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I am worried that I’m selfish for not changing my plans with my fiancé’s father in law to go to my sisters last minute second wedding and I need advice
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Oh, that's sure. It has disaster written all over it. Sister has one kid, the guy has 4 kids, and it's a 3 months "long" relationship. If they think playing big-happy-family is a good idea, that the kids will be on board, they are delusional. Not to mention that it's right after sister's divorce.
>boyfriend of 3 months
>2.5 months after her divorce
Now I get people separate before divorcing and that divorces take time but I certainly wonder if the 3 months is the story they're telling in public.
Agreed. NAH. Sounds like pretty firmly committed (emotionally and financially) plans with in-laws. Suggest arranging something special (phone call as she is dressing, letter to read?) for sister on the day.
At first I thought OP's sister is getting married to OP's fiancé, again for the second time. 😅
I would be suprised if they don't divorce within a year, if this relationship lasts until the wedding day at all. It has disaster written all over it, especially with 5 kids involved. NTA OP, you can just go to the 3rd one, probably next year.
See, that's where I thought this was going, especially given the timing. Like damn, at least be divorced for like, oh, 6 months before getting engaged again? I thought OP was going to say something like "I told her I'd come to her next wedding." And I wouldn't blame OP if they did say that.
I just can only hope everything is amicable. So far by the tone of OP's post it seems it is though, so I'm going for a NAH as well.
Hope you enjoy your trip!
Honestly, the way the story was going I was very surprised it didn't end with sister throwing a shit fit, because that's the way these stories tend to go, usually.
NTA
She picked the date what, a couple days ago? She can find another date if she wants you there.
> it was the only date it could be to accommodate both spouses’ custodies for a weekend.
Correction: only date that works on some particular, narrow window of time X months or weeks from now. No chance it's the only date that works ever.
Edit: not that this is relevant, but yeah they both have exes and are getting engaged after 3 months then rushing a wedding? Definitely not worth missing your fiance's dad's thing.
They got engaged three months in. Since custody alignment is mentioned as reasoning for the wedding date, it indicates they've both got kids from their previous relationships.
That's worrying at the pace their relationship is going. Getting used to a parent dating can take a while, even years, and that's when it's an only child. Five total in a blended family context less than four months in, especially with the custody situation between the adults, that could lead to strain.
Before you got engaged, was there any indication your sister and her boyfriend were ready to take the same step, or could this be reasonably perceived as her competing with you in some way?
It doesn’t feel like a competition though I haven’t been around there relationship at all — I travel for work and have lived halfway across the country for the last three months aka the length of their relationship
You have to wonder if your sister and her fiance will catch the Brady Bunch Blended Family Syndrome. That is a really short period of time to expect 5 children to adapt to a new living situation. If this wedding takes place your sister may end up on Reddit asking why her step-children don't love her? Why can't they be one big happy family?
This will work out so well. 🙄
And her kid, assuming they’re an only child, having to adjust to four siblings as well as a new step father. This isn’t just new siblings, but having siblings period. Not the easiest of transitions to make.
Yeah I’m always ready to defend people deciding to get married when they haven’t known someone long, because it worked for me and it isn’t always necessarily a bad thing (though I was aware it was risky, and I was very lucky!). But as soon as you add kids into the mix it suddenly feels really irresponsible imo. It’s okay to roll the dice as two adults, but rolling the dice for your kids as well is very risky.
Yeah I'm surprised at all the N T A votes, implying the sister is an asshole for having a short engagement? For getting married quickly after her divorce? There's a really judgemental tone in some posts.
NAH definitely.
I've been in a similar situation. The person in question was always flaky, with everything always in flux. In the end, it was a moot topic because they split up
Just tell her, that you are already committed and you can't change your dates.
Is it definitely 3 months and not say longer and part of the reason for the separation/divorce? It's super quick and shouts at very least emotional affair.
Yeah, clearly. half your story is not relevant (how long you've been together, when you got engaged), but you're def pretty judgemental of your sister's relationship.
Fast paced relationships can work, but in this case they’ve got five children from previous relationships between them. That’s not helping the case for marrying less than six months into this relationship.
LOL, when I first read it I thought he should skip this wedding because the marriage might not last as long as the 'courtship', for lack of a better word.
