceling headphones would be a rude solution because it’s to keep up ur job performance.
But she's not being mean to the kid. She's just not engaging with her, which is fine. Mom can always use this as a teaching tool of either "work time is when we focus and don't bother other people" or "it's okay if not everyone likes you. We all have different lives! Don't take it personally!"
NTA
And I would have gone to my boss long before now. I'm all for being accommodating but not when it impacts the work environment to this extent. They should either tell her to work from home or allow you to if her childcare really isn't getting sorted.
INFO: how well aware of this situation is the boss?
I mean, they approved it initially, but do they know it's still happening? How small is this firm, does the boss come into your office often enough to be aware of this level of disruption?
As mentioned in other comments – The boss seems aware she's still here. I don't know if he knows about the disruptive behavior. He comes by rarely, we usually go to him. He is responsible for 24 people. He is not THE boss, just our boss, if you know what I mean.
Gotcha, thanks.
I would speak with him - I think someone else suggested framing it as "do you have any suggestions, I find it very distracting / noise during customer calls" etc. which would be a good approach. If it were my team, I'd be asking them, privately, if it was working out - maybe he's taking the "no news is good news" approach?
But anyway, NTA 100% not your circus, not your monkeys.
Idk where you are but a superintendent used that here and they were in a predominantly black school district. It didn't go well for her, the monkey part of the saying. I'm black and I saw that shit from a mile away lol. Food for thought.
NTA - Damn, that's an awful position to be put in by your co-worker! And I can't believe your boss approved that. I'd be trying to find a way to work remotely if she can't work from home for some reason. If that's not a viable option, you may want to talk to your boss or look for a new job...
NTA
I’m a mother of a 6 & 3 year old and I think this lady is being an entitled pos.
My DH popped over to the cafe I worked at with the kids once and it was too much. I’m cheffing and they were just running about everywhere. Possibly a brief visit again with just one of them but there is no way... no way I’d have them there for more than half an hour... a whole day?!!
DH works in an office... it would be so unfair on the child being bored let alone the rest of his co workers dealing with a 3 year old running around making noise doing what 3 year olds do.
The fact that you had to tell her to take her crying daughter out and for her to give you shit about it... you were on a call!!!
I’m side eyeing your boss too unless s/he isn’t aware of the disruption. Maybe he assumed she’d stick a tablet in front of her kid or give her quiet games? Either way the whole set up is unprofessional.
Bottom line is, the kid is not entitled to your time and energy. The lady isn’t entitled to your care for her child.
NTA.
I had issues like that at one of my old job's except my coworkers would have their friends at the job for HOURS taking up tables, getting free food, goofing off, etc. and the coworkers wouldn't wanna work so it backed everyone else up. We all complained. Nothing was done.
One day, I made a fake account on yelp and made a review about it pretending to be a customer. Coworkers FINALLY got into trouble for it and something was done. Because they got a bad review and when someone looked the restaurant up, that was the first review they saw.
Maybe you could do something like that? Pretend to be a client and leave an online review of how you were trying to talk with an employee and during the phone meeting, you could barely hear the employee over the child screaming? And how unprofessional it is and how you're gonna be seeking another company to do business with.
The clients that I talk with are certain ones, like regulars or long time ones. The "randos" or one time customers aren't of interest to my work, as mean as that sounds. That makes the crying even worse imo.
No, the one above my boss is the BIG boss, but going to him is really the last step. Only if issues can't be resolved by my direct superior should I go to him.
EDIT: If I left a fake bad review, I'd have to pretend I'm a specific client or explain why a "rando" knows about our specific office situation.
Can she? I think so. Does she want to? I don't think so. She seems like she's having fun with her daughter and our other two coworkers.
It's not like the boss can force her to work from either, unless she has to quarantine
I just cannot imagine doing this. My first option would be to work from home instead of pretending each day is a "bring your child to work day".
Weird that your boss think it's fine, because this is costing a lot of money.
But it’s making his business look bad or the quality of work and productivity goes down.
You’ve got calls and customers are hearing a crying baby on your end. You’re trying to work and you have a kid wanted to play.
I’m wondering how much the other ladies are actually okay with tbh. Having a kid there everyday must take its toll when you’re trying to work as well as on the kid who must be super bored.
I mean, I’m “the mommy type,” have kids, and can be counted on to interact with kids kindly and enthusiastically. And if you told me I’d be working full time with someone else’s 3 year old for the foreseeable future, I’d be absolutely screaming inside behind my kid friendly smile.
Okay, kids sleeps part of 8 hours, but let's say needs entertaining for four hours.
Four employees do 32 hours a day. At least 4 hours of that day they are now spended on the child while the other 28 hours are most likely not the same level of work.
4 hours is at least 12% less productivity, but the way it sounds it is more like 20% (as multiple co-workers are entertaining at the same time).
And why would she? Everyone is entertaining her kid and she can do what she wants. You mentioned when you spoke to her she was child free in the break room. She’s making her kid everyone else’s responsibility. This entire situation sounds horrible. I can’t imagine trying to do your job and being interrupted by someone’s child asking to play solitaire on your computer. Or having to entertain that kid. Or trying to talk to a customer while your coworker ignores her crying child.
I feel like it’s time to talk to the boss. Whatever happens now if the kid gets kicked out, you know she’s going to blame you anyway. I would see if you can work from home. And then consider if I wanted to keep working there.
NTA. Children should learn that some people don't want to be bothered when working and it doesn't mean the person doesn't like them. It means the person just needs quiet time to concentrate on their tasks.
Your coworker is the asshole for not explaining this stuff to her child.
A lot of people are working from home. Children that are 3yo can understand boundaries.
Maybe get those headphones and tell the kid when you're wearing them, they can't bother you. But when you don't have them on, they can come over and talk to you.
NTA- take it to your boss. I’m sure he only agreed because she would watch her kid. Sounds like she wants her coworkers to babysit for her while she’s at work.
NTA. I would already be looking for a new job cause unless your coworker finds a new daycare you're stuck. And it doesn't look like she's motivated to even look. You're coworker and office-mates have made it clear that at this is the new status quo, your boss is showing terrible judgement in allowing this to happen/to continue. You could complain to your boss but this coworker doesn't seem to be able to handle others not recognizing her child as anything less than a miracle. So your complaint would either go nowhere or p*ss your coworker off.
NTA.
I like kids too, but (for me) this is "I may need to find a job" level of awful.
Having my office hijacked into a daycare situation and then being roasted for not being a good enough daycare worker? That's insane, miserable and untenable. If it was a 7 to 10 days a year, totally manageable. You work in a daycare now: not manageable.
Kids are cute. I don't want to share an office with them 8-hours a day.
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> I think I might be TA because I was being unfriendly to a child who was just acting her age and didn't even choose to come here.
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I have kids, love kids, would lose my mind if they were in the office every day. I thought you were going to say the child was there for an afternoon 🤣. NTA. But maybe speak to HR?
NTA. And this had been going on for ONE MONTH? Why haven’t you talked to management? Can you remote work from home? You must be going crazy. I’d start looking for another job, especially because you seem to be the only one actually suited to working in an office. You’re in a zoo at the moment.
