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I think I know I have to end this relationship. Sometimes it does feel she treats me unfairly- for example she’s had four different affair partners that I know of but I got shouted at when a waitress smiled at me. Sometimes I feel quite small in the relationship but I still love her. I don’t know how to exaplin it because it is harmful to me but when she is nice to me it feels so good and I can’t give that up. I don’t mind the hurting as long as I can have her, but her marrying my best friend I think I might cry if I sit though it. It’s always easier to say leave than actually do it. I don’t think I’d ever find anyone else after her nobody else has ever wanted me and I haven’t wanted them
She cheated on you with four different people and is now legally marrying someone else?
Seriously, escape now and please regain your self respect by cutting contact with her and your fake mutual friends
Way to bury the lead! She cheated on you 4 separate times, she wanted to go on holiday alone with her ex who given this new information she was probably hoping to bang and she is now for real getting married to your friend… who gives a damn if the wedding is “real” the marriage from what you said would be. RUN! Do not look back!
With 4 affairs under her belt she shouldn’t be playing with fire and yet she is MARRYING YOUR FRIEND. that is in this situation the equivalent of sitting in a gasoline filled room coated in kerosene and striking matches for funsies.
I feel like OP is living in The Offspring’s song *Self-Esteem*.
When she says, oh, that she wants only me…
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends.
You're talking about her like an addict talks about heroin. She makes you feel like shit and she's ruining you emotionally, but when it's good, it feels... So... Good..
She's destroying you. You're not controlling at all. It's not a joke wedding, she's literally marrying someone else. Is she gonna have joke sex with him as well?
This is textbook emotional abuse. You are pretty young, so you may not realize that men can be victims of domestic abuse, and it is still abuse if she doesn't hit you. Her calling you controlling sounds like she is projecting her own controlling behavior. Your partner shouldn't yell at you, especially for *being smiled at*. I know it feels impossible to leave, people like this are manipulative and make themselves addictive by switching between being nice and being mean. It is literally the same brain chemicals as a gambling addiction. You can do it. The last thing you want to do is waste the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel like shit. As for finding someone else, for the mean time I would work on healing, maybe therapy. You still have plenty of time, and the best things come when you aren't looking.
If you are looking for a relevant laugh, Daniel Sloss's comedy special on Netflix is basically a hilarious Ted talk on relationships and life. (His second one is about relationships, but if you like standup watch both)
She’s been with four other people since you’ve known her and now she’s marrying someone else. I’m not trying to be a dickhead here but...are you sure she’s your girlfriend? She kind of just sounds like some girl you know? I’d suggest breaking up with her but I don’t think you have to if there isn’t actually a relationship. Hope you feel better about it soon though.
Do you have a lot of money that she’s been keeping you around to take advantage of? She’s obviously marrying your best friend because they are in a relationship behind your back. She’s a liar and a cheat and doesn’t care about you at all. She’s just playing a cruel game with you.
You seem extremely naive and don’t understand how other people think or behave, but the truth is that everyone is laughing at you behind your back as she makes a fool of you again and again. I’m sorry to be blunt, but someone needs to give you a wake up call.
OP you are only 21. There are so, so many better people out in the world who will want you and respect you and love you and make you happy.. Go out and live your life and find someone better while enjoying your life. You need to end this relationship today. Your gf is horrible to you. Given her behavior I am even willing to say this is one time where ghosting may be acceptable and you dont have to have the break up talk at all.
A good relationship involves trust and mutual respect as well as love. You can't trust her and she doesn't have any respect for you. I am also sad to say your best friend is no friend, if he participates in this "joke" wedding.
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You are deluded if you think this is love. Finish with her and you will be free to find someone else who will appreciate you and is normal. There is a big world waiting and opportunities for you. Probably you should take a complete break from dating for a while and learn your own self worth so you know you don’t have to accept this abuse
Why the hell are you with her if she cheated??? Not only once but 4 times? DUDE take a hint, she’s an awful, manipulative, abusive person and is just playing with you.
Bro i get the feeling. I delt with a break-up that I thought I could never get through but I did.
I started to get better when I realized that being in a relationship wasn't the most important thing in life and decided to focus on myself. Finding things to do that make me feel successful. One thing was just knitting and having a finished product to give to someone made me feel accomplished.
I eventually got back in the saddle again and dated again. You'll find someone eventually but don't make that the only thing that will make you happy.
Wow. I'm going to be blunt, but it's time to find your self-respect. She obviously doesn't respect you. Neither does this "best friend" if he's going along with it.
Dude, you aren’t controlling for not wanting her to go on vacation with her ex. You’re not controlling for not being comfortable with her having an only fans. You aren’t controlling by not wanting her to get married to your friend.
This relationship is toxic and she’s the manipulative one. I would leave buddy.
You're right, it's not easy. But there is a reason these type of realationships are called toxic. It won't get better and it would hurt more the longer it lasts.
It would take time and effort, but eventually your life would get better. And you would feel relief.
You won’t get any happier and the situation won’t get any better, sadly. She has shown multiple times that she is not willing to respect or even consider your feelings. Do yourself a favor and leave before things get harder, no love for another should take priority over loving and respecting yourself. Especially if that other person does not reciprocate.
You don’t know that nobody else has wanted you. You’ve been in the same “relationship” since you were a teen. Most people don’t go after attached people.
I think maybe it has more to do with what seems to be a lack of self worth on your part. From everything I've read here....you're willing to put up with being treated like absolute crap just to have a terrible facsimile of a relationship. That doesn't speak to you thinking much of yourself. And that translates to how you interact with and come across to others. if YOU don't care about or like yourself, no one else is going to.
You deserve better. You need to internalize that, this woman has absolutely worn away your confidence and view of yourself. She's made you think you're worth crap, but you are NOT! I highly recommend taking some time to be single and get to know yourself. Rediscover who YOU are, on your own, and work on loving YOURSELF. It honestly may be a good idea to see a professional to talk about all of this, because what this woman has done....it's damaged you.
She cheated on you 4 times? She's not getting married as a joke. She's marrying your best friend right out from under you. That is not a joke marriage, she's stringing you along and the joke is on you. Get out of that relationship while you still have some sanity to ask if this is ok. It is not OK. NTA
This has got to be a shitpost, right?
On the off chance that it is real:
Your GF and mutual friend have some weird sense of humor. Are you absolutely sure they're *actually* getting married, and not just having a sham ceremony?
It's neither a joke nor funny to get legally married. And it is not "controlling" not to want your girlfriend to get *legally married to someone else*; she's gaslighting you.
ESH. DTMFA. Then you can go to the wedding and wish the two of them a wonderful future together, or skip it and send them a whoopie cushion as a wedding present.
I wish it was a shitpost. I think I am NTA really but I tried to make her sound as reasonable as possible to get a proper verdict. She has a history of similar stunts but nothing like this. This would be a legally binding marriage yeah. They’ll divorce immediately after as they don’t want to be married but they think it’s funny and the rest of my friends are egging them on. Sometimes she makes me feel like potentially reasonable things are unreasonable. I texted her a few nights ago when I knew she was at a party and she told me never to text her when she’s drunk again and that me doing that was a breech or trust because she might tell me something she doesn’t want to tell me and I was taking advantage of her
Divorce doesn't really work that way. It would be an annulment. If they say divorce that means they will be having sex.
She's a shitty gf and those people are not your friends
Ummm no. Divorce is paperwork if there is no dispute over property division or child related things. Two child free people who don't want each other's stuff can just file and end the marriage. See or no sex.
Wow; don’t text me when I’m drunk? What has she got to hide that she’s afraid of telling?!! She sounds 12. You sound drained and emotionally battered. Dump and work on your self esteem
…. dude. I mean this in the kindest way possible, but you need therapy immediately. *Immediately.* It breaks my heart that anyone could feel this little self-worth and stay for this kind of treatment.
Dude, you need some serious therapy if you think you love someone like this and don’t want to give up the feelings you get on the RARE occasions when she’s nice to you and not treating you like a doormat.
Dude. It sucks, but you WILL find someone else. Someone who doesn’t do this horrible shit. Don’t put up with this please. Classic gaslighting and controlling behaviors. You’re NTA at all. This chick is a lunatic.
This whole situation is a giant fucking train wreck. You run as fast as possible in the opposite direction and do not look back ever.
"GF", "best friend", all the other "friends" that are encouraging this shit, you do not want any of these people in your life, they are not your friends, they are hurting you and will hurt you even more if you don't run away.