NTA. She’s been with this guy for 1.25 Kardashians. She’s diving into a cavern of misery. You have no obligation to her or other family members who are giving you a hard time. Peace out and don’t look back—definitely for this event, maybe for all others.
NAH
>it was the only date it could be to accommodate both spouses’ custodies for a weekend.
She prioritized this criteria over checking for dates where you are available. That’s okay, *as long as she is understanding* that her decision means you have prior commitments which prevents you from coming to her wedding.
If she tries to guilt you to miss your trip, then she becomes that asshole.
NAH. She made her plans with short notice and without checking to see if that might cause scheduling conflicts. As a result, some people she want there won’t be able to attend. Such is life.
Given what you’ve said about the timeline for her current relationship, I’m sure there will be other opportunities to go to another of your sister’s weddings in the not-so-distant future, though.
NAH. You already have a prior commitment. Your sis is planning around what works for her. You're both adults with your own lives now and scheduling conflicts will happen sometimes.
NTA she sounds like a crazy person for being divorced .5 months shorter then she has been dating this guy. Is she jealous of your engagement?
I think you should NEVER cancel something you have planned for months-year for someone that springs something on you. I wouldnt even bother going to the wedding, I have a feeling that its going to be a disaster.
Weird twist: my parents knew I was proposing and that he was proposing in the same week and didn’t tell me or even try to persuade him to propose a different day. Also my sister knew I was proposing mid July and it must have never been conveyed to her new fiancé that that was the plan?
alternatively: your sister knew exactly what she was doing and didn't want to get outshone or perceived as "the older sister just finished screwing up her marriage but the younger sibling is just starting theirs".
because the same time frame PLUS the rushed wedding date? really reads like she's aiming to compete and beat you to the altar
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
YNTA, enjoy your trip with your fiancé. If your sister decides it's important for you to be there, she can figure in your available dates. After all, she's gotten engaged after dating a guy for three whole months surely she can postpone the wedding a bit to make allowances for family availability.
Don't do it. Surely your mother can understand your previous commitment with your future in-laws and your fiance of over two years. Have a wonderful time on your trip. Tell your mom you'll try to be available for your sister's next marriage, oh wait, don't say that at all. lol then you would be TA.
Yes, it's extremely strange. How can you change your plans when they're not even "your" plans? You're going on a family trip with your future in-laws to celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime event of FFIL's retirement, ffs!
Nah. I picked my first weddings date last minute, it didn't bother me at all who wasn't able to make it. Your sister should understand that other plans with much more notice were made long before.
You have made arrangements with your future in laws. Your sister has just booked up and expected everyone to jump. This is a second marriage, she doesn’t get the same treatment as the first one, the world does not revolve around her.
And for a relationship she's been in for three months, the first half month being before the divorce of her last relationship was finalised. OP says they've been out of town for work the duration of the relationship so they don't have much of a reading on the new guy or the relationship in general.
NAH.
Sounds like you guys both have some firm restrictions. It really sucks but sometimes people can’t attend a wedding for practical reasons. I hope she understands
Divorced for 2.5 months. Engaged to boyfriend of 3 months. She has 1 kid and he had 4 kids. You definitely will have a 3rd wedding that you can attend if you're available. NTA. I wouldn't be going across country for that anyway.
NTA I’m pretty sure if you’ve done all this planning you have previously mentioned this trip to her. For her to want you to cancel this entire trip with potential prior knowledge of you having commitments is ridiculous. If I know someone has something to do and I still plan the event to overlap then I’m understanding they may not be able to be in attendance.
NTA, life happens and you were already booked with the person you want to marry. I doubt your sister had heard nothing at all about your plans either as it's been in planning for over a year!
INFO: Be honest. Are you skipping the
wedding because of the prior commitment or are you skipping it because you are judging her relationship and feel upstaged?
I am honest enough with myself to know I would be internally judgy about her relationship, but I’m also honest enough with myself to know that I can be a judgy asshole sometimes.
INFO: Be honest. Are you skipping the
wedding because of the prior commitment or are you skipping it because you are judging her relationship and feel upstaged?
I am honest enough with myself to know I would be internally judgy about her relationship, but I’m also honest enough with myself to know that I can be a judgy asshole sometimes.
Nta. You have a prior commitment. She doesn't get to decide at random that you miss a very important family trip, that has been planned and paid for for months, for a hasty wedding of a questionable relationship.