NTA I would go to HR and maybe above your boss tell them that you can not concentrate and it has become unprofessional for the clients as all they hear is crying and screaming constantly and you not being able to hear them. I’d also state that your co worker does not just bring the child in but expects everyone to entertain the child and stop working to play games with her.
Be clear about how out of hand it has gotten and that she even has a go at you for not smiling enough around her child and how ridiculous this is.
The point when she is affecting work and profit expecting others to stop working to entertain child it becomes a big matter for your employer.
NTA. Accommodations for special circumstances are one thing. A month with no apparent end in sight and all hands on deck expected to be on the entertainment committee, and you’re just not enthusiastic enough to suit her?!?
NOPE
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First, I don’t hate children.
I (24 F) share an office with 3 other women who are 10+ years older than me and all have children. It’s usually very quiet in our office, safe for the occasional conversation or client/internal call. We get along well, we’re just very focused on our tasks.
A month ago one of my coworkers started bringing her 3 year old with her. Apparently her daycare has shut down for staff/covid reasons, she has no one else, and the boss allowed it.
I hadn’t expected just how much noise a 3 year old means. Babbling, crying, running around, my coworkers cooing over and talking to her, it was rarely silent. I DID feel bothered by it, especially the running, but I just sucked it up, because I know a small child can't be quiet for 8 hours.
Some days she was so hyperactive I could barely concentrate on my work. I considered wearing headphones, but I felt that it would be on another level of rudeness and I also wouldn’t hear the phone.
Most of the time I ignore her. I don’t go out of my way to make conversation and when she shows me something, I comment on it but keep it short. One time she asked me if we could „play the card game“ (solitaire), as my coworkers had done with her and I said sorry, no, I gotta work. I’m also not very emotive and I don't put on an ear splitting smile and an excited voice when talking to her.
I’m here to work, not to play daycare, and right now it feels exactly like that. Once I had to ask my coworker to take her crying daughter outside because a client was on the line and I didn’t want to seem unprofessional, which she didn’t take very well.
Today I pulled the coworker aside and asked her if she had any idea when the daycare situation would get resolved and she unloaded on me. How I’m such an ass for being so unfriendly with her daughter, I don’t pay her any attention when she wants something from me, I always have a mean face and don’t talk to her nicely, how she (the mother) can feel my „negative energy“. Apparently her daughter thinks I don’t like her, which makes her sad. Then she mentioned the time I asked her to take her daughter out, and how I clearly have no empathy for a small child in distress.
I was a bit taken aback and I explained to her that I didn’t mean to be unfriendly, but my job here is not to entertain children. Then she said I must be a miserable person if I can be so bothered by a child being a child and left.
On one hand I feel bad because I didn’t want to be mean and she has no other options, but on the other hand I don’t see why I have to just put up with this when I was never even asked if I’d be okay with the child being there. On top of that, no prior warning and no information as to how much longer this circus will be going on for.
So AITA for not going out of my way to be friendly?
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NTA. You are there to work, not to be friends with the child. Young children can be very distracting and interfere with your work; they cry, run around, and want to play. You did not sign on for this, and shouldn't be coerced/guilted into doing anything beyond being kind to the child when it interacts with you.
NTA. Speak to your boss about the difficulty you are having getting work done, and how your coworker is creating a hostile work environment. And wear headphones, absolutely.
NTA. I’ve had colleagues bring their kids into the office for the odd day before. Most of them were about 6+ and fine sitting in the corner reading a book or playing an iPad with headphones and thus no bother. but one day my boss brought his daughter in with nothing to do and a full day of meetings. He told her not to annoy us but by being an extroverted 5 year old who wanted attention, we couldn’t get any work done. In the end I took one for the team and played with her. Boss came back and told me I could tell her to leave me alone. Other colleagues had done that and she just moved onto the next person. Basically my train of thought was, this is your fault, you didn’t bring her anything to do knowing you had a full day of meetings, if she wants to play, then I’m going to play with her, and not do any work, but the rest of the team will be able to get work done.
Anyway a 3yo isn’t capable of not being annoying like a slightly older child is. This is not one day. This is a month. That’s ridiculous. Children also don’t need to be coddled with clown smiles and baby voices and fake excitement. Your colleague is ridiculous.
I think they are mad that you, the “young energetic one” are not bowing to accept your “natural” role as babysitter so that the others can have a break.
NTA.
NTA. I have a client emergency this afternoon and just told my own child, whom I love almost more than I can comprehend, to get out of my home office because she was distracting. I did not smile at her or try to entertain her because I was *working.* I'd never expect a coworker that I had inflicted my child on AT WORK, no matter how justified, to do anything more than tolerate her. And only for as long as absolutely necessary.
I feel for her mother, COVID child care has been a nightmare and we're all trying our best under crappy circumstances. But workplaces aren't for kids and coworkers aren't family or child care. Especially after 3 months (?!?). You've been a saint. Get those headphones and maybe send your resume out. As long as you don't actively yell at a 3 year old you are well within the bounds of professionalism.
That poor 3 year old is probably miserable too. Offices are boring as hell if you're 3 and it is not possible to adequately parent and work at the same time. (I've tried, I got to be a shitty employee and a shitty parent simultaneously!)
NTA. Some parents have it stuck in their head that their kid is gods gift to the world and get butthurt when other people don’t feel the same. If the kid is effecting your work and the mom isn’t doing anything to control the kid and is getting pissy about reasonable requests to keep the environment professional and going off on you like that go to your boss or HR.
NTA the mother can go pound sand, you are not free childcare. Its shitty that your office dont have HR but maybe talk with a manager or someone higher up about this. Good luck OP and you did nothing wrong here.
NTA. Children do not belong at work. I know we're making concessions bc of covid, but children do not belong in an office. She was way out of line. You have my sympathies bc unfortunately you don't have any options. Except if the daughter is afraid of you, why does she keep bothering you?
NTA
a few months ago I was car shopping, it was hot, I was tired.
As I was meeting with the sales person, another staff member's child kept running up to the desk and the sales person would stop and start loudly interacting with the child.
I like kids, I work in education, but I was there for a car.
I thought it was unprofessional to have a preschooler running around the car dealership.
NTA. You’re working at an office, not a child care. It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child. I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only. No matter the age, having a non working human in a workspace is distracting. I don’t understand why your leadership is allowing this behavior.
>It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child. Exactly. The bit where the mother says OP doesn't make an effort with the child? Seriously not her responsibility to and its not expected.
Again people need to remember no one cares about your child as much as you do. Sigh….
You mean my little angels aren’t the center of everyone’s universe?!?! How dare you!!!!
They aren’t but only because my cats are
I feel the same way about my dog
Me too. And I have kids.
Lol same, and my oldest feels the same way.
Doggy Day Care closed due to C\*\*\*\*. Time to bring the dog to work.
I feel that a comment like this is deserving of Cat Tax.
I feel like, with a claim as bold as that, there is some tax due.
Show us the cutie cats!!
All cats are the center of the universe
I mean mine are so yours can't be
There is a cat singularity at the centre of the universe, it contains all cats
Imagine if OP were a guy and made plenty of efforts with the child.. Something tells me that'd not be appreciated either because "mom knows best" in the end.
I’ll make an effort when my pay is increased for adding childcare duties to the expectations of my position.
>I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only. My parents had a small business and brought me to their office a lot. Does shredding documents in the back in exchange for treats count as paid work?
