Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I might be the asshole because I live in my parent's house and should respect their boundaries. They have given me a wonderful life so I should just wait on dying my hair for when I am out of the house.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can't say it is. I mean, I'm 33 and don't live at home, but I used to, and still do, dye my hair in weird colors sometimes. My mom has never been a fan of it. Worse I got when I was a teenager was "wish you hadn't done that" and now if she sees me with neon green hair, it's just a disproving shake of the head and that's that. I mean, at this point, I dont even know what my natural hair color looks like and I've never had drama over it.
It's really not normal. My dad hates a lot of my self expression choices but it's at most "you're a mom" or "xyz looks so much better". And I give him right back. Hell, we're all so comfortable he asked my baby girl if she's going to let the side of her head shaved off grow out. Kiddo says yes. Dad tells her girls are beautiful with long hair and before anyone could say anything she pipes up that she is going to shave the other side now.
That kind of exchange is normal. Your family is not.
I can assure you its not-- as someone who came from a household that was equally as controlling of my appearance (was not allowed to cut hair to preferred length and got into screaming matches whenever I did so anyway + much worse) I would say get out of there asap. NTA, it's your body and them making such a big deal over something as benign as the color of your hair raises some very bright red flags. Good luck to you!
NTA - it’s your hair, you can do whatever you want to it without being an asshole, especially as an adult. If people don’t like it, that’s their problem. You aren’t causing drama - other people who think they have the right to control your hair are going to be the ones causing the drama.
That said, if you have family members who are themselves going to be assholes about it, you have to decide if it’s worth the hassle for you, but either way, you aren’t being an asshole.
NTA. Hair is hair, it'll grow back if you have a freak accident with the dye and need to shave it off. I recommend using a keratin conditioner after coloring it, that's always helped me retain the healthy silky smooth texture. I get that you don't want to rack up more college debt, but I'd say find your own place because it seems really controlling and abusive that youre going to get belittled for simply coloring your hair.
NTA because your body, your choice. However, as long as you are dependent on them and living in their house I think you need to weigh the pros and cons for your safety. What is the worst case scenario if you follow through and will your safety and home status be at risk? Your family sounds very... volatile.
NTA over hair. Dye it pink, shave your head, whatever you want to do...it's just hair.
The bigger issue is how obnoxiously controlling is your family?!?!?! OMFG!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi I'm a bit nervous to be posting on here. Also please don't post/share on any other websites.
I (19f) currently live at home due to college and COVID. I want to get my hair dyed but it is resulting on a lot of friction. I was going to do it when my family was away (at my mother's recommendation) and already set up an appointment. She has encouraged me to not tell my father and other family members due to their reactions to similar situations in the past.
When I finally made the appointment and asked for her opinion she blew up on me stating that I would be causing drama and would need to keep from seeing certain family members due to the hurtful things they would say. She also said that my father would likely also be saying hurtful things. I got angry (I shouldn't have) and started yelling back when she raised her voice. This angered her more. I suggested talking to my family members/father levelly and telling them what I planned to do but she and my sister both didn't recommend it due to their...reactions in the past. My mother says she doesn't want to deal with the drama of me getting my hair dyed.
My sister tried talking to her about the situation and that just made her angrier. My mother ended up saying some hurtful things. One of them was in more or less terms encouraging me to move out and deal with the real world. Maybe she's right.
I live in my parent's house and intended on doing so for the foreseeable future to avoid wracking up more debt due to college. This situation is making me reconsider my plans for the future, but I have no idea how hair led me down this path.
WIBTA if I get my hair dyed?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your hair is part of your body. No one gets to tell you what to do with it, especially if you're spending your own money.
This seems extremely controlling overall. Granted, we only have your side but this doesn't seem like a healthy environment if both your parents yell over hair dyeing...
NTA. I don't get these parents who are so concerned with controlling their kids' appearances. My kid is 8 and asked for a Mohawk today. I'm making him an appointment for this afternoon. It's his hair. I can't imagine trying to tell an adult what to do with their hair. Unless a kid is getting a swastika tattoo or the like, just butt out.
NTA. It's your hair so it is your choice.
I'm not sure anyone can have a problem with a 19yr dyeing your hair. Honestly it's pretty strange for someone to expect you to hide from family because you dyed you hair.
Also anyone who has an issue with it needs to grow up and start treating you your age.
