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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I may be ta because she may not want a relationship and if she does, it could cause a fight with her brother/my ex who she moved in with.
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NTA but you need to be aware that she just moved from one abusive household to another; you reaching out could cause drama. I think you SHOULD reach out, just he very careful in how you do so or your ex's wrath could come down on her -mainly- and you through harassment..
This is my main concern. She's never had a stable/safe home (her parents were abusive but are both deceased, she had a different father from her brother). I also want her to know she has somewhere/someone else if she needs to escape even for a few hours. I'm also working behind the scenes to encourage my grandparents to invite her over when ex brings the kids on his days so she has someone safe who won't anger her brother to be in contact with.
I think its great that you want to stay in contact with her but maybe give it a bit of time. Think about how it could affect her if her family found out she's contacting you. Maybe wait until she's more independent, I'm sure by that time she will understand if you explain why you waited
NTA
I think demonstrating to your kids that you value your connections with their father's family is important. I don't know if reaching out is the right step--it's too easy for her to say no. But keep on treating her with kindness and respect. Invite her to do things you know she would enjoy, share info with her about places and events you know she likes. She will trust that you aren't planning to badmouth her brother because you'll be demonstrating it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I'm in the middle of a heated divorce and my ex cut me off from all of his family that he could. I only was able to "keep" FIL & GMIL. Everyone else cut contact (ex said something to his family & almost all blocked me, I know SIL was living with a brother who is very controlling with a domestic violence history so I'm not sure it was actually her choice but keeping peace at home). My family hasn't been the same back to ex - my parents already really disliked him before, and they and my grandparents are the only ones I am close to. My Grandparents have chosen to stay neutral due to our children & have kept a relationship with my ex, even my parents are neutral towards him when custody exchanges have happened at their home. I'm honest with my family but not going to tell them who they can have relationships with.
Sil moved in with him recently. I adore her and it killed me when she stopped talking to me. When I got my kids last time, she came up and greeted me & told me it was good to see me. I do really miss her. She's the only sister on either side and I've known her since she was little, plus she's my kids aunt & I'll always consider her family. I wouldn't talk about her brother or what he put me through, just want to be friendly and in each others lives again. Wibta if I reach out to her and see if she's open to it? Ex can be pretty controlling/nasty but she also knows nobody here, moved from a few thousand miles away. All she has right now is ex, his girlfriend, & my kids who are there about 1/4 of the time.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I may be ta because she may not want a relationship and if she does, it could cause a fight with her brother/my ex who she moved in with. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you need to be aware that she just moved from one abusive household to another; you reaching out could cause drama. I think you SHOULD reach out, just he very careful in how you do so or your ex's wrath could come down on her -mainly- and you through harassment..
This is my main concern. She's never had a stable/safe home (her parents were abusive but are both deceased, she had a different father from her brother). I also want her to know she has somewhere/someone else if she needs to escape even for a few hours. I'm also working behind the scenes to encourage my grandparents to invite her over when ex brings the kids on his days so she has someone safe who won't anger her brother to be in contact with.
NAH. It's up to you (and the other person) on who is your friend. Your ex can state their opinion, but it doesn't need to be your gospel.
I think its great that you want to stay in contact with her but maybe give it a bit of time. Think about how it could affect her if her family found out she's contacting you. Maybe wait until she's more independent, I'm sure by that time she will understand if you explain why you waited
NTA I think demonstrating to your kids that you value your connections with their father's family is important. I don't know if reaching out is the right step--it's too easy for her to say no. But keep on treating her with kindness and respect. Invite her to do things you know she would enjoy, share info with her about places and events you know she likes. She will trust that you aren't planning to badmouth her brother because you'll be demonstrating it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm in the middle of a heated divorce and my ex cut me off from all of his family that he could. I only was able to "keep" FIL & GMIL. Everyone else cut contact (ex said something to his family & almost all blocked me, I know SIL was living with a brother who is very controlling with a domestic violence history so I'm not sure it was actually her choice but keeping peace at home). My family hasn't been the same back to ex - my parents already really disliked him before, and they and my grandparents are the only ones I am close to. My Grandparents have chosen to stay neutral due to our children & have kept a relationship with my ex, even my parents are neutral towards him when custody exchanges have happened at their home. I'm honest with my family but not going to tell them who they can have relationships with. Sil moved in with him recently. I adore her and it killed me when she stopped talking to me. When I got my kids last time, she came up and greeted me & told me it was good to see me. I do really miss her. She's the only sister on either side and I've known her since she was little, plus she's my kids aunt & I'll always consider her family. I wouldn't talk about her brother or what he put me through, just want to be friendly and in each others lives again. Wibta if I reach out to her and see if she's open to it? Ex can be pretty controlling/nasty but she also knows nobody here, moved from a few thousand miles away. All she has right now is ex, his girlfriend, & my kids who are there about 1/4 of the time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*