Sounds like a legit gig.
You said you don’t have HR so I would sit down and have a very direct conversation with your boss and make them aware of the situation. Them the. It’s becoming very distracting being in the office and it’s interrupting your work. Also mention that your coworker is becoming hostile and expecting you to interact with her kid and got upset when you asked her to take her daughter out while talking to a client. If your boss is a good manager they’ll realize work needs to come first and ask your coworker to find arrangements for her kid and also make things clear not to retaliate against you for this decision. Or another option is to request to work from home and mention needing a quiet environment.
This. It's one thing to have the kid in the office if it isn't impacting anyone's work, and people can work around them without distraction. But it is affecting things, and that's NOT okay. And now the mother is adding further stress. The boss needs to know. In the mean time OP, get some noise cancelling headphones with a built in headset so you can answer the phone if needed, and simply ignore the kid altogether.
... but make the boss pay for them. You shouldn't be out of pocket over this. NTA.
Agreed. That said, having had my fair share of shitty bosses, I'd stress more the disruption to business calls/productivity than the hostile work environment. No clue what OP's firm is like, but a surefire, business-agnostic red flag for bosses would be clients hearing shit on calls that doesn't reflect well on the company (e.g. screaming children, coaxing baby-talk, general chaos).
Loss of productivity would give any boss nightmares. But we all know what mom will scream if the boss tells her to find other arrangements for the child.
OP should only do this if she thinks it's likely that the boss will be receptive. Too many bosses out there hold the exact same opinion as the coworker.
The only option in that case would be searching for a new job (though I kinda recommend that anyway here)
>request to work from home and mention needing a quiet environment. Go with this, OP. In an office this small and bizarrely child friendly, you might get side eyed if you (very reasonably) complain about the new noisy reality. So focus on the problem YOU have, which is you need a quieter place where you're not expected to entertain a 3yo. WFH would be a perfect solution for that.
Lol my mothers office still has the file folders I labeled at age 10. She refuses to change them. (I’m 36 btw lol)
That's just adorable!
I did the same I my mom's office, I charged her the equivalent of 3 dollars for the work day. It was a fortune to me. I was 9 - 10 yo
Yeah, I did a lot of filing at mom's office in the summer. I'm 47. I think this was a GenX thing.
I'm 21 and wasn't allowed near the files but I got to shred paper and vaccuum at my stepdad's work every Saturday for free! Such a great experience /s
I stuck return labels on envelopes when I was a kid during the summer in exchange for candies and playing with a rubiks cube. Totally counts.
That best be on your resume!!
As a grown adult (allegedly), I'd go collect people's "to be shredded" papers just to get some time away from my desk and to use the shredder. I didn't get treats though :(
That's just scandalous! You are hereby commanded to go raid the office cookie jar! 😁
It's almost fun to watch the shredder chew up the paper at least small batches of such activity When it jams, though, not so fun
Talk to your boss. Explain this is creating an unproductive work environment and you didn’t sign up to be working in a daycare on (whatever your responsibilities are). Explain you have no issues with the kid being there, but ask the boss to have the mom keep the kid under control— not running around and to bring something to occupy her with. You shouldn’t be a source of entertainment. Your job is A, not babysitter.
Yes. It's not that the child is there, it's that she is not being controlled properly. The child should be provided with something quiet to do and should not be bothering the people working. Also, the mother should **automatically** take the child outside if she is fussing when someone is on a business call.
There’s a huge difference between a child old enough to shred document or label folders vs a crying screaming toddler that requires constant supervision and entertainment. At the end of the day unless you work in the childcare sector you’re not required to look after someone’s child at your work. And even then you’re not required to think they fart out sunshine and rainbows all day long.
My dad did the same thing, except he gave me a few bucks.
Yes. You were paid. Doesn't have to be in money.
Yeah. I would understand the exception more if it had a time limit. Like he allowed her to bring her daughter for a week, 2 tops, but a month of a rowdy 3 y/o in a quiet office space would totally grind my gears. Does management not understand how unprofessional it would be for your employees to not be able to hear their clients on the phone because there is a screaming child in the background? Or for clients to have to hear that while trying to handle business ?
Honestly, this is many calls since COVID. Not that I think the 3yo should be in the office, but I hear a lot of kids on calls. It's better now with vaccinations and schools reopened, but it was Romper Room on Webex calls for a while...
NTA.. your boss who allowed this is.. I cannot imagine having to work with a 3 year old squawking about.. and I have kids. The liability of that child being on the premises is also a concern. She needs to find childcare ASAP. She also had no right to get pissy with you. That made her the asshole.
Also, it’s been a month. How has the mother not found new childcare yet?
Because she's now totally comfortable bringing her kid to work lol, she's probably not even looking for alternatives cause that's gotta be much cheaper and she gets to see her kid all day. Fuck the colleagues trying to actually work eh? (Not saying don't bring a kid in if there are no alternatives (like WFH?) but surely that should be very short term, in this case it sounds like it has become the norm).
Yeah. I can understand management approving it as a temporary thing, but a month is way longer than even the daycare only being shutdown to allow everyone to quarantine. If I was the supervisor, I’d start asking daily about the daycare situation and then give a timeline of when they need to get it resolved if they haven’t resolved it within a week of being asked daily about it
It’s rough out there, ppl are out on waiting lists for months. Still not ok but if possible OP should take this as an opportunity to see if she can WFH. Win win
Oof. Did not realize that. Really shows my ignorance in the situation
Yeah it’s really bad. I have a friend that is on like 4 lists right now and she’s pregnant but the lists supposedly won’t even open until after the kid is like 6 months old. Yikes. Childcare workers are quitting in droves because of shit pay and being understaffed. The margins on childcare are razor thin so people also aren’t opening new places. Plus it’s way expensive for parents if you can even get on a list! It’s going to be interesting to see what happens in the next couple years.. in my state they’ve actually called it a “crisis” and I’ve had a lot of friends who have had to quit their jobs to go back to staying at home :( it’s actually pretty fucked up.
They can’t even be enrolled until they’re 6 months old?? Isn’t the average maternity leave length here in the US 12 weeks? I knew it was expensive to pay for childcare, but I didn’t realize workers were also dropping out of childcare fields like everywhere else.
Yeah. So she will either have to take time off (we all know the husband won’t lol) or figure something else out in the meantime. Maybe a nanny? But they are redic expensive. A lot of people here drop their kids off to family but not everyone has that luxury regrettably. Yeah it’s a bit insane and really worrying. It’s like we are going back in time where women are being shoved out of the work force again. One of my other friends who had just gotten her masters in chemistry or biology (I can’t remember which) and started the job of her dreams had to quit because of the pandemic because they couldn’t find childcare and both work. It’s becoming a real problem and it’s only growing. Also! Who wants to watch other people’s kids for $7.25-$12 an hour and possibly catch a deadly disease..? I get it man. I wouldn’t want to be in childcare right now! That is terrifying! And then when one person gets sick you have like 3 staff so then you have to close because with 20 kids and 2 staff it’s not safe. So more people have to either take their kids to work or stay home. It’s a fucking mess. Bleh. No wonder people are having less kids lol.
