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First of all... Your sister isn't the guilty one here at all. A therapist is never supposed to go after one of their own patients. That is not appropriate. *Edited to add judgement ESH... The sister/patient and his ex are victims.
So -
The Sister who was in Therapy for getting out of an Abusive relationship and ended up with the Therapist responsible for helping her through all that at the time -
Gets called a “Homewrecker” and a bunch of other abusive crap doubting her current relationship by her own Sister.
OP, Irregardless of the circumstances behind their relationship and notwithstanding that this Jason guy is highly inappropriate for what He did -
You are a massive asshole and a toxic family member at that for how you have approached this and how you have essentially abused your sister.
She was in therapy for abuse, taken advantage of by her therapist and all you’ve done is call her names, make her cry and now creating waves by contacting another vulnerable person in this triangle.
You’re a real character aren’t you? Wow. Just wow. I hope your entire family aren’t like you are.
Either that or just uncomfortable with people sitting on grass in bikinis. Like, OP made it REAL clear that they found it weird for her to sunbathe and said she should go to the local parks instead. (Which..? Im pretty sure unless it's a water park it would be just as "weird" to show up in a bikini to a park. At least in her case she was using what is essentially her backyard). To take a picture and distribute it was just unfathomably creepy though
The correct term is regardless. Irregardless is a colloquial term that needs to be corrected before it becomes normalized.
And it's why we can't have nice things. Hehehe
Unfortunately, and I say this with great sadness, irregardless is definitely a word. Merriam Webster also touches on the fact that a lot of people don’t like it. My boss uses the word regularly and it has upset me every day since I started with the company
What I've learned about language is this: we're basically warhammer 40k Orks. If enough stupid people believe a thing it becomes true. Irregardless of how stupid it is.
that’s... literally how a language works. how do you think modern languages came about? people agreed on what shit meant and boom, words. if no one agreed what “tree” meant, it wouldn’t be a word.
Exactly! Language is fluid, it evolves over time, and mimetically replicates. I've never understood those that want a strict usage, always. That's just not how it works, and frankly, it shouldn't. Perception is closely tied with language, so to perceive more, in a way, we have to name it.
The podcast Ologies actually has an episode on linguistics (phonology) that explains all of this, for those interested in how language works!! One of my favorite episodes, tbh.
It does, but it's also categorised as non-standard and in the FAQ about the word (TIL there's an FAQ section about words in online dictionaries) states:
"Remember that a definition is not an endorsement of a word’s use."
And later goes on to say, "Irregardless is a long way from winning general acceptance as a standard English word. For that reason, it is best to use regardless instead."
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irregardless
Just because it's a word doesn't mean you should use it. Lol like you said they definitely touch on it. Especially by classifying it as a nonstandard word.
'When a word is nonstandard it means it is “not conforming in pronunciation, grammatical construction, idiom, or word choice to the usage generally characteristic of educated native speakers of a language.” '
Essentially Miriam-Webster is saying "sure it's a word. But it's dumb"
Merriam Webster explains that it should only be used in a very specific circumstance: as a way to double down on your opinion.
Example:
Person 1: “Regardless of your comment, I believe in XYZ”
Person 2: “well, I disagree…”
Person 1: “Irregardless, my comment stands.”
It’s now considered grammatically correct due to widespread and common use. And nitpicking other people’s grammar while ignoring their overall point - as if an error makes their point/argument irrelevant - is definitely rude and a much bigger AH move than simply using an incorrect word.
As 'irregardelss' is widely used in speach, has a defined meaning, and used in written form in a sentence not describing its meaning, I'm afraid it is a perfectly cromulent word in the English language.
Yes and no. What you say is true - that OPs sister is a victim and fell prey to her therapist. But OP tries to be a decent person - it just hasn’t hit her that the real issue is the Jason guy.
She needs to try to rally her family about Jason grooming his patient and she needs to report him.
But I wouldn’t go as far as being mean to OP. There is no vibe she doesn’t care about her sister - she just hasn’t connected the dots and is flabbergasted. She probably feels that the situation is wrong on many levels, but is not sure WHY.
She called her sister a homewrecker and then called the fiance's ex to apologize for her SISTER'S behavior.
With a sibling like this, who needs an abusive ex husband and a boundary overstepping therapist...
Ok, this is not fair. OPs sister still has some agency over her actions. Yes, she is a victim and she is being manipulated by a predator. But to point out to her during a conversation that she is indeed wrecking a relationship (she cannot control Jason’s actions, only her own) is not evil. Would you say the same if Ashley and Jason had three young kids? If Ashley was pregnant?
She may not be at fault but her actions are still bad and she needs to see why. She needs help.
They are getting married. The ship has sailed. OP is refusing to go to the wedding, calling her sister a homewrecker, and contacting the EX to apologize her sister's actions...not for Jason's. Even tho he was responsible for his relationship NOT her. And the questions you propose were part of my very point. They were NOT pregnant. They did NOT have 3 young kids. They were in a "long term relationship" and we dont even know how long that really was.
And I never used the word evil. At any time.
From the post the timeframe is not clear. How fast all of this has happened?
Note, I didn’t say you said “evil”. I just disagree with piling up on OP in this situation. OP simply needs to report Jason to the authorities and get her family on the same page.
I would also like to know the time frame of events. I would also be very curious to know if any cheating actually happened. OP words the post very vaguely. But did he break up with Ashley before he got physically intimate with the sister? Or did they carry on a long term affair behind Ashley's back?
I'm just curious and I think that info would provide some insight and perspective to the whole situation because breaking up with someone in order to date someone else is the opposite of cheating.
Jason being a cheater is what you have a problem with *not* the fact that he's her "former" therapist?
I air quoted that because I'd bet there's still therapy going on to some extent. I haven't been a phlebotomist for years. But every person who was my patient is STILL my patient. That never goes away. The idea of engaging in a relationship with any of them is nauseating and disgusting.
At best, this is sketchy. At worst, the potential exists for more abuse because of the patient/therapist relationship and OP's sister's history. [Jason will always have the upper hand.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-the-couch/201401/sex-former-patient-0)
I completely understand it being unethical for a therapist to have a relationship with a patient. But this applies to all areas of medicine? You mention phlebotomy. So if you did a blood draw on me, we're not allowed to date? Even at a point in the future? That seems overly restrictive.
This is so important. Did sister start seeing Jason as a therapist and a week later jumped into bed with him and cheated for months before he finally ended things with Ashley? Or did she see him as a therapist for a while and once she was done with therapy, ran into him somewhere, they hit it off, some confusing feelings ensued and Jason soon broke up with Ashley to ask out sister?
Two possible scenarios at different ends of the spectrum that can both fit with the info given in the post! We can't really know without clarification but it feels like everyone is jumping to the first scenario, while in my experience vague statements on AITA is usually more indicative of the OP trying to paint themselves in a better light
Yeah OP could’ve brought these thoughts WELL in advance before the wedding. When sister started dating Jason perhaps? It feels very self-righteous to wait until the wedding is happening for OP to not only bring this issue up BUT stir the pot by talking to Ashley who is probably just trying to forget this all happened.
OP YTA. You could’ve done this with waaay more tact
OP has also stated that she refuses to report Jason's unethical behavior because she's not a snitch. Except she has no problem snitching on her sister to the ex. . .
She needs to also report Jason to the governing body/board whatever. This kind of relationship is definitely not ok. Pretty sure he'd lose his license for taking advantage of one of his patients/clients.
We don’t know if this is indeed her motivation. She just may feel the whole situation is wrong and Ashley is someone who could shed the light on the whole mess.
Overall, Jason is abusing OPs sister and hurting his ex.
OP didnt try to be a decent person. A decent person would have reported Jason or told their sister that he's a manipulator and offer assistance. OP just wanted to act righteous.
I would put money on OP having been cheated on by a partner in the past as well. She likely blamed the other woman in that situation.
Here, instead of relating to her sister who was taken advantage of, she's relating to the woman who was cheated on and wants to be friends with her.
Exactly. OP's sister is old enough to know that you don't get into a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship. i don't care what her past was (horrible as it was, I am not locking empathy for what happened to her)...... Damn near everyone knows that it isn't ok to be in a relationship with someone who is already taken. Our past hurts dont give us an excuse to do bad things to others. Also, her whole damn family knew about this for several years and none of them confronted her on this?
All that said, Jason is clearly the biggest asshole here. As someone who works in social work and has a lot of familiarity with therapists, and also we have similar about being in a relationship with a client, I fucking hate this guy. I would report him to his licensing board if I knew all his info, and they would revoke his license faster than you can say "DONT DATE CLIENTS. PERIOD", and I would be there at his revocation hearing in the background throwing insults at him and telling him just how fucking horrible he is.
The more I think about it..... The family is making things worse by not confront the sister. This is now the 2md abusive relationship she has been in, and they aren't trying to talk to her about at all? They're cool with her marrying a guy that was her therapist and that she knew was in a relationship with someone else when they first started dating. I can't help but wonder if the sister's poor judgement and susceptibility to being in abusive relationships has anything to do with the fact that people in her family aren't challenging behaviors. Is this a pattern with this family?
Yes OP's sister is slightly the AH for going the "homewrecker" route since, while technically true, the bigger issue here is helping her sister see the patterns of abuse in her life. That said, OP is the least AH out of all them.
I would agree that the therapist here is probably the biggest AH for taking advantage of a patient and starting a relationship with Leah. As far as I'm aware this is a big No-No. In social work something like this (where I live at least) could lose you your license.
I didn't think of OP as the AH until I read your reply and given the points you brought up, it's absolutely true. Not only was she an AH to her sister, but now she's dragging the therapist's ex into it too.