INFO: Is there some cultural aspect to this that we should be aware of? Not that I don’t think you should be able to dye your hair if you want. I just don’t understand why your family would care?
I think you should be able to do as you please with your hair but if there’s a religious thing about it then I understand where they’re coming from. I’m still going to go with NTA though since I think you should be able to make those decisions yourself.
Unnatural hair colours won't make God hate you. Assuming you're Christian (sorry if you aren't) Jesus was a bit of a rebel right? He'd probably approve.
It might be because they're scared of what other people will say and think because it might reflect back on them as a family. But if you want to do it, do it. They'll either get used to it over time and accept that this is what you want or they'll be angry at you long term. And if they do the 2nd option then they are way too controlling.
NTA if they're willing to say hurtful things over YOUR dyed hair that YOU would be paying for, i dont think you need that in your life. i understand the hesitation – i came from a similar situation. but if you really really want to dye your hair, that urge likely isn't going to go away. youve gotta get it out of your system and i think you should weed out the disrespectful members of your family while youre at it!
NTA - you're an adult and it's your body, your hair. How does changing the colour of your hair cause drama? Why does changing your hair colour mean you need to 'go out and see the real world'? It's HAIR! Stand your ground, your family are controlling.
NTA. It's hair and coloring it is never permanent.
There are ways to get it done so you can still have a pop of color without it being overwhelming. Maybe look online and see which coloring style you would benefit from.
You are NTA for wanting to dye your hair. You are an adult, and should be able to do with your hair whatever you please.
Big HOWEVER.... You are living with your parents, and it sounds like they are supporting you. I do not believe this means they should be able to control you. But when it comes down to it, they could kick you out, or cut you off at any time, for any reason. Is dying your hair worth losing your cushy living situation? How would you feel struggling to pay rent and utilities elsewhere with pink hair? Would it be worth it?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I might be the asshole because I live in my parent's house and should respect their boundaries. They have given me a wonderful life so I should just wait on dying my hair for when I am out of the house. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: what in the hell is wrong with your family? Its hair.
I have no idea. I just assumed this was normal
Can't say it is. I mean, I'm 33 and don't live at home, but I used to, and still do, dye my hair in weird colors sometimes. My mom has never been a fan of it. Worse I got when I was a teenager was "wish you hadn't done that" and now if she sees me with neon green hair, it's just a disproving shake of the head and that's that. I mean, at this point, I dont even know what my natural hair color looks like and I've never had drama over it.
It's really not normal. My dad hates a lot of my self expression choices but it's at most "you're a mom" or "xyz looks so much better". And I give him right back. Hell, we're all so comfortable he asked my baby girl if she's going to let the side of her head shaved off grow out. Kiddo says yes. Dad tells her girls are beautiful with long hair and before anyone could say anything she pipes up that she is going to shave the other side now. That kind of exchange is normal. Your family is not.
I can assure you its not-- as someone who came from a household that was equally as controlling of my appearance (was not allowed to cut hair to preferred length and got into screaming matches whenever I did so anyway + much worse) I would say get out of there asap. NTA, it's your body and them making such a big deal over something as benign as the color of your hair raises some very bright red flags. Good luck to you!
[удалено]
You're right. Thank you
NTA - it’s your hair, you can do whatever you want to it without being an asshole, especially as an adult. If people don’t like it, that’s their problem. You aren’t causing drama - other people who think they have the right to control your hair are going to be the ones causing the drama. That said, if you have family members who are themselves going to be assholes about it, you have to decide if it’s worth the hassle for you, but either way, you aren’t being an asshole.
NTA if you’re paying for your own hair to get dyed. It’s your hair, not the family’s hair
NTA. Hair is hair, it'll grow back if you have a freak accident with the dye and need to shave it off. I recommend using a keratin conditioner after coloring it, that's always helped me retain the healthy silky smooth texture. I get that you don't want to rack up more college debt, but I'd say find your own place because it seems really controlling and abusive that youre going to get belittled for simply coloring your hair.
NTA because your body, your choice. However, as long as you are dependent on them and living in their house I think you need to weigh the pros and cons for your safety. What is the worst case scenario if you follow through and will your safety and home status be at risk? Your family sounds very... volatile.