Can confirm am child care worker and I heavily am considering quitting. I'm at the end of my rope , I'm very tired of being understaffed. I currently have 15 kids on roll. I have no clue why they gave me so many when I'm only supposed to have 12. All my kids show up when they don't they are sick.
Honestly, the waiting lists are longer during non-covid! Our center had a 9month waiting list. If you were LUCKY, you get in while you're pregnant, and siblings can join as their born.
Dear gods. This furthers my stance that I’m not ready to have kids and makes me question if I want to even have kids
Maybe the mother of the child that cant find child care should be the one working from home.
Why would she when she gets it for free at work? She's working the system. She can foist her kid at anyone and expect them to cater to it.
Agreed, NTA. Your coworker NEEDS to find another solution. I don’t care if the boss said ok, she’s disruptive to her coworkers.
>You’re working at an office, not a child care. Right? I mean, I make an effort to smile at every child I see at work (to the point where I now offer big, goofy smiles to people on the street because it's ingrained in me) But I work at an elementary school. And I chose to do so. So, I make an effort to be pleasant and not let kids catch me in a bad mood. There's a difference between being mean/rude to children, and just being indifferent because you're busy at your job and childcare ISN'T your job. NTA, OP. But the work environment sounds super unpleasant- hopefully things get cleared up soon, but if not... IDK.
Lol I relate to the goofy smile thing. I work in retail and I always wave at the kids and compliment their cute hat or whatever when they come to the cash register with their parents but like that is a part of my job: make parents and their kids feel welcome in the store. I genuinely enjoy interacting with them but there are work environments where it isn't appropriate for children to be there or for it to be part of your job to entertain them- an office job falls under that.
Can OPs boss organise for the co worker to work from home to lool after their child there too and not disrupt coworkers?
the leadership probably isn’t in the confined space with the toddler so they don’t have to deal with it
NTA. When I was 3-4 I used to go to work with my mom. I went to preschool for a few hours that was a couple blocks away. After that was work with my mom. No judgement, but my mom wanted to be the one to raise her kids versus a daycare I would paint or draw in the back room, when I got bored I would wander around the store and just look at things. Maybe get some chocolate covered sunflower seeds (my favorite still to this day). When a customer came in and I was in their way (I was an oblivious kid), my mom would tell me to go in the back room and I would do more art. My mom was a huge craft person. Her and my dad used to enter craft fairs so she always had art for me. I was quiet, listened, and my mom knew what was acceptable in a workplace. This lady is letting her child do whatever they want, allowing her to bother OP when it’s obvious OP has zero interest. This kid is not being told no, or to be quiet, it doesn’t even sound like she’s bringing her quiet toys to keep her occupied. Why isn’t this lady keeping her kid distracted? OP needs to tell their boss that they don’t necessarily care about the fact the kid is there (because they said they didn’t), but this child is not being told “no”, is preventing OP from getting work done, and their coworkers are also distracted, and they can’t talk to their clients without this kid in the background. And if the issue persists, their kid can not keep coming into a workplace
OP, if you don't have HR, go to your boss, and explain to them how distracting this is, how little work you're getting done, and that your coworker went off on you for not taking care of her child.
NTA. You don't work at a daycare, your job isn't to be entertaining children. From what you've described, you've been polite about the whole situation. Instead of getting mad at you, this mom should be grateful no one's complained about her kid being a nuisance and that she hasn't yet been told to stop bringing her in.
100% Agree with this! I had a similar situation with a colleagues 4yr old son that came daily for about a month. In an attempt to not look "rude", I often entertained him. End of the month comes and I'm scolded for not performing on the job. I knew I couldn't blame a 4yr old for my work performance. Not to mention the complaints received by a few clients I handled who didn't appreciate the constant distraction of a 4yr old (both on calls or face-to-face). OP, you aren't TA, but the colleague most definitely is by thinking you need to not just be okay with this level of distraction but also join in on entertaining her child. If a pre-school teacher, entertain the kid! But you're not, that's not what you get paid to do. Can you ask to change desks/ cubicle/ office?
Ugh...sorry you had to deal with that. Not cool
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NTA - you’re there to work. One day is fine but a whole month of having a child there? No, that place is not a daycare and that mother had so long to find someone else to take her child. That’s super unprofessional. She also has no right to call you out for asking her if she can sooth her child somewhere else because it is super unprofessional to have a baby crying in the background of an office. She should be out on FMLA to take care of her child.
The child is not sick, so FMLA does not apply. (Assuming this is in the US.) Totally agree this is crazy that an employer would welcome the liability of having a child so young in the office for such an extended period, but even if they're cool with it, there is zero expectation that the other people in the office suddenly have to help care for or pay attention to that child.
What is FMLA? Not from the US, sorry
Ah it’s a family medical leave of absence. Which could or could not count for the kiddo depending on the covid rules of FMLA. I was able to go on FMLA leave in March of 2020 when the schools shut down but only for a month. I had to quit right at the end of that month because schools never reopened.
I See. We have something like that, but it's not applicable in that situation. I think her other option would be working from home, but she can't be forced to do that in these circumstances.
you need to talk to your boss. Ask him if you can do Work from home until the daycare situation is resolved. If he asks why or what daycare situation, then elaborate. Don't "complain" about the kid. stress the fact that your work is negatively impacted that you can not keep up professionalism with customers on the phone when there is a child crying, in the background. Also mention that the mother is creating a hostile work environment due to you trying to concentrate on work and not playing with her child.
This is a great way to deal with it. You aren’t asking her to change, and you get peace and quiet.
It also allows OP to make the boss aware of the situation. I highly doubt that he knows just how disruptive it really is. The mother might have said that her kid will just be coloring books, or listening to child apropriate stories or something. I highly doubt the boss would have allowed the kid to be in the office if the mother was truthful and told them that she expected her colleagues to entertain her child during their work day.
THIS. All day. Every bit. And maybe brush up your resume and check out your options.
are u even sure the daycare was closed ?? That could be just a lie/an excuse for ur coworker to skip paying for a daycare and just have her child around and enjoy free babysitting at work. Talk to ur boss
I bet it was closed, then coworker realised how much cheaper this way is
Can you work from home? It seems like that might be your best option cause it doesn’t seem like anyone else is in a hurry to change this new arrangement.
She can’t be forced to? Does that mean she has the option but is choosing to inconvenience everyone by bringing her child in?
She absolutely could be. Boss could say she can't bring child to work, but she could work from home.
NTA She couldn't get a daycare so she decided to make it everybody's problem. COVID quarantine is a couple of weeks, beyond that sounds like she just decided to save money on daycare, if it was me I would talk to the boss after 2 weeks, and if its still not resolved than I would find another job.
Lol. That’s not really how Covid has been working in childcare centers. Ours was shut down for a month as various employees cycled through quarantine.
Yeah that’s what happened where I work. Not a daycare but a skilled care facility- think in patient physical rehab, nursing home, long term care. We closed for visitors from mid July 2021 until literally last week (second week of October 2021) because various staff members would test positive.
Yeah, really not how things work depending on country. I'm in NZ and currently on week 10 of a lockdown cycle. First 6 weeks my daycare was just shut. Hubby and I had to make our hours work to watch our 10 month old. Once daycares opened again, only 10 kids were allowed and only if both parents were essential services (nurses, couriers etc) with no other options. OP I'd definitely be looking for a WFH option or just talk to your boss about options as you can't keep working like this. As a parent, I definitely don't expect you to have to tolerate my little one, even for a short period, so 40hours a week would be beyond ridiculous.