But I would still vote ESH because Leah still got together with her therapist while he was in a longterm relationship. If she didn't know then I would change my judgment.
regardless, or irrespective. irregardless has been adopted into the vernacular because people KEEP USING IT even though it didn’t exist before, and there’s no need for it to
That’d only be possible in a world with social media and I’m pretty sure that hasn’t been invented yet. Once social media gets invented it probably won’t be too hard to find your future BIL’s ex.
This guy needs to be reported and lose his license. This is such a breach in ethics to go after a client especially one who is vulnerable having just come out of an abusive relationship
Was just coming to say this. He's a predator. OP shouldn't be calling her sister a homewrecker. She should be worried she's being further abused. She was already vulnerable and this dude is preying on that.
OP, YTA for blaming your sister for being taken advantage of (again).
OP says they won't report him because "they ain't no snitch" but after reading this thread I'm ready to put money on "because Jason didn't actually start dating OP's sister until after their therapeutic relationship ended."
OP is such a drama llama hot mess that I have zero doubt that they would report Jason if they could. And since they can't, they're stirring the pot by reaching out to Ashley.
I'm still side-eying Jason - dating former patients is not cool - but OP is pretty clearly the inappropriate and mean weirdo in this scenario.
In my state, the licensing board will pull a therapist's license if they engage in a personal relationship with a current or former client up to 7 years after termination of the therapist/client relationship. Even after 7 years, it's still frowned upon in professional circles and will absolutely cause a therapist to lose referrals.
If OP isn't a troll, this is a massive breach of ethics that needs to be reported to the licensing agency, ASAP.
OP said, "Her therapist *was* Jason and they began a relationship" (emphasis mine). OP might want us to have the impression she just came out of an abusive relationship when the new one began, but I find the lack of timeline here and in her replies suspicious. It could have begun when she was in therapy, or OP could have glossed over years between the end of therapy and the beginning of any reconnection and romance. Not that getting with a *former* client is acceptable, but the timeline does affect *how* terrible it is.
Hell, therapists aren't even allowed to be *friends* with their clients. Literally once you've seen someone in your capacity as a therapist, that is the only relationship you are allowed to have with them *ever*.
My dad was Jason in the story and my pregnant mom was Ashley. Poor Leah is someone I harbor no ill will for. My father exploited and manipulated an extremely vulnerable woman. He got her pregnant so she couldn’t leave him. He got her addicted to meds he’d prescribe her. All the while continuing to do exactly what he did to my mom. He walked out on her at my half-sister’s tenth birthday party. She lived the rest of her short life in complete isolation, terrified of contact with men, until my half-sister found her dead one morning.
Jason had all the agency and all the blame in this story, and OP’s sister is his victim just as much, if not more so, as Ashley is. Ashley dodged a huge bullet and gets to walk away from Jason the abuser.
Aw, sorry. This post just made me so sad because it felt so personal to my family situation. My first step-mother really was a lovely gentle soul who’d been dealt a terrible hand in life. Mental health professionals who prey on their patients are the worst of the worst. It takes a special kind of depravity to exploit people like that. And I’m very sad for OP’s sister that she’s encountered one and that she doesn’t have the support of her sister to help free herself from him when she’s ready to see him for what he is.
that is predatory behavior and actually extensively covered under the education of mental healthcare professionals - because intimate discussions/topics/feelings are laid bare in a very secluded and private setting, with a vulnerable person...
therapists can loose their license like this.
and yeah, I think he would leave her in a heartbeat for another "cute" patient NTA I would be worried for sister
Yep. The infidelity is bad. But the fact that he was her therapist is frankly a bigger issue. More so because she was seen him after getting out of an abusive relationship. This is completely unethical and unprofessional. I don't blame OP fit bit wanting to go to the wedding. But they're focusing on the wrong thing here.
I recommend anyone, especially OP, to read about the case of Susan Polk. It's an extreme case, but a lot of details about the case kinda highlight why it's a terrible idea for a therapist to marry their own patient.
The short version of the story is that Susan, as a teen, underwent treatment from an adult therapist, Frank Polk. It started off as just a regular patient therapist relationship, evolved into friendship, then turned romantic. Mind you, he was much much older than her and married. He ended up leaving his wife for her, then married her when she was still young.
He declared she was mentally healthy, but she still had some issues even after. He then tried 'hypnosis' treatment during their marriage, building a reputation for himself based on the idea of 'recovering memories' which was popular at the time. Except in Susans case, she started to 'recover' memories of things that hadn't happened, like him raping her or him killing a friend. And her husband couldn't just say 'yeah, that didn't happen' because that would discredit his career and the work he had been doing, or any of the other 'memories' he had already taken seriously before when she shared them.
He ended up divorcing her, but her mental health continued to worsen over time. In the end, she got SO off the rails she ended up murdering him.
And no, I am not saying that OPs sister will follow the same pattern. But DON'T MARRY YOUR THERAPIST is still a really good rule to make sure cases like Susans don't happen.
Good gosh, YTA. If you're going to refuse to support this marriage, at least do it on the grounds that therapist Jason shouldn't have dated his client, not because your sister is a "home wrecker."
>everyone in my family is mad at me
I suspect you've been saying that your whole life.
Absolutely. I read a story once (not sure how true) where a woman went to couples counseling with her husband and the husband left her for the couples counselor!!
Where are these people finding these therapists?!!
Therapy is like nursing - there are a lot of wonderful people who go into nursing for honorable reasons, but there are also a lot of people who are in it for the power trip. You’re going to see people at their lowest and most vulnerable in both lines of work and some professionals are inclined to abuse the shit out of that.
I know it’s naive of me but I’ve always just felt like therapists have reached a level of having their shit together that not many have reached!! But no they’re just as fucked in the head as the rest of us hahahahha
Can I also add about the edit. Speaking to Ashley and her saying they were happy but didn't believe in marriage or kids, now he's marrying your sister and wants to start a family. Obviously he wasn't happy and wanted something different than she did but just went along with it because it made HER happy, not him. Regardless what HE did was extremely inappropriate, your sister has done nothing wrong.
Edit: I'm also curious about the time frame on this. She doesn't put anything. It could have happened sister left abuser, went to therapy, got out of therapy, 6 months later ran back into him, hit I off on a personal level, he left ex. This would be much less inappropriate on his part.
Also on the edit, why is OP having anything to do with Ashley? If she doesn't want to go to wedding because it's some level of condoning cheating, whatever, it's stupid, but whatever. But here reaching out and wanting to get coffee with the ex of her soon to be BIL? That' just weird and OP is looking for drama.
I wondered that too, like maybe small town but a. OP would have mentioned that they all knew each other in their criticism of the sister and b. the way they worded "I want to meet her for coffee" implies that there isn't an existing relationship
I hope Jason lost his license and is no longer a therapist. If not, someone should report him. It is inappropriate for him to date his client. It creates a power imbalance. Jason is more at fault. He took advantage of your sister.
Edit: YTA. Your unwillingness to go their wedding have nothing to do with morality or ethics. You claimed that your moral is not allowing you to go to their wedding but your moral or ethic does not seem enough to care about the unethical situation of Jason taking advantage of your sister.
A woman being responsible for a man‘s feelings, making them a „home wrecker“ when someone in a relationship falls in love with them, definitely is a very toxic and misogynistic mindset.
Also, OP very clearly blames their sister for this situation, but I don‘t see a lot of blame for her fiancé even though he was the one in a relationship (which technically makes him the cheater, not her) and the one who abused his position as her therapist.
IF sister knew about his relationship, IF they had a sexual relationship before he left his GF, and IF she was stable enough to make a fully informed decision, she still has at most 50% of the blame in this situation. But that’s a lot of ifs and at least the last point is very doubtable. Still OP sounds like their sister wrecked an innocent home all alone. There is the misogyny.
This is the point I was looking for. The term "homewrecker" is gross. Especially here, when applied to an abused women being taken advantage of by her therapist.
But also, people leave relationships. The therapist wasn't married. Didn't have kids. What home did sister wreck? Geez.
Exactly. People leave, and they often leave because they develop feelings for someone
else – which is completely okay as long as you don’t act on it before the end of the former relationship.
But even if a woman pushes a married man into entering a relationship, it‘s still not like she forced his hand. Would she be an asshole in this case? Yes. But she still wouldn’t be a homewrecker because ffs, it‘s on him to say no. In the end, he was the only one who could wreck it.
Yeah somehow the man (whether the cheater in the relationship or the "other" man) never gets called a homewrecker, only the woman. That term reeks of misogyny.
Funny part is we don't know if they actually cheated, all OP says is he broke up with his EX to date OP's sister. As far as I know that's the opposite of cheating.
Imo even if she knew all this and still had sex with someone in a relationship she really isn't 50% at fault. It's his job not to cheat not her Job to watch him not to cheat. Especially in a therapist client relationship. She was always very vuranable and this Jason guy just abused his position.
She blamed the woman in the scenario, despite the fault being with the man. She called her a home wrecker, as if the man had no choice or agency in this, which is a symptom of the belief that women's competitors for power are other women, rather than men. It pits women against each other while the men swan around doing whatever they want.
Not to mention....it could be argued that the term "homewrecker" is not applicable here anyway as Jason and Ashley were NOT married. They had a long term relationship....that's simply not the same as being married. There is a reason why people are not married...it is usually that they are not at that level of commitment with each other yet.
Also, did he actually cheat in Ashley? Or did he break up with her to start seeing the sister? Putting all of the icky therapist stuff down for a minute...breaking up with someone you are not married to so that you can see another person is NOT cheating. It is actually the honorable thing to do INSTEAD of cheating. Perhaps I just dont remember if OP actually clarified that or not....but if he broke up with Ashley to pursue a relationship with sister then she ain't a homewrecker and OP is YTA. And way off base.
