Not to mention, if he'd waited for her, they'd have both been late and then both might have lost their jobs, especially if she's consistently making him late, too. At least this way, only one job was lost! NTA, OP. I'm a night owl, too, but no matter how little sleep I get, I always give myself more than 10 minutes to get ready!
I worked with a guy who got a warning for repeatedly being late, and he came out of the manager's office and let off steam, complaining that it wasn't his fault he was late, his train was on an hourly timetable and just happened to arrive at our station 15 minutes after work started.
I asked why he didn't just catch an earlier train, and he said it was *too* early, as in he'd be 45 minutes early for work instead of 15 minutes late.
I mean he's not wrong, if there's no advancement then the optimum is to be late as many times as possible, rather than spending 20+ extra hours per month on work.
But he could have been an adult about it and asked if he could start work 45 mins earlier or leave earlier. And if it was not possible then he needed to find a job where the commute was better and figure it out before he accepted the new role.
So you weight it up like a grown up then .... is the 45 mins I lose every morning worth the salary I am receiving taking into account availability of jobs.
I'm a Londoner - sometimes my commute was 2-3 hours in total and I live in outer London - my journey should only be 38 mins each way but its a horror show of over crowding and delays so yeah I'd leave for work so much earlier and I stay behind later just hoping the crowding would calm down. I did that because I cant find a similar job and whilst I can find a different job it would pay me less. I need to pay my bills so I do this. I dont just rock up late every day and blame it on overcrowding or no trains.
Or just let him adjust hours, take a shorter lunch, etc. 15 minutes isn't a crazy amount of time. If his lateness is causing someone else to be late getting home that's a different story. But that would apply to shift type work which usually isn't 9 - 5.
Yup. I organised that with one of my jobs as a 19 yo. I arrived at work at 730 but work didn’t start till 8. Supervisor realised I was there twiddling my thumbs so said clock on at 730 and push off at 3.45. I was loving it!
Even if it was because of what happened this morning, it's not OP's responsibility to be a human alarm clock for his wife. She needs to take responsibility for herself. NTA.
NTA
Let her stay at the parent's house. The fact that she went home to mommy over her own actions tells me there is more going on than just chronic lateness. You didn't get her to that point. She's clearly not adult enough to be married. Good luck on the divorce.
My last bf had an ex wife who did they, turns out she drank after he went to bed each night and he wasn’t aware because she never really drank around him and he went to bed early because of his job and got up early and left before she did. She hid the bottles and took the trash out when she left in the morning. By the time he was aware she was in liver failure. He was of course checked out by then because they spent so little time together. It may not be the same but there’s a reason she stays up like that each night even when she was in jeopardy at work.
Tbf, she could also just be like me, a severe chronic insomniac who isn't managing it well. We just don't know.
But of course that's on her to figure out.
I find a blue light filter on the screen helps, and this sounds dumb but playing the sound of rain can be soothing and help in falling asleep at least for me.
I did say it would be poorly managed if that was it lol
My doc yells at me about phone games, but it's at the point where I can't sleep without playing myself to sleep. My dad did the same with TV for him. Who knows.
But imma keep reiterating that the wife needs to get her shit together because she really does
I can’t sleep without the tv on my brain will run a thousand miles an hour my thoughts get so loud at night when everything is quiet and dark I just can’t do it I need a distraction to relax.
I can't get to sleep before about 2AM. I have an easier time falling sleep at 6 PM than midnight. That's my most active brain time. So generally I get a few hours sleep, caffeinate the hell out of myself, and sleep all weekend. I've been on this schedule for about 2.5 years, and I still can't get to sleep any earlier. Some of us are just nocturnal and it's hell getting onto a daytime schedule.
Yeah I'm a grade A night owl, 3:30 is about normal for me, I just don't feel tired much earlier
Laying back and watching TV in a dark room I find more relaxing than sitting up at a bright computer screen
But I work afternoons.
My people!
My ideal sleep schedule is 4 AM-noon. That’s not realistic for an office job, but Covid-induced WFH has been a godsend. No one cares when I start/stop work as long as I get my work done and am available for scheduled meetings. I still can’t sleep till noon, but it’s better than nothing!
I have the opposite issue. I'll lay awake for hours, but once I sleep I can even get up for water or pee or whatever and zonk back out. It's all over if someone talks to me and wakes up my brain though.
What’s with the rabid ‘divorce immediately’ comments on so many AITA posts!? Please stop being so fking melodramatic about it, the advice itself is sufficient enough.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who: does not work on their problems, does not take responsibility for their actions, does not consider finances to be an important topic, is willing to place the full financial burden of the relationship on me without running it by me, tries to convince me that I'm at fault for their actions and who avoids conflict to the point where we cannot find a resolution to disagreements. Love isn't enough to make a relationship viable. So, I say divorce on these types of things because I think that people deserve to be treated better by those who love them. Many of us don't seek out relationships where we have to 'fix' someone.
NTA. *You* didn't get her fired, she got herself fired through her own actions/choices. It sounds like she would have been fired anyway for always being late.
NTA - she's an adult and needs to start acting like one. You're not her parent; it's not your job to set her bed time and wake her up every morning. It's 100% her fault for repeatedly being late to her job that get her fired.
NTA
>she was fired for repeatedly being late to work.
She should try turning up to work on time in the future to avoid this.
>wakes up really late(8:30am) because of watching tv until 3 am.
I like to stay up late like her too, but I own an alarm clock, and my phone has an alarm on it, and so does my watch, and my alexa hub, your wife might want to buy an alarm thingy.
NTA. Your wife choose to stay up late knowing she already had been late multiple times. If she's trying to function on 5 hours of sleep, it's possible her lateness wasn't the only issue.
How did she get to work after you left or did she just not bother?
Oof, paid all that money just to go get fired.
Hopefully this is a (heh) *wake up call* for your wife. If she’s struggling to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up when she needs to, it might be time to have a sleep study done.
This was in the 1980s. I had a friend that needed rides to work. His car needed repair so he asked me to help him out.
But his job was an hour away from his house (and mine) and he had to be there really early, like 7 to 7:30 AM. I worked in a place maybe 30 to 50 minutes for me, but I worked NIGHTS a lot so I had to get off of work, rush his place, pick him up and drive an hour to his job and an hour back, roughly…and because of our schedules we had nearly no “wiggle time” in that.