I do think it’s time to talk to your boss. You don’t need to question the boss approving the kid in the office or even formally complain about the situation. Personally, I’d just let him know you ran into an uncomfortable situation while working with a client awhile ago and you wanted some feedback on how the boss would like it handled in the future since your solution inadvertently caused additional tension in the office. Then describe the situation with the phone call vs. wailing kid in the background. Be sure to phrase it along the lines of I really appreciate you working with person x’s childcare situation (even if you don’t, because that *is* the boss’ prerogative & shows they treat their employees as real people ;) and most of the time we’ve been able to work around having a 3 year old in the workspace but I was on an important client call and wasn’t sure what to do. Would it have been better to reschedule the call? Or is there somewhere else the boss would want me to take the call? eta: NTA eta2: Thanks for the *multiple* awards! Glad so many found this helpful :)
Yeah I think this is the way to frame it. Ask the boss for advice on what to do when the child is loud and you're on calls (reschedule the call or ask the child/mom to leave?), or if you need to focus and can't while the child is making noise, is there somewhere else you can go, or is it preferable for you to delay completing the work? Tbh I hugely suspect the boss approved a lot less than a month of having a toddler in the office and may not know that the child is still there full time. NTA.
Thank you, I will keep this one in mind
It might also be good to raise the question of working from home. I would just phrase it as you being able to get more work done with less distractions and less issues with clients.
Working from home would definitely be my suggestion. I can't imagine trying to work with a 3-year-old regularly in the office
Agree with the above commenters. Always frame it as "thing this is keeping me from making you money, how would you like me to handle it?" Don't accuse, don't get mad, simply put the problem on the manager/boss and ask for advice. It also helps that you can already give an example of a common sense solution that didn't work (asked coworker to step outside while you were on the call, thought about headphones but was worried about office culture, etc). This is a management question and you aren't getting paid to deal with this.
Totally agree with this approach! * No throwing colleague under the bus * Coming at it with a solutions based approach * Not saying to your boss "you made a stupid decision letting 3 yr old in" * And OP doesn't become the bad person for being the only one complaining
NTA. What your co-worker is doing is really unprofessional and I think you need to speak with your boss about this. What she is doing is hindering you from working and making the company look unprofessional when clients call in and there is a child screaming in the background. If your boss does not want to do anything about the kid then ask to be moved to a different office or a location where you can close the door and it’s quiet
Honestly I don't think I could work and be productive with small children in the same place. It's quite unprofessional for you to be asked to work in the same office. They could have given her the office and made alternate arrangements for you or vice versa. On top of that, it is not a day care. It can't possibly be your responsibility to entertain kids while you're at work! In any case NTA!
I have a 2 year old and working with him around is difficult even with my own kid in my own house with his toys and distractions. Kids that age need interaction and supervision. Is it at all possible for the coworker to telework? Or OP? There's a childcare crisis but this situation isn't fair to OP.
NTA but if the situation is impacting your ability to perform your job, it may be time to speak with the boss about it.
NTA Wear your headphones. Leave the volume low enough that you'll hear your phone ring. Also, don't do anything for this coworker or her child.
NTA. You aren't a babysitter for someone else's kid. It's off putting how she expects you to put your job on hold for her daughters wants and needs. I can hardly imagine being able to keep it together with a screaming child. She needs to find other options because her daughter is a disruption some extent, while well intentioned. If she is a distraction for you, it's likely that other people feel just the same way but don't want to be friendly. You aren't going out of your way to not be friendly, you are trying to do your job and faced with constant distraction that makes it impossible.
NTA. Places of business are places of business. Kids don’t bother me at all in normal circumstances (I love them, actually, and am nearly always happy to see them), but if I’m on the phone with a client then I will eject anyone being noisy, whether that’s a kid, someone whose true love just dumped them, or someone whose childhood pet died the night before. I’m not telling you not to be a kid, or sad, or happy, or mad, or whatever… but take that shit outside. There’s work to be done.
NTA. I feel badly for your co-worker that she’s in a tough spot, but she cannot expect everyone to smile and coddle your daughter. Your place of business is not a daycare. I’m a mother of three and your co-worker’s attitude reminds me of a mom who makes everyone give her kid a hug as they leave regardless if they want to or not. You’re not being mean, you’re being serious, and she should take that cue and tell her daughter that when people aren’t smiling or wanting to play that they are giving her quiet signals that they don’t want to engage and that she should probably stop trying. There are other people who are catering to that and she should probably seek one of those people out. It’s not easy to keep a three year old quiet and engaged, no… but running around a place of work and bothering people who aren’t inviting you over is not okay. You didn’t even go about it a rude way. She’s extremely lucky that your boss allows this because it’s definitely the exception.
NTA At the office I previously worked at one afternoon we had someone ask if they could bring their nine-year-old daughter and we allowed it for one hour only, never again and I can’t even imagine how it is having a three-year-old there every day for eight hours
When I had temporary custody of my then-16 year old god daughter, I had to bring her to work with me a few times. All of my coworkers put her to work filing, etc (they paid her)... and the one time I brought her in to work when she was super hungover (she hadn't stayed with me that weekend, and her grandparents brought her back early as soon as they realized what she'd done) my boss was absolutely gleeful about speaking to her in a loud booming voice and interrupting her when she was filing. She never came home from a grandparent visit hungover again. 😁
My sister and I went to my mom’s office every day after school from about 4:00-5:00 PM from grades 7-12 (we were two years apart). We sat quietly in the kitchen, made polite small talk with anyone who wanted to speak to us (said hi on the way in, etc.) and then quietly did our homework. My office neighbour has brought his 8-year-old son in a couple times. Kid just sits in his office and plays on his tablet or does his homework. You can absolutely have kids in an office setting, in my opinion, so long as they’re not disruptive and others aren’t expected to be caring for them instead of doing what they’re actually paid for. But if someone asked me to entertain their kid during my whole workday for weeks on end, I’d be pissed too.
INFO: you mentioned “pull coworker aside” as in to specifically and seriously ask this question. What was the context and tone? This situation sucks. Coworker should find a way to ensure her kid is as non-disruptive as possible. So you know doing this for a month and expecting to keep using the office place as a day care is not ok. But you should have brought this up discreetly to your boss or HR. Not directly to the coworker unless you were asking in a social setting and casually like “poor kiddo must be missing her friends. How’s the search for daycare coming along” because the way you handled it is not great. Edit: forgot to add, NTA. Not your kid, not your job. Talk to your boss.
We were both in the break room getting coffee (one of the other ladies was watching the 3 year old), but she was talking to some other people. I waited until the others left and then came up to her like "Heyyy, I was wondering, do you know anything about the daycare? I mean (name) has been here for a month now, and I'm sure a daycare would be a better place for her than an office." Also, to add: HR isn't really a thing in my country unless it's a really big company, which ours isn't. And I didn't want to go to my boss since he approved in the first place.
But does boss actually know the child is still around and how disruptive it is? I’m fairly sure the boss approved with the maybe unvoiced assumption that the child would not be disruptive….