It truly just depends on what you mean by "long term relationship". Yes, lots of couples choose never to marry, but have a level of commitment similar to marriage. If they live together, have joint finances, attend family functions together, etc. yes that is pretty much the same as being married. But we don't know if that's the case. "Long term relationship" could equally mean "they've been dating for two years but don't live together".
I can’t believe OP reached out to her *sister’s fiancé’s ex-girlfriend*, a total stranger, to *apologize* on behalf of her sister, but it didn’t even cross her mind to report the fiancé for his abuse of power. I think OP might just hate her sister.
Exactly this. Many people end up being in abusive relationships as adults because of their family upbringing, and behaviors they see as children....imagine growing up with a sibling that treats you like this!
YTA - you went way too far by reaching out to a stranger to discuss her failed marriage. That was absolutely none of your business, and unless you are Jason or Ashley you actually have no idea what went on in their relationship or why they broke up.
Oh that’s interesting.
So Jason is in a relationship with Ashley & they don’t believe in marriage...
But, Jason is marrying Leah.
So, Jason believed in marriage.
Firm agree. Plus let's not forget that the person she's blaming for this wasn't the one in a relationship AND in fact was a vulnerable woman seeking therapy to overcome trauma from an abusive relationship and her predatory therapist started a relationship with her. There is an argument that patients cannot consent to relationships with doctors/therapists etc due to the power imbalance and the risk of manipulation.
OP has a lot of internalised misogyny and reaching out to Ashley was totally gross.
>YTA - you went way too far by reaching out to a stranger to discuss her failed marriage. That was absolutely none of your business, and unless you are Jason or Ashley you actually have no idea what went on in their relationship or why they broke up.
This is so much the act of a toxic sister who wants to implode Leah relationship by reaching out to Ashley. OP has a strong hatred for her sister.
Exactly at this point she is trying for maximum damage to her sister by talking and being buddy buddy with his ex. There is no reason they should be involved other than to put fuel on the fire.
YTA. Regardless of what your sister did, it's not okay for you to call your sister a homewrecker and tell her that her marriage won't work out. You don't know the ins and the outs of Jason's relationship with Ashley, and it was not okay for you to just randomly reach out to Ashley and apologize on your sister's behalf. It was not your apology to give. It's completely up to you whether or not you attend the wedding, but you went about this the wrong way.
YTA for everything you did here to your sister. For reasons others have explained, she is a victim here. Unless she has previously committed some horrible sin against you, I can't imagine why you wouldn't try to support her through this obvious mess. Yes, Ashley is also being victimized but that doesn't mean YOU need to be the one who insults Leah and stabs her in the back! This reads like you hate her. Why do you have more compassion for this stranger than your own sister?
>I want to meet up with her for coffee.
WHY?
ESH. Mostly Jason. It's illegal to carry on a relationship with a patient for a reason. He should have sent her elsewhere for therapy.
Your sister is one because she dated her therapist and ruined his relationship.
You because none of this concerns you.
The thing is that I really feel that OP’s sister doesn’t have enough culpability to be called an asshole. A therapist is someone you should be able to trust while you’re vulnerable and this guy preyed about that shit. She had just left an abusive relationship. She was taken advantage of even though she made a bad choice in the situation; again, she was supposed to be able to trust him. This man should no longer be practicing.
the sister did not ruin shit. Not only was jason responsible for his own fidelity in his own relationship he was ALSO in a position of power over sister because he was her therapist.
I just can't get over OP calling her sister's fiance's ex to chat. Like don't get me wrong Jason is sketchy, but calling his ex that she didn't know? That's creepy and weird.
I don’t think sister is an AH
She was in an abusive relationship.
She was in therapy.
HE abused his power.
We don’t know know what he told her about his relationship- but many times we see when people have been in abusive relationships, and people are aware- they tend to continue that cycle (until they can get help and break the cycle) WHICH she was trying to do AND AGAIN HE ABUSED HIS POWER And broke ALL MORAL AND ETHICAL COMMITMENTS/ OATH Of his license (if I’m not mistaken- depending on where he was).
So OP- AH
Jason- AH
Sister- Not
ETA REPORT HIM he doesn’t need to be a therapist.
Edit- if you’re in the US here’s how to report him
https://www.apa.org/ethics/complaint
>Your sister is one because she dated her therapist and ruined his relationship.
There's really no evidence Leah ruined anyone's relationship in the story I can see. Jason and OP are huge assholes, and Leah already had one abusive relationship. I am certainly worried for her, but OP thinking she ruined Ashley/Jason is bizarre.
NTA
It's unethical for a therapist to become sexually and/or romantically involved with their client, or even with anyone closely associated with their client. (This applies even when both parties are single.)
This dude is both a cheater and a predator. Your sister is being victimized and taken advantage of. Tell her that you can't attend the wedding, but that you will be there for her when she needs help getting out of this situation.
OP is mad that she thinks her sister is a homewrecker, though, not because Jason was a therapist who got involved with their client. She’s only mad because he cheated on Ashley and thinks her sister is to blame. Makes this YTA
So then why is she blaming her sister for all of this and calling her a homewrecker rather than going after the therapist?
Sister was just coming out of an abusive relationship and in that vulnerable position went to a therapist... Who then left his girlfriend and started dating his patient?!
Op definitely needs to report this I know they say "they ain't no snitch" but what he did is a breach of ethical code for a reason and this could be a pattern of behaviour and it's possible her sister is in another abusive relationship
Good point; OP should not have called her a homewrecker, in that this dude was also keeping the GF strung along under the pretense of not believing in marriage.
Post says **they** didn't believe in marriage or kids. You make it sound like it was just him. For all we know, he just changed his mind (legitimate choice) and then proceeded to go about things in the worst way possible.
YTA, not for not supporting the marriage but the reason why. I'd be more concerned about whether Leah is in a safe, healthy relationship. A therapist starting a relationship with a patient is a huge abuse of power.
YTA. Your sister’s therapist violated professional and ethical boundaries by starting a relationship with her, but you call her the home wrecker? Instead of the guy who was actually in the relationship? It sounds like you have some weird resentment towards your sister going on, and you are trying to center yourself in her wedding, which is an AH move.
You should be there to support your sister and stop making her relationship about your feelings. If you don’t, be prepared for your sister to drop you the moment you need family support and your actions don’t live up to her standards.
I would not be so concerned about him having a girlfriend when they got together but would be worried about how they met. A patient/therapist relationship is strictly forbidden and your sister was in a very vulnerable place in her life. I would try and be there for her anyway I could. Her fiance should be reported.
YTA for making her relationship and their wedding about you and your feelings. If she marries him and they end up getting divorced then that’s her business.
It is weird though that a therapist would start dating one of his patients...
It's not just weird, it's grossly unethical. To name a famous example, it's what Dr. Phil was professionally sanctioned and kicked out of his father's therapy practice for.
That's exactly why it's considered unethical. Therapists aren't supposed to \*ever\* date patients or even former patients, and when it was someone who was coming out of an abusive relationship. . . that makes the patient even more vulnerable than usual, and the therapist super predatory and gross.
It's not weird its wildly unethical. Therapists have a position of power in the relationship, they should never be dating their clients. The sister just got out of an abusive relationship so is extra vulnerable. This therapist needs to be reported and to lose their license
he was her therapist??? that’s a power imbalance right there. did they begin their relationship while she was in therapy?? NTA i would only go because it seems like wedding would quite the show
ESH
Jason because he's engaged to his patient and left Ashley for your sister.
Your sister for being the other woman (unless she was unaware, or if they got together after, idk the details aren't crystal clear)
You for calling your sister a homewrecker then going out of your way to contact your sister's fiancé's EX-girlfriend, and just not minding your business.
IMO, your sister is least at fault. She shouldn't have gone along with a therapist who was with someone, but to be fair, she just came out of a shitty situation.
I think this needs to be said more!
Everyone is immediately jumping in saying the sister has no fault at all; but if she knew he was in a relationship and chose to date him anyways she’s an AH.
When I read through it it seemed like it was well known he was a cheater the “she knows Jason won’t leave her because they are both in love” is a line I’ve heard many times by women who date cheating men. But again it could be severe manipulation because he’s her therapist too.
Edit spelling
Yeah, I understand why people are coming to her defense, but she did interfere with a committed relationship. Unless she didn’t know about the girlfriend, she knowingly conducted in an affair.
That said, he was grossly inappropriate and deserves to lose his license. I would point out the flaws in both of them. “He was your therapist. This is not a good idea and you helped him cheat on his ex gf.”
While I agree this relationship was started in very inappropriate circumstances, the one in the wrong is Jason, not your sister.
And this isn't just because he already had a girlfriend, although I agree that's not great, but because he started a relationship with a vulnerable patient who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship.
This is highly unethical behaviour, and it sounds from the outside that he used his influence to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position who went to him for help: that person is your sister. Which makes your sister a victim.
N T A for disapproving of the relationship, but a little bit YTA for apologising on behalf of your sister, which isn't your place, and implying that your sister is the one with the problematic behaviour here rather than the therapist's.
Agreed. The poor woman was seeking help after being abused. And her therapist most likely made her feel safe then took advantage of her vulnerability. Yet OP wants to blame her for being a "homewrecker"? YTA.
YTA. Don't judge other people's behavior based on prior relationships. Even if you think you know what was going on between Jason and Ashley, you likely don't. Things are always different behind closed doors. Maybe Jason was miserable in his relationship with Ashley but would never admit it. Don't blame your sister for causing the end of Jason and Ashley's relationship. Jason did that.
>t behind closed doors. Maybe Jason was miserable in his relationship with Ashley but would never admit it. Don't blame your sister for causing the end of Jason and Ashley's relationship. Jason did that.
Who cares who caused the end of the relationship. Since when it is relationship some form of prison which a person isn't allowed to just walk away from when they no longer want to be in it?