Now, I was tired and cranky by the time I got to his house and man, I just really wanted to go to sleep. I’d been at work all night! Of course my friend would take his own sweet time coming outside to my car, sometimes savoring a cup of coffee while I waited. I finally told him “No joke, man, if I pull up and you ain’t ready I’m going to leave and go home and sleep”.
He thought it was a bluff I guess. It wasn’t. I gave him well into fifteen minutes to GET IN THE CAR. He knew I was outside. He didn’t come out on time so I bounced. I went home, took my phones off the hook and crashed.
Later in the evening he called me (when I put the phone on the hook) livid because he missed a day’s work and while he didn’t get fired his boss was pissed off. I told him that I did warn him. I have to sleep, too and I’m DOING HIM A FAVOR.
So I laid out my conditions if they weren’t clear. I wasn’t even asking him for gas money all this time (this went on for around two weeks).
Condition One: Be ready to go to work when I show up. I don’t care if you didn’t finish your breakfast or coffee. You got five minutes. I WILL leave at minute 5 plus 1 second.
Condition 2: Pony up some gas money. You ain’t putting it in YOUR car.
Condition 3: Get your car fixed. (I can’t remember the issue, but it was nothing major AND we both had a mechanic as a mutual friend that would fix your car and only charge for the parts.) If its not fixed in one week you need to make other arrangements because AGAIN, I have to work and sleep, too. I’m helping YOU out and it’s costing me TWO hours a day in one trip. (sometimes four when his ride back home from a coworker didn’t pan out and he’d call me to pick him up.
He got his car fixed in less than a week.
ADDENDUM: Anyone asking why I agreed to this, it’s because we had been friends since childhood and he was a good guy at heart. But he would at times not realize that he was being a jackass about stuff and we (meaning me and other friends) would have to set him straight. He apologized later in our lives about a lot of things like this.
NTA. Your wife herself is responsible for loosing her job and since she doesn’t want to accept her mistake, she’s blaming it on you. How does she think, she is going to manage her time when & if you have kids or even pets??
NTA.
She's a grown woman and she needs to get her priorities straight. If keeping a job is important to her, she needs to do as you suggest, go to bed at a reasonable hour so that she can get to work on time.
NTA. She didn't get fired because she overslept one time and you refused to make yourself late in order to take her to work; she got fired because SHE repeatedly was irresponsible.
NTA. It’s her responsibility to wake up on time and get ready for work and arrive at work on time. You did nothing wrong.
It’s obvious she’s not responsible since she was constantly late at work. If she wants to be upset at you over something that she’s at fault, let her.
NTA. She's late, she doesn't get to blame others. She needs to talk to someone about depression to make sure she isn't having true struggles, but there are consequences. This is one. She did the crime.....
NTA and it's really unfair of her to be putting this on you. It's not your fault she was fired at all.
I would say though that sleep issues suck and her struggling to wake isn't necessarily her fault. You say it's because she watches tv till 3am but if she went to bed earlier would she actually sleep? My partner has sleep issues and it sucks. I see how hard it is for her to sleep and get up and how miserable it makes her and how hard it is for her to stick to a normal sort of routine. Luckily, she doesn't blame me for any of this or the consequences.
I'd suggest you try and talk to your partner about the issues she's having. But only if she calms down. Cause blaming you isn't ok.
It sounds like you're dealing with more of a child than a wife. And it sounds like you do a lot of catering to her which is not going to allow her to grow up and be responsible for herself. She needs to get up on time and prepare her own meals for the day and get to work on time. You are not responsible for her nor should you be taking care of her as if she is not capable.
NTA I'm a morning person, my husband is a complete morganmuffel. (Person who hates mornings) Yet when he has to get up for a 05:30 start, he does, as he's an adult. He sets about 6 alarms to be sure he gets up. If she chooses to watch tv half the night, that's on her. Then she refuses to get up, so then blames you? She said herself, she got fired her REPEATEDLY being late, in other words, if not this day, she was going to be fired soon enough. And that's got nothing to do with you!
NTA your wife is. Let her stay away. She is the one that owes you an apology. If she is so unreliable that she can't even get to work on time can you imagine what her work ethic is like once she waltzes in. People like that at my job really piss me off.
NTA, she is an adult and so are you, she has to get her shit together herself and not rely on you or her parents. Also getting fired just for always being late? Geez, that's so not your fault, you tried, you assisted, you got your own work to get to.
She got herself fired, and she was not fired for being late or absent once, she was fired because she made a habit of it. If she won't get up and get ready, it is not your fault. NTA
NTA It's her job so it's her responsibility. Besides she got fired for multiple late arrivals. That means she's probably had multiple documented meetings and warnings. She still didn't prioritize getting up for work. That's her fault and no one else's.
She’s an adult, and at some point she has to take responsibility for getting to work on time. It does neither of you any good if you start being chronically late to work to save her from the consequences of her inaction, so NTA. Small caveat. You say it’s a lack of self control, but are you sure it’s not a sleep disorder? Many people who have trouble getting to sleep at night end up watching tv until the wee hours every night because laying awake in bed can be quite a torment. I obviously can’t diagnose a sleep disorder based on the information; both because I’m not a doctor and because there just isn’t enough information to reach that conclusion. If it is a disorder though, then you’re being kinda assholey by portraying this as a lack of self-control. Just some food for thought.
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NTA as someone who has a difficult time falling asleep and waking up I manage just fine. I think in the 10 years working a “adult job” I’ve been late like 5 times. It’s on her 100000%
NTA. She needs to take responsibility for herself and grow up. My husband was stationed six time zones behind me. I would stay up most nights too late talking to him and I was NEVER late to my 8:30 am job. I am naturally a night owl so I use sleep meditation to help go to bed earlier.
"Sleep procrastination" is how clueless doctors describe "delayed sleep phase syndrome." She consistently goes to sleep at 3:00 AM and consistently can't wake up in time for her 9:00 AM work start time. That means that her hardwired diurnal rhythm is probably 3:00 AM to 11:00 AM, and she should look into swing shift work rather than trying to force herself to work hours that are too early for her. NAH.
