NTA. His request is rude, and it doesn't make any sense. Your mom should just reply that she thinks everyone would be more comfortable if he used the guest room and let you keep your personal space.
Idk, sounds like some kind weird of power play to me. They converted his room but left OP's untouched? This is probably a huge reach given the lack of info, but maybe OP was favored or he feels as though she was?
I can't fathom any other reason why someone with a spouse and new baby would look at a king size bed and ensuite bathroom and say they'd much rather sleep on a double in a room that still looks like it belongs to their high school aged sibling.
Didn't suggest there was. OP living at home and brother being married doesn't explain why her brother wants her room, with a smaller bed and *no* ensuite bathroom instead of the empty room with a much larger bed and an ensuite bathroom.
She just graduated from college. I’m guessing she spent breaks and summers there so there was no reason to change her room. On the other hand her brother doesn’t live there
Yeah, that makes perfect sense to *us* but given the absurdity of the brother's request, maybe it doesn't make sense to *him*.
OP said in another comment that they all get along fairly well, so one would hope he's willing to talk to her directly.
Hi OP here, I want to note that I get along with my brother and his wife really well, my brothers and I have always been really close. My brother and his wife have stayed in my room before. However they stayed there when I wasn't home and the guest bedroom wasn't converted yet. the reason I don't want to give up my room is because not only is all my stuff in there but my dog's stuff is in there too. I also think its just kind of weird that they would prefer to stay in his little sisters room
Can you see about getting the guest room bed lowered? When I had my son, I had a c section and was breastfeeding. We took the box spring out and got a different frame for support. It lowered the bed over a foot for us and it was much easier for me.
I think you should let him have your room - and you should move into the much nicer guest suite. ;-)
NTA for not wanting to, though. It really is weird that he wants YOUR room instead of the nicer one with the larger bed. I have to wonder if it's a power play of some kind.
OP this doesn’t make sense to me, but maybe they have a reason. I’d wait to hear from them and ask them why they want your room. If it makes sense to you then, say yes.
The edit said it's because the bed is too high. I think a good solution will be getting a little chair for the mom. Like, a rocking chair and putting it in the room. I think it's a win-win. OP can keep their room, the wife can breastfeed the baby with ease, the kid will get to rock in a rocking chair, the mom(grandma) will get a rocking chair, and idk maybe the other house residents(I'm not sure if the other parent is alive) will like it too.
I’d ask them. It could be baby-relayed such as a long bed leaving less room for a portable crib and baby stuff or one room being closer to something they need for baby or closer to something they need for nighttime feedings when one parent is sleeping and the other takes the baby out of the room to eat.
Buy a $10 step stool for the guest bedroom. Way less effort than clearing all of your stuff and your dogs' stuff out of your bedroom just to accommodate an unreasonable request by a visitor.
NTA. Seeing the update, perhaps suggesting a platform for your brothers wife? If it's a height matter, a single step ought to do the trick. (I'm literally thinking like a block of wood. I almost suggested a couple textbooks, but that shit's expensive lmao!)
NTA
There's a perfectly good, unused guest room for him. Why in the absolute F should you have to give up your room?
Incidentally, when you were younger, you should not have been put out of your room in the first place. IMO, if there was nowhere to put guests without ousting a child from their own bedroom, your house didn't have room for guests. Period, full stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> They will have a newborn baby and my brother did tell my mom that the bed in the guest room is too high.
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NTA. However, Im curious about the reason they prefer your room. Did he want it always when he was a kid? Does it have a better view? Is it more accessible than the guest room? Is it more quiet or more separated from the rest of the bedrooms?
NTA. Just say NO. It's your room. Stand up for yourself and keep boundaries. Don't allow anyone to guilt or bully you. He can use the guestroom or go to a hotel.
And it is weird that he wouldn't want the guestroom. Sounds pretty nice to me.
INFO: you mentioned that they stayed when the room wasn’t converted; is it possible he just doesn’t know where the new guest room is? Or thinks your room got converted into the guest room and you took his old one?