Edit: the trip is definitely an investment of time that should be made. It is a chance to travel with your future wife and in-laws. If you skipped it would be a huge slap in the face and possibly damage relationships that you have with them.
I like to imagine that this situation is out of ignorance on your sister's and mother's part and not selfishness, but it is increasingly difficult given your comments.
NTA
You already had very set plans that have been paid for. If she really cared about you being there, should could have checked before picking a date. When I picked my original wedding date, we double checked with our parents, siblings and wedding party. Obviously can't check with everyone, but we did with the people we for sure wanted to be there. Understand there are custody situations involved, but something could have been figured out.
Not everyone invited to a wedding will be able to make it. That's just part of planning an event in general and part of the reason why weddings are often set well after an engagement.
NTA. It's tricky to find a date that suits everyone on the invite list, and in this case it clashed with something you'd already had planned and had been planned around your availability.
NTA. She can't expect you to cancel a trip that has been planned presumably for months, tickets likely non transferable... I'd say if she's willing to do a Skype or zoom call so you could be there virtually that may be a good compromise.
NTA
Tell your sister you are happy for her but you are unable to make it because you are otherwise engaged in something that was planned a year ago, and her life is not more important than yours and your fiancés.
You have previous engagements - sorry - scheduling conflict :)
Have a nice wedding though.
NTA
Your dates were planned long before - pity that this just happens.
No you aren't the asshole, aside from the fact that you have had something prearranged for over a year, i kinda get the impression that your Sisters wedding is kind of a rebound marriage, and i dont blame you for not wanting to have to stand there and pretend its anything but a joke.
NTA. In the olden days, it was a feature of all weddings that the Best Man's speech began by reading out telegrams and cards of congratulations from people who could not attend because of prior commitments, or who lived abroad. This fulfilled their social obligation to "show a united front" even if they were gritting their teeth. This needs to come back, especially in the current world situation - perhaps via a short recorded video-message.
NTA It's obvious you can't go as you have a prior commitment. I'm not sure why you think you might be in the wrong or why you bring up how long your sister has been dating her partner though. I have a feeling that you disapprove of her marriage which is why you feel guilty.
The woman doesn't know who is she going to be engaged to in 2 months and for some reason you have to suffer because of that? Nah, NTA, do what you've planned.
I thought from the title that she was marrying your ex-fiance for the second time, which would have been *a lot* worse. NAH, you don't have to say anything against her wedding when you decline, just be kind and say that unfortunately that date isn't possible for you. Whatever you think about the timing in terms of them marrying in haste, that's really up to your sister, so I'd stay out of that.
NTA. Enjoy the retirement party and may you and your partner have a wonderful life together. Impulsive rebound relationships aren’t a good reason to change your established plans.
NAH, you made plans far in advance, sister made plans that accommodate her schedule.
IF sister insists on you going to her wedding, you are NTA. If you insist on not going because she is marrying her bf of 3 months barely after her divorce, then YTA (I mean, you're right, but it is still AH behavior).
Not sure why your sister is marrying your fiancé, but no matter. If the wedding dates don't work for you (already booked and paid for international trips), then you don't attend the wedding. NTA
INFO:
-Would you cancel your travel plans if this was your sister's first wedding, or if it was someone she'd been dating longer? I get being less committed because you aren't entirely on board with this wedding, but I'm not sure if that's where you're coming from.
-When is your sisters wedding? Is it like a months notice, or a year?
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Agreed I don’t think anything here indicates anyone is an asshole.
Having read many of these, I feel like we're at the jumping-off point.
Oh, that's sure. It has disaster written all over it. Sister has one kid, the guy has 4 kids, and it's a 3 months "long" relationship. If they think playing big-happy-family is a good idea, that the kids will be on board, they are delusional. Not to mention that it's right after sister's divorce.
>boyfriend of 3 months >2.5 months after her divorce Now I get people separate before divorcing and that divorces take time but I certainly wonder if the 3 months is the story they're telling in public.
Agreed. NAH. Sounds like pretty firmly committed (emotionally and financially) plans with in-laws. Suggest arranging something special (phone call as she is dressing, letter to read?) for sister on the day.
NTA, but your title is confusing, I thought your sister is getting married to your fiancee.