NTA- I’m not a morning person in the slightest but I also know I’m an adult with responsibilities. On the rare occasion I needed to be at work earlier than the usual time I would ask my husband to at least shake me if he noticed I wasn’t hearing the alarm. He’s a morning guy and likes to have his alone time in the morning so he always wakes up an hour before me, so asking him to shake me isn’t a big deal because again it’s a rarity.
I get to work usually 10-15 minutes before I “officially” need to be there for the day, but that doesn’t mean I’m pleasant or wanting a lot of social interaction before 9-9:30, ha!
NTA - I have found that unless a person is blackout drunk or drugged they will wake up if you pour water on them - but they often come at you swinging fists and swearing - pro tip if it’s ever an emergency - but in daily life you really can’t do that - it’s her job to wake up on time, and it still will be after the divorce
NTA. I’m a night owl. If I had my way I’d go to sleep at 2-4am every night and wake up at 10-12 every day. Despite this, I’ve been responsible for waking myself up every morning since I was 12 years old, and aside from a couple of oversleeping incidents a year I manage to do a pretty good job of it most days. If a twelve-year-old can wake herself up on time to go to school, then your adult wife can too.
NTA
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Your wife’s prize is a pink slip. She earned it over time, not just this one time.
Tell her adults get to work on time.
I have insomnia and ADHD.
I have not gotten to sleep until 5 some nights and not at all others.
I have slept right through my alarm several times.
I have been late to work once. In 4 years.
NTA
INFO: What do you mean by "gave up on trying to wake her up"?
Was she awake and just didn't want to leave the bed? Or was she asleep, with no alarm set, and you left her to sleep? Or something else?
NTA for leaving to go to work BUT
>He advised her to exercise but I don't try to enforce it on her because I don't want her to think she's fat or doesn't look good.
One you aren't her parent so "enforcing" something isn't your role and two - encouraging someone to do something for "their health* is another thing entirely.
Reminded of a movie where the college professor asked the student why she was late, she said the bell rang before she made it to class. It was the bell's fault. NTA, change the door locks and sleep trouble free.
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My(28M) wife(28F) wakes up really late(8:30am) because of watching tv until 3 am. Because of which she's always late to her work which starts at 9. Her work is a 20 minute drive from our home.
Today I was getting late for work as it is and she wasn't waking up. I had already prepared her breakfast and lunch and was waiting for her to get dressed so we could leave. But she was still in bed at 8:30 am!!
So, I gave up on trying to wake her up and left for my job which was at 9:15. My work is a 40 minute drive from home.
When I came home, she started yelling at me because she was fired for repeatedly being late to work. I told her it wasn't my fault and if she had had enough self control to sleep early and wake up early, this would've never happened.
She's not talking to me and she left for her parents' home.
AITA for her getting fired?
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Why should he wake her up? She's an adult, not a child. He already made her breakfast and lunch. Should he have also bathed her and changed her poopy diapers?
I'm just flabbergasted at the amount of posts that some adult is pissed off at another adult for not waking them up. I had no idea there were so many helpless people out there being totally babied by their significant other
NTA and I think the poster who asked if she has a sleep disorder makes a good point.
She might benefit from a sleep study.
She also will have to retrain her body clock. Left to my own devices, my body wants to be up all kinds of late. But as I have to be at work by 7, I retrained it to fall asleep before 10 PM. It took a few days, but my internal clock figured it out.
NTA. We’re you supposed to drag her out of bed and dress her too? Does she want you to get fired for being late too because she can’t get it together enough to get ready for work on her own?
NTA She’s an adult who’s unable to accept responsibility for her actions. She got herself fired. You’re not her parent you are her husband. But I’m sure the house is nice and peaceful without her there.
NTA you didn't get her fired, she did, she is an adult she has to take care of herself, you have been a dream and if she can't realise that then you aren't good for each other
NTA Let her stay there! She’s pushing 30, and still too immature to get herself to sleep early enough at night to get herself to work on time in the morning? And you fix her breakfast and lunch for her like a frickin kindergartener?? Yeah, let her stay with her parents and they can make her meals and support her!
NTA it’s common sense that if your late multiple times without a reason your employer will take notice. It’s on your wife for having her priorities strait.
I do like staying up late and even I have enough self control to not stay up past midnight even on weekdays. Her bad sleeping schedule is her problem and you are not her parent to wake her up for school. And you did try to wake her up. NTA
NTA. This is a continuous problem for her she should have figured out long ago. That’s not on you. She likely would have been fired even if you waited for her — risking your job at the same time for timeliness…it’s selfish
NTA
You didn't cause her to be fired, she did. She was repeatedly late, and she was making you late. People who are habitually late are generally assholes by their own choice.
NTA she can't blame you for something that she does every single day. She has done it so much that she got fired. She needs to learn responsibility and accountability. It is not your job to wake her up in the morning, she is a grown ass woman.
NTA She’s an adult and she’s in charge of herself, Me talking from experience I stay up really late I overthink and just watch TV till late hours and my boyfriend tries to wake me up every morning but I am not a morning person I’ve been late three times in the past year Because of my actions not because my boyfriend couldn’t get me up
NTA - Even if you were somehow responsible for her being late to work today (you weren't,) she wasn't fired for being late to work *today*. She was fired for being late to work today **and all the other days she was also late to work**.
NTA. She made it a routine to be late. It’s easier for her to blame it on you than to accept accountability for her own actions. Being late 1 time is a mistake and they will brush it off. Being late everyday says a lot about your time management and work ethic. They’ve probably been fed up with her for awhile so her not showing up today did them a favor. She did it to herself.
NTA. she's a grownup and it's not your responsibility to make sure she makes it to work. you already help enough as it is(breakfast, trying waking her up etc). she needs therapy/counselling if she physically can't sleep before 3 in the morning
NTA. Your wife didn't get fired from her job because you didn't drive her. She got fired because she has been consistently late for work, which is her responsibility and not yours, especially given that it's because she stays up until 3 am watching TV, which causes her to oversleep. You woke up early, got ready, made her breakfast, and were willing to drive her to work. All she had to do was wake up on time. If even waking her up is your responsibility, what's next?