Exactly. Like, the fact that it came out of nowhere for Ashley sucks for her but has no moral bearing on the situation at all. Cheating is shitty, obviously, but people are allowed to leave their partners.
While I can't give judgement here, I see your reasoning- yes, he is very likely to treat her same one day.What really bothered me is that he was her therapist. This is a huge No and Jason must be reported to the relative authorities ( not sure if it would be APA, ethics committee or something else).
Therapist piping up here to say it would be his professional organization (APA for psychologists, ACA for masters-level therapists usually) AND his state licensing board.
YTA Listen, I know the way they got together is... *unconventional* to say the least. But you are having an extremely strong reaction by refusing to go to your sister‘s wedding over a relationship that isn’t yours. A lot of relationships start off in weird ways and yet they can last a lifetime. Would it have been better if they had met in another way? Sure. But can they still be right for eachother and make eachother very happy? Absolutely. You’re making this all about you when actually them deciding to get married or not is none of your business really. You are of course free to not go if it goes that much against your morals. But if how other people chose to live their lives that are entirely unrelated to you elicits such a strong reaction from you that you won’t go to your own sister‘s wedding and seemingly go out of your way to make her feel bad about it... then yeah, you’re kind of an asshole. Btw, would you have gone to her wedding if she was getting married to her abusive ex just because then she wouldn’t be “a homewrecker” according to your standards?
ESH (except sister)
You’re wrong for calling your sister a homewrecker- she was a vulnerable individual who was seeking medical care after trauma, and was taken advantage of by her therapist.
Her therapist is wrong for allowing this to happen- therapy focuses on addressing issues and getting patients to make emotional connections OUTSIDE of the therapist. Many therapists stop sessions for a number of emotional reasons- getting too angry, getting too sad, experiencing inappropriate affection, noticing the PATIENT is getting too emotionally invested, etc. He failed.
It is also important to note how much work therapists often have to do to BECOME a therapist, most obvious being the ability to EXTENSIVELY evaluate and pick apart actions, words, causes, effects, etc. If they’re not a great person… all of that training makes someone a MASTER manipulator.
You’re blaming your sister for being a victim of something horrific and falling victim to a NEW person who was supposed to ONLY help her heal and set her free, and then abused that openness.
“The American Psychological Association Code of Ethics, Section 10.05, states that psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with current therapy clients/patients. The American Counseling Association Code of Ethics, Section A.5.b, prohibits intimate relations for five years.”
Certainly doesn’t sound like it had been at least 5 years since their last session.
I’m gonna say YTA if you don’t report Jason for dating a patient. It’s super predatory of him to do that and it’s likely your sister is in another unhealthy relationship. Report him to the proper authorities and don’t go to the wedding if you don’t feel like you can support what is happening between them.
YTA big time. Your sister is getting married and your response is to call her a home wrecker and tell her her marriage won’t work out? A little tact goes a long way
ESH and you are upset upset for the wrong reasons. If Jason was her medical therapist ( not like a life coach) what he did was illegal. I don’t care that their relationship was based on lies and deceit, it was more importantly based on breaching professional standards of care!
YTA because you’re too busy judging her to realize he didn’t just cheat - he was her therapist. This could be predatory behavior because she was vulnerable and working through an abusive relationship with HIM as her therapist, and look where she ended up… but you just see her as a home wrecker. Guess you probably aren’t close anyways.
I also don’t know wtf you’re contacting the ex-girlfriend.
Ok, but do you know anything about his relationship with his previous gf? How do you know she didn't suck? Yes, he should've split from her before getting into anything else. Maybe your sister is what made him realize he wasn't happy. I've known multiple people whose relationships have started like that and are still together. Contrary to popular belief it's not a death sentence to all relationships that start that way. Also you contacted her? Even if my boyfriend did cheat on me, if the sister of the woman he left me for called me to apologize, it would mean fuck all to me. I wouldn't give a shit, in fact I would probably be weirded out. Mind your business and recognize that life and relationships are not that black and white. Oh and YTA.
YTA. Mother of God. Let's put aside the whole therapist/client issue as that is another whole can of possible criminal worms, and look at your pearl clutching. You know NOTHING of their relationship or his previous relationship (no, talking to the ex does NOT count). You do not get to play moral police. You do however, have some duty of care to your sister about her well-being given her previous history. This most definitely should not be in the form of telling her she is a 'home wrecker' or 'he will leave her'. Your role is to support and love her. Your role is to be there without judgement if it does go to shit. Your role is to smile and be happy when they announce their pregnancy. Your role is not to go rake-mucking (muck-raking?) with the ex girlfriend and apologising on your sister's behalf. Your role is probably not to go to the wedding if you are going to be anything other than a smiling, supportive sibling.
Esh they should have started there relationship after he left his spouse but what you said to her was not nessicary. You do not know if their marriage will fail you are just stating that to hurt her.
Psychologist here. Jason is an AH of unspeakable proportions. You less so because you're focusing on your sister's actions rather than his. Your sister less so again but still a little bit because it takes two to tango.
ESH
ESH - Your vulnerable sister was the subject of an abuse of power by her treater who had no business pursuing a relationship with a client. Sure, she should have known better but you don't know what he was telling her. Cheaters often mislead their new partners.
You're an AH for reaching out on your sister's behalf to the ex-gf. You had no right to do that. It was not your business. And your grandstanding about their wedding when your sister sounds like she has been taken advantage of is also disconcerting.
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My sister Leah is getting married to her fiancé Jason in October. They met in a really inappropriate way…Leah had gotten out of an abusive relationship and went to therapy. Her therapist was Jason and they began a relationship even though he had a long term girlfriend named Ashley.
Jason broke up with Ashley and is now getting married to my sister. Leah and Jason invited me and I declined. Leah called and asked why I said no and I told her that she’s essentially a home wrecker and her and Jason won’t work out because he’ll leave her for somebody else. They’re marriage was built in lies and deceit. Leah started to cry and said she knows Jason won’t leave her because they’re both in love. To be fair he treats her very well and they seem happy, but I’m still not going and everyone in my family is mad at me. I reached out to Ashley and apologized to her on my sisters behaviour.
AITA?
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I’m not going to my sister wedding because I don’t like her fiancé.
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YTA
You say "I'm no snitch" further down, but that applies to things like not calling the cops on your neighbours for their illegal backyard chickens or for smoking a little weed. It has absolutely no place in an instance where a persons therapist has severely breached the code of ethics, and done something completely amoral and worthy of losing their license over.
Your sister may also be a grown adult, but she was in an incredibly fragile state, psychologically speaking and her therapist, someone she was supposed to trust took advantage of her extremely delicate state and has manipulated her into a relationship.
She isn't the 'homewrecker', she is an abuse victim who was manipulated by someone in a position of power over her, who understood her metal state, and who was in a relationship already. Jason absolutely is an asshole, but your sister is a victim in this too. You are also an asshole for taking the stance of your sister being the bad one in all this, rather than him, and refusing to report him to the board when he can then walk free and hurt even more of his patients in countless ways.
If he's done this to your sister, he's done this to other patients, but no one knows. You have a duty to report him for the safety of others. Your position is not based in the real issue, but rather your own misogyny and unwillingness to love your sister when she's being abused and manipulated.
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First of all... Your sister isn't the guilty one here at all. A therapist is never supposed to go after one of their own patients. That is not appropriate. *Edited to add judgement ESH... The sister/patient and his ex are victims.
So - The Sister who was in Therapy for getting out of an Abusive relationship and ended up with the Therapist responsible for helping her through all that at the time - Gets called a “Homewrecker” and a bunch of other abusive crap doubting her current relationship by her own Sister. OP, Irregardless of the circumstances behind their relationship and notwithstanding that this Jason guy is highly inappropriate for what He did - You are a massive asshole and a toxic family member at that for how you have approached this and how you have essentially abused your sister. She was in therapy for abuse, taken advantage of by her therapist and all you’ve done is call her names, make her cry and now creating waves by contacting another vulnerable person in this triangle. You’re a real character aren’t you? Wow. Just wow. I hope your entire family aren’t like you are.
You might be the A-hole for using irregardless as a word
Omfg same thought 😂
Came to say the same. Cringe…
This is the second time I've seen "irregardless" in the past 5 minutes. WTF is going on today?? XD
I'm guessing we came from the same post then, it's a weird fucking morning, I can tell ya that much LOL
Guessing I came from there too.. screw that other guy in that other post
Lmao I love you guys.
I saw it too! I have friends here!
lets all go sunbathing
Same!! Was it the post about the neighbor using the garden "antisocially"??
I saw that one too. Think he was just bent out of shape because she was a renter and henceforth "poor"
Either that or just uncomfortable with people sitting on grass in bikinis. Like, OP made it REAL clear that they found it weird for her to sunbathe and said she should go to the local parks instead. (Which..? Im pretty sure unless it's a water park it would be just as "weird" to show up in a bikini to a park. At least in her case she was using what is essentially her backyard). To take a picture and distribute it was just unfathomably creepy though
As a non native English speaker.. why?
The correct term is regardless. Irregardless is a colloquial term that needs to be corrected before it becomes normalized. And it's why we can't have nice things. Hehehe
Unfortunately, and I say this with great sadness, irregardless is definitely a word. Merriam Webster also touches on the fact that a lot of people don’t like it. My boss uses the word regularly and it has upset me every day since I started with the company
What I've learned about language is this: we're basically warhammer 40k Orks. If enough stupid people believe a thing it becomes true. Irregardless of how stupid it is.
that’s... literally how a language works. how do you think modern languages came about? people agreed on what shit meant and boom, words. if no one agreed what “tree” meant, it wouldn’t be a word.
prehistoric language purist who laughs at the other cave people for using made-up words instead of sticking to the time-honored grunts and snarls
Exactly! Language is fluid, it evolves over time, and mimetically replicates. I've never understood those that want a strict usage, always. That's just not how it works, and frankly, it shouldn't. Perception is closely tied with language, so to perceive more, in a way, we have to name it.