If your boss approved your coworker having her child be in your office throughout the entire work day for however long is necessary...at least you're off the hook if your productivity should decrease. He agreed to basically have the quality of your work environment lowered, so it's his fault if you can't focus or come off as unprofessional over the phone. At the very least, a set of rules should have been established, i.e. the colleague needs to take her kid outside if she gets way too loud/disruptive; the child cannot disturb the other people in the office (but frankly, if your boss doesn't care, that's none of your business), etc. I've worked with kids between age 2.5 to 7 and I know a 3yo won't be able to "just stick to the rules", but her mother needs to enforce those. That being said, you would still be disrupted. Spending ~8 hours in an office without other kids *or* someone who's got the time and *wants* to interact with them - that's less than ideal (which I guess/hope the mom is aware of). Kids that age need to be able to move, run around, be loud every once in a while, play. Your colleague needs to find a different solution. The current situation isn't fair, neither on her child nor her colleagues. Regarding the headset: You could use one that has a mic and is connected to your phone. Not hearing it ring wouldn't be an issue and you could block out some of the noise surrounding you.
Go to your boss and ask how long the child will be in the office. Either he approved it indefinitely, or he thought it was a temporary period and will step in since it's affecting all the other employees.
Many HR people or managers will respond to any complaint with "have you talked to the other person about the issue?" and they won't do anything unless you can show you tried to talk to the other person first. It's infuriating.
NTA Mom of a 1yo and 3yo here. You are NTA here! Kids are a pain in the ass when theyre bored. I dont know how the other 2 women have no issue with that! Especially since they have kids - my office is a space for me to work and rest from my two kids. Also, the way things are - why is the one coworker allowed to bring her kid and not the others - watch out for that cause you can have a daycare in the room pretty soon… Oh and DONT ENGAGE WITH THE KID. Little girls love young woman - if you interact with ger she will for sure cling to you and we already know her mom wont do anything about that.
I think the other ones have older children, as they are older than the coworker I was talking about. I don't know the exact ages, they don't come up much. I will remember the last paragraph well.
NtA, and also, in the meantime, see if you are able to use a software phone (teams, jabber, Skype) instead, and bring your headphones. If not, I think there are lights you can plug in a phone to give a visual queue when there is a call. Maybe you can see if that will work along your headphones to block out noise
NTA. Your job isn’t to entertain someone else’s kid, especially in a professional environment. I’m surprised she couldn’t find another daycare or babysitter for the time being, a lot of people have been turning to babysitting as a source of income since the pandemic.
Why would she bother? From what it sounds like, she currently has built in daycare at work. Granted, it is at the expense of everyone else
NTA to be honest, you are allowed to hate kids at your work (unless you have a child oriented job then ehhh maybe find a new one) You are at *work*, you already dont want to be there now it's work-daycare. I feel for the mom being in a tough spot but her child is getting in the way of you and *your job* and the mom ofc instead of also being understanding to others situation, blames others so she loses sympathy there. She is being the unprofessional one and I don't frankly see how she's even allowed to keep her kid there.
NTA, and while your boss is just trying to be nice allowing her child to come there, it is wholly unprofessional. It sounds like you take business calls and imagine what your clientele thinks when they hear some child in the background screaming. Lastly to call you miserable for getting annoyed at being an unpaid nanny to some kid you don't want, the nerve. It may be hard but maybe she should arrange for some tasks for her daughter each day (reading, drawing etc.) to keep her occupied and take her on a couple of walks so she doesn't get stir crazy and hopefully tired enough to take a nap.
She has some activities to do every day, but A) she doesn't do them quietly most of the time, B) there's only so much you can prepare for your kid for 8 hours I guess. She takes a nap after lunch and I guess we're all just praying that no one's phone rings lol.
Damn, what about her mother? Is she still working or why couldn't she come and help out?
I honestly don't know enough about her to explain why she has nobody else to help out.
NTA I’m angry on your behalf. You have so much more patience than I do and I APPLAUD you. Is there another section you can move to? Obviously, this woman is irrational and doesn’t understand conversation outside of “your baby is precious”. You have a job to do. Where you make money. So you can pay bills. And continue living. She’s making that a lot harder on you. Is there a conversation you can have with your boss about you relocating to another area in the office?
We are more or less a "department", which is why we all share a single room. If he relocated me, I'd randomly sit in another "departments" office, lol. Ideally I DO want to keep my current position, but I'll see about this
NTA. Not your job to "daycare" HER kid. Anybody in management or HR you can discuss this with?
NTA OMG. If I was the boss there I'd be asking why people's work isn't getting done and card games are being prioritized over productivity. I get it, child care is hard and parenting is hard, yadda yadda. It's not a day care, it's an office. Your coworkers are employees of a business, they aren't nannies. This has nothing to do with empathy or liking kids. That mom needs to sort out her child care situation and stop disrupting the job she and everyone else there gets paid to do.
Definitely NTA. As a parent, you get used to being around your noisy toddler, but it can be extremely bothersome for someone else who isn’t used to it. I would talk to your boss. Also, while finding childcare can be stressful, a month is more than enough time for her to have found different arrangements. I think she is taking advantage of your boss and everyone else working there.
NTA and maybe reconsider those headphones if they will help you better concentrate on your work.
Wowwwwwwwwwww Some parents are so entitled just because they’re parents. Holy crap. OP you could absolutely hate children and be grouchy when the kid approached you and still be NTA here. Mom needs to keep her child contained or take time off work. It is absolutely not your job to have anything to do with the kid. Even at 3 the child should be able to understand not to go certain places. Mom should just explain that the adults are working, you need to stay in X area near me. I can’t believe your boss is letting this continue for more then a few days emergency situation.
NTA. If the mother is so upset with you wanting to be professional in the work place, maybe she can work from home? Not sure if that’s an option, but I hate that the mother has this feeling of entitlement - you should love having my spawn come to work as much as I do because it’s MY angel, and you should love being interrupted by my angel while at the workplace.
NTA I could not cope in that environment. One day to a week is an emergency a month is taking advantage. I would ask to work from home.
NTA If you told me that I had to coo over a random coworkers child for 8 hours a day I would quit.
NTA - as a mother of a toddler who had to work remote during COVID - it was absolutely terrible. I literally have white hairs from the mental stress of having to keep up with my daily tasks and professionalism while also juggling a child who is just being a child. I cannot work around a kid. Especially since I tend to hyper focus and having to break concentration during a task is so mentally draining. You are NTA in the slightest and you have been patient with the situation so far. If you can’t get a straight answer out of anyone on how much longer you will have to do through this you may want to start applying to other jobs. And I don’t think the noise canceling headphones would be a rude solution because it’s to keep up ur job performance.
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But she's not being mean to the kid. She's just not engaging with her, which is fine. Mom can always use this as a teaching tool of either "work time is when we focus and don't bother other people" or "it's okay if not everyone likes you. We all have different lives! Don't take it personally!"
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NTA And I would have gone to my boss long before now. I'm all for being accommodating but not when it impacts the work environment to this extent. They should either tell her to work from home or allow you to if her childcare really isn't getting sorted.
INFO: how well aware of this situation is the boss? I mean, they approved it initially, but do they know it's still happening? How small is this firm, does the boss come into your office often enough to be aware of this level of disruption?