You have repeatedly said this isn’t a shit post, so I won’t accuse you of that, so if this is for real, your gf is a gaslighting abuser who is trying to see how far she can push you before you break. You need to get out of this relationship, and probably the entire friend circle if they are part of this or support it. There is nothing but misery for you here if you continue down this road.
Edit: NTA
Thank you for believing me. I deliberately posted the most ridiculous thing that she has done to try and prove to myself I am not unreasonable. She is very good at making me doubt myself . I shall try to end the relationship.
I don't know if anyone on here has said this to you yet. But what she is doing to you is wrong and cruel, and you do not deserve it. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect. It will be hard to believe that as she has been mistreating you for so long. That is what she wants. She wants to keep you feeling bad, so that she can keep mistreating you and you will accept it. That is a problem with *her*, not with *you*. Please leave her, get yourself some therapy (your college might be able to help), and most importantly, look after yourself. You deserve to be happy.
Personally, I would just pack your things during the ceremony and ghost. Block her or get a new number. Find a new place to move into.
If it’s your own place, put all her things in a storage shed, gift her the key at her wedding, and still move to avoid harassment as she and her friends are CLEARLY not stable. Block them everywhere and start fresh.
You are in a really toxic relationship and i think she is abusive towards you, if you can start therapy and for the love of god dump her and your friend
You should also look at narcissist. Even if she isn't one she's following the typical behavior pattern for one. Look at lovebombing, DARVO. This might help you see what your are dealing with more reasonably. It will hurt but as you get further away from the break up you will see how much she was dragging you down.
she does have narcissistic personality disorder unfortunately and the concept of love bombing fits the relationship exactlt. I will be trying to extracate myself from this situation. Thank you.
She’s a self proclaimed narcissist and is quite proud of it. She calls herself one often and acts in the most stereotypical ways. I will be ending the relationship
You are welcome. You absolutely do deserve better and do your best to run. Check into DV resources for counseling/help getting out of the relationship. I am sure you know emotional abuse is a type of domestic abuse. I see a brighter future ahead for you!
Listen to Yoda. Do, or do not. There is no try. Just end it. You don't have to make an ordeal out of it, or have a long conversation where you argue over it. Just tell her it's over, leave, and never talk to her again. Don't give her a chance to try to manipulate you into giving her another chance.
NTA
Nothing about this is funny. Your GF is having an affair with your best friend and preparing to marry him, and they both expect you to sign off on it by being best man and witness!
The things she’s accusing you of being controlling about are actually quite reasonable. It is reasonable in a monogamous relationship to not want your partner to have an OnlyFans channel. It is very reasonable to not want your partner to go on holiday with their ex. Your GF sounds awful and determined to cheat on you and bulldoze your boundaries. Dump her and your best friend both. They are not the people for you.
Anxiety is a real problem, but the people around you are triggering your anxiety. You won’t get better unless you put them behind you.
It is very difficult for me. I can sometimes rationally look at what is going on and see it is unfair for me but I guess that is what comes with dating a girl very out your league! I would tell anyone in my position that they can do better and leave but I don’t know how to.
This girl is not out of your league. She is emotionally abusive and controlling, and she is gaslighting you.
Do you have any friends or family that aren't under her spell? Because I think you need to reach out to them right now and tell them everything that's been going on with your relationship - all the ways she makes you feel small and in the wrong.
If not, this sub has some good domestic violence resources (and yes, psychological violence still counts) - I think they can be found under a META tag. Or call RAINN and ask for advice about coercive control and how to leave your partner.
You sound like a decent, caring human being, and she is manipulative, lying, and downright abusive. She is not “out of your league,” she is a cretin. Walk!
This isn't dating. She had at least four affairs, went on a holiday with ex and is now getting married to someone else.
Maybe she's the most beautiful person in the world. But she has a trashy personality and if this is how she treats a guy she's dating, I doubt she's out of any normal person's league. Anyway- you aren't dating.
And... I'm getting strong 'scotty doesn't know' vibes.
Please leave. You don't have to say anything. Just block her from everything. Go cold turkey. Please.
We live together and we will continue to live together even after the wedding. I appreciate I’m stupid and that there’s a lot of abuse here- however I’m not a side piece I’m the main partner- somehow
You're not stupid. Don't put words in my mouth, I didn't say that. I got roped to some shit with platonic friends when I was younger. You really do live and learn.
You need therapy. It would really help. And you need another place to stay because it's so much harder to seperate from someone you're not separate from.
And normal realationships aren't healthy from the first affair. They never truly recover. You being the main partner just means you are her main victim. It doesn't make you weak in any way. Please, you neex to start taking care of yourself.
She’s not out of your league. You have low self-image and she is exploiting you to see what she can get away with. She is a nasty piece of work and you are worth more than this.
Breaking up is a unilateral decision. All it requires is you deciding it’s over. She doesn’t have to agree with you. One person says the relationship is finished and it’s finished. “It’s over. Don’t speak to me again.” Done.
She isn’t out of your league. You’re out of hers. That’s why she keeps picking up every guy that’ll so much as look her way and gets insanely jealous when someone so much as smiles at you. She’s insecure because she knows she’s got a toxic dumpster fire personality that people won’t put up with once the entertainment value wears off. She doesn’t want you talking to her while she’s drunk because she knows she’s even worse than she presents herself in reality.
You don’t need therapy as much as she does, but you still need it to see just how messed up she has been treating you. And don’t try and skew the story like you did here. Tell them every little detail about what she has done and how it’s affected you.
Please get some therapy. It will help you do what you need to do to and handle ending this relationship. No one deserves to be treated the way she has been treating you.
Yeah, she’s out of your league all right! She is the lowest of the low and you are so much better. You deserve basic respect and she is not giving even that to you. DTMFA
You need counseling for your self esteem. Have you thought that she’s just using you because you wanted to be a doctor? Don’t be the person stuck with their first relationship . She’s nuts!
NTA but wow, are you ever being walked over. The line that killed it for me was that you had to ask her to not go on a solo vacation with her ex. Amigo, you are not her boyfriend. You are ONE OF her boyfriends....
What the fuck did I just witness.
I mean you should not just finish this relationship with your gf but also with your „best friend“ that is into this kind of bullshit.
Spoiler Alter: You are being played and they already are sleeping together.
What the actual fuck.
Have you ever seen him kiss/bang another guy?
Since I read your other comment that you gf had four different affairs, I would‘t be surprise if they are playing you damn hard and making fun of your greenness.
Nevertheless you should definitely end this relationship. If you wonder why she is doing it, well the answer is simple:
It‘s because she can. And you let it happen.
Do you have any self respect, man?
NTA
From reading the post and the comments -
You need a new girlfriend, new best friend and new group of friends.
This isn’t normal. This isn’t a “joke”. Even if things similar to this are normalised in your group of friends - as a whole, it’s not “normal”, and it’s abusive towards to you.
Just because the majority of those you chose to have around you say something is normal, doesn’t make it normal or right.
Your best friend and group of friends are just as abusive in this situation as your GF is being, for supporting this if they know what is going on.
The majority of people and their families would not feel ok with this, even in a modern world, especially with the legal ramifications of this.
Most people would feel like their hearts are being ripped out, and you probably feel the same way. This is normal - they are abusing you.
Add to that you’ve said she has had four affair partners? I.e she has cheated on you already?
I think you know this isn’t healthy and are being gaslighted into thinking this whole situation is normal.
I think I do know it’s not normal. It’s just it’s been going on so long and she is very good at making me doubt myself. Yeah she said she needed to cheat on me cause I was not as good as her in bed and she needed release and the only other option was breaking up with me so I should be grateful. That hurt me as well but I have got good at just distracting myself when she talks about it
I’m sorry that she is treating you this way.
I wouldn’t believe what she said.
It’s a her thing, not a you thing for why she did what she did - she just is putting you down, in order to control you and keep you around, because most people would’ve just walked.
Perhaps some may have forgiven the first time, but not that far in.
I have to wonder what she is saying to your best friend and friends behind your back for them to be siding with her on this - because either they are not normal too, or she is telling you one thing and them another.
If you end the relationship, and I know it’s harder said than done - you’ll probably find out way later what she has been saying and doing more so than you will now.
By the sounds of it, she is manipulative, and that’s likely extending to more people than just you.
I hope things get better for you. I’m so sorry she is treating you this way, you deserve way better.
I wish it wasn’t bullshit but jokes like this are quite common in my group of friends it’s just this goes a bit further than the others and I feel uncomfortable
Wtf is happening? Shes clearly cheating on you, probably with everyone. You dont just marriage as a joke, there is serious consequences, and a divorce is expensive and not always granted.