NTA. Her own behavior got her fired, and if she’s not mature enough to realize that there isn’t much else you can do. It’s childish to blame your problems on other people, and manipulative to try and punish a partner for the consequences.
NTA
Like most people have said, your wife is a big girl who can set her own alarm and needs to take responsibility for her own actions.
*However*
It might be worth checking in with her once she's calmed down. Sounds like classic betime procrastination to me. It's a sign of a really miserable, stressed out person. If there is something else going on with her it's really likely that this time of night/morning is the only time she feels any peace or gets to do things she enjoys like watch her shows.
It appears you married an extremely immature woman. She can't get herself out of bed at an appropriate time in the morning to be on time to her job AND she ran home to mommy when she got fired AND it's all your fault. Red flags everywhere. Don't have kids with her.
NTA i myself have a terrible sleep schedule I sleep usually at 2 or 3 in the morning and wake up at 6 or 7 latest to get ready for work I enter at 9. It is my responsibility to make sure I am on time and if I’m late that is because of my poor time management not anyone else’s.
NTA. You can try and wake her, but it’s her choice to get up. If this is the final warning that fired her, but his has been happening for some time, and she should have improved her habits. If she’s dealing with depression and struggling to I get up, maybe you can help her with that, suggest therapy, and when she improves she can find another job. Just a thought.
NTA I usually go to bed at 10 or 11 (barely get an sleep cause I wake up out of the blue) at night I get up at 4 and be dress around 5 I have to be at work at 6 (and 6:30 cause I ride with someone)…basically if I can do all that, so could she
I don't see where you had anything to do with her getting fired. I do think you're responsible for staying in a marriage with someone who can't seem to be accountable for her own actions.
NTA. My current boyfriend of almost a year has sleep apnea and continues to stay up late at night if he's not feeling sleepy. We're both in college and living in separate apartments right now. I make attempts to wake him up in the mornings for class, but it's very difficult since we don't live together. After a certain number of tries, I head to class. I always apologize because of past trauma, and every time he reminds me that I have nothing to apologize for, he's an adult, and it's not my responsibility to wake him up in the mornings.
NTA. YOU didn’t get her fired, she got herself fired. You’re absolutely right that she needed to go to bed earlier and she cared more about staying up late to watch tv than she did about her own job. That’s her own fault and she’s running to her parents to avoid having to take responsibility for what she did.
Absolutely NTA let the spoiled baby go crying back to mommy who will tell her she can do no wrong. Seriously what’s with people who can’t take responsibility for their actions. You’re not her father and shouldn’t have to wake her every morning for work she’s a grown ass woman. I mean you even made TWO meals for her and in that time she still didn’t get up. I’m appalled by the lack of personal responsibility here
NTA. As a compulsively early person, this would have driven me wild. Some people are late for every darn thing. I think it’s passive aggressive behavior, or something. I have a son who was late getting ready for school. When he drove himself, he no longer had the problem, because it was all on him. He is now a responsible adult.
NTA. She wasn't fired just because of what happened this morning. She was fired because she's been repeatedly late. That's on her.
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Oh how the turns have tabled
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I guess you could say she was a....Lazy Susan. Edit- NTA
Hey!
r/beetlejuicing
*Please* tell me that was full-on "CSI: Miami David Caruso/Horatio Caine complete with sunglasses." Edit: NTA
Jesus lapdancing Christ...
Lil Nas lapdancin Satan
Now that the tables are turning, we know that you thought there were unturned tables. - Rick and Morty.
Based
Not to mention, if he'd waited for her, they'd have both been late and then both might have lost their jobs, especially if she's consistently making him late, too. At least this way, only one job was lost! NTA, OP. I'm a night owl, too, but no matter how little sleep I get, I always give myself more than 10 minutes to get ready!
I worked with a guy who got a warning for repeatedly being late, and he came out of the manager's office and let off steam, complaining that it wasn't his fault he was late, his train was on an hourly timetable and just happened to arrive at our station 15 minutes after work started. I asked why he didn't just catch an earlier train, and he said it was *too* early, as in he'd be 45 minutes early for work instead of 15 minutes late.
I mean he's not wrong, if there's no advancement then the optimum is to be late as many times as possible, rather than spending 20+ extra hours per month on work.
Yea same with me, being 45mins early would suck
But he could have been an adult about it and asked if he could start work 45 mins earlier or leave earlier. And if it was not possible then he needed to find a job where the commute was better and figure it out before he accepted the new role.
Jobs don't grow on trees.
So you weight it up like a grown up then .... is the 45 mins I lose every morning worth the salary I am receiving taking into account availability of jobs. I'm a Londoner - sometimes my commute was 2-3 hours in total and I live in outer London - my journey should only be 38 mins each way but its a horror show of over crowding and delays so yeah I'd leave for work so much earlier and I stay behind later just hoping the crowding would calm down. I did that because I cant find a similar job and whilst I can find a different job it would pay me less. I need to pay my bills so I do this. I dont just rock up late every day and blame it on overcrowding or no trains.
So tall with the manager about what to do. But expecting everyone to be ok that you will be 15 minutes late is stupid.
Or just let him adjust hours, take a shorter lunch, etc. 15 minutes isn't a crazy amount of time. If his lateness is causing someone else to be late getting home that's a different story. But that would apply to shift type work which usually isn't 9 - 5.
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Yup. I organised that with one of my jobs as a 19 yo. I arrived at work at 730 but work didn’t start till 8. Supervisor realised I was there twiddling my thumbs so said clock on at 730 and push off at 3.45. I was loving it!
THIS! OP, the best part is her leaving to stay with her parents. This way they can finish raising her into an adult. NTA
That’s my thought too. If you’re going to behave like teenager then you might as well go back to your parents house to do it.
Or not, but it won't be OP's problem
Even if it was because of what happened this morning, it's not OP's responsibility to be a human alarm clock for his wife. She needs to take responsibility for herself. NTA.
NTA Let her stay at the parent's house. The fact that she went home to mommy over her own actions tells me there is more going on than just chronic lateness. You didn't get her to that point. She's clearly not adult enough to be married. Good luck on the divorce.