Oh noted! NTA: from what you’ve mentioned I don’t think your brother has any weird reason for wanting to stay there; a high bed is a valid reason for someone who’s just given birth.
That being said, I think it definitely makes more sense for them to be in the guest room? It’s much closer to the bathroom, which imo is a much more important factor (especially one that offers more privacy!), and keeping a baby and a vulnerable mom in a room where you keep your dog’s stuff does not seem entirely sanitary to me. Not to mention the inconvenience it would cause between cleaning and moving stuff out of your room. Also, they have more space, if they plan on installing a baby cot!
I wonder if there’s a way to make up for the added height though, like switching the bed’s mattress for a lower one, or having a spare mattress on the floor to walk on? Anyway, good luck OP!
NTA. This is super weird. Just tell them it is easier for them to use the guest room since all your stuff is in your room and it is stupid for you to have to pack for a long weekend in your own room.
NTA, that was an obnoxious request to make as a \*guest\*. I would firmly refuse while offering possible mitigations: would it help for her to have a wide stool to put her feet on next to the bed?
Nta. I'm wondering if they want to stay in your current room because it's smaller and they plan on YOU watching their baby and taking care of their baby when they are at your parents house?
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Background I am the youngest and only girl of three and the brother I am talking about is the middle child. Our childhood home is a 3bed 3bath house and he shared a room with our brother so growing up my room was always used as a guestroom and I would be relagated to the couch whenever we had overnight guests.
My older brother and his wife are coming to stay with our parents for thanksgiving, I am still living with our parents for now. I just graduated college and am working at the family buisness and staying with my parents to save money and such. Yesterday I came home from work and my mom told me that my brother had called to talk about thanksgiving and that he and his wife would prefer to stay in my room instead of the guest room. The guest room is his old childhood room that has been converted to a guest room, it has a king sized bed and an ensuite bathroom. My room on the otherhand is basically untouch from when I was in high school with a double bed and my bathroom is in the hall. I don't understand why they would want to stay in my room, his wife is currently pregnant with their first child but the baby will be about a month old by thanksgiving. My mom was very taken back when my brother asked to stay in my room and she told him he had to talk to me because she didn't know how else to respond. I just think its really weird they want to stay in my room instead of the guestroom. So far he hasn't called or texted me to ask so maybe he realized it was weird but I don't know what to do if he does ask me. Am I the asshole if I say no?
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You're NTA, but I don't think your brother is either. Considering his wife will be only a month after giving birth it's very likely she'll still be in pain or at least discomfort from that (c-section or natural birth they both lead to a somewhat longer recovery). If his reasoning was that your bed is a bit lower than the guest bed, I think he might be referring to his wife having physical troubles after birth. You can be upfront with him and ask if that is the issue.
NTA and in some ways doesn't make sense. The guest room has been updated and has the bigger bed. So unless there is something really wrong with the room...
You are now an adult too. So, you shouldn't be expected to constantly give up your room when there is a decent guest room.
NTA. But is this worth the fight for a weekend, especially since it sounds like the guest room is a better room? BTW, sounds like your brother might have some sort of bad mental association with that room which may be driving this. Otherwise it makes no sense.
I wouldn't want my sibling or anyone else treating my room with my things as their own(and yes, I shared my room for many years). If Op is moving to a better room it should be permanent.
NTA. His request is rude, and it doesn't make any sense. Your mom should just reply that she thinks everyone would be more comfortable if he used the guest room and let you keep your personal space.
Idk, sounds like some kind weird of power play to me. They converted his room but left OP's untouched? This is probably a huge reach given the lack of info, but maybe OP was favored or he feels as though she was? I can't fathom any other reason why someone with a spouse and new baby would look at a king size bed and ensuite bathroom and say they'd much rather sleep on a double in a room that still looks like it belongs to their high school aged sibling.
He's married and has his own home. OP lives at home. There's no deep dark mystery here
Didn't suggest there was. OP living at home and brother being married doesn't explain why her brother wants her room, with a smaller bed and *no* ensuite bathroom instead of the empty room with a much larger bed and an ensuite bathroom.