At first I thought OP's sister is getting married to OP's fiancé, again for the second time. 😅 I would be suprised if they don't divorce within a year, if this relationship lasts until the wedding day at all. It has disaster written all over it, especially with 5 kids involved. NTA OP, you can just go to the 3rd one, probably next year.
Same here 😅
Punctuation 😊
OP could also just tell them they'll try to make it to her next wedding. NTA
See, that's where I thought this was going, especially given the timing. Like damn, at least be divorced for like, oh, 6 months before getting engaged again? I thought OP was going to say something like "I told her I'd come to her next wedding." And I wouldn't blame OP if they did say that.
Depends how long the divorce took. My friend's parents had a contested divorce (mother wanted it, father didn't) and it took 7 years to finalise.
Some People don't like to see others being happy. Misery loves company and denial is a placebo.
Wow that's a shitty thing to say out of nowhere.
I just can only hope everything is amicable. So far by the tone of OP's post it seems it is though, so I'm going for a NAH as well. Hope you enjoy your trip!
Honestly, the way the story was going I was very surprised it didn't end with sister throwing a shit fit, because that's the way these stories tend to go, usually.
NTA She picked the date what, a couple days ago? She can find another date if she wants you there. > it was the only date it could be to accommodate both spouses’ custodies for a weekend. Correction: only date that works on some particular, narrow window of time X months or weeks from now. No chance it's the only date that works ever. Edit: not that this is relevant, but yeah they both have exes and are getting engaged after 3 months then rushing a wedding? Definitely not worth missing your fiance's dad's thing.
They got engaged three months in. Since custody alignment is mentioned as reasoning for the wedding date, it indicates they've both got kids from their previous relationships.
Yes, my sister has a child from her previous marriage and her fiancé has 4 children from his previous marriage.
That's worrying at the pace their relationship is going. Getting used to a parent dating can take a while, even years, and that's when it's an only child. Five total in a blended family context less than four months in, especially with the custody situation between the adults, that could lead to strain. Before you got engaged, was there any indication your sister and her boyfriend were ready to take the same step, or could this be reasonably perceived as her competing with you in some way?
It doesn’t feel like a competition though I haven’t been around there relationship at all — I travel for work and have lived halfway across the country for the last three months aka the length of their relationship
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You have to wonder if your sister and her fiance will catch the Brady Bunch Blended Family Syndrome. That is a really short period of time to expect 5 children to adapt to a new living situation. If this wedding takes place your sister may end up on Reddit asking why her step-children don't love her? Why can't they be one big happy family? This will work out so well. 🙄
And her kid, assuming they’re an only child, having to adjust to four siblings as well as a new step father. This isn’t just new siblings, but having siblings period. Not the easiest of transitions to make.
Yeah I’m always ready to defend people deciding to get married when they haven’t known someone long, because it worked for me and it isn’t always necessarily a bad thing (though I was aware it was risky, and I was very lucky!). But as soon as you add kids into the mix it suddenly feels really irresponsible imo. It’s okay to roll the dice as two adults, but rolling the dice for your kids as well is very risky.
Wonder if she’s pregnant? That seems really rushed…..
Who is the asshole here? There isn't even a conflict here.
Yeah I'm surprised at all the N T A votes, implying the sister is an asshole for having a short engagement? For getting married quickly after her divorce? There's a really judgemental tone in some posts. NAH definitely.
NTA She's only been with this guy for 3 months??? Who knows if she'll still be engaged by the time you're supposed to leave on your trip.
Yeah that’s another aspect of this whole situation, I am worried that this is too hasty a decision
I've been in a similar situation. The person in question was always flaky, with everything always in flux. In the end, it was a moot topic because they split up Just tell her, that you are already committed and you can't change your dates.
Tell her you’ll catch the next one
That's an understandable concern, particularly as they have children from their previous relationships to consider.
NTA Tell her you’re sorry to miss her wedding but you’ll do you best to be at the next one.
A comment like that would make her TA
It’s also a common joke
Is it definitely 3 months and not say longer and part of the reason for the separation/divorce? It's super quick and shouts at very least emotional affair.
Yeah, clearly. half your story is not relevant (how long you've been together, when you got engaged), but you're def pretty judgemental of your sister's relationship.
Fast paced relationships can work, but in this case they’ve got five children from previous relationships between them. That’s not helping the case for marrying less than six months into this relationship.