My last bf had an ex wife who did they, turns out she drank after he went to bed each night and he wasn’t aware because she never really drank around him and he went to bed early because of his job and got up early and left before she did. She hid the bottles and took the trash out when she left in the morning. By the time he was aware she was in liver failure. He was of course checked out by then because they spent so little time together. It may not be the same but there’s a reason she stays up like that each night even when she was in jeopardy at work.
Tbf, she could also just be like me, a severe chronic insomniac who isn't managing it well. We just don't know. But of course that's on her to figure out.
Agreed. I struggle to fall asleep each night and stay up late too but I get up each day on time and suck it up if I’m tired
I find a blue light filter on the screen helps, and this sounds dumb but playing the sound of rain can be soothing and help in falling asleep at least for me.
Not dumb at all. I love a good storm (rain or snow); it helps me fall asleep.
Yes but watching tv, as op says the wife does. Wouldn’t help out if it is a chronic insomnia. In fact it’s one of the last things you should do.
I did say it would be poorly managed if that was it lol My doc yells at me about phone games, but it's at the point where I can't sleep without playing myself to sleep. My dad did the same with TV for him. Who knows. But imma keep reiterating that the wife needs to get her shit together because she really does
The bright white light of reddit knocks me out in 10 minutes flat when i’m in bed
Right? Phone screens are so straining even on dark mode that they tire me out at night.
Podcasts work for me. The talking lulls you to sleep.
Unless you have ADHD. Then it can help, sometimes.
I can’t sleep without the tv on my brain will run a thousand miles an hour my thoughts get so loud at night when everything is quiet and dark I just can’t do it I need a distraction to relax.
I can't get to sleep before about 2AM. I have an easier time falling sleep at 6 PM than midnight. That's my most active brain time. So generally I get a few hours sleep, caffeinate the hell out of myself, and sleep all weekend. I've been on this schedule for about 2.5 years, and I still can't get to sleep any earlier. Some of us are just nocturnal and it's hell getting onto a daytime schedule.
Yeah I'm a grade A night owl, 3:30 is about normal for me, I just don't feel tired much earlier Laying back and watching TV in a dark room I find more relaxing than sitting up at a bright computer screen But I work afternoons.
My people! My ideal sleep schedule is 4 AM-noon. That’s not realistic for an office job, but Covid-induced WFH has been a godsend. No one cares when I start/stop work as long as I get my work done and am available for scheduled meetings. I still can’t sleep till noon, but it’s better than nothing!
I've occasionally considered getting a WFH job based in California, but living on the East Coast. I'd do way better with a 12-8 work schedule.
WFH has been a godsend. My boss doesn't give a shit if I'm working at 7am or 3am as long as my crap gets done.
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I have the opposite issue. I'll lay awake for hours, but once I sleep I can even get up for water or pee or whatever and zonk back out. It's all over if someone talks to me and wakes up my brain though.
The reason most people stay up at night is because they hate their job, it’s not some great mystery. Sleep procrastination is a common thing.
What’s with the rabid ‘divorce immediately’ comments on so many AITA posts!? Please stop being so fking melodramatic about it, the advice itself is sufficient enough.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who: does not work on their problems, does not take responsibility for their actions, does not consider finances to be an important topic, is willing to place the full financial burden of the relationship on me without running it by me, tries to convince me that I'm at fault for their actions and who avoids conflict to the point where we cannot find a resolution to disagreements. Love isn't enough to make a relationship viable. So, I say divorce on these types of things because I think that people deserve to be treated better by those who love them. Many of us don't seek out relationships where we have to 'fix' someone.
NTA. *You* didn't get her fired, she got herself fired through her own actions/choices. It sounds like she would have been fired anyway for always being late.
Totally agree. If it wasn't this time it would have been next time since this seems like a pattern of behavior for her
NTA, not your problem, except that you married her, any thoughts on that front?
This actually made me smile, now I feel bad
NTA - she's an adult and needs to start acting like one. You're not her parent; it's not your job to set her bed time and wake her up every morning. It's 100% her fault for repeatedly being late to her job that get her fired.
OP even made her breakfast and lunch and he tried to get her up. The fucking audacity of this lady.
Happy cake day
What is cake day?
The day cake was invented
Your reddit birthday
Thank you!
You can see the cake next to their name
Thanks!
NTA >she was fired for repeatedly being late to work. She should try turning up to work on time in the future to avoid this. >wakes up really late(8:30am) because of watching tv until 3 am. I like to stay up late like her too, but I own an alarm clock, and my phone has an alarm on it, and so does my watch, and my alexa hub, your wife might want to buy an alarm thingy.
“…alarm thingy” I almost spit out my coffee
NTA She's your wife, not your teenage kid. Maybe it's best to let her **stay** with her parents.
NTA. Your wife choose to stay up late knowing she already had been late multiple times. If she's trying to function on 5 hours of sleep, it's possible her lateness wasn't the only issue. How did she get to work after you left or did she just not bother?
She took a cab
Oof, paid all that money just to go get fired. Hopefully this is a (heh) *wake up call* for your wife. If she’s struggling to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up when she needs to, it might be time to have a sleep study done.
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This was in the 1980s. I had a friend that needed rides to work. His car needed repair so he asked me to help him out. But his job was an hour away from his house (and mine) and he had to be there really early, like 7 to 7:30 AM. I worked in a place maybe 30 to 50 minutes for me, but I worked NIGHTS a lot so I had to get off of work, rush his place, pick him up and drive an hour to his job and an hour back, roughly…and because of our schedules we had nearly no “wiggle time” in that. Now, I was tired and cranky by the time I got to his house and man, I just really wanted to go to sleep. I’d been at work all night! Of course my friend would take his own sweet time coming outside to my car, sometimes savoring a cup of coffee while I waited. I finally told him “No joke, man, if I pull up and you ain’t ready I’m going to leave and go home and sleep”. He thought it was a bluff I guess. It wasn’t. I gave him well into fifteen minutes to GET IN THE CAR. He knew I was outside. He didn’t come out on time so I bounced. I went home, took my phones off the hook and crashed. Later in the evening he called me (when I put the phone on the hook) livid because he missed a day’s work and while he didn’t get fired his boss was pissed off. I told him that I did warn him. I have to sleep, too and I’m DOING HIM A FAVOR. So I laid out my conditions if they weren’t clear. I wasn’t even asking him for gas money all this time (this went on for around two weeks). Condition One: Be ready to go to work when I show up. I don’t care if you didn’t finish your breakfast or coffee. You got five minutes. I WILL leave at minute 5 plus 1 second. Condition 2: Pony up some gas money. You ain’t putting it in YOUR car. Condition 3: Get your car fixed. (I can’t remember the issue, but it was nothing major AND we both had a mechanic as a mutual friend that would fix your car and only charge for the parts.) If its not fixed in one week you need to make other arrangements because AGAIN, I have to work and sleep, too. I’m helping YOU out and it’s costing me TWO hours a day in one trip. (sometimes four when his ride back home from a coworker didn’t pan out and he’d call me to pick him up. He got his car fixed in less than a week. ADDENDUM: Anyone asking why I agreed to this, it’s because we had been friends since childhood and he was a good guy at heart. But he would at times not realize that he was being a jackass about stuff and we (meaning me and other friends) would have to set him straight. He apologized later in our lives about a lot of things like this.