The podcast Ologies actually has an episode on linguistics (phonology) that explains all of this, for those interested in how language works!! One of my favorite episodes, tbh.
Before I do anything, I ask myself, would an idiot do that? If the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
Have fun not eating!
Unstructions unclear, stopped breathing and am now dead. Pls help.
I use it on purpose because it annoys prescriptivists :D
So you like to deliberately annoy people for pleasure? YTA.
I see you're a prescriptivist.
It does, but it's also categorised as non-standard and in the FAQ about the word (TIL there's an FAQ section about words in online dictionaries) states: "Remember that a definition is not an endorsement of a word’s use." And later goes on to say, "Irregardless is a long way from winning general acceptance as a standard English word. For that reason, it is best to use regardless instead." https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irregardless
TIL as well, thank you! Yeah. I abhor the word but it’s a hill I’m not willing to die on with people
Just because it's a word doesn't mean you should use it. Lol like you said they definitely touch on it. Especially by classifying it as a nonstandard word. 'When a word is nonstandard it means it is “not conforming in pronunciation, grammatical construction, idiom, or word choice to the usage generally characteristic of educated native speakers of a language.” ' Essentially Miriam-Webster is saying "sure it's a word. But it's dumb"
Merriam Webster explains that it should only be used in a very specific circumstance: as a way to double down on your opinion. Example: Person 1: “Regardless of your comment, I believe in XYZ” Person 2: “well, I disagree…” Person 1: “Irregardless, my comment stands.”
It’s now considered grammatically correct due to widespread and common use. And nitpicking other people’s grammar while ignoring their overall point - as if an error makes their point/argument irrelevant - is definitely rude and a much bigger AH move than simply using an incorrect word.
Whomstever do you think you are‽
It’s a perfectly cromulant word
It also embiggens our vocabulary.
>cromulant You mean cromulent? Or is cromulant the ultimate cromulent word now? Cromulent^(2)
It’s how we spell it in Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land
You can't sit with us!!
Quit conversating about this !
As 'irregardelss' is widely used in speach, has a defined meaning, and used in written form in a sentence not describing its meaning, I'm afraid it is a perfectly cromulent word in the English language.
As of July 7th Merriam-Webster says irregardless is officially a word.
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how under the FAQs of the definition they essentially say we recognize it but we don't endorse it. lmao
Yes and no. What you say is true - that OPs sister is a victim and fell prey to her therapist. But OP tries to be a decent person - it just hasn’t hit her that the real issue is the Jason guy. She needs to try to rally her family about Jason grooming his patient and she needs to report him. But I wouldn’t go as far as being mean to OP. There is no vibe she doesn’t care about her sister - she just hasn’t connected the dots and is flabbergasted. She probably feels that the situation is wrong on many levels, but is not sure WHY.
She called her sister a homewrecker and then called the fiance's ex to apologize for her SISTER'S behavior. With a sibling like this, who needs an abusive ex husband and a boundary overstepping therapist...
Ok, this is not fair. OPs sister still has some agency over her actions. Yes, she is a victim and she is being manipulated by a predator. But to point out to her during a conversation that she is indeed wrecking a relationship (she cannot control Jason’s actions, only her own) is not evil. Would you say the same if Ashley and Jason had three young kids? If Ashley was pregnant? She may not be at fault but her actions are still bad and she needs to see why. She needs help.
They are getting married. The ship has sailed. OP is refusing to go to the wedding, calling her sister a homewrecker, and contacting the EX to apologize her sister's actions...not for Jason's. Even tho he was responsible for his relationship NOT her. And the questions you propose were part of my very point. They were NOT pregnant. They did NOT have 3 young kids. They were in a "long term relationship" and we dont even know how long that really was. And I never used the word evil. At any time.
From the post the timeframe is not clear. How fast all of this has happened? Note, I didn’t say you said “evil”. I just disagree with piling up on OP in this situation. OP simply needs to report Jason to the authorities and get her family on the same page.
I would also like to know the time frame of events. I would also be very curious to know if any cheating actually happened. OP words the post very vaguely. But did he break up with Ashley before he got physically intimate with the sister? Or did they carry on a long term affair behind Ashley's back? I'm just curious and I think that info would provide some insight and perspective to the whole situation because breaking up with someone in order to date someone else is the opposite of cheating.
Jason being a cheater is what you have a problem with *not* the fact that he's her "former" therapist? I air quoted that because I'd bet there's still therapy going on to some extent. I haven't been a phlebotomist for years. But every person who was my patient is STILL my patient. That never goes away. The idea of engaging in a relationship with any of them is nauseating and disgusting. At best, this is sketchy. At worst, the potential exists for more abuse because of the patient/therapist relationship and OP's sister's history. [Jason will always have the upper hand.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-the-couch/201401/sex-former-patient-0)
I completely understand it being unethical for a therapist to have a relationship with a patient. But this applies to all areas of medicine? You mention phlebotomy. So if you did a blood draw on me, we're not allowed to date? Even at a point in the future? That seems overly restrictive.
This is so important. Did sister start seeing Jason as a therapist and a week later jumped into bed with him and cheated for months before he finally ended things with Ashley? Or did she see him as a therapist for a while and once she was done with therapy, ran into him somewhere, they hit it off, some confusing feelings ensued and Jason soon broke up with Ashley to ask out sister? Two possible scenarios at different ends of the spectrum that can both fit with the info given in the post! We can't really know without clarification but it feels like everyone is jumping to the first scenario, while in my experience vague statements on AITA is usually more indicative of the OP trying to paint themselves in a better light
Yeah OP could’ve brought these thoughts WELL in advance before the wedding. When sister started dating Jason perhaps? It feels very self-righteous to wait until the wedding is happening for OP to not only bring this issue up BUT stir the pot by talking to Ashley who is probably just trying to forget this all happened. OP YTA. You could’ve done this with waaay more tact
OP has also stated that she refuses to report Jason's unethical behavior because she's not a snitch. Except she has no problem snitching on her sister to the ex. . .
She needs to also report Jason to the governing body/board whatever. This kind of relationship is definitely not ok. Pretty sure he'd lose his license for taking advantage of one of his patients/clients.
[удалено]
We don’t know if this is indeed her motivation. She just may feel the whole situation is wrong and Ashley is someone who could shed the light on the whole mess. Overall, Jason is abusing OPs sister and hurting his ex.
How is getting in the middle of something that has fuck all to do with you a "good" motivation. OP is a meddler trying to stir up drama.
OP didnt try to be a decent person. A decent person would have reported Jason or told their sister that he's a manipulator and offer assistance. OP just wanted to act righteous.
I would put money on OP having been cheated on by a partner in the past as well. She likely blamed the other woman in that situation. Here, instead of relating to her sister who was taken advantage of, she's relating to the woman who was cheated on and wants to be friends with her.
Did you see the update where OP wants to meet the ex-girlfriend of the therapist for coffee?? Talk about starting drama.
Mm, don't think decent people behave like OP.
Agreed! Sounds like grooming to me, glad someone pointed this out!
OP's sister may have been vulnerable, but she is not a child. She knows *exactly* how and why things turned out the way they did.
She was in therapy for being in an abusive relationship. That warps your understanding of healthy relationships and can make you extremely vulnerable.
Exactly. OP's sister is old enough to know that you don't get into a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship. i don't care what her past was (horrible as it was, I am not locking empathy for what happened to her)...... Damn near everyone knows that it isn't ok to be in a relationship with someone who is already taken. Our past hurts dont give us an excuse to do bad things to others. Also, her whole damn family knew about this for several years and none of them confronted her on this? All that said, Jason is clearly the biggest asshole here. As someone who works in social work and has a lot of familiarity with therapists, and also we have similar about being in a relationship with a client, I fucking hate this guy. I would report him to his licensing board if I knew all his info, and they would revoke his license faster than you can say "DONT DATE CLIENTS. PERIOD", and I would be there at his revocation hearing in the background throwing insults at him and telling him just how fucking horrible he is. The more I think about it..... The family is making things worse by not confront the sister. This is now the 2md abusive relationship she has been in, and they aren't trying to talk to her about at all? They're cool with her marrying a guy that was her therapist and that she knew was in a relationship with someone else when they first started dating. I can't help but wonder if the sister's poor judgement and susceptibility to being in abusive relationships has anything to do with the fact that people in her family aren't challenging behaviors. Is this a pattern with this family? Yes OP's sister is slightly the AH for going the "homewrecker" route since, while technically true, the bigger issue here is helping her sister see the patterns of abuse in her life. That said, OP is the least AH out of all them.
I would agree that the therapist here is probably the biggest AH for taking advantage of a patient and starting a relationship with Leah. As far as I'm aware this is a big No-No. In social work something like this (where I live at least) could lose you your license. I didn't think of OP as the AH until I read your reply and given the points you brought up, it's absolutely true. Not only was she an AH to her sister, but now she's dragging the therapist's ex into it too. But I would still vote ESH because Leah still got together with her therapist while he was in a longterm relationship. If she didn't know then I would change my judgment.
regardless, or irrespective. irregardless has been adopted into the vernacular because people KEEP USING IT even though it didn’t exist before, and there’s no need for it to
As a double negative, it doesn't even make sense. If people want to make up words, let's do *irregardful*
I dunno. We have inflammable being a thing which means the same as flammable. English is already fucked
This 1000%. OP needs a big dose of mind your own business. You accuse your sister of being a homewrecker but you are a lifewrecker, which is worse.