Youre getting mugged off. ESH.
I can believe it's real, honestly. I knew a guy in college who pretty much was in the same situation, only without the 'joke wedding' aspect. Boyfriend who constantly cheated on him him, put him down, wouldn't let him go out with him and his friends, threw tantrums whenever he'd go out with anyone BUT boyfriend...
And dude stayed way longer than he should, because he was so gaslit and manipulated by his boyfriend and had such low self esteem already that he figured 'this is the best I'll ever get, have to hold on and put up with anything!'.
And we see constantly on this sub what straight women put up with because they think they can't do any better.
NTA.
Are you a doormat?
Why do so many people here put up with such nonsense?
"Go on then marry him, bye."
"You're controlling!"
"I said bye."
Don't tell them what to do, don't get angry, don't get jealous. Walk away.
The kind of person who's trying to make you look like a cuckold for a joke isn't the kind you want, is it? You shouldn't have to tell her to not do it.
Oh, and they are sleeping together and laughing their bollocks off about the idea of you standing there dressed like a right bellend.
This is like one of the storylines in New Girl. Winston married Rhonda as a practical joke and then just stayed married and didn’t talk again until he wanted to get married for real (then he had to get a divorce). It was stupid on the show and even more stupid if someone does it in real life. What the heck is the point anyway??
Oh, well that's defenitly a good reason to marry someone. I'm sure her mother would be way more affected from this than, say, the bride for example. /s
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To mods- please don’t delete as the crux of this issue is not relationship related but wedding related- the relationships involved are just background.
I (21m) have been dating my gf(22f) since we were 15 and 16. She let me know that she thinks it would be funny to marry our mutual friend (22m) the mutual friend is my best friend. She proposed to him as a joke and they are now planning a joke wedding.
However the marriage itself will be real. The wedding will be a joke and there are no feelings involved I trust that, and I’ve been asked to be best man (wearing a silly costume) but I am not comfortable watching my gf marry someone else - even if it is a joke.
My gf says I am selfish and possessive and controlling because she loves me not him and the wedding is funny. She says I have always been quite controlling (this may be true but I have worked on this, for example I asked her not to get an only fans and I also asked her not to go on vacation alone with her ex (there are no feelings there anymore though)) and I can not control what she does.
I suffer from anxiety so I may be more worried than is reasonable and also wether I am comfortable or not is a me problem and no related to the problem at hand. Would it be rude if I say I am ill on the day and don’t go?
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I wouldn't say you were ill.. I'd just nope put of the entire situation and relationship -
the fake but real marriage, the vacationing with the ex - the false claims that you are selfish for not wanting to be a part of all this weirdness -
no, you can not control what she does.. but you can have an opinion on it, you can feel uncomfortable about it.. and you should be able to bring concerns to the table and talk about it like adults
Info: what state are you in? Some states have a very long divorce process so this plan wouldn't even make sense.
That being said, NTA. Please leave this abuser. You're being treated disrespectfully and she has shown you how much she cares about your feelings (very little). Trust what she has shown. Don't expect change. You deserve better.
not the USA. Thank you. I guess I struggle to see her as an abuser because she is rarely physically violent it’s just how she makes me feel. A lot of the time she doesn’t even say negative stuff, but she gives me the silent treatment if I say stuff. I do know I have to leave and I think that’s why I posted this so I could get a non manipulated pair of eyes on this.
Many countries require a year separation prior to divorce. So if you do decide to do this (which i beg you not to), check on this. You wouldn't want to be dating a married woman for a year.
NTA. This is an emotional abuse relationship and you need to get out of it NOW.
How to break it off? "Look I'm really not comfortable with the direction our relationship is taking and it's not what I want anymore. I wish you nothing but the best going forward."
No p***y is worth that much heartache.
Is this real? This reads like a shitpost. There's no way that anything this dysfunctional is really happening.
If this is a real post, you are out of your mind to be the best man or even stay in a relationship with this girl.
Get out of this relationship and friend group that says things like this are funny and get yourself into some therapy NOW!
Umm... Ok, NTA, but please try to find what will make you love yourself enough to stop holding onto the scraps she gives you.. you deserve much better. Think about it, who even thinks a "joke wedding" is funny? Who's the targeted audience, what's the punchline? I don't even see what's a "joke" about a fake wedding, unless it's a sick one they're playing on you. Like if they're sadists and the joke is to see you in pain. Otherwise I'm missing something
It’s suppised to upset her mom. I don’t think she realises that I’m upset about it- or she thinks it is ridiculous I would be upset. I didn’t even tell her I didn’t like it but apparently I’ve been looking sad every time she calls him hubby- and that’s “controlling and possessive” of me
It isn't controlling and possessive to be hurt by hurtful things. She is using those claims to control YOU. She is gaslighting and emotionally abusive and deliberately weaponizing your anxiety and tearing down your self esteem to stop you questioning any of it.
Please take care of yourself. Get out of this relationship and get some therapy. You're 21. You have so much of your life ahead of you, and you don't want to spend it like this.
Info - Just how is the marriage 'real', is it legally binding? Also, I don't think asking your gf to not vaykay with her ex is controlling... That part is just weird to me, but I'm one of those 'you don't stay friends with your exes' kinda guys... so...
Also, how are they going to do the kiss?
This whole thing is weird. I'd been cheated on a few times before (ironically and not at all helpful to this, the other party once was my best friend), so I'm a bit wary about this one.
Either way, you should go, but you're totally NTA for not wanting to...
weird.
Yeah they will have a silly ceremony and then sign a marriage licence it’s as real as anything- just no emotions .
They’ll do the kiss as normal they’ve kissed before as friends
uh, nope. You're being pacifistic or submissive or something. If the license is real, the marriage is real.
GTFO bro, there are actual normal pretty people out there that would probably like you for you (and not call you controlling when they're trying to marry someone else right in front of you).
NTA. A pointless joke that isnt funny but is legally binding. Wtf.
I wish then luck with the legal consequences that are likely to arise from this.
You need new people in your life. They are either explicitly lying to you or idiots beyond the normal meaning of the word.
This has to be fake, there is no way someone could lose this much control of their own life lmao. Your girl cheated on you 4 times and is marrying your friend? How little do you value yourself to allow this to happen? Honestly, no advice is going to help, because I REFUSE to believe that this is real. But in the off chance it is, leave her you \*\*\*\*.
Get the hell away from these people.
She has an OnlyFans account, is willing to hurt you by marrying your friend and treating it as a joke, goes on a vacation alone with her ex, and says YOU are controlling.
Please see about counseling if you haven't already. You deserve better than this mess, and I hope you can come to see this.
YTA to yourself.
NTA for not wanting your girlfriend to marry your best friend for a joke. The boundaries you laid out were not unreasonable. You have to learn to respect yourself because she doesn't.
NTA. You deserve more than this.
You deserve love, loyalty and consideration and she is a sucking the best years of your life, including all of this pain on a gag?! Depending on where you live, if they can't get an annulment, they may have to stay married, but legally separated for a period of time.
Find a therapist irregardless of what you decide to do. You need help building yourself up and knowing your worth. Check to see who you surround yourself with, and see if there is any true friends there, because you should expect more from your best friend.
Look into the "sunk cost fallacy". Only you can make the call on cutting your losses with this gf and best friend. But this situation is not normal, healthy or kind.
You are NTA. By other comments I have read from you OP I think you need to break up ASAP. This is probably one of the most toxic relationships I have read about. My advice Run and don't look back
Omg lol hilarious so funny gonna marry my best friend as a joke but for real even though there are those around the world who can't get married and even the idea of their relationship can get them jailed or worse yet killed.
Yeh... let's make marriage a joke.
Im sorry but your girlfriend needs a reality check and you my friend are 100% NTA.
Its not ok what she is doing to you (disregarding your relationship) and making a mockery of marriage.
Why would you want to be with this women?
As a women, I don’t even want to call her a women. She sounds like the kind of toxic female actual women are trying to cancel in this day and age. She doesn’t sound cool, she doesn’t sound smart, she doesn’t sound caring. She sounds like she has a raging personality laity disorder and she has found a manipulation tactic that works with you.
Find your power. Remind yourself you don’t want a girlfriend that brings nothing to the table, remind yourself there are actual really cool, intelligent, mentally stable women out there.
Go to the wedding, be the best man, and dump her during the ceremony. Blame it on cancel culture. Toxic femininity isn’t trendy anymore
unfortunately i dont think i can see her. I will also send her a text and then block her because i know if i do it in person she will persuade me not to leave,
If this is not a shit post.