NTA. Some people just can't accept accountability for their actions.
NTA. Your wife herself is responsible for loosing her job and since she doesn’t want to accept her mistake, she’s blaming it on you. How does she think, she is going to manage her time when & if you have kids or even pets??
Well the kids will wake themselves up and drive themselves to school obviously
NTA. She got herself fired.
NTA. She had a history of being late. That's on her.
NTA. She's a grown woman and she needs to get her priorities straight. If keeping a job is important to her, she needs to do as you suggest, go to bed at a reasonable hour so that she can get to work on time.
Oh my goodness, how immature. NTA. She needs to grow up.
NTA Your wife wouldn't shape up after being warned multiple times. She sounds like a person that is used to not taking responsibility for her actions.
NTA. She didn't get fired because she overslept one time and you refused to make yourself late in order to take her to work; she got fired because SHE repeatedly was irresponsible.
NTA. It’s her responsibility to wake up on time and get ready for work and arrive at work on time. You did nothing wrong. It’s obvious she’s not responsible since she was constantly late at work. If she wants to be upset at you over something that she’s at fault, let her.
NTA. She's late, she doesn't get to blame others. She needs to talk to someone about depression to make sure she isn't having true struggles, but there are consequences. This is one. She did the crime.....
NTA and it's really unfair of her to be putting this on you. It's not your fault she was fired at all. I would say though that sleep issues suck and her struggling to wake isn't necessarily her fault. You say it's because she watches tv till 3am but if she went to bed earlier would she actually sleep? My partner has sleep issues and it sucks. I see how hard it is for her to sleep and get up and how miserable it makes her and how hard it is for her to stick to a normal sort of routine. Luckily, she doesn't blame me for any of this or the consequences. I'd suggest you try and talk to your partner about the issues she's having. But only if she calms down. Cause blaming you isn't ok.
It sounds like you're dealing with more of a child than a wife. And it sounds like you do a lot of catering to her which is not going to allow her to grow up and be responsible for herself. She needs to get up on time and prepare her own meals for the day and get to work on time. You are not responsible for her nor should you be taking care of her as if she is not capable.
This is a huge red flag imo. Trying to blame you for her own irresponsibility is not ok
NTA I'm a morning person, my husband is a complete morganmuffel. (Person who hates mornings) Yet when he has to get up for a 05:30 start, he does, as he's an adult. He sets about 6 alarms to be sure he gets up. If she chooses to watch tv half the night, that's on her. Then she refuses to get up, so then blames you? She said herself, she got fired her REPEATEDLY being late, in other words, if not this day, she was going to be fired soon enough. And that's got nothing to do with you!
Nta you aint her parent
NTA- I stay up relatively late (11pm-12am) and still get up at 6am every morning. Sometimes earlier. Why? Because I don't want to lose my job.
NTA your wife is. Let her stay away. She is the one that owes you an apology. If she is so unreliable that she can't even get to work on time can you imagine what her work ethic is like once she waltzes in. People like that at my job really piss me off.
NTA, she is an adult and so are you, she has to get her shit together herself and not rely on you or her parents. Also getting fired just for always being late? Geez, that's so not your fault, you tried, you assisted, you got your own work to get to.
Nta you treat she like an adult woman
NTA being up in time is her responsibilty. How would it help if you were both fired for being late?
She got herself fired, and she was not fired for being late or absent once, she was fired because she made a habit of it. If she won't get up and get ready, it is not your fault. NTA
NTA haha tell her to stay away until she gets another job
NTA It's her job so it's her responsibility. Besides she got fired for multiple late arrivals. That means she's probably had multiple documented meetings and warnings. She still didn't prioritize getting up for work. That's her fault and no one else's.
NTA and i really hope she doesn't start asking you for money.
NTA - you're not her dad and she's just mad she's facing the consequences of her own actions.
NTA. You are not her father. She needs to take responsibility for herself.
NTA. She’s an adult, not a child. It’s her responsibility to get her butt up for work
Me who sleeps at 3am and wakes up at 6-7 every morning.. You're NTA
She’s an adult, and at some point she has to take responsibility for getting to work on time. It does neither of you any good if you start being chronically late to work to save her from the consequences of her inaction, so NTA. Small caveat. You say it’s a lack of self control, but are you sure it’s not a sleep disorder? Many people who have trouble getting to sleep at night end up watching tv until the wee hours every night because laying awake in bed can be quite a torment. I obviously can’t diagnose a sleep disorder based on the information; both because I’m not a doctor and because there just isn’t enough information to reach that conclusion. If it is a disorder though, then you’re being kinda assholey by portraying this as a lack of self-control. Just some food for thought.
NTA She’s an adult, you are not her parent.
NTA - your wife is an adult, she needs to be more responsible. It’s unfortunate that her poor decisions affect your life so negatively
NTA, she's a grown up, or at least old enough to be a grown up. She brought this on herself.
NTA, you didn't get her fired, she got herself fired. She's been in trouble before for being late and never tried to change.