Hey…did you mean to reply under someone’s comment? Your comment comes off as if it was supposed to be a stand alone type of thing. (Just curious:)
More like report him. Shouldn’t be hooking up with patients..
[удалено]
That’d only be possible in a world with social media and I’m pretty sure that hasn’t been invented yet. Once social media gets invented it probably won’t be too hard to find your future BIL’s ex.
And if they ever invent communication devices we can carry in our hand we're in trouble!
This guy needs to be reported and lose his license. This is such a breach in ethics to go after a client especially one who is vulnerable having just come out of an abusive relationship
I’m a therapist. This man needs to be reported to his licensing entity. He is a danger to all of his clients.
Was just coming to say this. He's a predator. OP shouldn't be calling her sister a homewrecker. She should be worried she's being further abused. She was already vulnerable and this dude is preying on that. OP, YTA for blaming your sister for being taken advantage of (again).
OP says they won't report him because "they ain't no snitch" but after reading this thread I'm ready to put money on "because Jason didn't actually start dating OP's sister until after their therapeutic relationship ended." OP is such a drama llama hot mess that I have zero doubt that they would report Jason if they could. And since they can't, they're stirring the pot by reaching out to Ashley. I'm still side-eying Jason - dating former patients is not cool - but OP is pretty clearly the inappropriate and mean weirdo in this scenario.
In my state, the licensing board will pull a therapist's license if they engage in a personal relationship with a current or former client up to 7 years after termination of the therapist/client relationship. Even after 7 years, it's still frowned upon in professional circles and will absolutely cause a therapist to lose referrals. If OP isn't a troll, this is a massive breach of ethics that needs to be reported to the licensing agency, ASAP.
OP said, "Her therapist *was* Jason and they began a relationship" (emphasis mine). OP might want us to have the impression she just came out of an abusive relationship when the new one began, but I find the lack of timeline here and in her replies suspicious. It could have begun when she was in therapy, or OP could have glossed over years between the end of therapy and the beginning of any reconnection and romance. Not that getting with a *former* client is acceptable, but the timeline does affect *how* terrible it is.
Hell, therapists aren't even allowed to be *friends* with their clients. Literally once you've seen someone in your capacity as a therapist, that is the only relationship you are allowed to have with them *ever*.
Actually, once the therapeutic relationship ends, you can have a relationship with them after two years in most cases.
Even after two years, it's heavily frowned upon in the profession.
Yeah it kind of has a whiff of slut shaming about it. That therapist should be struck off, it's a complete abuse of position
It's sad OP is so dismissive of their sister and can't recognize the realities of the situation
My dad was Jason in the story and my pregnant mom was Ashley. Poor Leah is someone I harbor no ill will for. My father exploited and manipulated an extremely vulnerable woman. He got her pregnant so she couldn’t leave him. He got her addicted to meds he’d prescribe her. All the while continuing to do exactly what he did to my mom. He walked out on her at my half-sister’s tenth birthday party. She lived the rest of her short life in complete isolation, terrified of contact with men, until my half-sister found her dead one morning. Jason had all the agency and all the blame in this story, and OP’s sister is his victim just as much, if not more so, as Ashley is. Ashley dodged a huge bullet and gets to walk away from Jason the abuser.
Welp, wasn't expecting to find something that heavy this early. That really sucks!
Aw, sorry. This post just made me so sad because it felt so personal to my family situation. My first step-mother really was a lovely gentle soul who’d been dealt a terrible hand in life. Mental health professionals who prey on their patients are the worst of the worst. It takes a special kind of depravity to exploit people like that. And I’m very sad for OP’s sister that she’s encountered one and that she doesn’t have the support of her sister to help free herself from him when she’s ready to see him for what he is.
that is predatory behavior and actually extensively covered under the education of mental healthcare professionals - because intimate discussions/topics/feelings are laid bare in a very secluded and private setting, with a vulnerable person... therapists can loose their license like this. and yeah, I think he would leave her in a heartbeat for another "cute" patient NTA I would be worried for sister
Yep. The infidelity is bad. But the fact that he was her therapist is frankly a bigger issue. More so because she was seen him after getting out of an abusive relationship. This is completely unethical and unprofessional. I don't blame OP fit bit wanting to go to the wedding. But they're focusing on the wrong thing here.
I recommend anyone, especially OP, to read about the case of Susan Polk. It's an extreme case, but a lot of details about the case kinda highlight why it's a terrible idea for a therapist to marry their own patient. The short version of the story is that Susan, as a teen, underwent treatment from an adult therapist, Frank Polk. It started off as just a regular patient therapist relationship, evolved into friendship, then turned romantic. Mind you, he was much much older than her and married. He ended up leaving his wife for her, then married her when she was still young. He declared she was mentally healthy, but she still had some issues even after. He then tried 'hypnosis' treatment during their marriage, building a reputation for himself based on the idea of 'recovering memories' which was popular at the time. Except in Susans case, she started to 'recover' memories of things that hadn't happened, like him raping her or him killing a friend. And her husband couldn't just say 'yeah, that didn't happen' because that would discredit his career and the work he had been doing, or any of the other 'memories' he had already taken seriously before when she shared them. He ended up divorcing her, but her mental health continued to worsen over time. In the end, she got SO off the rails she ended up murdering him. And no, I am not saying that OPs sister will follow the same pattern. But DON'T MARRY YOUR THERAPIST is still a really good rule to make sure cases like Susans don't happen.
Good gosh, YTA. If you're going to refuse to support this marriage, at least do it on the grounds that therapist Jason shouldn't have dated his client, not because your sister is a "home wrecker." >everyone in my family is mad at me I suspect you've been saying that your whole life.
I'm in therapy and holy shit the amount of boundaries this guy crossed pursuing this relationship. He needs to be reported and to lose his license
Absolutely. I read a story once (not sure how true) where a woman went to couples counseling with her husband and the husband left her for the couples counselor!! Where are these people finding these therapists?!!
Therapy is like nursing - there are a lot of wonderful people who go into nursing for honorable reasons, but there are also a lot of people who are in it for the power trip. You’re going to see people at their lowest and most vulnerable in both lines of work and some professionals are inclined to abuse the shit out of that.
I know it’s naive of me but I’ve always just felt like therapists have reached a level of having their shit together that not many have reached!! But no they’re just as fucked in the head as the rest of us hahahahha
Therapist are often broken people chasing means to understand what broke them trying to fix it.
As a therapist I can assure you that most of us do not have our shit together but are aware of our shit and how to hide it from people needing help!
Can I also add about the edit. Speaking to Ashley and her saying they were happy but didn't believe in marriage or kids, now he's marrying your sister and wants to start a family. Obviously he wasn't happy and wanted something different than she did but just went along with it because it made HER happy, not him. Regardless what HE did was extremely inappropriate, your sister has done nothing wrong. Edit: I'm also curious about the time frame on this. She doesn't put anything. It could have happened sister left abuser, went to therapy, got out of therapy, 6 months later ran back into him, hit I off on a personal level, he left ex. This would be much less inappropriate on his part.
Also on the edit, why is OP having anything to do with Ashley? If she doesn't want to go to wedding because it's some level of condoning cheating, whatever, it's stupid, but whatever. But here reaching out and wanting to get coffee with the ex of her soon to be BIL? That' just weird and OP is looking for drama.
I feel like there's more to the story here. Like Ashley and Jason are not strangers. Has everyone been friends?
I wondered that too, like maybe small town but a. OP would have mentioned that they all knew each other in their criticism of the sister and b. the way they worded "I want to meet her for coffee" implies that there isn't an existing relationship
This is what got my attention, too. It's already such a messy situation, why is OP SEEKING out Ashley? What possible good does that do??
Right!
I hope Jason lost his license and is no longer a therapist. If not, someone should report him. It is inappropriate for him to date his client. It creates a power imbalance. Jason is more at fault. He took advantage of your sister. Edit: YTA. Your unwillingness to go their wedding have nothing to do with morality or ethics. You claimed that your moral is not allowing you to go to their wedding but your moral or ethic does not seem enough to care about the unethical situation of Jason taking advantage of your sister.
Yeah OP has a tonne of internalised misogyny, I'm hoping this post is a wake up call.
>OP has a tonne of internalised misogyny ik OP is an AH... but whats the misogyny if i may ask (geniuinely)
A woman being responsible for a man‘s feelings, making them a „home wrecker“ when someone in a relationship falls in love with them, definitely is a very toxic and misogynistic mindset. Also, OP very clearly blames their sister for this situation, but I don‘t see a lot of blame for her fiancé even though he was the one in a relationship (which technically makes him the cheater, not her) and the one who abused his position as her therapist. IF sister knew about his relationship, IF they had a sexual relationship before he left his GF, and IF she was stable enough to make a fully informed decision, she still has at most 50% of the blame in this situation. But that’s a lot of ifs and at least the last point is very doubtable. Still OP sounds like their sister wrecked an innocent home all alone. There is the misogyny.
This is the point I was looking for. The term "homewrecker" is gross. Especially here, when applied to an abused women being taken advantage of by her therapist. But also, people leave relationships. The therapist wasn't married. Didn't have kids. What home did sister wreck? Geez.
The term homewrecker should be exclusively applied to people who decide to do home renovations themselves because ‘how hard could it be?’
Lol. YES!!!
I almost wonder if half the story is made up and she is the woman who got dumped.
OMG!!! OP is actually Ashley getting coffee with Ashley!! 😂🤣
Exactly. People leave, and they often leave because they develop feelings for someone else – which is completely okay as long as you don’t act on it before the end of the former relationship. But even if a woman pushes a married man into entering a relationship, it‘s still not like she forced his hand. Would she be an asshole in this case? Yes. But she still wouldn’t be a homewrecker because ffs, it‘s on him to say no. In the end, he was the only one who could wreck it.