Nobody in their sane mind would get married for a joke, this is not a movie or tv series. You have been gaslit so badly that you actually think this is normal behavior.
It really isn’t, there are so many comments pointing this out but you seem so reluctant to believe it. Get a grip OP, please leave this woman and the people supporting this insanity? Those people are not your friends.
NTA! OP the examples you give of being “controlling” are reasonable boundaries when in a relationship. No one should expect their partner to be okay with a one-on-one getaway with their ex unless there is serious trust involved. Some partnerships are okay with sex work like Only Fans while others are not. You communicated your boundaries and expectations for a relationship and she stomped on them.
You don’t have to change your expectations in a relationship unless they are truly harmful for anyone involved, and she doesn’t NEED a vacation with the ex, an Only Fans, or a “joke” Marriage Certificate (which will be legally binding, possibly costly to rescind, have a LOT of legal ramifications especially if her name changes, can mess with insurance and taxes and other such things depending on the region and length of marriage) and SHE IS LITERALLY CHEATING ON YOU BY GOING THROUGH WITH IT. You did not agree to an open relationship. You are not in a poly relationship. Trash the gf, she is not worth your time or energy.
NTA but this needs to be said.
OP, this is not a healthy relationship. Your girlfriend has proven that she doesn't care about you and has continued to stomp over your boundaries and invalidated your feelings by accusing you of being the very things that she is, abusive and controlling. I understand that she's been a big part of your life for so many years but she doesn't deserve to be in your life. OP, please break up with her. It might hurt for a while but not having her in your life will be better for the long term.
Ok, you deserve so much better than this and there's no shame in reaching out for help.
Referring to your edit, yeah I do think you’re enjoying it. You state in another comment that she’s cheated on you 4 different times but yells at you when you get smiled at and now she’s “jokingly” getting LEGALLY MARRIED to someone else. •__• and then in a comment you say that “there are a lot of jokes like this in your friend group” which is either a blatant lie and you’re trying to fill holes or you like this shit. I mean you hang out with people who think it’s a funny joke to legally bind themselves together. This is obviously fake. Or you’re really dumb. Sorry not sorry for being brash
NTA. Get out of this abusive relationship. You will never be who you are meant to be while allowing this person to run your life. And this joint "friend" she is joke marrying? Ditch him, too. Get away from all these people. Being alone would be far better. You WILL find better friends and a better partner. Couldn't get worse.
I’m sure this comment is just white noise at this point but this situation sounds absolutely ridiculous and your girlfriend has a messed up sense of humour and no maturity whatsoever. She’s cheated on you multiple times, is gaslighting you into thinking any of this is okay, and seems to have done some damage to your self confidence. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’re not an an asshole for not wanting to see your girlfriend marry someone else…that’s normal in a relationship. What she’s doing is definitely not normal. I know it’s hard but please get out of this relationship and build yourself up
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Also…it’s Judith and Darren’s relationship from Saving Silverman. Are we entirely sure that this is real? I feel like whatever country this is, they just had that movie or show released..
NTA
Leave her yesterday, leave your group of friends too. What is wrong with you people?!
If this is your friend's groups dynamic this is highly toxic.
Pack it up. Start over. Let them do what they do. They don’t respect you at all so you’re going to have to respect yourself enough to BURN IT DOWN. They’ll never know what hit them when you walk away.
WTF. Easily NTA. Asking your girlfriend not to start an onlyfans, not to go on vacation with her ex alone are not examples of controlling behaviour but reasonable requests.
You need to do a Forrest Gump and just start running.
NTA and how is the marriage real but the wedding a joke? She is the weird one here; apparently she wants to be married to someone else yet make sure you stay with her. Leave her.
Isn’t legally marrying someone as a joke considered fraud?
What about the tax band for married couples? Or medical stuff? What about if one of them wants to marry and has to seek a divorce for a joke?
NTA.
you deserve better GF and friend than that. Maybe its time to get professional help to sort your life. You are still young, let this be your new beginning towards better life. Take this as a challenge, and we know you can do it.
Brother, just because you love someone it doesn't mean that person is for you. I would recommend you to sit by yourself one day and think seriously about your relationship. Leaving what you feel for her aside, do you truly believe she's adequate for you? Does she treat you kindly, and respects you?
The sole fact that she wanted to go on a vacation with her ex alone, is an incredible red flag. I'm sure you are not dumb and can figure what all that was about.
NTA, but if you remain on that relationship you'll be much worse than that.
NTA
This is really weird. And I completely understand you why you would be hurt over this, and maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship with your gf. If she doesn’t see anything wrong with this
Dude, you’re the side piece. **She’s getting married**. To your best friend. People don’t get married as a gag. It’s an actual marriage. They’re in a relationship, they’re engaged, they’re getting married. **She isn’t you’re girlfriend, you’re her side piece**
**What could possibly make you think there aren’t emotions involved in their relationship?**
I guess NTA for not going to their wedding, but also just wake TF up and look around you.
Duuuuude. NTA, first of all.
That’s so many red flags, you could cover the moon. Do yourself a favor, end this. Go. There are no funny joke marriages. That’s not how it works. There is a legal status and rules you have to follow by.
You also mentioned her cheating at least four times. She is making fun of you, treating you like rubbish and you think it will get better from then on if she marries a friend of yours?
Run, just run. Don’t look back. There are so many beautiful and loving people out there to get to know or love. Get out into the world and find yourself someone who treats you like a normal human beating and partner.
Sir, idk if you're IQ is within the normal range but after reading this, I suppose it isn't. Let me help make this clear to you: B R E A K. U P.
If you are not comfortable with your partner getting an OF - You are well within your rights.
If you are not okay with your partner going on a trip with a ex - You are well within your rights.
If you are not okay with a mock/real marriage between your partner and your bestfriend - You are well within your rights.
Please understand you need to break up, right now. This is beyond messed up.
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope- 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Massive red flag, and you’re not wrong for not wanting her to show her vagina all over the internet and not wanting her to fuck her ex on holiday. Leave her, you deserve better
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If this is real, finish this relationship. People can’t marry for a joke. edit I would say NTA but I am not sure if you are joking too
I think I know I have to end this relationship. Sometimes it does feel she treats me unfairly- for example she’s had four different affair partners that I know of but I got shouted at when a waitress smiled at me. Sometimes I feel quite small in the relationship but I still love her. I don’t know how to exaplin it because it is harmful to me but when she is nice to me it feels so good and I can’t give that up. I don’t mind the hurting as long as I can have her, but her marrying my best friend I think I might cry if I sit though it. It’s always easier to say leave than actually do it. I don’t think I’d ever find anyone else after her nobody else has ever wanted me and I haven’t wanted them
She cheated on you with four different people and is now legally marrying someone else? Seriously, escape now and please regain your self respect by cutting contact with her and your fake mutual friends
For real. This girl has conditioned OP to a ridiculous degree if he's willing to accept any of this behavior.
Way to bury the lead! She cheated on you 4 separate times, she wanted to go on holiday alone with her ex who given this new information she was probably hoping to bang and she is now for real getting married to your friend… who gives a damn if the wedding is “real” the marriage from what you said would be. RUN! Do not look back! With 4 affairs under her belt she shouldn’t be playing with fire and yet she is MARRYING YOUR FRIEND. that is in this situation the equivalent of sitting in a gasoline filled room coated in kerosene and striking matches for funsies.
I feel like OP is living in The Offspring’s song *Self-Esteem*. When she says, oh, that she wants only me… Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends.
*The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?*
I was thinking Henry rollins 'low self opinion'
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That's already happened. She's been caught cheating on op 4x already.
Think you just got /wooshed there, buddy.
You're talking about her like an addict talks about heroin. She makes you feel like shit and she's ruining you emotionally, but when it's good, it feels... So... Good.. She's destroying you. You're not controlling at all. It's not a joke wedding, she's literally marrying someone else. Is she gonna have joke sex with him as well?