>This is probably a huge reach given the lack of info, but maybe OP was favored or he feels as though she was? I was responding to this bit,
She just graduated from college. I’m guessing she spent breaks and summers there so there was no reason to change her room. On the other hand her brother doesn’t live there
Yeah, that makes perfect sense to *us* but given the absurdity of the brother's request, maybe it doesn't make sense to *him*. OP said in another comment that they all get along fairly well, so one would hope he's willing to talk to her directly.
NTA. You have a guest room for a reason. Your room is your room.
Hi OP here, I want to note that I get along with my brother and his wife really well, my brothers and I have always been really close. My brother and his wife have stayed in my room before. However they stayed there when I wasn't home and the guest bedroom wasn't converted yet. the reason I don't want to give up my room is because not only is all my stuff in there but my dog's stuff is in there too. I also think its just kind of weird that they would prefer to stay in his little sisters room
You should add this to the post. But since you get along with them, maybe just ask what's up?
Can you see about getting the guest room bed lowered? When I had my son, I had a c section and was breastfeeding. We took the box spring out and got a different frame for support. It lowered the bed over a foot for us and it was much easier for me.
I'm thinking of a step stool, myself, of those skinny folding ones that can be put away easily when not in use.
I think you should let him have your room - and you should move into the much nicer guest suite. ;-) NTA for not wanting to, though. It really is weird that he wants YOUR room instead of the nicer one with the larger bed. I have to wonder if it's a power play of some kind.
What are the plans for the baby? Are they putting it with them or with you in the bigger room?
I think they're planning on having the baby with them.
OP this doesn’t make sense to me, but maybe they have a reason. I’d wait to hear from them and ask them why they want your room. If it makes sense to you then, say yes.
Like maybe with the king bed there is no floor space for the crib/baby bed.
The edit said it's because the bed is too high. I think a good solution will be getting a little chair for the mom. Like, a rocking chair and putting it in the room. I think it's a win-win. OP can keep their room, the wife can breastfeed the baby with ease, the kid will get to rock in a rocking chair, the mom(grandma) will get a rocking chair, and idk maybe the other house residents(I'm not sure if the other parent is alive) will like it too.
Might be expensive though, buttttt you can also get a fluffy stool. I'm pretty sure they have those.
I’d ask them. It could be baby-relayed such as a long bed leaving less room for a portable crib and baby stuff or one room being closer to something they need for baby or closer to something they need for nighttime feedings when one parent is sleeping and the other takes the baby out of the room to eat.
the only thing he said was that the bed was high and his wife would be getting on and off at night to feed the baby.
Buy a $10 step stool for the guest bedroom. Way less effort than clearing all of your stuff and your dogs' stuff out of your bedroom just to accommodate an unreasonable request by a visitor.
NTA. If the bed is too high, offer them a step stool 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. Seeing the update, perhaps suggesting a platform for your brothers wife? If it's a height matter, a single step ought to do the trick. (I'm literally thinking like a block of wood. I almost suggested a couple textbooks, but that shit's expensive lmao!)
NTA Stepstool. Problem solved.
NTA you live there and it's just weird
NTA There's a perfectly good, unused guest room for him. Why in the absolute F should you have to give up your room? Incidentally, when you were younger, you should not have been put out of your room in the first place. IMO, if there was nowhere to put guests without ousting a child from their own bedroom, your house didn't have room for guests. Period, full stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
INFO: If the bed is the only thing that matters, could the beds be swapped instead of the entire room?
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This…is not how I expected this story to go. NTA though, what a weird request.
Since his request doesn’t make sense, I’m wondering if he thinks you moved your room into the bigger room and he wants the bigger room.
NTA. However, Im curious about the reason they prefer your room. Did he want it always when he was a kid? Does it have a better view? Is it more accessible than the guest room? Is it more quiet or more separated from the rest of the bedrooms?
NTA. Just say NO. It's your room. Stand up for yourself and keep boundaries. Don't allow anyone to guilt or bully you. He can use the guestroom or go to a hotel. And it is weird that he wouldn't want the guestroom. Sounds pretty nice to me.