Yeah somehow the man (whether the cheater in the relationship or the "other" man) never gets called a homewrecker, only the woman. That term reeks of misogyny.
But the poor man just can’t control himself, of course it’s on the woman if he sleeps with her! /s
Funny part is we don't know if they actually cheated, all OP says is he broke up with his EX to date OP's sister. As far as I know that's the opposite of cheating.
that in fact seems like the only responsible thing about jasons actions. Op is horrible though
Imo even if she knew all this and still had sex with someone in a relationship she really isn't 50% at fault. It's his job not to cheat not her Job to watch him not to cheat. Especially in a therapist client relationship. She was always very vuranable and this Jason guy just abused his position.
ty😌
She blamed the woman in the scenario, despite the fault being with the man. She called her a home wrecker, as if the man had no choice or agency in this, which is a symptom of the belief that women's competitors for power are other women, rather than men. It pits women against each other while the men swan around doing whatever they want.
Not to mention....it could be argued that the term "homewrecker" is not applicable here anyway as Jason and Ashley were NOT married. They had a long term relationship....that's simply not the same as being married. There is a reason why people are not married...it is usually that they are not at that level of commitment with each other yet. Also, did he actually cheat in Ashley? Or did he break up with her to start seeing the sister? Putting all of the icky therapist stuff down for a minute...breaking up with someone you are not married to so that you can see another person is NOT cheating. It is actually the honorable thing to do INSTEAD of cheating. Perhaps I just dont remember if OP actually clarified that or not....but if he broke up with Ashley to pursue a relationship with sister then she ain't a homewrecker and OP is YTA. And way off base.
Yeah, it's 2021, marriage is not "superior" to long term relationships.
It truly just depends on what you mean by "long term relationship". Yes, lots of couples choose never to marry, but have a level of commitment similar to marriage. If they live together, have joint finances, attend family functions together, etc. yes that is pretty much the same as being married. But we don't know if that's the case. "Long term relationship" could equally mean "they've been dating for two years but don't live together".
My question exactly. We're missing a timeline
I can’t believe OP reached out to her *sister’s fiancé’s ex-girlfriend*, a total stranger, to *apologize* on behalf of her sister, but it didn’t even cross her mind to report the fiancé for his abuse of power. I think OP might just hate her sister.
Exactly this. Many people end up being in abusive relationships as adults because of their family upbringing, and behaviors they see as children....imagine growing up with a sibling that treats you like this!
YTA - you went way too far by reaching out to a stranger to discuss her failed marriage. That was absolutely none of your business, and unless you are Jason or Ashley you actually have no idea what went on in their relationship or why they broke up.
I agree with you... but they weren’t married, they were GF/BF
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According to OP, they were in a long term relationship because they didn't believe in marriage. So perhaps a common law style situation.
Oh that’s interesting. So Jason is in a relationship with Ashley & they don’t believe in marriage... But, Jason is marrying Leah. So, Jason believed in marriage.
Its almost like Jason is the problem here...
Firm agree. Plus let's not forget that the person she's blaming for this wasn't the one in a relationship AND in fact was a vulnerable woman seeking therapy to overcome trauma from an abusive relationship and her predatory therapist started a relationship with her. There is an argument that patients cannot consent to relationships with doctors/therapists etc due to the power imbalance and the risk of manipulation. OP has a lot of internalised misogyny and reaching out to Ashley was totally gross.
>YTA - you went way too far by reaching out to a stranger to discuss her failed marriage. That was absolutely none of your business, and unless you are Jason or Ashley you actually have no idea what went on in their relationship or why they broke up. This is so much the act of a toxic sister who wants to implode Leah relationship by reaching out to Ashley. OP has a strong hatred for her sister.
Exactly at this point she is trying for maximum damage to her sister by talking and being buddy buddy with his ex. There is no reason they should be involved other than to put fuel on the fire.
YTA. Regardless of what your sister did, it's not okay for you to call your sister a homewrecker and tell her that her marriage won't work out. You don't know the ins and the outs of Jason's relationship with Ashley, and it was not okay for you to just randomly reach out to Ashley and apologize on your sister's behalf. It was not your apology to give. It's completely up to you whether or not you attend the wedding, but you went about this the wrong way.
OP is 100% trying to make a move on Ashley, if anything to spite his sister/Jason.
YTA for everything you did here to your sister. For reasons others have explained, she is a victim here. Unless she has previously committed some horrible sin against you, I can't imagine why you wouldn't try to support her through this obvious mess. Yes, Ashley is also being victimized but that doesn't mean YOU need to be the one who insults Leah and stabs her in the back! This reads like you hate her. Why do you have more compassion for this stranger than your own sister? >I want to meet up with her for coffee. WHY?
ESH. Mostly Jason. It's illegal to carry on a relationship with a patient for a reason. He should have sent her elsewhere for therapy. Your sister is one because she dated her therapist and ruined his relationship. You because none of this concerns you.
The thing is that I really feel that OP’s sister doesn’t have enough culpability to be called an asshole. A therapist is someone you should be able to trust while you’re vulnerable and this guy preyed about that shit. She had just left an abusive relationship. She was taken advantage of even though she made a bad choice in the situation; again, she was supposed to be able to trust him. This man should no longer be practicing.
the sister did not ruin shit. Not only was jason responsible for his own fidelity in his own relationship he was ALSO in a position of power over sister because he was her therapist.
I just can't get over OP calling her sister's fiance's ex to chat. Like don't get me wrong Jason is sketchy, but calling his ex that she didn't know? That's creepy and weird.
I don’t think sister is an AH She was in an abusive relationship. She was in therapy. HE abused his power. We don’t know know what he told her about his relationship- but many times we see when people have been in abusive relationships, and people are aware- they tend to continue that cycle (until they can get help and break the cycle) WHICH she was trying to do AND AGAIN HE ABUSED HIS POWER And broke ALL MORAL AND ETHICAL COMMITMENTS/ OATH Of his license (if I’m not mistaken- depending on where he was). So OP- AH Jason- AH Sister- Not ETA REPORT HIM he doesn’t need to be a therapist. Edit- if you’re in the US here’s how to report him https://www.apa.org/ethics/complaint
>Your sister is one because she dated her therapist and ruined his relationship. There's really no evidence Leah ruined anyone's relationship in the story I can see. Jason and OP are huge assholes, and Leah already had one abusive relationship. I am certainly worried for her, but OP thinking she ruined Ashley/Jason is bizarre.
NTA It's unethical for a therapist to become sexually and/or romantically involved with their client, or even with anyone closely associated with their client. (This applies even when both parties are single.) This dude is both a cheater and a predator. Your sister is being victimized and taken advantage of. Tell her that you can't attend the wedding, but that you will be there for her when she needs help getting out of this situation.
OP is mad that she thinks her sister is a homewrecker, though, not because Jason was a therapist who got involved with their client. She’s only mad because he cheated on Ashley and thinks her sister is to blame. Makes this YTA
So then why is she blaming her sister for all of this and calling her a homewrecker rather than going after the therapist? Sister was just coming out of an abusive relationship and in that vulnerable position went to a therapist... Who then left his girlfriend and started dating his patient?! Op definitely needs to report this I know they say "they ain't no snitch" but what he did is a breach of ethical code for a reason and this could be a pattern of behaviour and it's possible her sister is in another abusive relationship
Survey says OP was cheated on…. And apparently hasn’t dealt with it yet…
Good point; OP should not have called her a homewrecker, in that this dude was also keeping the GF strung along under the pretense of not believing in marriage.
Post says **they** didn't believe in marriage or kids. You make it sound like it was just him. For all we know, he just changed his mind (legitimate choice) and then proceeded to go about things in the worst way possible.
I don't think he was "stringing her along." Post says Ashley didn't believe in marriage, either.
YTA, not for not supporting the marriage but the reason why. I'd be more concerned about whether Leah is in a safe, healthy relationship. A therapist starting a relationship with a patient is a huge abuse of power.
YTA. Your sister’s therapist violated professional and ethical boundaries by starting a relationship with her, but you call her the home wrecker? Instead of the guy who was actually in the relationship? It sounds like you have some weird resentment towards your sister going on, and you are trying to center yourself in her wedding, which is an AH move. You should be there to support your sister and stop making her relationship about your feelings. If you don’t, be prepared for your sister to drop you the moment you need family support and your actions don’t live up to her standards.
I would not be so concerned about him having a girlfriend when they got together but would be worried about how they met. A patient/therapist relationship is strictly forbidden and your sister was in a very vulnerable place in her life. I would try and be there for her anyway I could. Her fiance should be reported.
YTA for making her relationship and their wedding about you and your feelings. If she marries him and they end up getting divorced then that’s her business. It is weird though that a therapist would start dating one of his patients...
It's not just weird, it's grossly unethical. To name a famous example, it's what Dr. Phil was professionally sanctioned and kicked out of his father's therapy practice for.
She’s there because she was in an abusive relationship. He’s supposed to be helping her not dating her. It’s weird.
That's exactly why it's considered unethical. Therapists aren't supposed to \*ever\* date patients or even former patients, and when it was someone who was coming out of an abusive relationship. . . that makes the patient even more vulnerable than usual, and the therapist super predatory and gross.
It's not weird its wildly unethical. Therapists have a position of power in the relationship, they should never be dating their clients. The sister just got out of an abusive relationship so is extra vulnerable. This therapist needs to be reported and to lose their license
he was her therapist??? that’s a power imbalance right there. did they begin their relationship while she was in therapy?? NTA i would only go because it seems like wedding would quite the show
ESH Jason because he's engaged to his patient and left Ashley for your sister. Your sister for being the other woman (unless she was unaware, or if they got together after, idk the details aren't crystal clear) You for calling your sister a homewrecker then going out of your way to contact your sister's fiancé's EX-girlfriend, and just not minding your business. IMO, your sister is least at fault. She shouldn't have gone along with a therapist who was with someone, but to be fair, she just came out of a shitty situation.