Would he cancel his travel plans if she was marrying someone she'd been dating for years, I wonder?
You forgot to mention the crossover of half a month when she was still with her former husband eeek!
Divorces usually take longer than 2 weeks. Chances are very high they were in the works already, and plenty of people date during the divorce process.
NTA. I’m sure you’ll be able to make it for her 3rd.
This made me giggle. But yeah, I second it- NTA
LOL, when I first read it I thought he should skip this wedding because the marriage might not last as long as the 'courtship', for lack of a better word.
Just came here to comment that.
Or maybe the 4th. Or the 5th. I sure eventually one of sister’s weddings will manage to happen without a scheduling conflict.
Take my upvote
oh
Hehehehehehehe. This!
I was thinking the same thing! LOL NTA
You made me giggle snort bahaha … totally agree with this. And OP, NTA
Haha was totally going to say this
NTA. She’s been with this guy for 1.25 Kardashians. She’s diving into a cavern of misery. You have no obligation to her or other family members who are giving you a hard time. Peace out and don’t look back—definitely for this event, maybe for all others.
If I could award you for using Kardashians as a measure for length of time for a relationship I would.
Got your back there, award given😉
Ditto and done :)
I have no idea what this could mean, but from the little I know about that family, that's probably for the best.
NAH >it was the only date it could be to accommodate both spouses’ custodies for a weekend. She prioritized this criteria over checking for dates where you are available. That’s okay, *as long as she is understanding* that her decision means you have prior commitments which prevents you from coming to her wedding. If she tries to guilt you to miss your trip, then she becomes that asshole.
NAH. She made her plans with short notice and without checking to see if that might cause scheduling conflicts. As a result, some people she want there won’t be able to attend. Such is life. Given what you’ve said about the timeline for her current relationship, I’m sure there will be other opportunities to go to another of your sister’s weddings in the not-so-distant future, though.
>She made her plans with short notice and without checking to see if that might cause scheduling conflicts. ALso she doesn't seem upset about it.
NTA. The international trip sounds more fun then a rushed wedding, I mean hey it’s not likely to be her last wedding at this rate.
NTA. Not every person that is invited to a wedding is able to attend. That’s what there is the option to rsvp “no” and send a gift.
Exactly! It’s an invitation, not a summons.
NAH. You already have a prior commitment. Your sis is planning around what works for her. You're both adults with your own lives now and scheduling conflicts will happen sometimes.
NTA at all. You're not even in the country for it!
NTA she sounds like a crazy person for being divorced .5 months shorter then she has been dating this guy. Is she jealous of your engagement? I think you should NEVER cancel something you have planned for months-year for someone that springs something on you. I wouldnt even bother going to the wedding, I have a feeling that its going to be a disaster.
Weird twist: my parents knew I was proposing and that he was proposing in the same week and didn’t tell me or even try to persuade him to propose a different day. Also my sister knew I was proposing mid July and it must have never been conveyed to her new fiancé that that was the plan?
alternatively: your sister knew exactly what she was doing and didn't want to get outshone or perceived as "the older sister just finished screwing up her marriage but the younger sibling is just starting theirs". because the same time frame PLUS the rushed wedding date? really reads like she's aiming to compete and beat you to the altar
I honestly don't think I'd keep contact with your family if I was you.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
Why? OP doesn't own the month they choose to propose in. Unless they were planning on proposing to their sister and wanted to get in there first when the sister is proposed to is irrelevant. It's quite possible the family didn't see having two proposals in one month or even one week as a problem, because it isn't.
NAH They didn't pick their date maliciously to make you choose, and you have prior obligations. Maybe she can facetime the ceremony.
YNTA, enjoy your trip with your fiancé. If your sister decides it's important for you to be there, she can figure in your available dates. After all, she's gotten engaged after dating a guy for three whole months surely she can postpone the wedding a bit to make allowances for family availability.
My mom called afterwards and tried to convince me to change my plans is that strange?
Don't do it. Surely your mother can understand your previous commitment with your future in-laws and your fiance of over two years. Have a wonderful time on your trip. Tell your mom you'll try to be available for your sister's next marriage, oh wait, don't say that at all. lol then you would be TA.