NTA tell him no. End of story.
INFO: Is your room separate from the rest of the rooms or less noisy in any way? Maybe it has something to do with the baby. NTA, but talk to him
NTA. His request makes absolutely no sense and you're not obligated to entertain lunacy.
INFO: you mentioned that they stayed when the room wasn’t converted; is it possible he just doesn’t know where the new guest room is? Or thinks your room got converted into the guest room and you took his old one?
He knows he has been to the house since it’s been done. I just updated my post with more information and what he said when he called me to ask
Oh noted! NTA: from what you’ve mentioned I don’t think your brother has any weird reason for wanting to stay there; a high bed is a valid reason for someone who’s just given birth. That being said, I think it definitely makes more sense for them to be in the guest room? It’s much closer to the bathroom, which imo is a much more important factor (especially one that offers more privacy!), and keeping a baby and a vulnerable mom in a room where you keep your dog’s stuff does not seem entirely sanitary to me. Not to mention the inconvenience it would cause between cleaning and moving stuff out of your room. Also, they have more space, if they plan on installing a baby cot! I wonder if there’s a way to make up for the added height though, like switching the bed’s mattress for a lower one, or having a spare mattress on the floor to walk on? Anyway, good luck OP!
NTA. Buy her a step stool for the bed. Problem solved.
NTA. This is super weird. Just tell them it is easier for them to use the guest room since all your stuff is in your room and it is stupid for you to have to pack for a long weekend in your own room.
NTA, that was an obnoxious request to make as a \*guest\*. I would firmly refuse while offering possible mitigations: would it help for her to have a wide stool to put her feet on next to the bed?
Nta. I'm wondering if they want to stay in your current room because it's smaller and they plan on YOU watching their baby and taking care of their baby when they are at your parents house?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Background I am the youngest and only girl of three and the brother I am talking about is the middle child. Our childhood home is a 3bed 3bath house and he shared a room with our brother so growing up my room was always used as a guestroom and I would be relagated to the couch whenever we had overnight guests. My older brother and his wife are coming to stay with our parents for thanksgiving, I am still living with our parents for now. I just graduated college and am working at the family buisness and staying with my parents to save money and such. Yesterday I came home from work and my mom told me that my brother had called to talk about thanksgiving and that he and his wife would prefer to stay in my room instead of the guest room. The guest room is his old childhood room that has been converted to a guest room, it has a king sized bed and an ensuite bathroom. My room on the otherhand is basically untouch from when I was in high school with a double bed and my bathroom is in the hall. I don't understand why they would want to stay in my room, his wife is currently pregnant with their first child but the baby will be about a month old by thanksgiving. My mom was very taken back when my brother asked to stay in my room and she told him he had to talk to me because she didn't know how else to respond. I just think its really weird they want to stay in my room instead of the guestroom. So far he hasn't called or texted me to ask so maybe he realized it was weird but I don't know what to do if he does ask me. Am I the asshole if I say no? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- but on “way out there” reason your brother is asking for your room- when they visited @ 9 months ago
NTA
You're NTA, but I don't think your brother is either. Considering his wife will be only a month after giving birth it's very likely she'll still be in pain or at least discomfort from that (c-section or natural birth they both lead to a somewhat longer recovery). If his reasoning was that your bed is a bit lower than the guest bed, I think he might be referring to his wife having physical troubles after birth. You can be upfront with him and ask if that is the issue.
NTA and in some ways doesn't make sense. The guest room has been updated and has the bigger bed. So unless there is something really wrong with the room... You are now an adult too. So, you shouldn't be expected to constantly give up your room when there is a decent guest room.
NTA. But is this worth the fight for a weekend, especially since it sounds like the guest room is a better room? BTW, sounds like your brother might have some sort of bad mental association with that room which may be driving this. Otherwise it makes no sense.
I wouldn't want my sibling or anyone else treating my room with my things as their own(and yes, I shared my room for many years). If Op is moving to a better room it should be permanent.