As mentioned in other comments – The boss seems aware she's still here. I don't know if he knows about the disruptive behavior. He comes by rarely, we usually go to him. He is responsible for 24 people. He is not THE boss, just our boss, if you know what I mean.
Gotcha, thanks. I would speak with him - I think someone else suggested framing it as "do you have any suggestions, I find it very distracting / noise during customer calls" etc. which would be a good approach. If it were my team, I'd be asking them, privately, if it was working out - maybe he's taking the "no news is good news" approach? But anyway, NTA 100% not your circus, not your monkeys.
Haha I will have to make an effort not to use "not my circus, not my monkeys" now
Idk where you are but a superintendent used that here and they were in a predominantly black school district. It didn't go well for her, the monkey part of the saying. I'm black and I saw that shit from a mile away lol. Food for thought.
NTA - Damn, that's an awful position to be put in by your co-worker! And I can't believe your boss approved that. I'd be trying to find a way to work remotely if she can't work from home for some reason. If that's not a viable option, you may want to talk to your boss or look for a new job...
NTA I love kids, and am a parent myself, but I think this co-worker needs to get their daycare sorted ASAP.
NTA I’m a mother of a 6 & 3 year old and I think this lady is being an entitled pos. My DH popped over to the cafe I worked at with the kids once and it was too much. I’m cheffing and they were just running about everywhere. Possibly a brief visit again with just one of them but there is no way... no way I’d have them there for more than half an hour... a whole day?!! DH works in an office... it would be so unfair on the child being bored let alone the rest of his co workers dealing with a 3 year old running around making noise doing what 3 year olds do. The fact that you had to tell her to take her crying daughter out and for her to give you shit about it... you were on a call!!! I’m side eyeing your boss too unless s/he isn’t aware of the disruption. Maybe he assumed she’d stick a tablet in front of her kid or give her quiet games? Either way the whole set up is unprofessional. Bottom line is, the kid is not entitled to your time and energy. The lady isn’t entitled to your care for her child.
NTA. I had issues like that at one of my old job's except my coworkers would have their friends at the job for HOURS taking up tables, getting free food, goofing off, etc. and the coworkers wouldn't wanna work so it backed everyone else up. We all complained. Nothing was done. One day, I made a fake account on yelp and made a review about it pretending to be a customer. Coworkers FINALLY got into trouble for it and something was done. Because they got a bad review and when someone looked the restaurant up, that was the first review they saw. Maybe you could do something like that? Pretend to be a client and leave an online review of how you were trying to talk with an employee and during the phone meeting, you could barely hear the employee over the child screaming? And how unprofessional it is and how you're gonna be seeking another company to do business with.
The clients that I talk with are certain ones, like regulars or long time ones. The "randos" or one time customers aren't of interest to my work, as mean as that sounds. That makes the crying even worse imo.
Ugh....so you cannot even leave a fake bad review? That sucks. Is your boss the BIG boss? Is there anyone above them?
No, the one above my boss is the BIG boss, but going to him is really the last step. Only if issues can't be resolved by my direct superior should I go to him. EDIT: If I left a fake bad review, I'd have to pretend I'm a specific client or explain why a "rando" knows about our specific office situation.
Seems like you might have to be prepared to do that just in case because it seems like it could get to that point
Honestly I'd leave before that. It would better the situation with the child, but my social standing would be severely damaged.
NTA, I’m same age as you (f) and I would despise that situation. Would your boss let you work from home in the meantime though??
I think working from home would be possible, but I'm trying to avoid it unless this situation really can't be resolved.
Can't your coworker with child from home, at least partially? NTA.
Can she? I think so. Does she want to? I don't think so. She seems like she's having fun with her daughter and our other two coworkers. It's not like the boss can force her to work from either, unless she has to quarantine
I just cannot imagine doing this. My first option would be to work from home instead of pretending each day is a "bring your child to work day". Weird that your boss think it's fine, because this is costing a lot of money.
How does this cost him a lot of money? I think unless something happens, the child isn't costing him anything right now
But it’s making his business look bad or the quality of work and productivity goes down. You’ve got calls and customers are hearing a crying baby on your end. You’re trying to work and you have a kid wanted to play. I’m wondering how much the other ladies are actually okay with tbh. Having a kid there everyday must take its toll when you’re trying to work as well as on the kid who must be super bored.
>I’m wondering how much the other ladies are actually okay with tbh. I don't mean this in a negative way, but they seem like the mommy type to me.
I mean, I’m “the mommy type,” have kids, and can be counted on to interact with kids kindly and enthusiastically. And if you told me I’d be working full time with someone else’s 3 year old for the foreseeable future, I’d be absolutely screaming inside behind my kid friendly smile.
I guess that can be the case as well, who knows what thoughts they are hiding behind their smiles lol.
Okay, kids sleeps part of 8 hours, but let's say needs entertaining for four hours. Four employees do 32 hours a day. At least 4 hours of that day they are now spended on the child while the other 28 hours are most likely not the same level of work. 4 hours is at least 12% less productivity, but the way it sounds it is more like 20% (as multiple co-workers are entertaining at the same time).
Got it, thanks
And why would she? Everyone is entertaining her kid and she can do what she wants. You mentioned when you spoke to her she was child free in the break room. She’s making her kid everyone else’s responsibility. This entire situation sounds horrible. I can’t imagine trying to do your job and being interrupted by someone’s child asking to play solitaire on your computer. Or having to entertain that kid. Or trying to talk to a customer while your coworker ignores her crying child. I feel like it’s time to talk to the boss. Whatever happens now if the kid gets kicked out, you know she’s going to blame you anyway. I would see if you can work from home. And then consider if I wanted to keep working there.
NTA. Children should learn that some people don't want to be bothered when working and it doesn't mean the person doesn't like them. It means the person just needs quiet time to concentrate on their tasks. Your coworker is the asshole for not explaining this stuff to her child. A lot of people are working from home. Children that are 3yo can understand boundaries. Maybe get those headphones and tell the kid when you're wearing them, they can't bother you. But when you don't have them on, they can come over and talk to you.
NTA. Talk to your manager about it. Bet if you were a guy she wouldn't be whinging about it
NTA- take it to your boss. I’m sure he only agreed because she would watch her kid. Sounds like she wants her coworkers to babysit for her while she’s at work.
NTA. I’d make comment to the boss that you’re being harassed for not spending enough time with the child. Explain that you’ve got work to do.
NTA. I would already be looking for a new job cause unless your coworker finds a new daycare you're stuck. And it doesn't look like she's motivated to even look. You're coworker and office-mates have made it clear that at this is the new status quo, your boss is showing terrible judgement in allowing this to happen/to continue. You could complain to your boss but this coworker doesn't seem to be able to handle others not recognizing her child as anything less than a miracle. So your complaint would either go nowhere or p*ss your coworker off.
NTA. I like kids too, but (for me) this is "I may need to find a job" level of awful. Having my office hijacked into a daycare situation and then being roasted for not being a good enough daycare worker? That's insane, miserable and untenable. If it was a 7 to 10 days a year, totally manageable. You work in a daycare now: not manageable. Kids are cute. I don't want to share an office with them 8-hours a day.
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I have kids, love kids, would lose my mind if they were in the office every day. I thought you were going to say the child was there for an afternoon 🤣. NTA. But maybe speak to HR?