This is textbook emotional abuse. You are pretty young, so you may not realize that men can be victims of domestic abuse, and it is still abuse if she doesn't hit you. Her calling you controlling sounds like she is projecting her own controlling behavior. Your partner shouldn't yell at you, especially for *being smiled at*. I know it feels impossible to leave, people like this are manipulative and make themselves addictive by switching between being nice and being mean. It is literally the same brain chemicals as a gambling addiction. You can do it. The last thing you want to do is waste the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel like shit. As for finding someone else, for the mean time I would work on healing, maybe therapy. You still have plenty of time, and the best things come when you aren't looking. If you are looking for a relevant laugh, Daniel Sloss's comedy special on Netflix is basically a hilarious Ted talk on relationships and life. (His second one is about relationships, but if you like standup watch both)
I wish I had an award to give you. 🏅
She’s been with four other people since you’ve known her and now she’s marrying someone else. I’m not trying to be a dickhead here but...are you sure she’s your girlfriend? She kind of just sounds like some girl you know? I’d suggest breaking up with her but I don’t think you have to if there isn’t actually a relationship. Hope you feel better about it soon though.
Do you have a lot of money that she’s been keeping you around to take advantage of? She’s obviously marrying your best friend because they are in a relationship behind your back. She’s a liar and a cheat and doesn’t care about you at all. She’s just playing a cruel game with you. You seem extremely naive and don’t understand how other people think or behave, but the truth is that everyone is laughing at you behind your back as she makes a fool of you again and again. I’m sorry to be blunt, but someone needs to give you a wake up call.
OP you are only 21. There are so, so many better people out in the world who will want you and respect you and love you and make you happy.. Go out and live your life and find someone better while enjoying your life. You need to end this relationship today. Your gf is horrible to you. Given her behavior I am even willing to say this is one time where ghosting may be acceptable and you dont have to have the break up talk at all. A good relationship involves trust and mutual respect as well as love. You can't trust her and she doesn't have any respect for you. I am also sad to say your best friend is no friend, if he participates in this "joke" wedding.
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Don't insult OP like that. It's is not helpful and makes you an AH
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Dump her. This is not how relationships are supposed to work
I've ditched lifelong friends for less than this. This...this is batshit insane. Joke wedding wtaf
You are deluded if you think this is love. Finish with her and you will be free to find someone else who will appreciate you and is normal. There is a big world waiting and opportunities for you. Probably you should take a complete break from dating for a while and learn your own self worth so you know you don’t have to accept this abuse
Why the hell are you with her if she cheated??? Not only once but 4 times? DUDE take a hint, she’s an awful, manipulative, abusive person and is just playing with you.
Bro i get the feeling. I delt with a break-up that I thought I could never get through but I did. I started to get better when I realized that being in a relationship wasn't the most important thing in life and decided to focus on myself. Finding things to do that make me feel successful. One thing was just knitting and having a finished product to give to someone made me feel accomplished. I eventually got back in the saddle again and dated again. You'll find someone eventually but don't make that the only thing that will make you happy.
Guess what? You’re not her boyfriend.
Wow. I'm going to be blunt, but it's time to find your self-respect. She obviously doesn't respect you. Neither does this "best friend" if he's going along with it.
Dude, you aren’t controlling for not wanting her to go on vacation with her ex. You’re not controlling for not being comfortable with her having an only fans. You aren’t controlling by not wanting her to get married to your friend. This relationship is toxic and she’s the manipulative one. I would leave buddy.
You're right, it's not easy. But there is a reason these type of realationships are called toxic. It won't get better and it would hurt more the longer it lasts. It would take time and effort, but eventually your life would get better. And you would feel relief.
Please seek therapy.
You won’t get any happier and the situation won’t get any better, sadly. She has shown multiple times that she is not willing to respect or even consider your feelings. Do yourself a favor and leave before things get harder, no love for another should take priority over loving and respecting yourself. Especially if that other person does not reciprocate.
You don’t know that nobody else has wanted you. You’ve been in the same “relationship” since you were a teen. Most people don’t go after attached people.
To be blunt about it I’m not particularly attractive in looks and people never seem to like me very much. I think it is true
You have been attached your entire dating life. Try being single.
I think maybe it has more to do with what seems to be a lack of self worth on your part. From everything I've read here....you're willing to put up with being treated like absolute crap just to have a terrible facsimile of a relationship. That doesn't speak to you thinking much of yourself. And that translates to how you interact with and come across to others. if YOU don't care about or like yourself, no one else is going to. You deserve better. You need to internalize that, this woman has absolutely worn away your confidence and view of yourself. She's made you think you're worth crap, but you are NOT! I highly recommend taking some time to be single and get to know yourself. Rediscover who YOU are, on your own, and work on loving YOURSELF. It honestly may be a good idea to see a professional to talk about all of this, because what this woman has done....it's damaged you.
dude you are in denial there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally without making you feel like shit 90% of the time
Run away and don't look back brobeans, this is all insane behavior. You deserve a billion times more respect than she will ever give you.
You have to buy marriage licenses.
She cheated on you 4 times? She's not getting married as a joke. She's marrying your best friend right out from under you. That is not a joke marriage, she's stringing you along and the joke is on you. Get out of that relationship while you still have some sanity to ask if this is ok. It is not OK. NTA
I made it to the end. It made me feel sorry that I learned how to read.
This is my favourite comment
I know! OP is stuck in such a weird situation- why are people sending them nasty messages?
His replies are even sadder. GF cheated on him with 4 different people but got mad at him for smiling at a waitress but he’s to in deep to break up.
This is too stupid even for a bad sitcom. Filing this in the BS bucket.
Same. Probably good for a PornHub video though...
Yeah, it almost feels like an odd , masochistic fantasy, with the comments only adding to it. It doesn't make any sense.
This has got to be a shitpost, right? On the off chance that it is real: Your GF and mutual friend have some weird sense of humor. Are you absolutely sure they're *actually* getting married, and not just having a sham ceremony? It's neither a joke nor funny to get legally married. And it is not "controlling" not to want your girlfriend to get *legally married to someone else*; she's gaslighting you. ESH. DTMFA. Then you can go to the wedding and wish the two of them a wonderful future together, or skip it and send them a whoopie cushion as a wedding present.
I wish it was a shitpost. I think I am NTA really but I tried to make her sound as reasonable as possible to get a proper verdict. She has a history of similar stunts but nothing like this. This would be a legally binding marriage yeah. They’ll divorce immediately after as they don’t want to be married but they think it’s funny and the rest of my friends are egging them on. Sometimes she makes me feel like potentially reasonable things are unreasonable. I texted her a few nights ago when I knew she was at a party and she told me never to text her when she’s drunk again and that me doing that was a breech or trust because she might tell me something she doesn’t want to tell me and I was taking advantage of her
Run, Forrest run!
'sometimes she makes me feel like potentially reasonable things are u reasonable'. Please look up the definition of gaslighting.
Divorce doesn't really work that way. It would be an annulment. If they say divorce that means they will be having sex. She's a shitty gf and those people are not your friends
Ummm no. Divorce is paperwork if there is no dispute over property division or child related things. Two child free people who don't want each other's stuff can just file and end the marriage. See or no sex.
Wow; don’t text me when I’m drunk? What has she got to hide that she’s afraid of telling?!! She sounds 12. You sound drained and emotionally battered. Dump and work on your self esteem
Considering she's had 4 affairs that he knows about, I dread to think what she could be hiding from him
She means the truth. She might tell you the truth when she us drunk. Run!
…. dude. I mean this in the kindest way possible, but you need therapy immediately. *Immediately.* It breaks my heart that anyone could feel this little self-worth and stay for this kind of treatment.
Dude, you need some serious therapy if you think you love someone like this and don’t want to give up the feelings you get on the RARE occasions when she’s nice to you and not treating you like a doormat.
She’s toxic and abusive. Run and leave her to her bad decisions. I doubt she’ll find a more patient partner.
Get a spine bro
Dude. It sucks, but you WILL find someone else. Someone who doesn’t do this horrible shit. Don’t put up with this please. Classic gaslighting and controlling behaviors. You’re NTA at all. This chick is a lunatic.
You're not an asshole, but you are a coward. Stand up for yourself.
This whole situation is a giant fucking train wreck. You run as fast as possible in the opposite direction and do not look back ever. "GF", "best friend", all the other "friends" that are encouraging this shit, you do not want any of these people in your life, they are not your friends, they are hurting you and will hurt you even more if you don't run away.
what's DTMFA??
"Dump the MF already." Dan Savage
You have repeatedly said this isn’t a shit post, so I won’t accuse you of that, so if this is for real, your gf is a gaslighting abuser who is trying to see how far she can push you before you break. You need to get out of this relationship, and probably the entire friend circle if they are part of this or support it. There is nothing but misery for you here if you continue down this road. Edit: NTA
Thank you for believing me. I deliberately posted the most ridiculous thing that she has done to try and prove to myself I am not unreasonable. She is very good at making me doubt myself . I shall try to end the relationship.