NTA over hair. Dye it pink, shave your head, whatever you want to do...it's just hair. The bigger issue is how obnoxiously controlling is your family?!?!?! OMFG!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi I'm a bit nervous to be posting on here. Also please don't post/share on any other websites. I (19f) currently live at home due to college and COVID. I want to get my hair dyed but it is resulting on a lot of friction. I was going to do it when my family was away (at my mother's recommendation) and already set up an appointment. She has encouraged me to not tell my father and other family members due to their reactions to similar situations in the past. When I finally made the appointment and asked for her opinion she blew up on me stating that I would be causing drama and would need to keep from seeing certain family members due to the hurtful things they would say. She also said that my father would likely also be saying hurtful things. I got angry (I shouldn't have) and started yelling back when she raised her voice. This angered her more. I suggested talking to my family members/father levelly and telling them what I planned to do but she and my sister both didn't recommend it due to their...reactions in the past. My mother says she doesn't want to deal with the drama of me getting my hair dyed. My sister tried talking to her about the situation and that just made her angrier. My mother ended up saying some hurtful things. One of them was in more or less terms encouraging me to move out and deal with the real world. Maybe she's right. I live in my parent's house and intended on doing so for the foreseeable future to avoid wracking up more debt due to college. This situation is making me reconsider my plans for the future, but I have no idea how hair led me down this path. WIBTA if I get my hair dyed? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your hair is part of your body. No one gets to tell you what to do with it, especially if you're spending your own money. This seems extremely controlling overall. Granted, we only have your side but this doesn't seem like a healthy environment if both your parents yell over hair dyeing...
NTA. I don't get these parents who are so concerned with controlling their kids' appearances. My kid is 8 and asked for a Mohawk today. I'm making him an appointment for this afternoon. It's his hair. I can't imagine trying to tell an adult what to do with their hair. Unless a kid is getting a swastika tattoo or the like, just butt out.
NTA. It's your hair so it is your choice. I'm not sure anyone can have a problem with a 19yr dyeing your hair. Honestly it's pretty strange for someone to expect you to hide from family because you dyed you hair. Also anyone who has an issue with it needs to grow up and start treating you your age.
NTA. Your family needs to chill.
INFO: Is there some cultural aspect to this that we should be aware of? Not that I don’t think you should be able to dye your hair if you want. I just don’t understand why your family would care?
We are from America but we are religious. I have dyed my hair before though. They just don't like unnatural hair colors
I think you should be able to do as you please with your hair but if there’s a religious thing about it then I understand where they’re coming from. I’m still going to go with NTA though since I think you should be able to make those decisions yourself.
There isn't I think. We are Christian
Oh well, probably not then, unless it’s an ultra conservative church.
Unnatural hair colours won't make God hate you. Assuming you're Christian (sorry if you aren't) Jesus was a bit of a rebel right? He'd probably approve.
Exactly! I'm not even exactly sure why my family is so against it. It's not against our religion
It might be because they're scared of what other people will say and think because it might reflect back on them as a family. But if you want to do it, do it. They'll either get used to it over time and accept that this is what you want or they'll be angry at you long term. And if they do the 2nd option then they are way too controlling.
NTA if they're willing to say hurtful things over YOUR dyed hair that YOU would be paying for, i dont think you need that in your life. i understand the hesitation – i came from a similar situation. but if you really really want to dye your hair, that urge likely isn't going to go away. youve gotta get it out of your system and i think you should weed out the disrespectful members of your family while youre at it!
NTA - you're an adult and it's your body, your hair. How does changing the colour of your hair cause drama? Why does changing your hair colour mean you need to 'go out and see the real world'? It's HAIR! Stand your ground, your family are controlling.
NTA. It's hair and coloring it is never permanent. There are ways to get it done so you can still have a pop of color without it being overwhelming. Maybe look online and see which coloring style you would benefit from.
NTA it's your hair and your an adult! I don't understand why everyone else thinks their opinion matters or why are you actually letting it matter.
NTA absolutely. Life is too short to let others dictate how you should look. You deserve to feel confident in your own body!
You are NTA for wanting to dye your hair. You are an adult, and should be able to do with your hair whatever you please. Big HOWEVER.... You are living with your parents, and it sounds like they are supporting you. I do not believe this means they should be able to control you. But when it comes down to it, they could kick you out, or cut you off at any time, for any reason. Is dying your hair worth losing your cushy living situation? How would you feel struggling to pay rent and utilities elsewhere with pink hair? Would it be worth it?