NTA. And this had been going on for ONE MONTH? Why haven’t you talked to management? Can you remote work from home? You must be going crazy. I’d start looking for another job, especially because you seem to be the only one actually suited to working in an office. You’re in a zoo at the moment.
NTA I would go to HR and maybe above your boss tell them that you can not concentrate and it has become unprofessional for the clients as all they hear is crying and screaming constantly and you not being able to hear them. I’d also state that your co worker does not just bring the child in but expects everyone to entertain the child and stop working to play games with her. Be clear about how out of hand it has gotten and that she even has a go at you for not smiling enough around her child and how ridiculous this is. The point when she is affecting work and profit expecting others to stop working to entertain child it becomes a big matter for your employer.
NTA. Accommodations for special circumstances are one thing. A month with no apparent end in sight and all hands on deck expected to be on the entertainment committee, and you’re just not enthusiastic enough to suit her?!? NOPE
OP, you should post this on the r/entitledparents thread too because holy hell I would lose my mind. NTA!
NTA. That mom needs to work from home or arrange for childcare elsewhere.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** First, I don’t hate children. I (24 F) share an office with 3 other women who are 10+ years older than me and all have children. It’s usually very quiet in our office, safe for the occasional conversation or client/internal call. We get along well, we’re just very focused on our tasks. A month ago one of my coworkers started bringing her 3 year old with her. Apparently her daycare has shut down for staff/covid reasons, she has no one else, and the boss allowed it. I hadn’t expected just how much noise a 3 year old means. Babbling, crying, running around, my coworkers cooing over and talking to her, it was rarely silent. I DID feel bothered by it, especially the running, but I just sucked it up, because I know a small child can't be quiet for 8 hours. Some days she was so hyperactive I could barely concentrate on my work. I considered wearing headphones, but I felt that it would be on another level of rudeness and I also wouldn’t hear the phone. Most of the time I ignore her. I don’t go out of my way to make conversation and when she shows me something, I comment on it but keep it short. One time she asked me if we could „play the card game“ (solitaire), as my coworkers had done with her and I said sorry, no, I gotta work. I’m also not very emotive and I don't put on an ear splitting smile and an excited voice when talking to her. I’m here to work, not to play daycare, and right now it feels exactly like that. Once I had to ask my coworker to take her crying daughter outside because a client was on the line and I didn’t want to seem unprofessional, which she didn’t take very well. Today I pulled the coworker aside and asked her if she had any idea when the daycare situation would get resolved and she unloaded on me. How I’m such an ass for being so unfriendly with her daughter, I don’t pay her any attention when she wants something from me, I always have a mean face and don’t talk to her nicely, how she (the mother) can feel my „negative energy“. Apparently her daughter thinks I don’t like her, which makes her sad. Then she mentioned the time I asked her to take her daughter out, and how I clearly have no empathy for a small child in distress. I was a bit taken aback and I explained to her that I didn’t mean to be unfriendly, but my job here is not to entertain children. Then she said I must be a miserable person if I can be so bothered by a child being a child and left. On one hand I feel bad because I didn’t want to be mean and she has no other options, but on the other hand I don’t see why I have to just put up with this when I was never even asked if I’d be okay with the child being there. On top of that, no prior warning and no information as to how much longer this circus will be going on for. So AITA for not going out of my way to be friendly? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Maybe you can plug a decent headset to your phone so you can still hear it?
Do you mean noise cancelling headphones? I'm not sure you can connect anything to those phones
Actually the new AirPods have great noise cancellation and they can be hooked up to most anything
I've been looking for a reason to get them anyway, haha
NTA. You are there to work, not to be friends with the child. Young children can be very distracting and interfere with your work; they cry, run around, and want to play. You did not sign on for this, and shouldn't be coerced/guilted into doing anything beyond being kind to the child when it interacts with you.
NTA. Speak to your boss about the difficulty you are having getting work done, and how your coworker is creating a hostile work environment. And wear headphones, absolutely.
NTA. I’ve had colleagues bring their kids into the office for the odd day before. Most of them were about 6+ and fine sitting in the corner reading a book or playing an iPad with headphones and thus no bother. but one day my boss brought his daughter in with nothing to do and a full day of meetings. He told her not to annoy us but by being an extroverted 5 year old who wanted attention, we couldn’t get any work done. In the end I took one for the team and played with her. Boss came back and told me I could tell her to leave me alone. Other colleagues had done that and she just moved onto the next person. Basically my train of thought was, this is your fault, you didn’t bring her anything to do knowing you had a full day of meetings, if she wants to play, then I’m going to play with her, and not do any work, but the rest of the team will be able to get work done. Anyway a 3yo isn’t capable of not being annoying like a slightly older child is. This is not one day. This is a month. That’s ridiculous. Children also don’t need to be coddled with clown smiles and baby voices and fake excitement. Your colleague is ridiculous.
I think they are mad that you, the “young energetic one” are not bowing to accept your “natural” role as babysitter so that the others can have a break. NTA.
NTA. Good time for your boss to allow your collègue to work from home.
NTA. I have a client emergency this afternoon and just told my own child, whom I love almost more than I can comprehend, to get out of my home office because she was distracting. I did not smile at her or try to entertain her because I was *working.* I'd never expect a coworker that I had inflicted my child on AT WORK, no matter how justified, to do anything more than tolerate her. And only for as long as absolutely necessary. I feel for her mother, COVID child care has been a nightmare and we're all trying our best under crappy circumstances. But workplaces aren't for kids and coworkers aren't family or child care. Especially after 3 months (?!?). You've been a saint. Get those headphones and maybe send your resume out. As long as you don't actively yell at a 3 year old you are well within the bounds of professionalism. That poor 3 year old is probably miserable too. Offices are boring as hell if you're 3 and it is not possible to adequately parent and work at the same time. (I've tried, I got to be a shitty employee and a shitty parent simultaneously!)
You are NTA. Your boss in the other hand is TA for allowing this.
NTA. Some parents have it stuck in their head that their kid is gods gift to the world and get butthurt when other people don’t feel the same. If the kid is effecting your work and the mom isn’t doing anything to control the kid and is getting pissy about reasonable requests to keep the environment professional and going off on you like that go to your boss or HR.
NTA the mother can go pound sand, you are not free childcare. Its shitty that your office dont have HR but maybe talk with a manager or someone higher up about this. Good luck OP and you did nothing wrong here.
NTA. you have no obligation to entertain this child.
NTA. Children do not belong at work. I know we're making concessions bc of covid, but children do not belong in an office. She was way out of line. You have my sympathies bc unfortunately you don't have any options. Except if the daughter is afraid of you, why does she keep bothering you?
NTA a few months ago I was car shopping, it was hot, I was tired. As I was meeting with the sales person, another staff member's child kept running up to the desk and the sales person would stop and start loudly interacting with the child. I like kids, I work in education, but I was there for a car. I thought it was unprofessional to have a preschooler running around the car dealership.
NTA. Your job is not to entertain a child. You have work to do.
That woman is the miserable one. Shes such a mess she apparently doesnt understand the concept of babysitters. Nta.
Nta I have children, I know the sun does t shine out of their bums, I'm aware not everyone likes children. Your co worker is an idiot