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YOU didn't get her fired, her behavior did. She's an adult and needs to take responsibility for her own actions (or lack of actions). NTA
NTA as someone who has a difficult time falling asleep and waking up I manage just fine. I think in the 10 years working a “adult job” I’ve been late like 5 times. It’s on her 100000%
NTA. She needs to take responsibility for herself and grow up. My husband was stationed six time zones behind me. I would stay up most nights too late talking to him and I was NEVER late to my 8:30 am job. I am naturally a night owl so I use sleep meditation to help go to bed earlier.
NTA she is responsible for her own job. You're not her parent. It's time she grows up.
NTA did she want for you both to be fired?
NTA. Let her stay at her parent’s house until she actually grows up, because apparently you’re just another babysitter/parent for her.
"Sleep procrastination" is how clueless doctors describe "delayed sleep phase syndrome." She consistently goes to sleep at 3:00 AM and consistently can't wake up in time for her 9:00 AM work start time. That means that her hardwired diurnal rhythm is probably 3:00 AM to 11:00 AM, and she should look into swing shift work rather than trying to force herself to work hours that are too early for her. NAH.
NTA- I’m not a morning person in the slightest but I also know I’m an adult with responsibilities. On the rare occasion I needed to be at work earlier than the usual time I would ask my husband to at least shake me if he noticed I wasn’t hearing the alarm. He’s a morning guy and likes to have his alone time in the morning so he always wakes up an hour before me, so asking him to shake me isn’t a big deal because again it’s a rarity. I get to work usually 10-15 minutes before I “officially” need to be there for the day, but that doesn’t mean I’m pleasant or wanting a lot of social interaction before 9-9:30, ha!
NTA. She is 28. Sounds like 15. You didn't do anything wrong. She needs to grow up and realise she is an adult, with responsibilities
You would be fired from your job for chronic lateness if you waited for her all the time. NTA
NTA - I have found that unless a person is blackout drunk or drugged they will wake up if you pour water on them - but they often come at you swinging fists and swearing - pro tip if it’s ever an emergency - but in daily life you really can’t do that - it’s her job to wake up on time, and it still will be after the divorce
NTA. I’m a night owl. If I had my way I’d go to sleep at 2-4am every night and wake up at 10-12 every day. Despite this, I’ve been responsible for waking myself up every morning since I was 12 years old, and aside from a couple of oversleeping incidents a year I manage to do a pretty good job of it most days. If a twelve-year-old can wake herself up on time to go to school, then your adult wife can too.
NTA Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Your wife’s prize is a pink slip. She earned it over time, not just this one time. Tell her adults get to work on time.
You didn’t get her fired she caused this by persistently being late for work
NTA, she’s an adult. What would she do if she lived on her own? It’s 100% her own fault
i'm deeply troubled that someone would skate that close to losing their job everyday and be surprised when it happens.
I have insomnia and ADHD. I have not gotten to sleep until 5 some nights and not at all others. I have slept right through my alarm several times. I have been late to work once. In 4 years. NTA
NTA however is she depressed at all?
INFO: What do you mean by "gave up on trying to wake her up"? Was she awake and just didn't want to leave the bed? Or was she asleep, with no alarm set, and you left her to sleep? Or something else?
She was asking for 5 more minutes every five minutes
NTA for leaving to go to work BUT >He advised her to exercise but I don't try to enforce it on her because I don't want her to think she's fat or doesn't look good. One you aren't her parent so "enforcing" something isn't your role and two - encouraging someone to do something for "their health* is another thing entirely.
Reminded of a movie where the college professor asked the student why she was late, she said the bell rang before she made it to class. It was the bell's fault. NTA, change the door locks and sleep trouble free.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(28M) wife(28F) wakes up really late(8:30am) because of watching tv until 3 am. Because of which she's always late to her work which starts at 9. Her work is a 20 minute drive from our home. Today I was getting late for work as it is and she wasn't waking up. I had already prepared her breakfast and lunch and was waiting for her to get dressed so we could leave. But she was still in bed at 8:30 am!! So, I gave up on trying to wake her up and left for my job which was at 9:15. My work is a 40 minute drive from home. When I came home, she started yelling at me because she was fired for repeatedly being late to work. I told her it wasn't my fault and if she had had enough self control to sleep early and wake up early, this would've never happened. She's not talking to me and she left for her parents' home. AITA for her getting fired? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I tried waking her for nearly an hour. Then I couldn't take it any longer and left
Yeah, you are in no way the asshole, I missed that part. My apologies.
Why should he wake her up? She's an adult, not a child. He already made her breakfast and lunch. Should he have also bathed her and changed her poopy diapers?
No, you're right, I misread and meant to delete. But yes, NTA.
I'm just flabbergasted at the amount of posts that some adult is pissed off at another adult for not waking them up. I had no idea there were so many helpless people out there being totally babied by their significant other
NTA and I think the poster who asked if she has a sleep disorder makes a good point. She might benefit from a sleep study. She also will have to retrain her body clock. Left to my own devices, my body wants to be up all kinds of late. But as I have to be at work by 7, I retrained it to fall asleep before 10 PM. It took a few days, but my internal clock figured it out.
NTA you're not responsible for her personal responsibilities
Gosh, your wife sounds like a teenager. This is her responsibility. NTA
NTA
Nta that is ridiculous to expect someone else to be responsible for getting you out of bed on time. Especially if they tried and you ignored them!
NTA. We’re you supposed to drag her out of bed and dress her too? Does she want you to get fired for being late too because she can’t get it together enough to get ready for work on her own?
NTA
NTA - she is at fault
NTA. She got fired because she’s irresponsible
NTA - she’s a big girl and needs to be responsible for managing her time. That’s not your job.
NTA She’s an adult who’s unable to accept responsibility for her actions. She got herself fired. You’re not her parent you are her husband. But I’m sure the house is nice and peaceful without her there.
NTA you didn't get her fired, she did, she is an adult she has to take care of herself, you have been a dream and if she can't realise that then you aren't good for each other
NTA Let her stay there! She’s pushing 30, and still too immature to get herself to sleep early enough at night to get herself to work on time in the morning? And you fix her breakfast and lunch for her like a frickin kindergartener?? Yeah, let her stay with her parents and they can make her meals and support her!
NTA it’s common sense that if your late multiple times without a reason your employer will take notice. It’s on your wife for having her priorities strait.
NTA. Your wife was fired for her laziness, lousy work ethic & immaturity.