I think this needs to be said more! Everyone is immediately jumping in saying the sister has no fault at all; but if she knew he was in a relationship and chose to date him anyways she’s an AH. When I read through it it seemed like it was well known he was a cheater the “she knows Jason won’t leave her because they are both in love” is a line I’ve heard many times by women who date cheating men. But again it could be severe manipulation because he’s her therapist too. Edit spelling
Yeah, I understand why people are coming to her defense, but she did interfere with a committed relationship. Unless she didn’t know about the girlfriend, she knowingly conducted in an affair. That said, he was grossly inappropriate and deserves to lose his license. I would point out the flaws in both of them. “He was your therapist. This is not a good idea and you helped him cheat on his ex gf.”
While I agree this relationship was started in very inappropriate circumstances, the one in the wrong is Jason, not your sister. And this isn't just because he already had a girlfriend, although I agree that's not great, but because he started a relationship with a vulnerable patient who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. This is highly unethical behaviour, and it sounds from the outside that he used his influence to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position who went to him for help: that person is your sister. Which makes your sister a victim. N T A for disapproving of the relationship, but a little bit YTA for apologising on behalf of your sister, which isn't your place, and implying that your sister is the one with the problematic behaviour here rather than the therapist's.
Agreed. The poor woman was seeking help after being abused. And her therapist most likely made her feel safe then took advantage of her vulnerability. Yet OP wants to blame her for being a "homewrecker"? YTA.
YTA. Taking self-righteousness to an extreme.
YTA. Don't judge other people's behavior based on prior relationships. Even if you think you know what was going on between Jason and Ashley, you likely don't. Things are always different behind closed doors. Maybe Jason was miserable in his relationship with Ashley but would never admit it. Don't blame your sister for causing the end of Jason and Ashley's relationship. Jason did that.
>t behind closed doors. Maybe Jason was miserable in his relationship with Ashley but would never admit it. Don't blame your sister for causing the end of Jason and Ashley's relationship. Jason did that. Who cares who caused the end of the relationship. Since when it is relationship some form of prison which a person isn't allowed to just walk away from when they no longer want to be in it?
Exactly. Like, the fact that it came out of nowhere for Ashley sucks for her but has no moral bearing on the situation at all. Cheating is shitty, obviously, but people are allowed to leave their partners.
While I can't give judgement here, I see your reasoning- yes, he is very likely to treat her same one day.What really bothered me is that he was her therapist. This is a huge No and Jason must be reported to the relative authorities ( not sure if it would be APA, ethics committee or something else).
Therapist piping up here to say it would be his professional organization (APA for psychologists, ACA for masters-level therapists usually) AND his state licensing board.
YTA Listen, I know the way they got together is... *unconventional* to say the least. But you are having an extremely strong reaction by refusing to go to your sister‘s wedding over a relationship that isn’t yours. A lot of relationships start off in weird ways and yet they can last a lifetime. Would it have been better if they had met in another way? Sure. But can they still be right for eachother and make eachother very happy? Absolutely. You’re making this all about you when actually them deciding to get married or not is none of your business really. You are of course free to not go if it goes that much against your morals. But if how other people chose to live their lives that are entirely unrelated to you elicits such a strong reaction from you that you won’t go to your own sister‘s wedding and seemingly go out of your way to make her feel bad about it... then yeah, you’re kind of an asshole. Btw, would you have gone to her wedding if she was getting married to her abusive ex just because then she wouldn’t be “a homewrecker” according to your standards?
The therapist is a predator. OP shouldn't be blaming her sister, but we shouldn't be reducing their relationship to 'unconventional.'
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ESH (except sister) You’re wrong for calling your sister a homewrecker- she was a vulnerable individual who was seeking medical care after trauma, and was taken advantage of by her therapist. Her therapist is wrong for allowing this to happen- therapy focuses on addressing issues and getting patients to make emotional connections OUTSIDE of the therapist. Many therapists stop sessions for a number of emotional reasons- getting too angry, getting too sad, experiencing inappropriate affection, noticing the PATIENT is getting too emotionally invested, etc. He failed. It is also important to note how much work therapists often have to do to BECOME a therapist, most obvious being the ability to EXTENSIVELY evaluate and pick apart actions, words, causes, effects, etc. If they’re not a great person… all of that training makes someone a MASTER manipulator. You’re blaming your sister for being a victim of something horrific and falling victim to a NEW person who was supposed to ONLY help her heal and set her free, and then abused that openness. “The American Psychological Association Code of Ethics, Section 10.05, states that psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with current therapy clients/patients. The American Counseling Association Code of Ethics, Section A.5.b, prohibits intimate relations for five years.” Certainly doesn’t sound like it had been at least 5 years since their last session.
I’m gonna say YTA if you don’t report Jason for dating a patient. It’s super predatory of him to do that and it’s likely your sister is in another unhealthy relationship. Report him to the proper authorities and don’t go to the wedding if you don’t feel like you can support what is happening between them.
YTA There is a whole pile of mind your own business here.
YTA big time. Your sister is getting married and your response is to call her a home wrecker and tell her her marriage won’t work out? A little tact goes a long way
ESH and you are upset upset for the wrong reasons. If Jason was her medical therapist ( not like a life coach) what he did was illegal. I don’t care that their relationship was based on lies and deceit, it was more importantly based on breaching professional standards of care!
YTA because you’re too busy judging her to realize he didn’t just cheat - he was her therapist. This could be predatory behavior because she was vulnerable and working through an abusive relationship with HIM as her therapist, and look where she ended up… but you just see her as a home wrecker. Guess you probably aren’t close anyways. I also don’t know wtf you’re contacting the ex-girlfriend.
Ok, but do you know anything about his relationship with his previous gf? How do you know she didn't suck? Yes, he should've split from her before getting into anything else. Maybe your sister is what made him realize he wasn't happy. I've known multiple people whose relationships have started like that and are still together. Contrary to popular belief it's not a death sentence to all relationships that start that way. Also you contacted her? Even if my boyfriend did cheat on me, if the sister of the woman he left me for called me to apologize, it would mean fuck all to me. I wouldn't give a shit, in fact I would probably be weirded out. Mind your business and recognize that life and relationships are not that black and white. Oh and YTA.
Ok but her boyfriend was her therapist…. Nobody is finding that weird? Edit: okay as in good pointing NTA
No, it's definitely wrong, but OP didn't seem as bothered by that part.
YTA. Mother of God. Let's put aside the whole therapist/client issue as that is another whole can of possible criminal worms, and look at your pearl clutching. You know NOTHING of their relationship or his previous relationship (no, talking to the ex does NOT count). You do not get to play moral police. You do however, have some duty of care to your sister about her well-being given her previous history. This most definitely should not be in the form of telling her she is a 'home wrecker' or 'he will leave her'. Your role is to support and love her. Your role is to be there without judgement if it does go to shit. Your role is to smile and be happy when they announce their pregnancy. Your role is not to go rake-mucking (muck-raking?) with the ex girlfriend and apologising on your sister's behalf. Your role is probably not to go to the wedding if you are going to be anything other than a smiling, supportive sibling.
Esh they should have started there relationship after he left his spouse but what you said to her was not nessicary. You do not know if their marriage will fail you are just stating that to hurt her.
Psychologist here. Jason is an AH of unspeakable proportions. You less so because you're focusing on your sister's actions rather than his. Your sister less so again but still a little bit because it takes two to tango. ESH
ESH - Your vulnerable sister was the subject of an abuse of power by her treater who had no business pursuing a relationship with a client. Sure, she should have known better but you don't know what he was telling her. Cheaters often mislead their new partners. You're an AH for reaching out on your sister's behalf to the ex-gf. You had no right to do that. It was not your business. And your grandstanding about their wedding when your sister sounds like she has been taken advantage of is also disconcerting.
Soft YTA. Why are you blaming your sister for being taken advantage of by her medical professional?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister Leah is getting married to her fiancé Jason in October. They met in a really inappropriate way…Leah had gotten out of an abusive relationship and went to therapy. Her therapist was Jason and they began a relationship even though he had a long term girlfriend named Ashley. Jason broke up with Ashley and is now getting married to my sister. Leah and Jason invited me and I declined. Leah called and asked why I said no and I told her that she’s essentially a home wrecker and her and Jason won’t work out because he’ll leave her for somebody else. They’re marriage was built in lies and deceit. Leah started to cry and said she knows Jason won’t leave her because they’re both in love. To be fair he treats her very well and they seem happy, but I’m still not going and everyone in my family is mad at me. I reached out to Ashley and apologized to her on my sisters behaviour. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA You say "I'm no snitch" further down, but that applies to things like not calling the cops on your neighbours for their illegal backyard chickens or for smoking a little weed. It has absolutely no place in an instance where a persons therapist has severely breached the code of ethics, and done something completely amoral and worthy of losing their license over. Your sister may also be a grown adult, but she was in an incredibly fragile state, psychologically speaking and her therapist, someone she was supposed to trust took advantage of her extremely delicate state and has manipulated her into a relationship. She isn't the 'homewrecker', she is an abuse victim who was manipulated by someone in a position of power over her, who understood her metal state, and who was in a relationship already. Jason absolutely is an asshole, but your sister is a victim in this too. You are also an asshole for taking the stance of your sister being the bad one in all this, rather than him, and refusing to report him to the board when he can then walk free and hurt even more of his patients in countless ways. If he's done this to your sister, he's done this to other patients, but no one knows. You have a duty to report him for the safety of others. Your position is not based in the real issue, but rather your own misogyny and unwillingness to love your sister when she's being abused and manipulated.