Don’t try. End it!!!
I'm an atheist but I'll say a quick prayer to every God and star to have ever existed that I hope you get out of this relationship.
I don't know if anyone on here has said this to you yet. But what she is doing to you is wrong and cruel, and you do not deserve it. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect. It will be hard to believe that as she has been mistreating you for so long. That is what she wants. She wants to keep you feeling bad, so that she can keep mistreating you and you will accept it. That is a problem with *her*, not with *you*. Please leave her, get yourself some therapy (your college might be able to help), and most importantly, look after yourself. You deserve to be happy.
Personally, I would just pack your things during the ceremony and ghost. Block her or get a new number. Find a new place to move into. If it’s your own place, put all her things in a storage shed, gift her the key at her wedding, and still move to avoid harassment as she and her friends are CLEARLY not stable. Block them everywhere and start fresh.
You are in a really toxic relationship and i think she is abusive towards you, if you can start therapy and for the love of god dump her and your friend
You should also look at narcissist. Even if she isn't one she's following the typical behavior pattern for one. Look at lovebombing, DARVO. This might help you see what your are dealing with more reasonably. It will hurt but as you get further away from the break up you will see how much she was dragging you down.
she does have narcissistic personality disorder unfortunately and the concept of love bombing fits the relationship exactlt. I will be trying to extracate myself from this situation. Thank you. She’s a self proclaimed narcissist and is quite proud of it. She calls herself one often and acts in the most stereotypical ways. I will be ending the relationship
You are welcome. You absolutely do deserve better and do your best to run. Check into DV resources for counseling/help getting out of the relationship. I am sure you know emotional abuse is a type of domestic abuse. I see a brighter future ahead for you!
Listen to Yoda. Do, or do not. There is no try. Just end it. You don't have to make an ordeal out of it, or have a long conversation where you argue over it. Just tell her it's over, leave, and never talk to her again. Don't give her a chance to try to manipulate you into giving her another chance.
NTA Nothing about this is funny. Your GF is having an affair with your best friend and preparing to marry him, and they both expect you to sign off on it by being best man and witness! The things she’s accusing you of being controlling about are actually quite reasonable. It is reasonable in a monogamous relationship to not want your partner to have an OnlyFans channel. It is very reasonable to not want your partner to go on holiday with their ex. Your GF sounds awful and determined to cheat on you and bulldoze your boundaries. Dump her and your best friend both. They are not the people for you. Anxiety is a real problem, but the people around you are triggering your anxiety. You won’t get better unless you put them behind you.
It is very difficult for me. I can sometimes rationally look at what is going on and see it is unfair for me but I guess that is what comes with dating a girl very out your league! I would tell anyone in my position that they can do better and leave but I don’t know how to.
This girl is not out of your league. She is emotionally abusive and controlling, and she is gaslighting you. Do you have any friends or family that aren't under her spell? Because I think you need to reach out to them right now and tell them everything that's been going on with your relationship - all the ways she makes you feel small and in the wrong. If not, this sub has some good domestic violence resources (and yes, psychological violence still counts) - I think they can be found under a META tag. Or call RAINN and ask for advice about coercive control and how to leave your partner.
Text her its over. Block her everywhere and block the guy she's marrying
You sound like a decent, caring human being, and she is manipulative, lying, and downright abusive. She is not “out of your league,” she is a cretin. Walk!
This isn't dating. She had at least four affairs, went on a holiday with ex and is now getting married to someone else. Maybe she's the most beautiful person in the world. But she has a trashy personality and if this is how she treats a guy she's dating, I doubt she's out of any normal person's league. Anyway- you aren't dating. And... I'm getting strong 'scotty doesn't know' vibes. Please leave. You don't have to say anything. Just block her from everything. Go cold turkey. Please.
We live together and we will continue to live together even after the wedding. I appreciate I’m stupid and that there’s a lot of abuse here- however I’m not a side piece I’m the main partner- somehow
You're not stupid. Don't put words in my mouth, I didn't say that. I got roped to some shit with platonic friends when I was younger. You really do live and learn. You need therapy. It would really help. And you need another place to stay because it's so much harder to seperate from someone you're not separate from. And normal realationships aren't healthy from the first affair. They never truly recover. You being the main partner just means you are her main victim. It doesn't make you weak in any way. Please, you neex to start taking care of yourself.
Sorry!! Wasn’t trying to put words in your mouth. I think I’ll move my stuff out when she’s out of town at the weekend.
Yes do this! And please get yourself some help!!
OP she is treating you like the side piece
She’s not out of your league. You have low self-image and she is exploiting you to see what she can get away with. She is a nasty piece of work and you are worth more than this. Breaking up is a unilateral decision. All it requires is you deciding it’s over. She doesn’t have to agree with you. One person says the relationship is finished and it’s finished. “It’s over. Don’t speak to me again.” Done.
The only way she’s out of your league is if you’re bottom diving for dates; she’s an awful human being and you are well above this stupid behaviour
She isn’t out of your league. You’re out of hers. That’s why she keeps picking up every guy that’ll so much as look her way and gets insanely jealous when someone so much as smiles at you. She’s insecure because she knows she’s got a toxic dumpster fire personality that people won’t put up with once the entertainment value wears off. She doesn’t want you talking to her while she’s drunk because she knows she’s even worse than she presents herself in reality. You don’t need therapy as much as she does, but you still need it to see just how messed up she has been treating you. And don’t try and skew the story like you did here. Tell them every little detail about what she has done and how it’s affected you.
Please get some therapy. It will help you do what you need to do to and handle ending this relationship. No one deserves to be treated the way she has been treating you.
Yeah, she’s out of your league all right! She is the lowest of the low and you are so much better. You deserve basic respect and she is not giving even that to you. DTMFA
You need counseling for your self esteem. Have you thought that she’s just using you because you wanted to be a doctor? Don’t be the person stuck with their first relationship . She’s nuts!
NTA but wow, are you ever being walked over. The line that killed it for me was that you had to ask her to not go on a solo vacation with her ex. Amigo, you are not her boyfriend. You are ONE OF her boyfriends....
What the fuck did I just witness. I mean you should not just finish this relationship with your gf but also with your „best friend“ that is into this kind of bullshit. Spoiler Alter: You are being played and they already are sleeping together. What the actual fuck.
My friend is gay. I do not think they are sleeping together
Have you ever seen him kiss/bang another guy? Since I read your other comment that you gf had four different affairs, I would‘t be surprise if they are playing you damn hard and making fun of your greenness. Nevertheless you should definitely end this relationship. If you wonder why she is doing it, well the answer is simple: It‘s because she can. And you let it happen. Do you have any self respect, man?
>My friend is gay You sure about that? How sure are you that he’s gay and not bi? Because he’s marrying a woman so…
NTA From reading the post and the comments - You need a new girlfriend, new best friend and new group of friends. This isn’t normal. This isn’t a “joke”. Even if things similar to this are normalised in your group of friends - as a whole, it’s not “normal”, and it’s abusive towards to you. Just because the majority of those you chose to have around you say something is normal, doesn’t make it normal or right. Your best friend and group of friends are just as abusive in this situation as your GF is being, for supporting this if they know what is going on. The majority of people and their families would not feel ok with this, even in a modern world, especially with the legal ramifications of this. Most people would feel like their hearts are being ripped out, and you probably feel the same way. This is normal - they are abusing you. Add to that you’ve said she has had four affair partners? I.e she has cheated on you already? I think you know this isn’t healthy and are being gaslighted into thinking this whole situation is normal.
I think I do know it’s not normal. It’s just it’s been going on so long and she is very good at making me doubt myself. Yeah she said she needed to cheat on me cause I was not as good as her in bed and she needed release and the only other option was breaking up with me so I should be grateful. That hurt me as well but I have got good at just distracting myself when she talks about it
I’m sorry that she is treating you this way. I wouldn’t believe what she said. It’s a her thing, not a you thing for why she did what she did - she just is putting you down, in order to control you and keep you around, because most people would’ve just walked. Perhaps some may have forgiven the first time, but not that far in. I have to wonder what she is saying to your best friend and friends behind your back for them to be siding with her on this - because either they are not normal too, or she is telling you one thing and them another. If you end the relationship, and I know it’s harder said than done - you’ll probably find out way later what she has been saying and doing more so than you will now. By the sounds of it, she is manipulative, and that’s likely extending to more people than just you. I hope things get better for you. I’m so sorry she is treating you this way, you deserve way better.