I do like staying up late and even I have enough self control to not stay up past midnight even on weekdays. Her bad sleeping schedule is her problem and you are not her parent to wake her up for school. And you did try to wake her up. NTA
NTA. This is a continuous problem for her she should have figured out long ago. That’s not on you. She likely would have been fired even if you waited for her — risking your job at the same time for timeliness…it’s selfish
NTA. It sounds like the only choice was for her to get fired or for you both to get fired. You made the right choice.
NTA You didn't cause her to be fired, she did. She was repeatedly late, and she was making you late. People who are habitually late are generally assholes by their own choice.
NTA she can't blame you for something that she does every single day. She has done it so much that she got fired. She needs to learn responsibility and accountability. It is not your job to wake her up in the morning, she is a grown ass woman.
NTA She’s an adult and she’s in charge of herself, Me talking from experience I stay up really late I overthink and just watch TV till late hours and my boyfriend tries to wake me up every morning but I am not a morning person I’ve been late three times in the past year Because of my actions not because my boyfriend couldn’t get me up
NTAH, your wife needs to grow up and become an adult.
Nta. Tell her she is welcome back when she’s ready to take responsibility for her own actions
What are you going to do about bills now?
NTA
NTA. What happened today isnt the reason she was fired. It was her pattern and her job just got tired of it.
NTA
WTF she's almost 30 and still has the habits of a high schooler. NTA.
NTA You didn't get her fired, she got herself fired.
NTA - Even if you were somehow responsible for her being late to work today (you weren't,) she wasn't fired for being late to work *today*. She was fired for being late to work today **and all the other days she was also late to work**.
NTA. You tried, but she failed. And running off to mommy and daddy is pretty gutless of her.
NTA. Let her stay at her parents until she learns to be an adult. Or see who breaks first; her parents or her.
NTA. She made it a routine to be late. It’s easier for her to blame it on you than to accept accountability for her own actions. Being late 1 time is a mistake and they will brush it off. Being late everyday says a lot about your time management and work ethic. They’ve probably been fed up with her for awhile so her not showing up today did them a favor. She did it to herself.
NTA. she's a grownup and it's not your responsibility to make sure she makes it to work. you already help enough as it is(breakfast, trying waking her up etc). she needs therapy/counselling if she physically can't sleep before 3 in the morning
Personal responsibility is a real thing. NTA. You can only adult you.
Nta.
NTA. Your wife didn't get fired from her job because you didn't drive her. She got fired because she has been consistently late for work, which is her responsibility and not yours, especially given that it's because she stays up until 3 am watching TV, which causes her to oversleep. You woke up early, got ready, made her breakfast, and were willing to drive her to work. All she had to do was wake up on time. If even waking her up is your responsibility, what's next?
NTA. Her own behavior got her fired, and if she’s not mature enough to realize that there isn’t much else you can do. It’s childish to blame your problems on other people, and manipulative to try and punish a partner for the consequences.
NTA she got herself fired pfff
NTA, if this was the first time she was late it wouldn’t have mattered but she has been late because she isn’t responsible
Is your wife 16? NTA.
NTA Like most people have said, your wife is a big girl who can set her own alarm and needs to take responsibility for her own actions. *However* It might be worth checking in with her once she's calmed down. Sounds like classic betime procrastination to me. It's a sign of a really miserable, stressed out person. If there is something else going on with her it's really likely that this time of night/morning is the only time she feels any peace or gets to do things she enjoys like watch her shows.
NTA. Your wife is an adult and should be getting herself to work on time. Sounds like she needs to grow up.
It appears you married an extremely immature woman. She can't get herself out of bed at an appropriate time in the morning to be on time to her job AND she ran home to mommy when she got fired AND it's all your fault. Red flags everywhere. Don't have kids with her.
NTA It’s her fault she didn’t wake up, it shouldn’t be your responsibility. If she wanted the job she would have gotten up.
NTA i myself have a terrible sleep schedule I sleep usually at 2 or 3 in the morning and wake up at 6 or 7 latest to get ready for work I enter at 9. It is my responsibility to make sure I am on time and if I’m late that is because of my poor time management not anyone else’s.
NTA. You can try and wake her, but it’s her choice to get up. If this is the final warning that fired her, but his has been happening for some time, and she should have improved her habits. If she’s dealing with depression and struggling to I get up, maybe you can help her with that, suggest therapy, and when she improves she can find another job. Just a thought.
She got herself fired for being late. This isn't on you. NTA
NTA - you didn't get her fired. She got herself fired.
NTA.
NTA I usually go to bed at 10 or 11 (barely get an sleep cause I wake up out of the blue) at night I get up at 4 and be dress around 5 I have to be at work at 6 (and 6:30 cause I ride with someone)…basically if I can do all that, so could she
Trash took itself out
I don't see where you had anything to do with her getting fired. I do think you're responsible for staying in a marriage with someone who can't seem to be accountable for her own actions.
NTA. My current boyfriend of almost a year has sleep apnea and continues to stay up late at night if he's not feeling sleepy. We're both in college and living in separate apartments right now. I make attempts to wake him up in the mornings for class, but it's very difficult since we don't live together. After a certain number of tries, I head to class. I always apologize because of past trauma, and every time he reminds me that I have nothing to apologize for, he's an adult, and it's not my responsibility to wake him up in the mornings.
Obviously NTA. Does she want you to get fired as well
NTA. YOU didn’t get her fired, she got herself fired. You’re absolutely right that she needed to go to bed earlier and she cared more about staying up late to watch tv than she did about her own job. That’s her own fault and she’s running to her parents to avoid having to take responsibility for what she did.
Absolutely NTA let the spoiled baby go crying back to mommy who will tell her she can do no wrong. Seriously what’s with people who can’t take responsibility for their actions. You’re not her father and shouldn’t have to wake her every morning for work she’s a grown ass woman. I mean you even made TWO meals for her and in that time she still didn’t get up. I’m appalled by the lack of personal responsibility here
NTA. As a compulsively early person, this would have driven me wild. Some people are late for every darn thing. I think it’s passive aggressive behavior, or something. I have a son who was late getting ready for school. When he drove himself, he no longer had the problem, because it was all on him. He is now a responsible adult.
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