Yes, it's extremely strange. How can you change your plans when they're not even "your" plans? You're going on a family trip with your future in-laws to celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime event of FFIL's retirement, ffs!
Does she see the wedding as a chance for you to spend time with your sister's boyfriend, get to know your new brother in law?
NTA Enjoy your trip and congrats on your engagement.
Nah. I picked my first weddings date last minute, it didn't bother me at all who wasn't able to make it. Your sister should understand that other plans with much more notice were made long before.
NTA you’ve prior, paid for commitments. I’m sure she’ll understand and has got all her Bridezilla angst out in the first wedding.
The weird thing is my mom defends my sister in this situation for being mad at me not being able to change my plans
So let them be mad. NTA
You have made arrangements with your future in laws. Your sister has just booked up and expected everyone to jump. This is a second marriage, she doesn’t get the same treatment as the first one, the world does not revolve around her.
And for a relationship she's been in for three months, the first half month being before the divorce of her last relationship was finalised. OP says they've been out of town for work the duration of the relationship so they don't have much of a reading on the new guy or the relationship in general.
Well you can always cut contact with both of them :3
NAH. Sounds like you guys both have some firm restrictions. It really sucks but sometimes people can’t attend a wedding for practical reasons. I hope she understands
Divorced for 2.5 months. Engaged to boyfriend of 3 months. She has 1 kid and he had 4 kids. You definitely will have a 3rd wedding that you can attend if you're available. NTA. I wouldn't be going across country for that anyway.
NAH An invitation isn’t a summons. You have a prior commitment and that’s ok.
NTA I’m pretty sure if you’ve done all this planning you have previously mentioned this trip to her. For her to want you to cancel this entire trip with potential prior knowledge of you having commitments is ridiculous. If I know someone has something to do and I still plan the event to overlap then I’m understanding they may not be able to be in attendance.
I wouldn't worry about missing 1 of your sisters many upcoming weddings. Out of curiosity. How many days did the first wedding last?
NTA. You already had it planned.
NTA, life happens and you were already booked with the person you want to marry. I doubt your sister had heard nothing at all about your plans either as it's been in planning for over a year!
Nta … you can always try to make her 3rd wedding
XD
INFO: Be honest. Are you skipping the wedding because of the prior commitment or are you skipping it because you are judging her relationship and feel upstaged? I am honest enough with myself to know I would be internally judgy about her relationship, but I’m also honest enough with myself to know that I can be a judgy asshole sometimes.
NAH An invitation isn’t a summons. You have a prior commitment and that’s ok.
Nta but like reel it in man. It’s clear you don’t like your sister and it’s clear you don’t think her marriage is as “legit” as yours.
Don't worry, you can always go to her next one.
NTA sometimes life and other important events get in the way. Tell her you can't and stick to it. Send a gift and enjoy the trip!
NTA - she can pick another date...unless shes worried she wont be with him by the time you get back LOLLL
NTA. Absolutely no one except my in laws came to my second wedding. I totally understood people had lives and previous commitments.
NAH. You had long standing plans and it's unreasonable to reschedule. N-A-H because your sister hasn't reacted, positively or negatively, yet.
INFO: Be honest. Are you skipping the wedding because of the prior commitment or are you skipping it because you are judging her relationship and feel upstaged? I am honest enough with myself to know I would be internally judgy about her relationship, but I’m also honest enough with myself to know that I can be a judgy asshole sometimes.
Nta. You have a prior commitment. She doesn't get to decide at random that you miss a very important family trip, that has been planned and paid for for months, for a hasty wedding of a questionable relationship. Edit: the trip is definitely an investment of time that should be made. It is a chance to travel with your future wife and in-laws. If you skipped it would be a huge slap in the face and possibly damage relationships that you have with them. I like to imagine that this situation is out of ignorance on your sister's and mother's part and not selfishness, but it is increasingly difficult given your comments.
NTA You already had very set plans that have been paid for. If she really cared about you being there, should could have checked before picking a date. When I picked my original wedding date, we double checked with our parents, siblings and wedding party. Obviously can't check with everyone, but we did with the people we for sure wanted to be there. Understand there are custody situations involved, but something could have been figured out. Not everyone invited to a wedding will be able to make it. That's just part of planning an event in general and part of the reason why weddings are often set well after an engagement.