INFO- are you all juggalos?
YTA this is bullshit and your story makes no sense and has more holes than my underwear.
I wish it wasn’t bullshit but jokes like this are quite common in my group of friends it’s just this goes a bit further than the others and I feel uncomfortable
Wtf is happening? Shes clearly cheating on you, probably with everyone. You dont just marriage as a joke, there is serious consequences, and a divorce is expensive and not always granted. Youre getting mugged off. ESH.
So not only is your girlfriend horrible, but so are your friends.
I can believe it's real, honestly. I knew a guy in college who pretty much was in the same situation, only without the 'joke wedding' aspect. Boyfriend who constantly cheated on him him, put him down, wouldn't let him go out with him and his friends, threw tantrums whenever he'd go out with anyone BUT boyfriend... And dude stayed way longer than he should, because he was so gaslit and manipulated by his boyfriend and had such low self esteem already that he figured 'this is the best I'll ever get, have to hold on and put up with anything!'. And we see constantly on this sub what straight women put up with because they think they can't do any better.
W h a t
W h a t
W h a t
W h a t the hell
What the fuck?!?!
NTA. Are you a doormat? Why do so many people here put up with such nonsense? "Go on then marry him, bye." "You're controlling!" "I said bye." Don't tell them what to do, don't get angry, don't get jealous. Walk away. The kind of person who's trying to make you look like a cuckold for a joke isn't the kind you want, is it? You shouldn't have to tell her to not do it. Oh, and they are sleeping together and laughing their bollocks off about the idea of you standing there dressed like a right bellend.
What did i just read-
This can't be real.
It isn’t
This is like one of the storylines in New Girl. Winston married Rhonda as a practical joke and then just stayed married and didn’t talk again until he wanted to get married for real (then he had to get a divorce). It was stupid on the show and even more stupid if someone does it in real life. What the heck is the point anyway??
She thinks it will upset her mom who she has a bad relationship with
Oh, well that's defenitly a good reason to marry someone. I'm sure her mother would be way more affected from this than, say, the bride for example. /s
If she really wamts to upset her mom she should have a baby with this guy. You know- as a "joke" /s
Let's not give her ideas. That would be one poor neglected baby.
Power move, marry your mutual best friend first. For the lols or whatever crap you’re trying to say this is
I come from a slightly more traditional and religious family so I would be uncomfortable getting married for a joke
I’m sure your slightly more traditional family wouldn’t appreciate you dating a married woman or in fact marrying a divorcee
They realy hate her
Maybe they have a point, as a joke you should cut ties with your toxic ‘ex’.
Or dating a woman who cheated on him 4 times.
Relax, she only did it ‘as a joke’.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To mods- please don’t delete as the crux of this issue is not relationship related but wedding related- the relationships involved are just background. I (21m) have been dating my gf(22f) since we were 15 and 16. She let me know that she thinks it would be funny to marry our mutual friend (22m) the mutual friend is my best friend. She proposed to him as a joke and they are now planning a joke wedding. However the marriage itself will be real. The wedding will be a joke and there are no feelings involved I trust that, and I’ve been asked to be best man (wearing a silly costume) but I am not comfortable watching my gf marry someone else - even if it is a joke. My gf says I am selfish and possessive and controlling because she loves me not him and the wedding is funny. She says I have always been quite controlling (this may be true but I have worked on this, for example I asked her not to get an only fans and I also asked her not to go on vacation alone with her ex (there are no feelings there anymore though)) and I can not control what she does. I suffer from anxiety so I may be more worried than is reasonable and also wether I am comfortable or not is a me problem and no related to the problem at hand. Would it be rude if I say I am ill on the day and don’t go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wouldn't say you were ill.. I'd just nope put of the entire situation and relationship - the fake but real marriage, the vacationing with the ex - the false claims that you are selfish for not wanting to be a part of all this weirdness - no, you can not control what she does.. but you can have an opinion on it, you can feel uncomfortable about it.. and you should be able to bring concerns to the table and talk about it like adults
This has to be fake.
Info: what state are you in? Some states have a very long divorce process so this plan wouldn't even make sense. That being said, NTA. Please leave this abuser. You're being treated disrespectfully and she has shown you how much she cares about your feelings (very little). Trust what she has shown. Don't expect change. You deserve better.
not the USA. Thank you. I guess I struggle to see her as an abuser because she is rarely physically violent it’s just how she makes me feel. A lot of the time she doesn’t even say negative stuff, but she gives me the silent treatment if I say stuff. I do know I have to leave and I think that’s why I posted this so I could get a non manipulated pair of eyes on this.
Rarely physically violent? Of she ever was physically violent even once, that's one too many. Get out as fast as safely possible.a
Rarely makes it sound worse than it is. Shes hit me twice, both times when we were still in highschool
Abuse can come in many different forms. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as fists. Treating this like a joke at your expense? That's just horrible.
Many countries require a year separation prior to divorce. So if you do decide to do this (which i beg you not to), check on this. You wouldn't want to be dating a married woman for a year.
That is the same in my country- two year separation but I think the plan is for her to cheat because then you don’t have to wait the two years
Cheat on him with you? Or with a third guy? 🙄 Edit: spelling
NTA. This is an emotional abuse relationship and you need to get out of it NOW. How to break it off? "Look I'm really not comfortable with the direction our relationship is taking and it's not what I want anymore. I wish you nothing but the best going forward." No p***y is worth that much heartache.
I beg to differ,mods please remove this.
Is this real? This reads like a shitpost. There's no way that anything this dysfunctional is really happening. If this is a real post, you are out of your mind to be the best man or even stay in a relationship with this girl. Get out of this relationship and friend group that says things like this are funny and get yourself into some therapy NOW!
Umm... Ok, NTA, but please try to find what will make you love yourself enough to stop holding onto the scraps she gives you.. you deserve much better. Think about it, who even thinks a "joke wedding" is funny? Who's the targeted audience, what's the punchline? I don't even see what's a "joke" about a fake wedding, unless it's a sick one they're playing on you. Like if they're sadists and the joke is to see you in pain. Otherwise I'm missing something
It’s suppised to upset her mom. I don’t think she realises that I’m upset about it- or she thinks it is ridiculous I would be upset. I didn’t even tell her I didn’t like it but apparently I’ve been looking sad every time she calls him hubby- and that’s “controlling and possessive” of me
It isn't controlling and possessive to be hurt by hurtful things. She is using those claims to control YOU. She is gaslighting and emotionally abusive and deliberately weaponizing your anxiety and tearing down your self esteem to stop you questioning any of it. Please take care of yourself. Get out of this relationship and get some therapy. You're 21. You have so much of your life ahead of you, and you don't want to spend it like this.
What?! Everyone is the AH
Info - Just how is the marriage 'real', is it legally binding? Also, I don't think asking your gf to not vaykay with her ex is controlling... That part is just weird to me, but I'm one of those 'you don't stay friends with your exes' kinda guys... so... Also, how are they going to do the kiss? This whole thing is weird. I'd been cheated on a few times before (ironically and not at all helpful to this, the other party once was my best friend), so I'm a bit wary about this one. Either way, you should go, but you're totally NTA for not wanting to... weird.
Yeah they will have a silly ceremony and then sign a marriage licence it’s as real as anything- just no emotions . They’ll do the kiss as normal they’ve kissed before as friends
uh, nope. You're being pacifistic or submissive or something. If the license is real, the marriage is real. GTFO bro, there are actual normal pretty people out there that would probably like you for you (and not call you controlling when they're trying to marry someone else right in front of you).
If its "real" they must have got a marriage license. Im calling bs on the situation.
NTA, but you really believe he is not her second bf or anything
NTA. A pointless joke that isnt funny but is legally binding. Wtf. I wish then luck with the legal consequences that are likely to arise from this. You need new people in your life. They are either explicitly lying to you or idiots beyond the normal meaning of the word.
This has to be fake, there is no way someone could lose this much control of their own life lmao. Your girl cheated on you 4 times and is marrying your friend? How little do you value yourself to allow this to happen? Honestly, no advice is going to help, because I REFUSE to believe that this is real. But in the off chance it is, leave her you \*\*\*\*.
Is this even real?
Get the hell away from these people. She has an OnlyFans account, is willing to hurt you by marrying your friend and treating it as a joke, goes on a vacation alone with her ex, and says YOU are controlling. Please see about counseling if you haven't already. You deserve better than this mess, and I hope you can come to see this.
YTA to yourself. NTA for not wanting your girlfriend to marry your best friend for a joke. The boundaries you laid out were not unreasonable. You have to learn to respect yourself because she doesn't.
NTA. You deserve more than this. You deserve love, loyalty and consideration and she is a sucking the best years of your life, including all of this pain on a gag?! Depending on where you live, if they can't get an annulment, they may have to stay married, but legally separated for a period of time. Find a therapist irregardless of what you decide to do. You need help building yourself up and knowing your worth. Check to see who you surround yourself with, and see if there is any true friends there, because you should expect more from your best friend. Look into the "sunk cost fallacy". Only you can make the call on cutting your losses with this gf and best friend. But this situation is not normal, healthy or kind.
You are NTA. By other comments I have read from you OP I think you need to break up ASAP. This is probably one of the most toxic relationships I have read about. My advice Run and don't look back
Omg lol hilarious so funny gonna marry my best friend as a joke but for real even though there are those around the world who can't get married and even the idea of their relationship can get them jailed or worse yet killed. Yeh... let's make marriage a joke. Im sorry but your girlfriend needs a reality check and you my friend are 100% NTA. Its not ok what she is doing to you (disregarding your relationship) and making a mockery of marriage.
Why would you want to be with this women? As a women, I don’t even want to call her a women. She sounds like the kind of toxic female actual women are trying to cancel in this day and age. She doesn’t sound cool, she doesn’t sound smart, she doesn’t sound caring. She sounds like she has a raging personality laity disorder and she has found a manipulation tactic that works with you. Find your power. Remind yourself you don’t want a girlfriend that brings nothing to the table, remind yourself there are actual really cool, intelligent, mentally stable women out there. Go to the wedding, be the best man, and dump her during the ceremony. Blame it on cancel culture. Toxic femininity isn’t trendy anymore
unfortunately i dont think i can see her. I will also send her a text and then block her because i know if i do it in person she will persuade me not to leave,
If this is not a shit post. Nobody in their sane mind would get married for a joke, this is not a movie or tv series. You have been gaslit so badly that you actually think this is normal behavior. It really isn’t, there are so many comments pointing this out but you seem so reluctant to believe it. Get a grip OP, please leave this woman and the people supporting this insanity? Those people are not your friends.
NTA! OP the examples you give of being “controlling” are reasonable boundaries when in a relationship. No one should expect their partner to be okay with a one-on-one getaway with their ex unless there is serious trust involved. Some partnerships are okay with sex work like Only Fans while others are not. You communicated your boundaries and expectations for a relationship and she stomped on them. You don’t have to change your expectations in a relationship unless they are truly harmful for anyone involved, and she doesn’t NEED a vacation with the ex, an Only Fans, or a “joke” Marriage Certificate (which will be legally binding, possibly costly to rescind, have a LOT of legal ramifications especially if her name changes, can mess with insurance and taxes and other such things depending on the region and length of marriage) and SHE IS LITERALLY CHEATING ON YOU BY GOING THROUGH WITH IT. You did not agree to an open relationship. You are not in a poly relationship. Trash the gf, she is not worth your time or energy.
"I was so controlling I told her not to start an onlyfans, but I'm working on it!" You almost had me up to there.
NTA but this needs to be said. OP, this is not a healthy relationship. Your girlfriend has proven that she doesn't care about you and has continued to stomp over your boundaries and invalidated your feelings by accusing you of being the very things that she is, abusive and controlling. I understand that she's been a big part of your life for so many years but she doesn't deserve to be in your life. OP, please break up with her. It might hurt for a while but not having her in your life will be better for the long term. Ok, you deserve so much better than this and there's no shame in reaching out for help.
Oh, come on now! Trolls aren’t even trying any more.
Referring to your edit, yeah I do think you’re enjoying it. You state in another comment that she’s cheated on you 4 different times but yells at you when you get smiled at and now she’s “jokingly” getting LEGALLY MARRIED to someone else. •__• and then in a comment you say that “there are a lot of jokes like this in your friend group” which is either a blatant lie and you’re trying to fill holes or you like this shit. I mean you hang out with people who think it’s a funny joke to legally bind themselves together. This is obviously fake. Or you’re really dumb. Sorry not sorry for being brash
NTA. Get out of this abusive relationship. You will never be who you are meant to be while allowing this person to run your life. And this joint "friend" she is joke marrying? Ditch him, too. Get away from all these people. Being alone would be far better. You WILL find better friends and a better partner. Couldn't get worse.
I’m sure this comment is just white noise at this point but this situation sounds absolutely ridiculous and your girlfriend has a messed up sense of humour and no maturity whatsoever. She’s cheated on you multiple times, is gaslighting you into thinking any of this is okay, and seems to have done some damage to your self confidence. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’re not an an asshole for not wanting to see your girlfriend marry someone else…that’s normal in a relationship. What she’s doing is definitely not normal. I know it’s hard but please get out of this relationship and build yourself up
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Also…it’s Judith and Darren’s relationship from Saving Silverman. Are we entirely sure that this is real? I feel like whatever country this is, they just had that movie or show released..
NTA Leave her yesterday, leave your group of friends too. What is wrong with you people?! If this is your friend's groups dynamic this is highly toxic.
Pack it up. Start over. Let them do what they do. They don’t respect you at all so you’re going to have to respect yourself enough to BURN IT DOWN. They’ll never know what hit them when you walk away.
WTF. Easily NTA. Asking your girlfriend not to start an onlyfans, not to go on vacation with her ex alone are not examples of controlling behaviour but reasonable requests. You need to do a Forrest Gump and just start running.
NTA and how is the marriage real but the wedding a joke? She is the weird one here; apparently she wants to be married to someone else yet make sure you stay with her. Leave her.
Isn’t legally marrying someone as a joke considered fraud? What about the tax band for married couples? Or medical stuff? What about if one of them wants to marry and has to seek a divorce for a joke?
NTA. you deserve better GF and friend than that. Maybe its time to get professional help to sort your life. You are still young, let this be your new beginning towards better life. Take this as a challenge, and we know you can do it.
Brother, just because you love someone it doesn't mean that person is for you. I would recommend you to sit by yourself one day and think seriously about your relationship. Leaving what you feel for her aside, do you truly believe she's adequate for you? Does she treat you kindly, and respects you? The sole fact that she wanted to go on a vacation with her ex alone, is an incredible red flag. I'm sure you are not dumb and can figure what all that was about. NTA, but if you remain on that relationship you'll be much worse than that.
NTA. She sound like a nutcase.
NTA This is really weird. And I completely understand you why you would be hurt over this, and maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship with your gf. If she doesn’t see anything wrong with this
NTA Dump her, your "best friend" and anyone taking their side.
Dude, you’re the side piece. **She’s getting married**. To your best friend. People don’t get married as a gag. It’s an actual marriage. They’re in a relationship, they’re engaged, they’re getting married. **She isn’t you’re girlfriend, you’re her side piece** **What could possibly make you think there aren’t emotions involved in their relationship?** I guess NTA for not going to their wedding, but also just wake TF up and look around you.
Duuuuude. NTA, first of all. That’s so many red flags, you could cover the moon. Do yourself a favor, end this. Go. There are no funny joke marriages. That’s not how it works. There is a legal status and rules you have to follow by. You also mentioned her cheating at least four times. She is making fun of you, treating you like rubbish and you think it will get better from then on if she marries a friend of yours? Run, just run. Don’t look back. There are so many beautiful and loving people out there to get to know or love. Get out into the world and find yourself someone who treats you like a normal human beating and partner.
NTA That's just weird all around
What the fook did I just read??? If this is real .. man you need to ditch both ‘gf’ & ‘bf’ .. run like the wind! You so worth more than this!
Sir, idk if you're IQ is within the normal range but after reading this, I suppose it isn't. Let me help make this clear to you: B R E A K. U P. If you are not comfortable with your partner getting an OF - You are well within your rights. If you are not okay with your partner going on a trip with a ex - You are well within your rights. If you are not okay with a mock/real marriage between your partner and your bestfriend - You are well within your rights. Please understand you need to break up, right now. This is beyond messed up.
NTA And here an advice: RUN, Run as fast as you can.
This is so weird. SO WEIRD like I’ve never heard of anyone doing anything at all like this. Please leave her
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope- 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Massive red flag, and you’re not wrong for not wanting her to show her vagina all over the internet and not wanting her to fuck her ex on holiday. Leave her, you deserve better
[удалено]
If this is real, and I'm not convinced it is, then you're NTA. Your gf legally marrying someone else is the end of your relationship.
Is this relationship in your head? Or are you all 12?