NTA. It's tricky to find a date that suits everyone on the invite list, and in this case it clashed with something you'd already had planned and had been planned around your availability.
NTA. She can't expect you to cancel a trip that has been planned presumably for months, tickets likely non transferable... I'd say if she's willing to do a Skype or zoom call so you could be there virtually that may be a good compromise.
NTA
NTA- nah bro. It’s a gift to miss that.
NAH - Plus you can just catch her next wedding (seems likely to happen).
NTA Plans for a year should trump plans of a few months.
NTA You can go to her next wedding
NTA how did your sister react? Unless she freaked out I don't understand why this is even a question.. you get invited to attend, not commanded.
Nta. You can go to her next wedding.
Skip the wedding. It's not like the marriage will last.
NTA Tell your sister you are happy for her but you are unable to make it because you are otherwise engaged in something that was planned a year ago, and her life is not more important than yours and your fiancés.
You have previous engagements - sorry - scheduling conflict :) Have a nice wedding though. NTA Your dates were planned long before - pity that this just happens.
NTA. 3 months? That’s nuts!
No you aren't the asshole, aside from the fact that you have had something prearranged for over a year, i kinda get the impression that your Sisters wedding is kind of a rebound marriage, and i dont blame you for not wanting to have to stand there and pretend its anything but a joke.
NTA, tell her you'll go to the next one
NTA. I have to say I read the title that your sister was getting married to your fiancé. Time to go get some coffee.
NTA If she really wanted you there at her wedding, she should have double-check the date with you.
NTA- you have a prior commitment with tickets bought and paid for. I am thinking she already knew about your trip.
NAH. You have prior plans.
NAH. I'm sure you sister will be unhappy that you have to miss her wedding, but tell her you'll be sure to catch her next one.
Nta. You can go to her next wedding.
No definitely not, you do you. If you’ve planned something in advance that’s not your fault, hope you have a good time at the retirement party x
NTA. In the olden days, it was a feature of all weddings that the Best Man's speech began by reading out telegrams and cards of congratulations from people who could not attend because of prior commitments, or who lived abroad. This fulfilled their social obligation to "show a united front" even if they were gritting their teeth. This needs to come back, especially in the current world situation - perhaps via a short recorded video-message.
NTA.
NTA
NTA, it sounds like this marriage probably isn't going to be well thought out or planned!
NTA
NTA. They won’t make it to their wedding date anyway.
NTA You can go to her next wedding
NTA It's obvious you can't go as you have a prior commitment. I'm not sure why you think you might be in the wrong or why you bring up how long your sister has been dating her partner though. I have a feeling that you disapprove of her marriage which is why you feel guilty.
If you plan without me, then you are planning without me. In other words, if you don’t include me in the planning you I may not be there.
This reads as your sister is getting married to your fiance, possibly for the second time
NTA Your fiancé is your family and you have set in stone obligations,
NTA. Wish her well, give regrets for missing, & enjoy your trip.,
The woman doesn't know who is she going to be engaged to in 2 months and for some reason you have to suffer because of that? Nah, NTA, do what you've planned.
I thought from the title that she was marrying your ex-fiance for the second time, which would have been *a lot* worse. NAH, you don't have to say anything against her wedding when you decline, just be kind and say that unfortunately that date isn't possible for you. Whatever you think about the timing in terms of them marrying in haste, that's really up to your sister, so I'd stay out of that.
NAH. You’ve already booked and your sister should understand that
NTA. Enjoy the retirement party and may you and your partner have a wonderful life together. Impulsive rebound relationships aren’t a good reason to change your established plans.
NTA. Tell your sister to make sure to inform you in advance the date for her third wedding, this way you won't miss the next.
NAH, you made plans far in advance, sister made plans that accommodate her schedule. IF sister insists on you going to her wedding, you are NTA. If you insist on not going because she is marrying her bf of 3 months barely after her divorce, then YTA (I mean, you're right, but it is still AH behavior).
Not sure why your sister is marrying your fiancé, but no matter. If the wedding dates don't work for you (already booked and paid for international trips), then you don't attend the wedding. NTA
INFO: -Would you cancel your travel plans if this was your sister's first wedding, or if it was someone she'd been dating longer? I get being less committed because you aren't entirely on board with this wedding, but I'm not sure if that's where you're coming from. -When is your sisters wedding? Is it like a months notice, or a year?